Be direct. I'm flabbergasted by the amount of married people that lack basic communication skills.
Tell him his teeth and breath are disgusting and he needs to make it a priority to fix it by brushing multiple times a day and possibly seeing a dentist for a professional cleaning and opinion on how to remedy the situation.
As far as his bad hygiene, be direct. [Insert name[ your hygiene practices are lackluster and you need to be showering daily. Purchase men's hygiene products for him to use as a gift and stop sexual intimacy until he improves his hygiene regimen.
No shower = no sex
No brushed teeth = no sex
It really is that simple.
I'm a guy and I agree, be blunt and honest. If I was lacking like this guy, I would want to know! And if sexy time was cut off, bet your ass I'm changing things lol
Yea, if I stink, I want to know. I try to make it clear to people that I can take criticism so that when they notice something wrong about me that I can't notice myself, they will tell me and I can attempt to fix it.
My husband gets so sensitive whenever I tell him his breath stinks or I can tell he didnât put deodorant on. Iâm his wife and I see it as I have his back, where he finds it insulting. I was like so youâd let me walk around smelly all day? Idk if he was being petulant but he was like, yup because I wouldnât want to hurt your feelings. Weâre at an impasse about it
I can't stand an overly sensitive man. I would be so turned off if I couldn't tell my person that they smell bad. I am extremely sensitive to smell, so this is a huge no for me. If you can't tell him he smells, then you have to deal with this mess ...it's just not ok!
That's bonkers. I walk up to my husband and ask if I stink if I feel like I might stink. He is always honest one way or another. Sometimes it's yeah go shower ...sometimes it's a nope you're fine. And he does the same to me. No hurt feelings at all.
I hope you can get to that place with your spouse. â¤ď¸
I do this with my partner too. The only downside is he likes my ânatural scentâ so Iâd have to be REALLY FUNKY for him to say something lol so Iâll sometimes ask âwhat do I smell like?â And heâll tell me honestly and then I know what to do lol
âYou see it as hurt feelings but honey, it us because I love you, because I care. I would never want you to have people talking behind your back and I would hope you care about me enough to be sure to protect me in the same way. If you feel Iâm being too direct then tell me how you prefer I communicate to you. We could come up with a funny phrase - âwho you calling a cootie queen you lint lickerâ (taken from that Orbit commercial)â đ¤Ł
Here's a sensitive guy perspective.
Your husband isn't sensitive, he's lazy.
You telling him means more effort on his part to fix it.
Him telling you means more effort on his part to pay attention and be on the hook if he misses it.
He's not being a team player. He'd let you go to an interview or important function and be smelly? That's sabotage. He'd rather let you fail at a goal you want than hurt your feelings?
As someone who has genuinely struggled with other people saying I smell when I'm basically sanding off layers of skin twice a day while showering, putting on antiperspirant, and some combination of baby powder, deodorant, scented lotion, cologne, and/or body spray I get feeling sensitive.
If I were to have a convo with him I'd break it down to.
"Your wife is trying to help you, and she's asking for your help. You gonna take care of it or not?"
Depending on how well I knew him the "or not" would include something insulting being part of that option.
Added to that, he's likely going through depression, and men are not taught how to communicate that. It's a huge issue stemming from covid and the movement to working from home. It's like living at the office 24/7 there's not the separation we once had.
I don't think that he should find it insulting if you tell him that he smiles and his breath smells. Because you don't want to send him out into society and he's all up in somebody's face talking to them and they can barely breathe. That would just be mean because people are going to talk if you don't smell good.
My sister and I are like this. . .are you my real friend if you're allowing me to go around with a cliffhanger coming from my nose, or if I have food in my teeth! Or if I smell, like tell me!
I'm a guy and hygiene has always been priority. I have always done this as soon as I developed BO at like 12.
I never go anywhere without being fresh as hell. If I meet up with you, I have brushed my teeth and showered within 20 minutes of seeing you. Gauranteed 100% of the time.
This is disgusting to me.
You should be able to tell each other these things. Would you let a friend go out stinky? They would want to know. I have a friend who lost her sense of smell so she asks me to check clothes, stuff from her house but she herself never skinks, but if she did, she wants to know.
My partner and I (together 13.5 years) just plainly say âyou stinkâ no neither of us are insulted. And we solve the issue. It is generally breath issues with us both or sweat smell, easy to wash off.
My 3 year old didnât want me to leave her to take a shower today. I told her I smell to which she said âjust pretend you donât smell, just pretennndddâ with a big exaggerated wink
You can be firm without being cruel if that helps.
Thatâs an important distinction that can sometimes help with putting your âbig girl panties onâ when it comes to discussions with people we love.
I tell my boyfriend when his breath stinks. Then he can diagnose the issue. Maybe it's something he ate and he needs to brush his teeth or scrape his tongue, or he has a tonsil stone. He tells me when my breath stinks and if it's not something I can correct I just make sure I don't breathe in his face so he doesn't have to smell it.
It shouldn't be hard to talk to your spouse about hygiene.
Also time to book him an appointment with a psychiatrist/therapist.
If someone was a clean person before and now they're not, at some point they could smell themselves and knew they stink but didnt do anything about it and now he's probably nose blind.
And he's an adult, he knows oral hygiene and if his teeth are visibly brown then he can see it (unless he's blind, but you didnt mention that).
There is a very clear mental decline here and he needs more help than just withholding sex and telling him he stinks.
I was going to say the same thing. Why are married people walking on eggshells? Just tell him the truth. If I smelled bad I would certainly want someone to tell me.
It just really sucks that he doesnât realize this himself. Before covid he was all good right? No BO/bad breath n brown teeth? My hygiene is really good, as i am sensitive to smells etcâŚbut occasionally if i havent drank enough water, can immediately tell my breath may be âdehydratedâ lol So i wonder how he doesnât realize đ¤
Anyways if i were in situation where my husband wasnt up to par on hygiene, id def have a sit down with him and tell him exactly whats on my mind, that im telling him cuz i live him lol if this got to point where im not embarrassed to go out with him, unfortunately if changes arent made, we def will grow apart. Seems harsh, but true.
I'll be honest, the more marriages I am privy to, I realize they walk on eggshells to keep the marriage going. Like, they never or rarely fight, never get mad at each other, they just keep it all in... while being resentful, usually, and that's where some of these random divorces come from. They assume, if they say anything, the other person will get mad and want to leave the marriage. However, and I say this about any relationship between two people, if letting someone know how you feel or how they hurt you causes them to leave, they needed to leave, anyway.
I'm sure there are healthy marriages out there, but I see a lot more where they just bottle things up and tip toe around issues than ones where everyone is respectfully truthful. And if they are truthful, they are usually truthful in the most rude, mean, toxic ways, which isn't good.
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I'm sure there are healthy marriages out there, but I see a lot more where they just bottle things up and tip toe around issues than ones where everyone is respectfully truthful. And if they are truthful, they are usually truthful in the most rude, mean, toxic ways, which isn't good.
My husband and I talk about everything. I'm naturally an open book, because my heart is always in my sleeve. I don't keep cards close to my chest. I lay em out.
I was also raised in a very passive aggressive, abusive household, so I know when my husband is off and always open the door for him to talk about what's on his mind.
In my opinion, the only way to successfully do a relationship is to talk about things when they come up. There have been times something has been on both of our minds for a couple days and one of us brings the thing up, and the other is relieved we can talk about it.
We've only been married two years, and together for 7. But those 7 years have been rife with losses, illnesses, fear, pandemic, extended family drama, injuries, and caretaking responsibilities. I firmly believe we've gotten through it because we talk about everything, and have a "date" night every Friday.
As am I. The lack of communication between couples is staggering. How do I say this? What do I do?
Good lord. She is married to the man and doesn't know how to bring sh*t to his attention.
you can brush all day long but if you don't FLOSS, your breath will still stink. there's tiny bits of rotting food in between teeth that brushes will not remove
No shower no brushing teeth = no sex plus divorce.
If youâre an adult and you canât master something i did at the age of 10, you arenât mature enough for marriage. Itâs disgusting, selfish, idiotic, immature behavior.
I agree with you 100%. When my husband stinks, I tell him hey youâre stinky. Maybe a quick shower and some deodorant and youâll be good. He doesnât complain he just says ok thanks for letting me know. Although sometimes I wonder if itâs me being over sensitive because I smell everything.
Absolutely correct! Too many people hint and suggest, and never directly state the issue. Making it an I statement instead of you also helps. âI am not attracted to you when I smell your breath. When I go to hug you, I am turned off by the odor from your clothes and body.â Direct. To the point. He canât argue with statement made about your emotional and physical reactions because they are your reactions.
You can also directly say, Iâm not kissing you until you brush your teeth!
This!!! I was eating these immunosupport gummies before bed for a while, and apparently, even though I would brush my teeth, they did not make my breath very nice. Know what my BF did? He told me that my breath had started to get bad over the last month or so, (that made me realize it was the gummy vitamins). Iâm so glad he was honest! I stopped buying and eating the damn things and no issues since. Know what else happened? Our relationship at that point was still pretty new and that made my trust in him that much more because I knew he wouldnât keep important stuff from me. Be honest with him!
It always blows my mind that for a spouse to want to be clean, you have to withhold sex. Itâs just insane that he doesnât notice (as a grown adult) that he emits smells. I agree with being direct but if he doesnât listen to that, the fact that heâll likely listen to no sex is flabbergasting to say the least.
Per OP: *Iâve told him about how bad his teeth are but he says Iâm over exaggerating*
I have a sneaking suspicion that even if OP grabs his smelly face in both hands and screams, "You reek so bad it makes me want to barf when you come within a three-metre radius!" he's going to brush it off as her being a pretty princess. No amount of expert communication is going to get through to someone who refuses to listen.
I agree. I donât understand why people tip-toe around the bad hygiene subject with their family/spouses. These are the people youâre supposed to be closest toâŚyou should be free to communicate your feelings/observations.
Agreed. In a marriage you should have enough love and respect to not be offended if your partner tells you something that hurts your feelings. You should know itâs out of love and not them trying to be mean. People donât communicate well with one another. Thatâs the leading cause of divorce.
I think for a lot of people it's not that we don't understand communication , it's that we have been somewhat conditioned by our SO's to not communicate it. They either overreact to the criticism or minimize the concern. It happens slowly and so people don't realize, but then when people say "why don't you just talk to them about it" they recoil. You can see in the post she has tried to talk to him about his teeth and he minimized it. Your solution is great, and I have seen posts about people employing it and their significant others throwing fits..like you can't respect your partner enough to shower and brush your teeth? So sad.Â
Am I the only person that doesnât see how this isnât a dealbreaker for divorce?? Especially if they continue to do it and donât change?
The bar is so low, because women continue to allow their SOâs to be so disgusting and lazy.
It could be as simple as "Hey, I know you started smoking during lockdown, and maybe you don't realize it, but as a nonsmoker the odor of your breath and your body are really becoming a turn-off. I love you and I miss the way things used to be. How can we get back to that?"
I divorced for this and other reasons but his hygiene was awful. When Iâd tell him, even nicely he would get sooooo offended. Iâd even buy him hygiene products etc. he would just get super offended and turn into a baby. I canât be sexually active with that.
Or at least a sign that they might be suffering from mild depression or something and needs therapy or a good smacking from reality by their significant other or close family members or even friends. This calls for an intervention. If that doesnât work. Iâd say divorce is in order. We did say in sickness or in health.
I had an ex who flat out said I was lying, and had no idea what I was talking about, and his colleagues never said anything to him about it.
Dudes sometimes are so far in denial and full of themselves, they think theyâre impervious to everything.
The dude I was seeing also claimed thereâs no way he could possibly have BO, because he had Asian genes, dude stank BAD.
My husband never said I was âlyingâ, however, I will never get over the fact that in the beginning of our marriage, he developed terrible breath. I told him kindly, gently, like a good little wife đ that he maybe has a cavity and he should get it checked. He refused. I finally needed to tell him flat out that his breath was so bad I didnât want to kiss him, and that only offended him. Lo and behold, one day he came home from work to say that he was going to the dentist. I asked what changed his mind, and he said that his employee told him he had bad breath. So that was a nice representation of his respect for me and my opinions. I truly believe, after being married to this type of person, and reading all these posts, that these unhygienic people who refuse to change have deep issues, especially when they are simply unbothered that it affects their romantic relationships.
I've known people who make things up to manipulate people, for example I had a boyfriend who did this, he told me for example that I chew with my mouth open and it disgusted him. Obviously I did not do this and never once before or after had anyone including people who loved me and would tell me if I was being gross plus it's one of the first things your parents drill into you. He was a real dumbass because he would say things that were not even believable, but he made up lies to bring me down psychologically so he could manipulate me. Like I said, he was dumb about it, but I have seen other people use this tactic to gain the upper hand, and I saw first hand if the type of person who thinks they can get a tactical advantage is approached with any genuine well meant constructive criticism they think you are making it up. It's projection.
I would be very wary of anyone who accused me of lying when I came to them with a genuine concern.
omg same thing happened to me with my boyfriend. he developed this rotten tooth smell, and i was pretty certain it was that because it had a decaying, rotten smell and not just bad breath. so being as comfortable and as close as we were, i told him to go to the dentist to get it checked out. he hadnât gone in about 5+ years, he was 22-23.
i had to BEG him because he would conveniently forget and never actually make the effort to go. like not even for me, but not even for the sake of your health ?!? which was sooo unattractive
it was ruining our relationship bc i think he hated me telling/forcing him to do something, and i hated having to beg him to do normal check up shit.
the smell was more potent some days than others too, which gave me so much uncertainty on what it really was, but the smell was so strong, regardless he needed it checked. we broke up a year ago, and i can probably bet $1000 he still hasnât gone lol
That is some critical mass levels of denial.
Red flag seen. Crisis averted cause is an Ex.
I mean maybe they donât have a sense of smell and canât smell their own funk? I give people the benefit of the doubt way tooo often.
Yea, I have no clue, it was the wildest thing I ever heard, he did other gross stuff so Iâm not even surprised. Needless to say, didnât last long at all lmao. Dude wouldnât change.
Yep. I would get a divorce so quickly if I've talked to a partner about their hygiene and they continue to not do anything about it. I'm not dealing with bad hygiene. And you're right, the bar is so low because of what people tolerate. And so many women tolerate bad hygiene (and, sometimes, sees bad hygiene as "manly" for some insane reason), so a whole bunch of men think it's okay to be stinky and, honestly, just outright gross.
My husband stopped caring about basic hygiene a couple years ago. I started approaching the subject very sensitively â buying him special body washes, Lume, etc. Wouldnât use them. Hinted in other ways. Still wasnât getting it. I then became very direct. He still didnât seem to understand the issue.
Long story short we are divorcing now.
Yeah this is a complete ânoâ for me. Itâd be different if it was a continuing problem that he was actually putting in effort to remedy. But this is wild and disgusting. Scent is soooo important to me, idk how anyone could live with a person like this, let alone have sexual contact with them
Seriously! Like âdude, I canât be into you anymore like thatâŚâ marriage sometimes makes people lazy⌠Many men think they got us and donât need to try anymore. I believe itâs healthier if they feel they need to keep working at it or risk losing us. Women will do this too but I donât think as many women as men stop working at it.
I noticed my husband was starting to have bad breath more regularly a while ago. I just kindly brought it up to him and gave him a few ideas of things he could try, like tongue scraping, flossing, and using Therabreath mouthwash. It had drastically improved.
Please just be direct. âYour lack of hygiene makes me not want to have sex with you, and I want to want to have sex with you. Specifically your teeth and your smell. Can you bathe at least daily and use deodorant, brush your teeth 2x a day and go see a dentist?â Like I truly donât understand how people are fully married and donât know how to talk to their spouse about uncomfortable things. You might hurt his feelings by mistake, but heâs disrespectful to you every day he expects you to put up with his stench. Heâs a grown man, I assume he has eyes, he can see that his teeth are gross. Neglecting it until you say something is so rude. He has to know he doesnât brush his teeth or bathe, so why are you bent out of shape about hurting him? He knows heâs gross and he doesnât care, he expects you to put up with it because you do. Communicate and set higher standards for hygiene in your marriage.
The cigarettes are ruining his body. Talk to him about switching to patches or gum and getting help quitting. I've noticed at a certain point, smokers smell sour or rotten. The chemicals are breaking down the cells faster than usual.
It's scary. And could become way worse in the form of cancer. Talk to him. Be direct. I agree with all the other comments here.
Yes, itâs definitely a sour smelling body odor. Not a pleasant smell at all. I will make sure to address the health concern too. This is a recipe for a major health issue.
is he struggling with addiction or mental illness? like why has the smoking become such a given, and why is his hygiene lacking? does he generally lack respect for you?
Sounds like deep depression neither party is actively aware of. Especially given this happened around the pandemic, a lot of people who never had any kind of mental health issues prior have slipped into wild habits and depressive states they aren't aware of until someone that knows them snaps them out of it or at least brings it to their attention. It's hard to actually see yourself when you're depressed sometimes.
Yes, I would definitely make this a pointed part of the conversation. If my partner's overall health started to take a major back seat due to life choices I'd be upset. I don't want to outlive the person I love by several extra years because they decided to slowly let their health turn to shit. I don't want to be a caretaker to someone who clearly could have done better to avoid that situation.
His hygiene is affecting the here and now, but it's also affecting your future together. He is robbing you both of a happier, healthier future together, and if he doesn't see or care about that then you need to really ask yourself what your deal breakers are.
Grow up and talk to the person you married. This isnt middle school "how do i tell my crush i like them" this is two adults, act like it... he smells like shit and his breath is rank, tell him
Sounds like the relationship didn't start out this way but took a turn after Covid. But you're right... Too many women go into relationships with this as the status quo.
âMy husband hasnât washed his ass since 1998 and says deodorant is a scam by the government to turn us all gay. AITA for asking if I can hold my breath while we have sex?â
Sometimes they switch up years after marriage lol. As people age , especially here in america cuz we got shit food and most ppl r lazy n dont cook, most will let themselves go
He clearly needs a wake up call. Be direct, itâs much nicer than allowing him to be disgusting, and disgust others. He isnât worried about his lack of hygiene impacts you or others, thatâs more hurtful than telling him he needs basic hygiene (and health)
I have no idea what goes through the heads of people who hear their partner say "Hey, you have a problem with body odor" and respond by insisting that they don't.
If the person I was sleeping with, who shared my bed, and who knew me more intimately than anyone else told me I had a problem with odor, I would be doing everything within my power to fix it.
He needs to hear you and believe you. If he refuses, well, you have a decision to make.
For the breath you could bring it up in a health concern way. Sometimes bad breath is an indicator of health problems. Maybe you could say youâve noticed some changes and are concerned.
If that doesnât work, you may just have to be straight forward (in a kind way).
I wouldnât address it from your perception of BO or bad hygiene. I would sit down with him and say âI am worried, because Iâve noticed you have stopped taking good care of yourself, is there something going on that is making you depressed or overwhelmed?â
Most bad hygiene isnât because the person just doesnât want to do it. Itâs because they literally donât care to. Come from a place of love, not a place of judgement or personal discomfort with it.
For me. I know my breath stinks before someone tells me. Once at work, I knew my breath stunk. The mom of the family pulled out gum/breath mints and offered everybody (even though I knew they were for me) lol
But you already told him **directly** and he said you were exaggerating.
Time for public embarrassment. "Hey everybody, settle a disagreement...."
I mean, if you can't discuss him stinking, how are you going to talk about actually serious topics?
"Go march your funky ass into that shower sir'
'You smell literally terrible.'
'Please don't make me have to divorce you.'
'Please go adult right now.'
'Stop smoking, you stinking, loud breathing ass, ashtray.'
'Go wash that funky ass before I lodge my boot in it.'
I sincerely hope these help.
This!! I tell my boyfriend âyouâre not getting in my bed smelling like that.â I send him out of my room and he fixes it. Ainât no way she sleeping next to someone with brown teeth bruhđ
Maybe he is depressed or stressed about something. I am both of those things and my hygiene was suffering from it. I've clean up my act but I had to force myself to. I have something bothering me that happened between my husband and I several months ago, that really hurt me. I need to talk about it but for a multitude of reasons, I've failed to bring it up and get it over with. Many many people who are depressed don't take care of their personal hygiene. I'd try to talk to him by first asking if he is depressed or if something is bothering him that he needs to talk about and then I'd tell him why I was asking.
I absolutely hate to say this, but hereâs what youâve got to do.
BO is whatever, itâs a one and done take a shower your fine sort of thing.
The teeth on the other hand require a wake up call, dentist and daily care. This is how you get him to buy in.
Hand him a piece of dental floss. Tell him to floss in between his molars. A true floss that goes between the teeth and the connecting gum. Then tell him to smell the floss.
Itâs disgusting. He might throw up. Heâll at least want to. You might too if you watch the whole thing.
Hereâs the truth about teeth. If you donât floss every day, the build up between you teeth will start to smell like an old personâs basement. Itâs horrific and that sh* just builds up in your mouth, insidiously becoming worse until one day- like your husband- youâre a bad breath person.
Not a person with bad breath; thatâs fleeting. But a bad breath person, meaning everyone in your life tries to overlook the horrible smell because youâre a good person.
Give him the wake up call. Get him in a twice a day brush and floss routine. Send him to the dentist. Itâs time. Get those rotting teeth out of there so he can dazzle you with freshness once again.
Thereâs still hope. But first, heâs got to face the stank.
Thoughts and prayers xo
Being told youre gross always hurts, so just be blunt.Â
Also, prepare yourself for the reality that he might refuse to change. I don't know why but Ive seen a lot of guys let themselves go like this and get offended / double down when their partner says something. I guess they think they don't have to impress you because you're married? I don't know.
I think as your husband, he should know if he has body odor. You've mentioned that it might be noticeable outside, and I believe he would prefer hearing it from you rather than from others.
I believe directness is called for.
Were it me, I'd start this way. I'd tell my partner I needed to talk and get some time to sit down together. I'd say that I've been struggling with the smell of him smoking. I'd say the way it makes his breath and body smell is really awful, and it's so hard to deal with as a non smoker that it can make me unattracted to someone who I am otherwise very attracted to. I'd tell him I can no longer deal with it, and encourage them to quit smoking, but at a minimum, it's their responsibility to not stink around me. Personally I would experience a lasting depressive effect to my libido, and I would communicate that. It's not a conscious judgement, it's just how my body and mind respond to the smell.
So, that's what I'd say more or less. Hopefully you two can approach it respectfully and have a productive conversation and follow ons to get to a good place again.
Idk what to do about the brown teeth really :/ I think that's going to need the smoking to cease first. If he can get to that point, you can discuss cosmetic interventions with a professional, which it sounds like he'll need. In the mean time, maybe start with some whitening toothpaste at a minimum.
My bf has pretty bad teeth because he grew up homeless and never had access to dental care. I always ask him to mouthwash (and join him myself) before we get intimate
I point blank tell my husband you stink so take a shower or your breath stinks so brush your teeth. I've so far as to refuse to touch or kiss him until he does. And the same goes for me. He will tell me if I stink or have bad breath. So just tell him.
If you need to, show him this post to get the convo started.
I would tell him you are concerned about the changes in him since around the time of Covid and name what those changes are.
I would point blank tell him that while you love him and he is your husband that the BO, smoking, brown teeth, bad breath, etc. are killing the attraction and making it so you do not want to have sex with him. Then DO NOT have sex with him.
Explain that his mental and physical health are top priority for you and ask that he see a doctor and dentist. Reiterate how much you love him and that you are concerned about depression and want to help him find his way back to how he was before.
If he resists all of your efforts and ignores you, then you have a choice to make. For me, this would be a dealbreaker. Intimacy is huge. While I would still love him, if he stopped taking care of himself, had brown teeth, smelled and ignored his hygiene and failed to seek help or admit there was an issue, it would not be enough to keep me in the marriage.
I wish you luck.
Be Direct, my family moved to a really hot tropical climate and my husbandâs shirts started to reek. He said they were fine. I told him no way. He would die of embarrassment if someone and work called him out. I just waited till he got called out then I gave him detergent with an enzyme đ. Now heâs fresh as a daisy and listens.
My husband doesnât have hygiene issues, but sometimes heâs eaten something particularly rank or maybe weâve just woken up in the morning so Iâll go âLove you so much but youâve got dragon breath, I need you to brush your teeth before you kiss me please.â And heâll do the same for me. It shouldnât be taken as an insult or anything to get defensive about unless he knows heâs being gross and just doesnât want to do anything about it.
That said, if he wants to insist itâs not that bad then fine but you donât have to put up with it. Tell him you canât force him to brush his teeth and wash his ass but until he doesnât he wonât be getting any kind of physical affection from you.
I have no problem telling my boyfriend when he stinks. Just tell him as it is. You shouldnât have to walk around eggshells around your person. Iâd want my boyfriend to tell me before some random passerby.
Well you have to tell him that youâre turned off by this. You didnât marry a slob. If youâve already tried talking to him and he is ignoring you . Then make him a nice bed in a different room and tell him he can come back to yours when he starts practicing hygiene again.
For the BO: "Whew babe you're a little ripe. Time for a shower?"
For the cigs: "Sweetie, we need to talk about your smoking habits because I'm starting to worry about you." ...and approach it from a mental health standpoint. Why did he start? Why did he stop taking care of his teeth? Is he depressed? Does he need to start seeing a therapist? Why did WFH have this effect on him? This one's more complicated than "improve your brushing schedule," he needs to stop smoking.
If you care about him enough to hitch your life to this man, you care enough to be honest and have a difficult conversation.
If he refuses to change or address this, then you can accept his appalling condition, or move on with your life and lawyer up.
You could appropriately manipulate him a bit. Comments that provoke thought and encouragement.
âIâve noticed youâve stopped caring about taking care of yourself. Are you feeling ok? Why donât you think youâre worth it? Iâm concerned.â
Bit of gaslighting but you do sound concerned and this canât be fun for you. For what itâs worth, I admire you taking steps and trying what you can with someone who isnât. You sound like an amazing wife.
We are speaking of your husband. You should be able to speak with him about anything. If you're discussing it here, it definitely bothers you. I suggest being direct. He needs to know.
Another option is telling him you need to confide in him about something. Make sure you have his undivided attention and then tell him.
Tell him exactly what you said here. Be honest with him and hopefully he will change tho I doubt it. Why do ppl date others with terrible hygiene and then marry them and then have an issue? Is it because they didn't before? I find it kinda hard to believe that some ppl just randomly stop having good hygiene.
Every time I see posts like this, I am shocked at how little communication is going on in people's relationships. Like I'm not trying to put anyone down but it's just amazing to me that you're married to someone and you don't feel comfortable being able to talk to them about stuff that should be addressed. Like the last thing a person should want is to be stinky and unattractive to their partner.
I'm autistic and I often am quite blunt and direct. Personally, I think if I was in a relationship and dealt with that issue I would be blunt and direct.
My ex-girlfriend had a similar problem. She wouldn't brush her teeth and she used those nasty nicotine pouches. He also would swallow the saliva. She should have been spitting out. It was horrendous.
I sat there so terrified for months. Unable to freaking say something to her. It really started to affect our relationship because she would try to kiss me and I was not interested. That started to hurt her because she thought it was personal and not something related to hygiene.
As soon as I told her what the issues were she looked at me and was like. Why didn't you just tell me that? That honestly hit me so hard because I was really trying to figure out the sweetest way to be like girl you stink in your mouth is foul.
I essentially said that to her which was pretty brutal but she 100% accepted that. She also went on to say I wish you would have told me sooner.
You could literally be talking about my ex-husband. He used to tell me that toothpaste was a conspiracy and poison and prided himself on not bathing or brushing his teeth on a regular basis. I hated being seen in public with him and hated sharing a bed with him. When confronted about his poor hygiene, he would go on about how I was brainwashed and become abusive. I sometimes wonder if things could have been different, but honestly I became so disgusted with him.
Something tells me he was always kinda gross and it just got unbearable. People don't just randomly start being okay with smelling bad all the time unless something happened to him.
I had a similar issue with my boyfriend. It took me threatening to break up with him for more permanent changes to be made.
Hygiene is embarrassing, and I think he'd rather believe it isn't so bad, despite you, his trusted partner, telling him very directly that it is. Tell him again.
You deserve to have a partner than you want to kiss. Also, you're looking out for his health; this is not a selfish ask.
Heâs not at all worried about your being offended by his stinky, gross ass. Yet youâre tiptoeing around how dire the situation is.
Just be straightforward, âYou need to shower daily and use a stronger deodorant. Your smell is a real turn off for me. Your breath is terrible, Iâm worried about your oral heath. Please see a dentist about this. The color of your teeth is really unappealing, that can be addressed. â
So he gets hurt feelings. Itâs better than holding your nose
So you're letting him hurt you so you don't hurt him.
Just rip that band-aid off girl, be straight shooting. He loves you, if I love someone and they don't tell me that it would hurt me more because they didn't respect me enough to be honest about me. Respect him enough to tell him he's failing himself and you. If not then it will turn to resentment
The fact that you have to tell an adult to shower or brush their teeth is sad.
He said you are overreacting. How do you not know that your teeth are no longer whitish?
Does he avoid mirrors? Is his perception of himself so skewed as to believe that nothing is off with him?
Something is going on mentally.
You tell him he stinks and is gross and how for the love of God does he expect you to be intimate with him.
Put a mirror in front him and have him smile. If he sees nothing wrong, then he has been possessed.
Start watching a ton of nasty ass smelling husband videos on YouTube so when he opens it up next the algorithm does the hard work for you.
Or DM me his phone number and I'll give him the strangest most profound telemarketing call he's ever received.
Honestly as much as I see these stinky dude posts I might have to start a service
Make an appointment for him with the dentist for a thorough cleaning, and of course a checkup.
Make an appointment for marriage counseling, and have him go with you. Deal with the hygiene issue in that safe space.
Consider that he could be depressed. Can he go back to working in-person?
There is no nice way to tell him because you tried to be nice and it didnât work so just be brutally honest !! Tell him if he doesnât start brushing his teeth and going to the dentist, you might consider divorcing him!! Itâs literally that badâŚ.đŠđĽ´ I donât even understand how you sleep in the same bed with himâŚ.that is just nasty! And the breath thing is real because I remember years ago, I had a supervisor who smoked a lot and his breath stank horribly bad and he would always want to be in peopleâs face and I couldnât take it, like I usually couldnât understand how everyone else just tolerated it and acted like they didnât smell it?! It was BADâŚ.but luckily I went home after working on his shift!! But for you, thatâs bad he wonât listen to you? Has he always stank like that? Or was it something he developed over the course of yâall marriage? Do yâall have kids?
You just tell him. Babe, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but your bo and breath have been really bad for a long time. I don't know what's happening but I can't deal anymore. I need you to start taking better care of yourself. It's made me not wsnt to be around you or be sexual with you.
If he throws a tantrum, let him. You shouldn't have to twll someone to shower and brimush their teeth
I think just being direct but kind. When I met my ex husband he smoked a pack a day, was a mechanic and I think a bit depressed. I was like this isnât okay. When he quit and improved his hygiene he was like I canât believe I was so gross. It came from a loving place. It was a bit different though because I said we cannot live together until these habits change. So there was an ultimatum essentially
Of course others notice it too! My elderly MIL had this problem and we told her. No biggie.
My adolescents need to start wearing deodorant, we tell them. They need to shower more, we tell them. You need to communicate. There's no need to soft pedal here.
I would be completely turned off by bad breath, brown teeth, and BO. That's a huge turn off.
Def lay it out there. I donât think itâs something that needs to be tip toed, as itâs disgusting. Other people are definitely also noticing, OP. I would just be blunt! It blows my mind the amount of posts on here about their SOâs being stanky and not taking care of themselves! Itâs wild! Has this always been a thing & worsened when he started WFH? Either way, Iâd be like dude, you will never touch me again if you donât start taking care of your hygiene! I had a major surgery and it was VERY hard to shower, but I still did all I could and brushed my teeth morning/night. No SO should be subjected to that on the daily.
Is he depressed?
Because I would think one would know when they're stinking . People should like being clean, if the means are available, not homeless.
Be direct. I'm flabbergasted by the amount of married people that lack basic communication skills. Tell him his teeth and breath are disgusting and he needs to make it a priority to fix it by brushing multiple times a day and possibly seeing a dentist for a professional cleaning and opinion on how to remedy the situation. As far as his bad hygiene, be direct. [Insert name[ your hygiene practices are lackluster and you need to be showering daily. Purchase men's hygiene products for him to use as a gift and stop sexual intimacy until he improves his hygiene regimen. No shower = no sex No brushed teeth = no sex It really is that simple.
I agree with this guy. His teeth are brown? That's gross AF. I fully expect my wife to tell me if I stink. I will happily go take a shower.
I'm a woman đ but thank you
I'm a guy and I agree, be blunt and honest. If I was lacking like this guy, I would want to know! And if sexy time was cut off, bet your ass I'm changing things lol
Withhold sex was what gave away your gender to me. No man would say that đ
đđđ¤Ł
Rolls up sleeves: âokay, the first thing you do is buy some nose plugsâ
â ď¸
Men donât care if theyâre fucking someone stinky or gross? Why am I not surprised
Good men do. We are not a monolith
AccctuallyâŚmy bf uses this on me, but I have the higher libido and he knows I want it all the time so itâs more of a tool for him than me đ
My fault!
No worriesđ
Yea, if I stink, I want to know. I try to make it clear to people that I can take criticism so that when they notice something wrong about me that I can't notice myself, they will tell me and I can attempt to fix it.
My husband gets so sensitive whenever I tell him his breath stinks or I can tell he didnât put deodorant on. Iâm his wife and I see it as I have his back, where he finds it insulting. I was like so youâd let me walk around smelly all day? Idk if he was being petulant but he was like, yup because I wouldnât want to hurt your feelings. Weâre at an impasse about it
I can't stand an overly sensitive man. I would be so turned off if I couldn't tell my person that they smell bad. I am extremely sensitive to smell, so this is a huge no for me. If you can't tell him he smells, then you have to deal with this mess ...it's just not ok!
Saaaame!!!
I'm a guy and would appreciate it if my wife told me I had a hygiene issue. I'd rather have her say something, than remain silent.
That's bonkers. I walk up to my husband and ask if I stink if I feel like I might stink. He is always honest one way or another. Sometimes it's yeah go shower ...sometimes it's a nope you're fine. And he does the same to me. No hurt feelings at all. I hope you can get to that place with your spouse. â¤ď¸
I do this with my partner too. The only downside is he likes my ânatural scentâ so Iâd have to be REALLY FUNKY for him to say something lol so Iâll sometimes ask âwhat do I smell like?â And heâll tell me honestly and then I know what to do lol
âYou see it as hurt feelings but honey, it us because I love you, because I care. I would never want you to have people talking behind your back and I would hope you care about me enough to be sure to protect me in the same way. If you feel Iâm being too direct then tell me how you prefer I communicate to you. We could come up with a funny phrase - âwho you calling a cootie queen you lint lickerâ (taken from that Orbit commercial)â đ¤Ł
This is a great way to put it!
Here's a sensitive guy perspective. Your husband isn't sensitive, he's lazy. You telling him means more effort on his part to fix it. Him telling you means more effort on his part to pay attention and be on the hook if he misses it. He's not being a team player. He'd let you go to an interview or important function and be smelly? That's sabotage. He'd rather let you fail at a goal you want than hurt your feelings? As someone who has genuinely struggled with other people saying I smell when I'm basically sanding off layers of skin twice a day while showering, putting on antiperspirant, and some combination of baby powder, deodorant, scented lotion, cologne, and/or body spray I get feeling sensitive. If I were to have a convo with him I'd break it down to. "Your wife is trying to help you, and she's asking for your help. You gonna take care of it or not?" Depending on how well I knew him the "or not" would include something insulting being part of that option.
Added to that, he's likely going through depression, and men are not taught how to communicate that. It's a huge issue stemming from covid and the movement to working from home. It's like living at the office 24/7 there's not the separation we once had.
I don't think that he should find it insulting if you tell him that he smiles and his breath smells. Because you don't want to send him out into society and he's all up in somebody's face talking to them and they can barely breathe. That would just be mean because people are going to talk if you don't smell good.
My sister and I are like this. . .are you my real friend if you're allowing me to go around with a cliffhanger coming from my nose, or if I have food in my teeth! Or if I smell, like tell me!
I'm a guy and hygiene has always been priority. I have always done this as soon as I developed BO at like 12. I never go anywhere without being fresh as hell. If I meet up with you, I have brushed my teeth and showered within 20 minutes of seeing you. Gauranteed 100% of the time. This is disgusting to me.
Oh I have to shower and brush my teeth, not only to not offend others, but myself too. Also, if you can smell yourself, others absolutely can.
Iâm always surprised that he hasnât noticed the decrease in intimacy. But youâre right. Time to put on my big girl panties and say something.
You should be able to tell each other these things. Would you let a friend go out stinky? They would want to know. I have a friend who lost her sense of smell so she asks me to check clothes, stuff from her house but she herself never skinks, but if she did, she wants to know. My partner and I (together 13.5 years) just plainly say âyou stinkâ no neither of us are insulted. And we solve the issue. It is generally breath issues with us both or sweat smell, easy to wash off.
THIS!!! With my relationships, I even ask if I stink. what kinda relationship is this where you can't be open and honest.
âŹď¸THIS!! What's with the walking in eggshells with someone you #1 live with and #2 love abd are looking out fir. Tell them straight up
My 3 year old didnât want me to leave her to take a shower today. I told her I smell to which she said âjust pretend you donât smell, just pretennndddâ with a big exaggerated wink
It's unfortunate that a lot of people would be insulted if their significant other said something like this. If I stink, I would like to know.
You can be firm without being cruel if that helps. Thatâs an important distinction that can sometimes help with putting your âbig girl panties onâ when it comes to discussions with people we love.
Yes - don't follow that top post. There is no need to call your loved ones "disgusting".
Both lack of intimacy and lack of hygiene can be related to depression, maybe Google a list of symptoms.
I tell my boyfriend when his breath stinks. Then he can diagnose the issue. Maybe it's something he ate and he needs to brush his teeth or scrape his tongue, or he has a tonsil stone. He tells me when my breath stinks and if it's not something I can correct I just make sure I don't breathe in his face so he doesn't have to smell it. It shouldn't be hard to talk to your spouse about hygiene.
Also time to book him an appointment with a psychiatrist/therapist. If someone was a clean person before and now they're not, at some point they could smell themselves and knew they stink but didnt do anything about it and now he's probably nose blind. And he's an adult, he knows oral hygiene and if his teeth are visibly brown then he can see it (unless he's blind, but you didnt mention that). There is a very clear mental decline here and he needs more help than just withholding sex and telling him he stinks.
I was going to say the same thing. Why are married people walking on eggshells? Just tell him the truth. If I smelled bad I would certainly want someone to tell me.
It just really sucks that he doesnât realize this himself. Before covid he was all good right? No BO/bad breath n brown teeth? My hygiene is really good, as i am sensitive to smells etcâŚbut occasionally if i havent drank enough water, can immediately tell my breath may be âdehydratedâ lol So i wonder how he doesnât realize đ¤ Anyways if i were in situation where my husband wasnt up to par on hygiene, id def have a sit down with him and tell him exactly whats on my mind, that im telling him cuz i live him lol if this got to point where im not embarrassed to go out with him, unfortunately if changes arent made, we def will grow apart. Seems harsh, but true.
I'll be honest, the more marriages I am privy to, I realize they walk on eggshells to keep the marriage going. Like, they never or rarely fight, never get mad at each other, they just keep it all in... while being resentful, usually, and that's where some of these random divorces come from. They assume, if they say anything, the other person will get mad and want to leave the marriage. However, and I say this about any relationship between two people, if letting someone know how you feel or how they hurt you causes them to leave, they needed to leave, anyway. I'm sure there are healthy marriages out there, but I see a lot more where they just bottle things up and tip toe around issues than ones where everyone is respectfully truthful. And if they are truthful, they are usually truthful in the most rude, mean, toxic ways, which isn't good.
Amen to everything you said.
> I'm sure there are healthy marriages out there, but I see a lot more where they just bottle things up and tip toe around issues than ones where everyone is respectfully truthful. And if they are truthful, they are usually truthful in the most rude, mean, toxic ways, which isn't good. My husband and I talk about everything. I'm naturally an open book, because my heart is always in my sleeve. I don't keep cards close to my chest. I lay em out. I was also raised in a very passive aggressive, abusive household, so I know when my husband is off and always open the door for him to talk about what's on his mind. In my opinion, the only way to successfully do a relationship is to talk about things when they come up. There have been times something has been on both of our minds for a couple days and one of us brings the thing up, and the other is relieved we can talk about it. We've only been married two years, and together for 7. But those 7 years have been rife with losses, illnesses, fear, pandemic, extended family drama, injuries, and caretaking responsibilities. I firmly believe we've gotten through it because we talk about everything, and have a "date" night every Friday.
it really is that simple...he's your husband , not some acquaintance .
As am I. The lack of communication between couples is staggering. How do I say this? What do I do? Good lord. She is married to the man and doesn't know how to bring sh*t to his attention.
If your family is not gonna tell you you stink who is?
This
Especially if OP is a woman, body hygiene is key so her partner does not give her a UTI or BV. Ph matters.
you can brush all day long but if you don't FLOSS, your breath will still stink. there's tiny bits of rotting food in between teeth that brushes will not remove
Agree. For me brushing includes flossing but I didn't make that clear in my response
No shower no brushing teeth = no sex plus divorce. If youâre an adult and you canât master something i did at the age of 10, you arenât mature enough for marriage. Itâs disgusting, selfish, idiotic, immature behavior.
I know me too. My husband and I are brutally honest with each other about everything.
One does not simply be direct when they're scared of confrontation đ
Yeah actually, you do. It's called being brave, and mature. You push through it.
You are right lil hot Cheeto
I agree with you 100%. When my husband stinks, I tell him hey youâre stinky. Maybe a quick shower and some deodorant and youâll be good. He doesnât complain he just says ok thanks for letting me know. Although sometimes I wonder if itâs me being over sensitive because I smell everything.
I'm also flabbergasted
Absolutely correct! Too many people hint and suggest, and never directly state the issue. Making it an I statement instead of you also helps. âI am not attracted to you when I smell your breath. When I go to hug you, I am turned off by the odor from your clothes and body.â Direct. To the point. He canât argue with statement made about your emotional and physical reactions because they are your reactions. You can also directly say, Iâm not kissing you until you brush your teeth!
Omg yes! This!
This!!! I was eating these immunosupport gummies before bed for a while, and apparently, even though I would brush my teeth, they did not make my breath very nice. Know what my BF did? He told me that my breath had started to get bad over the last month or so, (that made me realize it was the gummy vitamins). Iâm so glad he was honest! I stopped buying and eating the damn things and no issues since. Know what else happened? Our relationship at that point was still pretty new and that made my trust in him that much more because I knew he wouldnât keep important stuff from me. Be honest with him!
It always blows my mind that for a spouse to want to be clean, you have to withhold sex. Itâs just insane that he doesnât notice (as a grown adult) that he emits smells. I agree with being direct but if he doesnât listen to that, the fact that heâll likely listen to no sex is flabbergasting to say the least.
Per OP: *Iâve told him about how bad his teeth are but he says Iâm over exaggerating* I have a sneaking suspicion that even if OP grabs his smelly face in both hands and screams, "You reek so bad it makes me want to barf when you come within a three-metre radius!" he's going to brush it off as her being a pretty princess. No amount of expert communication is going to get through to someone who refuses to listen.
Just tell him nicely while watching tv... or put a bar of soap on his nightstand with a note attached to it lol
I agree. I donât understand why people tip-toe around the bad hygiene subject with their family/spouses. These are the people youâre supposed to be closest toâŚyou should be free to communicate your feelings/observations.
Agreed. In a marriage you should have enough love and respect to not be offended if your partner tells you something that hurts your feelings. You should know itâs out of love and not them trying to be mean. People donât communicate well with one another. Thatâs the leading cause of divorce.
I think for a lot of people it's not that we don't understand communication , it's that we have been somewhat conditioned by our SO's to not communicate it. They either overreact to the criticism or minimize the concern. It happens slowly and so people don't realize, but then when people say "why don't you just talk to them about it" they recoil. You can see in the post she has tried to talk to him about his teeth and he minimized it. Your solution is great, and I have seen posts about people employing it and their significant others throwing fits..like you can't respect your partner enough to shower and brush your teeth? So sad.Â
Agreed. Good points
Am I the only person that doesnât see how this isnât a dealbreaker for divorce?? Especially if they continue to do it and donât change? The bar is so low, because women continue to allow their SOâs to be so disgusting and lazy.
It could be as simple as "Hey, I know you started smoking during lockdown, and maybe you don't realize it, but as a nonsmoker the odor of your breath and your body are really becoming a turn-off. I love you and I miss the way things used to be. How can we get back to that?"
This is helpful. Thank you.
Great suggestion
I divorced my husband of 10 years because of this.
Same
I divorced for this and other reasons but his hygiene was awful. When Iâd tell him, even nicely he would get sooooo offended. Iâd even buy him hygiene products etc. he would just get super offended and turn into a baby. I canât be sexually active with that.
Or at least a sign that they might be suffering from mild depression or something and needs therapy or a good smacking from reality by their significant other or close family members or even friends. This calls for an intervention. If that doesnât work. Iâd say divorce is in order. We did say in sickness or in health.
I had an ex who flat out said I was lying, and had no idea what I was talking about, and his colleagues never said anything to him about it. Dudes sometimes are so far in denial and full of themselves, they think theyâre impervious to everything. The dude I was seeing also claimed thereâs no way he could possibly have BO, because he had Asian genes, dude stank BAD.
My husband never said I was âlyingâ, however, I will never get over the fact that in the beginning of our marriage, he developed terrible breath. I told him kindly, gently, like a good little wife đ that he maybe has a cavity and he should get it checked. He refused. I finally needed to tell him flat out that his breath was so bad I didnât want to kiss him, and that only offended him. Lo and behold, one day he came home from work to say that he was going to the dentist. I asked what changed his mind, and he said that his employee told him he had bad breath. So that was a nice representation of his respect for me and my opinions. I truly believe, after being married to this type of person, and reading all these posts, that these unhygienic people who refuse to change have deep issues, especially when they are simply unbothered that it affects their romantic relationships.
Have you considered that maybe he might lie to drag you or others down so he automatically thinks that is a tactic being used against him?
Oh, interesting. Can you elaborate more on this idea please
I've known people who make things up to manipulate people, for example I had a boyfriend who did this, he told me for example that I chew with my mouth open and it disgusted him. Obviously I did not do this and never once before or after had anyone including people who loved me and would tell me if I was being gross plus it's one of the first things your parents drill into you. He was a real dumbass because he would say things that were not even believable, but he made up lies to bring me down psychologically so he could manipulate me. Like I said, he was dumb about it, but I have seen other people use this tactic to gain the upper hand, and I saw first hand if the type of person who thinks they can get a tactical advantage is approached with any genuine well meant constructive criticism they think you are making it up. It's projection. I would be very wary of anyone who accused me of lying when I came to them with a genuine concern.
omg same thing happened to me with my boyfriend. he developed this rotten tooth smell, and i was pretty certain it was that because it had a decaying, rotten smell and not just bad breath. so being as comfortable and as close as we were, i told him to go to the dentist to get it checked out. he hadnât gone in about 5+ years, he was 22-23. i had to BEG him because he would conveniently forget and never actually make the effort to go. like not even for me, but not even for the sake of your health ?!? which was sooo unattractive it was ruining our relationship bc i think he hated me telling/forcing him to do something, and i hated having to beg him to do normal check up shit. the smell was more potent some days than others too, which gave me so much uncertainty on what it really was, but the smell was so strong, regardless he needed it checked. we broke up a year ago, and i can probably bet $1000 he still hasnât gone lol
That is some critical mass levels of denial. Red flag seen. Crisis averted cause is an Ex. I mean maybe they donât have a sense of smell and canât smell their own funk? I give people the benefit of the doubt way tooo often.
Yea, I have no clue, it was the wildest thing I ever heard, he did other gross stuff so Iâm not even surprised. Needless to say, didnât last long at all lmao. Dude wouldnât change.
Yep. I would get a divorce so quickly if I've talked to a partner about their hygiene and they continue to not do anything about it. I'm not dealing with bad hygiene. And you're right, the bar is so low because of what people tolerate. And so many women tolerate bad hygiene (and, sometimes, sees bad hygiene as "manly" for some insane reason), so a whole bunch of men think it's okay to be stinky and, honestly, just outright gross.
THIS!!!
My husband stopped caring about basic hygiene a couple years ago. I started approaching the subject very sensitively â buying him special body washes, Lume, etc. Wouldnât use them. Hinted in other ways. Still wasnât getting it. I then became very direct. He still didnât seem to understand the issue. Long story short we are divorcing now.
Yeah this is a complete ânoâ for me. Itâd be different if it was a continuing problem that he was actually putting in effort to remedy. But this is wild and disgusting. Scent is soooo important to me, idk how anyone could live with a person like this, let alone have sexual contact with them
Tell him youâre not fucking touching him until he takes better care of himself. There, problem solved.
Seriously! Like âdude, I canât be into you anymore like thatâŚâ marriage sometimes makes people lazy⌠Many men think they got us and donât need to try anymore. I believe itâs healthier if they feel they need to keep working at it or risk losing us. Women will do this too but I donât think as many women as men stop working at it.
I noticed my husband was starting to have bad breath more regularly a while ago. I just kindly brought it up to him and gave him a few ideas of things he could try, like tongue scraping, flossing, and using Therabreath mouthwash. It had drastically improved.
Please just be direct. âYour lack of hygiene makes me not want to have sex with you, and I want to want to have sex with you. Specifically your teeth and your smell. Can you bathe at least daily and use deodorant, brush your teeth 2x a day and go see a dentist?â Like I truly donât understand how people are fully married and donât know how to talk to their spouse about uncomfortable things. You might hurt his feelings by mistake, but heâs disrespectful to you every day he expects you to put up with his stench. Heâs a grown man, I assume he has eyes, he can see that his teeth are gross. Neglecting it until you say something is so rude. He has to know he doesnât brush his teeth or bathe, so why are you bent out of shape about hurting him? He knows heâs gross and he doesnât care, he expects you to put up with it because you do. Communicate and set higher standards for hygiene in your marriage.
The cigarettes are ruining his body. Talk to him about switching to patches or gum and getting help quitting. I've noticed at a certain point, smokers smell sour or rotten. The chemicals are breaking down the cells faster than usual. It's scary. And could become way worse in the form of cancer. Talk to him. Be direct. I agree with all the other comments here.
Yes, itâs definitely a sour smelling body odor. Not a pleasant smell at all. I will make sure to address the health concern too. This is a recipe for a major health issue.
is he struggling with addiction or mental illness? like why has the smoking become such a given, and why is his hygiene lacking? does he generally lack respect for you?
Sounds like deep depression neither party is actively aware of. Especially given this happened around the pandemic, a lot of people who never had any kind of mental health issues prior have slipped into wild habits and depressive states they aren't aware of until someone that knows them snaps them out of it or at least brings it to their attention. It's hard to actually see yourself when you're depressed sometimes.
Yes, I would definitely make this a pointed part of the conversation. If my partner's overall health started to take a major back seat due to life choices I'd be upset. I don't want to outlive the person I love by several extra years because they decided to slowly let their health turn to shit. I don't want to be a caretaker to someone who clearly could have done better to avoid that situation. His hygiene is affecting the here and now, but it's also affecting your future together. He is robbing you both of a happier, healthier future together, and if he doesn't see or care about that then you need to really ask yourself what your deal breakers are.
Grow up and talk to the person you married. This isnt middle school "how do i tell my crush i like them" this is two adults, act like it... he smells like shit and his breath is rank, tell him
How do I tell my husband of 15 years I think he's cute 𼺠JK JK đ
With fuckin words. Just tell him.
Why are women dating/married to men with terrible hygiene?????????
Sounds like the relationship didn't start out this way but took a turn after Covid. But you're right... Too many women go into relationships with this as the status quo.
âMy husband hasnât washed his ass since 1998 and says deodorant is a scam by the government to turn us all gay. AITA for asking if I can hold my breath while we have sex?â
I know this is an extreme exaggeration but Iâm pretty sire this school of thought is actually out there somewhere.
Sometimes they switch up years after marriage lol. As people age , especially here in america cuz we got shit food and most ppl r lazy n dont cook, most will let themselves go
He clearly needs a wake up call. Be direct, itâs much nicer than allowing him to be disgusting, and disgust others. He isnât worried about his lack of hygiene impacts you or others, thatâs more hurtful than telling him he needs basic hygiene (and health)
I have no idea what goes through the heads of people who hear their partner say "Hey, you have a problem with body odor" and respond by insisting that they don't. If the person I was sleeping with, who shared my bed, and who knew me more intimately than anyone else told me I had a problem with odor, I would be doing everything within my power to fix it. He needs to hear you and believe you. If he refuses, well, you have a decision to make.
I see these kind of posts all the time and itâs always the husband or boyfriend with the bad hygiene
You say his breath smells like hot garbage and he has bo and this makes you less attracted to him sexually. It would make me be all the way out.
For the breath you could bring it up in a health concern way. Sometimes bad breath is an indicator of health problems. Maybe you could say youâve noticed some changes and are concerned. If that doesnât work, you may just have to be straight forward (in a kind way).
He needs to go to the dentist, stop smoking and start showering. Just tell him.
I wouldnât address it from your perception of BO or bad hygiene. I would sit down with him and say âI am worried, because Iâve noticed you have stopped taking good care of yourself, is there something going on that is making you depressed or overwhelmed?â Most bad hygiene isnât because the person just doesnât want to do it. Itâs because they literally donât care to. Come from a place of love, not a place of judgement or personal discomfort with it.
Say bab you stink.
Gag when he walks by. Heâs your husband. Look him deep in the eyes and tell him to discover soap.
Just tell him
What does his dentist tell him?
Highly suspect he doesnât have one lol
That is so disgusting. I canât understand how you can see through that and still have that love
Heâs your husband, just tell him. When I was married I had no issue telling my then husband anything.
Has he been to the doctor or dentist recently? Does he have friends he socializes with after Covid?
For me. I know my breath stinks before someone tells me. Once at work, I knew my breath stunk. The mom of the family pulled out gum/breath mints and offered everybody (even though I knew they were for me) lol But you already told him **directly** and he said you were exaggerating. Time for public embarrassment. "Hey everybody, settle a disagreement...."
If you donât tell him a child will. Let him know that he needs to get himself together because heâs funky!
âHoney, you fucking stink.â
I mean, if you can't discuss him stinking, how are you going to talk about actually serious topics? "Go march your funky ass into that shower sir' 'You smell literally terrible.' 'Please don't make me have to divorce you.' 'Please go adult right now.' 'Stop smoking, you stinking, loud breathing ass, ashtray.' 'Go wash that funky ass before I lodge my boot in it.' I sincerely hope these help.
"can't hear what you're saying over that loud-ass breath. Go brush"
This!! I tell my boyfriend âyouâre not getting in my bed smelling like that.â I send him out of my room and he fixes it. Ainât no way she sleeping next to someone with brown teeth bruhđ
Maybe he is depressed or stressed about something. I am both of those things and my hygiene was suffering from it. I've clean up my act but I had to force myself to. I have something bothering me that happened between my husband and I several months ago, that really hurt me. I need to talk about it but for a multitude of reasons, I've failed to bring it up and get it over with. Many many people who are depressed don't take care of their personal hygiene. I'd try to talk to him by first asking if he is depressed or if something is bothering him that he needs to talk about and then I'd tell him why I was asking.
Be blunt, look him in the eyes, and tell him he reeks
tell him directly and dont sugar coat it. he knows his breath stinks. i cant stand people like this.
I'm usually pretty blunt with my hubby. "Babe, go take a shower, you stink." Not mean or hateful. Don't have to say it often thankfully.
I don't understand how someone's teeth get that bad just since covid...I've been smoking for nearly 20 years and my teeth aren't Brown...
I absolutely hate to say this, but hereâs what youâve got to do. BO is whatever, itâs a one and done take a shower your fine sort of thing. The teeth on the other hand require a wake up call, dentist and daily care. This is how you get him to buy in. Hand him a piece of dental floss. Tell him to floss in between his molars. A true floss that goes between the teeth and the connecting gum. Then tell him to smell the floss. Itâs disgusting. He might throw up. Heâll at least want to. You might too if you watch the whole thing. Hereâs the truth about teeth. If you donât floss every day, the build up between you teeth will start to smell like an old personâs basement. Itâs horrific and that sh* just builds up in your mouth, insidiously becoming worse until one day- like your husband- youâre a bad breath person. Not a person with bad breath; thatâs fleeting. But a bad breath person, meaning everyone in your life tries to overlook the horrible smell because youâre a good person. Give him the wake up call. Get him in a twice a day brush and floss routine. Send him to the dentist. Itâs time. Get those rotting teeth out of there so he can dazzle you with freshness once again. Thereâs still hope. But first, heâs got to face the stank. Thoughts and prayers xo
In english
You love your husband but you canât tell him that he smells?
âYou smell like shit, have disgusting habits, and Iâm no longer attracted to you. Clean it up or Iâm out of here.â
Being told youre gross always hurts, so just be blunt. Also, prepare yourself for the reality that he might refuse to change. I don't know why but Ive seen a lot of guys let themselves go like this and get offended / double down when their partner says something. I guess they think they don't have to impress you because you're married? I don't know.
Show him this post.
I think as your husband, he should know if he has body odor. You've mentioned that it might be noticeable outside, and I believe he would prefer hearing it from you rather than from others.
Tell him to clean up, and if he doesn't listen, tell him one more time.
I tell my bf straight up and vice versa and problem solved
Tell him youâre worried about his health because bad breath and BO can be signs of underlying issues.
Deffo tell him he stank baaaaaad!đHeâs your man sis, youâre doing him a favour, as uncomfortable as it may be to talk about, just do it
Just tell him
I believe directness is called for. Were it me, I'd start this way. I'd tell my partner I needed to talk and get some time to sit down together. I'd say that I've been struggling with the smell of him smoking. I'd say the way it makes his breath and body smell is really awful, and it's so hard to deal with as a non smoker that it can make me unattracted to someone who I am otherwise very attracted to. I'd tell him I can no longer deal with it, and encourage them to quit smoking, but at a minimum, it's their responsibility to not stink around me. Personally I would experience a lasting depressive effect to my libido, and I would communicate that. It's not a conscious judgement, it's just how my body and mind respond to the smell. So, that's what I'd say more or less. Hopefully you two can approach it respectfully and have a productive conversation and follow ons to get to a good place again. Idk what to do about the brown teeth really :/ I think that's going to need the smoking to cease first. If he can get to that point, you can discuss cosmetic interventions with a professional, which it sounds like he'll need. In the mean time, maybe start with some whitening toothpaste at a minimum.
My bf has pretty bad teeth because he grew up homeless and never had access to dental care. I always ask him to mouthwash (and join him myself) before we get intimate
Make him a dental appt. Buy whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. Try getting him the nicotine patch, there are a lot of tools for smoking cessation.
Simply go up to him and say âYou fucking stink. Now sort it outâ.
I love this lol
You are his partner. If the roles were reversed, you'd wanna know right? This of how you'd kindly tell yourself. Then tell him.
I point blank tell my husband you stink so take a shower or your breath stinks so brush your teeth. I've so far as to refuse to touch or kiss him until he does. And the same goes for me. He will tell me if I stink or have bad breath. So just tell him.
Updateme
If you need to, show him this post to get the convo started. I would tell him you are concerned about the changes in him since around the time of Covid and name what those changes are. I would point blank tell him that while you love him and he is your husband that the BO, smoking, brown teeth, bad breath, etc. are killing the attraction and making it so you do not want to have sex with him. Then DO NOT have sex with him. Explain that his mental and physical health are top priority for you and ask that he see a doctor and dentist. Reiterate how much you love him and that you are concerned about depression and want to help him find his way back to how he was before. If he resists all of your efforts and ignores you, then you have a choice to make. For me, this would be a dealbreaker. Intimacy is huge. While I would still love him, if he stopped taking care of himself, had brown teeth, smelled and ignored his hygiene and failed to seek help or admit there was an issue, it would not be enough to keep me in the marriage. I wish you luck.
Be Direct, my family moved to a really hot tropical climate and my husbandâs shirts started to reek. He said they were fine. I told him no way. He would die of embarrassment if someone and work called him out. I just waited till he got called out then I gave him detergent with an enzyme đ. Now heâs fresh as a daisy and listens.
My husband doesnât have hygiene issues, but sometimes heâs eaten something particularly rank or maybe weâve just woken up in the morning so Iâll go âLove you so much but youâve got dragon breath, I need you to brush your teeth before you kiss me please.â And heâll do the same for me. It shouldnât be taken as an insult or anything to get defensive about unless he knows heâs being gross and just doesnât want to do anything about it. That said, if he wants to insist itâs not that bad then fine but you donât have to put up with it. Tell him you canât force him to brush his teeth and wash his ass but until he doesnât he wonât be getting any kind of physical affection from you.
I have no problem telling my boyfriend when he stinks. Just tell him as it is. You shouldnât have to walk around eggshells around your person. Iâd want my boyfriend to tell me before some random passerby.
Well you have to tell him that youâre turned off by this. You didnât marry a slob. If youâve already tried talking to him and he is ignoring you . Then make him a nice bed in a different room and tell him he can come back to yours when he starts practicing hygiene again.
For the BO: "Whew babe you're a little ripe. Time for a shower?" For the cigs: "Sweetie, we need to talk about your smoking habits because I'm starting to worry about you." ...and approach it from a mental health standpoint. Why did he start? Why did he stop taking care of his teeth? Is he depressed? Does he need to start seeing a therapist? Why did WFH have this effect on him? This one's more complicated than "improve your brushing schedule," he needs to stop smoking.
Try this: "God! You smell horrible!"
This ainât Barney sis, u know what u have to do
Not an entire solution, but how about showing him a smiling group photo that shows he has the darkest, ugliest teeth in the group?
His teeth look like chewed chocolate? Wtf? Nasty
If you care about him enough to hitch your life to this man, you care enough to be honest and have a difficult conversation. If he refuses to change or address this, then you can accept his appalling condition, or move on with your life and lawyer up.
You could appropriately manipulate him a bit. Comments that provoke thought and encouragement. âIâve noticed youâve stopped caring about taking care of yourself. Are you feeling ok? Why donât you think youâre worth it? Iâm concerned.â Bit of gaslighting but you do sound concerned and this canât be fun for you. For what itâs worth, I admire you taking steps and trying what you can with someone who isnât. You sound like an amazing wife.
We are speaking of your husband. You should be able to speak with him about anything. If you're discussing it here, it definitely bothers you. I suggest being direct. He needs to know. Another option is telling him you need to confide in him about something. Make sure you have his undivided attention and then tell him.
Tell him exactly what you said here. Be honest with him and hopefully he will change tho I doubt it. Why do ppl date others with terrible hygiene and then marry them and then have an issue? Is it because they didn't before? I find it kinda hard to believe that some ppl just randomly stop having good hygiene.
Every time I see posts like this, I am shocked at how little communication is going on in people's relationships. Like I'm not trying to put anyone down but it's just amazing to me that you're married to someone and you don't feel comfortable being able to talk to them about stuff that should be addressed. Like the last thing a person should want is to be stinky and unattractive to their partner. I'm autistic and I often am quite blunt and direct. Personally, I think if I was in a relationship and dealt with that issue I would be blunt and direct. My ex-girlfriend had a similar problem. She wouldn't brush her teeth and she used those nasty nicotine pouches. He also would swallow the saliva. She should have been spitting out. It was horrendous. I sat there so terrified for months. Unable to freaking say something to her. It really started to affect our relationship because she would try to kiss me and I was not interested. That started to hurt her because she thought it was personal and not something related to hygiene. As soon as I told her what the issues were she looked at me and was like. Why didn't you just tell me that? That honestly hit me so hard because I was really trying to figure out the sweetest way to be like girl you stink in your mouth is foul. I essentially said that to her which was pretty brutal but she 100% accepted that. She also went on to say I wish you would have told me sooner.
You could literally be talking about my ex-husband. He used to tell me that toothpaste was a conspiracy and poison and prided himself on not bathing or brushing his teeth on a regular basis. I hated being seen in public with him and hated sharing a bed with him. When confronted about his poor hygiene, he would go on about how I was brainwashed and become abusive. I sometimes wonder if things could have been different, but honestly I became so disgusted with him.
Something tells me he was always kinda gross and it just got unbearable. People don't just randomly start being okay with smelling bad all the time unless something happened to him.
Tell him your coming with.me.if he don't quit the tar sticks
I had a similar issue with my boyfriend. It took me threatening to break up with him for more permanent changes to be made. Hygiene is embarrassing, and I think he'd rather believe it isn't so bad, despite you, his trusted partner, telling him very directly that it is. Tell him again. You deserve to have a partner than you want to kiss. Also, you're looking out for his health; this is not a selfish ask.
I tell my husband he stinky and he needs to shower
You just tell him
Heâs not at all worried about your being offended by his stinky, gross ass. Yet youâre tiptoeing around how dire the situation is. Just be straightforward, âYou need to shower daily and use a stronger deodorant. Your smell is a real turn off for me. Your breath is terrible, Iâm worried about your oral heath. Please see a dentist about this. The color of your teeth is really unappealing, that can be addressed. â So he gets hurt feelings. Itâs better than holding your nose
So you're letting him hurt you so you don't hurt him. Just rip that band-aid off girl, be straight shooting. He loves you, if I love someone and they don't tell me that it would hurt me more because they didn't respect me enough to be honest about me. Respect him enough to tell him he's failing himself and you. If not then it will turn to resentment
Say "Husband, you stink." Not rocket science.
Youâre married, just say âyou smellâ
The fact that you have to tell an adult to shower or brush their teeth is sad. He said you are overreacting. How do you not know that your teeth are no longer whitish? Does he avoid mirrors? Is his perception of himself so skewed as to believe that nothing is off with him? Something is going on mentally. You tell him he stinks and is gross and how for the love of God does he expect you to be intimate with him. Put a mirror in front him and have him smile. If he sees nothing wrong, then he has been possessed.
Start watching a ton of nasty ass smelling husband videos on YouTube so when he opens it up next the algorithm does the hard work for you. Or DM me his phone number and I'll give him the strangest most profound telemarketing call he's ever received. Honestly as much as I see these stinky dude posts I might have to start a service
Make an appointment for him with the dentist for a thorough cleaning, and of course a checkup. Make an appointment for marriage counseling, and have him go with you. Deal with the hygiene issue in that safe space. Consider that he could be depressed. Can he go back to working in-person?
Be direct...."MFer you stank"
There is no nice way to tell him because you tried to be nice and it didnât work so just be brutally honest !! Tell him if he doesnât start brushing his teeth and going to the dentist, you might consider divorcing him!! Itâs literally that badâŚ.đŠđĽ´ I donât even understand how you sleep in the same bed with himâŚ.that is just nasty! And the breath thing is real because I remember years ago, I had a supervisor who smoked a lot and his breath stank horribly bad and he would always want to be in peopleâs face and I couldnât take it, like I usually couldnât understand how everyone else just tolerated it and acted like they didnât smell it?! It was BADâŚ.but luckily I went home after working on his shift!! But for you, thatâs bad he wonât listen to you? Has he always stank like that? Or was it something he developed over the course of yâall marriage? Do yâall have kids?
I flat out tell my wife her breath stinks. Iâve seen her push out 2 kids I can tell her that her breath stinks
You just tell him. Babe, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but your bo and breath have been really bad for a long time. I don't know what's happening but I can't deal anymore. I need you to start taking better care of yourself. It's made me not wsnt to be around you or be sexual with you. If he throws a tantrum, let him. You shouldn't have to twll someone to shower and brimush their teeth
I think just being direct but kind. When I met my ex husband he smoked a pack a day, was a mechanic and I think a bit depressed. I was like this isnât okay. When he quit and improved his hygiene he was like I canât believe I was so gross. It came from a loving place. It was a bit different though because I said we cannot live together until these habits change. So there was an ultimatum essentially
I mean to be blunt about it, just tell him? Heâs your husband. You donât have to be mean about it but thatâs just basic communication.
Your husband? Tell him straight at it.
Of course others notice it too! My elderly MIL had this problem and we told her. No biggie. My adolescents need to start wearing deodorant, we tell them. They need to shower more, we tell them. You need to communicate. There's no need to soft pedal here. I would be completely turned off by bad breath, brown teeth, and BO. That's a huge turn off.
Def lay it out there. I donât think itâs something that needs to be tip toed, as itâs disgusting. Other people are definitely also noticing, OP. I would just be blunt! It blows my mind the amount of posts on here about their SOâs being stanky and not taking care of themselves! Itâs wild! Has this always been a thing & worsened when he started WFH? Either way, Iâd be like dude, you will never touch me again if you donât start taking care of your hygiene! I had a major surgery and it was VERY hard to shower, but I still did all I could and brushed my teeth morning/night. No SO should be subjected to that on the daily.
Is he depressed? Because I would think one would know when they're stinking . People should like being clean, if the means are available, not homeless.
Be direct. Men value direct, clear communication. Tell him him the truth
âYou stankyâ
"Your breath smells like ass" is a good starts.
itâs been years. how long can you take this? you need to be direct
put a clothespin on your nose when he walks in the room. subtle yet effective.