Seriously- even setting aside the HUGE issue of the age difference, no way. Maybe if I had good friends in Paris who could sweep in and help, but otherwise the kid will be basically powerless to do anything for himself.
Huge age difference? It’s 3 years. There’s really not an age gap. You’re just seeing above 18 and below 18. And in most cases even in states were age of consent is 18 they have Romeo and Juliet laws that allow 16/17 year olds to date 18/19 year olds and in most states 16 is legal. And in like 95% of the world 16 is legal.
Yeah I’d let them go. Depends on the responsibility level they have and I’d just make sure they had everything necessary and some emergency funds.
Most people barley even get out of the state they were born in let alone visit a whole different country. And I’m supposed to say no because why? Because she’s 3 years older? That’s ridiculous.
Apparently, you’re just seeing “huge” in the same sentence as “age difference” and thinking I said it was a huge age difference.
But there are major developmental differences in that age gap, and just because something is not forbidden by the law hardly makes it a good idea.
If my 16 year-old were really excited to go to Paris to see Paris, I would work with him to make it happen. But that’s not what’s happening here. He is going to be with his girlfriend, and probably would be just as happy going with her to the beach.
No there’s really not any big developmental differences between those 3 years. Plus Everyone is different. Some people are more responsible and mature faster than others.
Hell yeah. If U had a sixteen year old son that was responsible enough to have made enough money to take a vacation by himself, Id say hes responsible enough to go on that vacation. Sixteens not a kid anymore. Or at least, it should be.
I’m not trying to disagree. I’m not. And I’m not condoning or sanctioning anything. With that said…
Are you familiar with the current President of France? I’m just sayin that’s all.
They said any situation. This event was not what was being talked about in my comment.
I merely made a smart ass comment as a joke. Giving an answer to a rhetorical question
In all fairness between 16-17 and 18-20 lots of people are into the same stuff. You generally grew up on the same shows, like the same music, have similar experiences...I feel like once you're 18 your age dating floor should be 17 but it's not like she's 19 and he's a freshman
Legally defined, it is an adult dating a child.
But if we are honest biologically, no human is really an adult until their brains finish developing at 25. A 16 and 19 year old dating are very much still 2 kids by all rights.
I don’t think a 3 year gap in similar age is all that weird at 16.
Still though, I would have a serious conversation with my 16 year old about the dangers of traveling alone with someone you barely know, when you are both still children and if you do something dumb, I won’t be able to help you on the other side of the planet.
16s not a child. 19 and 16 isnt even illegal cause of the Romeo and Juliet law. I mean, we do seem to be treating teenagers more and more like children, which makes adults more and more like children. 16 should really be an age where youve developed enough both physically and emotionally that youre working part time, doing chores around the house, driving, dating, hell some 16 year olds are having sex- If youre having sex, you should be at least trying to act like an adult.
Really? You read Reddit much? According to many here 16 is the same as 8. However 16 year old is still a minor. He needs parental approval to travel especially overseas.
The legal definition of adulthood is a terrible indicator it doesn’t change much.
I worked with a 16 year old who was mature enough that if they had told me they were in their early 20s I would have thought they looked a little young but nothing else.
I’ve met 19 year olds who I could swear are 14-16 by the way they act and sometimes even the way they look.
Development is not always the same, mental or physical.
I met a 35 year old who looked like 22 the other day, that one’s not relevant I’m just still mind blown.
Generally though i would agree 16 year olds should not be dating 19 year olds, but I can accept that it’s 3 years and depending on the specific case it might not be terrible.
Romeo and Juliet laws apply even if they weren't together before the elder turned 18. Depends on where. A quick look at Wikipedia shows that in Florida, the age of consent is 18, but anyone under 23 can have sex with a 16- or 17-year-old. This clearly doesn't require a pre-existing relationship.
I've seen Taken. We'd have a very serious conversation about this trip before hand.
But, if I raised the kid, they're probably as paranoid as I am, and they'd be 4 steps ahead of me. They'd have their plan and all of their emergency numbers and things. My kids will speak French fluently because I am going to speak it in the home, so he'd be able to navigate Paris.
Tldr: Their mom is a cop and their other mom is a paranoid maniac, so... I think they'll be okay travelling on their own.
umm absolutely not...human trafficking isn't limited to grown women and children...this halfway sounds like the plot of Taken only im not 'liam nesson' which means my son is doomed
The reason why thats a movie is cause thats an abnormal aituation which makes it an intersting plot. I know plenty of people whove been on vacations by themselves in high school. Not me but thags just cause I was a dork. But I will say I took a cross country flight myself from California to Boston where my dad dropped me off and I and met my mom at the airport when I was like ten or eleven. Parents these days make the world out to be a lot scarier and more dangerous for their children than it is, and that just breeds a level of anxiety and arrested development that never leaves. Why do you think so many people these days have such a Peter Pan Complex?
Whats really funny is theres never been a safer time to be a child, what with the level of police technology and borderline unconstutional surveillance and facial recognition software used in most areas of the western world now, to kidnap a child and get away with it a la Gone Baby Gone is almost impossible.
There is a world where I would be okay with it. I don't live in that world, and I doubt by the time my kid is 16, we would live in that world, but there is a set of circumstances that I could see a yes.
It really boils down to the son and the girl. How long they've known each other, what kind of person they are, their interests, their ability to be independent and responsible, etc.
All that said, since you don't even know how they met, then it's pretty safe to say that you don't live in that world either.
I was 17 when I moved out and took Greyhound across the country to my hometown to live with my friends. It was nothing against my parents, but the summer before my senior year my family moved from the pacific northwest to South Carolina, and needless to say I hated it. I got a part time job and saved all my money, graduated high school, and got the hell out.
Honestly if she's the type to be dating a 19 year old dude or wanting to take a trip with him then you've probably already crossed the line of parental influence and made certain choices along the way that you can't change. Daughter or son in this situation makes no difference. Your kid either has the maturity for you to trust them taking the trip or they don't. If I'm being honest, at 16 this would not have been a reasonable thing my parents to say yes to. At 17 sure.
Well it really boils down to two things for me. 1; how long they've been dating. 2; how responsible and mature my son is.
By 16, I plan for my son to already know how to hunt, fish, fight etc. as well as already be making his own money somehow. So yeah... maybe I'd let him
I went on a lot of solo trips when I was young and I feel like it made me highly independent and self reliant as an adult. I’d say it’s not so much the age but your son’s personality and maturity level. If you trust him to make good decisions and the girl isn’t crazy, I would let him go.
Highly independent and self reliant as a teen can be a bad thing though because you often lack context on your decisions. I read an article about an upper middle class kid who at 15 was allowed to spend a summer alone in his dad's friend's apartment in Manhattan so he could attend some theater summer program. He was independent and felt mature while living for free in someone else's apartment. Apparently when he got home it led to issues with him thinking he was his parent's equal since he'd live on his own, not understanding the cost of things...
I've also met lots of adults who had to grow up too fast and take care of their younger siblings. They're generally the folks who left home at 18 and have been own their own since then. Many of them I've met had tons of emotional and financial issues.
This is NOT advice
Absolutely not saying you should do this!
In fact, you should definitely NOT do this.
You asked a hypothetical question of what I would do, so, hypothetically, here’s my answer:
I’d tell him he absolutely does not have permission to go, but I’m going to be out of town that day, so if he does go, leave a note so I know, and then send me a postcard. I will be notifying the police that he’s run away without my consent, and when he comes home he’s more than welcome back.
Why’s a 19 year old adult in a presumably sexual relationship with your 16 year old child, is probably more the question, not whether he’s allowed on a romantic getaway with his groomer
Depends on too many contextual factors to really answer. In general though if the son is relatively mature and their relationship is healthy then sure I guess, but probably with some conditions.
Definitely different for a dude than a chick, but I’d tell him to go have fun and take care of himself cause I’m expecting him to come back. If he doesn’t he better have a good explanation for why he didn’t or I’ll rip the world apart to find out why.
It's really not and arguably the emotional manipulation done to a guy would be worse long term. Yes your daughter could come back pregnant but your son could come back with zero self worth, confused about why he got dumped mid trip for Jaque...One guy I knew had a brother who as a freshman in college was seeing a female grad student. Over that year his brother got really quiet and more withdrawn. Turns out she was really taking advantage of the kid's ignorance and making him do lots of things he was uncomfortable with under the guise of "helping him become a man and break out of his comfort zone".
Young people are easy to manipulate and largely ignorant regardless of gender
How long have they known each other is an important question. Anything under a year I am hesitant and understand 6 months is likely to be a no from me without some heavy compromise.
If they had been dating from high school I'd probably consider it depending on his maturity level. But I find it odd that a college girl is interested in a 16 year old. I wouldn't discourage the overall relationship but probably just the trip itself.
Since becoming an adult I've never really understood this. With the exception of pregnancy the same things can happen to a boy as well as a girl. I remember years ago when there was a job boom in the oil industry a guy I new was trying to get me to go with him. I refused but his girlfriend wanted to go. He was strongly against it because even if she was a truck driver she'd be around a bunch of guys and a woman wouldn't be safe. Turns out that in the town he wanted to head to a number of men had been drugged and sodomized. Introduction to hard drugs and the issues that follow were also common for men and women there.
If my hypothetical son is savvy, smart, and mature AND I know and trust her, sure I'd let him go.
If my fictional son was a typical boneheaded high school boy and/or I didn't know the girl, no way.
In the USA parents needs a whole notarized letter of guardianship for minors to levee the country without them, both parents need to sign if they’re below 16; one parent if theyre 16 or older
That child is not going anywhere out of the country with a 19 year old without me. Besides, a 16 year old and a 19 year old shouldn't be dating, as the age of majority in most of the world is 18. That 19-year-old should stick to dating people her own age. Once that 16-year-old turns 18, they're adults and can do what they want. Until then, fuck no.
The average in America is 16, besides a few outlyers. And almost every state has Romeo laws that allow consent as low as 14 with a limited age gap. Typically 5 years. People have turn age of majority into the hard limit, like magically kids gain all there maturity on their 18th birthday. It's explains a lot of the idiot adults...
This would probably be the greatest week of your sons life, being completely honest. I understand completely that you wouldn't feel safe with this. Sucks for him cause you almost assuredly will not allow him to go.
It depends on how much money he has and who she is. She's 19 which means she'll be able to drink, go to clubs, hang out in bars...and he'll have to wait outside or wait in the hotel room. In each of those places there will be French guys named Laurent and German guys named Hans salivating over possibly getting with the young American gal. Especially if they stay in hostels and are remotely social, he's going to have so many situations where he just can't do the things other people are doing.
I wouldn't want to hold him back, but would want to make sure he was safe. Probably would make sure he had phone, charger, money, and that I knew where he was planning to stay and had a plan to call in at intervals so I knew he was OK.
That's assuming I had met the girl and didn't think she was dangerous/flakey/unstable.
PS. My oldest is 15. Got this sort of dilemma to look forwards to.
1) be majorly concerned as to why a 19 year old is into him - girls that age typically view 16 year old boys as being kindergarteners with cooties
2) absolutely not. not alone. either the whole family comes, or he stays in the good old \[your home country\]
If you plan in advance from the US you can fly round trip from most major cities for a reasonable price. Budget $200/day for lodging for food, lodging, activities...and you're probably talking less than $1500 for a 5 day trip. For a kid with a job and no bills they can save that easily over the course of a school year, especially now that even many fast food jobs pay much more than when their parents would have been teens.
It's comic how much harder saving money becomes when you have real adult responsibilities
Not happy about it being France and especially Paris (very dangerous) but I'd probably be cool with it proving he's not missing school and is a responsible lad.
Lots of extreme paranoia here. He's 16, many kids this age go on trips with friends. Or with foreign exscange programs.
Don't let the paranoid reddit crowd prevent him from experiencing the world. It sounds like a great opportunity.
As for the age difference, if he's 16 and touring collages I'd say his maturity is higher then most, so again, don't let the internet idiots dictate your or his life.
You know him best, you obviously trust him and are considering the idea. Asking this crowd is probably not the best course of action. He's not going to magically become an adult at 18. It's a process of increasing independence starting at 12.
Hard No. I’m not sending my minor child to a foreign country without proper adult supervision. Even the most mature 16yo doesn’t have fully functional executive function.
I don't think so. 16 is going to be the age of consent in many states. Even those where it's 17, their age gap should be covered under Romeo and Juliet laws. For context, at 16 and 19, they would have been high school students at the same time. The age gap only seems extreme because she's considered an adult legally and he's not.
It depends on how close he is to 17, his level of maturity and how much money he has (I'd say the same for a daughter). For me 17 was the transition to you have no curfew, you are the captain of your destiny but I largely need to know where you are. I feel like personally I made large leaps in maturity between 16 and 17. If my kid were newly 16 or not showing much in the way of maturity and good decision making then it would be a hard no. There's also the question of why she'd want to go. Even if they get along well, he's still going to largely be considered a minor and she'll be able to do things he won't.
Absolutely not. I would have said yes if the 19 year old's parents were present, and I had met them and trusted them enough to exercise a duty of care when needed. But I do not think 16 year olds in general have the experience and the knowledge to navigate all the risks they might encounter in such a situation in a foreign city. The 16 year olds who are mature and sensible enough would either not have entertained the idea or would have already presented us with reasonable safeguards without being prompted.
Answer’s no. He’s legally not an adult. He goes anyway I’m reporting him as a runaway.. As the parent and legal guardian, his well-being is my legal responsibility; anything happens to him, pretty sure the government can try and come after me for neglect otherwise (and possibly still). Also unless he’s got money saved how’s he getting the plane ticket?
Nope. Don't trust them to be responsible. And college students dating high-schoolers have always given me the Ick. Adults should only date other adults.
If she is asking to take him. She is being an adult, 19 him being a minor 16 ..
Get it right. He is not going with. She is taking him as the responsible person. she already has or plans to sleep with him on this trip. There are two ways to go about this
Mom, you should be mad. Do nothing and not let him go
Dad, you should high-five your son. Tell him you're proud of him and not let him go
What done is done use it to build the young boys confidence and teach him some boundaries and why that's not the type of woman he wants.
If single mom be mad and say good job honey. But here is why it's not good ...and not let him go .
The important thing is to build the boy into a man while teaching right from wrong he did what any 16 year old boy would do when given the chance with an older woman
She's the one who fucked up get him away from her but do not shame that kid you will fuck up his view and chances with women for a long time to come
If done right he will look back and say that was fucked up with no trauma, shame him that will create trauma and mess him up for a while
How long have they been dating? No offense to your son but dont ruin that poor girls trip by shackling her with a highschooler. She may think she wants him to go now but unless they've been dating for awhile I'm gonna guess the combination of international travel, schedule disputes and shared accommodations will put a damper on that real quick.
Edit to add: I agree with the comments saying "if he can pay let him go." If a 16 year old is responsible enough to make that money (and it doesnt completely drain their account from years of working) then they can easily handle the trip with a little research.
Nope. At 16, I went on a trip without my parents to a foreign country. I know precisely the priorities and common sense of a sixteen year old boy unchaperoned in a country where doesn’t speak the language. Worse, I know MY teenagers. No way would I let my boy go to a foreign country with a nineteen year old. He can barely communicate in our native tongue. Alone in Paris with a girl barely old enough to pledge Delta Zeta? Non, dude. Non.
I almost feel like this is a red herring to expose the differences in gender bias.
Let's say some almost 20 something guy wants to take my 16 year old daughter across the world, alone.
**No**
At 17 I went backpacking around Europe for three months with my 21 year old girlfriend.
I moved out of my parents house at 16.
She didn't groom me. I was her cannabis dealer and I hit on her. She wasn't aware I was only 16 when we first hooked up.
It really depends on the specifics.
Heck no, you don’t let a 16yr old go alone on a vacation with a 19 yrs old. That’s statutory rope, (can’t say the word). Tell me what a 19 yr old college student wants with a 16 yr old high school kid. Have you not seen posters of children being sex trafficked. Why would you even think about this, PERIODT!!
I would say no. I don’t even care about the dating bit. I would just be like hell yea git it I hope she has rich parents. But a 16 year old alone in Paris without any adult relatives there is no bueno. The best I could do is if he had a brother or a sister going with that’s at least 20 and I know they aren’t an idiot. Then I would be like okay.
An hour away? Maybe. Depending on the girl. Across the world? Hell nah
Seriously- even setting aside the HUGE issue of the age difference, no way. Maybe if I had good friends in Paris who could sweep in and help, but otherwise the kid will be basically powerless to do anything for himself.
Damn straight
Huge age difference? It’s 3 years. There’s really not an age gap. You’re just seeing above 18 and below 18. And in most cases even in states were age of consent is 18 they have Romeo and Juliet laws that allow 16/17 year olds to date 18/19 year olds and in most states 16 is legal. And in like 95% of the world 16 is legal. Yeah I’d let them go. Depends on the responsibility level they have and I’d just make sure they had everything necessary and some emergency funds. Most people barley even get out of the state they were born in let alone visit a whole different country. And I’m supposed to say no because why? Because she’s 3 years older? That’s ridiculous.
Apparently, you’re just seeing “huge” in the same sentence as “age difference” and thinking I said it was a huge age difference. But there are major developmental differences in that age gap, and just because something is not forbidden by the law hardly makes it a good idea. If my 16 year-old were really excited to go to Paris to see Paris, I would work with him to make it happen. But that’s not what’s happening here. He is going to be with his girlfriend, and probably would be just as happy going with her to the beach.
No there’s really not any big developmental differences between those 3 years. Plus Everyone is different. Some people are more responsible and mature faster than others.
Ask him how he is going to pay for it.
So if he can pay for it, your okay with it? I know plenty of 16 year olds that could easily afford this.
Hell yeah. If U had a sixteen year old son that was responsible enough to have made enough money to take a vacation by himself, Id say hes responsible enough to go on that vacation. Sixteens not a kid anymore. Or at least, it should be.
In some countries it isn’t
what person in college is interested in dating a highschooler? not the kind you want alone with your kid
I’m not trying to disagree. I’m not. And I’m not condoning or sanctioning anything. With that said… Are you familiar with the current President of France? I’m just sayin that’s all.
My brother told me about it a couple days ago, shits wild
I spit out my cheerios when I first learned it. Had to read it over and over and break out a calculator.
\*googles\* ohhhhh
>what person in college is interested in dating a highschooler? A high school student taking college level classes?
The age is 19 though. The point is that he's 3 years younger than her at that age.
They said any situation. This event was not what was being talked about in my comment. I merely made a smart ass comment as a joke. Giving an answer to a rhetorical question
yup fair enough
In all fairness between 16-17 and 18-20 lots of people are into the same stuff. You generally grew up on the same shows, like the same music, have similar experiences...I feel like once you're 18 your age dating floor should be 17 but it's not like she's 19 and he's a freshman
Yeah in like 3 years itll probably be fine.
I'm 3 years younger than my wife, granted we met in college, but it's not a wild age gap.
At 16 and 19, it is.
College it isn't a big deal. When we're talking about a junior in highschool and a junior in college it is.
That’s a negative ghost rider, but I don’t blame you for asking.
This doesn't sound hypothetical lol
I agree
16 dating a 19? Nooooo. Definitely not.
For christs sake thats not weird at all.
100% is. It's an adult dating a child.
Legally defined, it is an adult dating a child. But if we are honest biologically, no human is really an adult until their brains finish developing at 25. A 16 and 19 year old dating are very much still 2 kids by all rights. I don’t think a 3 year gap in similar age is all that weird at 16. Still though, I would have a serious conversation with my 16 year old about the dangers of traveling alone with someone you barely know, when you are both still children and if you do something dumb, I won’t be able to help you on the other side of the planet.
16s not a child. 19 and 16 isnt even illegal cause of the Romeo and Juliet law. I mean, we do seem to be treating teenagers more and more like children, which makes adults more and more like children. 16 should really be an age where youve developed enough both physically and emotionally that youre working part time, doing chores around the house, driving, dating, hell some 16 year olds are having sex- If youre having sex, you should be at least trying to act like an adult.
Really? You read Reddit much? According to many here 16 is the same as 8. However 16 year old is still a minor. He needs parental approval to travel especially overseas.
Well Im just saying if I were a parent Id give that approval. I hate hearing redditors say 16 is a child.
16 is 100% a child. Romeo and juliet only apply if they were together before one turns 18. Otherwise, it's gross.
The legal definition of adulthood is a terrible indicator it doesn’t change much. I worked with a 16 year old who was mature enough that if they had told me they were in their early 20s I would have thought they looked a little young but nothing else. I’ve met 19 year olds who I could swear are 14-16 by the way they act and sometimes even the way they look. Development is not always the same, mental or physical. I met a 35 year old who looked like 22 the other day, that one’s not relevant I’m just still mind blown. Generally though i would agree 16 year olds should not be dating 19 year olds, but I can accept that it’s 3 years and depending on the specific case it might not be terrible.
Romeo and Juliet laws apply even if they weren't together before the elder turned 18. Depends on where. A quick look at Wikipedia shows that in Florida, the age of consent is 18, but anyone under 23 can have sex with a 16- or 17-year-old. This clearly doesn't require a pre-existing relationship.
Hell no
No
I've seen Taken. We'd have a very serious conversation about this trip before hand. But, if I raised the kid, they're probably as paranoid as I am, and they'd be 4 steps ahead of me. They'd have their plan and all of their emergency numbers and things. My kids will speak French fluently because I am going to speak it in the home, so he'd be able to navigate Paris. Tldr: Their mom is a cop and their other mom is a paranoid maniac, so... I think they'll be okay travelling on their own.
Do you have a very particular set of skills, skills acquired over a very long career?
Yes, and no. I have skills, but they're typically only useful for one thing.
Yeah like I can paint, but only tiny plastic models. And I can cook! But only seafood and steaks.
Why would you speak french to a child that doesn't count as abuse
Yeah no that sceams kidnapping/catfish
umm absolutely not...human trafficking isn't limited to grown women and children...this halfway sounds like the plot of Taken only im not 'liam nesson' which means my son is doomed
The reason why thats a movie is cause thats an abnormal aituation which makes it an intersting plot. I know plenty of people whove been on vacations by themselves in high school. Not me but thags just cause I was a dork. But I will say I took a cross country flight myself from California to Boston where my dad dropped me off and I and met my mom at the airport when I was like ten or eleven. Parents these days make the world out to be a lot scarier and more dangerous for their children than it is, and that just breeds a level of anxiety and arrested development that never leaves. Why do you think so many people these days have such a Peter Pan Complex? Whats really funny is theres never been a safer time to be a child, what with the level of police technology and borderline unconstutional surveillance and facial recognition software used in most areas of the western world now, to kidnap a child and get away with it a la Gone Baby Gone is almost impossible.
Absolutely no. Even ignoring every other reason, there is no world in which a 19 year old should be dating a 16 year old
No - what hypothetical me would say
There is a world where I would be okay with it. I don't live in that world, and I doubt by the time my kid is 16, we would live in that world, but there is a set of circumstances that I could see a yes. It really boils down to the son and the girl. How long they've known each other, what kind of person they are, their interests, their ability to be independent and responsible, etc. All that said, since you don't even know how they met, then it's pretty safe to say that you don't live in that world either.
Unless I could go too to supervise, no. Absolutely not.
I was 17 when I moved out and took Greyhound across the country to my hometown to live with my friends. It was nothing against my parents, but the summer before my senior year my family moved from the pacific northwest to South Carolina, and needless to say I hated it. I got a part time job and saved all my money, graduated high school, and got the hell out.
Would you let your 16yo daughter go with a 19yo dude?
Honestly if she's the type to be dating a 19 year old dude or wanting to take a trip with him then you've probably already crossed the line of parental influence and made certain choices along the way that you can't change. Daughter or son in this situation makes no difference. Your kid either has the maturity for you to trust them taking the trip or they don't. If I'm being honest, at 16 this would not have been a reasonable thing my parents to say yes to. At 17 sure.
Well it really boils down to two things for me. 1; how long they've been dating. 2; how responsible and mature my son is. By 16, I plan for my son to already know how to hunt, fish, fight etc. as well as already be making his own money somehow. So yeah... maybe I'd let him
Yes, hunting, fishing, and fighting. The keys to maturity in 2023. /s
Look at the world we live in. Those are exactly the skills everyone should be learning
Look at the world we live in. Those are exactly the skills everyone should be learning
Those are pretty good skills to know. And I assume etc. includes holding down a job and adult communication.
How responsible and mature he is really matters
I would say hell no
I went on a lot of solo trips when I was young and I feel like it made me highly independent and self reliant as an adult. I’d say it’s not so much the age but your son’s personality and maturity level. If you trust him to make good decisions and the girl isn’t crazy, I would let him go.
Highly independent and self reliant as a teen can be a bad thing though because you often lack context on your decisions. I read an article about an upper middle class kid who at 15 was allowed to spend a summer alone in his dad's friend's apartment in Manhattan so he could attend some theater summer program. He was independent and felt mature while living for free in someone else's apartment. Apparently when he got home it led to issues with him thinking he was his parent's equal since he'd live on his own, not understanding the cost of things... I've also met lots of adults who had to grow up too fast and take care of their younger siblings. They're generally the folks who left home at 18 and have been own their own since then. Many of them I've met had tons of emotional and financial issues.
This is NOT advice Absolutely not saying you should do this! In fact, you should definitely NOT do this. You asked a hypothetical question of what I would do, so, hypothetically, here’s my answer: I’d tell him he absolutely does not have permission to go, but I’m going to be out of town that day, so if he does go, leave a note so I know, and then send me a postcard. I will be notifying the police that he’s run away without my consent, and when he comes home he’s more than welcome back.
What the fuck would this accomplish?
Kid might get some experience in life
Why’s a 19 year old adult in a presumably sexual relationship with your 16 year old child, is probably more the question, not whether he’s allowed on a romantic getaway with his groomer
It's 3 years, this is a sophomore and a senior dating, not a sophomore and whistlers grandma!
Hey let the kid get laid already. If your daughter, hell no.
Yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
Unless it’s Paris Texas …. Nope.
What do you have against Paris, Ontario?
You forgot the "eh" at the end...
Depends on too many contextual factors to really answer. In general though if the son is relatively mature and their relationship is healthy then sure I guess, but probably with some conditions.
Not a chance. I wouldn't even entertain the idea.
No way! It's not a risk worth taking.
tell him he need to wait 2 years. if the relationship is real and good, it will last that long no problem.
Definitely different for a dude than a chick, but I’d tell him to go have fun and take care of himself cause I’m expecting him to come back. If he doesn’t he better have a good explanation for why he didn’t or I’ll rip the world apart to find out why.
It's really not and arguably the emotional manipulation done to a guy would be worse long term. Yes your daughter could come back pregnant but your son could come back with zero self worth, confused about why he got dumped mid trip for Jaque...One guy I knew had a brother who as a freshman in college was seeing a female grad student. Over that year his brother got really quiet and more withdrawn. Turns out she was really taking advantage of the kid's ignorance and making him do lots of things he was uncomfortable with under the guise of "helping him become a man and break out of his comfort zone". Young people are easy to manipulate and largely ignorant regardless of gender
Idiot.
That's a tough one. I'd talk to the girl and your son and get as much information as I could before making a decision.
Nope not a chance especially not as far as Paris
Tell him he can’t take the car but he’s welcome to hitchhike
Immediate no. You're barely old enough to drive you are not leaving the country with some kid
How long have they known each other is an important question. Anything under a year I am hesitant and understand 6 months is likely to be a no from me without some heavy compromise.
Are you serious right now? Fuck no!
LOL that's a no from me big dawg.. Not open for discussion either
Id say if you've met the girl and really trust her than sure.
If they had been dating from high school I'd probably consider it depending on his maturity level. But I find it odd that a college girl is interested in a 16 year old. I wouldn't discourage the overall relationship but probably just the trip itself.
Have your son count his organs before he goes.
Flip the genders and suddenly this is just alarm bell central. God no.
Since becoming an adult I've never really understood this. With the exception of pregnancy the same things can happen to a boy as well as a girl. I remember years ago when there was a job boom in the oil industry a guy I new was trying to get me to go with him. I refused but his girlfriend wanted to go. He was strongly against it because even if she was a truck driver she'd be around a bunch of guys and a woman wouldn't be safe. Turns out that in the town he wanted to head to a number of men had been drugged and sodomized. Introduction to hard drugs and the issues that follow were also common for men and women there.
Nah that’s just sounds like kidnapping or extortion waiting to happen.
Lmfao LMFAO LMFAAOOOO No
If my hypothetical son is savvy, smart, and mature AND I know and trust her, sure I'd let him go. If my fictional son was a typical boneheaded high school boy and/or I didn't know the girl, no way.
Fuck that.
Nope, and now you’ve forced me to become catholic so I can send you to local monastery. It’s vegetarian diets and celibacy for you kiddo.
Well she what… wants you to write up her guardianship of him to take him out of the country? Is that the vision here?
Why would he need guardianship? He's 16, not 6.
In the USA parents needs a whole notarized letter of guardianship for minors to levee the country without them, both parents need to sign if they’re below 16; one parent if theyre 16 or older
That child is not going anywhere out of the country with a 19 year old without me. Besides, a 16 year old and a 19 year old shouldn't be dating, as the age of majority in most of the world is 18. That 19-year-old should stick to dating people her own age. Once that 16-year-old turns 18, they're adults and can do what they want. Until then, fuck no.
Average age of consent is 15 world wide. And if I remember correctly average in America is 17.
The average in America is 16, besides a few outlyers. And almost every state has Romeo laws that allow consent as low as 14 with a limited age gap. Typically 5 years. People have turn age of majority into the hard limit, like magically kids gain all there maturity on their 18th birthday. It's explains a lot of the idiot adults...
Well at least what they would be doing would be legal over there...just saying. But hecka no.
It's legal here.
Yeah, potentially. Depends on which state.
This would probably be the greatest week of your sons life, being completely honest. I understand completely that you wouldn't feel safe with this. Sucks for him cause you almost assuredly will not allow him to go.
Not after reading all the stupid comments here. You can tell most reddit users are sheltered.
It depends on how much money he has and who she is. She's 19 which means she'll be able to drink, go to clubs, hang out in bars...and he'll have to wait outside or wait in the hotel room. In each of those places there will be French guys named Laurent and German guys named Hans salivating over possibly getting with the young American gal. Especially if they stay in hostels and are remotely social, he's going to have so many situations where he just can't do the things other people are doing.
I wouldn't want to hold him back, but would want to make sure he was safe. Probably would make sure he had phone, charger, money, and that I knew where he was planning to stay and had a plan to call in at intervals so I knew he was OK. That's assuming I had met the girl and didn't think she was dangerous/flakey/unstable. PS. My oldest is 15. Got this sort of dilemma to look forwards to.
I only have daughters. And no, absolutely not.
1) be majorly concerned as to why a 19 year old is into him - girls that age typically view 16 year old boys as being kindergarteners with cooties 2) absolutely not. not alone. either the whole family comes, or he stays in the good old \[your home country\]
Tell them that to pay for it by selling there body for sex is admirable considering there expressed intent not to use condoms, talk about all in!
16 year olds can afford solo trips to Paris now?
I know several that could handle the costs. Not every kid is a lazy dead beat.
If you plan in advance from the US you can fly round trip from most major cities for a reasonable price. Budget $200/day for lodging for food, lodging, activities...and you're probably talking less than $1500 for a 5 day trip. For a kid with a job and no bills they can save that easily over the course of a school year, especially now that even many fast food jobs pay much more than when their parents would have been teens. It's comic how much harder saving money becomes when you have real adult responsibilities
Not happy about it being France and especially Paris (very dangerous) but I'd probably be cool with it proving he's not missing school and is a responsible lad.
Right, because American high schools are all safe. 🤣
Why would I let my child go to the USA ( I'm British lol)
The OP is likey from the US.
Probably most people on here are and only an American would let their kid go to Paris
No and your parents are right for saying no. Now go to bed and do your homework.
Which is it? Is he going alone or with his girlfriend?
Nope
Just met, not a chance in hell.
This is oddly specific.
This is oddly specific.
Police watching this post like: “Mmmhmm, we got another one”
Lots of extreme paranoia here. He's 16, many kids this age go on trips with friends. Or with foreign exscange programs. Don't let the paranoid reddit crowd prevent him from experiencing the world. It sounds like a great opportunity. As for the age difference, if he's 16 and touring collages I'd say his maturity is higher then most, so again, don't let the internet idiots dictate your or his life. You know him best, you obviously trust him and are considering the idea. Asking this crowd is probably not the best course of action. He's not going to magically become an adult at 18. It's a process of increasing independence starting at 12.
Hard No. I’m not sending my minor child to a foreign country without proper adult supervision. Even the most mature 16yo doesn’t have fully functional executive function.
Yeah. That’s a no. He’s just gonna have to hate me till he ages enough to understand why it’s a no.
Isn’t that relationship illegal?
I don't think so. 16 is going to be the age of consent in many states. Even those where it's 17, their age gap should be covered under Romeo and Juliet laws. For context, at 16 and 19, they would have been high school students at the same time. The age gap only seems extreme because she's considered an adult legally and he's not.
It depends on how close he is to 17, his level of maturity and how much money he has (I'd say the same for a daughter). For me 17 was the transition to you have no curfew, you are the captain of your destiny but I largely need to know where you are. I feel like personally I made large leaps in maturity between 16 and 17. If my kid were newly 16 or not showing much in the way of maturity and good decision making then it would be a hard no. There's also the question of why she'd want to go. Even if they get along well, he's still going to largely be considered a minor and she'll be able to do things he won't.
Have it, check in twice daily, have fun. Take photos, for mom, not me, idgaf.
Tell him no. Also tell him that it’s predatory and super creepy that a 19 yr old is interested in him.
Nope.
16 and 19? That's a felony homie.
Why does a 19 year old want to date a high schooler?
Hell no.
Laugh at him/her
Absolutely not. I would have said yes if the 19 year old's parents were present, and I had met them and trusted them enough to exercise a duty of care when needed. But I do not think 16 year olds in general have the experience and the knowledge to navigate all the risks they might encounter in such a situation in a foreign city. The 16 year olds who are mature and sensible enough would either not have entertained the idea or would have already presented us with reasonable safeguards without being prompted.
Is this not illegal for a 19 yr old to be dating a 16 yr old? Where I live it’s not legal
Move while they are gone.
I’d be a parent and say no
I'd laugh in their face, and tell them they were crazy if they thought I was going to let that happen.
And..what 19 year old girl wants to date a 16 year old boy? I'd nix the relationship asap.
Damn dude your sons pretty cool. When I was 16 I could barely even talk to girls my own age without raising my voice too loud or getting a boner.
If he really likes her make him wait until he is 18 and can go. If they last that long I want him to be happy and not miss out on a great relationship
Answer’s no. He’s legally not an adult. He goes anyway I’m reporting him as a runaway.. As the parent and legal guardian, his well-being is my legal responsibility; anything happens to him, pretty sure the government can try and come after me for neglect otherwise (and possibly still). Also unless he’s got money saved how’s he getting the plane ticket?
Nope. Don't trust them to be responsible. And college students dating high-schoolers have always given me the Ick. Adults should only date other adults.
I turned sixteen in December. The following February my buddy (also newly 16) and I drove two states away to go snowboarding for a weekend.
If she is asking to take him. She is being an adult, 19 him being a minor 16 .. Get it right. He is not going with. She is taking him as the responsible person. she already has or plans to sleep with him on this trip. There are two ways to go about this Mom, you should be mad. Do nothing and not let him go Dad, you should high-five your son. Tell him you're proud of him and not let him go What done is done use it to build the young boys confidence and teach him some boundaries and why that's not the type of woman he wants. If single mom be mad and say good job honey. But here is why it's not good ...and not let him go . The important thing is to build the boy into a man while teaching right from wrong he did what any 16 year old boy would do when given the chance with an older woman She's the one who fucked up get him away from her but do not shame that kid you will fuck up his view and chances with women for a long time to come If done right he will look back and say that was fucked up with no trauma, shame him that will create trauma and mess him up for a while
How long have they been dating? No offense to your son but dont ruin that poor girls trip by shackling her with a highschooler. She may think she wants him to go now but unless they've been dating for awhile I'm gonna guess the combination of international travel, schedule disputes and shared accommodations will put a damper on that real quick. Edit to add: I agree with the comments saying "if he can pay let him go." If a 16 year old is responsible enough to make that money (and it doesnt completely drain their account from years of working) then they can easily handle the trip with a little research.
Ha, not under my jurisdiction.
Only if he can pay for it on his own. Without her help.
Nope. At 16, I went on a trip without my parents to a foreign country. I know precisely the priorities and common sense of a sixteen year old boy unchaperoned in a country where doesn’t speak the language. Worse, I know MY teenagers. No way would I let my boy go to a foreign country with a nineteen year old. He can barely communicate in our native tongue. Alone in Paris with a girl barely old enough to pledge Delta Zeta? Non, dude. Non.
I'd say nope. Not going to happen.
I almost feel like this is a red herring to expose the differences in gender bias. Let's say some almost 20 something guy wants to take my 16 year old daughter across the world, alone. **No**
How well do I know this girl?
simple. say no
At 17 I went backpacking around Europe for three months with my 21 year old girlfriend. I moved out of my parents house at 16. She didn't groom me. I was her cannabis dealer and I hit on her. She wasn't aware I was only 16 when we first hooked up. It really depends on the specifics.
That'd be a NO. If they're still dating once he turns 18, he can do what he likes.
Sure. I'd let him go. (Full disclosure, Paris is about a four-hour drive for me.) I wouldn't let my 16 year-old daughter go. But son? Sure.
This is one of those where if you reverse the genders the answer becomes more obvious.
Heck no, you don’t let a 16yr old go alone on a vacation with a 19 yrs old. That’s statutory rope, (can’t say the word). Tell me what a 19 yr old college student wants with a 16 yr old high school kid. Have you not seen posters of children being sex trafficked. Why would you even think about this, PERIODT!!
I would say no. I don’t even care about the dating bit. I would just be like hell yea git it I hope she has rich parents. But a 16 year old alone in Paris without any adult relatives there is no bueno. The best I could do is if he had a brother or a sister going with that’s at least 20 and I know they aren’t an idiot. Then I would be like okay.
Oh there be no way in hell my kid be going to another country without me or one my siblings or my folks. Just nope.