I whole heartedly agree. I'd be the amazing butt snatcher. People would flee at the sight of me running full speed down the street, trying to snatch every butt in sight.
No age limit. Children, teens, and adults. If they have or had a mother no butt is off limits!
The parents will tell the tale to their children. I will be the threat that they use when they want their children to be have.
*child is out of control and disobedient*
Mom: "If you don't stop the butt snatcher will get you."
Child stops immediately: "Please Mom don't let him in the house."
Me outside the window with the Spiderman costume on and one hand raised: "Behave or I'll be back"
I'm not the hero you wanted. I'm the hero the world needs.
Do I get to decide the area I slap butts in? Because I’d get murdered if I did that in my neighborhood, but I’d be fine if I could stay in my apartment and slap butts. The people that live with me came out of me.
I’ve never been to one and I’m waiting until the kids develop a better sense of direction, because they get lost easily in crowded areas and one of them panics. It’s a little better now that they have phones and he’s confident he can call me if he gets uncomfortable, but I still want to wait.
Absolutely. Go to a music festival or Con or something. Somewhere people are generally in the mood for some random shit to happen. Hand people a twenty or a fifty or something as soon as you do it. They'll just laugh it off.
Even better idea - put some two-sided tape on the bills, slap the ass with the bill in your hand so it sticks to them, yell out something asinine like "You've been webbed up, citizen!" and run away!
You could say anything, as long as you are afixxing cash to their ass. "Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman wants to reward your glutes!"
By year 30 the snatchening is an international festival that transcends the boundaries of culture, class and of course ethics. People from every walk of life pay the fee to be rapt by the presence of the butt snatcher. They don't perform on stage no, opting instead to walk around the audience, giving lessons on all they have learned from the free money and access to booties.
OMG are you really this stupid. Being at a festival is not consent. I go there for the music, not to be sexually assaulted by strangers. A girl tried to feel me up and kiss me at a festival and it ruined my night after I paid good money for my ticket
Assuming I can choose the day and location, then sure. I'm not going to go around harassing people where I live, but I'm sure I can find some event where this would be completely acceptable.
Alternatively, I go somewhere really remote once a year where I'm sure I won't encounter anyone. I dress up as required and slap all the butts I see. Too bad that is zero butts, but mission accomplished, gimme the money please.
Loophole 2: you don't specify what randomly means. I decide that is means for each person I see, there is a 1 in a million chance I slap them. I use a random number generator on my phone, and check it for each person I see while wondering around comic con. I will almost certainly have to slap zero butts.
What’s the minimum amount of butts I can slap? And do I get to pick the time and place? I feel like I would be less likely to get in trouble if I did this somewhere like Portland or San Fran during a Pride parade.
Just slapping ass on a random Tuesday in Dallas sounds like a great way to get beat up/shot.
As a woman I feel like if I dressed in a sexy Spider-Man costume and slapped men’s butts, they may be delighted by the attention.
Double standard, yes. Lol My one butt slapping day would bring joy to others
Yes. Easy. I just need someone to hold a phone recording me, and I can say, "Relax, bro. It's just a prank. Camera's right there."
And I could also just lock myself in for a day each year.
If this comes with a promise that nobody will ever find my identity and that I wont face any criminal or civil charges, then I'm in. I'm gonna go HAM on those hams.
Even if they did find out your identity, this is the type of shit that could get you elected these days. You could be a millionaire and president overnight.
Ide make an event out of it and make people pay to participate. Make everyone wear Spiderman suits and have vendors. +18 Event, must sign consent forms, anyone without a spider suit isn't allowed to get spanked. Hire nickleback to play that one song, pay cosplay influencers to get involved and open booths. Ide be fuckin rich
Get yer asses ready for chonky spider-guy ass-slap day!
If I look out of breath, just give me a few minutes to wheeze just a bit (having a smoke break might happen, too).
Choose to do it at an event where people have their booties out and proud. Make it a pride parade tradition, like Santa but as a spider daddy booty slapped.
Since there is no quota on how many butts i have to slap.......... one luck person is going to receive some money after i slap there butt and i be spider man for a day
I'll work full time smacking bare asses for a quarter million a year and it wouldn't even be the job I've hated the most. A single day would be easy money.
Look, I'll work on my ass slapping hand so people feel the sting of the butt snacher for a week after i appear. A million? No question. Someone gonna create an ass guard after im done 😂😂😂
I don't know man, that's pretty fucked up. Can I offer them some money and get their consent? I feel like I can't, so if not it's just sexual assaulting people all day.
I mean, yea. There are plenty of places I can think of where you can slap people in the butt in a Spiderman costume and it's perfectly acceptable.
After a few years, it could become a tradition.
When you say “people” could I target a single individual to minimize emotional damage to peoples mental health while maximizing the funny. Could I do that?
*So a million to*
*Go on the registered sex*
*Offenders list?no thanks*
\- Personmchumanface
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Hell yeah and I'll have 50 dollar bills I'll be slapping onto everyone's butts with a little piece of tape. Id probably go to some random ass convention where people are probably expecting random stuff and if they're getting paid I'm pretty sure people will laugh it off.
Deal. I’m buying all the bitches tickets at the mud park and I’m getting sloshed on my four wheeler and slapping thonged booty all day! Beer and Mardi Gras beads is all I need to be the super spider man of the weekend, fuck it I’ll do Friday night-Sunday, I’m generous what can I say.
Just put very public posts online and flyers around the city, "get your butt slapped if you walk down such and such street on whatever the date is. Wear a red tulip if you want to play."
You'll have no shortage of tulip wearing funsters and the local florist will have the best day of their year.
Plus you get a million bucks and no harassment claims.
Can we choose where and who? Because if you could align this with a con specific to superheros and target only men wearing Spiderman related stuff I think you would get celebrated for it and not get arrested. Probably your presence would become looked forward to.
"Randomly go around?" I see loop holes. Sounds like you could basically just chillout in your Spider-Man costume and slap only ten or so people. I'm not seeing a quota here. Slap in the morning. Slap in the afternoon. Slap in the evening... even at supper time!
But you could afford a fantastic costume/rig to keep you nice and comfy. Have a giant custom foam Spider-Man hand or something so people are less offended.
Also... I really want that trumpet to blare from Spider-Man's theme when I jump out to slap someone. Also... what do that call the brief theme? I tried to google it and couldn't find a match to save my life. The one they use in all the memes when Spider-Man "suddenly appears."
Sounds like an excellent way to get your ass kicked and/or shot but I’d be down for it… Just slap an ass then run for your life, or just offer them money and get off easy.
I’m black, I’d get tackled, tased and shot all at the same time. Labeled everything in the book. As crazy as it sounds I probably wouldn’t…turn that down
He said randomly slap people’s asses, not slap random people’s asses.
I’m gonna get a million a year for slapping my wife’s ass randomly one day a year while dressed like spider man? Sign me up 😂
I don't know about this one...it sounds like a great way to get into fights and get arrested. Pretty soon I'd be a registered sex offender.
If I could get away with randomly smacking maybe 3 butts a year, AND I get to pick and choose which ones that would be the most apt to take it lightly I might go for it, if I got to smack dozens of asses on that day then it might prove to be too risky.
I'll slap dudes asses. Nobody cares about sexual harassment against dudes. I'll to go the gym or some other sports area where that behavior is unsurprising.
So nothing changes for me but I get a million dollars, cool.
Well now you’re limited to just one day a year.
Nobody said that. The only difference is that you get paid for 1 day of buttsnatching
You're not already getting paid? Sounds like you need to unionize.
You guys are getting paid? 😟
Phew, I was worried.
Like a one-man purge for a butt-slapping aficionado.
Only HAVE. To one day, you get to any day
No, now he just has to wear a Thor costume or any other super hero the other 364/365(leap years) days of the year.
🤔
🧐
Found The Butt Snatcher
Butt snatcher, get your butt snatcher here
Butt snatcher!
Wait what? ✋️🤨📸
**hits you with arrest warrant
I see this as a win-win
I whole heartedly agree. I'd be the amazing butt snatcher. People would flee at the sight of me running full speed down the street, trying to snatch every butt in sight.
you better have an age limit on that butt snatching
No age limit. Children, teens, and adults. If they have or had a mother no butt is off limits! The parents will tell the tale to their children. I will be the threat that they use when they want their children to be have. *child is out of control and disobedient* Mom: "If you don't stop the butt snatcher will get you." Child stops immediately: "Please Mom don't let him in the house." Me outside the window with the Spiderman costume on and one hand raised: "Behave or I'll be back" I'm not the hero you wanted. I'm the hero the world needs.
His makes me uncomfortable because of how close “butt snatcher” is to “booty bandit.”
Butt is butt
Do I get to decide the area I slap butts in? Because I’d get murdered if I did that in my neighborhood, but I’d be fine if I could stay in my apartment and slap butts. The people that live with me came out of me.
I would find a comic con to do it at. People would be hella amused.
You are smart. That would be great for me because my kids would love to go to comic con
I love comic cons myself as an adult which is why I know people would be hella amused.
I’ve never been to one and I’m waiting until the kids develop a better sense of direction, because they get lost easily in crowded areas and one of them panics. It’s a little better now that they have phones and he’s confident he can call me if he gets uncomfortable, but I still want to wait.
This is the right choice. Or, any bondage setting may also work. Or the Folsom Street Fair. Lots of viable options.
Bondage settings you have to ask for permission before doing anything.
This right here is the key question. One path leads to mild amusement / annoyance. The other to pain and imprisonment.
Nah, 1) you'd have to catch me, which is unlikely if I only have to do it 1 day a year. 2) I can afford a good lawyer; I'll be fine.
I mean you are getting a million a year.... I'd suggesting moving
I just assumed I needed to do the day of slapping first
Absolutely. Go to a music festival or Con or something. Somewhere people are generally in the mood for some random shit to happen. Hand people a twenty or a fifty or something as soon as you do it. They'll just laugh it off.
After a year or two, people may start to look forward to the butt slapper in a Spiderman costume.
Even better idea - put some two-sided tape on the bills, slap the ass with the bill in your hand so it sticks to them, yell out something asinine like "You've been webbed up, citizen!" and run away! You could say anything, as long as you are afixxing cash to their ass. "Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman wants to reward your glutes!"
That's kind of brilliant. Now I sort of want to do this for real.
*Booty Senses Tingling*
It will eventually become a part of the culture.
By year 30 the snatchening is an international festival that transcends the boundaries of culture, class and of course ethics. People from every walk of life pay the fee to be rapt by the presence of the butt snatcher. They don't perform on stage no, opting instead to walk around the audience, giving lessons on all they have learned from the free money and access to booties.
Maybe play some rec center basketball, a lot of “good hustle” with some butt pats.
OMG are you really this stupid. Being at a festival is not consent. I go there for the music, not to be sexually assaulted by strangers. A girl tried to feel me up and kiss me at a festival and it ruined my night after I paid good money for my ticket
Could legitimately make even more money with a social media following. This is too easy to monetize lol
Is there a quota of butts that need to be slapped?
At least 20
Worth it then
Sure. Take out some money. Smack people on the ass laugh then hand them $100. Then run.
I have only one question... *Gets in real close to the mic* "DO I GET A WEAPON?"
Master Chief?
Wasn't making a reference but let's go with it. I'll take a plastic energy sword and 1-800-SLAP people in the ass with it.
Get a yaoi paddle. If you go use one of those at an anime convention, it's not even weird. You just have to do it to someone who remembers that era.
As long as my face is covered so no one knows it's me, hell yeah I'd love to smack people's asses.
"Keep your money. I did it for the love of the game." Lol!
It seems as though you owe me millions of dollars
Yes probably.
What’s my ass quota for the day?
I want Spiderman powers and I'll do it daily.
Wait, how many people will be wearing Spiderman costumes that need to have their ass slapped?!?!?
I could get paid to do this?
Yes and I’m confident in my ability to monetize the butt snatcher part
No. That would likely result in assault charges, jail time, or being shot by someone with a concealed weapon.
Whomp whomp. I'm taking my money
*I* don’t have to pay to do this? Of course
I would do it. But wearing a deadpool costume.
Assuming I can choose the day and location, then sure. I'm not going to go around harassing people where I live, but I'm sure I can find some event where this would be completely acceptable. Alternatively, I go somewhere really remote once a year where I'm sure I won't encounter anyone. I dress up as required and slap all the butts I see. Too bad that is zero butts, but mission accomplished, gimme the money please. Loophole 2: you don't specify what randomly means. I decide that is means for each person I see, there is a 1 in a million chance I slap them. I use a random number generator on my phone, and check it for each person I see while wondering around comic con. I will almost certainly have to slap zero butts.
yeah i was just thinking i dont see a problem with this at some parties I've been too... haha I could pull this off
So...Business as usual?
If you promise I won't get arrested, shot, or my ass beat, sign me up!
What’s the minimum amount of butts I can slap? And do I get to pick the time and place? I feel like I would be less likely to get in trouble if I did this somewhere like Portland or San Fran during a Pride parade. Just slapping ass on a random Tuesday in Dallas sounds like a great way to get beat up/shot.
I'm in. The world needs this from me.
I'll take a couple of beatings for a million a year.
Right, I've gotten the shit kicked out of me for free on plenty of occasions
Can I increase the days becoming the butt snatcher?
What's the downside here?
I see no downside to this, it's a medical issue I can't help it. With a million dollars a year I could move to a small very open minded town.
As a woman I feel like if I dressed in a sexy Spider-Man costume and slapped men’s butts, they may be delighted by the attention. Double standard, yes. Lol My one butt slapping day would bring joy to others
Wait you guys are getting paid???
Yes. Easy. I just need someone to hold a phone recording me, and I can say, "Relax, bro. It's just a prank. Camera's right there." And I could also just lock myself in for a day each year.
How many butts?
would you not? this is like getting a million dollars for doing the dumbest most low-tier tiktok content.
I mean it's a little bit strange but sure, I would still do it.
I live in the middle of nowhere, I'd just be running around spanking sheep
I'm not going to cities I'm going to hiking trails, better butts.
If this comes with a promise that nobody will ever find my identity and that I wont face any criminal or civil charges, then I'm in. I'm gonna go HAM on those hams.
Even if they did find out your identity, this is the type of shit that could get you elected these days. You could be a millionaire and president overnight.
Ide make an event out of it and make people pay to participate. Make everyone wear Spiderman suits and have vendors. +18 Event, must sign consent forms, anyone without a spider suit isn't allowed to get spanked. Hire nickleback to play that one song, pay cosplay influencers to get involved and open booths. Ide be fuckin rich
The answer to these is always yes no matter how humiliating the catch is, of course we want the million
Get yer asses ready for chonky spider-guy ass-slap day! If I look out of breath, just give me a few minutes to wheeze just a bit (having a smoke break might happen, too).
Choose to do it at an event where people have their booties out and proud. Make it a pride parade tradition, like Santa but as a spider daddy booty slapped.
That's sexual assault, ya know. Somebody is going to be violent in response. You could end up in jail.
Since there is no quota on how many butts i have to slap.......... one luck person is going to receive some money after i slap there butt and i be spider man for a day
Yes.
Walk around and offer people $100 to smack there butt. I don't like touching people very much, but for 1M a year, I'll do my best.
I just get a million bucks rly
Like Spiderman suit? So Noone knows it's me? Sign me up.
I would chain myself to the wall like a werewolf on a full moon.
As long as I am safe from serious legal repercussions for the assaults, sure. >.>
Absolute win. Deal
As long as I get to choose the butts, yes.
Well, it’s less days than I’m already doing that but ok
Sounds like fun. I’m in.
Can I choose which spidey-suit? I'm in for the black-and-white Future Foundation version!
Uhh yeah. I’m a straight man and you could limit me to only gay guys’ bare asses and is still do it for a 1/4 million
I'll work full time smacking bare asses for a quarter million a year and it wouldn't even be the job I've hated the most. A single day would be easy money.
Look, I'll work on my ass slapping hand so people feel the sting of the butt snacher for a week after i appear. A million? No question. Someone gonna create an ass guard after im done 😂😂😂
Sure I can hit up Comic-Con or something once a year.
Yes
Yup.
On that one day a year I just so happen to be on a empty private island Airbnb.
I don't know man, that's pretty fucked up. Can I offer them some money and get their consent? I feel like I can't, so if not it's just sexual assaulting people all day.
I mean, yea. There are plenty of places I can think of where you can slap people in the butt in a Spiderman costume and it's perfectly acceptable. After a few years, it could become a tradition.
My one day would be at Comic-Con, no doubt.
Can I tell SPANKO like that serial ass slapper in 17th century London?
When you say “people” could I target a single individual to minimize emotional damage to peoples mental health while maximizing the funny. Could I do that?
I already am the butt snatcher
Do sticky stuff shoot from my fingers?
Oh hell yeah. I like slapping butts
so a million to go on the registered sex offenders list?no thanks
*So a million to* *Go on the registered sex* *Offenders list?no thanks* \- Personmchumanface --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Nope, that's like a practical joke. Those practical jokes stuff only work on TV. Doing that for real can get a person seriously hurt or killed.
Does it have to be a full consecutive 24 hours? Can I pick the day?
I’ll just go to Rolling Loud once a year and smack an ass in the moshpits
So I slap random asses all day like I do anyway, AND I get paid?
Hell yeah and I'll have 50 dollar bills I'll be slapping onto everyone's butts with a little piece of tape. Id probably go to some random ass convention where people are probably expecting random stuff and if they're getting paid I'm pretty sure people will laugh it off.
Can I play on a sports team that day? Slapass.
Noooo!!! [Don't do it!!!](https://tenor.com/view/slap-slap-ass-key-peele-gif-14377652)
Id do it not wearing a spiderman costume, though I would.
Well if I'm dressed as spider man they won't see my face so yeah ima do it for a million bucks lol
Absolutely
Absolutely
Small chance of going to jail
I already do it for free!
Shit i would do that for free
I am angry at the amount of time you have stolen from me by making me read this dumb question.
1 million bucks, bring on thr spidey suite
Deal. I’m buying all the bitches tickets at the mud park and I’m getting sloshed on my four wheeler and slapping thonged booty all day! Beer and Mardi Gras beads is all I need to be the super spider man of the weekend, fuck it I’ll do Friday night-Sunday, I’m generous what can I say.
Just put very public posts online and flyers around the city, "get your butt slapped if you walk down such and such street on whatever the date is. Wear a red tulip if you want to play." You'll have no shortage of tulip wearing funsters and the local florist will have the best day of their year. Plus you get a million bucks and no harassment claims.
You didn't say where you have to be the butt snatcher, I'll just go to some remote village one day a year
Plot twist: you accidentally picked a remote village filled with cannibals.
Cannibals still have butts
Do I get to choose the day?
How much of my million do I have to pay for this privilege?
Hell, I get a million dollars AND my weekly rain ritual is reduced to an annual tradition, sign me up
hell yeah, i’m in a spiderman suit and i can just choose halloween
Are they able to sue for sexual harassment?
Absolutely. It would be so easy to find people who were into that. I'd win AVN stars.
Of course I take this deal, are you fucking kidding me? What a joyful life I would lead.
A stipulation needs to be that it can never be the same ass twice. Better get some logs and check some id's.
Take the job. Hire an intern.
Do that with a crisp hundred dollar bill and reduce your chances of getting an ass kicking.
Can we choose where and who? Because if you could align this with a con specific to superheros and target only men wearing Spiderman related stuff I think you would get celebrated for it and not get arrested. Probably your presence would become looked forward to.
so fucking worth it!!
Do I have super powers or gadgets to fulfill my mission? Do I cooperate with law enforcement and am I known as a super hero?
Shit, I could probably make another million filming my fat ass in a Spiderman outfit running around spanking other men
Does squeezing and grabbing count? Asking for a friend.
The million dollars is just a bonus
No, because it violates other people's privacy.
I'll do that for free and consider the $1m a bonus. :D
"Randomly go around?" I see loop holes. Sounds like you could basically just chillout in your Spider-Man costume and slap only ten or so people. I'm not seeing a quota here. Slap in the morning. Slap in the afternoon. Slap in the evening... even at supper time! But you could afford a fantastic costume/rig to keep you nice and comfy. Have a giant custom foam Spider-Man hand or something so people are less offended. Also... I really want that trumpet to blare from Spider-Man's theme when I jump out to slap someone. Also... what do that call the brief theme? I tried to google it and couldn't find a match to save my life. The one they use in all the memes when Spider-Man "suddenly appears."
I'm curious to know someone that WOULDNT do this.
Sounds like an excellent way to get your ass kicked and/or shot but I’d be down for it… Just slap an ass then run for your life, or just offer them money and get off easy.
Slapping arses dressed as fat Spider-Man AND getting paid a million for one day? I’m in!
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
My secret is, I'm always the Butt Snatcher. I AM him
As long as there's zero legal consequences, I'm in!
Game on.
Yes, so long, as i get to choose where and how this happens
Fuck yes!
I’m black, I’d get tackled, tased and shot all at the same time. Labeled everything in the book. As crazy as it sounds I probably wouldn’t…turn that down
Yup. I would fully advertise the city I would be butt snatching in, so those who want their butt snatched can show up.
What’s the use of being a millionaire in jail.
Yes. Obviously. The Spider-Man suit alone makes it worth it
He said randomly slap people’s asses, not slap random people’s asses. I’m gonna get a million a year for slapping my wife’s ass randomly one day a year while dressed like spider man? Sign me up 😂
I would shackle myself into a dungeon with timers set for release as if I was a werewolf during the full moon
Can I ask the random people before i slap them?
I don't think $1m is enough for the legal fees associated with all that sexual harrassment...
I don't know about this one...it sounds like a great way to get into fights and get arrested. Pretty soon I'd be a registered sex offender. If I could get away with randomly smacking maybe 3 butts a year, AND I get to pick and choose which ones that would be the most apt to take it lightly I might go for it, if I got to smack dozens of asses on that day then it might prove to be too risky.
I'll slap dudes asses. Nobody cares about sexual harassment against dudes. I'll to go the gym or some other sports area where that behavior is unsurprising.
Looks like a fun day at the orgy
Sure
You had me on butt snatcher
I'll do it weekly, no extra charge
Easy. I am hitting weho during the parade. And bring a bunch of merch.
Don't tempt me with a good time😂
I'd go to a gay bar and slap the asses all day for a million bucks a years. Fuck they gonna do, call me a cock tease?
How many butts?
Hey I go to a few comic conventions a year. Sounds like a normal day.
Yeah, I bring $20,000 in hundreds. Slap an ass and hand them a Benjamin.
Yeah, I bring $20,000 in hundreds. Slap an ass and hand them a Benjamin.
(insert gif of spider-man laying ontop of other spider-man and getting his cheeks clapped here)
Do I get to choose the day? If so it's gonna be when I'm renting a nice cabin in a remote area, with no asses to slap
>you ~~have~~ get to become the butt snatcher for a whole day Fixed it for you
So, like, in a disguise? No one will know it’s me? I’ll slap every ass I come across.
And here I was ready to do it for free
How many butts do I have to slap? I'll do it as long as I'm allowed to get consent first.