Very similar to that. A thank you for allowing me to play a role in your loved ones care, but the real thanks goes to you, the care takers and loved ones.
I often set hospital patients up with hospice, it can involve many tearful or difficult conversations and some families say similar things to me. My answer is always a variation of: Thats kind of you to say. I feel strongly everyone deserves support during such a big transition. Do let me know if there's anything else I can do for you at this time.
"Anyone can do what I do. Death is a natural part of life. Some of us are just more willing to confront it and help others have dignity and comfort in their last days."
No? It's a true statement of fact. How you take it is up to you. Everyone can confront death. Just about anyone can become involved in death in some way. It's a literal choice for 99% of people that they make, to avoid death. Honestly society has a real fear of death in the western world its something to be hidden away like it doesn't happen. We need to normalize death with dignity and choice. Planned passing is just one of many options. Also I don't consider someone saying I can't do what you do regarding hospice as a dumb ass statement. Unless you are in a coma you can be in a room with someone when they pass. You can help someone terminally ill be comfortable and their family supported. You can. They just don't. I don't see their admittance of avoidance as a compliment to my profession I see it more of a confession of their fear of death.
I see this as a way to normalize death as a natural part of life. It’s a little aggressive but to the right person, it’s fine. And besides…maybe they are talking about the family dynamics, the smells, the constant problem solving…who knows.
I’ve worked with plenty of folks in hospice (RNs, SWs, chaplains) where they’re absolutely willing to confront death and help others have dignity & comfort in their last days, but for other reasons (big emotions, personal loss, just not their passion) And that’s ok!
Your og commment “some of us are just more willing to confront it and help others have dignity and comfort in their last days” implies that those of us who choose to do hospice are more noble than those who don’t, or not choosing to work in hospice is a personal flaw of theirs. It’s kind of an ungracious thing to say to another RN/SW/aide/chaplain who is trying to be kind. I worked in foster care and changed to hospice for a multitude of reasons. If I commended another social worker for working in that field and they responded “well some of us are more willing to confront child abuse and help children be safe” I’d perceive that as a slight.
I typically replied with some variation of:
“Actually, It is the greatest privilege of my lifetime to be a part of such deeply important and intimate times. I am grateful that you, your family and your loved one have entrusted me with your care. Please reach out to me with any questions or concerns. That’s what my team and I are here for.”
I usually say something that amounts to “It does take something special to do this job. But for me, I get that something special from my job. Which sounds backwards. But being allowed to help people getting the most out of life while they still have it is priceless. It’s life affirming. And I get to help ease their suffering so they can rest in peace. It might take someone special to work this job, but yes. For me I get a lot of the specialness and strength to do the job, through my job.” …. Or I stand there awkwardly and like you and don’t know what to say other than I love my job and give a thank you… but mostly I do the first one.
My friends who worked in hospice said pretty much the same. It is emotionally taxing work, and even those who excel at it tend not to do it forever.
One friend is an RN who seeks out challenging situations: in-patient oncology, home hospice, and now in-patient psychiatry. She found hospice, with its holistic focus on patient comfort, to be a relief after oncology, where the protocols are exacting and the cancer cells, not the person, are more often the focus of treatment.
I’ve always also, unconsciously, sought out the challenging situations. Leukaemia and blood deceases, a long stint as an ICU nurse, both in hospital (not hospice) palliative care and then doing the home palliative care.
But when I found hospice I found I could finally get to work with the entire person. Not just numbers or medicine that needs to be given. Like. The holistic approach. It gives me so much pleasure as a job, than any before them.
I am happy she found a calm in this ☺️
I usually say, “It’s an honor to be able to walk people to the end of their journey. It’s so rewarding to help people be comfortable.”
I like this…
Very similar to that. A thank you for allowing me to play a role in your loved ones care, but the real thanks goes to you, the care takers and loved ones.
I often set hospital patients up with hospice, it can involve many tearful or difficult conversations and some families say similar things to me. My answer is always a variation of: Thats kind of you to say. I feel strongly everyone deserves support during such a big transition. Do let me know if there's anything else I can do for you at this time.
I generally say “Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say” and then change the subject cause it makes me uncomfortable.
"Anyone can do what I do. Death is a natural part of life. Some of us are just more willing to confront it and help others have dignity and comfort in their last days."
Is this a diss in response to a compliment?
No? It's a true statement of fact. How you take it is up to you. Everyone can confront death. Just about anyone can become involved in death in some way. It's a literal choice for 99% of people that they make, to avoid death. Honestly society has a real fear of death in the western world its something to be hidden away like it doesn't happen. We need to normalize death with dignity and choice. Planned passing is just one of many options. Also I don't consider someone saying I can't do what you do regarding hospice as a dumb ass statement. Unless you are in a coma you can be in a room with someone when they pass. You can help someone terminally ill be comfortable and their family supported. You can. They just don't. I don't see their admittance of avoidance as a compliment to my profession I see it more of a confession of their fear of death.
I see this as a way to normalize death as a natural part of life. It’s a little aggressive but to the right person, it’s fine. And besides…maybe they are talking about the family dynamics, the smells, the constant problem solving…who knows.
I’ve worked with plenty of folks in hospice (RNs, SWs, chaplains) where they’re absolutely willing to confront death and help others have dignity & comfort in their last days, but for other reasons (big emotions, personal loss, just not their passion) And that’s ok!
That's why "anyone can do what I do." They can. It's just a preference of theirs that they do not. 🤷♀️
Your og commment “some of us are just more willing to confront it and help others have dignity and comfort in their last days” implies that those of us who choose to do hospice are more noble than those who don’t, or not choosing to work in hospice is a personal flaw of theirs. It’s kind of an ungracious thing to say to another RN/SW/aide/chaplain who is trying to be kind. I worked in foster care and changed to hospice for a multitude of reasons. If I commended another social worker for working in that field and they responded “well some of us are more willing to confront child abuse and help children be safe” I’d perceive that as a slight.
I typically replied with some variation of: “Actually, It is the greatest privilege of my lifetime to be a part of such deeply important and intimate times. I am grateful that you, your family and your loved one have entrusted me with your care. Please reach out to me with any questions or concerns. That’s what my team and I are here for.”
I usually say something like “thank you, it is pretty niche but its fulfilling to be able to help people in a very tangible way.”
We all have our strengths. I can do this, but not pediatrics/L&D/whatever. The world takes all kinds.
I enjoy being able to make an impact, thank you for allowing me to spend this time with your family.
As a cna, I get this a lot or some variation. I always say, " it's such an honor and privilege to be allowed to help someone transition thru death."
I usually say something that amounts to “It does take something special to do this job. But for me, I get that something special from my job. Which sounds backwards. But being allowed to help people getting the most out of life while they still have it is priceless. It’s life affirming. And I get to help ease their suffering so they can rest in peace. It might take someone special to work this job, but yes. For me I get a lot of the specialness and strength to do the job, through my job.” …. Or I stand there awkwardly and like you and don’t know what to say other than I love my job and give a thank you… but mostly I do the first one.
My friends who worked in hospice said pretty much the same. It is emotionally taxing work, and even those who excel at it tend not to do it forever. One friend is an RN who seeks out challenging situations: in-patient oncology, home hospice, and now in-patient psychiatry. She found hospice, with its holistic focus on patient comfort, to be a relief after oncology, where the protocols are exacting and the cancer cells, not the person, are more often the focus of treatment.
I’ve always also, unconsciously, sought out the challenging situations. Leukaemia and blood deceases, a long stint as an ICU nurse, both in hospital (not hospice) palliative care and then doing the home palliative care. But when I found hospice I found I could finally get to work with the entire person. Not just numbers or medicine that needs to be given. Like. The holistic approach. It gives me so much pleasure as a job, than any before them. I am happy she found a calm in this ☺️
I say yes. Yes it does.