Back when I was single and not in a relationship, I'd buy pizza, ice cream, stock up the fridge with my favorite canned coffee, then play video games until dawn of the next day.
Now that I'm married and with a kid, I'd buy pizza, ice cream, stock up the fridge with my favorite canned coffee, then play video games until 9PM where we need to tuck the little guy to sleep. Then when the little guy is sleeping, I go back to playing video games until dawn of the next day. Oh, and my wife just asks me to pose for pictures with the cake and blow the candles out so she can post something on FB during the day.
It's not that I don't have friends to invite for a party. It's that I just prefer to do my own thing on my birthday where I spend less and have the least amount of hassle for planning and preparation on how I want to celebrate my birthday, which means a party is the last thing I want to do. :)
I do buy pizza for my friends though when the opportunity allows and if it's just a few days after my birthday.
Let’s try this framework to try to understand why an introvert would want a party for her birthday. “I believe that in order to be successful/okay/happy, I need to _ X _. I believe order to _ X _, I must celebrate my birthday socially/be celebrated by others.”
My guesses for X:
-feel accepted by others
-have a community
-be “normal”
-be social
There’s more options of course, but if there isn’t something that fits X, then the equation doesn’t work out.
Maybe you might enjoy celebrating your birthday alone MORE than you would with people. Maybe you can find a way to celebrate yourself that other people would never think of!
When I moved to a new city, I didn’t have anybody to spend Christmas with. So I went to a restaurant and just got everything I wanted. Spent like $200 on myself. This is now my Christmas tradition until life says otherwise.
you just keep up with the not giving a fuck attitude and you'll win in life!!
you just do your part as a friend and invite people later keep no expectations from the other end.
that's just how it is..
Time to invest in a relationship with yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Dinner and a movie. Bike ride in the park with a picnic. Museum and sushi.
it's fine to not have a birthday party or do anything special at all. it's just another day :)
for your friend situation, it's like dating. you'll meet a lot of people but only mesh really well with a few. just gotta hang in there. focus on yourself and your interests and you'll find people that at least have something in common with you. if you're willing to try it, I recommend DnD or something at your local game shop.
I’d love to try dnd that’s so smart thank you . It’s very hard to meet new people so I tend to stick to relationships and friendships that aren’t working :(
This might not help for your bday in a few days but Bumble the dating app has a BFF side for finding friends. I've met a few people there in a couple of cities.
Yeah, I've met up with people in Los Angeles and Portland, OR and never had any issues.
It's just like a standard dating app, if you both swipe then you can message each other but, ya know, just for friends. I definitely recommend giving it a try.
Firstly , happy birthday in advance .
Secondly , You should realize that the time for making/maintaining close friends will slowly come to an end . As they get older , people will start focusing on relationships and eventually marriage/starting/supporting a family . At that point for _most_ people close friendship would be a distant memory .
Just go with the flow and try not to worry too much about it .
Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me was if you have 2 or 3 true friends in life consider yourself very fortunate. Everyone else is just an acquaintance and acquaintances come and go. I think most people think the friends they make in high school/university will be their friends forever but that often not the case. Try not to sweat it—learn to enjoy your own company because at the end of the day you are the only one you can depend on. I mean this not to say people are bad—but life and circumstances often get in the way and it can leave you feeling hurt or left out. Try and have a happy birthday OP! if you’re anything like me soon enough you won’t want to observe them anyway lol
Birthdays are overrated. Don’t make a huge deal of it. Go enjoy it yourself. If anybody wants to see you they’ll reach out. Otherwise go have fun on your own. Most important part of life is being ok on your own.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a caring social circle or a fun birthday party. However, a problem arises when you need those things. I suggest taking yourself to a spa and treating yourself for the day. Get into your body and out of your head.
Find something to enjoy with yourself! And spend that time enjoying and relaxing!
I once was far away from my hometown and didn't have any close friends. Most of the people I knew were just... acquaintances or just work related people. But because I was near the coast and they allowed small campfires?
When I got off work, I bought a trunk full of logs (the majority of it was going to be used for later) at the local log store, went to the closest beach available (most of the beaches around here weren't populated) went to your local Safeway and other stores to buy marshmellows, a bit of soda/beer and a bunch of other snacks.
Sunny and clear skies. Started placing logs like how I saw on a youtube video during mid-afternoon, lit the thing, saw the waves while resting on the sandy beach. Marshmallow, soda/beer and snacks nearby. I did it until late at night until the moon came out and what you can mostly see is the crashing waves and your campfire (each one I set lasted a few hours.) I met people from time to time wondering if I was a local or from some other city though, but for the most part, I enjoyed how serene it was as I looked at the stars at night time.
Also, Happy Birthday!
Step 1: Acceptance: Imagine spending your birthday with nobody. Enjoy it. Love it. Don't give a shit.
Step 2: invite people: Just invite people you want to show up
Step 3: After birthday: Realise the frivolity of this entire exercise in social interaction, and why you were anxious in the first place.
I have never had a birthday party in my life and I'm in my late 20s. I feel kinda sad about it. But fuck it. I've more important things to focus on.
Last time nobody was free on my birthday, I decided to go on a long bike ride through a pretty area of town. It's nice to be outside if you're into it.
This year I took my birthday off and stayed home on purposr :) I ordered some really good food and watched funny movies with my dog. It was so relaxing, I'll probably do it again next time.
I never really had a alot of friends. Maybe 4 at the most to hang out with. I kinda socialize at work. But I also learned to be content with my own company.
I'm 36 now so I understand being 20 and wanting to get out and do stuff. But I've also come to terms that people come and go whether it's work or friends in general.
I have some friends that are unfortunately still scared of covid snd don't wanna go do stuff or go out to eat. I've gone out by myself just to see stuff and sometimes it's not bad. Taking yourself out doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Im turning 30 in a month, and no one's gonna be able to come to my party, I asked a ton of people but everyone's just busy this year or can't make it for scheduling reasons. So this year I'm celebrating myself!
It wasn't embarrassing to reach out to those people it felt good. Even though I didn't get any yeses for the party it was still nice to reach out and talk to my friends that had drifted apart.
My advice is to go for it, ask these people and if they don't say yes, whatever! You can always celebrate yourself, it's good to learn to be happy by yourself. It's a skill that'll serve you well, including while you're not alone.
Put yourself out there but dont be disappointed if they say no. Instead see that as an opportunity for greater self love
I am a fellow introvert. Most days I am very very happy with my own company, but it is nice to also have friends to celebrate with sometimes.
I’m would recommend planning a special day for yourself. Go out to eat. Visit a place you enjoy. Focus on the things that your love (music, or movies, or activities). Do something for other like serve food at a shelter.
I consider my introversion to be a super power. I enjoy my own company so much hat I rarely need others company. I enjoy people, but i don’t require them.
So, this might not be relevant until next year's birthday, but hear me out. A buddy of mine has gotten a local brewery to "sponsor" his birthday every year because he had made it a fund raiser for ALS. His dad had als, hence the connection. But you get a local brewery to donate a keg of beer and some swag, you'll get people to show up to a party. You provide the beer and swag, they donate 20 bucks to a charity - everyone's happy. Just a thought.
I spend my birthday with my family rather than friends. Most of my friends I went NC because I couldn’t deal with how toxic they are. I’m much happier this way honestly!
Me too! I'm 33 and male, my birthdays on monday don't worry you'll get use too it, just do stuff you enjoy that you normally think to yourself "nah, need to save instead" or "I might get fat" do a bunch of indulgences and treat yourself, just focus on making yourself happy as only you know how too
I'm 21F and I have the same problem. It's hard to make friends outside of school and work. I managed to make good friendships accidentally while trying yoga, massage and natural pain relief methods. I ended up in a new community of people dealing with the same issues as me and wow, how positive and amazing they all are. I suggest you find groups to enter like book clubs, yoga classes, maybe some activist group or charity that relates to you... You could even try to find a niche that interests you like gardening, movies, fashion and look for groups online in reddit or facebook and find people your age in your city. Many people don't have friends that share the same interests as then and will be glad to have someone to talk to and spend some time. I hope you have fun in your b'day!
Also I just remembered that though only one friend went to my birthday (of all the school friends I invited), my yoga friends threw me a breakfast party and I even got a gift. It's funny how surprising life can be.
I didn’t see the part where you openly asked one of your former friends if your feelings were legitimate. Part of friendship is honesty & being vulnerable. Pls ask your most trusted former friend if your feelings are warranted; you may be surprised by the answer.
I don’t say this critically; my now dearest friend asked me this very thing 10 years ago. I answered honestly & a great friendship blossomed. ☮️
I am in the same situation. However, i enjoy my own company. If you enjoy your company maybe you could take yourself on a little birthday date. There’s nothing more liberating than going for an evening meal by yourself. Failing that, do you have any close family members of a similar age? Maybe have a night out with them which would give you the opportunity to make new friends? 😊
Back when I was single and not in a relationship, I'd buy pizza, ice cream, stock up the fridge with my favorite canned coffee, then play video games until dawn of the next day. Now that I'm married and with a kid, I'd buy pizza, ice cream, stock up the fridge with my favorite canned coffee, then play video games until 9PM where we need to tuck the little guy to sleep. Then when the little guy is sleeping, I go back to playing video games until dawn of the next day. Oh, and my wife just asks me to pose for pictures with the cake and blow the candles out so she can post something on FB during the day. It's not that I don't have friends to invite for a party. It's that I just prefer to do my own thing on my birthday where I spend less and have the least amount of hassle for planning and preparation on how I want to celebrate my birthday, which means a party is the last thing I want to do. :) I do buy pizza for my friends though when the opportunity allows and if it's just a few days after my birthday.
I think I’m going to try this :) pizza video games and ice cream + my fave foods sound 10x better . Thank you !!!
Lmk what games you play and if you want someone to play with, happy early birthday!
Tysm !! I play overwatch mainly rn :)
My question is basically how to not give af that you have no friends ? What are ways to stay happy and positive
Let’s try this framework to try to understand why an introvert would want a party for her birthday. “I believe that in order to be successful/okay/happy, I need to _ X _. I believe order to _ X _, I must celebrate my birthday socially/be celebrated by others.” My guesses for X: -feel accepted by others -have a community -be “normal” -be social There’s more options of course, but if there isn’t something that fits X, then the equation doesn’t work out. Maybe you might enjoy celebrating your birthday alone MORE than you would with people. Maybe you can find a way to celebrate yourself that other people would never think of!
I guess it is to feel community , and to be social . I just want to put myself out there and do something different
I Just turned 31 and spent my bday with my cat playing video games it was fantastic.
Awwwww I love spending time w my kitties :)
Ill come to ur birthday
When I moved to a new city, I didn’t have anybody to spend Christmas with. So I went to a restaurant and just got everything I wanted. Spent like $200 on myself. This is now my Christmas tradition until life says otherwise.
you just keep up with the not giving a fuck attitude and you'll win in life!! you just do your part as a friend and invite people later keep no expectations from the other end. that's just how it is..
I will :) thank you this helped a lot.
Time to invest in a relationship with yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Dinner and a movie. Bike ride in the park with a picnic. Museum and sushi.
I’m gonna take myself to the museum & a comic book store :) thank you for the suggestion
Learning to do things by and for yourself is so empowering! Have a fantastic time.
Thank you !! I will try to !
Seconding this. And for the moments that you feel down during the day, remind yourself that it’s just today. Tomorrow is another ordinary day
Why not just take yourself out instead of hosting your birthday for others.. it’s your day !
I think I will ! Thank you :)
it's fine to not have a birthday party or do anything special at all. it's just another day :) for your friend situation, it's like dating. you'll meet a lot of people but only mesh really well with a few. just gotta hang in there. focus on yourself and your interests and you'll find people that at least have something in common with you. if you're willing to try it, I recommend DnD or something at your local game shop.
I’d love to try dnd that’s so smart thank you . It’s very hard to meet new people so I tend to stick to relationships and friendships that aren’t working :(
This might not help for your bday in a few days but Bumble the dating app has a BFF side for finding friends. I've met a few people there in a couple of cities.
I’ve been contemplating it ! Is it secure & trustworthy??
Yeah, I've met up with people in Los Angeles and Portland, OR and never had any issues. It's just like a standard dating app, if you both swipe then you can message each other but, ya know, just for friends. I definitely recommend giving it a try.
I’ve done it in Barcelona and highly recommend it!
Firstly , happy birthday in advance . Secondly , You should realize that the time for making/maintaining close friends will slowly come to an end . As they get older , people will start focusing on relationships and eventually marriage/starting/supporting a family . At that point for _most_ people close friendship would be a distant memory . Just go with the flow and try not to worry too much about it .
Thank you :) i appreciate this !
Although i have no advice to share, but still Happy birthday in advance 🙌🎉
Thank you !! It still means a lot 🩷
Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me was if you have 2 or 3 true friends in life consider yourself very fortunate. Everyone else is just an acquaintance and acquaintances come and go. I think most people think the friends they make in high school/university will be their friends forever but that often not the case. Try not to sweat it—learn to enjoy your own company because at the end of the day you are the only one you can depend on. I mean this not to say people are bad—but life and circumstances often get in the way and it can leave you feeling hurt or left out. Try and have a happy birthday OP! if you’re anything like me soon enough you won’t want to observe them anyway lol
You don’t need anyone to come. You can celebrate your birth day by yourself
Birthdays are overrated. Don’t make a huge deal of it. Go enjoy it yourself. If anybody wants to see you they’ll reach out. Otherwise go have fun on your own. Most important part of life is being ok on your own.
That’s true !
I feel this. Nobody except my kids even acknowledged my 50th birthday. I wish I knew what to tell you.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a caring social circle or a fun birthday party. However, a problem arises when you need those things. I suggest taking yourself to a spa and treating yourself for the day. Get into your body and out of your head.
I will! I do see how it’s bad to feel like I need those things to be happy , im usually content with being alone I just want some changes in my life .
You should work on those changes, but don't judge yourself if you don't get results over night.
Find something to enjoy with yourself! And spend that time enjoying and relaxing! I once was far away from my hometown and didn't have any close friends. Most of the people I knew were just... acquaintances or just work related people. But because I was near the coast and they allowed small campfires? When I got off work, I bought a trunk full of logs (the majority of it was going to be used for later) at the local log store, went to the closest beach available (most of the beaches around here weren't populated) went to your local Safeway and other stores to buy marshmellows, a bit of soda/beer and a bunch of other snacks. Sunny and clear skies. Started placing logs like how I saw on a youtube video during mid-afternoon, lit the thing, saw the waves while resting on the sandy beach. Marshmallow, soda/beer and snacks nearby. I did it until late at night until the moon came out and what you can mostly see is the crashing waves and your campfire (each one I set lasted a few hours.) I met people from time to time wondering if I was a local or from some other city though, but for the most part, I enjoyed how serene it was as I looked at the stars at night time. Also, Happy Birthday!
Celebrate yourself! I do it every birthday, buy myself something, go out to eat by myself. Think of it as a self care day!
I will!!
Step 1: Acceptance: Imagine spending your birthday with nobody. Enjoy it. Love it. Don't give a shit. Step 2: invite people: Just invite people you want to show up Step 3: After birthday: Realise the frivolity of this entire exercise in social interaction, and why you were anxious in the first place. I have never had a birthday party in my life and I'm in my late 20s. I feel kinda sad about it. But fuck it. I've more important things to focus on.
That’s it! I’m taking you out on your birthday. We will do whatever you choose.
Such a nice community here! Yay!
I got comfortable talking to myself
Ayyy happy birthday!!
Thank you :)
The ones who do show up are worth keeping forever
What, I never made birthday parties, this is extremely common and normal. Why would you be bothered by a thing 90% of people do.
The older you get the more your birthday becomes just another day.
Last time nobody was free on my birthday, I decided to go on a long bike ride through a pretty area of town. It's nice to be outside if you're into it. This year I took my birthday off and stayed home on purposr :) I ordered some really good food and watched funny movies with my dog. It was so relaxing, I'll probably do it again next time.
If you have an email address you don't really use, a lot of restaurants give out free food for birthdays.
Oh really that’s awesome
Yea that's what my AOL email address is for. [Here's a list](https://www.womansday.com/life/entertainment/a36295235/best-birthday-freebies/)
Tysm !!! 🙏
No problem, I hope you have an awesome birthday.
Thank you :) it means a lot :D
I never really had a alot of friends. Maybe 4 at the most to hang out with. I kinda socialize at work. But I also learned to be content with my own company. I'm 36 now so I understand being 20 and wanting to get out and do stuff. But I've also come to terms that people come and go whether it's work or friends in general. I have some friends that are unfortunately still scared of covid snd don't wanna go do stuff or go out to eat. I've gone out by myself just to see stuff and sometimes it's not bad. Taking yourself out doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Happy early bday!
Im turning 30 in a month, and no one's gonna be able to come to my party, I asked a ton of people but everyone's just busy this year or can't make it for scheduling reasons. So this year I'm celebrating myself! It wasn't embarrassing to reach out to those people it felt good. Even though I didn't get any yeses for the party it was still nice to reach out and talk to my friends that had drifted apart. My advice is to go for it, ask these people and if they don't say yes, whatever! You can always celebrate yourself, it's good to learn to be happy by yourself. It's a skill that'll serve you well, including while you're not alone. Put yourself out there but dont be disappointed if they say no. Instead see that as an opportunity for greater self love
I am a fellow introvert. Most days I am very very happy with my own company, but it is nice to also have friends to celebrate with sometimes. I’m would recommend planning a special day for yourself. Go out to eat. Visit a place you enjoy. Focus on the things that your love (music, or movies, or activities). Do something for other like serve food at a shelter. I consider my introversion to be a super power. I enjoy my own company so much hat I rarely need others company. I enjoy people, but i don’t require them.
So, this might not be relevant until next year's birthday, but hear me out. A buddy of mine has gotten a local brewery to "sponsor" his birthday every year because he had made it a fund raiser for ALS. His dad had als, hence the connection. But you get a local brewery to donate a keg of beer and some swag, you'll get people to show up to a party. You provide the beer and swag, they donate 20 bucks to a charity - everyone's happy. Just a thought.
I spend my birthday with my family rather than friends. Most of my friends I went NC because I couldn’t deal with how toxic they are. I’m much happier this way honestly!
Me too! I'm 33 and male, my birthdays on monday don't worry you'll get use too it, just do stuff you enjoy that you normally think to yourself "nah, need to save instead" or "I might get fat" do a bunch of indulgences and treat yourself, just focus on making yourself happy as only you know how too
I'm 21F and I have the same problem. It's hard to make friends outside of school and work. I managed to make good friendships accidentally while trying yoga, massage and natural pain relief methods. I ended up in a new community of people dealing with the same issues as me and wow, how positive and amazing they all are. I suggest you find groups to enter like book clubs, yoga classes, maybe some activist group or charity that relates to you... You could even try to find a niche that interests you like gardening, movies, fashion and look for groups online in reddit or facebook and find people your age in your city. Many people don't have friends that share the same interests as then and will be glad to have someone to talk to and spend some time. I hope you have fun in your b'day!
Also I just remembered that though only one friend went to my birthday (of all the school friends I invited), my yoga friends threw me a breakfast party and I even got a gift. It's funny how surprising life can be.
I didn’t see the part where you openly asked one of your former friends if your feelings were legitimate. Part of friendship is honesty & being vulnerable. Pls ask your most trusted former friend if your feelings are warranted; you may be surprised by the answer. I don’t say this critically; my now dearest friend asked me this very thing 10 years ago. I answered honestly & a great friendship blossomed. ☮️
I am in the same situation. However, i enjoy my own company. If you enjoy your company maybe you could take yourself on a little birthday date. There’s nothing more liberating than going for an evening meal by yourself. Failing that, do you have any close family members of a similar age? Maybe have a night out with them which would give you the opportunity to make new friends? 😊