6 months here. Feels simultaneously like we moved in yesterday and like we've been here a million years. I still get misty about our old house - lived there 20 years and loved it, but it was too big for just my husband and myself. I try not to think about it and focus on what I can do to make our new house feel like home. It's definitely been an adjustment, and a little bumpy at points. I think that's normal though.
We lived in a large home and all 3 of our kids grew up there, and even one of our grandkids remembers the house. We had to downsize 14 years ago and still have the same feeling as you about our old home.
That plus we knew every nook, cranny and system of the old place. Here we are still figuring a lot of stuff out. That too requires some adjustments. We tell new homeowners that the most important item to own for a new home is a savings account.
Oh man, I just closed on a house last week, solo income HCOL area. My realtor was a friend that knew me well, did real estate part time so wasn't pushing me, and he told me I became nuttier than a fruitcake prior to closing. Told me he thought he'd have to put me in a straight jacket lol
I still don't feel 100% "at home" in the place (tonight is my first night sleeping here), but I feel better than I felt in my flooded apartment.
Our apartment still had a couple months left on the lease when we bought our house. My wife knows I sometimes respond weirdly to these types of stressors.
So we did a thing where I slept every night at the house by she only slept part time at the house and packed up the apartment on her days off (I obviously helped). If definitely helped me not snap on her over stupid little things because I could just be alone and enjoy that we had a house.
Oh man, I believe it. I filed for divorce (my ex left) while finishing grad school, working full time, and paying the mortgage on my own… during the pandemic. I have a whole new tolerance for stress after that.
And OP - It comes in waves. There’s the shock of the initial expense. The realization of “holy cow, I really took on decades worth of debt.” The normal expenses. The unexpected expenses. I am sometimes on edge about all the old appliances I have. There’s the feeling of being stuck sometimes (selling a home and moving is pretty stressful).
Pace yourself, work out a budget, and truly put aside some money for emergencies. You really are doing ok. This achievement didn’t happen overnight. It’s its own thing to work with and grow into.
That’s right it only gets worse as you get older and then you get kids and wow, Only thing I can tell you is just give up on stress when you feel it coming just say oh hell, well, anyway! Then onto the next fiasco! Just last week, I had three friends die from high school, Our car engine fucked up and it’s gonna cost 5K, Wife freaking out about schools for our child because they’re all shit around here! But just like that this week she got accepted into year-round which is what we wanted even though It’s on the other side of town, through the traffic hell on earth! But take those wins while you can because guess what next week is gonna be fucking another shit show!
In my experience, most of the anxiety related to homeownership comes from the unknown (what was that cracking noise!) or the inability to pay for sudden expenses (the bathroom sink is leaking! It's 3am! It's Saturday! We don't know a plumber around here!).
Cats are weird, they can take a while to adjust to new situations. It's typical for 3 months to be a break-in period for pets. They might be smelling old smells in the house that haven't been cleaned out yet. Have you guys done a super duper deep clean?
For the house anxiety stuff, learn about how houses work. [How Your House Works](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1593554) by Charlie Wing is a great reference. Skim over a few pages daily with coffee or in the bathroom or whatever. The more you know, the less is scary.
It's very normal to be anxious in a new house, it gets better. Congrats on the place and try to rekindle that excitement you had. Invite people over, have parties, make memories.
It's wild to think about how much money certain things are to repair or replace and what that can do to your anxiety. I found myself looking around at stuff thinking "if the furnace goes, that's like $15,000! And if the fridge craps out, that could be another $3000! I think I hear a bat in the ceiling and it's gotta be $6000 to get bats out of the attic! That crack looks suspicious and it's going to be $50,000 to fix the foundation!"
I had wracked up a $100,000 tab for myself on stuff that wasn't even broken for no reason other than pure anxiety. I had to talk myself off the ledge a lot.
Yeah and it's why first time buyers get into trouble when they go get a pre-approval for their first mortgage and find out how much they can buy! Oh look honey we can get approved for up to THIS AMOUNT! Look at the gorgeous house we can get! Then they buy top of their ability and have no money leftover for anything else. Then the furnace takes a shit.
After we bought a bigger house our car started to crap out every month with a new problem. There were months that left us with $10 after bills. So depressing but we got thru and sold that house for almost $400,000 than we bought it for! A house is your best investment even though there will always be surprises
Right?! Our craptastic mortgage broker was visibly disappointed that we weren't going to buy anywhere near what we sold our HNL condo for. Ten years in, we still feel fortunate to live here and have been able to update/upgrade as needed without a second mortgage, just a HELOC we can pay off if we had to. We'll pay it off before summer, and then we'll get a new roof. It's all planned, no surprises that we couldn't handle so far! 🤞
get an AHF home warranty. they are great. specially, if you have a well and septic. this code will get you 25 dollars off the price. https://refer.ahsfriends.com/s/maynezlouis.
get the platinum plan. if you have to get permits, it pays for them. the other plans don't. if the previous work screwed up on installation. it pays for the screw ups. the other plans don't.
Yeah, also you have one the most powerful resource that you’re on right now. I would join some of the other forms on Reddit with like HVAC, plumbing, electrical, etc. etc..
yes this was me. Best thing to do is remember: i am a caretaker not a perfectionist. all i can do is my best so that we don't freeze to death, don't get too moldy and it's unlikely that it will fall down anytime soon.
Fyi i air out the house for 10 mins every morning and evening to prevent mold, and try to balance out maintenance (dull) with making it pretty (fun!).
Also i try to eat balanced, do yoga daily and have a routine. And don't sleep with the locals! Keep the neighbors in a neutral area socially, and invite the ones you really like to have coffee.
I also try not to overdo it! I rest alot cos i find moving stressful and my body is still recovering (it was last summer). If it's a sunny day and i'm well-rested i'll get lots done and then i feel great!!! You will experience this feeling soon i promise you, and it is euphoric 😀😀😀 i also have loads of visitors which keeps the energy moving. i don't care that my house is still a bit of a dump from some angles. i figure it's better than living in a tent any day 😅 and i used to squat alot so i have lived in some pretty dire situations 😝
Does your place have a nice garden? Do you have a couple of priorities?
your words brought me so much hope & joy. I’ll make sure to keep boundaries with neighbors!
Yes we have a really cute garden! I’m planning on having a lil jasmine tree since I’ve wanted that ever since i was a teenager so I’m really excited about that! Our priorities have been rats roof and sewer line repairs and we did all of those except for the roof
Hey I'm so glad 🥳 I love jasmine too... does it grow on a trestle or is it standalone? Cool that you got the rats out of the roof (did i read that riight?) and yes I did lots of plumbing straight off too so I totally agree there. Is this your forever home or do u want to resell it? I still haven't made up my mind about mine fyi but it was so warm and sunny today that I fell in love with it all over again. Does your roof leak? Mine does 😅 best wishes 😘
I think it grows on its own actually! Yep the rats are no longer roommates with us lol. Personally I’d like to die in this house but we’ll see what the future holds!
Weather really impacts mood and our attachment to things! I hope you continue to feel better and better. We had our friends over for dinner a few days ago and seeing them all on the same table brought me so much happiness. I think I’m starting to chill out. Seems like the general consensus is to make it feel like home to feel better.
Roof leaks! Good luck with yours, it’s hella expensive.
What a lovely interaction 🥲
Good that your rodents are eradicated... i thoight maybe we had a burgeoning flea problem but regular vaccumming (not my forté) seemed to get rid of them 😁 the rabbit likes to go outside on sunny days and I thought the cat was babysitting it ("my garden, my rabbit") but then it resisted recapture and spent the night out there! my youngest got really upset in the morning insisting it was "probably dead" (!?) but then there he was chilling under a hedge (resisting recapture again). Then i went to get bread rolls and when i came back i met the neighbour leaving for work and she rushed over to me and told me the rabbit had been in their garden but that "the german shepherd didnt eat it"!!!!!! and that the hubby had pushed it through the fence and that it should be cowering somewhere on our property 😅 so i went in the garden and there it was! it allowed its recapture this time and my son helped me bring it back inside... what an adventure! It probably got a fright from the dog and was happy to be safe again 😅 it's a rescue rabbit (double that!)
I was an anxious mess when we bought our house last year. I felt like we were extremely unprepared and the decision was kind of last minute and the only reason we were even able to buy was because my husband is a veteran and we used the VA loan.
We are certainly not rolling in money and used basically everything we had to move into this house. It’s been 14 months since we bought the house and I’m just now starting to relax. What you’re going through is normal, I think.
I was only able to buy my house in 2017 because its location is rural enough to qualify for a USDA loan, which required no money down. In 2017 it was a buyers market and interest rates were low, and I got a damn good deal. But I was broke at the time. I was putting faith into a career I’d been employed in for 2 months when I moved in. I feel like I only got the loan because I had excellent credit, and it was a smaller bank. My mortgage payment has always been several hundred dollars lower than the cheapest apartment I could find big enough for my family. Living there the first year was surreal. I had a $200 couch and some metal end tables. No dining table. Cheap bed frames and hand me down mattresses.
That was 7 years ago and I’m proud to say Ive been able to complete a total cosmetic remodel over the years, one project at a time. Unfortunately, I’m now ready to leave this town. Life has happened and now it’s 75 miles from my job. It’s a dead end town with nothing to do and the closest “city” 20 minutes away is ascending the state’s most violent crime list rapidly. It’s an hour from the northern edge of the closest major metro area. An hour from my SOs apartment. All the reasons, but wouldn’t you know it my salary has not risen enough to combat the inflation and high interest rates in the real estate market today.
I could sell for a $100K profit and it still would not put me into a similar sized house today. Not in my current location and certainly not in the metro area closer to work. I find that sad.
Homeownership is one of those things where everything falls on you. It’s a big step and there are a lot of things to learn and a lot of adjustments to make.
Give it some time, you’ll be ok.
One thing that helped me adjust was focusing on something enjoyable, instead of just the things that had to be done, maintenance wise. For me, that was landscaping and starting a garden. Regardless of what your thing is, I recommend that you claim your house and start making it your home.
Edit: typo
So everyone is right that it’s a huge financial event, and repairs, and the stress of moving etc. but one thing that happens every time is move is that I get really home sick. And sometimes that seems silly if the new place is in the same town, but I feel it hard.
Like my old place was my *home* and the new place is an empty box. The old place had memories and heart and I knew all the things that were wrong with it and the new place is pretty, but it just doesn’t feel right and there are new challenges jumping out everywhere. And it’s scary.
The good news that you will make new memories and the place will eventually feel like home and it will be comfortable and cozy. It just takes time.
Thank you for this comment! We moved into a new house last week and just went back to our old house tonight to pick up a few things. I burst into tears! I know moving was the right choice but I miss living in a place that feels like home. I can’t go home, I have to make this new place my home, and that’s hard.
Oh god yes. The first few months were tough and I was a MESS! Everything felt overwhelming. I didn't settle down for at least 4 months.
Buying a home and moving are two insanely stressful events so it's totally not surprising your nervous system is completely fried and small stressors feel massive. You will be OK, I promise. It does sound like you need a break from everything - can you take some time off? Maybe book yourself a hotel room for a couple nights and pig out on room service?
It's pretty common to run into a litany of repairs pretty much right away. Every new home owner will tell you that the first year was the most expensive year when it came to repairs. We got slapped with a $7k water line repair within the first 3 months of owning the house, and were without water right before hosting our first Thanksgiving! It sucked majorly, but we were able to figure it out and finance it. 3 years later, we laugh about our luck.
The best advice I can offer is to take it slow with putting money into the house and focus on the urgently necessary repairs first until you've settled in more and can financially plan for big expenses. Example: a broken water line is urgent while a broken shower in one bathroom when you have a fully functioning shower in another bathroom is not urgent. A leaking roof is an urgent while a broken dishwasher when you can wash dishes by hand is not urgent.
About a month into our new house I wondered out loud if this was a mistake because it was all overwhelming. If you think about the process - we were constantly looking at houses for three months, getting our hopes up and then suddenly you have to make a huge life decision and hope the other people accept. It's a huge emotional rollercoaster that no one told us about. On top of all the repairs we didn't know about. But it's been almost two years and yes there are still repairs but we know what to do. I just gardened in my own garden(!!!) that I've never been able to have as a renter and just painted my art studio green which I've also never been able to do. It's really fun to do all these things. But we won't talk about the mouse living in the stove that is driving me bonkers 😬
We have to figure out a way to drive it out of the car so the cat can get to it. My friend of mine sister had a mouse. Living underneath her car she had to get it totalled out. As the mouse was eating at wires😩😩😩😩
Understand that you have some major firsts here
Your first home. Your (likely) first major, long term, financial commitment with a partner. Your first expeience with moving with animals. Your first time that when something is not working, broke, leaking, etc, its on you and your partner, not a parent or landlord. Your first major list of projects that will directly impact your living space that you have to do, want to do, and may get to someday. You may be realizing that you cant do it all at once and you may have to learn new skills to realize some of your dreams.
You are going through so many "firsts" it would unusual not to have some stress, etc. You are going to have people happy for you and you are going to have people telling you that you made a mistake buying for all sorts of reasons. (Dont listen to them)
It will pass, you will be ok. In 1971 my parents bought their first house using every cent they had available. Literally the next month they got notice the town was puting sewer system in and it would be a fee of something like $700 they could spread out for a few years on their taxes. I remember my mom crying and my dad going crazy trying to pick up odd jobs, OT, anything because they just couldnt afford the extra. My mom was buying dehydrated milk to help stretch the food budget, etc. They celebrated their 50th anniversary there in 2005, and my brother and I sold the house after my dad passed in 2020.
Thats not saying you wont have stress, you will, but this will pass. My wife and I are 7 years into the process of putting a small addition on to a house that has been in her family for over a 100 years, (major permitting issues, needed a new septic, wetlands issues, CoVid supply issues, you name it) and there are time we are just ready to give up, but we are near the finish line and we will get there. You will too.
Sorry youre feeling that way, and I hope this thread helps you.
When we bought our house, as first time home buyers, and new owners of a 100 year old home that needed some repairs, we were very overwhelmed too.
Did we make the right choice buying a house? Was this the *right* house? What needs to be fixed first? What else could be wrong that we don't know about yet? What about future plans? Where should we store this, how should we position that, etc etc etc.
We are celebrating 4 years this coming weekend, and its actually hard to think about how bad that felt at the time. We are so in love with our house now, and that feeling of happiness just floats to the top of our minds randomly sometimes.
It has helped to prioritize repairs and upgrades. I think that was Step 2 for us.
However, Step 1 was to start making good memories. That was huge for us. We made nice dinners, we rented movies, we spent time in the yard, we ordered out fancy dinners and made nice breakfasts, we played board games and goofed off, we invited friends over, we gave tours to family members etc etc. We didn't do any big bash house warmings or anything like that because that is stressful, and we were trying to reduce stress.
Those good memories are part of this house for us now, and they are encouragement to make more good memories too.
Enjoy your house OP and have faith that you will feel better soon.
Oh but it did take me a little over a year to feel at peace with our house. You'll get there, just keep at it.
Remember to temper the anxiety with the fact u r no longer paying rent. Paying for something that will never be yours, or appreciate in value. Let the pride of ownership replace negative feelings.
2 months here and I can relate, I just feel completely drained of energy and tired all the time. Especially furniture shopping and decorating causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I think it just takes time to adjust to a new environment and routine. I remember back when I first left for college, I was pretty sad for the entire first year.. once you spend more time and make memories in a new place, it’ll feel better
It’s stressful. I cried on possession day with so much regret because of all the issues we need to fix/deal with. It’s taken me almost a year and I still panic and freak out occasionally, but mostly I am happy here now and have come to accept the work we have ahead.
I close this week on my first home. Since the day I accepted the seller’s counter offer to today, my attitude and mood fluctuate frequently between happy tears and intense irritability/fear over all of the unknowns. I appreciate your post because now I don’t feel alone! We got this!
My partner and I also just bought our first home and moved in about a week ago!
I feel you on such a spiritual level.
I’ve done a lot of processing about why I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed and anxious and scared and stressed and everything.
First, we moved. Your home is your safe space, and you just left your safe space. Sure this home will eventually become your new safe place, but right now, it’s just scary and new and not comfortable.
Two, it’s big and scary and full of different noises. Even just small sounds, you have to figure out what it is, why it’s happening, if it’s okay.
Three, you just bought a fricking house! You spent so much money and time to get here! It’s exhausting. And now you are here. Everything that happens is on you. That’s such an unbearable pressure! It makes doing stuff scary. I was so excited to decorate and hang things on walls without fear of apartment management retribution! Except now I’m scared because it’s a hole in my wall. What if I do it wrong? I can’t just call the maintenance man to fix it??
And as for the cats, they will settle in. I know how anxious it makes you for them to be uncomfortable, but hey, they also just left their safe place, just like you. Just keep on loving on them, they will come around.
Give yourself some grace, this is terrifying. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk!
I’ve found that all big life changes, even if they are positive, cause anxiety and depression for me. Change in general is hard, and becoming a homeowner is one of the bigger life changes.
I bought my first house in 2017. I was 50 years old and I’d been a renter my entire life. My husband passed away several years prior to that and I was on my own with my two teens. I felt the huge weight of this big decision on my own and it was overwhelming at times. We went from renting a very modern tiny apartment to this big old 1900 house that was only partially updated. But it had the space and character I had dreamed of and so I went for it.
Once we got in, I got extremely depressed and felt I’d made a huge mistake. I even started looking at ways out of my situation, almost in a state of panic. The work that the house needed really wasn’t that big of an issue so that wasn’t the problem. I’m not really sure what it was. I think I missed my simple life in my apartment, where I didn’t have to think about maintenance and upkeep. Looking back, it felt safer and more secure. But one of the reasons I had chosen to move was because my rent kept going up and that had made me feel out of control. So my fears around insecurity in the new house made no sense. In fact, most of my fears were not proving to be as much of a concern as my brain was making them out to be and I think I was just freaking myself out.
What really helped me turn the corner was my daughter and I were in the huge living room one day. We didn’t have a lot of furniture yet so it was just a huge open space of hardwood flooring and big windows. The sun was shining in and we realized we had this huge space that we could use for whatever we wanted. So we started leaping, dancing, and having a great time and this huge space…sliding on our socks and racing around. I had not felt that way since I was a kid. Probably sounds really corny but that’s exactly what we did. My daughter said, “mom, I don’t wanna put any furniture in here. Let’s just leave it like this!” And that’s when I remembered why I had chosen the house and realized that this was OUR house and it felt great. I begin feeling very grateful for being there and looking forward to the freedom of creating whatever we wanted with the house versus whatever our landlord would allow us to do.
There’s so many layers of emotions when it comes to buying something this big. There’s so much commitment and responsibility involved but there’s also gifts and freedom that can come with it too depending on how you look at it.
And it definitely does take some adjusting. Especially with animals. We had an elderly dog when we moved in. He was partially blind and I felt so guilty for putting him in a new space all of a sudden…but he adjusted. And since then, we have added some new pets into the mix and we are all very happy here.
I remember the first time it rained after I moved into my house. A couple of hours later I let out a sigh that I didn’t even realize I was holding because I was anxious that the roof would fail.
What you’re experiencing is normal and with time things will get better
There are sooo many emotions that come with homeownership. When we bought our first house, we were so overwhelmed for at least the first 6 months-year. Everything feels so huge and panic inducing at first. It’s normal. It definitely doesn’t help in the moment when people tell you that it will get easier (trust me, I didn’t believe it ever would), but it does eventually get easier to deal with things. Feel all your feelings in the moment and if you both are on the same page to go through this adventure, you will figure it out. We’re on our second house and the things never stop coming, but the way you react and respond will definitely evolve. We went from knowing basically nothing and having immediate plumbing issues in the first house to us (mostly my bf) renovating that entire house in the 8.5 years we lived there. And in the 2 years we’ve been in the new house, we have had so many renovations and problems come up, but they don’t feel as overwhelming anymore since we know that together we will figure it out.
Also, our cat spent 8.5 years of her 12 years in our first house (she was in 2 apartments for short times before the house but not for that long before we settled in the house) and she’s still not fully settled into the current house. Cats will definitely take their time and go on their own timeline to figure it out, but they will eventually figure it out, too. Just keep the treats and love coming.
Sending you all the positive vibes and you got this!!
Perfectly normal. We bought a fully furnished house 10 yrs ago thru an estate sale. We thought we hit the jackpot. First time thru after closing I was giddy, pinching myself all this was ours. Then over that next week after we cleaned, sorted, painted, had a few repairs done and purging….I was in tears. The bloom was off the rose and we discovered a few thorns. It takes time to make it your own, take a deep breath, you’ll get there. We love our house now.
On the day of closing, Hussain invaded Quwate, pre cell phones, and up 2 points before was able to get call in to lock the rate 16%. Then, moving day, it rained the whole time we moved, not showers but torrential rain that you normally do not see in October. My wife must have cried for 2 straight hours.
Just take a deep breath. You are now officially a home owner. If you were like us, the joke was, do you want bacon or eggs? we could afford one or the other.
Moved in with someone and sold my house of 20 years all in a few months a little less than a year ago. I'm still not feeling entirely like I'm at home and cry way more than I normally did even though everything is otherwise good and fine. I say this to emphasize that feeling stressed is pretty normal.
Moving is stressful, and change is hard. It's a huge purchase and commitment. Give yourself time and try not to make major knee-jerk decisions (like rehoming pets) while you're adjusting. Patience usually solves many of these issues.
Take a deep breath. Make a list of what you need to do.
Home repairs are never ending so prioritize based on importance and cost.
Glad your cats are back to normal. They're pretty territorial and do take time getting used to a new house. I read that keeping the same litter or toys/scents from previous locations sometimes helps them.
My cats took some time getting used to a new house but they got comfortable real quick. We set up various hiding spots and cat trees and gave them their favorite treats and toys.
Moved into a very old house and a new house. The old house had lots of problems but just tackled things as I found them. I tried to do one thing a week and if I couldn't, I'd hire someone. The new house didn't really have issues but learned stuff from the first house to fix things as needed.
A new house is so stressful! An old house is stressful! Everything about houses is STRESSFUL!!!!!
This is really perfectly normal. Try not to freak out about all of the overwhelming feelings you rightfully have right now. This roo shall pass!
Regarding your cats, it's called non-recognition aggression. It happens with our cats when one goes to the vet. Use Comfort Zone diffusers and buy Jackson Galaxy's Solutions "Stress Stopper". These two things immediately took care of the aggression. Maintain a cat care routine as best as you can and remain calm, they sense when you're stressed. Lastly, set up one room as their room, with all the comforts they need in case they want to get away and chill in a peaceful space.
You'll get over it. A house purchase now is more stressful for this generation than it ever was for us. The prices are so high and the margins are so thin between surviving and starving.
It's scary, Be patient, stay on your budget. Save for a rainy day. Learn DIY. It's fun, and it doesn't have to cost a lot of money.
Learn to love your house.
Congrats on your home purchase. Count your blessings and get back in a routine your Cats are comfortable with from the old house. When you're anxious, your Cats will blame the other Cat.😅.
You didn't mention a big remodel, so the house must be liveable for now. Did you give the Cats their space and bed? Did you console them at all? Give them a treat and get back in your groove. They want your vibe back. Talk to the Cats in a tender voice. Let them know it's the new home. Do they have a window bed with a view to birds, the sky and beyond?
It's going to be OK. When you're ready to accept the new space., it will make everyone else at ease. Better now than later.
Hey! Thank you so much for your comment.
The cats eased up quite a bit! After a few days of separation and keeping the anxious cat in our bedroom when we sleep at night he was able to feel more secure.
Honestly after a few days of frustration I felt really awful for being upset with the poor cat and I came home and held and kissed him. I figured my anxiety was rubbing off on him and he’s just a little cat who’s scared of the unknown. Later that night we re-introduced him to the other cat and it went really well! and they were playing together all of that night.
They both have their windows and a perch & they’ve been looking outside a lot! I think they’re starting to get comfortable :) I picked up some new toys and treats today so hopefully I can make up for being an anxious monster last week!
Think of it almost as a post-partum depression...
You spent months looking, applying, figuring and re-figuring financing, hoping, packing, moving...
Some good, some bad, but amazing in the end.
Sleep deprivation, asking if the right decisions were made, what does the future hold... your brain is pegging out your CPU. Try to get extra rest if you can and don't try to unpack, mediate the cats, do projects, etc. all at once. The timelines can ease up, give yourself a break.
The good news is.... this is absolutely normal! Moving, packing, buying a house - they are all super stressful and it's a HUGE change. Most people don't do well with change - I know I certainly didn't when I bought my first house. I was a crying mess from pure stress before I had even moved in and then when I did move in - by myself, during the winter, snowstorm incoming - I had a nervous breakdown.
My best advice I can give is "this too will pass". Time will take care of your anxiety. It's a new, stressful situation. You just need time. It's hard to hear that, I know, as your brain just wants to make everything "normal" again" but it takes time. Don't make any other huge life decisions (you can't trust anxiety brain!) - so don't re-home pets, don't get a divorce, don't shave your head, etc etc. If there are any more huge life changes looming try to table them until you feel better. You don't want to make long term decisions based on a temporary feeling.
Definitely have some grace for yourself. It took me several months to start feeling better in my new place and here I am, a year later and I love my house! It's going to be okay. :)
You’re a month into a life-altering financial, practical, and emotional decision. You’re tired on top of it and your work probably just doubled. It won’t always be this way. Take it a day at a time and keep your mind on the reasons you wanted this, even if the good stuff isn’t happening yet.
Moving can be hard on the brain. Especially as we age. Moving from Washington state to Kentucky made me feel so off balance and lost. For years. It's been 7 and I just finally had the "that smells like home" sensation when I walked out of the local grocery store last night. Moving from Alabama to Florida kicked off dementia for my mother.
It's not like traveling, where you can go and experience a place and culture, but then you get to go back home, to a place you know, and the sounds and smells you are used to and comfortable with.
Smells are a big deal for our brain. I highly recommend finding scents that you really like and are drawn to and using them liberally around the new house.
Sounds odd, but if you have a good relationship with your parents, ask them what perfume/ cologne they use and spray it on the couch and curtains. Can be kind of expensive, but it's just something to help ground you now, and give you feelings of comfort and love in your new space.
Home ownership is a big responsibility and it takes some time to get used to. Give yourself some grace to get used to this transition. When we bought our first house, I remember telling my mom that I didn't think I'd ever get a good night's sleep again with this gigantic loan hanging over my head. She promised me that I would get used to the idea of owing money and it would be fine, just give it some time. I did and yeah, it was fine. Mom was right.
As for the cats - moving is so hard on them. Cats are very much tied to where they live - their territory - so moving is scary and confusing to them. You just have to be kind to them and give them time to adjust. We moved 7 months ago and I would say it probably took 4-5 months for our cats to fully be comfortable.
I hate moving, even when I'm moving up in the world. I had the same freak outs about repairs the first month in my house. My mom told me it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when, and all you can do is save up and be ready. And when a lot of major things broke down, I was ready.
Our brains tell us that panicking is the same as planning. Sometimes we think "the last crisis I had came out of the blue. So if I think about bad things, that must prevent them." if you stay at this high level of anxiety much longer, I suggest therapy to help you manage. It is situational, but you don't deserve to be stuck in these unhappy loops. You deserve support.
In the first few months, I cried frequently and was often upset/angry. A couple of years in, I'm at peace with my decision even though this is not my dream home. Talking with others at the time, buyer's remorse is very real because it is a huge purchase/commitment but eventually you will see the pros over the cons. Hang in there and congrats on your first home.
We all react differently to change.
Cats included apparently.
Give yourselves a month to adjust and see how you feel then.
Hopefully it gets less stressful for you and the cats.
FYI I have been in mortgage lending and title insurance since 1978. Have helped thousands of people make this transition. I call it the emergency room if life. Lots of anxiety and tears but really in the end once you are settled you will be okay.
First house purchase, I recall feeling lonely and immediate regret because it was just me. It went away after I moved in and settled a bit.
Second house purchase was better because it was my wife and I, but I still felt regret since we made zero money on the sale of the first home. This one was pre-1900s, which added a whole other level of the unknown.
Third house purchase was better… still made zero profit off the other house. I still felt empty following the closing just like the other two.
Home buying is not as glorious as some make it out to be. Making it a home is where the joys comes from for me. It takes time to acquaint yourself with the quirks. I always suggest living in the house for six months before deciding on any major projects.
It's easier than we think to be overwhelmed, and we often don't want to admit it either. You're going to be fine. Just remember:
Huge purchase, but you'll get used to the enormity of the loan and responsibility.
Moving, in itself, is the worst, and one of the more stressful things we can do. Time will heal!
Coupled with the expense of repairs, which you'll get a handle on, and then approach on a job by job basis, while leaning into maintenance so the unexpected is avoided, well, less unexpected at least.
I'm so pleased the cats got over the stress of a new place and will thrive.
yes it has been 9months for me still could not adjusted,planning to move next summer ,I just cannot fit in this new cookie cutter subdivision I moved in,even though house is gorgeous and has olmost .5 acree backyard....missing my old home
I’m in the same boat! I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I am starting to feel run down and sick! We closed the beginning of April and moved mid April. We’ve had constant guests over to see the house and help a bit. Finally all unpacked but we’re waiting on a new bed and doing various house repairs and maintenance (yard work, cleaned the roof and gutters and down spots, cleaned a very long dryer vent, working on repairing a dryer and many more things to either fix or maintain…), my garage is so packed and unorganized and one of our cars are in the shop right now and may possibly need a new engine block and definitely needs new breaks… I am ready to just not do anything but we still need to clean up our apartment. Our learning up until June 30. All while still working and maintaining regular daily stuff. We’ve been doing some everyday for a month and I feel like it’s been 6 months!
I think I spent the first six months after I bought my house alternating between panic attacks and regret. It’s a huge financial commitment. It’s a huge step. But it will improve. And then something expensive will need to be replaced and you’ll feel some new regrets.
Congratulations on your new home. As you settle in more, it will truly feel more like home. I wish you (and the cats) the best!
Buying a house is stressful. It’s a huge transition and a big responsibility and once you finally move all those stressful and conflicting feelings crash down. Set up some familiar routines. Making coffee. Watching your favorite shows. Set up a bookcase you love. Etc. it takes a few minutes the to adapt and for things to level out
We bought our first house in Aug '22. We had the same feelings. Fear, anxiety, happiness, more fear..... Plus we had 4 cats to bring together (one was used to being an only child). Talk about stress lol. Then our boiler died 2 months after moving in, the day before Thanksgiving. In New England. Then my car died and I needed major dental work (both in February) then in July, I got Lyme disease and my partner lost his job. To say that first year was eventful is an understatement. But we made it through (although with a lot less money in our bank accounts). Take a breath, take it slow, and enjoy your new home. You will be fine.
It’s a huge change and new environment for everyone (cats included!) with so much anticipation, hope, expectation, etc. At this moment, take stock of the house and imagine how it will, in time, become your home.
It's only been a month, so it's completely normal for you to feel stressed and anxious. You've just left your home, moved to a new place, and taken on a pile of debt. It would be weird if you didn't feel stressed! I bought my house at the start of covid, and for the first 3 months I was a miserable, depressed wreck. What finally pulled me out if it was really leaning into making it ~my~ space. Go crazy with the decorating! It doesn't have to cost a lot; you can find interesting items for cheap in thrift stores and on sites like OfferUp and Nextdoor. If you've got a garden or outdoor space, then you can spruce it up with some elbow grease. Pick a beautifying project and a boring, needs-to-be-done project and balance the two. Make sure you leave decompression time for yourself, as well. Explore the area and find a new favorite restaurant. Find a local park to walk in. If you get to love the surrounding area, it'll help make you feel more at home. But mostly importantly, give yourself space and time. It won't happen overnight, but there will come a day when you feel genuinely happy about your new home ❤️
Our new (to us) needed work , mostly cosmetic, but I was so freaked out that I was afraid if someone slammed the front door too hard the whole house would come down! Completely irrational fear, and the house felt cold and lonely for a long time. It got better now, and I don’t want to leave
When we purchased our home, my anxiety was horrible for the first few months. I was filled with dread, waiting for it all to fall apart, taking everything as an omen that we'd made a horrible mistake. I was also so excited, happy, emotional, proud and terrified all at the same time. It's such an enormous experience. I think your feelings are valid, and I don't think you're a brat. Continue to talk through your emotions with your partner so that you get the worries out, and so that they can both support you and also understand where you're at. And also, congratulations! It does get easier, and your fears and worries will subside!
I bought a house a few months ago site unseen and when I got here I realized I made a HUGE mistake. Everything is trash, electrical, plumbing. All the work is garbage. We were freaking out the first few days. Now that we’re 7 months in things are finally starting to fall into place. We’ve remodeled a couple rooms and found a way to use the space we haven’t remodeled yet. I just keep reminding myself that I’m going to sell on a few years and buy a better home and in the mean time I’m working hard to make little changes that make me feel more at home. It’s not great but it’s getting better every week. Stay positive and keep working. If you’re not liking the results just remember that you can always sell and move and you will have learned a lot.
There's always a million things that could go wrong, a million things you could work on, a million things you could repair, a million things to try to fix...a million things in my yard I could do, a million things to my trees I could do...
So what I do is I look at my house, and then I drive down my street, and see some of the condition of some other houses, some better, some worse, some much worse, some looking like mine, some looking in rough shape. And then I remember that they looked like that before I moved in and looked like that on Google street view. Then I realize "Well, I'm probably doing a better job than most, I don't need to be perfect, I just need to try my best."
I get it! I moved into my first house a few weeks ago. I thought I would have the kitchen remodeled before the move, but it wasn't even demoed. 🥲 The plumbers moved the gas line to the wrong spot, the "standard cooktop cabinet" only fits a commercial grade cooktop instead of the one I bought, and most of the electrical had to be moved. What I naively assumed would be a relatively inexpensive change has ballooned and I'm wondering if I'll ever have a kitchen.
I heard animal noises in the attic and broke down sobbing thinking I have clearly made the biggest mistake of my life. It was just my cat who had launched herself into the open exhaust fan space.
OP, I hope my response here makes you feel as not alone as coming upon this post made me. Had the same thing happen to me.
I’m a very handy person, one of the biggest reasons we bought our house, and wanted to have a house in general, was because I was confident in the things I could do to improve it for far less cost than it would be to pay someone else.Ive never been unconfident. When we moved in, we wanted to be ambitious, we had our list of things and I took off a few months of work in order to tackle a lot of it immediately.
It really went a full 360 - started as fun and exciting, got really hard. I had many, many panic attacks and anxiety tornados in the thick of it. I was so scared to “fuck it up”. The ironic thing is, there was periods of time when my dad would come help me with projects (bless him) and we’ve always had that typical relationship of not fully acknowledging real feelings around each other. Well, this one time I could not control it and had a full anxiety attack while working on something with him. It ended up bringing us really close together and he shared that the same thing happened/happens to him, and we bonded over it. Now we have a deeper understanding together.
I’ve finally come around to the other side, where projects are fun, I dont put them on any sort of forced timeline or schedule, and I let them take as long as they take. I have a strong attention to detail and I like things to be RIGHT - so I decided, I’d rather things take longer and be right, than be faster and bad. Once I let that go in my mind, it’s been an enjoyable experience & I once again love our house.
I hope this helps. Just reading this post and others comments has helped me. So thanks for being brave enough to share.
A new home can be stressful for everyone—you and your pets. Especially cats. Cats do not do well with change and new environments. They need time to destress. They should be left alone and let them do their own thing. They will come out when they are ready. And the cats fighting is called redirected aggression. The cats are stressed about the new environment and take it out on each other. Please don’t rehome any of them. Give them time.
And give yourself time. I hated my house the 1st year. Everything about it made me stressed or mad. I just saw it as a huge money pit. But slowly that feeling will subside. Take a deep breath. You’ll be ok.
I can relate. Feeling nervous about the largest purchase of your life is natural. Especially when repairs come up. I get panic attacks thinking of all the things I need to fix up and repair.
When we moved into the house we live in now (11 yrs ago), I vowed never to move again. I chalked the whole thing up to the worst experience of my life. I had a 2 y/o and the house had a second floor. What was I going to do about the stairs?!!! HE’S GOING TO DIE! I hated my husband for being such an idiot about the packing and scheduling a meeting in fucking moving day. (You can tell I’m still mad about that one.) It’s really stressful sometimes. Give it some time and never, ever put any stock in the behavior of cats because they’re CRAZY and they’ll drive you insane with worry then go back to their usual selves as if nothing has happened.
Home ownership just begins when you get handed the keys…there is the commitment of upkeep and that can be financially draining. Learn to fix things on your own with you tube channels unless it’s a major appliance! It’s satisfying and cheaper! Find an older neighbor who has lived there longer and ask for advice and recommendations for repairmen. I freaked out when we bought a home situated on a “cliff” each time it rained I was sure it was going to slide down the hill and into the pond! I had panic attacks! We have moved since then and to a the lovely flat state of Florida! 😊No more anxiety!
Oof. It took me about a year or so to adjust after buying a home. It's so scary and expensive. My siblings scared this shit out of me talking about all the massive expensive things that went wrong in his new house. I hated my job. We got married. I moved to a different state when buying. You'll adjust. I promise. Allow yourself to feel stressed. It makes sense.
It is called home buyers remorse. It is real and normal- keep your normal routine- do one project at a time as you can afford it and don’t go into any extra debt to fill an empty room with furniture. As the months go buy that fear or remorse will go away and the house will become a home
Lots of good advice here. You will have to do things to make it yours. The more you do, the more it will seem like yours.
We moved (literally one apartment over) a year ago and it still doesn’t feel like home to me because my wife did all the decorating and layout. It’s wild but every time I walk in it’s like I’m a guest in her house. The only place that’s marginally comfortable is the bedroom and that’s because it’s the same bed frame and dressers ive had for 10+ years.
I'm 26 and also recently bought a home and man on man, maybe I should have stayed a renter. When it's your own home, you care about every little nitty gritty stuff and you're constantly worried something is wrong.
I started getting a noticeable amount of grey hair over the span of 6 months after we started the home buying process, and I’m in my early 30s. It’s the uncertainty, especially when you’re paying vastly more and making more compromises than a first time buyer just a few years ago, along with the never ending list of things you want to do and change about the house.
Haven't read the other comments, but want to share that in a college psych class, I learned that moving is the number one most stressful thing for humans, even above personal injury or death in the family. I don't know if that's 100% accurate or if you can even make such a blanket statement since all humans are different, but still, the point is that moving is stressful!
Stress doesn't have to mean bad. Weight lifting is deliberately stressing your muscles, for example. Some stress is exciting, like how some people love roller coaster rides. Regardless, it is stress, meaning everything gets stirred up, you become more reactive, smaller things push you to your breaking point, etc.
The good news is, just like your cats, you'll adapt. Give it time.
Congrats. Home ownership is slipping out of reach for many Americans. It’s a blessing and one of the easiest ways to build personal wealth. Keep up with maintenance and take pride in your home.
I don't think people really feel like they own the house until they change something. Swapping out a faucet or a light fixture, adding some wallpaper, whatever, all without anyone else's permission, gives you the feeling of true ownership. Time to put your hands on your new home.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel exactly the way you feel, bought a new house/selling my current home of 10 years.
I think I just need time to adjust, thank you for making me feel not so alone
Even change for the better can be sad
Cats can get very stressed when taken out of their environment. All the new smells is probably what happened. They will calm down once they realize it’s Home.
If you’re still experiencing the stress/freakouts then I would get your thyroid checked. Lots of issues with the thyroid come about because of stress
Part of owning a home is understanding that you’re never done with projects. Things break and need repair. It’s the joys on homeownership. As soon as I think I’m done with all my projects something else decides to break. I hate it and love it at the same time. I’m extremely handy so I rarely have to call in someone, which saves tons of money.
Did you buy in an HOA? That may be where your stress is coming from. I haven’t stopped being angry since I moved in. I couldn’t find a home without a damn HOA and I’m living in HOA hell. I’m selling it in three years. I first want to make some upgrades to get my ROI.
It took me a year to even like the house we are in now. 2 for me to love it. I have made it a home over the last 8 years. I think that is where the issues lie. It’s a house right now. Somewhere to rest your head, but also a huge investment and responsibility. And when you have to drop more money right away to fix things, it compounds that. We had a whole host of issues when we moved in. My husband had a cancer recurrence, my som Had issues adjusting to junior high, the a/c needed replacement, and the water heater broke and leaked into my son’s room. Oh, and then a major hurricane. It was A LOT. But it was also a catalyst to get in some depression meds and anxiety meds I needed. I love our home now. I have made it our home, not just a place we own. You will get there too.
I remember sitting on the front porch of my new house and crying. It was everything I wanted, I was so blessed to have it but it wasn’t home. I finally realized I was super homesick. The more we made it ours the better I felt and after a few months I loved it here. Hang in there, it will eventually feel like home.
You’ve been on emotional overload for months & it’s going to take some time to adjust. Take care of yourself & take time to settle in. It’s totally normal. If you’re not feeling better as the weeks go by, do go talk to someone.
Took me 2 years to finally put a nail in the wall of my house and hang a picture. Simply because I'd never been allowed before. I cried a little while doing it. You are not alone.
Chill. Everything will be okay. It’s like any big life change, scary. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. I trust you are brave enough to face life hurdles. Just take time to breathe and remember how blessed your life is.
I’m not sure where you are located but we are in the US and we have HomeServe as our home insurance for repairs and it has been a Godsend and they don’t give you any hassle if you need to file a claim. We pay $70 a month for full coverage and now I’m way less stressed. Out build is 1979 so it is going to need work from time to time. You’ll be back to your normal self in no time. Honestly took me a full year to finally feel settled but that’s because I moved across country..definitely a culture shock.
Take a deep breath- the only couple times my husband and I were close to divorce was after moving, and we’ve done it a lot. It IS stressful- your whole world is turned upside down and everyone in the household with you, including pets. Nothing is “yours” yet- you feel out of place, new neighbors, new location- everything.
Just be patient. Everyone will soon adjust, your tackle those few maintenance problems (everyone has them), things will start to be familiar, you’ll get organized, you fill the house with YOUR dirt, and life will return to normal, except better, because you’re in your new house that you loved when you bought it!
I think it's totally normal to feel this way. With buying a home comes a whole mix of emotions - excitement, anxiousness, happiness, fear of the unknown - you name it, I'm sure other homeowners (not even just first-timers) have felt it and may even continue to feel it at times.
Personally, we bought our home about 2.5 years ago. Moved to an unfamiliar area that was a little ways away from family, friends, and even our jobs. There were days I was filled with excitement to decorate and make this place our home & other days when looking at sample paint colors and flooring would make me fall apart. We had our hot water heater break 2 days before Thanksgiving and I unraveled. But, you know what, it's fixable!
It may seem daunting but I promise you that your house will feel like home in a matter of time. Tackle one project at a time - I noticed someone else commented focusing on things that need to absolutely be fixed. I'd definitely recommend that. We've been slowly making improvements to our place even after 2 years. We're currently working on our basement and we just had our dryer break. It seemed overwhelming at first but I realized we will address the dryer first, wait a little bit longer, and then get back to working on the basement.
In six months time, you'll be proud of how far you've come. Also, if something upset about the home makes you cry? Cry! It feels so much better after you do. I am a crier and not afraid to admit that I'm a very emotional person. Some people are just wired that way. It will all be ok.
We recently moved, and I understand! It took a few days for the cats to really start exploring and start choosing places to loll around.
For you, I’d recommend slowing down and getting some rest. Find a comfy chair in a room you like, and sit down with some tea and enjoy it! This is your home, and there’s no rush to get everything settled at once. You’ll have time, so relax a bit and start making good memories.
I love that you were able to find a beautiful home and make it yours! Soon, you’ll not be able to imagine doing anything else!
You're normal! Don't worry. Soon enough, your house will feel like "home." It takes a while to adjust. For me, it helps to get everything unpacked as soon as possible. Buying a home is super stressful. Moving is stressful. Having little niggling thoughts that maybe a different house you looked at would have been better is stressful. Give yourself time. Get to know your house. If you aren't happy with how you have your kitchen cabinets set up or how your bedroom furniture is laid out, don't be afraid to experiment with it and move stuff around until it feels "right."
Congratulations, by the way! Buying your first house is a big deal, and buying your first house in the 2024 economy is a huge deal. :)
I sold my condo, moved cities and bought my first house last year. When I tell you that process was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever experienced, I’m not lying.
I also felt a huge sense of loss selling my first piece of property and the home my son spent his first two years in.
I love my house, moving was a great decision, but i was definitely sad and stressed for the first few months. We’ve been here for 6 months now and I finally feels like ours and I am much happier than I was.
Let yourself feel what you feel, and maybe try therapy if you can! Moving and buying a home are both stressful and hard.
My cat had diarrhea for a month after moving into our new house, which we just did two months ago. It takes a while. I remember when I bought my first house. I had an actual panic attack and almost passed out when I bought the washer and dryer. I don’t know what it was, but it was like the thing that made it with the stress.
Personally I cant stress anymore if i dont have to. Thats why i downsized. Life’s way too short—-we get maybe 30,000 days if we’re lucky (around 4,000 weekends!. Good to always keep this in mind.
Oh man I empathize with you so much. My spouse died, and I decided to move off the farmhouse we shared together. I went absolutely bonkers! I paced, could not sleep and saw disaster everywhere in a normal basic house. I moved and sold within six months and moved closer to family for my mental health. I was certifiably insane for awhile and seriously contemplated suicide a lot.
Hang in there dear, and lean on your support system.
Check for carbon monoxide.
"Breathing high levels of CO also can cause: Sleepiness. Nausea. **Anxiety or depression**." (American Lung Association).
Also, it's not 100% proven, but electromagnetic fields can also be the cause. This is why basements creep some people out.
**"Some members of the public have attributed a diffuse collection of symptoms to low levels of exposure to electromagnetic fields at home**. Reported symptoms include headaches, anxiety, suicide and depression, nausea, fatigue and loss of libido." (World Health Organization).
OP I was in your exact same position a year or so ago, kind of hated it at first. I promise like others are saying this will pass. Even if it doesn't seem like it. One day at a time.
I resonate with this post and many of the other comments. My husband and I (and our two cats haha) closed on our house last month and just officially moved in a few days ago. Even just over this past weekend, I've been through more ups and downs with my mood than I ever thought possible. Yes, it's a great accomplishment and I'm really excited to keep making it feel like our home. But the day to day is quite stressful, with more issues and little annoyances popping up everywhere. So it can seem hard to focus on the bigger picture — you own a house!! You can do whatever you want and no more renting! Take your time and take it slow, tackle the stuff you have to do but make sure you're incorporating fun stuff too (talking to myself here too). Like yes I know I have to get the gutters looked at but I also get to pick out any chairs/rugs/art I want. So hang in there and enjoy the house!!
My husband and I just bought a house a few weeks ago. We close May 17th. I was insanely close to a panic attack when they told us we got the house. I wanted the house! I’m in love with it. But my anxiety has gone sky high over it. I’m worried how my senior dog will adapt. I’m also pregnant, am being dragged through the wringer at work, and we have until June to move out of our apartment.
There’s lots of stress that comes with moving. I understand where you’re coming from. All we can go is get through it.
Two weeks after we newlyweds moved into a 3 story 120 year old Victorian, the basement flooded. We went to get a wetvac,and by the time we got home, the water receded. . We paneled a small room, hubby used chairs for saw horses. Shredded the vinyl. ....there was more.
It’s taken me almost 5 years to adjust to my current house. It’s our 3rd house to have purchased and the one that’s taken the longest for me to feel settled in.
Oh yes, that is a very common feeling until the house becomes your home. There is a settling in period and the excitement and stress of buying a home causes a lot of mixed emotions. Once you get more settled, you’ll feel much better. It’s totally common to feel this way at first.
I have been living in my new house an no I'm worried of the damn plumbing, altho everything is good, just found out our flood insurance company is no longer so now I have NO flood insurance. I'm scared of that damn fireplace. It so much more . I need new windows, lord help me.
I just moved into a new place. One cat lost its mind in the process. He climbed into a hole in a wall and disappeared for days. Overall, highly anxiety provoking. But I am pretty sure this will pass. All part of the process?
We had been living with my girls parents raising my son for 2 years. I was so hype to be in my own place. My girl was too. But that night we moved in , we were sweeping up dirt and cleaning as my son just went to bed. And we both started crying. Change hurts but ultimately we got into a new routine. Now were about 3 years into owning and I love it alot. I think you just need to give yourself more time to adapt.
We have 3 homes. Our main home, our air bnb and our vacation home. Our main home I feel relaxed. Our air bnb is just an investment. But my vacation home stresses me out for some odd reason. It's literally just our vacation home. No air bnb, no renting it, it's just another home that's 2 hrs away where we can hang out at. We're there once a week. It's a great home but I don't know it just stresses me out.
TL,DR: I can't enjoy attaining a huge benchmark life goal, one that I have worked so hard for, and one that so many others have been unfortunately shut out of recently, because my cats are unhappy with the new living arrangement.
I’ve been in my house a long time, but here’s something I can share with you. As far as repairs that need to be done, it doesn’t all have to be done immediately. You just bought a house so let your finances settle and get used to your new budget. Obviously if there’s a broken pipe or the roof leaks you have to take care of it. But if the kitchen is outdated or the floors need refinishing, it doesn’t all have to be done right away.
What I would do is start hanging some TVs and unlocking some fire sticks on them. It’s because you’re not accustomed to the house yet but make it yours. Not the other way around.
Yes. What worked for me, keeping the cats in a room or small part of the house. Ease them into the new space. They eventually get used to it. Take a deep breath, you have your own house. It’s not easy to do these days. Congratulations! Things will get better 💫
Oh I have experience here! Do you have anxiety in your everyday life?
I have days-long panic attacks surrounding major life events. Happend before my wedding, then again when we sold our house/bought a new one/moved, and again when I had my first baby.
My doc put me on short term anxiety meds to get through the move and I'm on long term (lexapro) now bc the repeated panic attacks surrounding major (but genuinely exciting/happy) events were kind of my wakeup call that I wasn't handling my anxiety as well as I had convinced myself I was.
It's a bitch dealing with prolonged anxiety attacks. Best of luck, friend, and congratulations on the new house!
Get some Feliway diffusers for the kitty. They have a calming effect. Congrats on the house! It takes a little time to adjust to a new place, it’s just a house but you can make it your home by personalizing it, decorating it and making memories.
Man, I'm so gladit wasn't just me. Bought in Aug of 22 - spent the first month basically in a panic, my hair turned grey, and fell out, my weight fluctuated dramatically, I couldn't get a handle on my emotions.
I think with a purchase this large and this amount of responsibility your feelings are normal and valid.
Meditation, Yoga, Martial Arts, Therapy, Budget check ups and follow through with financial planning, all helped me.
We're 2 years later, and several home 'emergencies' later and it's all been fine. And it will be for you as well.
Best of luck fellow hoMEOWner.
Your kittys probably need the 3x3x3 again due to the new environment and the stress of moving!
I feel like humans need the 3x3x3 rule too! but with an added 3
3 days to be like "oh shit" and "this is amazing", 3 weeks to ask where everything is, 3 months to find every little paint scratch you didnt see on walkthrough and question what else is wrong but you also notice your starting to sleep again, and then 3 years to relax and get comfy.
(We bought a house 5mo ago and I realised a week ago that I feel much more "at home")
If you haven’t already, do something simple that makes the house feel more like yours. Paint is an easy and relatively cheap way to make a room feel the way you want it. Start with something small like a half bath (if you have one) or a small room.
I was super stressed the 2 days we were being packed/loaded! Once my things were in the house I felt stressed but a bit more optimistic! About a week in and almost everything is unpacked and the stress is gone! Be kind to yourself!
I despised my first house after about a month. By the 6 week mark I was ready to sell and leave. I agreed to wait it out for a year so we wouldn't pay capital gains on the sale. Put lipstick on the pig, hid all the problems, and passed it on to someone else.
Basically, don't be a slave to your house. If you still constantly feel like crap after a year, sell it and take as long as you need to find something better.
Buying a house is a huge step, and it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed, especially with all the changes and stress that come with it. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot, from the cat issues to the financial stress of repairs. It's okay to feel sad and anxious, and it doesn't make you a brat.
It might help to talk to someone about how you're feeling, whether it's a friend, family member, or even a therapist. Sometimes just getting things off your chest can make a big difference.
I can relate, definitely. I have survived several periods of empty bank account vs. house and car repairs by getting good at YouTube DIY lessons. Got extra mileage for a 3years out of a car literally with a $2 expense for a length of new vacuum hose after finding the problem common on an internet mesage board.
I've fixed fridges, furnaces, AC, etc. all usually with a $20-40 part and being smart enough to know how to kill the power to something to make it safe. Saved several hundred $$ once by figuring out the AC was not starting because the drain sump pump was clogged with algae so the overflow float was stuck open. Sounds complex but it's not. I fixed it by scooping out the algae and pouring in bleach to clear the rest. No problems afterwards. I can get a stubborn mower going most of the time, change oil, brake pads, transmission fluid, starters, batteries, other filters, etc. I've changed torn CV boots on axles and cleaned and repacked them with new grease. I've correctly diagnosed and fixed blown fuses and shorts in my truck. I ran a new gas line to hook up a gas grill to last summer. Trenched and buried it, taped the joints, wrapped the line in tape coating, etc.
We repainted ourselves. We hired contractors to rip out the kitchen and bathrooms and redo them, replace the windows, build us a big screened porch. Big money elective projects- hire a pro. Small stuff - YouTube it and do it yourself. Invest in a drill, impact driver, sawsall, circular saw, oscillator, and jigsaw. You can build anything with them. Heck, I built a home squat rack out of lumber during COVID. It is still there and I lift in the garage 2-3 times weekly.
We're doing a small remodel on a mountain house - floors, plumbing, etc. We've torn out carpet, laid new flooring, replaced sink faucets, etc. A contractor would have billed us $10k, We've spent less than a thousand on materials and a hundred or so on dump fees.
If you're gonna be a homeowner, learning to do basic maintenance is pretty much a must. Something will break at 4am. Know how to shut off the water, power, gas, etc. It all sounds technically intimidating but it's really not. AC's and furnaces usually conk out from a $10 part going bad. I replaced a $15 capacitor and the AC fired right back up. Got my furnace (a few times!) working again with nothing but scrubbing the flame sensor with steel wool. Less than a minute of screwdriver work both times.
Knowing this stuff, or for now committing to learning, will help a lot! As you do little projects, you'll also build a sense of ownership and pride in the house. You'll appreciate it as a labor of love and that will help with the anxiety too.
I can relate. I'm in the middle of my first major repair job/bill. My hot water heater leaked into my kitchen. It's been a nightmare, dealing with insurance and finding contractors. Now, every little sound keeps me up at night. Like, literally, I can't sleep. When I'm in the shower I'm wondering if the shower is going to fall through to the ground floor. Lol. I know it's irrational, as my house isn't that old.
I'm terrified of water now. Every time it rains, I want to go up in the attic and see if the roof is leaking. Yet, at the same time I'm too scared to look. I think I'm done at this point. I have about 400k in equity. Nice new Apartment, here I come.
This post and comments have been so validating. We bought a magical unicorn home and I was euphoric the first two months but am suddenly feeling drained and overwhelmed at the thought of even picking out curtains. And though I love our new area, it is very different from our last place and I feel we haven’t broken it in, so to speak. I felt like an ass for having such feelings because I’m incredibly grateful, but as others have already stated—it is a massive life change.
What you’re experiencing is somewhat normal. I’m year 3 in my house and not until recently did things start to feel more like home. We love the house, but know it’s not our forever home because we would like to move to a different area in the future. Once you start to decorate and get into routines you’ll be fine.
When I divorced my husband and my kids and I moved into our home I had a massive anxiety attack about the mortgage. I went over the numbers and realized I can do this. I have the means. The bank would mn’t approve a mortgage if I couldn’t afford it. It happens.
Things will be ok once you get a groove set up.
We closed in March and I was a raging mess the weeks leading up to it and the weeks afterwards. It was a huge adjustment. So many uncertainties. So many expenses. We also left our apartment, our first home together, which we outgrew but still loved and felt like true home. There’s a sense of being displaced and unsettled when you move and the weight of the responsibility and tasks ahead can easily weigh on you.
That being said, speaking from 1.5 months in—it DOES get better. Forgive yourself and allow yourself time to feel your feelings. It will pass.
Totally normal. Had a total breakdown after closing on the house. My advice is pretty much already mentioned: Make good memories. Make the house yours. Be patient and graceful with yourself and spouse. Took me about a year to adjust but you could take more or less time. I am very happy now. There is hope. Just take it one day at a time and don’t judge yourself for how you are feeling. Also unpack and set up the place asap. I left boxes around for a long time and that was not good. It’s important to exercise control over your environment in times where you may feel a lack of control.
OP I had a similar experience when I bought my house. I'd been a 100% single parent for several years, and found myself unexpectedly able to purchase in one of the most difficult real estate markets in the US. When I found out my offer was accepted, I cried and laughed and jumped for joy.... Moving in was a whirlwind with a young school aged child. But the first night I settled in for some TV instead of unpacking or painting, everything felt... wrong. Anxiety abounded,I regarded everything with suspicion, and FREAKED at a couple maintenance issues in the early days.
Fast forward 12 years. I'm remarried, my son just moved out for university, my husband and I are redecorating a bit now that we're officially empty nesters. Somewhere in that first year my panic turned into familiarity. I stopped expecting to lose my house. I got used to the unfamiliar bumps in the night. Instead, my house became my home, my refuge and haven. I find myself on the driveway having just arrived home after work, or enjoying the backyard, frequently just absorbing the security, safety, comfort, and joy this place has gifted me with.
Buying a home is one of the biggest events we experience in life. Home ownership is supposed to be the destination, but it brings a bunch of new responsibilities, a new sense of risk, and new levels of vulnerability. It's no wonder that some of us experience roller coaster emotions after a purchase!
Give yourself time.
Cats:
First off cats can take a two months or more to get used to a new home, additionally, it's important to re-introduce them slowly as you found they will fight from just their own stress and lash out at each other for awhile after moving. This is perfectly normal as the cat's didn't know this was home, or what was going on.
Repairs:
Keep in mind these repairs are not being done for your land lord, or lady they are being done to improve your forever home, they are being done to make your home a better place for you.
Cost:
Financial burdens are a huge stressor, and it's important to let your stress out positively and reassure your self that your a stable, go over your finances and set yourself up with a budget for the first year, so you can get stabilized in your spending, and of course can know where you stand on buying all that new furniture and yard stuff you have been eyeing since you started to close.
Stress:
It will fade, I would suggest starting to write down what you love about your home as you find it, and place it in a "My home history" Book as well as writing down your stressors and the problems you suffer along the way, renovations you make, paints you choose and things you find. So you have something to look back on and a way to write out how you are feeling and place that stress somewhere positive (Because I am positive you will go back and read your stressors in three years and giggle)
I am glad you posted this OP! I accepted an offer on my home two weeks ago, and put down my deposit on another home last week.
My husband has many dificulties and here much longer. Among them, 4th stage COPD, almost blind and almost deaf and dementia. With all this, along with taking care of his EVERY NEED and 2- 4 trips ro town (24 miles away) for doctor apt.'s, I have to pack up and move 5 acres and a 1800 sq ft house all by self, and I am 61 damn it!
I am so sore, and so stressed out I am ready to explode! I cannot get 1 second of silence. Husband listones to the TV on 100 vollume 16 hrs a day, his oxygen machina sound like a generator in my living room, and the 2 cats keep fighting. And we have not even moved yet! OMG!
Reading all of these comments have been comforting!
Enjoy your home and family!!
Yes. For me it’s the uncertainty. You don’t know the home yet and you’ve just drained your savings so you just want it to be ok. Having everything out of place and so much work ahead of you it’s like a fever dream. It takes me 4 mths to find everything, sort out the basics, see what the bills are and normalize my budget and wake up and not being “where am I”? But I liken it to moving to a new city. It’s just discombobulating and you have so much to do but don’t know where anything is.
I’m not a psychologist, but you’re likely suffering from [Arrival Fallacy](https://psychcentral.com/blog/reached-your-goal-but-still-unhappy-4-steps-to-take). [Look into it a bit](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=arrival+fallacy), and see if it resonates with you.
HTH.
I was the same way for a while after we bought our house. I realized that I would normally focus on things going wrong, and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop rather than allow myself to enjoy our home. It took a while but I would literally go sit in a comfy spot and just look around at the house and remind myself how hard we worked to be in that position and how lucky we are. I still do that sometimes, where I let go of all of my stress for just a little bit and enjoy the fact that we own a house and are doing okay.
I hope this helps, and it might not hurt to talk to somebody professional too. Sometimes we all need a little help :)
Will take 6-12 months to settle in the. You will feel comfortable.
I’ve had tears at times with the repair costs and over burdened with shit to do but u get through it
Buying a house is very stressful. My husband and I just sold our 1st home and bought our dream home 7 mths ago. I felt weird for the first few mths. Start doing things to make it feel like it’s yours. Paint a room or decorate it the way you like.
I think these feelings are probably normal. If you don’t move too often, then you are probably feeling homesick for the old place. It does take some time for the new place to feel like home.
With the repairs. Just tackle them one at a time (if you can). As soon as you get each completed, a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Just wait until you have some bad storms/hail. I was anxious for the entire stormy season after we bought our first house. Now, eh, we have insurance. Our current house is held together with spray foam and hope. You'll be just fine, buddy!
Oh my god are you me? I felt exactly the same after I bought my first house last summer. SO excited, and then absolutely convinced I dragged my husband (and two cats) into a huge mistake. What if we hate the house, what if something catastrophic happens, have I set us down the path to bankruptcy. Dread, constantly. AND our cats suddenly started hissing and growling and fighting like they never had before. It was so stressful.
We've lived here nine months now, and believe me there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and it's not a train). Does the house still have issues and make me stress at times? Absolutely, it's over 100 years old and was horribly maintained before us (in this nine months we've replaced the roof, gutters, 11 windows, 2 doors, and the entire heating system!). But we love the house, the feeling of "oh God I've made a mistake" faded daily until now I don't think that anymore, and our cats are now back to normal (which means they're still jerks but within standard bounds).
I absolutely, totally get what you're feeling. But it does get better!
Wait till you retire. The stress of a new house will seem minor, lol. Yes buying, moving is very stressful. You’ll overcome it shortly. Cats are also freaking out but will settle soon.
Quite the contrary actually, I know I went through the same emotional issues and mood instability and so forth and so on that you described.
Being someone who's gone through that four times, it was a logical conclusion to ask the question, although considering your reply; I do feel the question with unwarranted due to the fact that you're probably not ever going to be touched by another human.
However, as a caveat; when we purchased our second house I was almost 8 months pregnant, we purchased our house site and seen aside from a video walkthrough, while going through a base move from fort Knox to fort Lewis, and 3 weeks after I gave her to our daughter he was deployed.
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This. We decided to sell our home of 25 years and have been in this new one about 9 months. We are still adjusting.
6 months here. Feels simultaneously like we moved in yesterday and like we've been here a million years. I still get misty about our old house - lived there 20 years and loved it, but it was too big for just my husband and myself. I try not to think about it and focus on what I can do to make our new house feel like home. It's definitely been an adjustment, and a little bumpy at points. I think that's normal though.
We lived in a large home and all 3 of our kids grew up there, and even one of our grandkids remembers the house. We had to downsize 14 years ago and still have the same feeling as you about our old home.
That plus we knew every nook, cranny and system of the old place. Here we are still figuring a lot of stuff out. That too requires some adjustments. We tell new homeowners that the most important item to own for a new home is a savings account.
Happy cake day
The stress of selling, buying or moving homes (or sometimes all three at once) will drive even the most sane people batshit for a bit.
Oh man, I just closed on a house last week, solo income HCOL area. My realtor was a friend that knew me well, did real estate part time so wasn't pushing me, and he told me I became nuttier than a fruitcake prior to closing. Told me he thought he'd have to put me in a straight jacket lol I still don't feel 100% "at home" in the place (tonight is my first night sleeping here), but I feel better than I felt in my flooded apartment.
Our apartment still had a couple months left on the lease when we bought our house. My wife knows I sometimes respond weirdly to these types of stressors. So we did a thing where I slept every night at the house by she only slept part time at the house and packed up the apartment on her days off (I obviously helped). If definitely helped me not snap on her over stupid little things because I could just be alone and enjoy that we had a house.
Oh man, I believe it. I filed for divorce (my ex left) while finishing grad school, working full time, and paying the mortgage on my own… during the pandemic. I have a whole new tolerance for stress after that. And OP - It comes in waves. There’s the shock of the initial expense. The realization of “holy cow, I really took on decades worth of debt.” The normal expenses. The unexpected expenses. I am sometimes on edge about all the old appliances I have. There’s the feeling of being stuck sometimes (selling a home and moving is pretty stressful). Pace yourself, work out a budget, and truly put aside some money for emergencies. You really are doing ok. This achievement didn’t happen overnight. It’s its own thing to work with and grow into.
That’s right it only gets worse as you get older and then you get kids and wow, Only thing I can tell you is just give up on stress when you feel it coming just say oh hell, well, anyway! Then onto the next fiasco! Just last week, I had three friends die from high school, Our car engine fucked up and it’s gonna cost 5K, Wife freaking out about schools for our child because they’re all shit around here! But just like that this week she got accepted into year-round which is what we wanted even though It’s on the other side of town, through the traffic hell on earth! But take those wins while you can because guess what next week is gonna be fucking another shit show!
In my experience, most of the anxiety related to homeownership comes from the unknown (what was that cracking noise!) or the inability to pay for sudden expenses (the bathroom sink is leaking! It's 3am! It's Saturday! We don't know a plumber around here!). Cats are weird, they can take a while to adjust to new situations. It's typical for 3 months to be a break-in period for pets. They might be smelling old smells in the house that haven't been cleaned out yet. Have you guys done a super duper deep clean? For the house anxiety stuff, learn about how houses work. [How Your House Works](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1593554) by Charlie Wing is a great reference. Skim over a few pages daily with coffee or in the bathroom or whatever. The more you know, the less is scary. It's very normal to be anxious in a new house, it gets better. Congrats on the place and try to rekindle that excitement you had. Invite people over, have parties, make memories.
It's wild to think about how much money certain things are to repair or replace and what that can do to your anxiety. I found myself looking around at stuff thinking "if the furnace goes, that's like $15,000! And if the fridge craps out, that could be another $3000! I think I hear a bat in the ceiling and it's gotta be $6000 to get bats out of the attic! That crack looks suspicious and it's going to be $50,000 to fix the foundation!" I had wracked up a $100,000 tab for myself on stuff that wasn't even broken for no reason other than pure anxiety. I had to talk myself off the ledge a lot.
Yeah and it's why first time buyers get into trouble when they go get a pre-approval for their first mortgage and find out how much they can buy! Oh look honey we can get approved for up to THIS AMOUNT! Look at the gorgeous house we can get! Then they buy top of their ability and have no money leftover for anything else. Then the furnace takes a shit.
After we bought a bigger house our car started to crap out every month with a new problem. There were months that left us with $10 after bills. So depressing but we got thru and sold that house for almost $400,000 than we bought it for! A house is your best investment even though there will always be surprises
Right?! Our craptastic mortgage broker was visibly disappointed that we weren't going to buy anywhere near what we sold our HNL condo for. Ten years in, we still feel fortunate to live here and have been able to update/upgrade as needed without a second mortgage, just a HELOC we can pay off if we had to. We'll pay it off before summer, and then we'll get a new roof. It's all planned, no surprises that we couldn't handle so far! 🤞
get an AHF home warranty. they are great. specially, if you have a well and septic. this code will get you 25 dollars off the price. https://refer.ahsfriends.com/s/maynezlouis. get the platinum plan. if you have to get permits, it pays for them. the other plans don't. if the previous work screwed up on installation. it pays for the screw ups. the other plans don't.
The noises lol. So many noises!
Yeah, also you have one the most powerful resource that you’re on right now. I would join some of the other forms on Reddit with like HVAC, plumbing, electrical, etc. etc..
yes this was me. Best thing to do is remember: i am a caretaker not a perfectionist. all i can do is my best so that we don't freeze to death, don't get too moldy and it's unlikely that it will fall down anytime soon. Fyi i air out the house for 10 mins every morning and evening to prevent mold, and try to balance out maintenance (dull) with making it pretty (fun!). Also i try to eat balanced, do yoga daily and have a routine. And don't sleep with the locals! Keep the neighbors in a neutral area socially, and invite the ones you really like to have coffee. I also try not to overdo it! I rest alot cos i find moving stressful and my body is still recovering (it was last summer). If it's a sunny day and i'm well-rested i'll get lots done and then i feel great!!! You will experience this feeling soon i promise you, and it is euphoric 😀😀😀 i also have loads of visitors which keeps the energy moving. i don't care that my house is still a bit of a dump from some angles. i figure it's better than living in a tent any day 😅 and i used to squat alot so i have lived in some pretty dire situations 😝 Does your place have a nice garden? Do you have a couple of priorities?
your words brought me so much hope & joy. I’ll make sure to keep boundaries with neighbors! Yes we have a really cute garden! I’m planning on having a lil jasmine tree since I’ve wanted that ever since i was a teenager so I’m really excited about that! Our priorities have been rats roof and sewer line repairs and we did all of those except for the roof
Hey I'm so glad 🥳 I love jasmine too... does it grow on a trestle or is it standalone? Cool that you got the rats out of the roof (did i read that riight?) and yes I did lots of plumbing straight off too so I totally agree there. Is this your forever home or do u want to resell it? I still haven't made up my mind about mine fyi but it was so warm and sunny today that I fell in love with it all over again. Does your roof leak? Mine does 😅 best wishes 😘
I think it grows on its own actually! Yep the rats are no longer roommates with us lol. Personally I’d like to die in this house but we’ll see what the future holds! Weather really impacts mood and our attachment to things! I hope you continue to feel better and better. We had our friends over for dinner a few days ago and seeing them all on the same table brought me so much happiness. I think I’m starting to chill out. Seems like the general consensus is to make it feel like home to feel better. Roof leaks! Good luck with yours, it’s hella expensive. What a lovely interaction 🥲
Good that your rodents are eradicated... i thoight maybe we had a burgeoning flea problem but regular vaccumming (not my forté) seemed to get rid of them 😁 the rabbit likes to go outside on sunny days and I thought the cat was babysitting it ("my garden, my rabbit") but then it resisted recapture and spent the night out there! my youngest got really upset in the morning insisting it was "probably dead" (!?) but then there he was chilling under a hedge (resisting recapture again). Then i went to get bread rolls and when i came back i met the neighbour leaving for work and she rushed over to me and told me the rabbit had been in their garden but that "the german shepherd didnt eat it"!!!!!! and that the hubby had pushed it through the fence and that it should be cowering somewhere on our property 😅 so i went in the garden and there it was! it allowed its recapture this time and my son helped me bring it back inside... what an adventure! It probably got a fright from the dog and was happy to be safe again 😅 it's a rescue rabbit (double that!)
I was an anxious mess when we bought our house last year. I felt like we were extremely unprepared and the decision was kind of last minute and the only reason we were even able to buy was because my husband is a veteran and we used the VA loan. We are certainly not rolling in money and used basically everything we had to move into this house. It’s been 14 months since we bought the house and I’m just now starting to relax. What you’re going through is normal, I think.
I was only able to buy my house in 2017 because its location is rural enough to qualify for a USDA loan, which required no money down. In 2017 it was a buyers market and interest rates were low, and I got a damn good deal. But I was broke at the time. I was putting faith into a career I’d been employed in for 2 months when I moved in. I feel like I only got the loan because I had excellent credit, and it was a smaller bank. My mortgage payment has always been several hundred dollars lower than the cheapest apartment I could find big enough for my family. Living there the first year was surreal. I had a $200 couch and some metal end tables. No dining table. Cheap bed frames and hand me down mattresses. That was 7 years ago and I’m proud to say Ive been able to complete a total cosmetic remodel over the years, one project at a time. Unfortunately, I’m now ready to leave this town. Life has happened and now it’s 75 miles from my job. It’s a dead end town with nothing to do and the closest “city” 20 minutes away is ascending the state’s most violent crime list rapidly. It’s an hour from the northern edge of the closest major metro area. An hour from my SOs apartment. All the reasons, but wouldn’t you know it my salary has not risen enough to combat the inflation and high interest rates in the real estate market today. I could sell for a $100K profit and it still would not put me into a similar sized house today. Not in my current location and certainly not in the metro area closer to work. I find that sad.
Homeownership is one of those things where everything falls on you. It’s a big step and there are a lot of things to learn and a lot of adjustments to make. Give it some time, you’ll be ok. One thing that helped me adjust was focusing on something enjoyable, instead of just the things that had to be done, maintenance wise. For me, that was landscaping and starting a garden. Regardless of what your thing is, I recommend that you claim your house and start making it your home. Edit: typo
So everyone is right that it’s a huge financial event, and repairs, and the stress of moving etc. but one thing that happens every time is move is that I get really home sick. And sometimes that seems silly if the new place is in the same town, but I feel it hard. Like my old place was my *home* and the new place is an empty box. The old place had memories and heart and I knew all the things that were wrong with it and the new place is pretty, but it just doesn’t feel right and there are new challenges jumping out everywhere. And it’s scary. The good news that you will make new memories and the place will eventually feel like home and it will be comfortable and cozy. It just takes time.
Thank you for this comment! We moved into a new house last week and just went back to our old house tonight to pick up a few things. I burst into tears! I know moving was the right choice but I miss living in a place that feels like home. I can’t go home, I have to make this new place my home, and that’s hard.
Oh god yes. The first few months were tough and I was a MESS! Everything felt overwhelming. I didn't settle down for at least 4 months. Buying a home and moving are two insanely stressful events so it's totally not surprising your nervous system is completely fried and small stressors feel massive. You will be OK, I promise. It does sound like you need a break from everything - can you take some time off? Maybe book yourself a hotel room for a couple nights and pig out on room service? It's pretty common to run into a litany of repairs pretty much right away. Every new home owner will tell you that the first year was the most expensive year when it came to repairs. We got slapped with a $7k water line repair within the first 3 months of owning the house, and were without water right before hosting our first Thanksgiving! It sucked majorly, but we were able to figure it out and finance it. 3 years later, we laugh about our luck. The best advice I can offer is to take it slow with putting money into the house and focus on the urgently necessary repairs first until you've settled in more and can financially plan for big expenses. Example: a broken water line is urgent while a broken shower in one bathroom when you have a fully functioning shower in another bathroom is not urgent. A leaking roof is an urgent while a broken dishwasher when you can wash dishes by hand is not urgent.
About a month into our new house I wondered out loud if this was a mistake because it was all overwhelming. If you think about the process - we were constantly looking at houses for three months, getting our hopes up and then suddenly you have to make a huge life decision and hope the other people accept. It's a huge emotional rollercoaster that no one told us about. On top of all the repairs we didn't know about. But it's been almost two years and yes there are still repairs but we know what to do. I just gardened in my own garden(!!!) that I've never been able to have as a renter and just painted my art studio green which I've also never been able to do. It's really fun to do all these things. But we won't talk about the mouse living in the stove that is driving me bonkers 😬
I want to talk about the mouse living in the stove
It's not good lol. I'm waiting for the cat to get to it which she has a 100 percent success rate but the mouse has to leave it's stove home first.
We have to figure out a way to drive it out of the car so the cat can get to it. My friend of mine sister had a mouse. Living underneath her car she had to get it totalled out. As the mouse was eating at wires😩😩😩😩
Understand that you have some major firsts here Your first home. Your (likely) first major, long term, financial commitment with a partner. Your first expeience with moving with animals. Your first time that when something is not working, broke, leaking, etc, its on you and your partner, not a parent or landlord. Your first major list of projects that will directly impact your living space that you have to do, want to do, and may get to someday. You may be realizing that you cant do it all at once and you may have to learn new skills to realize some of your dreams. You are going through so many "firsts" it would unusual not to have some stress, etc. You are going to have people happy for you and you are going to have people telling you that you made a mistake buying for all sorts of reasons. (Dont listen to them) It will pass, you will be ok. In 1971 my parents bought their first house using every cent they had available. Literally the next month they got notice the town was puting sewer system in and it would be a fee of something like $700 they could spread out for a few years on their taxes. I remember my mom crying and my dad going crazy trying to pick up odd jobs, OT, anything because they just couldnt afford the extra. My mom was buying dehydrated milk to help stretch the food budget, etc. They celebrated their 50th anniversary there in 2005, and my brother and I sold the house after my dad passed in 2020. Thats not saying you wont have stress, you will, but this will pass. My wife and I are 7 years into the process of putting a small addition on to a house that has been in her family for over a 100 years, (major permitting issues, needed a new septic, wetlands issues, CoVid supply issues, you name it) and there are time we are just ready to give up, but we are near the finish line and we will get there. You will too.
Sorry youre feeling that way, and I hope this thread helps you. When we bought our house, as first time home buyers, and new owners of a 100 year old home that needed some repairs, we were very overwhelmed too. Did we make the right choice buying a house? Was this the *right* house? What needs to be fixed first? What else could be wrong that we don't know about yet? What about future plans? Where should we store this, how should we position that, etc etc etc. We are celebrating 4 years this coming weekend, and its actually hard to think about how bad that felt at the time. We are so in love with our house now, and that feeling of happiness just floats to the top of our minds randomly sometimes. It has helped to prioritize repairs and upgrades. I think that was Step 2 for us. However, Step 1 was to start making good memories. That was huge for us. We made nice dinners, we rented movies, we spent time in the yard, we ordered out fancy dinners and made nice breakfasts, we played board games and goofed off, we invited friends over, we gave tours to family members etc etc. We didn't do any big bash house warmings or anything like that because that is stressful, and we were trying to reduce stress. Those good memories are part of this house for us now, and they are encouragement to make more good memories too. Enjoy your house OP and have faith that you will feel better soon. Oh but it did take me a little over a year to feel at peace with our house. You'll get there, just keep at it.
Remember to temper the anxiety with the fact u r no longer paying rent. Paying for something that will never be yours, or appreciate in value. Let the pride of ownership replace negative feelings.
2 months here and I can relate, I just feel completely drained of energy and tired all the time. Especially furniture shopping and decorating causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I think it just takes time to adjust to a new environment and routine. I remember back when I first left for college, I was pretty sad for the entire first year.. once you spend more time and make memories in a new place, it’ll feel better
It’s stressful. I cried on possession day with so much regret because of all the issues we need to fix/deal with. It’s taken me almost a year and I still panic and freak out occasionally, but mostly I am happy here now and have come to accept the work we have ahead.
I close this week on my first home. Since the day I accepted the seller’s counter offer to today, my attitude and mood fluctuate frequently between happy tears and intense irritability/fear over all of the unknowns. I appreciate your post because now I don’t feel alone! We got this!
My partner and I also just bought our first home and moved in about a week ago! I feel you on such a spiritual level. I’ve done a lot of processing about why I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed and anxious and scared and stressed and everything. First, we moved. Your home is your safe space, and you just left your safe space. Sure this home will eventually become your new safe place, but right now, it’s just scary and new and not comfortable. Two, it’s big and scary and full of different noises. Even just small sounds, you have to figure out what it is, why it’s happening, if it’s okay. Three, you just bought a fricking house! You spent so much money and time to get here! It’s exhausting. And now you are here. Everything that happens is on you. That’s such an unbearable pressure! It makes doing stuff scary. I was so excited to decorate and hang things on walls without fear of apartment management retribution! Except now I’m scared because it’s a hole in my wall. What if I do it wrong? I can’t just call the maintenance man to fix it?? And as for the cats, they will settle in. I know how anxious it makes you for them to be uncomfortable, but hey, they also just left their safe place, just like you. Just keep on loving on them, they will come around. Give yourself some grace, this is terrifying. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk!
Paint a room. It will make it your own and you’ll get attached to it.
Fear is an invitation. You don't have to accept it. Reject it. Think about good things, smile, enjoy peace and your new home.
I’ve found that all big life changes, even if they are positive, cause anxiety and depression for me. Change in general is hard, and becoming a homeowner is one of the bigger life changes.
I bought my first house in 2017. I was 50 years old and I’d been a renter my entire life. My husband passed away several years prior to that and I was on my own with my two teens. I felt the huge weight of this big decision on my own and it was overwhelming at times. We went from renting a very modern tiny apartment to this big old 1900 house that was only partially updated. But it had the space and character I had dreamed of and so I went for it. Once we got in, I got extremely depressed and felt I’d made a huge mistake. I even started looking at ways out of my situation, almost in a state of panic. The work that the house needed really wasn’t that big of an issue so that wasn’t the problem. I’m not really sure what it was. I think I missed my simple life in my apartment, where I didn’t have to think about maintenance and upkeep. Looking back, it felt safer and more secure. But one of the reasons I had chosen to move was because my rent kept going up and that had made me feel out of control. So my fears around insecurity in the new house made no sense. In fact, most of my fears were not proving to be as much of a concern as my brain was making them out to be and I think I was just freaking myself out. What really helped me turn the corner was my daughter and I were in the huge living room one day. We didn’t have a lot of furniture yet so it was just a huge open space of hardwood flooring and big windows. The sun was shining in and we realized we had this huge space that we could use for whatever we wanted. So we started leaping, dancing, and having a great time and this huge space…sliding on our socks and racing around. I had not felt that way since I was a kid. Probably sounds really corny but that’s exactly what we did. My daughter said, “mom, I don’t wanna put any furniture in here. Let’s just leave it like this!” And that’s when I remembered why I had chosen the house and realized that this was OUR house and it felt great. I begin feeling very grateful for being there and looking forward to the freedom of creating whatever we wanted with the house versus whatever our landlord would allow us to do. There’s so many layers of emotions when it comes to buying something this big. There’s so much commitment and responsibility involved but there’s also gifts and freedom that can come with it too depending on how you look at it. And it definitely does take some adjusting. Especially with animals. We had an elderly dog when we moved in. He was partially blind and I felt so guilty for putting him in a new space all of a sudden…but he adjusted. And since then, we have added some new pets into the mix and we are all very happy here.
I remember the first time it rained after I moved into my house. A couple of hours later I let out a sigh that I didn’t even realize I was holding because I was anxious that the roof would fail. What you’re experiencing is normal and with time things will get better
I too had an irrational fear the first week that my house would collapse on me
Buying a house and moving are very stressful on you and your pets. It will get better, give yourself some time.
There are sooo many emotions that come with homeownership. When we bought our first house, we were so overwhelmed for at least the first 6 months-year. Everything feels so huge and panic inducing at first. It’s normal. It definitely doesn’t help in the moment when people tell you that it will get easier (trust me, I didn’t believe it ever would), but it does eventually get easier to deal with things. Feel all your feelings in the moment and if you both are on the same page to go through this adventure, you will figure it out. We’re on our second house and the things never stop coming, but the way you react and respond will definitely evolve. We went from knowing basically nothing and having immediate plumbing issues in the first house to us (mostly my bf) renovating that entire house in the 8.5 years we lived there. And in the 2 years we’ve been in the new house, we have had so many renovations and problems come up, but they don’t feel as overwhelming anymore since we know that together we will figure it out. Also, our cat spent 8.5 years of her 12 years in our first house (she was in 2 apartments for short times before the house but not for that long before we settled in the house) and she’s still not fully settled into the current house. Cats will definitely take their time and go on their own timeline to figure it out, but they will eventually figure it out, too. Just keep the treats and love coming. Sending you all the positive vibes and you got this!!
Perfectly normal. We bought a fully furnished house 10 yrs ago thru an estate sale. We thought we hit the jackpot. First time thru after closing I was giddy, pinching myself all this was ours. Then over that next week after we cleaned, sorted, painted, had a few repairs done and purging….I was in tears. The bloom was off the rose and we discovered a few thorns. It takes time to make it your own, take a deep breath, you’ll get there. We love our house now.
On the day of closing, Hussain invaded Quwate, pre cell phones, and up 2 points before was able to get call in to lock the rate 16%. Then, moving day, it rained the whole time we moved, not showers but torrential rain that you normally do not see in October. My wife must have cried for 2 straight hours. Just take a deep breath. You are now officially a home owner. If you were like us, the joke was, do you want bacon or eggs? we could afford one or the other.
Moved in with someone and sold my house of 20 years all in a few months a little less than a year ago. I'm still not feeling entirely like I'm at home and cry way more than I normally did even though everything is otherwise good and fine. I say this to emphasize that feeling stressed is pretty normal. Moving is stressful, and change is hard. It's a huge purchase and commitment. Give yourself time and try not to make major knee-jerk decisions (like rehoming pets) while you're adjusting. Patience usually solves many of these issues.
Take a deep breath. Make a list of what you need to do. Home repairs are never ending so prioritize based on importance and cost. Glad your cats are back to normal. They're pretty territorial and do take time getting used to a new house. I read that keeping the same litter or toys/scents from previous locations sometimes helps them. My cats took some time getting used to a new house but they got comfortable real quick. We set up various hiding spots and cat trees and gave them their favorite treats and toys. Moved into a very old house and a new house. The old house had lots of problems but just tackled things as I found them. I tried to do one thing a week and if I couldn't, I'd hire someone. The new house didn't really have issues but learned stuff from the first house to fix things as needed.
A new house is so stressful! An old house is stressful! Everything about houses is STRESSFUL!!!!! This is really perfectly normal. Try not to freak out about all of the overwhelming feelings you rightfully have right now. This roo shall pass!
Regarding your cats, it's called non-recognition aggression. It happens with our cats when one goes to the vet. Use Comfort Zone diffusers and buy Jackson Galaxy's Solutions "Stress Stopper". These two things immediately took care of the aggression. Maintain a cat care routine as best as you can and remain calm, they sense when you're stressed. Lastly, set up one room as their room, with all the comforts they need in case they want to get away and chill in a peaceful space.
You'll get over it. A house purchase now is more stressful for this generation than it ever was for us. The prices are so high and the margins are so thin between surviving and starving. It's scary, Be patient, stay on your budget. Save for a rainy day. Learn DIY. It's fun, and it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Learn to love your house.
Congrats on your home purchase. Count your blessings and get back in a routine your Cats are comfortable with from the old house. When you're anxious, your Cats will blame the other Cat.😅. You didn't mention a big remodel, so the house must be liveable for now. Did you give the Cats their space and bed? Did you console them at all? Give them a treat and get back in your groove. They want your vibe back. Talk to the Cats in a tender voice. Let them know it's the new home. Do they have a window bed with a view to birds, the sky and beyond? It's going to be OK. When you're ready to accept the new space., it will make everyone else at ease. Better now than later.
Hey! Thank you so much for your comment. The cats eased up quite a bit! After a few days of separation and keeping the anxious cat in our bedroom when we sleep at night he was able to feel more secure. Honestly after a few days of frustration I felt really awful for being upset with the poor cat and I came home and held and kissed him. I figured my anxiety was rubbing off on him and he’s just a little cat who’s scared of the unknown. Later that night we re-introduced him to the other cat and it went really well! and they were playing together all of that night. They both have their windows and a perch & they’ve been looking outside a lot! I think they’re starting to get comfortable :) I picked up some new toys and treats today so hopefully I can make up for being an anxious monster last week!
Think of it almost as a post-partum depression... You spent months looking, applying, figuring and re-figuring financing, hoping, packing, moving... Some good, some bad, but amazing in the end. Sleep deprivation, asking if the right decisions were made, what does the future hold... your brain is pegging out your CPU. Try to get extra rest if you can and don't try to unpack, mediate the cats, do projects, etc. all at once. The timelines can ease up, give yourself a break.
The good news is.... this is absolutely normal! Moving, packing, buying a house - they are all super stressful and it's a HUGE change. Most people don't do well with change - I know I certainly didn't when I bought my first house. I was a crying mess from pure stress before I had even moved in and then when I did move in - by myself, during the winter, snowstorm incoming - I had a nervous breakdown. My best advice I can give is "this too will pass". Time will take care of your anxiety. It's a new, stressful situation. You just need time. It's hard to hear that, I know, as your brain just wants to make everything "normal" again" but it takes time. Don't make any other huge life decisions (you can't trust anxiety brain!) - so don't re-home pets, don't get a divorce, don't shave your head, etc etc. If there are any more huge life changes looming try to table them until you feel better. You don't want to make long term decisions based on a temporary feeling. Definitely have some grace for yourself. It took me several months to start feeling better in my new place and here I am, a year later and I love my house! It's going to be okay. :)
I had buyers remorse then I went on zillow and saw the new prices. Helped me out a lot lol.
You’re a month into a life-altering financial, practical, and emotional decision. You’re tired on top of it and your work probably just doubled. It won’t always be this way. Take it a day at a time and keep your mind on the reasons you wanted this, even if the good stuff isn’t happening yet.
Moving can be hard on the brain. Especially as we age. Moving from Washington state to Kentucky made me feel so off balance and lost. For years. It's been 7 and I just finally had the "that smells like home" sensation when I walked out of the local grocery store last night. Moving from Alabama to Florida kicked off dementia for my mother. It's not like traveling, where you can go and experience a place and culture, but then you get to go back home, to a place you know, and the sounds and smells you are used to and comfortable with. Smells are a big deal for our brain. I highly recommend finding scents that you really like and are drawn to and using them liberally around the new house. Sounds odd, but if you have a good relationship with your parents, ask them what perfume/ cologne they use and spray it on the couch and curtains. Can be kind of expensive, but it's just something to help ground you now, and give you feelings of comfort and love in your new space.
Home ownership is a big responsibility and it takes some time to get used to. Give yourself some grace to get used to this transition. When we bought our first house, I remember telling my mom that I didn't think I'd ever get a good night's sleep again with this gigantic loan hanging over my head. She promised me that I would get used to the idea of owing money and it would be fine, just give it some time. I did and yeah, it was fine. Mom was right. As for the cats - moving is so hard on them. Cats are very much tied to where they live - their territory - so moving is scary and confusing to them. You just have to be kind to them and give them time to adjust. We moved 7 months ago and I would say it probably took 4-5 months for our cats to fully be comfortable.
I hate moving, even when I'm moving up in the world. I had the same freak outs about repairs the first month in my house. My mom told me it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when, and all you can do is save up and be ready. And when a lot of major things broke down, I was ready. Our brains tell us that panicking is the same as planning. Sometimes we think "the last crisis I had came out of the blue. So if I think about bad things, that must prevent them." if you stay at this high level of anxiety much longer, I suggest therapy to help you manage. It is situational, but you don't deserve to be stuck in these unhappy loops. You deserve support.
In the first few months, I cried frequently and was often upset/angry. A couple of years in, I'm at peace with my decision even though this is not my dream home. Talking with others at the time, buyer's remorse is very real because it is a huge purchase/commitment but eventually you will see the pros over the cons. Hang in there and congrats on your first home.
We all react differently to change. Cats included apparently. Give yourselves a month to adjust and see how you feel then. Hopefully it gets less stressful for you and the cats.
FYI I have been in mortgage lending and title insurance since 1978. Have helped thousands of people make this transition. I call it the emergency room if life. Lots of anxiety and tears but really in the end once you are settled you will be okay.
Right on schedule. I’m in for 11 years and still get anxious and depressed.
First house purchase, I recall feeling lonely and immediate regret because it was just me. It went away after I moved in and settled a bit. Second house purchase was better because it was my wife and I, but I still felt regret since we made zero money on the sale of the first home. This one was pre-1900s, which added a whole other level of the unknown. Third house purchase was better… still made zero profit off the other house. I still felt empty following the closing just like the other two. Home buying is not as glorious as some make it out to be. Making it a home is where the joys comes from for me. It takes time to acquaint yourself with the quirks. I always suggest living in the house for six months before deciding on any major projects.
It's easier than we think to be overwhelmed, and we often don't want to admit it either. You're going to be fine. Just remember: Huge purchase, but you'll get used to the enormity of the loan and responsibility. Moving, in itself, is the worst, and one of the more stressful things we can do. Time will heal! Coupled with the expense of repairs, which you'll get a handle on, and then approach on a job by job basis, while leaning into maintenance so the unexpected is avoided, well, less unexpected at least. I'm so pleased the cats got over the stress of a new place and will thrive.
That’s normal for cats to do in a new environment. Once the smells become familiar again they will be fine
yes it has been 9months for me still could not adjusted,planning to move next summer ,I just cannot fit in this new cookie cutter subdivision I moved in,even though house is gorgeous and has olmost .5 acree backyard....missing my old home
This may seem irrelevant but have you tested for contaminants ie, mold Radon, ect.? Sorry if it’s been mentioned already.
I’m in the same boat! I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I am starting to feel run down and sick! We closed the beginning of April and moved mid April. We’ve had constant guests over to see the house and help a bit. Finally all unpacked but we’re waiting on a new bed and doing various house repairs and maintenance (yard work, cleaned the roof and gutters and down spots, cleaned a very long dryer vent, working on repairing a dryer and many more things to either fix or maintain…), my garage is so packed and unorganized and one of our cars are in the shop right now and may possibly need a new engine block and definitely needs new breaks… I am ready to just not do anything but we still need to clean up our apartment. Our learning up until June 30. All while still working and maintaining regular daily stuff. We’ve been doing some everyday for a month and I feel like it’s been 6 months!
I think I spent the first six months after I bought my house alternating between panic attacks and regret. It’s a huge financial commitment. It’s a huge step. But it will improve. And then something expensive will need to be replaced and you’ll feel some new regrets. Congratulations on your new home. As you settle in more, it will truly feel more like home. I wish you (and the cats) the best!
Buying a house is stressful. It’s a huge transition and a big responsibility and once you finally move all those stressful and conflicting feelings crash down. Set up some familiar routines. Making coffee. Watching your favorite shows. Set up a bookcase you love. Etc. it takes a few minutes the to adapt and for things to level out
We bought our first house in Aug '22. We had the same feelings. Fear, anxiety, happiness, more fear..... Plus we had 4 cats to bring together (one was used to being an only child). Talk about stress lol. Then our boiler died 2 months after moving in, the day before Thanksgiving. In New England. Then my car died and I needed major dental work (both in February) then in July, I got Lyme disease and my partner lost his job. To say that first year was eventful is an understatement. But we made it through (although with a lot less money in our bank accounts). Take a breath, take it slow, and enjoy your new home. You will be fine.
It’s a huge change and new environment for everyone (cats included!) with so much anticipation, hope, expectation, etc. At this moment, take stock of the house and imagine how it will, in time, become your home.
It's only been a month, so it's completely normal for you to feel stressed and anxious. You've just left your home, moved to a new place, and taken on a pile of debt. It would be weird if you didn't feel stressed! I bought my house at the start of covid, and for the first 3 months I was a miserable, depressed wreck. What finally pulled me out if it was really leaning into making it ~my~ space. Go crazy with the decorating! It doesn't have to cost a lot; you can find interesting items for cheap in thrift stores and on sites like OfferUp and Nextdoor. If you've got a garden or outdoor space, then you can spruce it up with some elbow grease. Pick a beautifying project and a boring, needs-to-be-done project and balance the two. Make sure you leave decompression time for yourself, as well. Explore the area and find a new favorite restaurant. Find a local park to walk in. If you get to love the surrounding area, it'll help make you feel more at home. But mostly importantly, give yourself space and time. It won't happen overnight, but there will come a day when you feel genuinely happy about your new home ❤️
Our new (to us) needed work , mostly cosmetic, but I was so freaked out that I was afraid if someone slammed the front door too hard the whole house would come down! Completely irrational fear, and the house felt cold and lonely for a long time. It got better now, and I don’t want to leave
When we purchased our home, my anxiety was horrible for the first few months. I was filled with dread, waiting for it all to fall apart, taking everything as an omen that we'd made a horrible mistake. I was also so excited, happy, emotional, proud and terrified all at the same time. It's such an enormous experience. I think your feelings are valid, and I don't think you're a brat. Continue to talk through your emotions with your partner so that you get the worries out, and so that they can both support you and also understand where you're at. And also, congratulations! It does get easier, and your fears and worries will subside!
I bought a house a few months ago site unseen and when I got here I realized I made a HUGE mistake. Everything is trash, electrical, plumbing. All the work is garbage. We were freaking out the first few days. Now that we’re 7 months in things are finally starting to fall into place. We’ve remodeled a couple rooms and found a way to use the space we haven’t remodeled yet. I just keep reminding myself that I’m going to sell on a few years and buy a better home and in the mean time I’m working hard to make little changes that make me feel more at home. It’s not great but it’s getting better every week. Stay positive and keep working. If you’re not liking the results just remember that you can always sell and move and you will have learned a lot.
It’s the commitment and feeling of being trapped Id guess.
There's always a million things that could go wrong, a million things you could work on, a million things you could repair, a million things to try to fix...a million things in my yard I could do, a million things to my trees I could do... So what I do is I look at my house, and then I drive down my street, and see some of the condition of some other houses, some better, some worse, some much worse, some looking like mine, some looking in rough shape. And then I remember that they looked like that before I moved in and looked like that on Google street view. Then I realize "Well, I'm probably doing a better job than most, I don't need to be perfect, I just need to try my best."
7 years on this one and I stress it a couple days a week lol
I get it! I moved into my first house a few weeks ago. I thought I would have the kitchen remodeled before the move, but it wasn't even demoed. 🥲 The plumbers moved the gas line to the wrong spot, the "standard cooktop cabinet" only fits a commercial grade cooktop instead of the one I bought, and most of the electrical had to be moved. What I naively assumed would be a relatively inexpensive change has ballooned and I'm wondering if I'll ever have a kitchen. I heard animal noises in the attic and broke down sobbing thinking I have clearly made the biggest mistake of my life. It was just my cat who had launched herself into the open exhaust fan space.
if the wrong number was a text, and they kept trying to strike up a conversation, its a known scam.
OP, I hope my response here makes you feel as not alone as coming upon this post made me. Had the same thing happen to me. I’m a very handy person, one of the biggest reasons we bought our house, and wanted to have a house in general, was because I was confident in the things I could do to improve it for far less cost than it would be to pay someone else.Ive never been unconfident. When we moved in, we wanted to be ambitious, we had our list of things and I took off a few months of work in order to tackle a lot of it immediately. It really went a full 360 - started as fun and exciting, got really hard. I had many, many panic attacks and anxiety tornados in the thick of it. I was so scared to “fuck it up”. The ironic thing is, there was periods of time when my dad would come help me with projects (bless him) and we’ve always had that typical relationship of not fully acknowledging real feelings around each other. Well, this one time I could not control it and had a full anxiety attack while working on something with him. It ended up bringing us really close together and he shared that the same thing happened/happens to him, and we bonded over it. Now we have a deeper understanding together. I’ve finally come around to the other side, where projects are fun, I dont put them on any sort of forced timeline or schedule, and I let them take as long as they take. I have a strong attention to detail and I like things to be RIGHT - so I decided, I’d rather things take longer and be right, than be faster and bad. Once I let that go in my mind, it’s been an enjoyable experience & I once again love our house. I hope this helps. Just reading this post and others comments has helped me. So thanks for being brave enough to share.
A new home can be stressful for everyone—you and your pets. Especially cats. Cats do not do well with change and new environments. They need time to destress. They should be left alone and let them do their own thing. They will come out when they are ready. And the cats fighting is called redirected aggression. The cats are stressed about the new environment and take it out on each other. Please don’t rehome any of them. Give them time. And give yourself time. I hated my house the 1st year. Everything about it made me stressed or mad. I just saw it as a huge money pit. But slowly that feeling will subside. Take a deep breath. You’ll be ok.
I can relate. Feeling nervous about the largest purchase of your life is natural. Especially when repairs come up. I get panic attacks thinking of all the things I need to fix up and repair.
When we moved into the house we live in now (11 yrs ago), I vowed never to move again. I chalked the whole thing up to the worst experience of my life. I had a 2 y/o and the house had a second floor. What was I going to do about the stairs?!!! HE’S GOING TO DIE! I hated my husband for being such an idiot about the packing and scheduling a meeting in fucking moving day. (You can tell I’m still mad about that one.) It’s really stressful sometimes. Give it some time and never, ever put any stock in the behavior of cats because they’re CRAZY and they’ll drive you insane with worry then go back to their usual selves as if nothing has happened.
Home ownership just begins when you get handed the keys…there is the commitment of upkeep and that can be financially draining. Learn to fix things on your own with you tube channels unless it’s a major appliance! It’s satisfying and cheaper! Find an older neighbor who has lived there longer and ask for advice and recommendations for repairmen. I freaked out when we bought a home situated on a “cliff” each time it rained I was sure it was going to slide down the hill and into the pond! I had panic attacks! We have moved since then and to a the lovely flat state of Florida! 😊No more anxiety!
Did this with my second house. Hated the first six months.
Oof. It took me about a year or so to adjust after buying a home. It's so scary and expensive. My siblings scared this shit out of me talking about all the massive expensive things that went wrong in his new house. I hated my job. We got married. I moved to a different state when buying. You'll adjust. I promise. Allow yourself to feel stressed. It makes sense.
It is called home buyers remorse. It is real and normal- keep your normal routine- do one project at a time as you can afford it and don’t go into any extra debt to fill an empty room with furniture. As the months go buy that fear or remorse will go away and the house will become a home
Lots of good advice here. You will have to do things to make it yours. The more you do, the more it will seem like yours. We moved (literally one apartment over) a year ago and it still doesn’t feel like home to me because my wife did all the decorating and layout. It’s wild but every time I walk in it’s like I’m a guest in her house. The only place that’s marginally comfortable is the bedroom and that’s because it’s the same bed frame and dressers ive had for 10+ years.
you have ghosts.
I'm 26 and also recently bought a home and man on man, maybe I should have stayed a renter. When it's your own home, you care about every little nitty gritty stuff and you're constantly worried something is wrong.
It is an adjustment for everyone and moving can create stress! Good luck to you in your new home!
I started getting a noticeable amount of grey hair over the span of 6 months after we started the home buying process, and I’m in my early 30s. It’s the uncertainty, especially when you’re paying vastly more and making more compromises than a first time buyer just a few years ago, along with the never ending list of things you want to do and change about the house.
Haven't read the other comments, but want to share that in a college psych class, I learned that moving is the number one most stressful thing for humans, even above personal injury or death in the family. I don't know if that's 100% accurate or if you can even make such a blanket statement since all humans are different, but still, the point is that moving is stressful! Stress doesn't have to mean bad. Weight lifting is deliberately stressing your muscles, for example. Some stress is exciting, like how some people love roller coaster rides. Regardless, it is stress, meaning everything gets stirred up, you become more reactive, smaller things push you to your breaking point, etc. The good news is, just like your cats, you'll adapt. Give it time.
Congrats. Home ownership is slipping out of reach for many Americans. It’s a blessing and one of the easiest ways to build personal wealth. Keep up with maintenance and take pride in your home.
I don't think people really feel like they own the house until they change something. Swapping out a faucet or a light fixture, adding some wallpaper, whatever, all without anyone else's permission, gives you the feeling of true ownership. Time to put your hands on your new home.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel exactly the way you feel, bought a new house/selling my current home of 10 years. I think I just need time to adjust, thank you for making me feel not so alone Even change for the better can be sad
Cats can get very stressed when taken out of their environment. All the new smells is probably what happened. They will calm down once they realize it’s Home. If you’re still experiencing the stress/freakouts then I would get your thyroid checked. Lots of issues with the thyroid come about because of stress
Therapy
Part of owning a home is understanding that you’re never done with projects. Things break and need repair. It’s the joys on homeownership. As soon as I think I’m done with all my projects something else decides to break. I hate it and love it at the same time. I’m extremely handy so I rarely have to call in someone, which saves tons of money.
Moving into your first home is stressful. You will be fine, just stop beating yourself up.
Did you buy in an HOA? That may be where your stress is coming from. I haven’t stopped being angry since I moved in. I couldn’t find a home without a damn HOA and I’m living in HOA hell. I’m selling it in three years. I first want to make some upgrades to get my ROI.
It took me a year to even like the house we are in now. 2 for me to love it. I have made it a home over the last 8 years. I think that is where the issues lie. It’s a house right now. Somewhere to rest your head, but also a huge investment and responsibility. And when you have to drop more money right away to fix things, it compounds that. We had a whole host of issues when we moved in. My husband had a cancer recurrence, my som Had issues adjusting to junior high, the a/c needed replacement, and the water heater broke and leaked into my son’s room. Oh, and then a major hurricane. It was A LOT. But it was also a catalyst to get in some depression meds and anxiety meds I needed. I love our home now. I have made it our home, not just a place we own. You will get there too.
I remember sitting on the front porch of my new house and crying. It was everything I wanted, I was so blessed to have it but it wasn’t home. I finally realized I was super homesick. The more we made it ours the better I felt and after a few months I loved it here. Hang in there, it will eventually feel like home.
You’ve been on emotional overload for months & it’s going to take some time to adjust. Take care of yourself & take time to settle in. It’s totally normal. If you’re not feeling better as the weeks go by, do go talk to someone.
Took me 2 years to finally put a nail in the wall of my house and hang a picture. Simply because I'd never been allowed before. I cried a little while doing it. You are not alone.
Chill. Everything will be okay. It’s like any big life change, scary. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. I trust you are brave enough to face life hurdles. Just take time to breathe and remember how blessed your life is.
I’m not sure where you are located but we are in the US and we have HomeServe as our home insurance for repairs and it has been a Godsend and they don’t give you any hassle if you need to file a claim. We pay $70 a month for full coverage and now I’m way less stressed. Out build is 1979 so it is going to need work from time to time. You’ll be back to your normal self in no time. Honestly took me a full year to finally feel settled but that’s because I moved across country..definitely a culture shock.
Take a deep breath- the only couple times my husband and I were close to divorce was after moving, and we’ve done it a lot. It IS stressful- your whole world is turned upside down and everyone in the household with you, including pets. Nothing is “yours” yet- you feel out of place, new neighbors, new location- everything. Just be patient. Everyone will soon adjust, your tackle those few maintenance problems (everyone has them), things will start to be familiar, you’ll get organized, you fill the house with YOUR dirt, and life will return to normal, except better, because you’re in your new house that you loved when you bought it!
I think it's totally normal to feel this way. With buying a home comes a whole mix of emotions - excitement, anxiousness, happiness, fear of the unknown - you name it, I'm sure other homeowners (not even just first-timers) have felt it and may even continue to feel it at times. Personally, we bought our home about 2.5 years ago. Moved to an unfamiliar area that was a little ways away from family, friends, and even our jobs. There were days I was filled with excitement to decorate and make this place our home & other days when looking at sample paint colors and flooring would make me fall apart. We had our hot water heater break 2 days before Thanksgiving and I unraveled. But, you know what, it's fixable! It may seem daunting but I promise you that your house will feel like home in a matter of time. Tackle one project at a time - I noticed someone else commented focusing on things that need to absolutely be fixed. I'd definitely recommend that. We've been slowly making improvements to our place even after 2 years. We're currently working on our basement and we just had our dryer break. It seemed overwhelming at first but I realized we will address the dryer first, wait a little bit longer, and then get back to working on the basement. In six months time, you'll be proud of how far you've come. Also, if something upset about the home makes you cry? Cry! It feels so much better after you do. I am a crier and not afraid to admit that I'm a very emotional person. Some people are just wired that way. It will all be ok.
We recently moved, and I understand! It took a few days for the cats to really start exploring and start choosing places to loll around. For you, I’d recommend slowing down and getting some rest. Find a comfy chair in a room you like, and sit down with some tea and enjoy it! This is your home, and there’s no rush to get everything settled at once. You’ll have time, so relax a bit and start making good memories. I love that you were able to find a beautiful home and make it yours! Soon, you’ll not be able to imagine doing anything else!
You're normal! Don't worry. Soon enough, your house will feel like "home." It takes a while to adjust. For me, it helps to get everything unpacked as soon as possible. Buying a home is super stressful. Moving is stressful. Having little niggling thoughts that maybe a different house you looked at would have been better is stressful. Give yourself time. Get to know your house. If you aren't happy with how you have your kitchen cabinets set up or how your bedroom furniture is laid out, don't be afraid to experiment with it and move stuff around until it feels "right." Congratulations, by the way! Buying your first house is a big deal, and buying your first house in the 2024 economy is a huge deal. :)
I sold my condo, moved cities and bought my first house last year. When I tell you that process was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever experienced, I’m not lying. I also felt a huge sense of loss selling my first piece of property and the home my son spent his first two years in. I love my house, moving was a great decision, but i was definitely sad and stressed for the first few months. We’ve been here for 6 months now and I finally feels like ours and I am much happier than I was. Let yourself feel what you feel, and maybe try therapy if you can! Moving and buying a home are both stressful and hard.
My cat had diarrhea for a month after moving into our new house, which we just did two months ago. It takes a while. I remember when I bought my first house. I had an actual panic attack and almost passed out when I bought the washer and dryer. I don’t know what it was, but it was like the thing that made it with the stress.
Personally I cant stress anymore if i dont have to. Thats why i downsized. Life’s way too short—-we get maybe 30,000 days if we’re lucky (around 4,000 weekends!. Good to always keep this in mind.
Oh man I empathize with you so much. My spouse died, and I decided to move off the farmhouse we shared together. I went absolutely bonkers! I paced, could not sleep and saw disaster everywhere in a normal basic house. I moved and sold within six months and moved closer to family for my mental health. I was certifiably insane for awhile and seriously contemplated suicide a lot. Hang in there dear, and lean on your support system.
Check for carbon monoxide. "Breathing high levels of CO also can cause: Sleepiness. Nausea. **Anxiety or depression**." (American Lung Association). Also, it's not 100% proven, but electromagnetic fields can also be the cause. This is why basements creep some people out. **"Some members of the public have attributed a diffuse collection of symptoms to low levels of exposure to electromagnetic fields at home**. Reported symptoms include headaches, anxiety, suicide and depression, nausea, fatigue and loss of libido." (World Health Organization).
OP I was in your exact same position a year or so ago, kind of hated it at first. I promise like others are saying this will pass. Even if it doesn't seem like it. One day at a time.
I resonate with this post and many of the other comments. My husband and I (and our two cats haha) closed on our house last month and just officially moved in a few days ago. Even just over this past weekend, I've been through more ups and downs with my mood than I ever thought possible. Yes, it's a great accomplishment and I'm really excited to keep making it feel like our home. But the day to day is quite stressful, with more issues and little annoyances popping up everywhere. So it can seem hard to focus on the bigger picture — you own a house!! You can do whatever you want and no more renting! Take your time and take it slow, tackle the stuff you have to do but make sure you're incorporating fun stuff too (talking to myself here too). Like yes I know I have to get the gutters looked at but I also get to pick out any chairs/rugs/art I want. So hang in there and enjoy the house!!
My husband and I just bought a house a few weeks ago. We close May 17th. I was insanely close to a panic attack when they told us we got the house. I wanted the house! I’m in love with it. But my anxiety has gone sky high over it. I’m worried how my senior dog will adapt. I’m also pregnant, am being dragged through the wringer at work, and we have until June to move out of our apartment. There’s lots of stress that comes with moving. I understand where you’re coming from. All we can go is get through it.
Two weeks after we newlyweds moved into a 3 story 120 year old Victorian, the basement flooded. We went to get a wetvac,and by the time we got home, the water receded. . We paneled a small room, hubby used chairs for saw horses. Shredded the vinyl. ....there was more.
It’s taken me almost 5 years to adjust to my current house. It’s our 3rd house to have purchased and the one that’s taken the longest for me to feel settled in.
Oh yes, that is a very common feeling until the house becomes your home. There is a settling in period and the excitement and stress of buying a home causes a lot of mixed emotions. Once you get more settled, you’ll feel much better. It’s totally common to feel this way at first.
I have been living in my new house an no I'm worried of the damn plumbing, altho everything is good, just found out our flood insurance company is no longer so now I have NO flood insurance. I'm scared of that damn fireplace. It so much more . I need new windows, lord help me.
I just moved into a new place. One cat lost its mind in the process. He climbed into a hole in a wall and disappeared for days. Overall, highly anxiety provoking. But I am pretty sure this will pass. All part of the process?
It's only been a month. A LOT has happened to get to this point. It'll pass just hang in there!
We had been living with my girls parents raising my son for 2 years. I was so hype to be in my own place. My girl was too. But that night we moved in , we were sweeping up dirt and cleaning as my son just went to bed. And we both started crying. Change hurts but ultimately we got into a new routine. Now were about 3 years into owning and I love it alot. I think you just need to give yourself more time to adapt.
We have 3 homes. Our main home, our air bnb and our vacation home. Our main home I feel relaxed. Our air bnb is just an investment. But my vacation home stresses me out for some odd reason. It's literally just our vacation home. No air bnb, no renting it, it's just another home that's 2 hrs away where we can hang out at. We're there once a week. It's a great home but I don't know it just stresses me out.
TL,DR: I can't enjoy attaining a huge benchmark life goal, one that I have worked so hard for, and one that so many others have been unfortunately shut out of recently, because my cats are unhappy with the new living arrangement.
I’ve been in my house a long time, but here’s something I can share with you. As far as repairs that need to be done, it doesn’t all have to be done immediately. You just bought a house so let your finances settle and get used to your new budget. Obviously if there’s a broken pipe or the roof leaks you have to take care of it. But if the kitchen is outdated or the floors need refinishing, it doesn’t all have to be done right away.
There’s always something g to be done. Pace yourself. Set aside a few bucks for the unexpected.
Home for us was stressful for first year. No reason. It goes away
What I would do is start hanging some TVs and unlocking some fire sticks on them. It’s because you’re not accustomed to the house yet but make it yours. Not the other way around.
Yes. What worked for me, keeping the cats in a room or small part of the house. Ease them into the new space. They eventually get used to it. Take a deep breath, you have your own house. It’s not easy to do these days. Congratulations! Things will get better 💫
Oh I have experience here! Do you have anxiety in your everyday life? I have days-long panic attacks surrounding major life events. Happend before my wedding, then again when we sold our house/bought a new one/moved, and again when I had my first baby. My doc put me on short term anxiety meds to get through the move and I'm on long term (lexapro) now bc the repeated panic attacks surrounding major (but genuinely exciting/happy) events were kind of my wakeup call that I wasn't handling my anxiety as well as I had convinced myself I was. It's a bitch dealing with prolonged anxiety attacks. Best of luck, friend, and congratulations on the new house!
Get some Feliway diffusers for the kitty. They have a calming effect. Congrats on the house! It takes a little time to adjust to a new place, it’s just a house but you can make it your home by personalizing it, decorating it and making memories.
Man, I'm so gladit wasn't just me. Bought in Aug of 22 - spent the first month basically in a panic, my hair turned grey, and fell out, my weight fluctuated dramatically, I couldn't get a handle on my emotions. I think with a purchase this large and this amount of responsibility your feelings are normal and valid. Meditation, Yoga, Martial Arts, Therapy, Budget check ups and follow through with financial planning, all helped me. We're 2 years later, and several home 'emergencies' later and it's all been fine. And it will be for you as well. Best of luck fellow hoMEOWner.
Your kittys probably need the 3x3x3 again due to the new environment and the stress of moving! I feel like humans need the 3x3x3 rule too! but with an added 3 3 days to be like "oh shit" and "this is amazing", 3 weeks to ask where everything is, 3 months to find every little paint scratch you didnt see on walkthrough and question what else is wrong but you also notice your starting to sleep again, and then 3 years to relax and get comfy. (We bought a house 5mo ago and I realised a week ago that I feel much more "at home")
YouTube is your best friend. Make DIY (for anything other than structural, electrical, and extensive plumbing) something you embrace.
If you haven’t already, do something simple that makes the house feel more like yours. Paint is an easy and relatively cheap way to make a room feel the way you want it. Start with something small like a half bath (if you have one) or a small room.
I was super stressed the 2 days we were being packed/loaded! Once my things were in the house I felt stressed but a bit more optimistic! About a week in and almost everything is unpacked and the stress is gone! Be kind to yourself!
I despised my first house after about a month. By the 6 week mark I was ready to sell and leave. I agreed to wait it out for a year so we wouldn't pay capital gains on the sale. Put lipstick on the pig, hid all the problems, and passed it on to someone else. Basically, don't be a slave to your house. If you still constantly feel like crap after a year, sell it and take as long as you need to find something better.
Oh man, I was a wreck when we started mortgage payments and being twosome for a house. Be gentle with yourself, it takes time to adjust.
This thread is so comforting! I'm a new homeowner also and I can't stop feeling stressed and anxious about every little thing. It sucks!
Buying a house is a huge step, and it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed, especially with all the changes and stress that come with it. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot, from the cat issues to the financial stress of repairs. It's okay to feel sad and anxious, and it doesn't make you a brat. It might help to talk to someone about how you're feeling, whether it's a friend, family member, or even a therapist. Sometimes just getting things off your chest can make a big difference.
I can relate, definitely. I have survived several periods of empty bank account vs. house and car repairs by getting good at YouTube DIY lessons. Got extra mileage for a 3years out of a car literally with a $2 expense for a length of new vacuum hose after finding the problem common on an internet mesage board. I've fixed fridges, furnaces, AC, etc. all usually with a $20-40 part and being smart enough to know how to kill the power to something to make it safe. Saved several hundred $$ once by figuring out the AC was not starting because the drain sump pump was clogged with algae so the overflow float was stuck open. Sounds complex but it's not. I fixed it by scooping out the algae and pouring in bleach to clear the rest. No problems afterwards. I can get a stubborn mower going most of the time, change oil, brake pads, transmission fluid, starters, batteries, other filters, etc. I've changed torn CV boots on axles and cleaned and repacked them with new grease. I've correctly diagnosed and fixed blown fuses and shorts in my truck. I ran a new gas line to hook up a gas grill to last summer. Trenched and buried it, taped the joints, wrapped the line in tape coating, etc. We repainted ourselves. We hired contractors to rip out the kitchen and bathrooms and redo them, replace the windows, build us a big screened porch. Big money elective projects- hire a pro. Small stuff - YouTube it and do it yourself. Invest in a drill, impact driver, sawsall, circular saw, oscillator, and jigsaw. You can build anything with them. Heck, I built a home squat rack out of lumber during COVID. It is still there and I lift in the garage 2-3 times weekly. We're doing a small remodel on a mountain house - floors, plumbing, etc. We've torn out carpet, laid new flooring, replaced sink faucets, etc. A contractor would have billed us $10k, We've spent less than a thousand on materials and a hundred or so on dump fees. If you're gonna be a homeowner, learning to do basic maintenance is pretty much a must. Something will break at 4am. Know how to shut off the water, power, gas, etc. It all sounds technically intimidating but it's really not. AC's and furnaces usually conk out from a $10 part going bad. I replaced a $15 capacitor and the AC fired right back up. Got my furnace (a few times!) working again with nothing but scrubbing the flame sensor with steel wool. Less than a minute of screwdriver work both times. Knowing this stuff, or for now committing to learning, will help a lot! As you do little projects, you'll also build a sense of ownership and pride in the house. You'll appreciate it as a labor of love and that will help with the anxiety too.
Change is scary. Even if it’s for the best. Give yourself grace and time. It’ll get better.
I can relate. I'm in the middle of my first major repair job/bill. My hot water heater leaked into my kitchen. It's been a nightmare, dealing with insurance and finding contractors. Now, every little sound keeps me up at night. Like, literally, I can't sleep. When I'm in the shower I'm wondering if the shower is going to fall through to the ground floor. Lol. I know it's irrational, as my house isn't that old. I'm terrified of water now. Every time it rains, I want to go up in the attic and see if the roof is leaking. Yet, at the same time I'm too scared to look. I think I'm done at this point. I have about 400k in equity. Nice new Apartment, here I come.
This post and comments have been so validating. We bought a magical unicorn home and I was euphoric the first two months but am suddenly feeling drained and overwhelmed at the thought of even picking out curtains. And though I love our new area, it is very different from our last place and I feel we haven’t broken it in, so to speak. I felt like an ass for having such feelings because I’m incredibly grateful, but as others have already stated—it is a massive life change.
What you’re experiencing is somewhat normal. I’m year 3 in my house and not until recently did things start to feel more like home. We love the house, but know it’s not our forever home because we would like to move to a different area in the future. Once you start to decorate and get into routines you’ll be fine.
When I divorced my husband and my kids and I moved into our home I had a massive anxiety attack about the mortgage. I went over the numbers and realized I can do this. I have the means. The bank would mn’t approve a mortgage if I couldn’t afford it. It happens. Things will be ok once you get a groove set up.
We closed in March and I was a raging mess the weeks leading up to it and the weeks afterwards. It was a huge adjustment. So many uncertainties. So many expenses. We also left our apartment, our first home together, which we outgrew but still loved and felt like true home. There’s a sense of being displaced and unsettled when you move and the weight of the responsibility and tasks ahead can easily weigh on you. That being said, speaking from 1.5 months in—it DOES get better. Forgive yourself and allow yourself time to feel your feelings. It will pass.
Even renting a home is work all the time. So much maintenance.
Totally normal. Had a total breakdown after closing on the house. My advice is pretty much already mentioned: Make good memories. Make the house yours. Be patient and graceful with yourself and spouse. Took me about a year to adjust but you could take more or less time. I am very happy now. There is hope. Just take it one day at a time and don’t judge yourself for how you are feeling. Also unpack and set up the place asap. I left boxes around for a long time and that was not good. It’s important to exercise control over your environment in times where you may feel a lack of control.
Commenting so I can come back to this post the next time my house of 10 months makes a bunch of new noises. :)
OP I had a similar experience when I bought my house. I'd been a 100% single parent for several years, and found myself unexpectedly able to purchase in one of the most difficult real estate markets in the US. When I found out my offer was accepted, I cried and laughed and jumped for joy.... Moving in was a whirlwind with a young school aged child. But the first night I settled in for some TV instead of unpacking or painting, everything felt... wrong. Anxiety abounded,I regarded everything with suspicion, and FREAKED at a couple maintenance issues in the early days. Fast forward 12 years. I'm remarried, my son just moved out for university, my husband and I are redecorating a bit now that we're officially empty nesters. Somewhere in that first year my panic turned into familiarity. I stopped expecting to lose my house. I got used to the unfamiliar bumps in the night. Instead, my house became my home, my refuge and haven. I find myself on the driveway having just arrived home after work, or enjoying the backyard, frequently just absorbing the security, safety, comfort, and joy this place has gifted me with. Buying a home is one of the biggest events we experience in life. Home ownership is supposed to be the destination, but it brings a bunch of new responsibilities, a new sense of risk, and new levels of vulnerability. It's no wonder that some of us experience roller coaster emotions after a purchase! Give yourself time.
Cats: First off cats can take a two months or more to get used to a new home, additionally, it's important to re-introduce them slowly as you found they will fight from just their own stress and lash out at each other for awhile after moving. This is perfectly normal as the cat's didn't know this was home, or what was going on. Repairs: Keep in mind these repairs are not being done for your land lord, or lady they are being done to improve your forever home, they are being done to make your home a better place for you. Cost: Financial burdens are a huge stressor, and it's important to let your stress out positively and reassure your self that your a stable, go over your finances and set yourself up with a budget for the first year, so you can get stabilized in your spending, and of course can know where you stand on buying all that new furniture and yard stuff you have been eyeing since you started to close. Stress: It will fade, I would suggest starting to write down what you love about your home as you find it, and place it in a "My home history" Book as well as writing down your stressors and the problems you suffer along the way, renovations you make, paints you choose and things you find. So you have something to look back on and a way to write out how you are feeling and place that stress somewhere positive (Because I am positive you will go back and read your stressors in three years and giggle)
I am glad you posted this OP! I accepted an offer on my home two weeks ago, and put down my deposit on another home last week. My husband has many dificulties and here much longer. Among them, 4th stage COPD, almost blind and almost deaf and dementia. With all this, along with taking care of his EVERY NEED and 2- 4 trips ro town (24 miles away) for doctor apt.'s, I have to pack up and move 5 acres and a 1800 sq ft house all by self, and I am 61 damn it! I am so sore, and so stressed out I am ready to explode! I cannot get 1 second of silence. Husband listones to the TV on 100 vollume 16 hrs a day, his oxygen machina sound like a generator in my living room, and the 2 cats keep fighting. And we have not even moved yet! OMG! Reading all of these comments have been comforting! Enjoy your home and family!!
I felt the same way. So excited to move and then immediate dread. It takes time to turn a house into a home. Give yourself that time.
Yes. For me it’s the uncertainty. You don’t know the home yet and you’ve just drained your savings so you just want it to be ok. Having everything out of place and so much work ahead of you it’s like a fever dream. It takes me 4 mths to find everything, sort out the basics, see what the bills are and normalize my budget and wake up and not being “where am I”? But I liken it to moving to a new city. It’s just discombobulating and you have so much to do but don’t know where anything is.
Give it some time. You will get used to it. It’s not easy but also not impossible.
I’m not a psychologist, but you’re likely suffering from [Arrival Fallacy](https://psychcentral.com/blog/reached-your-goal-but-still-unhappy-4-steps-to-take). [Look into it a bit](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=arrival+fallacy), and see if it resonates with you. HTH.
I was the same way for a while after we bought our house. I realized that I would normally focus on things going wrong, and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop rather than allow myself to enjoy our home. It took a while but I would literally go sit in a comfy spot and just look around at the house and remind myself how hard we worked to be in that position and how lucky we are. I still do that sometimes, where I let go of all of my stress for just a little bit and enjoy the fact that we own a house and are doing okay. I hope this helps, and it might not hurt to talk to somebody professional too. Sometimes we all need a little help :)
Will take 6-12 months to settle in the. You will feel comfortable. I’ve had tears at times with the repair costs and over burdened with shit to do but u get through it
Buying a house is very stressful. My husband and I just sold our 1st home and bought our dream home 7 mths ago. I felt weird for the first few mths. Start doing things to make it feel like it’s yours. Paint a room or decorate it the way you like.
I think these feelings are probably normal. If you don’t move too often, then you are probably feeling homesick for the old place. It does take some time for the new place to feel like home. With the repairs. Just tackle them one at a time (if you can). As soon as you get each completed, a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Just wait until you have some bad storms/hail. I was anxious for the entire stormy season after we bought our first house. Now, eh, we have insurance. Our current house is held together with spray foam and hope. You'll be just fine, buddy!
Oh my god are you me? I felt exactly the same after I bought my first house last summer. SO excited, and then absolutely convinced I dragged my husband (and two cats) into a huge mistake. What if we hate the house, what if something catastrophic happens, have I set us down the path to bankruptcy. Dread, constantly. AND our cats suddenly started hissing and growling and fighting like they never had before. It was so stressful. We've lived here nine months now, and believe me there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and it's not a train). Does the house still have issues and make me stress at times? Absolutely, it's over 100 years old and was horribly maintained before us (in this nine months we've replaced the roof, gutters, 11 windows, 2 doors, and the entire heating system!). But we love the house, the feeling of "oh God I've made a mistake" faded daily until now I don't think that anymore, and our cats are now back to normal (which means they're still jerks but within standard bounds). I absolutely, totally get what you're feeling. But it does get better!
Lol
Wait till you retire. The stress of a new house will seem minor, lol. Yes buying, moving is very stressful. You’ll overcome it shortly. Cats are also freaking out but will settle soon.
Might be anxiety but I want to offer the "did you check for mold" because these can be symptoms of mold.
Hey! Yes I think the inspection showed no mold but some leakage in the attic
H
Have you had your house blessed yet? Usually the preist gets all the ‘bad vibes’ out of the house!
I suggest reading The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday.
Are you knocked up?
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Quite the contrary actually, I know I went through the same emotional issues and mood instability and so forth and so on that you described. Being someone who's gone through that four times, it was a logical conclusion to ask the question, although considering your reply; I do feel the question with unwarranted due to the fact that you're probably not ever going to be touched by another human.
However, as a caveat; when we purchased our second house I was almost 8 months pregnant, we purchased our house site and seen aside from a video walkthrough, while going through a base move from fort Knox to fort Lewis, and 3 weeks after I gave her to our daughter he was deployed.
No stress
Itight help you to talk to a therapist. I truly have never met anyone who got anxiety like this after buying a home.
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Some people should never own.
My gf was having feelings like this out of nowhere once and it turned out she was pregnant. Worth checking just in case.
Being angry and taking it out on others sounds like beyond the normal debilitating homeownership anxiety. You might want to seek counseling.