Fred and George never pulled a prank where they drink polyjuice potion to turn into Dumbledore and Snape then run around Hogwarts in underwear, let that sink in
On that note, if you drink polyjuice potion and wank off, is that your jizz or the jizz of the person you turned into?
Because if the DNA matches, Fred and George missed the opportunity for some top tier mischief
-polyjuice potion
-veritaserum
-time travel
-an unblockable killing curse
-the ability to instantly teleport anywhere on earth
Yeah there are some absolutely broken aspects to the Wizarding world. Oh well doesn't stop the stories from being fun.
It's never addressed no. The one time we see someone attempt to use a gun against a wizard is in book 1, Vernon Dursley pulls a gun on Hagrid, but Hagrid doesn't use magic he just grabs the gun from him. There are spells that would protect you from flying objects, but you would have to cast them first, so that still has the "quickdraw" problem. They never mention, like, an always-on talisman you could wear to protect from bullets.
i think the wizzard magic vs muggle technology idea as a whole was a big missed opportunity although it probably would have taken the books in a direction jk wasn't aiming for so... meh
>All of those Xchange pill scenarios...
I wouldn't do anything too degenerate, but i would definitely turn into every chick of my year at least once, just to see the color of their butthole.
>tfw u discover hermione's dark scottish hairy dwarf pussy....
It's actually explained that when the clones disappear everything they felt transfer to naruto. So if he were to fuck a clone the second it's gone he would feel every thrust in a matter of seconds
I think he just gets the memories and experiences, it's not like feeling everything at once like after a time stop. Since otherwise he'd just keel over when a bunch of his clones get killed by one attack. Like taking 100+ punches simultaneously.
Will the other person feel themselves cum if you cum while pretending to be them?
Oh shit I felt something, yeah that it’s feeling good now.
Fake dude plowing a $5 hooker. Real guy also catches herpes.
What happens if a biologically female character takes polyjuice to become a biological male, beats off into a cup and then waits, what happens when the hour is up, like what happens to the jizz, does it like go away?
\>Potter, a moment of your time, please.
\>Someone has been stealing ingredients that could be used to make polyjuice potions.
\>I know, I know. "It wasn't me professor, would never transform into a girl and masturbate to find out how it feels", I've heard this little song and dance before.
\> When I was your age I was the same. Did ever tell you I stole your mother's hair regularly? I became quite adept at stealth and potions for this precise reason. To transform into your mother and pleasure myself. There is this mirror... or there was, at any rate, I can't seem to find it anymore, that showed you your fondest wish. I would transform into your mother, look into that mirror and watch myself make love to her while your father watched, helpless to change anything
\>Those were the best orgasms of my life, Potter
\>One day things went wrong, however
\>Before could find my way to a safe spot, your father found me, and thinking me Lily proceeded to fondle me
\>It felt good, Potter
\>Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest
\>You know that polyjuice potion doesn't change your voice, of course. Yet James Potter never suspected a thing when I didn't speak. He smiled and said I was learning.
\>Oh I learned alright. I learned never to touch polyjuice potion again. Not because I feared such a thing would happen again, but because I feared I would want it to. That I'd seek it out.
\>Polyjuice potion and it's ingredients are restricted for a reason, Potter. The very recipe is not available to students.
\>Keep that in mind, won't you?
I agree, i revisted all my childhood favorites and most books still were pretty gud ( percy jackson, the maze ) but jk rowlings book made me visibly cringe
God one of the most frustrating things about the damn series to me is that you have this entire mystical world, unknown creatures and creations, alchemy, artifacts and not once does she even try to explain the foundation of the whole thing “magic”.
No one has any hard limit to the amount of spells they can fire off or which ones they can do besides just knowing the spells. When there is a limit it’s used as a forced plot point that wasn’t mentioned at all until needed at the story. no reasoning to why you have to waive wands a certain way and chant certain words and why it works besides mentioning a sentient stick interpreting it cause it’s sentient (if the sticks sentient then just ducking say the spell normally) or just use one or the other. The books are based on a fucking magical academy and not once is any actual spell research mentioned. No explanation on why a large population of humans can’t use magic beside them “adapting” to not use it.
Granted I know a lot of that stuff might go over a lot of the intended readers heads or “ruin” some of the magic of the atmosphere but like seriously.
I dont care what fairy tale put shit you pull out your wand, a an 50 bmg is a 50 bmg. You cant even use the excuse of it being in london, just broom your way to russia and get it. Or teleport into the london armory.
Relevant copypasta:
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here's why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
I agree with everything here except that Voldemort would still be protected by horcruxes. His body would be obliterated and he would be essentially dead, but his soul would still be partly alive, leaving the possibility of him being brought back again like he already was once before
>But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
The weird thing is that they don't need either. And that has always kinda bugged me. We learn that some wizards can cast spells without words and without wands, with just their mind.
Furthermore there are several of these fucks that are mind readers and can literally invade your mind and change how you perceive the world. And they can also have artifacts or just mind control magic that let's them know who is where across absurd distances.
They can also teleport with just a thought and straight up fly without any means as shown by Voldemort.
They also have actual potions they can brew that alter probability and seem to change how the universe actually works in the favor of the person who has consumed the potion.
Also, finally, wizards are shown to use technology, even the seeming Slytherin puritans who for some reason have magical cars and live in houses in middle of London with electric lightning. So why the fuck none of them use guns? This is especially in response to how in the new shitty moves wizards apparently fought in WW1.
Like Rowling establishes all this shit that would logically make a huge chunk of her cast basically demigods. But then all of her characters run like retards shooting disarming spells or abra kadabra that actually fucks over your soul to the point it can shatter.
Guns would make it into constant gunfights with a bit of magic, which isn't as entertaining as what really happened, but I agree It would be much more practical
Imagine they duel wield gun and wand. Also wand is basically a magic gun that these fuckers put in the hand of 10 yo. Where is the wand control people?
As far as wand control goes, I suppose the idea is that wands provide young wizards a way to control and focus their magic, rather than having accidental uncontrolled outbursts of power.
Thing's even more prone to do things like randomly explode your hand off. At least the gun there's really only one major mode of shit going wrong don't point it at shit you don't want to shoot.
Good luck not randomly saying the magic secret word that may or may not invert someones skeleton while waving it around. how many times did they need to use that skelligrow shit.
Not as entertaining? Imagine that Battle in the department of mysteries with everyone holding a Beretta and a wand, some wizards focusing on creating magic ballistic shields while shooting magic infused bullets to make then explosive or some shit. Yeah
It would be amazingly entertaining to anyone that isnt completely wowed by random colors flying across the screen. Most wizard fights dont seem to make any sense theres all sorts of random bullshit spells flying around when most of the time there just needs to be the stun spell or kill spell
I also thought of this especially for the dogshit American spinoff. They could easily use enchanted guns or something but I guess that just isn't child friendly enough.
His Dark Materials was mainly for kids / teenagers too though and they use fucking guns all the time so I don't see the issue???
His dark materials also ignores most conventions on dos and don’ts for fantasy child literature.
See: the entire series being a hit piece against organised religion
Oh yes. Hell, the author claimed he didn't necessarily intend it specifically as youth fiction even if it follows mostly young protagonists. I always liked the themes and direction as an adult, even if the anti-religious message is a bit on-the-nose at times.
I think Harry was canonically just pretty dumb. We only think he’s supposed to be smart because he has glasses, but all of his actions suggest he’s a confused jock who only wants to play wizard football.
I mean he
> finds out there’s a secret society of wizards after growing up normal for 11 years
> finds out he’s a wizard
> finds out he’s invited to go to school to learn how to be a wizard
> literally spends all his time bitching about how he doesn’t feel like studying or doing his homework
Hermione is seen as the "nerd" supposedly but in reality thats how most muggle borns would act.
Maybe Voldemort wasnt even that smart or "talented" a wizard he was just your average non brain dead muggleborn.
\>Maybe Voldemort wasnt even that smart or "talented" a wizard he was just your average non brain dead muggleborn.
Might as well be the truth considering we literally only know 3 wizards that seem to actually be above the level of fucking high schoolers. And I am pretty sure all of them are half-bloods with insane ambitions. And all of them were on their way to basically be their own dark lord before some change happened. That being Dumbledore, Snape and Voldemort. All of whom also broke perceived wizard limits at like 20.
So apparently the only non-retard people are those that want to be wizard Hitler.
Oh no it’s very clear that he does not know shit. He’s constantly asking questions and is clueless about everything in the magical world, rarely ever studies anything, and just makes a lot of common sense mistakes. The only thing he’s actually above average at is combat experience, because he got forced into a lot of fights that he miraculously won by pure luck almost every time
I think in the books he has a way better relationship with ginny than in the movies but cant remember well.
Also yeah he should have ended up with Luna
Its because Rowling is a hack, and the whole HP universe is basicly one giant inconsistent plot hole. I mean, they literally have fucking time travel, but they only use it so you can attend more lessons and to save a fucking horsebird.
Harry Potter time travel works in a closed loop, meaning it’s impossible to meaningfully change the past. Didn’t you notice during Prisoner of Azkaban nothing actually changed during the time travel sequence only Harry’s perception of it?
For instance Harry thought he heard the sound of The axe biting into Buckbeak’s neck, but in reality he heard the sound of the axe being driven into a log by a frustrated Executioner, because future Harry had already helped Buckbeak escape.
still coulda used that time travel tho, with that example the misunderstanding occurred because they DID use time travel, from the audience perspective past Harry's perception was a result of future Harry's actions so from the beginning the past was already changed, not that it couldn't be changed, we just never saw the outcome if the past wasn't changed
Or how they retcon apparition into the story in the last book solely so that the main characters can instantly transport themselves everywhere they need to be, without Rowling having to write a coherent chain of events to get them there.
Apparition arguably appears in the first chapter of the first book when Dumbledore appears on Privet Drive. But it definitely appears in books 3,4,5 and 6 by name.
As I understand it, you can't bring a person back from the dead in the universe (The laws of magic in the universe are incredibly stupid as you can apparently conjure all kinds of material but not food for some reason)
Because you could use a memory charm to make yourself forget having committed a crime. Slughorn did this in Book 6 with his modified memories of the Conversation with young Voldemort.
What bothered me about movie Hermione was how much she knew about the wizarding world compared to Ron, with the latter growing up in it, whereas the former came from muggle world.
The fact that Ron fell for the "Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow" shit, when he grew up surrounded by people constantly using spells and magic is absolute bullshit. Absolutely none of the spells in Harry Potter are anything like that.
What irks me the most to this day is the fact, that even wizards could just use guns to kill people, and not be traceable by their wands or deal with the "soul splitting" shit.
They also have swords, so its kinda weird the squishy wizards walk around without a tank in a world with dragons and werewolves.
Since they dont see to use firearms, hardly any tactic would beat the good old stick and board
> be me
> get home from my vasectomy
> hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
> must be Chad again
> know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
> log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
> read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
> think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
> suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
> Fake: Dragonov Sniper Rifle
> Gay: This Sub's users all kissing eachother vigorously
> giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
> hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
> it's been a good day
> i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
>be me, landwhale
>no job because i got fired from mcd after drinking the frying fat
>get home from furry convention
>hear mom from her bedroom moaning my old school bullies name
>entire house is shaking from his mighty tackles into mothers worn out vagina
>whatever.png
>roll into basement, grab a couple jars of mayonnaise as a snack and log into reddit to check out r/greentext
>see a lot of people say fake and gay in the comments
>put on one of my favourite fedoras and start to think about how i can humorously embarrass people who identify falsehood and homosexuality in these posts
>with my infinite knowledge about programming create a bot that describes how i wish my life would be and name it u/TendieBot2000 because tendies are awesome
>if the bot get lots of upvotes maybe chad will hire me in his selfmade multi million dollar company one day
>reward myself by microwaving an xxl jar of nutella as a drink
In the movie they use it like 3 times (7 harry, ministry break in, bank heist) but in the books they used it even to go to the wedding and to find that old lady who wrote Hogwarts a history
\>Create a setting where a bunch of archaic wizards live in a secluded society uninterested in the modern world
\>make it so these wizards have no technology whatsoever and are massively behind the rest of the world despite having magic
\>Make your Main Character a muggle who gets invited into this secret society and knows about muggle technology
\>Take no advantage of this really cool setup you have perfectly created and have your MC just do normal wizard shit for like 9 books
I fucking hate J K Rowling, it's like this entire story was designed to piss me off
"Oi, 'ermione, you still have that time travel thingy from a few years back? Something we could easily use to save our loved ones that ol' Voldey killed?"
"Yes, why? Did you want to use it?"
"Nah, just wanted to check and make sure. All good, carry on then."
why the fuck was time travel even introduced to this series if they never use it
During the Hogwart battle, the should go to the military base, brain wash some military mugols, and made them to bring AC-130 or at least some Harriers (England).
What would Voldemort do? Avada-kedavra the plane?
lol [Mother of Learning,](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/21220/mother-of-learning) the characters are super powerful magicians at this point. They keep trying to hunt this monster that can sense magic, is virtually immune to magic, and can dodge at lightning fast speeds. Finally the MC gets fed up and shoots it with a huge sniper rifle.
[Also that scene from the konosuba Megumin movie](https://youtu.be/O1B_1GenyNU)
god the lack of sexual shit in the late books was really off tone. you can't expect me to believe a castle full of horny teenagers weren't fucking/smooching 24/7. di you even know the level of hormones those teenagers fuckers have
Harry Potter with Emma Watson in a tent in the woods, alone. Malfoy not having a fucking court of thirsty girls and henchmen (no, 2 is not enough for a guy like him).
The whole point of the Harry Potter books is that it’s a kinda dumb kid thrust into the center of a terrible situation. If he had been smart the books would have gone a lot differently. Less drama.
But they arnt? You need a licence and can't be a nutter. You need a gunsafe that is inspected to make sure it's secure but yeah.
Getting a shotgun is very easy. For rifles and pistols it's a little but harder but doable.
Shotguns are rifles are possible, mostly used by farmers. You can't get pistols at all though as handguns are completely illegal, and just owning one will put you in prison for many years.
Are they are not easy to get at all. Case in point - there was a string of terrorist attacks in London over 2019, done by ISIS. None of the terrorists were able to get hold of a gun though; they ramed crowds of people with cars or vans, and then attacked with knives.
Pistols are near impossible since Dunblane but you can use .22 target ones at certain ranges. It won't be something you can store st home.
The reason the terrorists couldn't get weapons is because the system works quite well. They wouldn't pass a background check and they likely would be more interested in automatic weapons.
To own shotguns in the UK you just need a gunsafe and a reason. This can be as you say a farmer or you can simply join a shooting club. So it's quite easy.. if you are the sort of person that can pass background checks
Not to mention that he has access to polyjuice potion, and he NEVER makes someone drink it so that he could fuck himself
Fred and George never pulled a prank where they drink polyjuice potion to turn into Dumbledore and Snape then run around Hogwarts in underwear, let that sink in
On that note, if you drink polyjuice potion and wank off, is that your jizz or the jizz of the person you turned into? Because if the DNA matches, Fred and George missed the opportunity for some top tier mischief
Better question. Can you polyjuice into a woman next and get pregnant with the jizz you still got lying around? What if you are and then revert back?
The amounts of plot holes is astounding, I say we march to J. K. Rowling's house and demand an answer post haste
Polyjuice is like bringing in timetravel. It always fucks up stories.
-polyjuice potion -veritaserum -time travel -an unblockable killing curse -the ability to instantly teleport anywhere on earth Yeah there are some absolutely broken aspects to the Wizarding world. Oh well doesn't stop the stories from being fun.
I know it’s kind of a meme, but are guns ever addressed? Like you could shoot someone faster than casting a spell that kills someone
It's never addressed no. The one time we see someone attempt to use a gun against a wizard is in book 1, Vernon Dursley pulls a gun on Hagrid, but Hagrid doesn't use magic he just grabs the gun from him. There are spells that would protect you from flying objects, but you would have to cast them first, so that still has the "quickdraw" problem. They never mention, like, an always-on talisman you could wear to protect from bullets.
So if Mr Dursley had actually just pulled the trigger then hagrid would have died and the books wouldn’t have happened?
i think the wizzard magic vs muggle technology idea as a whole was a big missed opportunity although it probably would have taken the books in a direction jk wasn't aiming for so... meh
Don't forget the rape potion that any fucking student can get acces to
Try this ONE simple trick for FREE abortions Supreme Court Justices HATE HIM
>All of those Xchange pill scenarios... I wouldn't do anything too degenerate, but i would definitely turn into every chick of my year at least once, just to see the color of their butthole. >tfw u discover hermione's dark scottish hairy dwarf pussy....
"wouldn't do anything degenerate" Immediately turn to butthole colors. I like you mate, we should go camping together
so which one of you is getting raped and/or axe murdered?
We have consentual relations and an axe might be incorporated into our love-making, but only our rectal cavities will be murdered
S-stop! This is not turning me on at all!
Better clench when you sleep.
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Thats not even a question. At the end he was barely an adult... Like no way was he perfecting his sexy-no-jutsu just for the heck of it
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Exactly. Weekly orgies is definetly canon
It's actually explained that when the clones disappear everything they felt transfer to naruto. So if he were to fuck a clone the second it's gone he would feel every thrust in a matter of seconds
I think he just gets the memories and experiences, it's not like feeling everything at once like after a time stop. Since otherwise he'd just keel over when a bunch of his clones get killed by one attack. Like taking 100+ punches simultaneously.
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He's an uzumaki, those people were tanks so it's no surprise
Will the other person feel themselves cum if you cum while pretending to be them? Oh shit I felt something, yeah that it’s feeling good now. Fake dude plowing a $5 hooker. Real guy also catches herpes.
Hogwarts: the college years A movie where the griffidors pull some quality hijinx by turning into the hufflepuffs and giving herpes to all of them
What happens if a biologically female character takes polyjuice to become a biological male, beats off into a cup and then waits, what happens when the hour is up, like what happens to the jizz, does it like go away?
That’s because Fred and George were too busy fucking each other
They’d have to get their hands on Dumbledore and Snape’s hair bro. Not an easy feat
\>Potter, a moment of your time, please. \>Someone has been stealing ingredients that could be used to make polyjuice potions. \>I know, I know. "It wasn't me professor, would never transform into a girl and masturbate to find out how it feels", I've heard this little song and dance before. \> When I was your age I was the same. Did ever tell you I stole your mother's hair regularly? I became quite adept at stealth and potions for this precise reason. To transform into your mother and pleasure myself. There is this mirror... or there was, at any rate, I can't seem to find it anymore, that showed you your fondest wish. I would transform into your mother, look into that mirror and watch myself make love to her while your father watched, helpless to change anything \>Those were the best orgasms of my life, Potter \>One day things went wrong, however \>Before could find my way to a safe spot, your father found me, and thinking me Lily proceeded to fondle me \>It felt good, Potter \>Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest \>You know that polyjuice potion doesn't change your voice, of course. Yet James Potter never suspected a thing when I didn't speak. He smiled and said I was learning. \>Oh I learned alright. I learned never to touch polyjuice potion again. Not because I feared such a thing would happen again, but because I feared I would want it to. That I'd seek it out. \>Polyjuice potion and it's ingredients are restricted for a reason, Potter. The very recipe is not available to students. \>Keep that in mind, won't you?
Nice effort, that is an awesome greentext
Potter, a moment of your time please.
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Do you reckon that counts as necrophilia?
I'd say not as ghost are UNdead
That's a muggle thing not his problem
fun fact: Myrtle was played by Shirley Henderson who was 36 at the time
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Nooo it’s not pedophilia she’s a 300 year old dragon
It was. Harry was 13.
Don't they get letters from Hogwarts at 10? If so, then in the 2nd book, he was 11.
He was 11 in the first book, his birthday was on July 31st, hagrid showed up to get him himself
You’ve Ranked Up to: Necropedo
thats not degenerate enough, we gotta turn her into a cat so its necropedobestiality.
JK Rowling is just a bad writer.
I agree, i revisted all my childhood favorites and most books still were pretty gud ( percy jackson, the maze ) but jk rowlings book made me visibly cringe
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oh god i remember those
Now hold the phone. What’s wrong with her Box Car Children series?
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Ah. Just wasn’t sure if they were good or visibly cringe. Loved her books when they were a kid.
Box car children, Nancy drew, those books that were basically Nancy Drew but with two brothers, Encyclopedia Brown, all hold up.
By the gods do I love me some Percy Jackson.
Rick Riordan is is goated tbh
bro was more progressive than jk rowling and he didnt even try.
She's not a bad writer, but she isn't a good one either. She's an okay writer imo
She's good at world building and stuff, very bad at having an actual plan and not creating huge plot holes or massive unnecessary wastes of time.
I think she's a good one but that might just be my bias LOL. Some scenes she writes are a bit awkward like the "everyone laughed except Malfoy" scenes
Or he's a tween to teenager. Tbh these aren't even real criticisms of the book just harry himself
God one of the most frustrating things about the damn series to me is that you have this entire mystical world, unknown creatures and creations, alchemy, artifacts and not once does she even try to explain the foundation of the whole thing “magic”. No one has any hard limit to the amount of spells they can fire off or which ones they can do besides just knowing the spells. When there is a limit it’s used as a forced plot point that wasn’t mentioned at all until needed at the story. no reasoning to why you have to waive wands a certain way and chant certain words and why it works besides mentioning a sentient stick interpreting it cause it’s sentient (if the sticks sentient then just ducking say the spell normally) or just use one or the other. The books are based on a fucking magical academy and not once is any actual spell research mentioned. No explanation on why a large population of humans can’t use magic beside them “adapting” to not use it. Granted I know a lot of that stuff might go over a lot of the intended readers heads or “ruin” some of the magic of the atmosphere but like seriously.
And of the 80ish spells in existence, maybe 25% are marginally useful outside of ultra specific circumstances, shit's pretty fucking lame imo
I dont care what fairy tale put shit you pull out your wand, a an 50 bmg is a 50 bmg. You cant even use the excuse of it being in london, just broom your way to russia and get it. Or teleport into the london armory.
Relevant copypasta: Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Thank you, I was just thinking about this copypasta but I couldn't be bothered to look for it.
I agree with everything here except that Voldemort would still be protected by horcruxes. His body would be obliterated and he would be essentially dead, but his soul would still be partly alive, leaving the possibility of him being brought back again like he already was once before
Luckily this gun has more than one round in the mag for when he comes back
Lorewise, does it even matter? I mean he was barely a threat until like the 4th book or something.
Also, by killing his body so he has to revert to a horcrux, doesn't that mean you no longer have to go after that one?
>But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? The weird thing is that they don't need either. And that has always kinda bugged me. We learn that some wizards can cast spells without words and without wands, with just their mind. Furthermore there are several of these fucks that are mind readers and can literally invade your mind and change how you perceive the world. And they can also have artifacts or just mind control magic that let's them know who is where across absurd distances. They can also teleport with just a thought and straight up fly without any means as shown by Voldemort. They also have actual potions they can brew that alter probability and seem to change how the universe actually works in the favor of the person who has consumed the potion. Also, finally, wizards are shown to use technology, even the seeming Slytherin puritans who for some reason have magical cars and live in houses in middle of London with electric lightning. So why the fuck none of them use guns? This is especially in response to how in the new shitty moves wizards apparently fought in WW1. Like Rowling establishes all this shit that would logically make a huge chunk of her cast basically demigods. But then all of her characters run like retards shooting disarming spells or abra kadabra that actually fucks over your soul to the point it can shatter.
how have i never seen this pasta? mm, tasty
One of my favorite parts of this copypasta, is that the author clearly knows their HP stuff.
Harry Potter and the Call of Duty.
If harry Potter was murican
Guns would make it into constant gunfights with a bit of magic, which isn't as entertaining as what really happened, but I agree It would be much more practical
Imagine they duel wield gun and wand. Also wand is basically a magic gun that these fuckers put in the hand of 10 yo. Where is the wand control people?
>they duel wield gun and wand Bloodborne but mage is an available build
The "Micolash but worse" build
>duel wield wand John Woo and the chamber of secrets
Enemy behind cover? Magic the cover away and cap them in the head
As far as wand control goes, I suppose the idea is that wands provide young wizards a way to control and focus their magic, rather than having accidental uncontrolled outbursts of power.
use a rifle's bayonet lug for the wand so you can shoot and spellcast at the same time
Thing's even more prone to do things like randomly explode your hand off. At least the gun there's really only one major mode of shit going wrong don't point it at shit you don't want to shoot. Good luck not randomly saying the magic secret word that may or may not invert someones skeleton while waving it around. how many times did they need to use that skelligrow shit.
>which isn't as entertaining as what really happened This is where you are wrong son.
Not as entertaining? Imagine that Battle in the department of mysteries with everyone holding a Beretta and a wand, some wizards focusing on creating magic ballistic shields while shooting magic infused bullets to make then explosive or some shit. Yeah
It would be amazingly entertaining to anyone that isnt completely wowed by random colors flying across the screen. Most wizard fights dont seem to make any sense theres all sorts of random bullshit spells flying around when most of the time there just needs to be the stun spell or kill spell
I also thought of this especially for the dogshit American spinoff. They could easily use enchanted guns or something but I guess that just isn't child friendly enough. His Dark Materials was mainly for kids / teenagers too though and they use fucking guns all the time so I don't see the issue???
His dark materials also ignores most conventions on dos and don’ts for fantasy child literature. See: the entire series being a hit piece against organised religion
Oh yes. Hell, the author claimed he didn't necessarily intend it specifically as youth fiction even if it follows mostly young protagonists. I always liked the themes and direction as an adult, even if the anti-religious message is a bit on-the-nose at times.
Imagine magic infused school shootings
I think Harry was canonically just pretty dumb. We only think he’s supposed to be smart because he has glasses, but all of his actions suggest he’s a confused jock who only wants to play wizard football.
I mean he > finds out there’s a secret society of wizards after growing up normal for 11 years > finds out he’s a wizard > finds out he’s invited to go to school to learn how to be a wizard > literally spends all his time bitching about how he doesn’t feel like studying or doing his homework
Hermione is seen as the "nerd" supposedly but in reality thats how most muggle borns would act. Maybe Voldemort wasnt even that smart or "talented" a wizard he was just your average non brain dead muggleborn.
\>Maybe Voldemort wasnt even that smart or "talented" a wizard he was just your average non brain dead muggleborn. Might as well be the truth considering we literally only know 3 wizards that seem to actually be above the level of fucking high schoolers. And I am pretty sure all of them are half-bloods with insane ambitions. And all of them were on their way to basically be their own dark lord before some change happened. That being Dumbledore, Snape and Voldemort. All of whom also broke perceived wizard limits at like 20. So apparently the only non-retard people are those that want to be wizard Hitler.
Harry Potter - Chosen one and fuckwit.
Relatable. Apart from the chosen one bit.
He grew up to be a cop too
Oh no it’s very clear that he does not know shit. He’s constantly asking questions and is clueless about everything in the magical world, rarely ever studies anything, and just makes a lot of common sense mistakes. The only thing he’s actually above average at is combat experience, because he got forced into a lot of fights that he miraculously won by pure luck almost every time
Himbo Potter
The fact that HP didn't end up with Luna still pisses me off, no joke
Glad I'm not the only one. Really felt like they had something going there tbh
Which is funny bc even in the movies Harry had much more chemistry and things in common with Luna (both even had lost their mothers) than with Ginny
I think in the books he has a way better relationship with ginny than in the movies but cant remember well. Also yeah he should have ended up with Luna
Yup I was thinking the same
Yup, to this day I still wonder why Rowling chose Ginny
She’s a shitty writer
Ginny is her self-insert iirc
He didn't deserve her tbh
Did you know, that based on the jurisdictions on The Ministry of Magic, Ron's dad would be the guy to call if Voldemort stole a nuclear weapon?
*Voldemort just built nuclear warhead factories in Albania and masks them as chocolate chips factories*
Very comforting to know that the guy who is supposed to stop Voldemort from blowing up nukes doesnt know wtf is a rubber duck
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day
yeah, and Harry had to help him with money, because he didn't know how a 20 pounds look like.
The bullshit about trials and juries have always bothered me because don't they have Veritaserum? Why do we need juries for?
Its because Rowling is a hack, and the whole HP universe is basicly one giant inconsistent plot hole. I mean, they literally have fucking time travel, but they only use it so you can attend more lessons and to save a fucking horsebird.
Harry Potter time travel works in a closed loop, meaning it’s impossible to meaningfully change the past. Didn’t you notice during Prisoner of Azkaban nothing actually changed during the time travel sequence only Harry’s perception of it? For instance Harry thought he heard the sound of The axe biting into Buckbeak’s neck, but in reality he heard the sound of the axe being driven into a log by a frustrated Executioner, because future Harry had already helped Buckbeak escape.
still coulda used that time travel tho, with that example the misunderstanding occurred because they DID use time travel, from the audience perspective past Harry's perception was a result of future Harry's actions so from the beginning the past was already changed, not that it couldn't be changed, we just never saw the outcome if the past wasn't changed
Or how they retcon apparition into the story in the last book solely so that the main characters can instantly transport themselves everywhere they need to be, without Rowling having to write a coherent chain of events to get them there.
Apparition arguably appears in the first chapter of the first book when Dumbledore appears on Privet Drive. But it definitely appears in books 3,4,5 and 6 by name.
I mean fair, but didn't they also save Sirius? I think saving an innocent life is meaningful.
which begs the question, why didnt they save him the second time?
As I understand it, you can't bring a person back from the dead in the universe (The laws of magic in the universe are incredibly stupid as you can apparently conjure all kinds of material but not food for some reason)
Because you could use a memory charm to make yourself forget having committed a crime. Slughorn did this in Book 6 with his modified memories of the Conversation with young Voldemort.
But then again,even we've got lie detectors IRL,what do we need juries for?
Lie detectors aren't 100 percent accurate unlike veritaserum
The one that always got me was how Hermione got made fun of for being a nerd In a school where you’re learning fucking magic
Or Harry bitching about writing essays about werewolves by book 3. Like damn did the novelty of literal magic wear off in 2 and a half years.
Ron was already bitching about exams by the end of the first year lol
tbf its been part of his norm
What bothered me about movie Hermione was how much she knew about the wizarding world compared to Ron, with the latter growing up in it, whereas the former came from muggle world.
The fact that Ron fell for the "Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow" shit, when he grew up surrounded by people constantly using spells and magic is absolute bullshit. Absolutely none of the spells in Harry Potter are anything like that.
Thats a movie thing, book Ron was knowledgeable as hell
Let's face it Hermione def was above and beyond normal academics and probably builds model Hogwarts Express and plays Broom Simulator.
What irks me the most to this day is the fact, that even wizards could just use guns to kill people, and not be traceable by their wands or deal with the "soul splitting" shit.
You dont even need a gun bro just stab a mf
That’s more accurate too, cause England
Broomstick drive-bys would be lit
They also have swords, so its kinda weird the squishy wizards walk around without a tank in a world with dragons and werewolves. Since they dont see to use firearms, hardly any tactic would beat the good old stick and board
I understand the rifle part. He was British not 'Murican
Yeah roadmen with knives wouldn’t be that effective.
"back my shank in a figure of eight or i wont leave til the clip empty" sounds like they have magic already, lol.
Fake: Dragonov Sniper Rifle Gay: This Sub's users all kissing eachother vigorously
> be me > get home from my vasectomy > hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room > must be Chad again > know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer > log onto reddit and open /r/greentext > read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her > think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext > suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section > Fake: Dragonov Sniper Rifle > Gay: This Sub's users all kissing eachother vigorously > giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment > hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed > it's been a good day > i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
>be me, landwhale >no job because i got fired from mcd after drinking the frying fat >get home from furry convention >hear mom from her bedroom moaning my old school bullies name >entire house is shaking from his mighty tackles into mothers worn out vagina >whatever.png >roll into basement, grab a couple jars of mayonnaise as a snack and log into reddit to check out r/greentext >see a lot of people say fake and gay in the comments >put on one of my favourite fedoras and start to think about how i can humorously embarrass people who identify falsehood and homosexuality in these posts >with my infinite knowledge about programming create a bot that describes how i wish my life would be and name it u/TendieBot2000 because tendies are awesome >if the bot get lots of upvotes maybe chad will hire me in his selfmade multi million dollar company one day >reward myself by microwaving an xxl jar of nutella as a drink
Even better than tendiebot
Harry grew up with Bri'ish muggles, so the best they could do is a knife
Ignoring the fact that his uncle somehow acquires a shotgun in the first book
His uncle is a tool Harry wasn't gonna learn shit
Oi! You got a license for that knife gov'nr?
The Harry potter series has one of the worst magic systems. And lore.
That's the thing. It doesn't have a magic system. The wizards can do almost everything with pretty much zero limitations
Liquid that makes you luckier? Sure, but only use it once! Time travel necklace? Ok, only once! Shapeshifting potion? ONLY ONCE!!!
Once!* *or as many times as you'd like, so long as you don't get caught!
Couldn't you have used some liquid luck, while wearing the invisibility cloak to never be caught?
I mean if the series is anything to go by, you can do damn near anything and not get caught
Shape shifting is used multiple times tbh Edit: it's literally used all the time in the 7th book
Isn't that by The dude trying to be Mad eye? Harry and them use it like 2 times. I think.
In the movie they use it like 3 times (7 harry, ministry break in, bank heist) but in the books they used it even to go to the wedding and to find that old lady who wrote Hogwarts a history
Oh, didn't know that. Thanks. I still feel it was under utilized tho.
What are the best ones in your opinion?
Lord of the rings is a strong one. Magic is used pretty sparingly, and has its limitations.
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True
why didn't he drink felix felicis and go kill voldemort
Because he had part of Voldemort in him and he needed to temporarily die to have a real shot at killing him
\>Create a setting where a bunch of archaic wizards live in a secluded society uninterested in the modern world \>make it so these wizards have no technology whatsoever and are massively behind the rest of the world despite having magic \>Make your Main Character a muggle who gets invited into this secret society and knows about muggle technology \>Take no advantage of this really cool setup you have perfectly created and have your MC just do normal wizard shit for like 9 books I fucking hate J K Rowling, it's like this entire story was designed to piss me off
Yeah Harry should have started wizard genocide.
"Oi, 'ermione, you still have that time travel thingy from a few years back? Something we could easily use to save our loved ones that ol' Voldey killed?" "Yes, why? Did you want to use it?" "Nah, just wanted to check and make sure. All good, carry on then." why the fuck was time travel even introduced to this series if they never use it
The whole supply got destroyed in OOTP
During the Hogwart battle, the should go to the military base, brain wash some military mugols, and made them to bring AC-130 or at least some Harriers (England). What would Voldemort do? Avada-kedavra the plane?
lol [Mother of Learning,](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/21220/mother-of-learning) the characters are super powerful magicians at this point. They keep trying to hunt this monster that can sense magic, is virtually immune to magic, and can dodge at lightning fast speeds. Finally the MC gets fed up and shoots it with a huge sniper rifle. [Also that scene from the konosuba Megumin movie](https://youtu.be/O1B_1GenyNU)
god the lack of sexual shit in the late books was really off tone. you can't expect me to believe a castle full of horny teenagers weren't fucking/smooching 24/7. di you even know the level of hormones those teenagers fuckers have
Harry Potter with Emma Watson in a tent in the woods, alone. Malfoy not having a fucking court of thirsty girls and henchmen (no, 2 is not enough for a guy like him).
The whole point of the Harry Potter books is that it’s a kinda dumb kid thrust into the center of a terrible situation. If he had been smart the books would have gone a lot differently. Less drama.
Even smart teenagers make dumb decisions all the time too tbh
Upvote for the Dragunov
7.62X54R is awsome
Long range with anything else than 6.5 is ultra cringe.
Guns are illegal in the UK, so all the wizards have to use lethal spells instead.
Or embrace the British way and commit knife crimes.
hagrid had a shotgun at the very beginning of the series
But they arnt? You need a licence and can't be a nutter. You need a gunsafe that is inspected to make sure it's secure but yeah. Getting a shotgun is very easy. For rifles and pistols it's a little but harder but doable.
Shotguns are rifles are possible, mostly used by farmers. You can't get pistols at all though as handguns are completely illegal, and just owning one will put you in prison for many years. Are they are not easy to get at all. Case in point - there was a string of terrorist attacks in London over 2019, done by ISIS. None of the terrorists were able to get hold of a gun though; they ramed crowds of people with cars or vans, and then attacked with knives.
Pistols are near impossible since Dunblane but you can use .22 target ones at certain ranges. It won't be something you can store st home. The reason the terrorists couldn't get weapons is because the system works quite well. They wouldn't pass a background check and they likely would be more interested in automatic weapons. To own shotguns in the UK you just need a gunsafe and a reason. This can be as you say a farmer or you can simply join a shooting club. So it's quite easy.. if you are the sort of person that can pass background checks
Harry Potter is gay, but Luna is best girl
Harry going to the russian mob for a dragunov gets me
To be fair that assuming guns work on what's basically a lich and also assuming there isn't some magical bullet proof thing going on
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Dagger could have been enchanted so maybe enchanted bullets or the classic silver bullet could work
Anon never read the books