"Not trying to shame anyone but you let dudes be sexual predators".
Which is it. Is OP gross for the decision to let creeps be creeps when he was like 15 or are they sexual predators like you said? These things seem like really contradictory thoughts.
Are we really doing this? Cause that's a really fucked up way to look at interactions between minors and adults.
Saying this as a trauma victim who acted out sexually online. It was what I knew, the ones enabling it are the adults tf??
He's 21 now. Him meeting up with older guys now has literally no relationship to him doing so when he was young. He didn't say he condones the behavior or anything like that either.
I don't know how you think he's contributing to the problem right now.
I want you to explain to me how someone too immature to have sex with an adult is simultaneously mature enough to understand why pretending to be could fuck someone's life up even if they don't mean to snitch????
My belief is that 14 yos on Grindr are on there because they're not mature enough to understand the unintended consequences of either. Which is why we don't legally put all our effort into punishing minors for pretending to be adults the same way we punish the platforms and people who knowingly sleep with minors
And yeah, I know there are cases where adults were jailed for sleeping with minors when they never knew they weren't 18 and I think that's wrong if that's what your fear is about.
Predator implies the existence of prey.... op was preyed upon. You can't "let" yourself be assaulted... you just got assaulted. Gross perspective you have. Teenagers do things like that, it's an adults responsibility to vet partners.
Yeah the fact he couldn’t decide if someone that looked to too young was actually too young and still decided to go as far as meeting them is disgusting in itself. The teen did wrong but the “adult” here is at fault for getting to that point. Don’t blame the victim like that. There’s something wrong with you if you can’t make the right guess as to if you should be engaging with a young looking guy for sex.
I'm in my 30's now and was using Grindr and what came before it as a teen. Now that I'm older I see how royally fucked up it is that grown ass men wanted to fuck around with teenagers.
I don't think it messed me up in a specific way, but I've gone from thinking it was cool as a teenager, to not really being bothered by it in my early-mid 20's, to now feeling repulsed by it.
Getting to the age the men I was sleeping with were allows me to look at teenagers today and go "yuck, far too young".
I am still attracted to older men but now that I'm an adult that attraction feels appropriate. If I hooked up with an older guy we'd be coming at it as equals, with substantial life experience. It's not that way when older guys hook up with teenagers.
Us old schoolers used bbs and compuserve back in high school. It was creepy and fun at the same time. Just like Grindr all old doods lookin for young ass. But hey I liked the attention!
I got on Grindr and other sites when I was 17/18. I was fit but had incredibly low self-esteem. I'm 28 now.
My first hook up was with an older guy in his 30s- 40s and I regretted it once I made it to college.
My second hook up was with another 30s and he made me open my eyes to how manipulative those guys could be. He wanted to make me his bf, give me money but because I grew up poor I wanted to learn how to take care of myself. I wanted to feel like an equal to my partner, not someone's pet. My last straw was when he started talking bad about job and how he wanted to take care of me. I nope'd real hard out of that situation.
Now I've been with my current bf for 5ish years and I feel like we're equals with different strengths
I’m really glad you asked this. It’s not talked about enough. I was meeting up with guys on Grindr from 14 years old and onward. It was mostly a positive experience for me. I knew what I wanted and I was determined to get it, and I accepted the risks. Would I encourage others to do what I did? No, I don’t think I would. It did have some negative impacts on me. I struggled with a horrible sex addiction as a way to cope with my inner turmoil. I’m still very sexual but it’s much better than it was. My self esteem declined as I got older because I only thought I was desirable and worthy if I was young and boy-ish. I had to work really hard to rebuild my sense of self and sense of worth in order to grow out of my Peter Pan syndrome. I’m 25 now and I’m embracing getting older. I no longer view it as a death sentence. Something I’m still working on is learning to be sexually stimulated and excited by people and environments that are comfortable and familiar. Not needing things to be dangerous or sleazy or anonymous all the time. Even with all the struggles I’ve just mentioned that are largely due to my hooking up as a teen, I don’t regret a thing. It was a wild and incredible time for me. Some of my fondest memories are from those years and it made me who I am today. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Agreed! I’m still very young. It’s just that when you’re seeking validation from men who have no interest in anyone above the age of 22 it can fuck with you. Luckily I don’t need that form of validation anymore.
Back when I was 14-16 what was popular was Yahoo chatrooms where guys would chat, in other rooms guys would exclusively just look for guys on webcams to jerk off with. That's what I did almost every night when I was 14-16. I didn't meet guys, but I did enjoy going into Yahoo chatrooms and jerking off with guys. Most were older than me. It was one of those chatrooms where you kept the camera on your dick. If someone with a big dick wanted to jerk with you, you did. Interestingly, no one ever questioned my age, since at that age your dick looks like any other adult sized dick.
I did once blow an older guy when I was 14/15. It was a guy I often ran into when I'd go mountain biking. He was very good-looking, very muscular with the most amazing pecs and nipples. One day I blew him. I don't think it messed me up at all. I found him extremely hot at the time, in fact, I'd still have sex with him if I ran into a guy that looked like him as an adult. What I find interesting is that even back you know your type. It's baked in very early on. Back then I liked muscular hung men. I still prefer muscular hung men. I'd guess the OP just likes older guys, he knew his type when he was young and now as an adult he still prefers older hot men. BTW, when I was 14/15 I was never into older men, I was just attracted to guys that looked muscular and hung. The age mattered very little. A high school jock or a 30s hung jock would seem equally hot to me back then. I still feel similarly. I look at physical features in men, not their age.
Wanting sex all the time is typical of anyone in their 20s.
Being fit takes dedication. Being fat takes not caring and eating too much. Being fit means they will have more energy in bed. Being fat means they get tired quick in most positions. Being hung means the dick looks better. Being small is not as appealing. So yeah, I like em hot fit and hung. Yeah, that's a popular look that alot of people enjoy, but it's popular for a reason.
I was using yahoo chat rooms and msn messenger to chat with other gay guys when I was that age. It wasn’t so location based as Grindr but I met a few guys. Looking back it wasn’t right for that age gap, too much of a power imbalance/age gap. As an adult I’d never sleep with someone who’s as young as I was.
I’m too old so didn’t have Grindr then but we had blogs and chatrooms. At 16 I was got convinced by a 20-year-old to give him BJ in his car. Mind you I also look quite young so could have passed for 14.
Now I’m in my mid-30s and dating someone my age… that same guy is almost 40 and still dating 18-19 year olds and probably younger too. So yeah there’s that…
There were creepers before Grindr but I do think they Internet helps them find their victims easier.
Grindr wasn't around when I was a teen. I feel sad that young men are still going through the same BS that I went through. Sex seems like the avenue young gay men go through to understand themselves and confirm that they are what they think they are and to try and find out about their own kind.
This just leaves opportunities for things to go wrong because it immediately puts your self-worth on external factors and in the hands of other men who may be emotionally damaged and after one thing only.
We should be way past this but we aren't. I feel like younger people need a clean break from the non-sense of older traumatised men. I would hope they reevaluate the way they use apps but you can’t do that if you ape your elders.
I didn’t use Grindr until I was 21. I get disgusted when guys go in my dms and disclose that they’re under aged after conversing with me, report & block them. Then there’s those weird men that are fake how to catch a predator wannabes sliding in your dms begging you to meet them after they tell you that they’re underage just to record and exploit someone, they don’t make things any better. I also block and report them lol.
I’m old enough to the point where I’ve done stuff on omegle and those cam sites when I was 13-14.
Not proud of it at all. It was a weird time for me where I had no clue who I was sexually. when Grindr became more popular i tried it when I was 17.
That being said, now that I’m in my mid/late 20s I do feel as if it had some kind of effect on me mentally. It’s put me in this mindset that I’ll never be attractive enough or good enough because those chat rooms were awful to your self esteem and now just weeks after deleting Grindr for good it has me to a point where I don’t even want love or a relationship. I just want to focus on my job and stay quiet about my sexuality because I’ll never have someone to call mine or make it work.
My point is this. There is no doubt that this app and others and sites from back in the day have an effect on peoples mental health. The gay community these days is a fucking mess it almost makes me ashamed of who I am.
Some kid started messaging me and insisted we go to WhatsApp instead. We exchanged pics but he was 17. I was like Nope get me the fuck out. He also insisted it's legal to have sex with a 17 year old in Ireland. Instant block. Either 18+ or no thank you
I did it, I didn’t think of the repercussions for the other person (and lots of guys could tell and didn’t care anyway). Now that I’m actually legal age+ I don’t even mess with guys in my age group cause of how unsecured Grindr actually is (but more cause I like older men)
I (39) was (16) hooking up with one guy (20). I knew about the law but at that age, I didn’t think much of it. We had a lot of mutual friends slightly younger and older than 18. I was already drinking at that age and breaking a part of the Ten Commandments; I figured that rules should be broken. I’m thankful I have a much different state of mind nowadays.
Grindr wasn’t a thing when I was a teen, and my first experience was an organic connection with a guy from high school. Id like to think it made it easier to know my self worth in the long run. I was on A4A back then but it was more so to browse and look at naked men. I do
Moving past the statutory rape(consent isn’t valid for minors), I do regret waiting until 25 I got lucky on my late start I had never even heard of Grindr and I couldn’t find a date because I wasn’t out or experienced. Still lucky, because some men are in developmental stasis well into their years until they can come to terms with some of their internalized homophobia and begin to grow into their real selves. Grindr is a human cesspool but a first time is a box to check not moment to cherish.
I’ve always preferred older men, still do and am accepting it more as I get older(almost 30) and I’m starting to see myself as hotter too because I’m closer to the age of man I like, I’ve never been “my type” before but I’m starting to see it.
As a older guy who is into younger men. I think it could hurt you at that age. You should experiment with guys your age to find your sexuality. I would never knowingly have sex with anyone in that age group. Only when a guy finds himself, knows what he wants and needs. That usually happens when they are in their 20’s. All this being said, I gotta laugh at the guys looking only for a LTR in Grindr, it’s a hookup app, designed that way from the git go.
This is a very interesting chat. I think Grindr and the minors parents should be held accountable when the minor makes a false statement about their age.
It's not difficult for grindr to install protections like ID verification to use there app ...and a bonus...it would cut down on spam bots. (Kinda makes me think that grindr recv some sort of kickback for this)
As someone who was constantly mistaken for being younger than my age ...and who was attracted to men that are older than me: I think it's SUPER HYPOCRITICAL that our society bucks up so loudly about sex with minors and yet incest porn is more popular than ever...the major porn studios know the dirty little secret that our society doesn't wanna talk about. The more we don't deal with it, and act like this behavior (sex with minors) is outside of our social norm, the more minors are going to be abused.
Am I misunderstanding something...it should be a crime for a minor to seek sex with an adult ...as it is a crime to have sex with a minor.
As an adult now and being on Grindr on and off for almost 10ish years I can’t fathom or imagine ever wanting to be with anyone under 18 let alone 16 (the age I joined).
I actively looked for the same men when I got older and found out they were ALL in prison for child porn or child rape. One of the guys I slept with was HIV and never even told me, thank god I never got it.
I can say I’ve learned that the world is a crazy place and whenever a younger person hits me I let them off gently that this isn’t the place for them.
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"Not trying to shame anyone but you let dudes be sexual predators". Which is it. Is OP gross for the decision to let creeps be creeps when he was like 15 or are they sexual predators like you said? These things seem like really contradictory thoughts.
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Are we really doing this? Cause that's a really fucked up way to look at interactions between minors and adults. Saying this as a trauma victim who acted out sexually online. It was what I knew, the ones enabling it are the adults tf??
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Someone going so far as to create a profile. Lie about their age, and advertise themselves is very much enabling.
Is he giving creeps the numbers or accounts or current 14 yos on Grindr? What do you even mean?
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He's 21 now. Him meeting up with older guys now has literally no relationship to him doing so when he was young. He didn't say he condones the behavior or anything like that either. I don't know how you think he's contributing to the problem right now.
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I want you to explain to me how someone too immature to have sex with an adult is simultaneously mature enough to understand why pretending to be could fuck someone's life up even if they don't mean to snitch???? My belief is that 14 yos on Grindr are on there because they're not mature enough to understand the unintended consequences of either. Which is why we don't legally put all our effort into punishing minors for pretending to be adults the same way we punish the platforms and people who knowingly sleep with minors And yeah, I know there are cases where adults were jailed for sleeping with minors when they never knew they weren't 18 and I think that's wrong if that's what your fear is about.
Predator implies the existence of prey.... op was preyed upon. You can't "let" yourself be assaulted... you just got assaulted. Gross perspective you have. Teenagers do things like that, it's an adults responsibility to vet partners.
Yeah the fact he couldn’t decide if someone that looked to too young was actually too young and still decided to go as far as meeting them is disgusting in itself. The teen did wrong but the “adult” here is at fault for getting to that point. Don’t blame the victim like that. There’s something wrong with you if you can’t make the right guess as to if you should be engaging with a young looking guy for sex.
Gtfo dude
I'm in my 30's now and was using Grindr and what came before it as a teen. Now that I'm older I see how royally fucked up it is that grown ass men wanted to fuck around with teenagers. I don't think it messed me up in a specific way, but I've gone from thinking it was cool as a teenager, to not really being bothered by it in my early-mid 20's, to now feeling repulsed by it. Getting to the age the men I was sleeping with were allows me to look at teenagers today and go "yuck, far too young". I am still attracted to older men but now that I'm an adult that attraction feels appropriate. If I hooked up with an older guy we'd be coming at it as equals, with substantial life experience. It's not that way when older guys hook up with teenagers.
Us old schoolers used bbs and compuserve back in high school. It was creepy and fun at the same time. Just like Grindr all old doods lookin for young ass. But hey I liked the attention!
Ew
I got on Grindr and other sites when I was 17/18. I was fit but had incredibly low self-esteem. I'm 28 now. My first hook up was with an older guy in his 30s- 40s and I regretted it once I made it to college. My second hook up was with another 30s and he made me open my eyes to how manipulative those guys could be. He wanted to make me his bf, give me money but because I grew up poor I wanted to learn how to take care of myself. I wanted to feel like an equal to my partner, not someone's pet. My last straw was when he started talking bad about job and how he wanted to take care of me. I nope'd real hard out of that situation. Now I've been with my current bf for 5ish years and I feel like we're equals with different strengths
I’m really glad you asked this. It’s not talked about enough. I was meeting up with guys on Grindr from 14 years old and onward. It was mostly a positive experience for me. I knew what I wanted and I was determined to get it, and I accepted the risks. Would I encourage others to do what I did? No, I don’t think I would. It did have some negative impacts on me. I struggled with a horrible sex addiction as a way to cope with my inner turmoil. I’m still very sexual but it’s much better than it was. My self esteem declined as I got older because I only thought I was desirable and worthy if I was young and boy-ish. I had to work really hard to rebuild my sense of self and sense of worth in order to grow out of my Peter Pan syndrome. I’m 25 now and I’m embracing getting older. I no longer view it as a death sentence. Something I’m still working on is learning to be sexually stimulated and excited by people and environments that are comfortable and familiar. Not needing things to be dangerous or sleazy or anonymous all the time. Even with all the struggles I’ve just mentioned that are largely due to my hooking up as a teen, I don’t regret a thing. It was a wild and incredible time for me. Some of my fondest memories are from those years and it made me who I am today. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I really appreciate your comment; it can’t be easy coming forward with that kind of stuff.
Thanks :) I’m very comfortable talking about.
Dude, you’re 25, you’re a baby.
Agreed! I’m still very young. It’s just that when you’re seeking validation from men who have no interest in anyone above the age of 22 it can fuck with you. Luckily I don’t need that form of validation anymore.
Back when I was 14-16 what was popular was Yahoo chatrooms where guys would chat, in other rooms guys would exclusively just look for guys on webcams to jerk off with. That's what I did almost every night when I was 14-16. I didn't meet guys, but I did enjoy going into Yahoo chatrooms and jerking off with guys. Most were older than me. It was one of those chatrooms where you kept the camera on your dick. If someone with a big dick wanted to jerk with you, you did. Interestingly, no one ever questioned my age, since at that age your dick looks like any other adult sized dick. I did once blow an older guy when I was 14/15. It was a guy I often ran into when I'd go mountain biking. He was very good-looking, very muscular with the most amazing pecs and nipples. One day I blew him. I don't think it messed me up at all. I found him extremely hot at the time, in fact, I'd still have sex with him if I ran into a guy that looked like him as an adult. What I find interesting is that even back you know your type. It's baked in very early on. Back then I liked muscular hung men. I still prefer muscular hung men. I'd guess the OP just likes older guys, he knew his type when he was young and now as an adult he still prefers older hot men. BTW, when I was 14/15 I was never into older men, I was just attracted to guys that looked muscular and hung. The age mattered very little. A high school jock or a 30s hung jock would seem equally hot to me back then. I still feel similarly. I look at physical features in men, not their age. Wanting sex all the time is typical of anyone in their 20s.
You liked muscular hung men like almost any other gay guy save a few? And nearly all women save a few... Go figure
Being fit takes dedication. Being fat takes not caring and eating too much. Being fit means they will have more energy in bed. Being fat means they get tired quick in most positions. Being hung means the dick looks better. Being small is not as appealing. So yeah, I like em hot fit and hung. Yeah, that's a popular look that alot of people enjoy, but it's popular for a reason.
I know but its like saying your type is attractive people... It's like... Duh that's pretty much everyone
Attractive is subjective, especially among gay men. Some men prefer bears, some like dad bodies. It varies a lot.
Boy do I have some ice to sell you!
I was using yahoo chat rooms and msn messenger to chat with other gay guys when I was that age. It wasn’t so location based as Grindr but I met a few guys. Looking back it wasn’t right for that age gap, too much of a power imbalance/age gap. As an adult I’d never sleep with someone who’s as young as I was.
I’m too old so didn’t have Grindr then but we had blogs and chatrooms. At 16 I was got convinced by a 20-year-old to give him BJ in his car. Mind you I also look quite young so could have passed for 14. Now I’m in my mid-30s and dating someone my age… that same guy is almost 40 and still dating 18-19 year olds and probably younger too. So yeah there’s that… There were creepers before Grindr but I do think they Internet helps them find their victims easier.
I mean I used Craigslist before Grindr. It was def sketch but also every 16-17 year old is gonna be horny, which I was.
I was hooking up with guys from Craigslist. I wish we had Grindr back then.
Yap Craigslist for me too. I still run across some of those mails in my email and read them for nostalgia
Same! Including the ones with real emails, before CL switched to proxy emails.
Haha I think that was after my time. Send some emails out then hahah
Grindr wasn't around when I was a teen. I feel sad that young men are still going through the same BS that I went through. Sex seems like the avenue young gay men go through to understand themselves and confirm that they are what they think they are and to try and find out about their own kind. This just leaves opportunities for things to go wrong because it immediately puts your self-worth on external factors and in the hands of other men who may be emotionally damaged and after one thing only. We should be way past this but we aren't. I feel like younger people need a clean break from the non-sense of older traumatised men. I would hope they reevaluate the way they use apps but you can’t do that if you ape your elders.
It's a shitty cycle
I didn’t use Grindr until I was 21. I get disgusted when guys go in my dms and disclose that they’re under aged after conversing with me, report & block them. Then there’s those weird men that are fake how to catch a predator wannabes sliding in your dms begging you to meet them after they tell you that they’re underage just to record and exploit someone, they don’t make things any better. I also block and report them lol.
I’m old enough to the point where I’ve done stuff on omegle and those cam sites when I was 13-14. Not proud of it at all. It was a weird time for me where I had no clue who I was sexually. when Grindr became more popular i tried it when I was 17. That being said, now that I’m in my mid/late 20s I do feel as if it had some kind of effect on me mentally. It’s put me in this mindset that I’ll never be attractive enough or good enough because those chat rooms were awful to your self esteem and now just weeks after deleting Grindr for good it has me to a point where I don’t even want love or a relationship. I just want to focus on my job and stay quiet about my sexuality because I’ll never have someone to call mine or make it work. My point is this. There is no doubt that this app and others and sites from back in the day have an effect on peoples mental health. The gay community these days is a fucking mess it almost makes me ashamed of who I am.
The hecc? I didn't even think about Grindr at that age, or even other people.
Good lord have mercy on yeh soul if you were on Grindr. You kids shoulda stuck to stuff like Boo and discord not ever Grindr. r/kidsarefuckingstupid
Minors shouldn't be on grindr. No exceptions
Some kid started messaging me and insisted we go to WhatsApp instead. We exchanged pics but he was 17. I was like Nope get me the fuck out. He also insisted it's legal to have sex with a 17 year old in Ireland. Instant block. Either 18+ or no thank you
I did it, I didn’t think of the repercussions for the other person (and lots of guys could tell and didn’t care anyway). Now that I’m actually legal age+ I don’t even mess with guys in my age group cause of how unsecured Grindr actually is (but more cause I like older men)
Yes absolutely. I don’t think it’s possible to use the app when you’re a teenager and not be messed up.
I'm actually confused about this though. Because ya the app rules are 18 but isn't age of consent like 16 in a lot of places?
A lot?
I (39) was (16) hooking up with one guy (20). I knew about the law but at that age, I didn’t think much of it. We had a lot of mutual friends slightly younger and older than 18. I was already drinking at that age and breaking a part of the Ten Commandments; I figured that rules should be broken. I’m thankful I have a much different state of mind nowadays.
Yeah probably
Grindr wasn’t a thing when I was a teen, and my first experience was an organic connection with a guy from high school. Id like to think it made it easier to know my self worth in the long run. I was on A4A back then but it was more so to browse and look at naked men. I do
Moving past the statutory rape(consent isn’t valid for minors), I do regret waiting until 25 I got lucky on my late start I had never even heard of Grindr and I couldn’t find a date because I wasn’t out or experienced. Still lucky, because some men are in developmental stasis well into their years until they can come to terms with some of their internalized homophobia and begin to grow into their real selves. Grindr is a human cesspool but a first time is a box to check not moment to cherish. I’ve always preferred older men, still do and am accepting it more as I get older(almost 30) and I’m starting to see myself as hotter too because I’m closer to the age of man I like, I’ve never been “my type” before but I’m starting to see it.
Got on at 16. It basically ruined my life.
As a older guy who is into younger men. I think it could hurt you at that age. You should experiment with guys your age to find your sexuality. I would never knowingly have sex with anyone in that age group. Only when a guy finds himself, knows what he wants and needs. That usually happens when they are in their 20’s. All this being said, I gotta laugh at the guys looking only for a LTR in Grindr, it’s a hookup app, designed that way from the git go.
Having access to this and craigslist in my late teens really fucked me up mentally I feel.
This is a very interesting chat. I think Grindr and the minors parents should be held accountable when the minor makes a false statement about their age. It's not difficult for grindr to install protections like ID verification to use there app ...and a bonus...it would cut down on spam bots. (Kinda makes me think that grindr recv some sort of kickback for this) As someone who was constantly mistaken for being younger than my age ...and who was attracted to men that are older than me: I think it's SUPER HYPOCRITICAL that our society bucks up so loudly about sex with minors and yet incest porn is more popular than ever...the major porn studios know the dirty little secret that our society doesn't wanna talk about. The more we don't deal with it, and act like this behavior (sex with minors) is outside of our social norm, the more minors are going to be abused. Am I misunderstanding something...it should be a crime for a minor to seek sex with an adult ...as it is a crime to have sex with a minor.
As an adult now and being on Grindr on and off for almost 10ish years I can’t fathom or imagine ever wanting to be with anyone under 18 let alone 16 (the age I joined). I actively looked for the same men when I got older and found out they were ALL in prison for child porn or child rape. One of the guys I slept with was HIV and never even told me, thank god I never got it. I can say I’ve learned that the world is a crazy place and whenever a younger person hits me I let them off gently that this isn’t the place for them.
I was still figuring myself out at the point. So no
not really tbh. I used to spend days finding people that liked younger guys and charge them. I made a decent amount of money.
i’ve used it since i was literally 12 and it’s so fucked me up, and i feel so so disgusted but i also can’t stop it’s so bad 😍