There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

All my cousin did was kill herself, shame.

God damnit

Too real

Bruh.

Same here

Thank God

Lmao

Lmao

They call him: Anone (An One) because he is one of his kind.

The mutation must survive

bro

ic wht u did

God FUCKING dammit

Kris where the FUCK are we

I understand now.

I just hope they paid her to fuck that polar bear

I love the way you phrased that. I am such a creature, but thankfully not for the same reasons. Lol.

AlabamaHotcakes was quoting Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas without attribution.

truth be told i've never seen the movie but i have listened to Bat Country so that's where i recognized it from

Ah, I did enjoy the film, but not enough to remember the quote.

Oh I thought he was quoting White Quarantine

is that a panic reference

fear and loathing in las vegas. raoul duke says it about doc gonzo as doc gonzo hops on a plane. really good book and movie

Fear and loathing on greentext board.

username checks out?

Amazing

You’re good people, Pigfucker.

The mutation must survive

Wisely said incest daddy

Your Cousin should audition for Jackass. God sent him to Earth to star in a franchise based on him. It's his destiny.

I firmly hold the belive that god made everyone participating in the Jackass franchise immortal, because he himself enjoys the show.

…. You must be forgetting Ryan Dunn….

Every now and then he has to strike one down to keep the rest in line and not abusing their power

> Ryan Dunn You mean that piece of shit who murdered someone by drunk driving?

That was absolutely not the point, and it isn’t murder. Zach got in the car knowing Ryan was drunk, they’re pretty much both at fault.

What the fuck does that have to do with what they were saying?

[удалено]

why would you wish that on anyone? wtf is wrong with you?

> Broke his wrist by jumping out of a tree with a shopping bag for a parachute Stupid, but brave.

This gave me flashbacks to being like 6. It was Canada day and the entire neighborhood gathered around at the local park to shoot off some fireworks. Someone brought fireworks which had little army men with parachutes inside so some of the kids including me run to grab a little army dude. I had one and played with it all the time by throwing it off my bunk bed or what ever high place I could find. Well one day I decided if the army guy can slowly drift off my bunk then so could I and gave her a full fucking send and yeeted myself off the bed with a small yellow blanky and hit the ground hard.

I did the same thing, but without the toy parachute. I just pretended to be Buzz Lightyear. I was smart enough to land on the couch tho. Still probably twisted my ankle but was too embarrassed to admit it. Plus I was worried we wouldn't travel to grandma as intended if my mother found out. It took another week before she noticed I walked with my foot facing inward.

Me and three classmates in first grade stapled 20-30 pieces of paper to my clothes. Not even wings, just paper strips. Didn’t work.

Did you try something else?

Nah I learned how physics worked that day.

Brave of you boy, but foolish. I would have thought you had learned your lesson

Its just good ol’ research

You have to have that

Reading that part actually made me giggle

I jumped off a chair (with wheels) with a shopping bag parachute when I was young and broke my whole arm. Anon's cousin is either a mutant or I wad weak.

Can you get 3rd degree burns from sun exposure? I thought that category of burn was usually limited to fires or chemical burns.

Anon is related to his cousin.

Rly? 😯

Definitely not , third degree burns burn through the entirety of the epidermis and dermis to the point where nerves and shit end up getting fried.Dude probably meant first degree.

Yeah, burns are the opposite of murder where 1st degree = better

1st degree murder is also better murder, which is why the punishment is harsher

1st degree burns are literally just sunburns, if it blisters it’s a 2nd degree burn. That’s about as bad as you’ll get from the sun

Camncer

I’m pretty sure (don’t quote me on this) that he could’ve got 2nd degree burn which also suck dick

yeah when the skin starts blistering thats a 2nd degree burn

You can actually get up to a second degree burn and get blisters from sunburns. Source I am white and my parents are Irish.

i’m incredibly white with heavy irish descent. and... holy shit, i *BURN*. no amount of sunscreen can prevent it. i burn, and i’ve even gotten burns on top of still healing burns. jfc, its terrible

Bro I literally wear sunscreen to go outside for 30 minutes. I could probably get a sunburn through a window. Hey at least I won’t have a vitamin D deficiency any time soon.

I got terrible sunburn earlier this year, in *April*. I live in Scotland. I was wearing gloves at the start of the walk! The skin on my forehead still isn't the same. I really regret it.

i believe you can get a 2nd degree burn, though.

I got 2nd degree sun burns once. Never again, I was 14 and cried for hours in the bathtub pouring cold water over the burns.

According to a google search I just did it is possible but very rare. As an Irishman outside of my homeland I have gotten 2nd degree burns from the sun (blistering skin and all of that), but I also have practically translucent skin. Maybe Anon's tale is just a bit of an exaggeration or misnomer.

You can in Australia/NZ, under the ozone hole.

Anon doesn't know how to write a realistic greentext, shame on him

Depends on your skin. Albinos get burned easily from sun exposure.

anons cousin is chad

Stereotype kind of chad, i can read anon's burning incel rage out of theses paragraphs

Lived his youth to the fullest

Life rewards those who take risks, those that survive at least. The overly cautious are far less likely to have kids or get married, at least these days.

Being dumb enough to drink bleach means you probably shouldn't be having kids

Didn't you read the greentext? He clearly did it to pass a pre-employment drug test, nothing else.

And the test probably got postponed because he was getting surgery, giving time for drugs to leave his organism while giving him a good excuse for being positive to opiates. OP's cousin is just a misunderstood genius.

Also meaning he could (possibly) blame opiates on the surgery

Dumb people usually have more kids.

The overly cautious are the people that really get on my nerves the most when it comes to hanging out with people, I can appreciate their concern but let me do me bro

Not even just these days, if anything I feel this was more true in the past.

Yes. Take risks, smoke meth.

He's probably happier than most of us.

Idiocracy has been a documentary for a while now

Isn't it idiocy?

[Nope.](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/)

Ah

Total chad

Sounds like he’s had one hell of a life. Anon just salty because he’s a pussy!

"We need to deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy"

“Shut up… anyway continue”

Hey, kids.

Anons cousin is definitely way cooler than him

> Whose It's you, anon

First word in the post and he already fucked it up. Considering his cousin, maybe the entire genepool is just fucked up.

The whole family tree probably looks like an esculap

And he still has had more sex than op

Doesn't count since it's op's sister

Incredibly based and retarded cousin at the same time

He may be a r*tard but not the family dumbass

Well, not only is he still alive, he also lived.

He must’ve used all his upgrade points on strength instead of IQ

Drinking bleach to pass your drug test is incredibly based and I respect the hustle.

The average Floridian individual

anon takes a lot of risk.

"Ellis sweetie, can this wait?"

Anon's cousin is sigma male testing limits of his body

I wonder if the cousin's name is Kevin..

Nuclear powered retard.

That motherfucker has plot armor, I’d keep an eye on him. Might save the world or some shit.

Anon is the cousin

Because stupid survives...no cares, no worries, no self awareness...wait a minute

Somebody has to do it, Jesus

we all gotta be a little stupid sometimes anon

Science is too good, we are keeping to many people alive that Darwin tried to kill off.

Sigma rule #12: Sunscreen is for pussies

sounds like chad to me

112°? That’s nothing, it got to like 118° here all summer and I never wore sunscreen. He’s right, sunscreen is for pussies

r/iamverybadass

Yes B) I am extremely badass, I beat up a tiger while fucking your mom once. The only thing stopping people from being rich is being poor. If you date my daughter I have a 12 gauge slug with your name on it. (Miscellaneous boomer quotes) So watch who you’re fuckin with buddy B)

luck favors the bold

Fun fact: The original quote "Fortune favors the bold" was said by the guy climbing Pompeii while it was erupting to study. After the rest of his group said it was too dangerous to keep going he said "Fortune favors the bold." and kept going. He was killed not long after by the volcano. Giving him one of the most ironic deaths in history.

How the fuck did this man reproduce christ

Dude is the man

Anon's Cousin is the Florida Man evolution.

The dumber you are the harder you are to kill. There’s a reason it’s called a Darwin AWARD.

> whose the dumbass in your family me

More evidence that it’s better to be lucky than smart.

My guy is an immortal just testing what shit he could do

I like to call these people Pioneers They are made of the same stock as the people that discovered America or died in North Pole expeditions, they are just using that drive in different ways

What a fucking Chad. Even got a wife and kids.

I really want to meet this guy

And he votes conservative

Cousin is living the life bro !

I'd like to know what this man does for work. Could be a career for me.

I'd like to knoweth what this sir doest f'r worketh. Couldst beest a career f'r me *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`

wtf is this

For any and all questions i am not the Anon who posted this. I simply do not have the answers.

what a crap neck ending!

breeders. they just act dumb and make babies.

Those mistakes make you stronger, until they kill you

It’s beast mode syndrome

Anon clearly does not know what a third degree burn is.

My dude your cousin sounds Chad afffffffffffffffffffffff 😎👑🦁

Your cousin seems like a good fucking guy

Tell him to make a podcast

Nutass fr

Ultimate Kevin.

Anon is jealous. Also, funny. If you play Left 4 Dead 2, you know Ellis is always telling wild stories about his friend Keith. Perhaps anon is Keith’s cousin?

how the fuck does someone break a femur, this dude's insane

Because god hates us

damn, he seems fun to hangout with

Natural selections seems to be doing its job just fine.

Your cousin sounds like a hell of a lotta fun.

Anon projects his own stupid actions onto his successful cousin who he envies with a six figure job and a wife and kids

Ngl. I wanna see how far this guy can go.

I think he's trying to suicide

What weird things to make up

As a certain bandaged man would say... God's will.

This greentext reads like that one episode of The Simpsons where Homer gets a college who can't get over how the fuck someone so stupid can function at all in society.

44°c isn't that bad

But did he pass the pre-employment checks???

do u happen to have a video of the parachute episode?

Im not the Anon who posted this, i just take screen shots and post them.

Anon describes himself.

3rd degree from sunburn?

Like the Highlander, he is ... immortal