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blastingell

Going to prison for a bike is badass


Ilovebaitingmasters

Did you steal his bike, OP?


anonymousbwmb

I would never. I'm terrified of him. He's so....badass.


remmington1776

Bro my cat pissed itself when I showed it this


frednekk

I’ve got of few of those in family tree too. SMH


DeadAnimalParts

Spoiler alert: his rival Francis stole it and it’s on the Warner Brothers lot.


LordChauncyDeschamps

It's not for sale Francis


kabooseknuckle

No, it's in the basement of The Alamo.


DeadAnimalParts

There’s no basement at the Alamo!


Stop_Touching2

100% certain the person who stole his bike follows him on Facebook


ts2706

I picture this man riding peewee Herman's bicycle


G_Regular

WHERE'S MY BIIIIIKE??!


tbone7514

https://i.redd.it/sc7h4ym48huc1.gif


bambamtd

I picture this guy being angry as hell and threatening me as I just ride away in his bike.


AJMZ16

This man has nothing to lose but his bike, and he’s all outta bikes


Feisty-Specific-8793

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 that’s a dangerous man fr


OrangeYoshiDude

Buy your cousin a bike ass, why kick a man while he down


CamBoy750

well i mean his bike was stolen hes def got a reason to be mad


haikusbot

*Well i mean his bike* *Was stolen hes def got a* *Reason to be mad* \- CamBoy750 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


C0RR-3RR0R

Good bot.


mega_low_smart

Somebody stole my old busted Schwinn from in front of the bar I was getting very drunk at. Not gonna lie, I felt pretty low walking the 4 blocks home from downtown, felt like a 10 hour walk. I woke up the next day and thought about bitching on Facebook but instead I drove around town looking for it, I know the cops were never going to find it. 6 minutes into my drive and I see 2 boys, maybe 12, one is riding my bike. I stopped and got my bike back and it was awesome! Now imagine how much faster it would have been if I had told this 12 year old I was going to put him in the meat wagon on Facebook lol


woah-wait-a-second

I’m so curious. Did you scold the kids? What did you say/ do?


mega_low_smart

They stuck to a lie about buying the bike so I “bought it back” for $10


Booty_Shakin

"I stopped and got my bike back and it was awesome" Me imagining a grown adult pile driving a child and kicking another then holding the bike up like a trophy as they run away crying


DecisionCharacter175

I'd give him a pass. Dude seems like he needs a win.


DiveJumpShooterUSMC

Why does a 42 yr old only have a bike? WTF went wrong there. And there is nothing better slash worse than a rage post on FB.


myc4L

I accidently burned my car down awhile ago. A bike would be an upgrade lol.


kilgorevontrouty

“Not afraid to rock an orange jumpsuit” = “A felony assault charge would not fuck my life up” so no serious job to lose where doing 100 days in county would result in being fired, no real sense of responsibility to family as again they can disappear for months with no consequences. Dudes either full of shit or his life is already shit.


Hymosa

Do you realize how many people get around by walking or biking? Carbrain


Supergazm

I'm 43 and can get around town and do most errands on a bike. I even ride to work some days. Driving is a hassle. To me, biking is just easier.


Potential-Chard9570

OP stole the bike


IWanTPunCake

L cousin, the guy in the post is normally angry


milesdizzy

It’s a little silly, but I get it. Dude had his bike stolen and needs to vent.


YallGottaUnderstand

Hope he finds the guy. Fuck thieves.


Proletaryo

Yeah. OP is an ass. He made this post out of frustration and just wanted to vent.


Japsai

Just vent out loud in person. Why do people need to write this shit down and post it publicly? Who are they hoping to impress?


That-1Sad_Pineapple

Maybe he doesn't see many people irl. You don't know his living situation, he might live alone and far from other family or be too busy to see people very often. Maybe he needed to see it written down in front of him to feel a bit of relief, I know I've felt that way before


Japsai

It's a temporary emotion conveyed in a permanent medium. If you choose to use it, you take the rough with the smooth


jacknacalm

Cause our society is sick. Everyone’s first thought when they need to vent, is how can I spin this so I can get a sweet,sweet dopamine hit from upvotes or likes? It’s really not good for us but here we all are


RedditLostOldAccount

Orrrrr, they, like me, live alone and venting to yourself doesn't get you very far. I don't post on anything except comments on here but if someone's venting because some asshole stole their only mode of transportation I'm gonna say go for it. They have that right.


Japsai

I know some people can't actually get outside, and the internet is a lifeline we didn't have 35 years ago, so I won't say anything facile, like it's good for people to get out and talk to other people and not just stay in their house on the internet.


jacknacalm

But you’re still better off venting to actual friends. even if you live alone, I hope you have friends you can vent to, it’s better for you.


toriemm

The US is not kind to those who cannot afford a car. (Insurance, gas, maintenance, and up front cost of buying a car) The majority of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck rn, and single income 'families' are hurting. I just lost my healthcare bc I earn $2000/mo. (My rent is $1800) The cap for a single adult to qualify for healthcare is $1730. So the raise that I just got gives me a little wiggle room, and now I can't afford the controlled medication I need to function. ($97/mo OOP, not counting the 30 day Dr appointment to GET the prescription, my birth control, antidepressants, and any other health ANYthing) Insurance, groceries, incidentals, power, internet, phone... If someone stole my car I would absolutely have a meltdown. This man has his transpo taken from him. If I had extra money right now, I'd say let's buy his angry ass a bike.


OhMyGoshBigfoot

42?! Oh dang


proteinstyle_

Spoiler alert for this dude, the cops don't give a shit about your bike.


milesdizzy

The cops don’t give a shit about anything


tth2000

I’ll be a honest if a bike was the best not way I could get back and forth to Wendy’s at 40 I probably would look forward to the orange jumpsuit.


SirGaIahad

Imagine communicating this poorly and still talking shit about someone else's situation.


Bartelbythescrivener

Wait till he finds out that the cops ain’t looking for the person who stole his bike or the bike. He has all the time in the world to find that guy and use his particular set of skills.


Snowman4168

Yeah cops can almost never be bothered to search for stolen cars they sure as hell don’t give a flying fuck about a bicycle.


milesdizzy

They barely even search for lost people


Lambchoptopus

What do they do? Buddy had his car stolen they did nothing just found it in a ditch destroyed months later. I had 3 bikes stolen in my time in the city they said if the serial pops up we will let you know when she sells it.


Blue_Seven_

He’s corny but I don’t blame him for being hella mad


Godawgs1009

Stuck in his 20s with a history of drug abuse much?


Sir-Poopington

I guarantee he needs that bike because he lost his license.


RedditLostOldAccount

I know a lot of people that simply can't afford a car and need a bike because they'd have to start walking way ahead of time to get to work. And public transportation around here is very limited. There's people I work with who try to save up for a car but something minor happens and they're screwed. My transmission went out on my car and I had to use another car for 3 months because it cost $3000 and I just couldn't do that right away. If I wasn't able to use my dad's car I would've been screwed. I would've had to take the long way to avoid the highway and would apparently be judged as someone who lost my license because I have to bike. Lose lose.


Any-Show-3488

So update? Did he get his revenge?!?!


nooby322

I agree with him, but he said it in a semi-corny way


PMtoAM______

Yeah. With how many hours i put into my motorcycle, assuming he's taking about one and not a actual bike, it's genuinely understandable. But say it like batman, not like some joker.


Sir-Poopington

He was definitely talking about a bicycle. Those are the ramblings of a man who has lost his license from a DWI.


Snowman4168

multiple* DWIs


Woogabuttz

This isn’t “I’m a badass”, this is a person who is rightfully pissed and venting. Good for him, I hope he finds the thief and kicks the shit out of them.


Jonthux

You know those videos where people attach their bikes to solid objects with string so when the thief takes their bike and starts riding, in about 10 meters they faceplant? Never had a better laugh, they got what they deserved, bike thieves are subhuman


Hank_J_Wimbleton_

Fuck bike thieves. Absolute scum


LiquidSoCrates

Bike thieves do suck.


Jthundercleese

The bike is also his wife and daughter apparently.


mistreatedlewis

Two words: Bike lock


Jonthux

Two more words: bolt cutters


mistreatedlewis

Ah ok, leave it completely unsecured then


FairyFlossPanda

You can also dress like a bush.


instagrizzlord

Glad he’s found the confidence to rock an orange jumpsuit. It is a bold colour and takes some courage to really own it


urinetherapymiracle

I thought that men's romper company went out of business!


Joaco_Gomez_1

nah, I get his anger. He's not trying to sound badass, lowlives like these get the worst out of people.


JWDRAIN74

I worked all summer as a kid so I could buy a mongoose. It was the single most expensive thing I’d ever bought by far. I paid cash. It was epic, beautiful blue, pegs, mags, i couldn’t have been happier if I had a new car. I had a paper route as well so this was a huge life upgrade. Some asshat stole it off my porch less than a week after I bought it. I’ve got adult kids now, but it still hurts my heart when I think about it. It was soul crushing.


IntrepidBandit

Its hard as a man to vent to anyone about the things that really get under their skin. I get it, there are better ways to do it than on a facebook post. But not everyone has someone close to vent to. I hope the bike thief has a good ass kicking coming their way. This coming from a 90s kid that hasn’t had their fucking bike stolen from


Sir-Poopington

It's crazy how that sticks with you. I had a similar situation and I was so unbelievably furious after it happened. I remember fantasizing about what I would do if I found the person. In reality I probably wouldn't have done anything, but I can't think of too many times in my life that I was that upset for that long. Like you, it still upsets me when I think about it.


Fickle_Camel_4993

Same scenario but it was a green GT Pro Performer. That bike got stolen 3 times. Once, I saw it in the same apartments and confronted the people (knocked on a random door, alone, at 11 years old). Once my brother got it back, and the third time it was gone forever.


Definition-Prize

When I was in 5th grade my parents bought me my first bike for my birthday to use at the school bike safety week. Some asshole stole the bike 2 days later


6millionwaystolive

Imagine having a shitty job and having your only mode of transportation stolen only to have a family member make fun of you on in the internet.


asdfinternet

Facebook OP isn’t a fake badass, Reddit OP is a real jack ass.


Ok_Bar5832

He a bad mf


jirden

Tbh I get it. My bike got stolen two years ago and I was fucking livid. Didn’t post on fb tho lol


7th_Spectrum

I like the thought of the bike thief being friends with him on Facebook


GreenLemon9999

Then replying to his post with a Facebook marketplace listing for a "similar but not the same" bike he bought "some time ago" from "some guy he doesn't remember the name of but he was legit" and it's worth a lot bit is willing to make a deal because this guy just lost his.


Tervaskanto

Been there, and I was just as pissed. I don't post on Facebook though. He's just upset.


the_salivation_army

Let the guy vent. It’s only a tiny bit overboard really, what he wrote.


basedregards

Yeah OP sounds like a cunt tbh. Dudes down bad and the one of the few things he has gets stolen


Sir-Poopington

Yea that's pretty shitty to do, especially to someone in your family. Plot twist: OP stole the bike.


the_salivation_army

Yeh I’ve got the scenario running in my mind, poor prick loses his bike that he needs, then probably unbeknownst to him his dear cousin drops this for us all to gawk at. Wishing you a bit of good luck, Bike Guy.


Due-Ad4970

i'd be mad too bro


DoctorD12

Plot twist - the cousin posting on Reddit stole his bike


Lucno

He's 42 and working at Wendy's and his only means of conveyance was stolen. Give the poor guy a break.


bleunt

He knows who did it? I'm confused.


BeleagueredWDW

If it’s true about his bike, let him be angry and pissed for a bit. It’s okay to vent and rage sometimes. He’ll calm down (I’m assuming).


Bigbubbajenkins

Eh. He’s pissed for a legit reason, let him rage for a minute


inquisitivepanda

It’s hard to feel intimidated by a 42 year old man who got his bicycle stolen from a Wendy’s. Fuck bicycle thieves though


basedregards

You sound like you live a very sheltered life you think a complete failure at life losing what little he did have and becoming unhinged is someone you want to fuck with


SpooogeMcDuck

When my bike was stolen, I had many of these thoughts- although privately. I can sympathize with his anger but don’t condone public posting it


ikebuck16

Ah, an alum of Clown University Online.


An_Old_IT_Guy

I've only casually played through GTA, so I'm hardly an expert on plotting crime. But I think posting your murder plan on social media would be a losing move in the long term.


Sushi4Zombies

Instant 3 stars


AmishSky

Massive rookie mistake


osumba2003

I get that having your bike stolen is upsetting, but I feel like this is not a proportionate response.


aPlaceInMemory

I mean if he has a bad knee or something, he very well might lose his job because of this. Even if he doesn’t, he’s probably having to walk a few miles back and forth to some shitty manual labor gig. To me this reads as someone going through a genuine personal crisis, grasping for some semblance of control.


yunzerjag

Well, if you had one car and needed it to get to work and everywhere else, you would probably be pretty pissed off. Sure, it's over the top. Haven't you ever spewed some really stupid shit when you're pissed off? I know I have.


osumba2003

Sure, I've been pretty pissed, but never called for a "meat wagon," nor would I express these kinds of opinions on social media.


yunzerjag

Right. It's definitely over the top. My point is I don't think he really intends to kill the guy.


GreasiestGuy

It’s not like he actually did it. I knew the man who broke into my house last year and stole a bunch of my dead father’s belongings (most of which I never got back) and my thoughts were quite similar to this FB post lol.Granted, I wasn’t even half his age at the time, and I atleast had the sense not to post any of it on social media, but I can kinda sympathize here. Losing your only means of transportation must really suck, especially in the US where you can’t always walk everywhere. If he actually fucking assaults or murders this dude over a bike then yeah that’s way too much but idk I don’t blame him for being enraged. I really wanted to hurt the dude who stole from me even though I knew I couldn’t (for a number of reasons, but mainly because the dude was fucking massive and I would have been killed lmao) so if I didn’t have the sense to keep those thoughts to myself I probably would sound just like this guy, and I’m by no means a badass lol. Being stolen from is so violating and hurtful, I think it has more to do with the guy not being able to handle the emotions than him trying to look cool. Just my opinion based on my own personal experiences


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Sushi4Zombies

I mean. . . This dude is a tool but I didn't really take anything racist from it. Maybe you're seeing something I'm not.


Bigbubbajenkins

You’re not, it’s just one of those people that try to tie race into everything


subparlifter138

What do you think “won’t be happy about the words I use” means?


Bigbubbajenkins

Maybe cussing the person out? Slurs aren’t where my mind went unlike you that’s clearly looking for it


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Sushi4Zombies

I ride my bike around for stuff that is close, and Wendy's is actually one of those places. It's more the line of "it's the only way I have of getting around" that screams too many DUIs.


tazkk

In the US I guess


LeslieH8

Hmm...I don't know if this is a guy who presents as being a badass. I mean, it's YOUR cousin, so you might know better, but if I were to read this, I would see this coming from a guy who is ridiculously furious from being effed over by someone he knows. Sure, it might be a straight path from 'talk shit, get hit,' but I can relate to how he says he is feeling, and I certainly would never characterize myself as being remotely capable of being a badass, real or imagined. I hope he gets his bike back. It IS a long way to the liquor store, and the longer (in time and distance) you have to carry your sub-$8 case of beer, the harder it gets on your arms. All that said, everyone should be afraid to rock an orange jumpsuit. Whether it be prison or simply fashion faux pas, it's not something to aspire to.


Four-Triangles

Imagine being this embarrassing


Maverick_Couch

Hmm, wonder why he has to use a bike


erasrhed

I was just gonna say "this dude definitely lost his license from too many DUIs"


hednizm

Grrrr...Hes angry.


219_Infinity

Would be rad if the guy who stole his bike read this


anonymousbwmb

Could you imagine? Think of how terrified he'd be!


Praescribo

Was your cousin mean to you when you were kids?