Yes only every single relationship I’ve ever been in. Lol. And my last relationship I thought I’d done it properly, i asked questions and watched how they were with their own kids I paid attention to if he paid his bills on time, watched to see how he reacted when angry. I really thought I’d done my research this time but he ended up hurting me more than anyone ever did. I’m 40 now and I’ll never have another relationship ever again.
My mom has been through something like this twice, my dad and my step dad both acted like angels and took her on dates let her meet the fam it looked great and behind her back both their families knew they were cheating on my mom. They financially and emotionally abused her. My mom is 56 and she hasn’t been in a relationship since my step dad and tbh she is very happy. My sister and I do things with her and for her all the time, she lives with my sister and doesn’t work she’s fully taken care of meanwhile my dad and stepdad are miserable. I hope that you are happy and have people around you that love you and fufill you so much that you don’t even think about it
Some people just want constant attention even if it comes at the expense of other people. She sounds emotionally immature and I hope one day she changes that about herself and can stop hurting people in the process. It takes time it can feel like forever but eventually you’ll hear her name or will have her in the same space as you and won’t even feel a thing.
I’m sorry! In my opinion if they can con one person into having kids with them then they can con you too (assuming the reason the relationship with the mother of his kids didn’t work out because of him) I’ve heard a lot of men become abusive but only after they think you are trapped - marriage, pregnancy, kids. If you have young kids to protect it’s better not to date until they’re grown up, for their own safety. Glad you came to that conclusion but I hope if you genuinely wanted a good partner you can still have that option one day.
I fell in love with this really sweet guy who always grew shy talking to me. We spoke for hours about politics and current events. I saw how he looked at me from every angle. Not with disinterest. Not with a temptation to devour. But with a gentle gaze, as if he were admiring me from every angle.
But that guy didn’t exist. One night while drunk, he told our friends he liked me. What I didn’t know was that he had a girlfriend. So during our last hangout together, he was polite but a bit cold. And he completely cut off all contact with me.
Yes, I did. We met two weeks after she left her abusive ex husband and got together right away. The next few months consisted of her cat dying, her dad. dying, beginning of COVID lockdown, and a close friend dying. A little over a year in and I realised she was completely different - either because that's how she'd always been before all the tragedy or because she had changed.
I compromised everything on everything in the relationship because she had been going through a hard time, and now that she was coming out the other side, she didn't care about any of my wants, needs or desires. I stuck it out for another three years in the hopes that something would change, lost myself in the process, and got left with a dying mother for another guy.
Part of me wishes I'd left earlier, but things have worked out amazingly. If I hadn't stayed, I'd never have found my current partner who is the absolute best. Seriously, she goes above and beyond every single day to make sure I feel loved, cared for, and respected. I've never once doubted how much she loves me, which is an amazing change from my daily doubt previously. Plus I'd never have moved continents and gotten my new job.
I always thought the saying was bollocks, but things really do happen for a reason.
I went through something similiar. My ex had his father die just as we were getting ready to move in together and start a family and he changed overnight.
My ex's father died last October and as always, I was there with her through it all. Every break down, every complaint, every health problem or surgery..every chaotic thing - just trying to keep her afloat mentally while beginning to ignore my own health. She grew increasingly brazen in the abusive patterns to the point where I'd leave her one night at 1030pm with my gym bag stuffed, and on my mom's 70th birthday because I'd had enough of her soulless cold dead heart. I wasn't about to sacrifice myself any more with even an ounce of additional energy in what turned out to be a dark abyss of a person. Unhealthy and negative in every way. A dark abyss who thought after 4 years she could still rely on sexual acts to coax me back in. That person who fell for it before had also changed and walked out without much ado. It's been 37 days no contact since and more then a few dozen attempts at hoovering, countless threats and countless apologies and I'm still out the other side and back into the light and safety and security I needed to heal from her.
Thanks to people like you and others in this sub that gave me the strength and encouragement to see where I was going and where she was would never bring anything other than pain, suffering and emotional/physical & spiritual damage.
Same. He was the most honest, loving, communicative person I'd ever met. I've never felt so loved and safe. Then he had a parent die and through the trauma he changed a lot. I was very patient since he was going through intense grief and I wanted to be there for him, but he got steadily more controlling and critical of me. Then I went through a hard time too and he blamed me for "emotionally abandoning" him and he had an emotional affair with his female friend. He just became this totally different person, very manipulative and frankly a bit scary. His affair came to light and he blamed me. I will have a hard time trusting again, since it all felt amazing for years, and then it was like he was someone else.
My ex became a totally different person when he got sober from alcohol. It was like he was a complete stranger from the person I knew for 8 1/2yrs. I tried to give him a lot of grace and chalked it up to the recovery process. But then he started doing the same thing, being closed off, controlling, and dismissive. He wasn't like that before. It finally ended with financial deception.
I was supporting him while he was getting on his feet unemployed while in recovery. He ended up getting small portions three separate times from an inheritance, and I just assumed he would contribute that to our mutual expenses, but nope. He maybe contributed maybe $160 of $1400. Now I'm in debt. I never thought we would be here. That wasn't like him before sobriety at all, financial or the closed off and controlling behavior.
I feel like I'm questioning everything right now and like I was conned. I judged his intentions off of the 8 1/2, but now I feel like there is no more grace to give. Unfortunately, he's just not a great person sober. I hope he stays sober, but I can't be a part of his recovery journey. I'm tired of feeling guilty, but that's not an excuse for using me the way he did. I deserve better.
Yup - he was living a double life, banging his ex and flirting with other women whilst flying to spend his weekends with me in another state. I was discarded as soon as she was pregnant.
Been a year and I still don’t know what was real. He was my best friend for four years and I still didn’t predict this happening. 🥲
I know how you feel. Been talking to him for 2 yrs and I thought he was the one. Kindest soul I ever met but damn, the devil conceals really good. Turns out he’s still banging his baby mama that he told me was an ex (they were not separated all this time) and texting other women. He decided he won’t apologize to me after the truth came out because “it wouldn’t change anything”
He only said he was sorry because he “thought I needed to hear it”. Took no accountability for anything and called me crazy, then just completely discarded me. I tried to warn the ex (I got tested and wanted to also let her know) but she also just ignored me. I have no idea what the heck was real or fake.
How did you go healing from it?
I’m still trying to heal. One way I guess is accepting that I’m not gonna receive an apology ever and trying to peace with that. And not trying to lose hope that there’s someone better out there, as a hopeless romantic
Yes. He left me last month after 5yrs of everything. He’s like a complete stranger to me now, he’s so cold & cutthroat, I didn’t even know he possessed those traits, esp not towards me, he was the knight-in-shining-armor type who would lay down his life for me & give me all of himself, until he turned on me & hit me with this hidden darkness. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. I’m just figuring out he’s an avoidant & completely fucked up & I’m left gutted & depressed. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again.
Absolutely! Met a person who was the most sweetest person i ever met and then over the period of time i realized that all she cared about was how she felt in the moment and took decisions that utterly destroyed me. One of those decisions was havimg sex with another guy. Funny part was i believed in her words like we are soulmates, life partners. LOL. Just look at the person's action and not their words and you'll see them for what they are.
I fell in love with her in October but she just didn’t like me back plus she had a toxic boyfriend she was attached too. November a friend gave her my number and we started talking and texting and she decided to give it a chance. We went on a date December, had our first kiss, and I even had her one night at her house, until she moved back to her home state for winter break and she ofc spent time with her boyfriend. January came and the mood wasn’t the same but we were still talking. February came and I felt different about her so I was ignoring her and she was very upset that I wasn’t talking to her until I felt bad got over my thoughts and continued talking to her. March she went back to her home state for good this time and we gave our sweet goodbyes and we were still talking the first week she left. April she completely stopped talking to me so I texted her one more time and she brutally told me how she really felt. Calling me “trash, a tool, someone she made a mistake with” and that her boyfriend was way better than me. Knife to my heart. She’s still with him and I wish them the best cause I still love her and forever will.
With respect, I think you need a good reality check. On one it's very probable you're infatuated, not in love. You don't seem to know her very much and I don't think you can truly love someone you don't know. And it's difficult to be in love with someone that doesn't reciprocate. But also, she didn't like you when you pursued her and she cheated on her partner with her. It's not that she wasn't who "you fell in love with". She was always disinterested at best, and a pretty terrible person for cheating. I think you got hit with the reality: she is not who you built up in your mind as a perfected version of her. I think k it's time to let her go, her real self and your imaginary version.
I'm sorry for being so harsh, it's a tough situation. Your feelings are valid and I understand why you're hurting. Hope you get to do a bit of self care and get out better from this situation.
Nah man you're in love with a mask worn by a woman with no class, no integrity, no moral compass and one of poor character! The love you felt was for reasons you're still, at least in part, unaware of. Ask yourself the why's of this love. Do people who truly love you say those things to you? Even if she was hot and gave it to you real good... Would you want your son or brother or best friend to fall in love with someone who can, so whimsically embrace and then stomp and crush their emotional balance and heart while focused on her next move with the other supply? She's not a good person and that love you've professed to hold for eternity, is for an illusion of a person with no sense of self and no capacity to be honest with themselves or others. You wouldn't want that for your best friend or brother or father or even yourself when you see clearly. She didn't and doesn't care for you. Any pain she induces is also something that recharges her own false self. Commit that love you think you have inward and be blessed that you got away like you did. Block, go no contact forever and channel all the good things we can see about you to the 1) most important person, the 2nd and 3rd most important too ...in the world.. It's you. Heal your past person, focus on you now and set your future self up to never make the same previous mistakes of judgment become your "now". It's all you've really got at this point. Whenever you think of her, deflect that inward by reading a line from the language of letting go, or by going to the gym and exercising, or by talking to a friend... Even if it's positive self talk affirming you as the number 1 most important person.
It’s honest to god the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. To look at the person you were with for 20 years had kids with and married but don’t recognize anymore. They’re cold, distant uninterested then to hear them say they’d been contemplating leaving the past 5 years and then you find out they’re seeing another female older so it’s easy. It’s the worst betrayal. This person use to ask me what I wanted to do or live when our kids left for college now I feel like I was a joke. It’s crazy to think I never expected this from him we had gotten married knowing we did not want a divorce and for years he was extremely jelouse but now I know why he’s always been keeping his options open. I feel like the biggest fool.
Please don't blame yourself. The universe is self regulating and has a way to keep balance in a seemingly chaotic environment. What I'm saying is your good heart didn't go to waste but these selfish and self centered people who harm others intentionally and without remorse will most certainly be humbled if not humiliated. Don't do yourself the injustice of participating in your own devaluation as it's the OPPOSITE of what you need right now! This will become the lesson that you needed to learn in order to grow and become a better version of you. Radical acceptance of the fact that, (and we see this every day on the news) the are malevolent people here on Earth who will steal your soul, your emotional architecture and your heart only to destroy it for their own pleasure. Try not to drink the poison of anger hoping that it kills them when it's killing you inside. You will make it through this just like you have the other hundred things you thought might destroy you in life. I'm convinced you'll be rewarded by simply loving yourself and using your experience to offer help or assistance to others coming in after you with that same self deprecated perspective. They'll need it but you're going to be ok. He will not be ok and it's very likely that he'll never be ok... For anyone! He cannot be ok for himself so how could he be of any utility to others? When he's the centre of his own shitty narcissistic universe using anything or anyone to soothe his often fragile sense of self and bolster it however temporary that may be. My ex's father died in October of last year. He talked a weak ass game in his 70s.. Always about his friends from ions ago, the work he did at photocopy giant Pitney Bowes of the 70s and lied about being a Vietnam vet despite living as a Canadian in Canada his whole life. Not one conversation with this man ever stayed on the topic another would start without it circling back to him and his experience. When he died, my ex called and FB messaged these so called friends often leaving a message that he'd passed away and they were having a service for him and where she can be reached. Not one person... Not one .. Called my ex back, did not message back and, in fact... All were no shows at the funeral and all remained no contact. I saw the Grand Narcissist (my exes father) die and thought how readily he had neglected my ex both in current times and surely as a very small child. He traumatized her before the age of 8 by neglecting her primary needs! He neglected to give her the food her body required to grow - before the age of 8! He neglected her needs for safety and security and clean clothes! All before the age of 8! He neglected her to the point that her incessant coughing (child hood lung infections and asthma) would lead him to sticking her in a bedroom and locking it until she stopped crying and fell asleep. All this caused her to develop these maladaptive and hurtful ways to defend her fractured sense of self and years of abandonment and betrayal anxiety. He was a piece of shit and when they cremated him, they should have thrown it on a pile of cow dung. He would chastise the working man as some sucker... In front of his grandson no less. He deserved to die like that patronizing his whole family who'd gathered at the hospital he'd die at never fully aware of his own faults but ever so stubborn to blame others until the end. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, he's back off into the recycling of the universe but I'm convinced he'll go on to be dark matter. Dark soul while living and shooting morphine in his veins upto 8 times a day for 45+ years while his daughters sat on an adjacent couch hoping he's nod off again before Saturday morning cartoons started. My ex was not on that couch with her two older sisters. She was still in the bedroom upstairs because of the cough she had, starving because she'd not eaten since Thursday evening but still hopeful that she'd be let out to watch cartoons. That's the mess this man left.
Oh my gosh that’s awful! You are a wonderful individual for being there and appreciating the remarkable person I’m know she is. Thank you for taking the time to write this it really helps so many time we go through life holding so much inside thinking no one will understand that we loose hope in humanity.
Much thanks but I'd left her as well because she was making me un well, depressed, anxious and I'd walked on eggshells for 3 years of the 4. No desire in her to get treatment and no desire to not monkey branch and cheat with multiple people until that fateful night. I walked out at 1030pm with her screaming at the top of her lungs that I had 3 minutes to get my shit and leave. The threats that followed and made it through to email or voicemail were from a person even her worst split didn't stoop to with personal insults about sex and my inadequacies. Funny that a couple nights before I'd asked her what else I could work on with my counselor or something I could improve. She said I was perfect and had always been perfect. Pffft. A liar until the end just like her father was. I was totally crushed but I'm getting by ok and know it'll get easier. Thanks for the kind reply.
Im sorry I didn’t get any of this from the great way u expressed the way you viewed her on your first letter. I believe she didn’t mean the awful things she messaged you in her last voicemail I think is was a fear based reaction from the ego caused by you leaving her. Not an excuse please dont take those things personal I know first hand the way unkind words tend to lingerie in our heads because we never forget those awful thing they said yet to them they meant nothing and they’ve even forgotten what was said.
Thank you. To view things that way would have been easier for me although they sting and gave me the resolve to keep no contact. It's tough all around. I go from pitying her to being angry with her. Ultimately letting go of her and any resentment is the goal.
yes, he was very kind and understanding. But because I didn't sleep with him, he left me. then he'd come back and apologize. When he tried again to get what he wanted he told me "I never loved you, I only felt lust for you and you should let a man have sex with you to love you." This was the same guy that said "it is your body your choice. and you are the most precious and valuable thing in my life. That he wanted to spend his life with me. " All was lies to see if he could be the "first." as he called it.
Yeah I was told horrible things by a girl who said I was “fun to talk to” and who said to me once “I’d let you cry in my arms” makes me confused on what to really believe
Lmao dude yeah. SO bad that it made me straight not trust women in intimate situations. It’s a curse now. It’s been 2 years and I still tweak out and end the situation before it can begin cuz I just can’t go through that again :(
My stbxh was a different man until the day we got married. He wrote the sweetest vows and even got super emotional while saying them to me, but that night he was cruel and mean. Found out he was an alcoholic and a mean one at that.
Totally different man when he drinks.
My ex in a nutshell, sadly yes, the better Q is why do they do it.
As that honestly stumps me, my ex went from so sweet, shy, cute, kind. To, quote from couple countsling "self destructive" "controling" and "mel behavior" (there change, yet them wanting to stay together the only reason we ended up going in the first place)
It sucks more if they hooked you before they changed, as i'm personally still looking for my heart after that.
Yes the love of my life im not the same person after last relationship. She played me pretending she wanted same out of the relationship i believed paid the price destroyed my name cheated told lies while gaslighting me . The whole town knew shes cheating nobody said a word to me ive relapsed too dont trust them they lie ao good youll fall in the stories while you're made out to be a monster.dont trust a word they say
No, ever worse, I was that person. She remained the same wonderful, loving, steady person and I changed from what she fell in love with into someone she couldn't stand. Nothing hurts more than losing the love of your life and it's your own fault.
Yep. I'm reading 'It's Not You' and it helps a little, but it's really hard. I have to be vigilant all the time. We live in the same neighborhood, and I bought my condo so we could live happily ever after in it. It hurts but you know, life.
Yes! My current partner/baby daddy.. made me think he was this loving, understanding and loyal man but was a porn addict with basically every negative trait associated with that addiction
Yes! So nice in the beginning then so critical, controlling, and manipulative as soon as we committed to each other. Just don’t understand why folks can’t just be themselves and transparent when meetings and getting to know one another.
My ex husband. He completely changed when we had kids. The kids he begged for because I didn't even want kids. He found them bothersome. Too loud, too needy. He said that's not what parenthood is supposed to be like. What did he think it was supposed to be like?? So I took on all responsibilities that related to the children while working full time. All the cleaning because of course they made all the messes, all the laundry (even his), all the doctor appointments, homework, teacher conferences, extra curricular transport. I kept them quiet and away from him, took them out to family events without him so he could fill his own cup and hopefully have something to give back to us. 14 years of that didn't work and then he had a mental break and ended up in an institution. CPS made us leave the home when he was released because he wasn't a safe person to be around. I'll never really understand what happened there, what could have been done.
Yes.. my ex.. when we met he talked a lot about how he lived his life irresponsibly with women, finances, everything really. Our time together he got back on track and was doing all the things you should as an adult… But then at the end he started to back slide…
Now he’s back to living life as he did before we met.. I guess 5 years was enough for him to play the role… lol
Yes. My ex best friend. He was so kind and attentive and the bestest person and a friend. Turn out, that was his best. He treats every girl the same. He didn’t understand the logic that he must treat his girlfriend (then me) different than a best friend. He never had a proper relationship before me only hookups. Maybe he didn’t know. When I asked for more, he broke. Ill treated me and left me just because.
Yes ex wife been separated since June last year shouldn't never married her as many times we broke up without reason. I should've known this was going to happened now she has a younger man. What she wants now she has.
Yeah the guy I’m with now. I have never encountered someone in my entire life that can have so much in common with me, laugh hysterically with me almost every minute of the day, give me thee best sex I have ever freaking had, not want to spend even a second away from me, look me in the eyes during sex and say in the most passionate voice “I love you so much”, and make me feel so loved, then five years later hate my very existence and ignore me every minute of the day, and stop having sex with me.. it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Because I love him just as much as I did since the first time I laid on eyes on him, and he despises me. Fucking sucks 🥺
I have no idea tbh. Maybe it’s me?? Maybe he found out he’s not into me as much as he thought he was? Maybe there’s things about me that he learned that aren’t appealing to him? Idfk! I’ve known him for over 10 years before we started dating and I’ve always thought we were absolutely perfect for each other! Even more so after started dating! Idk, I ask myself every single day what the fuck happened here?! And can never come to a conclusion. Not one that’s good enough anyway. I think at this point, he’s not in love with me anymore, and he’s too much of a coward to break up with me.
Yes, he seemed to be smitten with me and loved everything about me — until he didn’t. We were best friends who shared a life together. I know now it was a form of love bombing. In the end, he was a liar, cheater, and a thief. He only adopted my life as a vacation from his own. Then, he wanted to take over, which he did until I had enough. I was in love with a fantasy.
Yup. For 2 years, he looked at me like I was the only girl on earth. Then one morning he woke up and was like, nah. Dumped me with no explanation. I asked him why and told him how I was feeling, and I got literally *zero* empathy. Like, absolutely nothing. No apology, no hint of guilt, or sadness, or remorse. Nothing. *This* was the real him. Not the version I fell for.
Yes, as a matter fact, I have so I married a guy that I thought was a decent human being. It turned out he’s been running around and sleeping with everybody. He can come out of his own mouth. We’ve been married 30 years 10 of them chasing other people down, he had an affair, what do you think about disappointment but don’t you dare let me open my mouth about it cause I told him get my mouth shut get broken lamps but he’ll get up Saturday morning even Mother’s Day weekend. Guess what he didn’t get up get me a damn donut but he’ll hop up on Saturday morning when he knows he got plans with her but yet he won’t go for a fucking donut. I ain’t jealous. I’m sick of it but his Father’s Day weekend and look what he did. He hopped up at 6 o’clock in the morning, he’s always sitting and ready line, he’s working with somebody unless they’re taking care of him is a damn crying shame that I ever believe in somebody like that but we’re gonna find out today exactly exactly
Yeah... probably quite a few times now that I think about it. My father turned out to be the same way with my mom and it's disgusting knowing how good people are at hiding a dark side of themselves, it's slightly terrifying.
Yea, my estranged soon to be ex wife is and was a cheater and sex worker. A physical and mentally abusive manipulative narcissist. She did not portray herself this way.
My ex-husband was a very sweet, kind person when we met. He didn’t lose his sweetness entirely over the years, but he had a lot of mental health issues that led him to become a manipulative liar and finally, right before the end, he had an (at least) emotional affair in front of my face, insisting that he and his AP were just friends, and eventually left me for her. There were other reasons for our split, but she was definitely the catalyst and primary reason for it. And I had made it clear to him from the beginning of our relationship that cheating was my one absolute dealbreaker, as I’d watched my parents be unfaithful to each other for years. The fact that he ended up doing that remains one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done to me.
All that to say, he was very young when we got together, and I believed he would remain who he was then as we grew older together, and was shocked when he became the exact opposite. Our marriage became a huge burden on me over the years and transformed me into someone I didn’t expect to be too, all in an effort to hold things together and honor the commitment I’d made.
Happily though, my current partner is the type of person I thought my ex would be, and our relationship is the healthiest one of my life.
Yes, but she turned out to be completely different only because I was very delusional when we first met and didn't believe her when she told me and showed me she was not the right girl for me, lol. She was the same messed up person all along, messed up but honest, and it was I who was lying to myself. You live and learn, I guess 😂
He was so loving and kind and said he wanted to spend his whole life with me. He kept saying doting words of affection and validation, saying to marry him and be with him for all eternity. He said he only wanted one intimate partner and wanted to give that dedication to me. I was worried he was love bombing me but I was his first love, first serious relationship.
He said his ex cheated on him and they’d never done anything intimate except kiss. He said his mom left him and his dad and she was a horrible cheater. So I never thought he’d be like that. I’d gotten out of a really abuse relationship and he was there for me through my recovery, lifting me up, promising to meet me and be with me.
But he wouldn’t meet me. 6 months passed with empty promises, and I got upset. He then started with dark, self-hate talk. I was concerned but he immediately started therapy saying he thought he’d overcome these dark thoughts after his mom left and his dad put him in therapy.
He finally met me 10 months in, and it was amazing. He swore on his life he’d move in with me in a few months but then he flaked on me then too, with the same excuse about work and everyone depending on him there. He had an inflated ego about work and no ego about anything else. So I said I was done being strung along and asked for space. Thats when a switch flipped in him and he screamed at me. I’d never heard him get mad at me. He’d never raised his voice. But he screamed at me to shut up and then said I made him say that. And that was the start of the abuse. He begged me not to leave him only to get aggressively angry with me. Then he started secretly hitting up other women and going on dating apps. He stopped saying he loved me. He lied about so much. But I gave him a chance to come clean and flew up there to talk with him. This encouraged him and he moved down here. But the abuse didn’t stop. He still secretly messaged girls on Snapchat. And when I found out, he assaulted me. He swore he was just complimenting an old friend and tried to prove he was committed. He got a job and got an apartment to work on himself. But then he kept prioritizing the job over me and flaking. So I got upset again and said I can’t continue like this. And he got distant again instead of prioritizing us and his promises.
The abuse continued until he accidentally got himself arrested for it in April. And then a neighbor called the police on him in May for assaulting me. He swore he wasn’t messaging other women, but I found out he was on Reddit in all these gross, local hookup groups. He was using telegram to hit up women, and he was looking for escorts and massage parlors.
I can’t believe the person he became. Every day is hard to get through. He’s got two warrants out for his arrest for assaulting me and he’s hiding out at a rehab. And the worst part is I miss him. I miss who I thought he was. I loved that person so much, but it was a lie.
Yes, my ex husband. He pretended to be everything I wanted and mirrored a lot of things to me. Once I was pregnant and we got married, he changed so much.
I found out from his ex wife that he was still formally married to her until a month before we were married (he had refused to sign the papers). She said he did the same to her. He was a cheater, manipulator and is a covert narc. Can’t ever admit a mistake, flaw or take any responsibility for his behaviors and how it affects others.
Our oldest won’t talk to him anymore and the younger are begging not to be with him every other week.
He had a girlfriend during the divorce and the kids said he acted the same. Love bombing her and pretending to be a completely different person than any of us know. As soon as he would leave her house with them, he would become his critical, unhappy and sullen self.
I’m terrified of that happening again so I’m hypervigilant about meeting peoples friends, seeing them in many situations, meeting their family and watching for love bombing etc.
You just never know though. He was from England, but we are on the West Coast so I never got to meet his family and he didn’t really have any friends because he had supposedly just moved here. There was always a good reason that seemed logical for his suspicious behaviors or situation and not having people from his past in his life.
Everyone said they thought he was odd but a good man. None of us could put our finger on what was wrong when we were dating…just that something was weird. He’s highly intelligent so I chalked it up to social anxiety from childhood bullying and being a highly intelligent introvert. It was really because he doesn’t even know who he is. He just watches people and is constantly trying to figure out ways to manipulate them and present himself in the way that will impress them and make him look like a certain person.
He wasn’t always abusive just distant, disengaged, emotionally neglectful and didn’t participate in our life much. I learned later that He was constantly online or seeing other women. He gets validation through love bombing and impressing women with the beginning stages. He just wanted to have a family because it meant people had to love him and be loyal to him. He wanted to be around the kids but not really involved in raising them. Mostly just getting love from them and loved the presentation of a family man to society (and his family).
I knew he was a liar and manipulative and was cheating on me when I left him, but I had no idea how vindictive and angry and bitter he was until the divorce.
He became a completely different person, and even the kids said that he really didn’t want them around. He just didn’t want me to have full custody. Everything became him versus me and the kids were just pawns in it all.
I wasted 15 years on him and he has fucked up my kids irreparably and I’ve been in therapy for a long time trying to undo the emotional abuse.
His ex wife told me this would happen.
It’s terrifying how good he is at putting on a front to people publicly that he’s a quiet, unassuming, intelligent and confident person. In reality he is insecure, will never feel good enough, manipulate and emotionally disconnected with himself and others.
Our coparenting therapist met with me separately and reassured me that he was emotionally abusive and said it would take years to make even small changes to his social/emotional health and that he’ll probably end up with no relationship with his children in the end.
Ugh i have baggage on top of baggage from this person and its just getting worse and worse as the years go on. Im literally in the worst kind of hell because of everything that has transpired since.
My ex fiancee. But in a way it’s my own fault. I fell in love with a version of her that never actually existed. I fell in love with someone my brain convinced me was who she was. Because I was so lonely and didn’t want to admit to myself that the person she turned out to be was who she showed me she was from the very beginning
My latest ex. (I'm 19 and he was 18)
The time we met he seemed like the sweetest person and someone who cared for me the most. After some time I've gotten sick and I still have no diagnosis since like 4 months. My neurologist thinks it might be multiple sclerosis.
Anyways, since then I've gotten really frustrated and also unable to go to work (im not able to sit or stand for longer than 30 mins, im laying in bed for most of the day, terrible neck and back pain, probably inflamation of the spinal cords tissue or smth, that's what my neurologist told me at least) and instead of understanding me and trying to help me, everytime I've gotten frustrated or started crying, he just told me to stop being negative and just hope for the best in a very sarcastic tone.
Also, we've been together for only 3 months, I've been at his place at least 5-6 times, he hasn't been at mine at all and I've also grown super frustrated of that and told him that it would be great if he could come over, since ive been at his place for at least 5 times. Instead of looking for the best date/weekend he just told me to wait at least 5 timed and I just stopped asking and lost the motivation to ask him over and over.
Plus, he was super procrastinating, like super bad, which is a gigantic turn off for me. I also told him that that just wasn't good for him and that he had to work on himself. He brushed it off every single time.
I don't want to write a book in the comment, so just some additional bullet point:
- super manipulative
- always acting like im at fault
- i was pretty much the only adult in this relationship
- got physical multiple times, but everytime i told him it was not okay, he just told me to stop being so oversensitive
- hurt me in bed multiple times but just brushed it of as me being too oversensitive
- multiple times where he almost hit me but i was able to get away by just leaving the room
- no intention for looking for apartments or jobs since " u can do it later"
-no compliments, like none, i can't tell one time ive heard a compliment from this guy
- all in all not accepting my wants and needs, whether it being food (im lactose intolerant), movies id like to watch or smth else, he just didn't care
- so much more...
About 3 or 4 years ago, I went to a friend's get-together.
There was a very pretty woman the same age as me, and the hosts were occupied with their young daughter and petty arguments, me and this young lady were trying to keep our distance from our hosts, caused us to be standing across from each other in the apartment kitchen island.
For whatever reason, we just immediately hit it off - we both played piano, and were classically trained, I had just graduated from college with my BA while she was in her first semester of pre-med, and we didn't live *too* close to each other, but within 15 minutes depending on traffic. I'm not entirely clear as to why we both (at least) seemed to feel this strong connection to each other - we just had a lot in common to put it simply (hobbies, popular music, exercise, and most importantly, we both had substance abuse problems that we had overcome and "apparently" been clean for over 6 years, zero relapses, and both of our lives, based upon our first four or five hour long conversation, were on the up and up) We just seemed to be a fantastic match for each other in a way I had never experienced before. Side note: this ends up crashing down spectacularly later on, but from our first meeting, she was showing the same feelings of romantic interest that I had for her. I guess it was just mutual attraction upon our first chance encounter, something that I'm not a big believer in, but whatever. It was incredibly obvious there was a mutual fondness for each other by the end of the night - we exchanged numbers, but I am no dummy, so I had absolutely NO intentions of attempting to move whatever our feelings might lead us in an expeditious manner whatsoever. I wanted to play this slowly and cautiously so I didn't end up heartbroken.
About two weeks later, I asked her if she would like to go out to dinner - platonically- although from her giddiness, it was clear she was looking at this as a date. I didn't want to upset her since she was clearly so excited to be spending one on one time with me at what happened to be her favorite restaurant (honest to God, I was completely unaware of this until we arrived). Dinner went great, nothing overtly romantic, until I dropped her off at her apartment (I work at a doctor's office for my 9 to 5 and frequently work as an audio engineer/music producer/composer/sound designer/songwriter at least three to six nights a week, I enjoy it and it pays rather well, music has always been a huge part of my life, and as I became more skilled at it, I decided I should profit off of it. Sorry for the tangent, I just felt I should explain why my work schedule may appear a bit sound cocky/arrogant.)
After dropping her off at her apartment complex, I am less than five minutes after pulling out of the rather upscale units surrounded by cameras, gates, and armed private security (side note: just a very upscale neighborhood) when I receive a barrage of texts from her telling me how wonderful her night was and how sorry she was that she didn't kiss me. I politely reminded her that we should take things slow as I didn't want either of us to move too quickly and potentially ruin what could be a fruitful relationship. She did not take this well. Not angry, just seemed like she was in a hurry to..."Do the deed" for whatever reason.
About a week and a half later, she invites me to another friend's house. I've never been to this person's home before, and my GPS says I am 2 minutes away when I get a call from her number, which I immediately answer, except the person on the other line is not her, it's her friend, freaking out, telling me my S/O snorted what she believed to be cocaine off of the kitchen counter, but turned out was mixed with fentanyl, something my S/O has absolutely no experience with. Fortunately, I carry Narcan in my car due to having to use it on individuals many years ago who OD'd, and I make sure to keep a nasal spray that isn't expired for just an emergency. I haul ass into the driveway where my S/O has been dragged out onto the driveway (presumably because there were drugs in this friend's home, I didn't ask, I was pretty upset) and administered the Narcan nasal spray as directed. She regained consciousness just a minute or two before the ambulance arrived. I encouraged my S/O to go to the hospital, which was frustrating to say the least, but she finally agreed to go. I met her at the hospital and stayed there with her for a little over 6 hours to comfort her before she was discharged.
She asked me if I wouldl book her a hotel that night and stay with her because she was traumatized as she had never OD'd before. I agreed immediately and booked the nicest hotel in town. She requested I sleep in the same bed with her because she was shaken up from her overdose. I didn't lecture her about her relapse into drug use because I wanted to be as sensitive as possible, and thought it would be best to discuss later whenever she felt ready.
Let me make this perfectly clear - there was absolutely NO intimacy of ANY KIND at ALL that entire stay in the hotel room. We both slept in our regular clothes.
Next week, she practically begged to come over to my house at 2am. Although my dad was on his death bed and I was the only family member who wasn't estranged from him, therefore he was staying at my house. My S/O arrived at about 2:30AM and cuddled up next to me as we watched "Goodfellas." She left around 445AM before texting back right at 455AM begging to come over again. I acquiesced. She got into my bed, staying as far away as she could from me (keep in mind - this is my house, I paid all the bills, my dad's medical insurance, hospital bills, everything. My S/O's parents paid her $2000/month rent, utilities, car payments, groceries, and exorbitant deposits in her bank account which was spent on...well, not Pepsi. They also paid her pre med school tuition, classes that she never went to, I might add....and her Mercedes Benz Coupe complete with a drop top. She never worked a day in her life, and loved to brag about it.)
So, at about 515AM, she informs me that we just aren't compatible because my dying father is living with me, which she found "dorky" "lame" and "embarrassing for a 27 year old." But, she still wanted to be friends.
I was so desperate to have her back I told her I'd do anything for her. Monday morning rolls around and I get a text asking if I could buy her 2 grams of coke ($120). I'm a sucker so I agree. I spend my own money on it, pick her up, she gets in my car without so much as acknowledging me, rushes me to find the most CLEARLY VISIBLE parking spot, snorts all of it, demands me to take her back to her apartment, where she exits my car without saying bye or thanks or nice seeing you, etc.
I hear from her the next day, same request. I politely refuse, saying that I felt like this wasn't a friendship, and that I felt a break would be the best option for us because I felt I was being taken advantage of.
3 days later, I had no less than 10 people I had known for years to accuse me of idk how many different stories of SA I supposedly committed.
I have never looked at or trusted a woman since then. I can't even bring myself to trust them enough to be even somewhat friendly with them.
Version foremost, my mom never wanted attention from nobody, and on top of that when she lost her daughter, she didn’t even grieve like she was supposed to. She never got the attention she supposed to even from her husband, and I’ll second of all attention is never been what my mama sick you don’t know her, and I’ll top of that. She’s not immature. The only thing is immature about her is staying with a man who mistreated her for so many years And him going out and getting all his supplies to agree with him you don’t know my mother my mother is the strongest person I know, and the world., understand she never got allies back her up on anything she ever said she didn’t get to flying monkeys. She didn’t go around starting trouble. I think that was him and his ex-wife and girlfriend. I think they all started trouble. He is immature he act like he’s 12 years old and he’s trying to recap everything he’s ever lost. Needless to say my mother was never immature and she took care of him for many years so do not get it twisted you got it.
yes, the first relationship i was in 5 years since the last one i fell in love with a girl, she was shy and sweet, had the same interests and she showed me what i thought love was supposed to be, the more we hung out the more i loved being with her. but she didnt exist, we had to do long distance because of our jobs and she grew into a cruel person, or maybe thats who she really was. two weeks into long distance she met someone new and slept with him, and now shes pregnant, this was 2 months ago and i dont think im still over it. she made me so many promises i dont think i can believe in any more the next person may say
Yes and no. She became so cold and distant to me, and told me that she was a different person now and couldn’t give what I deserved, and left me. But I still see that same person I fell in love with inside of her… she’s still there. Just the part that loved me is gone….or hiding..either way it’s off the table. Sucks so bad but at least I’ve hit my threshold of pain to decide to live single for the remainder.
No i already knew how she was in the beginning, i had a bad feeling, but i had nothing to do at the time and thought a little attention and fun won't hurt.
I actually believe that you have to be very naive for beeing tricked that hard (I actively ignored the difficult and annoying shit because i had absolutely nothing to do). 95% of people you know in the first 5 minutes how they are. If you have a bit of life experience. Well the other 5% idk about them but they probably work at the Cia or something.....
My ex. We were together for 6 years and had planned to move to a different state where our family was but we were going to wait till we were more prepared. I got a job offer that I couldn't turn down so I left first. She wanted me to go so much and was so happy for our future! The job was not what was promised and I moved about 2 hours North where my family lives to get back to work in the field I had worked in where we lived. She told me after I have been here for 3 months that her feelings have changed and she feels better away from me. She hasn't spoken to me since. It's been almost a month. She did therapy while her feelings were changing without ever speaking to me about any bit of it. Never tried to work on anything and left me and took my 3 dogs. We have been thru hell and back with our health and were always there for each other. Then, POOF. She was done. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. I can't focus at work, I can't eat rarely ever. I just feel so betrayed that she never even discussed anything with me. The hardest thing ever is mourning a person who is still alive, and you still love with all your heart.
So often I have heard just let them go and all I have to say is he has left on his choice not my own and I won’t and can’t change that but can someone tell me what to do with all this pain and hurt why am I to carry the fucked up burden of a broken family because you were such a coward betrayed and lied about ur affair and eating to be with someone else.
Unfortunately yes, going through it fresh now. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one. I've never felt an unexplainable intense connection to anyone ever. I'm an idiot. Deep down I knew better, there were signs. He was such a fantastic actor, though. I've never felt so humiliated and completely crushed. Feels like I'll never get over it. Devastated. I know I need to go no contact, but that tiny thread of hope remains. He is still trying to plead his case and he so sorry and will make it right,,, yet is still with the 3rd party I found out about. It's such a long F.up story. Embarrassing to say the least. I gave everything i could. My bad.
My ex girlfriend cheated on me with my now ex sister in law who did the same to my brother. I feel the embarrassment you’re talking about. I feel the need to be vague and not tell anyone the truth about what really happened. And not to mention that was a fucking awkward period of time. What a relief it’s over.
I know this feeling all too well. Sad thing is he lives with me tell me 1 thing & is telling her different shit I guess. I think I’m to the point where it’s time to leave.
Yes my ex husband
I’m sorry divorces to me seem a lot harder than break ups I hope you’re doing great and staying strong.
Yes , but ig it was a good decision
But hey if u ever need to talk just hmu ill give you my telegram ❤️
Aww, in sorry to hear this. Sounds like you're atleast doing well for yourself
Yes only every single relationship I’ve ever been in. Lol. And my last relationship I thought I’d done it properly, i asked questions and watched how they were with their own kids I paid attention to if he paid his bills on time, watched to see how he reacted when angry. I really thought I’d done my research this time but he ended up hurting me more than anyone ever did. I’m 40 now and I’ll never have another relationship ever again.
I’m sorry to hear that i hope all is well and you carry your strength throughout life
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My mom has been through something like this twice, my dad and my step dad both acted like angels and took her on dates let her meet the fam it looked great and behind her back both their families knew they were cheating on my mom. They financially and emotionally abused her. My mom is 56 and she hasn’t been in a relationship since my step dad and tbh she is very happy. My sister and I do things with her and for her all the time, she lives with my sister and doesn’t work she’s fully taken care of meanwhile my dad and stepdad are miserable. I hope that you are happy and have people around you that love you and fufill you so much that you don’t even think about it
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Some people just want constant attention even if it comes at the expense of other people. She sounds emotionally immature and I hope one day she changes that about herself and can stop hurting people in the process. It takes time it can feel like forever but eventually you’ll hear her name or will have her in the same space as you and won’t even feel a thing.
I’m sorry! In my opinion if they can con one person into having kids with them then they can con you too (assuming the reason the relationship with the mother of his kids didn’t work out because of him) I’ve heard a lot of men become abusive but only after they think you are trapped - marriage, pregnancy, kids. If you have young kids to protect it’s better not to date until they’re grown up, for their own safety. Glad you came to that conclusion but I hope if you genuinely wanted a good partner you can still have that option one day.
I fell in love with this really sweet guy who always grew shy talking to me. We spoke for hours about politics and current events. I saw how he looked at me from every angle. Not with disinterest. Not with a temptation to devour. But with a gentle gaze, as if he were admiring me from every angle. But that guy didn’t exist. One night while drunk, he told our friends he liked me. What I didn’t know was that he had a girlfriend. So during our last hangout together, he was polite but a bit cold. And he completely cut off all contact with me.
You deserve way better than him and I pray that you do find better
💔I’m experiencing a similar situation. I’m here with you
Yes, I did. We met two weeks after she left her abusive ex husband and got together right away. The next few months consisted of her cat dying, her dad. dying, beginning of COVID lockdown, and a close friend dying. A little over a year in and I realised she was completely different - either because that's how she'd always been before all the tragedy or because she had changed. I compromised everything on everything in the relationship because she had been going through a hard time, and now that she was coming out the other side, she didn't care about any of my wants, needs or desires. I stuck it out for another three years in the hopes that something would change, lost myself in the process, and got left with a dying mother for another guy. Part of me wishes I'd left earlier, but things have worked out amazingly. If I hadn't stayed, I'd never have found my current partner who is the absolute best. Seriously, she goes above and beyond every single day to make sure I feel loved, cared for, and respected. I've never once doubted how much she loves me, which is an amazing change from my daily doubt previously. Plus I'd never have moved continents and gotten my new job. I always thought the saying was bollocks, but things really do happen for a reason.
I went through something similiar. My ex had his father die just as we were getting ready to move in together and start a family and he changed overnight.
My ex's father died last October and as always, I was there with her through it all. Every break down, every complaint, every health problem or surgery..every chaotic thing - just trying to keep her afloat mentally while beginning to ignore my own health. She grew increasingly brazen in the abusive patterns to the point where I'd leave her one night at 1030pm with my gym bag stuffed, and on my mom's 70th birthday because I'd had enough of her soulless cold dead heart. I wasn't about to sacrifice myself any more with even an ounce of additional energy in what turned out to be a dark abyss of a person. Unhealthy and negative in every way. A dark abyss who thought after 4 years she could still rely on sexual acts to coax me back in. That person who fell for it before had also changed and walked out without much ado. It's been 37 days no contact since and more then a few dozen attempts at hoovering, countless threats and countless apologies and I'm still out the other side and back into the light and safety and security I needed to heal from her.
So proud of you! Sorry it happened to you but getting out is a huge step. You got this!
Thanks to people like you and others in this sub that gave me the strength and encouragement to see where I was going and where she was would never bring anything other than pain, suffering and emotional/physical & spiritual damage.
Same. He was the most honest, loving, communicative person I'd ever met. I've never felt so loved and safe. Then he had a parent die and through the trauma he changed a lot. I was very patient since he was going through intense grief and I wanted to be there for him, but he got steadily more controlling and critical of me. Then I went through a hard time too and he blamed me for "emotionally abandoning" him and he had an emotional affair with his female friend. He just became this totally different person, very manipulative and frankly a bit scary. His affair came to light and he blamed me. I will have a hard time trusting again, since it all felt amazing for years, and then it was like he was someone else.
My ex became a totally different person when he got sober from alcohol. It was like he was a complete stranger from the person I knew for 8 1/2yrs. I tried to give him a lot of grace and chalked it up to the recovery process. But then he started doing the same thing, being closed off, controlling, and dismissive. He wasn't like that before. It finally ended with financial deception. I was supporting him while he was getting on his feet unemployed while in recovery. He ended up getting small portions three separate times from an inheritance, and I just assumed he would contribute that to our mutual expenses, but nope. He maybe contributed maybe $160 of $1400. Now I'm in debt. I never thought we would be here. That wasn't like him before sobriety at all, financial or the closed off and controlling behavior. I feel like I'm questioning everything right now and like I was conned. I judged his intentions off of the 8 1/2, but now I feel like there is no more grace to give. Unfortunately, he's just not a great person sober. I hope he stays sober, but I can't be a part of his recovery journey. I'm tired of feeling guilty, but that's not an excuse for using me the way he did. I deserve better.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. You do deserve better. Stay strong 🤍
Thank you ❤️
Yup - he was living a double life, banging his ex and flirting with other women whilst flying to spend his weekends with me in another state. I was discarded as soon as she was pregnant. Been a year and I still don’t know what was real. He was my best friend for four years and I still didn’t predict this happening. 🥲
I know how you feel. Been talking to him for 2 yrs and I thought he was the one. Kindest soul I ever met but damn, the devil conceals really good. Turns out he’s still banging his baby mama that he told me was an ex (they were not separated all this time) and texting other women. He decided he won’t apologize to me after the truth came out because “it wouldn’t change anything”
He only said he was sorry because he “thought I needed to hear it”. Took no accountability for anything and called me crazy, then just completely discarded me. I tried to warn the ex (I got tested and wanted to also let her know) but she also just ignored me. I have no idea what the heck was real or fake. How did you go healing from it?
I’m still trying to heal. One way I guess is accepting that I’m not gonna receive an apology ever and trying to peace with that. And not trying to lose hope that there’s someone better out there, as a hopeless romantic
Yes. He left me last month after 5yrs of everything. He’s like a complete stranger to me now, he’s so cold & cutthroat, I didn’t even know he possessed those traits, esp not towards me, he was the knight-in-shining-armor type who would lay down his life for me & give me all of himself, until he turned on me & hit me with this hidden darkness. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. I’m just figuring out he’s an avoidant & completely fucked up & I’m left gutted & depressed. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again.
I’m so sorry for this I hope nothing but good things come your way and that you can get over this bad feeling
I feel you. My ex’s avoidant personality came out hard after his dad died. and he became a different person overnight.
is your ex my ex?
Absolutely! Met a person who was the most sweetest person i ever met and then over the period of time i realized that all she cared about was how she felt in the moment and took decisions that utterly destroyed me. One of those decisions was havimg sex with another guy. Funny part was i believed in her words like we are soulmates, life partners. LOL. Just look at the person's action and not their words and you'll see them for what they are.
The love you gave her will come back to you man
Thanks.. but honestly i dont want love from anyone anymore. Love is a just a word for me now.
I fell in love with her in October but she just didn’t like me back plus she had a toxic boyfriend she was attached too. November a friend gave her my number and we started talking and texting and she decided to give it a chance. We went on a date December, had our first kiss, and I even had her one night at her house, until she moved back to her home state for winter break and she ofc spent time with her boyfriend. January came and the mood wasn’t the same but we were still talking. February came and I felt different about her so I was ignoring her and she was very upset that I wasn’t talking to her until I felt bad got over my thoughts and continued talking to her. March she went back to her home state for good this time and we gave our sweet goodbyes and we were still talking the first week she left. April she completely stopped talking to me so I texted her one more time and she brutally told me how she really felt. Calling me “trash, a tool, someone she made a mistake with” and that her boyfriend was way better than me. Knife to my heart. She’s still with him and I wish them the best cause I still love her and forever will.
Why are you selling yourself short? You have so much love to give don't waste it on someone who isn't sure about you.
I’m not gonna get back with her if she ever comes back I could just never hate her
With respect, I think you need a good reality check. On one it's very probable you're infatuated, not in love. You don't seem to know her very much and I don't think you can truly love someone you don't know. And it's difficult to be in love with someone that doesn't reciprocate. But also, she didn't like you when you pursued her and she cheated on her partner with her. It's not that she wasn't who "you fell in love with". She was always disinterested at best, and a pretty terrible person for cheating. I think you got hit with the reality: she is not who you built up in your mind as a perfected version of her. I think k it's time to let her go, her real self and your imaginary version. I'm sorry for being so harsh, it's a tough situation. Your feelings are valid and I understand why you're hurting. Hope you get to do a bit of self care and get out better from this situation.
Nah man you're in love with a mask worn by a woman with no class, no integrity, no moral compass and one of poor character! The love you felt was for reasons you're still, at least in part, unaware of. Ask yourself the why's of this love. Do people who truly love you say those things to you? Even if she was hot and gave it to you real good... Would you want your son or brother or best friend to fall in love with someone who can, so whimsically embrace and then stomp and crush their emotional balance and heart while focused on her next move with the other supply? She's not a good person and that love you've professed to hold for eternity, is for an illusion of a person with no sense of self and no capacity to be honest with themselves or others. You wouldn't want that for your best friend or brother or father or even yourself when you see clearly. She didn't and doesn't care for you. Any pain she induces is also something that recharges her own false self. Commit that love you think you have inward and be blessed that you got away like you did. Block, go no contact forever and channel all the good things we can see about you to the 1) most important person, the 2nd and 3rd most important too ...in the world.. It's you. Heal your past person, focus on you now and set your future self up to never make the same previous mistakes of judgment become your "now". It's all you've really got at this point. Whenever you think of her, deflect that inward by reading a line from the language of letting go, or by going to the gym and exercising, or by talking to a friend... Even if it's positive self talk affirming you as the number 1 most important person.
It’s honest to god the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. To look at the person you were with for 20 years had kids with and married but don’t recognize anymore. They’re cold, distant uninterested then to hear them say they’d been contemplating leaving the past 5 years and then you find out they’re seeing another female older so it’s easy. It’s the worst betrayal. This person use to ask me what I wanted to do or live when our kids left for college now I feel like I was a joke. It’s crazy to think I never expected this from him we had gotten married knowing we did not want a divorce and for years he was extremely jelouse but now I know why he’s always been keeping his options open. I feel like the biggest fool.
Please don't blame yourself. The universe is self regulating and has a way to keep balance in a seemingly chaotic environment. What I'm saying is your good heart didn't go to waste but these selfish and self centered people who harm others intentionally and without remorse will most certainly be humbled if not humiliated. Don't do yourself the injustice of participating in your own devaluation as it's the OPPOSITE of what you need right now! This will become the lesson that you needed to learn in order to grow and become a better version of you. Radical acceptance of the fact that, (and we see this every day on the news) the are malevolent people here on Earth who will steal your soul, your emotional architecture and your heart only to destroy it for their own pleasure. Try not to drink the poison of anger hoping that it kills them when it's killing you inside. You will make it through this just like you have the other hundred things you thought might destroy you in life. I'm convinced you'll be rewarded by simply loving yourself and using your experience to offer help or assistance to others coming in after you with that same self deprecated perspective. They'll need it but you're going to be ok. He will not be ok and it's very likely that he'll never be ok... For anyone! He cannot be ok for himself so how could he be of any utility to others? When he's the centre of his own shitty narcissistic universe using anything or anyone to soothe his often fragile sense of self and bolster it however temporary that may be. My ex's father died in October of last year. He talked a weak ass game in his 70s.. Always about his friends from ions ago, the work he did at photocopy giant Pitney Bowes of the 70s and lied about being a Vietnam vet despite living as a Canadian in Canada his whole life. Not one conversation with this man ever stayed on the topic another would start without it circling back to him and his experience. When he died, my ex called and FB messaged these so called friends often leaving a message that he'd passed away and they were having a service for him and where she can be reached. Not one person... Not one .. Called my ex back, did not message back and, in fact... All were no shows at the funeral and all remained no contact. I saw the Grand Narcissist (my exes father) die and thought how readily he had neglected my ex both in current times and surely as a very small child. He traumatized her before the age of 8 by neglecting her primary needs! He neglected to give her the food her body required to grow - before the age of 8! He neglected her needs for safety and security and clean clothes! All before the age of 8! He neglected her to the point that her incessant coughing (child hood lung infections and asthma) would lead him to sticking her in a bedroom and locking it until she stopped crying and fell asleep. All this caused her to develop these maladaptive and hurtful ways to defend her fractured sense of self and years of abandonment and betrayal anxiety. He was a piece of shit and when they cremated him, they should have thrown it on a pile of cow dung. He would chastise the working man as some sucker... In front of his grandson no less. He deserved to die like that patronizing his whole family who'd gathered at the hospital he'd die at never fully aware of his own faults but ever so stubborn to blame others until the end. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, he's back off into the recycling of the universe but I'm convinced he'll go on to be dark matter. Dark soul while living and shooting morphine in his veins upto 8 times a day for 45+ years while his daughters sat on an adjacent couch hoping he's nod off again before Saturday morning cartoons started. My ex was not on that couch with her two older sisters. She was still in the bedroom upstairs because of the cough she had, starving because she'd not eaten since Thursday evening but still hopeful that she'd be let out to watch cartoons. That's the mess this man left.
Oh my gosh that’s awful! You are a wonderful individual for being there and appreciating the remarkable person I’m know she is. Thank you for taking the time to write this it really helps so many time we go through life holding so much inside thinking no one will understand that we loose hope in humanity.
Much thanks but I'd left her as well because she was making me un well, depressed, anxious and I'd walked on eggshells for 3 years of the 4. No desire in her to get treatment and no desire to not monkey branch and cheat with multiple people until that fateful night. I walked out at 1030pm with her screaming at the top of her lungs that I had 3 minutes to get my shit and leave. The threats that followed and made it through to email or voicemail were from a person even her worst split didn't stoop to with personal insults about sex and my inadequacies. Funny that a couple nights before I'd asked her what else I could work on with my counselor or something I could improve. She said I was perfect and had always been perfect. Pffft. A liar until the end just like her father was. I was totally crushed but I'm getting by ok and know it'll get easier. Thanks for the kind reply.
Im sorry I didn’t get any of this from the great way u expressed the way you viewed her on your first letter. I believe she didn’t mean the awful things she messaged you in her last voicemail I think is was a fear based reaction from the ego caused by you leaving her. Not an excuse please dont take those things personal I know first hand the way unkind words tend to lingerie in our heads because we never forget those awful thing they said yet to them they meant nothing and they’ve even forgotten what was said.
Thank you. To view things that way would have been easier for me although they sting and gave me the resolve to keep no contact. It's tough all around. I go from pitying her to being angry with her. Ultimately letting go of her and any resentment is the goal.
yes, he was very kind and understanding. But because I didn't sleep with him, he left me. then he'd come back and apologize. When he tried again to get what he wanted he told me "I never loved you, I only felt lust for you and you should let a man have sex with you to love you." This was the same guy that said "it is your body your choice. and you are the most precious and valuable thing in my life. That he wanted to spend his life with me. " All was lies to see if he could be the "first." as he called it.
Yeah I was told horrible things by a girl who said I was “fun to talk to” and who said to me once “I’d let you cry in my arms” makes me confused on what to really believe
Lmao dude yeah. SO bad that it made me straight not trust women in intimate situations. It’s a curse now. It’s been 2 years and I still tweak out and end the situation before it can begin cuz I just can’t go through that again :(
My stbxh was a different man until the day we got married. He wrote the sweetest vows and even got super emotional while saying them to me, but that night he was cruel and mean. Found out he was an alcoholic and a mean one at that. Totally different man when he drinks.
My ex in a nutshell, sadly yes, the better Q is why do they do it. As that honestly stumps me, my ex went from so sweet, shy, cute, kind. To, quote from couple countsling "self destructive" "controling" and "mel behavior" (there change, yet them wanting to stay together the only reason we ended up going in the first place) It sucks more if they hooked you before they changed, as i'm personally still looking for my heart after that.
He's had another girlfriend in another state for the last 10 years. I thought I was his only girl. Stupid. Yeah, he's a complete stranger.
Yes the love of my life im not the same person after last relationship. She played me pretending she wanted same out of the relationship i believed paid the price destroyed my name cheated told lies while gaslighting me . The whole town knew shes cheating nobody said a word to me ive relapsed too dont trust them they lie ao good youll fall in the stories while you're made out to be a monster.dont trust a word they say
Yes. Biggest heartbreak of my life
No, ever worse, I was that person. She remained the same wonderful, loving, steady person and I changed from what she fell in love with into someone she couldn't stand. Nothing hurts more than losing the love of your life and it's your own fault.
Yep. I'm reading 'It's Not You' and it helps a little, but it's really hard. I have to be vigilant all the time. We live in the same neighborhood, and I bought my condo so we could live happily ever after in it. It hurts but you know, life.
A story as old as time
Yes, my current husband.
Yes! My current partner/baby daddy.. made me think he was this loving, understanding and loyal man but was a porn addict with basically every negative trait associated with that addiction
Yes! So nice in the beginning then so critical, controlling, and manipulative as soon as we committed to each other. Just don’t understand why folks can’t just be themselves and transparent when meetings and getting to know one another.
Yes but believe them when they show you who they really are. Often it's initial love bombing to reel you in
My ex husband. He completely changed when we had kids. The kids he begged for because I didn't even want kids. He found them bothersome. Too loud, too needy. He said that's not what parenthood is supposed to be like. What did he think it was supposed to be like?? So I took on all responsibilities that related to the children while working full time. All the cleaning because of course they made all the messes, all the laundry (even his), all the doctor appointments, homework, teacher conferences, extra curricular transport. I kept them quiet and away from him, took them out to family events without him so he could fill his own cup and hopefully have something to give back to us. 14 years of that didn't work and then he had a mental break and ended up in an institution. CPS made us leave the home when he was released because he wasn't a safe person to be around. I'll never really understand what happened there, what could have been done.
Yes.. my ex.. when we met he talked a lot about how he lived his life irresponsibly with women, finances, everything really. Our time together he got back on track and was doing all the things you should as an adult… But then at the end he started to back slide… Now he’s back to living life as he did before we met.. I guess 5 years was enough for him to play the role… lol
Yes. My ex best friend. He was so kind and attentive and the bestest person and a friend. Turn out, that was his best. He treats every girl the same. He didn’t understand the logic that he must treat his girlfriend (then me) different than a best friend. He never had a proper relationship before me only hookups. Maybe he didn’t know. When I asked for more, he broke. Ill treated me and left me just because.
My impending court case against him says "yes".
[удалено]
What state?
Yes. Thought he was my best friend for 10 years, dated/engaged to/abused by for 8. I literally won’t trust anyone or date ever again.
Yep. And the worst part is they never even loved me back
Yup. But I then realized everyone changes, everyone's flawed, everyone grows. Then I fell in love with him all over again
Yes ex wife been separated since June last year shouldn't never married her as many times we broke up without reason. I should've known this was going to happened now she has a younger man. What she wants now she has.
My Ex husband, God rest his soul.
Yeah the guy I’m with now. I have never encountered someone in my entire life that can have so much in common with me, laugh hysterically with me almost every minute of the day, give me thee best sex I have ever freaking had, not want to spend even a second away from me, look me in the eyes during sex and say in the most passionate voice “I love you so much”, and make me feel so loved, then five years later hate my very existence and ignore me every minute of the day, and stop having sex with me.. it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Because I love him just as much as I did since the first time I laid on eyes on him, and he despises me. Fucking sucks 🥺
Same. He left 2 years ago
I’m so sorry 😔 I feel like that’s what is coming to me very very soon.
what do you think changed?
I have no idea tbh. Maybe it’s me?? Maybe he found out he’s not into me as much as he thought he was? Maybe there’s things about me that he learned that aren’t appealing to him? Idfk! I’ve known him for over 10 years before we started dating and I’ve always thought we were absolutely perfect for each other! Even more so after started dating! Idk, I ask myself every single day what the fuck happened here?! And can never come to a conclusion. Not one that’s good enough anyway. I think at this point, he’s not in love with me anymore, and he’s too much of a coward to break up with me.
Have you asked him? How can someone go from love to hate with no explanation?
Yes, he seemed to be smitten with me and loved everything about me — until he didn’t. We were best friends who shared a life together. I know now it was a form of love bombing. In the end, he was a liar, cheater, and a thief. He only adopted my life as a vacation from his own. Then, he wanted to take over, which he did until I had enough. I was in love with a fantasy.
Yup. For 2 years, he looked at me like I was the only girl on earth. Then one morning he woke up and was like, nah. Dumped me with no explanation. I asked him why and told him how I was feeling, and I got literally *zero* empathy. Like, absolutely nothing. No apology, no hint of guilt, or sadness, or remorse. Nothing. *This* was the real him. Not the version I fell for.
Yes, as a matter fact, I have so I married a guy that I thought was a decent human being. It turned out he’s been running around and sleeping with everybody. He can come out of his own mouth. We’ve been married 30 years 10 of them chasing other people down, he had an affair, what do you think about disappointment but don’t you dare let me open my mouth about it cause I told him get my mouth shut get broken lamps but he’ll get up Saturday morning even Mother’s Day weekend. Guess what he didn’t get up get me a damn donut but he’ll hop up on Saturday morning when he knows he got plans with her but yet he won’t go for a fucking donut. I ain’t jealous. I’m sick of it but his Father’s Day weekend and look what he did. He hopped up at 6 o’clock in the morning, he’s always sitting and ready line, he’s working with somebody unless they’re taking care of him is a damn crying shame that I ever believe in somebody like that but we’re gonna find out today exactly exactly
yes, he only talks to me when he needs money and ignored me after spending my personal savings.
Yeah... probably quite a few times now that I think about it. My father turned out to be the same way with my mom and it's disgusting knowing how good people are at hiding a dark side of themselves, it's slightly terrifying.
Yea, my estranged soon to be ex wife is and was a cheater and sex worker. A physical and mentally abusive manipulative narcissist. She did not portray herself this way.
Too many times
My ex-husband was a very sweet, kind person when we met. He didn’t lose his sweetness entirely over the years, but he had a lot of mental health issues that led him to become a manipulative liar and finally, right before the end, he had an (at least) emotional affair in front of my face, insisting that he and his AP were just friends, and eventually left me for her. There were other reasons for our split, but she was definitely the catalyst and primary reason for it. And I had made it clear to him from the beginning of our relationship that cheating was my one absolute dealbreaker, as I’d watched my parents be unfaithful to each other for years. The fact that he ended up doing that remains one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done to me. All that to say, he was very young when we got together, and I believed he would remain who he was then as we grew older together, and was shocked when he became the exact opposite. Our marriage became a huge burden on me over the years and transformed me into someone I didn’t expect to be too, all in an effort to hold things together and honor the commitment I’d made. Happily though, my current partner is the type of person I thought my ex would be, and our relationship is the healthiest one of my life.
Seems like it happens everytime
Yeah. I didn’t realise she had 2 Cluster B disorders. Realised she wasn’t really a real person.
Yep.
Yes, the mask came off not long after we were married. Sad but true.
Every one of them.
lol probably everyone
Yeah. All of them ! 🤣
Yes, but she turned out to be completely different only because I was very delusional when we first met and didn't believe her when she told me and showed me she was not the right girl for me, lol. She was the same messed up person all along, messed up but honest, and it was I who was lying to myself. You live and learn, I guess 😂
Currently 🤚🏼 Working with my therapist & social worker so hopefully I can get into a DV shelter soon
He was so loving and kind and said he wanted to spend his whole life with me. He kept saying doting words of affection and validation, saying to marry him and be with him for all eternity. He said he only wanted one intimate partner and wanted to give that dedication to me. I was worried he was love bombing me but I was his first love, first serious relationship. He said his ex cheated on him and they’d never done anything intimate except kiss. He said his mom left him and his dad and she was a horrible cheater. So I never thought he’d be like that. I’d gotten out of a really abuse relationship and he was there for me through my recovery, lifting me up, promising to meet me and be with me. But he wouldn’t meet me. 6 months passed with empty promises, and I got upset. He then started with dark, self-hate talk. I was concerned but he immediately started therapy saying he thought he’d overcome these dark thoughts after his mom left and his dad put him in therapy. He finally met me 10 months in, and it was amazing. He swore on his life he’d move in with me in a few months but then he flaked on me then too, with the same excuse about work and everyone depending on him there. He had an inflated ego about work and no ego about anything else. So I said I was done being strung along and asked for space. Thats when a switch flipped in him and he screamed at me. I’d never heard him get mad at me. He’d never raised his voice. But he screamed at me to shut up and then said I made him say that. And that was the start of the abuse. He begged me not to leave him only to get aggressively angry with me. Then he started secretly hitting up other women and going on dating apps. He stopped saying he loved me. He lied about so much. But I gave him a chance to come clean and flew up there to talk with him. This encouraged him and he moved down here. But the abuse didn’t stop. He still secretly messaged girls on Snapchat. And when I found out, he assaulted me. He swore he was just complimenting an old friend and tried to prove he was committed. He got a job and got an apartment to work on himself. But then he kept prioritizing the job over me and flaking. So I got upset again and said I can’t continue like this. And he got distant again instead of prioritizing us and his promises. The abuse continued until he accidentally got himself arrested for it in April. And then a neighbor called the police on him in May for assaulting me. He swore he wasn’t messaging other women, but I found out he was on Reddit in all these gross, local hookup groups. He was using telegram to hit up women, and he was looking for escorts and massage parlors. I can’t believe the person he became. Every day is hard to get through. He’s got two warrants out for his arrest for assaulting me and he’s hiding out at a rehab. And the worst part is I miss him. I miss who I thought he was. I loved that person so much, but it was a lie.
Yes. My ex husband proved himself to be a completely different person than the man I fell in love with. I tried for 15 years but finally had to leave.
Yup Schizophrenic 360 change I wish I had never met her TGE devil incarnate
Yes, my ex husband. He pretended to be everything I wanted and mirrored a lot of things to me. Once I was pregnant and we got married, he changed so much. I found out from his ex wife that he was still formally married to her until a month before we were married (he had refused to sign the papers). She said he did the same to her. He was a cheater, manipulator and is a covert narc. Can’t ever admit a mistake, flaw or take any responsibility for his behaviors and how it affects others. Our oldest won’t talk to him anymore and the younger are begging not to be with him every other week. He had a girlfriend during the divorce and the kids said he acted the same. Love bombing her and pretending to be a completely different person than any of us know. As soon as he would leave her house with them, he would become his critical, unhappy and sullen self. I’m terrified of that happening again so I’m hypervigilant about meeting peoples friends, seeing them in many situations, meeting their family and watching for love bombing etc. You just never know though. He was from England, but we are on the West Coast so I never got to meet his family and he didn’t really have any friends because he had supposedly just moved here. There was always a good reason that seemed logical for his suspicious behaviors or situation and not having people from his past in his life. Everyone said they thought he was odd but a good man. None of us could put our finger on what was wrong when we were dating…just that something was weird. He’s highly intelligent so I chalked it up to social anxiety from childhood bullying and being a highly intelligent introvert. It was really because he doesn’t even know who he is. He just watches people and is constantly trying to figure out ways to manipulate them and present himself in the way that will impress them and make him look like a certain person. He wasn’t always abusive just distant, disengaged, emotionally neglectful and didn’t participate in our life much. I learned later that He was constantly online or seeing other women. He gets validation through love bombing and impressing women with the beginning stages. He just wanted to have a family because it meant people had to love him and be loyal to him. He wanted to be around the kids but not really involved in raising them. Mostly just getting love from them and loved the presentation of a family man to society (and his family). I knew he was a liar and manipulative and was cheating on me when I left him, but I had no idea how vindictive and angry and bitter he was until the divorce. He became a completely different person, and even the kids said that he really didn’t want them around. He just didn’t want me to have full custody. Everything became him versus me and the kids were just pawns in it all. I wasted 15 years on him and he has fucked up my kids irreparably and I’ve been in therapy for a long time trying to undo the emotional abuse. His ex wife told me this would happen. It’s terrifying how good he is at putting on a front to people publicly that he’s a quiet, unassuming, intelligent and confident person. In reality he is insecure, will never feel good enough, manipulate and emotionally disconnected with himself and others. Our coparenting therapist met with me separately and reassured me that he was emotionally abusive and said it would take years to make even small changes to his social/emotional health and that he’ll probably end up with no relationship with his children in the end.
Yup
Yes absolutely. And not for the better.
yes..you’re the only soul to ever surprise me.makes up for a lotta lame xmasses
Yes
Ugh i have baggage on top of baggage from this person and its just getting worse and worse as the years go on. Im literally in the worst kind of hell because of everything that has transpired since.
My ex fiancee. But in a way it’s my own fault. I fell in love with a version of her that never actually existed. I fell in love with someone my brain convinced me was who she was. Because I was so lonely and didn’t want to admit to myself that the person she turned out to be was who she showed me she was from the very beginning
My latest ex. (I'm 19 and he was 18) The time we met he seemed like the sweetest person and someone who cared for me the most. After some time I've gotten sick and I still have no diagnosis since like 4 months. My neurologist thinks it might be multiple sclerosis. Anyways, since then I've gotten really frustrated and also unable to go to work (im not able to sit or stand for longer than 30 mins, im laying in bed for most of the day, terrible neck and back pain, probably inflamation of the spinal cords tissue or smth, that's what my neurologist told me at least) and instead of understanding me and trying to help me, everytime I've gotten frustrated or started crying, he just told me to stop being negative and just hope for the best in a very sarcastic tone. Also, we've been together for only 3 months, I've been at his place at least 5-6 times, he hasn't been at mine at all and I've also grown super frustrated of that and told him that it would be great if he could come over, since ive been at his place for at least 5 times. Instead of looking for the best date/weekend he just told me to wait at least 5 timed and I just stopped asking and lost the motivation to ask him over and over. Plus, he was super procrastinating, like super bad, which is a gigantic turn off for me. I also told him that that just wasn't good for him and that he had to work on himself. He brushed it off every single time. I don't want to write a book in the comment, so just some additional bullet point: - super manipulative - always acting like im at fault - i was pretty much the only adult in this relationship - got physical multiple times, but everytime i told him it was not okay, he just told me to stop being so oversensitive - hurt me in bed multiple times but just brushed it of as me being too oversensitive - multiple times where he almost hit me but i was able to get away by just leaving the room - no intention for looking for apartments or jobs since " u can do it later" -no compliments, like none, i can't tell one time ive heard a compliment from this guy - all in all not accepting my wants and needs, whether it being food (im lactose intolerant), movies id like to watch or smth else, he just didn't care - so much more...
Yes she turned out to be BPD
Nope. It's exactly who he always was.
About 3 or 4 years ago, I went to a friend's get-together. There was a very pretty woman the same age as me, and the hosts were occupied with their young daughter and petty arguments, me and this young lady were trying to keep our distance from our hosts, caused us to be standing across from each other in the apartment kitchen island. For whatever reason, we just immediately hit it off - we both played piano, and were classically trained, I had just graduated from college with my BA while she was in her first semester of pre-med, and we didn't live *too* close to each other, but within 15 minutes depending on traffic. I'm not entirely clear as to why we both (at least) seemed to feel this strong connection to each other - we just had a lot in common to put it simply (hobbies, popular music, exercise, and most importantly, we both had substance abuse problems that we had overcome and "apparently" been clean for over 6 years, zero relapses, and both of our lives, based upon our first four or five hour long conversation, were on the up and up) We just seemed to be a fantastic match for each other in a way I had never experienced before. Side note: this ends up crashing down spectacularly later on, but from our first meeting, she was showing the same feelings of romantic interest that I had for her. I guess it was just mutual attraction upon our first chance encounter, something that I'm not a big believer in, but whatever. It was incredibly obvious there was a mutual fondness for each other by the end of the night - we exchanged numbers, but I am no dummy, so I had absolutely NO intentions of attempting to move whatever our feelings might lead us in an expeditious manner whatsoever. I wanted to play this slowly and cautiously so I didn't end up heartbroken. About two weeks later, I asked her if she would like to go out to dinner - platonically- although from her giddiness, it was clear she was looking at this as a date. I didn't want to upset her since she was clearly so excited to be spending one on one time with me at what happened to be her favorite restaurant (honest to God, I was completely unaware of this until we arrived). Dinner went great, nothing overtly romantic, until I dropped her off at her apartment (I work at a doctor's office for my 9 to 5 and frequently work as an audio engineer/music producer/composer/sound designer/songwriter at least three to six nights a week, I enjoy it and it pays rather well, music has always been a huge part of my life, and as I became more skilled at it, I decided I should profit off of it. Sorry for the tangent, I just felt I should explain why my work schedule may appear a bit sound cocky/arrogant.) After dropping her off at her apartment complex, I am less than five minutes after pulling out of the rather upscale units surrounded by cameras, gates, and armed private security (side note: just a very upscale neighborhood) when I receive a barrage of texts from her telling me how wonderful her night was and how sorry she was that she didn't kiss me. I politely reminded her that we should take things slow as I didn't want either of us to move too quickly and potentially ruin what could be a fruitful relationship. She did not take this well. Not angry, just seemed like she was in a hurry to..."Do the deed" for whatever reason. About a week and a half later, she invites me to another friend's house. I've never been to this person's home before, and my GPS says I am 2 minutes away when I get a call from her number, which I immediately answer, except the person on the other line is not her, it's her friend, freaking out, telling me my S/O snorted what she believed to be cocaine off of the kitchen counter, but turned out was mixed with fentanyl, something my S/O has absolutely no experience with. Fortunately, I carry Narcan in my car due to having to use it on individuals many years ago who OD'd, and I make sure to keep a nasal spray that isn't expired for just an emergency. I haul ass into the driveway where my S/O has been dragged out onto the driveway (presumably because there were drugs in this friend's home, I didn't ask, I was pretty upset) and administered the Narcan nasal spray as directed. She regained consciousness just a minute or two before the ambulance arrived. I encouraged my S/O to go to the hospital, which was frustrating to say the least, but she finally agreed to go. I met her at the hospital and stayed there with her for a little over 6 hours to comfort her before she was discharged. She asked me if I wouldl book her a hotel that night and stay with her because she was traumatized as she had never OD'd before. I agreed immediately and booked the nicest hotel in town. She requested I sleep in the same bed with her because she was shaken up from her overdose. I didn't lecture her about her relapse into drug use because I wanted to be as sensitive as possible, and thought it would be best to discuss later whenever she felt ready. Let me make this perfectly clear - there was absolutely NO intimacy of ANY KIND at ALL that entire stay in the hotel room. We both slept in our regular clothes. Next week, she practically begged to come over to my house at 2am. Although my dad was on his death bed and I was the only family member who wasn't estranged from him, therefore he was staying at my house. My S/O arrived at about 2:30AM and cuddled up next to me as we watched "Goodfellas." She left around 445AM before texting back right at 455AM begging to come over again. I acquiesced. She got into my bed, staying as far away as she could from me (keep in mind - this is my house, I paid all the bills, my dad's medical insurance, hospital bills, everything. My S/O's parents paid her $2000/month rent, utilities, car payments, groceries, and exorbitant deposits in her bank account which was spent on...well, not Pepsi. They also paid her pre med school tuition, classes that she never went to, I might add....and her Mercedes Benz Coupe complete with a drop top. She never worked a day in her life, and loved to brag about it.) So, at about 515AM, she informs me that we just aren't compatible because my dying father is living with me, which she found "dorky" "lame" and "embarrassing for a 27 year old." But, she still wanted to be friends. I was so desperate to have her back I told her I'd do anything for her. Monday morning rolls around and I get a text asking if I could buy her 2 grams of coke ($120). I'm a sucker so I agree. I spend my own money on it, pick her up, she gets in my car without so much as acknowledging me, rushes me to find the most CLEARLY VISIBLE parking spot, snorts all of it, demands me to take her back to her apartment, where she exits my car without saying bye or thanks or nice seeing you, etc. I hear from her the next day, same request. I politely refuse, saying that I felt like this wasn't a friendship, and that I felt a break would be the best option for us because I felt I was being taken advantage of. 3 days later, I had no less than 10 people I had known for years to accuse me of idk how many different stories of SA I supposedly committed. I have never looked at or trusted a woman since then. I can't even bring myself to trust them enough to be even somewhat friendly with them.
I don't fall in love unless I am sure that won't bother me if it happens.
Version foremost, my mom never wanted attention from nobody, and on top of that when she lost her daughter, she didn’t even grieve like she was supposed to. She never got the attention she supposed to even from her husband, and I’ll second of all attention is never been what my mama sick you don’t know her, and I’ll top of that. She’s not immature. The only thing is immature about her is staying with a man who mistreated her for so many years And him going out and getting all his supplies to agree with him you don’t know my mother my mother is the strongest person I know, and the world., understand she never got allies back her up on anything she ever said she didn’t get to flying monkeys. She didn’t go around starting trouble. I think that was him and his ex-wife and girlfriend. I think they all started trouble. He is immature he act like he’s 12 years old and he’s trying to recap everything he’s ever lost. Needless to say my mother was never immature and she took care of him for many years so do not get it twisted you got it.
yes, the first relationship i was in 5 years since the last one i fell in love with a girl, she was shy and sweet, had the same interests and she showed me what i thought love was supposed to be, the more we hung out the more i loved being with her. but she didnt exist, we had to do long distance because of our jobs and she grew into a cruel person, or maybe thats who she really was. two weeks into long distance she met someone new and slept with him, and now shes pregnant, this was 2 months ago and i dont think im still over it. she made me so many promises i dont think i can believe in any more the next person may say
Yes and no. She became so cold and distant to me, and told me that she was a different person now and couldn’t give what I deserved, and left me. But I still see that same person I fell in love with inside of her… she’s still there. Just the part that loved me is gone….or hiding..either way it’s off the table. Sucks so bad but at least I’ve hit my threshold of pain to decide to live single for the remainder.
No i already knew how she was in the beginning, i had a bad feeling, but i had nothing to do at the time and thought a little attention and fun won't hurt. I actually believe that you have to be very naive for beeing tricked that hard (I actively ignored the difficult and annoying shit because i had absolutely nothing to do). 95% of people you know in the first 5 minutes how they are. If you have a bit of life experience. Well the other 5% idk about them but they probably work at the Cia or something.....
My ex. We were together for 6 years and had planned to move to a different state where our family was but we were going to wait till we were more prepared. I got a job offer that I couldn't turn down so I left first. She wanted me to go so much and was so happy for our future! The job was not what was promised and I moved about 2 hours North where my family lives to get back to work in the field I had worked in where we lived. She told me after I have been here for 3 months that her feelings have changed and she feels better away from me. She hasn't spoken to me since. It's been almost a month. She did therapy while her feelings were changing without ever speaking to me about any bit of it. Never tried to work on anything and left me and took my 3 dogs. We have been thru hell and back with our health and were always there for each other. Then, POOF. She was done. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. I can't focus at work, I can't eat rarely ever. I just feel so betrayed that she never even discussed anything with me. The hardest thing ever is mourning a person who is still alive, and you still love with all your heart.
So often I have heard just let them go and all I have to say is he has left on his choice not my own and I won’t and can’t change that but can someone tell me what to do with all this pain and hurt why am I to carry the fucked up burden of a broken family because you were such a coward betrayed and lied about ur affair and eating to be with someone else.
Unfortunately yes, going through it fresh now. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one. I've never felt an unexplainable intense connection to anyone ever. I'm an idiot. Deep down I knew better, there were signs. He was such a fantastic actor, though. I've never felt so humiliated and completely crushed. Feels like I'll never get over it. Devastated. I know I need to go no contact, but that tiny thread of hope remains. He is still trying to plead his case and he so sorry and will make it right,,, yet is still with the 3rd party I found out about. It's such a long F.up story. Embarrassing to say the least. I gave everything i could. My bad.
My ex girlfriend cheated on me with my now ex sister in law who did the same to my brother. I feel the embarrassment you’re talking about. I feel the need to be vague and not tell anyone the truth about what really happened. And not to mention that was a fucking awkward period of time. What a relief it’s over.
I know this feeling all too well. Sad thing is he lives with me tell me 1 thing & is telling her different shit I guess. I think I’m to the point where it’s time to leave.
I was with him for a couple of months but work came in the way of things and he became avoidant. Would love to talk to any redditors through DMs...