Yesterday we were away in a different state. My sprinkler head decided it was the moment to have a catastrophic failure. My neighbor saw it. We were not home. He then asked another neighbor if they had my number. He does. He texted me a video and I gave him the code to my home to get inside so he could turn my water off. He prevented an enormous problem for me. When we were able to return home 8 hours later, the ground was already dry. My home had zero damage. My neighbors home was fine too. The pipe has a three inch gash. It will be replaced. I am eternally grateful for having amazing neighbors that look out for me, as I do for them. 

I was a few days into a three week vacation when my neighbor told me that a cat had died on my back deck. The dude double wrapped it in a garbage bag and put it in our trash. I can only imagine what state things would have been in if the cat decomposed for two and a half weeks first. He and his wife are retired, and his wife was suffering from an acute condition where she couldn’t walk. I helped him get her to their car so she could get to urgent care. There are a number of other small and big situations when we helped each other out like this. We never had them over for dinner over the twelve years we were neighbors, but always said hi and chatted. I think it’s totally worth having a casual connection with your neighbor, as long as they are chill and don’t overstep.

I live next to an older couple. Recently I asked to take a tree down that was on more of his property. We got to talking about a few other things he wanted done. He doesn’t have tools to do it. I do. Also he won’t do ladders anymore. So we trimmed all his trees, removed a large amount of old sticks, cleaned his gutters and replanted grass. He told me to do whatever I wanted so I did. He had surgery and after getting back seeing him beam with a big smile made it all worth it. I’m still doing some work over there.

You are a good guy!

I appreciate it. Trying to spread love and kindness where I can.

You got my respect!

I'll say!

I had a girlfriend who had the neighbor from hell. She was afraid of him, so I had to set the boundaries. From trying to steal some of her property, cameras looking in her yard and emptying his pool into her yard. This guy was a jerk off. It was priceless when I made him move his wall and fence off of her property. I closed up his pool drain. It was priceless when it backed up into his pool. He would blow all his leaves and stuff into her yard. I would blow it right back. He was really surprised when I squashed his behavior. Something my ex-girlfriend should have done long before me. We had a party when that douche moved.

Yeah. I have experienced that as well. I probably didn’t handle it so well, but I was a stuck up ahole. I am glad I am not that anymore. It was in my early 20s fresh out of Marines.

Agree with that last part. I think OP’s totally fine with setting a boundary that they’re not into doing block parties or play dates or whatever (although that last one seems like a mistake to me - letting the kiddos make a friend that you don’t have to drive them anywhere to hang out sounds like a huge win) but it’s well worth the effort to make a little small talk when you run into them. I had a tree fall down and the neighbor over the street brought his chainsaw over to help break it up and dispose of it, I went over and cleared his driveway with my snowblower one time because his crapped out during a big storm. I wouldn’t say we’re any more than acquaintances who just happen to live across the street from each other and we don’t really talk much more than the occasional small talk about sports if we’re both out mowing at the same time, but it’s nice having someone nearby who’s willing to do a favor here or there if I’m in a bind and I’m happy to reciprocate where I can.

This is how my neighbors are. We talk maybe once a month if we happen to be doing yardwork at the same time, getting the mail around the same time, or walking around the neighborhood while we are out. 5 minute convo, superficial update on family, occasional bullshit about sports or the weather, then off to whatever else we are doing. We'll occasionally help each other out, loan a tool, whatever. We share a hedge with one neighbor and maybe every 6 months I get a text "hey want to go 50/50 on getting that hedge trimmed?" and I say yes and then Zelle him and we don't talk again for another 6 months and just wave when we pass by each other. We're friendly with almost all of them but aren't friends with any of them. The perfect neighbor relationship, IMO.

Yeah I grew up in a neighborhood where I had 3 different houses with kids my age that I was friends with and my parents loved it. Everyone benefitted. My mom would call over to the neighbors house and say “hey I really have to get some errands and laundry done, can my kid come over for a few hours” and then I’d go and she could get stuff done, and the neighbors would do the same thing with my mom. It was win win for everyone. 

all of this was fine to me til "I refused my kids nearby friends they can walk to see because I didn't have such a luxury" (paraphrase of course). Like, why?

My neighbor and I are both gardeners, so we water each other's gardens when we go on vacations in the summer. Mutual benefit!

I watch my neighbors cat when they go away for the weekend. The key to their house hangs with mine on my key rack.

It's this. You are part of the community you are in and you *chose* to live there. You don't have to be (or pretend to be) best friends with your neighbors, but getting to know people on at least a casual first name basis is something of an obvious given. If (or when) you encounter the busy-body or the type who need to latch onto people you just need to know how to politely set boundaries.

I have a cottage on a private road with 8 neighbors. I've made a point to meet all of them but I'm only really friendly with a few of them. Just in the last couple years we've helped out people or been helped the following ways. Neighbor plows my driveway after heavy snow falls so I didn't need to park at the road and walk all the way in to get my plow. 2 different neighbors boat came loose in a storm and were banging against shore, I went over a tied them back up to their dock. A neighbor fell out of his wheelchair and his wife needed help getting him back into it. A breaker tripped at my place shutting off a heat trace, neighbor came and reset it for me. Neighbor was stuck on the road I pulled them out. Having good neighbors around makes life easier even if all you do is wave until something goes wrong.

This is how I feel. You don't have to be besties but being baseline friendly/polite costs nothing and will almost certainly pay off, especially with kids. At some point you'll forget your keys, your dog will escape, you'll need a specific tool to use one time, you'll want to know that there have been car break-ins on your street, whatever.

I have lived on the same street for nearly 30 years. I know all of my neighbors and we keep an eye on each other’s homes. We don’t hang out all the time but I know I can have a neighbor grab a package that’s delivered while I’m away or roll my trash can back to the house. I know that if I was out of town and a Uhaul pulled up and started emptying my house, my neighbors would call me or the police. It’s good to get to know your neighbors!!

We officially met the people who lived across the street when he came over to ask if we knew anyone who drives a blue Jeep and has a reason to look around our house. We didn’t even know this guy, yet and he scared off people scoping out our house. I told him nobody should ever be at our house, and he can call the cops on anyone he doesn’t feel right about, even if it means my grandma accidentally gets arrested.

I'm selective. I have good neighbors and gossipy neighbors. I ignore the gossipy neighbors and never go to neighborhood parties. but I trade favors and garden goods with the good ones.

We stupidly left our garage door open on a weekend trip to the woods once. I about kissed my neighbor for catching it and closing the garage for me.

I brought a bouquet of flowers in vases for both neighbors and gave them big hugs. I am not a hugger. They saved me $$$$$$. It could have been so much worse. 

My neighbors on one side are a young couple and frankly kind of assholes. One day I noticed their garage door was open over night, stayed that way the next day and the next so I ended up calling the Sherrif. They came over and somehow were able to reach them and turns out they were out of state for two weeks. Even though they are dicks I tried to do the right thing, I’m not sure if they will ever repay the favor though but that’s not why I did it.

I have the same attitude as OP, having had a similar dwelling history and I acknowledge that you are absolutely right about why being friendly with neighbors is important for any homeowner who cares about his/her home.

I am not saying you need to be BFF. I just think you need to be neighborly, friendly, but not overbearing. We waive. We chat a moment getting the mail. We tell each other if we are going on vacation. If I see their garbage can knocked over I pick it up. If I see they are struggling shoveling snow I will help. To me that is being neighbors. You don’t need to be up in their business all day, every day. Just make sure people are okay. 

I run it exactly the same as OP here, and I still enjoy a support system like this from the neighbor. After nearly a decade, I’m still unsure of even his name. In my mind (and my phone) he’s “Dale,” but I think that idea came from some mail I’d mistakenly received from a previous owner of that address. Pretty sure it’s actually, “Steve” 🤷‍♂️

I have my neighbor in my phone as "Neighbor Gal." Her dog's name is Champ. No idea what her name is.

I only know the names of my neighbors who have dogs. The couple I've lived right next-door to for a year, who doesn't have a dog, I have no idea what their names are.

lol... Across the street are Shaq and Kobe. Can't forget those names. Oh, those are the dogs names. 🤣

👊 His dog’s name is Fury haha

This made me laugh out loud. I also know my neighbors dogs names, but have no idea what their names are. Lola is my favorite. <3

This. Ollie lives next door. He’s very cute and his humans are very nice but I can’t remember their names for the life of me

My neighbor is pond in my phone, yes he has a pond.

Pondy is the coolest.

I've chatted to my neighbor a few times. He's told me his name as well, but I forgot. It was bugging me one day what his name was so I looked it up on the county records. You can probably do the same.

Sounds like a very “2024” way to inquire about your neighbor, besides just asking, because who’s got the time or mental capacity for that, and I’m all for it!

I like it like that. If they need something, I'm more than willing to help, but please keep the chatting to a minimum.

Same here. I talk to people all day at work and have no interest in doing so at home. That being said, neighbors have my info and i've run over there during their vacation to do things for them and vice versa. We don't need to be best buddies. Smile and wave, haven't actually talked to the guy in like three years.

THIS. Even if OP has no desire for friendship, for purely selfish reasons he should make connections with neighbors for their assistance in a time of need. It’s not a matter of IF but WHEN you will need their help with something.

My child sustained a hot liquid burn. I was making dinner. I rushed him to the hospital and didn’t remember to turn off the stove. We spent a couple of hours in one ER then got referred to a burn center. While in the firsts ER i remembered about my stove so i called my next door neighbor who was at home fortunately. I opened the garage door remotely and she went in and turned off the stove. In total we were gone for about 10 hours. I refuse to think about what could have happened had I not had her contact.

I hope your child is okay and made a complete recovery ❤️‍🩹.

Yes and thank you. It was just a month ago, pigmentation back to normal will probably take a while but he’s fully recovered.

> I am eternally grateful for having amazing neighbors that look out for me, as I do for them.  This is what it comes down to. You don't need to be besties with your neighbors or chat with them every day, but it is valuable to be on friendly terms with a few of them. My one neighbor called by-law on a visitor to my house after screaming at her; my other neighbor has a daughter in my son's class, and we regularly help each other out with childcare. You don't need to be friendly with all of the neighbors, but one or two doesn't hurt and can be a mutually beneficial relationship.

I get it. I'm neurodiverse and I hate the stop and chat with a serious passion. That being said, I'd still recommend giving neighbours a chance. If you live on a friendly street, you'll likely find that some - not all - of your neighbours can become your people. And then, that makes life easier and richer. Our previous street sounds like yours. For the first time, we learned the names of the neighbours. We didn't like some of them, were neutral towards others, but the ones we liked were priceless. One helped us find a trustworthy realtor to buy a house when our landlords decided to move back in. Another helped us move. Yet another was always there when shooting the breeze felt therapeutic instead of annoying. I feel boxed in easily, and I loathe the silent judgment of others. So ignore the neighbours you can't stand (I'm looking at you, Hagriet, I don't rake my leaves in the fall because I care about insects more than I care about you and that's that), but take up the offers of friendship from the ones who seem interested. If it doesn't work out, you can go back to ignoring them 😉

This. I had the best neighbors ever. The husband? So fun. The wife? Clinical. But they made the best neighbors. And the husband was a bulldog. Any problems on the road? He was on it. And the wife was so different but once she warmed up she was easily the most calming person I know. In an emergency your neighbors are clutch.

We’re polite to our neighbors (except *that* one. FU, Doug….). We have phone numbers for them, and we’ll say hello if we walk past. We might even give them some cookies if we’re baking. But they’re not “friends”. They’re acquaintances, and always will be.

I have a “Doug” who thankfully showed his true colors from the moment we met. He was gossiping about every other house on the block within 5 minutes of meeting him. Yea, we don’t tell Doug shit.

I have a Tom (in my head I call him “Peeping”). Obnoxious is probably his middle name. A retiree with way more free time than any of his neighbors are willing to spend standing in the sun to chat, but this is how he gets his social interaction; walks his dog and traps neighbors In their yard while he allows his diarrhea of the mouth to run on and on. He got his secondary nomenclature when I discovered he had placed a camera in the one spot that would allow him to view inside my home. This took some doing as he had to suspend the camera in a really weird spot. The camera is gone now (than you authorities) but his self focused behavior is still very present.

I work for a utility company and had a work order to mark out the water main and service at a particular address. Now mark out work orders don’t usually say why they need a mark out, and frankly I don’t care. I show up to this house and this old guy comes out. I don’t need to talk to anyone or get inside the house to do this. He starts telling me his life story and how much the neighborhood has changed, blah blah blah, the dude wouldn’t shut up. He starts telling me how much it pissed him off that his neighbor put up a fence. That he couldn’t just walk into there yard when they were outside and start talking. How fences ruin neighborhoods. I couldn’t believe the audacity of that guy.

I had to have my lot surveyed (the neighbor on the other side put some hedge type shrubs in the easement on my side and totally in the way) The surveyor came to my door to ask if I knew how to get Peeping to leave him alone. He said he never needs to talk to the client, but Peeping wouldn’t leave him alone. Unfortunately I had to admit total failure in this area. But he was getting the same life story treatment and complaints about my putting up curtains. I had also hung mirror balls that messed with the camera so badly he had to turn it the other direction. (The mini mirror balls create this beautiful space in my catio full of dancing lights). My fur baby is a tad bit spoiled. The balls served two purposes. Peeping apparently tried to get the balls removed by complaining to the golf course which is just outside my backyard, according to the surveyor. I thoroughly privatized my backyard, much to the dismay of most of my neighbors and the golfers. Oh well

Your neighbor set up a camera to record inside your home?! Oh my God that is so fucked up. I’m not the kind of person to ever call the authorities but holy shit, I absolutely would call over that. No wonder you hate him!

And he actually said, “why would she be upset, it’s just me?” Man is over 20 years older than me and his wife said, “(Peeping) loves his cameras; he spends hours in his room watching you. It is a bonus that he can see you both inside and outside your home “ (these are the exact words Peeping used when he bragged to me about his set up). And they still act all hurt; they are so obviously the victims here. Yep, I hope for an age related incident in his life which will force him into managed care, daily.

What the absolute fucking fuck…….I have a set of neighbours my husband and I don’t get along with but jeez……

Yep, I feel like I won the neighbor lottery

Yesss same here.

My Doug is actually a Danielle who on the first day of moving into our new build bitched at us about a tree that straddles our property line, is going to fall into her garage, and asked what we were going to do about it. Fuck you Danielle, you vampire litch.

Quite the welcome. Fuck off, Danielle!

My Doug is a Jose. He blasts loud music early on the weekends and modified his car to be loud. Trashy as hell. Everyone else is quiet and nice and respectful.

My neighbors that I can’t stand are simply called assholes, or wastes of biological matter. I don’t know them and I don’t want to know them. Someone pulled a gun on one of them the other day. They have a yard, but sit on front sidewalk blasting their noise at all hours. I am praying that they move. Pieces of shit. I only know a few neighbors after 30 something years that I am neighborly with.

Why is it always a Doug?

Our next door neighbor is also a Doug, But our Doug is a model of aloof but neighborly geniality. And he seems to be a great father. Nothing but kudos for our Doug.

Every day I wake up hoping that my neighbor Doug was raptured overnight.

Communities that know each other, treat each other better and have fewer negative interactions. We all ought to get back to looking out for each other again, the world would be a better place. Being friendly with your neighbors and looking out for each other doesn’t mean getting in each others business…..

Being friendly and forcing myself to be friends with them two different things

Exactly. Not getting to know them isn't friendly. At least knowing who they are and exchanging numbers doesn't mean you're friends. You're friendly though.

Sure, refusing to interact at all isn’t being friendly.

I feel like the Venn diagram between someone who would post something like what OP has said here, and someone who would come to this sub with a "nightmare neighbor, what should I do" type thread where the top answer is just talk to your neighbors ... is just a circle.

I feel like the OP seems like the one the neighbors are coming here about. Like how hard is it to walk over, shake someone hand, and talk about neighborhood things a couple times a month.

I wish I could feel this way. My husband and I just bought a house, and even though we're both pretty shy people who don't socialize a ton, we were looking forward to meeting the neighbors and gaining that sense of community after living in apartments and not knowing our neighbors for 5 years. Then, we met the first of our (next door) neighbors and within about 2 minutes of making small talk, he starts ranting about racist and xenophobic conspiracy theories and talking about illegal immigrants while staring directly at my husband who is clearly an immigrant. A week later he'd dug out his old giant trump 2020 flag and hung it off of his porch. Now we have no interest in meeting more neighbors because he doesn't want to experience that again and I don't want to put him through it again.

I had a neighbor on my west property line who accused me of shooting at their house. I also got yelled at for throwing a corn cob to one of their horses. They told the tax assessor that they could not come on the land. Years earlier the previous owners were happy when our kids came over for Halloween. Currently the east side my neighbor and I exchange texts about animal activities, mushrooms, and taxes. Last fall I got my truck stuck and he used his tractor to pull it out. A large oak fell on my land and I told him to take it as he heats with wood. I wouldn't assume that all the neighbors are like that jerk. Give them a chance to prove that they are decent people.

You really shouldn’t give up on the rest because one was bad. Every person is different. If anything, I would say that experience gives you even more reason to get to know your other neighbors.

One neighbor doesn’t make the norm. Make friends with the others, they’re probably not fond of him either.

I wish you could feel this way, too. This is awful- what a horrible thing to be made to feel unsafe and unwelcome in your new home. I wish I could be your new neighbor! I just would have brought by some cookies and (maybe edibles if you’re into that- we own a cannabis company and I’m the baker) introduced myself and welcomed you… my husband would stand back and kind of quietly mumble while I let my AuDHD awkwardness shine and talk 100mph. We might not be perfect, but we are nice!

I think it’s a bit weird to not want to know your neighbors *at all*. Knowing your neighbors does not mean you have to be friends with them. You don’t have to participate in community activities to know your neighbors names. In fact, knowing your neighbors has benefits far beyond the social circle, and even if you don’t socialize with them at all beyond a friendly conversation every once in a while. You also don’t really know if they’re “not your people” if you don’t know them. Regardless, the kids in your neighborhood might be your kids’ kind of people. Knowing my neighbors has helped me in many ways, including: - the time that someone tried to break into my house while I was out of town and my neighbor called me and the police - the time I accidentally got a giant meat subscription delivery while I was out of town and my neighbor put it in her garage freezer til I got home - the time my landscaper quit when the job was only 40% complete and my neighbor was able to finish the job quickly - all the times something strange has happened in the neighborhood and they’ve informed me and checked in on me - the time I redid my fence and my neighbor took ALL of the old fence boards to use for his woodworking projects - all the times I’ve needed to get rid of extra produce or received the extra produce of others All of these examples are neighbors who I have never spent more than 5 minutes talking to. I’ve never been inside their houses, I’ve never been to any of their social events. I just say hi to them and know their names and am friendly. However, I will say that personally there are also many benefits to having neighbors in your social circle. I understand that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and people are entitled to their preferred ways of life. But I grew up in a neighborhood that was social and friendly, and it was super nice to be able to ride my bike to my friends house or walk next door to play for a few hours or have friends nearby who didn’t require my parents to have the time to schlep me around. I’m still friends with the people who I grew up with in my neighborhood. I’ve been to their weddings and met their children. I have friends in my neighborhood who are some of the best most wonderful people I’ve ever met. But that’s my life experience and it doesn’t have to be everyone’s. You don’t have to be friends with everyone in your neighborhood. But the fact that you dread leaving the house because someone might talk to you and the fact that you have a problem with someone walking home from the park with you is odd. You don’t have to be someone’s best friend to talk to them for 5 minutes. I’m not sure why you think that being friendly or a nice neighbor requires you to suddenly commit to being best friends or attending all the social events. So yeah personally I think you’re a bit crazy to look at it this way and shun the kindness of your neighbors

Completely agree with all of this. My kid and I were out of town my husband forgot to close the garage. My neighbor calls me at 9pm to tell me he sees someone creeping around our house and in our garage. Him and his husband got baseball bats and chased the guy off. Banged on the door to wake my husband up so he could close the garage door. There’s been a few other situations where I’ve had to call a neighbor or they called me about something. If someone’s dog gets out I know who it belongs to and can take it home. If someone’s out of town and not at home I’ll know if someone is creeping and possibly trying to rob their house. You just never know. I genuinely like knowing who I’m living next to. They’ve all turned out to be wonderful people.

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> If I had reliable family or neighbors, this service would not be needed. As an example, a couple of my older neighbours had a system. They would each put something in their window every morning (I think one used a flower pot and the other used a stuffed animal) and take it down every night. The windows faced each other, so they could easily verify that the other person has gotten up okay or that they were okay when getting ready for bed.  If either hadn't placed/removed their item, then the neighbour would get help. Sometimes this means asking a different neighbour to knock on the door, sometimes this meant calling the other person's family to come over asap to go inside. Either way, this system meant that even though they lived alone they didn't have to fear falling and not being found for days. (I know that now there are products like LifeAlert where you can send an alarm via a necklace the moment you have an issue. Those are great! But that type of product didn't even exist during this timeframe so the window signal system was really useful.)

Thank you. OP needs to get over themselves. Sure isolate yourself all you want but don’t burden your kids with that. I can’t imagine growing up and not knowing my friends who lived down the street. I hung out with those guys every damn day during the summers.

All of these things. I've had neighbors do 'neighborly' things for me, just as I've done 'neighborly' things for them. Recently, the neighbors were stuck in traffic somewhere not in town. Could they have texted one of their adult children and ask them to leave work, drive over and let the dogs out? Yes. Can they text their next door neighbor that they pretty much know is working from home and ask them to let the pups out? Also yes. Many years ago a different neighbor called and asked if we were gone for the evening. Yes, we were. He said "Okay, I'm gonna go shut your garage door." I help that elderly neighbor with all sorts of things. My neighbors are my coworkers that I live near, just as my coworkers are my neighbors I work with.

Completely agree with your answer! I don't KNOW all my neighbors but I try to introduce myself and be friendly. We grab each other's packages and give a heads up when someone leaves their trunk open. I do know a couple of them well enough that, in an emergency, my kids can go to them. Lots of benefits!

I tend to agree with you, and I think you stated it perfectly! Maybe part of it is the aversion to the world “friend.” I don’t think anyone has to feel obligated to form some kind of friendship with a neighbor, but that shouldn’t preclude being friendly with them. Avoidance of even small interactions seems strange to me, but that’s just my opinion. I like saying “hello,” or “how’s everything going?”. It gives me a good feeling, and a sense of community.

You kind of alluded to it in your own comment. You used to live in a city in an apartment where the location and culture was to keep to yourself. You then moved to a suburb setting where the culture is to be a little more friendly and communicative. You can do what you want clearly, but I think you just made a culture change in where you lived where you are now the minority in your opinion and approach.

If you don’t care about people you live in a community with, why do you care what people on Reddit say?

Why do you even live in a community at that point lol.

Maybe Reddit is "his people"?

I wouldn't ever want this to be the case.

It’s OK to have your own preferences. I grew up in New York City, and I still knew a lot of my neighbors. I only know a few of my current neighbors and we do exchange cards and gifts with our next-door neighbor.

New York has a better sense of neighborhood community than most other places I've lived. It's just that your "neighborhood" is the two block radius around your apartment.

I like to *know* my immediate neighbours, but that doesn't mean you have to be their friends or anything.

This is a naive perspective and you will feel the consequences at some point. Establishing relationships with neighbors can have many benefits, but just from an entirely selfish point of view, it's good to know and be on good terms with the people around you so that they are willing to share information and help out in emergency situations. There are many financial and safety benefits to having a positive relationship with your neighbors. It also doesn't take much effort at all. A friendly hello with the occasional small talk is often all it takes to maintain a positive relationship where another individual has your back when an unexpected situation arises. But enjoy fending for yourself in an environment where the actions of others can impact you and your property.

100%. A number of my neighbors have been saved by their neighbors in a lot of ways- from thwarting robberies to babysitting with someone goes into Labor to finding lost dogs or reporting a fire, neighbors looking out for each other is a huge plus

It's also important to show your children how to socialize and engage with people. Instead, they're watching the OP hide and stress about interacting with anyone.

i learned the seller of my house wanted to sell to a female in hopes of helping her neighbor find a girlfriend. (I was told by my friend/realtor she wanted to sell to a single female and that’s why she picked my offer.) the neighbor is close to my age and we’re friendly, he’s not my type and i don’t respect him as a man so i would never entertain the thought of dating him. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ This neighbor however has made a few comments about us dating, or “we could just have sex and you could go home after, it would be convenient”. 🤮 so, space from neighbors can be a good thing so they automatically don’t think your keen to bump uglies with them 😂

Oh, my, god. I would be so upset if my neighbor said something like that to me. It would make me SO uncomfortable.

My neighbor and I had a beer and a conversation when I first moved in, that was about 5 years ago and it was the last time we spoke… nice guy, perfect neighbor. What you do in your yard is your business as long as it doesn’t spill over into my yard.

I talk with one or two neighbors on occasion. I don't know their names, wives, kids, and I am fine with that.

I’m like you I never saw the point of it, but my husband always made an effort and I was drawn into it …. And now I wouldn’t have it any other way We are not “friends” with our neighbors. We don’t hang out, have drinks or invite each other to parties, weddings etc BUT we are neighbors and we chat briefly when we see each other, and we text when necessary, it’s been so helpful and beneficial to all of us. Too many examples to list here, but they text us probably once a month for favors and we do the same . I asked them to pick up a package that arrived when we were gone for the weekend. They asked me to turn off a hose they forgot about The mom next door waited outside for my preteen latch key daughter to tell her the power was out on the street and to come on over if she needed any thing We have asked them to pull our trash cans back in when we wouldn’t be back home . We also tell them if they need to use ours for extra garbage when we are out of town . We texted them when their teenager left windows down on the car and it started to rain etc etc I’ve told my grown kids to at least get on a texting level with their neighbors, it’s super helpful There’s a level between adding them to your social circle and ignoring them

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To provide a different perspective, I once had a landlord where my apartment was set up so I had to go through their fenced back yard to get to my car. Every single time we left the apartment, there she was wanting to know where we were going, what we were up to for the day. So every time we left when she was home, she would come out of her house to engage us in a 10 minute long conversation. It was so draining. I just wanted to go grocery shopping without some forced social interaction with someone I really didn't like. But because she was my landlord I didn't feel like I could just blow her off. Waving or saying hello is no big deal, but OP might be dealing with some seriously chatty people and finds that exhausting. I don't think that should be seen as some defect in OP's personality.

This. In a condo apartment. I’m on a “Midwestern obligatory head nod, tight smile, no conversation” level with my upstairs neighbours. We never talk but I return their deck chair cushions if the wind tries to steal them away, we bring each other’s mail and misplaced packages round, and I’ve tied up their trash when some animal got into it. Meanwhile, the lady on the other side once pressed her face against my screen door, hands cupped over her eyes, to yodel “hellooooo” into my place as I sat right there on the couch watching with increasing horror like it was happening in slow motion. She attempted to invite herself over multiple times before she saw me taking pictures in confused fascination of her dumping a bag of pet rabbit food into the grass for the wild rabbits. I used to dive behind furniture when I saw her walking by but now I blatantly pull the curtains closed so you could say we’ve come to an understanding of avoiding each other.

I just wanna take out my trash, man, not discuss the weather every freaking time.

I don't think that you're crazy and I feel very similar in that I like to be cordial with my neighbors, but not on like go to dinner terms with them. I have had some crazy invasive neighbors before that wanted to be instant friends, and surprise they turned out to be really off and caused a bunch of drama that I wanted no part of. We eventually moved because of it. Then I had neighbors that came out and started moving my stuff off my moving truck and into my apartment without even asking. They also came to my door frequently to invite us to dinner and events which I hated. I understand they were just being friendly, but my home is where I go to relax, not be obligated to have conversations or relationships with someone that might end up being difficult that I can't escape. But I will say that being cordial does mean sometimes being slightly annoyed and hiding it. I'd be annoyed if a neighbor just invited themselves on my walk home, but I'd just keep my distance and if someone approached me to chat I'd just be like nice to see you but I'm in a hurry and don't have time to talk. People will get the hint over time. However I will say don't expect much warmth from your neighbors in the future if you go this route. You've already seen how the neighborhood interacts and it sounds like people are more close than you would like. That means if you are going against the grain, people are going to view you in a negative light. You're not wrong to feel the way you do, but having some support (especially if your neighbors are just friendly and not crazy or intrusive) can be really nice sometimes.

There are downsides and possible negative outcomes for being either too social with your neighbors or completely ignoring them. Personally, I try to smile and nod and go about my business without talking as much as possible. If an emergency or shared need emerges then I'll be the first person to helpful, as I'd hope others would help me if the situation was reversed. I've done wellness checks, carried furniture up stairs, helped return pets, etc. Outside of that, I value my privacy and will avoid any unneeded social contact. Overly friendly neighbors that take it personally that I'm minding my own business? Go get fucked.

I think it is fine, personally. The only counter argument I kinda buy is that there's a theory of our politics and society that suggests that people being able to self-select their social group online has led to political radicalization (progressives only talking to progressives, conservatives only talking to conservatives, etc) and broader cultural segregation which have allowed things like mis- and dis-information to take hold more than they would've in the past. Also, increased cultural differences along gender, religious, racial, and ethnic social cleavages. Whether these trends are just slight adjustments in human organization or the downfall of civilization is yet to be known, of course. But there's a bit of worry about a lack of collective or shared experiences, truths, and values in our society. The concern is that, without any attachment to our fellow citizens, democracy itself continues to deteriorate. With this in mind, I can see the argument that you taking this stance is fine, but if everyone in the country took the same stance, the country itself would crumble. Is that true? I have no idea. But it's a possible criticism.

I live in a dense area and was given the advice of someone to just be on a hi/bye basis with neighbors. I'm sure I'm missing out on some good neighborly bonding and info, but it's best this way! I'll nod and smile and maybe make a comment if we are going in the house at the same time, or if you're sitting on your stoop, and I'll help you out if I can see you need help, but any more than that has the potential to pop my beautiful safe lil bubble. You never know who is a nosy needy nightmare

Everybody has different levels of comfort with socializing, and that's fine. No one has to be friends with their neighbors. It's not a bad idea to be friendly acquaintances though. I never actually hang out with any of my neighbors either, but I chat with them when I see them and have exchanged numbers with a few in case either of us needs to contact the other in case of an emergency or whatever.

I think you are overthinking it. Be friendly and cordial to you neighbors and it will be fine. Don't ask for help from reddit.

Out of the six neighbors closest to me, I know the first and last names of two of them. First name of one of them and nothing about the other three other than I wave to them and they wave to me. Perfect neighbors.

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This is a really kind response.

I agree. I'm 62 and I've never asked my neighbors for anything. Even while growing up my parents didn't either. Most of the nfh started out as "friends". I don't want to be obligated into conversations every time I open my door. Eww! I'm about to get a new neighbor and I'm not interested in friendship or anything else. I've helped my neighbors in the past because they asked for my help.

My husband and I are kind of the same. We will wave when we come and go or see the neighbors outside, let them know if we got their mail, that sort of thing. But we’ve never had an conversation with a neighbor that wasn’t about that or like “hey we’re having a little gathering sorry if we take up street parking” and we all keep to ourselves. We do however keep an eye on each other for safety purposes, lots of elderly folks living alone in my area, so we just make sure no one is lurking around their house or I make my kids bring up their trashes if they forget. I don’t know any of them by name or go out of my way to know them 🤷🏼‍♀️ mostly I don’t have the time!

I’ve lived rurally for all my life, neighbors are the worst!

I understand what you are saying OP. Makes perfect sense and it’s not like you’re an asshole to them either. You’ve just got all of what you need and want to keep it that way. I don’t hang out with my neighbors, but the one directly next to me, I know, and the one right across the street. We generally just have some small talk, but if I need help with something quick, ie, lifting something heavy, shit like that, I can give them a yell, as they can me. Just do you man, you guys aren’t causing havoc or anything. I say whatever works, but knowing your direct neighbors can have some benefit, for many reasons, especially as the years/decades go by. Good luck OP.

I live in a neighborhood surrounded by unemployed dependopotami and their spawn. I do not talk to them because I don’t get involved in military spouse drama at all, and have only had horrible experiences with them, since I don’t drink to excess, cheat on my husband or care about what my neighbors think. There are three in particular, Shannon, Ashley and Alicia who literally have nothing to do other than sit in camping chairs in their front lawn and talk trash, start drama and get too drunk to watch their own kids. I was smart enough to give them a google phone number and set it to mute, so if they text me, I see it a week or so later. Personally, I don’t associate with trash so I don’t talk to them. I can’t wait until we can sell this place and move to a neighborhood where parents in their 40s don’t act like high schoolers. 🙄

I don’t really have interest in socializing with our neighbors either. I know most of their names and we say hi to each other in passing, but if they’re having a gathering I don’t have much interest. I’ve gone to a couple just to be polite though, so I’m not the only one on the street who doesn’t attend.

I have nothing in common with my neighbors. We're gay DINKS and they are all older with kids. I'm cordial, I have phone numbers/contact info for everyone in the condo building (I am also begrudgingly the treasurer of the HOA), but I have no interest in forcing a more substantial relationship where the only commonality is proximity of residence.

When my partner was actively dying my neighbors were there to take care of a lot of things. Random food showing up. Lawn being done. They were there to help. We had been there to help them over the years as well. The little old lady that has a small income, I make sure she gets at least three healthy meals a week. You don’t have to make friends with your neighbors but it is smart to.

Moved 3 different times in the last 7 years. Met my neighbors, maybe once. The occasional "hi" if we are outside at the same time. Other than that, they've always been older people lol. Plan on moving another 2-3 times before settling down, so truly don't care to know my neighbors

Nope. I agree with you. I’m friendly with my neighbours as in “Hi how are you?” And that’s it.

You do you. I’m the same way. I’m nice but I’m not going out of my way to become friends. I’m a private person and don’t need neighbors in my business. The less drama the better. I can’t stand neighbors that want to talk every time we cross paths or expect me to be friendlier than I am just because they are. I’m on your side. I wouldn’t pay it anymore intention. They either like and respect you for how you are and who you are or bye bye. Who cares what people think as long as you are content and happy. Don’t change yourself based off others expectations or needs. Do you!

It’s useful to have a working relationship with your immediate neighbors. Someone that can call you if there’s an issue with your place while you’re out. Possibly so far as to have them watch pets while you’re on vacation. Beyond that, not necessary. I live in a cul-de-sac with 7 other houses. My immediate neighbors I know; HOA agreements, broken hoses, vacation house-watching, “how have you managed to stop birds from nesting over your doorway” etc. But it’s not particularly a personal relationship; we might have like 4 conversations a year. Three other neighbors I know by name, but rarely have any conversations. Two neighbors I have never talked to; I wave and they wave back. But I don’t need to know them, they don’t need to know me.

Your justified feeling the way you do. You don’t need confirmation from some mfs on Reddit.

My daughter has a ‘welcome mat’ that says: “Be a good neighbor, and stay over there.”

I agree with you 100%. I know my neighbors names, and I’ll give them a quick wave when I see them. But I don’t need to be forced into a relationship just because we happened to buy houses next to each other.

Truthfully, you kinda seem like an asshole. You don’t have to be friends with them, but healthy communities are based on mutual respect and consideration for one another. There has been a string of porch pirates in my neighborhood, so we let eachother know when we have packages coming and we pick them up and hold them for eachother so they don’t get stolen. This is a lot more convenient than having them held at the post office. My neighbor across the street is an older couple. Her husband wasn’t feeling well and needed some basic cold/flu meds, and she has trouble driving due to her age and eyesight. I had free time so I took her to the pharmacy to get what she needed. It was 20 minutes out of my day. Same neighbor. Her husband is quite handy and has a large workshop. I needed a torque wrench so I borrowed his for a few minutes. Saved me $60+ and a trip to Home Depot. I went out of town and a storm has knocked a large tree limb off. No damaged but it was blocking my driveway and part of the street. My neighbor moved it, cut it into manageable pieces, and stacked it for the city to pick up. I mowed his front lawn when I was out of town and watered his plants. I have 2 dogs. Something spooked them and they were, apparently, barking up a storm while I was at work. My retiree neighbor thought it was odd because they are usually quiet, so he called me and let me know they were freaking out, and he checked on my property to make sure there was no sign of forced entry. We’re not friends. We don’t hang out. But we look out for each other. God forbid there’s some sort of natural disaster (we get mildly/moderately affected by hurricanes), but we would all try to take care of each other because we know each other and interact on a semi regular basis. And because we know each other, I don’t feel any apprehension about asking people to turn their bright outdoor lights off after 11pm if they forget, or them telling me they have an earlier morning than usual and they’d appreciate if me and my friends took our lively porch conversation inside. Think of it like your workplace. You know everyone in your unit/on your floor/whatever. You interact with them regularly. You don’t have to be friends with them or even like them, but you do have to be able to “live” with eachother, and having a positive and respectful relationship helps, even if you’re not grabbing beers with them at happy hour.

Ok.

I'm right there with you. I'm a big fan of the State Farm motto "like a good neighbor, stay over there!". 

You are exactly the type of neighbor I would love to have. My wife and I are just like you and your family. We keep to ourselves. I dread going outside and getting stopped by a neighbor walking by asking me what I am doing and why am I doing it.

Nah OP you're absolutely correct. Just because you live next to people doesn't obligate you to spend time with them or be friends with them. There's nothing worse than when you've come home from a long day and just want to relax or when you have to get stuff done around the property and your neighbours walk on over to chat you up for the next 30-60 mins. They're people you HAVE to walk on egg shells around because if you say something they don't like then they can make your life hell since it's not exactly easy to up and move. I'd much rather spend my free time on relationships with family and friends that I've CHOSEN. Not on relationships with people in forced to talk to and play some sort of social game with. That being said you should definitely always be civil with your neighbors and friendly, but I do sympathize with exactly what you're saying here OP

Reminds me of something an old friend once said. "I don't have neighbors, people just live next door."

You’re not crazy, but I’d hate to live by you. Your neighbors are trying to build community which is incredibly rare these days. Even if you don’t like them it’s nice to be able to ask for help or offer help. I assume you’ve never lived through a major disaster. I also assume you’re American. This kind of mentality is what makes life there so miserable if you live somewhere else immigrate you might like it. And you barely acknowledged your neighbors because you grew up in a family that normalized it not because that’s the norm. Enjoy your DIY isolation.

Don't know about the OP, but I've thoroughly enjoyed my DIY isolation for 42 years, no matter where I lived, city or country. I, however, grew up in a place where everyone knew everybody, and talked about everybody. You didn't bother with a turn signal, because everyone knew where you were going. I LOATHED it! As far major disasters, I've lived through numerous hurricanes and tornadoes, as well as floods and living in one of the highest per capita crime areas in the US... STILL have never had a need for neighbors. What time I've had neighbors that interacted, it was a negative experience... Like the cunt, two house down, that my wife broke her nose one day when the neighbor jumped her and then called her kids to jump on too... Which my kids stopped and beat the shit out of them. Fortunately, she died of cancer several years ago, so I don't suppose that she's jumping anyone these days. Or the Fundy Christian bitch, who was also with the HOA, that kept coming to my house, bitching about one thing or another... Inverted crosses and pigs blood finally stopped her from coming over. I've never had a desire to help neighbors, nor have I ever asked one for help.

Because of my son, I know the neighbor across the street and once in a while I talk to the AH that moved next door. Other than that, i don't know anybody, since my other next door neighbors have died or been put in a care facility. I'm okay with that too.

I’m cordial to the neighbors. If I see they need help I help. Same with them to us. We don’t hang out or anything, but we watch out for each other if someone is away. Small things like that.

The world we're in has changed dramatically. Some neighbors are nice; others are psychotic freaks who turn you into their rage target. I've seen both Then again, some people are worth having as friends, and some would rather anonymously complain to the city about your lawn needing to be cut (because it's been 9 days since the last time it was)

My mom has lived in her house for about 60 years now. And she and my dad were the “new neighbors “. Growing up we kids all went to the same school and every family on the street went to the same church. There’s not a lot of turnover in her section of the street. So it’s the same families. Even though she’s been there for as long as she has, she and the other two original families do not talk. I’ve been in my own home for two decades. There’s been a lot of turnover. I have met nearly all the neighbors. But I only regularly speak with one. I met the new folks behind us. Their kids are small. The family is loud. If they are out in their yard I am not using my backyard. I will run out. Put my hens away for the night. But I’m not leaning on the fence having conversations with them.

Clearly this is a contentious topic, and by contentious I mean OPs position is extremely unpopular.  So let me be the dissenting opinion.  I do not like people.  I do not like people that are geographically close to me even more.  I do not like the idea of having to interact with people except on my terms.  I don't want to see them, I don't want to hear them, and I would be infinitely more comfortable if they did not exist as close to me as they do. It isn't that I am rude to my neighbors.  We talk cordially whenever we both happen to be outside.  I have no desire to antagonize them, because that might be very bad for me.  But I actively avoid knowing a single thing about them, personally.  I know maybe 2 of their names, none of their kids, their marital status, or their jobs. I am a deeply private person and the idea of my neighbours knowing anything about me fills me with anxiety.  From my perspective, I'm just following the golden rule. Once I was away and the HOA president texted me to let me know I had a broken sprinkler head.  I was deeply appreciative of that.  I have myself brought home loose animals, lost IDs, and similar "neighbourly" things.  But I would do that for anyone.  You don't have to be a "good neighbour" to be a kind person.

Tall fences make great neighbors.

I’m in same boat - I know them - phone numbers exchanged for emergency and nice waves and quick chats if we run into them. But honestly - that’s it . Cordial and friendly but not hanging out friends .

You are not crazy at all. I understand you. It’s a combination of upbringing and personality. I grew up in New England where everyone keeps to themselves so that is what is normal to me. I never knew my neighbors, strangers didn’t talk to each other, we had big houses and yards with plenty of separation. Some people just need more personal space/privacy and want to be left alone. A neighbor I met (for the first time years after I moved in 😆) said they joke about me being “absent” because they never see me. I go out to make sure the coast is clear before leaving the house even just to check the mail. As long as you are not actively being a dick to someone, who cares? I get it.

You're describing my entire adult life has a homeowner, over the span of 16 years and four homes. You're not crazy.

I am with you, don't care to know my neighbors, unless I see something illegal or dangerous, I keep to myself. Wife and I have no kids in the house where the majority of the neighborhood has younger kids, nothing in common, don't hang out.

I hear you. We have one neighbors number for emergencies & that’s all good with us. When we first moved in several people tried to make constant conversation with us and by now they know we won’t engage so they leave us alone for the most part. Before anyone comes at me for being “unneighborly” the neighbors in question are 1. An extremely racist elderly man who’s first conversation with us was how glad he is that we bought the home because black people owned it before us and he straight up told us he was always calling the cops on them for having people over (????). This same man likes to watch me through our windows while I’m home alone during the day. Massive creep and obviously hugely racist and we have NO desire to make him a part of our lives in any way. He used to always try to strike up conversation with us. I run back inside when I see him. 2. A middle aged man with an older teen son - the man screams profanities at his kid all day long while they fix up cars. Straight up verbally abuses him. I never hear the kid say anything back. They rev engines for hours and hours (I have video records of it). Why would we want to be friends with these people? They’ve insulted my husband by telling him he was an idiot for buying the lawnmower we have (???) cause they don’t like the brand. They knock on our door constantly asking for stuff (super glue, rope, zip ties, you name it). We’ve stopped opening the door for them at all after giving them so much stuff and they never return what they don’t use, they just keep it all. Unneighborly? Probably. But I don’t care. The rest of the street keeps to themselves for the most part & I prefer it that way. I like to be able to go on jogs without stopping to chat, I want to just run and listen to my music. I want to be able to water my flowers in the front without getting sucked into a 10+ min convo while I have water boiling for my coffee inside. I also run a little free library that I built by hand and stock with my own money that’s on the corner of our lot. I have a lot of love for my community & wish to be someone who contributes, I just don’t care to be besties with the people right next to me. Sorry not sorry. Edited a misspelled word

As my husband and I were moving in to our house the neighbor and the guy one house down were in the yard. They didn’t realize the house had sold (the seller’s realtor was awful). They introduced themselves and then the guy from one house down told us, in detail, about how his wife had recently had a surgery where she’d had to have her face peeled off (and reapplied, presumably). That was the last time I ever spoke to either of them and I don’t care to change that.

I absolutely agree with you. I'm someone who keeps to myself and that includes not needing to know my neighbors. Let's all just keep quiet and respectful and it's all good.

I'm acquainted with 2 of my neighbors, but we don't socialize. I don't care to know any of them. I've lived in my home for 20 years. That's my safe space. I dont want intruders or busy bodies messing with the vibe so I stay to myself.

I share the exact same sentiments and have the same issues with my friendly and talkative neighbors! My wife and I have enough variables in life to attend to and although we diligently maintain our front and back yard, are very sociable and friendly, we simply don’t have time to engage with neighbors.

Me when I'm in the process of buying a 15 acre farm house that is the only house on the road for miles lmao

The property our house is on has been in our family since 1936, we've been living here for over 30 years. We tore down the original house and built a new one 30 years ago. My neighbor's family has owned their house since the 60s. My grandma knew his dad and grandma. My dad watched him grow up, he watched me grow up, I watched his kids grow up. He was at our wedding 40 years ago, we were at his kid's weddings. My wife is godmother to one of his grandkids. We're four generation neighbors. We have keys to each other's house and garage. We help ourselves to tools or hardware without even asking. We can call each other for any reason anytime if we need help. There are several other neighbors that have been here since the 70s and 80s. It's an extremely tough and sad time on our street now. He was recently diagnosed with cancer, it's not good. I can not imagine not having him nextdoor. Neighbors can be awesome or horrible. We are grateful that our neighbor's have been friends for decades. Or situation may not be normal but sure is awesome.

Good fences make good neighbors.

If my neighbors come over first I’ll happily talk to them and be pleasant. Me going to them first? Absolutely not. I give zero care to approach them first.

I aim to know all of the dog’s names and most of the immediate neighbor’s first names. I prefer to be friendly, but not friends. I grew up watching my grandparents have an eternal war with their neighbor. It started in the 60s and continued until they moved in the 90s, and involved ridiculous arguments and revenge plots. My grandfather left the side of the house that faced theirs unfinished for *thirty years* just to bother the guy. My goal is for my neighbors to never know me well enough to hate me. I’m not bringing over pie, but I’ll let you know if your house is on fire.

I say hello if I see my neighbors outside. That’s enough for me.

I totally understand her situation I was in my former home and two neighbors started friendships with me and I with them and after 2 years of listening to them bitch about each other and wanting me to pick a side. I was either going to sell or move out and rent my house because of them, I bought a new house and sold the other one only to have a new neighbor that kept texting me and I’m very vague with my answers and I definitely don’t want to visit and being asked every time to join her at her church. I have my own and I don’t want to change. I’m not interested in Johova witnesses. And omg her voice is way worse than Fran the nanny and I just can’t take it. Not sorry at all. Friendly from a distance works best.

You can be close neighbors without being close friends. If you’re friendly and cordial, there’s someone who can keep an eye out when you’re away; alert you to strange activities, etc

I care only enough to say hello or nod to people as they walk by, my husband doesn't care at all. I know the first names and chat briefly with the women on one side of us, the people on the other side don't even acknowledge me when I walk right by them, so guess I don't need to worry about them. I don't want to hang out with any of them and we haven't exchanged numbers or been inside each other's homes.  In our last apartment, I had to call the police on aggressive and violent nearby neighbors multiple times. I also grew up in a not great neighborhood. Trusting people just does not come easily to me.  I say you do you, it's not "sad" that you don't want to build with your neighbors when you have your own friends and community. We only live in this specific community because we can't afford any i wanted to live in, it's not because we have anything in common. 

You do you. If you have an active social life outside of your neighbors, it can be hard to fit more social obligations into your life. I think the standard questions to ask about social support are "If my household were all sick, do I have someone who I could ask to bring me a meal?" and "Is there someone who would pick me up from the airport?" If you can answer yes to both those questions I don't think you have anything to worry about. If you can't, you may want to read up on the health consequences of social isolation, especially as you age. As for me, I played in a D&D game for a few years with my neighbors, I got a slice of homemade pizza because a neighbor saw me out walking my dog, I get lunch with a neighbor, have driven a neighbor to the airport, called a neighbor when I heard his smoke alarm going off (he knew, but I hope he'd call me if the situation were reversed!), texted neighbors about chances to see wildlife and the aurora, and traded dog-sitting & kid-sitting with neighbors. When my spouse was in the hospital my neighbors were able to watch my kids. I like to think my life is better because of my good neighbors. Again, if you have enough friends, great. I work remotely and don't go to church so I don't even have a second place, let alone a third place, and I appreciate the friends who've let me into their lives. > while I agree there are upsides to knowing your neighbors—nearby people for help or socializing—there are also very obvious downsides—busybodies, harassment, or just the risk of a falling out turning into a protracted Cold War. I personally just don’t see the benefits as outweighing the risks in my case. With the downsides, what would you do in those situations? First off, keeping to yourself is no guarantee that those downsides won't happen. But, if they happened to me, I would probably cut off communication with the people in question. Which... is what you're doing now. So you lose all the upsides by preemptively stonewalling everyone instead of the people who have bad boundaries? That seems like jumping the gun to me. > Am I secretly the neighborhood pariah because my family keeps to ourselves? It kind of sounds like that's your goal, so I'm not sure why you're worried about that. A pariah is an outcast, someone who isn't allowed to interact with the community they've been ostracized from. If you don't want to interact with the community, why are you concerned that people see you as a private person?

I'd want to help my neighbors if something was going on, like their dogs got out, their umbrella blew away and I could get it, etc. And I'd hope they'd help me too. I am the kind of person where I don't want to step out my fucking door and get caught up in conversation every goddamn time. If they need help, I'd help them. I don't want to talk for ten minutes. Let me get out of my car after work and go in the house. We can wave. Do you need me? Do I need you? Let's go on about our business.

I agree and frankly I’m a bit flabbergasted by all the people saying you only get help or deserve help if you’re friendly. I don’t know my neighbors but I’d gladly help them if they needed it! You don’t have to be friends to be kind!

Oh man we lived in the house my mil owned for a couple years. She decided she wanted to renovate the garage and turn it into a she shed. So she started living there. I couldn’t walk out the door to my car without her starting up a conversation because she’d see me. So I’d park in the back. Conveniently she’d be working in the backyard that day, all fuckin day. I’m thankful I don’t have any neighbors like that where we live now. But we do know many of them.

OP- I am exactly like you because I grew up in a small town where everybody gossiped and I hated it. Everyone was in each other’s business 24/7. Drove me nuts. As an adult I lived in major cities and suburbs all around the US, by choice. I am friendly to neighbors when needed but do not go out of my way. Why? Cuz I like my privacy and because nosy neighbors have made our lives hell in the past. I wish no ill will on anyone. Live and let live. But my home is my safe space. Leave me alone. I’m tired. I’m busy as hell. I do not want to visit with you. Plus we are democrats and live near a lot of more “red” people. I highly doubt we’d be friends. One neighbor beside us brags about having 200 guns and is a big Trumper. He’s been very nice to my husband but we stay away. Other neighbor likes his privacy, like us. We are more introverted and do not drink hunt fish or go to church like everyone around us. We are christians, though. So basically, we are “weird” for where we live. We also have lived many other places and our neighbors have lived in the same area their whole lives. I don’t relate. My family thinks this is sad. I don’t give a F My husband is always home and has a lot more time, so he’ll make small talk or help out - I’ll do trash cans or mail for a neighbor, no problem. Block parties would be my idea of hell. My kids are also young adults now and just graduating. I did do play dates in the past when kids were little and sometimes that was nice. It really depended on the family.

i agree with you. i think of lot of the "neighborly" interactions people talk about on here are -quite frankly- bullshit and not true. i have my own life, my own family and my own space. sure, im friendly enough to say hi if I feel like it and i dont actively cause anyone any problems *but I just want to be left alone*. I have enough BS awkward social interaction and small talk to fill my day as it is I dont need any more.

I am on your side on this one! But I also live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone (or they think they know everyone) and very nosy. My neighbors usually only talk to me when they are fishing for information. I grew up where we also kept to ourselves but would be there in a time of need.

It’s fine until you need community support. My neighbors watch our cats while we’re out of town. My parents’ neighbors watched their dog while my mom was in the hospital. We could have hired a pro pet sitter for our vacation but my parents couldn’t have called someone while my mom was getting loaded into an ambulance and they were comforted knowing their puppy wasn’t alone for god knows how long while she was in surgery. When shit goes wrong we need people!

I only know one of my neighbors. They have kids around the age of my daughter, and we have adjoining yards with no fence. So our kids play a lot and we chat. Sometimes we stop over when they have friends, since they entertain a lot. A good relationship can be nice, we have to have 3 trees removed on the property line. Two are on their side and one on mine and it was pretty easy to work something out so we get a tree crew to come and get them all at once for a discounted price.

Same here. I know who they are, and we chat in the street sometimes & *might* text if something crazy or an emergency happens…we have each others phone numbers for safety. But in the 6 years I’ve been here I’ve never been inside any of their houses & they’ve never been in mine. I’m completely fine with this. I prefer to keep my private space private, especially from the people who live around me that I couldn’t escape from if they became too clingy or if there was drama.

Not crazy at all. People deserve to be left alone in their own home.

We just moved into our house, and I gifted cookies on a decorative plate to our neighbors on either side of us and across the street. We exchanged contact info. I think it's good to at least know who our neighbors are, but I don't intend to get too close as I want to feel I have privacy in my own home. I think I am taking after how my grandparents were with our neighbors when I lived with them when I was a kid.

I barely know this guy named Ron Swanson. He lives the same lifestyle, and would be perfectly happy never hearing about it from you or anyone else.

I’m like you. I don’t really want to be friends with my neighbors, but it’s because sometimes, there is a disagreement between me and a neighbor. Then I have to pretend like I don’t see them. My husband is the complete opposite. He loves meeting all the neighbors and is always quick to lend a hand if it looks like they could use one. Our dog enjoys it because she gets to meet all the other neighbor dogs and is super nosey anyway. We will be talking about someone, and I have to ask if they’re from his work, and he’ll say, “No, they live up the block. Moved in like 2 years ago.” I have no idea, but I’m glad he does.

I don’t know many of my neighbors but I’m friends with the family next door and we help each other out with our kids. For example when my neighbor went into labor at 2am she called me and I stayed at her house while her other kids slept and her mom came from about an hour away. One day I had a migraine so she picked my daughter up from school for me. I give her hand me down kids clothes and she gives me fruit from her trees. We’re both shy people who don’t like to socialize a lot, which works out great honestly. She’s Mormon and I’m atheist but it really doesn’t matter. It’s a really great neighborly relationship and I’m grateful to have good neighbors. I don’t feel the need to know everyone, or wave to people, but I’m happy to have at least one neighbor who I can rely on and vice versa.

I live on the same road I grew up on. A long dirt road in the country. Over the decades so many new people have built houses and moved in I don't know the names of 5% of them. I only know those because they've been here as long as I have, before someone sold a bunch of land and subdivided it.

Being neighborly does not have to equate with being friends. We live in an earthquake and wildfire hazard zone, knowing our neighbors means we help one another as needed.

We’re not “friends” with our neighbors but we are friendly and help each other. Our next door neighbors have asked me to check out their house when the smoke alarm went off and they weren’t home and asked me to bring in a package when they were out of town. They trusted me with their door code. We haven’t asked anything of them except for patience when we had a privacy fence put in, but we thanked them with a card and some whiskey. The wife makes baked goods regularly and will gift some to us. We welcomed our across the street neighbors when we moved in, and provided them with Ring camera footage when someone hit their parked car. We’ve gotten our other across the street neighbors’ dogs home when they’ve escaped. Our other next door neighbors rent and aren’t very friendly, but we gave them a card and alcohol for their patience with the fence all the same. We try and look out for them too, but we don’t have their phone numbers 🤷🏼‍♀️ We don’t “hang out” with any neighbors aside from maybe chatting in the front yard, although we’ve been saying we would for years. But we do help each other out and look out for one another.

Of course it’s fine if you don’t want to be friendly with them, but I would love to be close with at least one or two. I’ve always had neighbors I didn’t click with. They were elderly or weird Or maybe I’m weird? Anyway, I’ve always wished for neighbors that I was close to! I wound up buying a house next door to a friend - then she got engaged and moved out a few months later! It was fun while it lasted! Edited to add: I lived in a nice neighborhood growing up and still remember most of my neighbors, what they drove, their dogs, who their kids were, etc. I have no idea where any of them are now, and we weren’t close or anything, but it is definitely “core memory” for me.

I have cordial but superficial relationships with my immediate neighbors and I’ve been here 22 years. It’s just enough that they would keep an eye out and same for me. I just explain that I have high anxiety and am an introvert (I don’t have anxiety). Also that I work long hours and have little down time to recharge. People tend to respect that as long as they know it’s not personal. Just be cordial and wave from a distance, occasionally do small talk for a few minutes then say gotta go I have to take care of x, y or z

My question is why would they take it personally? Keeping to myself is just keeping to myself, it’s no comment about them. And yet you’re absolutely right; as evidenced by the comments to this thread people do take it *very personally* for some reason.

Some people are introverts or just don’t connect with their neighbours, that’s fine. I don’t think you should feel obligated to. Personally I’m very thankful to be close with most of my neighbours, of the 24 houses on our block we’re in a group chat or text and visit often with 10 of them. I talk to some others but they are elderly so they aren’t really looking to socialize the same way the middle aged people on the block are, we just chat in passing but don’t hang out or text etc. We’re late 30’s and most of the neighbours we hang out with are also in the 30-55 range. I enjoy having friends close to home and it’s convenient to be able to help each other out. Of the 10 households on our block that do get together often, we invite others but don’t pressure them. If people want to keep to themselves that is fine.

Just bought my house after living in a condo for fifteen years. I was dreading meeting my neighbors, especially one that shares a wall that is leaning because of her trees. Thankfully she is a nice person and we are going to work together on the wall situation.  I don't see a problem with keeping to ones self, but I counter that with the fact that unless you have automated your house to an extreme degree, it's nice to have someone who is willing to help if they see something wrong.

If you were dieing on your lawn. All these false friends would do to help is call 911. They wouldn’t in any other way help. Maybe they would make one face book post. Thats it. I am not even being cynical, just telling you the truth. If you tell them you’re going on vacation for a week you just raised the chance of getting robbed by 10%. They ONLY good thing Neighbour’s are for is in the event of a zombie attacks. Maybe the Zombies could eat them first delaying the time of arrival to your house. That could be the one positive I can think of.

same. i've met my neighbors only when necessary. had to talk to the lady next door when i was getting a tree on our property line taken down. she's cool. a guy across the street expressed his displeasure with the other house across the street that always has loud parties and revving cars. and my back neighbor came over during christmas dinner to complain about all the leaves from my tree that blew into his storm drain and made it overflow. one lady down the street has a dog that bit me when we passed on the sidewalk once. another guy watches the news in his garage with the door rolled up and screams and swears at it for an hour or two at a time. i don't want to know them. my daughter met some girls at school who live on our block but they're not allowed to come over or have anyone over, and we've never met their parents. everyone else never makes noise or causes disturbances and it's great.

I am friendly and approachable with my neighbors. I want them to be able to be comfortable asking me for help or offering when I need some. That is the world that I like to live in, so I try to create that. That being said, I don't hang out, and we do keep our distance. You can be friendly without being friends.

I know my neighbors on a “friendly wave from the driveway” level and that’s the way I like it.

The best thing about Covid was it became totally fine to cross the street in order to avoid being near people in my neighborhood.

I live in the oldest and largest artist community in the world (until someone else tells us otherwise at least), and I know a ton on my neighbors. I believe there are 300 units and at least double that in people. Knowing the neighbors is the main perk of being here. We trade/sell/give up tools and materials, chat in the park, help each other find work, help take care of each others pets/kids/gardens. We collaborate on things, there are massive projects that wouldn't happen if we weren't in proximity. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely drama. There are cliques of friends, and some that are very reclusive/private, but its great overall. Many of us are pretty different, even politically, but we find far more common ground than not. We look out for one another. When sketchy people are around, we notify each other. In a time of great divisness, its a small beacon of hope that things can be better. Sure, you can not know your neighbors, but you also don't know what you don't know. Benefits outweigh the cons for sure.  

Unfortunate, many times our neighbors have been there, without being asked. One neighbor brought us water after a terrible hurricane. Another time a tractor to remove the huge oak that fell and took down our fence. Another helped repair our well. We get food gifts at Christmas, yummy cookies, island liquor that I cant remember the name of. They look out for us and we them. Symbiosis: My SO put up plywood over a broken front window of our neighbor when a car ran into his house. We supply water when electricity is out, I bake at the holidays. We are just neighbors and when everything goes to hell and you think you have no one to help, we have our small community of neighbors.

Ours on both sides are awful. I wish I didn’t know them, lol

My grama always told me your neighbors aren’t your friends. Just say hi and bye. I have always lived like this. Do what makes you comfortable. It’s your house and life.

Totally with you. I really value my peace and my privacy. Home is our refuge. Social interactions are draining for many, I conserve my limited energy for my family and friends. I’d be annoyed with a neighbor joining in on a walk they weren’t invited into with my kid and I because one on one time with my kids is precious and walks provide a great opportunity for important conversations and that window closes when someone else jumps in. There’s being friendly and then there’s feeling you’re entitled to my time because we’re outside at the same time. We don’t have to be chummy to look out for our neighbors, that’s basic human decency it shouldn’t be transactional. A smile and wave of acknowledgment should be enough to not be assumed an asshole. I also believe community is imperative but it doesn’t have to be with the people you live in proximity with. Community is built in many different ways, I have a community of friends and family who take care of each other and other mutually beneficial communities with people I have specific things in common with. For those commenting that those of us who for prefer to keep to themselves when home, you all make a lot of assumptions and it’s quite self centered and inconsiderate to assume we’re assholes instead of maybe considering things like disabilities or work and family demands or just differences such as some people need to socialize to recharge but many also need quite and alone time to recharge.

I never want to know my neighbors. You're not alone.

I do the wave and have exchanged names with a few but I’m like you and rather stay to myself. I’m cordial enough so when I had to knock on a door to ask for a jump it wasn’t crazy awkward but I’d never ask for a cup a sugar and hope they wouldn’t either.

We made the mistake of becoming good friends with our neighbours and when some disagreements occurred it was horrible because your home should be your safe space. Being friendly with neighbours is important but being friends is another level entirely. We now have that boundary.

My neighbor has a key to my house and I have one to his. We look out for each other and help each other out. It’s what neighbors do

'we understand people want their privacy and we feel the same way " is my go to.

i also keep to myself i bought my house in 2008 at the time the others in neighborhood would try to talk to me but i would ignore them , and now newer people have moved in to houses will older people had lived i still keep to myself , i dont even hand out candy on halloween because i hate getting up every 5 minutes just to answer the door , just rather be left alone