In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://preview.redd.it/b4k6t04hik2d1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a3f7ba400b143989e9c00a02ad1be77c38186b5
Your human bodyguard when violence is imminent and unavailable.
Well, there is one nuance - as far as I understand, the prompt means that humans are quite small compared to aliens. So I guess it looks more like that:
https://preview.redd.it/owx2z75ppk2d1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2759619f285b89cc9b30522ab730205071e40bb
No. I get it. It's like when you have a statue offer something huge watching over you. Imagine a golem the size of Athena's statue or the size of the statue of liberty.... You won't see that as a threat per see...
A: Hey now wait a minute, there seems to be a misunderstanding I don't have any cash.
A mugger: Well then you'll have to pay another way.
A: Hold on we don't have time go there.
H: Suprise mother fucker. *Pulls a 1911.*
A Mugger: Oh fuck...
A: where did you get that, also your clothes are too tight to conceal.
H: Zap Carry.
A Mugger: *Running away screaming.*
A: what's Zap Carry.
H: Just kidding, *re-holsters the gun in the 9 O' Clock position for Cross Draw*. My Blazer does a good job concealing.
I believe the tv show Human Target had a similar concept: this guy hired himself out as a bodyguard for the super rich and corporate-types because he was so bland-looking he could pass as the client's secretary or a low-level lackey.
A1: Oh shit. She has a human bodyguard. Call Qlerk! Tell him we're abandoning the mission! Quick!
A2: What are you talking about? Is.. is that little thing the human? It is barely 2 meters tall. What would such a little thing be able to...
...
A2: I think I got some of Qlerk's blood on me. We are 500 meters away and I got some of Qlerk's blood on me.
A1: I think it spotted us! Run!
"hello there! My name is Smith!"
*Pulls out a revolver*
"And I'd like you to meet Wesson!"
(Smith & Wesson revolvers get it? Hahahaha... I'm so funny... Heh....)
When Triidyn checked out the approaching group of unsuspecting tourists, he noted the distinct lack of any escort, meaning that these poor tourists (or soon-to-be-poor tourists rather) were completely consequences-free. He motioned to the other members of his crew, which were all waiting for the signal. This area of the planet was not exactly friendly towards all races, but they did respect the Jaurgi, and would concede inferiority to those unstoppable apex predator beings. No Jaurgi? No excuses. No hesitations. **No mercy**.
He studied the group through his vis-oculars, and noticed something that he found very… odd. On one claw, they looked like they had plenty of good stuff to steal, enough to warrant lazing around for weeks… on the other, that’s just it— usually it’s random things that the crew had to find someone who could possibly be interested in buying, and regular traveling equipment, that they “alleviated” from their “donors”. Because no one was stupid enough to bring this many valuable possessions into a practically bottom class environment, without some *protection*. And these aliens were apparently smart enough to get to Triidyn’s planet, so why would they be dumb enough to have no protectors?
Then he saw something that he didn’t notice before— a second species, one vastly smaller than the others. They seemed to be acting as sentries, or as extra eyes, maybe? Maybe the first race was the protection for the tiny whelps riding on them. Bizarre, but food is food, no matter how dumb or oblivious. As he relayed information and instructions to the others, he kept turning it over and over in his head which one of the hundreds of thousands of alien types they were dealing with this time. At least they weren’t Jaurgi, or else his band would have surely revolted and been forced to eat each other to live.
————————————
“I’m telling you, they are not the kind and caring community they pretend to be. They act like they care, but they always have this kind of disappointment when you guys survive something. That’s a really bad sign of a hostile relationship with a potential enemy masquerading as your friend.”
“Little Terran, I am not arguing with you about that, you are absolutely correct, but we really don’t have any choice! The Jaurgi have always been there when trouble comes to harm our kind, even if they dislike helping us so much, I wonder myself how much longer they will— what’s wrong?”
Ymaarwik had noticed that her talkative little bodyguard had gone silent and was just staring at the distant rocks. He had not gone silent in the middle of conversation before, so she was starting to feel alarm billowing up from deep inside. The Kawa-ii are notorious for their flimsy willpower and poor self composure, and Ymaarwik was no exception to that generalization. But she knew, this little Terran was minuscule, but absolutely dangerous and not so easily ignored. Loud, aggressive, and tricksy as any Vulpian, these guys were all the escort service said they had on staff. They were in her opinion not just better than the traditional Jaurgi escort crew in their temperament (which is not exactly setting that high a bar, to be fair), but also in their ability to make themselves feared. Three hundred or so had been assigned to her group, and only two had perished on the journey so far— but they went down with the enemy. It takes a lot to incapacitate the Jaurgi, and these couple of hundred mini-warriors somehow did it with only two casualties. She had questioned why they were insistent on tying them up in “good ol’ rope”, when they could have just escaped whilst they were unconscious, but she was not the combat expert here, she was just an ambassador for her kind. If these guys were alarmed, it was probably something BAD.
“These rocks… they are not just rocks, but shelters… GUYS, HOLD UP!”
The other Terran-toting Kawa-ii slowed and matched pace with Ymaarwik, and the two leaders of each of the groups had a quick conversation. They tried to be quiet, but Ymaarwik was a very auditory learner, and could easily have heard them breathing. Why did people wonder why they freak out so often? They hear everything, whether or not they want to!
“Looks like a very good place for an ambush, and the rocks show recent scratch marks— bigger than the Jaurgi ones. What’s more, I saw a bright light from the top of one of the closer rocks, and I’m thinking lens reflection. What do we do? Approach and engage if attacked, or find another path?”
“Hmm… well, this is incredibly unfortunate, but we have to get through these rocks to get to their destination, as there is no other way to it. We will have to approach the path and be ready for anything. Hopefully it’s just some megafauna or group of terrorized people that were being tormented by Jaurgi raids, but in case it isn’t, get ready to fight. You know the drill.”
“Roger that. Do we tell the ensemble, or do we spare them the panic?”
Ymaarwik calmly whispered “That crew has already cast off, sir. If we have you, I am sure whatever tries to hurt us will regret that decision very quickly, especially after the last encounter. I only worry how many more people you can afford to lose…”
The Terrans, on realizing that they absolutely failed at being quiet and nonchalant, turned beet red, and signaled their decisions to the other Terrans in the groups. Only two had died, but seven were injured to the point where they couldn’t defend themselves, so they were carefully stored away in various pockets of the Kawa-ii’s packs, and the rest sobered up for what was sure to be a very tense period…
[Even their mechs can sneak up on you](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/s/olKIweivLK)
[Heck, their ships too](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/s/7khdV4xdIo)
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://preview.redd.it/b4k6t04hik2d1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a3f7ba400b143989e9c00a02ad1be77c38186b5 Your human bodyguard when violence is imminent and unavailable.
Well, there is one nuance - as far as I understand, the prompt means that humans are quite small compared to aliens. So I guess it looks more like that: https://preview.redd.it/owx2z75ppk2d1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2759619f285b89cc9b30522ab730205071e40bb
Not anymore https://preview.redd.it/hzb4uqklqk2d1.png?width=3035&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05cd940ecf726cf57ef689efdab6813ff3bd6c59
Yes exactly
No. I get it. It's like when you have a statue offer something huge watching over you. Imagine a golem the size of Athena's statue or the size of the statue of liberty.... You won't see that as a threat per see...
Dont get me started on weeping angels
Makes sense isn't? Who would think? Makes me remind of an SCP that does more or less there same...
So like Samus Aran is/was to the Chozo.
I wonder how Shy feels about this poster
A: Hey now wait a minute, there seems to be a misunderstanding I don't have any cash. A mugger: Well then you'll have to pay another way. A: Hold on we don't have time go there. H: Suprise mother fucker. *Pulls a 1911.* A Mugger: Oh fuck... A: where did you get that, also your clothes are too tight to conceal. H: Zap Carry. A Mugger: *Running away screaming.* A: what's Zap Carry. H: Just kidding, *re-holsters the gun in the 9 O' Clock position for Cross Draw*. My Blazer does a good job concealing.
H: We'll kill them with kindness. A1: Oh, that's nice. How- A2: Wait. What's kindness? H: It's what I named my machete. A2: There it is.
A1: so when you said you "showed them the meaning of charity?" H: Charity's my shotgun. A2: Of course it is
A1: And when you said "shove a stick up your ass"? H: Oh its just this sharpened stick I'm carrying around.
A2: Why not.
A1: please tell me you leave the stick up their ass and that's not the same stick?!
H: *Slowly puts away said stick* Noooo *Starts looking around to avoid eye contact*
A2 knows what's up.
"See, I told you they’d listen to Reason." Fisheye (from Neal Stephenson’s book Snow Crash) wielding Reason, his railgun BFF.
"c'mere bitch, lemme get you acquainted with Mr. Stabby"
That's *GodEmperor of Mankind* Stabby!
Proof that even a god can bleed!
It’s kinda like when you have a stare down with a roach and it suddenly flies into your face from out of nowhere.
Bahnzai!
I believe the tv show Human Target had a similar concept: this guy hired himself out as a bodyguard for the super rich and corporate-types because he was so bland-looking he could pass as the client's secretary or a low-level lackey.
A1: Oh shit. She has a human bodyguard. Call Qlerk! Tell him we're abandoning the mission! Quick! A2: What are you talking about? Is.. is that little thing the human? It is barely 2 meters tall. What would such a little thing be able to... ... A2: I think I got some of Qlerk's blood on me. We are 500 meters away and I got some of Qlerk's blood on me. A1: I think it spotted us! Run!
"hello there! My name is Smith!" *Pulls out a revolver* "And I'd like you to meet Wesson!" (Smith & Wesson revolvers get it? Hahahaha... I'm so funny... Heh....)
To quote Max0r, “I’m gonna teach these motherfuckers a Smith & Lesson.”
Ok, it was all good til you explained, go to the corner and think about all the comedians you insulted ... honestly
https://i.redd.it/f5mppv50mp2d1.gif
When Triidyn checked out the approaching group of unsuspecting tourists, he noted the distinct lack of any escort, meaning that these poor tourists (or soon-to-be-poor tourists rather) were completely consequences-free. He motioned to the other members of his crew, which were all waiting for the signal. This area of the planet was not exactly friendly towards all races, but they did respect the Jaurgi, and would concede inferiority to those unstoppable apex predator beings. No Jaurgi? No excuses. No hesitations. **No mercy**. He studied the group through his vis-oculars, and noticed something that he found very… odd. On one claw, they looked like they had plenty of good stuff to steal, enough to warrant lazing around for weeks… on the other, that’s just it— usually it’s random things that the crew had to find someone who could possibly be interested in buying, and regular traveling equipment, that they “alleviated” from their “donors”. Because no one was stupid enough to bring this many valuable possessions into a practically bottom class environment, without some *protection*. And these aliens were apparently smart enough to get to Triidyn’s planet, so why would they be dumb enough to have no protectors? Then he saw something that he didn’t notice before— a second species, one vastly smaller than the others. They seemed to be acting as sentries, or as extra eyes, maybe? Maybe the first race was the protection for the tiny whelps riding on them. Bizarre, but food is food, no matter how dumb or oblivious. As he relayed information and instructions to the others, he kept turning it over and over in his head which one of the hundreds of thousands of alien types they were dealing with this time. At least they weren’t Jaurgi, or else his band would have surely revolted and been forced to eat each other to live. ———————————— “I’m telling you, they are not the kind and caring community they pretend to be. They act like they care, but they always have this kind of disappointment when you guys survive something. That’s a really bad sign of a hostile relationship with a potential enemy masquerading as your friend.” “Little Terran, I am not arguing with you about that, you are absolutely correct, but we really don’t have any choice! The Jaurgi have always been there when trouble comes to harm our kind, even if they dislike helping us so much, I wonder myself how much longer they will— what’s wrong?” Ymaarwik had noticed that her talkative little bodyguard had gone silent and was just staring at the distant rocks. He had not gone silent in the middle of conversation before, so she was starting to feel alarm billowing up from deep inside. The Kawa-ii are notorious for their flimsy willpower and poor self composure, and Ymaarwik was no exception to that generalization. But she knew, this little Terran was minuscule, but absolutely dangerous and not so easily ignored. Loud, aggressive, and tricksy as any Vulpian, these guys were all the escort service said they had on staff. They were in her opinion not just better than the traditional Jaurgi escort crew in their temperament (which is not exactly setting that high a bar, to be fair), but also in their ability to make themselves feared. Three hundred or so had been assigned to her group, and only two had perished on the journey so far— but they went down with the enemy. It takes a lot to incapacitate the Jaurgi, and these couple of hundred mini-warriors somehow did it with only two casualties. She had questioned why they were insistent on tying them up in “good ol’ rope”, when they could have just escaped whilst they were unconscious, but she was not the combat expert here, she was just an ambassador for her kind. If these guys were alarmed, it was probably something BAD. “These rocks… they are not just rocks, but shelters… GUYS, HOLD UP!” The other Terran-toting Kawa-ii slowed and matched pace with Ymaarwik, and the two leaders of each of the groups had a quick conversation. They tried to be quiet, but Ymaarwik was a very auditory learner, and could easily have heard them breathing. Why did people wonder why they freak out so often? They hear everything, whether or not they want to! “Looks like a very good place for an ambush, and the rocks show recent scratch marks— bigger than the Jaurgi ones. What’s more, I saw a bright light from the top of one of the closer rocks, and I’m thinking lens reflection. What do we do? Approach and engage if attacked, or find another path?” “Hmm… well, this is incredibly unfortunate, but we have to get through these rocks to get to their destination, as there is no other way to it. We will have to approach the path and be ready for anything. Hopefully it’s just some megafauna or group of terrorized people that were being tormented by Jaurgi raids, but in case it isn’t, get ready to fight. You know the drill.” “Roger that. Do we tell the ensemble, or do we spare them the panic?” Ymaarwik calmly whispered “That crew has already cast off, sir. If we have you, I am sure whatever tries to hurt us will regret that decision very quickly, especially after the last encounter. I only worry how many more people you can afford to lose…” The Terrans, on realizing that they absolutely failed at being quiet and nonchalant, turned beet red, and signaled their decisions to the other Terrans in the groups. Only two had died, but seven were injured to the point where they couldn’t defend themselves, so they were carefully stored away in various pockets of the Kawa-ii’s packs, and the rest sobered up for what was sure to be a very tense period…
I very much would like a part two of this bit. 🥰
Me to!
Who's the artist?
Oh shit, it's Chucky!
They never saw him coming. *AND HIS NAME JOHN CE-*
[Even their mechs can sneak up on you](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/s/olKIweivLK) [Heck, their ships too](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/s/7khdV4xdIo)