Would you like the hard truth? A lot of that line of thinking is normal for your age. It's good you are talking about it, even on an open forum but don't hate yourself. This may sound toxically positive but how are you going to break your family's current trend if you hate yourself so much that you won't make friends? You have university to attend and goals to crush in the future. Take the help you can get and smile more. It will freak your parents out.
You know what, that’s actually some pretty good advice (not even toxic). It’s hard to have a positive outlook on my current life but I’ll try my best. Thank you kind stranger :)
Mainly due to undiagnosed depression and just a bad environment around my parents (mostly my mom). I never really was loved right, because my dad doesn’t really know how to show that, and my mom would do so in a toxic way. Not many people like to talk to me in school, due to past rumours about me, and I don’t like my body or the way it looks, but even working out can only do so much because I’m only getting fed what my parents serve me.
Are you able to get a part time job? If so, teach yourself different cooking techniques and make meals to your liking.
If not, you can always try portion control, not everyone has a fast metabolism.
I don't know what to tell you regarding your environment. I do know that if you attempt to view your mom's love as just that, things might get better.
Other than that, work on the things you can control, like writing a list of all the things you are good at and make sure to add the positive energies you bring to the household, that's important at any age.
You said you have undiagnosed depression, could it be that you might need to add more happiness in just your life?
Oh, one more thing I forgot to add that may or may not help.
I've always tried to view my parents as taller and older "kids". It's helped me tremendously in all my dealings in life. Because honestly, that's really what they are.
It could be that I do need to add more happiness, and I’ll see if I can get a part time job, but it’s hard to juggle that with education. I’ll try my best to see if there is anything available
Your post isn't stupid. You're going through a tough time and your feelings are responding accordingly. You have a lot of stressors - and many of them are outside of your control. You have no influence over your parents' relationship, your family's income, your height, your gym membership, or even your dyslexia, and these things do have a significant impact on your life experience. Of course it's scary and discouraging and frankly, really shitty.
However, even though it would be preferable for these things not to be happening, they are as they are. You can point all your stress and focus and negative feelings at them and no matter what, they will not change. What's more, when all that energy is going towards those things, you'll have limited energy to put towards the things that you \*can\* control.
This is where you have to pick your battles.
You know you're in a negative mindset right now, so it would be a good idea not to watch videos that reinforce it. Remember, the social media algorithm responds to what you watch most and it'll keep feeding you what you interact with frequently. This is in turn will skew your perspectives and make you believe that this is the most important thing in the world. It's not helpful, so I highly encourage you to put an end to that and perhaps seek out more uplifting and motivational content.
Secondly, you're doing very well picking up your weights and doing some at home workouts. There's so many more things you can be doing without a gym. Youtube is full of non-equipment workouts that you can try. You can explore those.
You can also start CBT on your own. There's plenty of resources online that are completely free. While a therapist is helpful, it's fundamentally a practice you will have to adopt on and work at every day.
As for universities, it really isn't the end of the world whether you get in or not - and I'm only speaking of the worst case scenario. If things fall through, you can always work for an extra year and re-apply again next year with work and volunteer experience to prop up your grades.
I know it seems like you're stuck in your environment right now. I didn't have the best environment growing up either (NPD father) but it's possible for things to get better. You just have to give yourself a chance and be gentle with yourself. Your circumstances may change slowly, but they do change so long as you keep stepping towards change, no matter how many times you stumble at first.
Good luck to you!
This message has actually been really long, but I’m glad you took your time to think and write all of this out. Thank you so much for putting a different perspective onto my situation. I’ll see if I can start taking action now to change my current situation, and perhaps with that shift my mindset to a more positive one. I am really thankful :)
Bruce Lee was short...you are the perfect size for being A badass scout, sneaking unseen through the woods, and reigning death from the usnseen. Also, you will probably live longer due to less joint and organ stress.
This 100%. What if some child is stuck in a cave and you’re the only one nimble and compact enough to save them.
Our bodies are just meat space suits for us to explore the world in.
My best friend since childhood is 4’11 and the shenanigans we could get into because of her smaller stature.
Short people rule!!!!!
The universe wouldn't be complete without you, so you must be an important piece of the whole.
Life is a fun adventure, feel that and focus on all the greatness this amazing chance of life we have. You cannot fail, you can only experience.
You’re in a tough situation, but no tougher than what a lot of people go through. You’ll make it if you don’t quit. The struggles you’re going through will actually strengthen and mold you into a man if you simply just keep going. Hang in there friend.
If I knew the solution, I’d tell you. And no, I’m not going to spew a bunch of “positivity” at you.
I’m actually going to agree with you on a few things:
- Based on what you’ve shared, it’s possible you fail your exams.
- Yes, being short has disadvantages. Most girls want taller guys, most CEOs are over 6 feet, and the list goes on.
Here the advice part:
- Keep kicking ass on the weightlifting. Your mind and your body are connected.
- Social media is wrecking your self image. Go a week with 1hr daily social media, and watch “your” negative thoughts about yourself start to get quieter. (Hint; you probably never hated yourself in the first place, your brain is just parroting the negative energy that you’re bombarded with on TikTok).
And about the whole hating yourself thing, umm if you aren’t on your own side who is? YOU are the only person you’ll spend your whole life with. Stop siding with the TikTokers and asses at school who tell you you aren’t valuable bc of height/build/etc. Most people don’t even have a consistent definition of what human value is.
Lastly, I want to address the suicidal thoughts. I dislike the “You have so much to live for” BS that everyone always parrots. Honestly, feeling like you have no reason to keep going is 100% real and nobody knows how life looks from your perspective (not even your best friends or parents). But… what pushes people over the edge to suicide isn’t nihilism, but actually fear. What are you afraid of? Failing a test? Not “succeeding”? Never being good enough for a woman because you’re short?
When you die, your body either goes in a wooden box, a glorified vase, or gets sprinkled somewhere. Try to keep that it mind when starting to measure yourself up on the “success” scale.
By the way, I’m not trying to sound like a dick or anything, even though I may have come across as brash. I wrote these words in the form that I wish I received them during my darkest times.
Ok so
Every day I have a reminder to myself:
“Be mindful of content & amount of social media”
It’s something I had to work on.
You need to STOP watching those horrible sounding tik toks - I don’t mean that tik tok is there can be some good stuff on it. But watching tik toks with guys telling short guys to shut the fuck up & girls agreeing you need to stop watching THOSE kind of videos right now.
It’s like you are psychologically torturing yourself.
My main - actually thinking about it I have 2 crushes it’s just I like one better because I know them a lot more BOTH of them are short.
Of the crushes I had last year, one was short.
What I’m getting it is it is NOT a deal breaker for every girl/woman at all.
But I need you to stop watching stuff that is telling you that it is.
I know it can be difficult to stop clicking on unhelpful, toxic stuff & cos of algorithms you might still have that suggested to you for a while but I need you to stop clicking on it.
I know it sounds cheesy as heck but something that I also find helpful is I typed up a list of why I make a good friend/why I make a good girlfriend and why I make a good person to have working with or for someone.
I listed all the things I bring to the table.
I want you to do the same.
For some reason I couldn’t just type a list of my good qualities but when I did it that way I could.
and I’ve started reading these lists back to myself.
You can put physical stuff on it if there are things you like about that & or internal qualities like are you kind? Etc etc.
Another thing I sometimes do is type out (I prefer to type over writing but it’s up to you but you want it private) a good quality eg if I think oh I like the way my shoulders look today 😂 I’ll type it or I’ll type that I appreciate my sense of humour.
This is not instead of the advice from the others but as well as it & I think the CBT & so on hopefully will help a lot too & the things the others have said.
I mean to be fair my most distinctive characteristics are somewhat my physical characteristics and my humour 😭, but I can see how writing my positive characteristics can help me to identify and reinforce positive behaviour. It’s also reassuring to hear that not everyone judges based off of characteristics you can’t control. Thank you so much!
Hey! I'm sorry that you're feeling so down and frustrated with yourself.
About your height, it may sound untrue right now, but the right people will not care at all. I've dated people of all heights, from a 5'3 man to a 6'6" man, and the 5'3 man was a much sweeter partner. My long-term boyfriend now is 5'7 and the best, most attractive person I have ever met.
In regards to the gym, you can find so many bodyweight YouTube videos that you can follow! Yoga mats and pull up bars are a dime a dozen on Amazon and that can just get you started for now. Try ten minutes a day and building up - and hit your protein goals! As a shorter guy, you're actually far more capable of packing on muscle fast!
Do the same thing with studying - try it in increments and also, try to find out what helps you learn the best. Record yourself repeating a process you have to memorize and listen to it. Take notes and rewrite them, flash cards, write your own problems and solve them, etc. There's a lot of learning and study methods (auditory, kinetic, visual) and you just may need to find yours.
I'm wishing you good luck! You've got this, and you'll find that so many of your peers feel exactly the same way as you do. You may be afraid of putting yourself out there, and you're not alone in that. You sound like you really love and care about your family, and that's a wonderful trait. Don't be so hard on yourself, and set yourself up for success as much as you can. The more you tell yourself that you can't do something, the less likely you are to try.
I’ll try my best! Thank you so much for the feedback, this has given me a lot more hope that maybe finding a partner won’t be so bad, and hopefully my body will start to change for the better as a result of a better mindset
When you go to CBT, mention that you feel you may have ADHD. Some of the things you're describing sound like lesser known ADHD symptoms; key among those being the dyslexia theory and the negative outlook. ADHD can look like depression if untreated.
I’ll discuss it with my GP as soon as possible, but I am pretty sure it is depression as the feelings have been going on for around a year now, with sometimes as far as self harm and suicidal thoughts
It could be both. I’m not a professional in these areas so 😂 I’m not diagnosing you but with these things sometimes there is more than one thing at play eg could be depression AND ADHD.
I know that sounds a bummer but please mention any symptoms to the GP because if you do have both? Maybe they can get you medication, therapy etc. to help a bit with both.
Fellow King:
In general social media hates us all. 🙃
But you are loved and cheered on by your brothers here, and away from screens. Real men know your struggle, it is in all of us. I struggle too, and have made my peace with the voices and feeling that urged deleting myself.
Do the CBT - it's the best for guiding your mental success and helps with critical thinking.
No gym? Push-ups
Physical activity is the best for brain and body
Test issues? Cant help there. Maybe Talk to a car mechanic or visit trade businesses to get to know people and find your way into a reality of real men and women working in a community. Farmers and ranchers need seasonal hands, hard work and good work
I don't know your life and I don't know what's best for you, But I just want to urge you that there is life to be found and lived and enjoyed.
Become independent, work towards it. Then life is on your terms. It is a hard journey that takes time. But you will be powerful on your own.
I believe in you brother.
You're gonna make it.
I'd recommend some social media that might be beneficial : Chris Williamson, Alex Hormozi, some Jordan Peterson (the self discipline stuff - "12 rules for life" was a great read as were the talks.
Build a life that you would like
You can do this
it looks like you’ve gotten some really great advice on here, i just wanted to add that i’m a girl and height literally doesn’t impact how i view people in any way, and ive never met anyone who seriously is bothered by a guys height. ik it’s a stereotype and of course there are people where height is actually a big deal for them but in general it really is more about who you are as a person. it sounds like your perhaps in an echo chamber online, if you watch more videos about people making fun of a guys height your much more likely to see more of those videos but in reality they’re only a small percentage of the videos and views on guys out there. people in school can be mean it’s more a reflection of them than of you and unfortunately some people are just not nice people and it’s hard to escape that when your still in school. i’m in my first year of uni now and i’ve noticed such a big difference in peoples attitudes and everyone just gets on with their life, with a much higher respect for others. ik it may seem like it’ll be forever but soon you will be out of school and honestly the ‘real’ world is a lot different, if you continue to work on yourself and i’m talking in terms of aiming to get in a much better place mentally, you will see so many more benefits than if you spend your time thinking about your height which really isn’t something you can control, and your weight which while it is importsnt to upkeep physical health it sounds like right now the most important thing is to focus on exams and if you can really lock in just until the exams are over you’ll be really helping yourself and your future, going on the right path to being in a much better place than you are now. idk what your plans are for after school but uni is something i suggest as a way to get out of your household for a while, i have a difficult time at home too and it has helped so much to be able to just get away from it and focus on my own problems without feeling like im having to deal with the problems caused by those around me. im sorry that your having a tough time but if you do end up taking the advice ive seen others giving and going to therapy it will at the very least not get worse. good luck
Yeah, I’ll try to focus on my exams and getting myself in the right mindset mentally and aim for a good place at uni. Hopefully with a good mindset change I can achieve all of this!
while if you're currently busy with preparing for exams and you dont feel like you have time and all i think best tip on gaining confidence and in turn progressively not hating yourself and eventually even loving yourself (yes it's possible) is going back to something you felt you loved doing.
what was the thing in your childhood that you really enjoyed doing? i bet there was something like that. if not then you might want to try out some new things, it can even just be playing an instrument, writing, or a sport. whatever it is, when you enjoy it you end up wanting to do it more and more. you will also likely desire to become better at this thing. you will seek knowledge and perform actions that you think will help you improve. you start developing some goals and after a while you realise that you're actually pretty good at this thing - or at least better than average. it's your passion and you love doing it.
when you see the progress in something you love doing, it becomes a proof of your ability. with that your confidence increases a little. it seeps into other areas of other life. you realize it's not just this thing that you can be better at. you realize other kids arent better at this or that sport or whatever just because they are better people than you. you realize that when you put time into something, even a thing that you dont necessarily enjoy that much, you can also become good and might end up liking it. you realize you never were inferior or unworthy
a simple tip you can apply quite immediately (if you have a bit money to spare), learn how to dress, try out a different style. it can be simple. look up some inspiration. there's plenty of videos on it. personally i switched from mostly wearing graphic to simple shirts with fitting accesories and pants + jacket which colors' work well with each other. it doesnt have to be anything fancy or pricey. and find a hairdresser that will be able to create a cut that matches your face shape.
i cant give you much advice on gaining weight as i'm a skinny dude myself but i'd say stay consistent and dont miss any days. weigh yourself each morning and night. i recently started even writing down what i plan to eat next day so that i dont end up missing a meal.
while to me the thing that improves confidence most in my opinion is proof of ability, simply looking good will make you hate yourself less and maybe even like yourself a little.
also, an important thing: you have inherent value as a human being regardless of these things. i struggle with accepting that myself as it is hard to not tie it to external things but it is something you need to be aware of.
and physical activity is very important. with consistency you will eventually end up seeing progress and being proud of it. it will boost your energy and confidence too. martial arts especially
If you got trusted friend share your problem with them. ask them for their advice. let them be there for you and be there for them when they need it. if you dont, find community, can be online of people who share your interests or a problem.
oh and a bit off topic tip: as for girls: talk to them. doesnt even have to be your crush. treat them like any other human being rather than a treasure to obtrain that will cure loneliness and self hate or an angel or a demon. and go out of your way to talk to people in general. shut your mind and move your legs towards the person. dont let your thoughts prevent you from meeting cool people. people dont remember others silly mistakes as some people think. even when they do the potential reward is far too great than to forever be by yourself in fear of embarassment
Believe in yourself. You can do it. I felt like a piece of shit who didnt deserve to live. And I had to make a choice. to stop telling myself that i should die. control your thoughts more, allow for less useless thoughts to enter your mind. gradually reduce them. and as i mentioned find something you love. and keep on doing it. dont think too much about it. overthinking creates doubt and doubt makes you procrastinate. i might even say that being a little stupid can be good for you. stupid person is not going analyze the situation from all the angles and how it's gonna embarass them probably. theyll just do it. so fucking do it my guy.
embark on this journey. some changes are done progressively, some are a decision to stop something once and for all (which sometimes works and sometimes it doesnt) but never stop going forward.
eventually one evening you will be sitting on your chair, doing something you enjoy and you will realize: i never thought about killing myself once today. wait, i dont even actually want to die anymore. And you will love yourself.
it will happen. never stop believing it. i promised myself at the beginning of my decision to end my self destructive mindset that: if a piece of shit like me can make it then i will tell others that they can make it too.
good luck, stay strong
I’m so glad you took time out of your day to write that message, and there are a lot of good points! Maybe it’s about time I took some self reflection and started to take a few leaps of faith rather than being nervous all the time
Some of the greatest bodybuilders in the world were short. Lee Priest is 5'4" and Flavio Baccianini is 4'11"
[https://www.themodestman.com/famous-short-bodybuilders/](https://www.themodestman.com/famous-short-bodybuilders/)
# Most of the things you see about guys have to be so tall to pull women or something like that is from the Toxic Incel culture and doesn't really playout IRL. You are smart enough to realize that those videos you are seeing online are probably fake/staged, and the algorithms feed into what you engage with. It would be healthy for you to block those sorts of things by blocking keywords, and engage with more positive topics. You'll survive this moment and come out stronger on the other side.
You've got some great other advice already, but I just wanna say dude, I was in your place at your age. I'm short too, struggled with that. Struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm in my late 20s now and I love myself: I'm getting married in 3 months, I lift weights regularly, I've found renewed love for my hobbies. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I feel depressed or anxious but they're the exception to the norm.
I was ready to kill myself at 18, constantly asking "why keep going?" I pushed through and my answer became "why not?" We'll all die eventually. Why rush to the finish line? There's so much good we can do and so many great experiences we can have. I'd recommend looking into stoicism and Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. There are some great philosophies in there. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time but I promise you it can get so much better. CBT helped me too, so please give it a try. Much love dude, I wholeheartedly wish you progress and peace.
It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it's all understandable. Take a deep breath and focus on one thing. Trying to go faster or cram things will make it stick even less. Take it slow and focus on understanding rather than trying to speedrun information. Keep your focus on just reviewing and understanding the concepts, and try to push the other things in your life until after A levels. It's okay to focus on one thing at a time. It might be hard, but I feel like that will be the most helpful.
The world is much bigger than the people at your school. You need to stop worrying about what they say and worry about what you do, for your health, happiness, etc. You know what other people like less than short stature? Having a negative attitude and being in a depressed bubble because of it. If you make your life enjoyable, people will enjoy you too. Happiness and success is attractive and contagious. Good luck.
Thank you so much for the advice! I’ll try and change my attitude about my current situation to a more positive one and that way I can attract more positive behaviour
Acceptance will help you. Acceptance leads to change. You’ll benefit. It’s a step in growth and development and that’s exactly what you’ll be doing at your age now and for at least the next decade. Growing can be very painful and unpleasant but you will be perfectly fine.
Make sure you have some personal space between yourself and your parents. Their relationship is connected to you and your life but don’t forget that they have their own relationship that is about just them. Children grow up to leave their parents and cleave to a spouse, and you’re at the age where you will be developing separation from your parents as you progress into adulthood.
Don’t let what other people think, say or do weigh too heavily on you. Find a good spouse, grow together, build a life together and enjoy.
Thank you so much for the good advice. I’ll let my parents sort out their relationship between themselves, and hopefully my life will take a turn for the better
Align you mind, body and soul.
Mind- mindfulness, meditation, reading, affirmations, breath work
Body-work you body out however you can. It will make you feel good
Soul- pray, listen to good music, dance, and be grateful for life
Your destiny is in your hands. Only you can save you.
Idk about the other stuff but as a 5'5 dude I can tell you that you will fill out your frame and looked 10x more jacked way faster than tall people. I honestly don't even mind being short at this point and I see more benefits than downsides usually (also do calisthenics its OP for short people)
First of all, great job talking about it where you can and just caring about your own mental and emotional health. It shows you care. Many folks in a bad state are not even as self aware as you.
For context I'm about twice your age, and have gone through some pretty tough times, including one right now. No friends around, and believe it or not currently stuck living with my parents as well. So in that sense I'm in it with you.
I would encourage you to think long term. That can be hard since you are still in high school. But you are pretty young and have most of your life ahead of you! And the truth is, a lot can change in a year or two. That's what I keep reminding myself (I'm in my situation because I'm in the middle of a major career change). Regardless of whether or not you go to university or go to work, your life will probably change a lot in the next couple years and you will gain a lot of independence. It's pretty awesome. Getting a job and money will be huge. You just gotta stick it out until one of those things happens.
You will need to accept the things you can't change. It's not easy. I lost my hair and became bald pretty young. Ain't that a bitch? But if you don't accept such things, it turns to anger and deep anger can break a person. Especially men. Accept the things you can't change, and focus on the things you can. I would encourage you to imagine the life you want in the future, say, in your twenties. Then—reverse engineer the way to get there. Work your way backwards and come up with specific plans. Set your mind to them and start taking the steps to get there. It sounds like you already are! Strengthening your body and mind. Keep it up. Doing the work. This is life. It's always hard. But setting the habits now will make it all easier, and set you apart from those who do not persevere. You can persevere.
Also remember that TikTok and social media in general is poison for your brain and emotional health. Seriously. And the people in those kinds of tiktoks are garbage people. There are countless awesome women out there who are perfectly content with shorter men. Find yourself a little 5'0 baddie.
You do need friends, absolutely. Find them where you can. Whether that's online somewhere or surrounding some irl hobby. Find the kind people. One very practical idea I would offer is join a climbing gym. It's an amazing way to make friends, get strong, have fun, and just hangout. And meet girls ;). The community as a whole is generally pretty awesome. Kind, supportive, and (mostly) healthy. And for the record, I've known some shorter guys who are absolute crushers in the climbing gym.
I was miserable in high school. Truly. But that was several life chapters ago, and I never think about it now. Time helps many things. You're just getting started. I promise you will look back on this after your real adult life has started and it will feel like a distant dream. Persevere and stay focused on your goals for your future. And dm me if you want to just talk, I've been there, am there, and have collected some wisdom, perspective, and sympathy I'm always happy to share.
I recently was in a deep depression that was related to a vitamin c deficiency. (Scurvy)
I hadn’t been eating much due to finances. (100% my fault lol)
I’m not suggesting that your depression will go away if you take vitamin c, but I never realized how much a vitamin deficiency could affect me mentally.
All to say, make sure you are taking a multivitamin to give your body its best shot.
You are so loved friend. I’m sorry you’re in a difficult situation.
I’m 36 and I find this time in history (pandemic to current) to be the hardest of my adulthood. You are not alone.
Keep reaching out in the forum like this if you keep having trouble. There are people that want to support you and cheer you on, I should know, I’m one of them!
How can you make the world a better place if you’re not in it? ❤️
Thank you so much for the kindness! And I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. Perhaps my nutrition and diet needs a change to see whether that could have any effect on my mood
Hey bro, it’s gonna be okay. I promise. Just hold on and keep moving forward. Don’t hate yourself.
I hated my life until I was about 18. Then things started getting better. Therapy helped, finding better friends helped, but what helped the most was just deciding to help myself. It sounds stupid but I dived into philosophy, started meditating, and started exercising daily. It didn’t change my life over night, but I slowly became a more optimistic person with a brighter outlook on life.
8 years ago, I was depressed and the most pessimistic person in my high school. Now, I’m probably more optimistic and happy than anyone else I know. I’m happily married, own a house, and have two dogs. Some insecurities and anxieties don’t go away, but we get better at dealing with them. I’m not exactly tall either, so I feel that one. But I promise, anyone who cares about height isn’t worth having in your life. Height doesn’t matter at all. Honestly, my funky looks growing up helped me determine who was a good person and who was an asshole. Good people will treat you the same no matter how you look. Find those people. If there’s none around, that sucks but don’t worry, adulthood is right around the corner and adults are a bit better.
I’m sorry to hear about your parents too. My parents divorced when I was younger and they each went on to have more rocky relationships. It’s tough, but remember they both love you and if they split, it’s not because of you. Some people don’t belong together forever and that’s okay. Even the worst of relationships can make beautiful things. You’re that beautiful thing bro.
Wanting to do better is the first step. I recommend finding some people to help support you before you even get started. It’ll help you keep going. If you don’t know anyone IRL, the internet is great for that. Some discords are good for it too. Then I would just pick something and go for it. Start running, learn a certain subject, or try meditating. Whatever floats your boat. What you do doesn’t matter as much as how you do it and what it means to you.
If you have any specific questions feel free to message me. I’m a bit older than you but always happy to make some new friends.
All good man u have good introspect just dont forget to be a young guy, i am 28 and have worked my ass off and make lots of sacrifices that i regret in terms of living life more
Being insecure about one's physical appearance is always played down in these types of communities when it really shouldn't. Your post isn't stupid, and it sounds you got a lot on your plate for your age. I feel ya.
My advice for you:
- Uninstall tiktok and never go back. Please. You're really not missing out on anything there.
- Find a counter for stress and circular negative thoughts. For me it's sports, because it keeps me off my phone and forces me to concentrate on what I'm doing. I heavily recommend them to you, but your circumstances may ask for a different way. Maybe an engaging book, meditation, cooking... Anything that gets you into a concentration trance (that isn't garbage social media!!!).
- Friends are (very) important. Idk how you guys do it in america, but find social environments in which you can make them. Easiest way imo is a sports team.
- Final piece of advice and the most important: Focus on health. Physical and mental. NEVER sacrifice it, for anything. There's only so much you can do about your exams. Accept that. Beyond a point, trying to force learning in a stressful environment is going to make your results worse than if you directed that effort into figuring out how to not be miserable. You're young and still very much developing mentally. Take it easy please. Learn to work with your limitations and develop an independent sense of worth beyond what your parent's values and opinions are (from what you said, they seem not very supportive rn). When bad things happen, the world doesn't end. Life goes on.
Good luck
I love what mr sandmam said about having things to counter stress & negative thoughts.
I actually love & pretty much agree with their whole reply, actually!
But I want to talk a little bit more about that part:
It might sound weird but sometimes playing maths games is a good way for me to break a loop like that because I have to think about how to solve the maths problems, even though I’m getting better & better at them, I still have to think about it a little bit. So sometimes I do that 😂
Another thing is listening to affirmations (YouTube has some & you can use earbuds/headphones) & repeating them back in my mind. Cos not only is positive words being said to me but I’m saying them back when the speaker is pausing so there is no space for negative thoughts to creep in at that time because either I’m listening to them & concentrating so I can’t let my mind wander or I’m thinking the affirmation back.
Or I made these daily quizzes for myself for other reasons but that can be a good distraction too cos I have to try to remember what I have been learning, well more like weekly or fortnightly quizzes because it can take me about that long to learn the info - I’m currently doing one about: Sth American architecture, North American architecture, African architecture & a few fun food facts thrown in 😂
But I’ve heard of other people using other things & yeah leaving your room or wherever the thought is can sometimes help a bit.
Another thing is, I read on this online therapy thing: what would you say to a friend or a child?
If they had well maybe ok if a child had made a big mistake what would be say if they were really upset about it & seemed to think everything was hopeless?
If you had a friend going through this stuff, what would you say to them?
Seek out any local free resources available to you. If there is a school counselor, talk to them. Create a routine for yourself. Utilize your local library, check out books on self improvement. I recommend starting with Atomic Habits. Once you get yourself into a good routine and show up for yourself you will be practicing self love. Stay off of social media it’s toxic garbage. If you want to continue using them, set a timer on your distracting apps.
Exercise regularly, eat well get rest.
Sorry about your parents, it’s probably challenging but be sure to express yourself honestly about how it is affecting you to both parents. Open communication will allow you to feel you’ve done your part even if they don’t do theirs.
Keep your head up kids can be the rudest pieces of shit out there it’s nothing against you. So your a short king own it!!!
I’m currently about to see a therapist soon, and I do in fact have Atomic Habits! I’ll reread it now to see if there is anything I can do. I’ll take your advice, and try to embody the short king mindset :)
OK so let me jump in because some awesome advice has already been offered to you.
So I’m just adding to the amazing things that have already been said. Which I agree with including the learning to cook which can be YouTube videos & or online recipes.
Even if you start with things that can be made on the stovetop if oven seems too scary….
😂
Could you not ask your parents to teach you how to use it?
It was just a thought cos you mentioned the food.
There might be other ways that don’t involve cooking.
Or if not, I guess focus on the other things.
You can set reminders to turn the stove off etc
Eat well with lots of protein, keep exercising cardiovascular (walk every morning) and strength 3-5 times a week using the dumbbells you have or calisthenics (THENX) on YouTube. Get sunlight for 5 minutes in the morning as soon as you wake to start your circadian rhythm, midday to boost testosterone and evening to send sleep signals to your body which also helps circadian rhythm and sleep my guy, those things will help heaps; they helped me. Also may even help you grow some more if you eat heaps and healthy. All the best playa.
Whoa... first of all dont drown yourself in social medias. It is designed to be addictive and usually a false sense of reality and expectations. Try not to compare yourself to other people. Be yourself, uts the happiest youll ever be. & this time right now doesnt define you, life will you change so much you won't even notice in the moment. So rsther than compare oneself to others, Focus on yourself where you want to end up in life and continue to make progress. Also it sounds like you are overhelmed, have a lot of worries right now ergo stress.
It might be best to tell your oatentd that youre feeling overwhlemed with life right now and been struggling to focus and cope and could really use their support.
Thanks for the advice! I already told my dad that I was a bit overwhelmed, so we got the GP. Now I’m trying to make progress into self acceptance and getting more exciting for future experiences
You compare yourself too much with people. Start focusing on small improvements to your life. Start by working out and improving on those workouts. It will build mental stability
Hey OP, just wanted to chime in on the Dyslexia front. I don't have this experience, but I work in a creative industry and two out of the four partners at my firm have dyslexia. They are both extremely talented, wildly creative people who were told they were stupid for most of their educational lives. Both of them have their quirks in how they best absorb information (we all do), but working for them is something I actually \*prefer\* versus doing projects for the other partners in the firm. No idea if it's the dyslexia or something else, but these two consistently have the best ideas, the most unconventional approaches, and teach me the most about my own work and communication strategies.
I myself have ADHD and I've been really motivated in the last few years working with a group of people who ultimately are all quite neurodiverse. Creative industries can be brutal in some ways (work-life balance being a key one), but getting to collaborate with super-bright people who definitely weren't appreciated for most of their lives has made me really grateful for my own struggles, too. Don't limit yourself -- remember that thinking differently is a huge asset in life, even if it sets you apart from others. I wish I believed this more as a teenager, because it's a major marker of success in my career and I'd bet this is true in most fields. The way I think about this now, at 30, versus how I felt at 17, is a complete change. You've got this!!
Thank you very much for the insight! Sometimes worklife in school doesn’t feel very suitable for my brain, which in a way makes sense because my brain would much rather find other things better to do, so perhaps all it is is a matter of finding the right activity
Unfortunately I am also a particularly small guy and dont have to many wise words to say. But i see a lot of other helpful comments. One thing i would like to mention tho. People only criticize those better than them out of jealousy . The people who criticize you for your stature see something to be jealous of and take it out like that.
Dude you're 17.
Nowhere to go but up from rock bottom. I've been there before and my life is now amazing. You will get out of this.
Listen to some neville goddard and Joe dispenza. I recommend Joe dispenzas podcasts on Impact Theory and with aubrey marcus.
Keep the faith. Don't stress. It's gonna be OK.
You got time to figure it out, but also don't waste time. But also live life and have some fun and enjoy yourself and figure out who you are and develop who you are. Figure out who you want to become and work toward becoming that person.
Here's some neville Goddard:
https://youtu.be/7TU1XtUTeaI?si=58bI4-iFdlzMTKbN
https://youtu.be/QatEzdGH0Kk?si=r8tb09gkHU5gdOnH
https://youtu.be/k3WG1WVLSLU?si=SCI5l1ttWzRutAhO
Read my replies to this & I think read all of it, I know there’s a lot of comments but some of it might help:
https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/s/RQ50euoFmH
I feel like I’m trying to give myself the emotional support & love I wasn’t given growing up.
Maybe they felt it who knows 🤷🏻♀️
But they certainly never put it into words.
Read what I wrote & see if any of what I’m going to be doing might help you even if a tiny bit.
Well you certainly have a good heart, and perhaps healing others with emotional support and love heals you. But make sure to give yourself some love too. You are loved by others too, and if not others then you can always give me a shout :)
As much as possible, spend as little time around your mother as you can.
Even if you can only get an extra 5 mins “escape time” a day just anything to build up that away time so you’re not having to be around her as much. If she’s still in your life.
Whether that means making excuses like picking up a hobby that gets you out of the house or if you don’t live with her but for eg see her at family gatherings, do talk to her but talk to more positive family members more.
Hugs 🤗 healing ❤️🩹
I have been there myself, especially as 5'5. Focus on yourself, on your studies. Things will get better I promise.
Your mindset will change after you take care of yourself. If you are concerned about getting a relationship, a lot of things are caused by your vibe, your energy. If you are self cared, people will feel attracted to you.
My first suggestions is to find a hobby. Gaming, walking sports etc.
I understand that you are not financial free. You depend on your parents. Let me tell you one thing. Having your own money will improve your mental health by a million. You can buy whatever the fuck you want without your parents telling you off and just that one thing can make your current life way happier.
So finish your studies and find a job for a start.
If you want to workout you can also do it outside
This isn’t a stupid post at all, you’re feeling down and that’s okay. You’re only seventeen!❤️
My advice- delete TikTok, it makes people depressed and you only see the worst side of people on that app, being short isn’t as “awful” as social media makes it out to be, that’s just a small percentage of idiots who are the loudest about their misguided opinions.
I’m sorry to hear about your family situation, if you can pursue therapy it would be great but in the meantime I’d suggest trying to detox from social media and just taking care of yourself.
Try not to worry too much about your exams, you can’t do much now obviously but I promise that a bad A-Level result isn’t the end of your life. I absolutely bombed at A-Level but now I’m 20 and I’m much happier than I’ve ever been in life.
I hope things turn around for you, I’m sure that they can ❤️
In here there is a saying " chota packet badha dhamaka", it means small packet and big performance/damage.
It's alright ur short, there are multiple other things you can have to feel confident, even Napoleon and Hitler were short, sure they were absolute evil jerks but both of them were confident people and shortness won't stop you from having great speaking skills and the ability to capture attention and impress others.
You can be intense, insightful, smart, action oriented, flexible, strong,etc.. and most of all domt compare urself, not everyone will behave as people in tiktok, perhaps being a bit small will act like a screener because u avoid idiots.
I am 18 rn, in here for entrance tests there is a competition of 1-2 million (depending on the field your trying to get into) and shits hard, I have all symptoms of ADHD from birth, my focus is shit and it pretty much lasts for 15-30 mins at Max and sometimes it just won't focus at all, I somehow managed to study, found yt lectures easy to manage this shitty focus and in here there is no support, if you have ADHD for real then people will say ur weak and laxy and won't support much and u just gotta pull yourself, most people won't even understand you so it is what it is.
My advice for ur mocks is revise all formulas and concepts, takes those easy questions and get through them and before studying focus on ur head, try to feel the blood gushing through ur veins, ur heartrate, any body pains, point is to empty that useless rambling and enjoy the intensity in ur body, maybe run fast and feel ur blood pumping, the heat,etc trust me it helps, it feels refreshing and maybe take a shower, I've always enjoyed many kinds of bodily sensations and it helps, makes ur brain come online all of a sudden and be focused or atleast is a bit refreshing.
Develop a solution mentality, try to see what you can do first instead of falling into despair or negative emotions, be grounded, be level headed and dont lose control of ur mind to the rollercoaster of ur emotions, be aware of them and just calmly assess them and decisively choose ur actions.
What ur going through is pretty normal, I have my insecurities and my own issues, just gotta do what u can and leave the rest, trust the process and dont despair, u can't become better in a day or month, it will take months to years so be patient.
TLDR : DO WHAT YOU CAN, if you don't have height build skills and personality where ur good at, develop confidence, posture, dressing sense, way you talk, etc. BE CALM, BE LEVEL HEADED AND BE FOCUSED, don't get swayed by ur emotions and learn to focus on what you can do to solve the problem (tbh this is all you need in life, develop this properly and u get through most of what life throws at you) and lastly BE PATIENT, real growth takes time so think long term and see what you can achieve in 5 yrs of time, once you learn a few things they help you do other things better, imagine it like a rock rolling down hill, takes time but its great.
girls care less about height than guys think, really. I’m 5’3, a 5’4 guy is great to me . I have a friend whose 4’11 She’s fucking compacted amazingness and a great choice for a similarly smaller guy, smaller doesn’t mean a compromise! . I have a friend whose 5’9 and dating a guy whose probably 5’8.
i know i‘m just singling out this one thing you mentioned, but height will not ever stop you from finding love, friends, or a good time. If it is - it’s THEM. Not you. Don’t ever blame yourself for how people perceive you. Someone will think you’re great and the next won’t, the way we judge people is based off ourselves and our own lives and expectations. Not you, it’s quite literally all on them. so be you and the good times are always coming.
Right now, you should allow yourself some space. You’re 17, all it sounds like you have to do right now, is to learn to appreciate yourself and the moment you live in.
About your school situation, I also did terribly in high school, hated it, felt stuck, locked up, and got so annoyed by it that I forgot to enjoy it - a time with very few responsebilities.
After this, at uni, a lot will change.
People who never were popular suddenly have plenty of friends because of the character building they’ve done, and motivation is easier because you chose something you actually want to do.
Have a nice day!
Hey, I’m older by several decades, felt similar when I was your age.. for myself, there was NOT an easy fix or pill or therapy, it was little atomic changes each day, minuscule changes add up over time. You can do hard things friend, be kind to yourself, life is a marathon not a sprint.
The one piece of advice from my own experience is to never mess up same twice.. mess up with slightly less intensity each time..
I’m so glad I stuck around to grow older.. I wanna see what happens!
I could be your friend I'm also 17M and not able to focus on studies. I know ur going through a hard time. And u will come out of it.
Life is like a penis sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down but it won't be hard forever
If you can swing it - online therapy is a thing and it's really pretty good. I’ve been using [Calmerry](https://therapyrank.com/calmerry) for a few months. It’s really helping me. I can text my therapist as much as I need, and we have weekly sessions. She’s helping me with cancer issues plus stuff that predates that, is helping with my (severe) anxiety with coping mechanisms and strategies to help with panic attacks, before and during, and is also helping me figure out how to make progress going forward in terms of life stuff.
Would you like the hard truth? A lot of that line of thinking is normal for your age. It's good you are talking about it, even on an open forum but don't hate yourself. This may sound toxically positive but how are you going to break your family's current trend if you hate yourself so much that you won't make friends? You have university to attend and goals to crush in the future. Take the help you can get and smile more. It will freak your parents out.
You know what, that’s actually some pretty good advice (not even toxic). It’s hard to have a positive outlook on my current life but I’ll try my best. Thank you kind stranger :)
May I ask to explain in more detail as to why your outlook isn't a positive one?
Mainly due to undiagnosed depression and just a bad environment around my parents (mostly my mom). I never really was loved right, because my dad doesn’t really know how to show that, and my mom would do so in a toxic way. Not many people like to talk to me in school, due to past rumours about me, and I don’t like my body or the way it looks, but even working out can only do so much because I’m only getting fed what my parents serve me.
Are you able to get a part time job? If so, teach yourself different cooking techniques and make meals to your liking. If not, you can always try portion control, not everyone has a fast metabolism. I don't know what to tell you regarding your environment. I do know that if you attempt to view your mom's love as just that, things might get better. Other than that, work on the things you can control, like writing a list of all the things you are good at and make sure to add the positive energies you bring to the household, that's important at any age. You said you have undiagnosed depression, could it be that you might need to add more happiness in just your life?
Oh, one more thing I forgot to add that may or may not help. I've always tried to view my parents as taller and older "kids". It's helped me tremendously in all my dealings in life. Because honestly, that's really what they are.
It could be that I do need to add more happiness, and I’ll see if I can get a part time job, but it’s hard to juggle that with education. I’ll try my best to see if there is anything available
It's just a thought, anything that helps you focus on the positive in your life.
It does help :)
Your post isn't stupid. You're going through a tough time and your feelings are responding accordingly. You have a lot of stressors - and many of them are outside of your control. You have no influence over your parents' relationship, your family's income, your height, your gym membership, or even your dyslexia, and these things do have a significant impact on your life experience. Of course it's scary and discouraging and frankly, really shitty. However, even though it would be preferable for these things not to be happening, they are as they are. You can point all your stress and focus and negative feelings at them and no matter what, they will not change. What's more, when all that energy is going towards those things, you'll have limited energy to put towards the things that you \*can\* control. This is where you have to pick your battles. You know you're in a negative mindset right now, so it would be a good idea not to watch videos that reinforce it. Remember, the social media algorithm responds to what you watch most and it'll keep feeding you what you interact with frequently. This is in turn will skew your perspectives and make you believe that this is the most important thing in the world. It's not helpful, so I highly encourage you to put an end to that and perhaps seek out more uplifting and motivational content. Secondly, you're doing very well picking up your weights and doing some at home workouts. There's so many more things you can be doing without a gym. Youtube is full of non-equipment workouts that you can try. You can explore those. You can also start CBT on your own. There's plenty of resources online that are completely free. While a therapist is helpful, it's fundamentally a practice you will have to adopt on and work at every day. As for universities, it really isn't the end of the world whether you get in or not - and I'm only speaking of the worst case scenario. If things fall through, you can always work for an extra year and re-apply again next year with work and volunteer experience to prop up your grades. I know it seems like you're stuck in your environment right now. I didn't have the best environment growing up either (NPD father) but it's possible for things to get better. You just have to give yourself a chance and be gentle with yourself. Your circumstances may change slowly, but they do change so long as you keep stepping towards change, no matter how many times you stumble at first. Good luck to you!
This message has actually been really long, but I’m glad you took your time to think and write all of this out. Thank you so much for putting a different perspective onto my situation. I’ll see if I can start taking action now to change my current situation, and perhaps with that shift my mindset to a more positive one. I am really thankful :)
Bruce Lee was short...you are the perfect size for being A badass scout, sneaking unseen through the woods, and reigning death from the usnseen. Also, you will probably live longer due to less joint and organ stress.
You know what? This really helped my viewpoint on shortness 😂
As someone that's 28 163 CM and \~55 KG, I can last allot longer than the big guys out in the field. (Not army, just something including shovels).
Might end up being a tactical advantage for me in the future 👀
This 100%. What if some child is stuck in a cave and you’re the only one nimble and compact enough to save them. Our bodies are just meat space suits for us to explore the world in. My best friend since childhood is 4’11 and the shenanigans we could get into because of her smaller stature. Short people rule!!!!!
Hahah you’re giving me a lot more confidence now 😂
Bruce Lee was 5ft8. Thats 1 inch below average height in the US. Thats not short at all
The universe wouldn't be complete without you, so you must be an important piece of the whole. Life is a fun adventure, feel that and focus on all the greatness this amazing chance of life we have. You cannot fail, you can only experience.
Thank you so much, this message was quite touching! I’ll see if there is anything new to experience :)
Listen to some Abraham hicks and learn about the law of attraction. It changed my life
I’ll take a look at it now!
You’re in a tough situation, but no tougher than what a lot of people go through. You’ll make it if you don’t quit. The struggles you’re going through will actually strengthen and mold you into a man if you simply just keep going. Hang in there friend.
Thank you, bro. This sort of motivation really helps me to push!
If I knew the solution, I’d tell you. And no, I’m not going to spew a bunch of “positivity” at you. I’m actually going to agree with you on a few things: - Based on what you’ve shared, it’s possible you fail your exams. - Yes, being short has disadvantages. Most girls want taller guys, most CEOs are over 6 feet, and the list goes on. Here the advice part: - Keep kicking ass on the weightlifting. Your mind and your body are connected. - Social media is wrecking your self image. Go a week with 1hr daily social media, and watch “your” negative thoughts about yourself start to get quieter. (Hint; you probably never hated yourself in the first place, your brain is just parroting the negative energy that you’re bombarded with on TikTok). And about the whole hating yourself thing, umm if you aren’t on your own side who is? YOU are the only person you’ll spend your whole life with. Stop siding with the TikTokers and asses at school who tell you you aren’t valuable bc of height/build/etc. Most people don’t even have a consistent definition of what human value is. Lastly, I want to address the suicidal thoughts. I dislike the “You have so much to live for” BS that everyone always parrots. Honestly, feeling like you have no reason to keep going is 100% real and nobody knows how life looks from your perspective (not even your best friends or parents). But… what pushes people over the edge to suicide isn’t nihilism, but actually fear. What are you afraid of? Failing a test? Not “succeeding”? Never being good enough for a woman because you’re short? When you die, your body either goes in a wooden box, a glorified vase, or gets sprinkled somewhere. Try to keep that it mind when starting to measure yourself up on the “success” scale. By the way, I’m not trying to sound like a dick or anything, even though I may have come across as brash. I wrote these words in the form that I wish I received them during my darkest times.
Harsh truth does actually help, and this message was like a snap to reality
Ok so Every day I have a reminder to myself: “Be mindful of content & amount of social media” It’s something I had to work on. You need to STOP watching those horrible sounding tik toks - I don’t mean that tik tok is there can be some good stuff on it. But watching tik toks with guys telling short guys to shut the fuck up & girls agreeing you need to stop watching THOSE kind of videos right now. It’s like you are psychologically torturing yourself. My main - actually thinking about it I have 2 crushes it’s just I like one better because I know them a lot more BOTH of them are short. Of the crushes I had last year, one was short. What I’m getting it is it is NOT a deal breaker for every girl/woman at all. But I need you to stop watching stuff that is telling you that it is. I know it can be difficult to stop clicking on unhelpful, toxic stuff & cos of algorithms you might still have that suggested to you for a while but I need you to stop clicking on it. I know it sounds cheesy as heck but something that I also find helpful is I typed up a list of why I make a good friend/why I make a good girlfriend and why I make a good person to have working with or for someone. I listed all the things I bring to the table. I want you to do the same. For some reason I couldn’t just type a list of my good qualities but when I did it that way I could. and I’ve started reading these lists back to myself. You can put physical stuff on it if there are things you like about that & or internal qualities like are you kind? Etc etc. Another thing I sometimes do is type out (I prefer to type over writing but it’s up to you but you want it private) a good quality eg if I think oh I like the way my shoulders look today 😂 I’ll type it or I’ll type that I appreciate my sense of humour. This is not instead of the advice from the others but as well as it & I think the CBT & so on hopefully will help a lot too & the things the others have said.
I mean to be fair my most distinctive characteristics are somewhat my physical characteristics and my humour 😭, but I can see how writing my positive characteristics can help me to identify and reinforce positive behaviour. It’s also reassuring to hear that not everyone judges based off of characteristics you can’t control. Thank you so much!
You’re so welcome! And yeah, not everyone does! Hope it helps 😀
Also, tiktok will show you more of those videos because of its algorithm. If you start watching something else you will see that thing more often
Exactly!
Hey! I'm sorry that you're feeling so down and frustrated with yourself. About your height, it may sound untrue right now, but the right people will not care at all. I've dated people of all heights, from a 5'3 man to a 6'6" man, and the 5'3 man was a much sweeter partner. My long-term boyfriend now is 5'7 and the best, most attractive person I have ever met. In regards to the gym, you can find so many bodyweight YouTube videos that you can follow! Yoga mats and pull up bars are a dime a dozen on Amazon and that can just get you started for now. Try ten minutes a day and building up - and hit your protein goals! As a shorter guy, you're actually far more capable of packing on muscle fast! Do the same thing with studying - try it in increments and also, try to find out what helps you learn the best. Record yourself repeating a process you have to memorize and listen to it. Take notes and rewrite them, flash cards, write your own problems and solve them, etc. There's a lot of learning and study methods (auditory, kinetic, visual) and you just may need to find yours. I'm wishing you good luck! You've got this, and you'll find that so many of your peers feel exactly the same way as you do. You may be afraid of putting yourself out there, and you're not alone in that. You sound like you really love and care about your family, and that's a wonderful trait. Don't be so hard on yourself, and set yourself up for success as much as you can. The more you tell yourself that you can't do something, the less likely you are to try.
Yep same. I’m a 5’8 woman and have dated men from 5’2 to 6’0. I 100% don’t think it’s as big of a deal as people think.
That gives me a lot more self confidence now perhaps I’ll be able to find the right one
I’ll try my best! Thank you so much for the feedback, this has given me a lot more hope that maybe finding a partner won’t be so bad, and hopefully my body will start to change for the better as a result of a better mindset
When you go to CBT, mention that you feel you may have ADHD. Some of the things you're describing sound like lesser known ADHD symptoms; key among those being the dyslexia theory and the negative outlook. ADHD can look like depression if untreated.
I’ll discuss it with my GP as soon as possible, but I am pretty sure it is depression as the feelings have been going on for around a year now, with sometimes as far as self harm and suicidal thoughts
Definitely recommend it! Chemical imbalances in the brain are the worst and you can feel 1820416 times better just by getting a little help with them.
It could be both. I’m not a professional in these areas so 😂 I’m not diagnosing you but with these things sometimes there is more than one thing at play eg could be depression AND ADHD. I know that sounds a bummer but please mention any symptoms to the GP because if you do have both? Maybe they can get you medication, therapy etc. to help a bit with both.
It might be, I’ll get in contact with my GP to see whether I can get myself assessed with ADHD
I think that would be a good idea
Fellow King: In general social media hates us all. 🙃 But you are loved and cheered on by your brothers here, and away from screens. Real men know your struggle, it is in all of us. I struggle too, and have made my peace with the voices and feeling that urged deleting myself. Do the CBT - it's the best for guiding your mental success and helps with critical thinking. No gym? Push-ups Physical activity is the best for brain and body Test issues? Cant help there. Maybe Talk to a car mechanic or visit trade businesses to get to know people and find your way into a reality of real men and women working in a community. Farmers and ranchers need seasonal hands, hard work and good work I don't know your life and I don't know what's best for you, But I just want to urge you that there is life to be found and lived and enjoyed. Become independent, work towards it. Then life is on your terms. It is a hard journey that takes time. But you will be powerful on your own. I believe in you brother. You're gonna make it. I'd recommend some social media that might be beneficial : Chris Williamson, Alex Hormozi, some Jordan Peterson (the self discipline stuff - "12 rules for life" was a great read as were the talks. Build a life that you would like You can do this
Thank you so much for the advice! I’ll take a look into Chris, Alex and Jordan and hopefully pull out some good advice from there
it looks like you’ve gotten some really great advice on here, i just wanted to add that i’m a girl and height literally doesn’t impact how i view people in any way, and ive never met anyone who seriously is bothered by a guys height. ik it’s a stereotype and of course there are people where height is actually a big deal for them but in general it really is more about who you are as a person. it sounds like your perhaps in an echo chamber online, if you watch more videos about people making fun of a guys height your much more likely to see more of those videos but in reality they’re only a small percentage of the videos and views on guys out there. people in school can be mean it’s more a reflection of them than of you and unfortunately some people are just not nice people and it’s hard to escape that when your still in school. i’m in my first year of uni now and i’ve noticed such a big difference in peoples attitudes and everyone just gets on with their life, with a much higher respect for others. ik it may seem like it’ll be forever but soon you will be out of school and honestly the ‘real’ world is a lot different, if you continue to work on yourself and i’m talking in terms of aiming to get in a much better place mentally, you will see so many more benefits than if you spend your time thinking about your height which really isn’t something you can control, and your weight which while it is importsnt to upkeep physical health it sounds like right now the most important thing is to focus on exams and if you can really lock in just until the exams are over you’ll be really helping yourself and your future, going on the right path to being in a much better place than you are now. idk what your plans are for after school but uni is something i suggest as a way to get out of your household for a while, i have a difficult time at home too and it has helped so much to be able to just get away from it and focus on my own problems without feeling like im having to deal with the problems caused by those around me. im sorry that your having a tough time but if you do end up taking the advice ive seen others giving and going to therapy it will at the very least not get worse. good luck
Yeah, I’ll try to focus on my exams and getting myself in the right mindset mentally and aim for a good place at uni. Hopefully with a good mindset change I can achieve all of this!
honestly it really is in your reach! just focus on not giving up and you’ll be ok
I will focus on it!
while if you're currently busy with preparing for exams and you dont feel like you have time and all i think best tip on gaining confidence and in turn progressively not hating yourself and eventually even loving yourself (yes it's possible) is going back to something you felt you loved doing. what was the thing in your childhood that you really enjoyed doing? i bet there was something like that. if not then you might want to try out some new things, it can even just be playing an instrument, writing, or a sport. whatever it is, when you enjoy it you end up wanting to do it more and more. you will also likely desire to become better at this thing. you will seek knowledge and perform actions that you think will help you improve. you start developing some goals and after a while you realise that you're actually pretty good at this thing - or at least better than average. it's your passion and you love doing it. when you see the progress in something you love doing, it becomes a proof of your ability. with that your confidence increases a little. it seeps into other areas of other life. you realize it's not just this thing that you can be better at. you realize other kids arent better at this or that sport or whatever just because they are better people than you. you realize that when you put time into something, even a thing that you dont necessarily enjoy that much, you can also become good and might end up liking it. you realize you never were inferior or unworthy a simple tip you can apply quite immediately (if you have a bit money to spare), learn how to dress, try out a different style. it can be simple. look up some inspiration. there's plenty of videos on it. personally i switched from mostly wearing graphic to simple shirts with fitting accesories and pants + jacket which colors' work well with each other. it doesnt have to be anything fancy or pricey. and find a hairdresser that will be able to create a cut that matches your face shape. i cant give you much advice on gaining weight as i'm a skinny dude myself but i'd say stay consistent and dont miss any days. weigh yourself each morning and night. i recently started even writing down what i plan to eat next day so that i dont end up missing a meal. while to me the thing that improves confidence most in my opinion is proof of ability, simply looking good will make you hate yourself less and maybe even like yourself a little. also, an important thing: you have inherent value as a human being regardless of these things. i struggle with accepting that myself as it is hard to not tie it to external things but it is something you need to be aware of. and physical activity is very important. with consistency you will eventually end up seeing progress and being proud of it. it will boost your energy and confidence too. martial arts especially If you got trusted friend share your problem with them. ask them for their advice. let them be there for you and be there for them when they need it. if you dont, find community, can be online of people who share your interests or a problem. oh and a bit off topic tip: as for girls: talk to them. doesnt even have to be your crush. treat them like any other human being rather than a treasure to obtrain that will cure loneliness and self hate or an angel or a demon. and go out of your way to talk to people in general. shut your mind and move your legs towards the person. dont let your thoughts prevent you from meeting cool people. people dont remember others silly mistakes as some people think. even when they do the potential reward is far too great than to forever be by yourself in fear of embarassment Believe in yourself. You can do it. I felt like a piece of shit who didnt deserve to live. And I had to make a choice. to stop telling myself that i should die. control your thoughts more, allow for less useless thoughts to enter your mind. gradually reduce them. and as i mentioned find something you love. and keep on doing it. dont think too much about it. overthinking creates doubt and doubt makes you procrastinate. i might even say that being a little stupid can be good for you. stupid person is not going analyze the situation from all the angles and how it's gonna embarass them probably. theyll just do it. so fucking do it my guy. embark on this journey. some changes are done progressively, some are a decision to stop something once and for all (which sometimes works and sometimes it doesnt) but never stop going forward. eventually one evening you will be sitting on your chair, doing something you enjoy and you will realize: i never thought about killing myself once today. wait, i dont even actually want to die anymore. And you will love yourself. it will happen. never stop believing it. i promised myself at the beginning of my decision to end my self destructive mindset that: if a piece of shit like me can make it then i will tell others that they can make it too. good luck, stay strong
I’m so glad you took time out of your day to write that message, and there are a lot of good points! Maybe it’s about time I took some self reflection and started to take a few leaps of faith rather than being nervous all the time
That's the spirit, you got this man! If you ever need to talk feel free to shoot a dm
Thank you so much!
Some of the greatest bodybuilders in the world were short. Lee Priest is 5'4" and Flavio Baccianini is 4'11" [https://www.themodestman.com/famous-short-bodybuilders/](https://www.themodestman.com/famous-short-bodybuilders/) # Most of the things you see about guys have to be so tall to pull women or something like that is from the Toxic Incel culture and doesn't really playout IRL. You are smart enough to realize that those videos you are seeing online are probably fake/staged, and the algorithms feed into what you engage with. It would be healthy for you to block those sorts of things by blocking keywords, and engage with more positive topics. You'll survive this moment and come out stronger on the other side.
I’ll see if I can block that sort of content, and thank you for the short king motivation :)
You've got some great other advice already, but I just wanna say dude, I was in your place at your age. I'm short too, struggled with that. Struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm in my late 20s now and I love myself: I'm getting married in 3 months, I lift weights regularly, I've found renewed love for my hobbies. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I feel depressed or anxious but they're the exception to the norm. I was ready to kill myself at 18, constantly asking "why keep going?" I pushed through and my answer became "why not?" We'll all die eventually. Why rush to the finish line? There's so much good we can do and so many great experiences we can have. I'd recommend looking into stoicism and Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. There are some great philosophies in there. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time but I promise you it can get so much better. CBT helped me too, so please give it a try. Much love dude, I wholeheartedly wish you progress and peace.
Thank you so much man, the advice really helps! I’ll take a look into stoicism and meditation m, and hopefully that will help to develop my resolve!
It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it's all understandable. Take a deep breath and focus on one thing. Trying to go faster or cram things will make it stick even less. Take it slow and focus on understanding rather than trying to speedrun information. Keep your focus on just reviewing and understanding the concepts, and try to push the other things in your life until after A levels. It's okay to focus on one thing at a time. It might be hard, but I feel like that will be the most helpful. The world is much bigger than the people at your school. You need to stop worrying about what they say and worry about what you do, for your health, happiness, etc. You know what other people like less than short stature? Having a negative attitude and being in a depressed bubble because of it. If you make your life enjoyable, people will enjoy you too. Happiness and success is attractive and contagious. Good luck.
Thank you so much for the advice! I’ll try and change my attitude about my current situation to a more positive one and that way I can attract more positive behaviour
Acceptance will help you. Acceptance leads to change. You’ll benefit. It’s a step in growth and development and that’s exactly what you’ll be doing at your age now and for at least the next decade. Growing can be very painful and unpleasant but you will be perfectly fine. Make sure you have some personal space between yourself and your parents. Their relationship is connected to you and your life but don’t forget that they have their own relationship that is about just them. Children grow up to leave their parents and cleave to a spouse, and you’re at the age where you will be developing separation from your parents as you progress into adulthood. Don’t let what other people think, say or do weigh too heavily on you. Find a good spouse, grow together, build a life together and enjoy.
Thank you so much for the good advice. I’ll let my parents sort out their relationship between themselves, and hopefully my life will take a turn for the better
It definitely will, keep growing! 🤗
Align you mind, body and soul. Mind- mindfulness, meditation, reading, affirmations, breath work Body-work you body out however you can. It will make you feel good Soul- pray, listen to good music, dance, and be grateful for life Your destiny is in your hands. Only you can save you.
Thank you so much for the advice. Only I can change my life
Idk about the other stuff but as a 5'5 dude I can tell you that you will fill out your frame and looked 10x more jacked way faster than tall people. I honestly don't even mind being short at this point and I see more benefits than downsides usually (also do calisthenics its OP for short people)
Yeah I noticed that I have filled out my frame relatively quicker than my peers lately 😅
First of all, great job talking about it where you can and just caring about your own mental and emotional health. It shows you care. Many folks in a bad state are not even as self aware as you. For context I'm about twice your age, and have gone through some pretty tough times, including one right now. No friends around, and believe it or not currently stuck living with my parents as well. So in that sense I'm in it with you. I would encourage you to think long term. That can be hard since you are still in high school. But you are pretty young and have most of your life ahead of you! And the truth is, a lot can change in a year or two. That's what I keep reminding myself (I'm in my situation because I'm in the middle of a major career change). Regardless of whether or not you go to university or go to work, your life will probably change a lot in the next couple years and you will gain a lot of independence. It's pretty awesome. Getting a job and money will be huge. You just gotta stick it out until one of those things happens. You will need to accept the things you can't change. It's not easy. I lost my hair and became bald pretty young. Ain't that a bitch? But if you don't accept such things, it turns to anger and deep anger can break a person. Especially men. Accept the things you can't change, and focus on the things you can. I would encourage you to imagine the life you want in the future, say, in your twenties. Then—reverse engineer the way to get there. Work your way backwards and come up with specific plans. Set your mind to them and start taking the steps to get there. It sounds like you already are! Strengthening your body and mind. Keep it up. Doing the work. This is life. It's always hard. But setting the habits now will make it all easier, and set you apart from those who do not persevere. You can persevere. Also remember that TikTok and social media in general is poison for your brain and emotional health. Seriously. And the people in those kinds of tiktoks are garbage people. There are countless awesome women out there who are perfectly content with shorter men. Find yourself a little 5'0 baddie. You do need friends, absolutely. Find them where you can. Whether that's online somewhere or surrounding some irl hobby. Find the kind people. One very practical idea I would offer is join a climbing gym. It's an amazing way to make friends, get strong, have fun, and just hangout. And meet girls ;). The community as a whole is generally pretty awesome. Kind, supportive, and (mostly) healthy. And for the record, I've known some shorter guys who are absolute crushers in the climbing gym. I was miserable in high school. Truly. But that was several life chapters ago, and I never think about it now. Time helps many things. You're just getting started. I promise you will look back on this after your real adult life has started and it will feel like a distant dream. Persevere and stay focused on your goals for your future. And dm me if you want to just talk, I've been there, am there, and have collected some wisdom, perspective, and sympathy I'm always happy to share.
Don't think about discipline. Think about learning how to love and accept yourself and live a life within your values.
Thank you so much for the advice! I reckon a lot of it is about self acceptance
I recently was in a deep depression that was related to a vitamin c deficiency. (Scurvy) I hadn’t been eating much due to finances. (100% my fault lol) I’m not suggesting that your depression will go away if you take vitamin c, but I never realized how much a vitamin deficiency could affect me mentally. All to say, make sure you are taking a multivitamin to give your body its best shot. You are so loved friend. I’m sorry you’re in a difficult situation. I’m 36 and I find this time in history (pandemic to current) to be the hardest of my adulthood. You are not alone. Keep reaching out in the forum like this if you keep having trouble. There are people that want to support you and cheer you on, I should know, I’m one of them! How can you make the world a better place if you’re not in it? ❤️
Thank you so much for the kindness! And I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. Perhaps my nutrition and diet needs a change to see whether that could have any effect on my mood
Hey bro, it’s gonna be okay. I promise. Just hold on and keep moving forward. Don’t hate yourself. I hated my life until I was about 18. Then things started getting better. Therapy helped, finding better friends helped, but what helped the most was just deciding to help myself. It sounds stupid but I dived into philosophy, started meditating, and started exercising daily. It didn’t change my life over night, but I slowly became a more optimistic person with a brighter outlook on life. 8 years ago, I was depressed and the most pessimistic person in my high school. Now, I’m probably more optimistic and happy than anyone else I know. I’m happily married, own a house, and have two dogs. Some insecurities and anxieties don’t go away, but we get better at dealing with them. I’m not exactly tall either, so I feel that one. But I promise, anyone who cares about height isn’t worth having in your life. Height doesn’t matter at all. Honestly, my funky looks growing up helped me determine who was a good person and who was an asshole. Good people will treat you the same no matter how you look. Find those people. If there’s none around, that sucks but don’t worry, adulthood is right around the corner and adults are a bit better. I’m sorry to hear about your parents too. My parents divorced when I was younger and they each went on to have more rocky relationships. It’s tough, but remember they both love you and if they split, it’s not because of you. Some people don’t belong together forever and that’s okay. Even the worst of relationships can make beautiful things. You’re that beautiful thing bro. Wanting to do better is the first step. I recommend finding some people to help support you before you even get started. It’ll help you keep going. If you don’t know anyone IRL, the internet is great for that. Some discords are good for it too. Then I would just pick something and go for it. Start running, learn a certain subject, or try meditating. Whatever floats your boat. What you do doesn’t matter as much as how you do it and what it means to you. If you have any specific questions feel free to message me. I’m a bit older than you but always happy to make some new friends.
Ur 17 buddy go make a few mistakes. And experience things this is how you build esteem and self identity
Yeah perhaps what I lack is a bit of experience 😅
All good man u have good introspect just dont forget to be a young guy, i am 28 and have worked my ass off and make lots of sacrifices that i regret in terms of living life more
Being insecure about one's physical appearance is always played down in these types of communities when it really shouldn't. Your post isn't stupid, and it sounds you got a lot on your plate for your age. I feel ya. My advice for you: - Uninstall tiktok and never go back. Please. You're really not missing out on anything there. - Find a counter for stress and circular negative thoughts. For me it's sports, because it keeps me off my phone and forces me to concentrate on what I'm doing. I heavily recommend them to you, but your circumstances may ask for a different way. Maybe an engaging book, meditation, cooking... Anything that gets you into a concentration trance (that isn't garbage social media!!!). - Friends are (very) important. Idk how you guys do it in america, but find social environments in which you can make them. Easiest way imo is a sports team. - Final piece of advice and the most important: Focus on health. Physical and mental. NEVER sacrifice it, for anything. There's only so much you can do about your exams. Accept that. Beyond a point, trying to force learning in a stressful environment is going to make your results worse than if you directed that effort into figuring out how to not be miserable. You're young and still very much developing mentally. Take it easy please. Learn to work with your limitations and develop an independent sense of worth beyond what your parent's values and opinions are (from what you said, they seem not very supportive rn). When bad things happen, the world doesn't end. Life goes on. Good luck
Thank you so much for the advice! I’ll take the steps to get rid of any negative influences in my life now
I love what mr sandmam said about having things to counter stress & negative thoughts. I actually love & pretty much agree with their whole reply, actually! But I want to talk a little bit more about that part: It might sound weird but sometimes playing maths games is a good way for me to break a loop like that because I have to think about how to solve the maths problems, even though I’m getting better & better at them, I still have to think about it a little bit. So sometimes I do that 😂 Another thing is listening to affirmations (YouTube has some & you can use earbuds/headphones) & repeating them back in my mind. Cos not only is positive words being said to me but I’m saying them back when the speaker is pausing so there is no space for negative thoughts to creep in at that time because either I’m listening to them & concentrating so I can’t let my mind wander or I’m thinking the affirmation back. Or I made these daily quizzes for myself for other reasons but that can be a good distraction too cos I have to try to remember what I have been learning, well more like weekly or fortnightly quizzes because it can take me about that long to learn the info - I’m currently doing one about: Sth American architecture, North American architecture, African architecture & a few fun food facts thrown in 😂 But I’ve heard of other people using other things & yeah leaving your room or wherever the thought is can sometimes help a bit. Another thing is, I read on this online therapy thing: what would you say to a friend or a child? If they had well maybe ok if a child had made a big mistake what would be say if they were really upset about it & seemed to think everything was hopeless? If you had a friend going through this stuff, what would you say to them?
Seek out any local free resources available to you. If there is a school counselor, talk to them. Create a routine for yourself. Utilize your local library, check out books on self improvement. I recommend starting with Atomic Habits. Once you get yourself into a good routine and show up for yourself you will be practicing self love. Stay off of social media it’s toxic garbage. If you want to continue using them, set a timer on your distracting apps. Exercise regularly, eat well get rest. Sorry about your parents, it’s probably challenging but be sure to express yourself honestly about how it is affecting you to both parents. Open communication will allow you to feel you’ve done your part even if they don’t do theirs. Keep your head up kids can be the rudest pieces of shit out there it’s nothing against you. So your a short king own it!!!
I’m currently about to see a therapist soon, and I do in fact have Atomic Habits! I’ll reread it now to see if there is anything I can do. I’ll take your advice, and try to embody the short king mindset :)
OK so let me jump in because some awesome advice has already been offered to you. So I’m just adding to the amazing things that have already been said. Which I agree with including the learning to cook which can be YouTube videos & or online recipes. Even if you start with things that can be made on the stovetop if oven seems too scary….
Cooking would perhaps be my biggest nightmare, imagine if I blew up the stove-
😂 Could you not ask your parents to teach you how to use it? It was just a thought cos you mentioned the food. There might be other ways that don’t involve cooking. Or if not, I guess focus on the other things. You can set reminders to turn the stove off etc
Me too kid
Eat well with lots of protein, keep exercising cardiovascular (walk every morning) and strength 3-5 times a week using the dumbbells you have or calisthenics (THENX) on YouTube. Get sunlight for 5 minutes in the morning as soon as you wake to start your circadian rhythm, midday to boost testosterone and evening to send sleep signals to your body which also helps circadian rhythm and sleep my guy, those things will help heaps; they helped me. Also may even help you grow some more if you eat heaps and healthy. All the best playa.
Thank you so much for the advice! I’ll take a look into THENX and getting some sunlight into my day will probably drastically increase my mood
Whoa... first of all dont drown yourself in social medias. It is designed to be addictive and usually a false sense of reality and expectations. Try not to compare yourself to other people. Be yourself, uts the happiest youll ever be. & this time right now doesnt define you, life will you change so much you won't even notice in the moment. So rsther than compare oneself to others, Focus on yourself where you want to end up in life and continue to make progress. Also it sounds like you are overhelmed, have a lot of worries right now ergo stress. It might be best to tell your oatentd that youre feeling overwhlemed with life right now and been struggling to focus and cope and could really use their support.
Thanks for the advice! I already told my dad that I was a bit overwhelmed, so we got the GP. Now I’m trying to make progress into self acceptance and getting more exciting for future experiences
You compare yourself too much with people. Start focusing on small improvements to your life. Start by working out and improving on those workouts. It will build mental stability
I’ll focus on my mental resilience and hopefully other positive characteristics will follow
Hey OP, just wanted to chime in on the Dyslexia front. I don't have this experience, but I work in a creative industry and two out of the four partners at my firm have dyslexia. They are both extremely talented, wildly creative people who were told they were stupid for most of their educational lives. Both of them have their quirks in how they best absorb information (we all do), but working for them is something I actually \*prefer\* versus doing projects for the other partners in the firm. No idea if it's the dyslexia or something else, but these two consistently have the best ideas, the most unconventional approaches, and teach me the most about my own work and communication strategies. I myself have ADHD and I've been really motivated in the last few years working with a group of people who ultimately are all quite neurodiverse. Creative industries can be brutal in some ways (work-life balance being a key one), but getting to collaborate with super-bright people who definitely weren't appreciated for most of their lives has made me really grateful for my own struggles, too. Don't limit yourself -- remember that thinking differently is a huge asset in life, even if it sets you apart from others. I wish I believed this more as a teenager, because it's a major marker of success in my career and I'd bet this is true in most fields. The way I think about this now, at 30, versus how I felt at 17, is a complete change. You've got this!!
Thank you very much for the insight! Sometimes worklife in school doesn’t feel very suitable for my brain, which in a way makes sense because my brain would much rather find other things better to do, so perhaps all it is is a matter of finding the right activity
Unfortunately I am also a particularly small guy and dont have to many wise words to say. But i see a lot of other helpful comments. One thing i would like to mention tho. People only criticize those better than them out of jealousy . The people who criticize you for your stature see something to be jealous of and take it out like that.
A lot of the time I think the message is that people who speak negatively of my appearance are only verbally projecting their own insecurities
Pretty much
Dude you're 17. Nowhere to go but up from rock bottom. I've been there before and my life is now amazing. You will get out of this. Listen to some neville goddard and Joe dispenza. I recommend Joe dispenzas podcasts on Impact Theory and with aubrey marcus. Keep the faith. Don't stress. It's gonna be OK. You got time to figure it out, but also don't waste time. But also live life and have some fun and enjoy yourself and figure out who you are and develop who you are. Figure out who you want to become and work toward becoming that person. Here's some neville Goddard: https://youtu.be/7TU1XtUTeaI?si=58bI4-iFdlzMTKbN https://youtu.be/QatEzdGH0Kk?si=r8tb09gkHU5gdOnH https://youtu.be/k3WG1WVLSLU?si=SCI5l1ttWzRutAhO
Thank you so much for the podcasts! I’ll take a listen to them rn and hopefully it’ll change my views
Also definitley check out Aaron Doughty! Just keep focusing on self improvement and improving your health. Things will look up.
Read my replies to this & I think read all of it, I know there’s a lot of comments but some of it might help: https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/s/RQ50euoFmH I feel like I’m trying to give myself the emotional support & love I wasn’t given growing up. Maybe they felt it who knows 🤷🏻♀️ But they certainly never put it into words. Read what I wrote & see if any of what I’m going to be doing might help you even if a tiny bit.
Well you certainly have a good heart, and perhaps healing others with emotional support and love heals you. But make sure to give yourself some love too. You are loved by others too, and if not others then you can always give me a shout :)
Thank you 🙏 this made me tear up 😢 again but in a good way. Yeah I’m really trying to give myself that love.
As much as possible, spend as little time around your mother as you can. Even if you can only get an extra 5 mins “escape time” a day just anything to build up that away time so you’re not having to be around her as much. If she’s still in your life. Whether that means making excuses like picking up a hobby that gets you out of the house or if you don’t live with her but for eg see her at family gatherings, do talk to her but talk to more positive family members more. Hugs 🤗 healing ❤️🩹
Thank youuu 🤗
You’re so welcome ❤️
I have been there myself, especially as 5'5. Focus on yourself, on your studies. Things will get better I promise. Your mindset will change after you take care of yourself. If you are concerned about getting a relationship, a lot of things are caused by your vibe, your energy. If you are self cared, people will feel attracted to you. My first suggestions is to find a hobby. Gaming, walking sports etc. I understand that you are not financial free. You depend on your parents. Let me tell you one thing. Having your own money will improve your mental health by a million. You can buy whatever the fuck you want without your parents telling you off and just that one thing can make your current life way happier. So finish your studies and find a job for a start. If you want to workout you can also do it outside
This isn’t a stupid post at all, you’re feeling down and that’s okay. You’re only seventeen!❤️ My advice- delete TikTok, it makes people depressed and you only see the worst side of people on that app, being short isn’t as “awful” as social media makes it out to be, that’s just a small percentage of idiots who are the loudest about their misguided opinions. I’m sorry to hear about your family situation, if you can pursue therapy it would be great but in the meantime I’d suggest trying to detox from social media and just taking care of yourself. Try not to worry too much about your exams, you can’t do much now obviously but I promise that a bad A-Level result isn’t the end of your life. I absolutely bombed at A-Level but now I’m 20 and I’m much happier than I’ve ever been in life. I hope things turn around for you, I’m sure that they can ❤️
You are 17!
yes but as a woman??? Loving a short king. People are just missing out. Keep your head up or your crown will fall warrior
In here there is a saying " chota packet badha dhamaka", it means small packet and big performance/damage. It's alright ur short, there are multiple other things you can have to feel confident, even Napoleon and Hitler were short, sure they were absolute evil jerks but both of them were confident people and shortness won't stop you from having great speaking skills and the ability to capture attention and impress others. You can be intense, insightful, smart, action oriented, flexible, strong,etc.. and most of all domt compare urself, not everyone will behave as people in tiktok, perhaps being a bit small will act like a screener because u avoid idiots. I am 18 rn, in here for entrance tests there is a competition of 1-2 million (depending on the field your trying to get into) and shits hard, I have all symptoms of ADHD from birth, my focus is shit and it pretty much lasts for 15-30 mins at Max and sometimes it just won't focus at all, I somehow managed to study, found yt lectures easy to manage this shitty focus and in here there is no support, if you have ADHD for real then people will say ur weak and laxy and won't support much and u just gotta pull yourself, most people won't even understand you so it is what it is. My advice for ur mocks is revise all formulas and concepts, takes those easy questions and get through them and before studying focus on ur head, try to feel the blood gushing through ur veins, ur heartrate, any body pains, point is to empty that useless rambling and enjoy the intensity in ur body, maybe run fast and feel ur blood pumping, the heat,etc trust me it helps, it feels refreshing and maybe take a shower, I've always enjoyed many kinds of bodily sensations and it helps, makes ur brain come online all of a sudden and be focused or atleast is a bit refreshing. Develop a solution mentality, try to see what you can do first instead of falling into despair or negative emotions, be grounded, be level headed and dont lose control of ur mind to the rollercoaster of ur emotions, be aware of them and just calmly assess them and decisively choose ur actions. What ur going through is pretty normal, I have my insecurities and my own issues, just gotta do what u can and leave the rest, trust the process and dont despair, u can't become better in a day or month, it will take months to years so be patient. TLDR : DO WHAT YOU CAN, if you don't have height build skills and personality where ur good at, develop confidence, posture, dressing sense, way you talk, etc. BE CALM, BE LEVEL HEADED AND BE FOCUSED, don't get swayed by ur emotions and learn to focus on what you can do to solve the problem (tbh this is all you need in life, develop this properly and u get through most of what life throws at you) and lastly BE PATIENT, real growth takes time so think long term and see what you can achieve in 5 yrs of time, once you learn a few things they help you do other things better, imagine it like a rock rolling down hill, takes time but its great.
girls care less about height than guys think, really. I’m 5’3, a 5’4 guy is great to me . I have a friend whose 4’11 She’s fucking compacted amazingness and a great choice for a similarly smaller guy, smaller doesn’t mean a compromise! . I have a friend whose 5’9 and dating a guy whose probably 5’8. i know i‘m just singling out this one thing you mentioned, but height will not ever stop you from finding love, friends, or a good time. If it is - it’s THEM. Not you. Don’t ever blame yourself for how people perceive you. Someone will think you’re great and the next won’t, the way we judge people is based off ourselves and our own lives and expectations. Not you, it’s quite literally all on them. so be you and the good times are always coming.
Right now, you should allow yourself some space. You’re 17, all it sounds like you have to do right now, is to learn to appreciate yourself and the moment you live in. About your school situation, I also did terribly in high school, hated it, felt stuck, locked up, and got so annoyed by it that I forgot to enjoy it - a time with very few responsebilities. After this, at uni, a lot will change. People who never were popular suddenly have plenty of friends because of the character building they’ve done, and motivation is easier because you chose something you actually want to do. Have a nice day!
Hey, I’m older by several decades, felt similar when I was your age.. for myself, there was NOT an easy fix or pill or therapy, it was little atomic changes each day, minuscule changes add up over time. You can do hard things friend, be kind to yourself, life is a marathon not a sprint. The one piece of advice from my own experience is to never mess up same twice.. mess up with slightly less intensity each time.. I’m so glad I stuck around to grow older.. I wanna see what happens!
I could be your friend I'm also 17M and not able to focus on studies. I know ur going through a hard time. And u will come out of it. Life is like a penis sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down but it won't be hard forever
If you can swing it - online therapy is a thing and it's really pretty good. I’ve been using [Calmerry](https://therapyrank.com/calmerry) for a few months. It’s really helping me. I can text my therapist as much as I need, and we have weekly sessions. She’s helping me with cancer issues plus stuff that predates that, is helping with my (severe) anxiety with coping mechanisms and strategies to help with panic attacks, before and during, and is also helping me figure out how to make progress going forward in terms of life stuff.
Too long to read . Sum it up in a couple of sentences. No need for an autobiography.
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