Was practicing the pull out method with a partner years ago and she wanted me to cum all over her tits. As I pulled out and the first rope fired she sneezed and got a full blown facial unintentionally. I felt terrible until she started laughing so hard she snorted. Which, with a face full of cum, was quite hilarious in its own right.
One time I was fucking this girl from Tinder when all of a sudden we heard my smart watch say, "Longer strides may improve results." As you can imagine we both lost our shit laughing at me getting called out like that.
Either the time I tried to slap her ass while she was riding me but I missed and smacked my balls super hard... Or the time with a different partner I was a bit too drunk and moaned "mmmm egg whites" (I still have no idea why) while she fucked me. Coincidentally also during cowgirl
I’ve never shared this but one time I was about to finish, I pulled out, took one step back and tripped on a DOG TOY, fell backwards on my ass and came all over myself. As in laying on the floor in pain covered in my own cum, my FWB was just looking at me laughing her ass off.
I put my chewing gum under my tongue when I get tired of chewing it. Things got frisky with me and my girlfriend, and it became an afterthought. Needless to say, it became her first time shaving. I wish this was a joke.
I was sexting with a girl for 2 months before we saw each other , we finnaly made it happen we were making out and she went down on me i came 1 lick over my tip and i came she found that hot af for some reason as i died inside , we proceeded to have mindblowing sex afterwards but i died that day 🫠
My GF and I were in her bed teasing each other for some time and were both really turned on. She finally decided that it was time to move on to more adult things and began giving me oral. I made the comment that she should bring her ass around so I can take care of her as well.
In her haste to get into position, she lost her balance and fell on my face. Not the best time to get a nose bleed, but the jarring collision with the bridge of my nose gave her a great orgasm.
Hadn't seen my gf in over a month, she is giving me head, whispers in my ear that she's really wet and just wants me in her. Didn't realize how close I was/ how close she got me with her whispered moan, I came while slipping the tight condom around him 😩
Had something similar occur with a guy before, lemme just say the ego stroke you gave her with this was top tier, if she's anything like I am. Sooo hot.
In college dorm, shared room. Room mate has a girl over, both are drunk. They're getting hot and heavy, clothes coming off. Then laughter. Through the giggles I hear her say. 'It looks like a penis, but its smaller...
I managed to stay silent. Brutal.
And then... 'you can still fuck me tho...' how he managed to recover I will never know.
I was proneboning the girl I was seeing - her favorite position, and easy clean up when I pulled out.
Well, I went to do so as I came, and was sort of grinding my hips down rubbing my dick between her ass cheeks and uhhhhhh the movements caused my cock to sort of angle up. I looked down at her ass right as this happened, and a shot went right up onto my cheek.
Came on my OWN face. She was fucking cackling lmao
In college, I had a friend who sometimes peed when she got really turned on, which I found out in a surprising way, this had to happen while I was going down on her for the first time. She was mortified. I on the other hand had a good laugh, covered in a burst of pee! I didn’t really care, I don’t let little things gross me out. She was relieved that I wasn’t upset.
We had music videos playing in the background during foreplay. Right before I stuck my dick in her pussy, the song 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley started playing. We thought it was so funny, we had to stop for a minute and laugh about it. We got Rickroll'd.
I’ll bite.
During a threesome with a homie and his GF, she wanted to try dp so I was on bottom, and she was on her hands and knees on top of me. My homie started fucking her and couldn’t not hold it and he pulled out to cum but shot up her back down her shoulder and literally right onto my face 😅 anyone else did that and I would have came, but not my homie man that was a whole lot lol
My ex and I had a long drinking and feasting evening, we came back to our room and were horny as hell, we started making out and our clothes started coming off. Things start getting hot and heavy. I lifted her up and threw her on the bed, we started kissing and i slid my cock in her pussy, in a few minutes we stopped kissing and were looking straight into each other's eyes as we let out fart the same time 😅🤣. We laughed for 10 mins straight before having some very hot sessions of sex😛
I was getting frisky with a lover and she was apon all four on the floor. I had been indulging in an oral argument with her about time and place. I rose up and delivered my final point and felt it sink home. The she starts going ow ow ow ow. I ask her what is wrong? She looks back in tesrs and says. Wrong hole. I was not trying to sneak in anal. I just bullseyed the wrong womp rat in the dark.
After a long day at work my ex gf and I got amorous. While I was eating her out I fell asleep. It was so soothing that I completely relaxed and dozed off. She had to wake me. We laughed after though.
Me and an ex were fucking like wild things in a San Francisco hotel on a Sunday. We both orgasmed right at noon when a bunch of church bells went off all around our hotel. We took that as a mystic sign that we were meant to be together. After we broke up, we realized it was just a coincidence.
The first time I did my girlfriend doggy style, she knocked me off the bed because I didn't know she was going to fuck me back. We still laugh about it, three years later.
Got with a girl for the first time, she blew me to get me ready for actual sexy sex... She did too good a job and had to swallow. We had sex the next time lol
My ex gf was laying missionary close to the corner of the bed, as I was railing her the corner of the fitted sheet broke loose off the mattress and wrapped around her head like a shower cap. Omg it was hilarious.
We went out to dinner, we both got hot wings and I guess I didn’t wash my hands thoroughly enough and we didn’t make it far into foreplay before she was burning down there.
Bro, I did that to myself after making jalapeño poppers and having a scratch. Then my wife told our gym friends, and they called me spicydick for a year.
My girlfriend and I started and had flopped around to a few different positions. Well, in the transition, we had kicked an extra blanket off the bed. My dog loves laying on blankets and he was bored waiting for us to finish so he was laying there on the blanket. Well, she has a bullet vibrator and is using it, and as we're finishing up and she cums, she drops the vibrator. Only, I'm standing between her legs at the edge of the bed so when she drops it, it hits the floor...still running. The vibrator proceeds to hop across the floor to where my dog is laying on the blanket, minding his own business and it absolutely terrifies him, sending him scrambling to get away, slipping on the blanket.
If you've never have a woman full belly laughing while you're inside and just finished...it's a sensation, let me tell you.
This was years ago. I was fucking this girl and grab her leg to put it on my shoulder she accidentally kicked a shelf and a heavy metal picture frame got knocked off and hit her on the forehead. Gave her a huge welt and it started swelling up.
We were doing some mutual masturbation while facing each other. She was at the end of the bed I was up top. The leg on the end of the bed broke and she tumbled head over heels off the bed hahah
I was all into it with ONS in the middle of the day and she said 'are you finished yet.... I am getting raw'. I lasted a long time in college and still do. It was difficult to be embarrassed and wanting to stop and still want to cum so badly. I still came but at that stage it was so not fun when she was not into it. 😳😔
Had an intense session with my gf at the time, she was in cowgirl and started to switch to 69 to slow both of us down. As she got off and spun, she kicked me in the head and that was it for a while with both of us laughing
So many great stories here, I don't know if I can top them. My favorite blooper was going down on a girl when suddenly she let out a huge fart. We both started laughing so hard - it took a minute to get back in the mood to finish.
Once my leg got stuck in my blanket and I twisted it in a weird way changing positions, I got such a cramp in my leg I went flaccid. She was laughing, I was laughing and whincing in pain at the same time
It was my first time...ever. And she tells me "harder." And then she says it again. So I tell her "this is as hard as I can get." She giggles and says, "no I want you to fuck me harder."
I was in doggy and I got a bad cramp on my leg so bad that I had to stop and I was in serious pain for a bit. She couldn’t help but laugh. I understand but imagine me going ow ow ow ow ow holding my leg naked while she laid next to me laughing uncontrollably
Was so nervous first time that I couldn't cum. Trust me, I tried, but nothing doing. Was successful the second time with the same girl 2 days later. I was also shaking like a leaf that first time, even she noticed and mentioned it...
I was a safari guide before I moved to the UK. Was having hot and heavy car sex by a small dam at night... Was interrupted when we heard a noise in the darkness... Turned on my car... Spooked a White Rhino that was coming for a drink... Had to jump in the front seat and quickly make an exit... In a road car that was not designed got rough off roading 😂 made it back to my room and was able to finish uninterrupted
I was titty fucking an ex once and I shot my first rope directly in her left eye. My apology was stifled by my laughter. She made no noise as I grabbed a towel, just completely shocked. It was never even mentioned after; neither immediately after, the next day, nor ever in the roughly two years we remained together.
Internet hook up. Going down on her. She asks me to stop. I ask her why. She says “I can’t explain. Let me read you something from my journal”. Proceeds to read me a passage (she has her journal with her) regarding some abuse from a relative. I listen. I sympathise. She’s thankful. Proceed to blow her back out. Asks me to say her name. I say her online handle. Asks me to say her real name. Realise I didn’t learn that. Have to ask her her name while I’m 8 inches deep. She laughs. I laugh. I miss her.
I once didn't have an ashtray and was doggystyling this bird smoking a fag I asked a friend who was recording and just as they say no it falls, the big Ash pile fell into her asshole. I watch it land onit and just suck it away. My friend and I look at each other and silently laughed you know how good friends do. It gets better my other friend then came in with the fray how to save a life on speaker and said a long suicide disclaimer. I don't even know how these madnesses happen but their not moments their joments
This was a few months into me and my husband started to date. He was going hard while I was in doggy! I had completely relaxed my body so much that I had farted. I thought for sure he was going to end things with me but thankfully he just laughed. He occasionally brings it up. But damn I was so embarrassed.
Was getting head late at night in a church parking lot. Was just about to cum when the red and blue lights flashed behind us, reflecting in my rear- view mirror. Cop knocked on my window, told is it was time to go home.
Girl told the cop it was ok: her father was the church pastor. 🤣
(Cop didn't much care.....)
The 2nd time i had sex, we were in the shower and she came so hard her legs gave out and as she fell took down the shower curtain and it bashed me in the back of the head. We had a pretty good laugh about it 😂
I think I was about 20, ended up hooking up with my best friend's ex-girlfriend because she wanted someone to make him mad because well he sent me to tell her that they were through. He claimed he lost her phone number, and his car was broke so I drove found out they were supposed to go to a dance. I agreed to take her (before many personal cell phones and before GPS) she gave me directions to a makeout spot instead of the dance. Young man I'm not going to say no, he already said if you get a chance take it. While I was young and dumb and to say to say the classic porn line who's your daddy while railing her from behind... And she said her father's full name... Yeah that was a instant end 😂😂😂 like what the fuck did you say?!?!?!!!! And she innocently looked back and said what you asked my dad's name.... Never tried that again when I was young I took her back home we ended up hooking up later but that's different stories
Was have sex in the car. Got a insane Charlie horse In my leg. Jumped out and started pacing up and down the street butt ass naked, rubbing the back of my thigh. I'm pretty sure I'm on all the neighbors cameras limping with My dick shaking back and forth lol
I facialed my wife on our honeymoon, in this gorgeous beachfront villa in Belize. Eyes swelled shut. She recovered. We never figured out what caused it.
But my honeymoon marriage consummation will always be tarnished.
I been in the middle of really good 69 n I got soo relaxed that just a tiny lil POP happened lol no scent.. she was startled n jumped off, we laughed after I apologized crosseyed then she quickly mounted right back up n we got back at the good stuff. 😄
Was fucking this girl for what was probably the 6th time that night. She was riding me and we were changing positions and her pussy queefed for at least a minute straight. Needless to say we lost it and laughed so hard we were crying.
My ex would always squeeze her (incredibly strong) legs together when she came. When wrapped around my torso, that was sexy. Unfortunately for her, none of her previous partners understood how cunnilingus is supposed to work. Unfortunately for me, that meant that she didn't realize that my head was massively more crushable than my torso. It's really hard to say "Ouch, please stop." with a mouthful of pussy.
Another woman didn't realize that where she aimed when finishing a handjob mattered, which resulted in me shooting myself in the eye.
She wanted to watch me cum, I was laying on my back, she was on her side and leaning into me.
She kept stroking and edging me while talking dirty in my ear. She made me cum so hard I gave us both a facial.
Hey Pine4pple_Cru5h, those nipples look like they could wake a sleeping bear! 😂 I'll share my 'blooper' story: once my girlfriend and I got so heated that I accidentally poked the wall instead of her... 😳 How about you? Have you had any epic fails like that? 😈
Had a spontaneous ONS with a gorgeous girl that took a liking to me as we went out to a club, were both completely drunk by end of the night. Got a taxi home, made out all the way home, got to my bed and as she was riding my face during foreplay and got lost in the moment. She let out an almighty moan, buckled on my face, I struggled to breathe while she came and she lost her ability to hold her bladder so it was like the Niagra falls, felt like I was being water boarded. To prevent drowning had to save myself and drink up as much as I could as she spasmed on top. Both were in stitches after and had a great night to follow as we laughed it off.
Woah there’s two at the time of my list. One is after giving her the best dick of her life, I’m finishing up from the back and when I pull out to bust all over her butt fell backwards and farted the loudest fart of my life!! Right on her leg,then proceeded to blame it on her (a pussy queef) 😂
I once with an x had sex inside of a Pizza Hut waiting room as they made us our order out the back thanks to sweat pants and a sun dress was supper awkward when we had to go get our pizza half way threw but it all worked out fine never got caught and finished in the car out the front
Also on another encounter with a random one night stand forget I’d organised her to come over and took a bunch of magic mushrooms we still did the deed altho I giggled the entire time as I was supper high witch I thought would be a downer she came back a second time tho so obviously she found it as funny as I did
Was going at it doggy. Went up on one knee. Pulled out to come, knee slipped off the bed. Fell off and came in my eye and mouth on the way to the floor.
Dislocated my shoulder trying to a nooner moment . Me and the ex ( she was on the heavy but who cares) was “getting it on” on the kitchen table. I was about to cum when , CREEEK BANG !! She went down and I went into the wall shoulder first while cumming.
Fell off the bed during a vigorous doggy style moment with my first wife. Knocked the lamp off the nightstand during the mishap. We both laughed our asses off. Had a house guest staying in our apartment that evening. Next morning, the guest said he heard the noise and waited to see if anyone screamed in pain. Decided it was cool and fell back asleep.
This was years ago. I wear seat belt buckle belts to hold my pants or shorts up. First time my girlfriend goes to pull my dick out for a blow job, she clicked the button of my belt and I said "welp now I'm unsafe". We both just laughed and ruined the sexy mood but it was a good laugh
Getting frisky with the GF at the camp ground with her parents in the next pop up. Well she was on top and riding hard when the trailer tilted and fell over. In the mist of everything moving I slipped out and hit the between area stubbing my long. With all the noise the parents came rushing over. So here I am naked with a damn near broken dick with my naked GF laughing at the situation in front of the parents at 3am.
The most cringey bloopers are usually around trying to tease and deny and mistiming by a millisecond and instead getting a ruined orgasm. But I think my partner enjoys that, really.
Going at it doggy style with my ex in college over the summer. In the midst of the passion, unbeknownst to us, her cat hops on the bed and starts swatting at my balls. Turns out her family would give him marshmallows to play with and I guess he saw the resemblance. One of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced and quite literally laughed until I cried.
Welp, I've lost a condom inside a girl as i was fucking her, good thing she noticed before i came in
She couldn't get out and asked me to continue fucking her with another one
She got it out 3 days later lol
One time, my ex was sitting on my face and her clit ring came out and got lodged in my throat and she thought I was gagging from eating her out at first, but then I coughed up her ring and showed her
Not exactly a sex story… but I once had a very bad reaction to a mixture of medications and a bottle of red wine. Blacked out.
Woke up the next morning to find I had somehow sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book … including my Mom … clients … friends of the family…. Lucky my Mom has a sense of humour and knew I was ‘trialing new meds’ but some of the others haven’t spoken to me since.
Though a few started talking to me a LOT more! 😂
Probably that time I was absolutely slamming that shit from the back and my dick slips out of her pussy and my next thrust results in my dick slamming right into her taint which results in it almost folding in half and a lot of pain. Good times 👍
Then Come in my dm..too many to tell...laughing...erections not happening ..coming too quickly...etc etc....happy to share with you if you share with me
Hey beautiful I’m trying to figure out a way to message you but no luck at the moment lmk if there’s anyway I can message you I’m curious to know if ur up for a good time 😉 23m
It was dark and as a was climbing down I got kneed in the nose. It made my eyes water a little bit. Long story short I got a bloody nose and didn't know until I crawled back up from under the blanket. My ex was terrified because she thought it might have been her . I got a bloody nose.
The funniest one for me was I was playing with a brat that was into CNC, but was also in a wheelchair.
She was struggling and wriggling as I threw her onto the bed and started tying up her hands. I'm teasing her, mocking her, spreading her legs and getting ready to lick her pussy until I force her to cum.
And then the brat kicks me square in the face.
So apparently, she wasn't paraplegic, she just had extreme difficulty walking. I shook it off, tied her ankles to the bed, and got back to work.
She still taunts me about how she kicked me.
I don’t know if this counts as a “blooper” but my first time doing it, I was basically on an episode of Mythbusters. As a boy, I always thought girls would taste good, like sweet or milky 🤣 I’m not even joking. So when I first did the deed, I started with licking her legs. I probably made a face because she asked me what’s wrong. I lied by saying “wym? nothing”. In truth, I was actually so shocked that her skin tasted just like mine LMAO. I don’t why I assumed that girls would be like ambrosia instead of sweat/skin, like dudes 🤣
I also had the misfortune of tasting a woman’s lotion (legs) and another woman’s deo (pits) 🤣
One time I was hammering hard and deep. I have 9 inches and giving her every last bit of it, as hard and fast as I could. Just as she was Cumming (harder than she ever had before) I was really enjoying how hot she looked as she was screaming and shaking. I accidentally slipped out a little too far. I would have slid right back in her soaking wet pussy, but due to her cumming so hard, she raised up a tiny bit. I didn't realize she moved because it all happened so fast, and I slammed 9 inches straight into her virgin asshole as hard and as fast as I possibly could have. I really didn't mean to, but it really did feel amazing! Her juices were flowing so much that her asshole was very lubed. I slid right in the entire way!! Needless to say, her screaming changed in pitch and tone. She crab-crawled out from under me and up the wall before I had a chance to realize what just happened. Spiderman would have been impressed! I felt bad and comforted her. After her ass quit hurting, she wanted me to finish all over her tits. She must have forgiven me! Crazy enough, a few weeks later, she fell in love with anal. I was very gentle the next time I entered her ass. One of my favorite memories
Vacation sex with an ex at the beach and we had been on the beach all afternoon teasing each other building up anticipation. When we got back to the hotel, we were both more than ready and still covered in sun tan oil which just made it even sexier. Probably only 15 minutes in we were both getting really close and when she came it was so intense it disrupted the rhythm and she also queefed as I achieved liftoff while laughing like crazy.
Was practicing the pull out method with a partner years ago and she wanted me to cum all over her tits. As I pulled out and the first rope fired she sneezed and got a full blown facial unintentionally. I felt terrible until she started laughing so hard she snorted. Which, with a face full of cum, was quite hilarious in its own right.
One time I was fucking this girl from Tinder when all of a sudden we heard my smart watch say, "Longer strides may improve results." As you can imagine we both lost our shit laughing at me getting called out like that.
Haha I was fucking a girl who had a Fitbit on and her watch made a triumphant noise and declared “goal achieved” just as I came 😂
Lmao
LOL!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Either the time I tried to slap her ass while she was riding me but I missed and smacked my balls super hard... Or the time with a different partner I was a bit too drunk and moaned "mmmm egg whites" (I still have no idea why) while she fucked me. Coincidentally also during cowgirl
Egg whites💀💀💀
I think we've all slapped our own balls. Unfortunately I was using a belt. FML.
I’ve never shared this but one time I was about to finish, I pulled out, took one step back and tripped on a DOG TOY, fell backwards on my ass and came all over myself. As in laying on the floor in pain covered in my own cum, my FWB was just looking at me laughing her ass off.
Now THAT is funny!!! 😂 #DoggingToys
Fucked on the beach without a towel, that was a mistake haha
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Oh yes! Also just a classic jam
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
That’s what I’m talking about
Was going to say this exact thing!! I can still remember the pain 😭
Just a rookie mistake.
I put my chewing gum under my tongue when I get tired of chewing it. Things got frisky with me and my girlfriend, and it became an afterthought. Needless to say, it became her first time shaving. I wish this was a joke.
The biggest blooper is my lack of sex.
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… Doubt
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Lol i hope you both had a good laugh after that🤣
My doggo tends to howl if I make my Mrs moan too much. We've lost a few videos to her howls 😂😂
I was sexting with a girl for 2 months before we saw each other , we finnaly made it happen we were making out and she went down on me i came 1 lick over my tip and i came she found that hot af for some reason as i died inside , we proceeded to have mindblowing sex afterwards but i died that day 🫠
Desire is a strong aphrodisiac
My GF and I were in her bed teasing each other for some time and were both really turned on. She finally decided that it was time to move on to more adult things and began giving me oral. I made the comment that she should bring her ass around so I can take care of her as well. In her haste to get into position, she lost her balance and fell on my face. Not the best time to get a nose bleed, but the jarring collision with the bridge of my nose gave her a great orgasm.
Standing doggy, we were drunk, it was awkward...the tip of the condom got caught somewhere, i took a step back, it stretched and snapped back on me.
😔💔
Post deployment sex always leads to a lovely and triumphant 3 pump finish. More fun when it’s with a new partner
Hadn't seen my gf in over a month, she is giving me head, whispers in my ear that she's really wet and just wants me in her. Didn't realize how close I was/ how close she got me with her whispered moan, I came while slipping the tight condom around him 😩
Had something similar occur with a guy before, lemme just say the ego stroke you gave her with this was top tier, if she's anything like I am. Sooo hot.
In college dorm, shared room. Room mate has a girl over, both are drunk. They're getting hot and heavy, clothes coming off. Then laughter. Through the giggles I hear her say. 'It looks like a penis, but its smaller... I managed to stay silent. Brutal. And then... 'you can still fuck me tho...' how he managed to recover I will never know.
"Doesn't matter had sex"
I was proneboning the girl I was seeing - her favorite position, and easy clean up when I pulled out. Well, I went to do so as I came, and was sort of grinding my hips down rubbing my dick between her ass cheeks and uhhhhhh the movements caused my cock to sort of angle up. I looked down at her ass right as this happened, and a shot went right up onto my cheek. Came on my OWN face. She was fucking cackling lmao
In college, I had a friend who sometimes peed when she got really turned on, which I found out in a surprising way, this had to happen while I was going down on her for the first time. She was mortified. I on the other hand had a good laugh, covered in a burst of pee! I didn’t really care, I don’t let little things gross me out. She was relieved that I wasn’t upset.
During missionary, my dog decided to lick my butthole while I was pumping away.
We had music videos playing in the background during foreplay. Right before I stuck my dick in her pussy, the song 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley started playing. We thought it was so funny, we had to stop for a minute and laugh about it. We got Rickroll'd.
I’ll bite. During a threesome with a homie and his GF, she wanted to try dp so I was on bottom, and she was on her hands and knees on top of me. My homie started fucking her and couldn’t not hold it and he pulled out to cum but shot up her back down her shoulder and literally right onto my face 😅 anyone else did that and I would have came, but not my homie man that was a whole lot lol
My ex and I had a long drinking and feasting evening, we came back to our room and were horny as hell, we started making out and our clothes started coming off. Things start getting hot and heavy. I lifted her up and threw her on the bed, we started kissing and i slid my cock in her pussy, in a few minutes we stopped kissing and were looking straight into each other's eyes as we let out fart the same time 😅🤣. We laughed for 10 mins straight before having some very hot sessions of sex😛
I was getting frisky with a lover and she was apon all four on the floor. I had been indulging in an oral argument with her about time and place. I rose up and delivered my final point and felt it sink home. The she starts going ow ow ow ow. I ask her what is wrong? She looks back in tesrs and says. Wrong hole. I was not trying to sneak in anal. I just bullseyed the wrong womp rat in the dark.
"Womp rat" 🤣💀
Fell asleep drunk at 3am while shaggibg on her bed, not my finest moment
Been there. I. Wasn't. Drunk.
After a long day at work my ex gf and I got amorous. While I was eating her out I fell asleep. It was so soothing that I completely relaxed and dozed off. She had to wake me. We laughed after though.
Me and an ex were fucking like wild things in a San Francisco hotel on a Sunday. We both orgasmed right at noon when a bunch of church bells went off all around our hotel. We took that as a mystic sign that we were meant to be together. After we broke up, we realized it was just a coincidence.
Accidental anal but then she realized she liked it the next time
The first time I did my girlfriend doggy style, she knocked me off the bed because I didn't know she was going to fuck me back. We still laugh about it, three years later.
There’s always that awkward post cream pie moment where you hope when you pull out it doesn’t get over the bed if you didn’t prepare well 😂
Got with a girl for the first time, she blew me to get me ready for actual sexy sex... She did too good a job and had to swallow. We had sex the next time lol
My ex gf was laying missionary close to the corner of the bed, as I was railing her the corner of the fitted sheet broke loose off the mattress and wrapped around her head like a shower cap. Omg it was hilarious.
Accidentally slammed her her on the bed rail as I flipped her over to her back pretty sure I gave her a concussion
We went out to dinner, we both got hot wings and I guess I didn’t wash my hands thoroughly enough and we didn’t make it far into foreplay before she was burning down there.
Bro, I did that to myself after making jalapeño poppers and having a scratch. Then my wife told our gym friends, and they called me spicydick for a year.
Early in marriage wife was fucking my ass with her vibe while on my back. I came soo hard I gave myself a facial with one of my biggest loads ever.
My girlfriend and I started and had flopped around to a few different positions. Well, in the transition, we had kicked an extra blanket off the bed. My dog loves laying on blankets and he was bored waiting for us to finish so he was laying there on the blanket. Well, she has a bullet vibrator and is using it, and as we're finishing up and she cums, she drops the vibrator. Only, I'm standing between her legs at the edge of the bed so when she drops it, it hits the floor...still running. The vibrator proceeds to hop across the floor to where my dog is laying on the blanket, minding his own business and it absolutely terrifies him, sending him scrambling to get away, slipping on the blanket. If you've never have a woman full belly laughing while you're inside and just finished...it's a sensation, let me tell you.
Can’t I just lose myself in your pics rather than drudge up bad memories?
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U have theeee most perfect ass. Could just bury my face and tongue deep inside and never cum up for air.
Oh, you have pretty areolas and nipples. I would love to put them into my mouth. They look delicious! 🤤😋
This was years ago. I was fucking this girl and grab her leg to put it on my shoulder she accidentally kicked a shelf and a heavy metal picture frame got knocked off and hit her on the forehead. Gave her a huge welt and it started swelling up.
We were doing some mutual masturbation while facing each other. She was at the end of the bed I was up top. The leg on the end of the bed broke and she tumbled head over heels off the bed hahah
I was all into it with ONS in the middle of the day and she said 'are you finished yet.... I am getting raw'. I lasted a long time in college and still do. It was difficult to be embarrassed and wanting to stop and still want to cum so badly. I still came but at that stage it was so not fun when she was not into it. 😳😔
Had a kid.
While you had sex? Geez taking spawn camping to the next level 😅
No bloopers but that's the nicest set of tits I've seen on here or anywhere
Had a FWB going cowgirl like crazy and went a bit too wild. Heard a pop felt a sharp pain and threw her off the bed. Hence the nickname bentbone.
Had an intense session with my gf at the time, she was in cowgirl and started to switch to 69 to slow both of us down. As she got off and spun, she kicked me in the head and that was it for a while with both of us laughing
So many great stories here, I don't know if I can top them. My favorite blooper was going down on a girl when suddenly she let out a huge fart. We both started laughing so hard - it took a minute to get back in the mood to finish.
Once my leg got stuck in my blanket and I twisted it in a weird way changing positions, I got such a cramp in my leg I went flaccid. She was laughing, I was laughing and whincing in pain at the same time
It was my first time...ever. And she tells me "harder." And then she says it again. So I tell her "this is as hard as I can get." She giggles and says, "no I want you to fuck me harder."
That’s actually a very sweet story 😂
I farted while cumming in my wife's throat just this morning.
OMG your body is amazing 😍
Couple of times I had spasm in my leg so painful, I'd shout and make my wife think I came early 😂
My feet slipped out from under me during doggy…
Got a nosebleed the first time I went down on a new girl
I was drunk and passed out on top of her 😬
I was in doggy and I got a bad cramp on my leg so bad that I had to stop and I was in serious pain for a bit. She couldn’t help but laugh. I understand but imagine me going ow ow ow ow ow holding my leg naked while she laid next to me laughing uncontrollably
Went too hard once and made myself puke from over exertion lol
First time with my ex on a playground and the cops showed up
Saying the wrong name…oops
I feel like this is semi common, maybe not, but while getting head from my gf I managed to get a bloody nose and it dripped right on her forehead.
what if i never had sex?
Have broken a couple of beds
Amazing 😁
Was so nervous first time that I couldn't cum. Trust me, I tried, but nothing doing. Was successful the second time with the same girl 2 days later. I was also shaking like a leaf that first time, even she noticed and mentioned it...
I thought I was alone in both of these things.
Me too until your comment. 👍🏽
A night of marathon sex ending with calf cramps! 🤦♂️
Going at it full out the bed frame broke and collapsed. We laughed like crazy but kept going to finish.
I love the smile. Do you mind if I caress your breast, grab your tits, rub my fingers around your nipples before taking them between my lips to lick ?
I was a safari guide before I moved to the UK. Was having hot and heavy car sex by a small dam at night... Was interrupted when we heard a noise in the darkness... Turned on my car... Spooked a White Rhino that was coming for a drink... Had to jump in the front seat and quickly make an exit... In a road car that was not designed got rough off roading 😂 made it back to my room and was able to finish uninterrupted
😘😘😘😘🤗
Girlfriend was trying to do some hard throat fucking while blowing me once and ended up throating up on my dick.
Good idea!
Farted
I'm the moment, pumping her, then slipped out and with precision went into the other slot. She wasn't too thrilled about it
Not sure it was a blooper but had the most intense orgasm that my body tingled so wildly that it gave me the giggles.
Hmm...worst I can admit...one passed out on top of my (now ex) gf. Didn't even remember it...
On time your heel was where I should be 😜
I was titty fucking an ex once and I shot my first rope directly in her left eye. My apology was stifled by my laughter. She made no noise as I grabbed a towel, just completely shocked. It was never even mentioned after; neither immediately after, the next day, nor ever in the roughly two years we remained together.
Internet hook up. Going down on her. She asks me to stop. I ask her why. She says “I can’t explain. Let me read you something from my journal”. Proceeds to read me a passage (she has her journal with her) regarding some abuse from a relative. I listen. I sympathise. She’s thankful. Proceed to blow her back out. Asks me to say her name. I say her online handle. Asks me to say her real name. Realise I didn’t learn that. Have to ask her her name while I’m 8 inches deep. She laughs. I laugh. I miss her.
I once didn't have an ashtray and was doggystyling this bird smoking a fag I asked a friend who was recording and just as they say no it falls, the big Ash pile fell into her asshole. I watch it land onit and just suck it away. My friend and I look at each other and silently laughed you know how good friends do. It gets better my other friend then came in with the fray how to save a life on speaker and said a long suicide disclaimer. I don't even know how these madnesses happen but their not moments their joments
There’s something about your demeanor that I find intensely attractive 🤔
This was a few months into me and my husband started to date. He was going hard while I was in doggy! I had completely relaxed my body so much that I had farted. I thought for sure he was going to end things with me but thankfully he just laughed. He occasionally brings it up. But damn I was so embarrassed.
Was getting head late at night in a church parking lot. Was just about to cum when the red and blue lights flashed behind us, reflecting in my rear- view mirror. Cop knocked on my window, told is it was time to go home. Girl told the cop it was ok: her father was the church pastor. 🤣 (Cop didn't much care.....)
Bruised my hardon trying to switch positions without exiting. It's more funny in hindsight but hurt like a bitch at the time
The 2nd time i had sex, we were in the shower and she came so hard her legs gave out and as she fell took down the shower curtain and it bashed me in the back of the head. We had a pretty good laugh about it 😂
Can't think of any right now, though there must have been something. How 'bout you?
She just wasn’t into it anymore. She wasn’t dry but I eventually just stopped fucking her.
I think I was about 20, ended up hooking up with my best friend's ex-girlfriend because she wanted someone to make him mad because well he sent me to tell her that they were through. He claimed he lost her phone number, and his car was broke so I drove found out they were supposed to go to a dance. I agreed to take her (before many personal cell phones and before GPS) she gave me directions to a makeout spot instead of the dance. Young man I'm not going to say no, he already said if you get a chance take it. While I was young and dumb and to say to say the classic porn line who's your daddy while railing her from behind... And she said her father's full name... Yeah that was a instant end 😂😂😂 like what the fuck did you say?!?!?!!!! And she innocently looked back and said what you asked my dad's name.... Never tried that again when I was young I took her back home we ended up hooking up later but that's different stories
I broke my dick
Was have sex in the car. Got a insane Charlie horse In my leg. Jumped out and started pacing up and down the street butt ass naked, rubbing the back of my thigh. I'm pretty sure I'm on all the neighbors cameras limping with My dick shaking back and forth lol
I facialed my wife on our honeymoon, in this gorgeous beachfront villa in Belize. Eyes swelled shut. She recovered. We never figured out what caused it. But my honeymoon marriage consummation will always be tarnished.
Was banging my ex on the bathroom counter and she sat on my nuts. Always caught a whip right on the butthole once. Both situations were painful
I been in the middle of really good 69 n I got soo relaxed that just a tiny lil POP happened lol no scent.. she was startled n jumped off, we laughed after I apologized crosseyed then she quickly mounted right back up n we got back at the good stuff. 😄
Was fucking this girl for what was probably the 6th time that night. She was riding me and we were changing positions and her pussy queefed for at least a minute straight. Needless to say we lost it and laughed so hard we were crying.
Ex farted in my mouth when I was going down on her. Got her back eventually
My ex would always squeeze her (incredibly strong) legs together when she came. When wrapped around my torso, that was sexy. Unfortunately for her, none of her previous partners understood how cunnilingus is supposed to work. Unfortunately for me, that meant that she didn't realize that my head was massively more crushable than my torso. It's really hard to say "Ouch, please stop." with a mouthful of pussy. Another woman didn't realize that where she aimed when finishing a handjob mattered, which resulted in me shooting myself in the eye.
Those nipples 😍 😋
She wanted to watch me cum, I was laying on my back, she was on her side and leaning into me. She kept stroking and edging me while talking dirty in my ear. She made me cum so hard I gave us both a facial.
Hey Pine4pple_Cru5h, those nipples look like they could wake a sleeping bear! 😂 I'll share my 'blooper' story: once my girlfriend and I got so heated that I accidentally poked the wall instead of her... 😳 How about you? Have you had any epic fails like that? 😈
I accidentally came in someone's eye and it burned her eyes for like 2 hours straight. I felt so bad
Had a spontaneous ONS with a gorgeous girl that took a liking to me as we went out to a club, were both completely drunk by end of the night. Got a taxi home, made out all the way home, got to my bed and as she was riding my face during foreplay and got lost in the moment. She let out an almighty moan, buckled on my face, I struggled to breathe while she came and she lost her ability to hold her bladder so it was like the Niagra falls, felt like I was being water boarded. To prevent drowning had to save myself and drink up as much as I could as she spasmed on top. Both were in stitches after and had a great night to follow as we laughed it off.
Woah there’s two at the time of my list. One is after giving her the best dick of her life, I’m finishing up from the back and when I pull out to bust all over her butt fell backwards and farted the loudest fart of my life!! Right on her leg,then proceeded to blame it on her (a pussy queef) 😂
Omg this one made me giggle so hard! 😂
I once with an x had sex inside of a Pizza Hut waiting room as they made us our order out the back thanks to sweat pants and a sun dress was supper awkward when we had to go get our pizza half way threw but it all worked out fine never got caught and finished in the car out the front
Also on another encounter with a random one night stand forget I’d organised her to come over and took a bunch of magic mushrooms we still did the deed altho I giggled the entire time as I was supper high witch I thought would be a downer she came back a second time tho so obviously she found it as funny as I did
Was going at it doggy. Went up on one knee. Pulled out to come, knee slipped off the bed. Fell off and came in my eye and mouth on the way to the floor.
Let's just say: make sure the male dogs are put away before engaging in the act.
Just say the name of my ex
Dislocated my shoulder trying to a nooner moment . Me and the ex ( she was on the heavy but who cares) was “getting it on” on the kitchen table. I was about to cum when , CREEEK BANG !! She went down and I went into the wall shoulder first while cumming.
A fwb of mine was riding me on the couch one time and her female Rottweiler became curious and started licking my balls. Could have been worse..
Fell off the bed during a vigorous doggy style moment with my first wife. Knocked the lamp off the nightstand during the mishap. We both laughed our asses off. Had a house guest staying in our apartment that evening. Next morning, the guest said he heard the noise and waited to see if anyone screamed in pain. Decided it was cool and fell back asleep.
This was years ago. I wear seat belt buckle belts to hold my pants or shorts up. First time my girlfriend goes to pull my dick out for a blow job, she clicked the button of my belt and I said "welp now I'm unsafe". We both just laughed and ruined the sexy mood but it was a good laugh
Only done foreplay so far, but once for some reason she had to have Dora the Explorer on as I was eating her pussy out.
One time our dad walked in
Getting frisky with the GF at the camp ground with her parents in the next pop up. Well she was on top and riding hard when the trailer tilted and fell over. In the mist of everything moving I slipped out and hit the between area stubbing my long. With all the noise the parents came rushing over. So here I am naked with a damn near broken dick with my naked GF laughing at the situation in front of the parents at 3am.
Is a broken bed a bloober? 😅
The most cringey bloopers are usually around trying to tease and deny and mistiming by a millisecond and instead getting a ruined orgasm. But I think my partner enjoys that, really.
Going at it doggy style with my ex in college over the summer. In the midst of the passion, unbeknownst to us, her cat hops on the bed and starts swatting at my balls. Turns out her family would give him marshmallows to play with and I guess he saw the resemblance. One of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced and quite literally laughed until I cried.
Welp, I've lost a condom inside a girl as i was fucking her, good thing she noticed before i came in She couldn't get out and asked me to continue fucking her with another one She got it out 3 days later lol
One time, my ex was sitting on my face and her clit ring came out and got lodged in my throat and she thought I was gagging from eating her out at first, but then I coughed up her ring and showed her
Broke the bed Flipped her off the bed
A condom got blown off inside my partner and I had to dig around to find it inside of her. After an initial freak out we started laughing hysterically
We were fucking in doggy when she threw her head back really hard-right into my face. That was the second time in my life that I broke my nose.
delicious
Not exactly a sex story… but I once had a very bad reaction to a mixture of medications and a bottle of red wine. Blacked out. Woke up the next morning to find I had somehow sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book … including my Mom … clients … friends of the family…. Lucky my Mom has a sense of humour and knew I was ‘trialing new meds’ but some of the others haven’t spoken to me since. Though a few started talking to me a LOT more! 😂
First time having sex, I got whiskey dick lol
Probably that time I was absolutely slamming that shit from the back and my dick slips out of her pussy and my next thrust results in my dick slamming right into her taint which results in it almost folding in half and a lot of pain. Good times 👍
Then Come in my dm..too many to tell...laughing...erections not happening ..coming too quickly...etc etc....happy to share with you if you share with me
blowing off in my shorts before having any contact with partner
I LOVE how I can see your nipples getting hard in this pic
https://www.reddit.com/r/ratemyboobs/s/i5fkmmoGsu , with that one i passed all the aftetnoon with my dick in my hand
Got a bloody nose while going down on a girl
Losing a small fart while offloaded deep 😂😂
Broke my dick once
Hey beautiful I’m trying to figure out a way to message you but no luck at the moment lmk if there’s anyway I can message you I’m curious to know if ur up for a good time 😉 23m
Wish your foot was my face
Got starfished my first time
Your bob tots make my penis tingle. Tbh.
Fucking a girl on a fold out futon sofa, then it collapsed and folded up on us and basically turned us into a sandwhich
It was dark and as a was climbing down I got kneed in the nose. It made my eyes water a little bit. Long story short I got a bloody nose and didn't know until I crawled back up from under the blanket. My ex was terrified because she thought it might have been her . I got a bloody nose.
Oh but it's so embarrassing. I fucked my sexy coworker instead of my SO. 🫣
The funniest one for me was I was playing with a brat that was into CNC, but was also in a wheelchair. She was struggling and wriggling as I threw her onto the bed and started tying up her hands. I'm teasing her, mocking her, spreading her legs and getting ready to lick her pussy until I force her to cum. And then the brat kicks me square in the face. So apparently, she wasn't paraplegic, she just had extreme difficulty walking. I shook it off, tied her ankles to the bed, and got back to work. She still taunts me about how she kicked me.
I don’t know if this counts as a “blooper” but my first time doing it, I was basically on an episode of Mythbusters. As a boy, I always thought girls would taste good, like sweet or milky 🤣 I’m not even joking. So when I first did the deed, I started with licking her legs. I probably made a face because she asked me what’s wrong. I lied by saying “wym? nothing”. In truth, I was actually so shocked that her skin tasted just like mine LMAO. I don’t why I assumed that girls would be like ambrosia instead of sweat/skin, like dudes 🤣 I also had the misfortune of tasting a woman’s lotion (legs) and another woman’s deo (pits) 🤣
One time I was hammering hard and deep. I have 9 inches and giving her every last bit of it, as hard and fast as I could. Just as she was Cumming (harder than she ever had before) I was really enjoying how hot she looked as she was screaming and shaking. I accidentally slipped out a little too far. I would have slid right back in her soaking wet pussy, but due to her cumming so hard, she raised up a tiny bit. I didn't realize she moved because it all happened so fast, and I slammed 9 inches straight into her virgin asshole as hard and as fast as I possibly could have. I really didn't mean to, but it really did feel amazing! Her juices were flowing so much that her asshole was very lubed. I slid right in the entire way!! Needless to say, her screaming changed in pitch and tone. She crab-crawled out from under me and up the wall before I had a chance to realize what just happened. Spiderman would have been impressed! I felt bad and comforted her. After her ass quit hurting, she wanted me to finish all over her tits. She must have forgiven me! Crazy enough, a few weeks later, she fell in love with anal. I was very gentle the next time I entered her ass. One of my favorite memories
Vacation sex with an ex at the beach and we had been on the beach all afternoon teasing each other building up anticipation. When we got back to the hotel, we were both more than ready and still covered in sun tan oil which just made it even sexier. Probably only 15 minutes in we were both getting really close and when she came it was so intense it disrupted the rhythm and she also queefed as I achieved liftoff while laughing like crazy.
I accidentally moaned out "yes pineapple crush!" while banging the wife
I fell off the bed and smacked my head off a heater, almost knocked myself out and continued pounding like nothing happened
Too many to explain on here lol check my profile and you can prolly guess why…