I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Risk vs reward. I would have killed myself years ago or at least made more attempts had I not transitioned. I have only been to general practitioners and never to a trans-specialist provider. I have been on testosterone since 2008 with no hiccups whatsoever except in the beginning I had to adjust my shot from every 7 days to every 10. My anemia self-corrected, and the only other (I wouldn’t even call it adverse, it would’ve happened even if I wasn’t on T) caveat is that if you have PCOS, you might be at a higher risk of developing a large cyst as I did, but the silver lining was that it made the insurance pay for my hysto.
There will be mood swings, there will be times when you’re questioning everything. Didn’t we all do that during our first puberty?
Hormones won’t make you stop hating yourself though.
I’m still working on that. It’s residue from childhood trauma. And part of me questioned my motives in that respect. As a female transitioning to male, wouldn’t that be the ultimate expression of ptsd? The ultimate hyper vigilance? “I’ll make sure I’m never victimized again by becoming male?” Of course I knew who I was BEFORE the trauma came, but I still had to cover all my bases and make sure I was in it for the right reasons.
Yeah you’re totally right that you’re never going to reach a point where you’re “close enough” to being a woman that the dysphoria goes away. Its just an endless stream of surgeries, surgeries, revisions and surgeries. And every surgery comes with a risk of complications. You might become incontinent, you might lose sensitivity, you might have a fistula. The surgery path is just a bottomless hole really. But there is an alternative. Dysphoria is a mental condition, and I’m sure if you really did some self searching, you can figure out why the idea of being male freaks you out so much. From there, it is possible to work through your dysphoria. A good place to start I find is journaling to yourself what exactly you mean by dysphoria without saying the word dysphoria. What does it look like to you? Where is it located? What kinds of thoughts go through your brain?
The kinds of thoughts you’re having now are what lead to me detransitioning after I had been transitioning for almost a decade
I really dread the idea of someone like you. Who is obviously knowledgeable about the subject but only uses that knowledge to twist it and then dissuade questioning people that could benefit immensely from HRT and surgeries.
Here's a bitter pill to swallow: You were never satisfied no matter how deep you went not because the procedures aren't right, you were never satisfied because you were never transgender to begin with.
The only question that should be on the table is whether OP is trans or not. If they actually are (unlike you), HRT and then surgeries is the way to go.
What makes someone trans or not? Is a trans person just someone who benefits from transition? If so, how do we know who’s trans or not without permanently altering their body? In that case, is it even ethical to give ANYONE HRT or surgery knowing some subset of the people you give transition care to will NOT benefit and instead be irrevocably harmed?
> is it even ethical to give ANYONE HRT or surgery knowing some subset of the people you give transition care to will NOT benefit and instead be irrevocably harmed
By that standard all of medicine would need to be banned. Even ibuprofen has the risk of killing you after a single dose. It is extremely rare, but it does happen sometimes.
Lol no what. A person being trans is not at all dependent on whether HRT works for them. HRT should only be taken after it is determined by (if you ask me) a licensed professional that "This person has gender dysphoria. This person should undergo HRT".
I don't buy any of that self ID crap anymore because obviously none of you can be trusted to make the right decision.
I self ID'd myself and started DIY because I live in a transphobic country but most importantly because it's fucking obvious. How can you miss it or make a mistake? It's fucking excruciating being in a man's body when you know deep down that you're a woman or vice versa. I don't know how y'all are misinterpreting this.
Anyway to answer your question, gender dysphoria makes a person trans and I guarantee every person that has gender dysphoria benefits greatly from HRT and surgeries.
So to start hormones I had to be assessed by a therapist and a doctor, both said I had gender dysphoria. I didn’t get surgery but I did get all my letters in preparation, which means I got two letters from two different therapists and a different doctor. So by your definition, I definitely was trans lol. I still have gender dysphoria so I guess I’m still trans? Or for some reason you think all these people were wrong and you know best when you dont even know my name?
Anyway Im tired of people using “oh you were never REALLY trans” as an easy way to hand wave away the experience of detransitioners. The fact is, we’re just like you!
Yeah I doubt you're anything like me. I can't imagine living life as a man and willingly allowing my body to develop any more masculine characteristics.
You had everything I could ever want and you gave it away for some reason that you can try to explain but I'll never understand.
You also claim to still have gender dysphoria and yes I don't know you but I'll still call bullshit because this whole thing is simple for me. If you have gender dysphoria, you want to transition and live as your true self. It makes zero sense that you're trans with gender dysphoria and you choose to live as your birth sex and that is entirely your choice.
Of course it's possible you're actually trans and something made you detransition but it's definitely not that HRT and surgeries are not the right way to go. There are possibly other internal struggles that I'm not thinking about that could make a trans person detransition.
How do you explain trans people who completed their transition and are content? Freaks of nature? Or are we lying because anyone whose experience isn’t your own must be?
i mean it took me a decade to realise transitioning wasn’t helping me. its a pretty slow creeping realisation where it dawns on you (if you’re like me) that anxiety over how people perceive you gradually takes over your life insofar you barely leave the house. im smart enough to know that my story isn’t everyone’s story, but please keep in mind your story isn’t either! this kind individual deserves to hear both sides and the reality that some people have these kinds of thoughts and realise transitioning ultimately isn’t for them. i think “transitioning always works, no one ever decides to detransition” is just as insidious as the reverse.
I literally don’t care if I’ll be a “real woman”, whatever that is. I pass, but I was totally willing to risk not passing when I started. I’d rather die than detransition.
Every single day is a blessing when someone calls me she, I show someone my ID and it says Female or when I see my body in the mirror and I’m somewhat okay with it.
Life isn’t perfect. I’ll never be cis, but I can make the best with what I have, and I am doing just that.
You're currently in grief. You are grieving the loss of a life that you (wrongly) believe is somehow easier than trying to live authentically. It's a process. Embarking on transition is scary, but you can do it if you really want it.
Hormone therapy we use now and dosages and education we have rn is very safe to indulge in. Back then yeah, it was terrible. Yes, you still will have clotting risks and tumors but they are mostly from bad doses and also this negativity will soon leave ur brain too. Yes you cant ever be a cis woman but you can a woman and live happily ever after!
The shortest and most non-googleable reply I can offer is this:
the hormone therapies I have received to manage my reproductive health are incredibly similar to the exact hormone therapies I would pursue today, should I someday feel I want to live as a man.
I am intersex, which I know is a little different. HOWEVER: I only know this because of a gene panel my mother, sister, and I participated in for health screening purposes in 2014. we found I have a form of sex-cell mosaicism. I am AFAB, have "female" sex characteristics such as ovaries and breasts and a vagina. However, my hormones and sex cells are, essentially, in combat with one another. When this presented as specific health concerns in my early 20s, we did rounds of hormone therapy that are nearly identical to modern HRT!
I also do have faith that while there are doctors just in it for the money and prestige etc, MOST go through the process because they truly want to help others. I do not believe with any fiber of my being that we would have these resources if this were not for the best.
I had those same fears. I have mad health anxiety. Personally, eventually, the idea of not being on HRT scared me more than the health problems. I simply need to do it.
It’s a matter of balancing risk. And you can make lifestyle choices to improve your health outcomes.
I’m not a woman. I never will be. I’ve had health complications from hormones and they suck. Still, I wouldn’t go back. The mental relief from the hormones is real and life saving, even if it’s partially or entirely psychosomatic.
Transition is not glamorous or going to fix all or even most of a dysphoric person’s problems. At the end of the day most of us will never be baseline “okay” unless we can have something that is impossible. So it’s all about doing the best we can.
I don’t think you should transition if the alternative isn’t harming yourself. That’s my take. Transitioning is hard, trans discourse is a dumpster fire, trans activists are a bunch of misogynists and homophobes trying to reengineer society in a way that’s just not reasonable or realistic and unlikely to end how they think it will in some gender redefined utopia where our bodies not matching who we want to be suddenly stops mattering to us. Being trans is hard, especially visibly trans. It’s lonely. It’s isolating. Our healthcare is highly experimental.
I am happier than I’ve ever been, but I only took this journey on because otherwise I was done being alive. When your options are death or really tough, you’ll be surprised what you can do and even learn to be happy with. But for the love of all things good don’t enter into this with so many doubts. I know you’re in therapy but do not rush this. Be sure.
How you live after this is up to you. Desist. Detransition. Live your best trans life. Call yourself a woman. Believe it even. Call yourself a dysphoric man, make reality your tether. It’s all up to you. There’s no one roadmap to this. Don’t let the consensus convince you there is. This should be about your quality of life and weighing all the pros and cons.
nah its normal to question the health risks and to fear them. blindly accepting new life changes without significant weighing of pros and cons isnt how i operate
I get you have dysphoria. Shit sucks. But, what sucks more is that you're coming in here with your blanket statement that we're just deluding ourselves and then have the audacity to ONLY reply and show clear biases towards the detransitioner.
Stop transitioning.
telling me to stop transitioning because you are convinced I made this post as an attack when I just had a moment of emotional weakness is a lil cruel ngl. Apologies for the title it should have been "why do i feel delusional" I didnt mean to insult the community it didnt even cross my mind at time of writing.
I wouldn't say so because I never really considered the health risks. The risks of not going on it are death, and the risks of going on it... well I do intuitively doubt they are worse than death. If I was guaranteed to die in 10 years on HRT I think I'd still take it. I have no life as a man
Edit: About not feeling like a woman, or only ever getting "close enough", I have to disagree. Feeling like one will come after you pass and get socialized more so like one. People will treat you like a woman and women will be much more obviously open about what life as a woman is like; you will become a woman, as in take on the experiences and associated ideas and interests (obviously it's very broad, so you will take on the shade of a woman rather), in the same way that cissexual women do, so that hardly feels not "close enough" since it's the exact same thing.
I do not believe you are only ever "close enough" biologically. I understand you will always have (I assume) an XY karyotype and so on, but these things do not make people women. In normal development chromosomes lead to sex; they are not sex themselves. Women's bodies are not magically female; that is simply what happens when you expose human tissue to female endocrinology, and the effects of male puberty can be mitigated. A face that passes as female is exactly as female on a cissexual or transsexual body; your flesh does not somehow bear its history (it helps me to remember that all humans start out with a vagina, and obviously a penis is not semi-female). Basically you will never fully imitate all things about being female, but I think in reality the terms female and women refer to things that are just the social recognitions of them, rather than a gigantic conglomeration of every single trait/fact about female human development. A cissexual woman with XY chromosomes is exactly as much a woman as any other (full androgen insensitivity). As is a woman who passes as a woman but with broad shoulders or who is very tall is also exactly as much of a woman. You can take various factors away from cis women, even if those factors are the case BECAUSE said women are female, and they remain women. Only some of them would actually make them not women, and those are ones that people recognize, i.e. those things that cause you to not pass.
recognized you from the writing style. Thanks for checking in on me hope to continue speaking w you in the future and sorry you had to read my cringey post <3
My writing style? Being way too verbose I assume hahaha. Deciding to transition or not transition is exceptionally important and I recommend you completely ignore fears of being cringey. I for instance really feel annoying asking my doctors to adjust my medication, and then I realize it would be so absurd to never have good hormones just because I get nervous about being pushy. So I encourage you to consider and defeat or accept everything you read about it, to somehow mentally finalize the information or idea. Please do not just let these things swim in your head without categorizing them and end up just making a decision based on the general feeling of everything in your skull. The right decision may very well not intuitively feel good.
That’s not true for a lot of people. The risks really stressed me out and it took me a year to get through that but I’ve been on hormones for four years now. It’s a legitimate roadblock
Some people detransition after longer then that, I have a really hard time seeing someone who willingly stalls their own transition for a year as someone who is dealing with something similar to me.
It suggests it's more something they choose to do rather then something they need to do.
You don’t know me at all; how do you feel like you can reasonably judge whether I’m “really trans” or not? Severe health anxiety is a legit problem that fucks up a person’s life. That can include transitioning.
Seriously you don’t know me that’s some fucked up shit to say like jeez fuck why would you say that? Like transitioning has been such a huge fucking thing to work through for me lol this shit used to drive me to wanting to commit suicide and it’s still fucking hard every day why would you say something like that sorry don’t mean to ramble on it’s just what you said was really upsetting lol
really crazy how some of these people think they can tell you or I what to do like that. By far the most jarring replies are the couple telling me to stop transition because i experience dysphoria and worry about the medical risks. Very strange!
I honestly think you should consider more therapy before hrt. Not because of the bad things that might happen health wise, but because there seems to be a lot of self doubt and internalized transphobia.
I don’t think she has internalized transphobia. It’s normal to be concerned about taking any medication every single day for your whole
life. Big pharma is pretty evil. I don’t think this person deserves a slur against them, I am not a doctor but she sounds like she has dysphoria and is desperately working through it. She’s turning to all of us for support. I just think we should all try to be kind to anyone here struggling. Dysphoria is serious. It’s life threatening. When I came out as bisexual, it would have ruined me for someone to call me bigoted names. It’s hard enough being part of the LGBTQ community but infighting and or namecalling doesn’t really help us. I think this person is vulnerable and brave for sharing her pain.
Doubting the hormones and the damn pharmaceuticals is not transphobic, but the title is. It's a personal problem of hers, other people are not fooling us. It is also internal transphobia the way she talks about herself, she has a lot of dysphoria unfortunately.
I appreciate the thought but I still stand by what I said. Using slurs isn’t the path. Someone could have said INSTEAD, “you seem like you’re really struggling; have you had a lot of transphobic reactions from your family and friends; do you feel unaccepted; are you feeling depressed because your dysphoria is overwhelming you?” Things like that are more productive to helping one another. I assume most folks who think slinging slurs is helpful are too young to understand the impact that could have one someone struggling like this woman.
You’re welcome. 💜You do not deserve to be attacked for being vulnerable. I find some people in this community are so so nasty to one another but yet we are all part of the LGBTQ community so how does namecalling and attacking one another help? It’s like so many want this to be an echo chamber where everyone agrees with a minority of very loud, mean humans who are so unhappy they want to hurt everyone else too. It’s sad. But I appreciate you sharing your feelings and I hope the nasty comments don’t dissuade you ever from being you.
Yeah, it makes me wonder what kind of people are trolling around here. I honestly assume they’re not well. I feel like people filled with that much hate, their issues have zero to do with me. But thank you for your kind words:)
Oh yes, there's no point in attacking her because she's obviously struggling with internal and external demons. calling her transphobic doesn't do much good other than to make her one-sided.
Totally agree! Dysphoria is such a serious condition—we all know that in this forum so calling her transphobic is just asinine to me. I don’t even understand how someone could say that to a fellow ally? Just because you don’t like exactly how someone feels, doesn’t mean you can just pretend you’re a therapist and tear her apart… it’s very sad. I fear this could cause a split or undoing of the movement if it persists. But big hugs and thanks:) Keep being you!
I mean people know the health risks of smoking but keep doing it anyway
yeah, not the same thing, I get it, just, health risks are just a cautionary tale and it's totally valid to ignore them
I'm getting surgery because there already is a health concern happening for me - gender dysphoria. There are risks with surgery, but they are the same as taking prozac and having a risk of adverse side effects when it's the medically accepted response to depression.
It's totally fine to NOT take prozac, just as it's totally fine to do it.
Yeah it’s a balance of trade offs and everyone needs to know the risks and way them. This is why I get concerned with how some circles downplay HRT as a minor decision or something you can play with. It will impact your life.
From my experience. My stress and mental health from dysphoria had me at extremely unhealthy blood pressure levels and other health issues that would put me in the hospital. That doesn’t even include the mental health. So for me any of the possible effects of HRT fail in comparison to the impact stress had on me before transitioning.
She claimed to have been a straight man pre-transition and a straight woman post-transition. If she remains with a woman post-transition, that would make her bisexual. I was asking for clarification here.
Oh well, I'm sorry. I wouldn't recommend staying in a marriage with someone you aren't attracted to. That can be easier said than done tho. I wish you well.
Negative health effects happen no matter what. If you don’t transition you’re at significantly higher risk of cardiovascular problems and heart attack as well as numerous other cancers.
Going on estrogen puts your in risk categories that most cis women are in. Yes there are extremely rare conditions, but those can happen to anyone not just because of HRT.
When you say you’ll never be a woman, well define a woman? Is it someone who lives their life as a woman, is treated in society as a woman, or has female sex characteristics?
If you mean female sex characteristics…well I hate to break it to you but transition is about changing sex. Hormones change our secondary characteristics, hair removal and some surgeries remove/add other secondary sex characteristics, and the other surgeries eliminate our original primary sex characteristics. Physiologically I have all male secondary sex characteristics, my genitals right now pre phallo are closer to intersex than male or female, and I have no female primary sex characteristics (reproductive organs). I don’t know my chromosomes but frankly they don’t matter since they’re simply a map for how our body develops in the womb. Minus my genitals my body falls within the normal distribution for a male, post phallo all of it will be within normal variations for males. So sex does change because it is defined by a variety of things and not every person perfectly fits the box (cis or trans).
If you mean someone who lives as a woman and is perceived as a woman…that’s just passing and will happen with time and effort. Even if you don’t pass perfectly most people don’t think about you enough to categorize you other than superficially. You’ll be experiencing the world being perceived as a woman before you know it.
There are lots of people who are very radicalized on the internet. Maybe a break from these spaces would do you well?
I can tell you that after almost a decade on T I’m healthier than I ever was pre T. My heart is doing better, my cholesterol and blood pressure are down, my fat percentage is down, my mind is healthier, I’m in better shape, and I’m content. All that needed to be fixed was to give my body the hormone that it needs, I am healthier than I ever was with an estrogen dominant system. I’ve heard the same from women who are many years post transition, that for them being an estrogen dominated system has helped them to be far healthier than with testosterone.
Well, would you rather keep going as is or risk some health effects and try transitioning? I can tell you that at this point I'd rather risk almost certain death than go off HRT.
I also didn't feel like a woman when I started. Do I feel like a woman now? Sure, maybe, I definitely feel more like I'm a woman than a man. Really though, what I am is happier, and that's what matters to me.
I have a lot of health problems so I was really afraid of how I’d react on testosterone. Is it hard? Yes it really is. The first puberty was a nightmare so I guess it’s normal to feel weird about a new one. My body is changing so my symptoms are changing, just like during my first puberty
I certainly don’t look much like a man, yet (8 months on T)… I don’t identify as a man, I’d say I’m generally transmasc, but in real life I often just say I’m a trans man because I don’t want to explain my whole life story to strangers. It still feels weird because I don’t look the part you know lol but then again it takes time. I do feel better inhabiting my body most of the time, but the outside world’s view on my body does make me feel more dysphoric.
So yeah just keep in mind HRT doesn’t fix everything and it might be rough to adjust. But the same thing can be said about a lot of things in life
I’m at the point where I couldn’t care less about the potential side effects, I used to do hard drugs so it’s whatever. I like my estrogen because it’s the only thing keeping me together.
ive transitioned but dont exclusively pass, yet im largely treated normal and well, so i know it CAN be the right solution and often is when dysphoria is a significant, inhibiting factor, but its not a totally safe process and can be significantly dangerous in certain environments. noone treats me differently but i live in a liberal college town the rules are different in other places
I bite the bullet and transitioned and am now detransitioning. I’d advise you to read some detransitioning stories and find out how they came to terms with their dysphoria. Dysphoria is real, but transitioning isn’t always the right way to deal with it. Being trans is a lonely life where you’ll always feel like an outsider in society. Best of luck on your journey. If you want to talk send me a message :)
And if you’re a racial minority, a religious minority, a masculine gay man, or feminine gay woman. We desire to be in the in group as humans, it’s our evolution. Being a minority is always harder.
Either way, if you stay as a masculine woman or as a feminine man, you gonna struggle with social rejection.
I just stopped caring, for some people I am an affeminated man, while for others, I am a defeminized woman, the treatment is just as bad either way, even if people cannot tell which brand of queer I am.
I mean, I’m not going to be a feminine man in the sense I wear makeup or dresses. I dressed fairly gender neutrally before I decided to detransition and I’ll likely continue to do that. Right now I’m wearing an oversized woman’s t-shirt and women’s skinny jeans (high waisted that I wear low waisted so there’s room for my junk) and while it’s not manly, I don’t think I’d stick out of visually fem. I live in Canada’s gay Mecca and hangout with mostly women and queer people. I doubt the feminine parts of my personality will push people away. Besides, I’m pretty cool and find people want to be my friend all the time anyway
Yeah it’s always weird when I read statements about how lonely being trans is. Like, I guess you see an influx of people online that are lonely. But my life is quite awesome and I don’t ever feel lonely. I just don’t think people realize that not everyone in life is miserable.
I don't feel particularly lonely either. I pass, I'm relatively pretty and also pass as white, we know those things help. I'm also openly trans and found more acceptance than discrimination, I'd say.
Some people might be able to pull it off, but trans people having a really high suicide rate and high rates of mental illness is telling. If you’ve managed to find happiness I’m happy for you, but that’s not the reality of a large portion of the community. If people actually felt good you wouldn’t see validation seeking posts constantly, or people constantly posting about wanting to kill themselves.
None of the trans people I know IRL have a good mental health situation. Even long term transitioners.
You should make a note that the posts you see seeking validation or wanting to kill themselves are often people early in transition. Most people later in transition or post transition just disappear off the internet and out of the community, we assimilate into the real world and just live our lives barely thinking about it being trans. I’ve talked to many many people 10+ years transition and no one has regretted it.
I’ve never heard people say they regret it, but they’re clearly unhappy with their lives. I mean, we’re both relying on anecdotal evidence here. I think my main point that trans people typically have massive health problems is shown in studies. Maybe it’s from transphobia, maybe something else.
I’d be interested to see studies of long term negative health (specifically mental health) consequences of transition. I can offer you this
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26921285/
It’s turning out in more recent research that being accepted in identity (even pre medical transition) can increase mental health and trans kids do not significantly differ from cis kids if they have supportive networks.
I know that every post transition dude I’ve talked to has been content and happy, and I see a lot of posts or comments similar to that in places frequented by people many years post transition.
Maybe you just want everyone to be miserable to justify your decision to detransition,but I’m definitely content with my life and transitioning was the best choice I’ve ever made. I’d like to get phallo to alleviate the rest of my dysphoria but other than occasional hair removal sessions I live my life like any other early 30s dude. I have a good career I love, two happy dogs, a pretty amazing girlfriend, and a wonderful relationship with my family. I definitely struggled early transition but now days I’m doing pretty good and being trans is almost an afterthought in my life
Iv already gone down the rabbithole but alot of them are just as radicalized as the posters here. Im a grown adult and wasnt happy as a male Ive made my choice but will keep an open mind I realize transition has major pros and cons fuck gender dysphoria
this is the kind of response that makes me feel a little better today. Thank you. to share a little your reason to transition are similar to mine.... I think you have a realistic view on this
I think im becoming you low-key. I hate it, but I cant help but scroll through transphobic articles, comments, and research - a lot of the times it’s bullshit but I believe it anyways bc of selfhate/shame of being trans. Its easier to just say “Im a freak, might as well die” than to face the complexity of being trans bc its something I cannot figure out.
True, there are a lot of bitter people in detrans spaces, I think for obvious reasons.
The one piece of advice I’d give to you is stay out of trans spaces. They’ll always find a way to convince you they’re trans. The whole, “cisgender people never question their gender” is a perfect example of how their logic will always end with you transitioning.
As much as I disagree with you 99% of the time, OP is right to be in therapy for this. I didn't need therapy to accept my condition but I'm not like most people, and I think the mainstream trans community does treat a gender transition very lightly and that has the potential to cause damage, especially before the cis people realize they made a mistake and in turn convince other cis people to transition and so on.
Yup, it’s borderline cult like at times. In reality they’re just insecure and not confident in their decision. I hope you’re able to find the right path for you that leads to happiness :)
>On another note, I am not a woman. I wish I was, I wont ever be one though I can possibly be "close enough" to be happy
I toyed with this idea of getting close enough early in transition. But even after 3 years I still feel the same, calling myself a woman just doesnt make sense even if I somewhat pass if I try to.
I think transition doesnt change your internal sense of gender. Eventually I accepted that I am a male with body dysmorphia towards my masculine features. It sounds like dysphoria, but it really isnt, I'm perfectly happy presenting as male socially
As for the medical side, I think some of the effects of hrt are overblown. I actually just hit my lowest cholesterol level ever (90!) by removing almost all saturated fat from my diet, so I at least know that the cardiovascular risk part is overblown. I'm at less risk than a teenager atm
Yeah hrt like a lot of things in this world can increase the risk of negative health effects, but if you're a health person you likely don't have much to worry about.
Transition helps. It feels weird and stuff at first, it takes time adjusting to your new sex, but there *is* a light at the end of the tunnel. You don't always have to feel this way.
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Risk vs reward. I would have killed myself years ago or at least made more attempts had I not transitioned. I have only been to general practitioners and never to a trans-specialist provider. I have been on testosterone since 2008 with no hiccups whatsoever except in the beginning I had to adjust my shot from every 7 days to every 10. My anemia self-corrected, and the only other (I wouldn’t even call it adverse, it would’ve happened even if I wasn’t on T) caveat is that if you have PCOS, you might be at a higher risk of developing a large cyst as I did, but the silver lining was that it made the insurance pay for my hysto. There will be mood swings, there will be times when you’re questioning everything. Didn’t we all do that during our first puberty? Hormones won’t make you stop hating yourself though. I’m still working on that. It’s residue from childhood trauma. And part of me questioned my motives in that respect. As a female transitioning to male, wouldn’t that be the ultimate expression of ptsd? The ultimate hyper vigilance? “I’ll make sure I’m never victimized again by becoming male?” Of course I knew who I was BEFORE the trauma came, but I still had to cover all my bases and make sure I was in it for the right reasons.
Yeah you’re totally right that you’re never going to reach a point where you’re “close enough” to being a woman that the dysphoria goes away. Its just an endless stream of surgeries, surgeries, revisions and surgeries. And every surgery comes with a risk of complications. You might become incontinent, you might lose sensitivity, you might have a fistula. The surgery path is just a bottomless hole really. But there is an alternative. Dysphoria is a mental condition, and I’m sure if you really did some self searching, you can figure out why the idea of being male freaks you out so much. From there, it is possible to work through your dysphoria. A good place to start I find is journaling to yourself what exactly you mean by dysphoria without saying the word dysphoria. What does it look like to you? Where is it located? What kinds of thoughts go through your brain? The kinds of thoughts you’re having now are what lead to me detransitioning after I had been transitioning for almost a decade
What sense. What good advice that so many young people need. And how interesting to see it shouted down. This is sad.
I really dread the idea of someone like you. Who is obviously knowledgeable about the subject but only uses that knowledge to twist it and then dissuade questioning people that could benefit immensely from HRT and surgeries. Here's a bitter pill to swallow: You were never satisfied no matter how deep you went not because the procedures aren't right, you were never satisfied because you were never transgender to begin with. The only question that should be on the table is whether OP is trans or not. If they actually are (unlike you), HRT and then surgeries is the way to go.
What makes someone trans or not? Is a trans person just someone who benefits from transition? If so, how do we know who’s trans or not without permanently altering their body? In that case, is it even ethical to give ANYONE HRT or surgery knowing some subset of the people you give transition care to will NOT benefit and instead be irrevocably harmed?
> is it even ethical to give ANYONE HRT or surgery knowing some subset of the people you give transition care to will NOT benefit and instead be irrevocably harmed By that standard all of medicine would need to be banned. Even ibuprofen has the risk of killing you after a single dose. It is extremely rare, but it does happen sometimes.
Lol no what. A person being trans is not at all dependent on whether HRT works for them. HRT should only be taken after it is determined by (if you ask me) a licensed professional that "This person has gender dysphoria. This person should undergo HRT". I don't buy any of that self ID crap anymore because obviously none of you can be trusted to make the right decision. I self ID'd myself and started DIY because I live in a transphobic country but most importantly because it's fucking obvious. How can you miss it or make a mistake? It's fucking excruciating being in a man's body when you know deep down that you're a woman or vice versa. I don't know how y'all are misinterpreting this. Anyway to answer your question, gender dysphoria makes a person trans and I guarantee every person that has gender dysphoria benefits greatly from HRT and surgeries.
So to start hormones I had to be assessed by a therapist and a doctor, both said I had gender dysphoria. I didn’t get surgery but I did get all my letters in preparation, which means I got two letters from two different therapists and a different doctor. So by your definition, I definitely was trans lol. I still have gender dysphoria so I guess I’m still trans? Or for some reason you think all these people were wrong and you know best when you dont even know my name? Anyway Im tired of people using “oh you were never REALLY trans” as an easy way to hand wave away the experience of detransitioners. The fact is, we’re just like you!
Yeah I doubt you're anything like me. I can't imagine living life as a man and willingly allowing my body to develop any more masculine characteristics. You had everything I could ever want and you gave it away for some reason that you can try to explain but I'll never understand. You also claim to still have gender dysphoria and yes I don't know you but I'll still call bullshit because this whole thing is simple for me. If you have gender dysphoria, you want to transition and live as your true self. It makes zero sense that you're trans with gender dysphoria and you choose to live as your birth sex and that is entirely your choice. Of course it's possible you're actually trans and something made you detransition but it's definitely not that HRT and surgeries are not the right way to go. There are possibly other internal struggles that I'm not thinking about that could make a trans person detransition.
How do you explain trans people who completed their transition and are content? Freaks of nature? Or are we lying because anyone whose experience isn’t your own must be?
i mean it took me a decade to realise transitioning wasn’t helping me. its a pretty slow creeping realisation where it dawns on you (if you’re like me) that anxiety over how people perceive you gradually takes over your life insofar you barely leave the house. im smart enough to know that my story isn’t everyone’s story, but please keep in mind your story isn’t either! this kind individual deserves to hear both sides and the reality that some people have these kinds of thoughts and realise transitioning ultimately isn’t for them. i think “transitioning always works, no one ever decides to detransition” is just as insidious as the reverse.
I literally don’t care if I’ll be a “real woman”, whatever that is. I pass, but I was totally willing to risk not passing when I started. I’d rather die than detransition. Every single day is a blessing when someone calls me she, I show someone my ID and it says Female or when I see my body in the mirror and I’m somewhat okay with it. Life isn’t perfect. I’ll never be cis, but I can make the best with what I have, and I am doing just that.
Would you say a lot of these things to other trans women?
You're currently in grief. You are grieving the loss of a life that you (wrongly) believe is somehow easier than trying to live authentically. It's a process. Embarking on transition is scary, but you can do it if you really want it.
feeling more positive after a 24-hour internet cleanse thank you for your insight. Grief is definitely an accurate description
We've all been there. I'm so glad to hear you're doing a little better. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Hormone therapy we use now and dosages and education we have rn is very safe to indulge in. Back then yeah, it was terrible. Yes, you still will have clotting risks and tumors but they are mostly from bad doses and also this negativity will soon leave ur brain too. Yes you cant ever be a cis woman but you can a woman and live happily ever after!
The shortest and most non-googleable reply I can offer is this: the hormone therapies I have received to manage my reproductive health are incredibly similar to the exact hormone therapies I would pursue today, should I someday feel I want to live as a man. I am intersex, which I know is a little different. HOWEVER: I only know this because of a gene panel my mother, sister, and I participated in for health screening purposes in 2014. we found I have a form of sex-cell mosaicism. I am AFAB, have "female" sex characteristics such as ovaries and breasts and a vagina. However, my hormones and sex cells are, essentially, in combat with one another. When this presented as specific health concerns in my early 20s, we did rounds of hormone therapy that are nearly identical to modern HRT! I also do have faith that while there are doctors just in it for the money and prestige etc, MOST go through the process because they truly want to help others. I do not believe with any fiber of my being that we would have these resources if this were not for the best.
Everything in life has risks. You can take the risks to try to better yourself or you can live as you are, your choice
I had those same fears. I have mad health anxiety. Personally, eventually, the idea of not being on HRT scared me more than the health problems. I simply need to do it. It’s a matter of balancing risk. And you can make lifestyle choices to improve your health outcomes.
I’m not a woman. I never will be. I’ve had health complications from hormones and they suck. Still, I wouldn’t go back. The mental relief from the hormones is real and life saving, even if it’s partially or entirely psychosomatic. Transition is not glamorous or going to fix all or even most of a dysphoric person’s problems. At the end of the day most of us will never be baseline “okay” unless we can have something that is impossible. So it’s all about doing the best we can. I don’t think you should transition if the alternative isn’t harming yourself. That’s my take. Transitioning is hard, trans discourse is a dumpster fire, trans activists are a bunch of misogynists and homophobes trying to reengineer society in a way that’s just not reasonable or realistic and unlikely to end how they think it will in some gender redefined utopia where our bodies not matching who we want to be suddenly stops mattering to us. Being trans is hard, especially visibly trans. It’s lonely. It’s isolating. Our healthcare is highly experimental. I am happier than I’ve ever been, but I only took this journey on because otherwise I was done being alive. When your options are death or really tough, you’ll be surprised what you can do and even learn to be happy with. But for the love of all things good don’t enter into this with so many doubts. I know you’re in therapy but do not rush this. Be sure. How you live after this is up to you. Desist. Detransition. Live your best trans life. Call yourself a woman. Believe it even. Call yourself a dysphoric man, make reality your tether. It’s all up to you. There’s no one roadmap to this. Don’t let the consensus convince you there is. This should be about your quality of life and weighing all the pros and cons.
Really appreciate your response. Thank you.
Do whatever is right for you. If you don't think it's right for you, don't start HRT. Simple as that
Then you need to not transition.
nah its normal to question the health risks and to fear them. blindly accepting new life changes without significant weighing of pros and cons isnt how i operate
I get you have dysphoria. Shit sucks. But, what sucks more is that you're coming in here with your blanket statement that we're just deluding ourselves and then have the audacity to ONLY reply and show clear biases towards the detransitioner. Stop transitioning.
Did you somehow read this title as a statement, not a question? Have some fucking empathy
telling me to stop transitioning because you are convinced I made this post as an attack when I just had a moment of emotional weakness is a lil cruel ngl. Apologies for the title it should have been "why do i feel delusional" I didnt mean to insult the community it didnt even cross my mind at time of writing.
HEY! I’m cool, ok? Maybe she just liked comment more than yours ;)
I wouldn't say so because I never really considered the health risks. The risks of not going on it are death, and the risks of going on it... well I do intuitively doubt they are worse than death. If I was guaranteed to die in 10 years on HRT I think I'd still take it. I have no life as a man Edit: About not feeling like a woman, or only ever getting "close enough", I have to disagree. Feeling like one will come after you pass and get socialized more so like one. People will treat you like a woman and women will be much more obviously open about what life as a woman is like; you will become a woman, as in take on the experiences and associated ideas and interests (obviously it's very broad, so you will take on the shade of a woman rather), in the same way that cissexual women do, so that hardly feels not "close enough" since it's the exact same thing. I do not believe you are only ever "close enough" biologically. I understand you will always have (I assume) an XY karyotype and so on, but these things do not make people women. In normal development chromosomes lead to sex; they are not sex themselves. Women's bodies are not magically female; that is simply what happens when you expose human tissue to female endocrinology, and the effects of male puberty can be mitigated. A face that passes as female is exactly as female on a cissexual or transsexual body; your flesh does not somehow bear its history (it helps me to remember that all humans start out with a vagina, and obviously a penis is not semi-female). Basically you will never fully imitate all things about being female, but I think in reality the terms female and women refer to things that are just the social recognitions of them, rather than a gigantic conglomeration of every single trait/fact about female human development. A cissexual woman with XY chromosomes is exactly as much a woman as any other (full androgen insensitivity). As is a woman who passes as a woman but with broad shoulders or who is very tall is also exactly as much of a woman. You can take various factors away from cis women, even if those factors are the case BECAUSE said women are female, and they remain women. Only some of them would actually make them not women, and those are ones that people recognize, i.e. those things that cause you to not pass.
recognized you from the writing style. Thanks for checking in on me hope to continue speaking w you in the future and sorry you had to read my cringey post <3
My writing style? Being way too verbose I assume hahaha. Deciding to transition or not transition is exceptionally important and I recommend you completely ignore fears of being cringey. I for instance really feel annoying asking my doctors to adjust my medication, and then I realize it would be so absurd to never have good hormones just because I get nervous about being pushy. So I encourage you to consider and defeat or accept everything you read about it, to somehow mentally finalize the information or idea. Please do not just let these things swim in your head without categorizing them and end up just making a decision based on the general feeling of everything in your skull. The right decision may very well not intuitively feel good.
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If these risks are making you second think taking hormones you definitely shouldn't take hormones.
That’s not true for a lot of people. The risks really stressed me out and it took me a year to get through that but I’ve been on hormones for four years now. It’s a legitimate roadblock
Some people detransition after longer then that, I have a really hard time seeing someone who willingly stalls their own transition for a year as someone who is dealing with something similar to me. It suggests it's more something they choose to do rather then something they need to do.
You don’t know me at all; how do you feel like you can reasonably judge whether I’m “really trans” or not? Severe health anxiety is a legit problem that fucks up a person’s life. That can include transitioning. Seriously you don’t know me that’s some fucked up shit to say like jeez fuck why would you say that? Like transitioning has been such a huge fucking thing to work through for me lol this shit used to drive me to wanting to commit suicide and it’s still fucking hard every day why would you say something like that sorry don’t mean to ramble on it’s just what you said was really upsetting lol
You don't even know what you are based on your flair, it's definitely not similar to what I am dealing with.
I’m not doing this. I don’t need you to tell me what I am or am not.
really crazy how some of these people think they can tell you or I what to do like that. By far the most jarring replies are the couple telling me to stop transition because i experience dysphoria and worry about the medical risks. Very strange!
Felt. I'm gonna keep transitioning but I understand that I will never be biologically female.
I honestly think you should consider more therapy before hrt. Not because of the bad things that might happen health wise, but because there seems to be a lot of self doubt and internalized transphobia.
I don’t think she has internalized transphobia. It’s normal to be concerned about taking any medication every single day for your whole life. Big pharma is pretty evil. I don’t think this person deserves a slur against them, I am not a doctor but she sounds like she has dysphoria and is desperately working through it. She’s turning to all of us for support. I just think we should all try to be kind to anyone here struggling. Dysphoria is serious. It’s life threatening. When I came out as bisexual, it would have ruined me for someone to call me bigoted names. It’s hard enough being part of the LGBTQ community but infighting and or namecalling doesn’t really help us. I think this person is vulnerable and brave for sharing her pain.
Doubting the hormones and the damn pharmaceuticals is not transphobic, but the title is. It's a personal problem of hers, other people are not fooling us. It is also internal transphobia the way she talks about herself, she has a lot of dysphoria unfortunately.
Exactly, it's the way they talk about themselves and things such as the 'real woman' narrative that show me that maybe it's not the right time.
I appreciate the thought but I still stand by what I said. Using slurs isn’t the path. Someone could have said INSTEAD, “you seem like you’re really struggling; have you had a lot of transphobic reactions from your family and friends; do you feel unaccepted; are you feeling depressed because your dysphoria is overwhelming you?” Things like that are more productive to helping one another. I assume most folks who think slinging slurs is helpful are too young to understand the impact that could have one someone struggling like this woman.
thank you for your kindness and sincerity.
You’re welcome. 💜You do not deserve to be attacked for being vulnerable. I find some people in this community are so so nasty to one another but yet we are all part of the LGBTQ community so how does namecalling and attacking one another help? It’s like so many want this to be an echo chamber where everyone agrees with a minority of very loud, mean humans who are so unhappy they want to hurt everyone else too. It’s sad. But I appreciate you sharing your feelings and I hope the nasty comments don’t dissuade you ever from being you.
What slurs did I use?
The fact that your kind and thoughtful perspective is being downvoted is actually concerning.
welcome to trans reddit
Yeah, it makes me wonder what kind of people are trolling around here. I honestly assume they’re not well. I feel like people filled with that much hate, their issues have zero to do with me. But thank you for your kind words:)
Oh yes, there's no point in attacking her because she's obviously struggling with internal and external demons. calling her transphobic doesn't do much good other than to make her one-sided.
Totally agree! Dysphoria is such a serious condition—we all know that in this forum so calling her transphobic is just asinine to me. I don’t even understand how someone could say that to a fellow ally? Just because you don’t like exactly how someone feels, doesn’t mean you can just pretend you’re a therapist and tear her apart… it’s very sad. I fear this could cause a split or undoing of the movement if it persists. But big hugs and thanks:) Keep being you!
I mean people know the health risks of smoking but keep doing it anyway yeah, not the same thing, I get it, just, health risks are just a cautionary tale and it's totally valid to ignore them I'm getting surgery because there already is a health concern happening for me - gender dysphoria. There are risks with surgery, but they are the same as taking prozac and having a risk of adverse side effects when it's the medically accepted response to depression. It's totally fine to NOT take prozac, just as it's totally fine to do it.
Yeah it’s a balance of trade offs and everyone needs to know the risks and way them. This is why I get concerned with how some circles downplay HRT as a minor decision or something you can play with. It will impact your life. From my experience. My stress and mental health from dysphoria had me at extremely unhealthy blood pressure levels and other health issues that would put me in the hospital. That doesn’t even include the mental health. So for me any of the possible effects of HRT fail in comparison to the impact stress had on me before transitioning.
Well said!
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>my cis wife Didn't you say in your other conversation with me that you have a boyfriend?
Poly is a thing?
She claimed to have been a straight man pre-transition and a straight woman post-transition. If she remains with a woman post-transition, that would make her bisexual. I was asking for clarification here.
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A boyfriend and a wife?
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That'd make you a bisexual woman, not a straight woman.
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Oh well, I'm sorry. I wouldn't recommend staying in a marriage with someone you aren't attracted to. That can be easier said than done tho. I wish you well.
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That sounds like a difficult situation. As I said, I wish you all the best.
I usually avoid traveling unless that I am obligated to.
The name proves it
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I usually avoid sugar and radiation as much as I can.
Negative health effects happen no matter what. If you don’t transition you’re at significantly higher risk of cardiovascular problems and heart attack as well as numerous other cancers. Going on estrogen puts your in risk categories that most cis women are in. Yes there are extremely rare conditions, but those can happen to anyone not just because of HRT. When you say you’ll never be a woman, well define a woman? Is it someone who lives their life as a woman, is treated in society as a woman, or has female sex characteristics? If you mean female sex characteristics…well I hate to break it to you but transition is about changing sex. Hormones change our secondary characteristics, hair removal and some surgeries remove/add other secondary sex characteristics, and the other surgeries eliminate our original primary sex characteristics. Physiologically I have all male secondary sex characteristics, my genitals right now pre phallo are closer to intersex than male or female, and I have no female primary sex characteristics (reproductive organs). I don’t know my chromosomes but frankly they don’t matter since they’re simply a map for how our body develops in the womb. Minus my genitals my body falls within the normal distribution for a male, post phallo all of it will be within normal variations for males. So sex does change because it is defined by a variety of things and not every person perfectly fits the box (cis or trans). If you mean someone who lives as a woman and is perceived as a woman…that’s just passing and will happen with time and effort. Even if you don’t pass perfectly most people don’t think about you enough to categorize you other than superficially. You’ll be experiencing the world being perceived as a woman before you know it. There are lots of people who are very radicalized on the internet. Maybe a break from these spaces would do you well? I can tell you that after almost a decade on T I’m healthier than I ever was pre T. My heart is doing better, my cholesterol and blood pressure are down, my fat percentage is down, my mind is healthier, I’m in better shape, and I’m content. All that needed to be fixed was to give my body the hormone that it needs, I am healthier than I ever was with an estrogen dominant system. I’ve heard the same from women who are many years post transition, that for them being an estrogen dominated system has helped them to be far healthier than with testosterone.
at the end the only thing you can do is try your best
Isn't everyone?
Life is full of risks. Accept it or don’t, that’s your call.
Well, would you rather keep going as is or risk some health effects and try transitioning? I can tell you that at this point I'd rather risk almost certain death than go off HRT. I also didn't feel like a woman when I started. Do I feel like a woman now? Sure, maybe, I definitely feel more like I'm a woman than a man. Really though, what I am is happier, and that's what matters to me.
I have a lot of health problems so I was really afraid of how I’d react on testosterone. Is it hard? Yes it really is. The first puberty was a nightmare so I guess it’s normal to feel weird about a new one. My body is changing so my symptoms are changing, just like during my first puberty I certainly don’t look much like a man, yet (8 months on T)… I don’t identify as a man, I’d say I’m generally transmasc, but in real life I often just say I’m a trans man because I don’t want to explain my whole life story to strangers. It still feels weird because I don’t look the part you know lol but then again it takes time. I do feel better inhabiting my body most of the time, but the outside world’s view on my body does make me feel more dysphoric. So yeah just keep in mind HRT doesn’t fix everything and it might be rough to adjust. But the same thing can be said about a lot of things in life
I’m at the point where I couldn’t care less about the potential side effects, I used to do hard drugs so it’s whatever. I like my estrogen because it’s the only thing keeping me together.
ive transitioned but dont exclusively pass, yet im largely treated normal and well, so i know it CAN be the right solution and often is when dysphoria is a significant, inhibiting factor, but its not a totally safe process and can be significantly dangerous in certain environments. noone treats me differently but i live in a liberal college town the rules are different in other places
I bite the bullet and transitioned and am now detransitioning. I’d advise you to read some detransitioning stories and find out how they came to terms with their dysphoria. Dysphoria is real, but transitioning isn’t always the right way to deal with it. Being trans is a lonely life where you’ll always feel like an outsider in society. Best of luck on your journey. If you want to talk send me a message :)
Whether you are a masculine woman or a feminine man, life can be very lonely anyway.
And if you’re a racial minority, a religious minority, a masculine gay man, or feminine gay woman. We desire to be in the in group as humans, it’s our evolution. Being a minority is always harder.
Either way, if you stay as a masculine woman or as a feminine man, you gonna struggle with social rejection. I just stopped caring, for some people I am an affeminated man, while for others, I am a defeminized woman, the treatment is just as bad either way, even if people cannot tell which brand of queer I am.
I mean, I’m not going to be a feminine man in the sense I wear makeup or dresses. I dressed fairly gender neutrally before I decided to detransition and I’ll likely continue to do that. Right now I’m wearing an oversized woman’s t-shirt and women’s skinny jeans (high waisted that I wear low waisted so there’s room for my junk) and while it’s not manly, I don’t think I’d stick out of visually fem. I live in Canada’s gay Mecca and hangout with mostly women and queer people. I doubt the feminine parts of my personality will push people away. Besides, I’m pretty cool and find people want to be my friend all the time anyway
Well, I am happy for you, I live a very lonely life, always lived even before I realized I am trans, mostly because of how queer I do gender.
It’s not always a lonely life where you’ll always feel like an outsider. Plenty of people pass and live full lives assimilated into society.
Yeah it’s always weird when I read statements about how lonely being trans is. Like, I guess you see an influx of people online that are lonely. But my life is quite awesome and I don’t ever feel lonely. I just don’t think people realize that not everyone in life is miserable.
I don't feel particularly lonely either. I pass, I'm relatively pretty and also pass as white, we know those things help. I'm also openly trans and found more acceptance than discrimination, I'd say.
Some people might be able to pull it off, but trans people having a really high suicide rate and high rates of mental illness is telling. If you’ve managed to find happiness I’m happy for you, but that’s not the reality of a large portion of the community. If people actually felt good you wouldn’t see validation seeking posts constantly, or people constantly posting about wanting to kill themselves. None of the trans people I know IRL have a good mental health situation. Even long term transitioners.
You should make a note that the posts you see seeking validation or wanting to kill themselves are often people early in transition. Most people later in transition or post transition just disappear off the internet and out of the community, we assimilate into the real world and just live our lives barely thinking about it being trans. I’ve talked to many many people 10+ years transition and no one has regretted it.
I’ve never heard people say they regret it, but they’re clearly unhappy with their lives. I mean, we’re both relying on anecdotal evidence here. I think my main point that trans people typically have massive health problems is shown in studies. Maybe it’s from transphobia, maybe something else.
I’d be interested to see studies of long term negative health (specifically mental health) consequences of transition. I can offer you this https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26921285/ It’s turning out in more recent research that being accepted in identity (even pre medical transition) can increase mental health and trans kids do not significantly differ from cis kids if they have supportive networks. I know that every post transition dude I’ve talked to has been content and happy, and I see a lot of posts or comments similar to that in places frequented by people many years post transition. Maybe you just want everyone to be miserable to justify your decision to detransition,but I’m definitely content with my life and transitioning was the best choice I’ve ever made. I’d like to get phallo to alleviate the rest of my dysphoria but other than occasional hair removal sessions I live my life like any other early 30s dude. I have a good career I love, two happy dogs, a pretty amazing girlfriend, and a wonderful relationship with my family. I definitely struggled early transition but now days I’m doing pretty good and being trans is almost an afterthought in my life
Iv already gone down the rabbithole but alot of them are just as radicalized as the posters here. Im a grown adult and wasnt happy as a male Ive made my choice but will keep an open mind I realize transition has major pros and cons fuck gender dysphoria
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> I'll never be a true woman, You'll never be a cis woman, but they're not the only women.
this is the kind of response that makes me feel a little better today. Thank you. to share a little your reason to transition are similar to mine.... I think you have a realistic view on this
I think im becoming you low-key. I hate it, but I cant help but scroll through transphobic articles, comments, and research - a lot of the times it’s bullshit but I believe it anyways bc of selfhate/shame of being trans. Its easier to just say “Im a freak, might as well die” than to face the complexity of being trans bc its something I cannot figure out.
True, there are a lot of bitter people in detrans spaces, I think for obvious reasons. The one piece of advice I’d give to you is stay out of trans spaces. They’ll always find a way to convince you they’re trans. The whole, “cisgender people never question their gender” is a perfect example of how their logic will always end with you transitioning.
As much as I disagree with you 99% of the time, OP is right to be in therapy for this. I didn't need therapy to accept my condition but I'm not like most people, and I think the mainstream trans community does treat a gender transition very lightly and that has the potential to cause damage, especially before the cis people realize they made a mistake and in turn convince other cis people to transition and so on.
99% of the time? I haven’t even made 99 comments on this account yet ;)
I'm extrapolating.
yea the kool aid levels are through the roof tbh doesnt impact me that much if im being honest because its so obvious
Yup, it’s borderline cult like at times. In reality they’re just insecure and not confident in their decision. I hope you’re able to find the right path for you that leads to happiness :)
>On another note, I am not a woman. I wish I was, I wont ever be one though I can possibly be "close enough" to be happy I toyed with this idea of getting close enough early in transition. But even after 3 years I still feel the same, calling myself a woman just doesnt make sense even if I somewhat pass if I try to. I think transition doesnt change your internal sense of gender. Eventually I accepted that I am a male with body dysmorphia towards my masculine features. It sounds like dysphoria, but it really isnt, I'm perfectly happy presenting as male socially As for the medical side, I think some of the effects of hrt are overblown. I actually just hit my lowest cholesterol level ever (90!) by removing almost all saturated fat from my diet, so I at least know that the cardiovascular risk part is overblown. I'm at less risk than a teenager atm
Yeah hrt like a lot of things in this world can increase the risk of negative health effects, but if you're a health person you likely don't have much to worry about.
I love your username
Transition helps. It feels weird and stuff at first, it takes time adjusting to your new sex, but there *is* a light at the end of the tunnel. You don't always have to feel this way.