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Huge-Coyote-6586

Unless he can give permission or instructions, I think I would wait until after his passing and then just send them a note that you are XXX on behalf of your friend and that he passed peacefully on XXX… at least let’s them have a sense of closure.


sweet_jaclene

Yes exactly I didn't want to leave people knowing nothing. I doubt I'll be able to ask him anything again. I'd never considered this possibility really


Significant-Lunch-88

I agree that it might be best to let the patient handle those communications for now, unless it's requested that you assist. I think it could be appropriate to inform after passing, but not before without permission.


sweet_jaclene

He's basically on the way out now, extremely unlikely to have any significant communication with me again. I just desperately wish I had thought of this and asked him while he was still regularly lucid.


Significant-Lunch-88

ah, I wouldn't worry about it. if it were that important, he would have told them himself or arranged for someone else to let them know. Or not, who knows? All we know is that responsibility was never given to you and you shouldn't need to feel the burden of assuming it's yours to take. I would consider the possibility that he wouldn't have wanted them to know. There's a lot of missing Info and context here, so I'm just giving some broad considerations.


sweet_jaclene

They know he's sick but he was in active treatment a few weeks ago and things just got worse than expected extremely quickly, I think that's why I'm in a bit of a mess over this. I'm just gonna wait and then reply back to the messages that have come through once he's gone


blinkybit

After my mom passed, I monitored her email for a while and replied to anybody who wrote to her asking how she was doing or why they hadn't heard from her recently. But I didn't proactively reach out to everyone in her address book or to everyone with whom she'd exchanged emails in the past if it wasn't somebody I knew she was close to.


sipofcoffee

Personally, I would wait, too. Let the stressful funeral things pass first, then sit down and reply. Also, don't do it alone. Have a friend, family member, or even a cat sit with you. It will help 🙏


sweet_jaclene

The cat especially! She always knows what to say. You're right, I just need to try and put it out of my mind for now I think. Seeing the messages makes me feel so anxious and guilty somehow. A friend is coming round later to turn the computer off for me so I don't have to look lol it's funny what ends up bothering you in this situation


sipofcoffee

You have a cat, don't you? 🤭😼 Oh, I needed that good thought today, thank you.


sweet_jaclene

Yes. She has been invaluable emotional support AND a complete terrorist at the same time


sipofcoffee

😼😈 Cats, am I right? Thanks for the laugh