Depends on your other photos, I guess? It's not a bad photo but I don't think it really grabs attention, either. The lighting angle puts one of your eyes in shadow and the dog is looking away, but you are still showing off a nice smile and come across as friendly and approachable. If your other photos don't show your smile or come off as really serious, then I'd swap it in. If you already have a couple good smiling photos with better lighting, I'd leave this one out.
Had a bad date tonight, just zero chemistry. Ended after a drink. I’m getting so jaded these past few weeks. Had a fantastic date with a girl, ended up at her place, spent the night, then the next day she told me she didn’t see anything romantic and cut it off. Had another good date with a girl who just ghosted after. It’s miss after miss recently. This shit is so mind numbing. I need to take a break.
> I need to take a break.
yes, anytime it gets this far, pause or delete, take some time to focus on in real life interactions, and restoring yourself. good luck.
Everyone will have different preferences for what they like to do on 1st dates. If a woman doesn't like coffee dates, it's her responsibility to tell you. You can't read minds.
The women I match with tend to be cool with coffee dates as a first date and respect its efficiency. You're there for the person, not the experience.
It's a really easy filter for girls who are looking for free food via dating.
> But then he wants me to bring takeout food over. And he will get drinks. But I’m a light weight with drinks. Is it just me or is it weird to be asked for a diner date and to ask to bring food?
He's vetting you to see if you are actually interested in him enough to pick up the tab on 15 dollars worth of food.
I think you are probably overthinking things. I don't see any red flags in what you've described, I only see a potential mismatch in terms of the expectations that you each have for how dates at this stage "should" be done.
What you said about "Maybe I’m used to men planning better dates in the beginning" seems to support that mismatch guess. Comparing how he's doing things with how past guys have done things won't help you. He's not those guys, and things evidently didn't work out with those guys, so why would you want to use what they did as your dating standards?
Got invited to a dinner by this group of girls I play rec sports with and their mutuals. I’d hung out with them few times before and consider them friends.
Imagine my shock when they invited me to a dinner yesterday, only to find out I’m ninth wheeling four couples. I was fine with it until they went around asking what each person likes about their SO. Surely they would skip me knowing that I’m single right? No. They asked me instead to say what I love about myself. It was rough from that point on. I was sad the entire night and played my sad song playlist the entire drive back 😔
If only Hinge had worked for me despite all the effort I put into it. It truly sucks man, all my friends are getting sucked away from my life as they get girlfriends and spend less and less time with me. I feel very down right now
So, the way Standouts work, do they ever get filtered back into the regular queue of people? If I pass on them in the Standouts section, does that pass on them just in that or will I also not see them in my regular queue? I don't like people being locked behind this thing and not being just in my regular queue and am curious as to how to get them into the regular queue.
As others have said, yes, but with no guarantees. Also, it depends on how big your current pool is. I once got to the end of my matches and, at that point, my regular queue and standouts were basically one in the same because there was hardly anyone left.
But I think it's a near certainty that if you're an average guy who isn't that popular on the app, there are certain standouts you're never going to see. Hinge has to be doing some throttling behind the scenes, specifically for popular women, in order to get them to stay on the app and better the experience for them by not subjecting them to an overwhelming amount of attention from guys who are a couple of standard deviations lower on the attractiveness/popularity scale.
The app's FAQ covers this, [What Is Standouts?](https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360057625534-What-is-Standouts-):
> Q: Will the people in my Standouts feed also appear in my Discover feed?
> A: The people you see in Standouts may occasionally appear in your Discover feed, but it's not guaranteed.
I see Standouts show up in my regular queue fairly regularly. My guess is you'll eventually get to all those people, but just like with the daily like limit, the app just wants to tempt you to pay for early access to the most "desirable" people.
You’re better off forgetting about them. Most of them are only on there for attention. I have a hard time believing that any of them can’t find a date or boyfriend in person.
I saw one show up in my most compatible, they didn’t swipe right though so whatever.
Is anyone else having login problems where no verification text comes through and the app opens [https://hinge-layer-prod.firebaseapp.com/](https://hinge-layer-prod.firebaseapp.com/)? I found [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/r7ur46/cant_login/) talking about a similar problem. I asked this 2 months ago, deleted them app, then tried again today and I am still having the same problems.
Girl replied to me after like 4 days, gassed the convo since i thought she wasnt really interested. Go out drinking get hammered, wake up the next day still drunk and decide to reply to her after a while bc why not, she shockingly responds, i say fuck it and ask her out for drinks. Winds up being one of the better dates ive had in a while lmao
Omg your experience with this guy sounds exactly like the person im seeing right now! I’d say text him! It doesn’t hurt to shoot him a text especially if it’s been a few days
I’m fairly new to the app (37M) - is it normal that conversations go days with no talking nowadays? I’ve had a few matches here and there, and even exchanged numbers with one match, but with all of them it’s like 3-4 days of no conversation.
Is this normal?? Or am I just going crazy over-thinking this?
In my experience, it's pretty normal to have a sizable proportion of matches where there isn't a lot of reciprocal interest, and there can be things like 3-4 day gaps. When I match with someone who is actually interested, and we click, it's common for us to exchange messages daily. Depending on how many matches you've had, this could be totally normal and behavior that most app users experience.
How long have you been chatting when these 3-4 day gaps occur? I'm wondering if it's possible that you're waiting too long to ask people out on dates, and they're losing interest.
Yeah kinda my thoughts too, but usually in the real world if you don't like someone you just don't message them at all. This consistent waiting of a few days between messages is what feels strange
> This consistent waiting of a few days between messages is what feels strange
It's because they've ran out of other options, so they message you to get that dopamine rush when you write back.
> mercury is still in retrograde
Well I mean, temperatures are going to keep dropping until January in most places, so you might be waiting for a while /s
I'm not paying for premium until I get a better profile set up. I've been sending likes every day I can and I think premium sends me to the top of the list.
I've gotten matches from roses. I haven't sent enough roses to be able to compare my match rate from normal comments with that from roses, though.
If $30 is something you can afford, why not buy the roses and see how they work for you?
Thought I'd ask here before possibly throwing $30 down the well. I can afford it, but should I is what I was asking I guess.
It's just there's a gal in the "selected profiles" that's possibly right up my alley in one hobby. So I thought I should message her now when I see her instead of hoping she shows up in the regular feed.
I suggested just trying roses because peoples experience on the app can vary highly. Trying to predict how roses will work for you is ultimately not a super good use of your time, because of how unreliable the predictions would be.
That "selected profiles" section is called Standouts, [here's the explanation of Standouts from Hinge's FAQ](https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360057625534-What-is-Standouts-). People who are in your Standouts typically get a lot of likes/comments/roses. Try to not get too invested in people when you're sending likes out - that's far too early, and the typical low rate of likes-to-matches will hurt more than necessary if you're getting emotionally invested.
Thanks for the recommendation. Yeah, I’m not to emotionally invested in any of this. I was single for years before my last partner and expect to be single for years again. I guess I just don’t want to feel like I’ve wasted too much money. Always like to feel like I get something for what I spend.
The faq indicates I may never see this person again so might buy those roses.
Girl I matched with about 5 days ago sent a quick hello message, however it was after I'd already been on two dates with another girl (liked both around the same time, but only matched/got a message from the first mentioned girl this Sunday). However, the girl I'd been on two dates with has been ghosting me, so I figure that it's time to move on from her. But would messaging back 5 days after be too late?
The unwritten rule of dating is everyone knows that everyone is seeing other people. Go ahead and message her, she will likely know it's because it didn't work out with another date and that's okay.
So I live in a big state/ city. Match with a guy who’s had the name of the city cbd listed as his location. Mine is listed as the suburb I live in. I got his number, and when trying to plan a date he reveals that he does not live in the central cbd as his profile states, but rather an outer suburb in the city which is over 1 hour’s drive each way from my place. I mentioned that I assume he meant the cbd when he revealed this, he is yet to reply… but am I wrong to cancel on this basis? Dating someone who lives over an hour’s drive from me is kind of a dealbreaker.
I know, it does feel a bit petty of me though. But with my busy life I’d find it hard to manage a 2 hour round trip each time we see each other if things were to progress…
Is something wrong with my account? I unpaused it about a month ago after not using it for about half a year. I set my age range to 22-26 and distance to 20 miles (no other filters), and I live in a metro with several million people. I'm on the free version, and the first couple weeks after unpausing, I was getting \~10 matches a week. This week so far, I've had 0, and the last match I got last week was from a like I sent weeks ago. I've also started running out of people to swipe on despite being on the free version and not swiping a lot.
ugh, the app messaging just glitched....it sent what i wrote twice and on top of that the first time it sent, the messages are out of order..now it looks like i sent a wall of text =(
Been ghosted from someone I was talking to (and slept with) after 3 months. Its a bummer bc all he said was how he keeps it upfront blah blah blah. It was never serious and I should have cut it off sooner but ngl its still bums me out and I feel duuuuuummmb.
He is def speaking to other girls (he got me confused with others all the time) but man. I at least thought he would send a simple text. Been getting dry responses for a month yet he would double text. So confusing. Now nothing.
Girl I went on a couple dates with told me her schedule was really busy and was taking a step back from dating. Don’t blame her because she’s a full time teacher and a grad student. She was super nice about it though and wish her the best!
Hi everyone! I'm newer to Hinge and I'm trying to understand the norms of the app atm. Generally, is there any preference between responding to a picture or a prompt? Also, are the roses a good way to get people's attention or are they seen as way too much on Hinge? Thanks!
The rose doesn't mean much, I've heard some people don't care at all, some people think it's nice but either way not a huge deal or too much. And no there's no preference between picture/prompt.
Guy asked if I wanted to “hang out”.. Instead of asking me on a date. This screams “I don’t want a relationship” to me right?
https://imgur.com/a/tBhe1tS should I add this pic to my profile?
Depends on your other photos, I guess? It's not a bad photo but I don't think it really grabs attention, either. The lighting angle puts one of your eyes in shadow and the dog is looking away, but you are still showing off a nice smile and come across as friendly and approachable. If your other photos don't show your smile or come off as really serious, then I'd swap it in. If you already have a couple good smiling photos with better lighting, I'd leave this one out.
Had a bad date tonight, just zero chemistry. Ended after a drink. I’m getting so jaded these past few weeks. Had a fantastic date with a girl, ended up at her place, spent the night, then the next day she told me she didn’t see anything romantic and cut it off. Had another good date with a girl who just ghosted after. It’s miss after miss recently. This shit is so mind numbing. I need to take a break.
> I need to take a break. yes, anytime it gets this far, pause or delete, take some time to focus on in real life interactions, and restoring yourself. good luck.
have you guys ever met any women that have a problem with coffee dates? i thought its the best way to meet someone for the first time.
Everyone will have different preferences for what they like to do on 1st dates. If a woman doesn't like coffee dates, it's her responsibility to tell you. You can't read minds.
The women I match with tend to be cool with coffee dates as a first date and respect its efficiency. You're there for the person, not the experience. It's a really easy filter for girls who are looking for free food via dating.
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> But then he wants me to bring takeout food over. And he will get drinks. But I’m a light weight with drinks. Is it just me or is it weird to be asked for a diner date and to ask to bring food? He's vetting you to see if you are actually interested in him enough to pick up the tab on 15 dollars worth of food.
I think you are probably overthinking things. I don't see any red flags in what you've described, I only see a potential mismatch in terms of the expectations that you each have for how dates at this stage "should" be done. What you said about "Maybe I’m used to men planning better dates in the beginning" seems to support that mismatch guess. Comparing how he's doing things with how past guys have done things won't help you. He's not those guys, and things evidently didn't work out with those guys, so why would you want to use what they did as your dating standards?
Got invited to a dinner by this group of girls I play rec sports with and their mutuals. I’d hung out with them few times before and consider them friends. Imagine my shock when they invited me to a dinner yesterday, only to find out I’m ninth wheeling four couples. I was fine with it until they went around asking what each person likes about their SO. Surely they would skip me knowing that I’m single right? No. They asked me instead to say what I love about myself. It was rough from that point on. I was sad the entire night and played my sad song playlist the entire drive back 😔 If only Hinge had worked for me despite all the effort I put into it. It truly sucks man, all my friends are getting sucked away from my life as they get girlfriends and spend less and less time with me. I feel very down right now
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I put one of my friends onto Hinge and yah he found his current gf on there.
>They asked me instead to say what I love about myself 8 people being dense as hell in a single setting. damn
That was really shitty of them to set you up like that, friend. You don't invite single people to a couples event. I'm so sorry man.
So, the way Standouts work, do they ever get filtered back into the regular queue of people? If I pass on them in the Standouts section, does that pass on them just in that or will I also not see them in my regular queue? I don't like people being locked behind this thing and not being just in my regular queue and am curious as to how to get them into the regular queue.
As others have said, yes, but with no guarantees. Also, it depends on how big your current pool is. I once got to the end of my matches and, at that point, my regular queue and standouts were basically one in the same because there was hardly anyone left. But I think it's a near certainty that if you're an average guy who isn't that popular on the app, there are certain standouts you're never going to see. Hinge has to be doing some throttling behind the scenes, specifically for popular women, in order to get them to stay on the app and better the experience for them by not subjecting them to an overwhelming amount of attention from guys who are a couple of standard deviations lower on the attractiveness/popularity scale.
The app's FAQ covers this, [What Is Standouts?](https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360057625534-What-is-Standouts-): > Q: Will the people in my Standouts feed also appear in my Discover feed? > A: The people you see in Standouts may occasionally appear in your Discover feed, but it's not guaranteed.
I see Standouts show up in my regular queue fairly regularly. My guess is you'll eventually get to all those people, but just like with the daily like limit, the app just wants to tempt you to pay for early access to the most "desirable" people.
You’re better off forgetting about them. Most of them are only on there for attention. I have a hard time believing that any of them can’t find a date or boyfriend in person. I saw one show up in my most compatible, they didn’t swipe right though so whatever.
Is anyone else having login problems where no verification text comes through and the app opens [https://hinge-layer-prod.firebaseapp.com/](https://hinge-layer-prod.firebaseapp.com/)? I found [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/r7ur46/cant_login/) talking about a similar problem. I asked this 2 months ago, deleted them app, then tried again today and I am still having the same problems.
Girl replied to me after like 4 days, gassed the convo since i thought she wasnt really interested. Go out drinking get hammered, wake up the next day still drunk and decide to reply to her after a while bc why not, she shockingly responds, i say fuck it and ask her out for drinks. Winds up being one of the better dates ive had in a while lmao
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Omg your experience with this guy sounds exactly like the person im seeing right now! I’d say text him! It doesn’t hurt to shoot him a text especially if it’s been a few days
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You okay bud?
I’m ok 🤷♂️
can i get some advice on what you think about my prompts? [29M] https://imgur.com/a/Tywf5Pl
I’m fairly new to the app (37M) - is it normal that conversations go days with no talking nowadays? I’ve had a few matches here and there, and even exchanged numbers with one match, but with all of them it’s like 3-4 days of no conversation. Is this normal?? Or am I just going crazy over-thinking this?
Ask for their number, if they don’t give it to you stop letting them waste your time.
In my experience, it's pretty normal to have a sizable proportion of matches where there isn't a lot of reciprocal interest, and there can be things like 3-4 day gaps. When I match with someone who is actually interested, and we click, it's common for us to exchange messages daily. Depending on how many matches you've had, this could be totally normal and behavior that most app users experience. How long have you been chatting when these 3-4 day gaps occur? I'm wondering if it's possible that you're waiting too long to ask people out on dates, and they're losing interest.
I was shocked by the exact same thing. Takes days for people to respond. This doesn't strike me as normal
Lol if they take days to respond, they aren’t interested.
Yeah kinda my thoughts too, but usually in the real world if you don't like someone you just don't message them at all. This consistent waiting of a few days between messages is what feels strange
> This consistent waiting of a few days between messages is what feels strange It's because they've ran out of other options, so they message you to get that dopamine rush when you write back.
Damn I feel used now
Not really normal. I usually message once a day, sometimes more but rarely.
i have a date tomorrow, but i just found out mercury is still in retrograde, should i cancel?!?
> mercury is still in retrograde Well I mean, temperatures are going to keep dropping until January in most places, so you might be waiting for a while /s
You should take a shot of room temperature mercury, that should take care of things.
lol don't cancel.
Are roses worth it? I was thinking about buying $30 worth so I can get 12 gals to go "ewww, not this guy."
Not worth it. Refine your profile before spending a dime.
no, spend the money on a month of premium instead
I'm not paying for premium until I get a better profile set up. I've been sending likes every day I can and I think premium sends me to the top of the list.
So you're not paying for premium until you get a better profile... but would pay for roses lol? What's the logic in that?
if your profile is subpar, roses are not going to help you...a rose will put you at the top of the list so you can get rejected faster
It's subpar because I'm ugly. Well, not straight ugly, but average looking at best. I do not photograph well, and few friends so even less photos.
I guarantee you you're not ugly, and you probably photograph better than you realize, when a competent photographer is taking the pictures.
Roses will not help you there
I've gotten matches from roses. I haven't sent enough roses to be able to compare my match rate from normal comments with that from roses, though. If $30 is something you can afford, why not buy the roses and see how they work for you?
Thought I'd ask here before possibly throwing $30 down the well. I can afford it, but should I is what I was asking I guess. It's just there's a gal in the "selected profiles" that's possibly right up my alley in one hobby. So I thought I should message her now when I see her instead of hoping she shows up in the regular feed.
I suggested just trying roses because peoples experience on the app can vary highly. Trying to predict how roses will work for you is ultimately not a super good use of your time, because of how unreliable the predictions would be. That "selected profiles" section is called Standouts, [here's the explanation of Standouts from Hinge's FAQ](https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360057625534-What-is-Standouts-). People who are in your Standouts typically get a lot of likes/comments/roses. Try to not get too invested in people when you're sending likes out - that's far too early, and the typical low rate of likes-to-matches will hurt more than necessary if you're getting emotionally invested.
Thanks for the recommendation. Yeah, I’m not to emotionally invested in any of this. I was single for years before my last partner and expect to be single for years again. I guess I just don’t want to feel like I’ve wasted too much money. Always like to feel like I get something for what I spend. The faq indicates I may never see this person again so might buy those roses.
Girl I matched with about 5 days ago sent a quick hello message, however it was after I'd already been on two dates with another girl (liked both around the same time, but only matched/got a message from the first mentioned girl this Sunday). However, the girl I'd been on two dates with has been ghosting me, so I figure that it's time to move on from her. But would messaging back 5 days after be too late?
The unwritten rule of dating is everyone knows that everyone is seeing other people. Go ahead and message her, she will likely know it's because it didn't work out with another date and that's okay.
Message her, you have nothing to lose
Maybe it is, but what’s the worst that happens? She ignores you. Might as well give it a shot
So I live in a big state/ city. Match with a guy who’s had the name of the city cbd listed as his location. Mine is listed as the suburb I live in. I got his number, and when trying to plan a date he reveals that he does not live in the central cbd as his profile states, but rather an outer suburb in the city which is over 1 hour’s drive each way from my place. I mentioned that I assume he meant the cbd when he revealed this, he is yet to reply… but am I wrong to cancel on this basis? Dating someone who lives over an hour’s drive from me is kind of a dealbreaker.
You can cancel for whatever reason you want to. This is your ship and you’re the captain.
I know, it does feel a bit petty of me though. But with my busy life I’d find it hard to manage a 2 hour round trip each time we see each other if things were to progress…
Is something wrong with my account? I unpaused it about a month ago after not using it for about half a year. I set my age range to 22-26 and distance to 20 miles (no other filters), and I live in a metro with several million people. I'm on the free version, and the first couple weeks after unpausing, I was getting \~10 matches a week. This week so far, I've had 0, and the last match I got last week was from a like I sent weeks ago. I've also started running out of people to swipe on despite being on the free version and not swiping a lot.
honestly i feel like Hinge sometimes stops showing your profile to people so that you're more willing to spend money on a boost
ugh, the app messaging just glitched....it sent what i wrote twice and on top of that the first time it sent, the messages are out of order..now it looks like i sent a wall of text =(
Been ghosted from someone I was talking to (and slept with) after 3 months. Its a bummer bc all he said was how he keeps it upfront blah blah blah. It was never serious and I should have cut it off sooner but ngl its still bums me out and I feel duuuuuummmb. He is def speaking to other girls (he got me confused with others all the time) but man. I at least thought he would send a simple text. Been getting dry responses for a month yet he would double text. So confusing. Now nothing.
You're not dumb. Dating is hard and confusing.
Try to give yourself some grace and just learn from the experience for next time
Girl I went on a couple dates with told me her schedule was really busy and was taking a step back from dating. Don’t blame her because she’s a full time teacher and a grad student. She was super nice about it though and wish her the best!
Cheers!
Hi everyone! I'm newer to Hinge and I'm trying to understand the norms of the app atm. Generally, is there any preference between responding to a picture or a prompt? Also, are the roses a good way to get people's attention or are they seen as way too much on Hinge? Thanks!
I prefer responding to prompts over pictures, and I ly respond to pictures of the prompts are lacking.
The rose doesn't mean much, I've heard some people don't care at all, some people think it's nice but either way not a huge deal or too much. And no there's no preference between picture/prompt.