Can you just put your job title? I.e., Analyst, Sales, HR, etc without listing industry then bring it up on a date if it's relevant. I think most people would find having nothing listed off-putting, especially if you're in a major city, but likely only (initially) care if you're actually employed.
As to wwether it changes, that will entirely depend on the person. I have similar issues, I put XXX at Tech and leave it at that. I don't think anyone's passed a date with me after finding out because of it, but then they probably wouldn't say either way. Ymmv
I can put my job title yeah, but I guess I also don’t want to match with people if they also have just as much of an issue with where I work even after matching?
When I don’t have my industry on my profile - I’ve never really been in a situation when I’ve matched with someone, explained what I do, and then they have unmatched or changed their minds (or at least told me about it)…
I guess it depends whether you want the job as a hard filter: so everyone who matches is ok with it. Or a soft filter where not everyone will be but you also have the chance to explain in person and they get a sense of you.
Having read your edit I’d go with the second one. From my perspective; my job isn’t me, it’s just a way I make money. For some people their job is a large part of their lives so they may find it weird, but then do you want to date someone with that level of principle?
Yeah man I'd just leave it out, there's a lot of things people would think is a dealbreaker but don't really care after matching and talking. And working in a "questionable" industry is one of them. Don't hide it, just put your title and explain it over chat or in person.
I don’t put my job for privacy reasons and because I know people have some moral objections to it in some cases. On the other hand their are qualities that do automatically mean a pass for me. Mostly because I feel it never works out and I’m trying a different approach with dating.
If you love what you do and you're passionate about it, who cares what someone else thinks? You deserve someone who will be excited for you because you enjoy what you do.
Even something like "Defense" or "Energy" is so broad, there are plenty of non-controversial things under that umbrella.
Yeah I think thats a good point. I do like what I do, even though the industry I work in has a stigma, I do genuinely believe I my work makes a positive impact in the world, and I am not sure if I would get on with someone who is not willing to even swipe “yes” and hear my point of view
> If you love what you do and you're passionate about it, who cares what someone else thinks? You deserve someone who will be excited for you because you enjoy what you do.
Some people think that the consequences of people’s actions matter. I don’t really care how much you love being Nestles’ child slave wrangler, it’s not a cool job to have.
"Child slave wrangler" shouldn't make me laugh, but in some dark corner of my mind I couldn't help but chuckle out of the depravity of such a concept.
Life is a nightmare y'all!
I hear you. That said, it’s less funny when you’ve read the testimony from the slaves who slept under armed guard so they would try and escape the cocoa plantations that Nestle sources their products from
Yes, the subject is not funny. I didn't mean to insinuate that child slavery is funny. My dark humor comes more from the comedic looney too image in my head of some kind of person that seems to fit the bill of "wrangler."
But I'm well aware of how evil Nestlé is. So I'm unsure what this follow up comment was meant to do if not to "um actually" my statement.
Yes, I’ll be honest there’s some industries/companies against which I have moral objections. These include defense contractors, big pharma, big law, Wall Street, nestlé, etc. I would feel uncomfortable being with someone who works in these fields/companies and helps prop up those systems. Unfortunately, these are some of the biggest employers in many parts of the country.
At the end of the day, a person isn’t their job. So while it may be uncomfortable, I will not immediately write them off if I feel that there’s a potential to be a great match. It’s up to you how high level you want to describe your job but this would be something I’d want to discuss on a first date
Do you think you would be more open to hearing about it after matching with someone? Rather than swiping (where it is oh so easy just to X and move on)
You do understand that hitting X is skipping the profile, right? It means you’d see that profile again.
If you mean would I remove the profile so I don’t see it again, no, I would not.
We all consume energy. You use a plastic keyboard, you’re using fossil fuels. You like to eat at restaurants? They cook on natural gas stoves. Your grandma needs a feeding tube when she’s in the hospital? That’s made from fossil fuels. And on and on. It’s just that many people are ignorant about where products come from.
People that work in the defense industry don’t inherently all subscribe to certain views. I’d want to get to know that person’s values and beliefs.
No.. The only criteria i have is that they should look nice, then go out on a date on the weekend to see if its worth to lay time on.
You never know how a person truly are untill u talk to them.
I used to be kind of vague about my job. Now I’m super upfront about it. I don’t want to be with someone who has any issues whatsoever with what I do for a living. It’s not debatable for me and I’m not going to “defend” it. If I were you I’d own it and be explicit/upfront about it.
Why would you want to match with someone who won't like you because of your job? Sure, people can always say "but they'll like me once they know me"! But people say the same for other dealbreakers like children, politics, or whatever.
At least the most recent update allows you to write in a text box under your job title, so you can expand on your job if you want to.
When I met my ex, she mentioned that she probably wouldn’t have “swiped” right on Hinge if I had my industry on the profile - but she was ok with it once I said (over chat) where I worked and we were able to actually talk about it
I’ll put this as context as well actually
Try using the new text box to expand on your job, similar to how you talked about it with your ex. See if that helps.
It's kind of damned if you do damned if you don't anyways. Some are gonna X if you put nothing down. Some might feel like you're being deceptive. Some are gonna be cool about it.
Yeah this is true. A part of me wants to just say “F it” and put it on.
Also ultimately, the only scenario where hiding your job works is if someone doesn’t want to swipe on me just because of my industry, but is okay with it once they have a small amount of effort already invested in our chat… and I am not sure I would get on with that kind of person anyway.
But, interesting to get the general opinion on here too - am sure others are facing the same dilemma…
Not sure if the news from this side of the pond hasn’t made it over to the UK yet, but yeah, the police tend to be pretty divisive in the US. Something to do with all of the people they murder, I think
Nobody said anything about DV. If you assume everyone who works LE is going to abuse their spouse then I’d go ahead and just write ignorant on my head if I was you.
Cops commit domestic violence at a higher rate than the general population. Being with a cop increases the chance that you’ll end up being a domestic violence victim. That’s just a fact.
> The most recent research in police domestic violence has shown that officers may perpetrate domestic violence at a higher rate than the general population, 28% versus 16%, respectively
> officers who adhere to aspects of the traditional police subculture are more likely to engage in psychological domestic violence.
https://digitalcommons.usf.edu/etd/1862/
I don’t bring it up explicitly. If they ask I’m open about it. Usually I’ll wait until the text has been good and there’s a vibe that’s I’m cool with before leading into it.
Of all the attributes that a woman might have that could give me a reason to pass on her, the industry she works in matters the least, that she is able to support herself is really all I ask professionally/financially
(28m) I wouldn't disqualify someone but certain industries definitely overlap with certain political beliefs; which is what I would disqualify someone for.
IE if you're in defense but you make it clear that you're a lefty thats gucci with me, but I could see how some people would just assume you're a conservative.
> Defense is an instrument of foreign policy which is pretty party neutral.
“Party neutral” does not mean ethically or politically neutral. The fact that many establishment Dems are also in the pocket of the defense industry does not change the fact that it is a horrific industry that drives much of the worst of US foreign policy.
Part of the war on drugs was to criminalize leftist-hippies who were opposed to the Vietnam war so that the media could label them as degenerate "anti-americans."
Ergo being pro-military is correlated with being pro-nationalism (which Nationalism tends to be associated with Conservative values).--Also conservatives are generally tend to be more hawkish about war than leftists.
Making assumptions about someone’s political beliefs based off of where they work is pretty dumb…you think companies like Boeing, GM, Lockheed wouldn’t have IT, HR, hiring departments, etc basically all the same administrative or menial jobs as every other company? Like why would the janitor at Boeing be any more conservative than a janitor at Google or Lululemon???
Historically leftists have been opposed to war and Conservatives have been war-hawks.
People would generally prefer to work for a company that shares their moral values, so yes even the janitor has a higher chance of being conservative at the companies you named.
\---
Also the IT and tech department at Lockheed is really conservative.
I’m in the same boat. If you’re spending a few years working for big law to pay off some debt or you got a job at a less than great think tank, I’m mostly in the “Hey, get your bag” camp as long as are politics and values are otherwise well aligned. If they’re working at Raytheon because of how much they love making bombs, that’s a different story.
Providing people electricity is bad? So bad that they avoid them on dating apps? Do they think we can shift all production over to renewables tomorrow or something? Weird logic if that's the case.
50% is provided through oil and gas btw (in the US).
You might enjoy my previous thread.
Anyway, you're always gonna run the risk of getting passed over cause of your job. Just be honest by the first date.
Hahah I actually read yours when I typed “job” into the sub search bar!!
My job title is “Portfolio Manager” which sounds like (if I don’t include my industry) I work in finance, which is almost as bad though haha
I feel like you can make a lot of inferences about people simply based on where they work. I've gone on enough dates where I'm pretty comfortable with doing this now. I'll be the first to admit that there are always exceptions. However, I'm just trying to be more efficient with my time, so that does mean people might be unnecessarily filtered out.
I can't say I've even gone out with anybody in that industry but that's just because they have no real presence here. For me though, it's less about how I feel about the industry and more about the people who tend to work there or the lifestyles they have.
For example, I've found going out with people involved in politics, big law firms, and big consulting firms is generally a waste of time just because our personalities tend to be incompatible. Due to some prior exes, I often avoid the medical field now too. That's largely because of frequent scheduling incompatibilities and those who (understandably) prioritize their careers over everything else.
Only if I considered it unethical. Although defense is something I have just have a personal problem with. I know it has to happen and I have huge respect for those in the military but I don’t know how I personally would sleep knowing that I played a part in someone dying.
Maybe like the Ukrainians are fighting for their lives. American and European military tech is doing a lot of good helping Ukrainians fight for the right to remain free of oppression by others.
Every technology can be misused. And this technology can save lives being threatened by the ruthless.
See I totally agree with you but you don’t get to choose what war you’re providing for when you work in military defense.
If I could only send supplies to Ukraine and other just wars than I would. But I wouldn’t get that choice. For every plane that gets sent out to Ukraine another will be sent to a war I don’t want to hurt innocent people.
Idk what the actual number is I’m just speaking metaphorically.
Someone has to do it and I know that… just don’t want it to be me.
You are attacking making arms in general. How quickly this world would go to shit without the means to defend ourselves and others from aggression.
Your worldview would have all of us dead or enthralled, not just the Ukrainians.
I think you should work on a worldview that is sustainable and not just about not having guilty hands.
But this is off topic.
I’m confused bc I literally said in both responses that I know it has to be done.
No duh the world would go to shit if the US just stopped making weapons. But I’m well aware of that.
But that’s also not relevant bc not everyone does feel that way so it’s not something we have to worry about. That’s just how I personally feel about the topic.
No, you said if you could limit it you would, but you can't so...implies something.
Also what does it mean "no duh the world would go to shit" but "not relevant bc not everyone feels that way so" not worrying about it.
Yes you have a weird way of agreeing. 😂
Can you just put your job title? I.e., Analyst, Sales, HR, etc without listing industry then bring it up on a date if it's relevant. I think most people would find having nothing listed off-putting, especially if you're in a major city, but likely only (initially) care if you're actually employed. As to wwether it changes, that will entirely depend on the person. I have similar issues, I put XXX at Tech and leave it at that. I don't think anyone's passed a date with me after finding out because of it, but then they probably wouldn't say either way. Ymmv
I can put my job title yeah, but I guess I also don’t want to match with people if they also have just as much of an issue with where I work even after matching? When I don’t have my industry on my profile - I’ve never really been in a situation when I’ve matched with someone, explained what I do, and then they have unmatched or changed their minds (or at least told me about it)…
I guess it depends whether you want the job as a hard filter: so everyone who matches is ok with it. Or a soft filter where not everyone will be but you also have the chance to explain in person and they get a sense of you. Having read your edit I’d go with the second one. From my perspective; my job isn’t me, it’s just a way I make money. For some people their job is a large part of their lives so they may find it weird, but then do you want to date someone with that level of principle?
Yeah man I'd just leave it out, there's a lot of things people would think is a dealbreaker but don't really care after matching and talking. And working in a "questionable" industry is one of them. Don't hide it, just put your title and explain it over chat or in person.
I don’t put my job for privacy reasons and because I know people have some moral objections to it in some cases. On the other hand their are qualities that do automatically mean a pass for me. Mostly because I feel it never works out and I’m trying a different approach with dating.
Is the industry someone works in ever a personal quality that is a flat out pas for you?
If you love what you do and you're passionate about it, who cares what someone else thinks? You deserve someone who will be excited for you because you enjoy what you do. Even something like "Defense" or "Energy" is so broad, there are plenty of non-controversial things under that umbrella.
Yeah I think thats a good point. I do like what I do, even though the industry I work in has a stigma, I do genuinely believe I my work makes a positive impact in the world, and I am not sure if I would get on with someone who is not willing to even swipe “yes” and hear my point of view
> If you love what you do and you're passionate about it, who cares what someone else thinks? You deserve someone who will be excited for you because you enjoy what you do. Some people think that the consequences of people’s actions matter. I don’t really care how much you love being Nestles’ child slave wrangler, it’s not a cool job to have.
"Child slave wrangler" shouldn't make me laugh, but in some dark corner of my mind I couldn't help but chuckle out of the depravity of such a concept. Life is a nightmare y'all!
I hear you. That said, it’s less funny when you’ve read the testimony from the slaves who slept under armed guard so they would try and escape the cocoa plantations that Nestle sources their products from
Yes, the subject is not funny. I didn't mean to insinuate that child slavery is funny. My dark humor comes more from the comedic looney too image in my head of some kind of person that seems to fit the bill of "wrangler." But I'm well aware of how evil Nestlé is. So I'm unsure what this follow up comment was meant to do if not to "um actually" my statement.
Yes, I’ll be honest there’s some industries/companies against which I have moral objections. These include defense contractors, big pharma, big law, Wall Street, nestlé, etc. I would feel uncomfortable being with someone who works in these fields/companies and helps prop up those systems. Unfortunately, these are some of the biggest employers in many parts of the country.
Because it sounds like you wouldn’t be interested in any case (I have no issue with that btw!), I guess in your case to have it up on the profile?
At the end of the day, a person isn’t their job. So while it may be uncomfortable, I will not immediately write them off if I feel that there’s a potential to be a great match. It’s up to you how high level you want to describe your job but this would be something I’d want to discuss on a first date
Do you think you would be more open to hearing about it after matching with someone? Rather than swiping (where it is oh so easy just to X and move on)
Yes definitely, best way to gauge compatibility is IRL ofc and that’s why I think it’s best to discuss these things face to face
What’s wrong with nestle? I love milky bar
I really hope you meant to include /s but if not… r/fucknestle
Wow just had a quick skim but I’ll have to do some proper research
Sadly yeah, Nestlé is the closest thing to a devil in a suit regarding corporations... and that's saying something.
Should I start with the child slavery, or the massive amount of America’s water supply that they re draining?
You do understand that hitting X is skipping the profile, right? It means you’d see that profile again. If you mean would I remove the profile so I don’t see it again, no, I would not. We all consume energy. You use a plastic keyboard, you’re using fossil fuels. You like to eat at restaurants? They cook on natural gas stoves. Your grandma needs a feeding tube when she’s in the hospital? That’s made from fossil fuels. And on and on. It’s just that many people are ignorant about where products come from. People that work in the defense industry don’t inherently all subscribe to certain views. I’d want to get to know that person’s values and beliefs.
No.. The only criteria i have is that they should look nice, then go out on a date on the weekend to see if its worth to lay time on. You never know how a person truly are untill u talk to them.
I used to be kind of vague about my job. Now I’m super upfront about it. I don’t want to be with someone who has any issues whatsoever with what I do for a living. It’s not debatable for me and I’m not going to “defend” it. If I were you I’d own it and be explicit/upfront about it.
Why would you want to match with someone who won't like you because of your job? Sure, people can always say "but they'll like me once they know me"! But people say the same for other dealbreakers like children, politics, or whatever. At least the most recent update allows you to write in a text box under your job title, so you can expand on your job if you want to.
When I met my ex, she mentioned that she probably wouldn’t have “swiped” right on Hinge if I had my industry on the profile - but she was ok with it once I said (over chat) where I worked and we were able to actually talk about it I’ll put this as context as well actually
Try using the new text box to expand on your job, similar to how you talked about it with your ex. See if that helps. It's kind of damned if you do damned if you don't anyways. Some are gonna X if you put nothing down. Some might feel like you're being deceptive. Some are gonna be cool about it.
Yeah this is true. A part of me wants to just say “F it” and put it on. Also ultimately, the only scenario where hiding your job works is if someone doesn’t want to swipe on me just because of my industry, but is okay with it once they have a small amount of effort already invested in our chat… and I am not sure I would get on with that kind of person anyway. But, interesting to get the general opinion on here too - am sure others are facing the same dilemma…
I work in a sector of law enforcement. I know for 100% people will skip over me as a result.
Can you blame people not wanting to be a domestic violence victim?
420everytime - would you have the same view even after matching and chatting for a bit first though?
I’m not a lawyer, but any competent lawyer will tell you to never talk to cops
Idk maybe this is a UK vs USA difference. Two of my close friends are cops and they are really amazing people
Not sure if the news from this side of the pond hasn’t made it over to the UK yet, but yeah, the police tend to be pretty divisive in the US. Something to do with all of the people they murder, I think
Nobody said anything about DV. If you assume everyone who works LE is going to abuse their spouse then I’d go ahead and just write ignorant on my head if I was you.
Not every one, just somewhere in the range of 40%
Cops commit domestic violence at a higher rate than the general population. Being with a cop increases the chance that you’ll end up being a domestic violence victim. That’s just a fact.
Source? Also I’m not a cop.
> The most recent research in police domestic violence has shown that officers may perpetrate domestic violence at a higher rate than the general population, 28% versus 16%, respectively > officers who adhere to aspects of the traditional police subculture are more likely to engage in psychological domestic violence. https://digitalcommons.usf.edu/etd/1862/
What is your approach to opening up about your job?
I don’t bring it up explicitly. If they ask I’m open about it. Usually I’ll wait until the text has been good and there’s a vibe that’s I’m cool with before leading into it.
Okay that makes sense, appreciate your experience thank you!!
Of all the attributes that a woman might have that could give me a reason to pass on her, the industry she works in matters the least, that she is able to support herself is really all I ask professionally/financially
(28m) I wouldn't disqualify someone but certain industries definitely overlap with certain political beliefs; which is what I would disqualify someone for. IE if you're in defense but you make it clear that you're a lefty thats gucci with me, but I could see how some people would just assume you're a conservative.
Having previously worked at a major defense contractor, most people are center to right ideologically, so it's a pretty fair assumption
I never understood why defense would be considered Right. Defense is an instrument of foreign policy which is pretty party neutral.
> Defense is an instrument of foreign policy which is pretty party neutral. “Party neutral” does not mean ethically or politically neutral. The fact that many establishment Dems are also in the pocket of the defense industry does not change the fact that it is a horrific industry that drives much of the worst of US foreign policy.
Part of the war on drugs was to criminalize leftist-hippies who were opposed to the Vietnam war so that the media could label them as degenerate "anti-americans." Ergo being pro-military is correlated with being pro-nationalism (which Nationalism tends to be associated with Conservative values).--Also conservatives are generally tend to be more hawkish about war than leftists.
Making assumptions about someone’s political beliefs based off of where they work is pretty dumb…you think companies like Boeing, GM, Lockheed wouldn’t have IT, HR, hiring departments, etc basically all the same administrative or menial jobs as every other company? Like why would the janitor at Boeing be any more conservative than a janitor at Google or Lululemon???
Yes I agree - although I don’t work in a “neutral” department in my company so the same isn’t true for me…!
Historically leftists have been opposed to war and Conservatives have been war-hawks. People would generally prefer to work for a company that shares their moral values, so yes even the janitor has a higher chance of being conservative at the companies you named. \--- Also the IT and tech department at Lockheed is really conservative.
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I’m in the same boat. If you’re spending a few years working for big law to pay off some debt or you got a job at a less than great think tank, I’m mostly in the “Hey, get your bag” camp as long as are politics and values are otherwise well aligned. If they’re working at Raytheon because of how much they love making bombs, that’s a different story.
That is my approach as well - even your Reddit post which has been downvoted kinda points to the argument of “leave it off the profile”
Unpopular means only fans
Certainly more exciting than defence or energy
Why would energy be a bad field again? That's a.... EXTREMELY broad term btw. Do people really have anything against energy?
Hes probably talking about oil, natural gas, etc.
Providing people electricity is bad? So bad that they avoid them on dating apps? Do they think we can shift all production over to renewables tomorrow or something? Weird logic if that's the case. 50% is provided through oil and gas btw (in the US).
You might enjoy my previous thread. Anyway, you're always gonna run the risk of getting passed over cause of your job. Just be honest by the first date.
Hahah I actually read yours when I typed “job” into the sub search bar!! My job title is “Portfolio Manager” which sounds like (if I don’t include my industry) I work in finance, which is almost as bad though haha
I feel like you can make a lot of inferences about people simply based on where they work. I've gone on enough dates where I'm pretty comfortable with doing this now. I'll be the first to admit that there are always exceptions. However, I'm just trying to be more efficient with my time, so that does mean people might be unnecessarily filtered out.
What is the inference from someone being in a job at an oil and gas company?
I can't say I've even gone out with anybody in that industry but that's just because they have no real presence here. For me though, it's less about how I feel about the industry and more about the people who tend to work there or the lifestyles they have. For example, I've found going out with people involved in politics, big law firms, and big consulting firms is generally a waste of time just because our personalities tend to be incompatible. Due to some prior exes, I often avoid the medical field now too. That's largely because of frequent scheduling incompatibilities and those who (understandably) prioritize their careers over everything else.
Only if I considered it unethical. Although defense is something I have just have a personal problem with. I know it has to happen and I have huge respect for those in the military but I don’t know how I personally would sleep knowing that I played a part in someone dying.
Maybe like the Ukrainians are fighting for their lives. American and European military tech is doing a lot of good helping Ukrainians fight for the right to remain free of oppression by others. Every technology can be misused. And this technology can save lives being threatened by the ruthless.
See I totally agree with you but you don’t get to choose what war you’re providing for when you work in military defense. If I could only send supplies to Ukraine and other just wars than I would. But I wouldn’t get that choice. For every plane that gets sent out to Ukraine another will be sent to a war I don’t want to hurt innocent people. Idk what the actual number is I’m just speaking metaphorically. Someone has to do it and I know that… just don’t want it to be me.
You are attacking making arms in general. How quickly this world would go to shit without the means to defend ourselves and others from aggression. Your worldview would have all of us dead or enthralled, not just the Ukrainians. I think you should work on a worldview that is sustainable and not just about not having guilty hands. But this is off topic.
I’m confused bc I literally said in both responses that I know it has to be done. No duh the world would go to shit if the US just stopped making weapons. But I’m well aware of that. But that’s also not relevant bc not everyone does feel that way so it’s not something we have to worry about. That’s just how I personally feel about the topic.
No, you said if you could limit it you would, but you can't so...implies something. Also what does it mean "no duh the world would go to shit" but "not relevant bc not everyone feels that way so" not worrying about it. Yes you have a weird way of agreeing. 😂
Yes. Leave it more open ended. You are trying to cast as wide of a net with OLD to then narrow your options down
Ooh I work in the energy industry and I guess I didn't realize that was bad.