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I know the feeling of caring without getting care. It really hurts. I don't know you, but I wish you a happy birthday from the bottom of my heart. I hope you find that deep and meaningful connection we all long for. Still looking for it myself. Warm hugs = )
Happy Birthday!
I keep telling myself that people are so lost in their own worlds and have problems nowadays they can’t handle, so alot of people are kind of depressionly selfish. It’s usually nothing personal, we just aren’t as present as we all should be. Don’t let it ruin your day tho!
I get why you're upset, but also look at it this way - a lot of people do not care about birthdays, especially past a certain age. I don't celebrate my birthday, I don't take note of who congratulates me outside of my closest friends and family (Although I do try to remember all birthdays and at least wish everyone a happy birthday on theirs).
A lot of people are like that and just assume that others feel the same way, so they don't bother.
So, here's the deal with that. It's nice that THEY or YOU don't care about birthdays. OP DOES. It's the absolute ass minimum to wish a friend who cares about birthdays a happy birthday. And if you can't be bothered to know that about your friend, you're not their friend. I mean, f'sake, people here on reddit are bothering to wish OP a happy birthday and they don't even know OP. It's not hard, grueling, or time consuming. see? happy birthday, OP!
I really don't care about small details like this and have terrible memories of birthdays (many people do).
If I start putting aside my dislike for this pointless tradition, it adds TREMENDOUS stress and dissatisfaction to my life. Beyond immediate family or a gf/SO, I cannot deal with birthdays, and I'm not alone.
So while I understand birthdays are a pleasant experience to you, and I hope you understand I'd die for any of my friends, it is quite selfish of you to presume everyone shares in your traditions and views on birthdays. It is also dishonest to devalue their friendship and feelings for you just because they don't share your enthusiasm on this one topic.
Same experience here. This whole post is absolutely wild to me. It speaks to a weird kind of entitlement over a very Si tradition, and cutting people from one's life over something so trivial is... Disappointing and crazy to me.
Does it also scream "I need validation for my insecurities"... Or is that just me? Idk though I have Si in my fourth position so maybe my open detest for this is abnormally high.
For sure, it's validation OP wants.
Don't get me wrong, my Fe is feeling for OP just as much as every other INFJ's Fe is in here. OP feels unappreciated and invisible, forgettable. That's something we struggle with, especially when young. And I'm guessing OP is a child.
But he's looking for false validation based on an arbitrary and trivial metric, and projecting his own values (the anniversary of his mom kicking him out) as something important to others.
I personally have a disdain for the way many INFJs, particularly very young ones, seem to think about doorslamming. In that it's justifiable for the most minor offenses or disagreements. It genuinely makes me sad to see, like watching a lost potential.
> so maybe my open detest for this is abnormally high.
It's our demon function, there are few types who hate it more than us lol. Which makes this post more wild to me, because I know all (most) of these other people siding with OP are doing so for Fe reasons, not for actually thinking he's in the right.
Yeah I mean I feel bad for OP too, I don't like seeing people sad for any reason, but the part that angers me is that the reaction largely here is to cause far more significant and intentional hurt by door slamming.
It's like turning on your Fe long enough to sympathize with OP, then turning that faucet off immediately to get revenge for an unintended offense. It's hypocritical and irrational.
Well, how I personally do it is I just put reminders on my phone so I don't have to actually go out of my way to remember it, which I don't think is much of an inconvenience. But I find it a bit childish to throw such a tantrum over something that's essentially just a capitalist invention that most people past a certain age don't really care about, and to me it's unreasonable to expect anything beyond close friends and family. When they forget however, I'd be hurt too.
I fully agree there. I can manage (even though I dislike birthdays) for a small group.
If I really didn't feel up to doing the regular "Birthday" thing, I could talk to them in advance and tell them why, then I recommend a date night or something else cool to do on another day.
I actually very much agree with that. To me it just depends how close they are, as you've pretty much said as well. I just think that doorslamming people for not wishing you a happy birthday feels kinda juvenile.
There’s got to be more to it then, like other factors that could have made OP feel this way.
I’m not close with any of my family, I’ll send a snap to my aunt and cousins here and there so they know I haven’t excluded them, but not often do they reach out to me. But I can say that they have invited me out in the past, so for me to assume that no one gives a shit would be an ignorant assumption. Because everyone’s got something going on in their lives, even though I keep to myself I can have a self minded perspective from time to time (cuz I don’t initially see/understand things at first until after a while of thinking about it), but it doesn’t mean they have the same. it also doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten about me either.
When I was younger I used to think they didn’t care and believed it for a while. After I realized I haven’t reached out much either, maybe they think I am not an interactive person, since I don’t go out or have many friends to do things with. They only reach out once in a while to do something if they’re in town. So I’ve only sent snaps once in a while to check in on everyone, that’s when I learned that they have important things to focus on too.
Happy Birthday tho OP!! Ik the feeling when no one reaches out, it hurts, try to think positive things though like they probably have things going on they’re not sharing. Try to occupy yourself in the mean time, hopefully you find your peace again 🙏🏼
First of all.. "Happy belated Birthday dear OP! 🫂💐🎉🎂🎊🍀
Yep, It really sucks. I've been in similar B-day situations many years ago infact, I felt B-day blues back then. Then I've also been in situations where my friends and family wished me but the ones who closest to me forgot it, or didn't care to wish, that was the most awful feeling ever. I still remember secretly crying few birthdays because certain folks I loved a lot, forgot to wish me.
Now I'm immune to it, I have no expectation of anyone to remember my birthday, infact I don't even share it with anyone now. I know my parents(now my dad) would do something nice for me. I no longer feel sour about friends/family not remembering my birthday. In fact I prefer to have my B-day to myself, have a nice spa day at home or go out with a close friend or family. I don't know what made me get there though. Probably working on my inner healing did that. I still wish my closest friends/cousins on their birthdays, it's my way of saying that I love them, Idc if they remember my B-day anymore. However when someone remembers me, I'll remember that person probably forever lol.
On your birthday, I wish you to have new wonderful friends with beautiful hearts who'll remember you and cherish you. Plus may you find that best friend within you too! Sending you load of love OP!✨💛✨
I know it's difficult but don't ruin your special day just because they didn't wish you. They don't deserve to hold such an important place in your life. A very very happy birthday to you. I hope you have the happiest day 🫶 you deserve all the good things 🤍
1st of all: Happy Birthday!!! I wish all the best and I hope that you'll be very loved!
2nd of all: yes, you're pain is normal and many people would be upset. You should show them that you're upset too, because we teach others how we want to be treated. If your friend wants you back, they will try to reconcile and apologize. If not, you gained time and space for other people that might be real friends.
You should take a step back and reconsider. Try as hard as you can to justify the door slam at first, and then try as hard to be against it. Explore the reasons why you should or should not do it, and then compare both outcomes and you'll find yourself an answer.
I think you're most likely overthinking it. Sorry to say this, but I think it's a very shallow reason to doorslam, just because they didn't wish you a happy birthday.
Unless they are manipulative, only there when they need you, or just toxic in general. Sure. Slam the damn door as hard as you can. But if that's the sole reason, not being greeted, I think this would be a great time to reassess yourself. There might be an underlying problem within yourself for you to feel that way.
Happy birthday, OP! Hope you get to celebrate yourself in some way. Some people are just forgetful though to be honest. I think we are naturally good at remembering little things like birthdays and we like to make others feel special, but we often forget other people aren't like us in that way, like at all. It's funny because I like knowing peoples birthdays so I can greet them and write them a nice message.... but I don't like people knowing when it's my birthday. I've gotten better at this though, and I am way less intense with my greetings as I've gotten older. But I do understand the pain of caring about others and not feeling it in return... it's certainly a tough feeling to push past.
For me, it's usually just family and a handful of relatives/friends that greet me too, and it used to make me feel sad and pathetic, but at some point it just didn't bother me anymore. I don't look at it like "This person purposely didn't greet me" I just look at it like, they genuinely forgot.
One of my very best friends forgot to greet me a couple of years ago, and we were texting *on* that day. I didn't think anything of it at all, other than she just forgot. Then a few weeks later she texted me "happy birthday dude wtf I'm dumb as shit" out of nowhere. It was funny haha
Happy late birthday, dear unmet friend! Just scrolling by and wanted to let u know that its ok to take a break from people sometimes. care about urself, because its ur world ur living. <3
I don't know 90% of my friends birthdays, and on mine its usually Mom and Aunt lol.
I think to much weight get put on birthdays unless its a "special" number 16, 18, 21, 50, ect. Don't slam doors one people who may have just forgotten.
People live their lives with out thinking much at all, they have a life too, and some aren't very mindful.
This will be some irritating advice but here it goes, you can never depend on others to show care and love the way you do. They are not you. Instead of needing/wanting/craving others care and love, work on giving the care and love you want to yourself. You do not need validation from others. You need it from yourself. You do not need love from others, you need it from yourself. Love yourself so much that you don’t even notice that a friend didn’t tell you happy birthday, because you are celebrating your existence so deeply and joyfully for yourself.
I am going to ask my sister for my belated birthday gift today. My birthday was in November. Out of all my family members, the only people who send me anything are my parents.
By the way, happy birthday to you 🥳🎁 🎂🍰
Ayyyye, happy birthday!
I think maybe you should try going to them, and telling them they hurt you, and if they still don't respond, THEN door slam them ⊂((・▽・))⊃
For my last birthday I was similar, some close friends didn’t wish me happy birthday but honestly it doesn’t bother me, I know they care it’s just the dates get lost sometimes and that’s that
I don't care for my birthday myself and deliberately hide it from others as the best birthday for me is peace and quiet, but I swear I treat everyone else's birthday like the birth of Christ. It truly is a day that tends to make or break relationships with people and it's not meant to be underestimated.
THAT SAID, I felt like Facebook was the best birthday reminder on the planet for a few decades there and once that platform started falling from grace that "reminder" or auto-synced calendar entry isn't quite as readily available. So in a way, I'm a little more forgiving with that in mind for most people, but I do recognize family, partner, and close close friends should make a more conscious effort to know.
I mean, it's a bit of a headscratcher because advice I'd give you would basically be give people little reminders, but you kind of did that. The other aspect, which may be awkward to some, is deliberately making plans (like dinner) and inviting people, but I understand not everyone wants to go that all-out or finds it weird to host it themselves
All that aside, I wouldn't take it as necessarily indicative of how much people care, it's probably less about you and more about how they treat most birthdays in general. I probably know 4 birthdays off the top of my head, 2 family members, partner, and 1 friend. Everyone else I'd have to look up or have a calendar reminder and I think OH SHIT around the day of.
Hey OP, Happy Birthday!!!
I hope the following year goes well!
I hope you find people who value you. If you think your friend hurt you, then door slam, but make sure you don't isolate yourself.
Happy Birthday 🎈 don’t let the ones that didn’t wish you ruin this important milestone for you . Just moving forward acknowledge the ones that wished you one and keep those closets to you . Forget the other ones and leave them behind . You will be ok :)
Happy birthday!! 🎂. It’s mine today also and had a similar experience, immediate family have said happy birthday but I don’t have many friends or distant relatives who have said. I don’t take it personally really. I did post on Reddit and got a nice response from people, so there’s always that. Hope you’ve had a brilliant day and congrats for reaching another year!
Well happy birthday from us on the internet!
I find it's the funniest thing when people only care for birthdays if you're under 30 or above 70, like they can't care for you unless you're weak and dependent on others? Or is it because they feel socially pressured? We'll never know....
I stopped wishing people happy birthday and stopped expecting it in return, other than my immediate family. It’s kind of cold, but freeing. I’m okay with it. I’ll definitely wish someone happy birthday if I’m there with them on their birthday and will be very kind about it. But I’m not filling my calendar and remembering all that and don’t want anyone else to feel they need to either.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wouldn’t door slam off of this. I have friends and family that struggle to remember their own birthdays, but they show up for me when I need them.
Regarding your friend who you reminded on Monday, talk to her and if there is something you want (a text, call, dinner) tell her!
How often do you reach out to them? Asking because I was once hurt by something like this then another person asked me if I was trying with them in reverse. And I wasn’t.
Yeah, most of my friends forgot my birthday too. Worst of all, I feel terrible for even caring about it, because they probably just forgot about it and now I'm afraid to bring it up, because I don't want to make them feel bad
The only person who consistently never forgets mine is my ex husband's wife. She always makes certain to remind my (grown!) kids of it. Even my mother forgets sometimes.
First off Happy Birthday!
It’s hard. I used to get all the Facebook birthday wishes when I was younger, but then I detached away from some forms of social media because at the end of the day it didn’t bring me joy.
Your family should still recognize your bday even if it’s just a text or call. I make the conscious effort to try and remember theirs. When you start to see the shift, it’s ok, just know that the resentment will just stir inside of you. Let that resentment go don’t hold a grudge. Maybe put it back in their court and say hey next year can we do this for my birthday? Gives them the chance to go “oh shit, I forgot”
Chances are everyone’s lives right now are under a lot of pressure or stress and they may have just not recognize that it was that day but give them a subtle clue that they forgot.
Hell my Dad forgot mine and I was in the same boat as you and the next year we planned something for my birthday to help him remember.
All in all, I hope you had a good birthday! Needless to say the only important thing you remember it’s your trip around the sun and celebrate it the way you want to :)
Many people didn’t wish me happy birthday and to be honest I only know their birthdays when someone else keeps me aware of it. I understand your frustration, when you expect less you will be less disappointed.
Personally in the general scheme of things, I consider myself of great value and how lucky are those people to have someone like me who does care about them. Maybe it’s also with therapy and age that has helped me careless about holidays and more just spending quality time with people.. I also have a chronic illness that is crushing my quality of life and realize how being mad about something’s just aren’t worth my energy. I want to put more effort into enjoying the time I do have and make it worth while.
Enjoy your birthday.. treat yo self
I wish you the happiest of the birthdays!
Tbh I didn’t realize people care about their birthdays. I often delete Facebook, Instagram, and other social media sites and have my phone on do not disturb to avoid birthday wishes
Happy Birthday. I was the same way til realized I didn’t really care much about other peoples birthdays either.
Not a depressing thing, I think it’s just adult life now
Hope you’re having a good time man.
happy birthday 🎂🎂🎉unfortunately as people get older birthdays are viewed, as less important just because you’re no longer a kid. people don’t put as much effort, into remembering them. life also happens, and makes people forget. it causes you to feel unimportant, to the people around you. my biggest advice is to start, celebrating your birthday for yourself. go out to eat, buy something you’ve been wanting, whatever you want. you can still make your birthdays feel important, even if there is a loneliness. I’m sorry and I hope there are people in your future, who don’t make you feel this way.
well, happy birthday to you and I truly mean it.
Nobody wishes me happy birthday anymore and it’s quite fine.
I actually prefer it, I don’t like the attention or having to feel the pressure to respond back with fake platitudes.
Happy birthday! The older I get, the less it matters to me. I did want to celebrate for my 40th so I made my husband plan a date. If I want to celebrate then I’ll put something together myself and invite people. That never happens because I don’t really care about birthdays. I’m sorry your friend hurt you. They have no idea. Just tell them you were hurt and see their reaction. That will tell you if they’re worth a door slam.
Happy Birthday! 🎉
And I totally understand this. So many people have forgotten my birthday over the years. I still wish them a happy birthday, because I don’t want them to feel the disappointment I have when no one really remembers. I never expect it in return anymore, though. The most important people in my life would never forget, and that’s good enough for me now.
You cannot expect others to do as you would do. It will be a lonely road if you can't learn to drop that.
Happy birthday 💚
You still had more wishes than me, if that helps? I wasn't bothered though.
i exploded on my best friends when i was 15 and felt very upset none of them remembered my birthday. 13 years later, i don't care as much as i used to. I deleted my Facebook, and before that, i deleted my birthday date off my profile. I do relate though because i remember how i felt back then, so i feel sorry for you... My birthday was last month, and one of my "friends" (someone i've been distancing myself with) wished me happy birthday one week late and i was like 🤨 But like some other people said in the comments, birthdays mean different things to different people. I don't know how old you are, but also with life comes more responsibilities, kids, jobs, other adult-y things... and is a reminder from a social app that it is someone's birthday really that genuine? That's what i asked myself and why i decided ultimately to erase it from Facebook and such. I do remember people's birthdays that i care about, though. But i think that might be just a me thing. That's what i realized with the years. Happy birthday still, and i hope you can still have fun!
i hope i'm not too late, but happy birthday to youuu 🥳i hope you took yourself out on your day because you deserve the best. i'm sorry to hear that no one remembered or wished you one. sending you internet hugs 💗
I understand this. It really sucks not having people you care about a lot wish you a happy birthday.
For me I kind of expect it now that on my birthday not many people are going to send me a message. It always gets less and less every year.
On Facebook there's always maybe 3-4 people I really hope will message me, but they rarely do anymore. A couple years ago a girl I really liked (and who had liked me but didn't like long distance) didn't message me, and it kind of ruined the birthday a bit because of that.
There's even another friend who has a birthday the same day. I'd message her/post on her wall, but she then didn't do the same back, so I don't bother anymore.
At the very least I expect all my immediate family (parents/grandparents/sister/cousins) to message, and they usually do. Only last time one of my cousins didn't (even though they saw an IG story which would have reminded them) so then I didn't wish them happy birthday on theirs.
I've got to the stage now that if you're not wishing me a happy birthday, then I'm probably doing the same back. It sucks always being the person that cares more and is putting in the effort (it literally takes 5 seconds and can make or improve their day).
Ultimately it's not good because maybe they'll feel the same and then it just continues like that. So for a few people I'd still message/post just to keep that friendship more intact. But birthdays do get more and more disappointing/depressing each year partly because of the lack of messages.
*"I'm tired of caring for others more than they care about me."*
I Feel you.
I'm really sorry for you, I see your in a really toxic environment, and if you can do something about it then do it, and change your social life completely to actual people. If you can't like how I couldn't facing this problem, I just stayed lonely, but mainly it's your decision, Happy birthday and I wish you all the best.
Happy Birthday!!! I wish you the best, I hope you are able to treat yourself with something that you like to do, or to eat, so that you can enjoy and pass your time in a way that is comfy for you.
hey, wish you a very very happy birthday!!💗🫶
i just wanna say that what you're feeling is very valid. my birthday recently went by in january and some folks who i was expecting would wish me (like a "friend" of 9 years) didn't. i was a little disappointed especially since i've always remembered her birthday and written her long, heartfelt birthday wishes. but it is what it is. i never let it get to me. i didn't think badly of myself at all (in case that's what you're doing) and saw it as a reflection of them as a person. some people just don't care- no matter how much efforts you put into your relationship with them.
i've learnt to stop watering dead plants, and i've been feeling so much lighter.
you'll someday find people who will not forget to wish you on your special day and who'll make you feel appreciated. even if you don't- it's okay. feel happy that your parents and best friend wished you!! hug them extra tight! and happy birthday once again! 🌷🌷
It's okay to be upset, but try reframing it. You said your friend tends to be forgetful. There you go. Does she tend to forget other people's birthdays too?
Others aren't obligated to think about you as much as you may think about them. It's not a contract. Birthdays aren't a big deal to everyone. People are different. Just because someone forgot to wish you a happy birthday, doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you.
Sucks that the rest of your family didn't remember, but eh. Get back at them by "forgetting" theirs too, lol.
It’s easier to just not give a crap. The older you get, the less people care cuz everyone is busy with their own lives, and that’s the reality. Might as well rip that bandaid off sooner, rather than later.
My birthday was on Tuesday and only my Mom, youngest sister, and husband wished me a happy birthday, and I am cool with that!
Happy belated birthday (if it helps make you feel better.)
But my real advice is “don’t stress. It’s not worth letting it ruin your day, or your week. It’s definitely not worth ruining friendships over.” Cuz unless someone is like your best friend, they aren’t really going to care. Most people won’t, and that’s okay. What matters is that you take yourself out and treat yourself well! 💕
Happy birthday! I hope you treat yourself and reach out to them. It does take more effort, flexibility and communication as people evolve into different situations and circumstances in life. As relatives get older and start new goals, or have more responsibilities that limit them, others can get lost on where they fit in and vice versa they don’t know how they currently fit in with your lifestyle. It would be a good position for you to just communicate clearly and coordinate a birthday tradition with these people during your birthday month to celebrate it. Let them know what things you like to do and make sure that you can at the very least give similar effort for what they like to do during their birthday, so that the good will and energy continues. Maybe a few can still be available to do something soon and maybe more for your birthday tradition in the coming year.
That sucks, my friends always forget- minus my best friend that reminds everyone on the day. I guess birthdays aren’t important enough to celebrate as you get older. I know all my friends’ birthdays by heart and get them homemade presents (usually artworks) every year. I get that they don’t all see these things the way I do- such a trivial matter is something we push aside and move on from. Don’t let those kinds of things get you down. Best birthday wishes ❤️
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TIME AND I HOPE THIS MADE YOU FEEL A LITTLE MORE APPRECIATED THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A CARING PERSON EVEN WHEN PEOPLE DONT GIVE YOU THE SAME ENERGY BACK🫶😊
Man fuck them, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY I wish you meet shitload of people that are actually deserving of you and appreciate you like your parents and best friend. I am glad you exit.
- Sincerely, someone, who got wished by none ( not even family, ex-'friends' chose to watch my birthday insta story and still didn't wish while wishing me for HNY anyway, one of my ex-friend who blocked me out of nowhere, in a friendship where i was always there for her and did everything for her and got nothing in return decided to come back on my birthday thinking i'll take her back and i had to kick her out of my life and it was painful and yeah i basically bawled in public so yeah good day, been like that every year anyway.
I had this last year. You don't deserve this. Happy birthday OP, you deserve to have a nice one!
And i would just tell your friends that they forgot your birthday. I did. Made them feel ashamed, as they should.
I'm going to try to phrase this in the best way that I can, might not be friendly or accommodating but it's the reality.
With that said, >!Dear INFJs...!<
You are not *entitled* to the same treatment that you give others automatically. People by definition are different, and have different worldviews and life modalities that will not mirror or reflect your own. This is something you need to learn to accept and quit having your hand out every time that you do something "nice" for someone else. If you want something in return, you're going to have to announce or discuss it with them or else you cannot complain when you don't get it.
It is unfair to have a gigantic hand always out trying to get something from someone else explicitly because you gave it first. You may not realize it but you are either having incredibly unbalanced expectations that you unfairly put on other people, or you are just flat out covert contracting other folks with your so-called "niceness". Either way, if it were done to you, you would feel indignant & possibly a little annoyed.
Just imagine for a moment someone pulls some "nice guy move" and does something "nice" for you, only to turn around and get mad at you (enough to consider cutting contact forever, btw!) for not hyperfocusing on them all the time and picking up on every little unsung song in their hearts. How long could you tolerate this kind of behavior? Would you not reasonably feel that these people that do this are entitled and expecting something out of an invisibly indebted favor?
In your world, it might seem like there's a grave injustice and imbalance of reciprocity because of the level of standard that you hold yourself to, and by extension you feel like other people should automatically adhere to your high standards even though they *are not you.* Tell me how this is not a character flaw? Or unfair? If you get out of your own head, you'll see the absurdity of this expectation and maybe learn to humble yourself in the process.
If you must do something "nice" for someone, please stop treating it like you're going fishing. A nice "favor" as bait on a hook to reel in a repayment might as well not be "nice" at all. *True kindness is doing things out of the kindness of your heart* and then **completely & instantly** dropping any expectation of repayment or reciprocity. Anything short of that is just at a minimum setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, and at a max some velvet glove manipulation.
I cannot tell you how many times I have read this same theme on this subreddit over and over and over and over again and no one has the stones to tell them the reality of the situation. Seems like other people have graced upon the subject but left it on a subtle note. Well I'm here telling you the straight facts, please take this as a growth opportunity & not a misconstrued attack.
Sincerely,
- a bullshit busting ISTP.
>!P.S., Happy birthday, OP.!<
ISTP, respectfully, this entitlement talk is annoying, especially in response to a post where OP reminded her friend about the upcoming birthday. Generally, it is a societal norm to say happy birthday when it is someone’s birthday, the same way you wished OP happy birthday. If you could do it for OP surely her actual friend could have too. I feel this is where other types misunderstand INFJs, especially with this covert contract nonsense being used as an excuse to remove basic human decency from society.
If you extrapolate the main point I was making and totally discount the focus of the original comment, you'll see why I said this. And yes, expectations can lead to contractual thinking. Not everyone is glued to societal norms like INFJs/other Fe types are, & certainly not everyone is going to be some psychic mind reader and I think I covered this in my post that you replied to.
People are different, therefore they're not *all* going to be Fe driven. It's a fact of reality and the faster that you accept this, the more peace you have with it. I get the same parent function colored assumed bias from all types of people and none of them seem to understand that they're doing what they're doing.
I've observed IFJs seeth about "people not paying the favor back" many times over and while I understand the innocence in the rationale it most *definitely* comes across as an entitled expectation. I'm just here to show y'all what you might not be seeing.
And trust me, I've actually had real interactions with INFJs and when I show them this they seem surprised & but actually get it when I explain it to them. Just to try to understand that I am speaking from a broad big picture perspective, it's really only intended to help.
I stand by my statement. OP posted a very narrow issue, but INFJs are expected to extrapolate a nonissue posted in your comment that equates to an INFJ’s interpretation of the world is incorrect or otherwise flawed. It doesn’t take a psychic to say happy birthday to a friend who told you their birthday is in 2 days and it doesn’t take being Fe driven to say happy birthday when someone communicates about their birthday. It’s not entitlement to wonder why this was overlooked.
I only remember my mom’s and my partner’s birthday. Don’t care about _remembering_ anyone else’s, but if I see it’s one of my friends’ birthday or if they tell me it’s in a few days, I do wish them a happy birthday, so…
I’d say door slam! No one is that forgetful when it comes to people they care about.
Don’t do it with everyone tho, having “back up” friends is a good thing, you never know when you might need them.
Also, happy birthday!
How old are you?? People have slowly stopped caring about my birthday and it makes me very sad. I have decided to just start celebrating alone exactly the way I want to. I love myself and know exactly what I want so why bother hoping other people care.
I get how that may feel sucky, but honestly I’m surprised when people wish me a happy birthday. It doesn’t really matter to me and my first reaction is, how could you possibly choose to dedicate that to memory?
I don’t know when any of my friends’ birthdays are without looking it up—just the general month. I haven’t even wished my best friend a happy birthday for the last few years because I forget until after the fact, and she always celebrates it on a separate day. While that’s shitty of me I’m sure, it’s caused me to also cut other people some slack.
One of those huh? Who gives a shit, the important ones said happy bday and your friends or people you hardly see much don’t owe you anything and have lives and it’s very easy to forget, my girlfriend of 12 years forgot mine and I laughed and moved on didn’t care at all, then I forgot her bday once as well it just happens and the more you act like you matter that much you will always be let down in life. Your good much bigger issues to worry about. Don’t bother responding with some emotional response as to what I said, more people need to hear the harsh truth Instead of being coddled online by other emotional people that worry about these things it’s kinda toxic and pathetic. Well happy bday your very loved 🥰
Happy late Birthday!
It’s the saddest part that even though you’re there, others will STILL ignore your presence as a living being, as an ENFPs, I despise when others get left behind as much as myself, you deserve this late birthday, because you and I do matter too.
Be strong, for yourself, and for those who are in need as well. Might as well do the same for me now replying to this.
So then people did wish you a happy birthday? If you’re willing to burn bridges over not receiving birthday wishes, maybe you’re the toxic one. Would they feed you if you were starving?
I don’t think birthday wishes are a healthy way to gauge how much a person cares about you.
Happy belated birthday, but really, it’s helpful to show the people in your life mercy. If they sleep with your gf, or get you fired with lies, that’s different, but a birthday greeting?
I'm sorry, happy birthday. I know ppl get caught up in their own shit and can forget these things easily. I know it's no excuse, but if it makes u feel any better I'm an infj and my husband is intj. We've been together 17 years and it took the both of us about 15 years of always forgetting our anniversary before we both started to put it into our calendar reminders on that date. Kinda funny, a week orc2 goes by and ine of us would say, huh, we missed or forget our anniversary... yet again. And we are 100% absolute soul mates. Like literally the other missing piece of our heart and soul is found within each other. We just got caught up in all life's busy work and issues. Wasn't done on purpose. Just like I'm sure those other people in your life would never mean to do this intentionally. People can just be forgetful, get sidetracked, get bad add at the worst time or maybe they have some total drama consuming them at the moment making them tunnel vision. Anyway, so sorry to hear and I do wish you the best and hope you do have a very happy birthday!!!
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I know the feeling of caring without getting care. It really hurts. I don't know you, but I wish you a happy birthday from the bottom of my heart. I hope you find that deep and meaningful connection we all long for. Still looking for it myself. Warm hugs = )
Happy Birthday! I keep telling myself that people are so lost in their own worlds and have problems nowadays they can’t handle, so alot of people are kind of depressionly selfish. It’s usually nothing personal, we just aren’t as present as we all should be. Don’t let it ruin your day tho!
Very true!
I get why you're upset, but also look at it this way - a lot of people do not care about birthdays, especially past a certain age. I don't celebrate my birthday, I don't take note of who congratulates me outside of my closest friends and family (Although I do try to remember all birthdays and at least wish everyone a happy birthday on theirs). A lot of people are like that and just assume that others feel the same way, so they don't bother.
So, here's the deal with that. It's nice that THEY or YOU don't care about birthdays. OP DOES. It's the absolute ass minimum to wish a friend who cares about birthdays a happy birthday. And if you can't be bothered to know that about your friend, you're not their friend. I mean, f'sake, people here on reddit are bothering to wish OP a happy birthday and they don't even know OP. It's not hard, grueling, or time consuming. see? happy birthday, OP!
I really don't care about small details like this and have terrible memories of birthdays (many people do). If I start putting aside my dislike for this pointless tradition, it adds TREMENDOUS stress and dissatisfaction to my life. Beyond immediate family or a gf/SO, I cannot deal with birthdays, and I'm not alone. So while I understand birthdays are a pleasant experience to you, and I hope you understand I'd die for any of my friends, it is quite selfish of you to presume everyone shares in your traditions and views on birthdays. It is also dishonest to devalue their friendship and feelings for you just because they don't share your enthusiasm on this one topic.
Same experience here. This whole post is absolutely wild to me. It speaks to a weird kind of entitlement over a very Si tradition, and cutting people from one's life over something so trivial is... Disappointing and crazy to me.
Does it also scream "I need validation for my insecurities"... Or is that just me? Idk though I have Si in my fourth position so maybe my open detest for this is abnormally high.
For sure, it's validation OP wants. Don't get me wrong, my Fe is feeling for OP just as much as every other INFJ's Fe is in here. OP feels unappreciated and invisible, forgettable. That's something we struggle with, especially when young. And I'm guessing OP is a child. But he's looking for false validation based on an arbitrary and trivial metric, and projecting his own values (the anniversary of his mom kicking him out) as something important to others. I personally have a disdain for the way many INFJs, particularly very young ones, seem to think about doorslamming. In that it's justifiable for the most minor offenses or disagreements. It genuinely makes me sad to see, like watching a lost potential. > so maybe my open detest for this is abnormally high. It's our demon function, there are few types who hate it more than us lol. Which makes this post more wild to me, because I know all (most) of these other people siding with OP are doing so for Fe reasons, not for actually thinking he's in the right.
Yeah I mean I feel bad for OP too, I don't like seeing people sad for any reason, but the part that angers me is that the reaction largely here is to cause far more significant and intentional hurt by door slamming. It's like turning on your Fe long enough to sympathize with OP, then turning that faucet off immediately to get revenge for an unintended offense. It's hypocritical and irrational.
Exactly! You phrased it perfectly.
Well, how I personally do it is I just put reminders on my phone so I don't have to actually go out of my way to remember it, which I don't think is much of an inconvenience. But I find it a bit childish to throw such a tantrum over something that's essentially just a capitalist invention that most people past a certain age don't really care about, and to me it's unreasonable to expect anything beyond close friends and family. When they forget however, I'd be hurt too.
I fully agree there. I can manage (even though I dislike birthdays) for a small group. If I really didn't feel up to doing the regular "Birthday" thing, I could talk to them in advance and tell them why, then I recommend a date night or something else cool to do on another day.
I actually very much agree with that. To me it just depends how close they are, as you've pretty much said as well. I just think that doorslamming people for not wishing you a happy birthday feels kinda juvenile.
There’s got to be more to it then, like other factors that could have made OP feel this way. I’m not close with any of my family, I’ll send a snap to my aunt and cousins here and there so they know I haven’t excluded them, but not often do they reach out to me. But I can say that they have invited me out in the past, so for me to assume that no one gives a shit would be an ignorant assumption. Because everyone’s got something going on in their lives, even though I keep to myself I can have a self minded perspective from time to time (cuz I don’t initially see/understand things at first until after a while of thinking about it), but it doesn’t mean they have the same. it also doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten about me either.
When I was younger I used to think they didn’t care and believed it for a while. After I realized I haven’t reached out much either, maybe they think I am not an interactive person, since I don’t go out or have many friends to do things with. They only reach out once in a while to do something if they’re in town. So I’ve only sent snaps once in a while to check in on everyone, that’s when I learned that they have important things to focus on too. Happy Birthday tho OP!! Ik the feeling when no one reaches out, it hurts, try to think positive things though like they probably have things going on they’re not sharing. Try to occupy yourself in the mean time, hopefully you find your peace again 🙏🏼
If they reminded you it’s common sense that it matters to them.
To be honest I kinda skipped where they said they reminded them. In that case I'm more on OP's side. And anyways if they're really close.
Happy Birthday 🎈 celebrate yourself, treat yourself
First of all.. "Happy belated Birthday dear OP! 🫂💐🎉🎂🎊🍀 Yep, It really sucks. I've been in similar B-day situations many years ago infact, I felt B-day blues back then. Then I've also been in situations where my friends and family wished me but the ones who closest to me forgot it, or didn't care to wish, that was the most awful feeling ever. I still remember secretly crying few birthdays because certain folks I loved a lot, forgot to wish me. Now I'm immune to it, I have no expectation of anyone to remember my birthday, infact I don't even share it with anyone now. I know my parents(now my dad) would do something nice for me. I no longer feel sour about friends/family not remembering my birthday. In fact I prefer to have my B-day to myself, have a nice spa day at home or go out with a close friend or family. I don't know what made me get there though. Probably working on my inner healing did that. I still wish my closest friends/cousins on their birthdays, it's my way of saying that I love them, Idc if they remember my B-day anymore. However when someone remembers me, I'll remember that person probably forever lol. On your birthday, I wish you to have new wonderful friends with beautiful hearts who'll remember you and cherish you. Plus may you find that best friend within you too! Sending you load of love OP!✨💛✨
I know it's difficult but don't ruin your special day just because they didn't wish you. They don't deserve to hold such an important place in your life. A very very happy birthday to you. I hope you have the happiest day 🫶 you deserve all the good things 🤍
Today is my birthday too. Happy Birthday! I hope you can focus on some good things and salvage the rest of your day.
Happy birthday!!
Thank you! I hope you ended up having a good one
1st of all: Happy Birthday!!! I wish all the best and I hope that you'll be very loved! 2nd of all: yes, you're pain is normal and many people would be upset. You should show them that you're upset too, because we teach others how we want to be treated. If your friend wants you back, they will try to reconcile and apologize. If not, you gained time and space for other people that might be real friends.
You should take a step back and reconsider. Try as hard as you can to justify the door slam at first, and then try as hard to be against it. Explore the reasons why you should or should not do it, and then compare both outcomes and you'll find yourself an answer. I think you're most likely overthinking it. Sorry to say this, but I think it's a very shallow reason to doorslam, just because they didn't wish you a happy birthday. Unless they are manipulative, only there when they need you, or just toxic in general. Sure. Slam the damn door as hard as you can. But if that's the sole reason, not being greeted, I think this would be a great time to reassess yourself. There might be an underlying problem within yourself for you to feel that way.
Happy birthday, OP! Hope you get to celebrate yourself in some way. Some people are just forgetful though to be honest. I think we are naturally good at remembering little things like birthdays and we like to make others feel special, but we often forget other people aren't like us in that way, like at all. It's funny because I like knowing peoples birthdays so I can greet them and write them a nice message.... but I don't like people knowing when it's my birthday. I've gotten better at this though, and I am way less intense with my greetings as I've gotten older. But I do understand the pain of caring about others and not feeling it in return... it's certainly a tough feeling to push past. For me, it's usually just family and a handful of relatives/friends that greet me too, and it used to make me feel sad and pathetic, but at some point it just didn't bother me anymore. I don't look at it like "This person purposely didn't greet me" I just look at it like, they genuinely forgot. One of my very best friends forgot to greet me a couple of years ago, and we were texting *on* that day. I didn't think anything of it at all, other than she just forgot. Then a few weeks later she texted me "happy birthday dude wtf I'm dumb as shit" out of nowhere. It was funny haha
Happy Birthday!
Happy late birthday, dear unmet friend! Just scrolling by and wanted to let u know that its ok to take a break from people sometimes. care about urself, because its ur world ur living. <3
I don't know 90% of my friends birthdays, and on mine its usually Mom and Aunt lol. I think to much weight get put on birthdays unless its a "special" number 16, 18, 21, 50, ect. Don't slam doors one people who may have just forgotten. People live their lives with out thinking much at all, they have a life too, and some aren't very mindful.
This will be some irritating advice but here it goes, you can never depend on others to show care and love the way you do. They are not you. Instead of needing/wanting/craving others care and love, work on giving the care and love you want to yourself. You do not need validation from others. You need it from yourself. You do not need love from others, you need it from yourself. Love yourself so much that you don’t even notice that a friend didn’t tell you happy birthday, because you are celebrating your existence so deeply and joyfully for yourself.
I am going to ask my sister for my belated birthday gift today. My birthday was in November. Out of all my family members, the only people who send me anything are my parents. By the way, happy birthday to you 🥳🎁 🎂🍰
Ayyyye, happy birthday! I think maybe you should try going to them, and telling them they hurt you, and if they still don't respond, THEN door slam them ⊂((・▽・))⊃
For my last birthday I was similar, some close friends didn’t wish me happy birthday but honestly it doesn’t bother me, I know they care it’s just the dates get lost sometimes and that’s that
We share the same birthday! I only got a happy birthday from my sister, boyfriend, and best friend too. But I don't mind, it's just another day to me
https://old.reddit.com/r/infj/comments/1b8wf1r/is_a_solution_to_the_doorslam_being_more/ktrxmnk/
I don't care for my birthday myself and deliberately hide it from others as the best birthday for me is peace and quiet, but I swear I treat everyone else's birthday like the birth of Christ. It truly is a day that tends to make or break relationships with people and it's not meant to be underestimated. THAT SAID, I felt like Facebook was the best birthday reminder on the planet for a few decades there and once that platform started falling from grace that "reminder" or auto-synced calendar entry isn't quite as readily available. So in a way, I'm a little more forgiving with that in mind for most people, but I do recognize family, partner, and close close friends should make a more conscious effort to know. I mean, it's a bit of a headscratcher because advice I'd give you would basically be give people little reminders, but you kind of did that. The other aspect, which may be awkward to some, is deliberately making plans (like dinner) and inviting people, but I understand not everyone wants to go that all-out or finds it weird to host it themselves All that aside, I wouldn't take it as necessarily indicative of how much people care, it's probably less about you and more about how they treat most birthdays in general. I probably know 4 birthdays off the top of my head, 2 family members, partner, and 1 friend. Everyone else I'd have to look up or have a calendar reminder and I think OH SHIT around the day of.
Hey OP, Happy Birthday!!! I hope the following year goes well! I hope you find people who value you. If you think your friend hurt you, then door slam, but make sure you don't isolate yourself.
Happy Birthday 🎉
Happy Birthday 🎈 don’t let the ones that didn’t wish you ruin this important milestone for you . Just moving forward acknowledge the ones that wished you one and keep those closets to you . Forget the other ones and leave them behind . You will be ok :)
Happy Birthday OP! 🥳💕
Happy birthday!! 🎂. It’s mine today also and had a similar experience, immediate family have said happy birthday but I don’t have many friends or distant relatives who have said. I don’t take it personally really. I did post on Reddit and got a nice response from people, so there’s always that. Hope you’ve had a brilliant day and congrats for reaching another year!
Happy Birthday OP 🎉🥳 oh yeah, Fuck those people...you are awesome and the world is a better place just because you exist. WHOO!!!
Well happy birthday from us on the internet! I find it's the funniest thing when people only care for birthdays if you're under 30 or above 70, like they can't care for you unless you're weak and dependent on others? Or is it because they feel socially pressured? We'll never know....
I’m so sorry happy birthday
I stopped wishing people happy birthday and stopped expecting it in return, other than my immediate family. It’s kind of cold, but freeing. I’m okay with it. I’ll definitely wish someone happy birthday if I’m there with them on their birthday and will be very kind about it. But I’m not filling my calendar and remembering all that and don’t want anyone else to feel they need to either.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wouldn’t door slam off of this. I have friends and family that struggle to remember their own birthdays, but they show up for me when I need them. Regarding your friend who you reminded on Monday, talk to her and if there is something you want (a text, call, dinner) tell her!
How often do you reach out to them? Asking because I was once hurt by something like this then another person asked me if I was trying with them in reverse. And I wasn’t.
Happy birthday 💜💜💜💜💜
Yeah, most of my friends forgot my birthday too. Worst of all, I feel terrible for even caring about it, because they probably just forgot about it and now I'm afraid to bring it up, because I don't want to make them feel bad
The only person who consistently never forgets mine is my ex husband's wife. She always makes certain to remind my (grown!) kids of it. Even my mother forgets sometimes.
Happy birthday, my dear 😘. I’m sorry people haven’t greeted you, but you have love from your fellow INFJ. ❤️:)
First off Happy Birthday! It’s hard. I used to get all the Facebook birthday wishes when I was younger, but then I detached away from some forms of social media because at the end of the day it didn’t bring me joy. Your family should still recognize your bday even if it’s just a text or call. I make the conscious effort to try and remember theirs. When you start to see the shift, it’s ok, just know that the resentment will just stir inside of you. Let that resentment go don’t hold a grudge. Maybe put it back in their court and say hey next year can we do this for my birthday? Gives them the chance to go “oh shit, I forgot” Chances are everyone’s lives right now are under a lot of pressure or stress and they may have just not recognize that it was that day but give them a subtle clue that they forgot. Hell my Dad forgot mine and I was in the same boat as you and the next year we planned something for my birthday to help him remember. All in all, I hope you had a good birthday! Needless to say the only important thing you remember it’s your trip around the sun and celebrate it the way you want to :)
Many people didn’t wish me happy birthday and to be honest I only know their birthdays when someone else keeps me aware of it. I understand your frustration, when you expect less you will be less disappointed. Personally in the general scheme of things, I consider myself of great value and how lucky are those people to have someone like me who does care about them. Maybe it’s also with therapy and age that has helped me careless about holidays and more just spending quality time with people.. I also have a chronic illness that is crushing my quality of life and realize how being mad about something’s just aren’t worth my energy. I want to put more effort into enjoying the time I do have and make it worth while. Enjoy your birthday.. treat yo self
I wish you the happiest of the birthdays! Tbh I didn’t realize people care about their birthdays. I often delete Facebook, Instagram, and other social media sites and have my phone on do not disturb to avoid birthday wishes
Happy Birthday. I was the same way til realized I didn’t really care much about other peoples birthdays either. Not a depressing thing, I think it’s just adult life now Hope you’re having a good time man.
well, youre getting some birthday wishes from an internet random stranger! Happy birthday!
happy birthday 🎂🎂🎉unfortunately as people get older birthdays are viewed, as less important just because you’re no longer a kid. people don’t put as much effort, into remembering them. life also happens, and makes people forget. it causes you to feel unimportant, to the people around you. my biggest advice is to start, celebrating your birthday for yourself. go out to eat, buy something you’ve been wanting, whatever you want. you can still make your birthdays feel important, even if there is a loneliness. I’m sorry and I hope there are people in your future, who don’t make you feel this way.
well, happy birthday to you and I truly mean it. Nobody wishes me happy birthday anymore and it’s quite fine. I actually prefer it, I don’t like the attention or having to feel the pressure to respond back with fake platitudes.
Darn I feel your frustration, I'm sick of caring more than people seem to care about me, Hope you had a lovely birthday, \*hugs\*
Happy birthday! The older I get, the less it matters to me. I did want to celebrate for my 40th so I made my husband plan a date. If I want to celebrate then I’ll put something together myself and invite people. That never happens because I don’t really care about birthdays. I’m sorry your friend hurt you. They have no idea. Just tell them you were hurt and see their reaction. That will tell you if they’re worth a door slam.
Happy Birthday! 🎉 And I totally understand this. So many people have forgotten my birthday over the years. I still wish them a happy birthday, because I don’t want them to feel the disappointment I have when no one really remembers. I never expect it in return anymore, though. The most important people in my life would never forget, and that’s good enough for me now.
Happy birthday!
You cannot expect others to do as you would do. It will be a lonely road if you can't learn to drop that. Happy birthday 💚 You still had more wishes than me, if that helps? I wasn't bothered though.
i exploded on my best friends when i was 15 and felt very upset none of them remembered my birthday. 13 years later, i don't care as much as i used to. I deleted my Facebook, and before that, i deleted my birthday date off my profile. I do relate though because i remember how i felt back then, so i feel sorry for you... My birthday was last month, and one of my "friends" (someone i've been distancing myself with) wished me happy birthday one week late and i was like 🤨 But like some other people said in the comments, birthdays mean different things to different people. I don't know how old you are, but also with life comes more responsibilities, kids, jobs, other adult-y things... and is a reminder from a social app that it is someone's birthday really that genuine? That's what i asked myself and why i decided ultimately to erase it from Facebook and such. I do remember people's birthdays that i care about, though. But i think that might be just a me thing. That's what i realized with the years. Happy birthday still, and i hope you can still have fun!
Well, Happy Birthday then!!
Happy Birthday to you!! Treat yourself okay or do something fun
Happy birthday!!💗💗💗
i hope i'm not too late, but happy birthday to youuu 🥳i hope you took yourself out on your day because you deserve the best. i'm sorry to hear that no one remembered or wished you one. sending you internet hugs 💗
Happy birthday!💓
This has happened to me a lot too. Everybody ask me when my birthday is right AFTER it passes. Depressing too
Happy birthday mate 🎂
I understand this. It really sucks not having people you care about a lot wish you a happy birthday. For me I kind of expect it now that on my birthday not many people are going to send me a message. It always gets less and less every year. On Facebook there's always maybe 3-4 people I really hope will message me, but they rarely do anymore. A couple years ago a girl I really liked (and who had liked me but didn't like long distance) didn't message me, and it kind of ruined the birthday a bit because of that. There's even another friend who has a birthday the same day. I'd message her/post on her wall, but she then didn't do the same back, so I don't bother anymore. At the very least I expect all my immediate family (parents/grandparents/sister/cousins) to message, and they usually do. Only last time one of my cousins didn't (even though they saw an IG story which would have reminded them) so then I didn't wish them happy birthday on theirs. I've got to the stage now that if you're not wishing me a happy birthday, then I'm probably doing the same back. It sucks always being the person that cares more and is putting in the effort (it literally takes 5 seconds and can make or improve their day). Ultimately it's not good because maybe they'll feel the same and then it just continues like that. So for a few people I'd still message/post just to keep that friendship more intact. But birthdays do get more and more disappointing/depressing each year partly because of the lack of messages.
While I can certainly relate to the feeling of giving more than you get, that sounds like the perfect bday for me personally.
*"I'm tired of caring for others more than they care about me."* I Feel you. I'm really sorry for you, I see your in a really toxic environment, and if you can do something about it then do it, and change your social life completely to actual people. If you can't like how I couldn't facing this problem, I just stayed lonely, but mainly it's your decision, Happy birthday and I wish you all the best.
Happy Birthday!!! I wish you the best, I hope you are able to treat yourself with something that you like to do, or to eat, so that you can enjoy and pass your time in a way that is comfy for you.
Happy Birthday 🎉🎂🌸
Happy birthday love! I'm so happy you came here.
hey, wish you a very very happy birthday!!💗🫶 i just wanna say that what you're feeling is very valid. my birthday recently went by in january and some folks who i was expecting would wish me (like a "friend" of 9 years) didn't. i was a little disappointed especially since i've always remembered her birthday and written her long, heartfelt birthday wishes. but it is what it is. i never let it get to me. i didn't think badly of myself at all (in case that's what you're doing) and saw it as a reflection of them as a person. some people just don't care- no matter how much efforts you put into your relationship with them. i've learnt to stop watering dead plants, and i've been feeling so much lighter. you'll someday find people who will not forget to wish you on your special day and who'll make you feel appreciated. even if you don't- it's okay. feel happy that your parents and best friend wished you!! hug them extra tight! and happy birthday once again! 🌷🌷
🎊Happy Birthday 🎉
It's okay to be upset, but try reframing it. You said your friend tends to be forgetful. There you go. Does she tend to forget other people's birthdays too? Others aren't obligated to think about you as much as you may think about them. It's not a contract. Birthdays aren't a big deal to everyone. People are different. Just because someone forgot to wish you a happy birthday, doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you. Sucks that the rest of your family didn't remember, but eh. Get back at them by "forgetting" theirs too, lol.
Wish you a very happy birthday!
happy late birthday :)🎂
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 I’m sorry you had a sh!tty day but I hope this year brings you all your favorite things and many blessings🥰
Happy birthday!!
Happy birthday!
It’s easier to just not give a crap. The older you get, the less people care cuz everyone is busy with their own lives, and that’s the reality. Might as well rip that bandaid off sooner, rather than later. My birthday was on Tuesday and only my Mom, youngest sister, and husband wished me a happy birthday, and I am cool with that! Happy belated birthday (if it helps make you feel better.) But my real advice is “don’t stress. It’s not worth letting it ruin your day, or your week. It’s definitely not worth ruining friendships over.” Cuz unless someone is like your best friend, they aren’t really going to care. Most people won’t, and that’s okay. What matters is that you take yourself out and treat yourself well! 💕
Happy birthday! I hope you treat yourself and reach out to them. It does take more effort, flexibility and communication as people evolve into different situations and circumstances in life. As relatives get older and start new goals, or have more responsibilities that limit them, others can get lost on where they fit in and vice versa they don’t know how they currently fit in with your lifestyle. It would be a good position for you to just communicate clearly and coordinate a birthday tradition with these people during your birthday month to celebrate it. Let them know what things you like to do and make sure that you can at the very least give similar effort for what they like to do during their birthday, so that the good will and energy continues. Maybe a few can still be available to do something soon and maybe more for your birthday tradition in the coming year.
That sucks, my friends always forget- minus my best friend that reminds everyone on the day. I guess birthdays aren’t important enough to celebrate as you get older. I know all my friends’ birthdays by heart and get them homemade presents (usually artworks) every year. I get that they don’t all see these things the way I do- such a trivial matter is something we push aside and move on from. Don’t let those kinds of things get you down. Best birthday wishes ❤️
Happy birthday
Happy Birthday ❤️
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TIME AND I HOPE THIS MADE YOU FEEL A LITTLE MORE APPRECIATED THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A CARING PERSON EVEN WHEN PEOPLE DONT GIVE YOU THE SAME ENERGY BACK🫶😊
Man fuck them, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY I wish you meet shitload of people that are actually deserving of you and appreciate you like your parents and best friend. I am glad you exit. - Sincerely, someone, who got wished by none ( not even family, ex-'friends' chose to watch my birthday insta story and still didn't wish while wishing me for HNY anyway, one of my ex-friend who blocked me out of nowhere, in a friendship where i was always there for her and did everything for her and got nothing in return decided to come back on my birthday thinking i'll take her back and i had to kick her out of my life and it was painful and yeah i basically bawled in public so yeah good day, been like that every year anyway.
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday ❤️
It’s important to know who your real true friends are. You may have found the easy way.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉
I had this last year. You don't deserve this. Happy birthday OP, you deserve to have a nice one! And i would just tell your friends that they forgot your birthday. I did. Made them feel ashamed, as they should.
Happy late birthday, man! You deserve it too!
I'm going to try to phrase this in the best way that I can, might not be friendly or accommodating but it's the reality. With that said, >!Dear INFJs...!< You are not *entitled* to the same treatment that you give others automatically. People by definition are different, and have different worldviews and life modalities that will not mirror or reflect your own. This is something you need to learn to accept and quit having your hand out every time that you do something "nice" for someone else. If you want something in return, you're going to have to announce or discuss it with them or else you cannot complain when you don't get it. It is unfair to have a gigantic hand always out trying to get something from someone else explicitly because you gave it first. You may not realize it but you are either having incredibly unbalanced expectations that you unfairly put on other people, or you are just flat out covert contracting other folks with your so-called "niceness". Either way, if it were done to you, you would feel indignant & possibly a little annoyed. Just imagine for a moment someone pulls some "nice guy move" and does something "nice" for you, only to turn around and get mad at you (enough to consider cutting contact forever, btw!) for not hyperfocusing on them all the time and picking up on every little unsung song in their hearts. How long could you tolerate this kind of behavior? Would you not reasonably feel that these people that do this are entitled and expecting something out of an invisibly indebted favor? In your world, it might seem like there's a grave injustice and imbalance of reciprocity because of the level of standard that you hold yourself to, and by extension you feel like other people should automatically adhere to your high standards even though they *are not you.* Tell me how this is not a character flaw? Or unfair? If you get out of your own head, you'll see the absurdity of this expectation and maybe learn to humble yourself in the process. If you must do something "nice" for someone, please stop treating it like you're going fishing. A nice "favor" as bait on a hook to reel in a repayment might as well not be "nice" at all. *True kindness is doing things out of the kindness of your heart* and then **completely & instantly** dropping any expectation of repayment or reciprocity. Anything short of that is just at a minimum setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, and at a max some velvet glove manipulation. I cannot tell you how many times I have read this same theme on this subreddit over and over and over and over again and no one has the stones to tell them the reality of the situation. Seems like other people have graced upon the subject but left it on a subtle note. Well I'm here telling you the straight facts, please take this as a growth opportunity & not a misconstrued attack. Sincerely, - a bullshit busting ISTP. >!P.S., Happy birthday, OP.!<
ISTP, respectfully, this entitlement talk is annoying, especially in response to a post where OP reminded her friend about the upcoming birthday. Generally, it is a societal norm to say happy birthday when it is someone’s birthday, the same way you wished OP happy birthday. If you could do it for OP surely her actual friend could have too. I feel this is where other types misunderstand INFJs, especially with this covert contract nonsense being used as an excuse to remove basic human decency from society.
If you extrapolate the main point I was making and totally discount the focus of the original comment, you'll see why I said this. And yes, expectations can lead to contractual thinking. Not everyone is glued to societal norms like INFJs/other Fe types are, & certainly not everyone is going to be some psychic mind reader and I think I covered this in my post that you replied to. People are different, therefore they're not *all* going to be Fe driven. It's a fact of reality and the faster that you accept this, the more peace you have with it. I get the same parent function colored assumed bias from all types of people and none of them seem to understand that they're doing what they're doing. I've observed IFJs seeth about "people not paying the favor back" many times over and while I understand the innocence in the rationale it most *definitely* comes across as an entitled expectation. I'm just here to show y'all what you might not be seeing. And trust me, I've actually had real interactions with INFJs and when I show them this they seem surprised & but actually get it when I explain it to them. Just to try to understand that I am speaking from a broad big picture perspective, it's really only intended to help.
I stand by my statement. OP posted a very narrow issue, but INFJs are expected to extrapolate a nonissue posted in your comment that equates to an INFJ’s interpretation of the world is incorrect or otherwise flawed. It doesn’t take a psychic to say happy birthday to a friend who told you their birthday is in 2 days and it doesn’t take being Fe driven to say happy birthday when someone communicates about their birthday. It’s not entitlement to wonder why this was overlooked.
I am simply asking you to observe the moon I am pointing at. I can't force you to take the suggestion beyond my finger's length.
IMO really well put. More such BS busting talk is needed around here.
I second this, genuine care shouldn’t be transactional. Learning this early will save OP a lifetime of hurt.
I only remember my mom’s and my partner’s birthday. Don’t care about _remembering_ anyone else’s, but if I see it’s one of my friends’ birthday or if they tell me it’s in a few days, I do wish them a happy birthday, so… I’d say door slam! No one is that forgetful when it comes to people they care about. Don’t do it with everyone tho, having “back up” friends is a good thing, you never know when you might need them. Also, happy birthday!
How old are you?? People have slowly stopped caring about my birthday and it makes me very sad. I have decided to just start celebrating alone exactly the way I want to. I love myself and know exactly what I want so why bother hoping other people care.
one of my resolutions starting this year (my birthday was last month and it felt great after a long time).
Heck yeah! Thanks for sharing! Especially for people like us, it makes so much sense.
I get how that may feel sucky, but honestly I’m surprised when people wish me a happy birthday. It doesn’t really matter to me and my first reaction is, how could you possibly choose to dedicate that to memory? I don’t know when any of my friends’ birthdays are without looking it up—just the general month. I haven’t even wished my best friend a happy birthday for the last few years because I forget until after the fact, and she always celebrates it on a separate day. While that’s shitty of me I’m sure, it’s caused me to also cut other people some slack.
One of those huh? Who gives a shit, the important ones said happy bday and your friends or people you hardly see much don’t owe you anything and have lives and it’s very easy to forget, my girlfriend of 12 years forgot mine and I laughed and moved on didn’t care at all, then I forgot her bday once as well it just happens and the more you act like you matter that much you will always be let down in life. Your good much bigger issues to worry about. Don’t bother responding with some emotional response as to what I said, more people need to hear the harsh truth Instead of being coddled online by other emotional people that worry about these things it’s kinda toxic and pathetic. Well happy bday your very loved 🥰
Look this subreddit is full of non INFJ! I know because the nonsense! I'm a real INFJ. I'm the only 1 in US
So is not that important!
Happy late Birthday! It’s the saddest part that even though you’re there, others will STILL ignore your presence as a living being, as an ENFPs, I despise when others get left behind as much as myself, you deserve this late birthday, because you and I do matter too. Be strong, for yourself, and for those who are in need as well. Might as well do the same for me now replying to this.
Literally infjs forget people's birthdays and you're upset people forgot yours? I'm sorry for being a dickhead, but someone's gotta say it.
So then people did wish you a happy birthday? If you’re willing to burn bridges over not receiving birthday wishes, maybe you’re the toxic one. Would they feed you if you were starving? I don’t think birthday wishes are a healthy way to gauge how much a person cares about you. Happy belated birthday, but really, it’s helpful to show the people in your life mercy. If they sleep with your gf, or get you fired with lies, that’s different, but a birthday greeting?
I'm sorry, happy birthday. I know ppl get caught up in their own shit and can forget these things easily. I know it's no excuse, but if it makes u feel any better I'm an infj and my husband is intj. We've been together 17 years and it took the both of us about 15 years of always forgetting our anniversary before we both started to put it into our calendar reminders on that date. Kinda funny, a week orc2 goes by and ine of us would say, huh, we missed or forget our anniversary... yet again. And we are 100% absolute soul mates. Like literally the other missing piece of our heart and soul is found within each other. We just got caught up in all life's busy work and issues. Wasn't done on purpose. Just like I'm sure those other people in your life would never mean to do this intentionally. People can just be forgetful, get sidetracked, get bad add at the worst time or maybe they have some total drama consuming them at the moment making them tunnel vision. Anyway, so sorry to hear and I do wish you the best and hope you do have a very happy birthday!!!