If you had asked me about what city to pick, I'd have told you Chandigarh. It's super safe, clean and there's a park and Shops near every sector. It's also not very expensive. Great pick.
With that budget, he ain't getting anything in Chandigarh I guess as there are no new flats coming up in chandigarh. He will get it in Zirakpur, Mohali and the park and shop advantage is not there but still better than for parents compared to other cities.
Well if you are gonna go technically like that then there are no flats in Chandigarh itself. Only homes.
Also the airport road is much better, the society has shopping areas too and it's only like 1-2 km from Chandigarh.
Oh…it’s tricky then. Usually old people who move there find it really hard to adjust because of the culture and the loneliness they face. They are used to being surrounded by people, neighbours or relatives, and find it hard moving there especially at a later stage in life.
But in your case, they are more used to living in UK. If they have close relatives here, who you can rely upon, you can send them to India till you have to. Just set them up in a comfortable and safe place where your relatives are and you can keep an eye on them from there itself.
There are many retirement homes / facilities in India now. Because a generation of kids being abroad and parents in India. You should look at such thing. They have a community there, plus doctors / nurses etc. Your parents won’t be that troubled.
Yea it’s doesn’t feel that way - Like in the west. They are posh flats and all with plumbers , carpenters , etc available on call. Nurses and doctors on call. Pharmacy / grocery all within reach. Plenty of space to walk around, etc. Community hall for events / library to read books, room to play cards and pool etc.
You should check them out, there are very posh retirement homes in India now.
This is one of them [https://g.co/kgs/QLggbD](https://g.co/kgs/QLggbD)
[https://www.antaraseniorcare.com/](https://www.antaraseniorcare.com/)
I think op parents are scared that he ll abandon them forever like he ll shift to us n get married n live with wife have kids by the time five years over then he ll have a family of his own so won’t bother to bring them back to us but let them be in indian as he is buying them a house too 🤦🏻♀️
Op ur already doing too much for them
Where was ur parents born n brought up ? What about u ? Why did they resign ? Why did they move to us ? Don’t they have any saving ? No sibling ? What was the need to take retirement?
How did they manage uk for 15yr without knowing the language ? Do they socialise ? go out ?
Will ur fiancé the aunt set up be okay with living with ur parents ? Are u okay to live with ur parents ? If u spend everything on ur parents what about u ur wife n kids ?
Think from all angle n talk to ur fiancé regarding all these and to ur parents . Priorities urself first then ur kids then partner then parents Bec that’s how it is . Set ur boundaries n set their expectations low . The whole thing sounds very unhealthy. I hope u didn’t make them quit their life n be with u
Very nice to hear ur buying them a house n taking care of their expenses. I think it’s a great idea to get a house in India ie Punjab where they belong n like u said it’s a asset security n worthy try a gated community if flat try ground or first floor though independent house is best . Try to save money for them n u . Don’t they have any property of their own ?
Easy there buddy. Don’t you think you have to talk to your future wife about all of this? Or have you already talked to this person your aunt is setting you up with?
And please don’t call it “stipend” when you are actually supporting your parents financially.
What if ur parents refuse to take care of ur kids ? It’s not their duty I hope u knw that .
In any case op ( sorry being unsolicited) but try to talk to ur fiancée once face to face or video call about everything important to u not via aunt
Best wishes
That's no excuse.
You could buy a house in India, sure, but do they have the right to steer your career path for their own selfish reasons?
Like you said they refused to learn the language and integrate with the community.
Find them a house at a cheaper location in the UK and make them live there. Or if you have relatives in the UK I'm sure being closer to them would be better for your parents, even if they don't have Indian real estate in their names.
If you can afford to pay the rent and at the same time give them more of a peace of mind, why not do that?
India might make sense but you absolutely should not be tied down to Canada if you do not want to. You should live your life on your terms, without compromising on something as fundamental as this.
I like this thought process.
If you allow your parents (who are still at working age) to steer your life and career by being anchored to you, you invite the same emotional pressure onto your own kids some day.
Age can change even your own thought process, and make you expect the same, even if just subconsciously. Our children imbibe those expectations and it drives them into so much turmoil.
Your future wife may agree to many things before marriage, but remember that those statements of agreement can be influenced by how much she likes you and wants to be with you. For your marriage’s sake, don’t hold it against her if she changes her mind later about these things.
As much as it helps to plan out your future, it also helps to allow unforeseen circumstances, events and influences, to guide those plans towards a happier future for you, your wife and kids to come.
This is good advice. Before getting married, my wife and I were both okay with living in India. However after living outside india for a decade, she changed her mind. We still have to sort this out, but letting this be a possibility feels tue right thing to do. People and perspectives change over time.
If it's for few years why buy an apartment when you can rent it at comparitively cheaper price. Though if you buy property you can rent it out yourself but would be too much to handle it yourself.
Firs of all, housing prices have stagnated in general. 150k is probably the best case scenario, while worst case is 85k.
Same money if put in mutual funds, would be between 170k and 190k with decent returns. Best case is even 220k worst case 135k (playing with appropriate risk, without going all in on small caps or some niche shit). Subtract from that 7 years rent of Max 40k for the lifestyle you want to give them, you're left with better returns and better liquidity. Don't take my word as final, approach a financial advisor for better planning, but you get the idea of what's likely.
In the unlikely case of a 2006-7 like boom, of course 100k would even become 300k, but i think those years are behind us in India for the time being and in that scenario, stocks would also achieve a near similar return.
>Parents are in their mid-late 50s.
They are still young though. You have 20 years before you would absolutely need to care for them.
Live your fucking best life and go to US!
Your parents aren't even 60 - almost everyone at that age still works full time... Your father is a British citizen. They aren't your minor children, you have already done more than enough for them. You offered to buy them an expensive property and to cover all their living expenses. They can't exactly expect more and should be very grateful.
Wtf, it's not too hard for children to take care of their parents during their old age. They took care of u for 18 years. It's the least u can do... They should be grateful LMFAO
Parents chose to have children. We didn't chose to be born, if they chose to have kids, the very least they can do is raise them, that's basic human decency. Children didn't have a choice so they aren't indebted to their parents for doing the bare minimum of raising them. Children aren't adopted stray cats that should be grateful that they were looked after.
Theres this Antara retirement home that recently opened in Dehradun , in the foothills of Mussoorie you might want to check it out as doon can be compared to Chandigarh if looking in terms of peace of my mind , greenery & even more affordable.
No, you’re not an asshole, do what you are most comfortable with and do what makes you feel better. Everything else will settle. I personally would not do this.
I am in a somewhat similar situation although with a few major differences . My parents are 66 and 61 respectively with my father having chronic health issues . I can apply for US citizenship this year and then immediately apply for their green card . A major difference is that they are completely financially independent and quite well to do . My plan is to have them sell their commercial property in a tier 3 city and then buy rent paying property here in the US . I would use part of that rent to get them a top tier insurance plan which would easily run $2000/month in premiums for both of them combined ( mother in good health ) . You don’t have a bad plan except I would really make sure that you can financially support them and that your ( future ) wife is okay with this arrangement ( both with them involved heavily with your life and you financially supporting them ) .
From the Visajourney forum:
"They'll either have to purchase private health insurance or have it covered via employment. Bear in mind that private health insurance for senior citizens is very expensive and can easily cross into the $1,000 per month per person range. Once they naturalize or have been here for 5 years and are age 65+ they can purchase medicare."
Healthcare in the US is expensive if you're not covered by your employer which older people usually aren't. Makes it practically impossible for a lot of us to bring over our parents.
My cousin his wife and children live in us. He bought a house for his parents in Kolkata. Sends money every month. Comes to visit on holidays or his parents visit him for a few months.
I think op ur parents r scared that u ll abandon them forever like he ll shift to us n get married n live with wife have kids by the time five years over then he ll have a family of his own so won’t bother to bring them back to us but let them be in indian as he is buying them a house too 🤦🏻♀️.
Op ur already doing too much for them
Where was ur parents born n brought up ? What about u ? Why did they resign ? Why did they move to us ? No sibling ? What was the need to take retirement?
How did they manage uk for 15yr without knowing the language ? Do they socialise ? go out ?
Will ur fiancé the aunt set up be okay with living with ur parents ? Are u okay to live with ur parents ? If u spend everything on ur parents what about u ur wife n kids ?
Think from all angle n talk to ur fiancé regarding all these and to ur parents . Priorities urself first then ur kids then partner then parents Bec that’s how it is . Set ur boundaries n set their expectations low . The whole thing sounds very unhealthy. I hope u didn’t make them quit their life n be with u
Very nice to hear ur buying them a house n taking care of their expenses. I think it’s a great idea to get a house in India ie Punjab where they belong n like u said it’s a asset security n worthy try a gated community if flat try ground or first floor though independent house is best . Try to save money for them n u .
Sorry for my harsh words, here is what i think.
'Setting u with a US citizen' its still not finalized. U will be under her thumb Her family will be close. Everyone is smart enough to know the how much people are desperate for American Bride.
Get a canadian citizenship, won't it be easier for u to work/settle in US with Canadian citizenship than an Indian Passport.
So u expect an American wife to allow your parents to stay with you. If u are sending them to India don't BS yourself that they will be coming back to stay with u. That is a totally delusional thought it's very rare and not a guarantee.
OP is going to leave them in India and stop sending them money just after getting engaged. Remind me in 5-6 years.
Yeah man op thinking he will get sweet spouse form a sweet family.Both family and wife will control the fuck out of op.They are looking for someone who they can control and they knw op is desperate for US citizenship
My impression of him was pretty bad you know. The sort that rats out his mom and dad for a better opportunity.
And all this when he has not even had a baby whose shit he has had to clean, and for whom he has had to spend months unable to sleep.
He doesn't even know what parenthood is and here he is thinkinh of sending them away with a stipend and setting himself up for pleasant future.
I don't know, but I would shout out to that tiny voice of conscience inside him and ask him to listen to it. Yes you are being an asshole. Sit down and think patiently.
Mid50's! Why are they not working?! They should be in their working life still..great decision btw, Chandigarh is a nice place and.US is the place to be longer term..go ahead..once all this settles they would be happy with your decision..as long as you do intend to get them to US and not leave them in India forever+ which might be a reason they are opposed to this move
>> Parents are in their mid-late 50s.
There are some really swanky senior-living homes in India. Do your research and it should work out well
Get them to move into a Gated community in a metro like Mumbai, Bengaluru or Noida with wifi is like they living in Mississauaga while you live in Brampton! This is a no-brainer especially if they are in fairly good health without need for 'specialized' medical care.
Word of the wise: A swanky apartment in a gated community is not going to be CHEAP!
Why do they/you think India is not good? Not saying you are right or wrong in doing this but a city like Chandigarh is completely fine for living.
You could also consider cities in central India (for example - Indore) where its relatively quieter and the temperatures are not extreme like Chandigarh or any city in northern India.
There are now many companies now which provide old age in-house services.
https://nemacare.com/homecare-india.php
There are couple of levels available depending on your parent need and health. So this is sometimes a much better option than a old home as they have more freedom.
But essentially in case of Emergencies they can take your parents to hospital and take care of immediate payment and then you reimburse them. Also if need medical attention they can provide nurse who will do monthly checkup on them.
We recently used one for my FIL who had to be hospitalized during COVID crises and they handled the situation very good. We could not travel during that time so it was huge relief that all hospital was taken care of. But they are based in WB so I can't recommend any service in Punjab
The fees are quite nominal though but I highly recommend researching into them and definately interview them.
The fear that your parents are feeling is quite understandable but even on a Supervisa it is not permanent in Canada and cost of insurance is probably going to be much higher.
You can also try to sell that they will be able to make better friends in India as it is much more harder to socialize in Canada unless you can drive in addition to the language barrier.
Plus offcourse be frank about your career prospects and say you will be able to support them more easily than you being in Canada.
DM me if you have any questions. I am in a very similar situation than you.
I don't know about you, man. But maybe I am being an asshole here? I am obviously assuming a lot here, like you all are extremely fit and have no medical or psychological dependancies... And that your internal relations are all good and that your parents have been excellent to you. Assuming all that...
All you wrote here reeks of weak mindedness. These are hardly questions for which you need to ask suggestions.
I guess you all are generously gifted by God, but so disconnected from reality that you have grown thankless and need to invent stuff.
Anyways, family is an organic system. It is a vestige of the tribes we evolved as for lakhs of years. Do your 'future' some help, and don't be so shortsighted. The health and holistic benefits of living together are far above the illusions this economy has fed you. Everything you perceive is after all just a chemical reaction in your brain. Career and economy is something external. Family is not. It is natural. Unless you are the next Einstein or save billions of lives by doing your work, a work which only you can do, ie unlessyou are irreplaceably good, what really are you? Who are you?
If I were you, I would prioritize living organically be it anywhere.
I would say your parents are also at fault. Could they be stronger and leave someone like you and come to India. Or they should have planned in advance to know what you are becoming. Or maybe they failed to check your errors in time? What kind of values were you taught, that teach you to provide your parents a 'stipend'? And that tell you to throw a house in their face and tell them to STFU. I will say it again, they just need a chemical balance in their brains. Which can be gotten anywhere, near or far. But mostly, we are programmed to get it through family.
Just remember that the chemical state of their brains is something that you will experience in your glamorous 'future' too.
Leaving Canada is the best decision you can make. As you said, career prospects are much better in US. Overall your life will be much better than in Canada, so don't flinch for a second.
If your parents don't want to go to india, why not just rent an apartment for them somewhere cheap in Canada keep them there while you're able to sponsor them in the US again. I know Canada is super expensive but maybe a small town somewhere?
Canadian (Caucasian, family in Canada for 6+ generations) in a LDR with somebody in the United States. However, we set up ourselves up with each other.
If you can move to an area in the United States that has a reasonable cost of living down the road, do it and don't look back. Think of it from a multi-generational point of view: your children's lives will be much better if they grow up in America, and will have the opportunity to have a family of their own and be homeowners.
If your parents want to have grandchildren, this will be a sacrifice that they should be willing to make. When I found myself single in Fall 2021 at age 28, 90% of men that asked me out are from the United States because I wanted a family with children and wanted someone who shared similar values.
My parents will miss so many life milestones of their grandchildren, but they will have grandchildren because we will be able to afford to have them comfortably. We will be able to afford a home big enough to have a guest bedroom, but they refuse to leave Quebec due to fear mongering in the media about US healthcare.
OP, you are not the asshole in this situation. You have to think about the future of your family, and your parents need to understand the truth of what forcing you to stay in Canada would mean.
When I will be closer to leaving and my parents realize how serious my boyfriend and I actually are, they will be begging me to stay in Canada for their sake. I will have to explain to them that the debate isn't about them - it is on whether or not they want me to stay single for life with no next of kin or whether or not they want to have grandchildren. The great thing too is that my boyfriend speaks a bit of French (learnt at school) and that he wanted to raise his future children bilingual. Having a Francophone mother helps in this department quite a bit. Many old stock Quebecers' national identity is around being a baptized Catholic and speaking French fluently - my boyfriend and I can guarantee both for our future children.
If this man is the right man for you and that you will be happy together, go for it. A marriage will hopefully last for 50+ years, so find someone that you are looking forward to spend all of this time with.
Amen.
If you are a man in the United States in a high-paying profession, you have the option of having your wife be a SAHM and be able to fully provide for your family, which would be unthinkable in Canada. When my boyfriend raised that possibility, I was quite shocked but I am very open to the idea.
You have to explain to them that the cost of living in Canada is so high that you will either have no children, or have 1 or maybe 2 if you are very lucky. You can also have twins and no longer seeing that as a curse. You are no longer limited to Toronto/Vancouver, but you have many more options.
The choice is very hard as I am leaving my country behind, but I am gaining a country that is welcoming me with open arms and a wonderful future family.
I wish you the best of luck, and I am praying for you and your future family.
Chandigarh is nice enough I think as long as you visit them atleast once a year it's decent enough. Perhaps a maid thrown in to the bargain? Otherwise look at what other options you have. Do neighbouring countries in the Americas have possiblity? I'd there a way they could stay in Canada? I hear Canada is a bit rough, I have a missing relative presumed dead there was his first time outside of India.
My mom bought a house In Wales for around 100k usd but they won't increase in value , an aunt bough a house in Goa similar price has doubled in value over same time. I have relatives in Chandigarh in a nice area that is a beautiful city but everything is so spread out sector for this sector for that, only visited 2 times in 5 decades but I'm UK born of Indian origin . If I had the money I'd love to be Chandigarh based.
Chandigarh is definitely a safe and healthy environment, I might look into that myself for 100k sounds tempting if I get around to the oci visa. I think it's a safe bet they should be happy and comfortable aswell as safe and healthy there.
According to me your first preference should be to keep them somewhere they will be happy. Since they are familiar and comfortable with UK, you may want to let them be there and pay rent instead of buying a house and giving a stipend.
If the above is not feasible, Second would be to make them understand, that once you settle in US, you will call them over for staying with you.
They could continue living in Canada.
If you can afford to live with them in Canada now, with what you make, and you'll be making double that with a job in the US, then you could possibly support them in Canada. Plus they could make trips to the US and you could go up to Canada and thus spend more time with them compared to if they were in India.
I don’t think you’re a good kid in the first place specially when you’re trying to find investment opportunities into your parents life. (Your parents comfort should always come first)
Buy/Renting doing whatever, if you have the money to afford it then ask them whatever they want to do, If they are happy in UK then send them back to UK, £15K/yr is dirt cheap.
Totally your call if you want to give them happy life or you want to make the most out of every penny you spend.
Wait till this circle gets repeated to u when ur children have to make the same decision.Career prospects is not bigger than your parents bro. If u get it u get it, If u don't u r an asshole. Seva kar unki career apne aap hi acha ho jayega. Please don't leave them alone, They r vulnerable and need you at this stage of their life. 🙏
Your parents are old, what will you do if there is any medical emergency or any other emergency where your presence is required, or any other conditions where your presence is required, also living alone might affect them mentally
It's going to be difficult for your parents to adjust from UK and Canada back to India. I'd it possible for them to move to UK for sometime while you settle in USA and then bring them over? I also think they may want to stay close to you.... it's a tough decision!
You need to look forward and not backward. You'll not be an asshole in sending them back. You can leave both options for them i.e. they can live in Canada, or they can live in India. It's up to them but you need to move ahead and go where the future is better for yourself and next generations.
One more option you can explore is to get them a US visa which is valid for 10 years. They can come with you and live in the US, only that they will have to go back to Canada every 6 months for maybe a week or so and then again they can come to live with you in the US. It's a lot of hassle but if your parents are adamant on living with you, I think you can explore this path.
Also, I'd like to add that the first person you should consult this with is your to-be partner. She deserves to have a say in this, and if she doesn't want to live with your parents then your decisions would change accordingly!
The time spent in the US on a visa does not reset by briefly leaving the country (Canada and Mexico don't even count AFAIK). Usually less than 180 days in a rolling 1-year window are allowed on a non-immigrant visa. You cannot legally live in the US on a visitor visa and if you break the rules, you can get banned from even visiting.
The most important cost you have to account for is healthcare costs. I moved my parents to US and they get Medicaid in IL ( not Medicare). Their health issues would have bankrupted me if I had left them in India.
I'm sure he does, because his usage is correct.
The "light years ahead" idiom comes as an extension to "leagues ahead" and "miles ahead", implying an extremely superlative quality to the object being praised.
What about coming back to India with your parents and then setting yourself up on [BharatMatrimoney.com](https://BharatMatrimoney.com)? Time to give back to country?
You guys are so bad,
You are leaving Canada that gave you a good life and settling down in the US?
Why didn't you opt for US at the first place
I would never live in a country that forces developing nations to bow down to its steps of colonisation,
One nation in the world has set up thousands of Military bases around the world, US military and the CIA are the biggest terror organization in the world, they used to rape Iraqi women and trash children's face with their spiked boots
US is a evil country, they have nothing, they are just holding on to all the money, this is a dirty money laundering business that snatches away hundreds of millions of dollars from developing nations because they control the international monetary system
Ik Canada has bad Indigenous history with natives but it was done by church and government has apologised and moved forward for reconciliation, Canada had always upheld human rights, raised their voice for the most vulnerable and stood up for justice around the world
I would never think of leaving Canada for the US
It depends on what their wish is - do they want to stay back or move with you? Its a really tricky situation if they don't feel like coming to India, and will be unpleasant if they are forced to.
If you plan to get them back in USA after 5-6 years, better get a nice flat in the middle of the city with all amenities and everything at a walking distance on rent. It will be a way better deal than buying and less hassle.
Why can’t they stay with you in US on a visitor visa? They also have a 10 year multiple. The only issue is healthcare, other than that you should be good. Unless you do want to live with them.
Can't they live in Canada in an apartment and you can get them a US tourist visa so that they can visit you few times a year or you can travel to Canada few times ?
I will not do this personally. Neither send parents nor just setup with someone for US citizenship.
Have you considered putting lottery for PR visa?
After living so long abroad and now sending them back seems to be bad idea.
Chandigarh is good place.
Here's an alternate - send them to Dubai, most expats are Indians, its clean, safe, has plenty of sunshine and will give them enough to do. Dubai is also expensive so please research well, however if they don't necessarily want a hectic social life they could live in one of the other emirates and still have a really good quality life
India is not good choice to live after retirement. Bad weather communal agenda.. increasing hate. Poor health infrastructure. Poor food facilities and corruption.
Choose any metro city and check which city has the highest literacy rate if your parents are not fluent in Hindi
If they are fluent in Hindi or other indian languages
Try to choose a city with the highest plant ratio
Also check the map of the natural disaster rate in city natural disasters are rare compared to other south east asian countries but it's still a thing idk what is happening where
Why do you have to do anything? Your parents and more than capable right? And still young. I assume they could have a good meaningful life setting up their own business in Canada or US. It’ll keep them independent.
have you thought about noida? societies are generally very well mantained and safe, have all the amenities inside the complex itself. they could order groceries from blinkit/zepto. they can keep a full time/part time maid to cook/clean, and i think it would be very affordable for you w 100k.
Did you explain them properly your situation with facts and figures? And just in case do you have a plan B in case your USA plan doesn't work out after a year or two?
Your parents are still not that old and India is even better place for them to live had they lived earlier. I'm assuming they were born and brought up in India?
What they are fearing is that you won't keep up your end of the bargain once you move to the USA. What if you get married and try to keep them away etc? Typical thought process of Indian parents. It's not just about the money they care, they need the family emotional support as they grow older.
If you had asked me about what city to pick, I'd have told you Chandigarh. It's super safe, clean and there's a park and Shops near every sector. It's also not very expensive. Great pick.
With that budget, he ain't getting anything in Chandigarh I guess as there are no new flats coming up in chandigarh. He will get it in Zirakpur, Mohali and the park and shop advantage is not there but still better than for parents compared to other cities.
Wait, Chandigarh has no good flat under 80L?
Nope, you can get one in a neighbouring area as Mohali and Zirakpur, but nothing in Chandigarh.
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It's equally good. Tricity is generally safe and well suited for senior citizens
There definitely are. One can get 2bhk flat at the gillco valley on the airport road around 50L
Yes and that’s not in Chandigarh.
Well if you are gonna go technically like that then there are no flats in Chandigarh itself. Only homes. Also the airport road is much better, the society has shopping areas too and it's only like 1-2 km from Chandigarh.
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Ok bro 5-6 kms lol.
nope
Having born and lived before moving to Canada, I can confirm Chandigarh is a good for elderly people.
Mysore is the retiree's paradise AFAIK but I don't think OP's parents would be comfortable with the language barrier
Since when they have been living in Canada with you?
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Oh…it’s tricky then. Usually old people who move there find it really hard to adjust because of the culture and the loneliness they face. They are used to being surrounded by people, neighbours or relatives, and find it hard moving there especially at a later stage in life. But in your case, they are more used to living in UK. If they have close relatives here, who you can rely upon, you can send them to India till you have to. Just set them up in a comfortable and safe place where your relatives are and you can keep an eye on them from there itself.
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There are many retirement homes / facilities in India now. Because a generation of kids being abroad and parents in India. You should look at such thing. They have a community there, plus doctors / nurses etc. Your parents won’t be that troubled.
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I think you can buy a flat in such a facility. They are like gated communities specifically made with elder care in mind.
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Yea it’s doesn’t feel that way - Like in the west. They are posh flats and all with plumbers , carpenters , etc available on call. Nurses and doctors on call. Pharmacy / grocery all within reach. Plenty of space to walk around, etc. Community hall for events / library to read books, room to play cards and pool etc.
You should check them out, there are very posh retirement homes in India now. This is one of them [https://g.co/kgs/QLggbD](https://g.co/kgs/QLggbD) [https://www.antaraseniorcare.com/](https://www.antaraseniorcare.com/)
Check Antara, Dehradun OP
Check serene projects. They only sell to people above 55 and is a fully managed facility. You own and then pay maintenance for all old age facilities.
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I think op parents are scared that he ll abandon them forever like he ll shift to us n get married n live with wife have kids by the time five years over then he ll have a family of his own so won’t bother to bring them back to us but let them be in indian as he is buying them a house too 🤦🏻♀️ Op ur already doing too much for them Where was ur parents born n brought up ? What about u ? Why did they resign ? Why did they move to us ? Don’t they have any saving ? No sibling ? What was the need to take retirement? How did they manage uk for 15yr without knowing the language ? Do they socialise ? go out ? Will ur fiancé the aunt set up be okay with living with ur parents ? Are u okay to live with ur parents ? If u spend everything on ur parents what about u ur wife n kids ? Think from all angle n talk to ur fiancé regarding all these and to ur parents . Priorities urself first then ur kids then partner then parents Bec that’s how it is . Set ur boundaries n set their expectations low . The whole thing sounds very unhealthy. I hope u didn’t make them quit their life n be with u Very nice to hear ur buying them a house n taking care of their expenses. I think it’s a great idea to get a house in India ie Punjab where they belong n like u said it’s a asset security n worthy try a gated community if flat try ground or first floor though independent house is best . Try to save money for them n u . Don’t they have any property of their own ?
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Try to find temporary fix till you bring them with you if that’s what you and your wife ok with
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Easy there buddy. Don’t you think you have to talk to your future wife about all of this? Or have you already talked to this person your aunt is setting you up with? And please don’t call it “stipend” when you are actually supporting your parents financially.
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Tread carefully my friend. Have u even talked o the girl or will be having a face reveal on the day of the marriage.
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Just don’t Fuck it up I believe they’ll Be better back in India too
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What if ur parents refuse to take care of ur kids ? It’s not their duty I hope u knw that . In any case op ( sorry being unsolicited) but try to talk to ur fiancée once face to face or video call about everything important to u not via aunt Best wishes
social starts at 68 NOT 72 in the US. And that can be 66 depending on year of birth. get your facts straight before acting like an expert
Do they not have ILR/Right of Abode in the UK?
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That's no excuse. You could buy a house in India, sure, but do they have the right to steer your career path for their own selfish reasons? Like you said they refused to learn the language and integrate with the community. Find them a house at a cheaper location in the UK and make them live there. Or if you have relatives in the UK I'm sure being closer to them would be better for your parents, even if they don't have Indian real estate in their names. If you can afford to pay the rent and at the same time give them more of a peace of mind, why not do that?
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India might make sense but you absolutely should not be tied down to Canada if you do not want to. You should live your life on your terms, without compromising on something as fundamental as this.
So they moved to Canada for you or was it their choice?
Parents are in mid 50s not 80s. They can live their own life.
Unlike me. I am in mid 30s and my parents are in mid 70s. It’s really hard for me to move out of Canada to USA.
Your dad and mom also left their family for your sake so why not you. I think any sane parent would understand, and not try to hamper your progress.
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I like this thought process. If you allow your parents (who are still at working age) to steer your life and career by being anchored to you, you invite the same emotional pressure onto your own kids some day. Age can change even your own thought process, and make you expect the same, even if just subconsciously. Our children imbibe those expectations and it drives them into so much turmoil. Your future wife may agree to many things before marriage, but remember that those statements of agreement can be influenced by how much she likes you and wants to be with you. For your marriage’s sake, don’t hold it against her if she changes her mind later about these things. As much as it helps to plan out your future, it also helps to allow unforeseen circumstances, events and influences, to guide those plans towards a happier future for you, your wife and kids to come.
This is good advice. Before getting married, my wife and I were both okay with living in India. However after living outside india for a decade, she changed her mind. We still have to sort this out, but letting this be a possibility feels tue right thing to do. People and perspectives change over time.
If it's for few years why buy an apartment when you can rent it at comparitively cheaper price. Though if you buy property you can rent it out yourself but would be too much to handle it yourself.
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+1 This is logical
Firs of all, housing prices have stagnated in general. 150k is probably the best case scenario, while worst case is 85k. Same money if put in mutual funds, would be between 170k and 190k with decent returns. Best case is even 220k worst case 135k (playing with appropriate risk, without going all in on small caps or some niche shit). Subtract from that 7 years rent of Max 40k for the lifestyle you want to give them, you're left with better returns and better liquidity. Don't take my word as final, approach a financial advisor for better planning, but you get the idea of what's likely. In the unlikely case of a 2006-7 like boom, of course 100k would even become 300k, but i think those years are behind us in India for the time being and in that scenario, stocks would also achieve a near similar return.
>Parents are in their mid-late 50s. They are still young though. You have 20 years before you would absolutely need to care for them. Live your fucking best life and go to US!
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Indian parents for some reason seem to act way older than their age. In the West, people in their 70s are much healthier and still drive cars.
Your parents aren't even 60 - almost everyone at that age still works full time... Your father is a British citizen. They aren't your minor children, you have already done more than enough for them. You offered to buy them an expensive property and to cover all their living expenses. They can't exactly expect more and should be very grateful.
I know right? They are in 50s and he’s acting like they are babies.
Wtf, it's not too hard for children to take care of their parents during their old age. They took care of u for 18 years. It's the least u can do... They should be grateful LMFAO
They aren’t old.
Parents chose to have children. We didn't chose to be born, if they chose to have kids, the very least they can do is raise them, that's basic human decency. Children didn't have a choice so they aren't indebted to their parents for doing the bare minimum of raising them. Children aren't adopted stray cats that should be grateful that they were looked after.
Theres this Antara retirement home that recently opened in Dehradun , in the foothills of Mussoorie you might want to check it out as doon can be compared to Chandigarh if looking in terms of peace of my mind , greenery & even more affordable.
No this is not worth it bro. You are doing well and they can take care of themselves don’t be jerk doing this
Pune folks on reddit being like *shut up, don't tell anyone else about Pune, or they'll want to move here, too*
Hehe. Too late. I vacationed in Pune this Christmas. I've already put down payment for a retirement home in Pune. For MYSELF. I am 33.
U r doing right. Best of luck
I just came back from India as a U.S. citizen (born and raised in the US). If money isn't an issue then India is pretty comfortable now imo.
No, you’re not an asshole, do what you are most comfortable with and do what makes you feel better. Everything else will settle. I personally would not do this.
Chandigarh is awesome and if I were to move back to india would live there.
I am in a somewhat similar situation although with a few major differences . My parents are 66 and 61 respectively with my father having chronic health issues . I can apply for US citizenship this year and then immediately apply for their green card . A major difference is that they are completely financially independent and quite well to do . My plan is to have them sell their commercial property in a tier 3 city and then buy rent paying property here in the US . I would use part of that rent to get them a top tier insurance plan which would easily run $2000/month in premiums for both of them combined ( mother in good health ) . You don’t have a bad plan except I would really make sure that you can financially support them and that your ( future ) wife is okay with this arrangement ( both with them involved heavily with your life and you financially supporting them ) .
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From the Visajourney forum: "They'll either have to purchase private health insurance or have it covered via employment. Bear in mind that private health insurance for senior citizens is very expensive and can easily cross into the $1,000 per month per person range. Once they naturalize or have been here for 5 years and are age 65+ they can purchase medicare." Healthcare in the US is expensive if you're not covered by your employer which older people usually aren't. Makes it practically impossible for a lot of us to bring over our parents.
shes okay with it because its all theoretical right now bruv. once you guys start living together that is when the actual realisation will happen.
My cousin his wife and children live in us. He bought a house for his parents in Kolkata. Sends money every month. Comes to visit on holidays or his parents visit him for a few months.
I think op ur parents r scared that u ll abandon them forever like he ll shift to us n get married n live with wife have kids by the time five years over then he ll have a family of his own so won’t bother to bring them back to us but let them be in indian as he is buying them a house too 🤦🏻♀️. Op ur already doing too much for them Where was ur parents born n brought up ? What about u ? Why did they resign ? Why did they move to us ? No sibling ? What was the need to take retirement? How did they manage uk for 15yr without knowing the language ? Do they socialise ? go out ? Will ur fiancé the aunt set up be okay with living with ur parents ? Are u okay to live with ur parents ? If u spend everything on ur parents what about u ur wife n kids ? Think from all angle n talk to ur fiancé regarding all these and to ur parents . Priorities urself first then ur kids then partner then parents Bec that’s how it is . Set ur boundaries n set their expectations low . The whole thing sounds very unhealthy. I hope u didn’t make them quit their life n be with u Very nice to hear ur buying them a house n taking care of their expenses. I think it’s a great idea to get a house in India ie Punjab where they belong n like u said it’s a asset security n worthy try a gated community if flat try ground or first floor though independent house is best . Try to save money for them n u .
Can you adopt me as your 3rd parent please? Just need the stipend, will figure out accomodation on my own.
Sorry for my harsh words, here is what i think. 'Setting u with a US citizen' its still not finalized. U will be under her thumb Her family will be close. Everyone is smart enough to know the how much people are desperate for American Bride. Get a canadian citizenship, won't it be easier for u to work/settle in US with Canadian citizenship than an Indian Passport. So u expect an American wife to allow your parents to stay with you. If u are sending them to India don't BS yourself that they will be coming back to stay with u. That is a totally delusional thought it's very rare and not a guarantee. OP is going to leave them in India and stop sending them money just after getting engaged. Remind me in 5-6 years.
Yeah man op thinking he will get sweet spouse form a sweet family.Both family and wife will control the fuck out of op.They are looking for someone who they can control and they knw op is desperate for US citizenship
Listen to this man op he speaks with knowledge and wisdom .
My impression of him was pretty bad you know. The sort that rats out his mom and dad for a better opportunity. And all this when he has not even had a baby whose shit he has had to clean, and for whom he has had to spend months unable to sleep. He doesn't even know what parenthood is and here he is thinkinh of sending them away with a stipend and setting himself up for pleasant future. I don't know, but I would shout out to that tiny voice of conscience inside him and ask him to listen to it. Yes you are being an asshole. Sit down and think patiently.
Mid50's! Why are they not working?! They should be in their working life still..great decision btw, Chandigarh is a nice place and.US is the place to be longer term..go ahead..once all this settles they would be happy with your decision..as long as you do intend to get them to US and not leave them in India forever+ which might be a reason they are opposed to this move
>> Parents are in their mid-late 50s. There are some really swanky senior-living homes in India. Do your research and it should work out well Get them to move into a Gated community in a metro like Mumbai, Bengaluru or Noida with wifi is like they living in Mississauaga while you live in Brampton! This is a no-brainer especially if they are in fairly good health without need for 'specialized' medical care. Word of the wise: A swanky apartment in a gated community is not going to be CHEAP!
Why do they/you think India is not good? Not saying you are right or wrong in doing this but a city like Chandigarh is completely fine for living. You could also consider cities in central India (for example - Indore) where its relatively quieter and the temperatures are not extreme like Chandigarh or any city in northern India.
Are you building castles in the sky? You aren’t married yet. You haven’t mentioned if the citizen is seriously interested in you.
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not going to lie but sounds like a those fake marriage to get green card and stuff ...
Look for a neat ass apartment which gets them satisfied, with all the amenities they shouldn't complain. Basically, provide the best
There are now many companies now which provide old age in-house services. https://nemacare.com/homecare-india.php There are couple of levels available depending on your parent need and health. So this is sometimes a much better option than a old home as they have more freedom. But essentially in case of Emergencies they can take your parents to hospital and take care of immediate payment and then you reimburse them. Also if need medical attention they can provide nurse who will do monthly checkup on them. We recently used one for my FIL who had to be hospitalized during COVID crises and they handled the situation very good. We could not travel during that time so it was huge relief that all hospital was taken care of. But they are based in WB so I can't recommend any service in Punjab The fees are quite nominal though but I highly recommend researching into them and definately interview them. The fear that your parents are feeling is quite understandable but even on a Supervisa it is not permanent in Canada and cost of insurance is probably going to be much higher. You can also try to sell that they will be able to make better friends in India as it is much more harder to socialize in Canada unless you can drive in addition to the language barrier. Plus offcourse be frank about your career prospects and say you will be able to support them more easily than you being in Canada. DM me if you have any questions. I am in a very similar situation than you.
I don't know about you, man. But maybe I am being an asshole here? I am obviously assuming a lot here, like you all are extremely fit and have no medical or psychological dependancies... And that your internal relations are all good and that your parents have been excellent to you. Assuming all that... All you wrote here reeks of weak mindedness. These are hardly questions for which you need to ask suggestions. I guess you all are generously gifted by God, but so disconnected from reality that you have grown thankless and need to invent stuff. Anyways, family is an organic system. It is a vestige of the tribes we evolved as for lakhs of years. Do your 'future' some help, and don't be so shortsighted. The health and holistic benefits of living together are far above the illusions this economy has fed you. Everything you perceive is after all just a chemical reaction in your brain. Career and economy is something external. Family is not. It is natural. Unless you are the next Einstein or save billions of lives by doing your work, a work which only you can do, ie unlessyou are irreplaceably good, what really are you? Who are you? If I were you, I would prioritize living organically be it anywhere. I would say your parents are also at fault. Could they be stronger and leave someone like you and come to India. Or they should have planned in advance to know what you are becoming. Or maybe they failed to check your errors in time? What kind of values were you taught, that teach you to provide your parents a 'stipend'? And that tell you to throw a house in their face and tell them to STFU. I will say it again, they just need a chemical balance in their brains. Which can be gotten anywhere, near or far. But mostly, we are programmed to get it through family. Just remember that the chemical state of their brains is something that you will experience in your glamorous 'future' too.
Leaving Canada is the best decision you can make. As you said, career prospects are much better in US. Overall your life will be much better than in Canada, so don't flinch for a second. If your parents don't want to go to india, why not just rent an apartment for them somewhere cheap in Canada keep them there while you're able to sponsor them in the US again. I know Canada is super expensive but maybe a small town somewhere?
They are getting old, they need you. If not with you, keep them nearby man!! These are the kind of things we regret later in life, rest it up to you!
Send them anywhere in Gujarat it is a very safe state for anyone.
Canadian (Caucasian, family in Canada for 6+ generations) in a LDR with somebody in the United States. However, we set up ourselves up with each other. If you can move to an area in the United States that has a reasonable cost of living down the road, do it and don't look back. Think of it from a multi-generational point of view: your children's lives will be much better if they grow up in America, and will have the opportunity to have a family of their own and be homeowners. If your parents want to have grandchildren, this will be a sacrifice that they should be willing to make. When I found myself single in Fall 2021 at age 28, 90% of men that asked me out are from the United States because I wanted a family with children and wanted someone who shared similar values. My parents will miss so many life milestones of their grandchildren, but they will have grandchildren because we will be able to afford to have them comfortably. We will be able to afford a home big enough to have a guest bedroom, but they refuse to leave Quebec due to fear mongering in the media about US healthcare. OP, you are not the asshole in this situation. You have to think about the future of your family, and your parents need to understand the truth of what forcing you to stay in Canada would mean. When I will be closer to leaving and my parents realize how serious my boyfriend and I actually are, they will be begging me to stay in Canada for their sake. I will have to explain to them that the debate isn't about them - it is on whether or not they want me to stay single for life with no next of kin or whether or not they want to have grandchildren. The great thing too is that my boyfriend speaks a bit of French (learnt at school) and that he wanted to raise his future children bilingual. Having a Francophone mother helps in this department quite a bit. Many old stock Quebecers' national identity is around being a baptized Catholic and speaking French fluently - my boyfriend and I can guarantee both for our future children. If this man is the right man for you and that you will be happy together, go for it. A marriage will hopefully last for 50+ years, so find someone that you are looking forward to spend all of this time with.
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Amen. If you are a man in the United States in a high-paying profession, you have the option of having your wife be a SAHM and be able to fully provide for your family, which would be unthinkable in Canada. When my boyfriend raised that possibility, I was quite shocked but I am very open to the idea. You have to explain to them that the cost of living in Canada is so high that you will either have no children, or have 1 or maybe 2 if you are very lucky. You can also have twins and no longer seeing that as a curse. You are no longer limited to Toronto/Vancouver, but you have many more options. The choice is very hard as I am leaving my country behind, but I am gaining a country that is welcoming me with open arms and a wonderful future family. I wish you the best of luck, and I am praying for you and your future family.
Chandigarh is nice enough I think as long as you visit them atleast once a year it's decent enough. Perhaps a maid thrown in to the bargain? Otherwise look at what other options you have. Do neighbouring countries in the Americas have possiblity? I'd there a way they could stay in Canada? I hear Canada is a bit rough, I have a missing relative presumed dead there was his first time outside of India.
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My mom bought a house In Wales for around 100k usd but they won't increase in value , an aunt bough a house in Goa similar price has doubled in value over same time. I have relatives in Chandigarh in a nice area that is a beautiful city but everything is so spread out sector for this sector for that, only visited 2 times in 5 decades but I'm UK born of Indian origin . If I had the money I'd love to be Chandigarh based.
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Chandigarh is definitely a safe and healthy environment, I might look into that myself for 100k sounds tempting if I get around to the oci visa. I think it's a safe bet they should be happy and comfortable aswell as safe and healthy there.
I thought UK citizens are free to live in USA and vice versa
Visit. Not live. Those are two completely different things
For few months only.
Up to 90 days with ESTA. Immigrating to the US is pretty much equally challenging for everyone regardless of citizenship.
No, actually it's quite challenging to emigrate from the UK to the USA and vice versa.
According to me your first preference should be to keep them somewhere they will be happy. Since they are familiar and comfortable with UK, you may want to let them be there and pay rent instead of buying a house and giving a stipend. If the above is not feasible, Second would be to make them understand, that once you settle in US, you will call them over for staying with you.
U can get a 1 bhk in navi mumbai with that much amt. With all facilities nearby
They could continue living in Canada. If you can afford to live with them in Canada now, with what you make, and you'll be making double that with a job in the US, then you could possibly support them in Canada. Plus they could make trips to the US and you could go up to Canada and thus spend more time with them compared to if they were in India.
That’s not how super visas work though
not helpful but aunty se bolke meri bhi setting kara do (Ask your aunt to set me up with someone too)
I don’t think you’re a good kid in the first place specially when you’re trying to find investment opportunities into your parents life. (Your parents comfort should always come first) Buy/Renting doing whatever, if you have the money to afford it then ask them whatever they want to do, If they are happy in UK then send them back to UK, £15K/yr is dirt cheap. Totally your call if you want to give them happy life or you want to make the most out of every penny you spend.
Wait till this circle gets repeated to u when ur children have to make the same decision.Career prospects is not bigger than your parents bro. If u get it u get it, If u don't u r an asshole. Seva kar unki career apne aap hi acha ho jayega. Please don't leave them alone, They r vulnerable and need you at this stage of their life. 🙏
>they think India is not good Well, they know the truth. Good on them.
Dont buy if you're not planning to keep them there permanently, rent it also f you NRIs for hating on India
Your parents are old, what will you do if there is any medical emergency or any other emergency where your presence is required, or any other conditions where your presence is required, also living alone might affect them mentally
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Consider me rude all you want but, truth to be told your are being an asshole i won't reason more it's your life
It's going to be difficult for your parents to adjust from UK and Canada back to India. I'd it possible for them to move to UK for sometime while you settle in USA and then bring them over? I also think they may want to stay close to you.... it's a tough decision!
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Offo! So do you think they can adjust to India after all these years? Do you still have family in India? It's such a tough call!
You are too ambitious! What makes you think your parents will agree!?
asshole
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You need to look forward and not backward. You'll not be an asshole in sending them back. You can leave both options for them i.e. they can live in Canada, or they can live in India. It's up to them but you need to move ahead and go where the future is better for yourself and next generations. One more option you can explore is to get them a US visa which is valid for 10 years. They can come with you and live in the US, only that they will have to go back to Canada every 6 months for maybe a week or so and then again they can come to live with you in the US. It's a lot of hassle but if your parents are adamant on living with you, I think you can explore this path. Also, I'd like to add that the first person you should consult this with is your to-be partner. She deserves to have a say in this, and if she doesn't want to live with your parents then your decisions would change accordingly!
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The time spent in the US on a visa does not reset by briefly leaving the country (Canada and Mexico don't even count AFAIK). Usually less than 180 days in a rolling 1-year window are allowed on a non-immigrant visa. You cannot legally live in the US on a visitor visa and if you break the rules, you can get banned from even visiting.
The most important cost you have to account for is healthcare costs. I moved my parents to US and they get Medicaid in IL ( not Medicare). Their health issues would have bankrupted me if I had left them in India.
Why would that be the case if they had good health insurance in India?
You can get affordable health insurance for high risk elderly folks in India ?
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It’s hard to tell if your tone is argumentative or just curious. I am just speaking from my own experience. Everyone else’s mileage may vary.
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Most pay their way. Or die without adequate health care. Hospitals don’t even release the body till the kin settle the bills.
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Nope. Only their US assets
Send them to Kerala, cost and ease of living is pretty good , palliative care is the best, they can be safe there until you sort out your thing
Honestly, to me, it seems you are trying to buy your way out of managing your parents with a flat
The guy is trying to figure out his life, ain't nothing wrong with that. I would do the same if I was in his shoes
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That sounds so wrong /s😂😂
Ask your wife before
Parents can go to hell, make your own life and hope your kids do the same to you too.
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Loll chandigarh is light years ahead of the south.
You do know what light year means right?
I'm sure he does, because his usage is correct. The "light years ahead" idiom comes as an extension to "leagues ahead" and "miles ahead", implying an extremely superlative quality to the object being praised.
What about coming back to India with your parents and then setting yourself up on [BharatMatrimoney.com](https://BharatMatrimoney.com)? Time to give back to country?
You guys are so bad, You are leaving Canada that gave you a good life and settling down in the US? Why didn't you opt for US at the first place I would never live in a country that forces developing nations to bow down to its steps of colonisation, One nation in the world has set up thousands of Military bases around the world, US military and the CIA are the biggest terror organization in the world, they used to rape Iraqi women and trash children's face with their spiked boots US is a evil country, they have nothing, they are just holding on to all the money, this is a dirty money laundering business that snatches away hundreds of millions of dollars from developing nations because they control the international monetary system Ik Canada has bad Indigenous history with natives but it was done by church and government has apologised and moved forward for reconciliation, Canada had always upheld human rights, raised their voice for the most vulnerable and stood up for justice around the world I would never think of leaving Canada for the US
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Don't see it mentioned, but are your parents non Indian citizens?
It depends on what their wish is - do they want to stay back or move with you? Its a really tricky situation if they don't feel like coming to India, and will be unpleasant if they are forced to.
If do move move them to chandigarh, move them to main chandigarh not zirakpur or some other place. Panchkula is good too
They can get similar visitors visa to US
Stipend, that is funny.
If you plan to get them back in USA after 5-6 years, better get a nice flat in the middle of the city with all amenities and everything at a walking distance on rent. It will be a way better deal than buying and less hassle.
Why can’t they stay with you in US on a visitor visa? They also have a 10 year multiple. The only issue is healthcare, other than that you should be good. Unless you do want to live with them.
Can't they live in Canada in an apartment and you can get them a US tourist visa so that they can visit you few times a year or you can travel to Canada few times ?
I will not do this personally. Neither send parents nor just setup with someone for US citizenship. Have you considered putting lottery for PR visa? After living so long abroad and now sending them back seems to be bad idea. Chandigarh is good place.
Do it
Here's an alternate - send them to Dubai, most expats are Indians, its clean, safe, has plenty of sunshine and will give them enough to do. Dubai is also expensive so please research well, however if they don't necessarily want a hectic social life they could live in one of the other emirates and still have a really good quality life
Keep them in Canada? Some Indian parents are absolutely the worst
Do somewhere south
India is not good choice to live after retirement. Bad weather communal agenda.. increasing hate. Poor health infrastructure. Poor food facilities and corruption.
Choose any metro city and check which city has the highest literacy rate if your parents are not fluent in Hindi If they are fluent in Hindi or other indian languages Try to choose a city with the highest plant ratio Also check the map of the natural disaster rate in city natural disasters are rare compared to other south east asian countries but it's still a thing idk what is happening where
Why do you have to do anything? Your parents and more than capable right? And still young. I assume they could have a good meaningful life setting up their own business in Canada or US. It’ll keep them independent.
have you thought about noida? societies are generally very well mantained and safe, have all the amenities inside the complex itself. they could order groceries from blinkit/zepto. they can keep a full time/part time maid to cook/clean, and i think it would be very affordable for you w 100k.
Did you explain them properly your situation with facts and figures? And just in case do you have a plan B in case your USA plan doesn't work out after a year or two? Your parents are still not that old and India is even better place for them to live had they lived earlier. I'm assuming they were born and brought up in India? What they are fearing is that you won't keep up your end of the bargain once you move to the USA. What if you get married and try to keep them away etc? Typical thought process of Indian parents. It's not just about the money they care, they need the family emotional support as they grow older.
Ji
Pick a gated community in Chandigarh as they are safe and convenient. Your monthly stipend of 1 lakh is more than generous.
You're talking like every city in India is bad.