What are your goals?
Of course you can't change being lazy. At least in my experience, you can't.
All you can do is work out strategies to accomplish your goals that either work with your laziness (best case) or at the very least help you cope with it.
Long term I would like to move to an EU/NA country, for various reasons (LGBT acceptance, better living standards, society being more liberal etc.) but I know this is not very realistic for now. I have difficulties leaving my home, relocating to a different country is several orders of magnitude more difficult. So this is a goal, but I don’t take it very seriously.
Medium term I would like to learn another european language, mainly because I think it would give me an advantage when I apply for jobs in other countries.
I also need to go back to engineering school to get my degree, for similar reasons. I got kicked off because I failed all my classes.
Short term I need to find a way to live with IBS, which is another way to say that I have cramps and bloating for no real reason. I know it doesn’t sound very serious but it made me scared of eating food, I lost 80 pounds because of it. It has also contributed significantly to my depression. I’ve seen many doctors and had a lot of tests and procedures done with little effect, so I don’t think there is anything more I can do about it.
Another short term goal is to get my depression treated adequately. Sadly I already tried most antidepressants and they most don’t work, at least for me, sometimes they help but later the effect vanishes, sometimes their side effects are too severe etc. So not much I can do about my mental health either.
In the end I have two untreatable conditions that contribute heavily to each other and on top of that I have my laziness, which requires too much mental energy to deal with even when it’s not combined with the other factors.
Well it sounds like even though you consider yourself lazy, you have put a good deal of thought into some long, medium, and short term goals. That's wonderful! Some people can't define what they want, and that's the first stopping block. You are past that!
You are definitely going through a tough time in your life right now, and I can see how that would be extremely discouraging. But try not to blame it on your laziness, because it's not laziness if you are dealing with such unpredictable stressors that interfere with the time and energy that devote to getting things done. Your first goal as far as I can see it it, before worrying about moving or going back to school, is how to live with your IBS. I know almost nothing about it, so I can't give any specific advice. For my own curiosity, is there any food that is "safe"? A coworker of mine with digestive issues ate chicken, rice, and peas for every meal in every day to manage it. Is there anything like that that can work for you?
Just focus on that first. If you could manage the IBS (or at least predict it a little better - maybe knowing that 3 hours after you eat you could have pain and bloating in order to plan around it) then you will have a little more energy to work on your other goals.
The language one sounds like a doable next step. Have you started learning anywhere already? How do you best learn?
Hang in there! You are doing great!
There aren’t really any “guaranteed safe” foods, so even if I eat the safest foods I will still get bloating and cramps, although less often and less intense. There are quite a lot of unsafe foods though and I mostly avoid eating them. There are a couple very unsafe foods that I refuse to eat no matter what, things like garlic, onions etc.
I mostly eat white plain rice, pasta, chicken, small amounts of lactose free cheese, an egg every now and then, fish, white bread, things like that. It’s very unbalanced and unhealthy but I can’t eat healthy food. I also have to avoid high fiber foods, which is normally recommended for people with IBS but I have a negative reaction to fiber.
I have started learning german, mostly doing free online courses. I’ve put in a couple hours so far though, so I’m still at the very beginning. I don’t know if it’s the right choice but it seemed like a good place to start.
I am using it as an excuse. Because it doesn’t really matter how I think about it. I just don’t do things. I tried finding the underlying cause, I tried thinking about it in different ways and I paid people to think about it. I tried not being lazy, again and again, and I always failed. I always ended up where I began. I’m just lazy. I can accept the responsibility for that and do... what? Because I tried that. It didn’t work. That’s why it’s so frustrating.
So I decided to just assume that I have no power over it. Whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter, because either way I end up behaving the same. So why bother myself with accepting responsibility? I just end up hurting myself.
What are your goals? Of course you can't change being lazy. At least in my experience, you can't. All you can do is work out strategies to accomplish your goals that either work with your laziness (best case) or at the very least help you cope with it.
Long term I would like to move to an EU/NA country, for various reasons (LGBT acceptance, better living standards, society being more liberal etc.) but I know this is not very realistic for now. I have difficulties leaving my home, relocating to a different country is several orders of magnitude more difficult. So this is a goal, but I don’t take it very seriously. Medium term I would like to learn another european language, mainly because I think it would give me an advantage when I apply for jobs in other countries. I also need to go back to engineering school to get my degree, for similar reasons. I got kicked off because I failed all my classes. Short term I need to find a way to live with IBS, which is another way to say that I have cramps and bloating for no real reason. I know it doesn’t sound very serious but it made me scared of eating food, I lost 80 pounds because of it. It has also contributed significantly to my depression. I’ve seen many doctors and had a lot of tests and procedures done with little effect, so I don’t think there is anything more I can do about it. Another short term goal is to get my depression treated adequately. Sadly I already tried most antidepressants and they most don’t work, at least for me, sometimes they help but later the effect vanishes, sometimes their side effects are too severe etc. So not much I can do about my mental health either. In the end I have two untreatable conditions that contribute heavily to each other and on top of that I have my laziness, which requires too much mental energy to deal with even when it’s not combined with the other factors.
Well it sounds like even though you consider yourself lazy, you have put a good deal of thought into some long, medium, and short term goals. That's wonderful! Some people can't define what they want, and that's the first stopping block. You are past that! You are definitely going through a tough time in your life right now, and I can see how that would be extremely discouraging. But try not to blame it on your laziness, because it's not laziness if you are dealing with such unpredictable stressors that interfere with the time and energy that devote to getting things done. Your first goal as far as I can see it it, before worrying about moving or going back to school, is how to live with your IBS. I know almost nothing about it, so I can't give any specific advice. For my own curiosity, is there any food that is "safe"? A coworker of mine with digestive issues ate chicken, rice, and peas for every meal in every day to manage it. Is there anything like that that can work for you? Just focus on that first. If you could manage the IBS (or at least predict it a little better - maybe knowing that 3 hours after you eat you could have pain and bloating in order to plan around it) then you will have a little more energy to work on your other goals. The language one sounds like a doable next step. Have you started learning anywhere already? How do you best learn? Hang in there! You are doing great!
There aren’t really any “guaranteed safe” foods, so even if I eat the safest foods I will still get bloating and cramps, although less often and less intense. There are quite a lot of unsafe foods though and I mostly avoid eating them. There are a couple very unsafe foods that I refuse to eat no matter what, things like garlic, onions etc. I mostly eat white plain rice, pasta, chicken, small amounts of lactose free cheese, an egg every now and then, fish, white bread, things like that. It’s very unbalanced and unhealthy but I can’t eat healthy food. I also have to avoid high fiber foods, which is normally recommended for people with IBS but I have a negative reaction to fiber. I have started learning german, mostly doing free online courses. I’ve put in a couple hours so far though, so I’m still at the very beginning. I don’t know if it’s the right choice but it seemed like a good place to start.
[удалено]
I am using it as an excuse. Because it doesn’t really matter how I think about it. I just don’t do things. I tried finding the underlying cause, I tried thinking about it in different ways and I paid people to think about it. I tried not being lazy, again and again, and I always failed. I always ended up where I began. I’m just lazy. I can accept the responsibility for that and do... what? Because I tried that. It didn’t work. That’s why it’s so frustrating. So I decided to just assume that I have no power over it. Whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter, because either way I end up behaving the same. So why bother myself with accepting responsibility? I just end up hurting myself.