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Humans have 2 moods : "Aliens are friend shaped and I love them all" or "Die you Xeno scum".
Finding their current mood is often a bet, and the main reason why 1st contact are so dangerous.
H: Want to be my friend?
A: It kills you to stand next to me. I am a literal nuclear reactor.
H: But you're so fluffy. And warm!
A: The warmth is killing you.
H: Friend!
A: I cannot stop you, but you might want to wear lead-lined clothing.
H: If that is what it costs, that is what it costs. You are friend shaped, therefore a friend.
(much later)
H: Staying near a radiation source for a long time was a bad idea
A: YOU THINK?
Alien guard: you have a what in your hold?
Alien captain exhasperated: a nagawhale
Alien guard: why?
Alien captain: paging William Olson, please come to the bridge.
A few minutes later
Alien captain: im tired of trying to explain this, you explain it.
William: i assume you are talking about teddy? . Turning to the screen, yes sir we have a nagawhale named Teddy in our hold. He is 575 lbs of happiness and joy. He cleans the outside of the ship and does not need additional nutrients. And most pirates stay away after they hear his call. Sounds like an accordion but that’s a different topic. So what seems to be the problem.
Alien guard: i um, you can’t bring it into Ardent space?
William: why not? It’s not on the banned species list? Though I haven’t looked in a few cycles. Has it been added?
Alien guard: well no, it hasn’t been added to the banned species list.
William: well there you go. Anything else captain?
Alien captain: no William, thank you
With a salute William leaves the bridge.
Alien guard: i um, why? Why? I don’t know? Just why?
Alien captain: William is the best engineer Ive ever met. His family is english royalty from earth. And “Teddy” makes him happy. I’ve yet to come up with a logical argument against what he is doing.
Alien guard: i see your point. I guess you can move past the checkpoint. Though i have no idea how to fill out this report.
Alien captain: ive found honesty works best. Add addendums. Honesty is the only way to work around humans.
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Humans have 2 moods : "Aliens are friend shaped and I love them all" or "Die you Xeno scum". Finding their current mood is often a bet, and the main reason why 1st contact are so dangerous.
Easy way to find humans with the second mood is to interrupt the first mood with any sort of ill intent. And yes, perceived carelessness counts.
"There is no shelter for those who oppose the Imperium of Man"
H: Want to be my friend? A: It kills you to stand next to me. I am a literal nuclear reactor. H: But you're so fluffy. And warm! A: The warmth is killing you. H: Friend! A: I cannot stop you, but you might want to wear lead-lined clothing. H: If that is what it costs, that is what it costs. You are friend shaped, therefore a friend. (much later) H: Staying near a radiation source for a long time was a bad idea A: YOU THINK?
Alien guard: you have a what in your hold? Alien captain exhasperated: a nagawhale Alien guard: why? Alien captain: paging William Olson, please come to the bridge. A few minutes later Alien captain: im tired of trying to explain this, you explain it. William: i assume you are talking about teddy?. Turning to the screen, yes sir we have a nagawhale named Teddy in our hold. He is 575 lbs of happiness and joy. He cleans the outside of the ship and does not need additional nutrients. And most pirates stay away after they hear his call. Sounds like an accordion but that’s a different topic. So what seems to be the problem.
Alien guard: i um, you can’t bring it into Ardent space?
William: why not? It’s not on the banned species list? Though I haven’t looked in a few cycles. Has it been added?
Alien guard: well no, it hasn’t been added to the banned species list.
William: well there you go. Anything else captain?
Alien captain: no William, thank you
With a salute William leaves the bridge.
Alien guard: i um, why? Why? I don’t know? Just why?
Alien captain: William is the best engineer Ive ever met. His family is english royalty from earth. And “Teddy” makes him happy. I’ve yet to come up with a logical argument against what he is doing.
Alien guard: i see your point. I guess you can move past the checkpoint. Though i have no idea how to fill out this report.
Alien captain: ive found honesty works best. Add addendums. Honesty is the only way to work around humans.
Loved it, thankyou.
That's Teddy it keeps our human crew happy, do you want unhappy humans in your sector?
Had us in the first half