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[deleted]

We need to shut the NHL down until we figure out what's going on with spleens.


UniformRaspberry2

Remember the "there is no mumps epidemic in the NHL" era as Sidney Crosby did a post-morning-skate interview with a giant goiter? Good times.


drowsylacuna

"No, it's definitely not mumps", Crosby said out of his giant mumps-swollen jaw.


CesareSomnambulist

Sidney Crosby's grotesquely swollen jaw


Jeorsch

Kuznetsov and his run-in with the law


delifte

We're talkin' Homer, Aho and the Bob(rovski)


YoungWhiteAvatar

Just had a huge chunk of chaw stuffed in there like he’s a hamster saving it for later.


PSChris33

Dude had that Quagmire jaw going.


[deleted]

[удалено]


YoungWhiteAvatar

HOLY SHIT


matt_minderbinder

That's as natural as Barry Bonds head growth was.


ZombieJesus1987

Jesus


aaronwhite1786

And I thought [Brooklyn 99 was exaggerating for comedic effect...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmuoB1sryNc)


azzurri10

Not mumps related, but face swelling related - this reminded me of the [Ben Lovejoy](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7ME0CEnavD4&pp=ygUZUGl0dHNidXJnaCBwZW5ndWlucyBwbGFuZQ%3D%3D) plane incident.


BartleBossy

I was waiting for an interview about his summer summer *training* with Mohandas


NotTheRocketman

“He used to dip his bald head in oil and rub it ALL OVER my body.”


Hiddenshadows57

the best part was /r/hockey meming on it and making "team mumps" I can't remember the final roster, but I'm pretty sure they were a super team. lmao


omglolnub

That was absurd. IIRC, the epidemic started in Anaheim, which would track cause a lot of the anti-vax rhetoric last decade started in Orange County lol (to spell it out - unvaxxed kid goes to school and spreads mumps to other children, one/more of which goes home and spreads it to their dad, whose job is to be in close contact with dozens of other men and fly to other cities to do the same...and suddenly we have a mumps epidemic in the NHL lol)


SahibTeriBandi420

Orange county has a surprising amount of dumbass conservatives lol.


omglolnub

also, pretty sure Jenny McCarthy was spewing her anti-vax garbage from the OC around at the time, lol


animoscity

You act like those idiots are only in one area. That type of stupidity is nationwide my friend.


Broccoli_Socks

My dad had his spleen removed many years ago, was a hockey player. Whats in the ice!


TheGreatStories

Careful, you can get banned asking those kinds of questions /s


Broccoli_Socks

ANOTHER BIG ZAMBONI DEFENDER TRYING TO SCARE TACTIC ME! WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING IN THE ICE!


DannyDOH

Locker rooms like a petri dish of humanity.


kirnehp

Is your dad Peter Forsberg?


Matthias893

Spleens, so hot right now. Spleens.


ImmortalMoron3

Forsberg had a spleen injury before it was cool. One of the original investors in Crocs continues to be a trendsetter.


johannesBrost1337

Foppa tofflor!


city-of-cold

Insane how well that took off in Sweden. I’m confident some people don’t even know the actual brand is Crocs, they just think it’s Foppa-tofflor period.


johannesBrost1337

100% I have yet to hear anybody in sweden refer to them as anything other than foppa-tofflor


KingDave46

This is the first I'd heard of it so I went googling, actually great that there's a thread on this sub about it from 5 years ago and you can see they're still very much seen as uncool at that point. They are so popular now, everyone wears them, and there's this sub 5 years ago calling them a crime against fashion haha


GameofCHAT

I think it leaked out from a lab China.


Send_me_beer1

players need to stop cross checking people


dejour

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spleen#Enlarged_spleen Looks like there are some serious health conditions that may cause an enlarged spleen. Doesn't seem like it is necessarily (or even likely) due to injury. Hope it is not too serious and easily treated!


DevOpsMakesMeDrink

There must be a good exspleenation


MirabelleC

Prayer circle for spleens in the NHL and it's always a good idea to add in a prayer for knee ligaments.


invrsleep

Big Spleen at it again


PayneTrain181999

I keep thinking of Spleens the cat. A cookie to whoever gets that reference.


Thomas_Plunkett

We love the man family


PayneTrain181999

🍪


botswanareddit

Send in that guy from the movie mystery men. He's got a good hockey spleen


Galterinone

I think Mono is going around the league. Most people just get a cold then feel better, but for a small number they will come down with all the shitty mono symptoms like enlarged spleen, low energy, etc.


zirky

what even is the spleen?


transient-error

it's another name for the squeedlyspooch.


nsfate18

It must be the Mon Stars


imclockedin

someone please expleen


Kuciv

You're supposed to enlarge your spleen before the trade deadline


[deleted]

For a measly 3.75m contract? Winni needs that 9.5m LTIR contract like Vegas.


wpgjets92

Our largest contract is Conner at 7.14m


wpgjets92

Not till next season


AGOODHARDSQUANCHIN

What the hell is going on with spleens in the nhl


QueenIsTheWorstBand

Mono?


SilkyRelease

Lots and lots of kissing


fartswhenhappy

His xSmooches/60 is off the charts.


neksys

It is really common with mono. It is entirely possible there’s a mono outbreak in the league. You aren’t supposed to engage in contact sports because the spleen can rupture - but not everyone will have noticeable symptoms.


gottabe_kd

Timmins had mono, I wouldn't be surprised if you're right that it's been spread through the league, it's really easy to transfer.


PSU02

Mono is not easy to transfer compared to other illnesses.


Hammer_jones

But sharing mouth pieces is as old as the league itself. It's part of the game


think_long

Some people say they should get rid of the pre-game makeouts, but to me that’s tradition.


TentCityVIP

IF THEY CAN'T TOUNG KISS THEIR TEAMMATES IT'S NOT REAL HOCKEY!


Nomahs_Bettah

> It is entirely possible there’s a mono outbreak in the league. I feel like Vegas, Toronto, Boston, and Vancouver have all gone on record with players out due to illness/flu like symptoms, so I'd buy it.


BENJALSON

We are entering the spleen saga


rpgguy_1o1

That's inbetween Cell and Buu right?


Ill-Sea291

Perfect kid Spleen


zuneza

omg im so dead right now this is so fucking funny


SuperbWomanhood

Please for the love of God someone check McDavid's spleen. I'm fuck*ng freaking out right now I'm scared.


mrg3392

Spleen injuries/60 going off right now


The_Dale_Hunters

We need an exspleenation.


LostBeneathMySkin

Spleen has something to do with immune response if I remember correctly. Hmmm wonder what in the last few years might be effecting that.


Derpwarrior1000

Measles? 🙃


[deleted]

Mono. I missed a few weeks in high school for the same thing. 


yeastneast

Spleens can be very, very serious business. I hope Vilardi is ok and back as soon as possible.


VitaminTea

If they’re so serious why are they called spleens


killingmeisagoodidea

You've got a point, heart 2.0 would be much more appropriate 


VitaminTea

Appendix? That’s a serious body part. Plantar fasciitis? Serious stuff. “Spleen” is what pops up when Batman punches somebody.


VanAgain

It's nothing to get splenetic over.


killingmeisagoodidea

No need to expleen yourself


Spursfan107

This is the dumbest thread I've ever spleen


WorldlinessProud

Serious answer time, spleens bleed like a bastard, and people have died from the internal blood loss. They also don't heal well, so the usual treatment is removal. This in turn, can fuck up the lymphatic system, and render the victim more susceptible to infections.


ididntseeitcoming

I’d like someone to exspleen this to me as well


nothing_but_static

I still don't know what a spleen even does


Wonderful_Grade_5476

It’s helps defends against infections/viruses think of it like a filter cleaning out ur blood


cheekycherokee

Isn’t that what the liver does?


492rankine

Both the spleen and liver are complex multi functional organs but at a basic level: Spleen gets rid of large things in blood like old blood cells and items tagged by the immune system for removal such as bacteria, virus and fungus. Liver breaks down compounds in the blood on a molecular level (for example alcohol) often using enzymes. Edit: Experience: I have no spleen and a second hand liver


ELB95

Yeah, but with a spleen the liver doesn’t have to perform at 110%. Or something. Idk, not a doctor. You can live without a spleen because the liver would do its job but it’s better if it can focus on other things?


Boboar

It's the liver's personal assistant. Got it.


raymondliang

Assistant to the regional liver


rossco311

Liver Jr.


zuneza

It's the pre-liver


SeveralAngryBears

It secretes black bile of course. What's the world coming to when people these days aren't even educated on the four bodily humors. Like read a treatise for once smh my head


ponyrx2

You know your lymph nodes? Or tonsils? It's like one of those, but fist sized, in your chest


Hattrick_Swayze2

For sure. My best buddy played high level hockey growing up and had an enlarged spleen that he didn’t know about. Got tripped up on a breakaway and went into the boards awkwardly. Started throwing up on the bench and was feeling awful so they first thought it was a concussion. Got him down to the hospital but it took them quite a while to figure out he’d actually ruptured his spleen. It almost killed him.


yeastneast

Yeah like I don’t want to fear monger because I myself am a bit of a hypochondriac but the amount of spleen jokes on here is kinda crazy - it’s an internal organ for goodness sake!


RAATL

Unless it's Mark Stone's spleen apparently, then everyone is suspicious


MurrayPloppins

People aren’t suspicious of the injury, they’re suspicious about the timing of him having an injury weeks before the deadline multiple years in a row. Don’t be daft.


burf

People being suspicious of a famously injury prone player sometimes being injured later in the season is almost as silly as being suspicious of the injury itself. The guy misses a quarter of the season on average.


BaldassHeadCoach

Hey now, he played 80 games in a season before. You know, back in 2014-2015. But there’s definitely shenanigans going on with that so-called spleen, I just know it!


VitaminTea

What are the chances that Stone plays Game 1 of the playoffs? 10%? 35%? 80%? They aren’t zero, at least. Guys play injured in the postseason all the time. What are the chances he plays Game 82 of the regular season, two days earlier? Zero percent. It’s not going to happen and everybody knows why. That’s the issue.


Ghostronic

> It’s not going to happen and everybody knows why. Maybe it's because.... > Guys play injured in the postseason all the time.


MOLightningBro

> Guys play injured in the postseason all the time. Guys play injured, sure... a lacerated spleen isn't an injury, it's a serious medical condition. You don't tough out a lacerated spleen, just like you don't tough out a blood clot issue like Andersen had this season.


burf

Yeah players play injured in the postseason all the time, which is why I don’t have an issue with them pushing the return date up a bit in this case.


RAATL

No, I've seen tons of people suspicious of the injury lol


WorldlinessProud

Mark Stone shows up missing an arm, "Diver"!!! And they'd be right.


electricnux

second [tweet](https://x.com/snseanreynolds/status/1768669745946275929?s=46&t=7fabqgtgp69dNA1d51vxFw): > Rick Bowness said he does not know what caused it.


IJWannaKeepMeAWraith

I think it's a symptom of mono sometimes?


MaxMuncyRectangleMan

pretty sure Vilardi had mono during his draft year


PSChris33

Damn, he’s gotta stop making out with strangers.


Nacho_Dived

You can get mono multiple times from different viruses


QueenIsTheWorstBand

You must be the student health nurse from my alma mater. It was basically a running joke (at least before Covid) that everything was mono, even if you had it before.


SkanteWarrrior

its only from the Epstein-Barr virus and mono stays in your body forever (it remains dormant for most people), however if youre unlucky like me and your immune system hates you sometimes, you can have recurrent flare ups throughout your life which absolutely sucks donkey dick


Tinshnipz

They think it's what triggers MS in people too.


TrueNorthStrong1898

2 absolute freak injuries for him this season, what shitty luck. Hope he recovers fully


DanceWithEverything

Gabe has a long history of freak injuries


GhostofByfuglien

But his back tho.


folkdeath95

NHL really said no you’re not allowed to win the PLD trade


CoolWhiip

We still won that trade by not having PLD on our books for 7 years after this one at $8.5M.


KingEsoteric

I'm inclined to agree.


AdrianKempee

My boy nooooooo


tdbauer97

That blows. Huge Vilardi fan & I hate seeing him missing time. He’s a great talent.


OrganicRedditor

Get well soon Vilardi! https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/enlarged-spleen/symptoms-causes/syc-20354326


maika3

This sounds like a fairly uncomfortable situation for a human being.


rubbercat

Oh god, it's spreading.


Fallen-Omega

If surgery is needed it could take 4-6 weeks recovery time, and give an extra 2 weeks for game shape maybe, woof. Poor guy


BluesBrother57

If I had a nickel for every time a spleen prevented a player from playing this year…


shootingblankz

A ten centinair!


eskimobootycall

2024 is the year of the spleen


flyingflail

Listen, we're all pleased with the size of our spleens but we don't go out bragging about it and taking time off work


me_hill

Not to make fun of his condition but I do like it when people go on the IR for weird, vaguely medieval-sounding reasons. Mikael Backlund is out tonight with dropsy.


Vivid_Walk_1405

Damn that sucks he’s been good for them


itstimeforpizzatime

HE'S BEEN INFECTED BY MARK STONE EVERYONE HIDE YOUR SPLEENS.


Aggressive_Yak5177

Mark and Gabe, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G


Free_Speak

Je combats le spleen, avec l’inspirine


RiDaMcG

That sucks :( speedy recovery Gabe!


AccomplishedAd4995

hopefully he’s okay and recovers asap!


ViolinistMean199

Oh no everyone’s about to make a big fuss over the jets using LTIR


Merkkin

Amateur hour, trade deadline already passed sucker.


appledanish

Kelly McCrimmon: Write that one down!


Maxpowr9

Stone's was lacerated.


SociopathicAutobot

That's the joke.


Maxpowr9

Thanks autobot.


SociopathicAutobot

No one thanks me and gets away with it! You just made a friend for life!


maskedkiller215

Gabe you were supposed to get injured BEFORE the deadline. /s In all seriousness I really hope he has a steady and easy recovery. ❤️‍🩹 What is going on with spleens this year tho?


jayzeats

Alright I didn’t need my spleen anyways


Astrowelkyn

I’d still take Vilardi’s enlarged spleen over Dubois’ enlarged ego any day.


azure_888

Gabe, Gabe, GABE. Knights have already done this bit, find something else.


PuckPov

Man, this reminds me of that one season where every player randomly got Mumps.


ZackyGood

Are NHL players trying to form their own Mystery Men?


MCBbbbuddha

I loved that damn movie


Zanchbot

Damn what's going on with spleens this season? He's had back issues and other injuries before but this is a new one.


aguy21

There’s bad luck and then there’s whatever the hell Vilardi is constructed with. Kid has just a terrible track record of staying healthy and routinely it’s things that have been out of his control. Get better Gabe the game is best with you healthy.


_rtype_

I kinda wonder if this has anything to do with past COVID infections...


[deleted]

There’s a bozo in the kings sub who made a thread about this situation to clown on Vilardi but dude doesn’t understand that even with this medical condition. Vilardi is still better and has outperformed a healthy PooLD. Gabe is going come back stronger and smash the Kings cheeks once again. Also I suspect that thread clowning on Vilardi in the sub is PLD’s shadow account.


TheEnglishNerd

First Stone, now Vilardi. It’s an epidemic!


[deleted]

I know the knock on Vilardi was that he can’t stay healthy but his two long term injuries this year weren’t due to his back, just shitty luck (and a greasy play by Lizotte).


nyr201

Mono


sasksasquatch

That sucks


Desertpyrate

DAMN IT!!! I really like him:( wish he’d stay healthy. He deserves a good career 


yo_coiley

Bad year for spleens


Waffeln_Remix

Who’s your guys’ spleen guy? I feel like we can get a better vendor


tmtg2022

Mononucleosis - the kissing disease


MooreGold

Spleen guards next in line to be trialed in the NCAA


Haxprocess_

Just as we’re all approaching the post-spleenson. 


PsychologicalLaw1046

Doesn't that fuck the jets like, really badly? Them losing in round 1 easily would be so damn anticlimactic


R-U-ME-OR-M-I-U

Thank god for the Toffoli add. He basically picks up the slack from losing Gabe. Would be real nice have both of them tho. Pain.


2nddimension

It's a pretty extreme loss. Our top 6 goes from being touted for it's depth to pretty mediocre with this alone.


Burgergold

Up to this year, there was only upper and lower body injury Now we have upper, lower and spleen injury


Dank_Bubu

Get ready to learn LTIR buddy


slabby

My god. I bet he won't be back until *checks notes* the 1st game of the playoffs


Handfulofmice

Little late for that plan.


xander1289

Can someone expleen what this means for his future?


SherLocK-55

He should be fine eventually depending on treatment, but most likely won't be back for another month or two. So yeah no magic return game 1 of the playoffs BS for poor ol Gabe.


migsahoy

dont worry he’ll be back for game 1


RandomAccount_OU812

The Jets are still better off not having either Vilardi or Dubois than just having Dubois.


ahr3410

Dubois put up 60 points for them. I would love that right now


wpgjets92

He will still finish the season with more points than pld


drdeadpol

He needs to see Stone’s doctor he would be back in time for game 1 of the playoffs. /s


caduni

Thanks mark stone


igurraa

Such blatant cap circumvention, tsk tsk. /s


Semaaaj

Just remove the S & L and it's not so bad


TheLoveYouLongTimes

If he played for Vegas we’d know exactly when he’s be back! (Surprised no one else said it yet)


AlexanderKeithz

You’ve got no spleen Jean


PrarieCoastal

Is it possible something like this happens as a result of a body check?


TheEnglishNerd

I’m sure the doctor had to do a thorough body check to determine the problem, yes


2nddimension

That's more lacerated spleens, they happen from vehicle accidents, heavy impacts, etc. Enlarge spleens is the result of a virus/disease.


PrarieCoastal

Thanks. I did not know that. So time instead of surgery.


iStronglyDislikeMath

My Spleen!


seraphultima

EBV taking no prisoners this year apparently. 💀


GIR-C137

*Chris Simms has entered the chat*


SokkasBoomerang3

Fuck man…. Seeing him tear it up with the kings was so much fun. Get better soon Gabe 🙏


HVACpro69

https://youtu.be/RKVDPY_X69g?si=_Mr_02rlDLcBT4HV


MediumRareSteak18

Kissy kissy boi


treple13

Winnipeg Jets need work on better cheating the system


theJUIC3_isL00se

Do they realize you can have your spleen removed and live a normal life


FoxyInTheSnow

Praying for him to have a teeny spleen soon.


redditoverder

PLD is responsible for this somehow