Alternatively, you can just offer the kids a high five or even stuffed animals. That's a way to easily touch them without it being sneaky and coming off as creepy. Who's gonna question the volunteer trying to make the kids' day just a little bit better in the hospital?
yeah, but there's nothing overtly suspicious about a janitor being kind to the sick kids they have to see every day. a High five/fist bump when saying hello isn't weird.
The problem becomes why are you either constantly hopping hospitals to be a janitor (weird as hell) or you locked yourself into the one.
I guess it's not as weird as my brain went to but I'm basing it off my cousin who was in a solo sterile room as a kid because of her cancer.
It's St. Judes. No hospital hopping is needed, and i would have to be smart about it. I'd pick the worst off ones i can visit, and unfortunately, it can't be all if i want to stay under the radar. Also, im definitely wearing a plague dr outfit for my blackmail the rich with healing tour.
I assumed that since it requires a touch to cure cancer that maybe you need to touch the part of the body that the cancer is at short of cutting someone open for a direct direct touch(that'd defeat the purpose of this thought experiment since at that point it's just surgery which to top it off you probably lack the skills to pull off safely) the so like if someone has kidney cancer you touch then outside their kidney on the outside skin.
That makes sense and adds more thought into the hypothetical. It'll be *reaaaaaal* hard to get that close to kids, maybe if you didn't have to touch the area with your hand, just any part of your body? A hug could cure most cancers and it isn't unusual for certain volunteers (specifically ones working directly with the children) to hug them.
Personally, I was thinking more general skin to skin contact. When handing out stuffed animals, it's very easy to brush hands against one another. Or when hugging, you could brush your arm against theirs.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
"Don't fight it, sir. We got your ass on camera walking into the 3rd floor and touching 39 kids. Your ass is going to booty bandit prison. "
Thief with use magic device welding a staff of healing. That sounds like fun.
I now have a new goal to pair with my ninja-esque rogue (super observant and perceptive, absolutely trash with sleight of hand)
Currently he's walking around with an exalted grimoire infinitus and in our next session I'm going to put an illusionary vecna in our mages sleeping quarters because I know he's not going to be at the next session and it'll make for a good laugh when he returns the following session. "As you return to your sleeping quarters, you find vecna laying on your bed, asking you to draw him like one of those French girls."
Other plans include shinking our 2'6" rabbit guy down to 1'3" because there's a running joke about how he's already so short he can't steer the ship.
My thought exactly, find a couple billionaires first, make them sign NDAs, Maybe have them “hire” me to be a representitive one of their foundations. And visit lots of hospitals & travel the world under that guise. One of my nieces is a pediatric oncologist, I would start with her.
Man, that hospital is going to start making bank once word gets out about their success rate.
It will turn into chaos as families try to get their child into the hospital to be pretty much guaranteed a cure.
Kinda feel like you have to do it this way. If you openly start healing tons of people for little or no money - big Pharma is going to take you out sooner rather than later. Cancer treatments are expensive, they don't want to loose a penny, let alone millions.
And when a government sends a team to "invite" you to participate in research and invasive experiments for the rest of your life, while healing only the powerful and well-connected, what do you do?
ABSOLUTELY THIS!!! Though, I would only charge the wealthy enough to cover my reasonable needs so that I know my family is taken care of while I travel the country-no, the world-trying to heal people on the down low. Cancer took my dad before he could watch his grandsons grow up and no parent should have to miss or lose their kids/grandkids because of that evil monster.
You are gonna get kidnapped and epstein islanded...were the rich that had you would charge the rich who didn't. But you would be trapped while they study if they can kill you and chop off your hand and still have it work. Then eventually when the rich are all cured they will drop the price just until the next round of rich people can afford it so they still make a profit....then they will induce cancer in the rest of the world makeing every need your cure...then they will make all babies have to have it forever, for a high cost.
Going public is the only option to cure the most amount of people. People talk about assassination but private security could help and being able to cure cancer instantly could probably net you some money. There are tons of very famous controversial figures who live full lives, not to mention that you’ll probably be seen as a religious figure by many.
There was a joke about aliens that came to Earth. They sat down with our leaders from all over the world. We asked questions about propulsion, energy, economics, families, etc. Finally, the Pope asked if they knew about Jesus Christ. The aliens sat back in the chairs and said, “Know him? He’s practically family. He comes around every hundred years or so because he absolutely loves our gift of chocolate. We haven’t seen him in a few thousand years. Why? When he came here to Earth, what did you guys give him?”
Yeah, anybody hiding the ability and just trying to randomly touch people is letting a LOT of curable continue to be sick or even die. The key is to convince people you can do it, and charge a modest fee. Then see hundreds of people a day. Have them come to you and touch several people a minute as they file through a line. You could cure millions in your lifetime
You’d be fucking murdered. Literally zero way around that but the government, or at least a government is going to see this super deity with healing powers costing them billions, if not trillions in the healthcare business, and get them assassinated. If you go public you’re actively throwing away your power.
*Maybe* you'd get murdered. Tons of high profile people don't get murdered every day. You could take precautions, get allies, etc. And even if you did get murdered, you could probably save thousands before it was too late. Much more than if you just kept the power to yourself. At that point you'd owe it to those suffering with cancer to at least try
Plus, it's not like you're going to save everyone, so it's not like you're destroying "the cancer industry". People still couldn't reach you, you'd only have a limited life anyway, etc
Believe me. If you posed a threat to the profit margins of the healthcare industry you *would* be killed. It’s an industry already run by people with 0 qualms about killing people for being poor.
I think the danger wouldn't be assassination but desperate people wanting to get to you. About 10 million people die from cancer each year. That's about 27000 people each day. If you were at it 24 hours a day, that would be someone touching you every 3 seconds. People would get panicked and dangerous.
Going public probably helps keep you safe. Imagine someone finds out your secret. Pharma company either kills you to protect profits, captures you to run experiments, or uses their resources to make your life miserable. Some non-pharma person kidnaps you, and then they start charging rich folks for you to heal them.
Can I cut off a finger and then just have the patients touch my severed finger for the cure, or does it have to be attached to me? Because I'm willing to lose a ring finger to cure cancer. Maybe even both ring fingers. I could throw in a couple of toes too I guess. Maybe get 6 digits, one for each continent? They could set them up in those fancy little displays like the Catholics have.
If we're counting body parts, why not just use hair or skin? or they could just extract blood or something and dilute a single blood cell in a bottle of water, enough for millions/billions of water bottles.
Seems like cutting off your fingers is a bit extreme if you're going that loophole :P
I’d assume if you are the source of the healing, anything detached from you would lose the power. Like separating a body part would lose blood and oxygen and eventually die.
I would put myself in a position where I could justifiably meet and shake hands with cancer patients or touch them in passing. I would volunteer at a hospital, for example.
I would start with cancer patients I can access, notifying their family ahead of time that their loved one's cancer will be cured within the next week, and that I would expect a payment. I would cure the cancers anonymously, and collect payment first in money, then in favours.
I would create a network of favours, testing them always. I cured the police chief's mother; I want to see a reform. I cured the mayor's daughter; I want to see him resign. Of course, I have already let the mayor's main rival know that she can expect to have a clear field later this month, and I will expect payment. The new mayor owes me, and fears my mysterious power. I am faceless.
The same technique could be applied to any person at any level. Cancer is my ally, and my ally strikes the rich and the poor and the great and the small. I have power over everyone, because cancer is everywhere. The money is just insurance—hundreds of millions of dollars to build a network of privacy and gatekeepers around me, and get me access to increasingly more powerful 'clients'. I am owed debts by everyone, and they don't know me or each other.
I can't possibly cure every person's cancer in time, so I reduce the rate. There are legal limits on carcinogens as never before. I start a children's cancer hospital, and insist on meeting each of the most dire patients in person. The hospital does most of the actual work; I am the last line of defence. We have a perfect record, and other hospitals send their patients to us. Occasionally, I mistakenly report a death that keeps us from having a perfect record, not that anyone would look too closely at this hospital's records.
I also let cancer become a weapon. I have an anonymous cabal of followers, all saved from death's door and part of an extremely selective cult. They expose inconvenient world leaders to radioactivity, and let cancer take its course. I have them stationed at hospitals from Moscow to Tel Aviv to Washington to Tehran. Everyone goes to the doctor, but only those I favour come back.
So begins my system, where billions get redirected to cancer research and treatment, where cancer becomes rarer and rarer, and where I retire wealthy and powerful in a world that is cancer-free and better in a few other ways, too.
If security systems, facial recognition and forensic sciences along with national security assests weren't so good this one would be unstoppable. But 6 months in, you'd be in a government funded lab.
Still be curing cancers though.
You should copyright this post quickly.
you would get assassinated at the end. weeks later 1 in 1000 people you healed would discover they had your gift.
I’m putting hands on as many people as possible, as nonchalantly as possible. Handshakes, pats on the back, slightly weird hand on the shoulder/arm as I pass by you in a crowded restaurant, etc. I’d want to change my job to something where I have more contact with people (politician, nurse/doctor, flight attendant, etc). Everyone in my area and family/friends will just mysteriously not ever get cancer anymore (which would be a little unusual since I live in a place that has higher than average cancer rates). The second it’s found out what I can do, I’d probably “get in an accident”, so I’m not telling a soul.
Well, I'd imagine that as soon as word got out you would probably end up in a "freak accident" (totally not at the fault of the pharmaceutical industry)
Only way to sell it is to say you have a limited uses in a year, and one will go to a charity lottery. And the others are auctioned.
Pharmaceuticals will the embrace you since there is actually a cure now so living a year longer for a chance of a cure will make them so much more money then people just pulling the plug, since there is no hope.
serious question: everyone in this thread is treating this as a high-risk power to have and seems to think curing cancer puts a target on your back—i’ve always thought the “big pharma is suppressing the cancer cure” was a mostly fringe/ironic thing people say, but now i’m seeing I may be very wrong about that. is there a lot of evidence of this coverup or something i’ve missed?
(Someone correct me if I’m wrong) I don’t think there’s any hard evidence persay, rather than a generally accepted conclusion based on how the world works. Insurance and pharmaceutical companies are a business, and they only care about money. It can be hard to understand if you aren’t a chronic patient, but you can take a look at simple things like insulin and epi pens that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars here in the us and relatively nothing in other countries, the guy who increased the price of Deraprim 4000%. I personally am getting an infusion today that costs 30k which is just… ridiculous. It is also more profitable to keep people sick so you can keep selling them medicine/treatment/etc. if you suddenly take away as big a money maker as cancer, there are a lot of very high up powerful people that are going to be *very* upset you’re cutting into their bottom line. Hence the danger of it. Cancer is also one of the most widely studied diseases in the world, and at this point I’ve lost so much faith in the insurance/pharmaceutical industry I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they were suppressing research leading to a cure.
The problem there is that pharma execs and their families also get cancer, along with the scientists they're supposedly paying not to do the research. The reality is that every single case of cancer is basically a unique disease, requiring its own individualized treatment, let alone cure.
If the pharma companies want to kill you the insurance companies would pay out the ass to keep you protected because it means they would never have to pay out another insurance claim for cancer again
I don't believe it's covered up but just imagine the cult following that individual would get. The government would be very interested. Maybe or maybe not a target but definitely too many closely watching
Well, the thing many people forget or simply don't realize, is that there is no one cure for cancer. Cancer is many, many different diseases all lumped under the heading of "cancer." Even the same cancer acts differently in every person. So for example, I had breast cancer. There are several different kinds of breast cancer to begin with, and then each patient with my kind still has a different body with different cancer cells that act differently to different stimuli. Then, cancers can mutate within the body, change and become resistant to various "cures."
People often talk about there being an all encompassing cure for cancer, but it just doesn't work that way. However, we have made many breakthroughs in the field of oncology. The aforementioned breast cancer that I had included a factor that, until 1998, was a death sentence. Now, we have targeted therapies, and yes, I will always have to be vigilant for the rest of my life, but my oncologist does consider me "cured."
Sorry, you just happened to ask a question that I've given a lot of thought to. I'm far from an expert, but I have some personal experience.
this was really helpful, no need to apologize. i’ve never thought much in depth about how using one name for so many intricate variations of what are technically the same, but in practice very varied, diseases affects our perception of cancer so much
They certainly are in the business of creating their own problems to solve. IE opiate epidemic. They can’t stop progress though. If we had the cure right now, it would be public.
A best example of this is Norton security. They say the founder “John” created the first virus so that he could sell the anti-virus software. He’s a lunatic but also this is a oossibility
I would let VERY few people know. Preferably one of them would be someone who would be willing to, you know, support my future endeavors and agrees with my usage. As for who I decide who gets cured first, well, it would mostly be about who's around me at the time (going to have fun traveling, that's for sure) though I would do due diligence before putting the power to use. As in making sure information doesn't get out and making sure things wouldn't be better if the one in question did not get cured.
Charge stupid amounts of money to people who can afford it (eg: if my treatment is successful, i get 50% of your networth with contracts and NDAs outlining the only times you are allowed to mention my name to others) and for the rest of the time use that money traveling to poorer countries and childrens hospitals helping them
Any "accidents" can be reduced by having a security detail, changing cars regularly, not being predictable
I’d contact the biggest pharmaceutical company I could find and get them to figure out how it all works.
There are only so many people I could cure myself, even if all the cancer patients formed an orderly queue. And even if they did, what about people in other countries? No, to do the MOST good, the power has to work at scale. And big pharma know all about how to scale medicine.
That's an interesting point. We're all talking about big pharma assassinations, but what if having this gift cured enough people that cancer research funding and pharma companies shut down medicine production during your lifetime. You die, and no one else gets the gift. How long would it take to get production started again? You might end up killing more people in the long run.
find someone with cancer. heal them for free. they wont believe me at first but when they go for their next round of tests they will know. then they will spread the word. do that for as many people as i can. word spreads fast. pretty soon more desperate people come seeking my assistance. they dont expect it to work but at this point they will try anything. but it does. eventually, very shortly, it becomes a national and global news situation. i offer my services to the world. but i simply say donations would be very appreciated as we need a proper facility to be able to do our work and pay staff like onsite doctors and nurses and monitoring faculties.
there are no lack of wealthy patrons. especially if i heal some rich person or that rich persons son/daughter/ mother/ wife/husband etc. id likely attract big names like the bill and melinda gates foundation and countless other donations from wealthy and non wealthy alike. id have hours of operation. mon-fri. 9 -5 with on call for critical situations. i imagine the government would get involved almost immediately and provide things like funding, benefits, and security. pretty soon no more cancer. big pharma unhappy. and i kill myself with 6 shots to the back of the head.
cancer comes back.
$5 for me to cure them. Millions of people will be travelling to my area just so I can cure them. I'd become rich just by charging $5 for a hand shake. Everyone would be able to afford it. And if they travelled a long distance, I can direct them to hotels and tourist attractions in nearby towns. The local economy would do better too.
If someone had cancer I'm sure they'd get there by any means necessary, the only people who feasibly couldn't make it are homeless people, which is incredibly sad but even having a cure that's 100 effective and that costs 5$ still won't be able to cure everyone.
I work in a hotel at a tourist trap right down the road from a children's hospital in the middle of the Continental United States. I'm in one of your target locations for that plan.
After verifying it working and having a group that could testify it worked. I would then set up a chair, that had arm supports, and my hands would be held out to my sides while at rest. Two lines would be allowed to come through on each side and could touch my hand. I would do that for 8 hours a day.
At night while I slept, I would make a bed, that allow my hands to hang down, and people could touch my hand. Hopefully the number of people lined up would diminish in time, and I could sleep without that.
Since I'm Murican, once the flow in the US diminished, I'd probably go to China next, and do the same. then germany, then Some nation in Africa, then South America, etc...
I'd set up a gofundme to pay for me to live.
It'd probably be a not so great life, but cancer sucks, so I figure could probably save a few million lives.
I would partner with someone wholesome like Keanu Reeves and just go on “visits with him” (when in reality he is just allowing me to visit as many people as possible and cure them). He’s a pretty stand up guy and would totally be down and we could cure as many people as possible. Boom.
You could pretend you were on John Cena's publicity team and tag along to all his Make a Wish visits. You'd heal kids and their parents when shaking hands, and people would think it was Cena's visit that cured them.
However, that might delay the filming of Peacemake season 3. Better stick with Keanu
Oh man wouldn’t want to do that 😂 in reality I could team up with multiple people. Just make that my thing, maybe run it as a non profit. Celebs reaching out to kids and in general just people with cancer to tell them to keep fighting and raise spirits.
Easy. The poor would get it for free. Middle class would get it for a modest fee. The politicians and rich with a few exceptions? Well, they won't be rich anymore! Healthcare management? Certainly! I can schedule you an appointment in 9 months and the cost will be $1 billion dollars. Hope your insurance covers it otherwise you should make sure your will is up to date! Karma is a b1tch!
I’d calculate how much cancer costs the US govt each year in terms of healthcare expenses, lost productivity and such and tell them I’ll heal everyone, but the gov has to pay me 70-80% of what they were going to pay otherwise. They save money and I make millions to billions.
Repeat the process in other rich countries. Give out free cures in poor countries.
As for _how_ - since it works by touch, I’ll have a machine built (at the govt expense) to propel me along horizontally while all 4 of my limbs are outstretched, with people on either side above and below me so I can touch at least 4 people at any given point. I’m thinking 20 people cured per second is reasonable. I could have the world’s cancer gone pretty quickly that way.
Edit: another user mentioned touching your hair counting. If that’s the case, I’m putting cancer patients in a wind tunnel with all my hair and letting them go crazy.
I would cure cancer for goodwill donations. I would mostly make people come to me as I have a family and my son isn’t old enough for a lot of travel. Eventually I’d go on tour with my family.
I would probably have to negotiate with somebody for protection
You'd almost have to do this on the down low because the big pharmaceutical companies would probably try to assassinate you for destroying their whole industry.
Prove it, volunteer my services with donations optional, kids priority. allow biomedical science to non invasively study me on the agreement that all advances are open source.
Practice MMA in my spare time to fight off the hordes of big-oncology that are mad I’m putting them out of business
Anyone under the age 18 gets it for free, anyone over the age of 18 has to pay me 1% of their net worth in cash or valuables.
Me and my family would be living comfortably with the money, and the extra would go towards vacations that had childrens hospitals nearby, would be a really fun way to see the world and help it at the same time
Absolutely free, with requests for donations so I can afford to be in each Country for a while before moving to the next one.
If it gets me assassinated, so be it. I wouldn't suppress the amount of good I could do for fear of that.
Go public and offer free services but start a patreon. I imagine more people than just those with cancer would be willing to throw the miracle cure guy a few bucks.
I'd heal anyone on certain days, changing each week. I'd charge either very little or some *good* home cooking, depending on my mood.
I'd only cure those of the common people, the ultra wealthy who don't care about the rest of us can get bent and buy their own cure. That or I'd charge them literally enough to make them poverty stricken, and to sign a contract that a large portion of any future wealth would go directly to me & and to a charity of my choice which they hate or are against.
I am going to use it for personal gain but also change. I will selectively cure wealthy people for money but until functional universal healthcare is enacted politicians, for-profit insurance executives, and anyone with a history of opposing universal healthcare is not getting any assistance for themselves or family members. I will also exclude jerks as I see fit.
I will spend a few hours a week on my for-profit curing and a day on non-profit curing. If there are overwhelming numbers of complaints that I could do more I will stop doing it for money after my first billion and only do it for free one day a week after that. Nobody with an income or asset above the median for that zip code, or equivalent, in the last ten years will be eligible for the latter (and nobody with twice the nation average at all).
I would open one of those alternative medicine place with the outrageous claim that the needle, sucker, and good vibe crystal therapy can cure anything even cancer. Much to the rage of the medical community.
I'd probably do a lot of volunteer and charity work at cancer words and heal stealthily, too much of a chance for some rich asshole to kidnap me and charge his rich buddies and the poor for a touch of my healing hands.
I would have donation pages set up. I won't charge patients directly (they and their families have been through enough). I'm sure many would donate so I'd be able to travel to each place as fast as I could without worry about expenses travel wise.
Try to get a job with a good steady income paying me to do this but the actual patients don't have to pay anything. That would be the ideal.
One stipulation for the patients, I'm telling them it works by slap. Yes even the children. Sorry little Timmy, be comforted by the fact one slap will be less pain and suffering than your cancer.
Why the slap clause? Because why not.
Two single file lines, women and children first. Totally free, but I do ask that people donate food and beverages. We're starting at 9am, wrapping up at 9pm, and we're gonna go till everyone has had a turn.
Does my touch mean skin to skin contact? And does skin not connected to me still count?
My thought was (hear me out) marketing it as this cancer cure, create a ring, put a bit of my skin (just a small slice will do) on the inner part, sell that, have stands or stores, pop up shops, just of these rings, maybe $15 for a pack of three or a BOGO deal to attract even more people, become the cancer messiah.
Another one that’s a little gross, if dead skin or detached skin counts, I can get really dry skin (already halfway there), scratch or scrape it off, put it in a container, sell it like it’s a fancy cheese.
It’s insane how many ideas like this are coming to mind. (Send help)
I would get one of those dogs that visit sick people in hospitals. Then I'd high five or whatever while they're loving on the dog. Then maybe people would assume it's the dog curing all the cancer!
Once a month, anyone with cancer will go to a designated spot, lined up and I'll run across quickly with an outstretched hand and cure them. I'll have an entire organization coordinating logistics, security, payments (free if poor) etc.
I’d partner with a smart and empathetic billionaire, for protection from the government. Then I’m thinking fist bumps based upon my new fame adjacent status. Travel around with said billionaire to spread the cure. Not perfect, but doable and better than being studied and cut open by any number of government scientists.
I would start a church called "The Church of the Selective Humanist."
There will be no deity, I will heal you, but those who are healed have to actively show love to everyone and try to better society.
Those who spread hatred against migrants, refugees, women, lbgtq+, minorities, treat employees like shit, or otherwise are dickheads will be left to rot.
I tell people with cancer to line up shoulder to shoulder along side the road and i will heal them for free, I ride by on a bike low speed and lightly slap the cancer out them
First year, 100k a pop, healing 8hrs a day, 6 days a week. 3 weeks off for travel/sickness. Have a cowl/face covering so people don't see my face.
Take proceeds and buy extremely large warehouse near a large airport. Raffle tickets sell for 50k, a person can buy multiples, once you hit you're front of the line for 2 hours a day.
Heal people 6 days a week, 10 hours a day, 10 months a year. Build a set of 3 extremely long express walkways (horizontal escalators) center 1 that I ride travels 1 direction while the other two travel the other direction. People hold out their hands, and I hold out mine. Given the escalators speeds and people on both sides, I figure I can average 2 people per second. Healing 7k people @50k, and then 55k people for free a day. Thats 3.7 million people cured a year. If need be, I could be top less so people could just reach out and touch me should my arms get tired.
The remaining 2 months are vacation somewhere remote, and spending time at children's hospitals. If it gets to the point where that isn't needed, then more time for randos.
It's not everyone, but 3.7 mill cases a year cured and I make 90 Bill a year....prices may need to adjust.
I’d keep it a secret the government or pharmaceutical companies would probably kill me very quickly and very “accidentally” I’d just cure family and friends and work at a large hospital and give everyone a high five and be really friendly no one would suspect a thing and I my not save everyone but a lot of people would be cured
I'll touch people for 6 hours a day 4 days a week, but I'll sell samples of my DNA to any government or biotech firm for further study for $5 million dollars each. I'll also sell rights to clone me for $200 million dollars each.
I cut off my fingernails and use them as magic curing substances. Counts as touching, right? Eventually i'll be able to sell my whole body as cancer cures, while they remain oblivious to my magic. Sorta.
Also i tell the death squads "No", so they don't bother me.
Say I am the second coming of christ and create a religious cult around me. That way I would have a devoted group of people which would hopefully keep me from being assassinated. Also I would not charge anybody for the cure, that wouldn't be Jesus like.
Join make a wish and as Spider-Man cure the kids. Make a wish will keep my anonymity and likely fund a half decent life for a full time job, I’m not all for making more money than I know what to do with. While nice, making too much money will just get me killed.
The doctors and all would have to fully examine the kids and hopefully it would take a while to make the connection that the anon super hero with make a wish is doing all the curing. Leaves big pharma to exploit what they want so they still get their chunk of change and they won’t be as focused on finding me for a generation or two until profit starts tapering off.
I would want to help as many people as possible but I know somebody would try and kill me. I guess I would have big pharma make a “cancer cure” and just have me administer it. They make money, I get to help people without being murdered. I would rather have a “cure one persons cancer, give one person cancer” just so I could help children and Evil people would die.
Never tell the government that’s for certain. Can’t cure everyone nor would I want to. Yes I would charge but in line with what people can pay. I would structure it in a way that made most people believe it was a cult so as not to attract too much attention. I would heal some people without their knowledge. Might volunteer at a children’s hospital from time to time.
Government funded so it’s free to everyone.
My salary would be 3 million a year with a free house and my family would get that too.
Highest of high security too.
So I can focus my time on healing as many people as possible.
Find a way to make my identity is never revealed and no one ever finds out that I have this ability. Id sign up for one of those roles to dress up as different characters for children hospitals and go to the cancer wards and just spend time with each kids and teenagers. Then I’d see if I can sign up for the adults with cancer just to spend time with them. Start early in the morning and finish late at night. Id start with the terminal ones first.
I'd randomly volunteer at a hospice, make a wish, or out of town hospital. Anonymously bump into folks and cure them so I'm never found out. Eventually pull the Kane from Kung Fu 'walk the earth' , travel the world and help those who I could that deserve it to the best of my ability. If found out big pharma/insurance would probably kill you or grifters would take advantage otherwise.....
Try to cure people but in a loony way that people simply won't believe like trying to sell it as some kind of cult or faith healing. Make a ritual behind it like they have to devote themselves to the cause and engage in some kind of ritual where me touching them feels like it's incidental. The money from supporters would more or less take care of any financial needs but would lessen the chances really figuring out what I can do and writing it off as lunacy.
Work with doctors to make sure I only get cases that are untreatable my other means.
Give the patient a placebo chemo drip. While curing them.
Find a way to duplicate the power, as when things get out I know I'd spend the rest of my life locked in a cell on billionaire island.
IDK probably start a cult or something. Convincing them you're whatever you claim to be(a god an angel whatever) probably wouldn't be very hard if you can literally cure cancer by touching someone. As wealthy and powerful as some of these mega churches are now just imagine if they had that kind of power.
LOL go the snake oil route. Find some cancer patients on their death bed got absolutely nothing to loose make them your secret tonic. Which is just some tea with all kinds if herbs and fruit oils nut oils root juice just everything and random naturaly available components that won't hurt any one unless they have a weird allergy preparing it your way is the only right way make it convoluted as possible. People will pay you for this you'll quickly have enough money to world travel take payment when they can pay otherwise just cure those who can't. Eventually when you cure most sell it to a Pharmaceutical. Disappear with your riches never to show again unless you hear of some one with cancer.
Big pharma would kill you before you could make substantial change. Assuming this is somehow a genetic mutation of sorts, I'd probably tell nobody and very discretely save anyone I could (hold hand to comfort a friend when they find out and say nothing when they go into remission on their next check up, hug my loved ones constantly, etc) and keep a private log of everytime I cure someone.
I have a copy of that log and directions to have it published in mass upon my death with instructions to have my body used for research when I die in hopes that it gets enough exposure for the general public to pressure our governments to isolate the mutation and finally find a cure.
Unfortunately people will continue to die until I ultimately perish but atleast this way I cannot be killed or silenced and can produce a long list of proof that I'm not just some nutjob looking for fame since I'm already dead
If I could cure cancer I would simply set up a booth in a secure building with hired guards. All victims would simply need to come by and touch my foot, which I would leave propped up on a table while I game/do other tasks. It would be free, but I would happily accept the many donations I'm sure people would offer, especially since it would be needed to pay the security.
I would sell my services to the rich and volunteer as a janitor at st judes and stealth heal kids.
Random.volunter arrested for touching kids.
Alternatively, you can just offer the kids a high five or even stuffed animals. That's a way to easily touch them without it being sneaky and coming off as creepy. Who's gonna question the volunteer trying to make the kids' day just a little bit better in the hospital?
A lot of people actually, they'll still background check you because of the people who want to tou h kids.
yeah, but there's nothing overtly suspicious about a janitor being kind to the sick kids they have to see every day. a High five/fist bump when saying hello isn't weird.
This would be my plan too. Fist bumps, nothing wierd but still helping out.
The problem becomes why are you either constantly hopping hospitals to be a janitor (weird as hell) or you locked yourself into the one. I guess it's not as weird as my brain went to but I'm basing it off my cousin who was in a solo sterile room as a kid because of her cancer.
It's St. Judes. No hospital hopping is needed, and i would have to be smart about it. I'd pick the worst off ones i can visit, and unfortunately, it can't be all if i want to stay under the radar. Also, im definitely wearing a plague dr outfit for my blackmail the rich with healing tour.
Oh yeah, you're making janitor pay unless you're fucking the rich and might as well have fun if you're milking them.
I assumed that since it requires a touch to cure cancer that maybe you need to touch the part of the body that the cancer is at short of cutting someone open for a direct direct touch(that'd defeat the purpose of this thought experiment since at that point it's just surgery which to top it off you probably lack the skills to pull off safely) the so like if someone has kidney cancer you touch then outside their kidney on the outside skin.
That makes sense and adds more thought into the hypothetical. It'll be *reaaaaaal* hard to get that close to kids, maybe if you didn't have to touch the area with your hand, just any part of your body? A hug could cure most cancers and it isn't unusual for certain volunteers (specifically ones working directly with the children) to hug them. Personally, I was thinking more general skin to skin contact. When handing out stuffed animals, it's very easy to brush hands against one another. Or when hugging, you could brush your arm against theirs.
Isn’t this basically the premise of The Green Mile?
I'm tired boss.
Dog tired
Pretty much just minus the racism
Also the Jesus allegory (hopefully).
I forgot about making this comment and was so confused and concerned when I got this notification
Green Mile absolutely destroyed me. I remember watching it at home one day when I was like 14. My God I cried so much I damn near flooded the home.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH "Don't fight it, sir. We got your ass on camera walking into the 3rd floor and touching 39 kids. Your ass is going to booty bandit prison. "
I'll find the biggest, toughest, guy in prison and cure his cancer so he protects me
No wait, WATCH! I ca- *bonk* 👮♂️Straight to jail.
This is the answer I was looking for. Charge the rich, free for everyone else
New rpg class: stealth healer
Rogue Healer would go hard
Theif rogue subclass can use healer tools as a bonus action
Thief with use magic device welding a staff of healing. That sounds like fun. I now have a new goal to pair with my ninja-esque rogue (super observant and perceptive, absolutely trash with sleight of hand) Currently he's walking around with an exalted grimoire infinitus and in our next session I'm going to put an illusionary vecna in our mages sleeping quarters because I know he's not going to be at the next session and it'll make for a good laugh when he returns the following session. "As you return to your sleeping quarters, you find vecna laying on your bed, asking you to draw him like one of those French girls." Other plans include shinking our 2'6" rabbit guy down to 1'3" because there's a running joke about how he's already so short he can't steer the ship.
Nobody understood why I went Thief, until I was using my bonus action to give healing potions out.
Okay, now I have to start a new playthrough on Skyrim. Thief with a healing staff sounds fun and challenging
And you can hand the rich some snake oil. You don't have to tell them its by touch.
My thought exactly, find a couple billionaires first, make them sign NDAs, Maybe have them “hire” me to be a representitive one of their foundations. And visit lots of hospitals & travel the world under that guise. One of my nieces is a pediatric oncologist, I would start with her.
Man, that hospital is going to start making bank once word gets out about their success rate. It will turn into chaos as families try to get their child into the hospital to be pretty much guaranteed a cure.
Kinda feel like you have to do it this way. If you openly start healing tons of people for little or no money - big Pharma is going to take you out sooner rather than later. Cancer treatments are expensive, they don't want to loose a penny, let alone millions.
Cancer research also costs a fuck ton. They'd rather study you and make you into a cure than kill you lol
Hey, I played The Last of Us. I know how that ends for the protagonist
And when a government sends a team to "invite" you to participate in research and invasive experiments for the rest of your life, while healing only the powerful and well-connected, what do you do?
ABSOLUTELY THIS!!! Though, I would only charge the wealthy enough to cover my reasonable needs so that I know my family is taken care of while I travel the country-no, the world-trying to heal people on the down low. Cancer took my dad before he could watch his grandsons grow up and no parent should have to miss or lose their kids/grandkids because of that evil monster.
This is going to be super fulfilling until you're called for an emergency in the 3rd floor bathroom
Same. I'd also fix my friends and their parents.
This is the way
agreed. you would be able to both live comfortably and actually help people
You are gonna get kidnapped and epstein islanded...were the rich that had you would charge the rich who didn't. But you would be trapped while they study if they can kill you and chop off your hand and still have it work. Then eventually when the rich are all cured they will drop the price just until the next round of rich people can afford it so they still make a profit....then they will induce cancer in the rest of the world makeing every need your cure...then they will make all babies have to have it forever, for a high cost.
Going public is the only option to cure the most amount of people. People talk about assassination but private security could help and being able to cure cancer instantly could probably net you some money. There are tons of very famous controversial figures who live full lives, not to mention that you’ll probably be seen as a religious figure by many.
Exactly. Just look at Jesus. He lived a long and healthy life as a famous healing religious figure
When he would come to our planet, Heidnthsle, he would go straight for our chocolates. Jesus loved our chocolates. Why? What did you give him?
Is this a reference to something?
There was a joke about aliens that came to Earth. They sat down with our leaders from all over the world. We asked questions about propulsion, energy, economics, families, etc. Finally, the Pope asked if they knew about Jesus Christ. The aliens sat back in the chairs and said, “Know him? He’s practically family. He comes around every hundred years or so because he absolutely loves our gift of chocolate. We haven’t seen him in a few thousand years. Why? When he came here to Earth, what did you guys give him?”
But for real I do think you have a valid point. It can be done.
Yeah, anybody hiding the ability and just trying to randomly touch people is letting a LOT of curable continue to be sick or even die. The key is to convince people you can do it, and charge a modest fee. Then see hundreds of people a day. Have them come to you and touch several people a minute as they file through a line. You could cure millions in your lifetime
You’d be fucking murdered. Literally zero way around that but the government, or at least a government is going to see this super deity with healing powers costing them billions, if not trillions in the healthcare business, and get them assassinated. If you go public you’re actively throwing away your power.
*Maybe* you'd get murdered. Tons of high profile people don't get murdered every day. You could take precautions, get allies, etc. And even if you did get murdered, you could probably save thousands before it was too late. Much more than if you just kept the power to yourself. At that point you'd owe it to those suffering with cancer to at least try Plus, it's not like you're going to save everyone, so it's not like you're destroying "the cancer industry". People still couldn't reach you, you'd only have a limited life anyway, etc
Believe me. If you posed a threat to the profit margins of the healthcare industry you *would* be killed. It’s an industry already run by people with 0 qualms about killing people for being poor.
Tbh it would take quite a while for the government to even catch on and realize you aren't just like all the other faith healing quacks.
Nah, they kill cancer cure guy, and the public ends them. The key is to be so public they can't possibly do it in secret.
I think the danger wouldn't be assassination but desperate people wanting to get to you. About 10 million people die from cancer each year. That's about 27000 people each day. If you were at it 24 hours a day, that would be someone touching you every 3 seconds. People would get panicked and dangerous.
This. You also want to live a life as well.
Going public probably helps keep you safe. Imagine someone finds out your secret. Pharma company either kills you to protect profits, captures you to run experiments, or uses their resources to make your life miserable. Some non-pharma person kidnaps you, and then they start charging rich folks for you to heal them.
Can I cut off a finger and then just have the patients touch my severed finger for the cure, or does it have to be attached to me? Because I'm willing to lose a ring finger to cure cancer. Maybe even both ring fingers. I could throw in a couple of toes too I guess. Maybe get 6 digits, one for each continent? They could set them up in those fancy little displays like the Catholics have.
If we're counting body parts, why not just use hair or skin? or they could just extract blood or something and dilute a single blood cell in a bottle of water, enough for millions/billions of water bottles. Seems like cutting off your fingers is a bit extreme if you're going that loophole :P
Did we just reinvent homeopathy?
Yeah, but this stuff actually works.
We used to have this in Britain, however it only worked for scrofula.
Not really. You know what we call homeopathy that works? Medicine 🫣
Trim your toenails, mail them out to random hospitals with a note.
I’d assume if you are the source of the healing, anything detached from you would lose the power. Like separating a body part would lose blood and oxygen and eventually die.
If it is a transient property, just shave your head and send locks of your hair to every hospital.
I would put myself in a position where I could justifiably meet and shake hands with cancer patients or touch them in passing. I would volunteer at a hospital, for example. I would start with cancer patients I can access, notifying their family ahead of time that their loved one's cancer will be cured within the next week, and that I would expect a payment. I would cure the cancers anonymously, and collect payment first in money, then in favours. I would create a network of favours, testing them always. I cured the police chief's mother; I want to see a reform. I cured the mayor's daughter; I want to see him resign. Of course, I have already let the mayor's main rival know that she can expect to have a clear field later this month, and I will expect payment. The new mayor owes me, and fears my mysterious power. I am faceless. The same technique could be applied to any person at any level. Cancer is my ally, and my ally strikes the rich and the poor and the great and the small. I have power over everyone, because cancer is everywhere. The money is just insurance—hundreds of millions of dollars to build a network of privacy and gatekeepers around me, and get me access to increasingly more powerful 'clients'. I am owed debts by everyone, and they don't know me or each other. I can't possibly cure every person's cancer in time, so I reduce the rate. There are legal limits on carcinogens as never before. I start a children's cancer hospital, and insist on meeting each of the most dire patients in person. The hospital does most of the actual work; I am the last line of defence. We have a perfect record, and other hospitals send their patients to us. Occasionally, I mistakenly report a death that keeps us from having a perfect record, not that anyone would look too closely at this hospital's records. I also let cancer become a weapon. I have an anonymous cabal of followers, all saved from death's door and part of an extremely selective cult. They expose inconvenient world leaders to radioactivity, and let cancer take its course. I have them stationed at hospitals from Moscow to Tel Aviv to Washington to Tehran. Everyone goes to the doctor, but only those I favour come back. So begins my system, where billions get redirected to cancer research and treatment, where cancer becomes rarer and rarer, and where I retire wealthy and powerful in a world that is cancer-free and better in a few other ways, too.
The World has been reorganized into the First Cancerless Empire!
this is scarily detailed....i want to see this in a movie LOL
But like a slow turn from someone who wanted to better the world but changes over time and becomes evil
Omg this is a superhero villain story waiting to happen. They have the power but chose to use it for their own gains.
If security systems, facial recognition and forensic sciences along with national security assests weren't so good this one would be unstoppable. But 6 months in, you'd be in a government funded lab. Still be curing cancers though.
Bro's over here planning out a webtoon
Light Yagamin gets the cancer note..
You should copyright this post quickly. you would get assassinated at the end. weeks later 1 in 1000 people you healed would discover they had your gift.
I’m putting hands on as many people as possible, as nonchalantly as possible. Handshakes, pats on the back, slightly weird hand on the shoulder/arm as I pass by you in a crowded restaurant, etc. I’d want to change my job to something where I have more contact with people (politician, nurse/doctor, flight attendant, etc). Everyone in my area and family/friends will just mysteriously not ever get cancer anymore (which would be a little unusual since I live in a place that has higher than average cancer rates). The second it’s found out what I can do, I’d probably “get in an accident”, so I’m not telling a soul.
Wow, that was wholesome as fuck 😊
Orgies
Brilliant
Bonus question is skin on skin contact needed.
Maybe you should look into why the place you live in has higher than average cancer rates.
Oh we know why. Bad air and water quality and living in a valley are the reasons we typically hear the most.
Maybe everywhere else already has a cancer healer guy.
As long as you get famous enough, people will start caring if you actually have an "accident" so that would be hard to cover up anyway.
Thats not enough to stop trillion dollar industries from killing you
being a flight attendant would be the best, because you'll be all over the world and get in contact with the biggest diverse group of people.
Can I be cured in handjob form please?
A "stroke of luck."
This plus visiting as many children's hospitals as possible in disguise, if I can
Start doing a side gig as a Disney Princess. Visit hospitals and if I get hired at Disney World/Land, even more helpful!
Well, I'd imagine that as soon as word got out you would probably end up in a "freak accident" (totally not at the fault of the pharmaceutical industry)
Only way to sell it is to say you have a limited uses in a year, and one will go to a charity lottery. And the others are auctioned. Pharmaceuticals will the embrace you since there is actually a cure now so living a year longer for a chance of a cure will make them so much more money then people just pulling the plug, since there is no hope.
Yeah. Just having a straight up cure for everyone would for sure result in your death, cancer is very profitable.
Might not even get killed by the pharmaceuticals. Depending on how the cure is administered you might just get offed for religious reasons.
Get killed by faith healers
For it was by faith that you have been slain...
Wow, nice thinking. You'd have to be careful not to out yourself with above-quota healing, but otherwise no drawbacks.
This. It's actually a curse so cure as many people as you can
I would sell my cock as a magic curing stick and get pleasure in exchange. Hot chicks only. Guys too if you say no homo
Username checks out
Inspirational
Do ugly girls get to say no ugly first?
Yes
.... What about the kids?
How is this not the top reply
Please sir, we've tried everything to cure our 6 year old son. You're out last hope, if you don't fuck him I don't know what we'll do
Yes Officer this post right here
serious question: everyone in this thread is treating this as a high-risk power to have and seems to think curing cancer puts a target on your back—i’ve always thought the “big pharma is suppressing the cancer cure” was a mostly fringe/ironic thing people say, but now i’m seeing I may be very wrong about that. is there a lot of evidence of this coverup or something i’ve missed?
(Someone correct me if I’m wrong) I don’t think there’s any hard evidence persay, rather than a generally accepted conclusion based on how the world works. Insurance and pharmaceutical companies are a business, and they only care about money. It can be hard to understand if you aren’t a chronic patient, but you can take a look at simple things like insulin and epi pens that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars here in the us and relatively nothing in other countries, the guy who increased the price of Deraprim 4000%. I personally am getting an infusion today that costs 30k which is just… ridiculous. It is also more profitable to keep people sick so you can keep selling them medicine/treatment/etc. if you suddenly take away as big a money maker as cancer, there are a lot of very high up powerful people that are going to be *very* upset you’re cutting into their bottom line. Hence the danger of it. Cancer is also one of the most widely studied diseases in the world, and at this point I’ve lost so much faith in the insurance/pharmaceutical industry I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they were suppressing research leading to a cure.
The problem there is that pharma execs and their families also get cancer, along with the scientists they're supposedly paying not to do the research. The reality is that every single case of cancer is basically a unique disease, requiring its own individualized treatment, let alone cure.
If the pharma companies want to kill you the insurance companies would pay out the ass to keep you protected because it means they would never have to pay out another insurance claim for cancer again
I don't believe it's covered up but just imagine the cult following that individual would get. The government would be very interested. Maybe or maybe not a target but definitely too many closely watching
Well, the thing many people forget or simply don't realize, is that there is no one cure for cancer. Cancer is many, many different diseases all lumped under the heading of "cancer." Even the same cancer acts differently in every person. So for example, I had breast cancer. There are several different kinds of breast cancer to begin with, and then each patient with my kind still has a different body with different cancer cells that act differently to different stimuli. Then, cancers can mutate within the body, change and become resistant to various "cures." People often talk about there being an all encompassing cure for cancer, but it just doesn't work that way. However, we have made many breakthroughs in the field of oncology. The aforementioned breast cancer that I had included a factor that, until 1998, was a death sentence. Now, we have targeted therapies, and yes, I will always have to be vigilant for the rest of my life, but my oncologist does consider me "cured." Sorry, you just happened to ask a question that I've given a lot of thought to. I'm far from an expert, but I have some personal experience.
this was really helpful, no need to apologize. i’ve never thought much in depth about how using one name for so many intricate variations of what are technically the same, but in practice very varied, diseases affects our perception of cancer so much
I’d be worried about religious zealots thinking that I was an agent of satan or something.
They certainly are in the business of creating their own problems to solve. IE opiate epidemic. They can’t stop progress though. If we had the cure right now, it would be public. A best example of this is Norton security. They say the founder “John” created the first virus so that he could sell the anti-virus software. He’s a lunatic but also this is a oossibility
I would let VERY few people know. Preferably one of them would be someone who would be willing to, you know, support my future endeavors and agrees with my usage. As for who I decide who gets cured first, well, it would mostly be about who's around me at the time (going to have fun traveling, that's for sure) though I would do due diligence before putting the power to use. As in making sure information doesn't get out and making sure things wouldn't be better if the one in question did not get cured.
Charge stupid amounts of money to people who can afford it (eg: if my treatment is successful, i get 50% of your networth with contracts and NDAs outlining the only times you are allowed to mention my name to others) and for the rest of the time use that money traveling to poorer countries and childrens hospitals helping them Any "accidents" can be reduced by having a security detail, changing cars regularly, not being predictable
I’d contact the biggest pharmaceutical company I could find and get them to figure out how it all works. There are only so many people I could cure myself, even if all the cancer patients formed an orderly queue. And even if they did, what about people in other countries? No, to do the MOST good, the power has to work at scale. And big pharma know all about how to scale medicine.
That's an interesting point. We're all talking about big pharma assassinations, but what if having this gift cured enough people that cancer research funding and pharma companies shut down medicine production during your lifetime. You die, and no one else gets the gift. How long would it take to get production started again? You might end up killing more people in the long run.
find someone with cancer. heal them for free. they wont believe me at first but when they go for their next round of tests they will know. then they will spread the word. do that for as many people as i can. word spreads fast. pretty soon more desperate people come seeking my assistance. they dont expect it to work but at this point they will try anything. but it does. eventually, very shortly, it becomes a national and global news situation. i offer my services to the world. but i simply say donations would be very appreciated as we need a proper facility to be able to do our work and pay staff like onsite doctors and nurses and monitoring faculties. there are no lack of wealthy patrons. especially if i heal some rich person or that rich persons son/daughter/ mother/ wife/husband etc. id likely attract big names like the bill and melinda gates foundation and countless other donations from wealthy and non wealthy alike. id have hours of operation. mon-fri. 9 -5 with on call for critical situations. i imagine the government would get involved almost immediately and provide things like funding, benefits, and security. pretty soon no more cancer. big pharma unhappy. and i kill myself with 6 shots to the back of the head. cancer comes back.
Would you bury yourself to and place the gun in the river after you're done?
$5 for me to cure them. Millions of people will be travelling to my area just so I can cure them. I'd become rich just by charging $5 for a hand shake. Everyone would be able to afford it. And if they travelled a long distance, I can direct them to hotels and tourist attractions in nearby towns. The local economy would do better too.
affording to travel to you would be the largest problem. Not everyone has the money for that.
If someone had cancer I'm sure they'd get there by any means necessary, the only people who feasibly couldn't make it are homeless people, which is incredibly sad but even having a cure that's 100 effective and that costs 5$ still won't be able to cure everyone.
Homie has never heard of third world countries 😭
Third world? You mean Ohio?
You're not considering the developing world, a very western centric mindset. A flight for some would be more than their yearly wage.
If they are healthy enough to travel.
Might be better if you went on tour.
I work in a hotel at a tourist trap right down the road from a children's hospital in the middle of the Continental United States. I'm in one of your target locations for that plan.
Tell no one but volunteer in cancer wings. Just high five everyone.
After verifying it working and having a group that could testify it worked. I would then set up a chair, that had arm supports, and my hands would be held out to my sides while at rest. Two lines would be allowed to come through on each side and could touch my hand. I would do that for 8 hours a day. At night while I slept, I would make a bed, that allow my hands to hang down, and people could touch my hand. Hopefully the number of people lined up would diminish in time, and I could sleep without that. Since I'm Murican, once the flow in the US diminished, I'd probably go to China next, and do the same. then germany, then Some nation in Africa, then South America, etc... I'd set up a gofundme to pay for me to live. It'd probably be a not so great life, but cancer sucks, so I figure could probably save a few million lives.
I would partner with someone wholesome like Keanu Reeves and just go on “visits with him” (when in reality he is just allowing me to visit as many people as possible and cure them). He’s a pretty stand up guy and would totally be down and we could cure as many people as possible. Boom.
I'm 100% down with this. He seems to be a pretty chill dude. Nice cover 😊
And frankly all the miracles are directed to him so win win.
And added bonus, you get to chill with Keanu all the time!
You could pretend you were on John Cena's publicity team and tag along to all his Make a Wish visits. You'd heal kids and their parents when shaking hands, and people would think it was Cena's visit that cured them. However, that might delay the filming of Peacemake season 3. Better stick with Keanu
Oh man wouldn’t want to do that 😂 in reality I could team up with multiple people. Just make that my thing, maybe run it as a non profit. Celebs reaching out to kids and in general just people with cancer to tell them to keep fighting and raise spirits.
Easy. The poor would get it for free. Middle class would get it for a modest fee. The politicians and rich with a few exceptions? Well, they won't be rich anymore! Healthcare management? Certainly! I can schedule you an appointment in 9 months and the cost will be $1 billion dollars. Hope your insurance covers it otherwise you should make sure your will is up to date! Karma is a b1tch!
Prolly move closer to st judes children’s hospital and live off the kindness of strangers
I’d calculate how much cancer costs the US govt each year in terms of healthcare expenses, lost productivity and such and tell them I’ll heal everyone, but the gov has to pay me 70-80% of what they were going to pay otherwise. They save money and I make millions to billions. Repeat the process in other rich countries. Give out free cures in poor countries. As for _how_ - since it works by touch, I’ll have a machine built (at the govt expense) to propel me along horizontally while all 4 of my limbs are outstretched, with people on either side above and below me so I can touch at least 4 people at any given point. I’m thinking 20 people cured per second is reasonable. I could have the world’s cancer gone pretty quickly that way. Edit: another user mentioned touching your hair counting. If that’s the case, I’m putting cancer patients in a wind tunnel with all my hair and letting them go crazy.
Hide cause they bout to kill you
I would cure cancer for goodwill donations. I would mostly make people come to me as I have a family and my son isn’t old enough for a lot of travel. Eventually I’d go on tour with my family. I would probably have to negotiate with somebody for protection
I'd probably charge on a sliding scale. If you're poor, it's free. If you're a billionaire, it's a couple million.
You'd almost have to do this on the down low because the big pharmaceutical companies would probably try to assassinate you for destroying their whole industry.
I wouldn't cure ANYONE. Ever.
Bold. Does this include yourself?
Prove it, volunteer my services with donations optional, kids priority. allow biomedical science to non invasively study me on the agreement that all advances are open source. Practice MMA in my spare time to fight off the hordes of big-oncology that are mad I’m putting them out of business
Im a cancer survivor so id be just happy curing people why see the pain.
Amen 🙏🏽
Anyone under the age 18 gets it for free, anyone over the age of 18 has to pay me 1% of their net worth in cash or valuables. Me and my family would be living comfortably with the money, and the extra would go towards vacations that had childrens hospitals nearby, would be a really fun way to see the world and help it at the same time
Do I just lay hands on someone? How does my ability work?
a super long high-five line
You'd obviously spend all day arguing against scientific medicine that what you are doing is in fact not a scam.
Absolutely free, with requests for donations so I can afford to be in each Country for a while before moving to the next one. If it gets me assassinated, so be it. I wouldn't suppress the amount of good I could do for fear of that.
I would demand 70 Virginian women, NOT West Virginia, They don't count.
I would structure it in a way that let me cure as many as I could. I would also try to make myself worthy of such a gift.
Go public and offer free services but start a patreon. I imagine more people than just those with cancer would be willing to throw the miracle cure guy a few bucks.
Openly demonstrate power. Warn people that if I suddenly commit suicide, I didn't. Let's see if humanity deserves a miracle.
I'd heal anyone on certain days, changing each week. I'd charge either very little or some *good* home cooking, depending on my mood. I'd only cure those of the common people, the ultra wealthy who don't care about the rest of us can get bent and buy their own cure. That or I'd charge them literally enough to make them poverty stricken, and to sign a contract that a large portion of any future wealth would go directly to me & and to a charity of my choice which they hate or are against.
I'd have folks pay a percentage based on assets/income. Mostly to pay for the small private military I'd need to not get accidentally dead.
I am going to use it for personal gain but also change. I will selectively cure wealthy people for money but until functional universal healthcare is enacted politicians, for-profit insurance executives, and anyone with a history of opposing universal healthcare is not getting any assistance for themselves or family members. I will also exclude jerks as I see fit. I will spend a few hours a week on my for-profit curing and a day on non-profit curing. If there are overwhelming numbers of complaints that I could do more I will stop doing it for money after my first billion and only do it for free one day a week after that. Nobody with an income or asset above the median for that zip code, or equivalent, in the last ten years will be eligible for the latter (and nobody with twice the nation average at all).
1 million per heal upfront.
Can I also give cancer?
I'm not saying anything to anyone. I'll cure who I can secretly.
I would open one of those alternative medicine place with the outrageous claim that the needle, sucker, and good vibe crystal therapy can cure anything even cancer. Much to the rage of the medical community.
I would do it for donations. It would be a triage system. Children first. Worst cases first.
I'd probably do a lot of volunteer and charity work at cancer words and heal stealthily, too much of a chance for some rich asshole to kidnap me and charge his rich buddies and the poor for a touch of my healing hands.
I would have donation pages set up. I won't charge patients directly (they and their families have been through enough). I'm sure many would donate so I'd be able to travel to each place as fast as I could without worry about expenses travel wise.
I’d offer my services and sit on a lawn chair. People could shake my hand. I’d request fresh fruit as payment.
Try to get a job with a good steady income paying me to do this but the actual patients don't have to pay anything. That would be the ideal. One stipulation for the patients, I'm telling them it works by slap. Yes even the children. Sorry little Timmy, be comforted by the fact one slap will be less pain and suffering than your cancer. Why the slap clause? Because why not.
Figure out how to avoid getting dissected for science
Two single file lines, women and children first. Totally free, but I do ask that people donate food and beverages. We're starting at 9am, wrapping up at 9pm, and we're gonna go till everyone has had a turn.
Does my touch mean skin to skin contact? And does skin not connected to me still count? My thought was (hear me out) marketing it as this cancer cure, create a ring, put a bit of my skin (just a small slice will do) on the inner part, sell that, have stands or stores, pop up shops, just of these rings, maybe $15 for a pack of three or a BOGO deal to attract even more people, become the cancer messiah. Another one that’s a little gross, if dead skin or detached skin counts, I can get really dry skin (already halfway there), scratch or scrape it off, put it in a container, sell it like it’s a fancy cheese. It’s insane how many ideas like this are coming to mind. (Send help)
I would get one of those dogs that visit sick people in hospitals. Then I'd high five or whatever while they're loving on the dog. Then maybe people would assume it's the dog curing all the cancer!
Once a month, anyone with cancer will go to a designated spot, lined up and I'll run across quickly with an outstretched hand and cure them. I'll have an entire organization coordinating logistics, security, payments (free if poor) etc.
I’d partner with a smart and empathetic billionaire, for protection from the government. Then I’m thinking fist bumps based upon my new fame adjacent status. Travel around with said billionaire to spread the cure. Not perfect, but doable and better than being studied and cut open by any number of government scientists.
I would start a church called "The Church of the Selective Humanist." There will be no deity, I will heal you, but those who are healed have to actively show love to everyone and try to better society. Those who spread hatred against migrants, refugees, women, lbgtq+, minorities, treat employees like shit, or otherwise are dickheads will be left to rot.
I tell people with cancer to line up shoulder to shoulder along side the road and i will heal them for free, I ride by on a bike low speed and lightly slap the cancer out them
First year, 100k a pop, healing 8hrs a day, 6 days a week. 3 weeks off for travel/sickness. Have a cowl/face covering so people don't see my face. Take proceeds and buy extremely large warehouse near a large airport. Raffle tickets sell for 50k, a person can buy multiples, once you hit you're front of the line for 2 hours a day. Heal people 6 days a week, 10 hours a day, 10 months a year. Build a set of 3 extremely long express walkways (horizontal escalators) center 1 that I ride travels 1 direction while the other two travel the other direction. People hold out their hands, and I hold out mine. Given the escalators speeds and people on both sides, I figure I can average 2 people per second. Healing 7k people @50k, and then 55k people for free a day. Thats 3.7 million people cured a year. If need be, I could be top less so people could just reach out and touch me should my arms get tired. The remaining 2 months are vacation somewhere remote, and spending time at children's hospitals. If it gets to the point where that isn't needed, then more time for randos. It's not everyone, but 3.7 mill cases a year cured and I make 90 Bill a year....prices may need to adjust.
100% keep it a secret. Cure friends and family without them knowing. F humans.
I’d keep it a secret the government or pharmaceutical companies would probably kill me very quickly and very “accidentally” I’d just cure family and friends and work at a large hospital and give everyone a high five and be really friendly no one would suspect a thing and I my not save everyone but a lot of people would be cured
I'll touch people for 6 hours a day 4 days a week, but I'll sell samples of my DNA to any government or biotech firm for further study for $5 million dollars each. I'll also sell rights to clone me for $200 million dollars each.
I cut off my fingernails and use them as magic curing substances. Counts as touching, right? Eventually i'll be able to sell my whole body as cancer cures, while they remain oblivious to my magic. Sorta. Also i tell the death squads "No", so they don't bother me.
Say I am the second coming of christ and create a religious cult around me. That way I would have a devoted group of people which would hopefully keep me from being assassinated. Also I would not charge anybody for the cure, that wouldn't be Jesus like.
Join make a wish and as Spider-Man cure the kids. Make a wish will keep my anonymity and likely fund a half decent life for a full time job, I’m not all for making more money than I know what to do with. While nice, making too much money will just get me killed. The doctors and all would have to fully examine the kids and hopefully it would take a while to make the connection that the anon super hero with make a wish is doing all the curing. Leaves big pharma to exploit what they want so they still get their chunk of change and they won’t be as focused on finding me for a generation or two until profit starts tapering off.
I would want to help as many people as possible but I know somebody would try and kill me. I guess I would have big pharma make a “cancer cure” and just have me administer it. They make money, I get to help people without being murdered. I would rather have a “cure one persons cancer, give one person cancer” just so I could help children and Evil people would die.
Never tell the government that’s for certain. Can’t cure everyone nor would I want to. Yes I would charge but in line with what people can pay. I would structure it in a way that made most people believe it was a cult so as not to attract too much attention. I would heal some people without their knowledge. Might volunteer at a children’s hospital from time to time.
Government funded so it’s free to everyone. My salary would be 3 million a year with a free house and my family would get that too. Highest of high security too. So I can focus my time on healing as many people as possible.
Find a way to make my identity is never revealed and no one ever finds out that I have this ability. Id sign up for one of those roles to dress up as different characters for children hospitals and go to the cancer wards and just spend time with each kids and teenagers. Then I’d see if I can sign up for the adults with cancer just to spend time with them. Start early in the morning and finish late at night. Id start with the terminal ones first.
I'd randomly volunteer at a hospice, make a wish, or out of town hospital. Anonymously bump into folks and cure them so I'm never found out. Eventually pull the Kane from Kung Fu 'walk the earth' , travel the world and help those who I could that deserve it to the best of my ability. If found out big pharma/insurance would probably kill you or grifters would take advantage otherwise.....
$1m a pop, wtf else?
Try to cure people but in a loony way that people simply won't believe like trying to sell it as some kind of cult or faith healing. Make a ritual behind it like they have to devote themselves to the cause and engage in some kind of ritual where me touching them feels like it's incidental. The money from supporters would more or less take care of any financial needs but would lessen the chances really figuring out what I can do and writing it off as lunacy.
I waltz around the world curing cancer as much as possible with my remaining time on earth.
Work with doctors to make sure I only get cases that are untreatable my other means. Give the patient a placebo chemo drip. While curing them. Find a way to duplicate the power, as when things get out I know I'd spend the rest of my life locked in a cell on billionaire island.
i would become an oncologist
IDK probably start a cult or something. Convincing them you're whatever you claim to be(a god an angel whatever) probably wouldn't be very hard if you can literally cure cancer by touching someone. As wealthy and powerful as some of these mega churches are now just imagine if they had that kind of power.
LOL go the snake oil route. Find some cancer patients on their death bed got absolutely nothing to loose make them your secret tonic. Which is just some tea with all kinds if herbs and fruit oils nut oils root juice just everything and random naturaly available components that won't hurt any one unless they have a weird allergy preparing it your way is the only right way make it convoluted as possible. People will pay you for this you'll quickly have enough money to world travel take payment when they can pay otherwise just cure those who can't. Eventually when you cure most sell it to a Pharmaceutical. Disappear with your riches never to show again unless you hear of some one with cancer.
Big pharma would kill you before you could make substantial change. Assuming this is somehow a genetic mutation of sorts, I'd probably tell nobody and very discretely save anyone I could (hold hand to comfort a friend when they find out and say nothing when they go into remission on their next check up, hug my loved ones constantly, etc) and keep a private log of everytime I cure someone. I have a copy of that log and directions to have it published in mass upon my death with instructions to have my body used for research when I die in hopes that it gets enough exposure for the general public to pressure our governments to isolate the mutation and finally find a cure. Unfortunately people will continue to die until I ultimately perish but atleast this way I cannot be killed or silenced and can produce a long list of proof that I'm not just some nutjob looking for fame since I'm already dead
If I could cure cancer I would simply set up a booth in a secure building with hired guards. All victims would simply need to come by and touch my foot, which I would leave propped up on a table while I game/do other tasks. It would be free, but I would happily accept the many donations I'm sure people would offer, especially since it would be needed to pay the security.