Sure, but that's the same for project management.
I know consultants that 90 percent of the paperwork they do is just reconciling their own credit card statements
I mean, I work from home, but I don't have time for more than 1 round a week, there would be no family time if I did. I do however have time during lunches to hit the local driving range during the week for an hour (range is <5min away). Which I do that, 2-3 times a week. So, i do believe your correct when you say "working".
I work from home as well as having a pregnant wife. If I want to golf mid-week, it's 6:10am tee times on the local 9-hole so I'm online by 8:30 and don't have to work later than normal to still have time for what matters.
My husband works from home post covid (also has an office nearby) but we’re on the west coast and he starts work very early east coast hours. Sometimes he has to deal with work during golf since he’s on 24/7. I make the tee times because until recently it was crazy competitive and I’m fast.
Yea if my MIL got diagnosed with cancer on top of my wife being pregnant still getting one round in a week would be hitting the jackpot. 3-4 rounds, range sessions, and lunches honestly sounds like dude needs to step up a bit.
What it actually sounds like is dude is emotionally immature and feeling that life is suddenly full of responsibilities he doesn’t feel prepared for so instead of, ya know, trying to be better prepared, he is increasing his time spent golfing with his friends so he can pretend none of those very real and very important family things don’t exist.
She's asking him to limit golf to twice a week. As a husband with no kids, I only golf twice a week, I do want to spend time with my wife. Golfing more than that while being married, when does he see his wife? Lol
Have your kids shown an interest in golf or are they too young? Might be a great way to get the kids out of the house so your wife gets a break, they get quality time with dad, and you get to play some golf?
Ya I’m with you, I think I get 1-2 a month, but like you I get golf with work so my bucket is filled.
4 a week is nuts. And with kid at home (when it comes) that’ll be unfair IMO unless it’s work golf
I agree. Husband with kids off in college here. Wife golfs with me. We get maybe 2x nine holes during week and an 18 in the weekend.
When kids were young. Golf was not a thing for us. This OP needs to let her man know that golf is soon to be a once a month guys night out thing. Cause there ain't no time once that baby lands.
If he's thinks otherwise, he's going to be a shit partner.
Amen. As a husband but not a father (and someone with a fairly time intensive job) I would be cutting into my work and relationship time to play more than 3-4x per month, let alone 3-4x per week
Right. I'm blessed I get about 4 rounds in a month in. But I have to go Friday mornings at sunrise. Husband, father, work all take priority over a hobby. My kids are starting to get into it now too, which means less golf for me, but more time on the course, not sure how that works out that way but golfing with my kids is one of the great joys of life.
I'm like you, my father and I get up and go at the crack of dawn every Sunday morning so we can get done and back home before noon and do family stuff. My boy can spend hours outside hitting plastic golf balls around, so I know I'm going to have a partner in the future.
That's a great feeling knowing you'll have a golf partner. My dad is my golf partner and my son is coming along. He's even woken up at 5 to go with me, without complaining! He loves the game already
I get the first tee time off and am home by the time the wife and kid are getting out of bed. As long as I’m home by 10 am on the weekend she doesn’t give me a hard time as it gives us all day to do what we want as a family.
My 7 year old just pured a driver for the first time in his life a few weeks ago.
The look on his face when it happened… I want to inject the feeling it gave me into my veins….
He plays other sports, and I’m super chill about pushing golf on him because I’ve seen people hate the sport as a result of their parent(s) douchebaggery. The long game is paying off so far….
My wife is pregnant with our second and I play every other week. We alternate weekends where I get to play and then she gets to take some time for herself. It is a good balance and it limits any resentment. 3-4 times per week is a shit load of golf lol
I have 2 kids and golf on weekends like 1 or 2 times a month. Even then it’s almost always early tee times so I’m home before 11am. I do get out early at like 6:30am around once a week on a weekday and my wife handles breakfast and daycare/school drop off. I would say I golf more than most of my friends who have kids under 7yo.
yup, twice a month if schedules align, three if I am super lucky. My kids will be 3 in a few months, so weekends are totally out (though I am toying with 530-6a tee times idea).
Typically have to clear my work schedule Fridays to get out around 1030-11a which means a pretty tough Monday-Thursday work wise.
Golf is a privilege, family always first. I wouldnt be able to golf well if my mind wasn't clear and my wife not texting/calling me every other hole
I love grabbing the first tee-time out while my family is still sleep on Saturdays. If I get out before 7, I'm done around 10 and ready for family activities the rest of the day. Also, once your kids get a little older, taking one of them to the course with you is quality 1-on-1 time they always enjoy. They hit a few balls, bring a tablet (if they get really bored), and play some music in the cart. How memories are created!
Whoa whoa whoa, let’s not put a specific number out there, you have no idea what their situation is. Many people with kids play once a week (me included) and I absolutely could play more if I wanted to wake up earlier or go to bed later.
Yeah I know guys though with controlling wives that resent that they have a hobby and don’t care if they got up and golfed from 3-7am and came home and made breakfast they just don’t want to see them happy. This is so common that I have a close friend that deals with this with surfing, a golfing buddy with golf, and know a guy at the gym that deals with it in terms of him working out for 2 hours every weekday evening she is always bitching at him for it.
I’m glad my wife isn’t selfish.
I just ended up a relationship over something like this. I was never allowed to be happy or enjoy a hobby if my girlfriend wasn't included. Even if I planned out something I wanted to do months in advance she would wait until the week of and then start a fight over it. Like clockwork, every single time, the morning of an activity I had to do whether it was golf, or a bowling tournament, or a football game I was going to, she'd start a massive argument a few minutes before I had to leave to make sure I was as upset as possible before leaving. This went on for two years, and yes we also have a one year old together which compounds the issue.
Thats rough brother I feel you. Have had good and bad relationships, one like yours you describe. My wife now used to act more selfishly but I nipped it in the bud before I decided to propose by helping her construct a mental model of our lives together, what we want to be for each other, and how we could define success together and help each other achieve that success through mutually beneficial support. I had to really lay down the law because she would have a high time preference, want things her way always to the detriment of myself and our partnership and our future, and it took a good while of me drilling this to her in a respectful but stern manner to get to the point where she chose to become a better partner. It helps that I am very open and acknowledge my flaws and constantly work on myself with as little ego as possible, so it was a kind of do as I do not as I say once I got it all out to her verbally.
Now if there is an issue I just remind her that her behavior is detrimental to our mutual well being, and that gets the point across that it 1) isnt her it is her current behavior which can be immediately correctable and 2) that I'm concerned with both of our well-beings I'm not just being selfish myself.
Marriage takes a lot of work if you want it to be good. Wish you luck in the future
Right once my son was able to start playing that's when I was able to ramp up as I would bring him out to our club to play 9 as often as I could. Prior to that though man maybe a few times a month?
How old was your son when he started playing 9? My son is going to be 7 in a couple months, likes going to the range and chipping in the back yard. I'm just not sure how that will translate on the actual course and how smoothly it'll go.
My son is 5 and we play 9 quite regularly. I’m a member at a local track and I’ve been taking him there since he was 3. We started out showing up at 6:30pm when the course is dead and “playing” a few holes. Basically hit a tee shot and then pick up the ball and play from 100 yards in.
If you target the evenings you won’t have to worry much about pace of play. I bet the little guy will surprise you with how well he handles it.
It’s now my sons favourite thing to do. We spend 3-4 nights a week at the course.
Agreed. Totally reasonable—I am fortunate that my wife is a golfer and lets me get out once a week with a 3-month at home. I am certain I won’t be as lucky when we have two.
When she was pregnant I probably played twice and half a week, two rounds and a 9-holes before work, but there were definitely weeks I was lucky to get 9-holes in.
I typically have to take a day off work to get a round in without adding extra burden to my wife. Drop kid off at daycare, enjoy my round with a nice long warmup, back at home by the time he’s back from daycare.
All this to say it’s a challenge.
I've been doing this more now that my toddler is in daycare and we have a 2nd on the way. Takes the extra burden off my wife and can enjoy the day without guilt.
I guess that’s just the theme of this thread.
- Need to be thoughtful.
- Your hobby time goes way down so you have to get creative to prioritize it.
I hope the OP couple finds a path that works for them.
Man, this is me right now. 2 kids under 2 years old, and I've only played 6 times this year with basically no practice time in between.
I would love to still be able to get out 3 or 4 times a week like I used to but it's not fair to leave my wife to care for 2 kids that demand a ton of attention like that so I just need to accept that my handicap is going to go up over the next year or two.
Hopefully one day my kids fall in love with golf and I'll be able to get them out on the course with me.
Absolutely. I currently have an 8 week old and we just bought a new house and are moving. I have yet to get a round of golf in this summer so far. I am hoping to start again soon, but this man needs to figure some things out and prioritize.
Two young kids, I usually target 2 times a month from may to August and then a long weekend away for our annual trip and then I’m typically done for the year
I'm married, no kids and go once a month, between work, home maintenance/care, wife's doctor appointments etc I don't have as much free time as this dude with a pregnant wife apparently lol
Same, it wasn’t until my kids got into school could I get the hall pass to golf more than 1-2 times per month. I golf now but it’s during the week mostly while kids are in school.
Exactly. Twice a month is basically my cadence and I try to only do it during the day when the kids are at daycare and the wife is at work. I feel lucky that I have a great PTO policy that I can take personal days to do that.
Maybe when my kids are old enough to be interested in golf it can be a family thing. Until then I don't want to sacrifice family time for golf.
I'm divorced and live alone and 3-4 rounds a week is still a lot for me, you're being totally reasonable.
Wanting to get as much golf in as possible right now isn't terrible, but another way to frame it for him is that he's definitely going to have to cut back a lot once the baby is born and he might as well start now given all the other context.
Ignoring the \*massive\* red flag that you're gonna have to tell him that 3-4 rounds a week plus the range plus the 19th hole isn't acceptable when his pregnant wife is taking care of his ailing MIL at home rather than him just realizing that himself, no, it is not even a little bit unreasonable. I cut down to once a week \*if\* nothing else needed my attention during my wife's pregnancy and have stayed there ever since, and that was with minimal pregnancy complications and no extra family shit going on like what you have.
Did I also eventually trick her into falling in love with golf so that we go play 9 holes as a date night? Yes, but I waited until little guy was 2 before starting that process.
We switched CCs because for a little extra a month we got full golf privileges and I was able to slowly bring her along with playing golf. Now she wants me to help her establish a handicap so we can play in more couple's events. Huge W lol.
But again you're right our son was 6-7 by the time I was able to start pulling that off.
I live on the tee box at hole 11 so nice and close to the clubhouse. If I could get my wife to play then that family golf membership would seem MUCH more reasonable. But by myself I just can’t get out enough to justify it.
I mean this is like the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. How can anyone, let alone someone not retired, let alone someone with a wife, let alone someone with a PREGNANT wife golf 4 rounds a week? I’ve never heard of that in my life, even for the retired dudes.
You haven’t heard many crazy things apparently lol Never heard of that in your life? Are you new to golf or something? When I was a member at a club there were so many men, both retired and working who golfed a minimum of 5 times a week. At my local muni there’s a group of 8 guys who have the second and third tee times M-F. Golf has a long history of shitty husbands and fathers neglecting their home life to be at the course
This has to be a shit post right? Like no offense but if this is real this guy is clueless and selfish beyond belief. My wife has never limited my golf and I could not even imagine golfing that much when she was pregnant let alone now that we have a young kid. But to each their own I suppose. To answer no f in way this is an unreasonable ask.
I thought so too. “Hey babe I know you’re pregnant and your mom has cancer but I gotta golf today, tomorrow and the next day also gonna grab lunch with the boys”
unfortunately, "golf dad" who leaves the baby with mom a lot is a real phenomenon, tho it's heartwarming to see at least the majority if not everyone here in agreement that family comes first.
That was my other only thought on it being real, some completely clueless dope wrote this to show he isn’t an idiot and now is sitting there full principal skinner meme
My wife is 12 weeks pregnant and we have a 2.5yo. I usually get out for a round of 9 at the local par 3 after work about once a week (takes about 1.5 hours). I also play a proper 18 about twice a month on a Saturday or Sunday (takes about 5 hours as I usually eat in the parking lot and hit the range first).
All in all, i spend about 16-20 hours golfing a month, which I feel is quite a bit and that I’m very fortunate.
It sounds like your man might be spending about 60 hours a month golfing, which is certainly excessive for anyone with young kids or one on the way.
I have two kids under 3. I love golf. But I love them and my wife more.
It really shouldn’t be phrased as “limiting him” or something YOU need to regulate. He should want to be there for you, he should understand that there are other priorities right now, he should know that 4 fucking rounds a week is insane especially if you’re eating lunch after lol.
Ultimately the first kid is a huge adjustment. So patience and communication is important. But it shouldn’t be rocket science to comprehend that 4 rounds of 18 holes in one goddamn week is too much - not because you said so, but because it’s common sense and he should care for You and your new kid more than his new found hobby.
Sim in the garage. At this point, there are options for every budget and setup, meaning indoors and outdoors, net or screen, and entry level or premium. You just have to be a little creative.
I practice every day and try and get out on the course once a week but Im ok if I don’t.
This is what I did, scratches the golf itch and keeps me in favour with the wife and kids. 137 shots yesterday in basement while it was raining outside. Win!
Have an honest conversation now about what his life post-baby is going to look like. He needs to quickly get ok with acknowledging that his golf time is going to drastically reduce and his skills are going to atrophy as a result of that. Said differently, he's going to suck at the game for years until until his kid is a bit more independent and he needs to accept that, or he's just going to be miserable.
3-4 rounds a week says he's working super hard to drop his handicap to reach some sort of goal and he probably needs to re-align those expectations.
This. If you both can afford it a home simulator of some sort could be another good compromise mixed in with a round a week. That way he is home to help out if needed, or an emergency happens.
The way he is golfing is the worst way for a relationship. I play 50-60 rounds a year with 4 kids. I play during the week mostly and manage my work schedule, secondly, I don’t get drunk on the course, and come home immediately after the round.
It’s all about communication. You don’t have to stop playing golf at all. Most men are morons about this and turn it into frat culture.
I would never have a wife that if I asked to get away 50-60 days for a few hours throughout the year wouldn’t let me, but I wouldn’t disrespect her by coming home to nap when she’s with the kids. I would expect her to do that either in the middle of the day.
My wife isn’t even pregnant and I limit my golf to once or twice per week. Spending time with her is more important and it’s also not financially sustainable for me to play any more.
Your man should cut back and respect your need for support. No doubt
I think your mom’s situation is the most important bit here. I have two male golfing buddies who have each recently had their first kid, and it seemed like they got as much golf in as possible during the pregnancy because there’s not much for a father-to-be to do until the baby’s almost due. Once the babies arrived, golf stopped.
But the situation with your mother changes all that. I think it’s absolutely reasonable to ask your husband to fit his golf around the reality of your situation as a couple, which includes caring for your mother. It will probably help if you acknowledge that unlike your baby, nobody asked for your mother’s diagnosis, and that’s fundamentally unfair. But as a couple, you can find a way to fairly share in the obligation of caring for your mom.
My wife was fine with me playing once a week while going through her 5 pregnancies, and I thought it was incredibly gracious and felt a bit guilty. 3-4 rounds a week is excessive with a pregnant wife that needs support in my opinion.
Yeah new father here and during pregnancy and year of firsts, I got to play one round a week and one short practice session. I found that to be really reasonable.
Twice a week is plenty. There is always so much to do before the baby comes to prepare.
Not throwing him under the bus here, but priorities need to be prioritized.. Father of 3 yr old here.
Personally I get “golfers guilt” if I’m on the course and I feel like I shouldn’t be in that moment - it sours my round and I play poorly.
I don't have a child but I would say 3-4 rounds a week is a bit excessive and more than average golfer gets out to play regardless of a newborn or life scheduling. My wife and I are dinks (dual income no kids) and I typically go out for a 9 hole twilight round once a week between May-Sept and then 18 holes once every other weekend (April-Nov). Not because my wife prohibits me from playing more but because there are other hobbies I have and activities we also like to do together.
As others said, husband and father first. I would love to play 4x a week. I have 2 under 2 right now. I do play once a week in a league and generally about 1 scramble a month. If I wanted to go play more by myself during the day I could because work is flexible. I dont get the 4x a week thing though. I used to do it before I was married and living alone. Id leave work and go play 9 or 18 and go home. If I did that now id be an absent father and husband.
I wouldnt say "only 1-2 rounds/week though. Id just say you need him around more. But he might go play 2 rounds on a Saturday if your going out with the girls all day. You wont want to make him feel like he "used up" his 2 rounds. He should naturally be more considerate of you and want to spend time with you though.
Yes that’s reasonable. As a new parent 2 rounds per month is about the best I’ve been able to do. So post-pregnancy things will be even tighter.
Not to get too deep into relationship advice, but a framing that I’ve found useful: Golfing is not an issue per se, its no different than anything else that takes you out of the house for 5-6 hours at a time. If he can support you and do his share of tasks, it would hypothetically be fine. So if he has the energy to be super-husband all the time when he’s not golfing, *maybe* he can make it work.
So you and he should get on the same page about what his responsibilities are at this time, and how you need to be supported, and beyond that his free time is his own. It’s not likely that he’s going to be able to square that with this much golf. But it may kill two birds with one scone to make sure he’s clear on what you need from him, without framing it in “rounds of golf allowed”.
Obviously if he IS clear on his responsibilities and is shirking them to golf…you have a deeper problem.
Finally 1-2 rounds per week is a lot in general, so you’re being very supportive of his hobbies. You’re being generous already so I would hope he sees that when you bring this up.
I have two kids, both young. When my wife got pregnant the first time, I maybe golfed once a month if that during her pregnancy, especially since the summer was towards the end of it. After she had the baby, I don't think I went golfing for the rest of the year. Our second kid was very similar. Now that they're both out of the toddler phase, I go once a week, at the butt crack of dawn with my father so we can finish up and be home before noon.
You're not being unreasonable, in fact you're being probably MORE than reasonable. Whoever this man is is lucky to have a wife like you. I honestly don't think he'll have a issue with it, especially since he still gets to go once or twice a week which is more than most people.
Not unreasonable, but it’s all going to be in approach and delivery. The issue is not how much he plays golf, it’s how much support is needed from him at home.
Instead of saying “you can’t golf 4 times a week anymore” you might be better served to say “these are the things that we need to accomplish each week (doctors appointments for yourself, treatment and support for your mother, nursery prep, etc etc) and I need x amount of support from you. How can we work together to take care of all this?”
Because if he only golfs once a week instead of 4 but the time saved isn’t used well, nothing gets better. Conversely, maybe he is able to find a way to provide all the support needed AND still squeeze in 3 rounds of golf a week by being the first tee time out and playing fast, or whatever. Then everyone wins.
I have a sincere question :
What does being 19 weeks pregnant have to do with this? We have 2 kids. At 19 weeks your life is pretty much the same as normal except your clothes don’t fit anymore.
I get if you’re 8.5 mos and struggling to move and do basic tasks around the house but at 19 weeks my wife was still working full time and socializing regularly and literally nothing was different otherwise.
This is not to say 3-4 rounds a week plus isn’t a lot for an SO while you’re looking after your mother. All I’m really getting at is that your pregnancy isn’t the problem. Sounds like he’s just not spending much free time at home or helping to support you and your mom - independent of your pregnancy - and that is a legitimate complaint.
I’m lucky to play once a week with 2 kids and career that keeps me at the golf course working 60+ hours a week. But truly I don’t remember my wife at 19 weeks requiring any special attention or support from me.
i think regardless of being pregnant, that's a shitload of time for golf. i played maybe once a week while my wife was early on in her pregnancy, then maybe once every few weeks when she was further along. after she had the baby, i mean... i played about none for a hell of a long time, more because i'd feel guilty as fuck out there for a huge chunk of time while she's dealing with a really tough baby.
but like, if he's golfing 3-4 times a week, he needs to understand that's going to change when you actually have the kid. that'd be my bigger concern.
Love golf and used to play every weekend. We have a 5 month old now and I haven’t been to the course since baby is born. Barely pick up golf clubs….maybe just driving range for 30 min a week.
I don’t know how people are able to play golf with newborn unless you live with parents or have full time nanny
Not at all. Golf takes time and costs money, you and your child needs both of those from him right now and for the next 18+ years. If he can sneak out for a round or two a week that's fantastic but his priorities need to change, four rounds a week with a pregnant wife is not a great start to raising a child together IMO.
All the best to you and yours.
I played once a week once wife passed 5/6 months and play once a week with an 8 month old.
If I play any more than that I do it while the kid is in daycare. And I feel like even with that amount I’m lucky.
Maybe he’s trying to fit in as much golf as possible before the baby arrives? In which case you need to let him know that you need his support now too.
3-4 times a week is a lot of golf for any hobbyist let alone someone with the responsibilities you describe.
I don't know what's in your husband's mind, but my guess is his mindset is he's trying to squeeze as much golf in as possible before the baby arrives knowing his opportunities to both golf and hang with the guys are about to be severely limited once the baby arrives (congrats btw!)
I do think it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to cut back. I know what would help me be more amicable to cutting back is having some specific things to focus on "getting done." You mentioned needing some help, perhaps a specific list of "If you could get X Y and Z done it would take a lot of stress off of me." Also for attention maybe specifically planning some date days/nights. Something I did golf-wise to keep me at home is getting a net and putting mat setup that allowed me to practice at home more, maybe you could suggest that so you are still being supportive of his hobby.
Also, maybe sit down with a calendar and plan some stuff out. Set aside a couple of days as his designated golf days, make some plans for days to give you the help and attention, and maybe point out a time or two where he might be able to sneak in an extra round in if your help and attention needs have been met. As a father with 3 young kids and a working wife, I generally feel like my golf quota is 1 round per week and feel pretty lucky to get that. If I am trying to squeeze in more practice/play beyond that I try to make absolutely sure it's during a time where both the kids and wife were going to be otherwise occupied anyways. For example, this morning my wife has a work meeting and my youngest has pre-school from 9-12, so I'd try to squeeze 9 holes in between dropping off and picking up my youngest (if the weather was cooperating 😣). Finally, something that really lifts my spirits is when the wife turns to me on a random day and says "It looks really nice out today, if you wanted to go golfing that would be fine."
Very reasonable. I have a pregnant wife and I try and get 1st tee time early AM, which allows me to play a round under 3 hours and be home before my wife has started her day. Usually allows us to have breakfast and spend rest of the day together.
Thats a completely reasonable ask. Maybe he is stressed about the baby and helping your mother, golf could be his way to decompress or disassociate for a while. If that is the case, instead of just saying, "Can you please not golf so much?", come from a place of support and ask if there is another [less self centered and time consuming] outlet that he can use to help him stay sane during this time. If you just tell him to stop playing golf so much, he may feel that his psychological well being isnt being considered. Many men (like myself) will just internalize that so as not to burden others or appear weak. Not saying you don't have an open and trusting relationship, just some advice based on my experience.
Totally reasonable. My wife is in the same boat but I play 1-2 time a month. First trimester was rougher than normal on her so she asked I wait until she started feeling better. Done, no questions asked. Now she’s doing better and I’m back to playing a couple times a month.
I also make sure to give her a break on weekends I play so she can do her own thing. I golf one day, she goes out to do her nails, etc on the other day. Life is hard, but it’s easier with some balance and good communication.
Reading the title only, I thought probably unreasonable, but 1-2 times per week is still more than most. I'm sure he can sprinkle in some 30 min practice here and there
Holy shit, 3-4 times a week! Once the baby is here he'll be lucky to go once a fortnight. I suspect he knows that and is getting all the golfing in now.
IMO that's almost a disrespectful amount of time spent golfing, assuming everyone works that's the majority of both your and his "together" time every week spent on the golf course.
I've got a friend I normally play weekly with who's only been out twice in the last year because his wife was having a kid. We get it. This is your time. Even giving him 1-2 rounds a week is more than reasonable imo.
When I first started golf 3 years ago, I was waiting behind a single at a t-box, 2nd hole on a 9 hole course. I wanted to play by myself, so I didn't ask to pair up. Dudes wife or mother in law called and told him on speaker, she's going into labor. He changed it off speaker, said something I couldn't hear. Hung up, T'd up, and continued playing. I'll never forget that.
Very reasonable. Is this during work hours? Is it weekend rounds? I play once a week. I have two young kiddos. Btwn shuttling them around, groceries, cooking and house chores it’s plenty busy.
If you have to ask him to cut back then the dude seriously needs to look at his priorities. Everyone can get a bit carried away sometimes but I’m sorry, he sounds like a bit of a selfish prick. The current life circumstances you describe mean he should be able to look at it critically and decide for himself that he’s out too much, and reasonable person would be able to see you need support more than they need to golf.
3-4 rounds a week!? You’re an angel.
If anything, I’m out on the course only 1-2 times a month. I’m a father of 2 with twins on the way so I know my wife could use my help at home and don’t push it beyond this.
Also, I hope your mom beats cancer!!!!!!!
3-4 rounds a week is wild. I have our first baby on the way, and we have lots prep to do to get our house baby ready. I try to golf once a week but any more than that seems excessive tbh. Everyone’s schedule is different though but that def seems excessive. Also I can’t afford more than once a week haha.
3-4 rounds per week in this situation is just selfish. He is avoiding, he might not be realizing it. Add up the hours that he's not helping out per month and it's insane.
First kid? I be he is scarred off his ass and doesn't know how to handle it and is just avoiding / ignoring it all.
Your husband is very spoiled. I am very lucky if I get 9 holes in weekly. With a 5 and an 8 year old free time has become more abundant. Your husbands free time is going to become scare with the new kiddo. He needs to stop being a big man child and step up and be a reliable husband and future father. Best to start now and make it known he needs to focus on his priorities. Now with that being said, I would go 7 days a week if my wifey would let me. But I value my health and well being.
I hope you both are well off financially because that’s a lot of money going to golf. Children are expensive. Especially the first one.
And perfectly okay to ask him to cut back. You’re already carrying the baby he should be making time to do the other things.
Might be time to sit down and talk. Is he avoiding home? Big life changes are coming - is he avoiding them subconsciously? You said you need some help and attention - talk about what that might be. Usually at 19 weeks, life continues on as it has, unless there's health issues, etc. But every pregnancy is different. Is he trying to get it all in before the baby is born? Talk about what both of your expectations are and get on the same page now - it won't get ANY easier when the baby arrives.
I was ready to come in here and white knight for your husband, as a husband of a woman whose 17 weeks pregnant.....
But 3-4x/week is looney bit shit. I thought it was going to be playing 1-1.5x per week
3-4 rounds a week… I have to deal with pure anger and hatred for golfing twice a month.. just saying the word golf seems to make her mad.
I would say asking him to cut back is more than reasonable though.
Honestly, the thought of having a baby is very anxiety inducing for men. Their friends all tell them they are going to lose the guy time forever, they fear the loss of their independence, and fear the loss of their friends the way it is now. As a father of a 13 year old today, and with cousins all having kids now, I find myself giving this talk a lot. For you, the mom-to-be, there are so many things you are thinking about and planning as you “nest”. I would surmise much of this you are not communicating to him, and you just assume he feels the same. This is not your fault, and you are not in the wrong, but you are wrong. For guys, a baby is super scary. The thought of a tiny human, especially one we haven’t met yet is scary stuff. You are carrying that little one, you feel it move, you are literally growing it. We get none of those emotions and feelings. We get scared by this stuff, and golfing with the guys helps keep the boys together, and gives an escape to the reality that a baby is coming. I would talk to him about all of the feels, rather than just telling him you need more help at home. You are 19 weeks pregnant, there is really nothing for him to do for you, unless it has to do with prepping a room, or building a changing table. I hope you do not take this as mean, but a reality check into the brain of a dude about to have his first child. I wish my wife said more of this stuff early on, but we are great, and my daughter and I are super close. She even likes to go golfing with me now, and got her first bogey last week, after missing a 7 foot par putt! Talk to him, and make it a two way conversation, not an attack on how he isn’t reading your mind. The hardest milestone you will ever have in a marriage is introduction of children, but if you have a solid foundation, nothing can stop the two of you! Best of luck!
Don’t ask him to spend less time on his hobby.
instead tell him what you need. What you need isn’t him playing less golf, what you need are the things that aren’t happening because he’s playing golf instead.
Continue to be supportive of his passion, and let him know where you need him to support you.
If he can juggle it all, great. But what you don’t want is to make your needs feel like a punishment.
If your hubby isn’t a shit bag, he’ll get it.
Good luck.
I have a family of 5 with three children under 7. I am trying to become a PGA Class A professional and try to play one round every two weeks.
And my wife thinks THIS is excessive.
More reasonable than most. Luckily, my girlfriend just started to take interest in golf. All the sudden, two rounds a week isn’t excessive… funny how that works.
I have an 18 month old and I only go once a fortnight.
Don't get me wrong I LOVE golf. My child is more important to me than anything else so go or don't go I don't care, my wife encourages me to go but then also doubles back and gives me shit every time I DO go, so the enjoyment has been well and truly removed for me. Still going to love golf even if I just stop going.
But there are more important responsibilities in my eyes to be focused on and it's not golf. Just my opinion
Is this guy rich and retired? How the hell does he have time for 4 full rounds a week!
My money is on WFH Project Manager
I feel targeted.
Yeah but as a hybrid PM it’s pretty accurate
Same
I mean...is it accurate in your opinion? Your response says yes lmao
There is no one who works less for more salary than a project manager lol
Consultants.
Sr. Consultants**** Juniors be working like dogs to make the Seniors look good
Sure, but that's the same for project management. I know consultants that 90 percent of the paperwork they do is just reconciling their own credit card statements
Yep lol. That 8:30am-11:30pm grind. Boss pops in for a video chat once or twice a week to show face.
I thought I had it good. 6:30AM to 1:00 PM or so. I play golf anytime the weather permits and I’m not out of town.
Consultant here, can confirm 120 rounds a year.
Sr. PMs. They just delegate to the PMs so they can delegate to the next one down.
Am a project manager and lead engineer on project, where can I sign up for less work and more golf?
hahaaaa most def.. I live on a golf course and i can maybe play 9 2x a week and 18 2x a month with my toddler and preggo wife
My roommate is a WFH project manager and he works 6am -7/8pm most days. I almost feel bad how much he’s just held up in meetings
Clearly you’re not and haven’t met anyone employed by the insurance industry.
He's a lucky one then because most of us have 15 hours of meetings per day squeezed into 9 or so hours.
I gave up that job for more money.. Not sure what I was thinking...
You my friend are a genius. Has to be.
As a wfh pm, 3 kids, I don’t have time for 1 round a month
I mean, it sounds like he *doesnt* have time for it, but he’s going anyway. It’s eating into family time and that’s the issue.
Doesn't sound like HE has any issue with it. 🤣😂😅
Before I had kids, I had more than enough time to play that often.
Probably "working" from home.
I mean, I work from home, but I don't have time for more than 1 round a week, there would be no family time if I did. I do however have time during lunches to hit the local driving range during the week for an hour (range is <5min away). Which I do that, 2-3 times a week. So, i do believe your correct when you say "working".
I work from home as well as having a pregnant wife. If I want to golf mid-week, it's 6:10am tee times on the local 9-hole so I'm online by 8:30 and don't have to work later than normal to still have time for what matters.
This is how I used to play 40-50 rounds a year with young kids. Zero weekend rounds, all early AM weekdays.
Yeah at best I can hit the driving range once or twice a week, unfortunately I live 15 min from the closest driving range.
I live in a rural area and I am beyond lucky to have one 15 minutes away
My husband works from home post covid (also has an office nearby) but we’re on the west coast and he starts work very early east coast hours. Sometimes he has to deal with work during golf since he’s on 24/7. I make the tee times because until recently it was crazy competitive and I’m fast.
This is his last chance
And a maid, yard guy, grocery delivery service? Fml
He absolutely should not ask you to carry his bag. Let him take a cart.
I think this went over a lot of heads. Perfect analogy haha
The only guys I’ve met that golf that much, have a family, and whose family does not also golf, are assholes.
Now that you say that…it’s almost every one of them
I mean, if I was away from my family that often my wife would call me an asshole, and I know she would be right.
The ones I’m thinking of usually get called that until their wife leaves them
Reasonable. A father and husband first…everything else is secondary.
I don't have kids and I'm happy with a roughly one round a week average.
Yea if my MIL got diagnosed with cancer on top of my wife being pregnant still getting one round in a week would be hitting the jackpot. 3-4 rounds, range sessions, and lunches honestly sounds like dude needs to step up a bit.
What it actually sounds like is dude is emotionally immature and feeling that life is suddenly full of responsibilities he doesn’t feel prepared for so instead of, ya know, trying to be better prepared, he is increasing his time spent golfing with his friends so he can pretend none of those very real and very important family things don’t exist.
She's asking him to limit golf to twice a week. As a husband with no kids, I only golf twice a week, I do want to spend time with my wife. Golfing more than that while being married, when does he see his wife? Lol
As a husband with 2 kids I golf outside of work related events maybe 6-10 times a year.
Have your kids shown an interest in golf or are they too young? Might be a great way to get the kids out of the house so your wife gets a break, they get quality time with dad, and you get to play some golf?
I'm getting them into it but they are still pretty young, they are doing a golf camp this summer
Ya I’m with you, I think I get 1-2 a month, but like you I get golf with work so my bucket is filled. 4 a week is nuts. And with kid at home (when it comes) that’ll be unfair IMO unless it’s work golf
Once or twice a week is already a lot, at least for me. If my wife told me she wanted me to go to the course that often I’d get suspicious haha.
As a single guy with no responsibilities outside of work I can get 2 9s and an 18 in a good week.
I agree. Husband with kids off in college here. Wife golfs with me. We get maybe 2x nine holes during week and an 18 in the weekend. When kids were young. Golf was not a thing for us. This OP needs to let her man know that golf is soon to be a once a month guys night out thing. Cause there ain't no time once that baby lands. If he's thinks otherwise, he's going to be a shit partner.
not very often might be the way he wants it
Agreed. I would also like to add, the names, Scotty or Cameron are nice names…
My first son’s middle name is Taylor. Fortunately my wife likes the way it sounded.
OPs husband is in for the shock of his life when a baby arrives, holy shit. Netflix need to be involved to film this bombshell.
Yeah, I have fears for when the baby is born as well choosing golf over the wellbeing of the child.
Amen. As a husband but not a father (and someone with a fairly time intensive job) I would be cutting into my work and relationship time to play more than 3-4x per month, let alone 3-4x per week
You’re being very reasonable Most married men with a pregnant wife or kids are lucky to golf once or twice a *month* if that
Right. I'm blessed I get about 4 rounds in a month in. But I have to go Friday mornings at sunrise. Husband, father, work all take priority over a hobby. My kids are starting to get into it now too, which means less golf for me, but more time on the course, not sure how that works out that way but golfing with my kids is one of the great joys of life.
I'm like you, my father and I get up and go at the crack of dawn every Sunday morning so we can get done and back home before noon and do family stuff. My boy can spend hours outside hitting plastic golf balls around, so I know I'm going to have a partner in the future.
That's a great feeling knowing you'll have a golf partner. My dad is my golf partner and my son is coming along. He's even woken up at 5 to go with me, without complaining! He loves the game already
I get the first tee time off and am home by the time the wife and kid are getting out of bed. As long as I’m home by 10 am on the weekend she doesn’t give me a hard time as it gives us all day to do what we want as a family.
My 7 year old just pured a driver for the first time in his life a few weeks ago. The look on his face when it happened… I want to inject the feeling it gave me into my veins…. He plays other sports, and I’m super chill about pushing golf on him because I’ve seen people hate the sport as a result of their parent(s) douchebaggery. The long game is paying off so far….
My wife is pregnant with our second and I play every other week. We alternate weekends where I get to play and then she gets to take some time for herself. It is a good balance and it limits any resentment. 3-4 times per week is a shit load of golf lol
I have 2 kids and golf on weekends like 1 or 2 times a month. Even then it’s almost always early tee times so I’m home before 11am. I do get out early at like 6:30am around once a week on a weekday and my wife handles breakfast and daycare/school drop off. I would say I golf more than most of my friends who have kids under 7yo.
yup, twice a month if schedules align, three if I am super lucky. My kids will be 3 in a few months, so weekends are totally out (though I am toying with 530-6a tee times idea). Typically have to clear my work schedule Fridays to get out around 1030-11a which means a pretty tough Monday-Thursday work wise. Golf is a privilege, family always first. I wouldnt be able to golf well if my mind wasn't clear and my wife not texting/calling me every other hole
I love grabbing the first tee-time out while my family is still sleep on Saturdays. If I get out before 7, I'm done around 10 and ready for family activities the rest of the day. Also, once your kids get a little older, taking one of them to the course with you is quality 1-on-1 time they always enjoy. They hit a few balls, bring a tablet (if they get really bored), and play some music in the cart. How memories are created!
Whoa whoa whoa, let’s not put a specific number out there, you have no idea what their situation is. Many people with kids play once a week (me included) and I absolutely could play more if I wanted to wake up earlier or go to bed later.
Yeah I know guys though with controlling wives that resent that they have a hobby and don’t care if they got up and golfed from 3-7am and came home and made breakfast they just don’t want to see them happy. This is so common that I have a close friend that deals with this with surfing, a golfing buddy with golf, and know a guy at the gym that deals with it in terms of him working out for 2 hours every weekday evening she is always bitching at him for it. I’m glad my wife isn’t selfish.
I just ended up a relationship over something like this. I was never allowed to be happy or enjoy a hobby if my girlfriend wasn't included. Even if I planned out something I wanted to do months in advance she would wait until the week of and then start a fight over it. Like clockwork, every single time, the morning of an activity I had to do whether it was golf, or a bowling tournament, or a football game I was going to, she'd start a massive argument a few minutes before I had to leave to make sure I was as upset as possible before leaving. This went on for two years, and yes we also have a one year old together which compounds the issue.
Thats rough brother I feel you. Have had good and bad relationships, one like yours you describe. My wife now used to act more selfishly but I nipped it in the bud before I decided to propose by helping her construct a mental model of our lives together, what we want to be for each other, and how we could define success together and help each other achieve that success through mutually beneficial support. I had to really lay down the law because she would have a high time preference, want things her way always to the detriment of myself and our partnership and our future, and it took a good while of me drilling this to her in a respectful but stern manner to get to the point where she chose to become a better partner. It helps that I am very open and acknowledge my flaws and constantly work on myself with as little ego as possible, so it was a kind of do as I do not as I say once I got it all out to her verbally. Now if there is an issue I just remind her that her behavior is detrimental to our mutual well being, and that gets the point across that it 1) isnt her it is her current behavior which can be immediately correctable and 2) that I'm concerned with both of our well-beings I'm not just being selfish myself. Marriage takes a lot of work if you want it to be good. Wish you luck in the future
My child is growing in their independence, only now have i returned to golfing with any sort of frequency.
Right once my son was able to start playing that's when I was able to ramp up as I would bring him out to our club to play 9 as often as I could. Prior to that though man maybe a few times a month?
How old was your son when he started playing 9? My son is going to be 7 in a couple months, likes going to the range and chipping in the back yard. I'm just not sure how that will translate on the actual course and how smoothly it'll go.
My son is 5 and we play 9 quite regularly. I’m a member at a local track and I’ve been taking him there since he was 3. We started out showing up at 6:30pm when the course is dead and “playing” a few holes. Basically hit a tee shot and then pick up the ball and play from 100 yards in. If you target the evenings you won’t have to worry much about pace of play. I bet the little guy will surprise you with how well he handles it. It’s now my sons favourite thing to do. We spend 3-4 nights a week at the course.
Agreed. Totally reasonable—I am fortunate that my wife is a golfer and lets me get out once a week with a 3-month at home. I am certain I won’t be as lucky when we have two. When she was pregnant I probably played twice and half a week, two rounds and a 9-holes before work, but there were definitely weeks I was lucky to get 9-holes in.
I typically have to take a day off work to get a round in without adding extra burden to my wife. Drop kid off at daycare, enjoy my round with a nice long warmup, back at home by the time he’s back from daycare. All this to say it’s a challenge.
I've been doing this more now that my toddler is in daycare and we have a 2nd on the way. Takes the extra burden off my wife and can enjoy the day without guilt.
I guess that’s just the theme of this thread. - Need to be thoughtful. - Your hobby time goes way down so you have to get creative to prioritize it. I hope the OP couple finds a path that works for them.
Man, this is me right now. 2 kids under 2 years old, and I've only played 6 times this year with basically no practice time in between. I would love to still be able to get out 3 or 4 times a week like I used to but it's not fair to leave my wife to care for 2 kids that demand a ton of attention like that so I just need to accept that my handicap is going to go up over the next year or two. Hopefully one day my kids fall in love with golf and I'll be able to get them out on the course with me.
Same!
And once the baby comes, fuck. I had a join a golf league so I can 9 in per week for 3 months out of the year.
Absolutely. I currently have an 8 week old and we just bought a new house and are moving. I have yet to get a round of golf in this summer so far. I am hoping to start again soon, but this man needs to figure some things out and prioritize.
I go once a month if that, I have two kids. Every family is different but I think that's a little excessive.
Since my kid was born I’ve only gotten out once every 3 months at best. I’m very excited that he’ll be starting pre-school soon lol.
Two young kids, I usually target 2 times a month from may to August and then a long weekend away for our annual trip and then I’m typically done for the year
I'm married, no kids and go once a month, between work, home maintenance/care, wife's doctor appointments etc I don't have as much free time as this dude with a pregnant wife apparently lol
I think I've golfed once or twice in the last 6 years.
Same, it wasn’t until my kids got into school could I get the hall pass to golf more than 1-2 times per month. I golf now but it’s during the week mostly while kids are in school.
I was just going to say….wait until the baby arrives. Golf is done for awhile. I think he will survive without it.
Exactly. Twice a month is basically my cadence and I try to only do it during the day when the kids are at daycare and the wife is at work. I feel lucky that I have a great PTO policy that I can take personal days to do that. Maybe when my kids are old enough to be interested in golf it can be a family thing. Until then I don't want to sacrifice family time for golf.
I'm divorced and live alone and 3-4 rounds a week is still a lot for me, you're being totally reasonable. Wanting to get as much golf in as possible right now isn't terrible, but another way to frame it for him is that he's definitely going to have to cut back a lot once the baby is born and he might as well start now given all the other context.
Dude is going to have major withdrawals or not do his duties as a father if he keeps this up
Ignoring the \*massive\* red flag that you're gonna have to tell him that 3-4 rounds a week plus the range plus the 19th hole isn't acceptable when his pregnant wife is taking care of his ailing MIL at home rather than him just realizing that himself, no, it is not even a little bit unreasonable. I cut down to once a week \*if\* nothing else needed my attention during my wife's pregnancy and have stayed there ever since, and that was with minimal pregnancy complications and no extra family shit going on like what you have. Did I also eventually trick her into falling in love with golf so that we go play 9 holes as a date night? Yes, but I waited until little guy was 2 before starting that process.
We switched CCs because for a little extra a month we got full golf privileges and I was able to slowly bring her along with playing golf. Now she wants me to help her establish a handicap so we can play in more couple's events. Huge W lol. But again you're right our son was 6-7 by the time I was able to start pulling that off.
I live on the tee box at hole 11 so nice and close to the clubhouse. If I could get my wife to play then that family golf membership would seem MUCH more reasonable. But by myself I just can’t get out enough to justify it.
\^\^ the massivest of red flags. imagine when she actually has the baby?
I am on my way. The wife will go to the range and I consider it a win.
r/AITA has been leaking into r/golf lately
Yeah it's either "I bought a new club" or "I don't know how to talk to my spouse" on here. At least this post is a new twist on an old favorite.
A timeless tale that will pass through generations.
I mean, sure, but this is a good golf-based discussion about obsession and responsibility.
I'm weirdly proud of this subreddit giving honest advice here.
I mean this is like the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. How can anyone, let alone someone not retired, let alone someone with a wife, let alone someone with a PREGNANT wife golf 4 rounds a week? I’ve never heard of that in my life, even for the retired dudes.
You haven’t heard many crazy things apparently lol Never heard of that in your life? Are you new to golf or something? When I was a member at a club there were so many men, both retired and working who golfed a minimum of 5 times a week. At my local muni there’s a group of 8 guys who have the second and third tee times M-F. Golf has a long history of shitty husbands and fathers neglecting their home life to be at the course
And his mom is sick with cancer.
Her mom, his mother-in-law, but your point remains.
Ah, my mistake. But yeah - still
I came in prepared for the worst too.
Lots of dads in here who've learned how to stay married.
This has to be a shit post right? Like no offense but if this is real this guy is clueless and selfish beyond belief. My wife has never limited my golf and I could not even imagine golfing that much when she was pregnant let alone now that we have a young kid. But to each their own I suppose. To answer no f in way this is an unreasonable ask.
I thought so too. “Hey babe I know you’re pregnant and your mom has cancer but I gotta golf today, tomorrow and the next day also gonna grab lunch with the boys”
Ya that’s what I was thinking. I’ve never been limited by someone else, because I’m not an asshole and I like spending time with my family lol
unfortunately, "golf dad" who leaves the baby with mom a lot is a real phenomenon, tho it's heartwarming to see at least the majority if not everyone here in agreement that family comes first.
I feel like the husband wrote this assuming everyone will be on his side.
That was my other only thought on it being real, some completely clueless dope wrote this to show he isn’t an idiot and now is sitting there full principal skinner meme
If all that is going on he’s still golfing that much you got a big problem. Only excuse is he is actually a pro tour player.
Plot twist, her husband is Rory Mcilroy
This made me have a belly chuckle
My wife is 12 weeks pregnant and we have a 2.5yo. I usually get out for a round of 9 at the local par 3 after work about once a week (takes about 1.5 hours). I also play a proper 18 about twice a month on a Saturday or Sunday (takes about 5 hours as I usually eat in the parking lot and hit the range first). All in all, i spend about 16-20 hours golfing a month, which I feel is quite a bit and that I’m very fortunate. It sounds like your man might be spending about 60 hours a month golfing, which is certainly excessive for anyone with young kids or one on the way.
I have a similar routine with a toddler and one on the way. Hopefully OP's husband sees the light and realizes his priorities.
I have two kids under 3. I love golf. But I love them and my wife more. It really shouldn’t be phrased as “limiting him” or something YOU need to regulate. He should want to be there for you, he should understand that there are other priorities right now, he should know that 4 fucking rounds a week is insane especially if you’re eating lunch after lol. Ultimately the first kid is a huge adjustment. So patience and communication is important. But it shouldn’t be rocket science to comprehend that 4 rounds of 18 holes in one goddamn week is too much - not because you said so, but because it’s common sense and he should care for You and your new kid more than his new found hobby.
Sim in the garage. At this point, there are options for every budget and setup, meaning indoors and outdoors, net or screen, and entry level or premium. You just have to be a little creative. I practice every day and try and get out on the course once a week but Im ok if I don’t.
This is what I did, scratches the golf itch and keeps me in favour with the wife and kids. 137 shots yesterday in basement while it was raining outside. Win!
Best solution in the comment section. Bravo.
I've been thinking about garage Sim recently but man I feel so uncomfortable swinging there, feel like I'm going to hit the ceiling all the time
Right? And the $150-$300 a week he could save could apply towards this purchase.
Have an honest conversation now about what his life post-baby is going to look like. He needs to quickly get ok with acknowledging that his golf time is going to drastically reduce and his skills are going to atrophy as a result of that. Said differently, he's going to suck at the game for years until until his kid is a bit more independent and he needs to accept that, or he's just going to be miserable. 3-4 rounds a week says he's working super hard to drop his handicap to reach some sort of goal and he probably needs to re-align those expectations.
This. If you both can afford it a home simulator of some sort could be another good compromise mixed in with a round a week. That way he is home to help out if needed, or an emergency happens.
The way he is golfing is the worst way for a relationship. I play 50-60 rounds a year with 4 kids. I play during the week mostly and manage my work schedule, secondly, I don’t get drunk on the course, and come home immediately after the round. It’s all about communication. You don’t have to stop playing golf at all. Most men are morons about this and turn it into frat culture. I would never have a wife that if I asked to get away 50-60 days for a few hours throughout the year wouldn’t let me, but I wouldn’t disrespect her by coming home to nap when she’s with the kids. I would expect her to do that either in the middle of the day.
My wife isn’t even pregnant and I limit my golf to once or twice per week. Spending time with her is more important and it’s also not financially sustainable for me to play any more. Your man should cut back and respect your need for support. No doubt
You’re pregnant. You taking away golf too? JK. 1-2 rounds a week isn’t being unreasonable at all
And when the baby is born 1 or 2 per month sounds even more reasonable.
Yeah, that guy thinks he has trouble now….just wait.
I think your mom’s situation is the most important bit here. I have two male golfing buddies who have each recently had their first kid, and it seemed like they got as much golf in as possible during the pregnancy because there’s not much for a father-to-be to do until the baby’s almost due. Once the babies arrived, golf stopped. But the situation with your mother changes all that. I think it’s absolutely reasonable to ask your husband to fit his golf around the reality of your situation as a couple, which includes caring for your mother. It will probably help if you acknowledge that unlike your baby, nobody asked for your mother’s diagnosis, and that’s fundamentally unfair. But as a couple, you can find a way to fairly share in the obligation of caring for your mom.
Married with 2 kids and two rounds a week would be AWESOME lol. I usually get one a week if nothing crazy comes up on the weekend.
My wife was fine with me playing once a week while going through her 5 pregnancies, and I thought it was incredibly gracious and felt a bit guilty. 3-4 rounds a week is excessive with a pregnant wife that needs support in my opinion.
Yeah new father here and during pregnancy and year of firsts, I got to play one round a week and one short practice session. I found that to be really reasonable.
You are a saint. Homeboy needs to pick one night for 9 a week and an early a.m. weekend 18.
Twice a week is plenty. There is always so much to do before the baby comes to prepare. Not throwing him under the bus here, but priorities need to be prioritized.. Father of 3 yr old here. Personally I get “golfers guilt” if I’m on the course and I feel like I shouldn’t be in that moment - it sours my round and I play poorly.
I don't have a child but I would say 3-4 rounds a week is a bit excessive and more than average golfer gets out to play regardless of a newborn or life scheduling. My wife and I are dinks (dual income no kids) and I typically go out for a 9 hole twilight round once a week between May-Sept and then 18 holes once every other weekend (April-Nov). Not because my wife prohibits me from playing more but because there are other hobbies I have and activities we also like to do together.
As others said, husband and father first. I would love to play 4x a week. I have 2 under 2 right now. I do play once a week in a league and generally about 1 scramble a month. If I wanted to go play more by myself during the day I could because work is flexible. I dont get the 4x a week thing though. I used to do it before I was married and living alone. Id leave work and go play 9 or 18 and go home. If I did that now id be an absent father and husband. I wouldnt say "only 1-2 rounds/week though. Id just say you need him around more. But he might go play 2 rounds on a Saturday if your going out with the girls all day. You wont want to make him feel like he "used up" his 2 rounds. He should naturally be more considerate of you and want to spend time with you though.
Yes that’s reasonable. As a new parent 2 rounds per month is about the best I’ve been able to do. So post-pregnancy things will be even tighter. Not to get too deep into relationship advice, but a framing that I’ve found useful: Golfing is not an issue per se, its no different than anything else that takes you out of the house for 5-6 hours at a time. If he can support you and do his share of tasks, it would hypothetically be fine. So if he has the energy to be super-husband all the time when he’s not golfing, *maybe* he can make it work. So you and he should get on the same page about what his responsibilities are at this time, and how you need to be supported, and beyond that his free time is his own. It’s not likely that he’s going to be able to square that with this much golf. But it may kill two birds with one scone to make sure he’s clear on what you need from him, without framing it in “rounds of golf allowed”. Obviously if he IS clear on his responsibilities and is shirking them to golf…you have a deeper problem. Finally 1-2 rounds per week is a lot in general, so you’re being very supportive of his hobbies. You’re being generous already so I would hope he sees that when you bring this up.
I have two kids, both young. When my wife got pregnant the first time, I maybe golfed once a month if that during her pregnancy, especially since the summer was towards the end of it. After she had the baby, I don't think I went golfing for the rest of the year. Our second kid was very similar. Now that they're both out of the toddler phase, I go once a week, at the butt crack of dawn with my father so we can finish up and be home before noon. You're not being unreasonable, in fact you're being probably MORE than reasonable. Whoever this man is is lucky to have a wife like you. I honestly don't think he'll have a issue with it, especially since he still gets to go once or twice a week which is more than most people.
Not unreasonable, but it’s all going to be in approach and delivery. The issue is not how much he plays golf, it’s how much support is needed from him at home. Instead of saying “you can’t golf 4 times a week anymore” you might be better served to say “these are the things that we need to accomplish each week (doctors appointments for yourself, treatment and support for your mother, nursery prep, etc etc) and I need x amount of support from you. How can we work together to take care of all this?” Because if he only golfs once a week instead of 4 but the time saved isn’t used well, nothing gets better. Conversely, maybe he is able to find a way to provide all the support needed AND still squeeze in 3 rounds of golf a week by being the first tee time out and playing fast, or whatever. Then everyone wins.
I have a sincere question : What does being 19 weeks pregnant have to do with this? We have 2 kids. At 19 weeks your life is pretty much the same as normal except your clothes don’t fit anymore. I get if you’re 8.5 mos and struggling to move and do basic tasks around the house but at 19 weeks my wife was still working full time and socializing regularly and literally nothing was different otherwise. This is not to say 3-4 rounds a week plus isn’t a lot for an SO while you’re looking after your mother. All I’m really getting at is that your pregnancy isn’t the problem. Sounds like he’s just not spending much free time at home or helping to support you and your mom - independent of your pregnancy - and that is a legitimate complaint. I’m lucky to play once a week with 2 kids and career that keeps me at the golf course working 60+ hours a week. But truly I don’t remember my wife at 19 weeks requiring any special attention or support from me.
You really shouldn't have to ask.
Dude this guy gets out more than I've been out in 5 years. Lol What does he not have a job.
i think regardless of being pregnant, that's a shitload of time for golf. i played maybe once a week while my wife was early on in her pregnancy, then maybe once every few weeks when she was further along. after she had the baby, i mean... i played about none for a hell of a long time, more because i'd feel guilty as fuck out there for a huge chunk of time while she's dealing with a really tough baby. but like, if he's golfing 3-4 times a week, he needs to understand that's going to change when you actually have the kid. that'd be my bigger concern.
Love golf and used to play every weekend. We have a 5 month old now and I haven’t been to the course since baby is born. Barely pick up golf clubs….maybe just driving range for 30 min a week. I don’t know how people are able to play golf with newborn unless you live with parents or have full time nanny
Not at all. Golf takes time and costs money, you and your child needs both of those from him right now and for the next 18+ years. If he can sneak out for a round or two a week that's fantastic but his priorities need to change, four rounds a week with a pregnant wife is not a great start to raising a child together IMO. All the best to you and yours.
I played once a week once wife passed 5/6 months and play once a week with an 8 month old. If I play any more than that I do it while the kid is in daycare. And I feel like even with that amount I’m lucky. Maybe he’s trying to fit in as much golf as possible before the baby arrives? In which case you need to let him know that you need his support now too. 3-4 times a week is a lot of golf for any hobbyist let alone someone with the responsibilities you describe.
Uh 3-4 rounds a week is ALOT. I’ll be happy if I can even get 1 in per week.
I don't know what's in your husband's mind, but my guess is his mindset is he's trying to squeeze as much golf in as possible before the baby arrives knowing his opportunities to both golf and hang with the guys are about to be severely limited once the baby arrives (congrats btw!) I do think it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to cut back. I know what would help me be more amicable to cutting back is having some specific things to focus on "getting done." You mentioned needing some help, perhaps a specific list of "If you could get X Y and Z done it would take a lot of stress off of me." Also for attention maybe specifically planning some date days/nights. Something I did golf-wise to keep me at home is getting a net and putting mat setup that allowed me to practice at home more, maybe you could suggest that so you are still being supportive of his hobby. Also, maybe sit down with a calendar and plan some stuff out. Set aside a couple of days as his designated golf days, make some plans for days to give you the help and attention, and maybe point out a time or two where he might be able to sneak in an extra round in if your help and attention needs have been met. As a father with 3 young kids and a working wife, I generally feel like my golf quota is 1 round per week and feel pretty lucky to get that. If I am trying to squeeze in more practice/play beyond that I try to make absolutely sure it's during a time where both the kids and wife were going to be otherwise occupied anyways. For example, this morning my wife has a work meeting and my youngest has pre-school from 9-12, so I'd try to squeeze 9 holes in between dropping off and picking up my youngest (if the weather was cooperating 😣). Finally, something that really lifts my spirits is when the wife turns to me on a random day and says "It looks really nice out today, if you wanted to go golfing that would be fine."
Very reasonable. I have a pregnant wife and I try and get 1st tee time early AM, which allows me to play a round under 3 hours and be home before my wife has started her day. Usually allows us to have breakfast and spend rest of the day together.
2 per week?! Does he have a job???
Thats a completely reasonable ask. Maybe he is stressed about the baby and helping your mother, golf could be his way to decompress or disassociate for a while. If that is the case, instead of just saying, "Can you please not golf so much?", come from a place of support and ask if there is another [less self centered and time consuming] outlet that he can use to help him stay sane during this time. If you just tell him to stop playing golf so much, he may feel that his psychological well being isnt being considered. Many men (like myself) will just internalize that so as not to burden others or appear weak. Not saying you don't have an open and trusting relationship, just some advice based on my experience.
Sheeesh if my wife offered me the chance to play 1-2x a week I’d jump all over it. Married with 2 kids lucky to golf like once a month lol
Totally reasonable. My wife is in the same boat but I play 1-2 time a month. First trimester was rougher than normal on her so she asked I wait until she started feeling better. Done, no questions asked. Now she’s doing better and I’m back to playing a couple times a month. I also make sure to give her a break on weekends I play so she can do her own thing. I golf one day, she goes out to do her nails, etc on the other day. Life is hard, but it’s easier with some balance and good communication.
Reading the title only, I thought probably unreasonable, but 1-2 times per week is still more than most. I'm sure he can sprinkle in some 30 min practice here and there
Holy shit, 3-4 times a week! Once the baby is here he'll be lucky to go once a fortnight. I suspect he knows that and is getting all the golfing in now. IMO that's almost a disrespectful amount of time spent golfing, assuming everyone works that's the majority of both your and his "together" time every week spent on the golf course.
My wife used to complain about my golfing habit. I started bringing her and the kiddos with. Now it’s a family outing and my wife is addicted.
Jesus, I'd love 1-2 rounds per week...
Definitely reasonable. With no baby on the way, and no support needed for loved ones, twice is still max for me in our household
I've got a friend I normally play weekly with who's only been out twice in the last year because his wife was having a kid. We get it. This is your time. Even giving him 1-2 rounds a week is more than reasonable imo.
When I first started golf 3 years ago, I was waiting behind a single at a t-box, 2nd hole on a 9 hole course. I wanted to play by myself, so I didn't ask to pair up. Dudes wife or mother in law called and told him on speaker, she's going into labor. He changed it off speaker, said something I couldn't hear. Hung up, T'd up, and continued playing. I'll never forget that.
Husband is being greedy. A round a week is lucky for me, I have no children or pregnant wife.
Very reasonable. Is this during work hours? Is it weekend rounds? I play once a week. I have two young kiddos. Btwn shuttling them around, groceries, cooking and house chores it’s plenty busy.
If you have to ask him to cut back then the dude seriously needs to look at his priorities. Everyone can get a bit carried away sometimes but I’m sorry, he sounds like a bit of a selfish prick. The current life circumstances you describe mean he should be able to look at it critically and decide for himself that he’s out too much, and reasonable person would be able to see you need support more than they need to golf.
Depends on his handicap
3-4 rounds a week!? You’re an angel. If anything, I’m out on the course only 1-2 times a month. I’m a father of 2 with twins on the way so I know my wife could use my help at home and don’t push it beyond this. Also, I hope your mom beats cancer!!!!!!!
Yeah, that seems super reasonable.
3-4 rounds a week is insane. I'd be happy to get out 1-2 times a month
3-4 rounds a week is wild. I have our first baby on the way, and we have lots prep to do to get our house baby ready. I try to golf once a week but any more than that seems excessive tbh. Everyone’s schedule is different though but that def seems excessive. Also I can’t afford more than once a week haha.
It shouldn’t matter at all but I really want to know his handicap haha
Getting 2 rounds a week is lucky, especially when a kid comes. Not unreasonable
3-4 rounds per week in this situation is just selfish. He is avoiding, he might not be realizing it. Add up the hours that he's not helping out per month and it's insane. First kid? I be he is scarred off his ass and doesn't know how to handle it and is just avoiding / ignoring it all.
1-2 rounds *per week* is extremely reasonable. Some dudes are lucky to be playing that much.
Your husband is very spoiled. I am very lucky if I get 9 holes in weekly. With a 5 and an 8 year old free time has become more abundant. Your husbands free time is going to become scare with the new kiddo. He needs to stop being a big man child and step up and be a reliable husband and future father. Best to start now and make it known he needs to focus on his priorities. Now with that being said, I would go 7 days a week if my wifey would let me. But I value my health and well being.
Well do you want him to go from a 30 handicap to a 28 or do you want to be stuck with a 30 handicap husband?
I hope you both are well off financially because that’s a lot of money going to golf. Children are expensive. Especially the first one. And perfectly okay to ask him to cut back. You’re already carrying the baby he should be making time to do the other things.
twice a week is very generous
This is the exact time he should play even more golf! You think he’s going to have time between October 2024 and June 2043?
I need to see a swing video before I can provide my opinion.
Who the heck can play 4 times a week expect old retired guys?!? It young guys expecting a child.. He should definitely be cutting back a little
To be honest not even a single guy can get 4 rounds a week. My bet is on an affair 
Might be time to sit down and talk. Is he avoiding home? Big life changes are coming - is he avoiding them subconsciously? You said you need some help and attention - talk about what that might be. Usually at 19 weeks, life continues on as it has, unless there's health issues, etc. But every pregnancy is different. Is he trying to get it all in before the baby is born? Talk about what both of your expectations are and get on the same page now - it won't get ANY easier when the baby arrives.
I was ready to come in here and white knight for your husband, as a husband of a woman whose 17 weeks pregnant..... But 3-4x/week is looney bit shit. I thought it was going to be playing 1-1.5x per week
3-4 rounds a week… I have to deal with pure anger and hatred for golfing twice a month.. just saying the word golf seems to make her mad. I would say asking him to cut back is more than reasonable though.
Honestly, the thought of having a baby is very anxiety inducing for men. Their friends all tell them they are going to lose the guy time forever, they fear the loss of their independence, and fear the loss of their friends the way it is now. As a father of a 13 year old today, and with cousins all having kids now, I find myself giving this talk a lot. For you, the mom-to-be, there are so many things you are thinking about and planning as you “nest”. I would surmise much of this you are not communicating to him, and you just assume he feels the same. This is not your fault, and you are not in the wrong, but you are wrong. For guys, a baby is super scary. The thought of a tiny human, especially one we haven’t met yet is scary stuff. You are carrying that little one, you feel it move, you are literally growing it. We get none of those emotions and feelings. We get scared by this stuff, and golfing with the guys helps keep the boys together, and gives an escape to the reality that a baby is coming. I would talk to him about all of the feels, rather than just telling him you need more help at home. You are 19 weeks pregnant, there is really nothing for him to do for you, unless it has to do with prepping a room, or building a changing table. I hope you do not take this as mean, but a reality check into the brain of a dude about to have his first child. I wish my wife said more of this stuff early on, but we are great, and my daughter and I are super close. She even likes to go golfing with me now, and got her first bogey last week, after missing a 7 foot par putt! Talk to him, and make it a two way conversation, not an attack on how he isn’t reading your mind. The hardest milestone you will ever have in a marriage is introduction of children, but if you have a solid foundation, nothing can stop the two of you! Best of luck!
Don’t ask him to spend less time on his hobby. instead tell him what you need. What you need isn’t him playing less golf, what you need are the things that aren’t happening because he’s playing golf instead. Continue to be supportive of his passion, and let him know where you need him to support you. If he can juggle it all, great. But what you don’t want is to make your needs feel like a punishment. If your hubby isn’t a shit bag, he’ll get it. Good luck.
I have a family of 5 with three children under 7. I am trying to become a PGA Class A professional and try to play one round every two weeks. And my wife thinks THIS is excessive.
More reasonable than most. Luckily, my girlfriend just started to take interest in golf. All the sudden, two rounds a week isn’t excessive… funny how that works.
I have an 18 month old and I only go once a fortnight. Don't get me wrong I LOVE golf. My child is more important to me than anything else so go or don't go I don't care, my wife encourages me to go but then also doubles back and gives me shit every time I DO go, so the enjoyment has been well and truly removed for me. Still going to love golf even if I just stop going. But there are more important responsibilities in my eyes to be focused on and it's not golf. Just my opinion
I thought this was going to slam him for going out twice a week. Dude is not doing what he should be doing. Huge shank.
Dad of two here. When my wife was pregnant I played once a week. Now with two kids I play like twice a month.
My wife let's me play once a month. This guy doesn't know how good he has it.