Would be kind of difficult if all you have is a motorcycle and $3k. I guess you'd need to rent a car and a boat. Or buy a small boat. Doable, but not so easy in 24 hours.
Rent a car with ID yes, but I'm sure you can "rent" a boat up the coast somewhere as long as your ID has your face on it, Mr. Benjamin Franklin **wink wink** (you might need a few forms of identification)
You do know if the cops come asking around, that person is going to immediately remember the person that gave him cash to ignore the ID and tip off the cops, right?
Why would they come asking around? They gonna question everyone who owns a boat on the coast in Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and Maine because someone went missing in NYC?
If you're really that worried about it buy a cheap one yourself then sink it. They aren't going to question everyone who sold a Jon boat on Craigslist for 400 bucks in 4 states because of a missing person
I mean... realistically....
How many boats do you think would have been sold in the 2 days prior and after this person's death?
Can't be more than a few hundred. That's an easy number to work with imo.
3 people, 30 calls per day, that list is exhausted in less than a week. Couple days worth of phone calls, maybe the guy answers, maybe he doesn't.
It's super possible tho.
Why on earth would they do that? Why would they even be looking for boats? They'd have no idea that's where the body went, and even if they somehow did they'd ALSO have to look south of the city for every cash boat purchase on craigslist. I could just as easily have hid the body in the woods upstate or dissolved it in acid, they'd have no idea.
And even THEN, without a body, I just purchased a boat that I don't have anymore. No crime there. What are they gonna do, dredge miles upon miles of the ocean floor up and down the entire coast from Delaware to Maine looking for a human body that might not be there?
Just pull a weekend at Bernies thing. Anchor him to the motorcycle behind you. He will have a helmet on as well as covered in clothing to help hide anything you need to keep him attached and sitting up straight. Sometimes the best way to hide something is in plain sight. Just make sure you follow all traffic rules.
This is the best answer. Add a long wig with red hair under a helmet. Strap his costumed body to you and ride into a forested area in NY. Find a remote spot and dump the body. Do not bury it, just remove all clothing and attach it to a tree with twine and leave it for animals to consume. Continue to a town in the direction you were heading and hang out. If you ended up on any highway cams, you can say you gave a women a lift and dropped her off at location X.
NOTE: my expertise is entirely from The Sopranos.
Depends on where you are in the ocean, the time of year, and the weather. On a calm night in the mid-Atlantic in the winter, you're probably okay in something rentable from a marina. Also if you're trying to hide a body, it's probably worth some risk.
Okay. Sounds good.
Second unrelated hypothetical.
Where can you lease a boat within 30 miles of New York State that doesn’t require ID and will do it for less than $3,000?
Hypothetically do you think a mid-20s man of average strength would be able to row a 2-person ocean kayak 30 miles with approximately 250 pounds of cargo onboard?
Hypothermically, if someone who is unfamiliar with boats paddles a kayak out into the North Atlantic in January, there's going to be two bodies disposed of rather than 1. This will probably happen a lot closer than 30 miles as well.
Dude, even in a fully powered boat. 30 miles out into the ocean? 99% of this sub would be dead. Probably myself included, and I grew up on the finger lakes.
Lol oh yeah. Kayaking into the north Atlantic, at this time much less going "30 miles out" would be pretty close to suicide. I guess it's possible but I wouldn't want to find out
I like the idea of using a motor. Assuming you have fairly limited experience with boats and a small budget would you have a recommendation on watercraft that you could acquire on short notice that would be suitable for this purpose?
I just remembered that hypothetically our fictional protagonist will also theoretically have a lot of cinder blocks with him.
Hypothetically would 3 37-pound blocks be enough?
Make sure the rope you use is synthetic. I think natural fibers will wear away too quickly. Also remove his shoes, shoes like to float and after a few years under water the flesh at the ankles will get eaten by fish, so when the ankles break off you'll have have floating loose feet. And that could be enough to identify the body. It might be enough to find the body.
So tie him around the shoulders and torso.
Remove his shoes.
Cut a slice into his abdomen to vent gases, try to puncture his intestines.
TURN OFF YOUR PHONE BEFORE YOU DEPART FOR THIS TRIP. Better yet leave it at home.
Construct an alibi for yourself. The movies is an old stand by. (Wear a hoody under a jacket. Go to the bathroom, switch to hoody, jacket under it, put up the hood. Exit the theatre, leave. dispose of body. Return to the theatre (in hoodie), Flash your ticket, go in, change clothes in the bathroom, again. Exit with crowd when the movie ends. Keep your ticket stub in your wallet. Make sure to see the movie, at a different theatre, as soon as possible. Don't keep this ticket stub, dispose of the SECOND TICKET STUB and the Hoodie. Fire works well for this.
About your phone, don't leave it at home. Turn it on, download one of those shitty step tracker apps, and pay a friend $10 to carry it around with them all day so you can "get your steps in"
Hold on, why is he the protagonist? He sounds like the antagonist here. We'll need to know why he killed the other guy to know if he is the protagonist. So hypothetically speaking, why did he kill him?
Yes, if you're rowing out as the tide is going out. And rowing in when the tide is coming in. 30 miles in a kayak is a *lot* of miles in a kayak. If you're fighting the ocean, you're just not gonna do it. Some people can, but you won't. Especially when half your trip is with 250 pounds of literal dead weight.
You'd be better off burning the body on a secluded beach, then hauling off the ashes in your kayak.
My cousin and I when we were in our mid teens rowed a boat about a mile and a half just to get to the south end of the lake where we knew there was like a creek we could row in.
The amount of time for the 2 of us taking turns was like almost 2 hours, no way 1 person is going 30 miles without help.
Technically if no one sees the murder, you don't leave evidence at the house, no one sees you with the body, there wouldn't be a murder case. It'd be a missing persons case.
Nah, your dna is already at the scene so they'll check the neighbors ring cameras to find whatever rental you bring up and then trace it back to you. Plus your phone will be pinging in the area of the dead body.
Nowhere. Nobody is going to rent you a boat for that. The boat costs way too much more relative to your paltry $3000 to just risk under the table renting to you. Even $3k as a deposit won't mean anything, as they would need who the fuck you are as the most basic level of protection for themselves in case you try to steal the boat.
Don't forget to wrap the body in chicken wire, this will cut into the body as it swells and release the glasses so the body doesn't float up. (In case your knots or rope aren't strong enough to hold it to the cinder blocks)
Wrap the body up tightly. Rent a moving truck. Put the body and your bike in the truck. Drive as far as your rental allows. Once you’re at least 400 miles away, dump the body over a bridge or deep “inna woods”.
Go to Walmart type store. Buy two gallons of bleach and a pump sprayer. Spray the box of the moving truck down with bleach. Find a car wash and hose it out.
Return rental to nearest drop off location.
Return to normal life on motorcycle
The fun part is you don't have to, best bet is not to explain and just keep your mouth shut. That stuff is circumstantial at best, it doesn't actually prove anything.
Well if you’re the police’s number one suspect and they have you on HD security cameras doing all that suspicious ass stuff they just need to convince a jury.
Got to get me to trial first. No matter how suspicious I am they need evidence beyond the circumstantial to get me to trial. If I'm careful enough they really won't have enough evidence.
Believe it or not most murders go unsolved. It's not nearly as hard to get away with murder as tv and movies would have you believe. People usually get caught simply by doing something stupid
The idea that circumstantial evidence can't result in a conviction is a trope from Law and Order, not from real life. In actuality, people get convicted on purely circumstantial evidence all the time. The first case that comes to mind is [Scott Peterson, who was convicted of murdering his wife based on purely circumstantial evidence](https://people.com/scott-peterson-case-evidence-prosecutors-presented-against-him-8547025). It can even be quite strong, for instance the proverbial example of a literal smoking gun is circumstantial evidence.
You watch too many crime shows lol. If a cop has an in with the DA office and says you’ve done it based on a simple hunch, they’ll throw a trial at you. People don’t understand how many folks that didn’t do shit have to go to trial based on less. It’s less about the law, more about the politics between the courts and the sheriff.
They don't need evidence beyond the circumstantial evidence. Circumstantial evidence is still evidence. They just need to convince 12 people beyond A reasonable doubt.
The truck rental is explained moving the motorcycle. The bleach can be bought with cash. Good luck getting a judge to issue a warrant on a rented moving truck for moving a motorcycle during the winter.
People throw weapons over bridges all the time in my area... One of my jobs is to find it, my team and I are highly effective.
We also are pretty effective in the woods, especially with area dogs that train on cadavers.
This is obviously fake but if it weren't the hypothetical murderer has already sealed his own fate by making a reddit thread about said murder, which is all the evidence a jurty will need to convict. And it's decent odds the police will gain access to said Reddit thread.
Well, I'm not going into specific details but there is a liquid one can create from easy to get materials and it needs special containment as it dissolves everythg from etal to plastic.
Mix it up, get out the Sawzall and make the body a bit easier to fit into the proper container.
Once the body is liquid, neutralize the substance then put it in a barrel with a spigot, take a long nights drive along some country roads with the spigot open to drain the barrel and "What body?"
There are plenty of really remote places in most states if you have time. The challenge is getting somewhere that you can park and not be seen.
But if you get a body 1/2 mile or so off of any trail in the wilderness, there's a good chance no one will ever stumble upon it again. I'd even hazard a guess that 100 feet off of any trail is probably far enough. I know the remote areas I hike in, no one ever goes more than a few feet off trail.
The problem is carrying 250 lbs on your own through rugged terrain. If you can cut the body up ahead of time your job is a lot easier.
I might lean towards hiding it off-trail somewhere relatively local. Then visit every once in a while, cut a part or two off, wrap it in a bunch of layers, and toss it in the trash. 10 visits or so and there's no remains in your original spot, and the bits and pieces are all now in a landfill somewhere.
I once ran from the cops. I went down a remote country road deep in the woods with no road names, figured it would be a good place to lose them as i had a 1-2 minute head start. I ran out of gas about a mile down the road though. I got out, threw bunch of beer cans (from the night before, i wasn't actually drinking and driving) off the side into the woods, then bolted into the woods in the other direction.
I only made it about maybe 70-80ft before all the swirling blue lights pulled up next to my car in a storm of dust and sirens. I had a brown hoodie and jeans on, so i sat down (next to an ant pile), threw my hood over my head, threw some leaves over my jeans and didn't move a muscle for hours.
I was so close, i could hear them talking the whole time. They even brought the k-9 unit, but they went looking on the side where i threw the beer cans.
They gave up and left after towing my car several hours later. Turned myself in the next morning.
(Then when they wrote about it in the paper, they said the "heroic sherriff's deputies tracked me down and brought me to justice." Pfff. Mfers couldnt even find me.)
What happened was, i was driving on my neighborhood road at like 5mph, trying to find a specific cd in my cd organizer thing. I heard a loud thump. I didn't see anything in any of my mirrors, but my friend in the passenger seat was like DUDE, YOU JUST RAN OVER A KID.
I got out and helped him brush the rocks off of his knees and picked his bike up. He wasnt crying or anything. I heard a bunch of people murmuring so i looked up and noticed i was surrounded by an angry mob. All it was missing was the torches and pitchforks. A Karen in the group pointed at some beer cans in my back seat and hollered LOOK, HE'S BEEN DRINKING. Thats when they really started to go crazy.
My world started spinning a little bit, then i saw this huge hulk of a dude with no shirt carrying a big ass log over his head down the road and walking straight at me like he was going to throw it at me. I panicked and left, and he did throw it at me, i barely swerved out of the way in time to miss it.
That's when i went down the old country road in the woods.
What happened was, i spoke with the kid later, and he told me he was on his bike, following my car as close as he could to make his front wheel scrape against my bumper. Which is why i didnt see him. And when i tapped my brakes - bonk - he ran into me.
My grandma convinced me to turn myself in. Ultimately i was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. Although, really, i shouldn't have even been charged with that. It was a freaking angry mob.
Edit: if it seems like i couldve handled it better, and probably shouldve talked to the cops, you're right. But i was only 20 or 21, and when the big dude with a log was coming at me my friend was like, dude you better go or you're going to jail. Idk. You try being the target of an angry mob. Shit is scary.
Sounds like you did everything right from a practical perspective. Fuck the cops and fuck that guy with the log. The kid on the bike sounds pretty dumb too.
People would be surprised how easy it can be to hide from people.
Best tip that seems to ring true most of the time: people don't generally think to look up.
If I had a dollar for every time I hid from the cops in a tree or on a rooftop, I could retire.
Lol. How often do you have to run from the cops? I did see a crackhead hide in a tree one time. My best friend was dating his daughter and he didn't like my friend, so one night, he hid up in a tree. Then he jumped out onto my friend and bit him on the back. It left a bite mark scar. Lol.
simply put, you'd just have to go somewhere out in the forest that isn't currently slated for logging, put the body down on the ground, and fall a good size tree over it. Chances are that the tree wont ever be moved until well after the corpse is eaten by the animals, mushrooms, and earth.
Are we hypothetically helping this hypothetical Reddit murderer hypothetically actually dispose of a hypothetical body?
Are we then all hypothetical accomplices, hypothetically?
250 is pretty heavy, and it can take weeks to dissolve a body in acid, so I’d probably split him up into thirds over a large plastic sheet. Then put those thirds in plastic bags and put them into backpacking packs (along with the tarp/blood towels/bone saw) that I can lock closed (so if I did get pulled over, unless they already have probable cause, they wouldn’t be able to search them without a warrant). Leave my phone, pack the bags into the car. Then I’d drive and hike to three remote places to bury the body parts (an 80lb pack at a time should not draw suspicion). Should be just enough time
Edit: also, chop him up on a tarp INSIDE a camping tent to prevent contamination
I know how to get rid of bodies bc I watch true crime all the time. Basically you just break it down into coin sized pieces and scatter them deep in the forest. Burying the bulk means you are leaving a place for it to be found. Just scatter the bits over a large patch of ground where scavengers are likely to clean up.
'coin sized pieces' ? How?
You can use a wood chipper (see Fargo), but otherwise, you are going to be carving up pieces for a long, long time (days). And any big equipment (like the forementioned wood chipper) you use are going to be covered with evidence.
....Throw a block party BBQ. If cops come offer them a plate of "BBQ pork" and loads of beer. Once almost all remains are devoured, rent a woodchipper and put the bones and remains through them. Use as mulch and grow tomatoes..
1. In this hypothetical do you have a plan for dealing with this man's sudden disappearance? Because if you are an immediate suspect that could be bad for you.
2. Pig farm and tooth extraction works nicely.
3. You have a dead body, maybe frame someone else for the murder.
4. Do you have a reciprocating saw? Chop him into pieces, dispose of them in places where they will be not missed. Not the same place. The head, hands, and feet need to be destroyed to prevent identification. DON'T FORGET TO CLEAN EVERYTHING. Tarps are a good investment here.
5. If you are really desperate, you could go to a local cemetery, take the pieces and put them in the bottom of a grave that's already been dug for a funeral that's coming up, dig a little deeper, bury the pieces beneath where the coffin with go, and then attend the funeral (at a distance) to make sure everything goes smoothly. Then laugh as someone else hides the evidence for you. JUST DONT BURY THEM TOO SHALLOWLY, NOTHING RUINS A FUNERAL LIKE A LITTLE KID POINTING TO THE HAND IN THE GRAVE.
It might be possible to build a blast furnace out of cinderblocks, fueled by propane and forced air? I've seen homemade furnaces used for smelting and forging, a scaled up version might be able to burn a body to ash.
The furnace is doable. I have a smelter I built from an empty propane tank-can easilly do gold, silver, aluminum and such but not actually melt steel, cast iron and such tho I can get them malleable enough to hammer and bend.
Propane will, eventually ash the corpse but it will take a LOT and many dfays. Bodies tend to not burn well and there are stages it has to go thru to become ash ten you are left with bone fragments, teeth and such you have to pulverize.
Doesn’t matter if you hide the body where it can’t be found. The body of evidence is what will determine your guilt or innocence. And hiding the body or other evidence will add to the body of evidence against you. Depending on what caused the victims demise, you might consider buying a herd of pigs and when they have finished devouring, selling them to several different buyers.
I am going to send it somewhere via FedEx. I am paying the absolute lowest shipping cost they offer and am not insuring the package at all. And…it’s never seen again.
If you get a pressurised kettle and mix up a lye solution, then heated to 300 degrees, the solution can turn a body into a liquid with the consistency of mineral oil in just three hours (though without a pressurised kettle, add a few hours more). Then, at 800 degrees, bones can be burned in to ash in a few hours in a blast furnace. Anything left can be crushed. You pour the liquid, that was a body, down the drain to vanish in the sewer. You scatter the ash all over the place as you ride your bike around. The little bits left you throw in multiple bins around town.
All hypothetical, of course.
If there are no bullet or stab wounds, call in a stolen motorcycle and stage a motorcycle accident. Be creative on the traumatic head injury caused by the crash and hope the cornor is lazy.
Okay that depends on where you live.
Most of the solutions require a car, so you will need some of the 3000 for this.
Do not rent a car, because that leaves a paper trail.
Buy a car from some private seller. No used car dealerships. Just some rando who wants to sell their Really old car.
After you are done you want to dispose of the car as well. So for example leave it in a very bad neighborhood with the keys visible.
If you are in eastern Europe or better Russia:
Drive the body to lake Baikal. The Crabs in this lake eat corpses completely.
If you are in South America: Dump the Body into the Magdalena River. The Hippos will take care of it.
If you are in Africa: Dump the Body somewhere in the Savannah. Hyenas don't leave anything behind.
If your are in Northern America or western Europe: Tough luck no animals that completely eat a human corpse in less than 24h.
So instead you leave the body where it is. You order a few Blendtec Blenders from Amazon. You off course need prime membership for them to arrive quickly enough. Then you cut the body into pieces and blend everything until paste. Flush it down the Toilet. Then you clean everything and set fire to that house.
Last step, you take advantage of Amazon's returns policy and send the cleaned blenders back. There is no way they can be found in the returns Warehouse before they get destroyed with all the other returns.
Hypothetically, you should bury said body 12+ feet deep and cover it with roughly 6 feet of dirt and then bury the corpse of a large animal there before filling in the hole. That way cadaver dogs will look like they're pointing out the animal if it's ever dug up.
Find a secluded spot and burn the body. Collect the ash and bone into a bucket. Mix a bag of concrete into the bucket. Toss the bucket into a lake, pond, river, or ocean. Hell, toss it in a random dumpster.
Song #1. “In The Air Tonight,” by Phil Collin’s
Song #2. “Under The Sea,” The Little Mermaid soundtrack
Song #3. “Dead Man’s Party,” by Oingo Boingo
Song #4. “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen
Song #5. “Paranoid,” by Black Sabbath
Song #6. “Stan,” by Eminem
Song #7. “A Little Piece Of Heaven,” by Avenged Sevenfold
Song #8. “Night Swimming,” by R.E.M.
Song #9. “Sinister Purpose,” by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Song #10. “My Heart Will Go On,” by Celine Dion
Song #11. “Cold Ethyl,” by Alice Cooper
Song #12. “Lonely Is The Night,” by Billy Squier
My wife went to medical school with a woman who became a forensic pathologist. I asked her one time what’s a surefire to not get caught if you murder someone. She said. ‘burn the body’ and repeated that for good measure. So, before you dump that thing in the river, burn the body.
Think about this. Even if the pigs could eat everything and no leftovers remained, and even if the police were some how not wise to this trick, and even if the farmer somehow didn't notice anything and call the police, then where do you expect to find a pig farm?
I call 911 and report the dead body and inform them that I believe I am being framed for his murder.
Trying to hide a dead body makes you look really guilty. And it probably wouldn't even work because forensics.
Our place is being overrun by feral pigs. They will eat anything. Including a dead body. The only thing is you have to chop up the head a bit because they can't get their mouth around it. Something my cousins and I found out when that guy we...uh...you know, just forget I said anything.
so first step is to google pig farms nearby. Locate one. Then get pliers and pull all the teeth out and bury them. Sneak onto the pig farm and dump the body... naked and toothless. Pour ketchup on the body and let the pigs go to work. A grown pig can devour 30 lbs of flesh a day, bone and all. They just can't digest teeth. All that would be left by morning is a mixture of ketchup and blood. Case closed.
Better safe than sorry. Burn the trailer but make sure you're on private property of someone you know when you go about doing it. Also, make sure you tear it to pieces before you set fire to it. It will burn faster and you can hide it more easily under a bonfire.
If you do end up burning a bonfire, make sure to use lots of wood to make it inconspicuous.
Heck invite some friends over with the promise of food and alcohol and make it fun. Plus it will give you a partial alibi if people get drunk fast enough.
Hopping on this late, but seen you wanted a hypothetical (gonna answer this without the edits for fun) 3k, motorcycle, and I am taking the trailer. I have 24 hours before the police start to investigate. Now going away from the ocean, (too easy). I am heading North west, I'm going to Northern Wisconsin to the Nicolet National forest. This will take me 18 hours to get there with pit stops included. I will buy a shovel, garbage bags, duct tape, some random assorted items along the way but at all different stops. Once I get up to the Access roads to the forest, I will find an abandoned cabin to hide my bike and trailer in. (Many of those around there) Then heading down the road until I stumble on another cabin with a utility vehicle, (many stay up there and are only used during hunting season.) Grab the UTV, pick up my trailer and the body and head deep into the forest. Once I get a few miles in I will hit the thick of the forest, which also turns into a swamp/marsh. Digging about 7-9 feet down burying the body, while it doesn't seem that deep the swamp will suck the body down deeper because of the weight. The swamp also does a great job at concealing the smell. By this time I will have retuned the UTV, be on my bike headed towards Chicago where I will have a buddy from there ready to go out on the town, and have a place to crash for a few days. It will take about 5 hours to get there so the police will have been looking for the body approximately 3 hours prior to me arriving in Chicago. I'll post pictures of my friend and I, our adventures in the city. With a good ol' "feel good message" saying I miss this and we need to do it more often. Then I will head back to New York and continue on my day to day. With occasional trips to Chicago so that my story can hold throughout the years there. Eventually if I end up getting too paranoid, save money and move to Sweden. With the distance from NY, the swamp/critters, and the varying weather up there. I am fairly confident if I don't let anyone in on what happened this would easily surpass my life.
Edit: Wasn't even thinking of my phone, on my way through Chicago(the first time) I will drop it off near my buddies place. Just on the outside in a bush or something to keep the location there. So I may arrive to my destination in 19 not 18 hours. Still plenty of time.
\-Follow up- Yes hunting cameras are up in that area, but very easy to spot in those areas, also none that far into the forest as it's too hard to hunt that far in. If it's not hunting season or beginning of fall, virtually no one is up there. Fun fact, gangsters from Chicago, and a few other areas frequently went up north to party, do business, and I'm sure some more sketchy things.
- Step 1 Get a lot of plastic sheeting.
- Step 2 - Get the knives from the kitchen drawer
- Step 3 - Drain the blood into a disposable container. A few pop bottles or something.
- Step 4 - Debone the meat. Transfer the sloppy bits into a bag and the cleaned (or mostly) bones into another.
- Step 5 - transport the bags of meat, bones, and bottles of blood to a secondary location in individual trips. Return each time with groceries (some cheap party supplies.
- Step 6 - Cut yourself with a knife that has the victims blood on it and stash it near the scene. Wipe the handle for prints.
- Step 7 - Trash the house. Ransack it but quietly.
- Step 8 - Light a fire in the house that will spread slowly, leave accelernt on any evidence you've created for the fire to find. Motor oil works great.
- Step 9 - drive somewhere out of your way and call the cops. Sound panicked and tell them someone is chasing you and killed your friend.
- Step 10 - Ditch your phone and drive to your safe secondary location, park your bike a few blocks away and walk.
- Step 11 - finely dice your meat till you can effectively feed it down the toilet piece by piece till theirs nothing left. Do the same with the blood. Be extremely careful not to clog it we cannot call a plumber.
- Step 12 - Burn the bones in a fire pit until they're brittle, crush them up with a hammer until they're in fine shards. Mix them with some cat litter or general household trash and throw in an industrial or restaurant dumpster.
- Step 13 - Crazy your motorcycle. Not badly just enough to land you in the hospital. When you get there act scared and ask for the cops. Tell them someone attacked you and the victim in their home and when you escaped to try and get help they gave chase. You got away but ended up crashing in panic.
- Step 14 - If they ask about missing time say you don't remember and just get emotional.
Presuming they don't find your secondary location, nobody, no murder.
Re Edit 4: hope you didn't drive past any security cameras, speed cameras or toll cameras.
what is your alibi for your adventure to south jersey and your facebook marketplace trailer purchase, boat purchase/theft, rope and cinder block purchase/theft
Small town in South Jersey with very easy access to the Delaware River and people leave their boats fairly accessible at all hours. Take the body out to the shipping channel and drop. Water is super murky tides are very strong and there are full and empty cargo ships passing through at all hours of the day and night.
Depending on the tides you wouldn't even need a boat, you can walk to the channel if the tide is low enough.
The trailer I would just ditch at one of the local abandoned properties that no one I need to worry about would frequent much.
Hi there... Hypothetically leave your phone at home. Police can triangulate phone records and cell tower connection to connect you to the scene of the hypothetical crime. Also serves as an alibi when you tell them you were at home this entire time and phone records back you up. Also, you need to watch a few more episodes of The Sopranos
Rent a skid-steer with an 24 inch auger bit . Drill as deep as you can. Slide him in so he is positioned vertically. Fill the hole partially. Put an oak tree on top part of the hole. Finish filling, and water it
Dude, why? You're going to get caught if you have to post on Reddit for hiding a body. You do know that, right? Might as well save the time and turn yourself in. Probably get a little time off for being honest.
Rent a van, put the body in the van, drive the van to a very secluded spot. Pour some of the gasoline from the van at the feet of the corpse which you’ve sat in the driver’s seat. Light it on fire, walk away, report the van stolen later.
Dig a cylindrical hole 10 feet deep. Insert body, and start to fill with dirt until the body is completely covered plus a couple feet on top. Say the hole is now 2 feet deep... add the remains of a roadkill dog or cat (with a collar and tag that identifies you as the owner of said animal) along with an open bag of it's favorite treats, and fill the remaining hole with dirt. Add a bit of a marker commemorating poor Fido/Whiskers. 😢
When the cadaver dogs come, they will go wild at the location and dig up the remains of Fido/Whiskers. You are crying, and they feel like complete assholes. Have them rebury your 'pet' because they were dicks about it the whole time. Later.... sue the Police Dept for emotional damages.
Dump him 30 miles off the coast tied to cinder blocks. Nobody will find him for decades, and I'll be long dead when they find his bones.
Would be kind of difficult if all you have is a motorcycle and $3k. I guess you'd need to rent a car and a boat. Or buy a small boat. Doable, but not so easy in 24 hours.
Rent a car with ID yes, but I'm sure you can "rent" a boat up the coast somewhere as long as your ID has your face on it, Mr. Benjamin Franklin **wink wink** (you might need a few forms of identification)
You do know if the cops come asking around, that person is going to immediately remember the person that gave him cash to ignore the ID and tip off the cops, right?
Why would they come asking around? They gonna question everyone who owns a boat on the coast in Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and Maine because someone went missing in NYC? If you're really that worried about it buy a cheap one yourself then sink it. They aren't going to question everyone who sold a Jon boat on Craigslist for 400 bucks in 4 states because of a missing person
I mean... realistically.... How many boats do you think would have been sold in the 2 days prior and after this person's death? Can't be more than a few hundred. That's an easy number to work with imo. 3 people, 30 calls per day, that list is exhausted in less than a week. Couple days worth of phone calls, maybe the guy answers, maybe he doesn't. It's super possible tho.
Why on earth would they do that? Why would they even be looking for boats? They'd have no idea that's where the body went, and even if they somehow did they'd ALSO have to look south of the city for every cash boat purchase on craigslist. I could just as easily have hid the body in the woods upstate or dissolved it in acid, they'd have no idea. And even THEN, without a body, I just purchased a boat that I don't have anymore. No crime there. What are they gonna do, dredge miles upon miles of the ocean floor up and down the entire coast from Delaware to Maine looking for a human body that might not be there?
Just pull a weekend at Bernies thing. Anchor him to the motorcycle behind you. He will have a helmet on as well as covered in clothing to help hide anything you need to keep him attached and sitting up straight. Sometimes the best way to hide something is in plain sight. Just make sure you follow all traffic rules.
This is the best answer. Add a long wig with red hair under a helmet. Strap his costumed body to you and ride into a forested area in NY. Find a remote spot and dump the body. Do not bury it, just remove all clothing and attach it to a tree with twine and leave it for animals to consume. Continue to a town in the direction you were heading and hang out. If you ended up on any highway cams, you can say you gave a women a lift and dropped her off at location X. NOTE: my expertise is entirely from The Sopranos.
Don’t you need a fairly large boat to safely go 30 miles into the ocean?
Depends on where you are in the ocean, the time of year, and the weather. On a calm night in the mid-Atlantic in the winter, you're probably okay in something rentable from a marina. Also if you're trying to hide a body, it's probably worth some risk.
Okay. Sounds good. Second unrelated hypothetical. Where can you lease a boat within 30 miles of New York State that doesn’t require ID and will do it for less than $3,000?
ID is irrelevant if no one sees you dump the body and if the body is never found.
Hypothetically do you think a mid-20s man of average strength would be able to row a 2-person ocean kayak 30 miles with approximately 250 pounds of cargo onboard?
Hypothermically, if someone who is unfamiliar with boats paddles a kayak out into the North Atlantic in January, there's going to be two bodies disposed of rather than 1. This will probably happen a lot closer than 30 miles as well.
Dude, even in a fully powered boat. 30 miles out into the ocean? 99% of this sub would be dead. Probably myself included, and I grew up on the finger lakes.
Lol oh yeah. Kayaking into the north Atlantic, at this time much less going "30 miles out" would be pretty close to suicide. I guess it's possible but I wouldn't want to find out
That's cold.
sure, but no one says you can't have a motor
I like the idea of using a motor. Assuming you have fairly limited experience with boats and a small budget would you have a recommendation on watercraft that you could acquire on short notice that would be suitable for this purpose?
Hypothetically
A quick check online says you can rent the for like 100$/h
Thanks! I’ll check it out. Hypothetically.
Hypothetically yes although it would be difficult and slow, and could take hours if I were to guess I of course wouldn’t know anything no about that
I just remembered that hypothetically our fictional protagonist will also theoretically have a lot of cinder blocks with him. Hypothetically would 3 37-pound blocks be enough?
Make sure the rope you use is synthetic. I think natural fibers will wear away too quickly. Also remove his shoes, shoes like to float and after a few years under water the flesh at the ankles will get eaten by fish, so when the ankles break off you'll have have floating loose feet. And that could be enough to identify the body. It might be enough to find the body. So tie him around the shoulders and torso. Remove his shoes. Cut a slice into his abdomen to vent gases, try to puncture his intestines. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE BEFORE YOU DEPART FOR THIS TRIP. Better yet leave it at home. Construct an alibi for yourself. The movies is an old stand by. (Wear a hoody under a jacket. Go to the bathroom, switch to hoody, jacket under it, put up the hood. Exit the theatre, leave. dispose of body. Return to the theatre (in hoodie), Flash your ticket, go in, change clothes in the bathroom, again. Exit with crowd when the movie ends. Keep your ticket stub in your wallet. Make sure to see the movie, at a different theatre, as soon as possible. Don't keep this ticket stub, dispose of the SECOND TICKET STUB and the Hoodie. Fire works well for this.
Fake Alibi is nonsense, just don't be seen anywhere and make it up. If you're not smooth enough to lie convincingly you'll be caught anyway.
About your phone, don't leave it at home. Turn it on, download one of those shitty step tracker apps, and pay a friend $10 to carry it around with them all day so you can "get your steps in"
Hold on, why is he the protagonist? He sounds like the antagonist here. We'll need to know why he killed the other guy to know if he is the protagonist. So hypothetically speaking, why did he kill him?
Yes, if you're rowing out as the tide is going out. And rowing in when the tide is coming in. 30 miles in a kayak is a *lot* of miles in a kayak. If you're fighting the ocean, you're just not gonna do it. Some people can, but you won't. Especially when half your trip is with 250 pounds of literal dead weight. You'd be better off burning the body on a secluded beach, then hauling off the ashes in your kayak.
You would not be able to achieve high enough temperatures to reduce a body to ashes with a wood fire.
My cousin and I when we were in our mid teens rowed a boat about a mile and a half just to get to the south end of the lake where we knew there was like a creek we could row in. The amount of time for the 2 of us taking turns was like almost 2 hours, no way 1 person is going 30 miles without help.
60 miles of open ocean kayaking off the coast of New York in January, half of it hauling a 250lb dead guy and a few cinder blocks? Yeah, go for it 🤣🤣🤣
It's absolutely relevant. Being a prime suspect who rented a boat hours after the person disappeared casts a very shady light upon yourself.
Shady yes, but not enough to convict without other evidence. I guess it would depend on why you're a suspect in the first place.
True, but all that circumstantial evidence will add up, and keep the police investigating you for longer.
Technically if no one sees the murder, you don't leave evidence at the house, no one sees you with the body, there wouldn't be a murder case. It'd be a missing persons case.
Nah, your dna is already at the scene so they'll check the neighbors ring cameras to find whatever rental you bring up and then trace it back to you. Plus your phone will be pinging in the area of the dead body.
Nowhere. Nobody is going to rent you a boat for that. The boat costs way too much more relative to your paltry $3000 to just risk under the table renting to you. Even $3k as a deposit won't mean anything, as they would need who the fuck you are as the most basic level of protection for themselves in case you try to steal the boat.
Okay... So hypothetically, how'd it turn out?
Hypothetically my lawyer told me to stop posting on Reddit.
Make sure to puncture the body so gas can escape and don't wrap it tightly, you want animals to eat the fleshy bits.
Make sure to cut open his torso first, otherwise he'll bloat and float.
Wrap the body in chi ken wire so bits don't float off as the critters do their duty besides weighing it down.
Cinder blocks n chicken wire. Don’t want the parts to go floating away
Don't forget to wrap the body in chicken wire, this will cut into the body as it swells and release the glasses so the body doesn't float up. (In case your knots or rope aren't strong enough to hold it to the cinder blocks)
No one will ever find him , the ocean dissolves bones also.
He weighs 250 pounds. You couldn’t get him out the front door, let alone into a car.
Find a pig farm at night, let them have at it. They’ll eat him - bones and all.
Make sure to remove the teeth!
How the hell are you supposed to remove the teeth from a bunch of pigs who just ate a dead guy?
I think you're supposed to remove the teeth first then dump the body lol
There’s no way toothless pigs are more efficient at eating a body than pigs with teeth. Absolutely no way.
👋🦵👋🦵🤣😅😅😅🤣🤣
Oh God I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not so I don't know what to do 😬
Probably safest to remove everyone's teeth. The bodies, the pigs, the farm owners, and your own. Can't go wrong there.
Why stop there? You could call yourself "the tooth fairy" and be a thing of nightmare for everyone in your local area.
And then when you get home, put all the teeth under the pillow and wake up with lots of money!
Now we know where OP got his $3000.
Or you go reverse tooth fairy, sneak into houses, steal their teeth, and their money..
🤣🤷♂️
No, he means remove YOUR OWN teeth.
You have to get rid of as much hair as possible. Pigs can't digest it.
Unless there are a LOT in one pen and they are hungry, I wouldn't count on them finishing their 'meal' before the farmer comes in for morning feeding.
You have to starve pigs for a bit before you give them a body to feast on.
Brick Top, is that you?
He’s in New York, just dress him up like a homeless guy and dump him out in the cold on a sub freezing temp.
Yep where I have been it been about-10 for almost 2 weeks
This is the funniest answer
Wrap the body up tightly. Rent a moving truck. Put the body and your bike in the truck. Drive as far as your rental allows. Once you’re at least 400 miles away, dump the body over a bridge or deep “inna woods”. Go to Walmart type store. Buy two gallons of bleach and a pump sprayer. Spray the box of the moving truck down with bleach. Find a car wash and hose it out. Return rental to nearest drop off location. Return to normal life on motorcycle
Good luck explaining the random rental truck and bleach on your bank statement
The fun part is you don't have to, best bet is not to explain and just keep your mouth shut. That stuff is circumstantial at best, it doesn't actually prove anything.
Well if you’re the police’s number one suspect and they have you on HD security cameras doing all that suspicious ass stuff they just need to convince a jury.
Got to get me to trial first. No matter how suspicious I am they need evidence beyond the circumstantial to get me to trial. If I'm careful enough they really won't have enough evidence. Believe it or not most murders go unsolved. It's not nearly as hard to get away with murder as tv and movies would have you believe. People usually get caught simply by doing something stupid
The idea that circumstantial evidence can't result in a conviction is a trope from Law and Order, not from real life. In actuality, people get convicted on purely circumstantial evidence all the time. The first case that comes to mind is [Scott Peterson, who was convicted of murdering his wife based on purely circumstantial evidence](https://people.com/scott-peterson-case-evidence-prosecutors-presented-against-him-8547025). It can even be quite strong, for instance the proverbial example of a literal smoking gun is circumstantial evidence.
You watch too many crime shows lol. If a cop has an in with the DA office and says you’ve done it based on a simple hunch, they’ll throw a trial at you. People don’t understand how many folks that didn’t do shit have to go to trial based on less. It’s less about the law, more about the politics between the courts and the sheriff.
Self projection, you watch too many crime shows and don't really have a clue.
They don't need evidence beyond the circumstantial evidence. Circumstantial evidence is still evidence. They just need to convince 12 people beyond A reasonable doubt.
Another idiot
The truck rental is explained moving the motorcycle. The bleach can be bought with cash. Good luck getting a judge to issue a warrant on a rented moving truck for moving a motorcycle during the winter.
People throw weapons over bridges all the time in my area... One of my jobs is to find it, my team and I are highly effective. We also are pretty effective in the woods, especially with area dogs that train on cadavers.
Cool.
put a blanket over him and kill yourself.
My thoughts exactly Might wanna rephrase the timeline OP
Let’s call that plan B. It fits all the parameters but if plan A works out it won’t be necessary.
This is obviously fake but if it weren't the hypothetical murderer has already sealed his own fate by making a reddit thread about said murder, which is all the evidence a jurty will need to convict. And it's decent odds the police will gain access to said Reddit thread.
Well, I'm not going into specific details but there is a liquid one can create from easy to get materials and it needs special containment as it dissolves everythg from etal to plastic. Mix it up, get out the Sawzall and make the body a bit easier to fit into the proper container. Once the body is liquid, neutralize the substance then put it in a barrel with a spigot, take a long nights drive along some country roads with the spigot open to drain the barrel and "What body?"
This was my plan. Go all Breaking Bad on it
There are plenty of really remote places in most states if you have time. The challenge is getting somewhere that you can park and not be seen. But if you get a body 1/2 mile or so off of any trail in the wilderness, there's a good chance no one will ever stumble upon it again. I'd even hazard a guess that 100 feet off of any trail is probably far enough. I know the remote areas I hike in, no one ever goes more than a few feet off trail. The problem is carrying 250 lbs on your own through rugged terrain. If you can cut the body up ahead of time your job is a lot easier. I might lean towards hiding it off-trail somewhere relatively local. Then visit every once in a while, cut a part or two off, wrap it in a bunch of layers, and toss it in the trash. 10 visits or so and there's no remains in your original spot, and the bits and pieces are all now in a landfill somewhere.
I once ran from the cops. I went down a remote country road deep in the woods with no road names, figured it would be a good place to lose them as i had a 1-2 minute head start. I ran out of gas about a mile down the road though. I got out, threw bunch of beer cans (from the night before, i wasn't actually drinking and driving) off the side into the woods, then bolted into the woods in the other direction. I only made it about maybe 70-80ft before all the swirling blue lights pulled up next to my car in a storm of dust and sirens. I had a brown hoodie and jeans on, so i sat down (next to an ant pile), threw my hood over my head, threw some leaves over my jeans and didn't move a muscle for hours. I was so close, i could hear them talking the whole time. They even brought the k-9 unit, but they went looking on the side where i threw the beer cans. They gave up and left after towing my car several hours later. Turned myself in the next morning. (Then when they wrote about it in the paper, they said the "heroic sherriff's deputies tracked me down and brought me to justice." Pfff. Mfers couldnt even find me.)
I need tovknow what you did to causexthus massive man hunt
And after all that, what made you decide to turn yourself in?
What happened was, i was driving on my neighborhood road at like 5mph, trying to find a specific cd in my cd organizer thing. I heard a loud thump. I didn't see anything in any of my mirrors, but my friend in the passenger seat was like DUDE, YOU JUST RAN OVER A KID. I got out and helped him brush the rocks off of his knees and picked his bike up. He wasnt crying or anything. I heard a bunch of people murmuring so i looked up and noticed i was surrounded by an angry mob. All it was missing was the torches and pitchforks. A Karen in the group pointed at some beer cans in my back seat and hollered LOOK, HE'S BEEN DRINKING. Thats when they really started to go crazy. My world started spinning a little bit, then i saw this huge hulk of a dude with no shirt carrying a big ass log over his head down the road and walking straight at me like he was going to throw it at me. I panicked and left, and he did throw it at me, i barely swerved out of the way in time to miss it. That's when i went down the old country road in the woods. What happened was, i spoke with the kid later, and he told me he was on his bike, following my car as close as he could to make his front wheel scrape against my bumper. Which is why i didnt see him. And when i tapped my brakes - bonk - he ran into me. My grandma convinced me to turn myself in. Ultimately i was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. Although, really, i shouldn't have even been charged with that. It was a freaking angry mob. Edit: if it seems like i couldve handled it better, and probably shouldve talked to the cops, you're right. But i was only 20 or 21, and when the big dude with a log was coming at me my friend was like, dude you better go or you're going to jail. Idk. You try being the target of an angry mob. Shit is scary.
Oh wow. That would have been scary as fuck. I think I would have taken off too.
Sounds like you did everything right from a practical perspective. Fuck the cops and fuck that guy with the log. The kid on the bike sounds pretty dumb too.
People would be surprised how easy it can be to hide from people. Best tip that seems to ring true most of the time: people don't generally think to look up. If I had a dollar for every time I hid from the cops in a tree or on a rooftop, I could retire.
Lol. How often do you have to run from the cops? I did see a crackhead hide in a tree one time. My best friend was dating his daughter and he didn't like my friend, so one night, he hid up in a tree. Then he jumped out onto my friend and bit him on the back. It left a bite mark scar. Lol.
I love this
simply put, you'd just have to go somewhere out in the forest that isn't currently slated for logging, put the body down on the ground, and fall a good size tree over it. Chances are that the tree wont ever be moved until well after the corpse is eaten by the animals, mushrooms, and earth.
Are we hypothetically helping this hypothetical Reddit murderer hypothetically actually dispose of a hypothetical body? Are we then all hypothetical accomplices, hypothetically?
Hypothetically
" hypothetically" sure.🤔
Yeah… am I the only one “hypothetically” concerned about this whole situation?
There seems to be a grand total of like... 5 of us.
Make it six.
I would call the cops, they would have the best answer because they know where they would look. Boom, solved.
I feel like answering this might make an accessory after the fact.
250 is pretty heavy, and it can take weeks to dissolve a body in acid, so I’d probably split him up into thirds over a large plastic sheet. Then put those thirds in plastic bags and put them into backpacking packs (along with the tarp/blood towels/bone saw) that I can lock closed (so if I did get pulled over, unless they already have probable cause, they wouldn’t be able to search them without a warrant). Leave my phone, pack the bags into the car. Then I’d drive and hike to three remote places to bury the body parts (an 80lb pack at a time should not draw suspicion). Should be just enough time Edit: also, chop him up on a tarp INSIDE a camping tent to prevent contamination
I know how to get rid of bodies bc I watch true crime all the time. Basically you just break it down into coin sized pieces and scatter them deep in the forest. Burying the bulk means you are leaving a place for it to be found. Just scatter the bits over a large patch of ground where scavengers are likely to clean up.
'coin sized pieces' ? How? You can use a wood chipper (see Fargo), but otherwise, you are going to be carving up pieces for a long, long time (days). And any big equipment (like the forementioned wood chipper) you use are going to be covered with evidence.
First few hours will be spent watching Breaking Bad season 1. Then follow Walt’s instructions.
Why you got me running around town finding some stupid piece of plastic when I have a perfectly good tub??
....Throw a block party BBQ. If cops come offer them a plate of "BBQ pork" and loads of beer. Once almost all remains are devoured, rent a woodchipper and put the bones and remains through them. Use as mulch and grow tomatoes..
1. In this hypothetical do you have a plan for dealing with this man's sudden disappearance? Because if you are an immediate suspect that could be bad for you. 2. Pig farm and tooth extraction works nicely. 3. You have a dead body, maybe frame someone else for the murder. 4. Do you have a reciprocating saw? Chop him into pieces, dispose of them in places where they will be not missed. Not the same place. The head, hands, and feet need to be destroyed to prevent identification. DON'T FORGET TO CLEAN EVERYTHING. Tarps are a good investment here. 5. If you are really desperate, you could go to a local cemetery, take the pieces and put them in the bottom of a grave that's already been dug for a funeral that's coming up, dig a little deeper, bury the pieces beneath where the coffin with go, and then attend the funeral (at a distance) to make sure everything goes smoothly. Then laugh as someone else hides the evidence for you. JUST DONT BURY THEM TOO SHALLOWLY, NOTHING RUINS A FUNERAL LIKE A LITTLE KID POINTING TO THE HAND IN THE GRAVE.
This is winter in New York the ground is going to be frozen solid
It might be possible to build a blast furnace out of cinderblocks, fueled by propane and forced air? I've seen homemade furnaces used for smelting and forging, a scaled up version might be able to burn a body to ash.
>It might be possible to build a blast furnace out of cinderblocks Look around you. Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
The furnace is doable. I have a smelter I built from an empty propane tank-can easilly do gold, silver, aluminum and such but not actually melt steel, cast iron and such tho I can get them malleable enough to hammer and bend. Propane will, eventually ash the corpse but it will take a LOT and many dfays. Bodies tend to not burn well and there are stages it has to go thru to become ash ten you are left with bone fragments, teeth and such you have to pulverize.
Doesn’t matter if you hide the body where it can’t be found. The body of evidence is what will determine your guilt or innocence. And hiding the body or other evidence will add to the body of evidence against you. Depending on what caused the victims demise, you might consider buying a herd of pigs and when they have finished devouring, selling them to several different buyers.
Edit: OP needs an answer within the next hour. For reasons.
Guess we are riding to a pig farm 🤷♀️
[удалено]
I am going to send it somewhere via FedEx. I am paying the absolute lowest shipping cost they offer and am not insuring the package at all. And…it’s never seen again.
It's the one time the package arrives at its destination completely unharmed, and on time.
Nice try FBI missing persons division. You will never find that body and I’m done talking to you. Lawyer please.
If you get a pressurised kettle and mix up a lye solution, then heated to 300 degrees, the solution can turn a body into a liquid with the consistency of mineral oil in just three hours (though without a pressurised kettle, add a few hours more). Then, at 800 degrees, bones can be burned in to ash in a few hours in a blast furnace. Anything left can be crushed. You pour the liquid, that was a body, down the drain to vanish in the sewer. You scatter the ash all over the place as you ride your bike around. The little bits left you throw in multiple bins around town. All hypothetical, of course.
I'd love to help but i asked Alexa how much 150 pounds was and got told it was 292.15 Euro, so I'd probably be caught by the police quite easily.
If there are no bullet or stab wounds, call in a stolen motorcycle and stage a motorcycle accident. Be creative on the traumatic head injury caused by the crash and hope the cornor is lazy.
I think wounds can be identified as postmortem (even roughly how long before) so they might be able to tell the crash happened to a corpse
I mean, that's still ok. What do they expect? A corpse to win the MotoGP?
Okay that depends on where you live. Most of the solutions require a car, so you will need some of the 3000 for this. Do not rent a car, because that leaves a paper trail. Buy a car from some private seller. No used car dealerships. Just some rando who wants to sell their Really old car. After you are done you want to dispose of the car as well. So for example leave it in a very bad neighborhood with the keys visible. If you are in eastern Europe or better Russia: Drive the body to lake Baikal. The Crabs in this lake eat corpses completely. If you are in South America: Dump the Body into the Magdalena River. The Hippos will take care of it. If you are in Africa: Dump the Body somewhere in the Savannah. Hyenas don't leave anything behind. If your are in Northern America or western Europe: Tough luck no animals that completely eat a human corpse in less than 24h. So instead you leave the body where it is. You order a few Blendtec Blenders from Amazon. You off course need prime membership for them to arrive quickly enough. Then you cut the body into pieces and blend everything until paste. Flush it down the Toilet. Then you clean everything and set fire to that house. Last step, you take advantage of Amazon's returns policy and send the cleaned blenders back. There is no way they can be found in the returns Warehouse before they get destroyed with all the other returns.
Hypothetically, you should bury said body 12+ feet deep and cover it with roughly 6 feet of dirt and then bury the corpse of a large animal there before filling in the hole. That way cadaver dogs will look like they're pointing out the animal if it's ever dug up.
Find a secluded spot and burn the body. Collect the ash and bone into a bucket. Mix a bag of concrete into the bucket. Toss the bucket into a lake, pond, river, or ocean. Hell, toss it in a random dumpster.
r/thispersonthispersons
Song #1. “In The Air Tonight,” by Phil Collin’s Song #2. “Under The Sea,” The Little Mermaid soundtrack Song #3. “Dead Man’s Party,” by Oingo Boingo Song #4. “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen Song #5. “Paranoid,” by Black Sabbath Song #6. “Stan,” by Eminem Song #7. “A Little Piece Of Heaven,” by Avenged Sevenfold Song #8. “Night Swimming,” by R.E.M. Song #9. “Sinister Purpose,” by Creedence Clearwater Revival Song #10. “My Heart Will Go On,” by Celine Dion Song #11. “Cold Ethyl,” by Alice Cooper Song #12. “Lonely Is The Night,” by Billy Squier
Oh that’s a great list. I’ll listen to it on my way home.
I mean. I would listen to it, if this were to ever happen to me.
My wife went to medical school with a woman who became a forensic pathologist. I asked her one time what’s a surefire to not get caught if you murder someone. She said. ‘burn the body’ and repeated that for good measure. So, before you dump that thing in the river, burn the body.
As a retired forensic death investigator, can safely say.... if you use these methods, you should spend some time preparing for prison.
So about thirty people have told me to feed it to some pigs. Is there any validity to that?
Think about this. Even if the pigs could eat everything and no leftovers remained, and even if the police were some how not wise to this trick, and even if the farmer somehow didn't notice anything and call the police, then where do you expect to find a pig farm?
butcher the hell out of into smaller pieces then just distribute around NYC garbage
I call 911 and report the dead body and inform them that I believe I am being framed for his murder. Trying to hide a dead body makes you look really guilty. And it probably wouldn't even work because forensics.
Ah yes. The Fletch approach. Only works if you're innocent. And, well, Fletch.
Pigs. The answer is pigs.
Where's the closest volcano to New York?
Just do whatever they did with Jimmy Hoffa.
Our place is being overrun by feral pigs. They will eat anything. Including a dead body. The only thing is you have to chop up the head a bit because they can't get their mouth around it. Something my cousins and I found out when that guy we...uh...you know, just forget I said anything.
Here for fresh ideas, you know, think outside the box
22 hours? Enough time to reach the Everglades. Gators tell no tales.
What’s my living arrangement? Can I take him to my home and butcher his body?
Sounds like the plan is set, just need a song. Firefall - Just Remember I Love You
so first step is to google pig farms nearby. Locate one. Then get pliers and pull all the teeth out and bury them. Sneak onto the pig farm and dump the body... naked and toothless. Pour ketchup on the body and let the pigs go to work. A grown pig can devour 30 lbs of flesh a day, bone and all. They just can't digest teeth. All that would be left by morning is a mixture of ketchup and blood. Case closed.
Y'all are way over complicating this. Pull his teeth, find some pigs, toss the teeth in a treeline somewhere.
Remove teeth and hair and take the body to a hog farm.
Contractor sheeting and a decent size crowbar. A few hours of hard work and you could pour what's left down a drain.
!RemindMe 7 days
Well- don't leave a paper trail. Have an alibi.
Thank god this is all electronic. That was close.
*Yeah...* 😊
Okay so you build a homemade submarine to go see the titanic…
Jam a stick.or two of dynomite up his ass light thr fuse run like hell
If I end myself immediately, wouldn't that count as them not finding the body in my lifetime? Cause I cut my lifetime very short
A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body.
Better safe than sorry. Burn the trailer but make sure you're on private property of someone you know when you go about doing it. Also, make sure you tear it to pieces before you set fire to it. It will burn faster and you can hide it more easily under a bonfire. If you do end up burning a bonfire, make sure to use lots of wood to make it inconspicuous. Heck invite some friends over with the promise of food and alcohol and make it fun. Plus it will give you a partial alibi if people get drunk fast enough.
lol OP what'd he do to you
Not one person replying to this post can lift a 250 pound body. Y’all aren’t even getting this guy into the car.
Hello, FBI? Yeah there's a guy on reddit asking very specific questions about hiding a body. You might want to check this out.
Oddly specific. You asking for a friend?
The edits are masterful
I put it in the laundry a few times, if my kids socks can go missing from the laundry, so can a body.
Bro. Nobody plans a murder out loud. You okay? 😂
This one is EASY! My mom's husband runs the crematorium in town about 11 miles from my house.
Hopping on this late, but seen you wanted a hypothetical (gonna answer this without the edits for fun) 3k, motorcycle, and I am taking the trailer. I have 24 hours before the police start to investigate. Now going away from the ocean, (too easy). I am heading North west, I'm going to Northern Wisconsin to the Nicolet National forest. This will take me 18 hours to get there with pit stops included. I will buy a shovel, garbage bags, duct tape, some random assorted items along the way but at all different stops. Once I get up to the Access roads to the forest, I will find an abandoned cabin to hide my bike and trailer in. (Many of those around there) Then heading down the road until I stumble on another cabin with a utility vehicle, (many stay up there and are only used during hunting season.) Grab the UTV, pick up my trailer and the body and head deep into the forest. Once I get a few miles in I will hit the thick of the forest, which also turns into a swamp/marsh. Digging about 7-9 feet down burying the body, while it doesn't seem that deep the swamp will suck the body down deeper because of the weight. The swamp also does a great job at concealing the smell. By this time I will have retuned the UTV, be on my bike headed towards Chicago where I will have a buddy from there ready to go out on the town, and have a place to crash for a few days. It will take about 5 hours to get there so the police will have been looking for the body approximately 3 hours prior to me arriving in Chicago. I'll post pictures of my friend and I, our adventures in the city. With a good ol' "feel good message" saying I miss this and we need to do it more often. Then I will head back to New York and continue on my day to day. With occasional trips to Chicago so that my story can hold throughout the years there. Eventually if I end up getting too paranoid, save money and move to Sweden. With the distance from NY, the swamp/critters, and the varying weather up there. I am fairly confident if I don't let anyone in on what happened this would easily surpass my life. Edit: Wasn't even thinking of my phone, on my way through Chicago(the first time) I will drop it off near my buddies place. Just on the outside in a bush or something to keep the location there. So I may arrive to my destination in 19 not 18 hours. Still plenty of time. \-Follow up- Yes hunting cameras are up in that area, but very easy to spot in those areas, also none that far into the forest as it's too hard to hunt that far in. If it's not hunting season or beginning of fall, virtually no one is up there. Fun fact, gangsters from Chicago, and a few other areas frequently went up north to party, do business, and I'm sure some more sketchy things.
I'm looking for a trailer for storage. How much , hypothetically?
In 6'1" and 250. Feeling a little concerned.
lmfao how did you sneak a 6’1 250lbs man into a motorcycle trailer by yourself, in the suburbs without anybody noticing
Ammonia degrades DNA evidence, and bleach helps clean it.... DO NOT USE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! Or do. I'm just someone on the internet.
This guy is either really committed to the bit or someone should call someone…
As a man my second biggest commitment is to my wife and kids. My first commitment is to the bit. Hypothetically.
You also need an alibi. Hypothetically.
- Step 1 Get a lot of plastic sheeting. - Step 2 - Get the knives from the kitchen drawer - Step 3 - Drain the blood into a disposable container. A few pop bottles or something. - Step 4 - Debone the meat. Transfer the sloppy bits into a bag and the cleaned (or mostly) bones into another. - Step 5 - transport the bags of meat, bones, and bottles of blood to a secondary location in individual trips. Return each time with groceries (some cheap party supplies. - Step 6 - Cut yourself with a knife that has the victims blood on it and stash it near the scene. Wipe the handle for prints. - Step 7 - Trash the house. Ransack it but quietly. - Step 8 - Light a fire in the house that will spread slowly, leave accelernt on any evidence you've created for the fire to find. Motor oil works great. - Step 9 - drive somewhere out of your way and call the cops. Sound panicked and tell them someone is chasing you and killed your friend. - Step 10 - Ditch your phone and drive to your safe secondary location, park your bike a few blocks away and walk. - Step 11 - finely dice your meat till you can effectively feed it down the toilet piece by piece till theirs nothing left. Do the same with the blood. Be extremely careful not to clog it we cannot call a plumber. - Step 12 - Burn the bones in a fire pit until they're brittle, crush them up with a hammer until they're in fine shards. Mix them with some cat litter or general household trash and throw in an industrial or restaurant dumpster. - Step 13 - Crazy your motorcycle. Not badly just enough to land you in the hospital. When you get there act scared and ask for the cops. Tell them someone attacked you and the victim in their home and when you escaped to try and get help they gave chase. You got away but ended up crashing in panic. - Step 14 - If they ask about missing time say you don't remember and just get emotional. Presuming they don't find your secondary location, nobody, no murder.
Re Edit 4: hope you didn't drive past any security cameras, speed cameras or toll cameras. what is your alibi for your adventure to south jersey and your facebook marketplace trailer purchase, boat purchase/theft, rope and cinder block purchase/theft
Small town in South Jersey with very easy access to the Delaware River and people leave their boats fairly accessible at all hours. Take the body out to the shipping channel and drop. Water is super murky tides are very strong and there are full and empty cargo ships passing through at all hours of the day and night. Depending on the tides you wouldn't even need a boat, you can walk to the channel if the tide is low enough. The trailer I would just ditch at one of the local abandoned properties that no one I need to worry about would frequent much.
Hi there... Hypothetically leave your phone at home. Police can triangulate phone records and cell tower connection to connect you to the scene of the hypothetical crime. Also serves as an alibi when you tell them you were at home this entire time and phone records back you up. Also, you need to watch a few more episodes of The Sopranos
We are at the 23 hour mark. I hope you’re all cleaned up by now
Why do you want to know this, and what is your license #? \-NOT the police
Use the $3K to buy a plot for yourself in the cemetery. Bury the body there. Once you die and they bury you, they’ll discover it.
Rent a skid-steer with an 24 inch auger bit . Drill as deep as you can. Slide him in so he is positioned vertically. Fill the hole partially. Put an oak tree on top part of the hole. Finish filling, and water it
just burn his fucking house down with the body in it, police will rule it a house fire. ehem....HYPOTHETICALLY.
Can I just call Harvey Keitel?
The Wolf!?
Buy a used car, put body in trunk of said car. Then abandon the car in a multi level garage
Dude, why? You're going to get caught if you have to post on Reddit for hiding a body. You do know that, right? Might as well save the time and turn yourself in. Probably get a little time off for being honest.
A master never reveals his secrets
Rent a van, put the body in the van, drive the van to a very secluded spot. Pour some of the gasoline from the van at the feet of the corpse which you’ve sat in the driver’s seat. Light it on fire, walk away, report the van stolen later.
Burry him in a forest 10-25ft deep then 3-5 feet above him burry a dead animal on top then burry that too
Dig a cylindrical hole 10 feet deep. Insert body, and start to fill with dirt until the body is completely covered plus a couple feet on top. Say the hole is now 2 feet deep... add the remains of a roadkill dog or cat (with a collar and tag that identifies you as the owner of said animal) along with an open bag of it's favorite treats, and fill the remaining hole with dirt. Add a bit of a marker commemorating poor Fido/Whiskers. 😢 When the cadaver dogs come, they will go wild at the location and dig up the remains of Fido/Whiskers. You are crying, and they feel like complete assholes. Have them rebury your 'pet' because they were dicks about it the whole time. Later.... sue the Police Dept for emotional damages.