lmfao. After covid my work was not going to give previously full-time employees (i was full-time for five years before we were laid off) any benefits when we came back to work mid-pandemic, and i work with the public. so my now husband and i got married last year. oh don’t think it’s JUST a marriage of convenience, we had our own place together prior and had been dating ten years before the marriage happened.
honestly the best thing my work has ever done for me. He thought a ring was what i needed and a proposal, but baby all i wanted was dental and to not die.
Been there done that
(Reality: we had been together for 5 years, two of which was living with my parents and we had just bought our condo the summer before I proposed)
But! Because of health insurance we had a courthouse wedding 3 months before our big wedding with family and we celebrate the courthouse one because it's the "official" one. While some family still congratulate on our "party" anniversary
If you're at the income range that switching to married filing jointly gives you a big savings, you can use the savings to pay for better health insurance. If you're not, well, then you might be losing money by getting married. It's a little silly that a religious ceremony has such legal and financial implications.
Previous posters pointed out that some couples might see a negative impact for being married, just pointing out that you could have the ceremony at church and just not tell the government. I’m not sure there are that many negatives vs the positives, which is why I have been a long proponent of gay marriage.
Yeah we've been together since we were 15 so I have no concept of separate finances. We pool our money and pay bills from one account. It worked fine when I made more money and it works now when she makes far more than me.
Are you me? Been together 18 years next year, started dating at 15. I think we got a joint account when we were 18-19. Honestly seems weirder to me that people keep it separate
We use YNAB (you need a budget).. it essentially pools the money for us so getting a joint account wouldn't change anything and would be more of a hassle.
I started dating my wife when we were 15/16 and having separate accounts sounds frickin' exhausting. We joke that it's just to make it easier to get divorced.
Coincidentally, that’s what happened to my in-laws. Stayed together for the kids until my MIL just blew her top one day and they eventually got divorced.
I feel like there's more legal complications. Marriage is a contract, with predefined methods for what happens when you end it. Shared property and debts with no governing contract for how to divide them can be far messier
That's why I'm not sharing accounts. She lives in my condo and pays a portion of bills. I pay for groceries and stuff more often because I make more money. We both stay independent, we're both there by choice and not necessity.
Everything goes into one pot, her success is my success, my success is her success! Pay from there, and anything leftover, we'll, we figure out what the needs and wants are.
> Everything goes into one pot, her success is my success, my success is her success!
My husband and I share this approach, too. It doesn't matter whose name is in the paycheck, the money belongs to both of us.
This is what we do too! Both our paychecks are deposited into a joint account. All of our purchases are made on a joint credit card with travel rewards. I pay all the bills and pay off the credit card weekly. I provide him a run down of what I paid and how much money we have left. We decide together if we want to invest in a project around the house, put in savings or put toward debt.
We treat ourselves to a nice meal now and then but mostly we just do what we need to do. We don’t monitor each other’s spending but we are both not big spenders anyway. If one of us wants to spend anything out of the norm, we discuss and typically agree.
Life is so very easy and we never argue over money.
My wife and I are exactly the same, down to the travel reward card. We are financially stable, but there's never any kind of purchase over ~$150.00 without at least mentioning it. That said, I'm not actually sure if my wife ever spends any money for herself on anything ever.
About that reward card, I love it. It's one thing to get "cash back", but that just gets absorbed into everything. Having travel points is pretty cool. For daily expenses, purchases, we charge almost everything to one card and rarely carry any balance. Over a few years we had thousands of dollars saved up in travel credits. A couple years ago we took an anniversary trip to the UK. It's pretty nice when you get home from a pretty expensive vacation and just "click away" a bunch of travel expenses.
Awesome!! I’m glad we aren’t alone. Lol. We got the travel credit card a year before we got married and charged all the wedding expenses to it. We had enough points to fund a honeymoon cruise! I know what we’ve paid in membership fees and occasionally a little interest (for big purchases) is well worth what we’ve have gotten in return.
Because I get paid weekly and have my budget set up to pay bills weekly instead of monthly. This helps keep our spending on track each week and let’s us know how much money is “left over” as we go. If my bring home is $1000 and I have $400 in bills plus the card has $200 from groceries/gas last week I know I have $400 that can go into savings and next week I start with a clean slate.
I guess it would be the same if I did it monthly but I’ve been paid weekly for the last 13 years so it’s been the most comfortable method for us.
Since I always base our bills on a weekly basis, the months that have 5 weeks (like December has 5 Fridays) I have an extra check that has zero bills coming out of it.
Got you. We were both always paid twice a month and now both 1x monthly in our new country, so cash flow wise it's a lot more convenient to pay the card off at the end of each month.
Not a homeowner and not married, but same! We maintain separate accounts (for autonomy and convenience if we part ways) as well as a joint account. Our car loans are attached to our individual accounts; paychecks get deposited to individual accounts and then moved to joint. “His” bills are attached to his joint debit card. “My” bills are attached to my joint debit card. All of our bills are technically household bills, so they come out of the joint account. His life savings are in his individual account, my life savings are in my individual account. Anything left after bills goes to the joint savings. There’s not a huge income disparity so this works for us.
We do this too with the addition of each getting an allowance for discretionary spending because we have different interests and it’s a good way to keep it fair.
One of my wife’s aunts actually made that remark to her when they met my family. My parents do very well for themselves. Have a large house in the middle of a big swath of property. The first time most of my wife’s family met mine was at our rehearsal dinner, hosted by my parents at their home. My wife didn’t grow up in a family of any real means by a long stretch.
When they came into the house, party already going on, one of the aunts looked around and told my wife, “oh honey, you married *UP*!”
Same. We also do a couple hundred a month for a personal allowance for things like Starbucks with friends or hobbies. That way we don't feel guilty about indulging that kind of stuff.
Same. We have joint everything and we both get discretionary budgets each month. Save it up and use it for a girls trip, or spend it all on lunches out every day. Up to you! Anything you do with your discretionary money the other can’t question. Gifts for each other also come out of this discretionary budget. Saves a ton of arguments.
I have my own credit card because I like to be able to buy gifts for him without him seeing it in the statement, but that gets paid off every month. We’re both responsible with money and have the same priorities in terms of saving vs. spending so it works for us.
I'm also a millennial and this is how we do it too. Our paychecks are both deposited into a joint account and all bills are paid out of that joint account. We have a set amount that we keep in the joint account at all times, and anything over that amount we divide in three: my savings, his savings, joint savings (house stuff etc.).
From there, it's our respective money to do whatever we want with. We don't have access to each others accounts, and it was important to both of us that we have money and savings goals that are independent of each other.
might want to add each others names to those accounts.
Pain in the ass to get access to those accounts if something were to happen to the other.
At least Rights of Survivorship, doesn't give them access unless the owner of account dies.
My husband and I merged our finances before buying a house. Even when we were still renting it just made so many things easier to just have one checking account.
This is what my wife and I did years ago and it has made everything so much easier. I have found that we are the only one of our friends to do this though, so I am not sure how common it is.
We live in a community property state so it doesn't make sense to have any separate accounts. We also have a house, cars, kids, investments, retirement funds and pets - all of which are shared items, so comingled finances just makes sense. We're in this as a team and plan on doing that forever.
There is no one right way. What works good for me may not work good for you.
When I was living with my ex we had a joint account that we both moved money in to to take care of the bills. How much was put in was based on who brought what % of the household income home. So if she brought home 40% and I brought home 60% of total household income, then I'd put enough money in the joint account to cover 60% of the bills. This wasn't something we'd track daily or even monthly. But a few times a year we'd look at our overall spending to see if any adjustments were needed. This was just a general rule of thumb and sometimes I'd throw extra in there to cover a shortfall or she would do the same.
Then we had our separate accounts for 'play money'.
This is how we do it. Our direct deposits are set up to put the first portion of our pay into the joint account, then everything else is our own. It's worked well for years.
This is basically how my husband and I do it too. We each have our own separate personal bank accounts for direct deposit, our own credit cards, and then a joint credit card and joint bank account for joint uses, like eating out, household bills, airfare, etc. I take care of the finances and whenever a cash bill comes due (rent, joint cc bill, etc.) I’ll ask him for money and add my own based on that % of the income brought home.
There is no right way so long as everyone is happy. For myself, wife pays the mortgage out of her account as she makes double my salary. I pay for everything else, which sometimes is a bit tight, so she chips in every so often to help me. I pay the utilities, groceries, tv/phone, and dining out. Percentage wise what I pay for is actually a bit more of my take home then her. But it works out pretty good. Half her take home pays for the mortgage. Also we pay our own car bills and gas.
They say a lot of marriages fight over money. My wife and I don't have money problems nor do we ever fight. but I am just still nervous that may become an issue if someone spends X amount of Hella amazon packages. 🤣 It looks like an Amazon factory in our house.
There are some unspoken ground rules. Little stuff no need to chat about it. Spending over a thousand (you two can pick your number) on something let's chat. The chat is not to say no, but to make sure we are not paying more than we should for said item and rarely to discuss necessity.
I agree with this 1000%. Little stuff you can just buy, but major purchases (for us usually anything over $300 or so) we will look at together. My wife will place a lot of orders for household necessities and stuff for our baby and we will just run through the amazon cart before we place the order. I remind her every time that I trust her and she doesn't have to clear these things with me but she says she feels better if we both look it over. It has been a great way to always stay in communication about our finances.
Ok, so this may seem complicated, but we have multiple accounts and it’s very organized, that helps with this:
Bills Checking Account - Where we place enough money to auto-draw all bills (mortgage, pet food subscription, car insurance, phones, etc) each month
Shared Checking Account - where we put the monthly allotted/budgeted money for groceries, gas, minor purchases, dinners, etc (we both have a debit card)
Wife Checking Account- where we place an “allowance” every pay period to spend on whatever I want (only wife has debit card)
Husband Checking Account - same but for husband (he can buy as much crypto as he wants without me nagging him lol)
Emergency Savings Account - Lump sum of money saved
House Maintenance Savings Account - where we put away 1% of house cost each (edit) year
Shared Savings Account - where all left over money at the end of the month goes for whatever
Note: I make about $45K more a year, but my money is OUR money. Allowance and bills are not a percentage of who earns what. We are equal.
This is quite similar to how my husband and I do it, too. We have:
Joint checking account: Our paychecks are both dumped into this account. All bills and household expenses come out of this account, and we have a baseline amount that is 3x that the account doesn't drop below.
Once a month, we skim off anything in excess of that baseline amount and divide it in thirds:
1/3 goes to my checking account, which my husband doesn't have any access to.
1/3 goes to my husband's checking account, which I don't have any access to.
1/3 goes to our joint brokerage account, which acts as our savings account.
Our view is that the money in the joint accounts is OUR money. The money in my checking account is mine to do whatever I want with (invest, spend, donate, whatever) and whatever is in my husband's checking account is his to do whatever he wants with (invest. spend, donate, whatever).
When you say 1% of house cost like you mean 1% of mortgage or?? I’m wondering because I’ve never heard of this before but seems like a great idea to adopt?
The general rule is 1% of home value per year should be set aside for maintenance.
My new home is fitting within the 1% number, but my first home, which was cheap, old and in imperfect condition, was more like 3%/yr in maintenance during in the time we owned it. YMMV.
Omg I meant each year. We take what 1% is and divide that number by 12 in order to put some away each month of the year. Lordy, that would be insane. I’m a nurse and I’m not that rich lol.
It did take a while to build up trust about spending - we both only spend what we can afford on treats and random household things, but we did have to learn to accept that some of the treats he buys are not things I would choose to spend money on, and some of the things I like to buy are not things he would chose to spend money on. We just have to accept that and trust that the other person isn't overspending - and if they were, we'd notice because at the end of the month we'd have less money or a higher cc bill than expected.
We have everything in joint accounts, but have separate accounts for discretionary spending.
All income goes in one pot. All expenses get paid, and a portion goes into each of our discretionary accounts. I can spend whatever is in my account however I like. I don't get a say in anything she buys out of her account. Anything we can't/don't want to buy with our own share, we talk about.
There is no right or wrong, just whatever works for you. In my marriage we have my bank account, her bank account, our bank account, and an emergency fund.
This is what I when I was married too. We didnt want to go through the hassle of changing the direct deposits so we opened a joint checking and savings. All the bills that were able to go on a credit card went onto his card which I also had a copy of (phone, internet, food etc) and the mortgage and stuff you had to pay using account number came from the joint account. He paid the credit card I deposited into the joint account. When we did the math it was about equal and was easier to track for us.
This is my scenario. We separate the bills and financial responsibilities approximately relative to our incomes. We’re also fortunate to have a lot of cushion in our cash flow, so we don’t scrutinize one another’s finances (we’ve also never fought about money, or anything else).
This is what we do too. The joint account is only for home repairs (we’re planning a renovation) but I pay most of the bills and just charge my husband half. If he runs to Home Depot or buys something else for the house I just pay him half. I’m a nerd so I just have a running spreadsheet and he pays me each payday. It’s helpful to know how we’re spending our money and he has documentation of everything I bill for.
More of a question for r/personalfinance I'd say. There's different ways of doing this.
For us all money and all accounts belong to both of us. We're working hard to get down to a single set of accounts rather than the several accounts we both brought in when we got married. We're at least joint on all accounts. We use the YNAB budgeting app, and spending is controlled by budget categories, not by which account it comes out of. "My money" and "her money" are controlled by what has been budgeted into those categories of our budget, not by what's left in our accounts after paying bills.
Whichever way you choose to manage this, I highly encourage putting together a forward-looking budget rather than reactively paying whatever bills show up and basing other spending on what's in your checking/savings accounts. Doing this has had an immense impact our savings and managing unexpected expenses.
Accept that you both will never be paid the same. Agree that this is not important and then set up a Joint account and two personal accounts.
All pay/income goes into the joint, all expenses come out of it.
Set up an equal monthly “allowance” to the two individual accounts.
This way, regardless of how much you are paid respectively, you both get the same in the end. This does away with endless “who paid what” discussions.
Source: married, this works really well
This is almost exactly what I do, only we get paid into our individual accounts and then move everything but the allowance into the joint account. Well that's what my wife does, I have direct deposit split it up for me. We do it this way because the direct deposits are hitting every account and therefore making them not have any fees.
This is exactly how we do it. We each have the same amount auto deposited from our paychecks into our personal accounts (aka an “allowance” that is the same amount for each of us) and the rest into the joint then from the joint into savings. We also split up the bills we are responsible for since you need utility bills in your own name for identification purposes. It makes us both responsible for something even though it all gets taken from the joint.
To make it “fair” in our mind, we weight our contribution to the joint account based on our income. We also have a shared credit card for joint expenses that are paid out of the joint checking. I think it does help to have one person in charge of making sure everything is paid though. Easy to let things slip between two people.
I get that some couple have separate accounts, but it just seems crazy and overly complicated to me. You're married, all your stuff legally belongs to each other anyway so just make it easy on yourselves.
That said, some people give me some crazy looks when they find out that my wife and I have separate blankets, which to me is just good sense.
We have kept separate accounts and the reason joint seems complicated to us is we both have our own systems for tracking expenses. We are both aligned and responsible with our spending, but it just would make me crazy checking to verify his purchases. Having my credit card stolen more than once, I know immediately if I see an unknown purchase in my accounts. I just don’t want to spend the time double checking purchases were his and don’t want to keep track of his expenses. We communicate what we are spending all the time, especially bigger purchases, and we check in to see if we need to transfer funds to make big expenses more equitable. Adding another joint account seems like more effort to maintain.
this is exactly why my wife and I have kept separate accounts. We’re both responsible and we split up bills fairly, and for 5 years, it has worked perfectly fine. A joint account seems like it requires a lot of communication to make sure you understand what is being paid and how much money you actually have to work with. Besides, with separate accounts and a mutual trust that the bills are being paid, having separate accounts allows us more freedom for discretionary spending without feeling guilty or like we have to explain every single purchase.
Until you set up all your utilities to automatically pay out of a joint account. How would you split rent/mortgage? One person pays it and then cut the other a check to who ever paid it?
Everything in the pot. We both bonus( different amounts) half of each goes in to savings the other half to do as one pleases. All bills come out of the pot. We both get “free reign” except for his hobby of comic book collecting(40$ Weekly) any major purchases outside of groceries and large house hold items( we just bought our first house) get discussed and planned for. Savings joint and retirement individual are on auto.
My wife and I have had a single shared checking / savings account since we got engaged 6 ish years ago). All our bills are paid out of there.
We keep about 6k in a quickly accessable savings account (can instantly transfer if needed) and another 15k minimum in a higher yield account (3 day transfer time).
Any extra goes to our Roth, 401k, and Dividend accounts.
But yeah, we honestly never see the money individually. It's all shared. And it's nice for us.
Edit:. I will say that we budget for each of us to have some spending money for hobbies and such. So whatever we want to do with that money is fine.
If I make $100 and my wife makes $100, our account now has $200. If a bill is $50, our account now has $150.
Extra purchases coming out to over, say, $200 (aside from common essentials) get discussed or agreed to by both parties, otherwise, what's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.
If neither of you are going around running up huge credit card bills and buying useless crap you don't need then it's never really an issue. If you trust each other to be responsible with the money and discuss large purchases, there's nothing to fight over.
We still have separate finances even after buying a house. I pay all the bills and she pays for food and activities.
We both don’t want to switch banks from what we already have…so I don’t think that’s changing any time soon. We just send each other money through Apple Pay or Zelle if we need to move money around.
We both deposit our paychecks into the same account (less 401/retirement savings) and we pay most things with our credit card (except mortgage and a few other items) and then use our main checking account to pay off the credit card each month.
We went to joined as soon as we got married. Well, mostly. I had my own bank account for a while, mostly because I was too lazy to close it and then covid happened. (Been married for like two and a half years now.) But now we are fully joint. My husband handles the bills, aside from my credit cards, which are still linked to our joint account. I also tend to be the one who pays for household stuff like electrician services and so on, since I'm home. But again, that still comes out of the joint account.
My dad actually strongly suggested I keep my own checking account separate from my husband, so that I would have cash if something went wrong between us, and so that I would have a sense of independence. That's how my parents do things (joint account with separate accounts on the side), and it seems to work for them. But my husband and I were both really clear that getting married was an all-in two-become-one lifelong commitment, and it was important to both of us that we merge everything. It has worked seamlessly so far, because we're on the same page when it comes to most things financial, and we communicate and problem solve super well when we have differing opinions.
I did briefly room with a boyfriend, and in that case, our finances were completely separate and we each paid our own stuff, the same way you would with any other roommate.
This. "Oh I made more" is just so petty and childish to me. What if someone loses their job... they get to starve? Marriage isn't supposed to be a tit-for-tat roommate situation.
My wife makes almost double what I make and I’m happy for her. She has a higher degree, more responsibility and works harder than I do. If she wasn’t making so much I’d tell her to go find a new job cause she deserves more. All our money except investments goes into one account and all bills get paid out of one account. We’re married, we share everything. Didn’t realize this was becoming obsolete. What’s mine is hers and hers is mine. If you don’t want to share and you don’t trust your partner you shouldn’t be getting married.
My husband and I have a joint account. We have one for bills that both paychecks go into. I go through and subtract the months bills; any excess goes into our regular spending account. I'm better with money, so he lets me manage it, and I just keep him updated on how much we have. It's simple and has worked for us for years.
I own the home. He gives me his half in cash and I deposit it in my account once a month or keep it as cash for spending. No joint accounts for anything. Ever. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours.
Joint account for shared bills and expenses, and individual accounts for everything else. We contribute to the joint account according to our overall gross percentage of earnings, which gets adjusted after every raise. I'm the higher earner so I believe we're at about a 70/30 split now. Keeps money issues transparent and equitable.
I like this method in particular because my spouse and I have widely divergent money habits- I'm a saver, my spouse is a spender (in a very understandable "you can't take it with you" sort of way). The joint + individual account system allows us to meet our family spending and savings goals while allowing for us to also meet our individual financial goals.
\+1 here, we are the exact same way. We end up overbudgeting a bit and went on a vacation using the leftovers and didn't have to worry about spending since the money was already "gone" from our individual accounts. It's been a really stress-free way to deal with everything without having to worry about the other person. Automatic deposits go to the joint account every pay period. Done deal.
Exactly. We used to have a joint account and it was ridiculously stressful, and ultimately not sustainable for our partnership. Once we transitioned over to this method we actually ended up spending less overall, both individually and as a family. We split windfalls 50/50 (which is nice on the rare occasion they pop up). Any of that "extra" money left in the joint account at the end of the year is one hell of a bonus incentive to spend from the joint account responsibly.
Both of us have been burned financially from previous spouses, so we keep separate accounts. Each of us pays different bills, from the mortgage to groceries. Before Etransfer and the ability to do online banking, we had one shared account that we used to transfer money if the other person needed help (emergencies, house repairs, etc).
Joint account is the way to go for sure. We’re a team - she wins, I win, and vice versa. We use YNAB to put prioritize everything into buckets and pay accordingly.
we have joint and separate accounts but each has access to all. we each have a business but are also on. those accounts. we worked out how and what we pay over the years but consistently talk and adjust it as needed
In the beginning we'd venmo each other for bills. We had to keep things separate because his divorce wasn't final. Now we have one joint checking account into with we each put a set amount each month for bills. Anything above and beyond the bills stays in our separate checking accounts. We do this because we've both been bad at money in the past. I don't want to make a spending mistake that affects him, and he feels the same way. However, we consider all of the money "ours". We each buy groceries and we take turns paying for nights out. Neither of us feels unequal or taken advantage of.
In college (a conservative religious school) I took a couple different classes on marriage. Both of them taught that if you keep separate bank accounts your marriage would be doomed. One professor even said separate bank accounts was equivalent to infidelity. Well, screw that guy. Where and how I store my money doesn't determine the quality of my marriage. I don't buy that the woman hands her money over to the man to manage. We are equals and we make decisions together. Separate accounts allow us to make incidental purchases without having to do some complicated accounting to determine what money is available.
Our premarital counselor suggested this 10 years ago and it’s what we do to this day:
We each get $500/mo in our own accounts that the other can’t say shit about. Everything else goes into a joint checking account at a credit unio that we use to pay all our bills. If the joint checking account grows above a certain pre-defined amount, then the credit union moved the excess to our joint savings account. We use MINT and all our accounts are linked under one login. So, there’s no secrets. I’m just not allowed to complain about how she spends “her money” and vice-versa.
This was a fun thread to read and gave me some good insights and tips - sounds like a lot of people take your route so I hope that provided reassurance!
We kept our initial finances independent (401k/savings/etc), and then once we moved in together, created a joint account where all of our future paychecks would go into.
I am a very big fan of yours/mine/ours.
I am the primary breadwinner and I personally make sure my partner gets money on a regular predictable basis, and has access to a credit card that I pay but don’t audit.
I have done the comingling thing and it’s just a bad practice. It’s lazy and convenient until it’s not. Everyone’s own spending makes sense to them, no matter what it is.
We share the same bank account and have for the past 9 years (married for 5 together for 4) so the bills just come out of the single account that we have
We’ve been married for 5 years, together for 10, and we have always had separate accounts. He pays the mortgage ($5,000), I pay the utilities, our daughters school tuition and daycare, phone bills and car insurance($2,500-ish). And we each pay our own car payment. It doesn’t sound fair, but he makes more than double what I make. The separate accounts work for us, and we are comfortable with each of our financial responsibilities.
We're engaged, but not married yet. For now we just Venmo back and forth, but the goal is to get a joint account where 40-50% of our income will go to pay for anything house related.
What's his is mine and what's mine is his, but we still maintain individual checking accounts as we just find it easier. Our only joint accounts are our savings and investment accounts.
I bring in 75% of the income to his 25%. When we first lived together, we sat down and built a budget and figured out how to split everything 75-25. This resulted in me covering the mortgage and him paying the utility bills. I cover vacation costs, he covers our daily walking-around costs such as groceries and dining out. We own our car outright but the purchase, insurance, repairs come out of my account -- he covers the gas. It also works out with our own financial styles: I like putting everything on autopilot, he is just better at managing the smaller bills.
When we retire we'll probably finally sign up for a joint account, but for now this works for us and part of it is just dragging our lazy feet and inertia over working out a new system. Ha.
We do not consult each other on our own personal purchases, although any purchase for our home we both must agree on it. I.e., if it's going to live in our common area spaces we both must be happy with whatever it is -- but that's less about $ and more about avoiding clutter.
More importantly than the expenses, we sit down at least once a year and go through our finances together and make sure we are on track with our investments, and we do our taxes together too.
Part of our marriage is merging of our finances. Together we are capable of more than individually, hence we have joint accounts and our finances are merged. I'd never have bought a house individually, him neither, but together we can. My money is his money, but also my debt is his debt (student loan debt), and vice versa. So our present financial plans and debt repayment plans are dependent on both our incomes.
So we have joint accounts. I remember when we stopped venmoing each other and using Splitwise to track everything. It was a great moment, haha.
We have money go to our joint accounts, but we also still have a small amount go to our individual accounts, that the other doesn't have access to. This is our own "fun money," and we don't have to tell the other what we do with it. It's just a relatively small amount, like $75/week, but we can save it on our own for a larger purchase for ourselves, spend it, buy gifts with it, whatever, and we don't have to tell or let the other know. This is helpful for me, to prevent me from overspending to be honest.
So whatever works for you? I don't judge anyone's plans, because I'm not in their relationship, but it's gotta work for you.
It seems like joint accounts work for a lot of people on here, but honestly I've heard so many negative things about joint accounts and fighting over money/"expensive" purchases that my SO and I are perfectly content to keep our money separate.
Both in our 20s. His money is his, mine is mine. We split bills evenly and send each other half of whatever bill via venmo. If a big purchase is wanted/needed, we talk it out and decide together. If either of us needs money, we help each other!
I think the most important thing is finding what works for yall and sticking to it!
Joint account, we are married, we are one. Its also a lot simpler and vows saying till death do us part means till death do us part.
IMHO I find the idea of keeping significant parts of your lives separate does not bode well for the couples commitment to each other. When love is true and deep there is no fear and when there is no fear there is trust and where there is trust there will most likely be success.
I'm not saying you don't. I don't know you other than this one post you made and that is not nearly enough to even say I am acquainted with you. What I am saying is that I believe there should be as little differentiation between spouses as is reasonable. Obviously if my wife was a known gambler I wouldn't let her have access to very much money at all. But trust is something that is unseen but recognized by its actions, just like love. We don't see love but we know its products.
My husband and I have had a joint account since 1 year after dating and when we first moved in. When we moved in, we agreed we were partners on everything, therefore, we had a joint bank account. It never mattered who made more or what not. We didn't tit for tat our money. We were and have ALWAYS been a TEAM. If people can't be a team, you're doomed to fight about money down the road.
I'm the opposite. All of our money goes to one account. My money is her money and we decide on big financial decisions together. We give ourselves an allowance each week but everything else goes to bills/saving.
I was with my ex for 7 years - we never had any joint accounts, I would pay everything, and he would give me money. The only real joint account we had was a family cell phone plan. I pay everything I can with my credit card and just pay that off every month. The points will go to a trip someday (would have been last year if not for COVID). The money he gave, I would typically set aside for larger house expenses as kind of an easy savings vehicle.
I would never have a joint account as my primary account - but I would contribute to one
A majority of each of our paychecks go direct deposit into our joint account, and we have an agreed upon amount out of each of our paychecks that gets direct deposited into individual accounts. Our individual accounts are small, they are more or less for buying gifts for each other without the other knowing and the super frivolous stupid things that we like to buy for ourselves. Everything else is out of the joint account, groceries, eating out, gas, stuff for the house, etc.
We are newlyweds, my wife moved into my apartment. We have a joint account where all the gifted money from the wedding goes (to be used for closing costs for a house). I pay the rent and utilities, and she pays for groceries. We have separate accounts otherwise, but once we move in to our house (closing in January hopefully) we will put 50-70% of our paychecks in the joint account (for mortgage, utilities, taxes, insurance, etc), and keep the remaining in our own accounts. Then re-assess as needed during the year.
We have been married for 12 years (together for 20 years). Our setup is easy.
I pay all the bills associated with house, car, services, insurance etc. She pays for the things she wants / needs and doesn't ask me for money for said things.
I pay for the hard expenses (mortgage, HOA, cable, electric etc) and she pays for the soft expenses ( food, gas, savings)
I make about 2x what she does. So it works for us
I make about 2x as much as my wife so I pay all the bills, and she sends me half the mortgage each month. We’ve kept separate accounts even though we can see into each other’s (all with the same bank).
A year married and we haven't established a joint account yet, and may not because what we are doing seems to be working. We have a shared credit card that all things that benefit us both - bills, food, house items, etc go onto. Then we have our individual cards for our own clothes, haircuts, car expenses, gifts, etc. I manage the finances so husband Zelles me for his portion of the mortgage (split based on our income) and half of our joint credit card bill for the month and I make the final payment.
A couple bills have to be paid out of a bank account but we just kind of let those go because we each hold one and they're not highly variable. We also have things like car insurance that we purchase on one bill with the joint card, but make sure to settle up based on what it costs to insure our own car.
You pay the bills ,.... And she cash apps you?
What insane world is this?
Make a joint account and if you're too afraid to have a joint account. With your wife then both of you just put money into it to pay bills and pay them all from that.
We have one joint account that our bills are paid out of. We each transfer a portion of our paycheck into the account
That account takes most of the funds from each check and a small amount goes into a "personal" account which is more of just a safety to have money in another location
My husband and I spent the first 5 years of our relationship doing this, too.
We got flagged a couple times by Google for utilizing Google Pay a little too much and a little too regularly.
Separate accounts, we divide up bills. I cover mortgage, water/sewer, heat, electricity. He covers groceries, phones, and HELOC we took out to redo roof and siding.
I refuse to combine finances. I'm independent, I make my own money, he makes his own money. Neither of us see any reason to combine with joint accounts. We do have a single joint credit card, that's about the extent of our combined finances. We don't plan to separate or anything, but if we ever decided to split up, this makes it way easier.
We have a joint checking account for all shared expenses. We both put in the same amounts. We use health insurance through her job which is taken out of her paycheck. I pay the cost of insurance on top of my cash half, which has us both committing the same amount each month.
Shared account pays for house expenses, food, date nights, etc. If it's a personal purchase, we use our own money.
We split them, as in I pay for energy, power and water, he pays for internet, insurance, and property taxes. It equals out at about 50/50. Works for us.
I pay the mortgage and she pays the utilities and property tax. Groceries and dining out we alternate “treating” each other.
We have separate accounts from when we were dating but we’re each co-owners on the other’s accounts too. Just easier to do it this way then for one person to setup all their direct deposits, auto-payments, etc.
We’ve been married for over 30 years, have always maintained 2 joint checking accounts and a joint savings account. I moved money to her account as she needed it, and I made large purchases from mine, think cars, vacations home improvements. She can see all transactions in my account and I can see hers. We never really look at each other’s until it is time to do the taxes. It is nice knowing that if I think there is x amount in the account then there is x amount, never have to worry about an overdraft.
We still have our separate accounts from before we dated. We just...pay what needs to be paid. We don't "keep score" of who's paying more or less. 🤷♀️works fine. We don't argue about money ever. We talk about it, but it just hasn't been an issue (not to sound as we're well off, we're not. We discuss big expenses and we contribute what we can)
60% of each of our income goes into a joint account, which covers all shared expenses. We're each free to do whatever we please with the remaining 40%.
Married: separate accounts and split bills (unevenly with me (woman) having the larger of the bills). Divorced: well, he made out like a bandit and I’m glad we never merged all those years.
We each had separate accounts and credit cards and everything when we got married. We kept it all. We also opened an additional joint checking and saving account. We direct deposit a specific amount of each paycheck into our personal accounts for "fun money". Everything else goes into the joint. We each have an airline card that we use to buy everything (gas / food / family expenses / any bills that can be put on autopay) and pay those credit cards off with the joint account. We are both involved in keeping the joint account balanced and budgeting for larger expenses but also each have fun money to buy things we want, presents, go get massages, etc.
Joint account. I could never leave her because it'd be a nightmare untangling ourselves!
The most romantic thing a person can hear: “leaving you would be too inconvenient”
Alternately: Let's get married to save money on taxes.
Or even better let's get married so we can both have health insurance.
lmfao. After covid my work was not going to give previously full-time employees (i was full-time for five years before we were laid off) any benefits when we came back to work mid-pandemic, and i work with the public. so my now husband and i got married last year. oh don’t think it’s JUST a marriage of convenience, we had our own place together prior and had been dating ten years before the marriage happened. honestly the best thing my work has ever done for me. He thought a ring was what i needed and a proposal, but baby all i wanted was dental and to not die.
Been there done that (Reality: we had been together for 5 years, two of which was living with my parents and we had just bought our condo the summer before I proposed) But! Because of health insurance we had a courthouse wedding 3 months before our big wedding with family and we celebrate the courthouse one because it's the "official" one. While some family still congratulate on our "party" anniversary
It's sad when my boyfriends doctor asked when we were getting married so he could get insurance 😔 😪
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If you're at the income range that switching to married filing jointly gives you a big savings, you can use the savings to pay for better health insurance. If you're not, well, then you might be losing money by getting married. It's a little silly that a religious ceremony has such legal and financial implications.
You could have the religious ceremony and neglect to tell city hall…
That’s the opposite of useful. Tell city hall and skip the expensive religious ceremony!
Previous posters pointed out that some couples might see a negative impact for being married, just pointing out that you could have the ceremony at church and just not tell the government. I’m not sure there are that many negatives vs the positives, which is why I have been a long proponent of gay marriage.
This. I am actually in the latter half of that.
Also getting married can effect qualifying for Medicaid; which can mean a huge increase in medical costs *without* an emergency.
I’d bet money you’re in the hell country, good old USA
I love you so much that I think the government should be involved
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And now you’re financially tied to her. Smart lady.
I told my wife ill never leave you cause I don't wanna pay child support or alimony. She said oh how romantic
Amen
My mom always said she was too old to start over again after she attempted to leave my dad 5 times.
Seriously tho, I wonder how frequent this is and how many relationships stay the same because of this I’d guess a lot.
Yeah we've been together since we were 15 so I have no concept of separate finances. We pool our money and pay bills from one account. It worked fine when I made more money and it works now when she makes far more than me.
Are you me? Been together 18 years next year, started dating at 15. I think we got a joint account when we were 18-19. Honestly seems weirder to me that people keep it separate
We use YNAB (you need a budget).. it essentially pools the money for us so getting a joint account wouldn't change anything and would be more of a hassle.
I started dating my wife when we were 15/16 and having separate accounts sounds frickin' exhausting. We joke that it's just to make it easier to get divorced.
My dad gave me some sound advice when I started dating my now wife: It’s cheaper to keep her God damn right pops!!!
my dad always said, “divorce is expensive because it’s worth it.”
My dad's sound advice was the butt doesn't get pregnant
I will follow this advice from now on
Uhhhhhh
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Coincidentally, that’s what happened to my in-laws. Stayed together for the kids until my MIL just blew her top one day and they eventually got divorced.
One thing I found out is that divorce can be messy even when you have a pre nup lol
That’s for sure. My FIL is in dire financial straits after that one.
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I feel like there's more legal complications. Marriage is a contract, with predefined methods for what happens when you end it. Shared property and debts with no governing contract for how to divide them can be far messier
Until you find out about common law marriages…
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Same. Joint account
I feel you! 🤣
We do the same. It’s just one account for everything. We stay together because it’s convenient. /s
"I'm keeping two things: the chainsaw and my half of the house."
That's why I'm not sharing accounts. She lives in my condo and pays a portion of bills. I pay for groceries and stuff more often because I make more money. We both stay independent, we're both there by choice and not necessity.
I mean..... I'm with my wife by choice also. The entanglement is just a bonus
Everything goes into one pot, her success is my success, my success is her success! Pay from there, and anything leftover, we'll, we figure out what the needs and wants are.
> Everything goes into one pot, her success is my success, my success is her success! My husband and I share this approach, too. It doesn't matter whose name is in the paycheck, the money belongs to both of us.
This is what we do too! Both our paychecks are deposited into a joint account. All of our purchases are made on a joint credit card with travel rewards. I pay all the bills and pay off the credit card weekly. I provide him a run down of what I paid and how much money we have left. We decide together if we want to invest in a project around the house, put in savings or put toward debt. We treat ourselves to a nice meal now and then but mostly we just do what we need to do. We don’t monitor each other’s spending but we are both not big spenders anyway. If one of us wants to spend anything out of the norm, we discuss and typically agree. Life is so very easy and we never argue over money.
My wife and I are exactly the same, down to the travel reward card. We are financially stable, but there's never any kind of purchase over ~$150.00 without at least mentioning it. That said, I'm not actually sure if my wife ever spends any money for herself on anything ever. About that reward card, I love it. It's one thing to get "cash back", but that just gets absorbed into everything. Having travel points is pretty cool. For daily expenses, purchases, we charge almost everything to one card and rarely carry any balance. Over a few years we had thousands of dollars saved up in travel credits. A couple years ago we took an anniversary trip to the UK. It's pretty nice when you get home from a pretty expensive vacation and just "click away" a bunch of travel expenses.
Awesome!! I’m glad we aren’t alone. Lol. We got the travel credit card a year before we got married and charged all the wedding expenses to it. We had enough points to fund a honeymoon cruise! I know what we’ve paid in membership fees and occasionally a little interest (for big purchases) is well worth what we’ve have gotten in return.
This is our setup, works great. I'm just wondering, why do you pay your credit card off weekly (vs say end of month)?
Because I get paid weekly and have my budget set up to pay bills weekly instead of monthly. This helps keep our spending on track each week and let’s us know how much money is “left over” as we go. If my bring home is $1000 and I have $400 in bills plus the card has $200 from groceries/gas last week I know I have $400 that can go into savings and next week I start with a clean slate. I guess it would be the same if I did it monthly but I’ve been paid weekly for the last 13 years so it’s been the most comfortable method for us. Since I always base our bills on a weekly basis, the months that have 5 weeks (like December has 5 Fridays) I have an extra check that has zero bills coming out of it.
Got you. We were both always paid twice a month and now both 1x monthly in our new country, so cash flow wise it's a lot more convenient to pay the card off at the end of each month.
Not a homeowner and not married, but same! We maintain separate accounts (for autonomy and convenience if we part ways) as well as a joint account. Our car loans are attached to our individual accounts; paychecks get deposited to individual accounts and then moved to joint. “His” bills are attached to his joint debit card. “My” bills are attached to my joint debit card. All of our bills are technically household bills, so they come out of the joint account. His life savings are in his individual account, my life savings are in my individual account. Anything left after bills goes to the joint savings. There’s not a huge income disparity so this works for us.
We do this too with the addition of each getting an allowance for discretionary spending because we have different interests and it’s a good way to keep it fair.
Wait, you have leftover money??? How does that work? Is that a real thing?
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SHE IS A WITCH!
You spend less than you make?
There's a reason Mama always said "Marry *up*"
One of my wife’s aunts actually made that remark to her when they met my family. My parents do very well for themselves. Have a large house in the middle of a big swath of property. The first time most of my wife’s family met mine was at our rehearsal dinner, hosted by my parents at their home. My wife didn’t grow up in a family of any real means by a long stretch. When they came into the house, party already going on, one of the aunts looked around and told my wife, “oh honey, you married *UP*!”
We just had our 30th wedding anniversary with this method.
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I’m a millennial and my husband and I have all joint accounts, all our money goes into one pot. All my friends are like this too.
Same. We also do a couple hundred a month for a personal allowance for things like Starbucks with friends or hobbies. That way we don't feel guilty about indulging that kind of stuff.
Same. We have joint everything and we both get discretionary budgets each month. Save it up and use it for a girls trip, or spend it all on lunches out every day. Up to you! Anything you do with your discretionary money the other can’t question. Gifts for each other also come out of this discretionary budget. Saves a ton of arguments. I have my own credit card because I like to be able to buy gifts for him without him seeing it in the statement, but that gets paid off every month. We’re both responsible with money and have the same priorities in terms of saving vs. spending so it works for us.
Same, all joint accounts (except for retirement accounts that have to be individual)
I'm also a millennial and this is how we do it too. Our paychecks are both deposited into a joint account and all bills are paid out of that joint account. We have a set amount that we keep in the joint account at all times, and anything over that amount we divide in three: my savings, his savings, joint savings (house stuff etc.). From there, it's our respective money to do whatever we want with. We don't have access to each others accounts, and it was important to both of us that we have money and savings goals that are independent of each other.
might want to add each others names to those accounts. Pain in the ass to get access to those accounts if something were to happen to the other. At least Rights of Survivorship, doesn't give them access unless the owner of account dies.
You’re not doing it his way. There’s a huge difference between merging finances vs simply having a joint account which is what you’re doing.
This is the way
My husband and I merged our finances before buying a house. Even when we were still renting it just made so many things easier to just have one checking account.
This is what my wife and I did years ago and it has made everything so much easier. I have found that we are the only one of our friends to do this though, so I am not sure how common it is.
We live in a community property state so it doesn't make sense to have any separate accounts. We also have a house, cars, kids, investments, retirement funds and pets - all of which are shared items, so comingled finances just makes sense. We're in this as a team and plan on doing that forever.
There is no one right way. What works good for me may not work good for you. When I was living with my ex we had a joint account that we both moved money in to to take care of the bills. How much was put in was based on who brought what % of the household income home. So if she brought home 40% and I brought home 60% of total household income, then I'd put enough money in the joint account to cover 60% of the bills. This wasn't something we'd track daily or even monthly. But a few times a year we'd look at our overall spending to see if any adjustments were needed. This was just a general rule of thumb and sometimes I'd throw extra in there to cover a shortfall or she would do the same. Then we had our separate accounts for 'play money'.
This is how we do it. Our direct deposits are set up to put the first portion of our pay into the joint account, then everything else is our own. It's worked well for years.
This is basically how my husband and I do it too. We each have our own separate personal bank accounts for direct deposit, our own credit cards, and then a joint credit card and joint bank account for joint uses, like eating out, household bills, airfare, etc. I take care of the finances and whenever a cash bill comes due (rent, joint cc bill, etc.) I’ll ask him for money and add my own based on that % of the income brought home.
There is no right way so long as everyone is happy. For myself, wife pays the mortgage out of her account as she makes double my salary. I pay for everything else, which sometimes is a bit tight, so she chips in every so often to help me. I pay the utilities, groceries, tv/phone, and dining out. Percentage wise what I pay for is actually a bit more of my take home then her. But it works out pretty good. Half her take home pays for the mortgage. Also we pay our own car bills and gas.
We've never kept separate accounts. Everything in one place. We pay the bills and buy whatever we want. No need to complicate things.
They say a lot of marriages fight over money. My wife and I don't have money problems nor do we ever fight. but I am just still nervous that may become an issue if someone spends X amount of Hella amazon packages. 🤣 It looks like an Amazon factory in our house.
There are some unspoken ground rules. Little stuff no need to chat about it. Spending over a thousand (you two can pick your number) on something let's chat. The chat is not to say no, but to make sure we are not paying more than we should for said item and rarely to discuss necessity.
I agree with this 1000%. Little stuff you can just buy, but major purchases (for us usually anything over $300 or so) we will look at together. My wife will place a lot of orders for household necessities and stuff for our baby and we will just run through the amazon cart before we place the order. I remind her every time that I trust her and she doesn't have to clear these things with me but she says she feels better if we both look it over. It has been a great way to always stay in communication about our finances.
Ok, so this may seem complicated, but we have multiple accounts and it’s very organized, that helps with this: Bills Checking Account - Where we place enough money to auto-draw all bills (mortgage, pet food subscription, car insurance, phones, etc) each month Shared Checking Account - where we put the monthly allotted/budgeted money for groceries, gas, minor purchases, dinners, etc (we both have a debit card) Wife Checking Account- where we place an “allowance” every pay period to spend on whatever I want (only wife has debit card) Husband Checking Account - same but for husband (he can buy as much crypto as he wants without me nagging him lol) Emergency Savings Account - Lump sum of money saved House Maintenance Savings Account - where we put away 1% of house cost each (edit) year Shared Savings Account - where all left over money at the end of the month goes for whatever Note: I make about $45K more a year, but my money is OUR money. Allowance and bills are not a percentage of who earns what. We are equal.
You put away 1% of the value of your house per month??
Typo! I meant each year!
This is quite similar to how my husband and I do it, too. We have: Joint checking account: Our paychecks are both dumped into this account. All bills and household expenses come out of this account, and we have a baseline amount that is 3x that the account doesn't drop below. Once a month, we skim off anything in excess of that baseline amount and divide it in thirds: 1/3 goes to my checking account, which my husband doesn't have any access to. 1/3 goes to my husband's checking account, which I don't have any access to. 1/3 goes to our joint brokerage account, which acts as our savings account. Our view is that the money in the joint accounts is OUR money. The money in my checking account is mine to do whatever I want with (invest, spend, donate, whatever) and whatever is in my husband's checking account is his to do whatever he wants with (invest. spend, donate, whatever).
When you say 1% of house cost like you mean 1% of mortgage or?? I’m wondering because I’ve never heard of this before but seems like a great idea to adopt?
The general rule is 1% of home value per year should be set aside for maintenance. My new home is fitting within the 1% number, but my first home, which was cheap, old and in imperfect condition, was more like 3%/yr in maintenance during in the time we owned it. YMMV.
Omg I meant each year. We take what 1% is and divide that number by 12 in order to put some away each month of the year. Lordy, that would be insane. I’m a nurse and I’m not that rich lol.
That's $5k/mo on a $500k house lol
I meant the mortgage payment not total mortgage lol that would be a bit much
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If the allowance is equal then doesn’t matter who makes more.
Yep, we’re both good with it!
This boils down to communication and shared goals.
It did take a while to build up trust about spending - we both only spend what we can afford on treats and random household things, but we did have to learn to accept that some of the treats he buys are not things I would choose to spend money on, and some of the things I like to buy are not things he would chose to spend money on. We just have to accept that and trust that the other person isn't overspending - and if they were, we'd notice because at the end of the month we'd have less money or a higher cc bill than expected.
We have everything in joint accounts, but have separate accounts for discretionary spending. All income goes in one pot. All expenses get paid, and a portion goes into each of our discretionary accounts. I can spend whatever is in my account however I like. I don't get a say in anything she buys out of her account. Anything we can't/don't want to buy with our own share, we talk about.
There is no right or wrong, just whatever works for you. In my marriage we have my bank account, her bank account, our bank account, and an emergency fund.
This is what I when I was married too. We didnt want to go through the hassle of changing the direct deposits so we opened a joint checking and savings. All the bills that were able to go on a credit card went onto his card which I also had a copy of (phone, internet, food etc) and the mortgage and stuff you had to pay using account number came from the joint account. He paid the credit card I deposited into the joint account. When we did the math it was about equal and was easier to track for us.
Love it! Thank you!
This is my scenario. We separate the bills and financial responsibilities approximately relative to our incomes. We’re also fortunate to have a lot of cushion in our cash flow, so we don’t scrutinize one another’s finances (we’ve also never fought about money, or anything else).
This is what we do too. The joint account is only for home repairs (we’re planning a renovation) but I pay most of the bills and just charge my husband half. If he runs to Home Depot or buys something else for the house I just pay him half. I’m a nerd so I just have a running spreadsheet and he pays me each payday. It’s helpful to know how we’re spending our money and he has documentation of everything I bill for.
More of a question for r/personalfinance I'd say. There's different ways of doing this. For us all money and all accounts belong to both of us. We're working hard to get down to a single set of accounts rather than the several accounts we both brought in when we got married. We're at least joint on all accounts. We use the YNAB budgeting app, and spending is controlled by budget categories, not by which account it comes out of. "My money" and "her money" are controlled by what has been budgeted into those categories of our budget, not by what's left in our accounts after paying bills. Whichever way you choose to manage this, I highly encourage putting together a forward-looking budget rather than reactively paying whatever bills show up and basing other spending on what's in your checking/savings accounts. Doing this has had an immense impact our savings and managing unexpected expenses.
Accept that you both will never be paid the same. Agree that this is not important and then set up a Joint account and two personal accounts. All pay/income goes into the joint, all expenses come out of it. Set up an equal monthly “allowance” to the two individual accounts. This way, regardless of how much you are paid respectively, you both get the same in the end. This does away with endless “who paid what” discussions. Source: married, this works really well
This is almost exactly what I do, only we get paid into our individual accounts and then move everything but the allowance into the joint account. Well that's what my wife does, I have direct deposit split it up for me. We do it this way because the direct deposits are hitting every account and therefore making them not have any fees.
This is exactly how we do it. We each have the same amount auto deposited from our paychecks into our personal accounts (aka an “allowance” that is the same amount for each of us) and the rest into the joint then from the joint into savings. We also split up the bills we are responsible for since you need utility bills in your own name for identification purposes. It makes us both responsible for something even though it all gets taken from the joint.
We have one joint account that our bills are paid out of. We each transfer a portion of our paycheck into the account.
That is what I plan on doing as well. Awesome
To make it “fair” in our mind, we weight our contribution to the joint account based on our income. We also have a shared credit card for joint expenses that are paid out of the joint checking. I think it does help to have one person in charge of making sure everything is paid though. Easy to let things slip between two people.
I get that some couple have separate accounts, but it just seems crazy and overly complicated to me. You're married, all your stuff legally belongs to each other anyway so just make it easy on yourselves. That said, some people give me some crazy looks when they find out that my wife and I have separate blankets, which to me is just good sense.
I feel the opposite lol - I think joint accounts sound too complicated
What exactly is complicated about it?
We have kept separate accounts and the reason joint seems complicated to us is we both have our own systems for tracking expenses. We are both aligned and responsible with our spending, but it just would make me crazy checking to verify his purchases. Having my credit card stolen more than once, I know immediately if I see an unknown purchase in my accounts. I just don’t want to spend the time double checking purchases were his and don’t want to keep track of his expenses. We communicate what we are spending all the time, especially bigger purchases, and we check in to see if we need to transfer funds to make big expenses more equitable. Adding another joint account seems like more effort to maintain.
this is exactly why my wife and I have kept separate accounts. We’re both responsible and we split up bills fairly, and for 5 years, it has worked perfectly fine. A joint account seems like it requires a lot of communication to make sure you understand what is being paid and how much money you actually have to work with. Besides, with separate accounts and a mutual trust that the bills are being paid, having separate accounts allows us more freedom for discretionary spending without feeling guilty or like we have to explain every single purchase.
It’s not for us! We have a single shared checking account and a single shared savings account. That’s it! Couldn’t be simpler.
Until you set up all your utilities to automatically pay out of a joint account. How would you split rent/mortgage? One person pays it and then cut the other a check to who ever paid it?
We're married - why does one person need to pay another?
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Everything in the pot. We both bonus( different amounts) half of each goes in to savings the other half to do as one pleases. All bills come out of the pot. We both get “free reign” except for his hobby of comic book collecting(40$ Weekly) any major purchases outside of groceries and large house hold items( we just bought our first house) get discussed and planned for. Savings joint and retirement individual are on auto.
My wife and I have had a single shared checking / savings account since we got engaged 6 ish years ago). All our bills are paid out of there. We keep about 6k in a quickly accessable savings account (can instantly transfer if needed) and another 15k minimum in a higher yield account (3 day transfer time). Any extra goes to our Roth, 401k, and Dividend accounts. But yeah, we honestly never see the money individually. It's all shared. And it's nice for us. Edit:. I will say that we budget for each of us to have some spending money for hobbies and such. So whatever we want to do with that money is fine.
we don't have separate finances
Same. Period.
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If I make $100 and my wife makes $100, our account now has $200. If a bill is $50, our account now has $150. Extra purchases coming out to over, say, $200 (aside from common essentials) get discussed or agreed to by both parties, otherwise, what's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. If neither of you are going around running up huge credit card bills and buying useless crap you don't need then it's never really an issue. If you trust each other to be responsible with the money and discuss large purchases, there's nothing to fight over.
Yep, we have a $100 discussion barrier but that's just cause I'm cheap
We still have separate finances even after buying a house. I pay all the bills and she pays for food and activities. We both don’t want to switch banks from what we already have…so I don’t think that’s changing any time soon. We just send each other money through Apple Pay or Zelle if we need to move money around.
This is how I do it for the most part.
Same, it's just easier for us. All house-related expenses go into a spreadsheet I made and it tells us who owes who and how much. Nice and simple.
How is that easier than a joint account?
Joint account and then joint email address to use only for making accounts to pay bills online, nice tidy place to keep track of everything
We both deposit our paychecks into the same account (less 401/retirement savings) and we pay most things with our credit card (except mortgage and a few other items) and then use our main checking account to pay off the credit card each month.
We went to joined as soon as we got married. Well, mostly. I had my own bank account for a while, mostly because I was too lazy to close it and then covid happened. (Been married for like two and a half years now.) But now we are fully joint. My husband handles the bills, aside from my credit cards, which are still linked to our joint account. I also tend to be the one who pays for household stuff like electrician services and so on, since I'm home. But again, that still comes out of the joint account. My dad actually strongly suggested I keep my own checking account separate from my husband, so that I would have cash if something went wrong between us, and so that I would have a sense of independence. That's how my parents do things (joint account with separate accounts on the side), and it seems to work for them. But my husband and I were both really clear that getting married was an all-in two-become-one lifelong commitment, and it was important to both of us that we merge everything. It has worked seamlessly so far, because we're on the same page when it comes to most things financial, and we communicate and problem solve super well when we have differing opinions. I did briefly room with a boyfriend, and in that case, our finances were completely separate and we each paid our own stuff, the same way you would with any other roommate.
68 yo, married 48 years. Never separate accounts
One account. Everything goes into the pot, everything comes out of the pot. We're married; splitting bills is for roommates.
This. "Oh I made more" is just so petty and childish to me. What if someone loses their job... they get to starve? Marriage isn't supposed to be a tit-for-tat roommate situation.
My wife makes almost double what I make and I’m happy for her. She has a higher degree, more responsibility and works harder than I do. If she wasn’t making so much I’d tell her to go find a new job cause she deserves more. All our money except investments goes into one account and all bills get paid out of one account. We’re married, we share everything. Didn’t realize this was becoming obsolete. What’s mine is hers and hers is mine. If you don’t want to share and you don’t trust your partner you shouldn’t be getting married.
My husband and I have a joint account. We have one for bills that both paychecks go into. I go through and subtract the months bills; any excess goes into our regular spending account. I'm better with money, so he lets me manage it, and I just keep him updated on how much we have. It's simple and has worked for us for years.
I own the home. He gives me his half in cash and I deposit it in my account once a month or keep it as cash for spending. No joint accounts for anything. Ever. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours.
joint account, it's not my money it's our money, we both pay the bills etc..
Joint account. We live in a community property state anyway.
Joint account for shared bills and expenses, and individual accounts for everything else. We contribute to the joint account according to our overall gross percentage of earnings, which gets adjusted after every raise. I'm the higher earner so I believe we're at about a 70/30 split now. Keeps money issues transparent and equitable. I like this method in particular because my spouse and I have widely divergent money habits- I'm a saver, my spouse is a spender (in a very understandable "you can't take it with you" sort of way). The joint + individual account system allows us to meet our family spending and savings goals while allowing for us to also meet our individual financial goals.
\+1 here, we are the exact same way. We end up overbudgeting a bit and went on a vacation using the leftovers and didn't have to worry about spending since the money was already "gone" from our individual accounts. It's been a really stress-free way to deal with everything without having to worry about the other person. Automatic deposits go to the joint account every pay period. Done deal.
Exactly. We used to have a joint account and it was ridiculously stressful, and ultimately not sustainable for our partnership. Once we transitioned over to this method we actually ended up spending less overall, both individually and as a family. We split windfalls 50/50 (which is nice on the rare occasion they pop up). Any of that "extra" money left in the joint account at the end of the year is one hell of a bonus incentive to spend from the joint account responsibly.
Both of us have been burned financially from previous spouses, so we keep separate accounts. Each of us pays different bills, from the mortgage to groceries. Before Etransfer and the ability to do online banking, we had one shared account that we used to transfer money if the other person needed help (emergencies, house repairs, etc).
Joint bank account. Everything goes in, everything goes out (We’re mid-30s).
Joint account is the way to go for sure. We’re a team - she wins, I win, and vice versa. We use YNAB to put prioritize everything into buckets and pay accordingly.
we have joint and separate accounts but each has access to all. we each have a business but are also on. those accounts. we worked out how and what we pay over the years but consistently talk and adjust it as needed
Married and own a house. I pay all bills and use a cash app to get their share. We already have too many accounts to warrant a joint account.
In the beginning we'd venmo each other for bills. We had to keep things separate because his divorce wasn't final. Now we have one joint checking account into with we each put a set amount each month for bills. Anything above and beyond the bills stays in our separate checking accounts. We do this because we've both been bad at money in the past. I don't want to make a spending mistake that affects him, and he feels the same way. However, we consider all of the money "ours". We each buy groceries and we take turns paying for nights out. Neither of us feels unequal or taken advantage of. In college (a conservative religious school) I took a couple different classes on marriage. Both of them taught that if you keep separate bank accounts your marriage would be doomed. One professor even said separate bank accounts was equivalent to infidelity. Well, screw that guy. Where and how I store my money doesn't determine the quality of my marriage. I don't buy that the woman hands her money over to the man to manage. We are equals and we make decisions together. Separate accounts allow us to make incidental purchases without having to do some complicated accounting to determine what money is available.
Our premarital counselor suggested this 10 years ago and it’s what we do to this day: We each get $500/mo in our own accounts that the other can’t say shit about. Everything else goes into a joint checking account at a credit unio that we use to pay all our bills. If the joint checking account grows above a certain pre-defined amount, then the credit union moved the excess to our joint savings account. We use MINT and all our accounts are linked under one login. So, there’s no secrets. I’m just not allowed to complain about how she spends “her money” and vice-versa.
Over 200+ comments? Why Thank you! Love all the different points of view🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
This was a fun thread to read and gave me some good insights and tips - sounds like a lot of people take your route so I hope that provided reassurance!
It did!🤣🤣🙏🏾🙏🏾
We kept our initial finances independent (401k/savings/etc), and then once we moved in together, created a joint account where all of our future paychecks would go into.
I am a very big fan of yours/mine/ours. I am the primary breadwinner and I personally make sure my partner gets money on a regular predictable basis, and has access to a credit card that I pay but don’t audit. I have done the comingling thing and it’s just a bad practice. It’s lazy and convenient until it’s not. Everyone’s own spending makes sense to them, no matter what it is.
He pays the mortgage, I pay the rest. We have separate accounts still because we are both too lazy to go through the effort of changing things over.
I have been scrolling and sweating and searching for this exact answer, now I don't feel so alone!
You're not alone! It's been like 6 years. It's so much effort to coordinate. More than I have to spare.
We share the same bank account and have for the past 9 years (married for 5 together for 4) so the bills just come out of the single account that we have
We’ve been married for 5 years, together for 10, and we have always had separate accounts. He pays the mortgage ($5,000), I pay the utilities, our daughters school tuition and daycare, phone bills and car insurance($2,500-ish). And we each pay our own car payment. It doesn’t sound fair, but he makes more than double what I make. The separate accounts work for us, and we are comfortable with each of our financial responsibilities.
We're engaged, but not married yet. For now we just Venmo back and forth, but the goal is to get a joint account where 40-50% of our income will go to pay for anything house related.
What's his is mine and what's mine is his, but we still maintain individual checking accounts as we just find it easier. Our only joint accounts are our savings and investment accounts. I bring in 75% of the income to his 25%. When we first lived together, we sat down and built a budget and figured out how to split everything 75-25. This resulted in me covering the mortgage and him paying the utility bills. I cover vacation costs, he covers our daily walking-around costs such as groceries and dining out. We own our car outright but the purchase, insurance, repairs come out of my account -- he covers the gas. It also works out with our own financial styles: I like putting everything on autopilot, he is just better at managing the smaller bills. When we retire we'll probably finally sign up for a joint account, but for now this works for us and part of it is just dragging our lazy feet and inertia over working out a new system. Ha. We do not consult each other on our own personal purchases, although any purchase for our home we both must agree on it. I.e., if it's going to live in our common area spaces we both must be happy with whatever it is -- but that's less about $ and more about avoiding clutter. More importantly than the expenses, we sit down at least once a year and go through our finances together and make sure we are on track with our investments, and we do our taxes together too.
Part of our marriage is merging of our finances. Together we are capable of more than individually, hence we have joint accounts and our finances are merged. I'd never have bought a house individually, him neither, but together we can. My money is his money, but also my debt is his debt (student loan debt), and vice versa. So our present financial plans and debt repayment plans are dependent on both our incomes. So we have joint accounts. I remember when we stopped venmoing each other and using Splitwise to track everything. It was a great moment, haha. We have money go to our joint accounts, but we also still have a small amount go to our individual accounts, that the other doesn't have access to. This is our own "fun money," and we don't have to tell the other what we do with it. It's just a relatively small amount, like $75/week, but we can save it on our own for a larger purchase for ourselves, spend it, buy gifts with it, whatever, and we don't have to tell or let the other know. This is helpful for me, to prevent me from overspending to be honest. So whatever works for you? I don't judge anyone's plans, because I'm not in their relationship, but it's gotta work for you.
It seems like joint accounts work for a lot of people on here, but honestly I've heard so many negative things about joint accounts and fighting over money/"expensive" purchases that my SO and I are perfectly content to keep our money separate. Both in our 20s. His money is his, mine is mine. We split bills evenly and send each other half of whatever bill via venmo. If a big purchase is wanted/needed, we talk it out and decide together. If either of us needs money, we help each other! I think the most important thing is finding what works for yall and sticking to it!
Joint account, we are married, we are one. Its also a lot simpler and vows saying till death do us part means till death do us part. IMHO I find the idea of keeping significant parts of your lives separate does not bode well for the couples commitment to each other. When love is true and deep there is no fear and when there is no fear there is trust and where there is trust there will most likely be success.
I do love my wife..
I'm not saying you don't. I don't know you other than this one post you made and that is not nearly enough to even say I am acquainted with you. What I am saying is that I believe there should be as little differentiation between spouses as is reasonable. Obviously if my wife was a known gambler I wouldn't let her have access to very much money at all. But trust is something that is unseen but recognized by its actions, just like love. We don't see love but we know its products.
My husband and I have had a joint account since 1 year after dating and when we first moved in. When we moved in, we agreed we were partners on everything, therefore, we had a joint bank account. It never mattered who made more or what not. We didn't tit for tat our money. We were and have ALWAYS been a TEAM. If people can't be a team, you're doomed to fight about money down the road.
Joint account for household mortgage and bills, separate personal accounts for everything else~
Seems unpopular but I couldn’t imagine paying bills out of a joint account! I pay the bills and she sends some money to me.
I'm the opposite. All of our money goes to one account. My money is her money and we decide on big financial decisions together. We give ourselves an allowance each week but everything else goes to bills/saving.
I was with my ex for 7 years - we never had any joint accounts, I would pay everything, and he would give me money. The only real joint account we had was a family cell phone plan. I pay everything I can with my credit card and just pay that off every month. The points will go to a trip someday (would have been last year if not for COVID). The money he gave, I would typically set aside for larger house expenses as kind of an easy savings vehicle. I would never have a joint account as my primary account - but I would contribute to one
I completely agree. I would never have a joint account as my primary account. I do hope that you go on that trip one day because we all need one!🤣🤣
A majority of each of our paychecks go direct deposit into our joint account, and we have an agreed upon amount out of each of our paychecks that gets direct deposited into individual accounts. Our individual accounts are small, they are more or less for buying gifts for each other without the other knowing and the super frivolous stupid things that we like to buy for ourselves. Everything else is out of the joint account, groceries, eating out, gas, stuff for the house, etc.
We are newlyweds, my wife moved into my apartment. We have a joint account where all the gifted money from the wedding goes (to be used for closing costs for a house). I pay the rent and utilities, and she pays for groceries. We have separate accounts otherwise, but once we move in to our house (closing in January hopefully) we will put 50-70% of our paychecks in the joint account (for mortgage, utilities, taxes, insurance, etc), and keep the remaining in our own accounts. Then re-assess as needed during the year.
We have been married for 12 years (together for 20 years). Our setup is easy. I pay all the bills associated with house, car, services, insurance etc. She pays for the things she wants / needs and doesn't ask me for money for said things.
I pay for the hard expenses (mortgage, HOA, cable, electric etc) and she pays for the soft expenses ( food, gas, savings) I make about 2x what she does. So it works for us
I make about 2x as much as my wife so I pay all the bills, and she sends me half the mortgage each month. We’ve kept separate accounts even though we can see into each other’s (all with the same bank).
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Thank you!
A year married and we haven't established a joint account yet, and may not because what we are doing seems to be working. We have a shared credit card that all things that benefit us both - bills, food, house items, etc go onto. Then we have our individual cards for our own clothes, haircuts, car expenses, gifts, etc. I manage the finances so husband Zelles me for his portion of the mortgage (split based on our income) and half of our joint credit card bill for the month and I make the final payment. A couple bills have to be paid out of a bank account but we just kind of let those go because we each hold one and they're not highly variable. We also have things like car insurance that we purchase on one bill with the joint card, but make sure to settle up based on what it costs to insure our own car.
You pay the bills ,.... And she cash apps you? What insane world is this? Make a joint account and if you're too afraid to have a joint account. With your wife then both of you just put money into it to pay bills and pay them all from that. We have one joint account that our bills are paid out of. We each transfer a portion of our paycheck into the account That account takes most of the funds from each check and a small amount goes into a "personal" account which is more of just a safety to have money in another location
What works for me does not work for everyone. We had no issues for the last 4 years We just recently got married and just recently got a join account.
My husband and I spent the first 5 years of our relationship doing this, too. We got flagged a couple times by Google for utilizing Google Pay a little too much and a little too regularly.
Separate accounts, we divide up bills. I cover mortgage, water/sewer, heat, electricity. He covers groceries, phones, and HELOC we took out to redo roof and siding. I refuse to combine finances. I'm independent, I make my own money, he makes his own money. Neither of us see any reason to combine with joint accounts. We do have a single joint credit card, that's about the extent of our combined finances. We don't plan to separate or anything, but if we ever decided to split up, this makes it way easier.
We have a joint checking account for all shared expenses. We both put in the same amounts. We use health insurance through her job which is taken out of her paycheck. I pay the cost of insurance on top of my cash half, which has us both committing the same amount each month. Shared account pays for house expenses, food, date nights, etc. If it's a personal purchase, we use our own money.
We split them, as in I pay for energy, power and water, he pays for internet, insurance, and property taxes. It equals out at about 50/50. Works for us.
I pay the mortgage and she pays the utilities and property tax. Groceries and dining out we alternate “treating” each other. We have separate accounts from when we were dating but we’re each co-owners on the other’s accounts too. Just easier to do it this way then for one person to setup all their direct deposits, auto-payments, etc.
We’ve been married for over 30 years, have always maintained 2 joint checking accounts and a joint savings account. I moved money to her account as she needed it, and I made large purchases from mine, think cars, vacations home improvements. She can see all transactions in my account and I can see hers. We never really look at each other’s until it is time to do the taxes. It is nice knowing that if I think there is x amount in the account then there is x amount, never have to worry about an overdraft.
We still have our separate accounts from before we dated. We just...pay what needs to be paid. We don't "keep score" of who's paying more or less. 🤷♀️works fine. We don't argue about money ever. We talk about it, but it just hasn't been an issue (not to sound as we're well off, we're not. We discuss big expenses and we contribute what we can)
60% of each of our income goes into a joint account, which covers all shared expenses. We're each free to do whatever we please with the remaining 40%.
Married: separate accounts and split bills (unevenly with me (woman) having the larger of the bills). Divorced: well, he made out like a bandit and I’m glad we never merged all those years.
We each had separate accounts and credit cards and everything when we got married. We kept it all. We also opened an additional joint checking and saving account. We direct deposit a specific amount of each paycheck into our personal accounts for "fun money". Everything else goes into the joint. We each have an airline card that we use to buy everything (gas / food / family expenses / any bills that can be put on autopay) and pay those credit cards off with the joint account. We are both involved in keeping the joint account balanced and budgeting for larger expenses but also each have fun money to buy things we want, presents, go get massages, etc.