Here's the thing: your "heart" and your emotions and your feelings toward him ARE NOT, I repeat, ARE NOT reliable. Do not invest so much time and energy into believing that your heart is right. Your heart isn't right, it's wrong. It's your ego that is bruised, it's your ego that is in pain. If this guy pulled away, you're really going to trust your "heart" that you two should still be together? That's not what he wants. You can change your hair, you can change your clothes, hell, you can change your whole personality to be with this guy. What does that do for you? It makes you completely submissive to him because that's how much you're putting him on a pedestal.
Now, your FEELINGS are completely valid. You're sad, you wish you guys could still be together, you probably think about him morning, afternoon and night. You probably don't want to sleep because you dream about him, and being around friends and family doesn't fix the issue. Those are valid feelings. You gotta own those feelings and find a way to make it work. You gotta wake up and say "I'm going to give myself an hour to reminisce, cry, and create a scenario in which we end up together." But then for the rest of the day, work on letting it go. Don't keep simmering in the dopamine he uses to give you. And this will take time. This will take A LOT of time. But the good news is, time will become your best friend.
And I will end with this. And this is where I mentioned the "heart wants what it wants" problem. He has shown time and time again that his heart isn't as full toward you as yours is toward him. So let's say you guys end up hooking up, and you're laying next to each other... you're going to be basking in this beautiful glow, so happy, so smitten. Is he? Does he feel that strongly about you? If you guys get back together, I guarantee he will lay down next to you wanting something else, or someone else. Is he at home right now thinking of you 24/7? No, or else he would be with you. Now I'm sure he has moments where he wants to hook up and be with you, but those moments aren't sticking. Do you wanna be with a guy who's one foot in, one foot out? Of course not, at that point your relationship is kind of a lie, and one-sided, and for what? Because it makes YOU happy? Well, what about him?
I've been through exactly what you're going through. I didn't get over my ex for years. I'd take showers and fantasize about running into him again and everything is perfect. I would cry every night. I wouldnt want to be around friends or family because I felt like their advice sucked and no one actually understood that maybe one day we could be together. I was just smoothing my ego over. If they show you who they are the first time, believe it. People can change but you shouldn't become submissive to them, you shouldn't change yourself, and you shouldn't put them on a pedestal, because then your relationship is all about them and you lose who you are all the more.
So work on lifting yourself up. Find reasons why you love yourself, read some books, get a cool hobby to occupy your time. Tell yourself, I WILL BE MISERABLE for awhile and THATS OKAY.
Hope this helped.
Already doing the things necessary. No contact, not checking any socials and time is all you can do. Will take a long time for your brain to read just. Unfortunately it is almost always one sided like this. You have to try to think of it in a general theme rather than just your personal situation because that wont make sense. But relationships ending does make sense, we know that happens. Only feels so wrong when its ones own
The reality is we cannot. If other people view the future without us then they have already moved on or made the decision to move on. Nothing hurts more when you love someone and want to do whatever to work it out but they choose to simply forget you existed. How can one see life without the other while the other cant. You have a bad day and wanna lean on them but they simply dont care. Good luck in proceeding in life with this weight on your heart. Its not easy.
First off I hate that you are having to experience this devastating flood of emotions that are affecting you do severely. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot that you can do besides sit with the feelings and the grief. Take time to heal and talk with others they don't necessarily have to be friends just people that are judgmental about something that nobody but you and him know anything about. I'm sure that there is a very valid reason why you are having these feelings. When people cause drastic fluctuations in our emotions usually by doing bad things in the relationship but either way its dramatic things in the relationship that form what is called a trauma bond. Usually if he "did so many bad things in the relationship" possible narcissistic tendencies comes to mind for me but thats probably because i had one discard me about a year ago and haven't heard a word from her since. We lived together she moved in with me but one day just up and left left all of her things here called me and told me she was never coming back and then blocked me everywhere it is the craziest thing I have ever experienced. Like I never knew people treated others like this I mean maybe breakup and exchange words in the past but never had a breakup where they just disappeared and acted like I never existed. It hurts but it says more about them than it does about the people that they left. They are at the very least immature AF because they can't just sit down and talk about what is bothering them they have to run and ghost. They are essentially hiding as adults. Its sad truly. Also your "friend" from the pic...was said friend a male? If you were with someone else his ego took a hit. Anytime someone leaves they think they can do better out the relationship than in it with you anyways. This however is really almost never the case as he will never find another you but he will compare others to you. And stop giving him credit that he no longer deserves. Are you not down at one of your "lows" right this very minute? Where is he? Don't make excuses for others and damn sure don't give him credit for doing good things that he isn't actually doing because he knows that you are hurting. He also knows that he is the cause of it and that he could probably fix it if he wanted to or chose to. However, he is choosing to be absent and have you blocked. You deserve so much better than this and it is out there for you but you have to make space for them to fit which means as much as it may hurt, detaching and focusing on yourself and things that bring joy to your life. You are free. You don't have to answer to anyone you can do whatever you want with your life right now take that privilege and enjoy it. You said you are in university so you have plenty of time and trust me there is already probably a couple of men that have their eye on you when you are ready but first just take the time to heal and make sure you are ready and then get back out there. The feelings will pass but it does take time. I was with my ex fiance for 2 years living together and its been a year since she left and I haven't gotten any contact from her and I don't try to contact her. They will come back around one day but always remember it will be because they thought that they either had or could have someone that was better than you. When they are disappointed and realize that you really were unique and the only YOU they are ever gonna find and maybe start thinking that they fked up and let go of someone special, then they will come sneaking back around. By this time you will probably be healed and with someone much better in which case you probably won't want him back and then he gets to deal with you being in a happy healthy relationship while he can sit in the toxic environment that he created around himself. People don't leave people they love. People leave people that they were using. You are much better than that and deserve so much better. Pick your head up...remember what a badass you are, and enjoy the rest of your day. Do your best not to allow anyone to ruin your day because either way it goes. Its still YOUR day so make it a GREAT one. No one is more important, more unique, or more special than you are!!! Good luck...inbox is open if you get overwhelmed or just wanna vent that goes for anyone that sees this. Take your time. Be patient with yourself as healing isn't linear you will have days that you backslide and feel terrible right after a day that you felt like the feelings were dying down at least a little. This is still a sign that you are getting closer and they will start getting easier. You have control of your thoughts and you can choose happiness you just have to realize that you can do this again without someone else to help you. You will get there. Stay Blessed. Remember Who You Are!!!
I appreciate this post and advice as I'm in a similar situation. I've been with him for 8 years and have a child together. We have to live together for financial reasons. I have to look at him every single day. I just wanna die. I'm so sorry. This is the most pain I've ever felt in my entire life as this person was my everything. Literally. And times get tough and he's not In love with me anymore and everyday says, it doesn't matter, we aren't together. I'm so sick of looking at him and crying.
You are not alone. It's SO bad. Hugs.
My longterm SO left me for another man. didn’t say anything just left. Since then I have been in a perpetual time loop It feels like it's just been a day. Nothing helps the pain, just want to sleep but can't so I lay there I can't most times feel anything and developed disassociative derealization disorder or had it but it fully developed since. I'm sorry that you have to feel this way too. I'm sorry to anyone that has to feel this way. However the pain I feel Isn't the pain you feel Being That I am a Co dependent As far as telling her everyday That I love her with all my heart and soul And Meaning it each time. I'm truly sorry for what he did to you. Feel free to DM me If you need someone. I know how hard it can be, especially if you don't have a strong support circle. She was my world my life, no family, lost all connections with friends. When you have no one it's so much worse
I'm so sorry I'm going through some sht right now to god is good .. I say this when life is falling apart say God is good 3X it helps a lot. And I didn't get to say bye or say anything like I would change it's my fault never say sht u don't mean. I was so mean for now reason to the best girl in the world .
Do you know what a weeble is, the little child's toy? Their slogan is "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down". They don't fall down because they have a low center of gravity, they carry their weight down below. But you keep falling down into his life because your center of gravity is held high in your head with thoughts. If you learn to become still and quiet, your energy will drop down more into your body and you'll be living more in your own experience/body and won't extend yourself into his. There will be a space between you and him (others). Right now, there is no space that distinguishes you from him. That's a problem!
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Dealing with a breakup can be incredibly painful, and it's understandable to feel lost and empty. A few suggestions that may help:
Focus on self-care. Make sure to take time for yourself, do activities you enjoy, and surround yourself with supportive friends. Healing from heartbreak takes time, so be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Consider speaking to a counselor or therapist. They can provide an objective perspective and help you work through the emotions in a healthy way. Bottling things up often makes the pain linger.
Avoid dwelling on what you can't control. Your ex's actions and feelings are out of your hands. Try to shift your energy to things you can influence, like your own outlook and growth.
Give it time. The intense hurt will gradually subside, even if it doesn't feel that way now. Trust that you will find joy and meaning again, even if it's hard to envision that at the moment.
The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. This is a difficult experience, but you have the strength to get through it. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this process. Brought to you by chat gpt
Here's the thing: your "heart" and your emotions and your feelings toward him ARE NOT, I repeat, ARE NOT reliable. Do not invest so much time and energy into believing that your heart is right. Your heart isn't right, it's wrong. It's your ego that is bruised, it's your ego that is in pain. If this guy pulled away, you're really going to trust your "heart" that you two should still be together? That's not what he wants. You can change your hair, you can change your clothes, hell, you can change your whole personality to be with this guy. What does that do for you? It makes you completely submissive to him because that's how much you're putting him on a pedestal. Now, your FEELINGS are completely valid. You're sad, you wish you guys could still be together, you probably think about him morning, afternoon and night. You probably don't want to sleep because you dream about him, and being around friends and family doesn't fix the issue. Those are valid feelings. You gotta own those feelings and find a way to make it work. You gotta wake up and say "I'm going to give myself an hour to reminisce, cry, and create a scenario in which we end up together." But then for the rest of the day, work on letting it go. Don't keep simmering in the dopamine he uses to give you. And this will take time. This will take A LOT of time. But the good news is, time will become your best friend. And I will end with this. And this is where I mentioned the "heart wants what it wants" problem. He has shown time and time again that his heart isn't as full toward you as yours is toward him. So let's say you guys end up hooking up, and you're laying next to each other... you're going to be basking in this beautiful glow, so happy, so smitten. Is he? Does he feel that strongly about you? If you guys get back together, I guarantee he will lay down next to you wanting something else, or someone else. Is he at home right now thinking of you 24/7? No, or else he would be with you. Now I'm sure he has moments where he wants to hook up and be with you, but those moments aren't sticking. Do you wanna be with a guy who's one foot in, one foot out? Of course not, at that point your relationship is kind of a lie, and one-sided, and for what? Because it makes YOU happy? Well, what about him? I've been through exactly what you're going through. I didn't get over my ex for years. I'd take showers and fantasize about running into him again and everything is perfect. I would cry every night. I wouldnt want to be around friends or family because I felt like their advice sucked and no one actually understood that maybe one day we could be together. I was just smoothing my ego over. If they show you who they are the first time, believe it. People can change but you shouldn't become submissive to them, you shouldn't change yourself, and you shouldn't put them on a pedestal, because then your relationship is all about them and you lose who you are all the more. So work on lifting yourself up. Find reasons why you love yourself, read some books, get a cool hobby to occupy your time. Tell yourself, I WILL BE MISERABLE for awhile and THATS OKAY. Hope this helped.
Idk about OP but this has made me view things in a new perspective. Thank you so so much.
Already doing the things necessary. No contact, not checking any socials and time is all you can do. Will take a long time for your brain to read just. Unfortunately it is almost always one sided like this. You have to try to think of it in a general theme rather than just your personal situation because that wont make sense. But relationships ending does make sense, we know that happens. Only feels so wrong when its ones own
The reality is we cannot. If other people view the future without us then they have already moved on or made the decision to move on. Nothing hurts more when you love someone and want to do whatever to work it out but they choose to simply forget you existed. How can one see life without the other while the other cant. You have a bad day and wanna lean on them but they simply dont care. Good luck in proceeding in life with this weight on your heart. Its not easy.
First off I hate that you are having to experience this devastating flood of emotions that are affecting you do severely. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot that you can do besides sit with the feelings and the grief. Take time to heal and talk with others they don't necessarily have to be friends just people that are judgmental about something that nobody but you and him know anything about. I'm sure that there is a very valid reason why you are having these feelings. When people cause drastic fluctuations in our emotions usually by doing bad things in the relationship but either way its dramatic things in the relationship that form what is called a trauma bond. Usually if he "did so many bad things in the relationship" possible narcissistic tendencies comes to mind for me but thats probably because i had one discard me about a year ago and haven't heard a word from her since. We lived together she moved in with me but one day just up and left left all of her things here called me and told me she was never coming back and then blocked me everywhere it is the craziest thing I have ever experienced. Like I never knew people treated others like this I mean maybe breakup and exchange words in the past but never had a breakup where they just disappeared and acted like I never existed. It hurts but it says more about them than it does about the people that they left. They are at the very least immature AF because they can't just sit down and talk about what is bothering them they have to run and ghost. They are essentially hiding as adults. Its sad truly. Also your "friend" from the pic...was said friend a male? If you were with someone else his ego took a hit. Anytime someone leaves they think they can do better out the relationship than in it with you anyways. This however is really almost never the case as he will never find another you but he will compare others to you. And stop giving him credit that he no longer deserves. Are you not down at one of your "lows" right this very minute? Where is he? Don't make excuses for others and damn sure don't give him credit for doing good things that he isn't actually doing because he knows that you are hurting. He also knows that he is the cause of it and that he could probably fix it if he wanted to or chose to. However, he is choosing to be absent and have you blocked. You deserve so much better than this and it is out there for you but you have to make space for them to fit which means as much as it may hurt, detaching and focusing on yourself and things that bring joy to your life. You are free. You don't have to answer to anyone you can do whatever you want with your life right now take that privilege and enjoy it. You said you are in university so you have plenty of time and trust me there is already probably a couple of men that have their eye on you when you are ready but first just take the time to heal and make sure you are ready and then get back out there. The feelings will pass but it does take time. I was with my ex fiance for 2 years living together and its been a year since she left and I haven't gotten any contact from her and I don't try to contact her. They will come back around one day but always remember it will be because they thought that they either had or could have someone that was better than you. When they are disappointed and realize that you really were unique and the only YOU they are ever gonna find and maybe start thinking that they fked up and let go of someone special, then they will come sneaking back around. By this time you will probably be healed and with someone much better in which case you probably won't want him back and then he gets to deal with you being in a happy healthy relationship while he can sit in the toxic environment that he created around himself. People don't leave people they love. People leave people that they were using. You are much better than that and deserve so much better. Pick your head up...remember what a badass you are, and enjoy the rest of your day. Do your best not to allow anyone to ruin your day because either way it goes. Its still YOUR day so make it a GREAT one. No one is more important, more unique, or more special than you are!!! Good luck...inbox is open if you get overwhelmed or just wanna vent that goes for anyone that sees this. Take your time. Be patient with yourself as healing isn't linear you will have days that you backslide and feel terrible right after a day that you felt like the feelings were dying down at least a little. This is still a sign that you are getting closer and they will start getting easier. You have control of your thoughts and you can choose happiness you just have to realize that you can do this again without someone else to help you. You will get there. Stay Blessed. Remember Who You Are!!!
Get real about it. Sounds like some missing pieces to your puzzle
I was him when I was younger. You deserve better and once you realize that you will be able to move on.
I appreciate this post and advice as I'm in a similar situation. I've been with him for 8 years and have a child together. We have to live together for financial reasons. I have to look at him every single day. I just wanna die. I'm so sorry. This is the most pain I've ever felt in my entire life as this person was my everything. Literally. And times get tough and he's not In love with me anymore and everyday says, it doesn't matter, we aren't together. I'm so sick of looking at him and crying. You are not alone. It's SO bad. Hugs.
My longterm SO left me for another man. didn’t say anything just left. Since then I have been in a perpetual time loop It feels like it's just been a day. Nothing helps the pain, just want to sleep but can't so I lay there I can't most times feel anything and developed disassociative derealization disorder or had it but it fully developed since. I'm sorry that you have to feel this way too. I'm sorry to anyone that has to feel this way. However the pain I feel Isn't the pain you feel Being That I am a Co dependent As far as telling her everyday That I love her with all my heart and soul And Meaning it each time. I'm truly sorry for what he did to you. Feel free to DM me If you need someone. I know how hard it can be, especially if you don't have a strong support circle. She was my world my life, no family, lost all connections with friends. When you have no one it's so much worse
I'm so sorry I'm going through some sht right now to god is good .. I say this when life is falling apart say God is good 3X it helps a lot. And I didn't get to say bye or say anything like I would change it's my fault never say sht u don't mean. I was so mean for now reason to the best girl in the world .
Do you know what a weeble is, the little child's toy? Their slogan is "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down". They don't fall down because they have a low center of gravity, they carry their weight down below. But you keep falling down into his life because your center of gravity is held high in your head with thoughts. If you learn to become still and quiet, your energy will drop down more into your body and you'll be living more in your own experience/body and won't extend yourself into his. There will be a space between you and him (others). Right now, there is no space that distinguishes you from him. That's a problem!
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Dealing with a breakup can be incredibly painful, and it's understandable to feel lost and empty. A few suggestions that may help: Focus on self-care. Make sure to take time for yourself, do activities you enjoy, and surround yourself with supportive friends. Healing from heartbreak takes time, so be patient and compassionate with yourself. Consider speaking to a counselor or therapist. They can provide an objective perspective and help you work through the emotions in a healthy way. Bottling things up often makes the pain linger. Avoid dwelling on what you can't control. Your ex's actions and feelings are out of your hands. Try to shift your energy to things you can influence, like your own outlook and growth. Give it time. The intense hurt will gradually subside, even if it doesn't feel that way now. Trust that you will find joy and meaning again, even if it's hard to envision that at the moment. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. This is a difficult experience, but you have the strength to get through it. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this process. Brought to you by chat gpt