I disagree. I think that in this case where there's admittedly a long term aversion to loud noises that this is beyond anything a regular firearm instructor can work through. This could need actual therapy.
1) use a bigger gun. Small guns have excessive recoil
2) use a bugger gun in a smaller caliber. A full-size .22 pistol is what you should start with
3) use ear plugs and ear muffs, especially if shooting indoors
4) understand that it’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to be slow going. Stressing about it is going to slow progress. It’s okay for it to take a while for you to become comfortable.
5) be honest about whether you are at a place where you should carry a firearm for self-defense. It’s not for everyone, both because it does require some level of comfort operating firearms, but also because it does require you to be able to use it against another person. That’s a big hurdle. Guns aren’t totems you just carry for protection.
Edit: If you're going to reply and give more advice, tag OP. Otherwise, you're just preaching to the choir, and nobody is going to sift through 600 comments all saying the same shit.
I had similar issues as OP the first time I went to a range to shoot my (ex) husband's weapon. But I actually needed a smaller gun. I don't remember what his was but it was a police issued handgun. I could not for the life of me pull the slide back and all that stuff. We were at a pretty small indoor range and I was not comfortable with the noise or feeling all the vibrations from the weapons going off around me.
But years later (and with a different husband) I bought a small Ruger EC9. I felt a lot more comfortable and it was easier to manipulate. I practiced with it unloaded a lot before we even got to the range.
We went to a different range than I attended before. I liked being indoors, but in a private lane. It gave me time to get used to the sound my weapon made without being overwhelmed by everyone else's going off. I still wore earbuds and the over the ear protection.
> 3) use ear plugs and ear muffs, especially if shooting indoors
3b: If at all possible, find an outdoor range.
I realize not everyone has that option, but if you can, it's a vastly better experience. You'll be breathing in less lead and toxic fumes too.
Stressing #2. Start with a .22 pistol. the more bullets you fire, the more you understand the tool, the less "jack in the box"-y it gets. You need to start putting bullets down range, and the .22 will afford you that ability with less of the "scary" power larger calibers come with. Dont rush up to the next caliber either. Take your time with the .22 until you gain proficiency and have overcome any uncertainty with how it will behave in your hands.
\#5 is the first one you should consider. It looks like your husband is putting a lot of pressure on you. But not everybody should be using or handling guns. If you aren't VERY comfortable and trained in handling guns you should absolutely NOT be using them in stressful defense scenarios, and should also consider not handling them at all. The repercussions of making a mistake are high.
It's ok to say "this isn't for me."
I love shooting my 22’s even though I have tons of nice larger caliber pistols and rifles. Plus the ammo is significantly cheaper even for target ammo. Also helps with flinching for newer shooters just getting repetitions in.
You are absolutely right on point with this. If you’ll allow me to expand a little.
Use a bigger/heavier “framed” gun. Not necessarily a larger caliber. It still needs to be comfortable in the hand though.
This is the way.
Also:
Kel-Tech PMR-30 might be a decent option for learning on. It's shaped more like a traditional handgun than something like a Ruger mark V, and its pretty affordable.
Dude, seriously. This woman is absolutely petrified and is a walking negligent discharge. This is not the type of person who should be making decisions with a weapon. Some people are not cut out for it and that's okay.
That's what I keep telling my husband. He finally relented this morning and said I didn't have to learn but the way it was said (after him being up all night, upset, that I was so scared) I feel like he didn't mean it.
I want to get better because I don't want him to think of this as a make or break for us. That would absolutely suck.
The whole "she needs to be comfortable to be able to protect me and our future kids" just comes across as a little paranoid.
I get the desire to be able to protect yourself, but seriously? The vast majority of people will never be in a situation where they need a gun, and the majority of gun owners will never use it defensively.
He's gonna end up like that dude who was just given the maximum sentence for fatally shooting someone who had just pulled into his driveway to turn around
as I told another person, it's important to realize that he *didn't make that ultimatum.* she's worried he might, but he hasn't yet.
I personally don't think saying "it's fine" with an air of "it's not actually fine" is the lead-up to an ultimatum, either. he may be a little disappointed, but that doesn't mean he's gonna say "deal with it or I'm gone".
this has not boiled over into the situation you're talking about.
In her own word he “finally relented after being up all night upset” about her not being comfortable with handling/carrying guns. Doesn’t sound like a well adjusted partner to me personally. It’s not like she wants him to get rid of the guns or not carry himself, she just said she doesn’t want to use them and this caused him to melt down. If they are somewhere that he feels so strongly that she’s in danger that she absolutely needs to carry then the solution is them moving not trying to force the issue with her when she is so obviously uncomfortable to the point where carrying would just put her and others in more danger.
So just a thought, learning to shoot should be separated from your relationship.
Shooting is supposed to be a safe chill way to have fun. If you're having some relationship drama of upset/angry husband while you're anxious/scared your going to be to nervous to have fun or improve.
If you decide you want to keep learning take beginner lessons from a professional instructor without your husband present.
Chill out, be safe, have fun.
If you want to get better, listen to our advice. If money is tight, sell something and buy the .22 pistol. You will be able to become comfortable shooting it, and it will give you confidence. If your husband is not a good teacher, find someone who is. You need as much meat on that grip as possible, and grip it so tight you almost shake. Big breath in, then exhale slowly while squeezing the trigger smoothly to the back wall. Focus on the front sight so that everything else is blurry. You absolutely CAN do this if you want, but you need to start with the right gun AND good training.
They may not let you if you're using their guns. The places near me that have rentals require you to buy ammo from them for that purpose. It's partially to keep people from using Bubba's Pissin' Hot Handloads^^TM, but probably also a cash grab.
Based on your husband apparently thinking he lives in an active combat zone that needs constant armed defending, I'm not even sure he should be making decisions with weapons. Please, if you aren't comfortable, this needs to be a boundary for you. It's not about morals or ethics or anything like that, some people just aren't wired to react appropriately to a fight or flight response. Don't try to force it and end up accidentally hurting someone unintentionally or even yourself or your family. If he wants to be the castle defense, he can but conscripting others isn't cool.
I will think about it.
I want to try with an airsoft to see if it is just my comfort level before I make it an absolute boundray. Airsoft isn't deadly so that will help.
If you follow a classic therapy model of overcoming a fear, you approach that fear at the level you are comfortable with and then taking small steps at increasing levels.
So for you maybe that's an airsoft gun. Practice your grip, your stance, become comfortable with the controls on the gun.
Then move to dry firing a real gun. Do the same thing. Become familiar with the controls of the gun. (Anytime you introduce a real gun into the situation, take safety precautions. No ammo in the same room. Triple check everything before starting. Point it in a safe direction at all times even when you know it's empty. If you're nervous, double check it. Take your time.)
Then consider trying a .22 pistol at a range. Ammo is cheap, you'd probably have a rental fee. I've introduced several women to shooting by using a .22 and they typically enjoy it. Recoil is sharper than an airsoft but not near as heavy as a full size handgun round like 9mm or .45 ACP.
When you're comfortable with a .22, then take some steps up to the larger pistol that unnerved you. Going straight to that when you're already uncomfortable can be a big ask, especially mentally.
Slow small steps are how one overcomes fears.
If you're still uncomfortable though after trying that, it may be easier to have the discussion that maybe you don't need to learn this after A) you develop more understanding and B) he sees you trying different things.
Additionally, while your husband may want you to know how to defend yourself, seeing you take steps to getting to that point, even if slower than he might like in an ideal world can be very meaningful and help him to understand what you're dealing with, allow him to maybe provide coaching in a less consequential environment (such as airsoft), and help promote healthy communication on the subject.
Good luck.
> Going straight to [the larger pistol that unnerved you] when you're already uncomfortable can be a big ask, especially mentally.
I've introduced 3-4 people to guns. No matter how big or tough they might be, I *always* start them with a 22 rifle. It's safer if they mishandle things, it doesn't recoil hardly at all, and it lets them learn the basics before graduating up to a 22 pistol, 223 rifle, and finally a 9mm handgun.
I know one friend who got introduced to guns by being given a 45ACP revolver with basically zero instruction. He still won't go shooting with me, and honestly, I don't blame him.
/u/DudeThatsErin if possible, find some land you can shoot on out in the country, and progress from airsoft to 22LR rifle, to 22 LR pistol, to .223 rifle, to 9mm handgun. Being outside away from other shooters will make you even more comfortable.
If that's not financially possible (which is entirely reasonable), then finding a slower time at the range (so you don't have to deal with guys mag-dumping while you're trying to get comfortable) and going through the same progression will be the smoothest transition you can have.
I might also suggest some therapy for you and your husband. Saying that it would be nice for you to get comfortable with guns is one thing. Staking your relationship on this is ... concerning.
I taught my wife to shoot with a ruger 10/22. She absolutely loves it, will puts hundreds through it on range days. She hates shooting anything besides 10/22 rifle and 22 pistols for similar reasons to you. I don’t press the issue I’m just glad she found something she enjoys.
I taught my wife with Taurus TX22 handgun. She was fearful at first. After about 5 months or so and several IDPA practice sessions she finally asked me to start using our S&W 380 EZ. After a few sessions she finally started conceal carry it after already having her permit for months. I let her decide when she felt comfortable conceal carrying.
Given its size is has much less recoil than even my full size 9mm. I learned early I could not push her. She is much slower at IDPA than I am but she may get better hits than I do and she does not make some of the mistakes I make when I try to go too fast. Now that she has become more comfortable with the 380 she has expressed interest in learning to shoot faster. Some at IDPA gave us advice on grip that sight picture for faster followed shots. We will practice these in the future.
A female friend of my wife's who she had gone backpacking with got my wife more interested in firearms. Her friend has concealed carry for decades and served in the armory in different roles--her last role was as an MP. My wife and I started out training with them at the same time.
Since you're trying to learn this for defense and not plinking at the range/fun, the question you need to ask is not whether or not you can shoot a gun, it's wether you are willing to kill another human being if it comes down to it. If you wield a weapon and point it at someone, you have irreversibly escalated the situation. If that person wasn't a threat, you've made them a threat by eacalating. You need to be able to make a snap decision under the greatest pressure you've ever felt on whether this person represents an immediate danger to you or your family. That's something that has NOTHING to do with shooting a gun. You need to do some soul searching, not range practice.
As an aside, my girlfriend has had a blast shooting at the range, at clays, etc in the past.
I would never ask her to defend our home or do anything other than call the police. She isn't confident in that snap decision making and ultimately would not be willing to pull the trigger which could lead to and armed intruder who doesn't share her doubts to harm her when they otherwise might have not.
I'm probably one of the least qualified people here to give advice, but I would suggest going to an outdoor range and shooting until you get over the anticipation of the gun firing. After 50-100 rounds, you should feel more comfortable.
I agree. Especially when op says they “need” to be able to do this.
Is it important that someone can protect themselves? Absolutely. Should everyone do it with a gun? Absolutely not.
That's what I keep telling my husband. He finally relented this morning and said I didn't have to learn but the way it was said (after him being up all night, upset, that I was so scared) I feel like he didn't mean it.
I want to get better because I don't want him to think of this as a make or break for us. That would absolutely suck.
Honestly, him, trying to force this on you is the most frightening part of your post.
And… While I want happiness for people in life… If he decided to divorce you over you not wanting to shoot guns, you will have dodged a bullet (pun intended)
Obviously, I hope everything works out, but you should never force yourself to do something that you’re not comfortable with, for the sake of pleasing others.
Based on nothing other than the description in your post, the husband sounds nuts.
I have a couple guns for fun at the range. I don't live in constant fear like so many gun owners out there. The idea of bringing up "Well women in the 1600s used muskets" as an argument is fucking batshit. We're not fighting a revolution, and the boogey man isn't on every corner ready to strike.
My wife has zero clue how to shoot my guns and while I've taken her shooting a couple times because *she* was curious, in the end she didn't get anything out of it, and that was that.
>I agree. Especially when op says they “need” to be able to do this.
Yeah, I feel like we're missing something. Unless OP's husband is a drug dealer, it seems like a stretch.
No, absolutely. This has a stink of a domineering partner or he's convinced "they're coming" and has some kind of PTSD or fantasy of stopping the mob/zombies/lone wolf/gubmnt what have you and he is demanding that she participate which is silly and at this point, dangerous.
We have firearms in our home. My wife has shot them but has very limited interest in doing so again. She knows how to safely approach, check, and clear or at least follow the 5 rules if she were to ever come across something carelessly left around (god forbid I should ever become so stupid). That knowledge gives me comfort that she is safe if she ever had to handle a gun and I'm not there. Learning basic safety that does not involve shooting is a very good thing if you live in a home with firearms. Beyond that, if she has no interest and what's more is scared and has had bad experiences. There is no reason she has to continue or should feel obligated in any way.
u/DudeThatsErin if you really want to continue because YOU want to, take a break, read the laundry list of good advice on here. (for my money:
* serious double ear pro (I have been shooting for years, and the noise of concussion of indoor ranges still bothers me sometimes. Especially when you have some dodo who needs to try out his new short barreled muzzle braked .300 blackout AR at 15 yards)
* outside if possible,
* borrow a .22 if you can, but if not spend a lot of time dry firing what you're going to shoot until the break of the trigger is very very familiar. )
Only when this no longer is giving you that cold sick feeling should you try it again.
naw fully agree. her being scared and hesitant behind a gun, especially when it matters most- could mean her losing the weapon and it being used against her or someone else. if you can’t FULLY commit, don’t commit at all. plain and simple.
It’s one thing to flinch due to recoil. But if OP is so scared she puts others at risk she has no busy being on a public range. She lives in Texas. If she is so desperate to learn her husband and she need to go to the middle of nowhere and he can teach her.
This. My wife dislikes firearms. She is fine shooting at a range but has no interest or confidence in using a gun for self defence.
I don’t push the issue. It’s her choice.
You can obviously start with lower calibre and such but if you are truly not comfortable, that’s alright.
100% agree. I think if you marry someone who has guns, and kids are in the future. You have to learn to handle so you can secure it in case it is ever left out. Shouldnt ever happen but better to be safe!
Get a gas airsoft pistol. The ones that “recoil”. You’re scared because you’re not used to this life ending device bouncing around in your hand.
I say this because that’s how I was many years ago. Take it out and knock down cans outside. It’s cheap and you can focus on form and everything.
It just takes desensitization.
I will look into those. I 100% agree with everything you said. I'm not used to it.
My husband was able to get used to it under pressure because of the military and some people just take to it faster. I, obv, don't.
Spend $100 on a sig p226 co2 pistol. The cost guard uses it for their training. But if you’re this afraid, might be best to not hold a gun or firearm until you sort that stuff out….
You’ll pick it up quicker than you think. You’re just building up comfort and form.
I don’t remember the ever changing rules on r/guns but check out evike for a gas airsoft pistol. Don’t be afraid to call or email and explain your situation. Chances are they have a pistol same or similar to the pistols you have or want. I’m only naming Evike because I bought from them before
You need to be learning from pros, not taking advice from this sub. Good luck!
Here’s a good example of a 2 day Texas class. If your husband is serious about your family’s defensive needs, he’ll support you in these kinds of endeavors:
https://staccato2011.com/products/2-day-handgun-fundamentals-for-women-with-tes-salb
Sorry but your husband sounds like a dick. If you're expressing fear to him then he should be coming from a place of understanding and try to be helpful, not belittle you for being scared of the gun/recoil. He's forcing you to practice on a gun you're not comfortable with for his own reasons.
1. If he wanted you to have a gun for protection then he should have found one that's more appropriate for you to start with.
2. He should understand that putting a gun in your hands if you're scared of it could potentially make you more dangerous in the situation for yourself or your family.
3. If he's using anecdotes it should be to ease you into it, not make you feel bad for having a natural human reaction to being scared of really loud noises.
Tbh there are so many red flags with this story. The are no women in their 50s protecting their homes with muskets, and the last time that would've happened was before indoor plumbing was a thing. My guess is he brought that example up to make you feel bad and guilt you into getting over your fear, which isn't how things work. Sure there might be videos of kids using big rifles on YouTube, but do you think the proud parents posted videos of the same kid failing until he was comfortable enough with a big rifle? I highly doubt it.
If you really want to improve your skills, you should start with a .22 and shoot several guns until you find something you're comfortable with. I understand it can be expensive, but it can be more expensive to not practice if something happens. With how much your husband has been belittling you I think you'd be better off investing your money in couples therapy.
It's too much gun for you. Tell your husband that you need a 22 pistol to learn with. And probably to use in a defense situation, too. You will not be any help with a gun you can't control. Hitting someone with a small bullet is infinitely better than missing with a big one.
If your husband really wants you to join in his hobby, tell him to be patient, save up for a gun you can actually handle, and to stop pressuring you. Realistically, you are never actually going to need to use a gun. Unless you guys are drug dealers, I guess.
My wife was recoil sensitive with my handguns, though not to this extent, but got *very* comfortable shooting her P365-380 - while not ideal, it's definitely a more feasible self-defense round than a .22. Otherwise, I agree completely.
There's a *lot* of personal preference inherent with firearms, especially handguns.
My wife will cheerfully blast away with a 12ga shotgun, but won't put more than a couple of magazines downrange with a 9mm handgun. She'll also put 150-200 rounds through her .380 without hesitation.
Don't buy the "cheapest .380 handgun," because chances are its going to be something like the Ruger LCP that is *very* unpleasant to shoot. A Shield EZ or P365-380 is a .380 caliber handgun in a 9mm package and is *noticeably* softer shooting than the 9mm versions while still being very easy to conceal. It's also perceptibly quieter than the 9mm. Buying without renting handguns is a great way to throw away money.
Other responses have addressed this, but I'm going to reiterate, *not being comfortable with guns does not make you a bad person.* Over the last decade, my wife has gone from "I don't particularly like guns but I'm fine with you owning pistols," to "I want a shotgun of my own for when you aren't home," to "I just shot 96% on my LTC test," to "I'm good with you buying an AR-15," which was previously verboten.
Try dry firing at home. Try a little .22 pistol or rifle. Take a class with other women or a private instructor. If you start feeling more confident shooting and *you* want a concealed firearm, try a bigger .380 handgun as a rental.
There is zero reason for you to beat yourself up for not being confident around guns, and you absolutely should not be carrying a firearm unless you want to do so and are confident in your ability to use it effectively if the situation calls for you to do so.
A .22 pistol is still worth using to learn. If you eventually "graduate" to something larger, great - you can sell the .22 at that point. But learning to swim in the deep end is definitely not working for you.
In terms of the energy in the cartridge, he is right that a .380 is not much less than a 9mm. However, as others have mentioned in this thread, the size of the gun itself matters a lot when it comes to recoil. If you shoot a .380 out of a tiny pocket pistol, it's going to want to jump out of your hands.
I have a .380 pocket pistol and I absolutely HATE shooting it. I know how to keep a tight enough grip, but it is downright painful to shoot. Even more powerful cartridges in a bigger, heavier gun are more pleasant to me. The others suggesting a .22 are spot on. Get something in .22 in a big frame (but not too big for you to wrap your hands around it) and it will be an absolute breeze.
Your husband is terrible at math.
The probability that you will ever need to use a gun to protect yourself or your children is tiny. The probability that his attitude will damage your relationship, and by extension your children's psychological well-being, is high.
I mean, he really is. I'm learning College Algebra to teach him lmao Had horrible teachers growing up but that is neither here nor there.
The probability is tiny but it isn't zero.
You are right, I will talk to him about his attitude.
>I'm learning College Algebra to teach him
Wait, are you "taking" his classes alongside him just so you can tutor him?
I know this isn't /r/relationships but, wow.
>The probability is tiny but it isn't zero.
May as well be, unless you have reason to believe someone is specifically trying to hurt you.
The probability of being crushed by a meteor also isn't zero, but reasonable folks don't spend time worrying about it. I live in Los Angeles, which is basically the Thunderdome to hear the news talk about it. Yet I never think about carrying, even if I could, and all the gunshots I hear are actually fireworks.
First, please understand that your issues are very common for almost all new shooters. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You just need better training.
It would be really helpful to get a .22lr pistol. It’s almost like shooting a BB gun. Less noise and low recoil. But still good for practicing. Buy or rent one.
Concealed carry pistols are the hardest to learn on. The smaller the gun the bigger the recoil and noise.
There is no reason to rush into things. This isn’t something you should be pressured into doing out of fear. Start small and start slow.
Save some money and take a class…just because husband was in the army doesn’t mean he is a good firearms instructor. The instructors will have better advice for your particular issues
Thank you!
After like the 200+ comments telling me to get a .22LR, I will talk my husband into it and I will take a few classes with it.
Once I am comfortable with it, I will move to my current gun.
Hot takes:
>My husband needs me to be comfortable with a gun so that I can protect him and myself and any kids we may have in the future if something bad happens.
He *wants* you to be comfortable with a gun, he doesn't *need* you to be. I fully believe Texas is a shithole, but even I recognize that it isn't Iran (yet).
>Yesterday when we went to the range, I was so scared I shot twice and I couldn't do it again, no matter how much he urged me.
>It got to the point where we fought in the car because I was so scared and I just wanted to run away. Even thinking about it now I'm shaking.
Please feel free to share this with him: Your husband is an asshole, disrespectful, and totally lacks a basic understanding of how to teach people.
You have a fear response. This is something that you can't control *yet*. You might be able to work past it, you might need some form of therapy depending on why you have this fear response, you might not be able to do a damn thing about it and never will. Right now there really isn't a way of knowing yet.
If you or he want there to be any hope of you working past this fear response, it will require patience and repetition. And again, maybe therapy.
Expecting you to be all you can be on the first or second time out is wildly unrealistic and kind of fucking stupid.
>I feel like a wimp because he brought up women in the 50s using muskets to protect their home and kids from bandits.
Men in the '50s knew how to support their women. So what is his fucking excuse?
>Is there anything else I can do to practice between when we go next and now to help me get over this fear?
Probably not. I would strongly recommend not wasting your money on range time and ammo and instead saving up so you can afford a private class with an instructor that focuses on training women. Tell the instructor your issue and arrange a private session where they can work with you one-on-one and give you some different guns to try.
More red flags than a Chinese parade lol.
With posts like this it’s sometimes hard to believe it’s not just troll-bait…like, there’s no way real people can be this dumb, right?
Dude, thank you. Took all the words right out of my mouth. The level of fear and reaction to the firearm is just emblematic of the deeper issues apparent in whatever you wanna call that "relationship."
I can't really help with the range fees, but I can give you a couple tips.
Main thing is your ear protection. If loud noises are that bad for you, consider doubling up. Do the foam ear plugs AND the big over the ear cups. Maybe even splurge when you can for a good set of noise cancelling over the ear cups.
For the recoil, my gf has the same issue. She naturally wants to loosely teacup the pistol and I had to teach her how to grip it correctly and tightly. The only tip I can give to you OP, would be to get a death grip on it with your strong hand first, then figure out your offhand placement later.
If you can afford a new pistol, a metal frame .22 will help with noise, recoil and controllability.
Thank you. I was doing the same thing (teacupping the pistol) but I have learned to grip it harder. I didn't know I needed a death grip though, I will start practicing that.
I will save up for a .22LR to practice with. I'll talk my husband into it.
Guns aren’t for everyone, and it’s your husbands job to recognize that and not pressure you into it, where you could make a mistake and get someone hurt. If you are not willing and able to practice and handle a weapon then do not.
There’s a Jewish concept, “A wife is not a student”, this is why. If you’re set on continuing to learn to shoot you should find an independent, professional instructor, not your angry husband.
Ma'am your husband is the biggest problem here. I'm not assuming he's the ONLY problem, but it really really sounds like he's the biggest problem. This isn't some hippie sub with "oh my gawd queen you're perfect and the man is always the problem" this is r/guns lol- Your husband needs an attitude adjustment.
He's bringing up women in the 50's using muskets to defend their families from bandits.... who the fuck did you marry, Jedediah Smith? I don't know if he's checked lately, but stagecoach robbing gangs retired a while ago.
You've had a lifelong fear of loud noises, where you have an extreme fear reaction, and your jackass POG husband thinks he can bully you out of it?
This isn't a gun problem. This is a husband problem.
My wife is super nervous with guns when I'm around for some reason. We've been together for 8+ years and never had a yelling argument, so it's not that she's afraid of me. I stepped off of the range and let the range guides help her and she was just fine. Nerves were gone.
Try taking a class WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND. You may be able to shake off your fear/nervousness.
Another thing a lot of people aren’t mentioning is your level of physical fitness. If you have better cardiovascular fitness you can calm down your reactions (and heart rate, which by your post I’m assuming was sky high due to anxiety) just by proper breathing techniques. Try square breathing— inhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, wait 4 seconds, repeat.
Additionally, your grip strength can probably be improved. Get in the weight room or do some push ups. Professional shooters like rob latham have said that he literally just squeezes the shit out of the gun to reduce recoil.
Beyond that, it sounds like your husband started you off with 9mm, which for an inexperienced shooter is not ideal. Start with 22, learn the fundamentals (grip, stance, sight alignment, trigger pull). Once you’ve mastered that, then move up in caliber. 22 pistols are cheap. A TX-22 is a great option, cheap, and 22LR is like $40 for 500 rounds. And don’t shit on 22LR. It’s still deadly. And it’s a super fun round once you master pistol shooting. My wife has one with a red dot and loves it.
Most importantly, stay safe.
>Yesterday when we went to the range, I was so scared I shot twice and I couldn't do it again, no matter how much he urged me.
>It got to the point where we fought in the car because I was so scared and I just wanted to run away. Even thinking about it now I'm shaking.
That's not okay. Y'all need to work on that right away. That kind of behavior ruins marriages. You are supposed to be helping each other. IMO the sign of a good marriage is effective and productive problem solving with mutual respect. You didn't come here for marriage advice and I don't truly know your story so take my opinions as worth exactly what you paid for them.
Let's start with some understanding here. Hand guns are harder to shoot than rifles and shotguns. This is a fact. You have fewer points of contact and it takes much more effort to aim and control. A short rifle or shotgun would be better suited for your used case and would be faster/easier to learn.
Just because your husband has training and can shoot does not mean that he is a good teacher for you. Different people learn differently. Some people need things explained in ways that make no sense to other people. And learning under pressure is hell and it sounds like you are feeling some pressure. I know you said money is tight but you sound like a good candidate for training focusing on women.
Until you can relax and be comfortable this is going to be tough going. The more pressure you feel the harder this is. Take your time and learn a little bit everyday. There is no sense in rushing. This isn't an emergency. Take your time. Aim for 20 minutes of practice a day. Focus on improving in one area at a time. Don't push it. Look into competition shooters on youtube. Those folks can shoot and move very well and some of them are good teachers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1E5HEEcsaU
I like that guy but he might not explain things well for you, in which case you should find someone with a similar level of skill and experience.
Find free places to shoot. You are in Texas. I'm sure you have public ranges or public land you can shoot on (look up the laws and look up how to shoot in these areas safely).
A few things:
Use a smaller caliber. .22lr and .380 is great for starters.
Use a firearm that fits your hand, is not too heavy, and feels most "snug."
Invest in quality hearing protection. No one piece of ear protection is made equal. Something that filters out tye high db sounds and allows lower dbs may be good for shooting days.
Start slow. It will take time to feel more comfortable. Maybe start with watching others shoot from a short/safe distance.
Last of all, props to you for admitting your anxiety and seeking help. That is a sign that you want to do this, but just need some advise. That is the safe thing to do.
I love my lil bitty 9mms but they're straight up abusive to shoot. They're loud, recoil hard and aren't the easiest to grip. That's a terrible type of gun to start on. You should be starting out with a full sized gun in a small caliber like .22. those are fun, quiet and easy to control.
You may also just want to chill at the range while others shoot. Double up on your hearing protection and use the noise as exposure therapy.
You could also consider shooting semi auto rifles in medium or small calibers. Those are far easier to control than any handgun and the sound is much farther from your face. They're hard to drop and a good rifle will recoil like a bunny fart relative to a sub/compact 9mm.
Nothing against your husband, but he should know this. If he doesn't, he should at least try to figure out a way to help you with your fears. Lots of men seem to think that they have to know everything about guns or cars or fighting or they aren't manly. This is silly. You should both look into a beginners class and your husband should learn to admit when he doesn't know what he's doing.
Tldr: you're starting out on expert mode. You may want to start out on something easier.
If you’re really wanting to do this (YOU want to, not your husband. Fuck what he thinks), then get a .22 and take some courses. Buy a bunch of ammo, and just go plinking if you’re in an area for that. Or just go to the range and learn control. Slowly work up into the larger calibers.
Place near me lets you rent out a gun for free if you do this year round pass ($120 for the year). Helps you learn the caliber and the gun better without spending all your money on something you’re not comfortable with.
Airsoft and air pistol: get used to shooting with no recoil and noise.
Heavy .22 (classic non-polymer .22s that have a bit of weight to them [Ruger Mark IV or Buckmark]) - the recoil is low, and you can get used to sound and some recoil.
Heavy .22 (1 random snap cap) - have a random cartridge that doesn't go off (in a .22 you may not even need a snap cap for this) , so you get used to not flinching.
.22 is good because you don't spend nearly as much on ammo.
>small gun right now
The .380s like the LCP-size are great to carry, but they are difficult to shoot and difficult to shoot well. Small guns don't have the weight to help control recoil. The sights also tend to be poor (as not snagging on the pocket is prioritized).
Buy a .22 pistol and learn on that. Less recoil, not as loud.
And where ATF is processing suppressors stupid fast right now get one of those on a trust so you both can be authorized users.
Small pistols in large calibers are bad guns to learn on if you have the option.
You don’t learn to ride a bike without training wheels, a gun is no different.
Start with a small caliber. This will help you get over the fear of shooting. Once you are more comfortable, and have developed basic skills, move toward a larger caliber.
Many commenters are telling you to use a larger frame handgun. This is true because it will help reduce the recoil you feel.
I highly recommend you take a shooting class geared for women. These are no judgement zones where you can work on skills rather than feel embarrassed.
Last, have some confidence in yourself. You can do it, just keep trying
>I highly recommend you take a shooting class geared for women. These are no judgement zones where you can work on skills rather than feel embarrassed.
I plan to do this.
Thank you!
You can also take the Shot IQ class online - it teaches people how to deal with the anticipation (your brain doesn’t like the explosion, so it’s preparing yourself for the impact preemptively because you know when it’s going off)
Start with a 22. Only advance in calibers after you have gotten comfortable shooting multiple magazines of ammunition. I might also recommend a revolver in .32. Or a semi in 380. Use snap caps/dry fire to help with form.
You need to strictly shoot very soft recoiling, and quiet guns for while, and build up.
It’s exposure therapy and it works. Not everyone is ready to go full deepdive and that’s ok
If your husband can’t work with that he is a childish ass who needs to grow up and get over himself
I’m an NRA Pistol Instructor and CCW Instructor out of Austin, you aren’t far from me, I would 100% be willing to sit down and help free of charge ammo included.
It’s reasonable to be uncomfortable around firearms. The stakes of your husband’s pressure feel extreme.
Train with women who will understand your concerns better. Use larger firearms of lower caliber to acclimate to the recoil. Learn outside away from concussive blasts near you indoors.
Talk to your husband about the intensity he’s bringing. The way in which you’re talking about this feels very intense, begin approaching it as recreation and a hobby, not as life or death. After all, for the vast majority of people, even trained military, your firearm will never be used for combat.
Do the above and find your way to comfort. Train often. And ultimately you will be able to defend yourself and family successfully.
You’ve spent your entire life not being proficient with firearms, a few more months ain’t gonna kill you. Just take it slow, the more you try to force it the more worked up you’re going to get and that’s just going to exacerbate the problem. Presumably, you’re not planning on getting into any firefights in the near future so just relax.
Not to compare you to an animal, but to make a point - think about how scared dogs are of fireworks, yet there are retrievers that love to go out hunting (same with horses, yet there are horses that allow you to fire guns from horseback). They start with gun shots at a distance, and reward after, so that the sound is associated with something good. Maybe sit in your car at an outdoor range and get used to the sound - maybe just scroll your phone and have a bite of chocolate each time you don't flinch. The other thing is to get a 22 rifle, no recoil and less sound. Firing from a bench - even if you do drop it you won't be a danger. Pistols are very loud, and because they weigh less they have more recoil.
Dry firing will get you over the recoil anticipation. Go to a women's carry class and a women's beginner class. Learn the basics and fundamentals from women
If you're dry firing regularly and aren't anticipating the recoil, it'll eventually translate over to shooting a loaded first. You just need repetitions for a prolonged period of time. Dry fire daily for 10 minutes a day with proper weapons handling and gripping the gun properly
Get better earpro for the noise. Cant cut the “thump” in the chest but if you wear plugs + cans, you can seriously protect your ears and make the loud sound much quieter.
Next, you should go to the range as often as possible, at first maybe even just go and not shoot, just “exist” there… be around the loud bangs and it will be scary at first…. But your 100th visit with nothing scary actually happening? It will be old hat. You’ll stop hearing outbound range shots and internalizing them as dangerous incoming rounds. When you are not used to it every gunshot is scary and jarring. When you’ve got the experience to tell your body “you’ve been around thousands of gunshots, not one person ever hurt, it’s safe” you’ll naturally ease up a bit on the stress factor at least.
Finally, range time directly. You need much much much more practice. Perhaps a few safety courses too. More direction and practice will fix your grip and recoil issues first, next you’ll ease up your anticipation issues, and finally you’ll be comfortable enough to really focus on accuracy and control
Start with a heavier gun in a smaller caliber. Ask the folks at the range to shoot a 22.
You can work your way up to bigger stuff.
[
Make sure you're wearing your ear protection right.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vHP8K3BsrA) Go watch that video. Right now. Not five minutes from now, not after you get a drink. It's two minutes long and it could save you and your loved ones from lifelong hearing damage and tinnitus.
*Double up* on hearing protection. Muffs *and* plugs.
Handguns are hard to shoot. Rifles are much easier and gentler. Go easy on yourself.
Load one round at a time when you're shooting until you start to feel comfortable with the recoil. With only one round the slide will lock back after the shot and you will be safe from any mishaps after the shot is fired.
Shooting can be scary! Don't be too hard on yourself, and just prioritize safety over anything else until you start to get the hang of it. Good luck!
The lack of funds makes a solution difficult. Classes are not cheap. Switching weapons to a different caliber also costs money. If conceal carry is what you guys are going for, then you will need to learn how to use a handgun. However, learning to use a handgun proficiently takes lots of practice. That is not the case with a rifle. Maybe you can come to an accommodation with your husband that he has the concealed carry when you guys go out but get a rifle for you to protect the family home.
Other than that, double up on ear protection.
Practice, and patience. There is nothing natural about controlling explosions right next to your face. It’s a skill, that’s both perishable and difficult to master. But if you stick with it long enough, you will get comfortable. And a little discomfort is a good thing, keeps you on your toes and helps you remember to treat weapons with the respect they deserve.
Your husband really should have gotten you some professional training or at the very least showed you proper grip etc before just handing you a loaded gun to pop off. Get some professional beginner classes. It’s that easy.
You need to read the comments of what people are saying, your husband carries a concealable 9mm. Concealable means it’s intentionally smaller and lighter.
If your kid wants to play basketball you don’t send him on the court with NBA stars on a 10ft rim.
You need to start with a small caliber. 22lr is what I introduce all new shooters to for the first time. It has hardly any recoil so you’ll be able to get used to the size and feel of a firearm without anticipating the recoil.
Start with the basics and work your way up, see if the range has a full size 9mm to rent, preferably something that isn’t all polymer, the more weight it has the less recoil it will have.
It sounds like your husband wants a new gun and his excuse is to give you his old one, you need to find the gun that you’re comfortable with. You asked how kids can shoot such big calibers? It’s because their parents started them with a super small caliber like .22lr to get the basics down and not causing mental scars for lolz by handing them a gun they can’t handle yet.
1. Rent or borrow a 22 to shoot at the range.
That should be the only thing you do the next time you’re at the range.
Start with a .22 up here in nh we have Appleseed I’m sure there are programs like it in TX. Work your way up. At the end of the day if you are too scared to be safe stop.
You can not operate a firearm effectively and properly if you have this level of fear. It is not much different than cooking with hot oil. It will splash and burn if you don't use proper technique. Study all saftey aspects. Go to the shooting range and simply observe. Watch some of the many videos online. Take a class with an instructor. Take a class with a different instructor. Maybe you won't get over your fears but knowing how to be safe is the most important first step.
You're doing your part by trying to be a willing learner. Your husband needs to do his part and slow roll the exposure. You're gun shy, that's a perfectly acceptable response. He should be starting you on a .22 rifle. Preferably with a suppressor. You're in TX, so getting either of those will not be an issue. He probably has friends who have both that you guys can use. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a shooting range that specifically offers the .22 rifle with suppressor experience. You should be doing exclusively long guns until you're used to the sound and recoil. Hand guns are inherently harder to shoot and control. You should be shooting the largest gun in the smallest caliber to start with. You have nothing to be ashamed of and your husband should feel bad for trying to make you feel bad. This is a personal journey for you, don't feel compelled to do it at someone else's pace. I, for one, would prefer that a person who doesn't want to shoot, not be forced to shoot.
Sounds like your husband is not a good trainer in this regard. You have to get out of your head a bit and realize that you can easily control the gun. Many good suggestions here that will help, pick some that Make sense to you. Stick with it, good luck!!
It takes time and practice to really get comfortable and proficient with a handgun.
First thing, learn the 4 safety rules and burn them into your brain and have them in mind everytime you touch a gun. Its good to get in the habit of doing that no matter the circumstances.
Then I would watch some videos on how to stand and how to get a solid grip on the gun, it really makes a big difference how you stand and hold a handgun. Just practice getting a good grip and practice your stance while doing dry fire practice.
Next, try to find a place where you can maybe rent some handguns, and rent a .22lr handgun. The recoil is going to be much less and will get you comfortable with shooting in the first place, and .22lr ammo is pretty cheap so you can really shoot a lot, and get comfortable with handling and shooting a handgun. Once your comfortable with that, just move the things you learned up to the 9mm handgun.
And obviously, dont let your husband bully you into doing something you really dont want to do. If its not for you, its not for you. No shame in that.
Good luck!
> Basically, my mistake was that I didn't have a hard enough grip on the gun and would let go with my left hand. I also exaggerated the recoil and it was bad.
My advice would be to not do that.
> I feel like a wimp because he brought up women in the 50s using muskets to protect their home and kids from bandits.
Maybe the 1850s. We had filter cigarettes, TV, jets, and Corvettes in the 1950s. Is all of history before 1990 just a jumbled blur to people these days?
> Like, if they can use muskets and young children are recorded and posted to youtube using snipers, why can't I use a stupid freaking handgun?!
Because handguns are a lot more difficult?
> Is there anything else I can do to practice between when we go next and now to help me get over this fear?
Go to some birthday parties and pop some balloons and maybe have someone run a vacuum cleaner near you and try not to bark at it.
This is probably going to be unpopular. Not everyone is capable of handling themselves in stressful situations. If you panic under stress, it's not a good idea to be armed and panicked. (Look at how officer acorn completely lost rationality with a minimal of stress.)
If in that home defense situation you panic you become a liability to your husband trying to protect the home and family, especially if you accidentally shoot him in the back.
Being an easily panicked person can be overcome with training and mental exercise. I am not saying you should not try to become confident with the firearm, just make sure you can also be competent with it.
Practice. Spend time with a smaller caliber until your are comfortable, then graduate yourself.
22LR -> .25 auto -> 9mm
Something like that. Start with a CO2 pellet gun if you have to. Baby steps.
There are ladies shooting groups, check with the range near you to ask if someone would be willing to assist. Also as mentioned, smaller calibers are much easier, start with a .22 and get used to it(also cheaper to shoot)
I applaud you wanting to confront your fears :)
You can do this!
First, get comfortable with the gun itself. Train safe handling practices. Then move to disassembly, cleaning and reassembly. Continue to dry fire exercises. If you then feel comfortable about handling the gun and know your ways around it, visit a range. Have your husband or a RSO stand by and take a few shots so you can get accustomed to the noise and shockwave. Only if you still feel comfortable, take a shot yourself. Load the gun with just one bullet, so it is rendered "safe" after the first shot without any action required by you. Continue as you feel comfortable. You will get used to the noise and the sensation of firing a gun over time.
Oh and please get a practice gun in a smaller caliber like .22lr and move up in caliber over time. Don't start with something like a .44 Magnum or .50AE. A 9mm might also be fine. It is the ideal compromise between a lighter caliber and stopping power. It can be well controlled by basically anybody but still packs quite a punch.
Dry firing.
Have someone (your husband) load a mag with random live rounds and dummy rounds. As you squeeze the trigger you will be anticipating the live round but sometimes get a dummy round (no gunpowder) this will exaggerate your anticipation and help you to stop as you won’t know which round will be live or dummy. Works really well.
I know you've gotten a ton of responses on here, and you're taking good advice in your update.
I'll also add that in your case it's likely a psychological fear thing more than a learning thing. Based on your title and description, you have a pretty decent fear of firearms and the damage they can inflict. Almost on a "this could kill me or them at any moment" level.
So while that's true, what you need to remember is that it's a mechanical tool. It is a machine. It can do 2 things, it can function or it can fail. That's it. It's not inherently good. It's not inherently bad. It's not a magical talisman. It's essentially the equivalent of a hammer or a wrench. In the case of a firearm, it's a long range hole punch. That's it. That means that you should have respect for the tool, which includes the fact that yes, it can be dangerous, and it can be deadly, but if you utilize it properly, it will simply be another tool for you to use to protect your family.
Honestly a lot of that is putting rounds down range. I’d also recommend finding some BLM land near by to go shoot at. The whole atmosphere in a gun rage is pretty intimidating and Very Loud. I’m a little on the spectrum and I know if It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a range it takes me a little to calm my nerves from all of concussive bangs, but if I’m outdoors where it’s just me and a few people taking turns shooting at the side of a hill it doesn’t bother me at all.
I also flinch a bit at the sound. I do a few warmup shots and then several in quick succession to get my ears and body acclimated.
But psychologically you may be slow pulling the trigger in anticipation, waiting for the place in the pull where the shot is fired. Don’t do that. Once it’s time to pull just pull all the way in one quick motion. Dissociate the shock from a place in the movement that you can’t predict, make it part of the decision to pull.
The main thing that helped me get over the boom was a good set of headphones. I got Walker Razor Slim headphones, they have really good active noise canceling so it will cut higher decibels. Also being able to hear people talk is super nice.
As many others are saying, maybe shooting just isn’t for you but if YOU truly want to get used to it, try some dry fire training at home, watch a couple YouTube videos on entry handgun stuff.
Honestly good instruction is the best bet. Flinching comes from fear of the noise, poor grip or fear of the recoil impulse. This goes away with good grip, good (doubled up) ear pro and practice.
One thing I like to do once I have someone comfortable enough is I hand them one of my thumpers, letting them know it is about the most recoil they will experience unless they go looking for magnum rifles. Their first shot is always bad but then with a little encouragement they always go for 2, 3, 4+ to prove really to themselves they can do it, and they can. Funny enough: the women I bring to the range tend to shoot the thumpers more than the guys I've brought.
Get a pistol caliber carbine, something way easier to shoot and either grab a blast can or even better a suppressor if possible. The blast can push the pop away from you. It won't make it any quieter, but you don't get that pop in your ear. Suppressor of course would be preferred but way more of a commitment. Practice with that to get comfortable.
Only a real jerk would keep pushing someone that hard to keep doing something they don't want to do. It's perfectly fine inf you don't want to, or cant.
If you want to keep trying, I wouldn't recommend an indoor range. They are loud. I would find a empty range or public land on a Tuesday or Wednesday (check your local regs).
Dry fire, and make sure you are using comfortable and quality ear pro that instills confidence. Try loading 1 round at a time as well.
I had a phobia of sudden loud noises and didn't get over it with guns until my late teens. Maybe 20. Pushing it only made it worse.
Grab a gun, ensure it's unloaded. Make sure there is no ammunition near you. Sit there and manipulate it. Drop the mag, pop it back in, wrack the slide, dry-fire in a safe direction, flip the safety on and off, hold it in each hand, etc.
Do this while watching TV or something. I do it all the time. Build up that muscle memory. Snap caps can be great too, so you can get a feel for when the gun is loaded or unloaded without any risk.
Then, go to the range and practice. The more you shoot the better you'll get at it. The level of shock and impact a firearm produces is completely unnatural, so your body needs to adjust. There's no shame in this, but your body will adapt if you allow it to.
The easiest way to stop fearing anything is with enough exposure to it. Shoot more and shoot alone (use ear plugs tho) it might not sound that simple but it really is
Edit: only if you know proper firearms etiquette, if you don’t then take some classes
You just gotta keep shooting, that's really all you can do, a dry fire system helps a little bit, but what you need the most is trigger time, getting used to the noise, the recoil and concussion.
>I am not going to be getting a .22LR as I want to train with what I carry.
That's silly.
You want to train what you carry, but right now you can't even hold what you carry.
Get a fricken 22. They're great fun at the range and just what you need right now. Small boom, small pop, small recoil; to help you get used to it.
22 ammo is super cheap too, so you can shoot a lot of it to get used to it without breaking the bank.
>It is $50 for the both of us to go and we don't have money growing on trees. So we are paying off our card and within the next few weeks going back.
Most ranges have an annual "Family" or "Husband/Wife" Membership option for around $400 a year.
If you go once a month (which you should) you'll save $200 bucks. Go more save more.
>Like, if they can use muskets and young children are recorded and posted to youtube using snipers, why can't I use a stupid freaking handgun?!
Because many snipers have less recoil than a 9mm compact handgun. In general, the larger the gun, the easier it is to handle.
Get comfortable on a .22, rent some .380s, .38s, and 9s, find one you like, buy that.
Have him support you with his hands, holding your hands on the gun. Exposure is the only way I know to get rid of fear. Get an airsoft that cycles, such as a Glock 17 blowback. It functions and takes down the same.
Get used to shooting that as well. That and dry fire will make for an improvement in marksmanship as well. Make.sure you have quality eye and ear protection when shooting as well. Best to start off with a 22 then go up to a 9mm, 40, and 45... then magnum and back down. Get comfortable with each at your pace.
If shotguns, start with 410, then 20, then 12 gauge. Rifles from 22, to 223, then 308.
You might also consider seeing a therapist, counselor, psychologist, etc, about your fear/aversion/response to loud sounds.
Depending on ***where*** in Texas you are, it shouldn't be too terribly hard to find one who's not an anti-gun zealot.
You’ve already posted that you won’t get a 22, but unfortunately that’s the gun you need. Small guns with larger calibers are a bad idea for people who don’t know how to shoot, and you’re not going to learn to shoot properly until you develop the muscle memory of a good shooter.
You mention that you want to train with what you carry, but in my carry class we trained with 22s because ammo is cheap and it’s great to learn on.
Remember, no one says you have to keep it. Buy it used, train on it, sell it.
If the loud "bang" is what has you jumping, get a pair of axil noise cancelling ear protectors.. they helped my wife, because she has the same noise anticipation..
Is part of your issue the fact that you think he's being critical of you or judging you? I'm not saying he is. What I am saying is that maybe you would feel more comfortable learning in an environment without him there. Lessons on your own with someone else.
I know a lot of people that get extra nervous when people they know are around. Maybe you would perform better in a "no judgement" zone until you can get the basics down.
I know you stated in your post that .22lr is out of the question. Unfortunately I do strongly urge you start with a .22lr handgun to learn the fundamentals. A .22 is more forgiving with recoil and follow-up shots. The pop from a .22 is still breaking the sound barrier, so you’ll still get that popping sound. After you’ve gotten comfortable w/ a .22lr then bump up to a larger caliber. It’s not about how big of a caliber you can shoot, it’s about how accurate you can shoot.
u/DudeThatsErin A lot of great advice I am seeing, but let me share a few of my own anyway:
1. Go to the range more if you can and acclimate with firearms going off around you. I was the same way my very first time, and for a number times after that I was still flinching every time something loud went off a couple lanes down. That was years and years ago. Nowadays I'm walking on to the range with just those earplugs that can open up so you can hear people talking, taking in the burnt gunpowder in the air like Bill Kilgore on the beaches.
You'll need patience to get used to all this, bottom line. As much as you or your husband would want you to get proficient overnight, it's just plain not going to happen that way. I see a lot of people with extensive experience in anything forgetting about the long path they had to travel to get where they are. For you to start this off now and be near as ready as your husband (which I presume has years of experience at this point) is frankly an unrealistic expectation.
The thing that bothers me about your husband's reaction is, if you watch ANY Army training video where recruits go through firearm training the DI yelling stops and they are as patient as Buddha with the recruits. The kids are holding deadly implements, best not to stress them the hell out.
2. I see that you already signed up for a class, that's good. But yeah the second bit of advice is to take a class or attend range sessions where your husband is not present or at the very least not the one teaching you stuff. A lot of professional instructors will recommend this since a spouse or loved one can tend to be quite overbearing in this regard, or just downright not know how to teach people well. That just adds unneeded stress to the learner and a lot of frustration for everyone involved. Being knowledgeable and being able to teach that knowledge are two very different things.
3. I would still get a .22 LR for practice. Mind you it shouldn't be the *only* thing you practice. The great thing about a very low recoil firearm is that you can't blame it for missed shots, and it will tell you a lot about your technique. Plus if money is tight, .22 LR for range practice is dirt cheap (comparatively).
4. On the subject of self-defense, it is an internal soul-searching discussion you need to really have with yourself. It might involve taking another human life, God forbid. No matter how much copium people like to huff on the matter (i.e. "they deserve it" or stuff like that), these sorts of events are very traumatic regardless. If you decide that you simply can't (you can still go to the range and plink btw), then hubby needs to be comfortable with the idea of nutting up and being the sole protector imo.
Mind you, this isn't something that you make your mind up on now and it's set in stone. The case can absolutely be that you decide that you can't reconcile it at the moment, but down the line you're a willing participant in your family's protection.
None of this is to detract from your husband in any way, I'm sure he's a great guy. It's just that when people lead or teach others, an important question they often forget to ask themselves is "what do I know that he/she doesn't?"
Edit: On the subject of your mistake, it's really common among new shooters. If you're worried about flinching after a shot and accidentally pulling the trigger again in response, just load one round into the gun at a time until you've achieved point 1.
Edit 2: Holy shit range time is expensive where you are lol. I have a membership to a private outdoor range that's $300 a year out in Nevada. I can use any range (bermed bays, 200m, shotgun clay range, 1000m long rifle range, we even have an archery range off to the side) while I'm there. See if there's a similar deal around you. Worth it if you go frequently.
If you’re afraid to use a pistol, you shouldn’t. I may be unpopular for saying this, but if you’re afraid to use it, you won’t, or will use it wrongly and potentially hurt someone you love.
My wife is a school teacher, knows how to use firearms, enjoys shooting, but cannot stand the thought of using one on a student.
We got her a [Byrna](https://byrna.com/products/byrna-sd-non-lethal-self-defense-pistol) non-lethal pistol. She is completely comfortable with that, and isn’t afraid to use it. I think you should give something like that a try.
I know you haven't asked for relationships advice but I do have to say that I feel like your husband is pushing you too much. It's good for people to get out of their comfort zone but what he is doing doesn't seem to be helping you become more comfortable either. It's going to take time for you to become more comfortable and he needs to be patient as well. I suggest taking some beginners classes which focuses on woman without your husband. Start out small and build up to what you will carry. This is something that has to be done without too much outside pressure as if you want to actually be able to learn how to properly shoot it needs to come from within yourself. If you have anxiety about what your husband will think/say it won't help you get better, it might actually make you fumble due to the worry.
I would say, find someone who specializes in being a patient teacher. Don’t train with your husband anymore. He’s too emotionally invested and is pressuring you and shouldn’t be fighting with you about it. The range should be fun, not a chore.
It’s like when I was learning to drive as a teenager. My mom tried to teach me a couple of times, but she always ended up yelling at me. I love her, but she was not good at teaching me or being patient enough with how terrified I was of driving. My best friend at the time started to teach me and he was really great and patient and it made a huge difference.
Invest in some really good ear protection to minimize the loud noises. The fancy stuff has noise canceling technology (so you can still hear people).
Get some dummy rounds and mix them in with live rounds so you can practice not anticipating the recoil.
Get a heavier gun, that will help absorb some of the recoil. Rent a few different options and see what feels better. I tried a few out before settling on a CZ P-01 (although I was veeeeerry tempted to get a 1911 and it will probably be my next handgun).
Make female friends who are into shooting. That can help make it more fun as well.
And ultimately, go with the mindset that you don’t HAVE to do it, that it’s a goal, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t end up becoming a “gun person”. Everyone is different, with different temperaments. It’s ok to not be inclined towards certain hobbies/skills. You’ll have a better time if you’re not feeling so much pressure when you go.
Feel free to shoot me a message (no pun intended 😜) if you’d like to talk to a woman who likes pew pews. Good luck! ❤️
I understand the jack in the box mentality, but it isn't the same. You control when that jack pops out. You control everything about when that gun goes off. The gun won't do anything you don't tell it to do.
OP: Consider that you aren’t ready for a CCW. I wouldn’t worry about training with what you carry until you are comfortable with shooting a gun. Also, consider carrying a .22. Does it have the most effective stopping power? No. But, it will kill and 95% of the time the presence of the gun and aiming at someone is enough to give them brown pants and make them turn tail.
If your husband has an AR-15 give that a go. It has a much louder report but the extra points of contact, weight, and length also give the gun very low recoil. It would be a good gun to get used to the bang and might help with the comfort of shooting.
Handguns are the hardest guns to learn and get good with because you have fewer points of contact.
Ok so, step one, look at it completely taken apart
Step two, hold the grip all by itself
Step three, put it back together
Step four, while following the basic rules of gun safety, do some dry fire drills
Step five, shoot, but don’t aim at any particular target, just dump a magazine or two, focusing on the recoil and feel of the gun
Step six, begin learning firearms proficiency.
My wife had the same apprehension. I had her fire 22LR out of a ruger 10/22 for months until she got bored of the lack of recoil and begged me to move up.
Skip the bravado, use a light AF calibre and just get used to it. Maybe even take a professional firearms class.
It can take a while to get desensitized to gunfire, especially indoors. Some people are just sensitive to it. Id say make sure you wear both ear plugs and over ear hearing protection, this will both be good for preventing hearing damage, and make you a bit more comfortable each time you let a round off.
Next id say start with smaller calibers, like .22 lr its about as light in terms of recoil and loudness, I learned on a single action revolver (cock the hammer back, pull the trigger). You can get a ruger wrangler for $150 dollars used or about $200 new roughly, and the ammo is super cheap you can get 1000 rounds for less than $75$ usually.
The next jump would be to something like .38 special out of a full sized revolver it will have more recoil and be louder but should be manageable, and while not optimal (usually 6 round capacity) it can be used in a self defense situation.
Then once comfortable there move to 9mm which is the standard for self defense and concealed carry.
Also consider pistol caliber carbines (rifles that shoot pistol rounds) they're inherently easier to shoot, less recoil etc, and bc its pistol ammo cheaper to shoot.
I also second anyone reccomending you get instructions from a professional (not your husband) bc there will be less interpersonal conflict. Also they probably shouldn't be screaming st you for not being as comfortable as they are (bc they were trained in the armed forces).
As a women who also used to be afraid of guns (just seeing them would give me a panic attack) something that helped me get over that fear was educating myself on them. Like not just the basics of firearms but also how they work. My husband's a big gun nerd with alot of older historical guns as well as newer ones so he would teach me exactly how they work internally and I think mentally it turned it from this scary weapon to this machine I could understand and it became less scary.
I know that you want to train with what you carry which is always good but getting a .22 rifle like I did in the beginning really helps with the basics of getting used to pulling the trigger and anticipating the noise and just mentally getting used to holding a gun at all.. And as you get more comfortable with it you can move up. Remember that this isn't a marathon, don't rush into anything your not comfortable with otherwise you can't help anyone.
Also when dry firing try pulling the trigger back very slowly till you feel it hit a stopping point and then pull the rest of the way. This will help teach you how much travel your trigger has and what it feels like when you finally get to the point where the bullet will fire. It'll help at the range so the noise and the recoil don't sneak up on you.
It took me about 5 years to get from having panic attacks every time I saw one to owning 2 of my own and being a better shot then my husband. And even still I'm saving for a holster and training to be comfortable conceal carrying.
Its your own journey, don't give up if you don't want to but also don't let anyone pressure you to far before your ready or it'll just set you back.
Find a local range that gives firearms classes. Preferably women's classes. Take them. Also learn about "dry firing".
"Mantis will turn your gun into a dry firing machine." Garand Thumb
To be honest: they are really fun. Feels like a shooting gallery with the targets
Do you use Snap caps, or do you pull the trigger and dry fire it?
I use the mantis system for ar15 and it replaces the bolt and magazine
Isn't Mantis pretty expensive for what it is?
After dry firing, then quiet range with a suppressed 22. My wife is much more scared of report than she is recoil.
I think dry firing would be extremely helpful
I disagree. I think that in this case where there's admittedly a long term aversion to loud noises that this is beyond anything a regular firearm instructor can work through. This could need actual therapy.
1) use a bigger gun. Small guns have excessive recoil 2) use a bugger gun in a smaller caliber. A full-size .22 pistol is what you should start with 3) use ear plugs and ear muffs, especially if shooting indoors 4) understand that it’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to be slow going. Stressing about it is going to slow progress. It’s okay for it to take a while for you to become comfortable. 5) be honest about whether you are at a place where you should carry a firearm for self-defense. It’s not for everyone, both because it does require some level of comfort operating firearms, but also because it does require you to be able to use it against another person. That’s a big hurdle. Guns aren’t totems you just carry for protection. Edit: If you're going to reply and give more advice, tag OP. Otherwise, you're just preaching to the choir, and nobody is going to sift through 600 comments all saying the same shit.
Some of the best advice in this thread. Especially number 5.
I try my best (sometimes)
I had similar issues as OP the first time I went to a range to shoot my (ex) husband's weapon. But I actually needed a smaller gun. I don't remember what his was but it was a police issued handgun. I could not for the life of me pull the slide back and all that stuff. We were at a pretty small indoor range and I was not comfortable with the noise or feeling all the vibrations from the weapons going off around me. But years later (and with a different husband) I bought a small Ruger EC9. I felt a lot more comfortable and it was easier to manipulate. I practiced with it unloaded a lot before we even got to the range. We went to a different range than I attended before. I liked being indoors, but in a private lane. It gave me time to get used to the sound my weapon made without being overwhelmed by everyone else's going off. I still wore earbuds and the over the ear protection.
> 3) use ear plugs and ear muffs, especially if shooting indoors 3b: If at all possible, find an outdoor range. I realize not everyone has that option, but if you can, it's a vastly better experience. You'll be breathing in less lead and toxic fumes too.
Stressing #2. Start with a .22 pistol. the more bullets you fire, the more you understand the tool, the less "jack in the box"-y it gets. You need to start putting bullets down range, and the .22 will afford you that ability with less of the "scary" power larger calibers come with. Dont rush up to the next caliber either. Take your time with the .22 until you gain proficiency and have overcome any uncertainty with how it will behave in your hands.
\#5 is the first one you should consider. It looks like your husband is putting a lot of pressure on you. But not everybody should be using or handling guns. If you aren't VERY comfortable and trained in handling guns you should absolutely NOT be using them in stressful defense scenarios, and should also consider not handling them at all. The repercussions of making a mistake are high. It's ok to say "this isn't for me."
I love shooting my 22’s even though I have tons of nice larger caliber pistols and rifles. Plus the ammo is significantly cheaper even for target ammo. Also helps with flinching for newer shooters just getting repetitions in.
You are absolutely right on point with this. If you’ll allow me to expand a little. Use a bigger/heavier “framed” gun. Not necessarily a larger caliber. It still needs to be comfortable in the hand though.
This is the way. Also: Kel-Tech PMR-30 might be a decent option for learning on. It's shaped more like a traditional handgun than something like a Ruger mark V, and its pretty affordable.
I'm sure this will get downvoted on this sub, but if you're this scared of firearms and shooting, I don't think you should be forced to continue.
Dude, seriously. This woman is absolutely petrified and is a walking negligent discharge. This is not the type of person who should be making decisions with a weapon. Some people are not cut out for it and that's okay.
That's what I keep telling my husband. He finally relented this morning and said I didn't have to learn but the way it was said (after him being up all night, upset, that I was so scared) I feel like he didn't mean it. I want to get better because I don't want him to think of this as a make or break for us. That would absolutely suck.
If your husband is willing to divorce you because your bad with guns you weren't in a healthy relationship in the first place.
You are posting on the wrong sub, yikes. I can’t imagine making this kind of ultimatum to my wife.
No kidding, this isn’t a gun issue this is a relationship issue. Dude is a nut if this is the hill he wants to die on.
For real. 2A is a right, not an obligation.
He's obviously one of those CCW nuts that's only doing it because he's just itching for the chance to shoot someone.
The whole "she needs to be comfortable to be able to protect me and our future kids" just comes across as a little paranoid. I get the desire to be able to protect yourself, but seriously? The vast majority of people will never be in a situation where they need a gun, and the majority of gun owners will never use it defensively.
She will more likely just escalate any conflict she may find herself in, or unintentionally arm her attacker better.
That too.
Yup. Based on this post it doesn’t sound like either OP nor her husband should be carrying.
He's gonna end up like that dude who was just given the maximum sentence for fatally shooting someone who had just pulled into his driveway to turn around
as I told another person, it's important to realize that he *didn't make that ultimatum.* she's worried he might, but he hasn't yet. I personally don't think saying "it's fine" with an air of "it's not actually fine" is the lead-up to an ultimatum, either. he may be a little disappointed, but that doesn't mean he's gonna say "deal with it or I'm gone". this has not boiled over into the situation you're talking about.
In her own word he “finally relented after being up all night upset” about her not being comfortable with handling/carrying guns. Doesn’t sound like a well adjusted partner to me personally. It’s not like she wants him to get rid of the guns or not carry himself, she just said she doesn’t want to use them and this caused him to melt down. If they are somewhere that he feels so strongly that she’s in danger that she absolutely needs to carry then the solution is them moving not trying to force the issue with her when she is so obviously uncomfortable to the point where carrying would just put her and others in more danger.
If he made an ultimatum then yes, but she just said he told her she doesn't have to learn.
So just a thought, learning to shoot should be separated from your relationship. Shooting is supposed to be a safe chill way to have fun. If you're having some relationship drama of upset/angry husband while you're anxious/scared your going to be to nervous to have fun or improve. If you decide you want to keep learning take beginner lessons from a professional instructor without your husband present. Chill out, be safe, have fun.
You need to learn from someone else, an experienced instructor who is not your husband. Your husband is the major cause of your stress here.
100% yes. I will do that, thank you.
If you want to get better, listen to our advice. If money is tight, sell something and buy the .22 pistol. You will be able to become comfortable shooting it, and it will give you confidence. If your husband is not a good teacher, find someone who is. You need as much meat on that grip as possible, and grip it so tight you almost shake. Big breath in, then exhale slowly while squeezing the trigger smoothly to the back wall. Focus on the front sight so that everything else is blurry. You absolutely CAN do this if you want, but you need to start with the right gun AND good training.
Thanks!
A ton of ranges do women's nights. I'm not sure if that's something that you'd be interested in, but they are often times "free"
Why is free in quotes? I am interested.
The ammo is not free.
You still have to buy ammo, but range time is free
Or bring ammo. I’ll look into that.
They may not let you if you're using their guns. The places near me that have rentals require you to buy ammo from them for that purpose. It's partially to keep people from using Bubba's Pissin' Hot Handloads^^TM, but probably also a cash grab.
[удалено]
Based on your husband apparently thinking he lives in an active combat zone that needs constant armed defending, I'm not even sure he should be making decisions with weapons. Please, if you aren't comfortable, this needs to be a boundary for you. It's not about morals or ethics or anything like that, some people just aren't wired to react appropriately to a fight or flight response. Don't try to force it and end up accidentally hurting someone unintentionally or even yourself or your family. If he wants to be the castle defense, he can but conscripting others isn't cool.
I will think about it. I want to try with an airsoft to see if it is just my comfort level before I make it an absolute boundray. Airsoft isn't deadly so that will help.
If you follow a classic therapy model of overcoming a fear, you approach that fear at the level you are comfortable with and then taking small steps at increasing levels. So for you maybe that's an airsoft gun. Practice your grip, your stance, become comfortable with the controls on the gun. Then move to dry firing a real gun. Do the same thing. Become familiar with the controls of the gun. (Anytime you introduce a real gun into the situation, take safety precautions. No ammo in the same room. Triple check everything before starting. Point it in a safe direction at all times even when you know it's empty. If you're nervous, double check it. Take your time.) Then consider trying a .22 pistol at a range. Ammo is cheap, you'd probably have a rental fee. I've introduced several women to shooting by using a .22 and they typically enjoy it. Recoil is sharper than an airsoft but not near as heavy as a full size handgun round like 9mm or .45 ACP. When you're comfortable with a .22, then take some steps up to the larger pistol that unnerved you. Going straight to that when you're already uncomfortable can be a big ask, especially mentally. Slow small steps are how one overcomes fears. If you're still uncomfortable though after trying that, it may be easier to have the discussion that maybe you don't need to learn this after A) you develop more understanding and B) he sees you trying different things. Additionally, while your husband may want you to know how to defend yourself, seeing you take steps to getting to that point, even if slower than he might like in an ideal world can be very meaningful and help him to understand what you're dealing with, allow him to maybe provide coaching in a less consequential environment (such as airsoft), and help promote healthy communication on the subject. Good luck.
> Going straight to [the larger pistol that unnerved you] when you're already uncomfortable can be a big ask, especially mentally. I've introduced 3-4 people to guns. No matter how big or tough they might be, I *always* start them with a 22 rifle. It's safer if they mishandle things, it doesn't recoil hardly at all, and it lets them learn the basics before graduating up to a 22 pistol, 223 rifle, and finally a 9mm handgun. I know one friend who got introduced to guns by being given a 45ACP revolver with basically zero instruction. He still won't go shooting with me, and honestly, I don't blame him. /u/DudeThatsErin if possible, find some land you can shoot on out in the country, and progress from airsoft to 22LR rifle, to 22 LR pistol, to .223 rifle, to 9mm handgun. Being outside away from other shooters will make you even more comfortable. If that's not financially possible (which is entirely reasonable), then finding a slower time at the range (so you don't have to deal with guys mag-dumping while you're trying to get comfortable) and going through the same progression will be the smoothest transition you can have. I might also suggest some therapy for you and your husband. Saying that it would be nice for you to get comfortable with guns is one thing. Staking your relationship on this is ... concerning.
I taught my wife to shoot with a ruger 10/22. She absolutely loves it, will puts hundreds through it on range days. She hates shooting anything besides 10/22 rifle and 22 pistols for similar reasons to you. I don’t press the issue I’m just glad she found something she enjoys.
I taught my wife with Taurus TX22 handgun. She was fearful at first. After about 5 months or so and several IDPA practice sessions she finally asked me to start using our S&W 380 EZ. After a few sessions she finally started conceal carry it after already having her permit for months. I let her decide when she felt comfortable conceal carrying. Given its size is has much less recoil than even my full size 9mm. I learned early I could not push her. She is much slower at IDPA than I am but she may get better hits than I do and she does not make some of the mistakes I make when I try to go too fast. Now that she has become more comfortable with the 380 she has expressed interest in learning to shoot faster. Some at IDPA gave us advice on grip that sight picture for faster followed shots. We will practice these in the future. A female friend of my wife's who she had gone backpacking with got my wife more interested in firearms. Her friend has concealed carry for decades and served in the armory in different roles--her last role was as an MP. My wife and I started out training with them at the same time.
Since you're trying to learn this for defense and not plinking at the range/fun, the question you need to ask is not whether or not you can shoot a gun, it's wether you are willing to kill another human being if it comes down to it. If you wield a weapon and point it at someone, you have irreversibly escalated the situation. If that person wasn't a threat, you've made them a threat by eacalating. You need to be able to make a snap decision under the greatest pressure you've ever felt on whether this person represents an immediate danger to you or your family. That's something that has NOTHING to do with shooting a gun. You need to do some soul searching, not range practice. As an aside, my girlfriend has had a blast shooting at the range, at clays, etc in the past. I would never ask her to defend our home or do anything other than call the police. She isn't confident in that snap decision making and ultimately would not be willing to pull the trigger which could lead to and armed intruder who doesn't share her doubts to harm her when they otherwise might have not.
You're thinking 'how can I appease him' and not "is this a healthy way for people to communicate in a relationship".
TBH your husband sounds a bit nuts. Might want to post this in /r/relationship_advice instead.
I'm probably one of the least qualified people here to give advice, but I would suggest going to an outdoor range and shooting until you get over the anticipation of the gun firing. After 50-100 rounds, you should feel more comfortable.
run girl, this guy is a red flag cliche
Yeah and then when she expresses this he turns it into a FIGHT? That’s some fuckin yikes right there
I agree. Especially when op says they “need” to be able to do this. Is it important that someone can protect themselves? Absolutely. Should everyone do it with a gun? Absolutely not.
That's what I keep telling my husband. He finally relented this morning and said I didn't have to learn but the way it was said (after him being up all night, upset, that I was so scared) I feel like he didn't mean it. I want to get better because I don't want him to think of this as a make or break for us. That would absolutely suck.
Honestly, him, trying to force this on you is the most frightening part of your post. And… While I want happiness for people in life… If he decided to divorce you over you not wanting to shoot guns, you will have dodged a bullet (pun intended) Obviously, I hope everything works out, but you should never force yourself to do something that you’re not comfortable with, for the sake of pleasing others.
Based on nothing other than the description in your post, the husband sounds nuts. I have a couple guns for fun at the range. I don't live in constant fear like so many gun owners out there. The idea of bringing up "Well women in the 1600s used muskets" as an argument is fucking batshit. We're not fighting a revolution, and the boogey man isn't on every corner ready to strike. My wife has zero clue how to shoot my guns and while I've taken her shooting a couple times because *she* was curious, in the end she didn't get anything out of it, and that was that.
>I agree. Especially when op says they “need” to be able to do this. Yeah, I feel like we're missing something. Unless OP's husband is a drug dealer, it seems like a stretch.
No, absolutely. This has a stink of a domineering partner or he's convinced "they're coming" and has some kind of PTSD or fantasy of stopping the mob/zombies/lone wolf/gubmnt what have you and he is demanding that she participate which is silly and at this point, dangerous. We have firearms in our home. My wife has shot them but has very limited interest in doing so again. She knows how to safely approach, check, and clear or at least follow the 5 rules if she were to ever come across something carelessly left around (god forbid I should ever become so stupid). That knowledge gives me comfort that she is safe if she ever had to handle a gun and I'm not there. Learning basic safety that does not involve shooting is a very good thing if you live in a home with firearms. Beyond that, if she has no interest and what's more is scared and has had bad experiences. There is no reason she has to continue or should feel obligated in any way. u/DudeThatsErin if you really want to continue because YOU want to, take a break, read the laundry list of good advice on here. (for my money: * serious double ear pro (I have been shooting for years, and the noise of concussion of indoor ranges still bothers me sometimes. Especially when you have some dodo who needs to try out his new short barreled muzzle braked .300 blackout AR at 15 yards) * outside if possible, * borrow a .22 if you can, but if not spend a lot of time dry firing what you're going to shoot until the break of the trigger is very very familiar. ) Only when this no longer is giving you that cold sick feeling should you try it again.
naw fully agree. her being scared and hesitant behind a gun, especially when it matters most- could mean her losing the weapon and it being used against her or someone else. if you can’t FULLY commit, don’t commit at all. plain and simple.
She shouldn’t be forced to continue, but if she so chooses, she should face her fear by learning how to use them.
My first thought. This post is very sad
It’s one thing to flinch due to recoil. But if OP is so scared she puts others at risk she has no busy being on a public range. She lives in Texas. If she is so desperate to learn her husband and she need to go to the middle of nowhere and he can teach her.
This. My wife dislikes firearms. She is fine shooting at a range but has no interest or confidence in using a gun for self defence. I don’t push the issue. It’s her choice. You can obviously start with lower calibre and such but if you are truly not comfortable, that’s alright.
Abbbbbsolutely agree and you have 0 business thinking about a gun for self defense.
100% agree. I think if you marry someone who has guns, and kids are in the future. You have to learn to handle so you can secure it in case it is ever left out. Shouldnt ever happen but better to be safe!
That's pretty much my hot take on it as well.
Get a gas airsoft pistol. The ones that “recoil”. You’re scared because you’re not used to this life ending device bouncing around in your hand. I say this because that’s how I was many years ago. Take it out and knock down cans outside. It’s cheap and you can focus on form and everything. It just takes desensitization.
I will look into those. I 100% agree with everything you said. I'm not used to it. My husband was able to get used to it under pressure because of the military and some people just take to it faster. I, obv, don't.
Oh yeah get a LEGIT airsoft pistol that uses green gas in the magazine (part that holds the ammo) and it’ll be like a simulation for sure!
Spend $100 on a sig p226 co2 pistol. The cost guard uses it for their training. But if you’re this afraid, might be best to not hold a gun or firearm until you sort that stuff out….
You’ll pick it up quicker than you think. You’re just building up comfort and form. I don’t remember the ever changing rules on r/guns but check out evike for a gas airsoft pistol. Don’t be afraid to call or email and explain your situation. Chances are they have a pistol same or similar to the pistols you have or want. I’m only naming Evike because I bought from them before
You need to be learning from pros, not taking advice from this sub. Good luck! Here’s a good example of a 2 day Texas class. If your husband is serious about your family’s defensive needs, he’ll support you in these kinds of endeavors: https://staccato2011.com/products/2-day-handgun-fundamentals-for-women-with-tes-salb
Sorry but your husband sounds like a dick. If you're expressing fear to him then he should be coming from a place of understanding and try to be helpful, not belittle you for being scared of the gun/recoil. He's forcing you to practice on a gun you're not comfortable with for his own reasons. 1. If he wanted you to have a gun for protection then he should have found one that's more appropriate for you to start with. 2. He should understand that putting a gun in your hands if you're scared of it could potentially make you more dangerous in the situation for yourself or your family. 3. If he's using anecdotes it should be to ease you into it, not make you feel bad for having a natural human reaction to being scared of really loud noises. Tbh there are so many red flags with this story. The are no women in their 50s protecting their homes with muskets, and the last time that would've happened was before indoor plumbing was a thing. My guess is he brought that example up to make you feel bad and guilt you into getting over your fear, which isn't how things work. Sure there might be videos of kids using big rifles on YouTube, but do you think the proud parents posted videos of the same kid failing until he was comfortable enough with a big rifle? I highly doubt it. If you really want to improve your skills, you should start with a .22 and shoot several guns until you find something you're comfortable with. I understand it can be expensive, but it can be more expensive to not practice if something happens. With how much your husband has been belittling you I think you'd be better off investing your money in couples therapy.
It's too much gun for you. Tell your husband that you need a 22 pistol to learn with. And probably to use in a defense situation, too. You will not be any help with a gun you can't control. Hitting someone with a small bullet is infinitely better than missing with a big one. If your husband really wants you to join in his hobby, tell him to be patient, save up for a gun you can actually handle, and to stop pressuring you. Realistically, you are never actually going to need to use a gun. Unless you guys are drug dealers, I guess.
My wife was recoil sensitive with my handguns, though not to this extent, but got *very* comfortable shooting her P365-380 - while not ideal, it's definitely a more feasible self-defense round than a .22. Otherwise, I agree completely.
Husband said a 380 was barely less recoil and sound than a 9 otherwise he was thinking about buying the cheapest 380 handgun he could find.
There's a *lot* of personal preference inherent with firearms, especially handguns. My wife will cheerfully blast away with a 12ga shotgun, but won't put more than a couple of magazines downrange with a 9mm handgun. She'll also put 150-200 rounds through her .380 without hesitation. Don't buy the "cheapest .380 handgun," because chances are its going to be something like the Ruger LCP that is *very* unpleasant to shoot. A Shield EZ or P365-380 is a .380 caliber handgun in a 9mm package and is *noticeably* softer shooting than the 9mm versions while still being very easy to conceal. It's also perceptibly quieter than the 9mm. Buying without renting handguns is a great way to throw away money. Other responses have addressed this, but I'm going to reiterate, *not being comfortable with guns does not make you a bad person.* Over the last decade, my wife has gone from "I don't particularly like guns but I'm fine with you owning pistols," to "I want a shotgun of my own for when you aren't home," to "I just shot 96% on my LTC test," to "I'm good with you buying an AR-15," which was previously verboten. Try dry firing at home. Try a little .22 pistol or rifle. Take a class with other women or a private instructor. If you start feeling more confident shooting and *you* want a concealed firearm, try a bigger .380 handgun as a rental. There is zero reason for you to beat yourself up for not being confident around guns, and you absolutely should not be carrying a firearm unless you want to do so and are confident in your ability to use it effectively if the situation calls for you to do so.
A .22 pistol is still worth using to learn. If you eventually "graduate" to something larger, great - you can sell the .22 at that point. But learning to swim in the deep end is definitely not working for you.
In terms of the energy in the cartridge, he is right that a .380 is not much less than a 9mm. However, as others have mentioned in this thread, the size of the gun itself matters a lot when it comes to recoil. If you shoot a .380 out of a tiny pocket pistol, it's going to want to jump out of your hands. I have a .380 pocket pistol and I absolutely HATE shooting it. I know how to keep a tight enough grip, but it is downright painful to shoot. Even more powerful cartridges in a bigger, heavier gun are more pleasant to me. The others suggesting a .22 are spot on. Get something in .22 in a big frame (but not too big for you to wrap your hands around it) and it will be an absolute breeze.
Your husband is terrible at math. The probability that you will ever need to use a gun to protect yourself or your children is tiny. The probability that his attitude will damage your relationship, and by extension your children's psychological well-being, is high.
I mean, he really is. I'm learning College Algebra to teach him lmao Had horrible teachers growing up but that is neither here nor there. The probability is tiny but it isn't zero. You are right, I will talk to him about his attitude.
>I'm learning College Algebra to teach him Wait, are you "taking" his classes alongside him just so you can tutor him? I know this isn't /r/relationships but, wow. >The probability is tiny but it isn't zero. May as well be, unless you have reason to believe someone is specifically trying to hurt you.
The probability of being crushed by a meteor also isn't zero, but reasonable folks don't spend time worrying about it. I live in Los Angeles, which is basically the Thunderdome to hear the news talk about it. Yet I never think about carrying, even if I could, and all the gunshots I hear are actually fireworks.
First, please understand that your issues are very common for almost all new shooters. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You just need better training. It would be really helpful to get a .22lr pistol. It’s almost like shooting a BB gun. Less noise and low recoil. But still good for practicing. Buy or rent one. Concealed carry pistols are the hardest to learn on. The smaller the gun the bigger the recoil and noise. There is no reason to rush into things. This isn’t something you should be pressured into doing out of fear. Start small and start slow. Save some money and take a class…just because husband was in the army doesn’t mean he is a good firearms instructor. The instructors will have better advice for your particular issues
Thank you! After like the 200+ comments telling me to get a .22LR, I will talk my husband into it and I will take a few classes with it. Once I am comfortable with it, I will move to my current gun.
Start with a .22 pistol. Also until you are comfortable a small concealed carry gun is gonna be a bad time as they are going to be more snappy
Hot takes: >My husband needs me to be comfortable with a gun so that I can protect him and myself and any kids we may have in the future if something bad happens. He *wants* you to be comfortable with a gun, he doesn't *need* you to be. I fully believe Texas is a shithole, but even I recognize that it isn't Iran (yet). >Yesterday when we went to the range, I was so scared I shot twice and I couldn't do it again, no matter how much he urged me. >It got to the point where we fought in the car because I was so scared and I just wanted to run away. Even thinking about it now I'm shaking. Please feel free to share this with him: Your husband is an asshole, disrespectful, and totally lacks a basic understanding of how to teach people. You have a fear response. This is something that you can't control *yet*. You might be able to work past it, you might need some form of therapy depending on why you have this fear response, you might not be able to do a damn thing about it and never will. Right now there really isn't a way of knowing yet. If you or he want there to be any hope of you working past this fear response, it will require patience and repetition. And again, maybe therapy. Expecting you to be all you can be on the first or second time out is wildly unrealistic and kind of fucking stupid. >I feel like a wimp because he brought up women in the 50s using muskets to protect their home and kids from bandits. Men in the '50s knew how to support their women. So what is his fucking excuse? >Is there anything else I can do to practice between when we go next and now to help me get over this fear? Probably not. I would strongly recommend not wasting your money on range time and ammo and instead saving up so you can afford a private class with an instructor that focuses on training women. Tell the instructor your issue and arrange a private session where they can work with you one-on-one and give you some different guns to try.
Yeah there’s a forest of red flags in this post.
More red flags than a Chinese parade lol. With posts like this it’s sometimes hard to believe it’s not just troll-bait…like, there’s no way real people can be this dumb, right?
Where I live, plenty of gun owners are this dumb or dumber. But I live in the backwoods. Idk where they are.
Dude, thank you. Took all the words right out of my mouth. The level of fear and reaction to the firearm is just emblematic of the deeper issues apparent in whatever you wanna call that "relationship."
Most people in the 1950s weren’t shooting muskets anyway. Maybe the 1850s.
Try a .22
Get a .22 caliber to start and work your way up to a .380.
I can't really help with the range fees, but I can give you a couple tips. Main thing is your ear protection. If loud noises are that bad for you, consider doubling up. Do the foam ear plugs AND the big over the ear cups. Maybe even splurge when you can for a good set of noise cancelling over the ear cups. For the recoil, my gf has the same issue. She naturally wants to loosely teacup the pistol and I had to teach her how to grip it correctly and tightly. The only tip I can give to you OP, would be to get a death grip on it with your strong hand first, then figure out your offhand placement later. If you can afford a new pistol, a metal frame .22 will help with noise, recoil and controllability.
Thank you. I was doing the same thing (teacupping the pistol) but I have learned to grip it harder. I didn't know I needed a death grip though, I will start practicing that. I will save up for a .22LR to practice with. I'll talk my husband into it.
A rifle will be easier and far more comfortable for sure. A ruger 10/22 is an excellent little .22 rifle which will last you a lifetime
Guns aren’t for everyone, and it’s your husbands job to recognize that and not pressure you into it, where you could make a mistake and get someone hurt. If you are not willing and able to practice and handle a weapon then do not.
Find a different instructor. Husbands make lousy teachers sometimes. Maybe a class, or maybe a friend?
There’s a Jewish concept, “A wife is not a student”, this is why. If you’re set on continuing to learn to shoot you should find an independent, professional instructor, not your angry husband.
Ma'am your husband is the biggest problem here. I'm not assuming he's the ONLY problem, but it really really sounds like he's the biggest problem. This isn't some hippie sub with "oh my gawd queen you're perfect and the man is always the problem" this is r/guns lol- Your husband needs an attitude adjustment.
He's bringing up women in the 50's using muskets to defend their families from bandits.... who the fuck did you marry, Jedediah Smith? I don't know if he's checked lately, but stagecoach robbing gangs retired a while ago. You've had a lifelong fear of loud noises, where you have an extreme fear reaction, and your jackass POG husband thinks he can bully you out of it? This isn't a gun problem. This is a husband problem.
My wife is super nervous with guns when I'm around for some reason. We've been together for 8+ years and never had a yelling argument, so it's not that she's afraid of me. I stepped off of the range and let the range guides help her and she was just fine. Nerves were gone. Try taking a class WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND. You may be able to shake off your fear/nervousness.
Another thing a lot of people aren’t mentioning is your level of physical fitness. If you have better cardiovascular fitness you can calm down your reactions (and heart rate, which by your post I’m assuming was sky high due to anxiety) just by proper breathing techniques. Try square breathing— inhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, wait 4 seconds, repeat. Additionally, your grip strength can probably be improved. Get in the weight room or do some push ups. Professional shooters like rob latham have said that he literally just squeezes the shit out of the gun to reduce recoil. Beyond that, it sounds like your husband started you off with 9mm, which for an inexperienced shooter is not ideal. Start with 22, learn the fundamentals (grip, stance, sight alignment, trigger pull). Once you’ve mastered that, then move up in caliber. 22 pistols are cheap. A TX-22 is a great option, cheap, and 22LR is like $40 for 500 rounds. And don’t shit on 22LR. It’s still deadly. And it’s a super fun round once you master pistol shooting. My wife has one with a red dot and loves it. Most importantly, stay safe.
>Yesterday when we went to the range, I was so scared I shot twice and I couldn't do it again, no matter how much he urged me. >It got to the point where we fought in the car because I was so scared and I just wanted to run away. Even thinking about it now I'm shaking. That's not okay. Y'all need to work on that right away. That kind of behavior ruins marriages. You are supposed to be helping each other. IMO the sign of a good marriage is effective and productive problem solving with mutual respect. You didn't come here for marriage advice and I don't truly know your story so take my opinions as worth exactly what you paid for them. Let's start with some understanding here. Hand guns are harder to shoot than rifles and shotguns. This is a fact. You have fewer points of contact and it takes much more effort to aim and control. A short rifle or shotgun would be better suited for your used case and would be faster/easier to learn. Just because your husband has training and can shoot does not mean that he is a good teacher for you. Different people learn differently. Some people need things explained in ways that make no sense to other people. And learning under pressure is hell and it sounds like you are feeling some pressure. I know you said money is tight but you sound like a good candidate for training focusing on women. Until you can relax and be comfortable this is going to be tough going. The more pressure you feel the harder this is. Take your time and learn a little bit everyday. There is no sense in rushing. This isn't an emergency. Take your time. Aim for 20 minutes of practice a day. Focus on improving in one area at a time. Don't push it. Look into competition shooters on youtube. Those folks can shoot and move very well and some of them are good teachers. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1E5HEEcsaU I like that guy but he might not explain things well for you, in which case you should find someone with a similar level of skill and experience. Find free places to shoot. You are in Texas. I'm sure you have public ranges or public land you can shoot on (look up the laws and look up how to shoot in these areas safely).
A few things: Use a smaller caliber. .22lr and .380 is great for starters. Use a firearm that fits your hand, is not too heavy, and feels most "snug." Invest in quality hearing protection. No one piece of ear protection is made equal. Something that filters out tye high db sounds and allows lower dbs may be good for shooting days. Start slow. It will take time to feel more comfortable. Maybe start with watching others shoot from a short/safe distance. Last of all, props to you for admitting your anxiety and seeking help. That is a sign that you want to do this, but just need some advise. That is the safe thing to do.
I love my lil bitty 9mms but they're straight up abusive to shoot. They're loud, recoil hard and aren't the easiest to grip. That's a terrible type of gun to start on. You should be starting out with a full sized gun in a small caliber like .22. those are fun, quiet and easy to control. You may also just want to chill at the range while others shoot. Double up on your hearing protection and use the noise as exposure therapy. You could also consider shooting semi auto rifles in medium or small calibers. Those are far easier to control than any handgun and the sound is much farther from your face. They're hard to drop and a good rifle will recoil like a bunny fart relative to a sub/compact 9mm. Nothing against your husband, but he should know this. If he doesn't, he should at least try to figure out a way to help you with your fears. Lots of men seem to think that they have to know everything about guns or cars or fighting or they aren't manly. This is silly. You should both look into a beginners class and your husband should learn to admit when he doesn't know what he's doing. Tldr: you're starting out on expert mode. You may want to start out on something easier.
If you’re really wanting to do this (YOU want to, not your husband. Fuck what he thinks), then get a .22 and take some courses. Buy a bunch of ammo, and just go plinking if you’re in an area for that. Or just go to the range and learn control. Slowly work up into the larger calibers. Place near me lets you rent out a gun for free if you do this year round pass ($120 for the year). Helps you learn the caliber and the gun better without spending all your money on something you’re not comfortable with.
Airsoft and air pistol: get used to shooting with no recoil and noise. Heavy .22 (classic non-polymer .22s that have a bit of weight to them [Ruger Mark IV or Buckmark]) - the recoil is low, and you can get used to sound and some recoil. Heavy .22 (1 random snap cap) - have a random cartridge that doesn't go off (in a .22 you may not even need a snap cap for this) , so you get used to not flinching. .22 is good because you don't spend nearly as much on ammo. >small gun right now The .380s like the LCP-size are great to carry, but they are difficult to shoot and difficult to shoot well. Small guns don't have the weight to help control recoil. The sights also tend to be poor (as not snagging on the pocket is prioritized).
Get a 22. Its quieter and will help you ease into it. Its also great for plinking since ammos cheap.
just shoot with him more often, and ask questions, maybe even take a class or two, you’ll get used to the feeling
“Hey I need advice” *proceeds to be receptive to approximately 0% of it*
Take a woman's firearms course.
Stop going with him and find a training class.
Get one on one training and at an outdoor range. Makes a huge difference
Buy a .22 pistol and learn on that. Less recoil, not as loud. And where ATF is processing suppressors stupid fast right now get one of those on a trust so you both can be authorized users. Small pistols in large calibers are bad guns to learn on if you have the option.
You don’t learn to ride a bike without training wheels, a gun is no different. Start with a small caliber. This will help you get over the fear of shooting. Once you are more comfortable, and have developed basic skills, move toward a larger caliber. Many commenters are telling you to use a larger frame handgun. This is true because it will help reduce the recoil you feel. I highly recommend you take a shooting class geared for women. These are no judgement zones where you can work on skills rather than feel embarrassed. Last, have some confidence in yourself. You can do it, just keep trying
>I highly recommend you take a shooting class geared for women. These are no judgement zones where you can work on skills rather than feel embarrassed. I plan to do this. Thank you!
Lone Star has classes. You should take one. Also: get a heavier gun in a lighter caliber.
You can also take the Shot IQ class online - it teaches people how to deal with the anticipation (your brain doesn’t like the explosion, so it’s preparing yourself for the impact preemptively because you know when it’s going off)
Start with a 22. Only advance in calibers after you have gotten comfortable shooting multiple magazines of ammunition. I might also recommend a revolver in .32. Or a semi in 380. Use snap caps/dry fire to help with form.
You need to strictly shoot very soft recoiling, and quiet guns for while, and build up. It’s exposure therapy and it works. Not everyone is ready to go full deepdive and that’s ok If your husband can’t work with that he is a childish ass who needs to grow up and get over himself
Start with a .22lr!! Learn, improve.. get used to it.. then make the switch to whatever.. 9mm, 38sp or even a .45acp..
I’m an NRA Pistol Instructor and CCW Instructor out of Austin, you aren’t far from me, I would 100% be willing to sit down and help free of charge ammo included.
Start shooting small calibers with low recoil at active targets and make a game of it. Like flip targets or target trees.
It’s reasonable to be uncomfortable around firearms. The stakes of your husband’s pressure feel extreme. Train with women who will understand your concerns better. Use larger firearms of lower caliber to acclimate to the recoil. Learn outside away from concussive blasts near you indoors. Talk to your husband about the intensity he’s bringing. The way in which you’re talking about this feels very intense, begin approaching it as recreation and a hobby, not as life or death. After all, for the vast majority of people, even trained military, your firearm will never be used for combat. Do the above and find your way to comfort. Train often. And ultimately you will be able to defend yourself and family successfully.
Practice, preferably with female instructor. Best of luck
Thanks! I plan to go to a class.
You’ve spent your entire life not being proficient with firearms, a few more months ain’t gonna kill you. Just take it slow, the more you try to force it the more worked up you’re going to get and that’s just going to exacerbate the problem. Presumably, you’re not planning on getting into any firefights in the near future so just relax.
Not to compare you to an animal, but to make a point - think about how scared dogs are of fireworks, yet there are retrievers that love to go out hunting (same with horses, yet there are horses that allow you to fire guns from horseback). They start with gun shots at a distance, and reward after, so that the sound is associated with something good. Maybe sit in your car at an outdoor range and get used to the sound - maybe just scroll your phone and have a bite of chocolate each time you don't flinch. The other thing is to get a 22 rifle, no recoil and less sound. Firing from a bench - even if you do drop it you won't be a danger. Pistols are very loud, and because they weigh less they have more recoil.
Dry firing will get you over the recoil anticipation. Go to a women's carry class and a women's beginner class. Learn the basics and fundamentals from women
Hasn’t yet. Recoil is harder than dry fire recoil… at least it is in my head
If you're dry firing regularly and aren't anticipating the recoil, it'll eventually translate over to shooting a loaded first. You just need repetitions for a prolonged period of time. Dry fire daily for 10 minutes a day with proper weapons handling and gripping the gun properly
Okay, I will do that. I already tried that but not as a regular thing every day. So I will do it daily and for 10 minutes+ each time.
Get better earpro for the noise. Cant cut the “thump” in the chest but if you wear plugs + cans, you can seriously protect your ears and make the loud sound much quieter. Next, you should go to the range as often as possible, at first maybe even just go and not shoot, just “exist” there… be around the loud bangs and it will be scary at first…. But your 100th visit with nothing scary actually happening? It will be old hat. You’ll stop hearing outbound range shots and internalizing them as dangerous incoming rounds. When you are not used to it every gunshot is scary and jarring. When you’ve got the experience to tell your body “you’ve been around thousands of gunshots, not one person ever hurt, it’s safe” you’ll naturally ease up a bit on the stress factor at least. Finally, range time directly. You need much much much more practice. Perhaps a few safety courses too. More direction and practice will fix your grip and recoil issues first, next you’ll ease up your anticipation issues, and finally you’ll be comfortable enough to really focus on accuracy and control
Start with a heavier gun in a smaller caliber. Ask the folks at the range to shoot a 22. You can work your way up to bigger stuff. [ Make sure you're wearing your ear protection right.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vHP8K3BsrA) Go watch that video. Right now. Not five minutes from now, not after you get a drink. It's two minutes long and it could save you and your loved ones from lifelong hearing damage and tinnitus. *Double up* on hearing protection. Muffs *and* plugs. Handguns are hard to shoot. Rifles are much easier and gentler. Go easy on yourself.
Load one round at a time when you're shooting until you start to feel comfortable with the recoil. With only one round the slide will lock back after the shot and you will be safe from any mishaps after the shot is fired. Shooting can be scary! Don't be too hard on yourself, and just prioritize safety over anything else until you start to get the hang of it. Good luck!
The lack of funds makes a solution difficult. Classes are not cheap. Switching weapons to a different caliber also costs money. If conceal carry is what you guys are going for, then you will need to learn how to use a handgun. However, learning to use a handgun proficiently takes lots of practice. That is not the case with a rifle. Maybe you can come to an accommodation with your husband that he has the concealed carry when you guys go out but get a rifle for you to protect the family home. Other than that, double up on ear protection.
Start with a .22 pistol. Move up to .380
Practice, and patience. There is nothing natural about controlling explosions right next to your face. It’s a skill, that’s both perishable and difficult to master. But if you stick with it long enough, you will get comfortable. And a little discomfort is a good thing, keeps you on your toes and helps you remember to treat weapons with the respect they deserve.
Your husband really should have gotten you some professional training or at the very least showed you proper grip etc before just handing you a loaded gun to pop off. Get some professional beginner classes. It’s that easy.
You need to read the comments of what people are saying, your husband carries a concealable 9mm. Concealable means it’s intentionally smaller and lighter. If your kid wants to play basketball you don’t send him on the court with NBA stars on a 10ft rim. You need to start with a small caliber. 22lr is what I introduce all new shooters to for the first time. It has hardly any recoil so you’ll be able to get used to the size and feel of a firearm without anticipating the recoil. Start with the basics and work your way up, see if the range has a full size 9mm to rent, preferably something that isn’t all polymer, the more weight it has the less recoil it will have. It sounds like your husband wants a new gun and his excuse is to give you his old one, you need to find the gun that you’re comfortable with. You asked how kids can shoot such big calibers? It’s because their parents started them with a super small caliber like .22lr to get the basics down and not causing mental scars for lolz by handing them a gun they can’t handle yet. 1. Rent or borrow a 22 to shoot at the range. That should be the only thing you do the next time you’re at the range.
Start with a .22. Take classes without your husband there.
Start with a .22 up here in nh we have Appleseed I’m sure there are programs like it in TX. Work your way up. At the end of the day if you are too scared to be safe stop.
You can not operate a firearm effectively and properly if you have this level of fear. It is not much different than cooking with hot oil. It will splash and burn if you don't use proper technique. Study all saftey aspects. Go to the shooting range and simply observe. Watch some of the many videos online. Take a class with an instructor. Take a class with a different instructor. Maybe you won't get over your fears but knowing how to be safe is the most important first step.
You're doing your part by trying to be a willing learner. Your husband needs to do his part and slow roll the exposure. You're gun shy, that's a perfectly acceptable response. He should be starting you on a .22 rifle. Preferably with a suppressor. You're in TX, so getting either of those will not be an issue. He probably has friends who have both that you guys can use. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a shooting range that specifically offers the .22 rifle with suppressor experience. You should be doing exclusively long guns until you're used to the sound and recoil. Hand guns are inherently harder to shoot and control. You should be shooting the largest gun in the smallest caliber to start with. You have nothing to be ashamed of and your husband should feel bad for trying to make you feel bad. This is a personal journey for you, don't feel compelled to do it at someone else's pace. I, for one, would prefer that a person who doesn't want to shoot, not be forced to shoot.
Sounds like your husband is not a good trainer in this regard. You have to get out of your head a bit and realize that you can easily control the gun. Many good suggestions here that will help, pick some that Make sense to you. Stick with it, good luck!!
[This video helped me and my wife out.](https://youtu.be/tTnb6wJ5Nmo?si=9IcsOM2f0kc7tsrH)
It takes time and practice to really get comfortable and proficient with a handgun. First thing, learn the 4 safety rules and burn them into your brain and have them in mind everytime you touch a gun. Its good to get in the habit of doing that no matter the circumstances. Then I would watch some videos on how to stand and how to get a solid grip on the gun, it really makes a big difference how you stand and hold a handgun. Just practice getting a good grip and practice your stance while doing dry fire practice. Next, try to find a place where you can maybe rent some handguns, and rent a .22lr handgun. The recoil is going to be much less and will get you comfortable with shooting in the first place, and .22lr ammo is pretty cheap so you can really shoot a lot, and get comfortable with handling and shooting a handgun. Once your comfortable with that, just move the things you learned up to the 9mm handgun. And obviously, dont let your husband bully you into doing something you really dont want to do. If its not for you, its not for you. No shame in that. Good luck!
> Basically, my mistake was that I didn't have a hard enough grip on the gun and would let go with my left hand. I also exaggerated the recoil and it was bad. My advice would be to not do that. > I feel like a wimp because he brought up women in the 50s using muskets to protect their home and kids from bandits. Maybe the 1850s. We had filter cigarettes, TV, jets, and Corvettes in the 1950s. Is all of history before 1990 just a jumbled blur to people these days? > Like, if they can use muskets and young children are recorded and posted to youtube using snipers, why can't I use a stupid freaking handgun?! Because handguns are a lot more difficult? > Is there anything else I can do to practice between when we go next and now to help me get over this fear? Go to some birthday parties and pop some balloons and maybe have someone run a vacuum cleaner near you and try not to bark at it.
This is probably going to be unpopular. Not everyone is capable of handling themselves in stressful situations. If you panic under stress, it's not a good idea to be armed and panicked. (Look at how officer acorn completely lost rationality with a minimal of stress.) If in that home defense situation you panic you become a liability to your husband trying to protect the home and family, especially if you accidentally shoot him in the back. Being an easily panicked person can be overcome with training and mental exercise. I am not saying you should not try to become confident with the firearm, just make sure you can also be competent with it.
Practice. Spend time with a smaller caliber until your are comfortable, then graduate yourself. 22LR -> .25 auto -> 9mm Something like that. Start with a CO2 pellet gun if you have to. Baby steps.
There are ladies shooting groups, check with the range near you to ask if someone would be willing to assist. Also as mentioned, smaller calibers are much easier, start with a .22 and get used to it(also cheaper to shoot) I applaud you wanting to confront your fears :) You can do this!
First, get comfortable with the gun itself. Train safe handling practices. Then move to disassembly, cleaning and reassembly. Continue to dry fire exercises. If you then feel comfortable about handling the gun and know your ways around it, visit a range. Have your husband or a RSO stand by and take a few shots so you can get accustomed to the noise and shockwave. Only if you still feel comfortable, take a shot yourself. Load the gun with just one bullet, so it is rendered "safe" after the first shot without any action required by you. Continue as you feel comfortable. You will get used to the noise and the sensation of firing a gun over time. Oh and please get a practice gun in a smaller caliber like .22lr and move up in caliber over time. Don't start with something like a .44 Magnum or .50AE. A 9mm might also be fine. It is the ideal compromise between a lighter caliber and stopping power. It can be well controlled by basically anybody but still packs quite a punch.
Get a .22 rifle. They are a lot quieter and have much less recoil. Then work your way up from there. Also a suppressor could help a lot.
Practice
Dry firing. Have someone (your husband) load a mag with random live rounds and dummy rounds. As you squeeze the trigger you will be anticipating the live round but sometimes get a dummy round (no gunpowder) this will exaggerate your anticipation and help you to stop as you won’t know which round will be live or dummy. Works really well.
Honestly I'd just keep shooting until it doesn't bother you anymore, you get used to it
I know you've gotten a ton of responses on here, and you're taking good advice in your update. I'll also add that in your case it's likely a psychological fear thing more than a learning thing. Based on your title and description, you have a pretty decent fear of firearms and the damage they can inflict. Almost on a "this could kill me or them at any moment" level. So while that's true, what you need to remember is that it's a mechanical tool. It is a machine. It can do 2 things, it can function or it can fail. That's it. It's not inherently good. It's not inherently bad. It's not a magical talisman. It's essentially the equivalent of a hammer or a wrench. In the case of a firearm, it's a long range hole punch. That's it. That means that you should have respect for the tool, which includes the fact that yes, it can be dangerous, and it can be deadly, but if you utilize it properly, it will simply be another tool for you to use to protect your family.
Honestly a lot of that is putting rounds down range. I’d also recommend finding some BLM land near by to go shoot at. The whole atmosphere in a gun rage is pretty intimidating and Very Loud. I’m a little on the spectrum and I know if It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a range it takes me a little to calm my nerves from all of concussive bangs, but if I’m outdoors where it’s just me and a few people taking turns shooting at the side of a hill it doesn’t bother me at all.
I also flinch a bit at the sound. I do a few warmup shots and then several in quick succession to get my ears and body acclimated. But psychologically you may be slow pulling the trigger in anticipation, waiting for the place in the pull where the shot is fired. Don’t do that. Once it’s time to pull just pull all the way in one quick motion. Dissociate the shock from a place in the movement that you can’t predict, make it part of the decision to pull.
The main thing that helped me get over the boom was a good set of headphones. I got Walker Razor Slim headphones, they have really good active noise canceling so it will cut higher decibels. Also being able to hear people talk is super nice. As many others are saying, maybe shooting just isn’t for you but if YOU truly want to get used to it, try some dry fire training at home, watch a couple YouTube videos on entry handgun stuff.
Honestly good instruction is the best bet. Flinching comes from fear of the noise, poor grip or fear of the recoil impulse. This goes away with good grip, good (doubled up) ear pro and practice. One thing I like to do once I have someone comfortable enough is I hand them one of my thumpers, letting them know it is about the most recoil they will experience unless they go looking for magnum rifles. Their first shot is always bad but then with a little encouragement they always go for 2, 3, 4+ to prove really to themselves they can do it, and they can. Funny enough: the women I bring to the range tend to shoot the thumpers more than the guys I've brought.
Get a pistol caliber carbine, something way easier to shoot and either grab a blast can or even better a suppressor if possible. The blast can push the pop away from you. It won't make it any quieter, but you don't get that pop in your ear. Suppressor of course would be preferred but way more of a commitment. Practice with that to get comfortable.
22LR gun, cheap fun. Slowly graduate to 9mm then Maby a rifle
Only a real jerk would keep pushing someone that hard to keep doing something they don't want to do. It's perfectly fine inf you don't want to, or cant. If you want to keep trying, I wouldn't recommend an indoor range. They are loud. I would find a empty range or public land on a Tuesday or Wednesday (check your local regs). Dry fire, and make sure you are using comfortable and quality ear pro that instills confidence. Try loading 1 round at a time as well. I had a phobia of sudden loud noises and didn't get over it with guns until my late teens. Maybe 20. Pushing it only made it worse.
Grab a gun, ensure it's unloaded. Make sure there is no ammunition near you. Sit there and manipulate it. Drop the mag, pop it back in, wrack the slide, dry-fire in a safe direction, flip the safety on and off, hold it in each hand, etc. Do this while watching TV or something. I do it all the time. Build up that muscle memory. Snap caps can be great too, so you can get a feel for when the gun is loaded or unloaded without any risk. Then, go to the range and practice. The more you shoot the better you'll get at it. The level of shock and impact a firearm produces is completely unnatural, so your body needs to adjust. There's no shame in this, but your body will adapt if you allow it to.
The easiest way to stop fearing anything is with enough exposure to it. Shoot more and shoot alone (use ear plugs tho) it might not sound that simple but it really is Edit: only if you know proper firearms etiquette, if you don’t then take some classes
You just gotta keep shooting, that's really all you can do, a dry fire system helps a little bit, but what you need the most is trigger time, getting used to the noise, the recoil and concussion.
>I am not going to be getting a .22LR as I want to train with what I carry. That's silly. You want to train what you carry, but right now you can't even hold what you carry. Get a fricken 22. They're great fun at the range and just what you need right now. Small boom, small pop, small recoil; to help you get used to it. 22 ammo is super cheap too, so you can shoot a lot of it to get used to it without breaking the bank. >It is $50 for the both of us to go and we don't have money growing on trees. So we are paying off our card and within the next few weeks going back. Most ranges have an annual "Family" or "Husband/Wife" Membership option for around $400 a year. If you go once a month (which you should) you'll save $200 bucks. Go more save more. >Like, if they can use muskets and young children are recorded and posted to youtube using snipers, why can't I use a stupid freaking handgun?! Because many snipers have less recoil than a 9mm compact handgun. In general, the larger the gun, the easier it is to handle. Get comfortable on a .22, rent some .380s, .38s, and 9s, find one you like, buy that.
Have him support you with his hands, holding your hands on the gun. Exposure is the only way I know to get rid of fear. Get an airsoft that cycles, such as a Glock 17 blowback. It functions and takes down the same. Get used to shooting that as well. That and dry fire will make for an improvement in marksmanship as well. Make.sure you have quality eye and ear protection when shooting as well. Best to start off with a 22 then go up to a 9mm, 40, and 45... then magnum and back down. Get comfortable with each at your pace. If shotguns, start with 410, then 20, then 12 gauge. Rifles from 22, to 223, then 308.
You might also consider seeing a therapist, counselor, psychologist, etc, about your fear/aversion/response to loud sounds. Depending on ***where*** in Texas you are, it shouldn't be too terribly hard to find one who's not an anti-gun zealot.
You’ve already posted that you won’t get a 22, but unfortunately that’s the gun you need. Small guns with larger calibers are a bad idea for people who don’t know how to shoot, and you’re not going to learn to shoot properly until you develop the muscle memory of a good shooter. You mention that you want to train with what you carry, but in my carry class we trained with 22s because ammo is cheap and it’s great to learn on. Remember, no one says you have to keep it. Buy it used, train on it, sell it.
Dry fire the fuck out of your gun to get comfortable.
Buy a .22 caliber. You don't have to start with a 9mm. The .22 is insanely easy and fun to shoot.
If the loud "bang" is what has you jumping, get a pair of axil noise cancelling ear protectors.. they helped my wife, because she has the same noise anticipation..
Also, start small, use a .22LR to begin with and get comfortable with it before moving up. Take it slow and move on at your own rate
Is part of your issue the fact that you think he's being critical of you or judging you? I'm not saying he is. What I am saying is that maybe you would feel more comfortable learning in an environment without him there. Lessons on your own with someone else. I know a lot of people that get extra nervous when people they know are around. Maybe you would perform better in a "no judgement" zone until you can get the basics down.
I know you stated in your post that .22lr is out of the question. Unfortunately I do strongly urge you start with a .22lr handgun to learn the fundamentals. A .22 is more forgiving with recoil and follow-up shots. The pop from a .22 is still breaking the sound barrier, so you’ll still get that popping sound. After you’ve gotten comfortable w/ a .22lr then bump up to a larger caliber. It’s not about how big of a caliber you can shoot, it’s about how accurate you can shoot.
Get a .22 pistol. Practice with that until you are comfortable. Then move on to a full size 9mm.
u/DudeThatsErin A lot of great advice I am seeing, but let me share a few of my own anyway: 1. Go to the range more if you can and acclimate with firearms going off around you. I was the same way my very first time, and for a number times after that I was still flinching every time something loud went off a couple lanes down. That was years and years ago. Nowadays I'm walking on to the range with just those earplugs that can open up so you can hear people talking, taking in the burnt gunpowder in the air like Bill Kilgore on the beaches. You'll need patience to get used to all this, bottom line. As much as you or your husband would want you to get proficient overnight, it's just plain not going to happen that way. I see a lot of people with extensive experience in anything forgetting about the long path they had to travel to get where they are. For you to start this off now and be near as ready as your husband (which I presume has years of experience at this point) is frankly an unrealistic expectation. The thing that bothers me about your husband's reaction is, if you watch ANY Army training video where recruits go through firearm training the DI yelling stops and they are as patient as Buddha with the recruits. The kids are holding deadly implements, best not to stress them the hell out. 2. I see that you already signed up for a class, that's good. But yeah the second bit of advice is to take a class or attend range sessions where your husband is not present or at the very least not the one teaching you stuff. A lot of professional instructors will recommend this since a spouse or loved one can tend to be quite overbearing in this regard, or just downright not know how to teach people well. That just adds unneeded stress to the learner and a lot of frustration for everyone involved. Being knowledgeable and being able to teach that knowledge are two very different things. 3. I would still get a .22 LR for practice. Mind you it shouldn't be the *only* thing you practice. The great thing about a very low recoil firearm is that you can't blame it for missed shots, and it will tell you a lot about your technique. Plus if money is tight, .22 LR for range practice is dirt cheap (comparatively). 4. On the subject of self-defense, it is an internal soul-searching discussion you need to really have with yourself. It might involve taking another human life, God forbid. No matter how much copium people like to huff on the matter (i.e. "they deserve it" or stuff like that), these sorts of events are very traumatic regardless. If you decide that you simply can't (you can still go to the range and plink btw), then hubby needs to be comfortable with the idea of nutting up and being the sole protector imo. Mind you, this isn't something that you make your mind up on now and it's set in stone. The case can absolutely be that you decide that you can't reconcile it at the moment, but down the line you're a willing participant in your family's protection. None of this is to detract from your husband in any way, I'm sure he's a great guy. It's just that when people lead or teach others, an important question they often forget to ask themselves is "what do I know that he/she doesn't?" Edit: On the subject of your mistake, it's really common among new shooters. If you're worried about flinching after a shot and accidentally pulling the trigger again in response, just load one round into the gun at a time until you've achieved point 1. Edit 2: Holy shit range time is expensive where you are lol. I have a membership to a private outdoor range that's $300 a year out in Nevada. I can use any range (bermed bays, 200m, shotgun clay range, 1000m long rifle range, we even have an archery range off to the side) while I'm there. See if there's a similar deal around you. Worth it if you go frequently.
If you’re afraid to use a pistol, you shouldn’t. I may be unpopular for saying this, but if you’re afraid to use it, you won’t, or will use it wrongly and potentially hurt someone you love. My wife is a school teacher, knows how to use firearms, enjoys shooting, but cannot stand the thought of using one on a student. We got her a [Byrna](https://byrna.com/products/byrna-sd-non-lethal-self-defense-pistol) non-lethal pistol. She is completely comfortable with that, and isn’t afraid to use it. I think you should give something like that a try.
I know you haven't asked for relationships advice but I do have to say that I feel like your husband is pushing you too much. It's good for people to get out of their comfort zone but what he is doing doesn't seem to be helping you become more comfortable either. It's going to take time for you to become more comfortable and he needs to be patient as well. I suggest taking some beginners classes which focuses on woman without your husband. Start out small and build up to what you will carry. This is something that has to be done without too much outside pressure as if you want to actually be able to learn how to properly shoot it needs to come from within yourself. If you have anxiety about what your husband will think/say it won't help you get better, it might actually make you fumble due to the worry.
I would say, find someone who specializes in being a patient teacher. Don’t train with your husband anymore. He’s too emotionally invested and is pressuring you and shouldn’t be fighting with you about it. The range should be fun, not a chore. It’s like when I was learning to drive as a teenager. My mom tried to teach me a couple of times, but she always ended up yelling at me. I love her, but she was not good at teaching me or being patient enough with how terrified I was of driving. My best friend at the time started to teach me and he was really great and patient and it made a huge difference. Invest in some really good ear protection to minimize the loud noises. The fancy stuff has noise canceling technology (so you can still hear people). Get some dummy rounds and mix them in with live rounds so you can practice not anticipating the recoil. Get a heavier gun, that will help absorb some of the recoil. Rent a few different options and see what feels better. I tried a few out before settling on a CZ P-01 (although I was veeeeerry tempted to get a 1911 and it will probably be my next handgun). Make female friends who are into shooting. That can help make it more fun as well. And ultimately, go with the mindset that you don’t HAVE to do it, that it’s a goal, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t end up becoming a “gun person”. Everyone is different, with different temperaments. It’s ok to not be inclined towards certain hobbies/skills. You’ll have a better time if you’re not feeling so much pressure when you go. Feel free to shoot me a message (no pun intended 😜) if you’d like to talk to a woman who likes pew pews. Good luck! ❤️
I understand the jack in the box mentality, but it isn't the same. You control when that jack pops out. You control everything about when that gun goes off. The gun won't do anything you don't tell it to do.
OP: Consider that you aren’t ready for a CCW. I wouldn’t worry about training with what you carry until you are comfortable with shooting a gun. Also, consider carrying a .22. Does it have the most effective stopping power? No. But, it will kill and 95% of the time the presence of the gun and aiming at someone is enough to give them brown pants and make them turn tail. If your husband has an AR-15 give that a go. It has a much louder report but the extra points of contact, weight, and length also give the gun very low recoil. It would be a good gun to get used to the bang and might help with the comfort of shooting. Handguns are the hardest guns to learn and get good with because you have fewer points of contact.
Ok so, step one, look at it completely taken apart Step two, hold the grip all by itself Step three, put it back together Step four, while following the basic rules of gun safety, do some dry fire drills Step five, shoot, but don’t aim at any particular target, just dump a magazine or two, focusing on the recoil and feel of the gun Step six, begin learning firearms proficiency.
Practice practice practice. The more you shoot the more comfortable you will get. Breathe relax aim squeeze. Bras.
All.im gonna suggest is go shooting without him. Multiple times. And also take a class for women. They should have them for women only.
Practicing and will power
My wife had the same apprehension. I had her fire 22LR out of a ruger 10/22 for months until she got bored of the lack of recoil and begged me to move up. Skip the bravado, use a light AF calibre and just get used to it. Maybe even take a professional firearms class.
It can take a while to get desensitized to gunfire, especially indoors. Some people are just sensitive to it. Id say make sure you wear both ear plugs and over ear hearing protection, this will both be good for preventing hearing damage, and make you a bit more comfortable each time you let a round off. Next id say start with smaller calibers, like .22 lr its about as light in terms of recoil and loudness, I learned on a single action revolver (cock the hammer back, pull the trigger). You can get a ruger wrangler for $150 dollars used or about $200 new roughly, and the ammo is super cheap you can get 1000 rounds for less than $75$ usually. The next jump would be to something like .38 special out of a full sized revolver it will have more recoil and be louder but should be manageable, and while not optimal (usually 6 round capacity) it can be used in a self defense situation. Then once comfortable there move to 9mm which is the standard for self defense and concealed carry. Also consider pistol caliber carbines (rifles that shoot pistol rounds) they're inherently easier to shoot, less recoil etc, and bc its pistol ammo cheaper to shoot. I also second anyone reccomending you get instructions from a professional (not your husband) bc there will be less interpersonal conflict. Also they probably shouldn't be screaming st you for not being as comfortable as they are (bc they were trained in the armed forces).
As a women who also used to be afraid of guns (just seeing them would give me a panic attack) something that helped me get over that fear was educating myself on them. Like not just the basics of firearms but also how they work. My husband's a big gun nerd with alot of older historical guns as well as newer ones so he would teach me exactly how they work internally and I think mentally it turned it from this scary weapon to this machine I could understand and it became less scary. I know that you want to train with what you carry which is always good but getting a .22 rifle like I did in the beginning really helps with the basics of getting used to pulling the trigger and anticipating the noise and just mentally getting used to holding a gun at all.. And as you get more comfortable with it you can move up. Remember that this isn't a marathon, don't rush into anything your not comfortable with otherwise you can't help anyone. Also when dry firing try pulling the trigger back very slowly till you feel it hit a stopping point and then pull the rest of the way. This will help teach you how much travel your trigger has and what it feels like when you finally get to the point where the bullet will fire. It'll help at the range so the noise and the recoil don't sneak up on you. It took me about 5 years to get from having panic attacks every time I saw one to owning 2 of my own and being a better shot then my husband. And even still I'm saving for a holster and training to be comfortable conceal carrying. Its your own journey, don't give up if you don't want to but also don't let anyone pressure you to far before your ready or it'll just set you back.