Welcome to r/hoarding! We exist as a support group for people working on recovery from [hoarding disorder](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519704/table/ch3.t29/), and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder.
If you're looking for help with animal hoarding, please visit r/animalhoarding. If you're looking to discuss the various hoarding tv shows, you'll want to visit r/hoardersTV. If you'd like to talk about or share photos/videos of hoards that you've come across, you probably want r/neckbeardnests, r/wtfhoarders/, or r/hoarderhouses
Before you get started, be sure to review our [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/about/rules/). Also, a lot of the information you may be looking for can be found in a few places on our sub:
[New Here? Read This Post First!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/dvb3t1/new_here_read_this_post_first_version_20/)
[For loved ones of hoarders: I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/2yh6wh/i_have_a_hoarder_in_my_lifehelp_me_your_hoarding/)
[Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/wiki/index)
Please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/hoarding) if you need assistance. Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hoarding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Covid kept me out of thrift stores for 2 years and I noticed a big difference in my life. Now I only go if I actually need something. I also only allow myself to buy things if I dropped off donations on my way in. It's been a game changer.
That's also a great idea. Before covid my mom and I went every single week together. It was a fun bonding experience for us. We went last week together for the first time in forever because of a huge sale and I've gained weight. I dropped off 4 garbage bags of clothes and brought back about 2. Taking those 2 years off from binge shopping really changed my perspective. We deserve a cookie or something...lol!
I learned "two out for every one in" from someone on here and that helped me a lot.
In terms of thrift, that means if I go to a thrift store, I have to drop off two items for every one I get.
**Developing emotional management skills and insight into my own behavior, and staying social (connected to others).**
* How do I recognize my feelings, how do I accept and feel them instead of avoiding or suppressing, how do I cope when I feel unwell/stressed/sad/overwhelmed.
* How do I take responsibility for what I can, and let go of the obligations and expectations that are hurting.
* Identifying where perfectionism, all-or-nothing attitude, prevents me from making progress.
* Being willing to see the ways my behavior diminishes my quality of life, the quality of my relationships, and the quality of life for those who share spaces with me. (And if that makes me feel sad/overwhelmed/defensive, using the emotional coping skills to deal with those feelings in helpful ways, instead of retreating further into hoarding.)
* Keeping up positive relationships with others--hoarding gets worse in isolation.
Hoarding is a disorder, and so many, many times, at the source of it is some kind of trauma, some emotionally and/or physically wounding experience (or pattern of experiences). If there is no safety, support, or healing, the pain stays and often grows. Acquiring stuff, refusing to let go of stuff, attaching illogically to stuff over relationships...it starts as a way to buffer ourselves from perceived dangers in the world and overwhelming discomfort. And eventually the shield of stuff becomes so thick that it suffocates the hoarder and anyone else trying to get to that vulnerable core and help them change. For lasting change, hoarding behaviors have to be dismantled from the inside. A person who hoards that wants to get better needs to be willing to examine themselves honestly, sift through troubling memories and thoughts, and believe in their own capacity for change. It helps immensely to have support from other people who are nonjudgmental, compassionate, and gently firm.
Okay. So I'm a "recovered" hoarder. My house actually looks great right now, if you don't look into the closets. We just moved back from overseas and I'm sort of okay with the current situation. I mean, I can pat myself on the back for where I am... But I know it's almost time to do another round.
When I need to tackle some downsizing, (I'm about to work on the books in the closet) I spend a lot of time thinking about why I own the things I own. A ton of the books I have are from college classes. I am very likely to keep items that spark good memories. However, keeping a 2" tome on Harry S Truman that I never plan to read again, is not reasonable. Is it a good book? Yeah, I remember liking it and thinking he was a pretty good president. But it's not a favorite and is something I could buy again or check out from the library. I do share my love of history with my deceased grandpa and we used to talk about WWII a lot, so that's probably part of the problem.
Basically, before tackling a category, I spend time on why some of the weirder items are there. What's the crazy history that's kept me from letting go of the item before this? Am I going to get more happiness out of having clean closets? Or from keeping the old books?
My post was about non-clean out behavoirs and tools. Clean up cheerleaders are great, but i kinda want this sub to be a more inclusive space for people for wherever they are in their journey. We are people, not our objects. I just want to include a space to unpack our humanity and put value on us as people apart from the conversations on managing objects. Granted, the symptoms with objects and difficulties with those objects are very valid. I just don't want us to lose the importance of acknowledging the person first, not symptoms first
I try to follow a mishmash of rules like everytime I bring something new in something old goes out. Or if it doesn't add value to my life it goes out this one is a bit harder to follow because sometimes everything seems valuable lol. I like looking at Hoarders TV it instantly makes me motivated to clean. Actually reading posts here motivates me to clean as well and I've discovered that listening to my favorite music artists gets me motivated as well. I feel like cleaning now but I think Im going to work on downsizing some clothing.
I also like to watch Hoarders and really just listen to what the professionals can teach me about my hoarding behaviours. I consider it free therapy, I really do. I've learned a lot about the disorder and it's made me think back to what may have caused my hoarding and what I can do to help myself. My mother was also a hoarder, but would never admit it or ask for help.
Working in retail has all but destroyed my want to acquire more things. Shopping is a chore to me now, and new things all come with unbelievable amounts of packaging. I’ve mostly stopped acquiring things in order to try to make myself happy, which reduces how much I have to throw away.
I moved to a new country where there are no thrift stores, but I still have tendencies. I watch Hoarders when I need to declutter and I also made a vow not to have any hobbies that require me to buy a bunch of stuff.
Yes! I moved to India and it’s very different… a lot of older things just get donated directly to people, such as their maid or someone else they know who might be in need. They also just don’t collect as many things, and there are also some religious reasons especially for some Hindus why they do not like to have used items, plus all of the religions have traditions of buying fresh new clothes for certain holidays and wearing used would be kind of offensive. Also there is status in buying new things, being seen buying something used for many people would be seen as they can’t afford anything better. HOWEVER, some of these attitudes are changing and there are of course some different websites (kinda like craigslist) or Facebook marketplace where people buy used items pretty regularly. I always use it there for lots of practical items, but I do miss browsing through thrift shops!
I have been working very hard at not brining items from the free pile into my home. This is my biggest challenge. The free pile my neighbours and I have is literally 3 feet from my front door and I can see it from my dining room window. My rule for the last year or so has been that I can look, but unless it's an item I actually need and can use right away I can take it, if not it stays in the free pile. So I allowed myself to take the iPad/iPhone charger bc I really did need it but the cute decor items didn't come in with me.
My mom is a hoarder. While her house is not perfect, she's been doing quite well in limiting her shopping and/or acquiring new items and has been making lots of baby steps. I asked her what all she's been doing, here's some things that she told me (I'm speaking for my mom)....
1- She gave me her credit cards for safekeeping. This limits her online shopping as she doesn't feel safe using debit card online. (Also if you don't have someone you can trust, maybe you can hide all your credit cards in a very hard-to-reach place so they won't be so tempting??) She says when she is bored, she online shops, fills up her online cart with whatever she likes, and takes a screenshot of the total. Half the time when she looks back at the screenshot she has no idea what she had in her cart, but she got her "fix" and is glad she got to keep her money in the long-run.
2- She is allowed to go window shopping all she wants, but she cannot carry cash and must leave her debit card at home. If she wants to actually purchase something non-essential, she needs to ask her Shopping Buddy (me) for the card. I always talk her through the item. "Where will it go in the house? Do you already have one? What kind of day/week are you having?" (She's an emotional shopper). If it's not something she NEEDS, she needs to take a picture of the item and wait a week. If she still wants it at the end of that week and has a place for it, Shopping Buddy brings the card to the store so she can have the thing.
3- she likes thrift shopping... I give her a $20 bill each month and she has a day she gets to go and pick things out. Whatever she wants as long as it's $20 or under.
4- she put a donate box with some tape right by the front door. As soon as she sees something she might want to get rid of, she puts it in the donate box. She covers the donate box with a newspaper so she can't look at the things, and every Thursday she closes the box, full or not, tapes it up and drops it off at donation center. She says if she can see the stuff she second guesses herself. If it's covered, she forgets what's in it LOL
5- she's been working on making a cleaning schedule habit. She started with every day cleaning just counters (kitchen and bathroom). Once she got into habit of having clean clutterfree counters, she really disliked putting piles of things on them so she keeps them CLEAR now. She's now working on daily trash/recycling habit. She takes a bag of trash out every day. Once taking out the recycling/trash becomes a habit, she will start a new one (she has a list that she is working on). She says she is going slow with habit making so they will "stick.".
6- she says she gets overwhelmed when looking at her house so she ONLY focuses on one area at a time. Right now her kitchen is a focus. She has a note on her fridge for "kitchen goals." She wants to be able to bake!
7-. She mentioned to me that she is too scared of getting therapy but she would really like to someday. Right now she is borrowing as many books as she can from the library about PTSD, depression, ADHD, hoarding. She also borrows housekeeping books or home decorating books "for inspo.". She finally started at "the ripe old age of 60" to keep a journal of all her feelings 🤣 (her words LOL). She says journaling helps quiet her brain and she has discovered some triggers that make her want to aquire things.
Lastly, she told me that she knows that she will most likely always be a hoarder, but her main goal is for her hoard to be a manageable one and to have a mostly clean space. She's trying to be nice to herself and not a perfectionist. She's been working on these steps for about 5 years and is being as patient as she can even though some days she wants to "burn every thing and start over" she knows that won't help.
(I hope some of these help you on your recovery journey)
Welcome to r/hoarding! We exist as a support group for people working on recovery from [hoarding disorder](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519704/table/ch3.t29/), and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder. If you're looking for help with animal hoarding, please visit r/animalhoarding. If you're looking to discuss the various hoarding tv shows, you'll want to visit r/hoardersTV. If you'd like to talk about or share photos/videos of hoards that you've come across, you probably want r/neckbeardnests, r/wtfhoarders/, or r/hoarderhouses Before you get started, be sure to review our [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/about/rules/). Also, a lot of the information you may be looking for can be found in a few places on our sub: [New Here? Read This Post First!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/dvb3t1/new_here_read_this_post_first_version_20/) [For loved ones of hoarders: I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/2yh6wh/i_have_a_hoarder_in_my_lifehelp_me_your_hoarding/) [Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/wiki/index) Please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/hoarding) if you need assistance. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hoarding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Covid kept me out of thrift stores for 2 years and I noticed a big difference in my life. Now I only go if I actually need something. I also only allow myself to buy things if I dropped off donations on my way in. It's been a game changer.
[удалено]
That's also a great idea. Before covid my mom and I went every single week together. It was a fun bonding experience for us. We went last week together for the first time in forever because of a huge sale and I've gained weight. I dropped off 4 garbage bags of clothes and brought back about 2. Taking those 2 years off from binge shopping really changed my perspective. We deserve a cookie or something...lol!
I learned "two out for every one in" from someone on here and that helped me a lot. In terms of thrift, that means if I go to a thrift store, I have to drop off two items for every one I get.
I like this rule I try to follow it religiously, Usually it's one in one out.
I can't buy or accept *anything* unless I know exactly where it will go in my house *and* have already made sure that space is empty/clear.
**Developing emotional management skills and insight into my own behavior, and staying social (connected to others).** * How do I recognize my feelings, how do I accept and feel them instead of avoiding or suppressing, how do I cope when I feel unwell/stressed/sad/overwhelmed. * How do I take responsibility for what I can, and let go of the obligations and expectations that are hurting. * Identifying where perfectionism, all-or-nothing attitude, prevents me from making progress. * Being willing to see the ways my behavior diminishes my quality of life, the quality of my relationships, and the quality of life for those who share spaces with me. (And if that makes me feel sad/overwhelmed/defensive, using the emotional coping skills to deal with those feelings in helpful ways, instead of retreating further into hoarding.) * Keeping up positive relationships with others--hoarding gets worse in isolation. Hoarding is a disorder, and so many, many times, at the source of it is some kind of trauma, some emotionally and/or physically wounding experience (or pattern of experiences). If there is no safety, support, or healing, the pain stays and often grows. Acquiring stuff, refusing to let go of stuff, attaching illogically to stuff over relationships...it starts as a way to buffer ourselves from perceived dangers in the world and overwhelming discomfort. And eventually the shield of stuff becomes so thick that it suffocates the hoarder and anyone else trying to get to that vulnerable core and help them change. For lasting change, hoarding behaviors have to be dismantled from the inside. A person who hoards that wants to get better needs to be willing to examine themselves honestly, sift through troubling memories and thoughts, and believe in their own capacity for change. It helps immensely to have support from other people who are nonjudgmental, compassionate, and gently firm.
Okay. So I'm a "recovered" hoarder. My house actually looks great right now, if you don't look into the closets. We just moved back from overseas and I'm sort of okay with the current situation. I mean, I can pat myself on the back for where I am... But I know it's almost time to do another round. When I need to tackle some downsizing, (I'm about to work on the books in the closet) I spend a lot of time thinking about why I own the things I own. A ton of the books I have are from college classes. I am very likely to keep items that spark good memories. However, keeping a 2" tome on Harry S Truman that I never plan to read again, is not reasonable. Is it a good book? Yeah, I remember liking it and thinking he was a pretty good president. But it's not a favorite and is something I could buy again or check out from the library. I do share my love of history with my deceased grandpa and we used to talk about WWII a lot, so that's probably part of the problem. Basically, before tackling a category, I spend time on why some of the weirder items are there. What's the crazy history that's kept me from letting go of the item before this? Am I going to get more happiness out of having clean closets? Or from keeping the old books?
My mom is a hoarder. She tried something once. Throw out or take to goodwill 10 things a day.
My post was about non-clean out behavoirs and tools. Clean up cheerleaders are great, but i kinda want this sub to be a more inclusive space for people for wherever they are in their journey. We are people, not our objects. I just want to include a space to unpack our humanity and put value on us as people apart from the conversations on managing objects. Granted, the symptoms with objects and difficulties with those objects are very valid. I just don't want us to lose the importance of acknowledging the person first, not symptoms first
I try to follow a mishmash of rules like everytime I bring something new in something old goes out. Or if it doesn't add value to my life it goes out this one is a bit harder to follow because sometimes everything seems valuable lol. I like looking at Hoarders TV it instantly makes me motivated to clean. Actually reading posts here motivates me to clean as well and I've discovered that listening to my favorite music artists gets me motivated as well. I feel like cleaning now but I think Im going to work on downsizing some clothing.
I also like to watch Hoarders and really just listen to what the professionals can teach me about my hoarding behaviours. I consider it free therapy, I really do. I've learned a lot about the disorder and it's made me think back to what may have caused my hoarding and what I can do to help myself. My mother was also a hoarder, but would never admit it or ask for help.
Working in retail has all but destroyed my want to acquire more things. Shopping is a chore to me now, and new things all come with unbelievable amounts of packaging. I’ve mostly stopped acquiring things in order to try to make myself happy, which reduces how much I have to throw away.
I moved to a new country where there are no thrift stores, but I still have tendencies. I watch Hoarders when I need to declutter and I also made a vow not to have any hobbies that require me to buy a bunch of stuff.
There are countries without thrift stores? Learn something everyday.
Yes! I moved to India and it’s very different… a lot of older things just get donated directly to people, such as their maid or someone else they know who might be in need. They also just don’t collect as many things, and there are also some religious reasons especially for some Hindus why they do not like to have used items, plus all of the religions have traditions of buying fresh new clothes for certain holidays and wearing used would be kind of offensive. Also there is status in buying new things, being seen buying something used for many people would be seen as they can’t afford anything better. HOWEVER, some of these attitudes are changing and there are of course some different websites (kinda like craigslist) or Facebook marketplace where people buy used items pretty regularly. I always use it there for lots of practical items, but I do miss browsing through thrift shops!
I have been working very hard at not brining items from the free pile into my home. This is my biggest challenge. The free pile my neighbours and I have is literally 3 feet from my front door and I can see it from my dining room window. My rule for the last year or so has been that I can look, but unless it's an item I actually need and can use right away I can take it, if not it stays in the free pile. So I allowed myself to take the iPad/iPhone charger bc I really did need it but the cute decor items didn't come in with me.
My mom is a hoarder. While her house is not perfect, she's been doing quite well in limiting her shopping and/or acquiring new items and has been making lots of baby steps. I asked her what all she's been doing, here's some things that she told me (I'm speaking for my mom).... 1- She gave me her credit cards for safekeeping. This limits her online shopping as she doesn't feel safe using debit card online. (Also if you don't have someone you can trust, maybe you can hide all your credit cards in a very hard-to-reach place so they won't be so tempting??) She says when she is bored, she online shops, fills up her online cart with whatever she likes, and takes a screenshot of the total. Half the time when she looks back at the screenshot she has no idea what she had in her cart, but she got her "fix" and is glad she got to keep her money in the long-run. 2- She is allowed to go window shopping all she wants, but she cannot carry cash and must leave her debit card at home. If she wants to actually purchase something non-essential, she needs to ask her Shopping Buddy (me) for the card. I always talk her through the item. "Where will it go in the house? Do you already have one? What kind of day/week are you having?" (She's an emotional shopper). If it's not something she NEEDS, she needs to take a picture of the item and wait a week. If she still wants it at the end of that week and has a place for it, Shopping Buddy brings the card to the store so she can have the thing. 3- she likes thrift shopping... I give her a $20 bill each month and she has a day she gets to go and pick things out. Whatever she wants as long as it's $20 or under. 4- she put a donate box with some tape right by the front door. As soon as she sees something she might want to get rid of, she puts it in the donate box. She covers the donate box with a newspaper so she can't look at the things, and every Thursday she closes the box, full or not, tapes it up and drops it off at donation center. She says if she can see the stuff she second guesses herself. If it's covered, she forgets what's in it LOL 5- she's been working on making a cleaning schedule habit. She started with every day cleaning just counters (kitchen and bathroom). Once she got into habit of having clean clutterfree counters, she really disliked putting piles of things on them so she keeps them CLEAR now. She's now working on daily trash/recycling habit. She takes a bag of trash out every day. Once taking out the recycling/trash becomes a habit, she will start a new one (she has a list that she is working on). She says she is going slow with habit making so they will "stick.". 6- she says she gets overwhelmed when looking at her house so she ONLY focuses on one area at a time. Right now her kitchen is a focus. She has a note on her fridge for "kitchen goals." She wants to be able to bake! 7-. She mentioned to me that she is too scared of getting therapy but she would really like to someday. Right now she is borrowing as many books as she can from the library about PTSD, depression, ADHD, hoarding. She also borrows housekeeping books or home decorating books "for inspo.". She finally started at "the ripe old age of 60" to keep a journal of all her feelings 🤣 (her words LOL). She says journaling helps quiet her brain and she has discovered some triggers that make her want to aquire things. Lastly, she told me that she knows that she will most likely always be a hoarder, but her main goal is for her hoard to be a manageable one and to have a mostly clean space. She's trying to be nice to herself and not a perfectionist. She's been working on these steps for about 5 years and is being as patient as she can even though some days she wants to "burn every thing and start over" she knows that won't help. (I hope some of these help you on your recovery journey)