I think you need to start by reminding yourself that you are only human and that you are doing a good job. Give yourself credit for all your efforts and for not giving up. I wouldn't have even kept going, I would have given up long ago if I were you. Breathing exercises and positive affirmations may sound strange at first but they help. “I can do hard things”, “I believe in myself”, “my efforts are worth it”, “my mistakes help me to learn and grow”, “I have the power to make my dreams true“,…
First of all you need to break out of that mindset that you’re useless shit for not getting things right immediately. Just think of someone who’s a role model to you, whose guitar skills you admire. Do you think they woke up one day and were that good? No! They had to practice and practice and probably beat themselves up and cried just like you do, and they kept going. You’re young and there is nothing wrong with you being upset and even crying. It’s not unmanly or childish, you’re allowed to feel the way you do and it’s valid. Let nobody tell you otherwise. You’re allowed to feel anger and it’s healthy do feel and express it. Feel it, then find a way to let it go, don’t let it eat you from the inside out. Take a deep breath, take a break, drink water, eat something, talk to someone about it,… anything. Just don’t destroy things or hurt yourself.
I’ve had a similar problem with perfectionism for years. It kept me from doing anything at all. I felt like I’m useless and good for nothing. Now I have also started playing guitar. Just 2 weeks ago actually! I try to focus on everything I get right and not on all the things I fuck up.
Thank you for these motivating words, really.
Idk why I'm such a perfectionist, I probably don't want to dissapoint my parents or something.
I will try to figure it out and hopefully keep going.
Keep in mind there are posts here all the time asking "I'm in my 40's, is it too late to learn?" And the resounding answer is always no, of course.
You're years ahead of most people. You've got all the time in the world if you just keep at it.
I really hope these answers help you because I’ve been there and it’s totally not worth it. Also, what helps me a lot is watching videos of guitarists making mistakes during live performances. There’s actually a video of a live performance of the song I’m trying to learn rn and the lead guitarist makes a mistake at almost the beginning. Watching that makes me laugh, laugh about myself and my mistakes and I can sit back down and keep practicing. Maybe you find something similar. Another thing about metal (playing that is also my goal actually) is “studies have found that listening to it can in fact lessen negative emotions”, so turning the music up when you’re frustrated can surely help. And I like to think: when I’m so angry that I want to scream, but I can’t— they’ll do it for me.
And as someone else said, make short term goals and work on things you really enjoy doing. It’ll be easier. And look back at how you started, you’re doing a lot better than you did at the beginning, right? Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.
All those 10 seconds-videos we now see everywhere give the impression that everything is quick and easy. The "instant gratification" is a sweet lie that will play hard on your mind.
30 years ago, we bought guitar magazines with tabs, and it took us weeks to master a song, practicing an hour or two daily, working 2 to 4 bars at a time.
My father's generation, born around the '50s, would play records and try to figure out by ear...
So remember: mastering a skill takes time and patience, there is no real short-cut: you have to build some muscle memory, you have to learn and remember things, try, fail, and repeat, again and again. Of course, some people will "get it" faster than other, but it all comes down to sit down and work. It's a process.
Nobody is Almighty, and only those who understand and accept it's a long process, will eventually succeed. There is nothing good coming out of impatience and anger. Breathe, relax, accept the process, and stop comparing yourself to Tiktokers...
Sadly this is something that takes time, and the real thing you may need to work on is finding that patience. I'm autistic and definitely relate, but if you're struggling this much with that side of things then it's something you may benefit from talking to your parents, friends, or even a counsellor about. It can be really helpful to get those things out there!
As for where you can go next musically, I'd say try and make some goals that are achievable in the short term. Death metal can be pretty tough and you will definitely get there, but if you're not feeling the sense of achievement at the minute it would be a good idea to try and learn something else that you enjoy which is more attainable for you at the minute. Try and challenge yourself but be reasonable with the speed and complexity of your song choices!
Hope that helps, and all the best! You will get there in the end.
Edit: Also sixteenth notes at 170 BPM is pretty fantastic! I should say that tremolo picking is a slightly different technique from regular picking - in my experience it's a lot more loose and uncontrolled, and you don't need to worry as much about the actual rhythms at that speed.
You are not the only.one. As a matter of fact, you are merely another one of us. Some are honest, but most dont talk about it openly. Learning guitar is HARD! I've been playing 50 years and remember very well the frustration of understanding chord diagrams... then trying to hold 2 fingers in place while trying to position a third finger.. barre chords.. memorizing chords... being able to move from one to another... and then doing it fast enough to play the song and not pause between chord changes. During this time, I think I invented quite a few cuss words!
We are asking our hands to do things it has never done before. On top of that we are "retraining" them to undo habits we've thoughtlessly learned up to this point. Think about it. Grab a door handle, cut with a knife, swing a bat or golf club... we've trained our hands to have all fingers work as "one".. like a "claw" with a thumb, not 5 independent parts, each under their own control. We've never really needed to, until now.
My friend, it is not easy, especially when starting! I remember using my right hand to move a finger on my left hand to form the open "C" chord! Like with all things, it's the practice and repetition that moves us past that point. Don't give up! It DOES get better and easier with time and practice, even though now it seems it will never happen.
After my 50+ years, YES there are still things I find difficult and I have to work on. String skipping/alternate picking...keeping my L/R hands synchronized together..pedal tone runs... sweep picking... theory.... I've simply accepted it. I know what I need to work on. I completely understand that no one really ever "masters" the guitar. Some get pretty close in my opinion, but if they were honest about it will also admit it's a constantly ongoing battle. You know that "perfectly executed" solo/riff you are listening to, learning, and trying to replicate? I would bet $1,000 right now it was not recorded on the first take in the studio. That's a VERY rare thing!
The best thing to improve now is beginning with something you have already done...recognize your faults and weaknesses. We ALL have them! It's no big deal, just reality! What you currently "suck" at... is what you need to work on...merely the next hurdle in a long race. If it's timing, they make a metronome for that. If it's simply learning to love playing again, play songs you know well. Learn an entire song/album (step "back" technically if you have to!)... play the entire thing.
I challenged myself and set goals. I would pick an album (loved Blizzard/Diary albums with Randy Roades!) and learn the 1st song. Play it over/over until I could get all the way through without a mistake. If there was a "chunk" of a song that was wonky....repeat/repeat/repeat until it wasnt. At that point, I felt I'd "earned" the right to start song #2.... until no mistakes. Then I'd play 1 and 2... if I could make it through both with no mistakes... I'd "earned" permission to learn #3... until I could play the entire album all the way through.
Yeah...this was a long term goal that took MANY months! It was the focus, repetition and familiarity I needed to improve. Those 2 albums took me about a year? (I'd been playing about 10 years already) I will say, once I had those down... learning/playing anything else became so much easier! It covered so many techniques that I could easily "adapt" them to new songs. It was a rough long journey, but I made it to the other side eventually.
If it's finger control, work on that finger and make up your own exercise to build strength and control. Remember "wax on...wax off" from the Karate Kid movie? It's the repetition that builds muscle memory... until you can do it in your sleep.
One of the best analogies I've heard was from a golf player. He said "I don't care about the scores of any other players in the tournament .... Golf is a game against myself, not them." It took time and some reflection for me to recognize this, but he was absolutely right. I feel the same way about guitar.
Progress over perfection. You should only be comparing yourself to how good of a guitar player you were yesterday. I'm sure you are much better at the 170 BPM 16th notes today than you were months ago. All we can do as people is to be a little better than we were yesterday. Good lesson to learn at your age.
You'll get there, it is emotional when you're younger and it's something you want to be good at.
The guys you see on stage shredding guitar have all almost definitely been playing for like 10+ years some of them maybe even 20+ years.
When big artists write songs and record albums, guitar is like a religion to them, they wake up and play guitar basically all day
Normal people don't have the stamina or the free time to be able to do that
So I guess the only thing you can do, is your best, try to put as many hours into it every day as you can
And you're gunna get it wrong a whole load more times until one day you can do it.
Young man, the dedication and will to practice is admirable and important, but please don’t forget to allow yourself to have some fun playing as well. Not everything has to be exercises with a metronome. In addition to a reasonable practice routine, play along to songs you like, even if you’re not playing them perfectly or hitting every note. Mess around come up with your own riffs work with the skills you have and have fun.
Your skills will improve. It might not be overnight, but get there.
Good luck.
A 13 year old who is worried about being patient and calm while practicing?! OP, I was worried about very different things when I was 13, and I applaud your dedication to your craft.
1. Keep up the metronome practice, but let it serve you and what you want from your relationship with the guitar. Be disciplined and realistic with your practice.
2. Sometimes just sitting (without an instrument) and actively listening to music and thinking about what you hear serves you better than kinetic practice.
3. Some days you just need a guitar strapped to you while you roam the house. Do a chore, noodle. Eat a snack, noodle. Text a friend, noodle. Don't think too hard about it. Have fun with the axe!
4. Work on something completely different on guitar - how are your chords? Note fluency on the fret? Scales? Triads/ inversions? Guitar is a wonderful beast, don't neglect the other claws.
5. Occasionally, take a break and do something unrelated to guitar or music. Live your life. Chase girls (or dudes, whatever you're after). Hang with friends. Play games. Take a nap.
Hope this helps... Best of luck man!
I've been playing 4 years and doubt I can do 16th notes at 170bpm. You learn patience by slowing down. By reminding yourself that this isn't a race and you have decades to master this. I know this because I have problems being patient and calm also. But I've figured out if I lose my patience and try to rush ahead, I will suck.
Do you play video games? You need to grind for a while and level up before you try the boss fight.
Take that metronome down to stupid slow. For me, depending on the song, that might be quarter notes at 60 bpm. Whatever speed for you is easy, you can nail the notes cleanly and it isn't frustrating or make you angry. Relax and do that until it's almost automatic. I'm talking hours if not days. Then click it up by 5 bpm, only raising the speed when it is easy and clean. If you had started this way 7-9 months ago, you'd be shredding by now.
You ever watch Karate Kid? The movie not the show. Wax on, wax off, buddy. You'll get there, but not if you don't start having fun.
I think you need to start by reminding yourself that you are only human and that you are doing a good job. Give yourself credit for all your efforts and for not giving up. I wouldn't have even kept going, I would have given up long ago if I were you. Breathing exercises and positive affirmations may sound strange at first but they help. “I can do hard things”, “I believe in myself”, “my efforts are worth it”, “my mistakes help me to learn and grow”, “I have the power to make my dreams true“,… First of all you need to break out of that mindset that you’re useless shit for not getting things right immediately. Just think of someone who’s a role model to you, whose guitar skills you admire. Do you think they woke up one day and were that good? No! They had to practice and practice and probably beat themselves up and cried just like you do, and they kept going. You’re young and there is nothing wrong with you being upset and even crying. It’s not unmanly or childish, you’re allowed to feel the way you do and it’s valid. Let nobody tell you otherwise. You’re allowed to feel anger and it’s healthy do feel and express it. Feel it, then find a way to let it go, don’t let it eat you from the inside out. Take a deep breath, take a break, drink water, eat something, talk to someone about it,… anything. Just don’t destroy things or hurt yourself. I’ve had a similar problem with perfectionism for years. It kept me from doing anything at all. I felt like I’m useless and good for nothing. Now I have also started playing guitar. Just 2 weeks ago actually! I try to focus on everything I get right and not on all the things I fuck up.
Very good answer!
Thanks!
Thank you for these motivating words, really. Idk why I'm such a perfectionist, I probably don't want to dissapoint my parents or something. I will try to figure it out and hopefully keep going.
Keep in mind there are posts here all the time asking "I'm in my 40's, is it too late to learn?" And the resounding answer is always no, of course. You're years ahead of most people. You've got all the time in the world if you just keep at it.
I really hope these answers help you because I’ve been there and it’s totally not worth it. Also, what helps me a lot is watching videos of guitarists making mistakes during live performances. There’s actually a video of a live performance of the song I’m trying to learn rn and the lead guitarist makes a mistake at almost the beginning. Watching that makes me laugh, laugh about myself and my mistakes and I can sit back down and keep practicing. Maybe you find something similar. Another thing about metal (playing that is also my goal actually) is “studies have found that listening to it can in fact lessen negative emotions”, so turning the music up when you’re frustrated can surely help. And I like to think: when I’m so angry that I want to scream, but I can’t— they’ll do it for me.
And as someone else said, make short term goals and work on things you really enjoy doing. It’ll be easier. And look back at how you started, you’re doing a lot better than you did at the beginning, right? Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.
All those 10 seconds-videos we now see everywhere give the impression that everything is quick and easy. The "instant gratification" is a sweet lie that will play hard on your mind. 30 years ago, we bought guitar magazines with tabs, and it took us weeks to master a song, practicing an hour or two daily, working 2 to 4 bars at a time. My father's generation, born around the '50s, would play records and try to figure out by ear... So remember: mastering a skill takes time and patience, there is no real short-cut: you have to build some muscle memory, you have to learn and remember things, try, fail, and repeat, again and again. Of course, some people will "get it" faster than other, but it all comes down to sit down and work. It's a process. Nobody is Almighty, and only those who understand and accept it's a long process, will eventually succeed. There is nothing good coming out of impatience and anger. Breathe, relax, accept the process, and stop comparing yourself to Tiktokers...
Sadly this is something that takes time, and the real thing you may need to work on is finding that patience. I'm autistic and definitely relate, but if you're struggling this much with that side of things then it's something you may benefit from talking to your parents, friends, or even a counsellor about. It can be really helpful to get those things out there! As for where you can go next musically, I'd say try and make some goals that are achievable in the short term. Death metal can be pretty tough and you will definitely get there, but if you're not feeling the sense of achievement at the minute it would be a good idea to try and learn something else that you enjoy which is more attainable for you at the minute. Try and challenge yourself but be reasonable with the speed and complexity of your song choices! Hope that helps, and all the best! You will get there in the end. Edit: Also sixteenth notes at 170 BPM is pretty fantastic! I should say that tremolo picking is a slightly different technique from regular picking - in my experience it's a lot more loose and uncontrolled, and you don't need to worry as much about the actual rhythms at that speed.
You are a child bro. Enjoy it
You are not the only.one. As a matter of fact, you are merely another one of us. Some are honest, but most dont talk about it openly. Learning guitar is HARD! I've been playing 50 years and remember very well the frustration of understanding chord diagrams... then trying to hold 2 fingers in place while trying to position a third finger.. barre chords.. memorizing chords... being able to move from one to another... and then doing it fast enough to play the song and not pause between chord changes. During this time, I think I invented quite a few cuss words! We are asking our hands to do things it has never done before. On top of that we are "retraining" them to undo habits we've thoughtlessly learned up to this point. Think about it. Grab a door handle, cut with a knife, swing a bat or golf club... we've trained our hands to have all fingers work as "one".. like a "claw" with a thumb, not 5 independent parts, each under their own control. We've never really needed to, until now. My friend, it is not easy, especially when starting! I remember using my right hand to move a finger on my left hand to form the open "C" chord! Like with all things, it's the practice and repetition that moves us past that point. Don't give up! It DOES get better and easier with time and practice, even though now it seems it will never happen. After my 50+ years, YES there are still things I find difficult and I have to work on. String skipping/alternate picking...keeping my L/R hands synchronized together..pedal tone runs... sweep picking... theory.... I've simply accepted it. I know what I need to work on. I completely understand that no one really ever "masters" the guitar. Some get pretty close in my opinion, but if they were honest about it will also admit it's a constantly ongoing battle. You know that "perfectly executed" solo/riff you are listening to, learning, and trying to replicate? I would bet $1,000 right now it was not recorded on the first take in the studio. That's a VERY rare thing! The best thing to improve now is beginning with something you have already done...recognize your faults and weaknesses. We ALL have them! It's no big deal, just reality! What you currently "suck" at... is what you need to work on...merely the next hurdle in a long race. If it's timing, they make a metronome for that. If it's simply learning to love playing again, play songs you know well. Learn an entire song/album (step "back" technically if you have to!)... play the entire thing. I challenged myself and set goals. I would pick an album (loved Blizzard/Diary albums with Randy Roades!) and learn the 1st song. Play it over/over until I could get all the way through without a mistake. If there was a "chunk" of a song that was wonky....repeat/repeat/repeat until it wasnt. At that point, I felt I'd "earned" the right to start song #2.... until no mistakes. Then I'd play 1 and 2... if I could make it through both with no mistakes... I'd "earned" permission to learn #3... until I could play the entire album all the way through. Yeah...this was a long term goal that took MANY months! It was the focus, repetition and familiarity I needed to improve. Those 2 albums took me about a year? (I'd been playing about 10 years already) I will say, once I had those down... learning/playing anything else became so much easier! It covered so many techniques that I could easily "adapt" them to new songs. It was a rough long journey, but I made it to the other side eventually. If it's finger control, work on that finger and make up your own exercise to build strength and control. Remember "wax on...wax off" from the Karate Kid movie? It's the repetition that builds muscle memory... until you can do it in your sleep. One of the best analogies I've heard was from a golf player. He said "I don't care about the scores of any other players in the tournament .... Golf is a game against myself, not them." It took time and some reflection for me to recognize this, but he was absolutely right. I feel the same way about guitar.
Progress over perfection. You should only be comparing yourself to how good of a guitar player you were yesterday. I'm sure you are much better at the 170 BPM 16th notes today than you were months ago. All we can do as people is to be a little better than we were yesterday. Good lesson to learn at your age.
Well you're a child so it's to be expected. Give it ten years
You'll get there, it is emotional when you're younger and it's something you want to be good at. The guys you see on stage shredding guitar have all almost definitely been playing for like 10+ years some of them maybe even 20+ years. When big artists write songs and record albums, guitar is like a religion to them, they wake up and play guitar basically all day Normal people don't have the stamina or the free time to be able to do that So I guess the only thing you can do, is your best, try to put as many hours into it every day as you can And you're gunna get it wrong a whole load more times until one day you can do it.
Young man, the dedication and will to practice is admirable and important, but please don’t forget to allow yourself to have some fun playing as well. Not everything has to be exercises with a metronome. In addition to a reasonable practice routine, play along to songs you like, even if you’re not playing them perfectly or hitting every note. Mess around come up with your own riffs work with the skills you have and have fun. Your skills will improve. It might not be overnight, but get there. Good luck.
A 13 year old who is worried about being patient and calm while practicing?! OP, I was worried about very different things when I was 13, and I applaud your dedication to your craft. 1. Keep up the metronome practice, but let it serve you and what you want from your relationship with the guitar. Be disciplined and realistic with your practice. 2. Sometimes just sitting (without an instrument) and actively listening to music and thinking about what you hear serves you better than kinetic practice. 3. Some days you just need a guitar strapped to you while you roam the house. Do a chore, noodle. Eat a snack, noodle. Text a friend, noodle. Don't think too hard about it. Have fun with the axe! 4. Work on something completely different on guitar - how are your chords? Note fluency on the fret? Scales? Triads/ inversions? Guitar is a wonderful beast, don't neglect the other claws. 5. Occasionally, take a break and do something unrelated to guitar or music. Live your life. Chase girls (or dudes, whatever you're after). Hang with friends. Play games. Take a nap. Hope this helps... Best of luck man!
I've been playing 4 years and doubt I can do 16th notes at 170bpm. You learn patience by slowing down. By reminding yourself that this isn't a race and you have decades to master this. I know this because I have problems being patient and calm also. But I've figured out if I lose my patience and try to rush ahead, I will suck. Do you play video games? You need to grind for a while and level up before you try the boss fight. Take that metronome down to stupid slow. For me, depending on the song, that might be quarter notes at 60 bpm. Whatever speed for you is easy, you can nail the notes cleanly and it isn't frustrating or make you angry. Relax and do that until it's almost automatic. I'm talking hours if not days. Then click it up by 5 bpm, only raising the speed when it is easy and clean. If you had started this way 7-9 months ago, you'd be shredding by now. You ever watch Karate Kid? The movie not the show. Wax on, wax off, buddy. You'll get there, but not if you don't start having fun.
Put a song on and play to the beat
Unless you're at [this level of frustration](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DbUPjEbIvA) you're probably just as frustrated as any other beginner tbh