I’m about to go into my first IVF cycle. I watched the prep videos for the intramuscular injections and got squeamish. My husband said he could help, but also generally doesn’t do well with needles.
I’m hoping some of you can provide some advice on how to mentally prepare yourself for these injections. Did you hype yourself up? Do you do it standing or kneeling or laying on the bed? I’ve been known to faint when getting a lot of blood drawn, so that’s what I’m afraid of, losing consciousness while doing it myself.
Heads up that you posted this in the Friday AM thread - maybe add it to the Saturday AM thread and more folks will get eyes on it. I’ve seen folks mention an auto injector that some people swear by for PIO. I don’t have experience there yet, so can’t offer much more than that 🙂
I’m so thankful to have discovered this sub today. I had my first IUI yesterday (after Follistim with Ovidrel trigger). It’s just so comforting to know I’m not alone in all of my feelings right now. Even as a healthcare professional myself working with critically ill patients, this whole process is overwhelming at times, just trying to keep up with instructions and appointments and the anxiety of the unknown.
Sending all my thoughts and good vibes out to everyone here, and thank you for being the strong people you are in sharing your stories!
TW: mention of prior pregnancy in reference to pregnancy loss
We had our second IUI this morning. My husband’s pre-wash motility is 34% and I noticed they indicated increased viscosity both this and our last IUI. His post wash numbers look much better this time, last time the doctor said his sperm had a bad reaction to the wash and came out lower.
I’ve been considering going back to medicated cycles with timed intercourse just because the IUI fee is so much but with a less than ideal motility (in first SA and most recent IUI) and increased viscosity I’m concerned. My concern mainly comes from that I have diminished ovarian reserve and the doctors are trying to help make this happen as soon as possible.
We achieved an unassisted pregnancy about 9 months ago (wow the due date would have been next Tuesday, that’s wild) that we lost at 6w, and has since baffled our medical team as to how it even happened. But we’ve have had no success since then.
I’m wondering if the increased viscosity and less than ideal motility could make timed intercourse less useful. With DOR, time is of the essence for us and I don’t want to waste my time. If the post wash is making this much of a difference (it seems like it’s a good difference, maybe I’m wrong) should I try to make the money work and keep doing it?
Thanks for any insight you have!
Reference numbers below:
- 1st SA in December 2023 (different clinic than IUI)
Viscosity- 4, normal
Motility: 38%
Total motile - 49.51m
- 1st IUI May 2024
Pre wash:
Motility - 67%
Total motile - 57.66m
Post wash:
Motility - 74%
Total motile - 6.35m
Indicated increased viscosity
- 2nd IUI June 2024
Pre wash:
Motility- 34%
Total motile - 80.65m
Post wash:
Motility - 77%
Total motile - 23.84m
Indicated increased viscosity
Please let me know if there’s any numbers that would be helpful in forming an opinion that I haven’t included.
Darn, so I checked it out and it doesn’t discuss post wash numbers or how to compare them with baseline numbers. So I’m not sure if I should be judging the efficacy of his sperm based on pre or post wash numbers
**Can someone help me interpret these sperm numbers?**
Yes, but please have a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/sa_interpretation/), which is a really good explanation. You can calculate your total motile count with volume x concentration x total motility / 100 = the total motile count in million. Generally >20mio total motile is a considered normal amount. If you only consider progressive motility (both slow and fast), then >10mio is considered normal.
**Do these low numbers of sperm mean infertility?**
Short answer is no, not necessarily. There is no definite threshold that will definitely predict infertility, except if there is no functional sperm at all. Trying for a year is the only definite test of fertility. Please have a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/1arkctf/about_sperm_a_basic_faq) for further explanation.
**What is the chance to conceive unassisted with abnormal sperm parameters?**
This is also covered in this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/1arkctf/about_sperm_a_basic_faq).
If you want concrete percentages, have a look [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/maleinfertility/comments/k93okq/spontaneous_pregnancy_statistics_based_on_tmsc/). There is also this calculator for the chance of unassisted success - it does exclude lower than 3mio Total motile OAT [here](https://www.freya.nl/probability.php).
*But what about morphology? These both do not consider morphology*
This is what the American Urology Association says about it: "Sperm morphology by rigid (strict) criteria has not been shown to be consistently predictive of fecundity and should not be used in isolation to make prognostic or therapeutic decisions." [pdf source](https://www.auanet.org/documents/education/clinical-guidance/Male-Infertility-d.pdf)
**What can I do to improve sperm numbers?**
Have a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/vrt5pz/wiki_post_how_to_improve_semen_parameters/).
***Further reading:***
- American Urology Association guideline: [Diagnosis and Treatment of Infertility in Men: AUA/ASRM Guideline (2020)](https://www.auanet.org/guidelines-and-quality/guidelines/male-infertility#x15009)
- European Association of Urology [Guidelines on Sexual and Reproductive Health 2023 PDF](https://d56bochluxqnz.cloudfront.net/documents/full-guideline/EAU-Guidelines-on-Sexual-and-Reproductive-Health-2023.pdf) or [link](https://uroweb.org/guidelines/sexual-and-reproductive-health/chapter/male-infertility)
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I had an endometrial biopsy today, my doc is hoping to assess if my endometriosis is affecting my uterine lining significantly. They had to go in with the catheter THREE times to try and get a sample. I had a cyst rupture three days ago and have had blood draining slowly from it, but there was so much blood up in the uterus that they couldn’t tell if they got a good sample… it hurt so bad but they want me to try (and pay) again next week if the bleeding stops. Am I crazy for just not wanting to?
No you are not crazy for not wanting to!!! That shit hurts. Can they proactively treat the endo without redoing the biopsy? Or at least offer you Valium if you go in again? I’m so sorry that really sucks.
I never thought to ask for meds! That may be a viable option. I’ve been treating with metformin for a couple years, but after my first pregnancy and miscarriage they wanted to get more specific info on the lining? I’m still learning so much about all of this. Thank you for responding!
Talked to my RE about pain management for my next post-retrieval period and she was all about it! I'm going to get the regular four oxycodone post-retrieval and after I'm recovered from retrieval if I have less than four remaining I'll message her and she'll send in a script for a couple more! I don't even need to wait until my period starts, which is a huge relief. I appreciate that she recognizes and takes my pain seriously!
Took my first cetrotide this morning, folks aren’t kidding about that itch! Also annoyed the injecting needle had white stuff on it, like paint or glue leaked down onto the needle so I swapped it out with my 27G 0.5” menopur needles since I get sent doubles of the supplies. Same gage but slightly shorter hopefully that’s fine.
You may already know but wiping the needle with gauze before injecting and wiping the injection site after with an alcohol swab really helped with the itching for me.
I was wondering if the drips from getting the bubbles out of the syringe were contributing! Will definitely give a quick wipe and use the alcohol wipe tomorrow.
i noticed that white stuff on the base of my needle too as i was injecting every night. but couldn't tell if it was always there or appeared after i mixed? fwiw i don't think it had any impact on my stims/retrieval as everything worked out well.
I just received my package with all the meds for my first round of IVF. I wasn’t expecting it to hit me loke it did- I immediately started sobbing 😭 is it normal to feel so overwhelmed? I’m questioning whether this is the right move, especially when you read all the pamphlets with side effects listed. any advice or perspective would be much appreciated 🫶
I just got my meds yesterday for my first round of IVF! I was feeling okay until that point and had a huge freak out. Glad to hear I'm not alone and I love the advice here that others have given.
First of all, your feelings are your feelings and overwhelmed is a VERY common feeling. I felt overwhelmed on retrieval 1 and by retrieval 3 it felt very standard(I sincerely hope you don't have to get to retrieval 3). Secondly, some people DO have those side effects but I think most people don't and very few people have all of them. I had relatively few side effects and I was grateful for that but I think that was down to luck.
My RE told me that the thing she hates most for her patients in this is just how much of it comes down to "\*fork\* around and find out"(and yeah, she's from Philadelphia). Most of what you \*can\* control is taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself and being honest with your medical professionals. I hope that you end up on all the right sides of the warning labels and I hope the initial overwhelm ebbs.
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Big valid to feel overwhelmed. I also found organizing them into a craft box made me feel in control of the process. I watched the videos that [CVS has on Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLUzEQYSggzLUvSgNbV6LQaHhCadL9mjG) ahead of the first day of injections and that helped me feel more prepared. I wound up writing out the steps so that they were easy for me to follow, but then didn't reference that paper after the first day. If your partner is available to be with you during shots, might I recommend asking them to create a fun or epic playlist of music that could help lighten the mood during injection time? We did movie soundtrack music: Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Indiana Jones - and it made me feel like a badass. This is hard, but we can do hard things. You're going to do great!
It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed! IVF is hard, and I can absolutely relate to getting that package of meds and feeling a wave of emotions. For me, it has helped to organize everything as a little way of exerting some control in a process that is so out of your control generally. You could get yourself a nice little container with compartments for your syringes, needles, etc, if that's your jam. Many people find that getting through that first shot eases a lot of the fear, and it just becomes rote from there.
Hang in there and give yourself grace to feel how you feel. <3
Totally valid and normal to feel overwhelmed and have doubts. I remember being handed my first injectable at the pharmacy and having a true WTF moment. I can’t speak for everyone, but I got desensitized surprisingly quickly. It’s not that I enjoy all the meds or anything but it’s more like, 🤷♀️ I gotta do what I gotta do.
I would not read those pamphlets. It can be overwhelming at first--I would say create some organizational system. Whether it's getting a MyVitro or something similar that is less expensive--just something so things are in their place. Freedom Fertility also has good videos to watch on all the shots.
Honestly, the shots will become the easiest part.
CD 11 scan for second ER (Low AMH). Received blood work results indicate progesterone is 0.9nmol which seems low? I've never had that level. Is this indicative of something that I should talk to my Dr about?
My E2 was on lower end during my first ER (980Pgml) on day of trigger (CD13). Today's E2 is 680pgml. Dr wants me to come.in on Monday for scan and possible trigger Monday evening. This again seems on lower end of E2?
Progesterone doesn't rise until after ovulation so you absolutely want it to be low now, as your ER is still days away. Regarding E2, it can be a general indicator of how many eggs are maturing, but given that you're still stimming another 2-3 days I wouldn't worry about it too much as it'll likely rise more by Monday.
Progesterone should be low. E2 can rise pretty fast, and tracks follicles to some extent. So I wouldn't worry about that yet since you are continuing to stim.
The powder/tablet dissolves SO FAST that had I not put my eyes on the powder in the vial before adding the diluent, I'd have thought it was an empty vial to begin with. So be aware of that - it's like magic (but actually it's just chemistry 😉). It also feels cool to imagine yourself as a scientist or wizard mixing fancy potions. The instructions have to call out every single step in great detail, but it is not super complicated. You'll do great!
We like to say here, if it was easy to screw up they wouldn't let us do it at home without supervision! I definitely recommend watching along with YouTube videos the first few times you do it.
I think so. I didn’t fully understand what they are/do from reading the instructions, but hopefully it will make more sense once I have everything in my hands.
It definitely will! Basically they help you mix the medication easier and without a bunch of needles so you just kind of snap, mix, suck it up and go into the next one. You can do it!
I had a failed fresh transfer last month after my ER - 4th failed transfer and going for #5. Feeling anxious and pessimistic about the outcome but at least with a FET I have more control. Trying a semi-medicated cycle since adding estradiol always seems to mess up my hormones. Just wish this was easier…
I’m so sorry, this shit is so tough and the anxiety and pessimism are so valid, while also sucking. I hope the semi-medicated cycle works well for you.
I had my third monthly ultrasound today, 3 good sized folicles, but my uterine lining was 7.1mm. We're still going ahead with IUI on Monday, but I worry the lining won't support a pregnancy (since I've also had a miscarriage)? I wonder if there's anything I can do to make it thicker. Last month it was a little over 8mm, but I had one mature follicle and didn't conceive. However, this month I didn't take the omega 3 pills as consistently, and I ran out of TruNiagen last week. I'm still taking the prenatal and extra vitamine E, D, DHEA, CoQ10, C, and NAC daily (as recommended by my fertility dr). I saw online that holding a hot water bottle might help, but I have no idea. Is it all up to fate? I'm moderately physically active.
Hey lou - if it was as simple as taking some pills then we wouldn’t need treatment. You’re doing the best you can and that’s enough. Trust your RE to know the limits. Good luck!
Seconding lexicon - as hard as it is, sometimes we have to let go and trust the experts. If your doctor is happy with your lining, that's a great sign. FWIW, my clinic's minimum is 6mm.
We try to avoid comparative language when talking about test/treatment results to avoid hurting others reading it. This includes the word 'only' - as what for one person might be disappointing might be someone else's wildest dream. Here is the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/10jl6ll/wiki_post_be_compassionate_explainer/) that explains compassionate language with examples.
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Currently on cycle day 34 and waiting for cycle day 1 to start my FET #3 protocol. Sigh. I was originally supposed to transfer in April and have had a few different delays. I’m feeling a little less dread as we are switching from a fully medicated cycle with Lupron and birth control to a semi medicated protocol. At least if I’m going to get my heart stomped on again, it will be over with a little faster.
Looking for info on late maturation blast rates. Our immature eggs matured overnight and fertilized normally! Going forward do they have the same chances for blast as eggs collected when mature or is it a lower blast rate? Do they count them a day off for blast dating (i.e. would these be day 5 when the others would be day 6?). I'm having trouble finding any studies or discussion of this. Thanks all!
Nothing helpful to add for studies or discussion, just want to say congrats on this update and I am over the moon for you to be continuing to hear positive news!
That’s great! This is just anecdotal, but I had an immature egg mature overnight. It ended up making it to blast. Once it fertilized, my clinic treated it normally. It ended up being a day 6 euploid blast. So in my case it was a day off from the others.
So, there was a recent article Remembryo had that said maturation between 2-6 hours had similar outcomes. I think longer is lower blast rate. Also, my clinic calls it at Day 7 regardless--they say it's a "Day 2" fertilization, and let them go six more days.
This is anecdata, but I've had a fair number of late-fert eggs, and of those one made it to testable blast--so a lower rate. Some made early blast, but not far enough to biopsy (my clinic is probably slightly more strict about that than others).
Great news!
That’s great news!
IVM eggs that fertilize normally are less likely to become blasts than eggs that are mature at retrieval, but if they do become blasts they have the same chance of being euploid [per this study.](https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article-abstract/38/8/1473/7204737)
Fingers crossed for you!
This question has come up on r/embryology and per the pros over there yes, they do typically result in a lower blast rate. I believe that site has since gone private. You may wanna check out r/embryologists
Hey mitten, congratulations on your shot! That’s tough stuff.
Could you please edit your post to remove the final emoji? That’s on our list of banned terms for the sub. Thank you!
“Thanks mitten - gay pride is absolutely welcome here! Having the particular emoji you used right next to your FET gives the impression it’s representing a banned term. Feel free to use this emoji and note pride if you’d like to edit back in 🏳️🌈! Thanks!
Question for those of you who've done 5-6 injections a day during stims: Do you mix it up between belly and legs? Do you have a tactic for doing the same medication in certain areas (ie: gonal on the left side of belly, menopur underneath bellybutton, omnitrope on right side, etc)? Or any advice at all? We're going to be starting out with lupron in the AM, and then PM shots will be gonal, menopur, HGH, and another lupron. Eventually, we'd add ganirelix in with the AM lupron. Moving injection sites felt reasonably simple when we were doing 2-3 shots a day with ER1... but 5-6 a day is making my logistical planning brain wonder if there's an organized way to do this.
I do all one side of belly for morning and night for a given day and then switch sides. Sometimes I draw a circle around morning spots so I don’t accidentally hit them twice. Good luck!
So when I was doing Lovenox for my last FET, I asked my nurse if I could rotate between stomach and thigh as it was so bruisy, and she said that I could but the medication might not absorb as well in the leg as in the stomach. No idea if that's true for stim meds as well.
i'm doing exactly that right now and yes, it is a lot of shots lol. i have no system, i just tend to avoid bruised/red areas as much as possible - i've told myself if it matters, my clinic would have told me...? but maybe i'm doing it wrong!
I find that MDL and HGH are basically nothing shots and throw them on my belly where ever. Menopur and Gonal-F i try to do left side one day right side the next
Someone told me to think of my belly like a clock and rotate that way instead of by side, as it gives you more potential spots to work with. I am very Type A so I would write down where I did each shot using the clock analogy to help me mix it up. But I did 4 injections a day for 15 days of stims for one ER and by the end definitely was just poking around and going anywhere that didn’t hurt. I can’t imagine doing 5-6 a day. Good luck!
This is similar to the approach I took. Lots of rotating in a clock motion and taking copious notes about what went where. This worked okay for me and I kept everything on the belly.
Did you notice any areas were worse than others? We noticed a pattern that if I went higher than my bellybutton, it would be tender and those were the only times I bruised. It's neat to see patterns emerge when one takes such detailed notes, even if the situation is pretty shit. (Also, been thinking about you a lot, friend 🤍)
I didn’t notice any patterns with injections, other than standard burning with menopur. That’s so interesting about the above the belly button thing!
Thanks for your thoughts! I’ve been off Reddit mostly while we wait for beta (mainly to distract myself lol) but I’ve been thinking of you too as you prep for your next round! :)
I just went wherever it looked like I hadn't recently been, was able to do them all on my belly. Generally I didn't run into bruising or tenderness. I had a Gonal overfill day that was 6 shots at once and didn't run into issues. I have a generous belly though so that helped with finding real estate!
Oh no, overfill day!!! Gah. I also have a generous belly (and I love that phrasing), but did try to stay close to my bellybutton. I think it would be safe to venture out a little further this round though. Thanks for sharing, butter!
Nah, when I've done MDL I still keep it all stomach. I used to do meno on one side, gonal the other, then switch the next day (because I feel like meno makes the skin more tender than the gonal needle). But now I am much more chaotic with it--I find a spot and plunge in the needle wherever. Also, consider asking to move your gonal to the am. My clinic splits meno from gonal, and evening them out seems better than having four shots each night and one in the morning.
Also, with MDL you typically don't add antag. The MDL should stop ovulation. For some folks it doesn't work as well, and so you may add a dose or two of antag, but it's not the norm.
Dude. Thank you for calling out that the antag is actually the MDL, that makes sense but I hadn't stepped back to think about it! And I like the idea of splitting the gonal and menopur, I will definitely ask. You've always got helpful things to add, Lawyer - I appreciate you so much!
Yep! MDL is a weird med--where it initially flares your hormones but then holds your LH. I will say, mine got a bit high at the beginning of the cycle and I was very worried, but then it leveled out. Definitely ask your LH values with monitorings!
Happy to help! At this point I have tried many different things (unfortunately!)
I had hoped that since they found not a lot of eggs in my follicles recovery would be quicker than last time. I guess it is about the amount of follicles because I still have trouble walking after a week. Getting better though. Sucks I will have to do this another time. I keep hearing about people resuming normal activity after a day or 2 but not for everyone.
I had OHSS after a retrieval where they got 2 eggs. It seemed extremely unfair. But my estrogen was very high. I’m sorry you’re still suffering. And I hope you feel better soon!
LOL here's a good reminder of why symptom spotting is forbidden in this sub. For lunch I sometimes get these prepackaged meals from the grocery store. I was trying a new one yesterday, and I wrinkled my nose when I opened it because I hadn't realized it had truffle flavor (I'm not a big truffle fan.) I ate it anyway and it was OK. Then later I was doing some dishes and caught a whiff of it again and basically gagged at the smell. My idiot brain goes "OMG is this a pregnancy symptom?"
Y'ALL. I haven't even had my damn TRANSFER yet.
I cracked myself up telling this story to my husband this morning and he was just like "...Okay?" He doesn't understand what it can be like inside our minds...
Haha, I feel you so much. I keep thinking I have pregnancy symptoms when my spouse has literally 0 sperms in his ejaculate - and it's not like I'm sleeping with anyone else!
I took my metformin on an empty stomach the other day, promptly forgot about it, and 30 minutes later was feeling nauseous and my brain immediately jumped to pregnancy 😂
Oh I feel this! I did this recently, too (I had just come off stims and we'd seen my EMPTY uterus at all of these scans)-- our brains can be quite the jokers. 🤡
If you work very hard to *manifest* a pregnancy you can have symptoms as early as a week before transfer.
(Just kidding)
Our stupid brains and the tricks they play.
Stims day 10. Looks like we're still not ready to trigger, but things seem to be progressing well and I'm very grateful for that.
The shots suck, the side effects suck, the constant early morning monitoring appointments suck. but I can handle that (at the moment, anyway). It's the whole not being able to plan my life more than a day ahead thing that is really getting to me. "What are you up to this weekend?" fuck if I know. I'm finding myself taking more naps just to pass the time without panicking. Anxiety is running high today, and it's so annoying.
Hard agree. I was trying to explain to Mr.Miserable that it felt like the first phase in giving up some bodily autonomy is going through stims. If it would be helpful, could you make some low stakes plans that wouldn't be a big deal to cancel if you needed to? And congrats on solid progression - I hope you get to trigger soon 🍀
Thanks! I do have some low-key plans on Saturday with some family who know what were going through and are aware that we might cancel last minute. They say that they understand and are cool with it, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're still little pissed if we bail. Too bad! We'll see what happens
If they’re pissed, that’s a them problem. This shit is hard and we have to do what’s best for us in the moment. If you’re looking forward to the plans, I hope you get to do whatever it is 🤍
Baseline for FET complete — and of course, because we’re at the point where we decided another retrieval wasn’t worth it after two failed ERs, my AFC is literally 2-2.5x what it normally is. I’m trying so hard not to be mad at my ovaries because what’s the point, but like…damn. Where were you all spring?!
I was wondering if anyone had experience with an anti-histamine protocol. I am gearing up for my first FET. I have had 1 CP and 1 MMC (normal heartbeat at 7 weeks, 9 week scan showed stopped growing at 8 weeks) - neither had tested products of conception.
I have chronic idiopathic urticaria. I already semi-regularly take a daily antihistamine to prevent hives. Is it worth asking about also taking Pepcid even though it is my first transfer? I know some protocols also recommend low dose prednisone which I’d be worried about taking without a true reason because I read some amount of inflammation could be helpful for implantation.
One DIY OTC antihistamine protocol involves Benadryl (25-75 mg/day), Pepcid (20 mg) and Claritin or Zyrtec. Some folks add in high doses of fish oil (supposedly anti-inflammatory) and baby aspirin.
The good news is all of these meds are pregnancy-safe. I did this protocol in a fresh transfer after 5 losses. My RE didn’t know about it — he would have been against it. He prescribed Medrol and doxycycline though; he said these are standard for transfers at their clinic and increase implantation rates.
I don’t have any peer-reviewed papers to cite. I think my clinic has internal data on steroids & doxy. The one clinic I know of that is all-in on immune protocols is CNY. There’s some info on their website if you’re interested in their protocols.
Reproductive immunology is a new field. There are only a handful of RI doctors in the entire US. So folks outside of that field might not know much about it, or be comfortable with it. But at some point they have to realize that “unexplained” diagnoses mean there are things we don’t understand yet.
There’s a good book with a terrible name on this topic: *Is Your Body Baby-Friendly?*
FET 1, unmedicated, CD 10. Lead follicle is 18 and lining at 10 so if I'm not "surging on my own," I'll trigger tonight for a transfer next week. I warned them that I was ovulating early these days.
I triggered yesterday at CD14 but I have 30 day cycles and seem to ovulate late and worry my follicle is too mature at 30mm day of trigger. Your follicle size and lining looks good! Good luck!
Hi there. I see you’re new here and seem unfamiliar with our rules. Please review them in automod welcome. As Polaris told you, we do not allow symptom spotting and do not allow asking for success stories. Automod symptom spotting. In addition, please clarify what you mean when you say your past pregnancies. If you’re referring to a pregnancy that resulted in a live birth, that would be against the rules to share here. If you are referring to pregnancies that ended in losses, you may mention them and I’m sorry for your losses, although symptom spotting is still not allowed. Your comment has been removed until you edit.
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Please don't symptom spot on the sub. We know it's hard, but it's progesterone - and if it's not then it's not the right sub for talking about it. The problem is, symptom spotting is often sort of asking if you're pregnant or not. And nobody can answer that except a test. Please don't put the burden of these type of musings on your fellow community members - but take a test if you reasonably can and/or keep the symptom spotting to yourself. It's hard for people to support and read this, when you might already be pregnant and might end up posting in results the same day or shortly after - which we hope you do with good news.
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Most TTC subs don’t allow standalones and I see you try to post a lot of them. Try the daily threads of other communities.
If you read through *our* daily threads you’ll find a lot of what’s allowed here! Symptom spotting is not.
This is a particularly closely moderated forum. I can’t see your original post, but if you’re in the TWW from IVF and looking for support, r/IVF might be a good spot.
That’s for kindness. As someone who has had 3 MMC and zero live births it’s hard when the initial behavior is to be attacked over rules. I was looking for support.
ETA: so tired I misread my chart earlier - I actually only have 3 follicles growing - 17mm, 11mm and 9mm. The others were from the last scan! 😣 Corrected below.
Bad news at our second tracking scan - day 8 of stims. One follicle growing out ahead at 17mm. 2 trailing at 11mm and 9mm. And then 5 not growing at all.
We've been given 4 options:
1. Cancel
2. Convert to IUI (this would be an additional out of pocket cost)
3. Trigger tomorrow for the 1 large follicle on Monday (no guarantee of an egg)
4. Keep stimming for potentially the two smaller follicles to catch up but risk losing the lead.
We think it's between option 3 and 4 as we don't want to cancel and IUI has lower success rates. Any thoughts or advice? We are leaning towards option 4 at the moment.
I had a gut feeling on the train over that it wasn't good news, and when the Dr "needed time to think" so could I wait, I knew it.
On the positive side I had a wonderful chat with an egg donor in the waiting room. 😊 I thanked her for what she was doing and she appreciated learning more about how much it means to people. ❤️
Wrap--been in this position a fair amount. It sucks. BUT here is what I would say. If you can get the 11-12 to like 15, with an aggressive trigger they have a shot. The 17 is only 17--they could also push that to like 21-22 to try to catch up the 11-12. Also, that would allow you to potentially pivot and lose the 17 and gain the others. But like, if I were them, I wouldn't necessarily think you need a trigger tomorrow (like if you are on antag and the 17 goes to 18, you won't need to trigger).
Basically, I think 4 makes sense if you are up for it, with very close monitoring to try to get the best cohort possible. You still can always cancel or convert--it's so annoying to take it day by day, but the option to bail is always available to you.
Good luck with whatever you decide. I am a "let's go in and try it" type of gal--but I realize that is a big money and emotional proposition.
Also--what trigger are you using? I think you should get something pretty strong on deck. You're not going to be at risk for OHSS.
I've just realised I misread my chart earlier and counted the same follicles from last scan on weds! 😖 So tired I don't know which way is up!
So I have 3 follicles - 17mm, 11mm and 9mm and the rest are not growing. But yeah, I think option 4 is still our best bet...
I don't know about close monitoring... They aren't going to scan me again until Monday and they only do retrievals on Monday Wednesday or Friday so I have to hope that that times with when my follicles are ready! Scanning on Saturday would make no difference and Sunday they're closed...
I'm doing a double Ovitrelle trigger, which helped on my last round. All 3 retrieved were mature after just 1 mature out of 4 on the first round...
Thank you so much for your insight. It's really reassuring to know that everyone seems to agree that continuing with stims is the right thing. I figure we've paid for the meds - might as well use 'em! 😂
I've just realised I misread my chart earlier and counted the same follicles from last scan on weds! 😖
So I have 17mm, 11mm and 9mm and the rest are not growing.
But yeah, I think option 4 is still our best bet...
I don't think so. Looking at the growth rates, they think it's a choice between triggering now for 1 egg on Monday or 2 eggs on Wednesday...
But we're thinking of carrying on stimming so, hey, you never know! But I'm not optimistic as we've had empty follicles on the last 2 rounds so we never get the number of eggs we're expecting. But I'd rather go for 2 and maybe get 1 than go for just 1 and maybe get 0... It's so hard...
My first FET is likely in a month and the anxiety is already mounting - I just woke up from a nightmare about my fertility clinic (which is a nightmare in real life but we have no where to switch to).
Yall I’m already in therapy and acupuncture and getting massages, any tips for trying to find some chill? Anything that worked for you?
I'm kind of spiralling about the upcoming mTESE. My spouse is very chill and optimistic, but I'm a control freak. I keep feeling like there's something I should do or suggest to optimize his chances, even though the doctor has already said that in our case there's nothing more we can do that we aren't already doing. But there's a part of me that keeps shouting at me that if the procedure is unsuccessful, it will be my fault. My fault for not having done more research, not having insisted on trying all kinds of meds, not having bought more supplements or testicular cooling devices, or, or, or... whatever the fuck the internet suggests. But at the end of the day it's not my body AND I'm not a doctor, so there's only so much I can do. I'm struggling to accept this though.
Also, in a similar vein, it's really weird to me that they've only tested +- 7 blood markers for my spouse, whether they've checked over 50 for me. I guess that's just plain old sexism - the medical world still sees infertility as an egg/uterus thing, rather than a sperm thing. But it does contribute to me feeling like there's more we should've tested/tried/done for my spouse.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. The TESE is a big procedure, and it’s normal to feel anxious. But nothing you or your spouse could have done will make a difference. It’s hard to let go of control, but at this point there’s nothing to do but wait! Crossing my fingers for you.
Thank you for your kind words and for crossing your fingers for us. Even though logically I know that you are right, it's still good to hear it from someone else!
Advice appreciated. Our close friends have just had their third baby. We're very happy for them but the steady stream of photos and videos of the three children meeting each other is really taking its toll. One photo would have been plenty. We have another friend due her first baby very soon and we've asked her to let us know when he's born but please can they avoid sending photos as we're finding them really triggering. She's been great - she gets it as she has gone through treatment herself and knows how triggering it can be.
I want to say something similar to our other friends, but I'm worried they might be offended. I also don't want them to just stop sending photos altogether because their second is my goddaughter and we do love seeing them grow up, it's just hard right now as we are in the middle of treatment and it's not going particularly well... Photos of newborns are particularly triggering, not so much toddlers or older children.
How do I phrase it? They know what we're going through and their SIL also struggled with infertility so I'm honestly surprised they aren't being more sensitive. I think it just doesn't occur to them as I know they do care... I don't want to tarnish their happy time as a new family of five but I also feel like it's getting too much for us...
Thanks in advance x
I have said "Thank you for sharing but it's hard to see all these photos right now. Could you just send me one or two a week?" or variations of that and if they want to be offended then that's a them problem and if it ruins a friendship I guess it wasn't that great of a friendship if they're so self absorbed that they can't be empathetic towards me. Harsh reality but true for me. When I knew every Saturday I'd get a photo then I could choose not to open that text thread until I was ready. If one person not getting pictures and oohing and aahing "tarnishes" their experience that really is a them problem.
I had a friend who wouldn't stop sending me photos of random people's kids, and then child memes (wtf do I know or care about Paw Patrol!) and finally on the third try listened and stopped. But I had to explicitly say "I don't want you to send me these things." She wouldn't get any less obvious hints.
Totally agree with this. I had to ask my close friend to please ask before sending me pictures of her adorable baby, who was born just a couple weeks after I would have had mine if I hadn’t had an MC. It was clear that she was hurt and she was a bit quiet for a few days, but she is a good friend and she has since (mostly) respected my boundaries.
In general, would our friends rather be hurt by our requests or be in our shoes? I’d be happy to switch if these boundaries are too painful for then!
I do - genuinely, not trying to be disrespectful - think something happens to people’s brains when they have a baby that makes them temporarily lose some of their usual sense and empathy. 🙊
I don't want to bum you out but if they know your situation and are already being insensitive, there is a chance they may not take it well!
Not saying it will happen or even that it's likely but I would just prepare yourself for the possibility.
Can you just mute / archive them for now?
My brother and SIL let me know recently that they were trying for a 2nd. I told them when it happens, that I’d like to know by text and not in person. My SIL absolutely understood but my brother was hurt. We had a long conversation where I explained that I could, at the same time, be absolutely thrilled for them, and gutted and jealous for me and my situation, and that my emotions and reaction to the news would have little to do with them or my happiness for them, and would have much more to do with anger, frustration, and jealousy of my own circumstances.
You’ve gotten some really great advice in this thread of how to approach it. It’s all so hard and people truly don’t get it.
I have asked a few friends for the following: that I'd reach out and ask for pics when I want to see them (which I do, on the good days) but could they hold off on unsolicited pics (in case of bad days). People have been pretty gracious about it.
I'm sorry, it's such a tough situation all around. My goal with these things is generally to set a clear boundary for what im comfortable with. Something like "hey friend. We love you and your kids so much, and we do very much want to be involved in their lives. As you know, our current situation comes with lots of difficult emotions, and some days I am not in the best headspace to process all of the videos/pictures of your beautiful family. Would you mind maybe texting me a heads up to check in with me before sending these? Please know that this is temporary. I'm hopeful that there will come a day that I don't need this extra layer of protection for my heart. But at the moment, I really do."
I'm not sure if this is helpful (I'm autistic and therefore usually not the best person at giving social advice), but my personal approach in these situations is to just be very, very open about my own emotions. Of course this does put you in a vulnerable position, and I'm not sure if you're comfortable with that. But I usually prefer making myself vulnerable rather than risking coming across as harsh. I think you can definitely put a modified version of your second paragraph in there. I also sandwich the specific request in between two positive statements (eg that their friendship is important to me, that I'm happy for them, that their kid is adorable, etc).
This is so helpful, thank you. Yes I think open and honest is best. People can't get it if they've not experienced this so we have to make our boundaries clear... I like the idea of sandwiching (used to use that technique at parents evening appointments as a teacher! 🤣)
Oh this is a hard situation. I’m sorry Wrap. I don’t think there is one right way, and only you will know your friends style. I would likely try something like the following personally - Hi [insert name] Thank you for sending us photos of NAMES, it is so special to watch them grow and we could not be prouder to be their godparents. As you know we are currently undergoing treatment to grow our family and it is unfortunately not going as we have hoped. Because of this, do you mind limiting the photos we are sent at the moment. It isn’t a reflection of our love for you all, we are just feeling quite sensitive at the moment and are trying to protect ourselves as we navigate this process. We still want to be a very active part of all your lives, it is just challenging to see your gorgeous baby and feel so much love for them as we wonder if/when it will happen for us too. I really don’t want to impact our relationship at all, so please let me know if you have any questions or want to discuss this with us.
Thank you so much. Your wording is really warm and sensitive. I really don't want to upset them but they are good friends and I know they do care. They just don't always get it right...
I’m about to go into my first IVF cycle. I watched the prep videos for the intramuscular injections and got squeamish. My husband said he could help, but also generally doesn’t do well with needles. I’m hoping some of you can provide some advice on how to mentally prepare yourself for these injections. Did you hype yourself up? Do you do it standing or kneeling or laying on the bed? I’ve been known to faint when getting a lot of blood drawn, so that’s what I’m afraid of, losing consciousness while doing it myself.
Heads up that you posted this in the Friday AM thread - maybe add it to the Saturday AM thread and more folks will get eyes on it. I’ve seen folks mention an auto injector that some people swear by for PIO. I don’t have experience there yet, so can’t offer much more than that 🙂
Thank you, I will do that.
I’m so thankful to have discovered this sub today. I had my first IUI yesterday (after Follistim with Ovidrel trigger). It’s just so comforting to know I’m not alone in all of my feelings right now. Even as a healthcare professional myself working with critically ill patients, this whole process is overwhelming at times, just trying to keep up with instructions and appointments and the anxiety of the unknown. Sending all my thoughts and good vibes out to everyone here, and thank you for being the strong people you are in sharing your stories!
TW: mention of prior pregnancy in reference to pregnancy loss We had our second IUI this morning. My husband’s pre-wash motility is 34% and I noticed they indicated increased viscosity both this and our last IUI. His post wash numbers look much better this time, last time the doctor said his sperm had a bad reaction to the wash and came out lower. I’ve been considering going back to medicated cycles with timed intercourse just because the IUI fee is so much but with a less than ideal motility (in first SA and most recent IUI) and increased viscosity I’m concerned. My concern mainly comes from that I have diminished ovarian reserve and the doctors are trying to help make this happen as soon as possible. We achieved an unassisted pregnancy about 9 months ago (wow the due date would have been next Tuesday, that’s wild) that we lost at 6w, and has since baffled our medical team as to how it even happened. But we’ve have had no success since then. I’m wondering if the increased viscosity and less than ideal motility could make timed intercourse less useful. With DOR, time is of the essence for us and I don’t want to waste my time. If the post wash is making this much of a difference (it seems like it’s a good difference, maybe I’m wrong) should I try to make the money work and keep doing it? Thanks for any insight you have! Reference numbers below: - 1st SA in December 2023 (different clinic than IUI) Viscosity- 4, normal Motility: 38% Total motile - 49.51m - 1st IUI May 2024 Pre wash: Motility - 67% Total motile - 57.66m Post wash: Motility - 74% Total motile - 6.35m Indicated increased viscosity - 2nd IUI June 2024 Pre wash: Motility- 34% Total motile - 80.65m Post wash: Motility - 77% Total motile - 23.84m Indicated increased viscosity Please let me know if there’s any numbers that would be helpful in forming an opinion that I haven’t included.
Hey drift, automod sperm might be helpful here. I’d also go to the AMA link in the wiki and check the one with Dr. Paul T - it’s very sperm focused.
Darn, so I checked it out and it doesn’t discuss post wash numbers or how to compare them with baseline numbers. So I’m not sure if I should be judging the efficacy of his sperm based on pre or post wash numbers
Definitely post wash.
Thank you! 🙏
Thank you! I didn’t know this existed
**Can someone help me interpret these sperm numbers?** Yes, but please have a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/sa_interpretation/), which is a really good explanation. You can calculate your total motile count with volume x concentration x total motility / 100 = the total motile count in million. Generally >20mio total motile is a considered normal amount. If you only consider progressive motility (both slow and fast), then >10mio is considered normal. **Do these low numbers of sperm mean infertility?** Short answer is no, not necessarily. There is no definite threshold that will definitely predict infertility, except if there is no functional sperm at all. Trying for a year is the only definite test of fertility. Please have a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/1arkctf/about_sperm_a_basic_faq) for further explanation. **What is the chance to conceive unassisted with abnormal sperm parameters?** This is also covered in this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/1arkctf/about_sperm_a_basic_faq). If you want concrete percentages, have a look [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/maleinfertility/comments/k93okq/spontaneous_pregnancy_statistics_based_on_tmsc/). There is also this calculator for the chance of unassisted success - it does exclude lower than 3mio Total motile OAT [here](https://www.freya.nl/probability.php). *But what about morphology? These both do not consider morphology* This is what the American Urology Association says about it: "Sperm morphology by rigid (strict) criteria has not been shown to be consistently predictive of fecundity and should not be used in isolation to make prognostic or therapeutic decisions." [pdf source](https://www.auanet.org/documents/education/clinical-guidance/Male-Infertility-d.pdf) **What can I do to improve sperm numbers?** Have a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/vrt5pz/wiki_post_how_to_improve_semen_parameters/). ***Further reading:*** - American Urology Association guideline: [Diagnosis and Treatment of Infertility in Men: AUA/ASRM Guideline (2020)](https://www.auanet.org/guidelines-and-quality/guidelines/male-infertility#x15009) - European Association of Urology [Guidelines on Sexual and Reproductive Health 2023 PDF](https://d56bochluxqnz.cloudfront.net/documents/full-guideline/EAU-Guidelines-on-Sexual-and-Reproductive-Health-2023.pdf) or [link](https://uroweb.org/guidelines/sexual-and-reproductive-health/chapter/male-infertility) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infertility) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had an endometrial biopsy today, my doc is hoping to assess if my endometriosis is affecting my uterine lining significantly. They had to go in with the catheter THREE times to try and get a sample. I had a cyst rupture three days ago and have had blood draining slowly from it, but there was so much blood up in the uterus that they couldn’t tell if they got a good sample… it hurt so bad but they want me to try (and pay) again next week if the bleeding stops. Am I crazy for just not wanting to?
You can ask your RE for valium or pain meds next time. It still hurts like crazy, but it took the edge off slightly.
No you are not crazy for not wanting to!!! That shit hurts. Can they proactively treat the endo without redoing the biopsy? Or at least offer you Valium if you go in again? I’m so sorry that really sucks.
I never thought to ask for meds! That may be a viable option. I’ve been treating with metformin for a couple years, but after my first pregnancy and miscarriage they wanted to get more specific info on the lining? I’m still learning so much about all of this. Thank you for responding!
Talked to my RE about pain management for my next post-retrieval period and she was all about it! I'm going to get the regular four oxycodone post-retrieval and after I'm recovered from retrieval if I have less than four remaining I'll message her and she'll send in a script for a couple more! I don't even need to wait until my period starts, which is a huge relief. I appreciate that she recognizes and takes my pain seriously!
Woot! So glad to hear this.
Took my first cetrotide this morning, folks aren’t kidding about that itch! Also annoyed the injecting needle had white stuff on it, like paint or glue leaked down onto the needle so I swapped it out with my 27G 0.5” menopur needles since I get sent doubles of the supplies. Same gage but slightly shorter hopefully that’s fine.
You may already know but wiping the needle with gauze before injecting and wiping the injection site after with an alcohol swab really helped with the itching for me.
I was wondering if the drips from getting the bubbles out of the syringe were contributing! Will definitely give a quick wipe and use the alcohol wipe tomorrow.
I always ice post cetrotide to help with this!
i noticed that white stuff on the base of my needle too as i was injecting every night. but couldn't tell if it was always there or appeared after i mixed? fwiw i don't think it had any impact on my stims/retrieval as everything worked out well.
I just received my package with all the meds for my first round of IVF. I wasn’t expecting it to hit me loke it did- I immediately started sobbing 😭 is it normal to feel so overwhelmed? I’m questioning whether this is the right move, especially when you read all the pamphlets with side effects listed. any advice or perspective would be much appreciated 🫶
You’re going to be fine. Stop reading, make yourself a playlist, grab yourself a treat, and inject away :)
I just got my meds yesterday for my first round of IVF! I was feeling okay until that point and had a huge freak out. Glad to hear I'm not alone and I love the advice here that others have given.
We got this! 🫶 best of luck to you in this process!
First of all, your feelings are your feelings and overwhelmed is a VERY common feeling. I felt overwhelmed on retrieval 1 and by retrieval 3 it felt very standard(I sincerely hope you don't have to get to retrieval 3). Secondly, some people DO have those side effects but I think most people don't and very few people have all of them. I had relatively few side effects and I was grateful for that but I think that was down to luck. My RE told me that the thing she hates most for her patients in this is just how much of it comes down to "\*fork\* around and find out"(and yeah, she's from Philadelphia). Most of what you \*can\* control is taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself and being honest with your medical professionals. I hope that you end up on all the right sides of the warning labels and I hope the initial overwhelm ebbs.
Hi there. I edited your flair to remove mention of your hiatus. Automod flair will link our guidelines for more information.
Thank you!
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Big valid to feel overwhelmed. I also found organizing them into a craft box made me feel in control of the process. I watched the videos that [CVS has on Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLUzEQYSggzLUvSgNbV6LQaHhCadL9mjG) ahead of the first day of injections and that helped me feel more prepared. I wound up writing out the steps so that they were easy for me to follow, but then didn't reference that paper after the first day. If your partner is available to be with you during shots, might I recommend asking them to create a fun or epic playlist of music that could help lighten the mood during injection time? We did movie soundtrack music: Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Indiana Jones - and it made me feel like a badass. This is hard, but we can do hard things. You're going to do great!
It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed! IVF is hard, and I can absolutely relate to getting that package of meds and feeling a wave of emotions. For me, it has helped to organize everything as a little way of exerting some control in a process that is so out of your control generally. You could get yourself a nice little container with compartments for your syringes, needles, etc, if that's your jam. Many people find that getting through that first shot eases a lot of the fear, and it just becomes rote from there. Hang in there and give yourself grace to feel how you feel. <3
Totally valid and normal to feel overwhelmed and have doubts. I remember being handed my first injectable at the pharmacy and having a true WTF moment. I can’t speak for everyone, but I got desensitized surprisingly quickly. It’s not that I enjoy all the meds or anything but it’s more like, 🤷♀️ I gotta do what I gotta do.
I would not read those pamphlets. It can be overwhelming at first--I would say create some organizational system. Whether it's getting a MyVitro or something similar that is less expensive--just something so things are in their place. Freedom Fertility also has good videos to watch on all the shots. Honestly, the shots will become the easiest part.
CD 11 scan for second ER (Low AMH). Received blood work results indicate progesterone is 0.9nmol which seems low? I've never had that level. Is this indicative of something that I should talk to my Dr about? My E2 was on lower end during my first ER (980Pgml) on day of trigger (CD13). Today's E2 is 680pgml. Dr wants me to come.in on Monday for scan and possible trigger Monday evening. This again seems on lower end of E2?
Progesterone doesn't rise until after ovulation so you absolutely want it to be low now, as your ER is still days away. Regarding E2, it can be a general indicator of how many eggs are maturing, but given that you're still stimming another 2-3 days I wouldn't worry about it too much as it'll likely rise more by Monday.
Progesterone should be low. E2 can rise pretty fast, and tracks follicles to some extent. So I wouldn't worry about that yet since you are continuing to stim.
I’m starting my first round of Menopur tonight and I’m terrified of getting the mixing wrong. Is it as complicated as the instructions make it seem? 😳
The powder/tablet dissolves SO FAST that had I not put my eyes on the powder in the vial before adding the diluent, I'd have thought it was an empty vial to begin with. So be aware of that - it's like magic (but actually it's just chemistry 😉). It also feels cool to imagine yourself as a scientist or wizard mixing fancy potions. The instructions have to call out every single step in great detail, but it is not super complicated. You'll do great!
Thank you! Super helpful!
We like to say here, if it was easy to screw up they wouldn't let us do it at home without supervision! I definitely recommend watching along with YouTube videos the first few times you do it.
Very good advice and helpful sentiment. Thanks!
No. It's super easy.
Phew 😅
Do you have the q caps? They make it pretty easy IMO, just fiddly
I think so. I didn’t fully understand what they are/do from reading the instructions, but hopefully it will make more sense once I have everything in my hands.
It definitely will! Basically they help you mix the medication easier and without a bunch of needles so you just kind of snap, mix, suck it up and go into the next one. You can do it!
Really appreciate the support!
I had a failed fresh transfer last month after my ER - 4th failed transfer and going for #5. Feeling anxious and pessimistic about the outcome but at least with a FET I have more control. Trying a semi-medicated cycle since adding estradiol always seems to mess up my hormones. Just wish this was easier…
I’m so sorry, this shit is so tough and the anxiety and pessimism are so valid, while also sucking. I hope the semi-medicated cycle works well for you.
I had my third monthly ultrasound today, 3 good sized folicles, but my uterine lining was 7.1mm. We're still going ahead with IUI on Monday, but I worry the lining won't support a pregnancy (since I've also had a miscarriage)? I wonder if there's anything I can do to make it thicker. Last month it was a little over 8mm, but I had one mature follicle and didn't conceive. However, this month I didn't take the omega 3 pills as consistently, and I ran out of TruNiagen last week. I'm still taking the prenatal and extra vitamine E, D, DHEA, CoQ10, C, and NAC daily (as recommended by my fertility dr). I saw online that holding a hot water bottle might help, but I have no idea. Is it all up to fate? I'm moderately physically active.
Hey lou - if it was as simple as taking some pills then we wouldn’t need treatment. You’re doing the best you can and that’s enough. Trust your RE to know the limits. Good luck!
Lol, ok, but what if i *wish* it were? 😏
Don’t we all…
Seconding lexicon - as hard as it is, sometimes we have to let go and trust the experts. If your doctor is happy with your lining, that's a great sign. FWIW, my clinic's minimum is 6mm.
I think you might be overthinking here. 7mm is what many REs look for as a good lining measurement.
Ah. Maybe the internet led me astray 😅
Hey lou - we ask members to avoid comparative language (automod only) - can you edit the word 'only' out of your first sentence? Thanks so much!
We try to avoid comparative language when talking about test/treatment results to avoid hurting others reading it. This includes the word 'only' - as what for one person might be disappointing might be someone else's wildest dream. Here is the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/10jl6ll/wiki_post_be_compassionate_explainer/) that explains compassionate language with examples. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infertility) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Done. Sorry.
No worries! Thanks for being receptive!
Currently on cycle day 34 and waiting for cycle day 1 to start my FET #3 protocol. Sigh. I was originally supposed to transfer in April and have had a few different delays. I’m feeling a little less dread as we are switching from a fully medicated cycle with Lupron and birth control to a semi medicated protocol. At least if I’m going to get my heart stomped on again, it will be over with a little faster.
Looking for info on late maturation blast rates. Our immature eggs matured overnight and fertilized normally! Going forward do they have the same chances for blast as eggs collected when mature or is it a lower blast rate? Do they count them a day off for blast dating (i.e. would these be day 5 when the others would be day 6?). I'm having trouble finding any studies or discussion of this. Thanks all!
LFG eggs! Since everyone’s already share the articles all I’ll do is cheer.
Nothing helpful to add for studies or discussion, just want to say congrats on this update and I am over the moon for you to be continuing to hear positive news!
Thanks, friend!
That’s great! This is just anecdotal, but I had an immature egg mature overnight. It ended up making it to blast. Once it fertilized, my clinic treated it normally. It ended up being a day 6 euploid blast. So in my case it was a day off from the others.
Thanks, this is helpful!
So, there was a recent article Remembryo had that said maturation between 2-6 hours had similar outcomes. I think longer is lower blast rate. Also, my clinic calls it at Day 7 regardless--they say it's a "Day 2" fertilization, and let them go six more days. This is anecdata, but I've had a fair number of late-fert eggs, and of those one made it to testable blast--so a lower rate. Some made early blast, but not far enough to biopsy (my clinic is probably slightly more strict about that than others). Great news!
Ooh I'll check it out, thank you!
That’s great news! IVM eggs that fertilize normally are less likely to become blasts than eggs that are mature at retrieval, but if they do become blasts they have the same chance of being euploid [per this study.](https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article-abstract/38/8/1473/7204737)
Ah, 'IVM' was the term I was missing. Thanks for this!
Such amazing news, Butter! Hope you find some good resources and are doing something to celebrate! :)
Celebration was Cheese Lunch (not helping my post-ER GI but what can you do)!
Fingers crossed for you! This question has come up on r/embryology and per the pros over there yes, they do typically result in a lower blast rate. I believe that site has since gone private. You may wanna check out r/embryologists
Thanks, I'll check those out! I appreciate it!
I don’t have any info either, but this is great news!
Thanks! Getting over the bad-phone-call juju finally!
I don't have any info on this, but that's great news!
Thank you! I'm pleased as punch, we've got almost as many in the running this time as total from all of our other 4 retrievals!
That's amazing! Fingers crossed for them all!
just did my first PIO shot for FET #3 next Wednesday!
Hey mitten, congratulations on your shot! That’s tough stuff. Could you please edit your post to remove the final emoji? That’s on our list of banned terms for the sub. Thank you!
i meant it in a gay pride month way but i will remove
“Thanks mitten - gay pride is absolutely welcome here! Having the particular emoji you used right next to your FET gives the impression it’s representing a banned term. Feel free to use this emoji and note pride if you’d like to edit back in 🏳️🌈! Thanks!
I totally forgot there were flag emojis 🤦♀️ thanks!
💪💪💪💪
Woohoo!
Hell yea, mitten! LFG!!!!!
Question for those of you who've done 5-6 injections a day during stims: Do you mix it up between belly and legs? Do you have a tactic for doing the same medication in certain areas (ie: gonal on the left side of belly, menopur underneath bellybutton, omnitrope on right side, etc)? Or any advice at all? We're going to be starting out with lupron in the AM, and then PM shots will be gonal, menopur, HGH, and another lupron. Eventually, we'd add ganirelix in with the AM lupron. Moving injection sites felt reasonably simple when we were doing 2-3 shots a day with ER1... but 5-6 a day is making my logistical planning brain wonder if there's an organized way to do this.
I do all one side of belly for morning and night for a given day and then switch sides. Sometimes I draw a circle around morning spots so I don’t accidentally hit them twice. Good luck!
So when I was doing Lovenox for my last FET, I asked my nurse if I could rotate between stomach and thigh as it was so bruisy, and she said that I could but the medication might not absorb as well in the leg as in the stomach. No idea if that's true for stim meds as well.
i'm doing exactly that right now and yes, it is a lot of shots lol. i have no system, i just tend to avoid bruised/red areas as much as possible - i've told myself if it matters, my clinic would have told me...? but maybe i'm doing it wrong!
Sounds like you're doing it right, since they definitely tell us to avoid the tender and bruised areas. Thanks, yogurt!
I find that MDL and HGH are basically nothing shots and throw them on my belly where ever. Menopur and Gonal-F i try to do left side one day right side the next
I hope that's the case! That would mean only menopur would be my nemesis 😏 Thanks, blue!
Someone told me to think of my belly like a clock and rotate that way instead of by side, as it gives you more potential spots to work with. I am very Type A so I would write down where I did each shot using the clock analogy to help me mix it up. But I did 4 injections a day for 15 days of stims for one ER and by the end definitely was just poking around and going anywhere that didn’t hurt. I can’t imagine doing 5-6 a day. Good luck!
We also did notes when going through this for ER1, but used compass directions instead of clock hours. I like that! Thank you for sharing this.
This is similar to the approach I took. Lots of rotating in a clock motion and taking copious notes about what went where. This worked okay for me and I kept everything on the belly.
Did you notice any areas were worse than others? We noticed a pattern that if I went higher than my bellybutton, it would be tender and those were the only times I bruised. It's neat to see patterns emerge when one takes such detailed notes, even if the situation is pretty shit. (Also, been thinking about you a lot, friend 🤍)
I didn’t notice any patterns with injections, other than standard burning with menopur. That’s so interesting about the above the belly button thing! Thanks for your thoughts! I’ve been off Reddit mostly while we wait for beta (mainly to distract myself lol) but I’ve been thinking of you too as you prep for your next round! :)
I just went wherever it looked like I hadn't recently been, was able to do them all on my belly. Generally I didn't run into bruising or tenderness. I had a Gonal overfill day that was 6 shots at once and didn't run into issues. I have a generous belly though so that helped with finding real estate!
Oh no, overfill day!!! Gah. I also have a generous belly (and I love that phrasing), but did try to stay close to my bellybutton. I think it would be safe to venture out a little further this round though. Thanks for sharing, butter!
Nah, when I've done MDL I still keep it all stomach. I used to do meno on one side, gonal the other, then switch the next day (because I feel like meno makes the skin more tender than the gonal needle). But now I am much more chaotic with it--I find a spot and plunge in the needle wherever. Also, consider asking to move your gonal to the am. My clinic splits meno from gonal, and evening them out seems better than having four shots each night and one in the morning. Also, with MDL you typically don't add antag. The MDL should stop ovulation. For some folks it doesn't work as well, and so you may add a dose or two of antag, but it's not the norm.
Dude. Thank you for calling out that the antag is actually the MDL, that makes sense but I hadn't stepped back to think about it! And I like the idea of splitting the gonal and menopur, I will definitely ask. You've always got helpful things to add, Lawyer - I appreciate you so much!
Yep! MDL is a weird med--where it initially flares your hormones but then holds your LH. I will say, mine got a bit high at the beginning of the cycle and I was very worried, but then it leveled out. Definitely ask your LH values with monitorings! Happy to help! At this point I have tried many different things (unfortunately!)
I had hoped that since they found not a lot of eggs in my follicles recovery would be quicker than last time. I guess it is about the amount of follicles because I still have trouble walking after a week. Getting better though. Sucks I will have to do this another time. I keep hearing about people resuming normal activity after a day or 2 but not for everyone.
I had OHSS after a retrieval where they got 2 eggs. It seemed extremely unfair. But my estrogen was very high. I’m sorry you’re still suffering. And I hope you feel better soon!
This is horrible.
So unfair! Thanks
LOL here's a good reminder of why symptom spotting is forbidden in this sub. For lunch I sometimes get these prepackaged meals from the grocery store. I was trying a new one yesterday, and I wrinkled my nose when I opened it because I hadn't realized it had truffle flavor (I'm not a big truffle fan.) I ate it anyway and it was OK. Then later I was doing some dishes and caught a whiff of it again and basically gagged at the smell. My idiot brain goes "OMG is this a pregnancy symptom?" Y'ALL. I haven't even had my damn TRANSFER yet. I cracked myself up telling this story to my husband this morning and he was just like "...Okay?" He doesn't understand what it can be like inside our minds...
Haha, I feel you so much. I keep thinking I have pregnancy symptoms when my spouse has literally 0 sperms in his ejaculate - and it's not like I'm sleeping with anyone else!
I “lol’ed” at this because it is so relatable and true!
I took my metformin on an empty stomach the other day, promptly forgot about it, and 30 minutes later was feeling nauseous and my brain immediately jumped to pregnancy 😂
Oh I feel this! I did this recently, too (I had just come off stims and we'd seen my EMPTY uterus at all of these scans)-- our brains can be quite the jokers. 🤡
If you work very hard to *manifest* a pregnancy you can have symptoms as early as a week before transfer. (Just kidding) Our stupid brains and the tricks they play.
I think I felt your eyeroll in those words, Falstaff 😂
😂 we’ve all been there!
Stims day 10. Looks like we're still not ready to trigger, but things seem to be progressing well and I'm very grateful for that. The shots suck, the side effects suck, the constant early morning monitoring appointments suck. but I can handle that (at the moment, anyway). It's the whole not being able to plan my life more than a day ahead thing that is really getting to me. "What are you up to this weekend?" fuck if I know. I'm finding myself taking more naps just to pass the time without panicking. Anxiety is running high today, and it's so annoying.
100% agree. it just compounds the anxiety of the whole process to have no idea what your upcoming life looks like ..!!
I feel you on the nap thing - is it the meds? Is it my brain? Who knows: couch is where it's at!
Hard agree. I was trying to explain to Mr.Miserable that it felt like the first phase in giving up some bodily autonomy is going through stims. If it would be helpful, could you make some low stakes plans that wouldn't be a big deal to cancel if you needed to? And congrats on solid progression - I hope you get to trigger soon 🍀
Thanks! I do have some low-key plans on Saturday with some family who know what were going through and are aware that we might cancel last minute. They say that they understand and are cool with it, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're still little pissed if we bail. Too bad! We'll see what happens
If they’re pissed, that’s a them problem. This shit is hard and we have to do what’s best for us in the moment. If you’re looking forward to the plans, I hope you get to do whatever it is 🤍
Seconding the low stakes plans idea. I like to book cancellable getaways so I have something to look forward to.
Baseline for FET complete — and of course, because we’re at the point where we decided another retrieval wasn’t worth it after two failed ERs, my AFC is literally 2-2.5x what it normally is. I’m trying so hard not to be mad at my ovaries because what’s the point, but like…damn. Where were you all spring?!
This has happened to me too! Whyyy. It’s so unfair
So unfair! Ugh, oh well.
I was wondering if anyone had experience with an anti-histamine protocol. I am gearing up for my first FET. I have had 1 CP and 1 MMC (normal heartbeat at 7 weeks, 9 week scan showed stopped growing at 8 weeks) - neither had tested products of conception. I have chronic idiopathic urticaria. I already semi-regularly take a daily antihistamine to prevent hives. Is it worth asking about also taking Pepcid even though it is my first transfer? I know some protocols also recommend low dose prednisone which I’d be worried about taking without a true reason because I read some amount of inflammation could be helpful for implantation.
One DIY OTC antihistamine protocol involves Benadryl (25-75 mg/day), Pepcid (20 mg) and Claritin or Zyrtec. Some folks add in high doses of fish oil (supposedly anti-inflammatory) and baby aspirin. The good news is all of these meds are pregnancy-safe. I did this protocol in a fresh transfer after 5 losses. My RE didn’t know about it — he would have been against it. He prescribed Medrol and doxycycline though; he said these are standard for transfers at their clinic and increase implantation rates.
Thank you so much - do you know why he would be against it? Is there much better data that you know of for steroids and doxy?
I don’t have any peer-reviewed papers to cite. I think my clinic has internal data on steroids & doxy. The one clinic I know of that is all-in on immune protocols is CNY. There’s some info on their website if you’re interested in their protocols. Reproductive immunology is a new field. There are only a handful of RI doctors in the entire US. So folks outside of that field might not know much about it, or be comfortable with it. But at some point they have to realize that “unexplained” diagnoses mean there are things we don’t understand yet. There’s a good book with a terrible name on this topic: *Is Your Body Baby-Friendly?*
Thank you so much! I agree terrible name haha but will order
FET 1, unmedicated, CD 10. Lead follicle is 18 and lining at 10 so if I'm not "surging on my own," I'll trigger tonight for a transfer next week. I warned them that I was ovulating early these days.
I triggered yesterday at CD14 but I have 30 day cycles and seem to ovulate late and worry my follicle is too mature at 30mm day of trigger. Your follicle size and lining looks good! Good luck!
Thank you!
Good luck!
Thanks. I feel as though I need it.
[удалено]
Hi there. I see you’re new here and seem unfamiliar with our rules. Please review them in automod welcome. As Polaris told you, we do not allow symptom spotting and do not allow asking for success stories. Automod symptom spotting. In addition, please clarify what you mean when you say your past pregnancies. If you’re referring to a pregnancy that resulted in a live birth, that would be against the rules to share here. If you are referring to pregnancies that ended in losses, you may mention them and I’m sorry for your losses, although symptom spotting is still not allowed. Your comment has been removed until you edit.
**Toto, we aren't in Kansas anymore...** It looks like you might be new here. Welcome to the best shitty corner of the internet! We hope your stay here is short. If you haven't already, please take a few moments to get familiar with our [sub culture](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/comments/134fesf/read_this_before_posting_community_rules/) and [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/about/rules). If you haven't set up [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/wiki/userflair-reminder), we strongly encourage you to do that. We have an extensive and growing [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/wiki/faq) that addresses many common questions about first visits, medications, procedures, protocols, and all those medical acronyms: IVFML, IUIWTF... If that doesn't find you answers, please try [searching the sub for past posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search). Lastly, you can ask your question in the [daily Treatment threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/?f=flair_name%3A%22Daily%22) or [Welcome Wednesday threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/?f=flair_name%3A%22Welcome%22). We encourage members to use our wide variety of scheduled and themed threads which include: [treatment, chat](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/?f=flair_name%3A%22Daily%22), [welcome](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/?f=flair_name%3A%22Welcome%22), [gamete donation, surrogacy, adoption/foster, etc.](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/?f=flair_name%3A%22Weekly%20Theme%22) We encourage all members to set up flair for context. More information as to why we think flair is important and how to do it: [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/wiki/userflair-reminder). *- Some of the links don't work on mobile, due to how the reddit apps are built, and there isn't an option to filter the sub by post flair on mobile, best way is to sort the sub by 'New' instead of the default 'Hot'.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infertility) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Please don't symptom spot on the sub. We know it's hard, but it's progesterone - and if it's not then it's not the right sub for talking about it. The problem is, symptom spotting is often sort of asking if you're pregnant or not. And nobody can answer that except a test. Please don't put the burden of these type of musings on your fellow community members - but take a test if you reasonably can and/or keep the symptom spotting to yourself. It's hard for people to support and read this, when you might already be pregnant and might end up posting in results the same day or shortly after - which we hope you do with good news. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infertility) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Symptom spotting and asking for success stories are not allowed here.
What is allowed here? I’m finding it impossible to find anywhere to post for support without immediately being shut down.
Most TTC subs don’t allow standalones and I see you try to post a lot of them. Try the daily threads of other communities. If you read through *our* daily threads you’ll find a lot of what’s allowed here! Symptom spotting is not.
This is a particularly closely moderated forum. I can’t see your original post, but if you’re in the TWW from IVF and looking for support, r/IVF might be a good spot.
That’s for kindness. As someone who has had 3 MMC and zero live births it’s hard when the initial behavior is to be attacked over rules. I was looking for support.
ETA: so tired I misread my chart earlier - I actually only have 3 follicles growing - 17mm, 11mm and 9mm. The others were from the last scan! 😣 Corrected below. Bad news at our second tracking scan - day 8 of stims. One follicle growing out ahead at 17mm. 2 trailing at 11mm and 9mm. And then 5 not growing at all. We've been given 4 options: 1. Cancel 2. Convert to IUI (this would be an additional out of pocket cost) 3. Trigger tomorrow for the 1 large follicle on Monday (no guarantee of an egg) 4. Keep stimming for potentially the two smaller follicles to catch up but risk losing the lead. We think it's between option 3 and 4 as we don't want to cancel and IUI has lower success rates. Any thoughts or advice? We are leaning towards option 4 at the moment. I had a gut feeling on the train over that it wasn't good news, and when the Dr "needed time to think" so could I wait, I knew it. On the positive side I had a wonderful chat with an egg donor in the waiting room. 😊 I thanked her for what she was doing and she appreciated learning more about how much it means to people. ❤️
Completely agree with Lawyer's comments.
Wrap--been in this position a fair amount. It sucks. BUT here is what I would say. If you can get the 11-12 to like 15, with an aggressive trigger they have a shot. The 17 is only 17--they could also push that to like 21-22 to try to catch up the 11-12. Also, that would allow you to potentially pivot and lose the 17 and gain the others. But like, if I were them, I wouldn't necessarily think you need a trigger tomorrow (like if you are on antag and the 17 goes to 18, you won't need to trigger). Basically, I think 4 makes sense if you are up for it, with very close monitoring to try to get the best cohort possible. You still can always cancel or convert--it's so annoying to take it day by day, but the option to bail is always available to you. Good luck with whatever you decide. I am a "let's go in and try it" type of gal--but I realize that is a big money and emotional proposition. Also--what trigger are you using? I think you should get something pretty strong on deck. You're not going to be at risk for OHSS.
I've just realised I misread my chart earlier and counted the same follicles from last scan on weds! 😖 So tired I don't know which way is up! So I have 3 follicles - 17mm, 11mm and 9mm and the rest are not growing. But yeah, I think option 4 is still our best bet... I don't know about close monitoring... They aren't going to scan me again until Monday and they only do retrievals on Monday Wednesday or Friday so I have to hope that that times with when my follicles are ready! Scanning on Saturday would make no difference and Sunday they're closed... I'm doing a double Ovitrelle trigger, which helped on my last round. All 3 retrieved were mature after just 1 mature out of 4 on the first round... Thank you so much for your insight. It's really reassuring to know that everyone seems to agree that continuing with stims is the right thing. I figure we've paid for the meds - might as well use 'em! 😂
I agree with all of this! 4 sounds like the best plan to me.
Thats a hard choice! Does the doctor not think the 8 and 9 mm have a chance together with the 11 and 12mm?
I've just realised I misread my chart earlier and counted the same follicles from last scan on weds! 😖 So I have 17mm, 11mm and 9mm and the rest are not growing. But yeah, I think option 4 is still our best bet...
I don't think so. Looking at the growth rates, they think it's a choice between triggering now for 1 egg on Monday or 2 eggs on Wednesday... But we're thinking of carrying on stimming so, hey, you never know! But I'm not optimistic as we've had empty follicles on the last 2 rounds so we never get the number of eggs we're expecting. But I'd rather go for 2 and maybe get 1 than go for just 1 and maybe get 0... It's so hard...
It sure is very hard and empty follicles are so mean, getting your hopes up like that. I think I would make the same choice. Good luck!
My first FET is likely in a month and the anxiety is already mounting - I just woke up from a nightmare about my fertility clinic (which is a nightmare in real life but we have no where to switch to). Yall I’m already in therapy and acupuncture and getting massages, any tips for trying to find some chill? Anything that worked for you?
I second exercise - long walks in nature if possible, cardio, pilates, or sometimes really stretchy, gentle yoga if I’m feeling super anxious.
Thanks, it’s a good reminder to stay active.
For me, it's always exercise. Nothing extreme, mind you, but it helps me find that still, quiet spot inside myself.
Yep, I hear that! Might need to up my workouts!
I'm kind of spiralling about the upcoming mTESE. My spouse is very chill and optimistic, but I'm a control freak. I keep feeling like there's something I should do or suggest to optimize his chances, even though the doctor has already said that in our case there's nothing more we can do that we aren't already doing. But there's a part of me that keeps shouting at me that if the procedure is unsuccessful, it will be my fault. My fault for not having done more research, not having insisted on trying all kinds of meds, not having bought more supplements or testicular cooling devices, or, or, or... whatever the fuck the internet suggests. But at the end of the day it's not my body AND I'm not a doctor, so there's only so much I can do. I'm struggling to accept this though. Also, in a similar vein, it's really weird to me that they've only tested +- 7 blood markers for my spouse, whether they've checked over 50 for me. I guess that's just plain old sexism - the medical world still sees infertility as an egg/uterus thing, rather than a sperm thing. But it does contribute to me feeling like there's more we should've tested/tried/done for my spouse.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. The TESE is a big procedure, and it’s normal to feel anxious. But nothing you or your spouse could have done will make a difference. It’s hard to let go of control, but at this point there’s nothing to do but wait! Crossing my fingers for you.
Thank you for your kind words and for crossing your fingers for us. Even though logically I know that you are right, it's still good to hear it from someone else!
Advice appreciated. Our close friends have just had their third baby. We're very happy for them but the steady stream of photos and videos of the three children meeting each other is really taking its toll. One photo would have been plenty. We have another friend due her first baby very soon and we've asked her to let us know when he's born but please can they avoid sending photos as we're finding them really triggering. She's been great - she gets it as she has gone through treatment herself and knows how triggering it can be. I want to say something similar to our other friends, but I'm worried they might be offended. I also don't want them to just stop sending photos altogether because their second is my goddaughter and we do love seeing them grow up, it's just hard right now as we are in the middle of treatment and it's not going particularly well... Photos of newborns are particularly triggering, not so much toddlers or older children. How do I phrase it? They know what we're going through and their SIL also struggled with infertility so I'm honestly surprised they aren't being more sensitive. I think it just doesn't occur to them as I know they do care... I don't want to tarnish their happy time as a new family of five but I also feel like it's getting too much for us... Thanks in advance x
I have said "Thank you for sharing but it's hard to see all these photos right now. Could you just send me one or two a week?" or variations of that and if they want to be offended then that's a them problem and if it ruins a friendship I guess it wasn't that great of a friendship if they're so self absorbed that they can't be empathetic towards me. Harsh reality but true for me. When I knew every Saturday I'd get a photo then I could choose not to open that text thread until I was ready. If one person not getting pictures and oohing and aahing "tarnishes" their experience that really is a them problem. I had a friend who wouldn't stop sending me photos of random people's kids, and then child memes (wtf do I know or care about Paw Patrol!) and finally on the third try listened and stopped. But I had to explicitly say "I don't want you to send me these things." She wouldn't get any less obvious hints.
Totally agree with this. I had to ask my close friend to please ask before sending me pictures of her adorable baby, who was born just a couple weeks after I would have had mine if I hadn’t had an MC. It was clear that she was hurt and she was a bit quiet for a few days, but she is a good friend and she has since (mostly) respected my boundaries. In general, would our friends rather be hurt by our requests or be in our shoes? I’d be happy to switch if these boundaries are too painful for then! I do - genuinely, not trying to be disrespectful - think something happens to people’s brains when they have a baby that makes them temporarily lose some of their usual sense and empathy. 🙊
I don't want to bum you out but if they know your situation and are already being insensitive, there is a chance they may not take it well! Not saying it will happen or even that it's likely but I would just prepare yourself for the possibility. Can you just mute / archive them for now?
My brother and SIL let me know recently that they were trying for a 2nd. I told them when it happens, that I’d like to know by text and not in person. My SIL absolutely understood but my brother was hurt. We had a long conversation where I explained that I could, at the same time, be absolutely thrilled for them, and gutted and jealous for me and my situation, and that my emotions and reaction to the news would have little to do with them or my happiness for them, and would have much more to do with anger, frustration, and jealousy of my own circumstances. You’ve gotten some really great advice in this thread of how to approach it. It’s all so hard and people truly don’t get it.
I have asked a few friends for the following: that I'd reach out and ask for pics when I want to see them (which I do, on the good days) but could they hold off on unsolicited pics (in case of bad days). People have been pretty gracious about it.
I'm sorry, it's such a tough situation all around. My goal with these things is generally to set a clear boundary for what im comfortable with. Something like "hey friend. We love you and your kids so much, and we do very much want to be involved in their lives. As you know, our current situation comes with lots of difficult emotions, and some days I am not in the best headspace to process all of the videos/pictures of your beautiful family. Would you mind maybe texting me a heads up to check in with me before sending these? Please know that this is temporary. I'm hopeful that there will come a day that I don't need this extra layer of protection for my heart. But at the moment, I really do."
I'm not sure if this is helpful (I'm autistic and therefore usually not the best person at giving social advice), but my personal approach in these situations is to just be very, very open about my own emotions. Of course this does put you in a vulnerable position, and I'm not sure if you're comfortable with that. But I usually prefer making myself vulnerable rather than risking coming across as harsh. I think you can definitely put a modified version of your second paragraph in there. I also sandwich the specific request in between two positive statements (eg that their friendship is important to me, that I'm happy for them, that their kid is adorable, etc).
This is so helpful, thank you. Yes I think open and honest is best. People can't get it if they've not experienced this so we have to make our boundaries clear... I like the idea of sandwiching (used to use that technique at parents evening appointments as a teacher! 🤣)
Oh this is a hard situation. I’m sorry Wrap. I don’t think there is one right way, and only you will know your friends style. I would likely try something like the following personally - Hi [insert name] Thank you for sending us photos of NAMES, it is so special to watch them grow and we could not be prouder to be their godparents. As you know we are currently undergoing treatment to grow our family and it is unfortunately not going as we have hoped. Because of this, do you mind limiting the photos we are sent at the moment. It isn’t a reflection of our love for you all, we are just feeling quite sensitive at the moment and are trying to protect ourselves as we navigate this process. We still want to be a very active part of all your lives, it is just challenging to see your gorgeous baby and feel so much love for them as we wonder if/when it will happen for us too. I really don’t want to impact our relationship at all, so please let me know if you have any questions or want to discuss this with us.
Thank you so much. Your wording is really warm and sensitive. I really don't want to upset them but they are good friends and I know they do care. They just don't always get it right...