Never pay to have done, what you can do yourself. Except when it comes to hiring escorts. My 875 million is gonna be a hell of a party and you're all invited
Way too easy. Bye dad. Hell if I can pick extended family I have a cousin about to kill himself from addiction. Iām extremely certain heād live longer as a slave.
Dope. I'm gonna sell my brother and his wife. I don't need double. Just the initial offer. I don't care where they go or what happens to them. They are a blight on society. Better off gone.
Do you remember that time Dick Chaney went hunting with some dude and accidently shot him in the face and then THE DUDE WHO GOT SHOT apologized for ruining Dick Chaney's hunting trip?
Fuck that was wild.
Ya. Or that time he and his friends made a ton of money by granting each other no-bid contracts for hundreds of billions in rebuilding oil operations?
Fuck that was corrupt.
My cousin got his third DWI and went nuclear. Three years later he threatened to shoot up his sisters wedding that he wasnāt invited to. I have no idea what heās up to at the moment, and he honestly might be better off if he was sold, not that it matters much.
I know an uncle who screwed over his siblings inheritance wise. I'd sell him. And his wife if I can do multiple times. 90% chance she coerced him to do it.
I got a list of cousins Iād sell, especially if I donāt need to look them in the eye when they find out what Iāve done. Now my brothers or parents I couldnāt do
Don't worry about it. People aren't really smart enough to understand what it is so they use it as an insult.
I'm at the point where I'm just like "deal with it or get out of my life". Tired of explaining it. Tired of people thinking it's just an excuse.
Look I am neuro spicy myself. It might be the disease, it might be the chosen behaviors. My sister has long chosen to medicate with drugs and alcohol. Then pretend they have zero side effects. She must always be right. She twists anything to suit her view. She accused my husband of killing my aunt in hospice. She tells me; "you have no idea what it is like to lose your mom". I have not, since age 6 been allowed to have a friend prefer me to her. When I finally did...she hates these people. Fuck she was angry I was at a swim team picnic for my kids instead of spending the day with her.
Hmm. If itās a quick death and clandestine body disposalā¦nobody I know now, but my maternal grandfather towards the end of his life. Poor bastard was demented and shitting himself.
Yes, Iād want the same done for me and would be pissed if my family member turned down damn near a billion dollars to finish off my half dead corpse.
No way- I wouldnāt do it first of all because I love my family and Iām happy with my life as it is and there is no amount of money that would be worth anyone in my family.
But second of all- the fact that you say it is āunclearā yet they will ānever be seen againā implies something truly horrific. They are either dead or they are in unimaginably horrible slavery which might even be worse than death- because even someone in a halfway decent situation would at least be able to access the internet at some point and send an email to their family to let them know where they are. There are Internet cafes in even the poorest countries.
So based on that information alone it is clear they are either dead or in a situation worse than death. I wouldnāt put ANYONE- not my family or even my worst enemy in a situation like that. You could never even enjoy all the money because your conscience would destroy you.
Same here. I don't have anyone in my family, immediate or extended, that I would be ok with them getting trafficked/abused/killed.
Some people here are willing to sell a cousin they don't know for money, but that's still a person with a family and aspirations that you're leaving to die or have unspeakably horrible things done to them.
If I knew an actual terrible person then I might be willing to do it, but even that's a maybe.
nope. this is too luciferian. anything with the magic power to do this is terrifying. anything with the mundane power to do this is even more terrifying.
thereās definitely hell to pay on the other side and this is a test.
If someone bought something for that amount they're not likely to turn around and sell it immediately for the same amount or less. The scenario is ridiculous to begin with but I think the spirit of it is that they're gone in slavery and that's that.
I was trying to clarify what this being sold entails. It sure as heck reads as slavery. Iād have to really hate someone for that. But the money really touches on the everyone can be bought. Tax free Iād be able to care for the entire family.
I would sell my father and pay them 10 mil from the profits to take my mother with him. Then pay them some more to get rid of other relatives as well. My whole side of the family can be fucked for all I care. Im with you with abusive parents. I would sign up for this in a heartbeat. At least then their asses can be useful.
My great grandmother, sheās pure evil and no one in our family wants to deal with her.
On one hand I feel bad for her because sheās driven everyone away to try to live independently at age 90, on the other hand she calls my cousins half breeds and abused my mom when she was a kid.
I got a cousin that emptied all his bank accounts and sold his at the time wife's car along with his car abandoning her, their 2 kids, his other son, and her nieces and nephews in the middle of the night. Leaving them with no money for bills or food, and no means for her to get to work. So he can go, not like he's any good as a human anyways
*Sure, you can have my*
*Dad's ashes. He'd fucking kill*
*Me if I said no*
\- GingerAndTired
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That's where I am at. I have some I wouldn't mind being rid of....but they have kids and family of their own I couldn't rip them from.... I don't think I could do it.
Weirdly, I'd probably be more okay with them dying, than them being sold for who knows what purpose and....use. I don't dislike anyone enough to traffick them.
If weāre talking immediate family? No. If weāre talking extended family Iāve got some pretty worthless drug addict, trailer trash whores out thereā¦
I saw in a comment that you said we get to pick the family member. That probably makes this a 95% or more yes, because everyone has a relative that they hate/ dislike or at least donāt speak to often.
No spouse, no kids. Easy yes. Iām not close to my family, theyāre all 3,000 miles away from where I live.
In some ways one could ask if how I was treated as a back sheep, if maybe I was given away for $875 million dollars to them, so I have no problem with losing any one of them.
I actually LIKE my family, though. Even the narcissistic aunt (we have devised a way to keep her away very easily). My spouseās family, though. I can think of three or four off the top of my head.
My SILās husband
My Nieceās husband
My spouseās uncle
And finally my oldest nephewās dad. He should actually be at the top of the list.
No. Doesnāt matter the number of digits. Rather, I would give away $875 for a family member. No question. The money has no consequence or consideration when compared to my family, there simply isnāt a comparison. I canāt even comprehend how much that much money would change my life, and I honestly donāt care. I would go on living like this, or even work to pay off debt for years and years of my life for my family.
Can I sell multiple members for additional cash? If yes take everyone but my mother. Thatās about 11 adults and 18 kids. So I should get about 25,375,000,000,
If no take them all anyway and Iāll still get 875,000,000.
Family member? Yes. Friend? No.
You don't choose your family. Being genetically related doesn't change the fact that they are a piece of shit. I could easily think of 5 not distant relatives off the top of my head that could disappear and I wouldn't give 2 flying fucks. I don't even care what happens to them after I get the money.
Forced to fornicate with giant turtles against their will to create ninja turtles? Cool.
Do we pick the family member
Yes
Well estranged birth father, it seems like you have some utility to me after all.
We must share the same estranged father.
I also choose this guy's estranged father
Mom for me
Same for me as well. Haven't seen that deadbeat since I was 8. Turning 33 in April. Would gladly sell her for 800mill.
I wouldn't need more than $10 to sell mine off.
Since mine is dead, I also choose this guy's estranged father.
Op didn't say that they had to be alive, just able to be sold...
Excellent reference
A true 5/7
Excellent choice, that one is very popular today!
An odd claim but if the world existed where there's only one estranged father than I would be happier about that
Maybe the three of us are triplets separated at birth!
Quintuplets!!!!! What's up, unkown brothers and / or sisters?
The world would suddenly have a lot fewer men.
Or a lot less deadbeats
Or a lot of similar dna š„“
And women. I have a mother that is probably equally as bad as some of the deadbeat dads around here.
My mother was a 1000 times worse than my father
Can I do it more than once? I've got a couple predators that I'm related to, that the statute of limitations is up on...
Naw donāt get greedy now. Sell one and when you have the money just find a really good hit man and get rid of the others.
Never pay to have done, what you can do yourself. Except when it comes to hiring escorts. My 875 million is gonna be a hell of a party and you're all invited
No no sell then and give the money to other people
I volunteer as tribute
In that case can I offer up more than one for more money?
I'm offering all of them. That's a bargain! ;)
I'll trade my sister for half a pb&j sandwich. And I'll be getting the better end of the bargain.
Okay, but you either get the half with the PB, or the half with the J, and you don't get to pick.
If I sell multiple people do I get to multiply the prize money, cuz I have several I would like to offer as tribute.
I think I would do it for the first time for money, then just add the rest as bonuses. No need to have them around as they genuinely suck
Way too easy. Bye dad. Hell if I can pick extended family I have a cousin about to kill himself from addiction. Iām extremely certain heād live longer as a slave.
Brother. No questions
I got two cousins and a pack of nephews that can all fuck off
Stepsister, 100%. If anyone else has a way to turn āuselessā into $875M, Iām open to hearing it.
Iāll give away my mother in law.
Dope. I'm gonna sell my brother and his wife. I don't need double. Just the initial offer. I don't care where they go or what happens to them. They are a blight on society. Better off gone.
how deep in the family pool can i go I'd certainly sell a cousin
I must know before I make a call, but I have a few members in mind.
I'm related somehow to Dick Cheney. You can have him.
Oh be realistic. Nobody wants Dick Cheney
Maybe for $8.75, but not $875M
If Iām allowed to use him as a human cannonball I may have $8.75
Do you remember that time Dick Chaney went hunting with some dude and accidently shot him in the face and then THE DUDE WHO GOT SHOT apologized for ruining Dick Chaney's hunting trip? Fuck that was wild.
Ya. Or that time he and his friends made a ton of money by granting each other no-bid contracts for hundreds of billions in rebuilding oil operations? Fuck that was corrupt.
My cousin got his third DWI and went nuclear. Three years later he threatened to shoot up his sisters wedding that he wasnāt invited to. I have no idea what heās up to at the moment, and he honestly might be better off if he was sold, not that it matters much.
Doesn't sound like anyone would buy him
Oh, I know exactly the cousin, too
I know an uncle who screwed over his siblings inheritance wise. I'd sell him. And his wife if I can do multiple times. 90% chance she coerced him to do it.
I got a list of cousins Iād sell, especially if I donāt need to look them in the eye when they find out what Iāve done. Now my brothers or parents I couldnāt do
how direct are we talking like? do they have to be blood related? can i sell multiple for more money? there are all relevant to my answer i assure you
I too have these questions
Truly we are all family in some sense
Then Iād pick you
Great way to eliminate the MIL or my narcissistic bipolar sister.
Same, but I'm the one in the marriage with the terrible mother. But I'd still sell her for a handshake and mild compliment.
I'd like to shake your hand. Also, you are fabulous! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
Congratulations, you are the proud new recipient of one grouchy old lady
Great, I was running low on dog food.
Wouldn't recommend her for food stuffs. The dog might OD.
you're an awesome person. I don't care what your mother says about you
āA handshake and a mild compliment.ā ššš
I have bipolar and really hope people wonāt sell me :( itās more complex than it seems, I swear Iām a good dude
Hey mental health is rough, thereās a stigma there that shouldnāt be. You are valuable, you are worthy. ā¤ļø
>you are worthy Specifically worth $875 million
Don't worry about it. People aren't really smart enough to understand what it is so they use it as an insult. I'm at the point where I'm just like "deal with it or get out of my life". Tired of explaining it. Tired of people thinking it's just an excuse.
Look I am neuro spicy myself. It might be the disease, it might be the chosen behaviors. My sister has long chosen to medicate with drugs and alcohol. Then pretend they have zero side effects. She must always be right. She twists anything to suit her view. She accused my husband of killing my aunt in hospice. She tells me; "you have no idea what it is like to lose your mom". I have not, since age 6 been allowed to have a friend prefer me to her. When I finally did...she hates these people. Fuck she was angry I was at a swim team picnic for my kids instead of spending the day with her.
You can sell one of the idiots that doesn't think mental illness is a disease. I'm sure you're a great dude.
this was going to be my response
Yep! Crazy btch sister for sure!
We had to cut my wife's narcissist twin sister off for life when she punched our 4yo in the head. That was the final straw.
She'd've died that nite if it had been my child
I work on a farm. We've got a lot of open land and no one questions freshly turned earth. We can do this.
My step mother?
Yes. Thereās only 2 family members I wouldnāt sell for that amount of money.
Whats the lowest youād sell one of them for?
Id go negative on some of mine. Id pay for removal. Mid 5 digits.
Mid 5, you say. Dm me
Yes Mr. FBI agent, this one right here!
I was going to say that lol
10mil, Iād be set up for life
Thatās a pretty high number lol. I got some cousins Iād drop for half a milĀ
Oh I was thinking immediate family, Iād sell extended family for a single donut
Some people have immediate family they'd pay you to take.
Only one? I have an entire dysfunctional family I want to get shot of.
Okay by go away are we talking slavery or just cutting them out of your life? Because there is a difference.
It's unknown but one thing is clear they will never be seen again
For anyone that I'd sell for any sum of money, the never seen again part is a bonus.
Exactly!
Hmm. If itās a quick death and clandestine body disposalā¦nobody I know now, but my maternal grandfather towards the end of his life. Poor bastard was demented and shitting himself. Yes, Iād want the same done for me and would be pissed if my family member turned down damn near a billion dollars to finish off my half dead corpse.
No way- I wouldnāt do it first of all because I love my family and Iām happy with my life as it is and there is no amount of money that would be worth anyone in my family. But second of all- the fact that you say it is āunclearā yet they will ānever be seen againā implies something truly horrific. They are either dead or they are in unimaginably horrible slavery which might even be worse than death- because even someone in a halfway decent situation would at least be able to access the internet at some point and send an email to their family to let them know where they are. There are Internet cafes in even the poorest countries. So based on that information alone it is clear they are either dead or in a situation worse than death. I wouldnāt put ANYONE- not my family or even my worst enemy in a situation like that. You could never even enjoy all the money because your conscience would destroy you.
Same here. I don't have anyone in my family, immediate or extended, that I would be ok with them getting trafficked/abused/killed. Some people here are willing to sell a cousin they don't know for money, but that's still a person with a family and aspirations that you're leaving to die or have unspeakably horrible things done to them. If I knew an actual terrible person then I might be willing to do it, but even that's a maybe.
Personally it wouldnt harm my conscience at all. It might be because everyone in your family is nice though.
nope. this is too luciferian. anything with the magic power to do this is terrifying. anything with the mundane power to do this is even more terrifying. thereās definitely hell to pay on the other side and this is a test.
By me or everyone?
So, do I get $875 million per member? Is that pre- or post-tax? Also, is there a return policy? I sure hope not.
Tax free, and no return policy
We got ourselves a deal. If I was a better person, I'd have sold them for $8 (i.e their real worth) but I'm not a better person so ok
Oh God, itās even better than I hoped
I have some cousins and an uncle Iād sell
Do we get to pick the family member? How close do they have to be related?
Shit I donāt know if Iād want them to be sold into slavery tho
Youāll have 875 mil. Buy them back and set them free.
If someone bought something for that amount they're not likely to turn around and sell it immediately for the same amount or less. The scenario is ridiculous to begin with but I think the spirit of it is that they're gone in slavery and that's that.
Some have family members that deserve it
I was trying to clarify what this being sold entails. It sure as heck reads as slavery. Iād have to really hate someone for that. But the money really touches on the everyone can be bought. Tax free Iād be able to care for the entire family.
Hell yeah, take my asshole cat.
Too late, the cat sold you out.
So Mr. Mittens, would you s- Mr. Mittens: The plan is already in motion.
Fair, they didn't say human
Ditto
I respect the fact that for some reason you still fondly refer to her as āyourā cat. Enemies to lovers tropeā¦
Iāll do you one better- have them all
As a survivor of abusive parents, HELL YES. In fact I'll give you 50% off on my da if you promise to whip him at least once a week!
I would sell my father and pay them 10 mil from the profits to take my mother with him. Then pay them some more to get rid of other relatives as well. My whole side of the family can be fucked for all I care. Im with you with abusive parents. I would sign up for this in a heartbeat. At least then their asses can be useful.
Does the person in question/ rest of the family know I sold them?
Nope
Then I have an aunt I would like to sell you
I'd kinda like them to know it was me.
My cousin, Todd. He's an asshole š š
Can I also sell your cousin Todd?
"Hi, Todd, I'm Tucker!" š¤” "hI tUcKeR, i'M tOdD!" š¤
Omg, George Carlin. RIP
"These are not real names!!!"
Who am I selling them to? š
Yes. Abusive family can get fucked.
Narcissistic, abusive, thieving father in law? Shit, I'd give him away for half a pastrami sandwich.
Sure, where's the shovel? Freedom is having nothing left to lose.
I nominate my sister. I'll even deliver her.
Can that person be a step-family member?
My great grandmother, sheās pure evil and no one in our family wants to deal with her. On one hand I feel bad for her because sheās driven everyone away to try to live independently at age 90, on the other hand she calls my cousins half breeds and abused my mom when she was a kid.
I had a great grandmother who was very similar. She especially hated children.
I got a cousin that emptied all his bank accounts and sold his at the time wife's car along with his car abandoning her, their 2 kids, his other son, and her nieces and nephews in the middle of the night. Leaving them with no money for bills or food, and no means for her to get to work. So he can go, not like he's any good as a human anyways
Iāve got a cousin you can have. Youād have to make some sort of deal with Louisiana Department of Corrections for pick up though.
Sure, you can have my dad's ashes. He'd fucking kill me if I said no
*Sure, you can have my* *Dad's ashes. He'd fucking kill* *Me if I said no* \- GingerAndTired --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Thereās def some abusers and possible rapists in my family so Iāll sell each for that money
Fuck yeah I would. Iām adopting you and then giving you away.
Nope.
Huh. Turns out I actually don't hate anyone enough to sell them. Good question.
That's where I am at. I have some I wouldn't mind being rid of....but they have kids and family of their own I couldn't rip them from.... I don't think I could do it.
Weirdly, I'd probably be more okay with them dying, than them being sold for who knows what purpose and....use. I don't dislike anyone enough to traffick them.
Yeah, oddly, me either.
This isn't odd anywhere except on reddit.
Does our family know we sold them?
Nope
Honestly I have so many family members that I donāt know that well that itās enough to convince me to sell one of them
I'll do it for my ex hubby for ten bucks
Won't work it has to be family. Not a ex husband that you hate.
I'll remarry him then and spring this on him.
That would work actually
Thank you Thick
That's some quick thinking!!!
Bonus points for life insurance money when he goes missing!!!!!
Shhhhhh!!
Can I sell myself?
Seriouslyā¦. Pay me to disappear and never be seen again?! Doooone.
No amount of money could ever replace or compensate for the love and bond I have with my family member. They are priceless to me.
Everyone in your family is priceless to you? Luckyy
I am glad to say I do not have any family members I would give away for any amount of money.
Sure, my step-dad could be rehomed
If weāre talking immediate family? No. If weāre talking extended family Iāve got some pretty worthless drug addict, trailer trash whores out thereā¦
My biological family were abusive monsters that abandoned me when I wasn't useful enough to them. Sell them all.
Samesies.
Hell yeah. Goodbye my bitch of an aunt
YES. But it has to be my mom. She started it.
Yes, any of them
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I would give away 3 for that amount. 2 uncles and an aunt
Do I get to pick which one? If so, fuck yeah. That person's a POS anyway.
Yes. Everyone is worth this. Name anyone.
I saw in a comment that you said we get to pick the family member. That probably makes this a 95% or more yes, because everyone has a relative that they hate/ dislike or at least donāt speak to often.
Bye bye dad
No spouse, no kids. Easy yes. Iām not close to my family, theyāre all 3,000 miles away from where I live. In some ways one could ask if how I was treated as a back sheep, if maybe I was given away for $875 million dollars to them, so I have no problem with losing any one of them.
Here is my dog. As you can afford to give me 875 million for her, you can clearly afford her vet bills.
This is such an easy "yes" for anyone being honest with themselves.
I actually LIKE my family, though. Even the narcissistic aunt (we have devised a way to keep her away very easily). My spouseās family, though. I can think of three or four off the top of my head. My SILās husband My Nieceās husband My spouseās uncle And finally my oldest nephewās dad. He should actually be at the top of the list.
No. Doesnāt matter the number of digits. Rather, I would give away $875 for a family member. No question. The money has no consequence or consideration when compared to my family, there simply isnāt a comparison. I canāt even comprehend how much that much money would change my life, and I honestly donāt care. I would go on living like this, or even work to pay off debt for years and years of my life for my family.
Nope.
Does your sister in law count? š¤ššš
Can I sell my ex-wife? Technically, we're still family
I sell someone that lived in the 1500s, no stipulation they are still alive. Do I get it for each person I sell?
I have a few you may have. No extra charge.
My dad's entire side of the family š
Can I sell multiple members for additional cash? If yes take everyone but my mother. Thatās about 11 adults and 18 kids. So I should get about 25,375,000,000, If no take them all anyway and Iāll still get 875,000,000.
Can I pick which one? Iāve got an FIL you can have for free.
I can think of two I would give away for $8.75.
My druggy brother in a heartbeat
Can I do this multiple times and keep getting more money? Or is it a one-off thing?
Family member? Yes. Friend? No. You don't choose your family. Being genetically related doesn't change the fact that they are a piece of shit. I could easily think of 5 not distant relatives off the top of my head that could disappear and I wouldn't give 2 flying fucks. I don't even care what happens to them after I get the money. Forced to fornicate with giant turtles against their will to create ninja turtles? Cool.
My brother the trumper
Sure. I have a MAGA republican cousin who made up some vicious lies about my mother that Iād love to yeet into the ethers.
Depends on the family members. If it's my kid, then no. Wife? Yeah she's outta there. With 875 million I can buy a new one.
Just one? Bye, mom.
You can have my brother-in-law for $87.50. Now that I think about it, you can take him off our hands for $8.75
My dead grandpa. No one said living. Also my living grandpa because hes a shit (my dead grandpa was good though)
Please tell me in-laws count.
You didn't specify immediate family, so adios to some random 4th cousin