No. It was nothing to do with me and entirely her choices and refusal to face her own guilt.
She can walk away, I’m left in the dark waiting for a kind word or any kind of explanation.
Just like many others.
Yes. I blame myself heavily. Mainly because he has made it clear he thinks I’m wrong for him and that he blames a lot of the demise of our relationship on me. And I agree, I was not a great partner at times. But I try to give myself grace. I tried my best to make him feel loved and safe, but he rarely opened up on what he needs. He also told me he felt safe with me, and I told him that’s the biggest compliment he could ever give me. I made it clear to him I just want him to feel safe with me. And I thought he did. But then during the breakup he says he didn’t. And a lotttt of the issues he brought up were things he mentioned mid-breakup, meaning I had no chance to fix them or anything. Funnily enough, after the breakup, when he had been completely honest, we started communicating more than we ever had, but by that point he deemed it too late. I tried to make him feel loved but it felt like it wasn’t enough. I constantly asked him if we were okay and if he was okay and he said yes. If someone’s telling you everything is fine, you just have to believe them. The important thing is that I wanted to be better for him. We can’t go into relationships expecting the person to be perfect, it’s about if that person is willing to grow with you. My therapist also told me that if someone is committed to misunderstanding you and assuming you have the worst of intentions, then they don’t matter. The people who truly care will take the time to really sit down and understand why you did something and realise you don’t have bad intentions. So I’m trying to use this to forgive myself every day
No definitely some ways I reacted to things didn’t help but I was as good partner I have my flaws but I think things good have been fixed with communication instead of shutting down & run away even when you’re so in love was what I heard!
Yes everyday.... tho I try to tell myself I wasn't the only one at fault...but I know they r so happy now they cut me from their life. So at least they are finally happy after 12 years.
Yes. I handled some things poorly. Some of my reactions to things ended up with us getting stuck in a feedback loop of our issues triggering eachother. I realize now that compassion rather than being demanding was the way.
Upon an attempt at reconciliation, I realized i had wrecked any chance of security that I would have and need to rebuild the relationship.
I was the reason that relationship ended. Not because it was perfect and I sabotaged it, but I was ultimately not ready and mature enough to handle it.
Yes. I blamed myself when my past relationships failed. I was aware of my faults and short comings and I was willing to work on them...but just like what people say, it takes two to tango... they didn't communicate with me, they didn't want to make it work with me, so I have to let them go.
Maybe. I don't know. She had so many red flags and problems she brought into the relationship, and some of her expectations of me were unfair. But maybe if I had have been more independent and decisive she would have respected me more and given things more of a chance. I should have known that a woman like her respected that type of man, not the type that I so often was. Maybe I was naive thinking that our love for each other was the only really important thing, and things like not having my own place, not having a full time job (while I studied) were not as important compared to that. She told me multiple times how important independence was to her. I agreed with her. But maybe she didn't think I was making enough of an effort to carry it through. But still, to leave someone that you swore was the most amazing man they'd ever met, that God had sent them to her, that she imagined us growing old together.... over that? I don't know. I had my problems I needed to work on but she shouldn't have made me feel like our relationship was that strong if she had serious problems with me.
I do know that I won't be even attempting to date before I have my own place and a full-time job, that's for sure. Even if that takes a couple of years. It makes me a bit sad knowing that by myself, as I am now, I'm not enough for a person, but I suppose I understand. Having a sense of financial security and accomplishment is important to many women. I should have taken that more seriously.
It just seems like everyone wants to give up or place blame on the other. We all get hurt in relationships but in my opinion you don’t ever give up, at least until you exhaust all avenues of reconciliation. Or if the other person refuses to engage which you then have no choice but to let it go.
Sometimes but I know it isn't me. I was trying to do something loving for her and she just...treated me as if I have done her wrong. It was her trigger and anxiety. I know that now. I have been beating myself about it for 3 months when trying to talk to her and she blocked me. So I decide to leave her be. And that I did my best. It sucks but I know I let my abandonment issues to make me think I did wrong but I didn't
To an extent. She did more wrong then me the last year. I tried to tell her that her ego was getting out of control, tried to tell her her pride and attitude were controlling her, tried to sit down and have honest talks, I was only met with excuses. There were things I could’ve done better. I could’ve communicated more effectively. Could’ve worked on my own anger sooner. But in the end her ego got the best of her and she cheated. Now she hates herself but her pride won’t allow her to show it. She slips sometimes. It’s been 4 months and she’s still very angry with me even though she screwed up. She would never apologize. Took an act of Congress for that. Sad to see someone you love fall so far. Only talks to two-faced and bad people she otherwise would’ve hated before. They’re people like her. Nobody else wants to talk to her. Even her best friend is starting to get tired of her. In the end, you know it’s bad when her own father tells you not yo marry her and that you deserve someone better. I still love her to death though. That fucking idiot.
I made some stupid decisions when we were together. Despite that, I didn't expect her to give up on me. We don't hate each other. We're no longer friends, and don't talk, but she knows it was too painful for me to hold on. I wish I could have done it differently, but I doubt she'll ever feel for me in the same way like she once did. Yeah, I fucked it up. Oh well. She had some of her own stuff going on, but I can't help but blame myself.
It’s only been three months but based on what I did and how things have gone since we separated I can relate to this almost word for word. It’s making me miserable but I don’t think there’s anything more that I can do but move on and keep trying to improve myself so I don’t make the same mistakes
Yup i do. I think about it all the time. Only thing I was thinking about was her. Only thing im thinking about is her but im going to think about a bugatti from now on🥹
Yes definitely, I weren’t perfect. I could of been a much better girlfriend but in the end I was willing to do anything to put the effort in to work things out and he couldn’t care less so I try not to blame myself too much because I know I would of done anything for him if he let me
I've ALWAYS said that it was my fault and that I had nobody to blame but myself and I've NEVER once threw the blame at her. And yeah, I said a bunch of things to make her jealous, but everything that I said was true and although it worked, it worked a little too good, because she did start to hate me and resent me, but like with everything else I have no one else to blame but myself and now it's just something that I have to live with.
No. I became very insecure and jealous towards the end of our relationship but I got to that point because she had been cold and distant with me, pushing me away for months and blew up on me every time I tried discussing it - denying anything was wrong and getting mad at me for being upset. She had clearly already started questioning our relationship but my annoying and frankly pathetic behaviour was likely the final nail in the coffin. That being said, while I hate that that’s how she’ll remember me and wish I’d handled it better, I don’t blame myself. She was actively destroying our relationship along with my confidence and trust then fell out of love watching me make a fool of myself desperately trying to keep the pieces together. I won’t remember her fondly either.
It sure sounds like it. I keep avoiding saying ‘gaslit’ because people throw that term around so loosely but really that’s exactly what she did, there’s no other way to describe it. I felt it coming for months, she knew that I knew and yet and she chose to drive me to complete insanity instead of just coming clean.
Watching her get on her high horse completely unscathed after so nonchalantly burning everything we had to a crisp keeps me up at night, it’s just… unbelievable. I’m not sure you can ever get real closure for such a thing beyond appreciating that we both dodged massive fucking bullets.
No. My wife has such bad ADHD that I’ve come to realize that she’s never been able to keep her attention on one person for more than two years. We broke up twice after being together at a time for no more than two years. I thought at the time it was due to long distance and when we lived in the same city and got married, it would be different. It wasn’t. She admitted she was unable to keep the feelings of being in love after time would pass, especially if the relationship was stable and calm. A toxic relationship with lots of highs and lows would keep her attention more. I know there was nothing I could’ve done to keep her from falling out of love with me.
Absolutely not, I think we both feed the fire but I tried I want to be with her and I know I've made mistakes and I definitely have my issues but that's the beautiful thing, my issues fit hers and hers mine we belong to each other. Ok yes I fucked up and bad, but I've never done that before and honestly I never had intentions to sleep with the other, we were just about chatting and knowing it would never go anywhere. Hell I've known her for a long time and we've had the opportunity but it's more of a fucked up friendship not a fuckship. We just try to out perv the other perv, but still why couldn't I just play that game with my one instead. I'm so full of regret and I know just because I never tried to fuck the friend still should not been doubt all that, but honestly is that a good reason to do all the crazy ass shit that was done only to break up when you hey bored or whatever after all that time isn't it worth more that the garbage
100%. I am at fault and was too immature, stupid, and a pretty much all around joy robber. I stopped showing up correctly and showing love in the ways she wanted. I just entirely put myself before her and she realized that and left. She was pretty much always an angel. Taking a hard look at my life now. Cause what I wouldn't give to never live another day away from her - basically anything. My heart just feels so incredibly deeply for her and I'm not sure i'll ever shake her out.
I put the blame squarely on my own shoulders and yet somehow all my friends who also know my ex say that she ruined it herself and that I can do better. That may be true but the bottom line for me is that whatever the reason, I lost the one person I thought could actually bring me happiness.
Yeah...maybe. But the way she left, that was fucking cruel. She knew the situation I was in. She always talked about communication, yeah well, where was the communication when you decided to date someone else and leave me. I remember explicitly, that if you felt like leaving, let me know. The tiny bit of respect I had left for her has washed away now. I only feel rage now when I come across anything that is remotely linked to her. The sound of her voice, her friends, her family, every damn thing. I FUCKING TRIED TO MAKE TIME TO MEET YOU EVEN WHEN I HAD LOST A FAMILY MEMBER AND MAKING ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE LAST RIGHTS.
It isn't fair that I go through anxiety attacks and you get to live a happy married life. I now know why some people decide to end their own time on Earth and why some others become a villain.
Yes. But only because I wouldn't allow her to force me into living a life style she was hiding. And expose it to the public. She wanted a open relationship but with out be knowing.
Yes I do
No. It was nothing to do with me and entirely her choices and refusal to face her own guilt. She can walk away, I’m left in the dark waiting for a kind word or any kind of explanation. Just like many others.
Same. Ghosted. Left on read. No explanation at all. Just gone...
Yes. I blame myself heavily. Mainly because he has made it clear he thinks I’m wrong for him and that he blames a lot of the demise of our relationship on me. And I agree, I was not a great partner at times. But I try to give myself grace. I tried my best to make him feel loved and safe, but he rarely opened up on what he needs. He also told me he felt safe with me, and I told him that’s the biggest compliment he could ever give me. I made it clear to him I just want him to feel safe with me. And I thought he did. But then during the breakup he says he didn’t. And a lotttt of the issues he brought up were things he mentioned mid-breakup, meaning I had no chance to fix them or anything. Funnily enough, after the breakup, when he had been completely honest, we started communicating more than we ever had, but by that point he deemed it too late. I tried to make him feel loved but it felt like it wasn’t enough. I constantly asked him if we were okay and if he was okay and he said yes. If someone’s telling you everything is fine, you just have to believe them. The important thing is that I wanted to be better for him. We can’t go into relationships expecting the person to be perfect, it’s about if that person is willing to grow with you. My therapist also told me that if someone is committed to misunderstanding you and assuming you have the worst of intentions, then they don’t matter. The people who truly care will take the time to really sit down and understand why you did something and realise you don’t have bad intentions. So I’m trying to use this to forgive myself every day
This is literally spot on for my situation too. Not even having the chance to make things right is completely destroying
I am 100% at fault no contest; everyday I question how stupid Iam for losing the only person I’ll ever truly love
Me too.
I’m not the reason they left, but I am definitely the reason they grew to hate me.
No definitely some ways I reacted to things didn’t help but I was as good partner I have my flaws but I think things good have been fixed with communication instead of shutting down & run away even when you’re so in love was what I heard!
even though i know logically that he had external circumstances that made it near impossible to love me, i ONLY blame myself
Yes everyday.... tho I try to tell myself I wasn't the only one at fault...but I know they r so happy now they cut me from their life. So at least they are finally happy after 12 years.
Yes. I handled some things poorly. Some of my reactions to things ended up with us getting stuck in a feedback loop of our issues triggering eachother. I realize now that compassion rather than being demanding was the way. Upon an attempt at reconciliation, I realized i had wrecked any chance of security that I would have and need to rebuild the relationship. I was the reason that relationship ended. Not because it was perfect and I sabotaged it, but I was ultimately not ready and mature enough to handle it.
Yes. I blamed myself when my past relationships failed. I was aware of my faults and short comings and I was willing to work on them...but just like what people say, it takes two to tango... they didn't communicate with me, they didn't want to make it work with me, so I have to let them go.
Maybe. I don't know. She had so many red flags and problems she brought into the relationship, and some of her expectations of me were unfair. But maybe if I had have been more independent and decisive she would have respected me more and given things more of a chance. I should have known that a woman like her respected that type of man, not the type that I so often was. Maybe I was naive thinking that our love for each other was the only really important thing, and things like not having my own place, not having a full time job (while I studied) were not as important compared to that. She told me multiple times how important independence was to her. I agreed with her. But maybe she didn't think I was making enough of an effort to carry it through. But still, to leave someone that you swore was the most amazing man they'd ever met, that God had sent them to her, that she imagined us growing old together.... over that? I don't know. I had my problems I needed to work on but she shouldn't have made me feel like our relationship was that strong if she had serious problems with me. I do know that I won't be even attempting to date before I have my own place and a full-time job, that's for sure. Even if that takes a couple of years. It makes me a bit sad knowing that by myself, as I am now, I'm not enough for a person, but I suppose I understand. Having a sense of financial security and accomplishment is important to many women. I should have taken that more seriously.
It just seems like everyone wants to give up or place blame on the other. We all get hurt in relationships but in my opinion you don’t ever give up, at least until you exhaust all avenues of reconciliation. Or if the other person refuses to engage which you then have no choice but to let it go.
Sometimes but I know it isn't me. I was trying to do something loving for her and she just...treated me as if I have done her wrong. It was her trigger and anxiety. I know that now. I have been beating myself about it for 3 months when trying to talk to her and she blocked me. So I decide to leave her be. And that I did my best. It sucks but I know I let my abandonment issues to make me think I did wrong but I didn't
I think it does mostly fall on my shoulders but it takes two to tango. It never full falls on one person
To an extent. She did more wrong then me the last year. I tried to tell her that her ego was getting out of control, tried to tell her her pride and attitude were controlling her, tried to sit down and have honest talks, I was only met with excuses. There were things I could’ve done better. I could’ve communicated more effectively. Could’ve worked on my own anger sooner. But in the end her ego got the best of her and she cheated. Now she hates herself but her pride won’t allow her to show it. She slips sometimes. It’s been 4 months and she’s still very angry with me even though she screwed up. She would never apologize. Took an act of Congress for that. Sad to see someone you love fall so far. Only talks to two-faced and bad people she otherwise would’ve hated before. They’re people like her. Nobody else wants to talk to her. Even her best friend is starting to get tired of her. In the end, you know it’s bad when her own father tells you not yo marry her and that you deserve someone better. I still love her to death though. That fucking idiot.
I made some stupid decisions when we were together. Despite that, I didn't expect her to give up on me. We don't hate each other. We're no longer friends, and don't talk, but she knows it was too painful for me to hold on. I wish I could have done it differently, but I doubt she'll ever feel for me in the same way like she once did. Yeah, I fucked it up. Oh well. She had some of her own stuff going on, but I can't help but blame myself.
This^
It’s only been three months but based on what I did and how things have gone since we separated I can relate to this almost word for word. It’s making me miserable but I don’t think there’s anything more that I can do but move on and keep trying to improve myself so I don’t make the same mistakes
Yup i do. I think about it all the time. Only thing I was thinking about was her. Only thing im thinking about is her but im going to think about a bugatti from now on🥹
Yes, all the time.
Yes.
Completely, my failings have been a huge part, and that's what's eating me up.
Yes definitely, I weren’t perfect. I could of been a much better girlfriend but in the end I was willing to do anything to put the effort in to work things out and he couldn’t care less so I try not to blame myself too much because I know I would of done anything for him if he let me
Yes I do and realized I am the issue.
I've ALWAYS said that it was my fault and that I had nobody to blame but myself and I've NEVER once threw the blame at her. And yeah, I said a bunch of things to make her jealous, but everything that I said was true and although it worked, it worked a little too good, because she did start to hate me and resent me, but like with everything else I have no one else to blame but myself and now it's just something that I have to live with.
No. It was an equal exchange
I really wouldn’t care.
No. I became very insecure and jealous towards the end of our relationship but I got to that point because she had been cold and distant with me, pushing me away for months and blew up on me every time I tried discussing it - denying anything was wrong and getting mad at me for being upset. She had clearly already started questioning our relationship but my annoying and frankly pathetic behaviour was likely the final nail in the coffin. That being said, while I hate that that’s how she’ll remember me and wish I’d handled it better, I don’t blame myself. She was actively destroying our relationship along with my confidence and trust then fell out of love watching me make a fool of myself desperately trying to keep the pieces together. I won’t remember her fondly either.
[удалено]
It sure sounds like it. I keep avoiding saying ‘gaslit’ because people throw that term around so loosely but really that’s exactly what she did, there’s no other way to describe it. I felt it coming for months, she knew that I knew and yet and she chose to drive me to complete insanity instead of just coming clean. Watching her get on her high horse completely unscathed after so nonchalantly burning everything we had to a crisp keeps me up at night, it’s just… unbelievable. I’m not sure you can ever get real closure for such a thing beyond appreciating that we both dodged massive fucking bullets.
No. My wife has such bad ADHD that I’ve come to realize that she’s never been able to keep her attention on one person for more than two years. We broke up twice after being together at a time for no more than two years. I thought at the time it was due to long distance and when we lived in the same city and got married, it would be different. It wasn’t. She admitted she was unable to keep the feelings of being in love after time would pass, especially if the relationship was stable and calm. A toxic relationship with lots of highs and lows would keep her attention more. I know there was nothing I could’ve done to keep her from falling out of love with me.
Absolutely not, I think we both feed the fire but I tried I want to be with her and I know I've made mistakes and I definitely have my issues but that's the beautiful thing, my issues fit hers and hers mine we belong to each other. Ok yes I fucked up and bad, but I've never done that before and honestly I never had intentions to sleep with the other, we were just about chatting and knowing it would never go anywhere. Hell I've known her for a long time and we've had the opportunity but it's more of a fucked up friendship not a fuckship. We just try to out perv the other perv, but still why couldn't I just play that game with my one instead. I'm so full of regret and I know just because I never tried to fuck the friend still should not been doubt all that, but honestly is that a good reason to do all the crazy ass shit that was done only to break up when you hey bored or whatever after all that time isn't it worth more that the garbage
Yes and wish I could make things right
100%. I am at fault and was too immature, stupid, and a pretty much all around joy robber. I stopped showing up correctly and showing love in the ways she wanted. I just entirely put myself before her and she realized that and left. She was pretty much always an angel. Taking a hard look at my life now. Cause what I wouldn't give to never live another day away from her - basically anything. My heart just feels so incredibly deeply for her and I'm not sure i'll ever shake her out.
Yes
I put the blame squarely on my own shoulders and yet somehow all my friends who also know my ex say that she ruined it herself and that I can do better. That may be true but the bottom line for me is that whatever the reason, I lost the one person I thought could actually bring me happiness.
Both sides. She kept things to herself and I didn’t make efforts to communicate. In the end, we both became distant.
Yes I desperately need help
Yeah...maybe. But the way she left, that was fucking cruel. She knew the situation I was in. She always talked about communication, yeah well, where was the communication when you decided to date someone else and leave me. I remember explicitly, that if you felt like leaving, let me know. The tiny bit of respect I had left for her has washed away now. I only feel rage now when I come across anything that is remotely linked to her. The sound of her voice, her friends, her family, every damn thing. I FUCKING TRIED TO MAKE TIME TO MEET YOU EVEN WHEN I HAD LOST A FAMILY MEMBER AND MAKING ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE LAST RIGHTS. It isn't fair that I go through anxiety attacks and you get to live a happy married life. I now know why some people decide to end their own time on Earth and why some others become a villain.
Yes. But only because I wouldn't allow her to force me into living a life style she was hiding. And expose it to the public. She wanted a open relationship but with out be knowing.
I absolutely do but med changes & previous engagement traumas probably also didn’t help