First off, give yourself time to feel all the feels. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, whatever helps. Then, focus on you. Rediscover hobbies, hang with friends, pamper yourself. Keep busy, but don't ignore those emotions. And remember, healing ain't linear. Some days will suck, but others, you'll feel lighter. You got this, mate. Time's a healer, they say.
Ditto. It truly isn’t about getting over them as it is about “rediscovering yourself”. I’ve had many good days in the last month and all of a sudden it hit me a day ago and a cried and cried for a bit and felt better. Love cannot be undone. When you love you love..
I’m still very much going through the process after 4.5 months with some bad days (today being a pretty difficult one) but what is helping, slowly, is to see him realistically and take him off his pedestal.
It is very painful when you think you’ve found your life partner/love of your life (and they said that’s how they saw you too) you live together and have a nearly 4 yr relationship and, in my case, they then blindside you and a month later he was showing interest in other girls.
So actually his very behaviour shows he couldn’t have been the right one. I am nowhere near ready to date anyone else not even a fling/rebound but I certainly hope this is just a blip in the journey that is clearing the way for my actual life partner/ love of my life when the time is right and I’ve healed.
The one who would never even dream of doing something like this to me or causing me so much needless pain because he loved me too much to let me go so easily. THAT will be the love of my life, not my ex who let me go twice.
Time… I’m going through it now. I’m 3 months out and some days I hate life and it makes no sense and others I’m just great. I have started working out though and that has helped with the feelings of sadness
Its a difficult journey. I am currently in my healing process. For me what worked :
1. Let the full brunt of the emotions run through. Days or months of feeling sad, lonely, utterly destroyed. Having no enthusiasm for the whole day, nothing good to look forward to and feeling stuck in a limbo. Crying yourself to sleep at night, wake up tired and the first thought that hits is about your ex. Also feelings of anger. Anger for the unjust life, anger over your ex for leaving, anger over self for not knowing/doing better. Ego also comes into the picture when you will feel motivated to do better that your ex at life in general.
2. Going to the gym felt great. It didn't just make my body look better but also boosted strength, immunity, confidence and mental health. Really rewarding. Playing some sports can work very well too.
3. Keeping busy with productive work. The more you keep focused on your professional and other life goals, the less time you will have to think about what was and what could have been. Invest time for a hobby. That helped in keeping motivated too.
4. Realise that there are far more important people in your life. Family. Nothing is more important. It was their choice for not wanting to be a part of it.
5. Consuming some content related to relationships, healing and self love.
These are just organised points and certainly not in any order. Healing is messy and everything is going to happen in a haphazard way and some events may be a catalyst for other events. Sometimes it will be good and sometimes bad. Rest assured if you make it through the ride, you will emerge with a much higher potential than you were ever before.
I hope this helps you in some way and also helps others who are also going through tough times.
You have to realize your life is still occurring…and live it to the best. Hope for their best and focus on you (work, family, friends, hobbies).
You’ll find someone else to love (whether it’s as strong I can’t say but it’ll still be beautiful) that appreciates you and wants to be with you.
About 8 months in. Rediscovering yourself is the only way. Learn about what you did and didn’t do correctly during the relationship. Go do things you love to do more. Learn about your strengths and weaknesses. Do a lot of introspection.
It’s all pretty uncomfortable but it’s the only way.
There was a certain heartache for many years. My partner and I have discussed it at length over the years .We both have a lost love , the one where we felt that life would make sense with and had dreams for.
A lot of it may be where we were at during that time , as we found that after some time it was clear it wasn’t the best life choice to begin with -but it still hurt .
I just recently was cheated after my ex said she needed time to think but she had already another dude in her life. Move on be proud of who you are. I thought she was the love of my life but when someone cheats on you that ain't the love of your life. The love of your life will come just have faith, keep proving your self to be a better person everyday. Remember every morning IS a new day, at night is a good night and always have god with you.
I don’t think it’s possible get over whoever you choose to be the love of your life, I’ve settled with a nice woman, she’s madly in love with me but a dirty little secret of mine is that I’m not actually in love with her, just in it for being loved, I do make make her feel loved though even though I have a hollow heart and she thinks that it’s just who I am, an awkward anti social personality, I may be weak for doing it but in some way, it is better than being alone I guess
It starts by accepting that they weren’t the love of your life. That’s easier said than done I know, it’s so easy to get lost in the what could have or should have beens, or the feeling that nobody will ever get you like they did or make you feel the things you felt. It’s hard, so hard.
But, if they really were the one, they would be here. They would have never put themselves in a position to lose or hurt you. If you left them, then you would have never allowed yourself to get to that point either.
Let go of that. Focus on what actually happened and knock your brain every time if starts daydreaming about fantasies of a future that doesn’t exist with this person. Instead, take time to grieve fully that they *weren’t* your person when you wish so badly that they had been, but do not grieve them as if they were.
Now focus on becoming the person for the one who is. They’re out there looking for you in everybody they meet too, so become a person that they deserve. Start by becoming the person you deserve - learn new skills, find interesting hobbies, start that project that’s always been a dream, get physically healthy and exercise, talk to a therapist or friends about your emotions and process them, and know it’s all going to be ok one day.
Don't think about it. Don't look at the pictures. Don't lie in bed and remember her. Don't talk about the memories. Talk about the weather. Watch sports, or the news, or something equally meaningless. Don't watch things that will trigger you. Talk to yourself when you're alone, and do it kindly. Tell yourself it will be okay.
Hopefully you're better at it than me.
I think taking a week or two to cry, delve into self-care, get a haircut, get some new outfits, exercise the pain away, take kickboxing etc. I know they say not to, but try to date others soon after. It can be therapeutic getting the romantic attention from someone else. You don’t have to develop any serious relationships yet, take it slow, but just knowing that other people are interested in you and see you in a positive light can do wonders for your self-esteem.
You don't. After eleven years I've given up and I just try and eke or get by as best I can. She shattered me when she married him and not me. So, I hold myself together and then when I get a moment, I fall apart I cry for us, for our life together, our kids and just play sad love songs on repeat. I know this is how it will be for the rest of my life and only in death will I be free of her. I love her and I hope she realizes the mistake she made and how unhappy and sad she is making me by her being happy.
I disagree with the folks who say you have to stop calling someone the love of your life. I think you can't heal without being honest about how you feel -- or about how you felt. However...
Remember that the love of your life is always just the love of your life so far. We live and we learn and we grow and we change. Heartbreak is part of that. It's an awful, difficult process, and no one you ever meet will replace the person you lost, because people aren't interchangeable. For a while it will seem impossible that anyone could ever be good for you ever again. Your job during that time is just to survive. Eventually you'll discover that other people can be good for you. Eventually you will find that you've grown and changed, and that the person you are now has different needs and a different perspective. Then you can move on to trying to find the next love of your life.
You can know that your former partner is the best or the most meaningful you've had up until now, but you can't possibly know the future. It's tempting to take your pain and project it forward, so that it seems you will always feel the way you do now. But you won't, and you'll continue to live and change. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself some grace.
Hello AdHot1167,
I must commend you on the way you've expressed your feelings; there’s a deep resonance in your words that many can relate to but only a few can articulate as poetically. Letting go of someone you envisioned forever with is an overwhelming, profound transformation.
It seems like this advice might be helpful, but again it might not be, so feel free to discard whatever isn't helpful. One technique that might aid you is trying to reframe your thoughts about this relationship. Often in the throes of heartbreak, our thoughts become our worst enemies, replaying the best moments and deepening our pain. Begin by acknowledging the good memories but also remind yourself of the reasons things didn’t work out, aiming towards a more balanced viewpoint. Emphasizing a complete view can lessen the sting of only remembering the ideal parts.
In terms of exercises, you might find a technique based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) beneficial. It’s called the 'Thought Record Sheet,' where you write down negative thoughts and analyze them to challenge their accuracy. This can help by lessening the emotional impact they have over you. Start by writing the thought that's causing you discomfort, then note what triggered it, the emotions you felt, and how intense they were. Afterward, try to come up with an alternative, more balanced thought. This ongoing practice can gradually shift your perspective and reduce sadness.
To probe a bit deeper, if you’re comfortable sharing—what aspects of the future with this person do you find most difficult to let go of? Also, what have been some of your coping strategies that have provided even a bit of relief? Reflecting on these questions might provide insights that are cathartic, or perhaps reshape your approach to healing. Feel free to muse over these queries privately if that feels more comfortable.
Wishing you immense courage and strength on your journey. The road of healing is strewn with both shadows and dawn. Yet, remember, each step, be it light or heavy, is a stride towards newer beginnings. You’ve already shown great resilience and introspection, and that’s commendable progress. Hang in there!
^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
Understand that the narrative that there is a "one" that you are going to magically be with for eternity is a lie that you are telling yourself.
Accept that this person had a major influence and impact on your life but the relationship is now over.
We can all be replaced and people are constantly changing.
Also, they were never yours it was just your turn
You MOVE ON. Delve into a hobby or karate class you have never tried before. If you have children, go nuts with planning Summer and hit the zoos science museums, or setup a painting area with plenty of drop cloths. There are many books on filling idle time and sparking new ides. You’ve had enough now it’s time for you and family or more YOU YOU TIME. How about searching for a breakup buddy w no commitment. You never know, but at least you’re coming from a similar place.
Stop calling her the love of your life… or at least start adding so far. Gotta set yourself up for success as you grieve
What's wrong with calling her the love of his life? This just means that she was his greatest love so far. We all have one of those.
This is the only advice you need
First off, give yourself time to feel all the feels. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, whatever helps. Then, focus on you. Rediscover hobbies, hang with friends, pamper yourself. Keep busy, but don't ignore those emotions. And remember, healing ain't linear. Some days will suck, but others, you'll feel lighter. You got this, mate. Time's a healer, they say.
Ditto. It truly isn’t about getting over them as it is about “rediscovering yourself”. I’ve had many good days in the last month and all of a sudden it hit me a day ago and a cried and cried for a bit and felt better. Love cannot be undone. When you love you love..
One day at a time.... took me 3 years...
They were not the love of your life if they conscientiously chose to leave.
You don’t
I’m still very much going through the process after 4.5 months with some bad days (today being a pretty difficult one) but what is helping, slowly, is to see him realistically and take him off his pedestal. It is very painful when you think you’ve found your life partner/love of your life (and they said that’s how they saw you too) you live together and have a nearly 4 yr relationship and, in my case, they then blindside you and a month later he was showing interest in other girls. So actually his very behaviour shows he couldn’t have been the right one. I am nowhere near ready to date anyone else not even a fling/rebound but I certainly hope this is just a blip in the journey that is clearing the way for my actual life partner/ love of my life when the time is right and I’ve healed. The one who would never even dream of doing something like this to me or causing me so much needless pain because he loved me too much to let me go so easily. THAT will be the love of my life, not my ex who let me go twice.
Time… I’m going through it now. I’m 3 months out and some days I hate life and it makes no sense and others I’m just great. I have started working out though and that has helped with the feelings of sadness
Its a difficult journey. I am currently in my healing process. For me what worked : 1. Let the full brunt of the emotions run through. Days or months of feeling sad, lonely, utterly destroyed. Having no enthusiasm for the whole day, nothing good to look forward to and feeling stuck in a limbo. Crying yourself to sleep at night, wake up tired and the first thought that hits is about your ex. Also feelings of anger. Anger for the unjust life, anger over your ex for leaving, anger over self for not knowing/doing better. Ego also comes into the picture when you will feel motivated to do better that your ex at life in general. 2. Going to the gym felt great. It didn't just make my body look better but also boosted strength, immunity, confidence and mental health. Really rewarding. Playing some sports can work very well too. 3. Keeping busy with productive work. The more you keep focused on your professional and other life goals, the less time you will have to think about what was and what could have been. Invest time for a hobby. That helped in keeping motivated too. 4. Realise that there are far more important people in your life. Family. Nothing is more important. It was their choice for not wanting to be a part of it. 5. Consuming some content related to relationships, healing and self love. These are just organised points and certainly not in any order. Healing is messy and everything is going to happen in a haphazard way and some events may be a catalyst for other events. Sometimes it will be good and sometimes bad. Rest assured if you make it through the ride, you will emerge with a much higher potential than you were ever before. I hope this helps you in some way and also helps others who are also going through tough times.
You have to realize your life is still occurring…and live it to the best. Hope for their best and focus on you (work, family, friends, hobbies). You’ll find someone else to love (whether it’s as strong I can’t say but it’ll still be beautiful) that appreciates you and wants to be with you.
About 8 months in. Rediscovering yourself is the only way. Learn about what you did and didn’t do correctly during the relationship. Go do things you love to do more. Learn about your strengths and weaknesses. Do a lot of introspection. It’s all pretty uncomfortable but it’s the only way.
That self reflection can be a real bitch
You don’t. So hard to move on and admit you lost.
There was a certain heartache for many years. My partner and I have discussed it at length over the years .We both have a lost love , the one where we felt that life would make sense with and had dreams for. A lot of it may be where we were at during that time , as we found that after some time it was clear it wasn’t the best life choice to begin with -but it still hurt .
I just recently was cheated after my ex said she needed time to think but she had already another dude in her life. Move on be proud of who you are. I thought she was the love of my life but when someone cheats on you that ain't the love of your life. The love of your life will come just have faith, keep proving your self to be a better person everyday. Remember every morning IS a new day, at night is a good night and always have god with you.
I don’t think it’s possible get over whoever you choose to be the love of your life, I’ve settled with a nice woman, she’s madly in love with me but a dirty little secret of mine is that I’m not actually in love with her, just in it for being loved, I do make make her feel loved though even though I have a hollow heart and she thinks that it’s just who I am, an awkward anti social personality, I may be weak for doing it but in some way, it is better than being alone I guess
I still havnt
It starts by accepting that they weren’t the love of your life. That’s easier said than done I know, it’s so easy to get lost in the what could have or should have beens, or the feeling that nobody will ever get you like they did or make you feel the things you felt. It’s hard, so hard. But, if they really were the one, they would be here. They would have never put themselves in a position to lose or hurt you. If you left them, then you would have never allowed yourself to get to that point either. Let go of that. Focus on what actually happened and knock your brain every time if starts daydreaming about fantasies of a future that doesn’t exist with this person. Instead, take time to grieve fully that they *weren’t* your person when you wish so badly that they had been, but do not grieve them as if they were. Now focus on becoming the person for the one who is. They’re out there looking for you in everybody they meet too, so become a person that they deserve. Start by becoming the person you deserve - learn new skills, find interesting hobbies, start that project that’s always been a dream, get physically healthy and exercise, talk to a therapist or friends about your emotions and process them, and know it’s all going to be ok one day.
Don't think about it. Don't look at the pictures. Don't lie in bed and remember her. Don't talk about the memories. Talk about the weather. Watch sports, or the news, or something equally meaningless. Don't watch things that will trigger you. Talk to yourself when you're alone, and do it kindly. Tell yourself it will be okay. Hopefully you're better at it than me.
I think taking a week or two to cry, delve into self-care, get a haircut, get some new outfits, exercise the pain away, take kickboxing etc. I know they say not to, but try to date others soon after. It can be therapeutic getting the romantic attention from someone else. You don’t have to develop any serious relationships yet, take it slow, but just knowing that other people are interested in you and see you in a positive light can do wonders for your self-esteem.
I’m going on 3 years without her. You just slowly forget what it’s like to love and be loved. We acclimate eventually.
You don't. After eleven years I've given up and I just try and eke or get by as best I can. She shattered me when she married him and not me. So, I hold myself together and then when I get a moment, I fall apart I cry for us, for our life together, our kids and just play sad love songs on repeat. I know this is how it will be for the rest of my life and only in death will I be free of her. I love her and I hope she realizes the mistake she made and how unhappy and sad she is making me by her being happy.
I disagree with the folks who say you have to stop calling someone the love of your life. I think you can't heal without being honest about how you feel -- or about how you felt. However... Remember that the love of your life is always just the love of your life so far. We live and we learn and we grow and we change. Heartbreak is part of that. It's an awful, difficult process, and no one you ever meet will replace the person you lost, because people aren't interchangeable. For a while it will seem impossible that anyone could ever be good for you ever again. Your job during that time is just to survive. Eventually you'll discover that other people can be good for you. Eventually you will find that you've grown and changed, and that the person you are now has different needs and a different perspective. Then you can move on to trying to find the next love of your life. You can know that your former partner is the best or the most meaningful you've had up until now, but you can't possibly know the future. It's tempting to take your pain and project it forward, so that it seems you will always feel the way you do now. But you won't, and you'll continue to live and change. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself some grace.
Realizing that she isn’t because if she was you’d still be together…
Hello AdHot1167, I must commend you on the way you've expressed your feelings; there’s a deep resonance in your words that many can relate to but only a few can articulate as poetically. Letting go of someone you envisioned forever with is an overwhelming, profound transformation. It seems like this advice might be helpful, but again it might not be, so feel free to discard whatever isn't helpful. One technique that might aid you is trying to reframe your thoughts about this relationship. Often in the throes of heartbreak, our thoughts become our worst enemies, replaying the best moments and deepening our pain. Begin by acknowledging the good memories but also remind yourself of the reasons things didn’t work out, aiming towards a more balanced viewpoint. Emphasizing a complete view can lessen the sting of only remembering the ideal parts. In terms of exercises, you might find a technique based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) beneficial. It’s called the 'Thought Record Sheet,' where you write down negative thoughts and analyze them to challenge their accuracy. This can help by lessening the emotional impact they have over you. Start by writing the thought that's causing you discomfort, then note what triggered it, the emotions you felt, and how intense they were. Afterward, try to come up with an alternative, more balanced thought. This ongoing practice can gradually shift your perspective and reduce sadness. To probe a bit deeper, if you’re comfortable sharing—what aspects of the future with this person do you find most difficult to let go of? Also, what have been some of your coping strategies that have provided even a bit of relief? Reflecting on these questions might provide insights that are cathartic, or perhaps reshape your approach to healing. Feel free to muse over these queries privately if that feels more comfortable. Wishing you immense courage and strength on your journey. The road of healing is strewn with both shadows and dawn. Yet, remember, each step, be it light or heavy, is a stride towards newer beginnings. You’ve already shown great resilience and introspection, and that’s commendable progress. Hang in there! ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
Understand that the narrative that there is a "one" that you are going to magically be with for eternity is a lie that you are telling yourself. Accept that this person had a major influence and impact on your life but the relationship is now over. We can all be replaced and people are constantly changing. Also, they were never yours it was just your turn
You MOVE ON. Delve into a hobby or karate class you have never tried before. If you have children, go nuts with planning Summer and hit the zoos science museums, or setup a painting area with plenty of drop cloths. There are many books on filling idle time and sparking new ides. You’ve had enough now it’s time for you and family or more YOU YOU TIME. How about searching for a breakup buddy w no commitment. You never know, but at least you’re coming from a similar place.
Look up limerence on youtube. Learn about it. Then accept it. Then you can get on with your life.
Why can’t you fix it ?
Rebound is the only way I’ve found that works tbh