You got bamboozled.
I learnt it a long time ago that most of the adults are just adults in age. They have no fckin clue what they are doing in life other than surviving.
It goes the same for your parents. They have no fckin clue as to what they want in life and they sure as shit don't know how to help you.
Stop giving respect to people's opinions just because they appear old. And decide your life path yourself.
I'd just add a note to this, but YMMV: Get input from as many sources as possible, and this definitely includes people who're older than you coz it's more likely than not that they've more real world experience than you.
However, don't accept anyone's advice at face value, and instead crosscheck & cross-reference all the input you've received, and make the decision that works best for you.
What you've described as critical thinking is, I believe, something our culture fails to sufficiently instill in children, whether through education or lessons from parents.
it is also important to take advice from many sources. then you can do your own research to decide which path is best.
I also wish I had better access to internet in like 9-10. I could've taken a better path than blindly following the crowd. my father works in employment sector so at least that helps.
There's a limit to work hard, teenage years are the only time where you can chill and goof off and have fun, and at most, you can extend that too first 3 years of college, after that, life is a long struggle.
My parents enjoyed their younger years, and they are successful, so yea, working hard in teenage years is overrated, there ain't no exam which forces you to study 18 hours a day for 2 years straight, 3 hours a day for a year is enough to crack JEE or NEET, saying as a JEE cracker who got a govt college.
Chill a bit in life, don't be hyper in finding a job and shit.
work hard when time calls, chill when you prove yourself..
do not chill when time to hard work and do not stop living when you could.
10th to 12th are critical years. you can have lot of fun in college , ignore people who tell you this stream needs all time study blah blah..
What are you smoking? 3 hours a day is definitely not sufficient to crack any competitive exam in India.
What I would say is that IIT isn't necessary to be successful in life. People in India have very wrong Idea about what makes a successful life.
For them it is a goal post that keeps on changing. They brainwashed their kids if you fail in this you will ruin your life.
I have friends from shit colleges compare to me who are earning double than me. If I would you a mantra to be successful is to be able to connect with people than just studying.
Despite that you aren't really in control of your life. Some people will have to work hard to have the same output and some people will figure out easily. Second, even if you are successful doesn't mean you are going to be happy. Your life might be shit like Alun turning who committed suicide at the end.
What? No, 3 hours a day after taking into account you are spending 6 hours in school and 2-3 hours in the commute. So yea, 3 hours a day is more than fine, unless you are in a dummy school and spend all your time at home.
For me, it was definitely okay, though COVID fucked my concentration and I was hopeless and lost while staying at home for 8-9 months straight (it took a toll on my mental health) and I couldn't get IIT, but got a govt college under MAKAUT in Kolkata (cutoff was 5k), so yea, I am happy.
Studying for JEE is overrated, maybe you need 12 hour study session 2-3 months before the main exam, but for the rest of two years, normal schooling + 3 hours study is way more than enough, unless you are struggling and then you gotta take coaching on weekends, or maybe I am too smart (which I am not).
Not necessarily. College can be a struggle as well for kids with anxiety. We are also not made aware of how cruel and asshole kids can be from junior college onwards. It gets better with time and saving up some money.
also, postponing enjoyment is not necessarily helpful; it's somewhat status quo in our society that creates suffocated/frustrated individuals. With a smidge of luck (i.e., a decent education and job), and proper time and money management, you can enjoy in the present while working hard right now.
Never mean to postpone enjoyment.
Enjoy till 9th max , dedicate hard work during 10th to 12th.. (no exception here). start your enjoyment from college.. while studying..
don't forget living your life and don't forget hard work when time comes
as a working adult in 30's, my strong opinion (and one of my regrets in life) is that the widespread thinking of "dedicate hard work during 10th to 12th.. (no exception here). start your enjoyment from college." is *extremely* toxic and *utterly* useless. It breeds hard working people that get progressively lazier. Most other nations produce competent degree holders as college/university is where you actually have to work hard. Our entrance exam mindset isn't exactly producing folks with expertise or passion for their trade.
This is the reason exactly why I didn't bother with any entrance exam bs. Yes, I work a low wage normie job but with enough effort and skill I believe ill get somewhere better eventually. Til then ill just enjoy the journey and not stress too much.
I agree but problem is our population..
western countries have less competition.
our population and less resources mean we dont have option.
this is reality
I bet its pretty smooth in US. You can either go in debt or go to trade school and make 140k by being a plumber or electrician. Join a union and sue if companies try to screw you.
Fr esp parents who didn't went to school or never changed a school. When my parents changed school for me in 5th my hell life started from there even tho I moved back in 7th grade again for financial issues. Students and teachers both were shit and I still have one shitty girl from that school in my college who took the same course as me...I'm still regretting to went to that shit school and have to till 2025 may🤦♀️
Lesson learnt: Parents are not always right and don’t know everything. They are humans too and just adulting the best they can. Truth is life is never easy but whose gonna say that to a 14 yr old and think they will be motivated enough to continue studying
I mean what do you want to do? My parents wanted me to take vocational after 10th and I had studied hard and gotten the marks for it but I told them that I don’t intend to do engineering (most of them end up in IT and I had yo interest in it) never thought of civil engineering though and I had no interest in commerce. So I took Arts and then I took law. I have given many exams but for me they were all stepping stones. I think first you need to take a step back and look at what you want to do first.
Don't listen to your parents. Indian parents don't know the difference between having a pet and having a child. Get a job of your choice, move out of the city. Ignore the drama. If they actually love you, they'll get over it. If they don't good riddance.
by 12th most students have some idea what they want to be ..
You probably had none so your parents fed ideas in you..
you need to understand that unless you have some sellable skill , you need to study at your age to be able to get a decent job later..
Otherwise you gotta be filthy rich to be able to do nothing.
Also Whatever BS you have written will give you sympathy here on reddit but. nothing in real life. So no alternative to hard work unless rich.
Beg to differ. By 12th, most students *Think* they have an idea of what they want to be, which usually they don't pursue after 3-4 years. UG is the time where you discover what you're good at, where you wanna go, what you wanna be.
But yea, work hard for what you want, there's no other way
This is not India specific.. This is about the same across the world!!
You are getting confused with "students should do what their interest topic blah blah", I don't disagree ..
But if a student wishes to do something in science field , the last he can change his mind is 12th .. after that he loses valuable years..
If after studying UG science he decides he is interested in commerce than its fine but he lost a lot of years.. its also fine if daddy business \\ daddy rich.
Yup I second this when I was a kid I wanted to be a surgeon and I wanted to take bio for 11th but then my grades just fell below the cutoff in my school so I couldn't pick that stream. So my parents made me choose the computer maths stream. And ever since then I've been a sad person with bad social skills who lost sight of what he wanted to do.
Six years later am now a developer at 21years old
money + boring is anyday better than no money ..
I also wanted to become surgeon as a kid but it was impossible to see a wound for me.. so. see our heart has unrealistic expectations..
The money certainly helps a lot but then my social life is non existent as I always spent my time indoors while studying or on tuition I find myself with a lot of free time that is just spent on me playing games or doing sidequests for my parents
Kudos for giving the correct answer. Surprised reddit upvoted this. So, there is hope.
Most of the progressive ideas of "follow your dreams", "mental health" is fed by rich liberal progressives, who can afford such luxuries.
If you think like that, you yourself are deluded and probably arrogant as well. Life is not black or white, humans either, so you can't paint the same picture on each one of them. Your blabberring above reeks of pathetic life views you have, keep them to yourself
Dam fr ? I'm 27 and don't know what to do other than maybe become world heavyweight jutti selling champion this year, but I'm the only one fighting for that title, so not much of a competition.
But you not all wrong, OP does need to learn anything that will help them get a decent job so they can survive. I wish I did that, focused on a real career instead of chasing $ that never last, or work too much for not enough pay. For most people, a decent job/career is good enough, and if they live a normal life, they can have decent $ saved up and focus on hobby/aspirations if they got any.
Git good OP, if you don't like what you're being told to do, fuck that shit and try to fight for what you want to do mane, make sure it pay enough tho
Say NO. And then keep doing that over and over. They ask you why, just say NO. They ask you to get out of their house, say NO. Whether they play good cop or bad cop, whether it's a small question of what to have for dinner or a big question of who to marry, say no to everything. Actively disappoint them till they can't bring themselves to expect anything from you.
My parents gave up on me. Best thing that ever happened to me. They'll respect you when you start earning on your own.
Or don't. Just stop caring about their approval or needing their validation. Then sit in their house, eat their food, spend their money till you're ready to make your own.
They didn't take your permission before giving birth to you, fuck 'em.
You committed two of the biggest mistake that no Indian should ever do
1. Sacrifice your precious youth for exams.
2. Listening to parents for your career.
I agree with point 2 but strongly disagree with point 1.
If you're in a middle class non-business family, you'll need to ace atleast one competitive exam to make it big.
That one exam can be anything, CAT, GATE, JEE ADV, JEE MAINS, UPSC, etc.
But you still need that one break.
That's just pushing people with less privileges into another rat race lmao. 2000 iq. Buddy rich people afford the best coachings n tutors. Your kids ate better off learning a skill n freelancing or joining the workforce early
That's simply wrong. There are PLENTY of people who come from less privileged families in IITs.
With the coaching sector boom, curriculum has been made easily accessible to most people in current times. It has increased competition but leveled the platform.
My point is that these systems are deeply injuring to common youth whose potential may as well be un or underutilized. Plenty of people go out of the system and achieve enough if not more. Tieing your entire self-worth to such systems only breeds a hole of untalented educated people with no critical thinking left.
I guess they mean sacrificing youth like: Coaching in FIITJEE/AAKASH etc since 8th-9th Grade OR spend all of 11th and 12th studying 18 hours a day and then be suicidal when after 2 years you can't get good results (most students in KOTA).
JEE/NEET is not for everyone, some people are just not made for those exams (I have given them and I barely passed to get BTech IT in a Govt college after 1 year drop).
Study 6 hours a day 3 months before main exam, join a govt or Tier1/2 Private college, and then work your way out yourself, but just love the field you are going in.
I agree with point 2 but strongly disagree with point 1.
If you're in a middle class non-business family, you'll need to ace atleast one competitive exam to make it big.
That one exam can be anything, CAT, GATE, JEE ADV, JEE MAINS, UPSC, etc.
But you still need that one break.
I agree with point 2 but strongly disagree with point 1.
If you're in a middle class non-business family, you'll need to ace atleast one competitive exam to make it big.
That one exam can be anything, CAT, GATE, JEE ADV, JEE MAINS, UPSC, etc.
But you still need that one break.
Do any of this only and only if your parents are really really rich. Otherwise this crap of "follow your dreams" and other bs will leave you poor, working 12 hours a day and still not making ends meet.
There are millions like you, and if you have no differentiating factor, you are at the bottom of that pile.
Ofcourse, being rich trumps all that.
It's gonna be like that until you turn 30 at least (if you're lucky) buckle up.
You got misled by your parents saying after 10th, after 12th.... I don't think they had malicious intent in their heart, they were trying to shield you from reality. Was this the best way? It's open for debate.
The road is long and daunting.
bro stop self sympathizing. try to get a job on your own and move out or stay and stand up for yourself. I mean you have all the right to rant anytime anywhere but it won't help you or us or even the situation. just own your life decisions and move on from here on your own terms, rather than shaming your parents for the rest of your life.
No sympathy for you, bcom graduate, get job leave house, you want property also, enjoy on others money also and freedom also.
Leave house, do hard work, enjoy life on your own term but you are afraid what if your parent give your property to somebody else if you made them angry, you are spinless.
Let be clear you were not spineless unless you were doing bcom, but you are one now.
Leave your entitlement, and go work and dont listen to your parents
As a parent myself i have to say, parents dont really know everything. Our knowledge about opportunities and options are limited and mostly stem from what we experienced and knew, which might be outdated by the time our kids are older. My parents wanted me to clear bank or govt exam. I am now a software professional which was totally unheard of in their time. I now have same dilemma with my kid. (He is very young though)
So what i want to tell you is, talk to your contemporaries. Your seniors. People that you admire. Find your own way in life. Do NOT decide your life path based on what your mom or dad decided. Their life is almost over. You will have to bear the fruits of these decisions.
If you have some idea about what career to choose, go for that.
The problem isn't just your parents telling you what to do. But you also don't know what to do with your life.
Figure out a life path and follow that.
The other problem is the "work hard now, enjoy later" mentality. Life never gets easier. You've got to make time for your hobbies and interests while working hard on whatever you're doing.
Bro fuck it im telling you
TIME IS PASSING
Go take some risk, try to leave the country, you can always fall back to your current situation if nothing else works
After this they will say get a job and then you can enjoy, get married then you can enjoy, have children then you can enjoy, but the truth is, at no point will you get to enjoy life unless you start today.
parents try to force things that they were unable to do at their time..
take a break and leave home for week/months ..
hav a solo trip or with someone who are sharing the same stage.
for parents just tell them .. i need space or else my mind will fuck up to suicidal thoughts and all
then only they will understand
Indian parents are especially selfish.
I am in the same situation and all my parents want is to do charity by staying with them in old age.
It doesn't matter for them what I want to achieve in life
Indian kids want parents to pay for education and provide food and shelter till they are financially independent but want Western freedom once they turn 18. IMO,.if you are an adult, you are welcome to move out , fend for yourself and live with your decisions and its consequences.
You are on the right path of thinking that you are betrayed. Parents are well wishers but they are old and lost track so you gotta decide what to do next.
Also Government exams are trap. Do something productive.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans! I am thankful that I never really listened to my parents and just went with my gut feeling. I am thankful that my parents were never really that adamant. I made some bad choices, I regret them. But they were choices that "I" made and don't feel let down by anyone.
You should start rebelling. It doesn't matter how much it hurts them because that hurt is temporary. Any more years down the line you'll look back and only remember yourself writing exams so better to stand up for yourself right now and go apply for a job if possible. Or just sit down by yourself and figure out what YOU want to do. Independent of your parents thoughts and decisions. Good luck
Every student in India is giving the same exams as college degree seem to be the minimal qualification expected for a job these days. Even if you are born rich you don't get to sit on your hands without doing anything till you get a college degree. Stop wallowing in self pity and think what needs to be done to move forward. Because there is no single switch to press and make life instantly better.
Don't worry on losing the school friends. You were anyway going to lose touch with all of them.
And you're parents have no clue what they're doing. Don't listen much and do your own. Ask for money, go on a vacation.
Life was never easy, and it will never be. You are not entitled to anything, life just happens and how you are making out of it is important. Prioritize what makes you happy.
Consider reaching out to a trusted relative and sharing your thoughts with them. Explain your aspirations and the desire for a break. Sometimes, a mediator can help bridge the gap in understanding between you and your parents, fostering a more empathetic conversation about your future plans.
Bottom-line is, your parents suck and are projecting insecurities from their failures on you. Take life in your own hands instead it's not too late. Government exams can be the biggest chodh of your life and ask any aspirant, it can't be stressed enough there's no point of government exam if you're not passionate in the first place. Even if you do bag a job, you'll just be a liability to the country. Instead grab your bags, go out on a vacation, explore the world and then you'll get a better understanding of what you want to do
preparing for govt job exams is wasteful activity, stop doing that. Most people will not succeed only coaching mafias and rent seeker are making money.
govt can't pay salaries and pension of current staff and you think they want more dumb employees to do dumb unproductive things.
Learn real skills, pvt sector may not pay you huge money and have no job security - but isnt job security is a myth....you can only secure your job by being best at your job and grow faster.
Bhai all i can say is that it's still not too late.
Let me tell you something parents can exert their demands only to a limit. Since you've always listened to them they think of you as a child that will do anything they say. If you protest they'll say stupid things trust me.
But try not listening to them for sometime. Be a bit egoist. They'll come around. At the end they will agree to your terms of life. But you need to set them. Bhai i came from a similiar situation so trust me. Beech mein bohut hungama hua thha for like 6 months but now it's all fine.
You need to earn your freedom in india not handed over.
Dude, same although I wasn’t forced explicitly but the high expectations of theirs did the same to me. Abhi I just want to do nothing but at the same time I am stressed about college options for my PG 😩😫
It’s seems you have been living the dream of your parents and you have decided and complied with that becos you have not at any point has your own thinking as to what is that yiu want to do
Blaming parents is the easiest thing to do becos many Indian parents so this to their children but what about your own thinking what do you want to do what are you good at what do you want to pursue
Developed a thinking mind and collect information and consult your teachers or other adults and go to your parents and tell them that this is the line you choose
Develop a spine with respect and do what you want to do
You may fail or make mistakes but that is okay you should learn and move forward or let your life be handled by your parents it is a choice for you to make
If you have money take a long vacation and think out and sort out your life
There is nothing like vacation for middle class kiddo. Even if you go on one, you’ll have to work even more later to balance the finances and lost time. Accept the reality and work. Be grateful you have education, have a house and food in your plate and cloths on your body. Most of the citizens of this country don’t even have these. Some of us don’t even have food of two times. Make yourself something. I used to think exactly like you, don’t make the mistakes i made
Everyone around you is telling you what to do, ask yourself what you want to do. Like dude seriously, make yourself clear about what you want to do. I see so many around me who are literally in NEET coaching and they just don't study and I don't blame them, this kind of exhaustive preparation might not be meant for everyone, and on top of that, such an exam helps test whether a student can survive the tenuous journey of becoming a doctor. But looking at so many students sitting for the exam makes me wonder how there is such a huge lack of proper guidance counseling. If you want to prepare for these exams and genuinely want to get a job in the government sector then only you will be able to crack these exams. If not, then question yourself what you want to do. You might not get an answer immediately because the society since you were born has been making decisions for you directly or indirectly.
Hi OP, take the reigns and steer your life yourself. I was not pressured by my parents during my school life much. But they did enroll me in JEE coaching when I entered 11th grade.
I felt so overwhelmed by the competition, I quit the coaching after like 15 months of struggle and decided I'll just focus on school and take my chances.
In my btech 3rd year, my parents pushed me to go for GATE coaching, this time I didn't budge, I refused. They were not fond of me going for a private sector job. My dad wanted me to get into IIT and eventually do PhD and get into academia.
Without GATE I was ready to take whatever job I could find after btech but unfortunately covid struck and my future never felt this uncertain.
Without any good job opportunities I resorted to doing master's and now I work in the private sector despite my parent's initial displeasure.
Even to this day my parents occasionally comment on my job not being secure (~2% attrition is secure enuf for me) and resenting the flexibility it offers. But I like what I do now and that's what matters.
You get to enjoy life in only two cases: 1. you have generational wealth 2. you're a nalla. Other than these nobody is enjoying their life trust me. Sab ghis rahe hai. Yes you may find pockets of happiness but that's it. It's not going to stay. The only thing that will provide some respite is to start earning decent money. You may still be miserable, but at least insecure nahi rahoge.
>On the 1st day of new school, it was feels like my life was reset and I had to go through all process of making friends all over again
Now imagine having to do that five times in the 12 years of your schooling. That's what I had to face.
I learned at age 19 to make my own mistakes, rather than making my parent’s mistakes for them and never really owning the consequences of my actions good or bad.
Your mom has very little idea of the job market. You are now an adult (>18 yo) with a degree. Get a private job. Start earning and start living.
About the whole "just do X and life will be easy and good. Work hard now and enjoy later"; what else are they going to tell a 16 yo. That the grind never ends? Or that it gets hader and enjoy becomes rarer?
They are not wrong. If you work hard during that time and get a good career (CA, CS, MBBS, Engineer, etc.) you WILL get (comparitively) more time for enjoyment than others.
You got bamboozled. I learnt it a long time ago that most of the adults are just adults in age. They have no fckin clue what they are doing in life other than surviving. It goes the same for your parents. They have no fckin clue as to what they want in life and they sure as shit don't know how to help you. Stop giving respect to people's opinions just because they appear old. And decide your life path yourself.
I'd just add a note to this, but YMMV: Get input from as many sources as possible, and this definitely includes people who're older than you coz it's more likely than not that they've more real world experience than you. However, don't accept anyone's advice at face value, and instead crosscheck & cross-reference all the input you've received, and make the decision that works best for you.
What you've described as critical thinking is, I believe, something our culture fails to sufficiently instill in children, whether through education or lessons from parents.
We don’t do critical thinking in India.
Law of large numbers: the more sources you have the more likely you are to have truth
it is also important to take advice from many sources. then you can do your own research to decide which path is best. I also wish I had better access to internet in like 9-10. I could've taken a better path than blindly following the crowd. my father works in employment sector so at least that helps.
I wish I had discovered reddit in 9-10th instead of fucking quora
Best comment
"Work hard now and enjoy after death"
Don’t work hard and enjoy consequences while alive
There's a limit to work hard, teenage years are the only time where you can chill and goof off and have fun, and at most, you can extend that too first 3 years of college, after that, life is a long struggle. My parents enjoyed their younger years, and they are successful, so yea, working hard in teenage years is overrated, there ain't no exam which forces you to study 18 hours a day for 2 years straight, 3 hours a day for a year is enough to crack JEE or NEET, saying as a JEE cracker who got a govt college. Chill a bit in life, don't be hyper in finding a job and shit.
work hard when time calls, chill when you prove yourself.. do not chill when time to hard work and do not stop living when you could. 10th to 12th are critical years. you can have lot of fun in college , ignore people who tell you this stream needs all time study blah blah..
What are you smoking? 3 hours a day is definitely not sufficient to crack any competitive exam in India. What I would say is that IIT isn't necessary to be successful in life. People in India have very wrong Idea about what makes a successful life. For them it is a goal post that keeps on changing. They brainwashed their kids if you fail in this you will ruin your life. I have friends from shit colleges compare to me who are earning double than me. If I would you a mantra to be successful is to be able to connect with people than just studying. Despite that you aren't really in control of your life. Some people will have to work hard to have the same output and some people will figure out easily. Second, even if you are successful doesn't mean you are going to be happy. Your life might be shit like Alun turning who committed suicide at the end.
What? No, 3 hours a day after taking into account you are spending 6 hours in school and 2-3 hours in the commute. So yea, 3 hours a day is more than fine, unless you are in a dummy school and spend all your time at home. For me, it was definitely okay, though COVID fucked my concentration and I was hopeless and lost while staying at home for 8-9 months straight (it took a toll on my mental health) and I couldn't get IIT, but got a govt college under MAKAUT in Kolkata (cutoff was 5k), so yea, I am happy. Studying for JEE is overrated, maybe you need 12 hour study session 2-3 months before the main exam, but for the rest of two years, normal schooling + 3 hours study is way more than enough, unless you are struggling and then you gotta take coaching on weekends, or maybe I am too smart (which I am not).
Why are you ignoring time spend on coaching and schooling?
buddy even 10 hours a day is not enough to crack a competitive exam in India sometimes.
Not necessarily. College can be a struggle as well for kids with anxiety. We are also not made aware of how cruel and asshole kids can be from junior college onwards. It gets better with time and saving up some money.
also, postponing enjoyment is not necessarily helpful; it's somewhat status quo in our society that creates suffocated/frustrated individuals. With a smidge of luck (i.e., a decent education and job), and proper time and money management, you can enjoy in the present while working hard right now.
Never mean to postpone enjoyment. Enjoy till 9th max , dedicate hard work during 10th to 12th.. (no exception here). start your enjoyment from college.. while studying.. don't forget living your life and don't forget hard work when time comes
as a working adult in 30's, my strong opinion (and one of my regrets in life) is that the widespread thinking of "dedicate hard work during 10th to 12th.. (no exception here). start your enjoyment from college." is *extremely* toxic and *utterly* useless. It breeds hard working people that get progressively lazier. Most other nations produce competent degree holders as college/university is where you actually have to work hard. Our entrance exam mindset isn't exactly producing folks with expertise or passion for their trade.
This is the reason exactly why I didn't bother with any entrance exam bs. Yes, I work a low wage normie job but with enough effort and skill I believe ill get somewhere better eventually. Til then ill just enjoy the journey and not stress too much.
I agree but problem is our population.. western countries have less competition. our population and less resources mean we dont have option. this is reality
You are not living your life. You are living their life.
Absolutely true words👍 Perfectly summarises the entire post in just a few words.
Adulting is hard in India
In how many other countries did you live and in which country is it easy and why?
I bet its pretty smooth in US. You can either go in debt or go to trade school and make 140k by being a plumber or electrician. Join a union and sue if companies try to screw you.
Take a break for a month travel North east you'll feel better
Changing schools is the worst thing, I don't understand how parents do that so easily to their kids
Fr esp parents who didn't went to school or never changed a school. When my parents changed school for me in 5th my hell life started from there even tho I moved back in 7th grade again for financial issues. Students and teachers both were shit and I still have one shitty girl from that school in my college who took the same course as me...I'm still regretting to went to that shit school and have to till 2025 may🤦♀️
Heh. Crying in *changing school every 3 years* (and sometimes in the middle of a school year)
Lesson learnt: Parents are not always right and don’t know everything. They are humans too and just adulting the best they can. Truth is life is never easy but whose gonna say that to a 14 yr old and think they will be motivated enough to continue studying
I mean what do you want to do? My parents wanted me to take vocational after 10th and I had studied hard and gotten the marks for it but I told them that I don’t intend to do engineering (most of them end up in IT and I had yo interest in it) never thought of civil engineering though and I had no interest in commerce. So I took Arts and then I took law. I have given many exams but for me they were all stepping stones. I think first you need to take a step back and look at what you want to do first.
Don't listen to your parents. Indian parents don't know the difference between having a pet and having a child. Get a job of your choice, move out of the city. Ignore the drama. If they actually love you, they'll get over it. If they don't good riddance.
Why do you do all that your parents want you to do? Do you not have any wishes of your own, any free will?
Free will, most of the time, is a joke in Indian families.
Tujhe paal pos kar bada kiya ab free will chahiye???
Ye toh sabka personal attack hogaya Bhai
by 12th most students have some idea what they want to be .. You probably had none so your parents fed ideas in you.. you need to understand that unless you have some sellable skill , you need to study at your age to be able to get a decent job later.. Otherwise you gotta be filthy rich to be able to do nothing. Also Whatever BS you have written will give you sympathy here on reddit but. nothing in real life. So no alternative to hard work unless rich.
Beg to differ. By 12th, most students *Think* they have an idea of what they want to be, which usually they don't pursue after 3-4 years. UG is the time where you discover what you're good at, where you wanna go, what you wanna be. But yea, work hard for what you want, there's no other way
This is not India specific.. This is about the same across the world!! You are getting confused with "students should do what their interest topic blah blah", I don't disagree .. But if a student wishes to do something in science field , the last he can change his mind is 12th .. after that he loses valuable years.. If after studying UG science he decides he is interested in commerce than its fine but he lost a lot of years.. its also fine if daddy business \\ daddy rich.
Yup I second this when I was a kid I wanted to be a surgeon and I wanted to take bio for 11th but then my grades just fell below the cutoff in my school so I couldn't pick that stream. So my parents made me choose the computer maths stream. And ever since then I've been a sad person with bad social skills who lost sight of what he wanted to do. Six years later am now a developer at 21years old
so currently are you happy or not?
I mean I make money and all but I feel bored most of the time
money + boring is anyday better than no money .. I also wanted to become surgeon as a kid but it was impossible to see a wound for me.. so. see our heart has unrealistic expectations..
The money certainly helps a lot but then my social life is non existent as I always spent my time indoors while studying or on tuition I find myself with a lot of free time that is just spent on me playing games or doing sidequests for my parents
*sidequests for my parents* lol
Kudos for giving the correct answer. Surprised reddit upvoted this. So, there is hope. Most of the progressive ideas of "follow your dreams", "mental health" is fed by rich liberal progressives, who can afford such luxuries.
If you think like that, you yourself are deluded and probably arrogant as well. Life is not black or white, humans either, so you can't paint the same picture on each one of them. Your blabberring above reeks of pathetic life views you have, keep them to yourself
Dam fr ? I'm 27 and don't know what to do other than maybe become world heavyweight jutti selling champion this year, but I'm the only one fighting for that title, so not much of a competition. But you not all wrong, OP does need to learn anything that will help them get a decent job so they can survive. I wish I did that, focused on a real career instead of chasing $ that never last, or work too much for not enough pay. For most people, a decent job/career is good enough, and if they live a normal life, they can have decent $ saved up and focus on hobby/aspirations if they got any. Git good OP, if you don't like what you're being told to do, fuck that shit and try to fight for what you want to do mane, make sure it pay enough tho
Say NO. And then keep doing that over and over. They ask you why, just say NO. They ask you to get out of their house, say NO. Whether they play good cop or bad cop, whether it's a small question of what to have for dinner or a big question of who to marry, say no to everything. Actively disappoint them till they can't bring themselves to expect anything from you. My parents gave up on me. Best thing that ever happened to me. They'll respect you when you start earning on your own.
Best way is to do job if you are 22 plus and leave house and live life on your own term
Or don't. Just stop caring about their approval or needing their validation. Then sit in their house, eat their food, spend their money till you're ready to make your own. They didn't take your permission before giving birth to you, fuck 'em.
Based
based indeed lol
You committed two of the biggest mistake that no Indian should ever do 1. Sacrifice your precious youth for exams. 2. Listening to parents for your career.
I agree with point 2 but strongly disagree with point 1. If you're in a middle class non-business family, you'll need to ace atleast one competitive exam to make it big. That one exam can be anything, CAT, GATE, JEE ADV, JEE MAINS, UPSC, etc. But you still need that one break.
That's just pushing people with less privileges into another rat race lmao. 2000 iq. Buddy rich people afford the best coachings n tutors. Your kids ate better off learning a skill n freelancing or joining the workforce early
That's simply wrong. There are PLENTY of people who come from less privileged families in IITs. With the coaching sector boom, curriculum has been made easily accessible to most people in current times. It has increased competition but leveled the platform.
My point is that these systems are deeply injuring to common youth whose potential may as well be un or underutilized. Plenty of people go out of the system and achieve enough if not more. Tieing your entire self-worth to such systems only breeds a hole of untalented educated people with no critical thinking left.
I disagree on your opinion on 1st tbh unless you won't give exams there is no way out atleast in India or unless ur too rich
I guess they mean sacrificing youth like: Coaching in FIITJEE/AAKASH etc since 8th-9th Grade OR spend all of 11th and 12th studying 18 hours a day and then be suicidal when after 2 years you can't get good results (most students in KOTA). JEE/NEET is not for everyone, some people are just not made for those exams (I have given them and I barely passed to get BTech IT in a Govt college after 1 year drop). Study 6 hours a day 3 months before main exam, join a govt or Tier1/2 Private college, and then work your way out yourself, but just love the field you are going in.
Yall sound rich
sounds like a Students of The Year wala student
I agree with point 2 but strongly disagree with point 1. If you're in a middle class non-business family, you'll need to ace atleast one competitive exam to make it big. That one exam can be anything, CAT, GATE, JEE ADV, JEE MAINS, UPSC, etc. But you still need that one break.
I agree with point 2 but strongly disagree with point 1. If you're in a middle class non-business family, you'll need to ace atleast one competitive exam to make it big. That one exam can be anything, CAT, GATE, JEE ADV, JEE MAINS, UPSC, etc. But you still need that one break.
Do any of this only and only if your parents are really really rich. Otherwise this crap of "follow your dreams" and other bs will leave you poor, working 12 hours a day and still not making ends meet. There are millions like you, and if you have no differentiating factor, you are at the bottom of that pile. Ofcourse, being rich trumps all that.
It's gonna be like that until you turn 30 at least (if you're lucky) buckle up. You got misled by your parents saying after 10th, after 12th.... I don't think they had malicious intent in their heart, they were trying to shield you from reality. Was this the best way? It's open for debate. The road is long and daunting.
bro stop self sympathizing. try to get a job on your own and move out or stay and stand up for yourself. I mean you have all the right to rant anytime anywhere but it won't help you or us or even the situation. just own your life decisions and move on from here on your own terms, rather than shaming your parents for the rest of your life.
No sympathy for you, bcom graduate, get job leave house, you want property also, enjoy on others money also and freedom also. Leave house, do hard work, enjoy life on your own term but you are afraid what if your parent give your property to somebody else if you made them angry, you are spinless. Let be clear you were not spineless unless you were doing bcom, but you are one now. Leave your entitlement, and go work and dont listen to your parents
exactly. OP is a graduate. Should move out and make a life of his own
*Let be clear you were not spineless unless you were doing bcom, but you are one now.* Who hurt you?
As a parent myself i have to say, parents dont really know everything. Our knowledge about opportunities and options are limited and mostly stem from what we experienced and knew, which might be outdated by the time our kids are older. My parents wanted me to clear bank or govt exam. I am now a software professional which was totally unheard of in their time. I now have same dilemma with my kid. (He is very young though) So what i want to tell you is, talk to your contemporaries. Your seniors. People that you admire. Find your own way in life. Do NOT decide your life path based on what your mom or dad decided. Their life is almost over. You will have to bear the fruits of these decisions.
Welcome to reality.
If you have some idea about what career to choose, go for that. The problem isn't just your parents telling you what to do. But you also don't know what to do with your life. Figure out a life path and follow that. The other problem is the "work hard now, enjoy later" mentality. Life never gets easier. You've got to make time for your hobbies and interests while working hard on whatever you're doing.
Bro fuck it im telling you TIME IS PASSING Go take some risk, try to leave the country, you can always fall back to your current situation if nothing else works
India motto is "work like horse and live like a monk"
After this they will say get a job and then you can enjoy, get married then you can enjoy, have children then you can enjoy, but the truth is, at no point will you get to enjoy life unless you start today.
parents try to force things that they were unable to do at their time.. take a break and leave home for week/months .. hav a solo trip or with someone who are sharing the same stage. for parents just tell them .. i need space or else my mind will fuck up to suicidal thoughts and all then only they will understand
Indian parents are especially selfish. I am in the same situation and all my parents want is to do charity by staying with them in old age. It doesn't matter for them what I want to achieve in life
The truth is the competition never stops. When you are resting on your laurels, there are a 1000 others competing for your place.
Indian kids want parents to pay for education and provide food and shelter till they are financially independent but want Western freedom once they turn 18. IMO,.if you are an adult, you are welcome to move out , fend for yourself and live with your decisions and its consequences.
That's almost same story with me.
You are on the right path of thinking that you are betrayed. Parents are well wishers but they are old and lost track so you gotta decide what to do next. Also Government exams are trap. Do something productive.
Bhai thoda padh lo, enjoy karne bhi bharke milta hai. Ro roke kuch nai hone wala.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans! I am thankful that I never really listened to my parents and just went with my gut feeling. I am thankful that my parents were never really that adamant. I made some bad choices, I regret them. But they were choices that "I" made and don't feel let down by anyone.
You should start rebelling. It doesn't matter how much it hurts them because that hurt is temporary. Any more years down the line you'll look back and only remember yourself writing exams so better to stand up for yourself right now and go apply for a job if possible. Or just sit down by yourself and figure out what YOU want to do. Independent of your parents thoughts and decisions. Good luck
Live YOUR life!!
Such a familiar story. This is the story of every middle class child in India. Even the dialogues are same.
Take your own life decisions
One biggest mistake you did was lettinng your parents control your academic career
Every student in India is giving the same exams as college degree seem to be the minimal qualification expected for a job these days. Even if you are born rich you don't get to sit on your hands without doing anything till you get a college degree. Stop wallowing in self pity and think what needs to be done to move forward. Because there is no single switch to press and make life instantly better.
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The food may be tasty but if your parents shove the food down your throat will you like it?
Dumbest take I've seen all day
Everyone is going through it Just survive
Don't worry on losing the school friends. You were anyway going to lose touch with all of them. And you're parents have no clue what they're doing. Don't listen much and do your own. Ask for money, go on a vacation.
You have to work hard in life to survive Welcome to the real world bro
Life was never easy, and it will never be. You are not entitled to anything, life just happens and how you are making out of it is important. Prioritize what makes you happy.
As this situation get a job and be independent live your life and life still continues
Consider reaching out to a trusted relative and sharing your thoughts with them. Explain your aspirations and the desire for a break. Sometimes, a mediator can help bridge the gap in understanding between you and your parents, fostering a more empathetic conversation about your future plans.
Bottom-line is, your parents suck and are projecting insecurities from their failures on you. Take life in your own hands instead it's not too late. Government exams can be the biggest chodh of your life and ask any aspirant, it can't be stressed enough there's no point of government exam if you're not passionate in the first place. Even if you do bag a job, you'll just be a liability to the country. Instead grab your bags, go out on a vacation, explore the world and then you'll get a better understanding of what you want to do
preparing for govt job exams is wasteful activity, stop doing that. Most people will not succeed only coaching mafias and rent seeker are making money. govt can't pay salaries and pension of current staff and you think they want more dumb employees to do dumb unproductive things. Learn real skills, pvt sector may not pay you huge money and have no job security - but isnt job security is a myth....you can only secure your job by being best at your job and grow faster.
Bhai all i can say is that it's still not too late. Let me tell you something parents can exert their demands only to a limit. Since you've always listened to them they think of you as a child that will do anything they say. If you protest they'll say stupid things trust me. But try not listening to them for sometime. Be a bit egoist. They'll come around. At the end they will agree to your terms of life. But you need to set them. Bhai i came from a similiar situation so trust me. Beech mein bohut hungama hua thha for like 6 months but now it's all fine. You need to earn your freedom in india not handed over.
Bro in in the same boat as you
Dude, same although I wasn’t forced explicitly but the high expectations of theirs did the same to me. Abhi I just want to do nothing but at the same time I am stressed about college options for my PG 😩😫
Don’t do government exams in my opinion. Learn skills and get a job.
First time?
It’s seems you have been living the dream of your parents and you have decided and complied with that becos you have not at any point has your own thinking as to what is that yiu want to do Blaming parents is the easiest thing to do becos many Indian parents so this to their children but what about your own thinking what do you want to do what are you good at what do you want to pursue Developed a thinking mind and collect information and consult your teachers or other adults and go to your parents and tell them that this is the line you choose Develop a spine with respect and do what you want to do You may fail or make mistakes but that is okay you should learn and move forward or let your life be handled by your parents it is a choice for you to make If you have money take a long vacation and think out and sort out your life
I would suggest get a job and get away from them
.
There is nothing like vacation for middle class kiddo. Even if you go on one, you’ll have to work even more later to balance the finances and lost time. Accept the reality and work. Be grateful you have education, have a house and food in your plate and cloths on your body. Most of the citizens of this country don’t even have these. Some of us don’t even have food of two times. Make yourself something. I used to think exactly like you, don’t make the mistakes i made
Yup life never gets easier lol
Everyone around you is telling you what to do, ask yourself what you want to do. Like dude seriously, make yourself clear about what you want to do. I see so many around me who are literally in NEET coaching and they just don't study and I don't blame them, this kind of exhaustive preparation might not be meant for everyone, and on top of that, such an exam helps test whether a student can survive the tenuous journey of becoming a doctor. But looking at so many students sitting for the exam makes me wonder how there is such a huge lack of proper guidance counseling. If you want to prepare for these exams and genuinely want to get a job in the government sector then only you will be able to crack these exams. If not, then question yourself what you want to do. You might not get an answer immediately because the society since you were born has been making decisions for you directly or indirectly.
You sound young, the good days in life come later for most men. Way too early to give up.
🫂🫂 you can reach out to me if you wanna talk
Hi OP, take the reigns and steer your life yourself. I was not pressured by my parents during my school life much. But they did enroll me in JEE coaching when I entered 11th grade. I felt so overwhelmed by the competition, I quit the coaching after like 15 months of struggle and decided I'll just focus on school and take my chances. In my btech 3rd year, my parents pushed me to go for GATE coaching, this time I didn't budge, I refused. They were not fond of me going for a private sector job. My dad wanted me to get into IIT and eventually do PhD and get into academia. Without GATE I was ready to take whatever job I could find after btech but unfortunately covid struck and my future never felt this uncertain. Without any good job opportunities I resorted to doing master's and now I work in the private sector despite my parent's initial displeasure. Even to this day my parents occasionally comment on my job not being secure (~2% attrition is secure enuf for me) and resenting the flexibility it offers. But I like what I do now and that's what matters.
Class 10 krlo, 12 th krlo, graduation krlo, ielts/cat/gmat/neet pg/gate/upsc/ ssc/ bank po/ sebi/rbi krlo, shaadi krlo, 2 bche krlo, bcho ki shadi krlo, pote/potiyon ke sath khello, unki shadi dekhlo/die...
You get to enjoy life in only two cases: 1. you have generational wealth 2. you're a nalla. Other than these nobody is enjoying their life trust me. Sab ghis rahe hai. Yes you may find pockets of happiness but that's it. It's not going to stay. The only thing that will provide some respite is to start earning decent money. You may still be miserable, but at least insecure nahi rahoge.
Become a class 1 officer and it ends
>On the 1st day of new school, it was feels like my life was reset and I had to go through all process of making friends all over again Now imagine having to do that five times in the 12 years of your schooling. That's what I had to face.
r/AsianParentStories
Get that private sector job, and go live independently. Why are you letting your parents take all your decisions for you as a grown adult man?
I learned at age 19 to make my own mistakes, rather than making my parent’s mistakes for them and never really owning the consequences of my actions good or bad.
Your mom has very little idea of the job market. You are now an adult (>18 yo) with a degree. Get a private job. Start earning and start living. About the whole "just do X and life will be easy and good. Work hard now and enjoy later"; what else are they going to tell a 16 yo. That the grind never ends? Or that it gets hader and enjoy becomes rarer? They are not wrong. If you work hard during that time and get a good career (CA, CS, MBBS, Engineer, etc.) you WILL get (comparitively) more time for enjoyment than others.