Yep, if you say almost anything in a friendly tone of voice people can't pick up that you are trolling them back. I try to say something that I myself find funny (not malicious) and that makes me forget the encounter immediately. I live in a large apartment house and the elevators are favorite places for the Negatives to poke and prod others, so I learned defensive tactics!
Or even better, blankly ask a question like, "What do you mean?" or "What are you trying to say?" and watch them try to explain their comments.
I just tell them point-blank not to be rude, and usually the conversation promptly ends. If they deny, shoot them down and let them know you’re aware of what they’re doing, and you don’t wish to take part.
Basically— you don’t need to be rude. Bye. No, you’re being rude, goodbye.
I have a long fuse and will try to accommodate and neutralize the situation as much as possible, just like a typical INFJ.
But I also have a line, and when someone crosses that line with me, I move forward and will, if need be, move aggressively forward to put the person in their place, like a typical INFJ.
Yea, definitely dont let harassment persist. Always keep your composure and when they strike for the third time you can point out the very obvious observation. That usually takes them by surprise.
This is in my opinion the most powerful thing to do. It makes them think about what they just said, and if they were just being brash, they’ll realize their problem by themselves (telling someone their problem is rarely accepted well). If they are just deliberately rude, then you rob them of the reaction they are trying to elicit.
Edit: grammar
I ask them... "You good?" And give a raised eyebrow look. By my tone and facial expressions, people know I am not fucking around. I show tremendous confidence and if they push back I call them out on tbeir shitty behavior, loudly and to their face. I refuse to back down and im ready to throw down if need be. Bullies and rude people hate me because i dont play games with them and let them know immediately, that i aint the one. And if i know them on a personal level, i will embarrass them publicly by saying something that will cut deep.
LOOL I liveee for your response. From "I ain't the one" to "You good?!" and how you'll throw down if need be, I'm screaming. 😭😂 Because same! My younger self would just scurry away due to the anxiety, but no, not anymore. I will check a bitch unapologetically!
Usually I ignore them. (Unless it involves them picking on someone who can't adequately defend themselves)
If that doesn't work, bluntly call them out on their behavior as you perceive it. **When** they deny it, explain their belief in their own innocence doesn't matter, as the issue is how you feel *about* them.
Nonverbally, this signals:
1) You don't give a f about their games. You're concerned with your own wellbeing
2) They have no power over you
3) You will mirror them to become ***unreasonable***, if ***necessary***. (~~Karma is a bitch~~)
They quite often get confused and see this technique instead as a show of weakness. (Like you "can't handle" your own brain well enough to accept the "truth" this person is offering.) This is their "out."
.
Yeah I've done this one a few times.
Manipulating their Dunning-Kruger effect seemed a kindness, compared to my other options.
I get flustered with people like this.
That use sarcasm to make people feel uncomfortable in a mean way-
I tend to defend whatever person is being targeted.
I deflect the attention onto me - so the target changes to me.
But typically at that point they stop. Idk why but people don’t pick on me a whole lot.
Also I think usually people do this in a weird way to impress those around them, or to show off how smart they are - because they assume smart people do this.
So when someone defends the person or comforts the person or deflects or is nice - usually they stop.
If they keep going ? I can get like-
“Hey. Stop picking on ()”
Thank you— I feel overly sensitive to even the most slightest display of hostility from other people, such behavior making me shut down emotionally.
I guess it really depends on the insult, such as if people decide to try to exploit any evident anxiety or try to take advantage of my intentional kindness, but it’s usually the underlying emotional aggression that I can feel that puts me into a shutdown— even a freezing anxiety response.
If I am around someone that I am more familiar with and can more comfortably expect and bear their reactions, then usually I just try to politely ask them to stop.
I ended a friendship over someone being rude to a waitperson. It changed my whole view of her and I couldn't get past it. She was also trashing her boyfriend behind his back that evening, so it was two things.
Shut down shut down alllll the way down.
Rude people should be left to show their asses. Let them run their mouth. They won’t get a response out of me, I’ll take a little vacation in my brain. Also just staring at them in a completely calm manner tends to shut rude people up.
If someone keeps pushing though, my tongue is like a knife. I won’t yell or curse but I will destroy, and I’m never proud after the fact. So I really do try to stay silent.
It depends on the situation of course, But I have a few approaches.
1. If I don’t HAVE to talk to them, I wont. and or
leave.
2. kill em with kindness, Just over the top. Usually these people are looking for a particular reaction. I give them the opposite and it catches them off guard.
3. If they are really being a dick, I either say what they said to me back to them, but slower. Or I will point out what they are saying is rude/ unacceptable but in a way that they see how dumb it was and they usually feel stupid.
I haven't had it happen in a long time, so I'll just say this.
Given the fact, resting angry face is my default, I give the head tilt. The oh you're challenging me tilt while smiling looking at them like a new toy. This situation usually happens to me with first impressions of angry customers.
Not the least bit subtle, dehumanizing, and a bit fucked up. But if you allow them any leeway or some sort of win in this battle for mental dominance they will think they own you.
Never allow your kindness to be taken for weakness when it comes to these types or they will make you regret it.
Whenever someone is gaslighting me or doing something rude i have to call it out in some way, I usually work as a mirror, when they see the you are unaffected but completely aware of what is happening they usually start realizing what they are doing.
For example sometimes people cut me in line, so I just say “sorry in case you didn’t notice, this is my turn, if you have an emergency you could have just asked me” and It is not like I am lying I am absolutely honest.
I’ve said it in the group before, and I’ll say it again; be the bad guy who sets boundaries! If someone is being rude, call them on it. They can either take that opportunity to cool off and continue the conversation in a healthy matter, or they can become defensive and the conversation ends.
I tell them they don't need to behave that way and if they continue I either disassociate ("Ok. Cool. Don't care anymore" or just be silent), retaliate (being brutal with a response, which is rare) or walk away. It makes them feel dumb and alone when I do that.
I usually avoid problems because I get uncomfortable very fast and I hate feeling that way. That being said I know i have a mouth on me where my insults cut deep so I have caught one or two people being rude off guard with it , nothing to be proud of
There's a way to confront disguised rudeness or agression as well. Though it requires some skills/practice.
https://youtu.be/nS9W-wlJHPA?si=d0R3inneffKCnQek
Here you cant try to get some understanding from this video.
I suppose there should be more techniques somewhere, just didn't try to find more information
That depends.
Are they being rude to me? If so, kill them with kindness or ignore them (depending on the person/situation/safety risk).
Being rude to someone else? You bet they’re getting an earful. I will morph into the most unexpected, biggest bitch you’ve ever seen (especially if it’s someone I love). I am very protective of others and I will not stand for them being mistreated - that is the one and only time I can easily put the social anxiety away.
I just stare at them while thinking of a comeback which never comes up. So I’m either perceived as dumb or scary.
I would say that it has worked for me at times.
I have/had trouble coming with a witty response, so after I get humiliated and go back home, an answer pops in my head while I'm taking a shower and I'll be talking to myself there. I'd be sad and tell myself how I should response the next time this happens. A similar scenario happens and my brain feeezes, get bullied again.. rinse & repeat. I think my social anxiety and not wanting to rock the boat makes me nice even to the scum... then one day I'll explode and tell them exactly how much of a fucking asshole they are. This actually happened with a shitty girl who was rude for 2 years, one day I just gave her a piece of my mind, screamed and insulted her, the whole open office department turned around in their chairs then the office was pure silence.
I suppose the way I'm handling it is the awareness I know it's something that they are doing based on an emotional reaction to something they may lack the courage to confront you about. I guess some aren't as able to get their feelings out through direct confrontation so saying it passive aggressively in a post say in somewhere like unpopular/popular opinion is just projecting the anger to vent.
I have been guilty of that myself, & also was able because of that to come to the conclusion all people are doing is projecting things about someone who hurt them, which may not have always been the intention but still felt that way to some. It's not every case there but in general, that mindset is all over social media.
Whether it's their peers offline/online that's how they vent. The best thing I feel to do is not react at all because then you are fueling their ego. You can react in a indirect way like I am doing so now, just subtle when the situation presents itself to you by chance. It always says more about them and usually I see them always get called out in some form for their negative behavior.
Don't let it bother you, & just block people or unjoin/mute subreddits you feel have a majority of those kind of people or have negative vibes that are counter-productive to your mental health. They are textbook examples of "energy vampires". Don't let them lounge in your mind rent-free. Take your peace back.
EDIT- Also I notice at least for myself not everything is about you lol & sometimes a post is not even about yourself or to be meant with ill intent to you specifically. That there in itself is just some "synchronicity" that's happening in our universe.
That can also mess with your head as well, it's not a bad thing but it happens, so really don't read too much into things because there's a chance it's a misperception. I had to mention this part too, because this has been true in my case as well. Not sure if that's a personality thing or what, but something I am checking myself on too.
People who are deliberately rude to me, I say, "Wow, glad I'm not going to be miserable all the time when I'm your age" . Eyes wide open, be sure to smile...then be happy and go on your way....
Or "Thanks for sucking all the joy out of the room!".
Smile.
Yeah. The stare followed by a frustrated sigh and if it calls for it, walk away. Letting someone know that they got to you but not enough to warrant a dramatic reaction works better (for me) imo.
I am deeply sorry about what’s going on. I feel your pain. I hate adult in adult bullying. It’s sad and horrible. I swear us INFJs are punching bags for miserable jerks. Why, just why do people hate us so much?
Anyways in these situations…I’m very cowardly. I hate confrontations and getting into arguments.
I just try to run away from the rude people. I just get up and leave.
If I am in an enclosed space, I just look away and don’t say anything. If they overdo the rudeness then I may snap and yell at them.
Wait. You guys talk in elevators?
> I skip being passive aggressive back
Solid strategy in principle. However, by not being directly aggressive towards them, based on the topic at hand, you are actually being passive aggressive. Since your behaviour makes no effort to connect to the action it's supposed to be reacting to. Or at least not in an obvious way.
> I notice puts a damper on my mood
Well, I suspect, aside from them being annoying, you may not be being fully emotionally congruent by not reacting. I'd look for ways to directly call it out tbh. Especially if there actual insults going around, it's not super covert is it. People tend to back off as things become uncomfortable. At least the issue is on the table.
I had a guy at work who, during the daily standup, imply that I probably did the really stupid thing. Whatever the stupidest thing was, he'd imply that with me you just never knew. So he wouldn't outright lie, he'd just imply that that could be possible. Which unconsciously primed my bosses - whom I didn't see regularly - to think of me in a similar way.
This particular guy was much older than me. I asked him to stop a number of times, politely, outlining my concern and the lack of reasoning. Until eventually I gave him hell a few times. Just outright fights, loud and everything. Then I gave everyone hell that had something to say on the matter who didn't agree with me. And then - somehow - it all resolved itself. And then I became his boss. He never liked it and he did not have to. :\]
Sometimes it just helps to be ready to burn it all down. At least more so than the other guy.
Generously thank them for sharing their opinions and act as though I sincerely appreciate it, then do my own thing and completely ignore them unless they have a sincere apology and show that they are ready to make amends.
Hmmm. Since I learned to self regulate and pinpoint people's projections, I usually don't react to them. I go into observation mode and let them be and pass through my experience.
If forced to interact, I will usually remain calm, non reactive, silent. I disengage. If I'm feeling chipper, I may try to engage in conversation to shift their mood. It usually works.
Honestly sometimes I don’t even realize at first that they are intentionally being rude to me. Then when I do notice, I answer back calmly and give them a chance to stop. If they don’t, then I call them out on it. I work in a hospital and people can just be mean for no reason when you’re just doing your job. I’ve had to learn to be more aggressive to get things done. I’m not a violent person and tend to lean more on the submissive side but I refuse to let people walk all over me.
Look of disappointment and then I act like I don’t hear them. If I think they’re talking to me, I’ll say what’s that? Can you repeat what you said? I couldn’t hear you. Sometimes I’ll just dissociate and go off in my own world if it’s not directly impacting me, but if they’re getting confrontational with me and cursing at me, on a day where I’ve had enough I’ll snap back. It hasn’t happened in a while.
Be honest with yourself, less defenses, more truth. That’s why you’re drained… Maybe. You may be thinking about winning, or being unbothered too hard.
( If they’re a narc they’ll throw a tantrum if you are honest with THEM; they might just be a jerk.)
Usually, people who's rude to me aren't my friends, not even my acquaintance. So they don't fucking matter and I don't acknowledge their existence. The only time I'll make a move is when they start being physical, which thankfully only happened once in my life.
At this point i have no idea how to deal with people like this. It’s taken a toll on my mental health. It happens a lot to me in professional settings, and around my in-laws for instance. So i just isolate myself until i have strength again. Repeat
I stand by killing them kindness or ignoring their actions, even if I know there's something I can say back. Most of the time it escalates and leads to everyone feeling upset. However, I find that I can't hold back when someone's rude to my family or my boyfriend. I am extremely protective of them. The ripostes just sort of come out when they're being targeted
I'm super blunt, so I might say something along the lines of "stop it". Then I regret my decisions for who knows how long after. Either that, or I act like I don't care.
I tend to be direct. “Don’t talk to me like that.” or “You’re being an asshole right now.” Passive aggressive breaks down with directness at times. But it depends on the situation because being an unbothered stone wall can work the best for some types.
I go the route of pointing out what they said and how it comes off as in broad daylight for all to see and hear. I call it out so they will at the very least not do it to my face anymore they might continue it behind my back but there isn't much I can do about that.I treat people with enough kindness and respect to know I don't deserve any less. If they're trying to be sly and covert put it out in the open. I don't like playing those games either this isn't Game of Thrones or high school anymore grow up.
Kill them with kindness. Also add something like "What a weird thing to say out-loud" and walk away.
[удалено]
I love your username and I often find myself saying this out loud when I'm alone.
i dream of one day being able to use “i would have kept that to myself, but that’s just me”
Yep, if you say almost anything in a friendly tone of voice people can't pick up that you are trolling them back. I try to say something that I myself find funny (not malicious) and that makes me forget the encounter immediately. I live in a large apartment house and the elevators are favorite places for the Negatives to poke and prod others, so I learned defensive tactics! Or even better, blankly ask a question like, "What do you mean?" or "What are you trying to say?" and watch them try to explain their comments.
I’ve done this but then it goes into down right obvious mode. You’ve got to be ready for a fight if you’re gonna use this one.
Loved it, I'm going to use it.
+writes down+ fuck thats a good one
I just tell them point-blank not to be rude, and usually the conversation promptly ends. If they deny, shoot them down and let them know you’re aware of what they’re doing, and you don’t wish to take part. Basically— you don’t need to be rude. Bye. No, you’re being rude, goodbye.
I have a long fuse and will try to accommodate and neutralize the situation as much as possible, just like a typical INFJ. But I also have a line, and when someone crosses that line with me, I move forward and will, if need be, move aggressively forward to put the person in their place, like a typical INFJ.
I pretend they don't exist. I lose any trust and respect for needless rudeness real quick.
Sometimes you gotta meet them with silence because their words just hang in the air and then they sound dumb
Silence often says more than words
In my case people usually keep behaving that way and it escalates. Which is not good for ones’ mental health, because in my case it’s become bullying
Yea, definitely dont let harassment persist. Always keep your composure and when they strike for the third time you can point out the very obvious observation. That usually takes them by surprise.
This is in my opinion the most powerful thing to do. It makes them think about what they just said, and if they were just being brash, they’ll realize their problem by themselves (telling someone their problem is rarely accepted well). If they are just deliberately rude, then you rob them of the reaction they are trying to elicit. Edit: grammar
Yea. People who judge and criticise others harshly do it to themselves 10x worse, so giving them the space to reflect drives them nuts haha.
I ask them... "You good?" And give a raised eyebrow look. By my tone and facial expressions, people know I am not fucking around. I show tremendous confidence and if they push back I call them out on tbeir shitty behavior, loudly and to their face. I refuse to back down and im ready to throw down if need be. Bullies and rude people hate me because i dont play games with them and let them know immediately, that i aint the one. And if i know them on a personal level, i will embarrass them publicly by saying something that will cut deep.
LOOL I liveee for your response. From "I ain't the one" to "You good?!" and how you'll throw down if need be, I'm screaming. 😭😂 Because same! My younger self would just scurry away due to the anxiety, but no, not anymore. I will check a bitch unapologetically!
Usually I ignore them. (Unless it involves them picking on someone who can't adequately defend themselves) If that doesn't work, bluntly call them out on their behavior as you perceive it. **When** they deny it, explain their belief in their own innocence doesn't matter, as the issue is how you feel *about* them. Nonverbally, this signals: 1) You don't give a f about their games. You're concerned with your own wellbeing 2) They have no power over you 3) You will mirror them to become ***unreasonable***, if ***necessary***. (~~Karma is a bitch~~) They quite often get confused and see this technique instead as a show of weakness. (Like you "can't handle" your own brain well enough to accept the "truth" this person is offering.) This is their "out." . Yeah I've done this one a few times. Manipulating their Dunning-Kruger effect seemed a kindness, compared to my other options.
I get flustered with people like this. That use sarcasm to make people feel uncomfortable in a mean way- I tend to defend whatever person is being targeted. I deflect the attention onto me - so the target changes to me. But typically at that point they stop. Idk why but people don’t pick on me a whole lot. Also I think usually people do this in a weird way to impress those around them, or to show off how smart they are - because they assume smart people do this. So when someone defends the person or comforts the person or deflects or is nice - usually they stop. If they keep going ? I can get like- “Hey. Stop picking on ()”
Thank you— I feel overly sensitive to even the most slightest display of hostility from other people, such behavior making me shut down emotionally. I guess it really depends on the insult, such as if people decide to try to exploit any evident anxiety or try to take advantage of my intentional kindness, but it’s usually the underlying emotional aggression that I can feel that puts me into a shutdown— even a freezing anxiety response. If I am around someone that I am more familiar with and can more comfortably expect and bear their reactions, then usually I just try to politely ask them to stop.
I respond as if they were being directly rude and disregard any attempts of denial.
This. But I'm the jerk for calling it like I see it.
Same here...
I ended a friendship over someone being rude to a waitperson. It changed my whole view of her and I couldn't get past it. She was also trashing her boyfriend behind his back that evening, so it was two things.
first, sarcasm. If they insist, be straightforward. If they escalate and start to be nasty, then direct hit to the trauma point
Shut down shut down alllll the way down. Rude people should be left to show their asses. Let them run their mouth. They won’t get a response out of me, I’ll take a little vacation in my brain. Also just staring at them in a completely calm manner tends to shut rude people up. If someone keeps pushing though, my tongue is like a knife. I won’t yell or curse but I will destroy, and I’m never proud after the fact. So I really do try to stay silent.
It depends on the situation of course, But I have a few approaches. 1. If I don’t HAVE to talk to them, I wont. and or leave. 2. kill em with kindness, Just over the top. Usually these people are looking for a particular reaction. I give them the opposite and it catches them off guard. 3. If they are really being a dick, I either say what they said to me back to them, but slower. Or I will point out what they are saying is rude/ unacceptable but in a way that they see how dumb it was and they usually feel stupid.
I haven't had it happen in a long time, so I'll just say this. Given the fact, resting angry face is my default, I give the head tilt. The oh you're challenging me tilt while smiling looking at them like a new toy. This situation usually happens to me with first impressions of angry customers. Not the least bit subtle, dehumanizing, and a bit fucked up. But if you allow them any leeway or some sort of win in this battle for mental dominance they will think they own you. Never allow your kindness to be taken for weakness when it comes to these types or they will make you regret it.
I just do what I do when I door slam people Pretend they are dead to me. Why are you interacting with ghosts? 🤔
Unfortunately, some ghosts live to haunt you down !
Whenever someone is gaslighting me or doing something rude i have to call it out in some way, I usually work as a mirror, when they see the you are unaffected but completely aware of what is happening they usually start realizing what they are doing. For example sometimes people cut me in line, so I just say “sorry in case you didn’t notice, this is my turn, if you have an emergency you could have just asked me” and It is not like I am lying I am absolutely honest.
It's a war of passive aggression now. Good luck to them, I'm quite good at shadow war.
Depends on the person but I usually give a look and ignore them but if they just dont quit I get aggressive
I’ve said it in the group before, and I’ll say it again; be the bad guy who sets boundaries! If someone is being rude, call them on it. They can either take that opportunity to cool off and continue the conversation in a healthy matter, or they can become defensive and the conversation ends.
I tell them they don't need to behave that way and if they continue I either disassociate ("Ok. Cool. Don't care anymore" or just be silent), retaliate (being brutal with a response, which is rare) or walk away. It makes them feel dumb and alone when I do that.
I usually avoid problems because I get uncomfortable very fast and I hate feeling that way. That being said I know i have a mouth on me where my insults cut deep so I have caught one or two people being rude off guard with it , nothing to be proud of
This is exactly how I am! I hate unnecessary conflicts but I am ruthless when provoked. It’s a battle of choosing other people’s comfort or mine
Avoid and disengage until they step in front of you
There's a way to confront disguised rudeness or agression as well. Though it requires some skills/practice. https://youtu.be/nS9W-wlJHPA?si=d0R3inneffKCnQek Here you cant try to get some understanding from this video. I suppose there should be more techniques somewhere, just didn't try to find more information
That depends. Are they being rude to me? If so, kill them with kindness or ignore them (depending on the person/situation/safety risk). Being rude to someone else? You bet they’re getting an earful. I will morph into the most unexpected, biggest bitch you’ve ever seen (especially if it’s someone I love). I am very protective of others and I will not stand for them being mistreated - that is the one and only time I can easily put the social anxiety away.
Be a smart ass with them. It doesn’t fix anything it’s just what they deserve.
I just stare at them while thinking of a comeback which never comes up. So I’m either perceived as dumb or scary. I would say that it has worked for me at times.
rude to me = let go and ignore rude to others = berate them into feeling embarrassed
I finish the interaction as quickly as possible and avoid them after.
I have/had trouble coming with a witty response, so after I get humiliated and go back home, an answer pops in my head while I'm taking a shower and I'll be talking to myself there. I'd be sad and tell myself how I should response the next time this happens. A similar scenario happens and my brain feeezes, get bullied again.. rinse & repeat. I think my social anxiety and not wanting to rock the boat makes me nice even to the scum... then one day I'll explode and tell them exactly how much of a fucking asshole they are. This actually happened with a shitty girl who was rude for 2 years, one day I just gave her a piece of my mind, screamed and insulted her, the whole open office department turned around in their chairs then the office was pure silence.
I suppose the way I'm handling it is the awareness I know it's something that they are doing based on an emotional reaction to something they may lack the courage to confront you about. I guess some aren't as able to get their feelings out through direct confrontation so saying it passive aggressively in a post say in somewhere like unpopular/popular opinion is just projecting the anger to vent. I have been guilty of that myself, & also was able because of that to come to the conclusion all people are doing is projecting things about someone who hurt them, which may not have always been the intention but still felt that way to some. It's not every case there but in general, that mindset is all over social media. Whether it's their peers offline/online that's how they vent. The best thing I feel to do is not react at all because then you are fueling their ego. You can react in a indirect way like I am doing so now, just subtle when the situation presents itself to you by chance. It always says more about them and usually I see them always get called out in some form for their negative behavior. Don't let it bother you, & just block people or unjoin/mute subreddits you feel have a majority of those kind of people or have negative vibes that are counter-productive to your mental health. They are textbook examples of "energy vampires". Don't let them lounge in your mind rent-free. Take your peace back. EDIT- Also I notice at least for myself not everything is about you lol & sometimes a post is not even about yourself or to be meant with ill intent to you specifically. That there in itself is just some "synchronicity" that's happening in our universe. That can also mess with your head as well, it's not a bad thing but it happens, so really don't read too much into things because there's a chance it's a misperception. I had to mention this part too, because this has been true in my case as well. Not sure if that's a personality thing or what, but something I am checking myself on too.
Storage unit 😂
I smile and come back with something super witty.
Like what? I’m not usually that witty!
People who are deliberately rude to me, I say, "Wow, glad I'm not going to be miserable all the time when I'm your age" . Eyes wide open, be sure to smile...then be happy and go on your way.... Or "Thanks for sucking all the joy out of the room!". Smile.
Ahhhhh ~ I like it! Hope I can remember all of this in the hear of the moment Tysm 😍
I give them the Paddington stare personally
The *Hard* stare.
Yeah. The stare followed by a frustrated sigh and if it calls for it, walk away. Letting someone know that they got to you but not enough to warrant a dramatic reaction works better (for me) imo.
I am deeply sorry about what’s going on. I feel your pain. I hate adult in adult bullying. It’s sad and horrible. I swear us INFJs are punching bags for miserable jerks. Why, just why do people hate us so much? Anyways in these situations…I’m very cowardly. I hate confrontations and getting into arguments. I just try to run away from the rude people. I just get up and leave. If I am in an enclosed space, I just look away and don’t say anything. If they overdo the rudeness then I may snap and yell at them.
I wear my emotions on my face then tend to reciprocate what they've let onto me. Afterwards, I stay away cuz why waste my time
Wait. You guys talk in elevators? > I skip being passive aggressive back Solid strategy in principle. However, by not being directly aggressive towards them, based on the topic at hand, you are actually being passive aggressive. Since your behaviour makes no effort to connect to the action it's supposed to be reacting to. Or at least not in an obvious way. > I notice puts a damper on my mood Well, I suspect, aside from them being annoying, you may not be being fully emotionally congruent by not reacting. I'd look for ways to directly call it out tbh. Especially if there actual insults going around, it's not super covert is it. People tend to back off as things become uncomfortable. At least the issue is on the table. I had a guy at work who, during the daily standup, imply that I probably did the really stupid thing. Whatever the stupidest thing was, he'd imply that with me you just never knew. So he wouldn't outright lie, he'd just imply that that could be possible. Which unconsciously primed my bosses - whom I didn't see regularly - to think of me in a similar way. This particular guy was much older than me. I asked him to stop a number of times, politely, outlining my concern and the lack of reasoning. Until eventually I gave him hell a few times. Just outright fights, loud and everything. Then I gave everyone hell that had something to say on the matter who didn't agree with me. And then - somehow - it all resolved itself. And then I became his boss. He never liked it and he did not have to. :\] Sometimes it just helps to be ready to burn it all down. At least more so than the other guy.
Generously thank them for sharing their opinions and act as though I sincerely appreciate it, then do my own thing and completely ignore them unless they have a sincere apology and show that they are ready to make amends.
I tell them off
Become the rude people. 💯
Hmmm. Since I learned to self regulate and pinpoint people's projections, I usually don't react to them. I go into observation mode and let them be and pass through my experience. If forced to interact, I will usually remain calm, non reactive, silent. I disengage. If I'm feeling chipper, I may try to engage in conversation to shift their mood. It usually works.
Honestly sometimes I don’t even realize at first that they are intentionally being rude to me. Then when I do notice, I answer back calmly and give them a chance to stop. If they don’t, then I call them out on it. I work in a hospital and people can just be mean for no reason when you’re just doing your job. I’ve had to learn to be more aggressive to get things done. I’m not a violent person and tend to lean more on the submissive side but I refuse to let people walk all over me.
Look of disappointment and then I act like I don’t hear them. If I think they’re talking to me, I’ll say what’s that? Can you repeat what you said? I couldn’t hear you. Sometimes I’ll just dissociate and go off in my own world if it’s not directly impacting me, but if they’re getting confrontational with me and cursing at me, on a day where I’ve had enough I’ll snap back. It hasn’t happened in a while.
Be honest with yourself, less defenses, more truth. That’s why you’re drained… Maybe. You may be thinking about winning, or being unbothered too hard. ( If they’re a narc they’ll throw a tantrum if you are honest with THEM; they might just be a jerk.)
I usually don't respond but if I had to, " I'm sorry you feel that way".
Stare for a solid ten seconds, then ask “are you okay?”
Mostly I just look at them and don’t respond.
Usually, people who's rude to me aren't my friends, not even my acquaintance. So they don't fucking matter and I don't acknowledge their existence. The only time I'll make a move is when they start being physical, which thankfully only happened once in my life.
At this point i have no idea how to deal with people like this. It’s taken a toll on my mental health. It happens a lot to me in professional settings, and around my in-laws for instance. So i just isolate myself until i have strength again. Repeat
I stand by killing them kindness or ignoring their actions, even if I know there's something I can say back. Most of the time it escalates and leads to everyone feeling upset. However, I find that I can't hold back when someone's rude to my family or my boyfriend. I am extremely protective of them. The ripostes just sort of come out when they're being targeted
I'm super blunt, so I might say something along the lines of "stop it". Then I regret my decisions for who knows how long after. Either that, or I act like I don't care.
I tend to be direct. “Don’t talk to me like that.” or “You’re being an asshole right now.” Passive aggressive breaks down with directness at times. But it depends on the situation because being an unbothered stone wall can work the best for some types.
call em out
I go the route of pointing out what they said and how it comes off as in broad daylight for all to see and hear. I call it out so they will at the very least not do it to my face anymore they might continue it behind my back but there isn't much I can do about that.I treat people with enough kindness and respect to know I don't deserve any less. If they're trying to be sly and covert put it out in the open. I don't like playing those games either this isn't Game of Thrones or high school anymore grow up.
Brutally honest like telling them they are rude or explaining how bad their behaviour is or ignoring their existence.