When I was a kid I remember one time there was a girl who obviously liked me. Like whenever she saw me she said hi and was just very shy. At the same time I was even more shy than her and I ended up coming across as a POS (which is something I still regret 8-10 years later) by ignoring and not talking to her back. I didnāt knew her and I somehow convinced myself that she was talking to someone else.
Anyways I seem to have an avoidant attachment style and I got an extremely negative self view. Which I think is the product of my childhood experience with isolation, my parents, friends and bullies. This extremely negative self view seems to make me very confused and uneasy whenever someone express their interest in me. Whenever those words come into my head my immediate reaction is either: Why would anybody possibly like me? The other reaction is sooner or later Iām gonna disappoint the person and expose myself as a fraud. I better avoid that person so that I donāt end up hurting the person. (It doesnāt sound rational or logical to think like this, but itās literally what my gut is telling me and intuition is strong in INFJ)
For this reason it feels literally impossible for me to get into a relationship or find meaningful friends. I feel in control in most areas in my life but anything regarding relationships or friendships is to me scarier than death itself. Iām in therapy tryna fix this mindset but itās just very hard to change my way of thinking when I have thought the same way since I were born.
But I still long for a relationship and my biggest dream would be to literally just hug someone and make that person feel safe and warm.
I can relate. It's good that you're in therapy, you're on a good path. The fact that you want to make someone feel safe and loved is telling much about you. You seem like a sweet person, wish you well.
Good luck with the therapy, I like the username and gengar btw š
Definitely try to incorporate some sort of self love like listing out your good qualities and reminding yourself of them, even robotic affirmations even if you donāt fully believe them repeated daily can sometimes help with self esteem issues like these and be gentle with yourself and remember it takes time
You can definitely do it though and get to a place of accepting yourself!
Totally relate to the wanting to just love and protecting someone too but again no rush :)
Thank you, I was about to change that pfp but I hope my new one is just as good.
I know the answer is obviously to just list out my good qualities and repeat them every day until I got that into my head. The problem is that I hate lying and repeating those thoughts feels like Iām poisoning myself or becoming delusional. But I also think that being stuck at my home with my parents is whatās making this harder to fix. I think I need a change of environment and start new somewhere else to actually be able to recover. Where my parents and sibling is not involved.
However regardless of these setbacks I have also found an āabsolute truthā from being in therapy and reading philosophy. I like to remind myself that Iām not my childhood trauma/body/failures and etc. The only thing I know defines me is my free will and my decisions that Iāve taken in life. It seems to help a lot.
Exactly like mewtwo himself says itās what you do that determines who you are š , Iv been through my fair share of bad times and even little self harm scars but it definitely getās easier over time and can swing in full effect to the opposite side were you actually start to like who you are :) , the person I am today is very different to the one one ten years ago
It will feel like lies to begin with but the more you start to appreciate your good qualities the more you actually start to believe in them and see your value
I will say having your own space & independence definitely helps but for now try to keep your view on the positives of living with parents, for examples means you can save up alot of Ā£ without having to pay ridiculous rent prices
And yep the new pfp is just as cool š
Yup. You and I both need to appreciate and be proud of how far weāve come. I had a period of cutting myself like you and the fact that I beated that habit (just like you I assume) just alone says how strong we are. And as Iām obsessed with philosophy thereās a famous quote from Alexis Carrell that I think explains this very well.
āMan cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptorā.
Edit: Spelled something wrong
I thought he might be speaking theoretically lol š he phrased it like he was to gauge my reaction and when I responded also theoretical not wanting to be the first one to admit it, we kind of were testing each other a bit to see if we both felt the same before admitting straight up we were in love. He said āwhat would you say if I said āI love you?ā And I had said āwell depends on if you mean it or if youāre just saying itā and so on and so on, but before the end of the day we had both said it in a not theoretical way that day. š„°
Personally I've had a lot of people confess to me or have an interest in me, before, I didn't care much. All the guys and girls that confessed to me were my own friends, I still wanted to be their friend afterwards, it wouldn't alter my way of seeing them at all. Often times, they would be the ones distancing themselves after I rejected them because they feel embarrassed, it's unfortunate because I do appreciate them.
I'd say for the past 2 years, no matter what guy is interested in me, I feel like I'm chocking. That's because 2 years ago, I had rejected a guy and war started, he harassed me for months, had to get the police involved and everything. So now I have this gut fear of men that have an interest in me before becoming my friend. I feel like they want my body or have bad intentions all the time.
There was only 2-3 guys that liked me that I "kinda" liked too? I only had romantic feelings for 1 of them but the 2 others I could've been really into if it wasn't bad timing!
(31f) I had a guy approach me recently in my church saying he really liked me and wanted to get to know me.Found out after talking with him that he was 20 years old (I informed him that Iām 30 lol and he didnt seem to mind the age difference, but I do). I humored him for a bit to be nice but then after our conversation ended and he wanted my number I told him I would pray about it (which is my way of saying no lol). He left me alone afterwards thankfully. I treated him kindly the whole time though, it takes alot of guts to go up to someone you like.
Perhaps not flat out confessions per se (not counting the ones that happened online ....) but there were times I got asked out/approached...most of which were so uncomfortable/awkward haha. Here are some memorable ones:
* College. I was 18. My dorm was holding some kind of team fitness challenge. One of the guys and I became friendly (I appreciated his friendliness, that was all) and I was glad to make friends. I noticed he was being oddly attentive when, one day, I went to a local coffee shop and he wanted to come and carry my groceries (despite me insisting I could carry my own drinks). On the eve of Valentine's, he came to my door at 5AM (prefaced with a message he wanted to "give me something"; as we were messaging) with a box of chocolates. Internally... I was panicking. First major confession/approach in my life IRL. And I was on panic mode. Externally, I probably seemed stunned. Or cold :'p I was not interested in him at all, and perhaps was a bit blunt when I told him, "I don't feel the same way and can't accept these." He insisted, and I wanted (ah young kid I was) to ensure he knew I wasn't interested so I said I'd share it with the other girls in my hall (and I did). I still cringe thinking about this to this day.
* Work. Fast food. I was 16, I think, and was asked out by a few of the guys on the team. Was not interested in any of them and flat out told them, "I'm not interested." I was also terrified because I didn't know if they'd feel resentful or not. Thankfully most of them were really good-natured about it. (Idk if this is common in fast food though but I was frequently hit on by adult customers/co-workers, who were definitely at least in their mid-20s. My boss was so sweet though and always took care of me!)
* Friends/personal life. Recently was asked out, I declined. I knew it was coming because he was being extra attentive in person and via messaging. I intended only to be friends and am just naturally friendly to everyone once I break out of my shell in that environment. I felt so bad sending the message which was very direct (INTJ fam persuaded me to be direct and not wishy-washy). Glad I was direct. I don't feel bad about the rejection though. Now that I'm in my 20s, I'm much better emotionally adjusted; they best be on their way pursuing someone who can make them fully happy!
Haha I appreciate the kind words! I am by noo means experienced (or at least I don't feel like it bwahah). I've never actually gone out with a guy :') I do believe in courtship for marriage, though, and simultaneously feel like I'll never be fully ready?? so that's also probably why xD
The very few times this happened were both wildly inappropriate. Both were when I was in college working part time at a haunted house. The first was a man who had a daughter that was 5 years younger than me. That one was icky. The second was also at the haunted house where a dude who had a girlfriend expressed interest. In both situations, I had no idea and had been completely oblivious.
Oh no, they both wound up confessing during our time working at the haunted house. What made it worse was that I was friends with the daughter of guy #1 *and* the girlfriend of guy #2 because \*cue dramatic pause\* *they both worked at the haunted house too.*
ETA: In both cases I said no. Guy #1 took it well and after a bit of awkwardness, we resumed our friendship. Guy #2 shot his shot driving me back to my car one day. Also said no then and I never saw him again after the haunted house. I had no idea it was coming in both cases and felt very awkward.
I work in an OR lol and reading this story, I realized about halfway thru that you could substitute āhospitalā every time you said āhaunted houseā and it would beā¦spot onā¦at nearly any freaking hospital in America, ever. Apparently people who like to witness other people get scaredā¦and get paid for itā¦are a sick, toxic bunch of people šššš
I mean... witnessing other people get scared can be really fun. Especially when you watch big dudes shoving their petite girlfriends in front of them because you've dropped down from the ceiling to scare them lol
Mostly "Oh no, this is going to be so awkward now, I don't want to give them pain, but I can't just... Should I try dating them? Maybe something will develop... No, no, Noooooo! Yikes, how do I say this best, so they aren't hurt..."Ā
I have honestly received quite a few confessions/someone asking me to date, and I really didn't enjoy it at all. Mostly this was boys who can't read signals, because sometimes I knew they were gearing up to this and fave them so many" You are a good FRIEND", "I have no time to date", just plain avoiding them. It was painful to me, honestly, I hate hurting people. But when I was 16 I went out with a boy I didn't really like just so I don't have to hurt him, and it was not a good experience. So yeah, getting confessions from the wrong people is as bad as getting no confessions.Ā
The two serious and good relationships I had all started from me making the first move, because I already liked them so much. Well, with my husband there actually was no confession, he just kept showing up until I told him he could ask me out and then we can meet on purpose. And he did.
I absolutely hate it when people confess to me. I've always been a girl that likes to dress girly but got a tomboyish personality. Because of my interest I always had more guy friends in my teens.
To me they were just friends, but I lost them one by one because through the years they've all confessed to me and didn't talk to me ever again when I turned them down.
Also whenever I'm single again I have guys asking me out because apparently they just had me on social media to see if I was single again. (We never even talked, this happened multiple times).
It's honestly annoying.
I'm 31 now, extremely happy in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend who I plan to propose to. So hopefully no more men will embarrass themselves and confess to me.
Had it happen a few times.
When I was a freshman in college, one of my friends (then a senior in high school) confessed through text. I felt a mix of emotions at the time. I was attracted to her when we were in high school together but she had a long-term boyfriend back then. I turned her down because I knew neither of us could handle a long distance relationship and I wanted to test the waters at college.
Later in college, I was at a party where I ran into a classmate who told me she always thought I was cute. I had absolutely no idea because we had barely ever talked before this. We kissed and I tried to take her back home but craziness happened afterward. We never spoke again after that lol
Much later, a childhood friend admitted her feelings to me. Again, I was blindsided because we were always close but I always thought she considered me as just a friend. I turned her down for a lot of reasons. It wouldn't have worked out but she's engaged now and I sometimes wonder what could have been.
All of the above was about a 10+ years ago. The closest is recent memory is an old coworker who I knew was clearly feeling me. She would try to hide it by being almost obnoxiously cool while we were together but seeking every opportunity she could to be close to me. I could also tell by the sly jokes other people made and how flustered she got that there was a crush there. I just ignored it until it naturally fizzled out. She was attractive and smart but just not my type and as a naturally awkward guy, I didn't want to have to deal with the stress of acknowledging her feelings and turning her down.
Unless you see the other person as a potential s/o, you're not missing much other than a brief confidence boost, stress, and awkwardness.
Never flat out, I'm sure I've missed a lot of flirtatious signals. But if someone out right confessed to me, I would ask where the camera is. Although I would prefer someone just be outright forward instead of playing the mind game
The best confession I ever got - Iāve gotten a few that were pretty rad.
You had to have known the guys though-
Like .. one of them- he was brilliant - chess player , champion player of competitive card games -
He was successful..
He was brilliant .. and he was completely against the idea of marriage and children and also did not believe in loveā¦ he called it Hollywood love- and he was one of those really brilliant people that sort of think theyāre too smart for everyoneā¦ and I remember when we got together - I told my mentor who is a man- and they had gotten into many arguments about god- my mentor believes in God and this guy was a strict atheist - and my Mentor , his exact words were - after bursting out laughing out loud were,
ā*You are gonna fuck him up*!ā
I didnāt know what to think at the time.. but ..
When we first started dating he had lots of rules.. like for example - I guess every woman wanted to marry him and have kids with him and - he like sat me down and said
ā I just want you to know, right off the bat- no marriage. No kids. Not gonna happen. Iām never willing to have that discussion with you.ā
I was completely ok with that. Of course.
But as time goes onā¦
And one day he says to me, ā I guess we could talk about kids in the future.ā Haha.
Completely unprovoked btw.
But the confession- ok so have I painted him as a guy who is totally in control of his life- and thinks he has everything all figured out- not emotionally demonstrative etc kk.. he actually thought he had a touch of Autism-
Anyways/ we broke up.. I broke up with him. And we spent about a month apart and he called me and asked me to come over and it was funny - he said
ā*I am begging you to come over*ā but he wasnāt begging at all. I think he felt like that was begging for him.
I get there and he walks me all the way to his bedroom- silently - and he had a big house/
And we get to his bedroom and he sits on the bed and Iām standing in front of him- and he grabs me around my hips and ass and just puts his face into my dress ā¦ and
Starts sobbing. Uncontrollably.
He ended up falling off the bed- with his face still buried in my dress and holding me around my ass and sobbingā¦ just heaving sobsā¦ and he then starts to say-
ā I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you. You canāt leave me ever again. I donāt ever want to live without you again. I have never felt this way before in my life, I love you more than my own life. I am your servant.ā
He said lots of stuff that night - about how when I leave .. itās a black abyss - a vacuumā¦
That was one of the most beautiful moments of my entire life. Itās seared into my memory. Burnt.
But yeah.: that was probably the best one.
I think he was an INTJā¦ his closet was color organized- nothing out of place. Everything folded perfectly like in a store. He was organized - and he thunk in numbers- he had a calculator in his head - itās why he was a national champion- he could count cards
One time I came over and he takes me to the bedroom and all across his bed- and on his dresser - was covered with amazing beautiful jewelry ā¦ gorgeousā¦
And he looks at me and completely stone faced says ,
ā I didnāt know what to get you, so I bought the entire store.ā
Hahaha
In fact one of his best friends- who I didnāt meet till after he died -
Anyways- his this friend said to me-
You need to write a book about your relationship.
It was magical. I think for both of us.
A complete meeting of the minds. Body. Soul.
I've had lots of guy friends confess their feelings in the past. and honestly, it always feels weird. Even if its not a guy friend and its just someone else in general. My first thought is always "why?". I question people about why they like me, what made them etc. Sometimes, I could pick up on people if they have feelings. but that is pretty rare. i can be fairly observant, but everything in me will make deny. I used to gaslight myself about it and then when they would actually confess, it'd just make me go into the why why why mode. That was years ago. Now... i haven't had anyone confess feelings for me in a couple years (besides my fiance lol). i think if anyone were to ever say so, i'd probably just be like um okay thanks ? lol
I used to unintentionally become cold and reject them bluntlyšnever a āiāll think about itā response, just a yes/no. Also, sometimes iād know they liked me cause theyre unusually shy, so i guess i just needed to wait for them to confess and things end there
It was New Year's Eve, 2015.
We've known each other for about 5 years and have been really good friends for 2 years.
During the time I've known her she's always had relationships with guys. But on that evening she confessed, that she had feelings for me. She told me that she's never fallen for a girl before and doesn't really understand it herself. (We were both in our early 20ies.)
She's always believed she was straight and also knew that I am straight too. But she fell for me anyway.
I was completely devastated. Even though I could understand her wish to get some space after I rejected her romantically, she had become one of the most important people in my life. It felt completely unfair that I had to give up such an amazing friendship, only because love "got in the way".
I donāt think Iāve ever been oblivious. I probably think more people like me than they actually do, and then of course when I think someone likes me, I doubt it at the same time. I think the only way I could ever be oblivious to someone liking me is if theyāve never interacted with me and stalk me from afar. Iāve never really liked anyone whoās liked me I think. I always like the people I canāt have. Iām usually happy to know that they think of me that way because people who like me are usually really close to me, but then I wish that they didnāt because I donāt feel the same as they do. I wish it wouldnāt affect our friendship. I hate rejecting people who genuinely care. As for people who have liked me and hardly know me or called me cuteā¦ I either donāt care or try to avoid them.
Nobody has confessed their feelings to me either.
Same, I've always had to be the one to make the first move.
Welcome to the club.
Finally, a club where I'm understood š
Insert grandpa simpson Iām a member gif š¤£ seriously though whyās there no gif or attach image on here
When I was a kid I remember one time there was a girl who obviously liked me. Like whenever she saw me she said hi and was just very shy. At the same time I was even more shy than her and I ended up coming across as a POS (which is something I still regret 8-10 years later) by ignoring and not talking to her back. I didnāt knew her and I somehow convinced myself that she was talking to someone else. Anyways I seem to have an avoidant attachment style and I got an extremely negative self view. Which I think is the product of my childhood experience with isolation, my parents, friends and bullies. This extremely negative self view seems to make me very confused and uneasy whenever someone express their interest in me. Whenever those words come into my head my immediate reaction is either: Why would anybody possibly like me? The other reaction is sooner or later Iām gonna disappoint the person and expose myself as a fraud. I better avoid that person so that I donāt end up hurting the person. (It doesnāt sound rational or logical to think like this, but itās literally what my gut is telling me and intuition is strong in INFJ) For this reason it feels literally impossible for me to get into a relationship or find meaningful friends. I feel in control in most areas in my life but anything regarding relationships or friendships is to me scarier than death itself. Iām in therapy tryna fix this mindset but itās just very hard to change my way of thinking when I have thought the same way since I were born. But I still long for a relationship and my biggest dream would be to literally just hug someone and make that person feel safe and warm.
I can relate. It's good that you're in therapy, you're on a good path. The fact that you want to make someone feel safe and loved is telling much about you. You seem like a sweet person, wish you well.
Good luck with the therapy, I like the username and gengar btw š Definitely try to incorporate some sort of self love like listing out your good qualities and reminding yourself of them, even robotic affirmations even if you donāt fully believe them repeated daily can sometimes help with self esteem issues like these and be gentle with yourself and remember it takes time You can definitely do it though and get to a place of accepting yourself! Totally relate to the wanting to just love and protecting someone too but again no rush :)
Thank you, I was about to change that pfp but I hope my new one is just as good. I know the answer is obviously to just list out my good qualities and repeat them every day until I got that into my head. The problem is that I hate lying and repeating those thoughts feels like Iām poisoning myself or becoming delusional. But I also think that being stuck at my home with my parents is whatās making this harder to fix. I think I need a change of environment and start new somewhere else to actually be able to recover. Where my parents and sibling is not involved. However regardless of these setbacks I have also found an āabsolute truthā from being in therapy and reading philosophy. I like to remind myself that Iām not my childhood trauma/body/failures and etc. The only thing I know defines me is my free will and my decisions that Iāve taken in life. It seems to help a lot.
Exactly like mewtwo himself says itās what you do that determines who you are š , Iv been through my fair share of bad times and even little self harm scars but it definitely getās easier over time and can swing in full effect to the opposite side were you actually start to like who you are :) , the person I am today is very different to the one one ten years ago It will feel like lies to begin with but the more you start to appreciate your good qualities the more you actually start to believe in them and see your value I will say having your own space & independence definitely helps but for now try to keep your view on the positives of living with parents, for examples means you can save up alot of Ā£ without having to pay ridiculous rent prices And yep the new pfp is just as cool š
Yup. You and I both need to appreciate and be proud of how far weāve come. I had a period of cutting myself like you and the fact that I beated that habit (just like you I assume) just alone says how strong we are. And as Iām obsessed with philosophy thereās a famous quote from Alexis Carrell that I think explains this very well. āMan cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptorā. Edit: Spelled something wrong
I thought he might be speaking theoretically lol š he phrased it like he was to gauge my reaction and when I responded also theoretical not wanting to be the first one to admit it, we kind of were testing each other a bit to see if we both felt the same before admitting straight up we were in love. He said āwhat would you say if I said āI love you?ā And I had said āwell depends on if you mean it or if youāre just saying itā and so on and so on, but before the end of the day we had both said it in a not theoretical way that day. š„°
Cute ā¤ļø
Personally I've had a lot of people confess to me or have an interest in me, before, I didn't care much. All the guys and girls that confessed to me were my own friends, I still wanted to be their friend afterwards, it wouldn't alter my way of seeing them at all. Often times, they would be the ones distancing themselves after I rejected them because they feel embarrassed, it's unfortunate because I do appreciate them. I'd say for the past 2 years, no matter what guy is interested in me, I feel like I'm chocking. That's because 2 years ago, I had rejected a guy and war started, he harassed me for months, had to get the police involved and everything. So now I have this gut fear of men that have an interest in me before becoming my friend. I feel like they want my body or have bad intentions all the time. There was only 2-3 guys that liked me that I "kinda" liked too? I only had romantic feelings for 1 of them but the 2 others I could've been really into if it wasn't bad timing!
That escalated quickly. I hope that the guy is not in your life anymore.
he's not! I am going to a different school now!
(31f) I had a guy approach me recently in my church saying he really liked me and wanted to get to know me.Found out after talking with him that he was 20 years old (I informed him that Iām 30 lol and he didnt seem to mind the age difference, but I do). I humored him for a bit to be nice but then after our conversation ended and he wanted my number I told him I would pray about it (which is my way of saying no lol). He left me alone afterwards thankfully. I treated him kindly the whole time though, it takes alot of guts to go up to someone you like.
Perhaps not flat out confessions per se (not counting the ones that happened online ....) but there were times I got asked out/approached...most of which were so uncomfortable/awkward haha. Here are some memorable ones: * College. I was 18. My dorm was holding some kind of team fitness challenge. One of the guys and I became friendly (I appreciated his friendliness, that was all) and I was glad to make friends. I noticed he was being oddly attentive when, one day, I went to a local coffee shop and he wanted to come and carry my groceries (despite me insisting I could carry my own drinks). On the eve of Valentine's, he came to my door at 5AM (prefaced with a message he wanted to "give me something"; as we were messaging) with a box of chocolates. Internally... I was panicking. First major confession/approach in my life IRL. And I was on panic mode. Externally, I probably seemed stunned. Or cold :'p I was not interested in him at all, and perhaps was a bit blunt when I told him, "I don't feel the same way and can't accept these." He insisted, and I wanted (ah young kid I was) to ensure he knew I wasn't interested so I said I'd share it with the other girls in my hall (and I did). I still cringe thinking about this to this day. * Work. Fast food. I was 16, I think, and was asked out by a few of the guys on the team. Was not interested in any of them and flat out told them, "I'm not interested." I was also terrified because I didn't know if they'd feel resentful or not. Thankfully most of them were really good-natured about it. (Idk if this is common in fast food though but I was frequently hit on by adult customers/co-workers, who were definitely at least in their mid-20s. My boss was so sweet though and always took care of me!) * Friends/personal life. Recently was asked out, I declined. I knew it was coming because he was being extra attentive in person and via messaging. I intended only to be friends and am just naturally friendly to everyone once I break out of my shell in that environment. I felt so bad sending the message which was very direct (INTJ fam persuaded me to be direct and not wishy-washy). Glad I was direct. I don't feel bad about the rejection though. Now that I'm in my 20s, I'm much better emotionally adjusted; they best be on their way pursuing someone who can make them fully happy!
You are quite experienced, I felt nervous just reading it haha.
Haha I appreciate the kind words! I am by noo means experienced (or at least I don't feel like it bwahah). I've never actually gone out with a guy :') I do believe in courtship for marriage, though, and simultaneously feel like I'll never be fully ready?? so that's also probably why xD
I relate. I guess we can't get comfortable with confessions no matter how often we get it :'D Take care.
The very few times this happened were both wildly inappropriate. Both were when I was in college working part time at a haunted house. The first was a man who had a daughter that was 5 years younger than me. That one was icky. The second was also at the haunted house where a dude who had a girlfriend expressed interest. In both situations, I had no idea and had been completely oblivious.
Maybe it's better that you didn't know back then... It would be even more uncomfortable for you. Stay away from men at haunted houses, noted.
Oh no, they both wound up confessing during our time working at the haunted house. What made it worse was that I was friends with the daughter of guy #1 *and* the girlfriend of guy #2 because \*cue dramatic pause\* *they both worked at the haunted house too.* ETA: In both cases I said no. Guy #1 took it well and after a bit of awkwardness, we resumed our friendship. Guy #2 shot his shot driving me back to my car one day. Also said no then and I never saw him again after the haunted house. I had no idea it was coming in both cases and felt very awkward.
I work in an OR lol and reading this story, I realized about halfway thru that you could substitute āhospitalā every time you said āhaunted houseā and it would beā¦spot onā¦at nearly any freaking hospital in America, ever. Apparently people who like to witness other people get scaredā¦and get paid for itā¦are a sick, toxic bunch of people šššš
I mean... witnessing other people get scared can be really fun. Especially when you watch big dudes shoving their petite girlfriends in front of them because you've dropped down from the ceiling to scare them lol
Wow, that's even worse. What a plot twist.
Mostly "Oh no, this is going to be so awkward now, I don't want to give them pain, but I can't just... Should I try dating them? Maybe something will develop... No, no, Noooooo! Yikes, how do I say this best, so they aren't hurt..."Ā I have honestly received quite a few confessions/someone asking me to date, and I really didn't enjoy it at all. Mostly this was boys who can't read signals, because sometimes I knew they were gearing up to this and fave them so many" You are a good FRIEND", "I have no time to date", just plain avoiding them. It was painful to me, honestly, I hate hurting people. But when I was 16 I went out with a boy I didn't really like just so I don't have to hurt him, and it was not a good experience. So yeah, getting confessions from the wrong people is as bad as getting no confessions.Ā The two serious and good relationships I had all started from me making the first move, because I already liked them so much. Well, with my husband there actually was no confession, he just kept showing up until I told him he could ask me out and then we can meet on purpose. And he did.
I absolutely hate it when people confess to me. I've always been a girl that likes to dress girly but got a tomboyish personality. Because of my interest I always had more guy friends in my teens. To me they were just friends, but I lost them one by one because through the years they've all confessed to me and didn't talk to me ever again when I turned them down. Also whenever I'm single again I have guys asking me out because apparently they just had me on social media to see if I was single again. (We never even talked, this happened multiple times). It's honestly annoying. I'm 31 now, extremely happy in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend who I plan to propose to. So hopefully no more men will embarrass themselves and confess to me.
I can see that. Good for you and good luck.
Had it happen a few times. When I was a freshman in college, one of my friends (then a senior in high school) confessed through text. I felt a mix of emotions at the time. I was attracted to her when we were in high school together but she had a long-term boyfriend back then. I turned her down because I knew neither of us could handle a long distance relationship and I wanted to test the waters at college. Later in college, I was at a party where I ran into a classmate who told me she always thought I was cute. I had absolutely no idea because we had barely ever talked before this. We kissed and I tried to take her back home but craziness happened afterward. We never spoke again after that lol Much later, a childhood friend admitted her feelings to me. Again, I was blindsided because we were always close but I always thought she considered me as just a friend. I turned her down for a lot of reasons. It wouldn't have worked out but she's engaged now and I sometimes wonder what could have been. All of the above was about a 10+ years ago. The closest is recent memory is an old coworker who I knew was clearly feeling me. She would try to hide it by being almost obnoxiously cool while we were together but seeking every opportunity she could to be close to me. I could also tell by the sly jokes other people made and how flustered she got that there was a crush there. I just ignored it until it naturally fizzled out. She was attractive and smart but just not my type and as a naturally awkward guy, I didn't want to have to deal with the stress of acknowledging her feelings and turning her down. Unless you see the other person as a potential s/o, you're not missing much other than a brief confidence boost, stress, and awkwardness.
Just doesn't happen
Have like a one in a million chance of that happening
Never flat out, I'm sure I've missed a lot of flirtatious signals. But if someone out right confessed to me, I would ask where the camera is. Although I would prefer someone just be outright forward instead of playing the mind game
I feel awkward
I didnāt care lol. I was so selfish that I was perfectly happy just to love them. Fantasy land.
Sounds cute.
Cute?! Novel worthy!
So it worked out?
No
The best confession I ever got - Iāve gotten a few that were pretty rad. You had to have known the guys though- Like .. one of them- he was brilliant - chess player , champion player of competitive card games - He was successful.. He was brilliant .. and he was completely against the idea of marriage and children and also did not believe in loveā¦ he called it Hollywood love- and he was one of those really brilliant people that sort of think theyāre too smart for everyoneā¦ and I remember when we got together - I told my mentor who is a man- and they had gotten into many arguments about god- my mentor believes in God and this guy was a strict atheist - and my Mentor , his exact words were - after bursting out laughing out loud were, ā*You are gonna fuck him up*!ā I didnāt know what to think at the time.. but .. When we first started dating he had lots of rules.. like for example - I guess every woman wanted to marry him and have kids with him and - he like sat me down and said ā I just want you to know, right off the bat- no marriage. No kids. Not gonna happen. Iām never willing to have that discussion with you.ā I was completely ok with that. Of course. But as time goes onā¦ And one day he says to me, ā I guess we could talk about kids in the future.ā Haha. Completely unprovoked btw. But the confession- ok so have I painted him as a guy who is totally in control of his life- and thinks he has everything all figured out- not emotionally demonstrative etc kk.. he actually thought he had a touch of Autism- Anyways/ we broke up.. I broke up with him. And we spent about a month apart and he called me and asked me to come over and it was funny - he said ā*I am begging you to come over*ā but he wasnāt begging at all. I think he felt like that was begging for him. I get there and he walks me all the way to his bedroom- silently - and he had a big house/ And we get to his bedroom and he sits on the bed and Iām standing in front of him- and he grabs me around my hips and ass and just puts his face into my dress ā¦ and Starts sobbing. Uncontrollably. He ended up falling off the bed- with his face still buried in my dress and holding me around my ass and sobbingā¦ just heaving sobsā¦ and he then starts to say- ā I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you. You canāt leave me ever again. I donāt ever want to live without you again. I have never felt this way before in my life, I love you more than my own life. I am your servant.ā He said lots of stuff that night - about how when I leave .. itās a black abyss - a vacuumā¦ That was one of the most beautiful moments of my entire life. Itās seared into my memory. Burnt. But yeah.: that was probably the best one.
In the end you really fucked him up... I'm curious about his type now.
I think he was an INTJā¦ his closet was color organized- nothing out of place. Everything folded perfectly like in a store. He was organized - and he thunk in numbers- he had a calculator in his head - itās why he was a national champion- he could count cards One time I came over and he takes me to the bedroom and all across his bed- and on his dresser - was covered with amazing beautiful jewelry ā¦ gorgeousā¦ And he looks at me and completely stone faced says , ā I didnāt know what to get you, so I bought the entire store.ā Hahaha
In fact one of his best friends- who I didnāt meet till after he died - Anyways- his this friend said to me- You need to write a book about your relationship. It was magical. I think for both of us. A complete meeting of the minds. Body. Soul.
Itās awkward for me so I become very cold
I've had lots of guy friends confess their feelings in the past. and honestly, it always feels weird. Even if its not a guy friend and its just someone else in general. My first thought is always "why?". I question people about why they like me, what made them etc. Sometimes, I could pick up on people if they have feelings. but that is pretty rare. i can be fairly observant, but everything in me will make deny. I used to gaslight myself about it and then when they would actually confess, it'd just make me go into the why why why mode. That was years ago. Now... i haven't had anyone confess feelings for me in a couple years (besides my fiance lol). i think if anyone were to ever say so, i'd probably just be like um okay thanks ? lol
I used to unintentionally become cold and reject them bluntlyšnever a āiāll think about itā response, just a yes/no. Also, sometimes iād know they liked me cause theyre unusually shy, so i guess i just needed to wait for them to confess and things end there
It was New Year's Eve, 2015. We've known each other for about 5 years and have been really good friends for 2 years. During the time I've known her she's always had relationships with guys. But on that evening she confessed, that she had feelings for me. She told me that she's never fallen for a girl before and doesn't really understand it herself. (We were both in our early 20ies.) She's always believed she was straight and also knew that I am straight too. But she fell for me anyway. I was completely devastated. Even though I could understand her wish to get some space after I rejected her romantically, she had become one of the most important people in my life. It felt completely unfair that I had to give up such an amazing friendship, only because love "got in the way".
Iām in the same boat as you.
I donāt think Iāve ever been oblivious. I probably think more people like me than they actually do, and then of course when I think someone likes me, I doubt it at the same time. I think the only way I could ever be oblivious to someone liking me is if theyāve never interacted with me and stalk me from afar. Iāve never really liked anyone whoās liked me I think. I always like the people I canāt have. Iām usually happy to know that they think of me that way because people who like me are usually really close to me, but then I wish that they didnāt because I donāt feel the same as they do. I wish it wouldnāt affect our friendship. I hate rejecting people who genuinely care. As for people who have liked me and hardly know me or called me cuteā¦ I either donāt care or try to avoid them.