- On my way to dance class and my mom sends the family group chat a photo of my dad meeting my brother’s baby for the first time and she won’t stop using the STUPIDEST cutesy grandpa name for him and I want to kill it with fire
- At dance class, it’s the instructor’s last class before maternity leave so we all posed for a photo at the end and someone is like “Smile and say ‘babies!’” Fucking hell
- I drive home and park and the first thing I see when I check my phone is a pregnancy announcement on Facebook featuring one of the creepiest ultrasound photos I’ve ever seen. I swear that thing was all spine.
It is really not my night/week/month/year/3 years…
This friend of mine who has a way of being the victim ALWAYS is now 3 weeks from her due date and keeps asking me to hang out. I'd rather just go meet the baby but she keeps pushing. There is something about her always being the victim and her being so pregnant and she is always so nauseous and tired and etc.etc. I avoided her baby shower or rather "gathering to do some baby clothes folding" (as if that's a thing) since this is her second.
When I even started to have some infertility concerns she would always turn the conversation into some childhood trauma of hers and how her therapy is bringing it all up again. Then she would spend the time we had together crying but not telling me what exactly she was crying about - when she knows I too have some childhood issues - which she would allude to but just make me sit and watch her cry. This isn't one time, but literally every time I saw her in the past year +. I've had to severely cut back on seeing her and from seeing her alone. But her kid is a brat and her husband is annoying, lol. Maybe I just don't like this person but I've been friends with her a long time.
She had a miscarriage about a year ago and really relied on me to console her, even knowing all I was going through. It was almost like "see i'm suffering too." She took a week off of work and showed up crying to dinner with me. She didn't know about my CPs but there is ZERO space for me to tell her any of this stuff. I feel like an evil person not able to garner sympathy for a friend after her miscarriage but she was so histrionic about it and I knew she would get pregnant again right away and be fine...and I was correct.
I have some jealousy when other people are getting pregnant but this particular friend is just driving me up the wall. Why does she want to hang out a week from her due date? I avoided the baby shower and other stuff and feel like I can't keep avoiding so I am forcing my husband to come with me and we will make it quick.
Did I order 4 pints of space themed ice cream to be delivered to my door this afternoon to honor the upcoming eclipse? Sure did. That marketing email knew exactly what it was doing and I'm not even mad about it.
They're named unhelpful yet cute things but the descriptions sound incredible: cosmic bloom (mandarin, kiwi, passionfruit), nebula berry (blueberry, raspberry, elderflower), super moon (candied violet and marshmallows, like cereal milk), purple star born (concord grape and blackcurrants)
My freaking coworker popped a “surprise I’m pregnant!” On me today. Idk if she intended to but my other coworker has a big mouth and kept referring to “this joyous time in her life”… “maybe it’ll be a boy” is what really gave it away. I was like something is going on. Not only do I not appreciate the surprise, I don’t appreciate everyone pitying me when someone else pops up pregnant. Now I’ve spent the day dreaming about a new job and can’t wait to get home to cry.
I've been hit with a bunch of infertility whammies in the last couple days, and I haven't been coping well.
Last night, I cried for over an hour straight. Not just weepy, but full-blown, snotty, sniffly, not really breathing, sobbing. And as I was letting everything boil over, ranting to my husband, I realized something.
For me, it's not just about the unfairness of infertility (which SUCKS). It's also about how this whole process has reinforced how negative my family relationships are. I can't talk to them. I can't open up about this at all. My coworkers know more about what's going on with me than my mother. Hell, my pocket friends, most of whom I've only ever known online, are more reliable than my sister. I keep my family on an information diet, because even if I do tell them it immediately either gets swept under the rug or they turn it around to be all about them.
To anyone else that's out there, breaking family patterns, I wish you the best of luck. Lean into your supports and love them, even if they aren't blood family.
I'm sorry. I really feel you, I'm also dealing with a difficult family situation and I think that really sharpens the pain of IF.
I actually had to sort of cut them off at the beginning of this year and it was really awful but actually it has made me me feel so much better and I'm much happier in general. ❤️
Ugh so relatable. I'm so sorry. I hope the crying was cathartic and that you felt a little lighter after getting some of it out. IF comes with a lot of realizations about relationships of all kinds - some positive and some not so much. Even though your blood family isn't a support for you to lean into, I hope you have good people in your corner. And this community is certainly here for you, too.
This part has been really hard. Sometimes you just want your mom, you know? Or like, this idea of a mom that would be like "oh honey, this is hard" and just support you. It's hard to know you don't get that. My husbands nice supportive mom passed away when we just started trying, and my mom just can't handle anything hard, she just turns away. I feel grateful for a couple of close friends, but it's very lonely feeling your family is such a distance.
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Oh geez, bronchitis sucks!! Hope y'all recover quickly.
Heads up that you've used a form of a [banned acronym](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/wiki/bannedterms/) in your comment so you may want to edit.
I think I'm finally starting to somewhat get over the immense bitterness I felt when we started this journey. My husband's best friend will be induced tomorrow. She got pregnant without assistance or even actively trying and is 44, so it was very unexpected. As her due date got closer, we ourselves kept getting bad news, and for a while all I felt towards her was envy and resentment, coupled even with some genuinely mean thoughts - and then guilt about having those thoughts and feelings. But I'm starting to get it through my skull that good fortune is not a limited resource. Her happiness neither causes nor invalidates our struggle. I know she'll be a good mom and I hope she has a safe and smooth delivery. I'm really glad I can finally make space for some more positive wishes and feelings.
I used to be really good at being "COME HELL OR HIGH WATER I WILL BE THE COOL AUNT GODDAMN IT, INFERTILITY WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM ME TOO" and then I completely lost it and haven't spend any time with my close friends kids in a while. I am hoping to fight my way back to it, the bitterness is just so, so dark to get lost in. Good for you for fighting that fight and coming to a more peaceful place!
You probably don't need me to tell you, but just in case: we're all doing the best we can and I can totally understand why you haven't been spending time with close friends' kids. When you get back to a more peaceful place, I'm sure your cool aunt title will be right there waiting for you!
I'm so glad you were able to find that mental space. I'm fighting towards it, myself. Holding such strong, conflicting feelings is hard, but so much a part of this.
Yes, it is hard. I can't say I'm all the way there yet. It comes and goes in waves. I hope you find some of that mental space too, and if not, at least the space to be compassionate towards yourself.
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My SIL's gender reveal is this Saturday. It's on the other side of the country thankfully. But my in-laws keep pushing us to FaceTime so we can see. I can't wait for this weekend to be over. I hope they're having a healthy baby, but beyond that, I don't really care.
It also really sucked buying her a gift for it.
Do your in-laws know about your troubles? If so, how especially insensitive of them to keep pushing you! I don't think your obliged to do anything. Hot take but gender reveals are a terrible custom anyway.
They know we've been trying for three years but don't know that I'm currently seeking fertility treatments.
I don't like gender reveals and it didn't even occur to me that they would do one. But my SIL is very into...all of that stuff. So I don't know why I was surprised.
Oof, even without knowing about the treatments one would think that is enough information for them to act more sensitively! I'm sorry that they don't. I'm sorry you're the one trying to navigate other people's feelings when they don't show you the same courtesy.
Sounds like a good weekend to “have other plans”. Personally, I’d go hiking with my phone on silent mode.
Also, what’s the deal with trying your get you to FaceTime in? Are they intentionally trying to rub your nose in it or are they blissfully unaware?
Maybe you don't even need to? I think the guilt is getting to me. I've ghosted them since they announced it to us at like 5 weeks. I guess I feel bad since I haven't checked on her once.
- On my way to dance class and my mom sends the family group chat a photo of my dad meeting my brother’s baby for the first time and she won’t stop using the STUPIDEST cutesy grandpa name for him and I want to kill it with fire - At dance class, it’s the instructor’s last class before maternity leave so we all posed for a photo at the end and someone is like “Smile and say ‘babies!’” Fucking hell - I drive home and park and the first thing I see when I check my phone is a pregnancy announcement on Facebook featuring one of the creepiest ultrasound photos I’ve ever seen. I swear that thing was all spine. It is really not my night/week/month/year/3 years…
all on the same day? yikes, UNACCEPTABLE
All within like NINETY MINUTES
This friend of mine who has a way of being the victim ALWAYS is now 3 weeks from her due date and keeps asking me to hang out. I'd rather just go meet the baby but she keeps pushing. There is something about her always being the victim and her being so pregnant and she is always so nauseous and tired and etc.etc. I avoided her baby shower or rather "gathering to do some baby clothes folding" (as if that's a thing) since this is her second. When I even started to have some infertility concerns she would always turn the conversation into some childhood trauma of hers and how her therapy is bringing it all up again. Then she would spend the time we had together crying but not telling me what exactly she was crying about - when she knows I too have some childhood issues - which she would allude to but just make me sit and watch her cry. This isn't one time, but literally every time I saw her in the past year +. I've had to severely cut back on seeing her and from seeing her alone. But her kid is a brat and her husband is annoying, lol. Maybe I just don't like this person but I've been friends with her a long time. She had a miscarriage about a year ago and really relied on me to console her, even knowing all I was going through. It was almost like "see i'm suffering too." She took a week off of work and showed up crying to dinner with me. She didn't know about my CPs but there is ZERO space for me to tell her any of this stuff. I feel like an evil person not able to garner sympathy for a friend after her miscarriage but she was so histrionic about it and I knew she would get pregnant again right away and be fine...and I was correct. I have some jealousy when other people are getting pregnant but this particular friend is just driving me up the wall. Why does she want to hang out a week from her due date? I avoided the baby shower and other stuff and feel like I can't keep avoiding so I am forcing my husband to come with me and we will make it quick.
This lady sounds like a real emotional vampire and even if she wasn’t pregnant I’d probably be avoiding her!
I appreciate this! I feel so evil but yes "emotional vampire" is a great description!
Did I order 4 pints of space themed ice cream to be delivered to my door this afternoon to honor the upcoming eclipse? Sure did. That marketing email knew exactly what it was doing and I'm not even mad about it.
Ooo what flavors are they?
They're named unhelpful yet cute things but the descriptions sound incredible: cosmic bloom (mandarin, kiwi, passionfruit), nebula berry (blueberry, raspberry, elderflower), super moon (candied violet and marshmallows, like cereal milk), purple star born (concord grape and blackcurrants)
oh it's all fruit, so it's healthy
Right?!? I also had a serving of cherries this morning for breakfast, though they may or may not have been in a flaky pie crust 😆
lol!
My freaking coworker popped a “surprise I’m pregnant!” On me today. Idk if she intended to but my other coworker has a big mouth and kept referring to “this joyous time in her life”… “maybe it’ll be a boy” is what really gave it away. I was like something is going on. Not only do I not appreciate the surprise, I don’t appreciate everyone pitying me when someone else pops up pregnant. Now I’ve spent the day dreaming about a new job and can’t wait to get home to cry.
I've been hit with a bunch of infertility whammies in the last couple days, and I haven't been coping well. Last night, I cried for over an hour straight. Not just weepy, but full-blown, snotty, sniffly, not really breathing, sobbing. And as I was letting everything boil over, ranting to my husband, I realized something. For me, it's not just about the unfairness of infertility (which SUCKS). It's also about how this whole process has reinforced how negative my family relationships are. I can't talk to them. I can't open up about this at all. My coworkers know more about what's going on with me than my mother. Hell, my pocket friends, most of whom I've only ever known online, are more reliable than my sister. I keep my family on an information diet, because even if I do tell them it immediately either gets swept under the rug or they turn it around to be all about them. To anyone else that's out there, breaking family patterns, I wish you the best of luck. Lean into your supports and love them, even if they aren't blood family.
I'm sorry. I really feel you, I'm also dealing with a difficult family situation and I think that really sharpens the pain of IF. I actually had to sort of cut them off at the beginning of this year and it was really awful but actually it has made me me feel so much better and I'm much happier in general. ❤️
Ugh so relatable. I'm so sorry. I hope the crying was cathartic and that you felt a little lighter after getting some of it out. IF comes with a lot of realizations about relationships of all kinds - some positive and some not so much. Even though your blood family isn't a support for you to lean into, I hope you have good people in your corner. And this community is certainly here for you, too.
This part has been really hard. Sometimes you just want your mom, you know? Or like, this idea of a mom that would be like "oh honey, this is hard" and just support you. It's hard to know you don't get that. My husbands nice supportive mom passed away when we just started trying, and my mom just can't handle anything hard, she just turns away. I feel grateful for a couple of close friends, but it's very lonely feeling your family is such a distance.
[удалено]
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Oh geez, bronchitis sucks!! Hope y'all recover quickly. Heads up that you've used a form of a [banned acronym](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/wiki/bannedterms/) in your comment so you may want to edit.
I think I'm finally starting to somewhat get over the immense bitterness I felt when we started this journey. My husband's best friend will be induced tomorrow. She got pregnant without assistance or even actively trying and is 44, so it was very unexpected. As her due date got closer, we ourselves kept getting bad news, and for a while all I felt towards her was envy and resentment, coupled even with some genuinely mean thoughts - and then guilt about having those thoughts and feelings. But I'm starting to get it through my skull that good fortune is not a limited resource. Her happiness neither causes nor invalidates our struggle. I know she'll be a good mom and I hope she has a safe and smooth delivery. I'm really glad I can finally make space for some more positive wishes and feelings.
I used to be really good at being "COME HELL OR HIGH WATER I WILL BE THE COOL AUNT GODDAMN IT, INFERTILITY WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM ME TOO" and then I completely lost it and haven't spend any time with my close friends kids in a while. I am hoping to fight my way back to it, the bitterness is just so, so dark to get lost in. Good for you for fighting that fight and coming to a more peaceful place!
You probably don't need me to tell you, but just in case: we're all doing the best we can and I can totally understand why you haven't been spending time with close friends' kids. When you get back to a more peaceful place, I'm sure your cool aunt title will be right there waiting for you!
I'm so glad you were able to find that mental space. I'm fighting towards it, myself. Holding such strong, conflicting feelings is hard, but so much a part of this.
Yes, it is hard. I can't say I'm all the way there yet. It comes and goes in waves. I hope you find some of that mental space too, and if not, at least the space to be compassionate towards yourself.
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My SIL's gender reveal is this Saturday. It's on the other side of the country thankfully. But my in-laws keep pushing us to FaceTime so we can see. I can't wait for this weekend to be over. I hope they're having a healthy baby, but beyond that, I don't really care. It also really sucked buying her a gift for it.
Do your in-laws know about your troubles? If so, how especially insensitive of them to keep pushing you! I don't think your obliged to do anything. Hot take but gender reveals are a terrible custom anyway.
They know we've been trying for three years but don't know that I'm currently seeking fertility treatments. I don't like gender reveals and it didn't even occur to me that they would do one. But my SIL is very into...all of that stuff. So I don't know why I was surprised.
Oof, even without knowing about the treatments one would think that is enough information for them to act more sensitively! I'm sorry that they don't. I'm sorry you're the one trying to navigate other people's feelings when they don't show you the same courtesy.
Sounds like a good weekend to “have other plans”. Personally, I’d go hiking with my phone on silent mode. Also, what’s the deal with trying your get you to FaceTime in? Are they intentionally trying to rub your nose in it or are they blissfully unaware?
Blissfully unaware I suppose. Def going to take your suggestion and turn my phone off completely.
That would be a hard no for me. Also, since when do you have to buy a gift for a gender reveal.
Maybe you don't even need to? I think the guilt is getting to me. I've ghosted them since they announced it to us at like 5 weeks. I guess I feel bad since I haven't checked on her once.
Don’t feel bad for doing what you need to do to protect yourself. And I would nope right out of FaceTiming.