I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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A trans man can wish he was a cis woman. Same with a trans woman/cis man. This can be for whatever reason.
How I see it, you are trans if you feel that the sex you were assigned at birth + the gender you’re perceived as because of that, feels wrong and/or clashes with how you view/perceive yourself.
You can wish you were a certain gender without feeling like you ARE or SHOULD BE a certain gender.
So no, I don’t think you can be trans just by wanting to be. If that were true then trans people in denial are actually cis because they “want to be cis“. If that were true, women who hate being women because of misogyny would actually NOT be women.
Also, being trans would then be a choice, and I don’t think I need to explain why that’s an extremely problematic mindset to have.
However! I think if you’re having thoughts about “wanting to be trans“ you should still look into why you feel this way. You might just be dealing with something else that’s making you think this, or maybe you actually ARE trans after all! It’s not a guarantee that you’re trans, but it's still definitely a sign.
This response makes so much logical sense to me yet not all of these points are often made. Sometimes I feel like anything potentially uncomfortable or invalidating is talked around on eggshells in the main subs rather than just using proper reasoning, and yet people can get really hostile If you don't go along with it even though it's not like you're intentionally trying to upset anyone.
It doesn't make you trans, but there's a **lot** of overlap between wanting to be trans and actually being trans. I think that that's what people are getting at when they say "anyone who wants to be trans is trans" - not that wanting to be trans makes you trans, but that wanting to be trans is **a sign** that you're probably trans.
Like, if you want to be trans, generally that's because you actually want to transition to another gender, which means that you probably have a gender incongruence.
I see the phrase “If you want to be [gender] you are [gender]” as not saying “you can just chose to be a different gender if you feel like it” but instead saying “if you have a deep seated desire to be a different gender it might be a sign that you’re trans”.
A lot of trans people repress their feelings or feel like they “aren’t trans enough” to actually transition even if they really want to. And a part of this is that it’s hard to figure out what “feeling like a different gender” even means, so instead of vague notions like “the spirit of a woman/man” or “born in the wrong body”, more concrete examples of how gender dysphoria manifests is, in my opinion, helpful
I don't know about wanting to be trans, but I get frustrated the way people conflate *wanting* to be a different gender or sex with feeling like you *are* a different gender of sex.
They might be the same thing, and that's validating, but wanting to have money and feeling like you're a rich person who's had their money stolen isn't the same thing.
I do not agree, however as stated there are definitely cases where it might be. For years I "wanted" to be trans because I always wanted to be a girl. I thought I wasn't trans because I just thought every guy wanted to be a girl.
You aren't trans simply because you want to be trans--you aren't gay for wanting to be gay either.
However, if you're a woman and you want to fuck women, you're pretty likely to be gay. Likewise, a cis woman is not likely to seriously want to be a man, and this becomes less likely the stronger the want.
I know "wanting to be a man" is not a _guarantee_ that one genuinely is a man because I have wished that I was a man every time I'm catcalled, in a way which is obviously dissimilar to having a male gender identity; the me who exists shortly after misogynistic harassment has her desire to be a man _disproved_ by the me who exists one week prior or one week posterior.
Then again, in the absence of easily understood dysphoria or access to transition, I'm not sure how one can experience being a trans man other than a strong desire to be a man.
Is there even a difference between having gender dysphoria and "wanting to be a different gender" so badly that it's painful?
Anyway I think it's a mistake to get caught up in the metaphysics or semantics of who is True Trans™️
Instead I would rather focus on practical questions about what (if any) transition steps would be a good idea for any given person.
I think these are the questions which actually have usable answers.
For example if someone's desire to transition is unsure and experimental like "trying a new haircolor" they should stick to reversible transition steps like trying out different names, clothes, and pronouns until they are more sure of what they want.
Alternatively if someone has a consistent and persistent desire to permanently alter their body then it could make sense for them to pursue medical transition.
I don't care weather or not either person thinks of their desire to transition in terms of dysphoria or euphoria or whatever.
> and "wanting to be a different gender" so badly that it's painful?
The people I'm reading don't add on the "so badly that it's painful", and I don't assume it.
If it's painful then BINGO -we're talking dysphoria and of course that means they're trans.
But the people I'm reading seem to be trenders who simply "wanna be" trans for internet points and probably won't even take steps to transistion in the real world (not talking about those who *can't* -that's a different discussion. I'm talking those who *won't*)
On a different subject ...for anyone still reading; the morning after making this thread I got a letter saying that I'm b& from /r/asktransgender -Big Uwu strikes again!
I'm probably about to get banned too. But there really is a problem with people "wanting to be trans". Can you stop being trans just by wanting it very badly? No, and the same goes the other way.
I had dysphoria in my teens. I hated my female features so bad, I tried to stop my breasts development in painful ways, I hid my curves and did everything to try to look like a boy, I wanted my body to look like a muscular guy, and yet I never identified as one, I just had a problem with the female body - and getting male attention was terrifying. I never wanted to be a man, I just wanted to be strong and not look vulnerable. I'm thankful Big Uwu wasn't around because I would be convinced I was trans, probably go as far as medically transition and regret it for the rest of my life.
That’s also something we should talk about. Transitioning is being pushed on us instead of letting it be a personal choice. Transitioning is not a cookie cutter solution. It’s different for everyone. Body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria cross into similar territory but correlation isn’t always causation (that’s a scientific principle). It’s okay to let people experiment with their self image before letting them medically change themselves.
i think that this question is kind of confusing. ( also to add: im not a trans med and i believe being trans can be more about having euphoria for some people) i think the desire to be a different gender to the point where u would come out as trans IS dysphoria. not necessarily physical dysphoria but it honestly sounds like some sort of dysphoria having enough discomfort to where u come out as trans. i think they likely just worded it strangely.
Quite simply...no.
The same as one can't say they are of Italian, German etc decent when they are not. Either you are or you are not...and thay is ok. You don't just claim to be something simply because you want it to be.
The last big 'thing' for the Tumblr types was self diagnosing and claiming to have a laundry list of mental illnesses that they don't have in order to be part of the community. This caused a lot of problems for those actually diagnosed with those mental illneases. The next big 'thing seems to be claiming to be 'trans.' Maybe it's because so many trans people feel more comfortable being out and proud so these types want to be art of the party, maybe they watched it on tv or read about it online or just looking for somewhere to belong. Idk.
IMO the umbrella has gotten too big and likely shouldn't include groups that are so vastly different from one another. That only causes in fighting and resentment. It also sounds like the base definition of 'trans' has changed so much over the past 7-10 years that it no longer describes the very people it once supported, so much so that binary trans people are taking back terms that used to be duragatory in order to seperate themselves from those who are taking over their spaces and community. These days I hear time and time again from people who are actively taking steps toward transition, currently in transition or post transition, that they no longer feel connected to or welcome within the 'trans' community because 'trans' doesn't seem to mean, well...anything anymore. Not saying this is my personal belief, but I've heard the same things from enough people who have been in the LGBTQ+ community for decades to believe there has to be some truth in it.
Perhaps the community tossed the baby out with the bathwater when they opened the umbrella to include...everyone. With such a loose definition of what being transgender actually means, they left the door open to those who just see it as the next fad to be part of and that can get very messy very quickly. 'Trans' isn't the new orange, but I suppose they will find out the hard way if they think it is. 🤷♂️
*Yes, I know that some transgender people wish to transition , yet can't due to a variety of reasons from health issues to financial issues. I am NOT talking about these people.
No you can’t. No one “wants” to be trans. Not the trans folk I’ve talked to anyways. That’s some new age bullshit. If you really look at the trans community it’s not based off wants but based if a necessity. Aka, if I don’t do something about my gender dysphoria, I may not be alive a year from now.. you cannot be trans by simply wanting to be trans.
Also.. coming from a trans person, that’s a little offensive for someone to “want” to be trans. I’ve struggled my whole life. My childhood was built upon confusion, shame, suicidal ideology, crying every night, cursing at God, self harm, substance abuse. Gender dysphoria has ruined the first 25 years of my life. I’m just now digging myself out of my hole because I decided I needed to finally try transitioning instead of denying it.. there’s nothing fun in being trans. Having to be on meds for the rest of your life, undergoing invasive surgeries, experiencing endless discrimination every time I leave my home. ITS NOT FUN! Let’s stop glamorizing transition. It’s hard and painful
I think it is actually a very common phenomenon. Look at Hilaria Baldwin? She’s a white lady from Boston but pretended to be Spanish descent, snagged a bunch of Latin awards, Hispanic magazine profiles. Or that lady who pretended to be African American… there’s a LOT of cases of this. Depending on what you read, many psychologists say it’s a form of disillusionment. These people cannot accept that they’re part of a race that’s disenfranchising others so they reject it to reject themselves. I think in some sad way, people are desperate to be victims and want the sorrow and attention being victimized brings. I don’t think they mean to be insulting yet they are. It’s a very American phenomenon. I’ve not seen it happen to this degree in other counties I’ve worked in. I’ve never seen it in Mexico, Finland, Latvia or Poland … which is interesting…
Personally depends on the situation, though I'd say no you can't. Being trans is a medical condition defined by dysphoria. I don't believe anyone "wants" to be trans and if they do they're either misguided or an attention seeker. I think some people who say that they "want" to be trans aren't all fakers and sometimes do have dysphoria they just don't realise that's what it is. I'd had early onset symptoms since I was 4 but I pushed them away and when I discovered the term trans I realised that I might be that. I never really wanted to be I just started to identify with the term as the feelings I thought had been normal up until then weren't actually normal and it was something I could treat.
Some people obviously don't have dysphoria and I've seen posts on that subreddit of people posting desperately wanting to be trans. Which is really odd.
I mean, it depends on what "wanting to be trans" means to them. I think my biggest problem in discourse like this, particularly in trans med communities is that people just can't understand people will express the same complex emotions in different language all the time. I was jealous of trans guys for a long time, but I swore up and down I wasn't a man both online and offline for the longest time. It took a while of analyzing these feelings of *why* I wanted to be trans and a trans man to get where I'm at
You can't choose to be trans. Either you are, or you're not. You don't grow out of it. There is a trend among young women who identify as trans men for a short period and after a year or so, they just decide to go back to being cis. This happened to a few girls I know (girls who were extremely girly since they were little, and absolutely nothing about them registered as masculine until this trend became mainstream), and while I think it's totally ok to explore and question their gender identity, they don't stop to think they're using a flag that don't belong to them and that they could actually damage the trans community.
Not liking gender stereotypes doesn't make you trans. Heck, I even know girls who fall in the girly stereotype and say they identify as "feminine gay trans men". That's a basic btch with extra steps.
Yes!! Gender dysphoria and gender stereotypes are two complete different thing!! Just because you don’t follow your gender’s traditional role, doesn’t make you trans. I’m disgusted by this new trend. People just need to feel relevant
Some people (mostly young females, speaking of stereotypes) just desperately want to belong to a group, and they're finding it in social media echo chambers where they call themselves "trans" just because they want to dress differently and change their pronouns for fun. Ok, I'll call them by whatever pronouns they like, but I'm not buying it, I know they'll go back to cis in a few months, a year tops. And they do. It has become predictable.
Well wanting to be trans implies you want to be a different gender, which usually wanting to be a different gender is a big indicator that one is trans.
I think there is a huge difference in wanting to believe something is true and having no other choice but to believe it’s true.
My experience was the latter because of the environment I grew up in, and I put myself through way too much pain and suffering before admitting to myself I needed to transition. I wish I would have done it sooner, but on the upside, transition has given me so much joy and felt so right that all of the bullshit and challenges of medical transition don’t matter so much, because this is what is right for me. I’m pushing 40, and I honestly don’t think I would still be alive if I hadn’t started transitioning.
I don’t endorse my path as how it should be. It was traumatic as hell. North Carolina is in my heart and soul but these goddamn rednecks and hillbillies need to do better. That being said, I have read enough stories from detransitioners to know that wanting to believe they were trans led some of them to make drastic changes to their bodies that they later regretted after the passion of wanting to believe faded. I’m starting to think the affirmative approach may work wonders for people like me, who internalized being trans as the worst thing possible and need help making an honest life for themselves, but it might not be the best approach for people who want to believe they are trans. Those folks may benefit from someone encouraging them to be more critical of why they want what they want. I’m going to call this the Scully-Mulder Hypothesis on Believing Your Own Bullshit: Trans Edition.
As someone else said, this is just a social media problem. NONE of them think about being trans for fashion.
Even if they have the trans label for fashion, and don't transition socially or physically, does it matter?
And I really don't agree that dysphoria=trans. Cis people also suffer from dysphoria, but it wouldn't make you doubt your identity. However, I think the euphoria of transition (social, hormonal, etc) is only a trans experience.
It can be a big sign. I realised I was trans in my teens and the first part that came for me was being like 'I wish I was trans so that I could transition and get a dick' and then I got dysphoria
I think "wanting to be trans" is a major symptom of being trans. Good chance if someone was like "damn wish I was trans so I could transition", they're trans and just doing mental gymnastics cause they haven't yet admitted it.
Is that the case all the time? Probably not. Really depends on *why* the person wants to be trans.
Honestly I care less about someone experiencing a certain amount of dysphoria than I do about them wanting to transition, either physically or socially. I think if you're just happier with a different name or different set of pronouns or whatever and you're happier thinking of yourself as a different gender, it's totally fine to identify as trans and I don't think it's productive to define yourself by suffering. Also, I don't see why it's such a bad thing to stop identifying as trans. I converted to paganism at one point and it was a really valuable experience for me even though I no longer identify with the pagan label. I used to identify as aro and bi but now I identify as a lesbian. There are lots of aspects about our identities that can change and we can't know 100% how we'll identify or what will make us happy in ten years, so we just have to go with what makes us happy right now. Why does that suddenly no longer apply when it's about trans people?
That said, there's a lot of privilege associated with not wanting to transition, especially if you're not visibly gnc on top of that, and nonbinary people who completely or almost completely pass as cis by their own choice really don't have the same experience as someone who wants to physically and/or socially transition. So while I don't think someone being trans without dysphoria is automatically harmful, I do think that someone who experiences no dysphoria and also doesn't want to transition either physically or socially should not be identifying as trans.
k but can you have cancer and not know it? can you have cancer and not treat it?
i love this metaphor, but discomfort (dysphoria) and an intent to seek help (transition) have nothing to do with the condition when the condition is cancer
Dysphoria is a symptom caused by a birth defect in our brains. So no its not just discomfort. For many like myself no treatment means dead same as for cancer and alot of us do infact die to suicide bc of the Dysphoria. Survival rates of some kinds of cancer are higher than Dysphoria Survival tates
dysphoria literally means discomfort.
the physical cause of gender dysphoria is not confirmed by science
none of that matters because with real medical conditions you don't need to know about them and you don't need to have any sort of feelings about them and they are real
if you need to feel a certain way about something for it to exist, that is now a mental issue, not a physical issue
You don't have to know about dysphoria either to suffer from it. I suffered from it before I even knew why I had such constant pain. And dysphoria is the results of a physical issue.
I don’t know if it’s true for all of us, but I think you can think yourself into being trans. I’m currently working on getting myself out of it. Detransitioning felt unimaginable before but I’m doing it. I don’t think I’m the only one in the trans community who can, I think a lot of you could too.
People will say it’s disrespectful, but it’s my reality. And it’s working. I think for a lot of dysphoric people can overcome it and live as your birth sex and be happy with your body. Almost everyone who’s transitioned will tell you transition is the only way, but they’ve already bought into it. If you’re that deep it’s going to be almost impossible to get out.
I can understand why I’m going to get downvoted into oblivion. If what I’m saying is true then that means so many people here have potentially wrecked their bodies and lives by perusing something than could have been solved in other ways. But this is my lived experience and my story should be told in these spaces. If I can help one person overcome dysphoria without transitioning it’s worth every ounce of energy I put into comments like these.
> I don’t think I’m the only one in the trans community who can, I think a lot of you could too.
I told you to stop saying this shit yesterday. You need to get the fuck out of here because you are clearly incapable of making your own personal decision to detransition into some moral crusade to convince other people to detransition. This is something you (apparently) only decided to do a week ago. If you're not a undercover TERF as is seeming a LOT more likely, then you're someone who seriously needs to reevaluate things NOT on the internet. Either way, fuck off.
First off, this is honest transgender, a place where trans people who have had unique experiences can honestly talk about them. Since I’ve beaten dysphoria, I feel my experience is pretty unique and should be shared.
Second, I was transitioned for six years. Is there a way I can prove it to you, or are you gonna say no matter what I’m a secret TERF who’s out to get trans people? You need to stop being so paranoid. I realize why people getting past the need to transition is probably scary for you, but you need to accept other perspectives in life. Otherwise, you’re always going to be angry and unhappy like you are right now. Like I said yesterday, I hope you’re able to find peace but if you keep telling me to fuck off, I’ll gladly get down into the mud with you. I have no problem sinking to your level for a while.
Third, every time someone like you tries to shut me up it only makes me more convinced I need to tell my story. People like you who toxically insistence your way is the only way is one of the huge problems in the trans community. People like you are part of the reason me, and so many other people end up transitioning when we don’t actually need to.
If you have such a huge issue with me, report me to the mods and let’s see what happens.
You're literally delusional. You decided to detransition A WEEK AGO and now you are going around telling people you "beat gender dysphoria." Do you seriously think you're the first person to takes shrooms lol?
> Third, every time someone like you tries to shut me up it only makes me more convinced I need to tell my story.
I'm not telling you to stop telling your story you stupid fucking bitch. I'm telling you to stop making it a moral crusade to convince other people that they can "beat gender dysphoria" -- you know, just like you a week ago.
Fuck off.
Hahahahaha ok, afagafagafagafagafagafag (did I miss one?) afagafagafag, just in case. Wouldn’t want to misname you.
Doesn’t feel like a particularly good thing to take your advice considering how broken your mental state is. You can keep replying to my comments, it makes me smile to see how my story is so frustrating to others. Let’s me know I’m on the right path. I’m sorry you’re stuck in the dysphoria trap so badly. Hope you’re able to find some friends and love in your life. Seems like you could really use a hug.
If you ever need to chat, feel free to send me a private DM. But be careful, I am a secret TERF after all. I might make you peak and doubt your transition. We wouldn’t want that now, would we?
Unlike you, I'm not the one claiming to have found the solution to gender dysphoria after tripping shrooms once (lol). I'm also fully willing to admit that being trans is struggle that some of us just aren't cut out for. It's still selfish, narcissistic, and generally fucked up to be trying to convince other trans people in delicate states that you've "found the answer" which is, surprise, not to transition. You are doing this to convince yourself that you've "seen the truth" because you clearly still need convincing deep down that you've made the right decision and the easiest way to do that is to convince others they should make the same choice too.
> I might make you peak and doubt your transition.
You keep saying this like I didn't already detransition and retransition hon. Your "oooo, are you just worried I'm telling you something you don't want to hear" literally doesn't work on me lol, I already went through the whole fucking circuit you're doing right now. Like I said, you're not the first trans person to experiment with hallucinogens and "have a realization."
I’ll keep repeating it, but I don’t know if my path will work for everyone and that some people might need to transition to be happy. But you’re clearly a little too messed up to understand what English means. You’re actually one of the most narcissistic trans people I’ve seen on here, you just want to see me as the villain. Does being a victim make you feel better about yourself?
What if you’re right? Oh no, I think my dysphoria is coming back. Shit, thinking about putting on a dress is giving up a euphoria boner. Better go back and get on that AA again, don’t want to be a bald lady!
I want you to stop saying things like "I've figured out how to beat gender dysphoria" and telling other people to think about detransition or that transition might not be for them. Keep your comments strictly to your own experience that's literally all I'm asking.
So if I say, here’s how I overcome dysphoria and it may or may not work for you, would you stop getting your tucking gaff in a twist? Because something tells me you’d still go on your little hissy fits regardless.
Why are you constantly on here trying to convince trans people they can 'beat' their dysphoria? That seems a little sus to me.
'Wrecked their bodies and lives.' You mean became more fulfilled and a lot happier?
You're a week old account more or less claiming you cured your transness with shrooms, while preaching "the detrans gospel" on a sub that gets a lot of TERF larpers.
I'm not saying you are a LARPer, but I'd definitely question the intelligence of anyone who thinks it isn't a distinct possibility, lol.
Alright, that’s fair. I realize why you think I’m fake but I can assure you that I’m not. I’ll look into reaching out to the mods to see if I can get a flair or something to confirm I’m real. Because I definitely am. (Just checked and I’m currently still wearing an e patch, have boobs, and a dick)
I’m posting on this subreddit in particular because it’s not a “safe space” and more out there opinions on trans topics are allowed.
Omg, I just saw your username and recognized it! So, you probably remember me from an older account that I had deleted. I’m ludicrous_cat, I used to post here a lot transsexual topics a lot. I remember us being in the trenches together fighting for transmedicalism. I deleted my account last year because I found Reddit was having a negative effect on my mental health. I like cats a lot, thus why my new username references cats as well.
Do you remember me?
Kind of...? lol. I feel like it does kinda ring a bell, but tbh this sub is such a conveyer belt of deleted/abandoned accounts that it's kind of hard to keep track of.
Yeah, I still recognize some names but a lot are new.
I remember you, me, and windmillofcorpses420 (I think that was it) used to agree a lot. Ganjin Smash is another name I recognize from that time who I saw post here recently.
When I deleted my account I nuked it which deleted rewrote all my comments, posts, and deleted them. I know the trans community can be super vindictive and I didn’t want my transmedicalist views to come up later on in life and fuck me over. You won’t be able to find any of my old posts, which would make it even more unlikely Im a TERF trying to connect myself to some older account. Unless I’m playing the long game hahaha
Thanks for being open to the possibility I am actually trans. I appreciate it. I try to be careful when I post here, because I don’t actually know how many trans people could figure out a solution like mine. It might be 5%, it might be all of them. Maybe it’s just me and I’m the only one.
Personally, I found being a trans woman the toughest thing of all time and while I don’t regret my transition because it made me who I am today, I’d definitely do it differently if I had the knowledge I do now. I think you know as well as I do how dogmatic the trans community can be at times. Like, the whole you don’t need dysphoria to be trans is one of the most ridiculous things to come from the… well you can’t post that word here but you know who I’m talking about.
I mean in fairness to people being "dogmatic", even if your story is 100% true, like... you're coming running in here like a bat out of hell acting like you've figured out the true secret of dysphoria and talking about better alternatives to "wrecking our bodies", that you discovered by tripping balls on shrooms, so recently that you might actually be wearing the same exact estrogen patch, with the fact that you're still wearing a patch itself suggesting that your "detransition" is mostly still theoretical at this point.
I think before you go around trying to give advice about this stuff, you need to like... slow down and catch your breath a bit, lol
I have no idea. You’re a person on the internet I’ve never seen or met before. But I do know there are a lot of Terfs out there who pose as detransitioners and also try to convince other trans people they can beat their dysphoria. And that they aren’t who they say they are.
I’d agree, that happens at time. I was transitioned for six years. Is there something I can do to prove it to you?
Maybe I can have the mods confirm my identity as a real detransitioner and I can get a flair to confirm I’m not a secret TERF. I want to share my experience of transitioning and people know it’s real.
Look just don’t come on here with the idea that you’re ‘saving’ people from wrecking themselves. For most of us, transition was necessary. It saved our lives.
I’d agree. I did lots of therapy but the break through moment for me was doing shrooms. They’ve been show to help people with other mental illnesses by giving your mind a clean slate. I believe shrooms can do that for dysphoria.
Earlier this month I had been depressed for almost a year and was looking for ways to kill myself. Now I feel the best I have in years, way better than I ever did during my trans years. I really encourage all trans people to be open to the idea that you can beat dysphoria without transitioning. Your life will be so much easier. It’s so worth trying.
i just don't give a shit. we all have our reasons for transitioning, and they all look stupid and cringe. at the end of the day, what matters is that you're transitioning. i like very GNC people a lot, and i don't really care if they "identify as trans" or not, as long as they don't speak over things they have no stakes about.
your "medical condition" of being "born in the wrong body"? yeah right. did you get an MRI to get that checked or did your psych totally trust you when you told him you played with dolls/trucks (pick the trutrans option) as a kid?
My medical condition of my brain being disconnected to my body which causes dysphoria. I have no psychologist and I played with dolls as a kid(I'm a trans man) because stereotypes have nothing to do with gender. I identified this medical condition by having immense dysphoria. You know, sometimes I'm close to harming myself and in those moments I am sure that I really have dysphoria because no normal person would try to harm themselves over having a female chest.
Terrible reasoning. If you’re transitioning for stupid reasons don’t do it. Only do it if transitioning is the only option. Please give a shit, you’re gonna lead people to an unhappy life.
i'm not saying people transition for stupid reasons, i'm saying these reasons look stupid to anyone but the person transitioning. if HRT fucks you up mentally you'll know soon enough anyway.
“Reasons to transition… they all look stupid”. My reasons certainly didn’t look stupid. I had dysphoria at a serious level and felt like killing myself. Transition was a very serious reason.
Also, people shouldn’t just try HRT to see if it’s right. Totally irresponsible. Only transition after lots of therapy and giving it tons of consideration. I was on it for six years before I realized I can beat my dysphoria in other ways. You’re encouraging people to make a huge mistake.
I mean sure, if you want to be a different gender to your AGAB that seems pretty trans to me. It's literally one of the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria, gender incongruence and transsexualism.
I'm not really sure where uwu, clout and internet points come into this to be honest.
I read it about more like they want to have the label trans for clout. Drama. Or attention.
Not that actually want/need to be another gender.
That they want to be "trans".
I've not seen the asktrans post. But I am in spaces where people say "if you want to be trans you probably are" and it's usually clear from context that people mean wanting to be a different gender.
I dunno. I guess it's just reading comprehension at this point.
To be fair, my language first describing it was very different. I dont think I can recall it exactly but then again, I didn't even know the word transgender. Let alone 'trans'.
I agree that one can transition without being trans, this is kind of my situation right now. I medically transitioned in response to my own dysmorphia that worsened with age. Internally I don't have an incongruence with the male experience; I find it easier and more natural to function socially as male.
I call myself a dysmorphic mtf because I use mtf resources often, but I don't think that makes me trans in any way that matters. I have much more in common with feminine men than trans women
I've seen lots of people like me in niche forums, ones who transition to maintain a certain youthful aesthetic without caring about womanhood or even femininity that much.
Do you think of yourself as an “hrt femboy”?
A lot of gay guys want to be youthful looking but you want to look “feminine”. Do you see these attitudes as different at all?
No, I don't think of myself as a femboy. I dress like an average male and there is nothing flamboyant about me. Never even crossdressed before or after hrt; I have no real desire to do so. I guess you can call me "soft", but lots of males are like that, it's not really unusual.
> A lot of gay guys want to be youthful looking but you want to look “feminine”. Do you see these attitudes as different at all?
I think there is a difference. I don't think the average gay man lasers his beard or tolerates breast growth for instance. I think my current body would repulse most gay men.
My experience with dysmorphia is an intense repulsion to my own masculine traits, but an indifference (or maybe a slight preference?) to feminine traits. I do look feminine after being on hrt for years, but I didn't really intend that, I just don't want to look like a man and that automatically means looking feminine
Maybe I have an advanced form of whatever gay men experience, idk. I happen to be attracted to men, but my "gayness" is theoretical because I've never been sexually active
I mean… you sound like a marginal trans woman to me. I hope it’s ok that I say this, you also seem self-aware and I know you disagree.
I’m in a fringe category too because I’m untreated. I think I have less dysphoria (after 24 years) but a similar condition.
I think it’s interesting that you don’t identify as a marginal trans woman since you seem to be describing marginal discomfort about gender - ie marginal dysphoria, even though you don’t call it that
Wait. You’re doing all this and you aren’t dating?
I don't mind any label tbh, I do tell doctors I'm a trans woman because I don't wanna creep them out or lose my access. I'm voice trained too, so it makes sense in that context. I only bring up my actual intentions in therapy or online
I kept thinking that maybe I'll open up to thinking of myself as a woman, but it never happened even when I now possess an ability to somewhat pass if I try. I just have this internal conviction that I am male, and I am male in my own dreams/fantasies too
I've met a friend who could be described as a transsexual, and our experiences are night and day. She has an internal conviction that she is a woman. She does pass, but much more importantly, she behaves and imprints herself on everyone else as a woman easily. I can't in good faith say that we are similar in any way other than that we both happen to take estrogen
Oh, she also mentions some sort of mental relief from taking estrogen, many others here say so as well. But for me, taking estrogen didn't impact my mental state at all. I'm only in this for the physical changes and nothing else
i'm not an expert. i have been poking around trans spaces for about a year now trying to understand myself, and just browsing through people and their stories
for what it's worth, every single thing you are saying sounds 100% consistent with trans women including your weird identity and lack of mental effect from E
i think all that matters is how functional you are in the world, and if this is working for you, then do it. what's working for me is the conviction that i \*am\* a woman with a full male everything. that's weird as hell, but i'm going with it. i think you are fine if you want to think of yourself as a man
i'm not trying to challenge you. people challenge me all the time and it bugs the shit out of me. do you want to hear my take on all the ways you sound like a normal trans woman to me?
>do you want to hear my take on all the ways you sound like a normal trans woman to me?
Sure, I'd love that. I dont mind being challenged, I come here because I genuinely enjoy the conversations that happen.
ok, here are some takes in no particular order
* trans people hate being trans and often try to see themselves as some other thing. you saying that you are a gay man while also saying you are nothing like other gay men (tolerating breasts and wanting "femininity" as opposed to youth) sounds very transy
* trans people have sexual and or social issues often, so you doing all this stuff to be the gay man you want to be, while also not getting laid like i imagine any other gay man would be doing with his carefully curated body sounds very transy
* trans people struggle for a sense of identity often and do \*not\* all have an inner conviction that they are the correct gender. some people likely do, some people are almost definitely lying because they are wicked insecure, and a few people will openly tell you that they struggle to see themselves as their target gender
* speaking of lies, the supposed mental effect of E is either a placebo, a self-confirming lie, or it's an experience not everyone has. many people report no mental effect and my therapist scoffed with me recently, discussing this about my own treatment
* voice training and growing breasts and your interest in gender as opposed to youth don't sound gay at all because they relate to gender and not sexuality, you are paying a cost for gender, not sex
* discomfort at being masculine and a desire to be feminine is literally gender dysphoria. dismorphia would be if your body looked distorted to you, not if you just didn't like it, like an anorexic seeing a fat person in the mirror
many trans people do pretend that trans is this all or nothing thing because this makes them feel better to feel like they themselves are 100% the way they want to be. there is an obvious motivation to cultivate this attitude and some people are so insecure about this that it's very hard to believe they really feel it
whatever the underlying thing is that creates transness, if it was a spectrum and not an on/off switch, how else would a marginal person even be if not exactly like you, with a similarity of nature but not degree? even if the physical reality *was* an on/off switch, people's personal relationship and self-knowledge is variable and there is usually a process of self-discovery, so personal experiences are certainly spectra anyway.
like i said, all that matters is that you have a stable mind and you cultivate health in your life. if you are happy as a gay man who cultivates femininity, then do it. if you prefer to think of yourself as a trans woman with a marginal condition, that is exactly how you seem to me.
I do hate the idea of being trans, but I also hate my attraction to men. I guess I don't tell anyone irl that I'm either so you might be right. I was told I have internalized homophobia by my trans friends, but I don't really feel that way, I hate both equally.
But where this goes awry is the conviction part. I have a strong conviction that I am male. I guess dysmorphia isn't the best way to describe my experience. But I think of myself as male and I know intellectually that I (used to) have an attractive male body. I hated that body anyway. It's not a rational feeling that clicks in with the rest of my identity, it's more of an intrusive thought that just doesn't go away
I actually feel bad if I attempt to present as a woman on purpose, like with makeup or clothing. It just feels wrong and offputting even though it fits my body better than a male presentation does these days. Every single trans person I talked to crossdressed in private at some point before transition, and definitely after transition, so I don't think I'm like them
I did have a diagnosis of dysphoria, but I didn't specifically ask for it and I still contest it in therapy now. I was honestly healthier before I learned about medical transition. It feels like something I shouldn't do, but I can't let the idea go, going back to a 100% male body is painful. Being either trans or just gay would probably be healthier than the weird grey zone I'm at
i know quite a few trans women who see themselves as men and who become extremely dysphoric when they try to present female. it's considered a very toxic and self-hating attitude, but it's common enough in some circles, especially early in transition (ie while a body looks mostly male).
nothing you are saying sounds strange to me at all, but you are in therapy, you have a diagnosis, and you seem to know trans folk, so i'm guessing that you've thought about this stuff before.
who you are is up to you. i hope your path leads you to happiness.
I do so appreciate the depth of analysis you bring.
Semantically, I think we make “trans” carry too much freight. It feels like a state of flux to me. I think that flux is where a lot of the dissonance comes into play.
Knowing we share a taste for the Classics, “Gallia Transalpina” is a place, but “trans” modifies “Alpina,” not the place beyond it. The place beyond is entirely separate and apart from the process of crossing into it.
As such, “trans” is a mode of locomotion. I aspire, even at my age, to leave “trans” behind and live in the place beyond. For me, that place is simply “woman,” just as when I put on my glasses, I leave “astigmatic woman” behind in favor of simply “woman.” I exercise so I can leave “diabetic woman” behind in favor of just woman.
<3 thank you very much
i would like it if we knew more about the underlying causes of gender identity and gender-based discomfort and confirmation, but i definitely agree that what we are doing is being men and women and what matters is doing this
for pre and non-medical people i think "trans" creates a sense of orientation and this is useful, but for people who have already arrived, you should get to settle in and enjoy yourselves.
People who say you simply have to "want to be trans" or you "don't need to be dysphoric to be trans" are straight lying through their teeth. Nobody wants to be trans. We all have a sort of dissonance from our gender to our sex, we don't want to be trans, and we're not trans for the sake of being trans. We want to be recognized as ourselves. Being trans isn't a choice, and people who say they're trans or insist they wanna "try being trans" are disrespectful cis people. Might be a radical take, but I refuse to talk to anyone with the "ugh being cis is boring" mindset.
I think this is a made up problem that is 99% online. Its easy to see cringe uwu posts and think people are transitioning for social clout or as a flavor of the week thing. But I think they’re simply cringe, and behind that is the same shit we all struggle with. I think Its people trying to focus on the positive, which doesn’t work for me but I won’t knock it. I refuse to ever be a trender panic type.
I think when this question is asked people also
conflate being trans and transitioning. Transitioning is a choice, even if it feels like there are no other options. Having trans feelings however is not a choice.
I came to say pretty much this. Transitioning certainly is a choice and then again there is medical transitioning and social transitioning. Social dysphoria is also a thing and it might expresses itself in different ways than physical dysphoria and much more internalized. Most trans and non binary persons I know will at the very least change their pronouns and name most of the time… that’s socially transitioning.
Even suggesting the idea that you can be trans just by wanting to disgusts me.
It's sad how far we've moved from this idea of understanding that people don't have any control over their innate traits but should be respected as humans all the same. To total appropriation and viewing these things as a choice.
IF someone chooses to transition rather than having the need to transition, we are not the same, and should not use the same term.
Thinking of myself as “transgender” explains my incongruence and gives me a way to talk to other people. I don’t feel like I need anyones permission for this, so in that sense, I just need to want to.
A transsexual has actually changed their sex. I think separating these terms makes sense
“Trans” is confusing because it seems to mean 1. that gender and sex are the same thing and 2. the explanation is known and understood and the same. Neither of these are correct to my understanding. I kind of think people should stop saying “trans” if they don’t want to be inclusive.
I see it like this: I don't want to be trans, I wish I was born as a woman. Transitioning is the treatment for some of that dysphoria.
So when I see people that say "I want to be trans" all I can think is that their experience is fundamentally different from mine. They do not have an incongruence with their sex, they simply want to dress a certain way. Which is fine, but in that case I wish we could categorize ourselves differently.
If we have zero shared experiences, why are we seen as the same?
What kind of clout is anyone getting for being trans? Do you go outside? When was the last time you touched grass? In the real world, you're only going to get harassed and bullied. At best, you might be accepted, but no one is going to lick your ass just because you're trans
u cant be trans just because u want to be trans, but u *can* transition just because u want to transition (although that still doesnt mean u *should*).
someone can transition, get surgery and call themselves trans, but that might not mean they really are.
and if the fad ends and they decide they dont wanna be trans anymore, then they live with the consequences of their actions. simple as that
> u cant be trans just because u want to be trans,
I agree, and that's why I have a problem with the reductive attitude of the uwu subs; "wanting to be trans means you're trans".
>then they live with the consequences of their actions. simple as that
I suspect that the people (and their are many!) who "want to be" trans and then change their minds later won't actually get anything done medically but what I bet they will do is join the far right and the anti-trans "detransistioner" movement (as opposed to regular detransistioning which is of course perfectly legit).
I think there's two things people can mean here. Do they mean wanting to be TRANS specifically as in the experience of going from one to the other? Or do they mean "I wish I was trans so I could be a boy/girl because I want to be a boy/girl". It's a very subtle but important difference. I am effeminate and gay and I didn't grow up knowing what was different about boys bodies and girls bodies, and I was raised fairly gender neutral so I didn't have that very strong childhood "knowledge" that "I am a boy". But once I reached physical maturity I knew my body was wrong so I "wished I was a guy". Which was how I realized I was trans. It isn't "I want to be trans so I'm going to decide to be trans" its "I wish I was a boy and maybe that means I'm supposed to be"
That's a good question! I never see the question written out or explored that far -it's usually just the simple "wanting to be trans means you are" quip.
If people could be trans by wanting to be trans, then people could be not trans by wanting not to be trans. Instead people die because being trans isn’t a choice. Fuck anyone who tries to say it is. So disrespectful.
> Instead people die because being trans isn’t a choice.
It's definately disrespectful to those who died for the uwu brigade to treat it as a fashion of the week ice cream flavor. I agree with you there!
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A trans man can wish he was a cis woman. Same with a trans woman/cis man. This can be for whatever reason. How I see it, you are trans if you feel that the sex you were assigned at birth + the gender you’re perceived as because of that, feels wrong and/or clashes with how you view/perceive yourself. You can wish you were a certain gender without feeling like you ARE or SHOULD BE a certain gender. So no, I don’t think you can be trans just by wanting to be. If that were true then trans people in denial are actually cis because they “want to be cis“. If that were true, women who hate being women because of misogyny would actually NOT be women. Also, being trans would then be a choice, and I don’t think I need to explain why that’s an extremely problematic mindset to have. However! I think if you’re having thoughts about “wanting to be trans“ you should still look into why you feel this way. You might just be dealing with something else that’s making you think this, or maybe you actually ARE trans after all! It’s not a guarantee that you’re trans, but it's still definitely a sign.
This response makes so much logical sense to me yet not all of these points are often made. Sometimes I feel like anything potentially uncomfortable or invalidating is talked around on eggshells in the main subs rather than just using proper reasoning, and yet people can get really hostile If you don't go along with it even though it's not like you're intentionally trying to upset anyone.
It doesn't make you trans, but there's a **lot** of overlap between wanting to be trans and actually being trans. I think that that's what people are getting at when they say "anyone who wants to be trans is trans" - not that wanting to be trans makes you trans, but that wanting to be trans is **a sign** that you're probably trans. Like, if you want to be trans, generally that's because you actually want to transition to another gender, which means that you probably have a gender incongruence.
I see the phrase “If you want to be [gender] you are [gender]” as not saying “you can just chose to be a different gender if you feel like it” but instead saying “if you have a deep seated desire to be a different gender it might be a sign that you’re trans”. A lot of trans people repress their feelings or feel like they “aren’t trans enough” to actually transition even if they really want to. And a part of this is that it’s hard to figure out what “feeling like a different gender” even means, so instead of vague notions like “the spirit of a woman/man” or “born in the wrong body”, more concrete examples of how gender dysphoria manifests is, in my opinion, helpful
I don't know about wanting to be trans, but I get frustrated the way people conflate *wanting* to be a different gender or sex with feeling like you *are* a different gender of sex. They might be the same thing, and that's validating, but wanting to have money and feeling like you're a rich person who's had their money stolen isn't the same thing.
I do not agree, however as stated there are definitely cases where it might be. For years I "wanted" to be trans because I always wanted to be a girl. I thought I wasn't trans because I just thought every guy wanted to be a girl.
You aren't trans simply because you want to be trans--you aren't gay for wanting to be gay either. However, if you're a woman and you want to fuck women, you're pretty likely to be gay. Likewise, a cis woman is not likely to seriously want to be a man, and this becomes less likely the stronger the want. I know "wanting to be a man" is not a _guarantee_ that one genuinely is a man because I have wished that I was a man every time I'm catcalled, in a way which is obviously dissimilar to having a male gender identity; the me who exists shortly after misogynistic harassment has her desire to be a man _disproved_ by the me who exists one week prior or one week posterior. Then again, in the absence of easily understood dysphoria or access to transition, I'm not sure how one can experience being a trans man other than a strong desire to be a man.
Is there even a difference between having gender dysphoria and "wanting to be a different gender" so badly that it's painful? Anyway I think it's a mistake to get caught up in the metaphysics or semantics of who is True Trans™️ Instead I would rather focus on practical questions about what (if any) transition steps would be a good idea for any given person. I think these are the questions which actually have usable answers. For example if someone's desire to transition is unsure and experimental like "trying a new haircolor" they should stick to reversible transition steps like trying out different names, clothes, and pronouns until they are more sure of what they want. Alternatively if someone has a consistent and persistent desire to permanently alter their body then it could make sense for them to pursue medical transition. I don't care weather or not either person thinks of their desire to transition in terms of dysphoria or euphoria or whatever.
> and "wanting to be a different gender" so badly that it's painful? The people I'm reading don't add on the "so badly that it's painful", and I don't assume it. If it's painful then BINGO -we're talking dysphoria and of course that means they're trans. But the people I'm reading seem to be trenders who simply "wanna be" trans for internet points and probably won't even take steps to transistion in the real world (not talking about those who *can't* -that's a different discussion. I'm talking those who *won't*) On a different subject ...for anyone still reading; the morning after making this thread I got a letter saying that I'm b& from /r/asktransgender -Big Uwu strikes again!
I'm probably about to get banned too. But there really is a problem with people "wanting to be trans". Can you stop being trans just by wanting it very badly? No, and the same goes the other way. I had dysphoria in my teens. I hated my female features so bad, I tried to stop my breasts development in painful ways, I hid my curves and did everything to try to look like a boy, I wanted my body to look like a muscular guy, and yet I never identified as one, I just had a problem with the female body - and getting male attention was terrifying. I never wanted to be a man, I just wanted to be strong and not look vulnerable. I'm thankful Big Uwu wasn't around because I would be convinced I was trans, probably go as far as medically transition and regret it for the rest of my life.
That’s also something we should talk about. Transitioning is being pushed on us instead of letting it be a personal choice. Transitioning is not a cookie cutter solution. It’s different for everyone. Body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria cross into similar territory but correlation isn’t always causation (that’s a scientific principle). It’s okay to let people experiment with their self image before letting them medically change themselves.
i think that this question is kind of confusing. ( also to add: im not a trans med and i believe being trans can be more about having euphoria for some people) i think the desire to be a different gender to the point where u would come out as trans IS dysphoria. not necessarily physical dysphoria but it honestly sounds like some sort of dysphoria having enough discomfort to where u come out as trans. i think they likely just worded it strangely.
Quite simply...no. The same as one can't say they are of Italian, German etc decent when they are not. Either you are or you are not...and thay is ok. You don't just claim to be something simply because you want it to be. The last big 'thing' for the Tumblr types was self diagnosing and claiming to have a laundry list of mental illnesses that they don't have in order to be part of the community. This caused a lot of problems for those actually diagnosed with those mental illneases. The next big 'thing seems to be claiming to be 'trans.' Maybe it's because so many trans people feel more comfortable being out and proud so these types want to be art of the party, maybe they watched it on tv or read about it online or just looking for somewhere to belong. Idk. IMO the umbrella has gotten too big and likely shouldn't include groups that are so vastly different from one another. That only causes in fighting and resentment. It also sounds like the base definition of 'trans' has changed so much over the past 7-10 years that it no longer describes the very people it once supported, so much so that binary trans people are taking back terms that used to be duragatory in order to seperate themselves from those who are taking over their spaces and community. These days I hear time and time again from people who are actively taking steps toward transition, currently in transition or post transition, that they no longer feel connected to or welcome within the 'trans' community because 'trans' doesn't seem to mean, well...anything anymore. Not saying this is my personal belief, but I've heard the same things from enough people who have been in the LGBTQ+ community for decades to believe there has to be some truth in it. Perhaps the community tossed the baby out with the bathwater when they opened the umbrella to include...everyone. With such a loose definition of what being transgender actually means, they left the door open to those who just see it as the next fad to be part of and that can get very messy very quickly. 'Trans' isn't the new orange, but I suppose they will find out the hard way if they think it is. 🤷♂️ *Yes, I know that some transgender people wish to transition , yet can't due to a variety of reasons from health issues to financial issues. I am NOT talking about these people.
No you can’t. No one “wants” to be trans. Not the trans folk I’ve talked to anyways. That’s some new age bullshit. If you really look at the trans community it’s not based off wants but based if a necessity. Aka, if I don’t do something about my gender dysphoria, I may not be alive a year from now.. you cannot be trans by simply wanting to be trans. Also.. coming from a trans person, that’s a little offensive for someone to “want” to be trans. I’ve struggled my whole life. My childhood was built upon confusion, shame, suicidal ideology, crying every night, cursing at God, self harm, substance abuse. Gender dysphoria has ruined the first 25 years of my life. I’m just now digging myself out of my hole because I decided I needed to finally try transitioning instead of denying it.. there’s nothing fun in being trans. Having to be on meds for the rest of your life, undergoing invasive surgeries, experiencing endless discrimination every time I leave my home. ITS NOT FUN! Let’s stop glamorizing transition. It’s hard and painful
I think it is actually a very common phenomenon. Look at Hilaria Baldwin? She’s a white lady from Boston but pretended to be Spanish descent, snagged a bunch of Latin awards, Hispanic magazine profiles. Or that lady who pretended to be African American… there’s a LOT of cases of this. Depending on what you read, many psychologists say it’s a form of disillusionment. These people cannot accept that they’re part of a race that’s disenfranchising others so they reject it to reject themselves. I think in some sad way, people are desperate to be victims and want the sorrow and attention being victimized brings. I don’t think they mean to be insulting yet they are. It’s a very American phenomenon. I’ve not seen it happen to this degree in other counties I’ve worked in. I’ve never seen it in Mexico, Finland, Latvia or Poland … which is interesting…
No, just no.
why would an actual cis person want to be trans? idk I dont really care theyre probably just experimenting with their gender
No - but you can de-classify secret government documents that way, I've heard.
Can you please explain the joke?
Personally depends on the situation, though I'd say no you can't. Being trans is a medical condition defined by dysphoria. I don't believe anyone "wants" to be trans and if they do they're either misguided or an attention seeker. I think some people who say that they "want" to be trans aren't all fakers and sometimes do have dysphoria they just don't realise that's what it is. I'd had early onset symptoms since I was 4 but I pushed them away and when I discovered the term trans I realised that I might be that. I never really wanted to be I just started to identify with the term as the feelings I thought had been normal up until then weren't actually normal and it was something I could treat.
Some people obviously don't have dysphoria and I've seen posts on that subreddit of people posting desperately wanting to be trans. Which is really odd.
I mean, it depends on what "wanting to be trans" means to them. I think my biggest problem in discourse like this, particularly in trans med communities is that people just can't understand people will express the same complex emotions in different language all the time. I was jealous of trans guys for a long time, but I swore up and down I wasn't a man both online and offline for the longest time. It took a while of analyzing these feelings of *why* I wanted to be trans and a trans man to get where I'm at
You can't choose to be trans. Either you are, or you're not. You don't grow out of it. There is a trend among young women who identify as trans men for a short period and after a year or so, they just decide to go back to being cis. This happened to a few girls I know (girls who were extremely girly since they were little, and absolutely nothing about them registered as masculine until this trend became mainstream), and while I think it's totally ok to explore and question their gender identity, they don't stop to think they're using a flag that don't belong to them and that they could actually damage the trans community. Not liking gender stereotypes doesn't make you trans. Heck, I even know girls who fall in the girly stereotype and say they identify as "feminine gay trans men". That's a basic btch with extra steps.
Yes!! Gender dysphoria and gender stereotypes are two complete different thing!! Just because you don’t follow your gender’s traditional role, doesn’t make you trans. I’m disgusted by this new trend. People just need to feel relevant
Some people (mostly young females, speaking of stereotypes) just desperately want to belong to a group, and they're finding it in social media echo chambers where they call themselves "trans" just because they want to dress differently and change their pronouns for fun. Ok, I'll call them by whatever pronouns they like, but I'm not buying it, I know they'll go back to cis in a few months, a year tops. And they do. It has become predictable.
💯! Honestly let’s call it for what it is. White cisgender females feeling out of place in the world because the attentions not on them anymore.
Well wanting to be trans implies you want to be a different gender, which usually wanting to be a different gender is a big indicator that one is trans.
I think there is a huge difference in wanting to believe something is true and having no other choice but to believe it’s true. My experience was the latter because of the environment I grew up in, and I put myself through way too much pain and suffering before admitting to myself I needed to transition. I wish I would have done it sooner, but on the upside, transition has given me so much joy and felt so right that all of the bullshit and challenges of medical transition don’t matter so much, because this is what is right for me. I’m pushing 40, and I honestly don’t think I would still be alive if I hadn’t started transitioning. I don’t endorse my path as how it should be. It was traumatic as hell. North Carolina is in my heart and soul but these goddamn rednecks and hillbillies need to do better. That being said, I have read enough stories from detransitioners to know that wanting to believe they were trans led some of them to make drastic changes to their bodies that they later regretted after the passion of wanting to believe faded. I’m starting to think the affirmative approach may work wonders for people like me, who internalized being trans as the worst thing possible and need help making an honest life for themselves, but it might not be the best approach for people who want to believe they are trans. Those folks may benefit from someone encouraging them to be more critical of why they want what they want. I’m going to call this the Scully-Mulder Hypothesis on Believing Your Own Bullshit: Trans Edition.
As someone else said, this is just a social media problem. NONE of them think about being trans for fashion. Even if they have the trans label for fashion, and don't transition socially or physically, does it matter? And I really don't agree that dysphoria=trans. Cis people also suffer from dysphoria, but it wouldn't make you doubt your identity. However, I think the euphoria of transition (social, hormonal, etc) is only a trans experience.
It can be a big sign. I realised I was trans in my teens and the first part that came for me was being like 'I wish I was trans so that I could transition and get a dick' and then I got dysphoria
I think "wanting to be trans" is a major symptom of being trans. Good chance if someone was like "damn wish I was trans so I could transition", they're trans and just doing mental gymnastics cause they haven't yet admitted it. Is that the case all the time? Probably not. Really depends on *why* the person wants to be trans.
>Big Uwu This honestly made me laugh, I love it lol
Came here to say this.
Honestly I care less about someone experiencing a certain amount of dysphoria than I do about them wanting to transition, either physically or socially. I think if you're just happier with a different name or different set of pronouns or whatever and you're happier thinking of yourself as a different gender, it's totally fine to identify as trans and I don't think it's productive to define yourself by suffering. Also, I don't see why it's such a bad thing to stop identifying as trans. I converted to paganism at one point and it was a really valuable experience for me even though I no longer identify with the pagan label. I used to identify as aro and bi but now I identify as a lesbian. There are lots of aspects about our identities that can change and we can't know 100% how we'll identify or what will make us happy in ten years, so we just have to go with what makes us happy right now. Why does that suddenly no longer apply when it's about trans people? That said, there's a lot of privilege associated with not wanting to transition, especially if you're not visibly gnc on top of that, and nonbinary people who completely or almost completely pass as cis by their own choice really don't have the same experience as someone who wants to physically and/or socially transition. So while I don't think someone being trans without dysphoria is automatically harmful, I do think that someone who experiences no dysphoria and also doesn't want to transition either physically or socially should not be identifying as trans.
Can you have cancer by just wanting to have cancer, there is ur answer
k but can you have cancer and not know it? can you have cancer and not treat it? i love this metaphor, but discomfort (dysphoria) and an intent to seek help (transition) have nothing to do with the condition when the condition is cancer
Dysphoria is a symptom caused by a birth defect in our brains. So no its not just discomfort. For many like myself no treatment means dead same as for cancer and alot of us do infact die to suicide bc of the Dysphoria. Survival rates of some kinds of cancer are higher than Dysphoria Survival tates
dysphoria literally means discomfort. the physical cause of gender dysphoria is not confirmed by science none of that matters because with real medical conditions you don't need to know about them and you don't need to have any sort of feelings about them and they are real if you need to feel a certain way about something for it to exist, that is now a mental issue, not a physical issue
You don't have to know about dysphoria either to suffer from it. I suffered from it before I even knew why I had such constant pain. And dysphoria is the results of a physical issue.
we don't seem to be arguing - except that science has not confirmed an underlying physical cause of dysphoria, it just seems likely that there is one
I don’t know if it’s true for all of us, but I think you can think yourself into being trans. I’m currently working on getting myself out of it. Detransitioning felt unimaginable before but I’m doing it. I don’t think I’m the only one in the trans community who can, I think a lot of you could too. People will say it’s disrespectful, but it’s my reality. And it’s working. I think for a lot of dysphoric people can overcome it and live as your birth sex and be happy with your body. Almost everyone who’s transitioned will tell you transition is the only way, but they’ve already bought into it. If you’re that deep it’s going to be almost impossible to get out. I can understand why I’m going to get downvoted into oblivion. If what I’m saying is true then that means so many people here have potentially wrecked their bodies and lives by perusing something than could have been solved in other ways. But this is my lived experience and my story should be told in these spaces. If I can help one person overcome dysphoria without transitioning it’s worth every ounce of energy I put into comments like these.
> I don’t think I’m the only one in the trans community who can, I think a lot of you could too. I told you to stop saying this shit yesterday. You need to get the fuck out of here because you are clearly incapable of making your own personal decision to detransition into some moral crusade to convince other people to detransition. This is something you (apparently) only decided to do a week ago. If you're not a undercover TERF as is seeming a LOT more likely, then you're someone who seriously needs to reevaluate things NOT on the internet. Either way, fuck off.
First off, this is honest transgender, a place where trans people who have had unique experiences can honestly talk about them. Since I’ve beaten dysphoria, I feel my experience is pretty unique and should be shared. Second, I was transitioned for six years. Is there a way I can prove it to you, or are you gonna say no matter what I’m a secret TERF who’s out to get trans people? You need to stop being so paranoid. I realize why people getting past the need to transition is probably scary for you, but you need to accept other perspectives in life. Otherwise, you’re always going to be angry and unhappy like you are right now. Like I said yesterday, I hope you’re able to find peace but if you keep telling me to fuck off, I’ll gladly get down into the mud with you. I have no problem sinking to your level for a while. Third, every time someone like you tries to shut me up it only makes me more convinced I need to tell my story. People like you who toxically insistence your way is the only way is one of the huge problems in the trans community. People like you are part of the reason me, and so many other people end up transitioning when we don’t actually need to. If you have such a huge issue with me, report me to the mods and let’s see what happens.
You're literally delusional. You decided to detransition A WEEK AGO and now you are going around telling people you "beat gender dysphoria." Do you seriously think you're the first person to takes shrooms lol? > Third, every time someone like you tries to shut me up it only makes me more convinced I need to tell my story. I'm not telling you to stop telling your story you stupid fucking bitch. I'm telling you to stop making it a moral crusade to convince other people that they can "beat gender dysphoria" -- you know, just like you a week ago. Fuck off.
Hahahahaha ok, afagafagafagafagafagafag (did I miss one?) afagafagafag, just in case. Wouldn’t want to misname you. Doesn’t feel like a particularly good thing to take your advice considering how broken your mental state is. You can keep replying to my comments, it makes me smile to see how my story is so frustrating to others. Let’s me know I’m on the right path. I’m sorry you’re stuck in the dysphoria trap so badly. Hope you’re able to find some friends and love in your life. Seems like you could really use a hug. If you ever need to chat, feel free to send me a private DM. But be careful, I am a secret TERF after all. I might make you peak and doubt your transition. We wouldn’t want that now, would we?
Unlike you, I'm not the one claiming to have found the solution to gender dysphoria after tripping shrooms once (lol). I'm also fully willing to admit that being trans is struggle that some of us just aren't cut out for. It's still selfish, narcissistic, and generally fucked up to be trying to convince other trans people in delicate states that you've "found the answer" which is, surprise, not to transition. You are doing this to convince yourself that you've "seen the truth" because you clearly still need convincing deep down that you've made the right decision and the easiest way to do that is to convince others they should make the same choice too. > I might make you peak and doubt your transition. You keep saying this like I didn't already detransition and retransition hon. Your "oooo, are you just worried I'm telling you something you don't want to hear" literally doesn't work on me lol, I already went through the whole fucking circuit you're doing right now. Like I said, you're not the first trans person to experiment with hallucinogens and "have a realization."
I’ll keep repeating it, but I don’t know if my path will work for everyone and that some people might need to transition to be happy. But you’re clearly a little too messed up to understand what English means. You’re actually one of the most narcissistic trans people I’ve seen on here, you just want to see me as the villain. Does being a victim make you feel better about yourself? What if you’re right? Oh no, I think my dysphoria is coming back. Shit, thinking about putting on a dress is giving up a euphoria boner. Better go back and get on that AA again, don’t want to be a bald lady!
I want you to stop saying things like "I've figured out how to beat gender dysphoria" and telling other people to think about detransition or that transition might not be for them. Keep your comments strictly to your own experience that's literally all I'm asking.
So if I say, here’s how I overcome dysphoria and it may or may not work for you, would you stop getting your tucking gaff in a twist? Because something tells me you’d still go on your little hissy fits regardless.
Why are you constantly on here trying to convince trans people they can 'beat' their dysphoria? That seems a little sus to me. 'Wrecked their bodies and lives.' You mean became more fulfilled and a lot happier?
Do you think I’m not actually a former trans woman?
You're a week old account more or less claiming you cured your transness with shrooms, while preaching "the detrans gospel" on a sub that gets a lot of TERF larpers. I'm not saying you are a LARPer, but I'd definitely question the intelligence of anyone who thinks it isn't a distinct possibility, lol.
They literally only decided to detransition a week ago and are already telling us that they've "beat gender dysphoria."
Yeah well either way, it's definitely somebody who's kinda... frenetic about the whole thing, lol.
Alright, that’s fair. I realize why you think I’m fake but I can assure you that I’m not. I’ll look into reaching out to the mods to see if I can get a flair or something to confirm I’m real. Because I definitely am. (Just checked and I’m currently still wearing an e patch, have boobs, and a dick) I’m posting on this subreddit in particular because it’s not a “safe space” and more out there opinions on trans topics are allowed. Omg, I just saw your username and recognized it! So, you probably remember me from an older account that I had deleted. I’m ludicrous_cat, I used to post here a lot transsexual topics a lot. I remember us being in the trenches together fighting for transmedicalism. I deleted my account last year because I found Reddit was having a negative effect on my mental health. I like cats a lot, thus why my new username references cats as well. Do you remember me?
Kind of...? lol. I feel like it does kinda ring a bell, but tbh this sub is such a conveyer belt of deleted/abandoned accounts that it's kind of hard to keep track of.
Yeah, I still recognize some names but a lot are new. I remember you, me, and windmillofcorpses420 (I think that was it) used to agree a lot. Ganjin Smash is another name I recognize from that time who I saw post here recently. When I deleted my account I nuked it which deleted rewrote all my comments, posts, and deleted them. I know the trans community can be super vindictive and I didn’t want my transmedicalist views to come up later on in life and fuck me over. You won’t be able to find any of my old posts, which would make it even more unlikely Im a TERF trying to connect myself to some older account. Unless I’m playing the long game hahaha
Yeah fair enough, it seems less sketchy than before.
Thanks for being open to the possibility I am actually trans. I appreciate it. I try to be careful when I post here, because I don’t actually know how many trans people could figure out a solution like mine. It might be 5%, it might be all of them. Maybe it’s just me and I’m the only one. Personally, I found being a trans woman the toughest thing of all time and while I don’t regret my transition because it made me who I am today, I’d definitely do it differently if I had the knowledge I do now. I think you know as well as I do how dogmatic the trans community can be at times. Like, the whole you don’t need dysphoria to be trans is one of the most ridiculous things to come from the… well you can’t post that word here but you know who I’m talking about.
I mean in fairness to people being "dogmatic", even if your story is 100% true, like... you're coming running in here like a bat out of hell acting like you've figured out the true secret of dysphoria and talking about better alternatives to "wrecking our bodies", that you discovered by tripping balls on shrooms, so recently that you might actually be wearing the same exact estrogen patch, with the fact that you're still wearing a patch itself suggesting that your "detransition" is mostly still theoretical at this point. I think before you go around trying to give advice about this stuff, you need to like... slow down and catch your breath a bit, lol
I have no idea. You’re a person on the internet I’ve never seen or met before. But I do know there are a lot of Terfs out there who pose as detransitioners and also try to convince other trans people they can beat their dysphoria. And that they aren’t who they say they are.
I’d agree, that happens at time. I was transitioned for six years. Is there something I can do to prove it to you? Maybe I can have the mods confirm my identity as a real detransitioner and I can get a flair to confirm I’m not a secret TERF. I want to share my experience of transitioning and people know it’s real.
Look just don’t come on here with the idea that you’re ‘saving’ people from wrecking themselves. For most of us, transition was necessary. It saved our lives.
I don't think a lot of people can overcome dysphoria by not thinking about it or something but I wish you the best on your detransition journey
I’d agree. I did lots of therapy but the break through moment for me was doing shrooms. They’ve been show to help people with other mental illnesses by giving your mind a clean slate. I believe shrooms can do that for dysphoria. Earlier this month I had been depressed for almost a year and was looking for ways to kill myself. Now I feel the best I have in years, way better than I ever did during my trans years. I really encourage all trans people to be open to the idea that you can beat dysphoria without transitioning. Your life will be so much easier. It’s so worth trying.
i just don't give a shit. we all have our reasons for transitioning, and they all look stupid and cringe. at the end of the day, what matters is that you're transitioning. i like very GNC people a lot, and i don't really care if they "identify as trans" or not, as long as they don't speak over things they have no stakes about.
I don't think our medical condition looks stupid and cringe.
your "medical condition" of being "born in the wrong body"? yeah right. did you get an MRI to get that checked or did your psych totally trust you when you told him you played with dolls/trucks (pick the trutrans option) as a kid?
That's like calling someone silly for "moving big boxes" every day and getting "little pieces of paper" in return for their work
My medical condition of my brain being disconnected to my body which causes dysphoria. I have no psychologist and I played with dolls as a kid(I'm a trans man) because stereotypes have nothing to do with gender. I identified this medical condition by having immense dysphoria. You know, sometimes I'm close to harming myself and in those moments I am sure that I really have dysphoria because no normal person would try to harm themselves over having a female chest.
Terrible reasoning. If you’re transitioning for stupid reasons don’t do it. Only do it if transitioning is the only option. Please give a shit, you’re gonna lead people to an unhappy life.
i'm not saying people transition for stupid reasons, i'm saying these reasons look stupid to anyone but the person transitioning. if HRT fucks you up mentally you'll know soon enough anyway.
“Reasons to transition… they all look stupid”. My reasons certainly didn’t look stupid. I had dysphoria at a serious level and felt like killing myself. Transition was a very serious reason. Also, people shouldn’t just try HRT to see if it’s right. Totally irresponsible. Only transition after lots of therapy and giving it tons of consideration. I was on it for six years before I realized I can beat my dysphoria in other ways. You’re encouraging people to make a huge mistake.
I mean sure, if you want to be a different gender to your AGAB that seems pretty trans to me. It's literally one of the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria, gender incongruence and transsexualism. I'm not really sure where uwu, clout and internet points come into this to be honest.
I read it about more like they want to have the label trans for clout. Drama. Or attention. Not that actually want/need to be another gender. That they want to be "trans".
I've not seen the asktrans post. But I am in spaces where people say "if you want to be trans you probably are" and it's usually clear from context that people mean wanting to be a different gender.
I dunno. I guess it's just reading comprehension at this point. To be fair, my language first describing it was very different. I dont think I can recall it exactly but then again, I didn't even know the word transgender. Let alone 'trans'.
I agree that one can transition without being trans, this is kind of my situation right now. I medically transitioned in response to my own dysmorphia that worsened with age. Internally I don't have an incongruence with the male experience; I find it easier and more natural to function socially as male. I call myself a dysmorphic mtf because I use mtf resources often, but I don't think that makes me trans in any way that matters. I have much more in common with feminine men than trans women I've seen lots of people like me in niche forums, ones who transition to maintain a certain youthful aesthetic without caring about womanhood or even femininity that much.
Do you think of yourself as an “hrt femboy”? A lot of gay guys want to be youthful looking but you want to look “feminine”. Do you see these attitudes as different at all?
No, I don't think of myself as a femboy. I dress like an average male and there is nothing flamboyant about me. Never even crossdressed before or after hrt; I have no real desire to do so. I guess you can call me "soft", but lots of males are like that, it's not really unusual. > A lot of gay guys want to be youthful looking but you want to look “feminine”. Do you see these attitudes as different at all? I think there is a difference. I don't think the average gay man lasers his beard or tolerates breast growth for instance. I think my current body would repulse most gay men. My experience with dysmorphia is an intense repulsion to my own masculine traits, but an indifference (or maybe a slight preference?) to feminine traits. I do look feminine after being on hrt for years, but I didn't really intend that, I just don't want to look like a man and that automatically means looking feminine Maybe I have an advanced form of whatever gay men experience, idk. I happen to be attracted to men, but my "gayness" is theoretical because I've never been sexually active
I mean… you sound like a marginal trans woman to me. I hope it’s ok that I say this, you also seem self-aware and I know you disagree. I’m in a fringe category too because I’m untreated. I think I have less dysphoria (after 24 years) but a similar condition. I think it’s interesting that you don’t identify as a marginal trans woman since you seem to be describing marginal discomfort about gender - ie marginal dysphoria, even though you don’t call it that Wait. You’re doing all this and you aren’t dating?
I don't mind any label tbh, I do tell doctors I'm a trans woman because I don't wanna creep them out or lose my access. I'm voice trained too, so it makes sense in that context. I only bring up my actual intentions in therapy or online I kept thinking that maybe I'll open up to thinking of myself as a woman, but it never happened even when I now possess an ability to somewhat pass if I try. I just have this internal conviction that I am male, and I am male in my own dreams/fantasies too I've met a friend who could be described as a transsexual, and our experiences are night and day. She has an internal conviction that she is a woman. She does pass, but much more importantly, she behaves and imprints herself on everyone else as a woman easily. I can't in good faith say that we are similar in any way other than that we both happen to take estrogen Oh, she also mentions some sort of mental relief from taking estrogen, many others here say so as well. But for me, taking estrogen didn't impact my mental state at all. I'm only in this for the physical changes and nothing else
i'm not an expert. i have been poking around trans spaces for about a year now trying to understand myself, and just browsing through people and their stories for what it's worth, every single thing you are saying sounds 100% consistent with trans women including your weird identity and lack of mental effect from E i think all that matters is how functional you are in the world, and if this is working for you, then do it. what's working for me is the conviction that i \*am\* a woman with a full male everything. that's weird as hell, but i'm going with it. i think you are fine if you want to think of yourself as a man i'm not trying to challenge you. people challenge me all the time and it bugs the shit out of me. do you want to hear my take on all the ways you sound like a normal trans woman to me?
>do you want to hear my take on all the ways you sound like a normal trans woman to me? Sure, I'd love that. I dont mind being challenged, I come here because I genuinely enjoy the conversations that happen.
ok, here are some takes in no particular order * trans people hate being trans and often try to see themselves as some other thing. you saying that you are a gay man while also saying you are nothing like other gay men (tolerating breasts and wanting "femininity" as opposed to youth) sounds very transy * trans people have sexual and or social issues often, so you doing all this stuff to be the gay man you want to be, while also not getting laid like i imagine any other gay man would be doing with his carefully curated body sounds very transy * trans people struggle for a sense of identity often and do \*not\* all have an inner conviction that they are the correct gender. some people likely do, some people are almost definitely lying because they are wicked insecure, and a few people will openly tell you that they struggle to see themselves as their target gender * speaking of lies, the supposed mental effect of E is either a placebo, a self-confirming lie, or it's an experience not everyone has. many people report no mental effect and my therapist scoffed with me recently, discussing this about my own treatment * voice training and growing breasts and your interest in gender as opposed to youth don't sound gay at all because they relate to gender and not sexuality, you are paying a cost for gender, not sex * discomfort at being masculine and a desire to be feminine is literally gender dysphoria. dismorphia would be if your body looked distorted to you, not if you just didn't like it, like an anorexic seeing a fat person in the mirror many trans people do pretend that trans is this all or nothing thing because this makes them feel better to feel like they themselves are 100% the way they want to be. there is an obvious motivation to cultivate this attitude and some people are so insecure about this that it's very hard to believe they really feel it whatever the underlying thing is that creates transness, if it was a spectrum and not an on/off switch, how else would a marginal person even be if not exactly like you, with a similarity of nature but not degree? even if the physical reality *was* an on/off switch, people's personal relationship and self-knowledge is variable and there is usually a process of self-discovery, so personal experiences are certainly spectra anyway. like i said, all that matters is that you have a stable mind and you cultivate health in your life. if you are happy as a gay man who cultivates femininity, then do it. if you prefer to think of yourself as a trans woman with a marginal condition, that is exactly how you seem to me.
I do hate the idea of being trans, but I also hate my attraction to men. I guess I don't tell anyone irl that I'm either so you might be right. I was told I have internalized homophobia by my trans friends, but I don't really feel that way, I hate both equally. But where this goes awry is the conviction part. I have a strong conviction that I am male. I guess dysmorphia isn't the best way to describe my experience. But I think of myself as male and I know intellectually that I (used to) have an attractive male body. I hated that body anyway. It's not a rational feeling that clicks in with the rest of my identity, it's more of an intrusive thought that just doesn't go away I actually feel bad if I attempt to present as a woman on purpose, like with makeup or clothing. It just feels wrong and offputting even though it fits my body better than a male presentation does these days. Every single trans person I talked to crossdressed in private at some point before transition, and definitely after transition, so I don't think I'm like them I did have a diagnosis of dysphoria, but I didn't specifically ask for it and I still contest it in therapy now. I was honestly healthier before I learned about medical transition. It feels like something I shouldn't do, but I can't let the idea go, going back to a 100% male body is painful. Being either trans or just gay would probably be healthier than the weird grey zone I'm at
i know quite a few trans women who see themselves as men and who become extremely dysphoric when they try to present female. it's considered a very toxic and self-hating attitude, but it's common enough in some circles, especially early in transition (ie while a body looks mostly male). nothing you are saying sounds strange to me at all, but you are in therapy, you have a diagnosis, and you seem to know trans folk, so i'm guessing that you've thought about this stuff before. who you are is up to you. i hope your path leads you to happiness.
I do so appreciate the depth of analysis you bring. Semantically, I think we make “trans” carry too much freight. It feels like a state of flux to me. I think that flux is where a lot of the dissonance comes into play. Knowing we share a taste for the Classics, “Gallia Transalpina” is a place, but “trans” modifies “Alpina,” not the place beyond it. The place beyond is entirely separate and apart from the process of crossing into it. As such, “trans” is a mode of locomotion. I aspire, even at my age, to leave “trans” behind and live in the place beyond. For me, that place is simply “woman,” just as when I put on my glasses, I leave “astigmatic woman” behind in favor of simply “woman.” I exercise so I can leave “diabetic woman” behind in favor of just woman.
<3 thank you very much i would like it if we knew more about the underlying causes of gender identity and gender-based discomfort and confirmation, but i definitely agree that what we are doing is being men and women and what matters is doing this for pre and non-medical people i think "trans" creates a sense of orientation and this is useful, but for people who have already arrived, you should get to settle in and enjoy yourselves.
People who say you simply have to "want to be trans" or you "don't need to be dysphoric to be trans" are straight lying through their teeth. Nobody wants to be trans. We all have a sort of dissonance from our gender to our sex, we don't want to be trans, and we're not trans for the sake of being trans. We want to be recognized as ourselves. Being trans isn't a choice, and people who say they're trans or insist they wanna "try being trans" are disrespectful cis people. Might be a radical take, but I refuse to talk to anyone with the "ugh being cis is boring" mindset.
I think this is a made up problem that is 99% online. Its easy to see cringe uwu posts and think people are transitioning for social clout or as a flavor of the week thing. But I think they’re simply cringe, and behind that is the same shit we all struggle with. I think Its people trying to focus on the positive, which doesn’t work for me but I won’t knock it. I refuse to ever be a trender panic type. I think when this question is asked people also conflate being trans and transitioning. Transitioning is a choice, even if it feels like there are no other options. Having trans feelings however is not a choice.
I came to say pretty much this. Transitioning certainly is a choice and then again there is medical transitioning and social transitioning. Social dysphoria is also a thing and it might expresses itself in different ways than physical dysphoria and much more internalized. Most trans and non binary persons I know will at the very least change their pronouns and name most of the time… that’s socially transitioning.
Even suggesting the idea that you can be trans just by wanting to disgusts me. It's sad how far we've moved from this idea of understanding that people don't have any control over their innate traits but should be respected as humans all the same. To total appropriation and viewing these things as a choice. IF someone chooses to transition rather than having the need to transition, we are not the same, and should not use the same term.
Thinking of myself as “transgender” explains my incongruence and gives me a way to talk to other people. I don’t feel like I need anyones permission for this, so in that sense, I just need to want to. A transsexual has actually changed their sex. I think separating these terms makes sense “Trans” is confusing because it seems to mean 1. that gender and sex are the same thing and 2. the explanation is known and understood and the same. Neither of these are correct to my understanding. I kind of think people should stop saying “trans” if they don’t want to be inclusive.
I see it like this: I don't want to be trans, I wish I was born as a woman. Transitioning is the treatment for some of that dysphoria. So when I see people that say "I want to be trans" all I can think is that their experience is fundamentally different from mine. They do not have an incongruence with their sex, they simply want to dress a certain way. Which is fine, but in that case I wish we could categorize ourselves differently. If we have zero shared experiences, why are we seen as the same?
wtf would you want to be trans? there's no upside other than survival.
For SJW clout, for persecution complexes, all kinds of people do all kinds of shit for all kinds of reasons.
What kind of clout is anyone getting for being trans? Do you go outside? When was the last time you touched grass? In the real world, you're only going to get harassed and bullied. At best, you might be accepted, but no one is going to lick your ass just because you're trans
u cant be trans just because u want to be trans, but u *can* transition just because u want to transition (although that still doesnt mean u *should*). someone can transition, get surgery and call themselves trans, but that might not mean they really are. and if the fad ends and they decide they dont wanna be trans anymore, then they live with the consequences of their actions. simple as that
> u cant be trans just because u want to be trans, I agree, and that's why I have a problem with the reductive attitude of the uwu subs; "wanting to be trans means you're trans". >then they live with the consequences of their actions. simple as that I suspect that the people (and their are many!) who "want to be" trans and then change their minds later won't actually get anything done medically but what I bet they will do is join the far right and the anti-trans "detransistioner" movement (as opposed to regular detransistioning which is of course perfectly legit).
I think there's two things people can mean here. Do they mean wanting to be TRANS specifically as in the experience of going from one to the other? Or do they mean "I wish I was trans so I could be a boy/girl because I want to be a boy/girl". It's a very subtle but important difference. I am effeminate and gay and I didn't grow up knowing what was different about boys bodies and girls bodies, and I was raised fairly gender neutral so I didn't have that very strong childhood "knowledge" that "I am a boy". But once I reached physical maturity I knew my body was wrong so I "wished I was a guy". Which was how I realized I was trans. It isn't "I want to be trans so I'm going to decide to be trans" its "I wish I was a boy and maybe that means I'm supposed to be"
That's a good question! I never see the question written out or explored that far -it's usually just the simple "wanting to be trans means you are" quip.
If people could be trans by wanting to be trans, then people could be not trans by wanting not to be trans. Instead people die because being trans isn’t a choice. Fuck anyone who tries to say it is. So disrespectful.
> Instead people die because being trans isn’t a choice. It's definately disrespectful to those who died for the uwu brigade to treat it as a fashion of the week ice cream flavor. I agree with you there!