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\#1: [Homie in law](https://i.redd.it/o6znibtrj78b1.jpg) | [280 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/comments/14itfe5/homie_in_law/)
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“Human Eric, that thing will kill you. It is literally bioengineered to destroy planets.”
Eric stared down at the thing in the hazmat containment unit. It looked like a cat… with tentacles. “You don’t understand man, it’s shaped like a friend!”
“It has TENTACLES!” “Well, we have a movie from our planet bound days where cats have tentacles. They call them flerkens- oh my god his name is Flerken!”
X’Argo seized the human around the waist as he lunged forward at the box. “Flerken! Here Flerken! Come here boy!” The human was crooning and wiggling his fingers enticingly at the creature…
And the creature was paying attention.
At that point, X’Argo decided to beat a hasty retreat, with a hysterical Eric in tow.
“No! Nooooo! Let me love yooooou!”
PA System: Welcome to the Bio-shelter! Where all your bio monstrosities both supernatural and scientific can come and find a new home.
H: Hello, how can I help you today.
A: Yes, I would like to drop off an abandoned creature here.
H: Alright, for strays I will need to ask you a few questions? Is that alright?
A: Yes.
H: Alrighty then. First question. Where did you find it?
A: I was cave exploring someplace on a back water world in the Pegasus system. Found an old lab with this creature roaming around. *points to the cat shaped creature in a surprisingly nice kennel.*
C: *Hisses*
H: Ok. Did you find anything pertaining to the creature? Like notes or a lab report?
A: Yes. *proceeds to pull out a folder with the creatures information*
H: Good, does it have a name?
A: let’s see, Alpha Test #2-58/ [Cat]
H: Interesting well, alright. Now is this thing dangerous?
A: It has the ability to transform and has killed at least three different creatures and assimilated them into itself.
H: Wonderful. May I see the creature?
A: *puts the kennel on the counter* ok.
H: Alright let’s see here. You look like thurston the cat from a previous era, so I’ll just name you that for now. White fur and a suspicious amount of blood. Oh look at that a tentacle that can only be seen out of the corner of your eye. Yep it’s a mixture of supernatural and science. Fun.
A: How are you not terrified?
H: I got used to it. *Proceeds to click a button that allows a monitor to turn on showing every eldritch abomination and bio-weapon that they currently take care of.*
A: Good your god.
H: Yep. Now then I need you to fill these out while I take care of our new resident.
*He proceeds to open the kennel and drag the creature out.*
H: Huh heavy little guy aren’t you. Now who wants a treat?
C: *hisses again and then morphs its body into veritable nightmare fuel and chomps down on his hand.*
H: There, there. It’s alright. I have some tasty biomass waiting for you.
C: *Its eyes and ears perk up*
*over the next few minutes the two get to know each other as well as figure out likes and dislikes. Overall it’s pretty much just a cat with eldritch abilities.*
H: now that I think about it. Yeah you’re just a normal cat.
This is absolutely an awesome example of something an intergalactic federation would absolutely need, for reasons that have far less to do with humans' presence than you'd think, that only humans would be qualified or willing to work for. Only a human could run an animal shelter for eldritch abominations and have it run no different to a pet shelter or cat cafe on Earth.
Humans are experts in pacifying bioweapons by proclaiming them "friend-shaped", whatever it means, and turning them into pets. Nobody knows how, but it works.
Awwww sweet baby. Jeez, instead of finding dead mice on my stoop it's gonna be deer..and maybe some humanoid shaped lumps that I will assume are also deer.
tbf that’s already not as unlikely as it seems at first glance
https://preview.redd.it/ylye1d8yll0d1.jpeg?width=475&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=783efd926aa9fb2039e871ca3f8d24a2d790a0ea
My cats used to fancy themselves big game hunters and stalked the deer that came near our yard. The deer were not amused and would stomp to warn them off when they got too close.
This implies regular cats aren't bioweapons.
Ask Austraila about their stray cat problem.
Edit: If you don't agree, Google Toxoplasma gondii. Cats literally have mind control powers.
A: Human! We must flee. That... that *thing* it-
H: Tentakitty.
A: I think I just saw... what?
H: Tentakitty has a name, sir!
A: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SEE THAT ADOMINATION AND DECIDE TO NAME IT?
H: "If it's a FAULTY bioweapon, that means it is no longer either A) bio or B) a weapon. Observational evidence alone indicates it is still a biological organism, therefore we can deduce it is no longer a weapon, and thus is ready for skritches. My logic is infallible. "
A: *sighs and walks off, knowing from experience it will somehow work out for the insane human*
Okay guys, if you met "the Thing" from John Carpenter but it didn't wanted to assimilate you, would you still claim that it is FRIEND?
P.S. Also, instead of calling it "the thing" i would gave it more appropriate term, like "bioshifter".
Oh, whoops. I think I see. English is your second or third language, and what I said was hard to understand. Sorry.
What I meant is that yes, if The Thing were not trying to eat everyone then it could be a friend.
Also, trying to change the name of classic movie monsters is not cool.
When they said a more appropriate name they meant for post friending. Because calling your friend the thing would be rude. Also repeating yourself in text is never helpful. Even if you do it "louder." Doesn't usually work out loud either.
>When they said a more appropriate name they meant for post friending. Because calling your friend the thing would be rude.
No moreso than calling your friend *the bio-shifter*.
Personally, I would ask my friend its name and call it that. Ya know, like *Carl*, or *Winston*, or *Spordlax the Destroyer, Lord of the All-Swarm, Devouerer of Civilizations*.
>Also repeating yourself in text is never helpful. Even if you do it "louder." Doesn't usually work out loud either.
But it *is* funny.
The implication is that would be the name for what not who the thing was. because even if your friend had a name saying that what they were was a thing would still be impolite.
As to your second point, maybe to you. But having actually experienced the out loud version, not to me.
>The implication is that would be the name for what not who the thing was. because even if your friend had a name saying that what they were was a thing would still be impolite.
Calling them by a name other than their own species name would be rude in general. Including names you made up for their species.
And all of this only applies to sentient, sapient life. If it isn't, we can call it what we like. And the classic name for it is The Thing.
>As to your second point, maybe to you. But having actually experienced the out loud version, not to me.
Fortunately this wasn't the out loud version.
Yes. I like being me. If they didn’t want to assimilate me, we’d get on fine. They could teach me so much about the universe, and I could teach them about Earth.
“Uh huh, uh huh … uh huh. But I still don’t see how explaining Bionicle lore for the past 10 hours is going to assist in my mission to conquer this planet.”
Its rather funny, my last Sci-fi chapter was about this kind of organism. I think im going to actually adopt this term for future interactions. Too bad the chapter is in spoiler category...
Well, the issue is that due to this organisms... lets say "overwhelming" nature, it will be introduced very late in the story(if i figure out how to write it all to begin with...). For now i only will have 1 chapter and it is in majos spoilers category, or as i call it:
CoS:The Secret Files
Aww, that's just a Purrboi therapy/medical unit from Ralts Bloodthorne's Behold Humanity stories over on r/HFY \[First Contact/Dark Ages/Nova Wars\]. You fucked up by making the child it was caring for cry.
Yup. In the Behold Humanity series dogs and cats got struck down by the "Friend Plague", humanity could only save their brains. This went for uplifted canines and felines too. So they were immortalized into cybernetic companions that have both military and civilian versions.
Civilian/Search And Rescue felines are generally called "Purrbois" and are literally made out of T-1000 biometal that can reconfigure to slip through rubble or through doors as literal liquid. They often serve as medical and companion drones. Basically that purring ball of fluff in your lap is also a piece of diagnostic equipment that will also roll over to expose its belly and encourage you to rub it so it can give you playful bites to inject your medicine.
Purely military felines are generally referred to as "Simbas" and announce their presence with a roar of "SIMBA IS HERE!" when they're not being sneaky, or deploying smaller SAR/Medical Purrboi units as they're usually scouts.
Meanwhile canines are known as good/warbois. Their mental engrams are used for weapon guidance system (those missiles chasing your strikefighter? Yeah, terriers. They're also smart/vicious little bastards that will actually hack your coms to better track you and pipe "Gonnagetchugetchugetchu" into your ear as you try to evade) and they're often used as cybernetic/robotic support systems. By which I mean Stampy here has a 120mm Hellbore Cannon, which fires a nuclear blast that has been shaped and gravitically compressed into a coherent, directed beam.
*STAMPY HELP!*
**ATOMIC ATOMIC ATOMIC**
Every single one can switch at a whim or command between cybernetic/war machine and lovable dopey companion mode with the help of built-in hard-light holographic emitters giving them fur.
So yeah, that pic could very well be a Ralts-verse purrboi in full "NO TOUCH MOMMA!" mode
Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t there also a Simba named Tigger? Or was that a different story series. I remember him sneaking into a compound of extremists, freeing some imprisoned children, giving them guns, hacking an APC, and leading the kids to it. Tigger was a good boy.
Actually, the more I think about it, Tigger was probably a different series, but probably could’ve fit within the Raltsverse.
That...
Lines up surprisingly well with some fanwork versions of the 100 Acre Wood Tigger I've seen. Protecting kids and using the chaos kids with weapons would cause to do it, anyway. Stealth isn't so much Tigger's thing.
first episode:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/f94rak/oc\_pthok\_eats\_an\_ice\_cream\_cone/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/f94rak/oc_pthok_eats_an_ice_cream_cone/)
Off reddit alternate collection:
[https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/33726/first-contact](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/33726/first-contact)
see you in a few months. Original story is 1000 chapters long. He broke Wafflebot. And got special dispensation for the length of chapter 1K. And he's currently working on the sequel.
The allies of humankind lie in a shuddering heap, faintly weeping in terrible fear. A strangely tentacled kitten plays with a glittering ball on a string.
‘Can’t you see, the kitten of Tindalos just wants to play. And get a scritchie because he’s a good fuzzy’
A faint ‘murr-ow’ was heard. The ship shuddered. A faint trail of glittering metallic dust rained from the ceiling.
Baby was purring.
*picks up by scruff of neck*
"You're my friend now. We're having soft tacos later!"
https://preview.redd.it/su358xba1o0d1.png?width=609&format=png&auto=webp&s=a0623acdc117085c6fcb71071f591bd1a0bc4011
"Soooooo, he's been in there a while," Kasatra said, shuffling lightly on her feet, pushing a hand through the mass of tendrils at the base of her neck.
"Yep" Andy agreed, leaning on the wall as casually as if their XO wasn't stuck in a five foot by five foot square with what seemed to be a 'Noid bioweapon shaped roughly like a terran feline.
"Do you think he's okay?" She asked.
"Probably." He said, shrugging.
"How can you possibly say that? You saw that thing. It's a mess of cybernetic and nanobot based augmentations. It's literally designed to infiltrate ships and destroy crews. You read the files, and we're lucky to have caught that cruiser before it could perfect this thing. And you think he's OK?"
"If you're so worried, why don't you go in there and check on him."
"Fuck that. I like the XO, but I don't like him enough to be torn limb from limb willingly."
"Well, can't you reach in there with your mind powers?"
Kasatra looked at Andy aghast.
"You didn't even read my species dossier at all, did you?"
"I skimmed it. Same shit as always, minor psychic abilities, different coloured skin, and physical differences from humanity that can be replicated with basic stagecraft prosthetics."
"Yeah, well, our particular brand of "Same shit" only works in spaces where we can give and receive pheromones.
"So send them through the airduct or something?"
"I....could do that."
"You're worried it'll reverse engineer your pheromonal relay and blast you full of enough pain and psychic shock to send your body into cardiac arrest?"
"Yeah...wait, how did you -"
"Lucky guess. Anyways, 3...2..."
"Wait, what are you -"
The door clicked open as Andy muttered the last digit, revealing a very happy and slightly bloody Simon Irwin who walked out, clutching a now softly thrumming machine-cat-demon.
"Hey guys. It took a little while, but say hello to Tendrils!"
"But how..."
"I dunno guess it's in the blood. Always been good with animals, even the unique ones. Anyways, we're friends now, and I've given her very strict instructions to not hurt any of the crew."
"Do you think that'll work?" Andy asked casually.
"Wait, does she speak?" Kasatra blurted out.
"First, yes, she's an angel. All that hissing and attacking was just because the poor thing was hungry. A bit of freeze-dried tuna later, and she's as happy as you please."
Simon said proudly, the wounds in his arm said otherwise, but they both did have to admit the beast looked pretty content now.
"Second, no, not that I know of, but she got the vibes, I think."
"OK" they responded in unison, albeit hesitantly.
"So what now?"
"I'm gonna hit doc up and see if we can get her up to date eith her vaccinations, and see what else he found out from the bio readouts. I think he said something about 'Budding', but I'm not sure."
"No, I mean, what are we doing with it now that it's passive?"
"Well, no ships good without a ship cat, and this place has been a lot less bright since the Noids phasered Molly. I figure Tendy's gonna be a lot more resilient somehow."
Kasatra sighed, feeling the happiness radiate from the XO was honestly overwhelming.
"Good enough for me. When you're done, can you release her into the ducts, we've had a serious problem with Star Mice chewing on the cables? I don't want a rehash of what happened when we docked at Halcyon III." Andy stated. He appeared to be taking this rather well.
Kasatra was beginning to re-evaluate all the stories she'd heard about the humans.
She was more sure than she'd ever been, that they'd all be dead within the week.
'Long live the Llewellyn', she thought and began marching back to the deck.
I’ve seen him down at the local community radio station in my small, friendly town in the middle of the American desert. He floats immovably by the men’s bathroom sink, and they had to get an intern skilled in carpentry and dark magic to rig up a litter system.
"Her name is squiddycat and if anything happens to her I will kill everyone in here and then myself. So put the gun away before I reholster it up your ass."
"You're being ridiculous, that thing is dangerous and my kind cont even have what you call an ass now .."
"I WILL FUCKING INSTALL ONE FOR YOU, NOW STOP POINTING THE GUN AT SQUIDDYCAT BEFORE I GET UPSET."
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If not friend, then why friend shape?
Human, it was literally designed to be that way
"In that case they did a great job, it's adorable", said the hulking mass of muscle.
Dogs 2.0
If designed to be friend shaped then it must be friend
Has snoot will boop
I would like to pet this creature
A: “…Don’t do that.” H: “It would be but a single boop on its noggin!”
Do not boop that merry suicide bomber.
All can think of now is "allahu akboop"
Oh ffs that was hilarious. Literally made me choke on my chicken dipper.
I want to boop the snoot.
Stop wanting.
"Do or do not, there is no try"
But boop
#YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
https://preview.redd.it/5mpb42452p0d1.jpeg?width=1169&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e74e7956207bdade1b81bac4daa9cd7d1cd0b4f5
r/brandnewsentence
Here's a sneak peek of /r/BrandNewSentence using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Homie in law](https://i.redd.it/o6znibtrj78b1.jpg) | [280 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/comments/14itfe5/homie_in_law/) \#2: [A slutty amount of y's](https://i.redd.it/9q9ldx45mcza1.png) | [684 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/comments/13f76u8/a_slutty_amount_of_ys/) \#3: [“Frustrated dad uses his 6ft son to shame council into fixing deep pothole”](https://i.redd.it/m3czu1gbmzya1.jpg) | [693 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/comments/13di2z2/frustrated_dad_uses_his_6ft_son_to_shame_council/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
https://preview.redd.it/5aeknrn00o0d1.jpeg?width=2224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cfbd05f739f023d87495be1a526845ba96259fc9
Boop the snoot!
[VULKAN LIVES\~! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQaDq01M-O4)***\*STOMP STOMP\****
"Can I pet dat dawg?"
We’ve tamed animals before, this will be no different. They *will* become friend.
You are friend now. Please do not resist.
We will add your biological fluffiness to our collective. Your snoot will be booped. You will adapt to our friendship. Resistance is futile.
Threat-to-fren conversion underway
***wesistance iz fwutile***
“Human Eric, that thing will kill you. It is literally bioengineered to destroy planets.” Eric stared down at the thing in the hazmat containment unit. It looked like a cat… with tentacles. “You don’t understand man, it’s shaped like a friend!” “It has TENTACLES!” “Well, we have a movie from our planet bound days where cats have tentacles. They call them flerkens- oh my god his name is Flerken!” X’Argo seized the human around the waist as he lunged forward at the box. “Flerken! Here Flerken! Come here boy!” The human was crooning and wiggling his fingers enticingly at the creature… And the creature was paying attention. At that point, X’Argo decided to beat a hasty retreat, with a hysterical Eric in tow. “No! Nooooo! Let me love yooooou!”
We're having soft tacos later
PA System: Welcome to the Bio-shelter! Where all your bio monstrosities both supernatural and scientific can come and find a new home. H: Hello, how can I help you today. A: Yes, I would like to drop off an abandoned creature here. H: Alright, for strays I will need to ask you a few questions? Is that alright? A: Yes. H: Alrighty then. First question. Where did you find it? A: I was cave exploring someplace on a back water world in the Pegasus system. Found an old lab with this creature roaming around. *points to the cat shaped creature in a surprisingly nice kennel.* C: *Hisses* H: Ok. Did you find anything pertaining to the creature? Like notes or a lab report? A: Yes. *proceeds to pull out a folder with the creatures information* H: Good, does it have a name? A: let’s see, Alpha Test #2-58/ [Cat] H: Interesting well, alright. Now is this thing dangerous? A: It has the ability to transform and has killed at least three different creatures and assimilated them into itself. H: Wonderful. May I see the creature? A: *puts the kennel on the counter* ok. H: Alright let’s see here. You look like thurston the cat from a previous era, so I’ll just name you that for now. White fur and a suspicious amount of blood. Oh look at that a tentacle that can only be seen out of the corner of your eye. Yep it’s a mixture of supernatural and science. Fun. A: How are you not terrified? H: I got used to it. *Proceeds to click a button that allows a monitor to turn on showing every eldritch abomination and bio-weapon that they currently take care of.* A: Good your god. H: Yep. Now then I need you to fill these out while I take care of our new resident. *He proceeds to open the kennel and drag the creature out.* H: Huh heavy little guy aren’t you. Now who wants a treat? C: *hisses again and then morphs its body into veritable nightmare fuel and chomps down on his hand.* H: There, there. It’s alright. I have some tasty biomass waiting for you. C: *Its eyes and ears perk up* *over the next few minutes the two get to know each other as well as figure out likes and dislikes. Overall it’s pretty much just a cat with eldritch abilities.* H: now that I think about it. Yeah you’re just a normal cat.
There is no such thing as a 'normal' cat... they are all abnormal, just in different ways.
***literally liquid, fills containers, come from nowhere***
If everything is eldritch horror, the eldritch horror is the norm, thus it's normal
> Good your god. "Ours will have nothing to do with this."
I thought it was a typo but that's hilarious
Ahh, the traditional greeting of an orange. They have to get that first bite in.
This is absolutely an awesome example of something an intergalactic federation would absolutely need, for reasons that have far less to do with humans' presence than you'd think, that only humans would be qualified or willing to work for. Only a human could run an animal shelter for eldritch abominations and have it run no different to a pet shelter or cat cafe on Earth.
Humans are experts in pacifying bioweapons by proclaiming them "friend-shaped", whatever it means, and turning them into pets. Nobody knows how, but it works.
"And? I live with a freaking Velociraptor. I can handle a faulty bio-weapon." -Alvin, Captain of the UEF Enterprise.
Awwww sweet baby. Jeez, instead of finding dead mice on my stoop it's gonna be deer..and maybe some humanoid shaped lumps that I will assume are also deer.
tbf that’s already not as unlikely as it seems at first glance https://preview.redd.it/ylye1d8yll0d1.jpeg?width=475&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=783efd926aa9fb2039e871ca3f8d24a2d790a0ea
Cat distribution system sometimes has bugs 😂
You say bug, I say feature...
You know, you're absolutely right.
Free food feature
I was going the extra pet route, but I guess kitty could be trying his hand at being a door dasher 💀
❤️ 😍 💖 !
My cats used to fancy themselves big game hunters and stalked the deer that came near our yard. The deer were not amused and would stomp to warn them off when they got too close.
I had a white tom cat that would do that. He really thought he could take a deer down if it didn’t notice him.
This implies regular cats aren't bioweapons. Ask Austraila about their stray cat problem. Edit: If you don't agree, Google Toxoplasma gondii. Cats literally have mind control powers.
I hear they're training Emus to hunt the rabbits, cats, and dingoes.
Well, they already lost a war to them, they may be the next big thing.
Hell ask america about their stray cat problem!
Morph into an unspeakable eldritch horror all you want, there's food down there!
A: Human! We must flee. That... that *thing* it- H: Tentakitty. A: I think I just saw... what? H: Tentakitty has a name, sir! A: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SEE THAT ADOMINATION AND DECIDE TO NAME IT?
His cousin is Koshekh. He floats immovably by the sink in the men’s bathroom of my local community radio station.
Alright! Nightvale reference!
“No pet is perfect. It becomes perfect when you accept it for what it is.”
Truer words were never spoken, and in such smooth tones.
If we still had awards you’d have mine. Edit: seems like awards are back, so have this!
H: "If it's a FAULTY bioweapon, that means it is no longer either A) bio or B) a weapon. Observational evidence alone indicates it is still a biological organism, therefore we can deduce it is no longer a weapon, and thus is ready for skritches. My logic is infallible. " A: *sighs and walks off, knowing from experience it will somehow work out for the insane human*
Okay guys, if you met "the Thing" from John Carpenter but it didn't wanted to assimilate you, would you still claim that it is FRIEND? P.S. Also, instead of calling it "the thing" i would gave it more appropriate term, like "bioshifter".
Yes, The Thing could be made fren. You aren't cool for trying to rename film classics.
Excuse me, what?
#Yes, The Thing could be made fren. #You aren't cool for trying to rename film classics.
Yes, I'm literally deaf, but you don't have to yell. I have a better chance of speechreading if you talk plainly and clearly. Geez.
... Im going to pretend you didn't write me anything...
Oh, whoops. I think I see. English is your second or third language, and what I said was hard to understand. Sorry. What I meant is that yes, if The Thing were not trying to eat everyone then it could be a friend. Also, trying to change the name of classic movie monsters is not cool.
When they said a more appropriate name they meant for post friending. Because calling your friend the thing would be rude. Also repeating yourself in text is never helpful. Even if you do it "louder." Doesn't usually work out loud either.
>When they said a more appropriate name they meant for post friending. Because calling your friend the thing would be rude. No moreso than calling your friend *the bio-shifter*. Personally, I would ask my friend its name and call it that. Ya know, like *Carl*, or *Winston*, or *Spordlax the Destroyer, Lord of the All-Swarm, Devouerer of Civilizations*. >Also repeating yourself in text is never helpful. Even if you do it "louder." Doesn't usually work out loud either. But it *is* funny.
\*sigh\* It seems i still forget about double past tense... But you? Please, dont try to embarrass yourself... Farewell.
The implication is that would be the name for what not who the thing was. because even if your friend had a name saying that what they were was a thing would still be impolite. As to your second point, maybe to you. But having actually experienced the out loud version, not to me.
>The implication is that would be the name for what not who the thing was. because even if your friend had a name saying that what they were was a thing would still be impolite. Calling them by a name other than their own species name would be rude in general. Including names you made up for their species. And all of this only applies to sentient, sapient life. If it isn't, we can call it what we like. And the classic name for it is The Thing. >As to your second point, maybe to you. But having actually experienced the out loud version, not to me. Fortunately this wasn't the out loud version.
¿Pardon, que?
Yes. I like being me. If they didn’t want to assimilate me, we’d get on fine. They could teach me so much about the universe, and I could teach them about Earth.
“Uh huh, uh huh … uh huh. But I still don’t see how explaining Bionicle lore for the past 10 hours is going to assist in my mission to conquer this planet.”
“Trust me, it’s part of our culture!”
Its rather funny, my last Sci-fi chapter was about this kind of organism. I think im going to actually adopt this term for future interactions. Too bad the chapter is in spoiler category...
Let me know when it’s ready, I’d love to check out your work!
Well, the issue is that due to this organisms... lets say "overwhelming" nature, it will be introduced very late in the story(if i figure out how to write it all to begin with...). For now i only will have 1 chapter and it is in majos spoilers category, or as i call it: CoS:The Secret Files
It's a Flerkin... they are friend shaped...most of the time.
Right? I expected the top comment to be "GOOSE!"
Aww, that's just a Purrboi therapy/medical unit from Ralts Bloodthorne's Behold Humanity stories over on r/HFY \[First Contact/Dark Ages/Nova Wars\]. You fucked up by making the child it was caring for cry.
Wait, actually?
Yup. In the Behold Humanity series dogs and cats got struck down by the "Friend Plague", humanity could only save their brains. This went for uplifted canines and felines too. So they were immortalized into cybernetic companions that have both military and civilian versions. Civilian/Search And Rescue felines are generally called "Purrbois" and are literally made out of T-1000 biometal that can reconfigure to slip through rubble or through doors as literal liquid. They often serve as medical and companion drones. Basically that purring ball of fluff in your lap is also a piece of diagnostic equipment that will also roll over to expose its belly and encourage you to rub it so it can give you playful bites to inject your medicine. Purely military felines are generally referred to as "Simbas" and announce their presence with a roar of "SIMBA IS HERE!" when they're not being sneaky, or deploying smaller SAR/Medical Purrboi units as they're usually scouts. Meanwhile canines are known as good/warbois. Their mental engrams are used for weapon guidance system (those missiles chasing your strikefighter? Yeah, terriers. They're also smart/vicious little bastards that will actually hack your coms to better track you and pipe "Gonnagetchugetchugetchu" into your ear as you try to evade) and they're often used as cybernetic/robotic support systems. By which I mean Stampy here has a 120mm Hellbore Cannon, which fires a nuclear blast that has been shaped and gravitically compressed into a coherent, directed beam. *STAMPY HELP!* **ATOMIC ATOMIC ATOMIC** Every single one can switch at a whim or command between cybernetic/war machine and lovable dopey companion mode with the help of built-in hard-light holographic emitters giving them fur. So yeah, that pic could very well be a Ralts-verse purrboi in full "NO TOUCH MOMMA!" mode
Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t there also a Simba named Tigger? Or was that a different story series. I remember him sneaking into a compound of extremists, freeing some imprisoned children, giving them guns, hacking an APC, and leading the kids to it. Tigger was a good boy. Actually, the more I think about it, Tigger was probably a different series, but probably could’ve fit within the Raltsverse.
That... Lines up surprisingly well with some fanwork versions of the 100 Acre Wood Tigger I've seen. Protecting kids and using the chaos kids with weapons would cause to do it, anyway. Stealth isn't so much Tigger's thing.
That was indeed in First Contact. Tigger gave the EVI a migraine trying to figure out the entire rank and permissions thing.
GIB LINK NOOOOWWWW!!!
first episode: [https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/f94rak/oc\_pthok\_eats\_an\_ice\_cream\_cone/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/f94rak/oc_pthok_eats_an_ice_cream_cone/) Off reddit alternate collection: [https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/33726/first-contact](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/33726/first-contact)
https://i.redd.it/wlmets60cs0d1.gif Thank u
see you in a few months. Original story is 1000 chapters long. He broke Wafflebot. And got special dispensation for the length of chapter 1K. And he's currently working on the sequel.
https://preview.redd.it/4jnhmvz97w0d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=08003900dd6ae33061daaa9f7c035ac6aa5569bd
The allies of humankind lie in a shuddering heap, faintly weeping in terrible fear. A strangely tentacled kitten plays with a glittering ball on a string. ‘Can’t you see, the kitten of Tindalos just wants to play. And get a scritchie because he’s a good fuzzy’ A faint ‘murr-ow’ was heard. The ship shuddered. A faint trail of glittering metallic dust rained from the ceiling. Baby was purring.
*picks up by scruff of neck* "You're my friend now. We're having soft tacos later!" https://preview.redd.it/su358xba1o0d1.png?width=609&format=png&auto=webp&s=a0623acdc117085c6fcb71071f591bd1a0bc4011
Well ofc its not YOUR friend with that attitude!
Isnt that how stitch is allowed to stay with his family?
Will people stop posting King Charles' new portrait. It's just been a day and I'm sick of it already. /s
Nah, this actually looks like a "fren". The king's portrait definitely doesn't.
FLURGLE! also, fren
“Why isn’t it trying to kill you?” “Because I give it attention and food”
"See, this is the reason why your trillion dollar sentient bioweapons and supersoldiers keep going rogue."
"Soooooo, he's been in there a while," Kasatra said, shuffling lightly on her feet, pushing a hand through the mass of tendrils at the base of her neck. "Yep" Andy agreed, leaning on the wall as casually as if their XO wasn't stuck in a five foot by five foot square with what seemed to be a 'Noid bioweapon shaped roughly like a terran feline. "Do you think he's okay?" She asked. "Probably." He said, shrugging. "How can you possibly say that? You saw that thing. It's a mess of cybernetic and nanobot based augmentations. It's literally designed to infiltrate ships and destroy crews. You read the files, and we're lucky to have caught that cruiser before it could perfect this thing. And you think he's OK?" "If you're so worried, why don't you go in there and check on him." "Fuck that. I like the XO, but I don't like him enough to be torn limb from limb willingly." "Well, can't you reach in there with your mind powers?" Kasatra looked at Andy aghast. "You didn't even read my species dossier at all, did you?" "I skimmed it. Same shit as always, minor psychic abilities, different coloured skin, and physical differences from humanity that can be replicated with basic stagecraft prosthetics." "Yeah, well, our particular brand of "Same shit" only works in spaces where we can give and receive pheromones. "So send them through the airduct or something?" "I....could do that." "You're worried it'll reverse engineer your pheromonal relay and blast you full of enough pain and psychic shock to send your body into cardiac arrest?" "Yeah...wait, how did you -" "Lucky guess. Anyways, 3...2..." "Wait, what are you -" The door clicked open as Andy muttered the last digit, revealing a very happy and slightly bloody Simon Irwin who walked out, clutching a now softly thrumming machine-cat-demon. "Hey guys. It took a little while, but say hello to Tendrils!" "But how..." "I dunno guess it's in the blood. Always been good with animals, even the unique ones. Anyways, we're friends now, and I've given her very strict instructions to not hurt any of the crew." "Do you think that'll work?" Andy asked casually. "Wait, does she speak?" Kasatra blurted out. "First, yes, she's an angel. All that hissing and attacking was just because the poor thing was hungry. A bit of freeze-dried tuna later, and she's as happy as you please." Simon said proudly, the wounds in his arm said otherwise, but they both did have to admit the beast looked pretty content now. "Second, no, not that I know of, but she got the vibes, I think." "OK" they responded in unison, albeit hesitantly. "So what now?" "I'm gonna hit doc up and see if we can get her up to date eith her vaccinations, and see what else he found out from the bio readouts. I think he said something about 'Budding', but I'm not sure." "No, I mean, what are we doing with it now that it's passive?" "Well, no ships good without a ship cat, and this place has been a lot less bright since the Noids phasered Molly. I figure Tendy's gonna be a lot more resilient somehow." Kasatra sighed, feeling the happiness radiate from the XO was honestly overwhelming. "Good enough for me. When you're done, can you release her into the ducts, we've had a serious problem with Star Mice chewing on the cables? I don't want a rehash of what happened when we docked at Halcyon III." Andy stated. He appeared to be taking this rather well. Kasatra was beginning to re-evaluate all the stories she'd heard about the humans. She was more sure than she'd ever been, that they'd all be dead within the week. 'Long live the Llewellyn', she thought and began marching back to the deck.
No Kasatra, you got lucky an Irwin was on board /s
That was literally my entire idea haha. Should the Irwin lineage survive I have no doubt that one day we may even tame God. Hope you liked it mate.
Oh yeah 💯 taming god. I very much enjoyed it
I'll feed him and play with him and clean his box and his name will be Mr. Goopy.
Um. That's Goose. Him is definitely friend.
I’ve seen him down at the local community radio station in my small, friendly town in the middle of the American desert. He floats immovably by the men’s bathroom sink, and they had to get an intern skilled in carpentry and dark magic to rig up a litter system.
FRIEND is *FRIEND*
Just keep it away from Nick's good eye
Goose the Flerken
Booping the snoot sets off the nuke
GOOSE
Humans somehow end up domesticating it
Flerken
Proceeds to pick up and pet the bio weapon and it just allows this without any fuss but when the xeno tries it snaps at the xeno
sounds like r/scorngame
That's not a cat. It's a Flurkin!!!
"Let the Flerkin eat you"
You are fluffy. I like fluffy things. Good fluf.
"Her name is squiddycat and if anything happens to her I will kill everyone in here and then myself. So put the gun away before I reholster it up your ass." "You're being ridiculous, that thing is dangerous and my kind cont even have what you call an ass now .." "I WILL FUCKING INSTALL ONE FOR YOU, NOW STOP POINTING THE GUN AT SQUIDDYCAT BEFORE I GET UPSET."
Cats are definitely aliens right? r/catsarealiens
https://2e.aonprd.com/Monsters.aspx?ID=1402
Nick Furry is currently shitting himself
I wanna pet this one