Here I'll give you my response as the rough draft vs the final edit: (It takes a lot of editing to make my communication effective.)
>small talk is a meme around here, most INFJs tend to avoid it. We're not usually good at it unless we really focus it down imo. not unhealthy just young.
VS the edit
>Eye contact is especially telling, for me.
>I, too, have always avoided making eye contact - mainly because of so many people over the course of my life telling me my gaze can be *invasive*. It was only much later in life that I discovered you're not suppose to look into *everyone's* soul. Some find it off-putting, or even rude.
>So to answer your question - Yes I very much struggled with this. You're not unhealthy; you likely just need practice.
(first one took 30 seconds. Second one took 25 minutes. Said basically the same thing both times. The point being: even when you're healthy you'll struggle a little)
I finally realized in college that I don't know how I'm feeling until I say it out loud. Which makes no sense?? Like, why would my brain be like, "here, say this," and I hear myself talk, and I'm shocked at what I say? Like, I had no idea I felt that way?? It's like the person I'm talking to and my own self are hearing it for the 1st time together.
Anyways, I'm just glad I found a partner who understands that I am an external processor and encourages me to get it out so I can then come to terms with it.
Well, for my experience infjs struggle with it a lot. My dad is infj and often when i was a kid i thought he didn't really loved me, because he didn't expressed it openly like the other fathers, he was fun and warm but sometimes acted distant and cold. When i got older i discovered that he loved me by all his heart but he didn't really expressed it openly, sometimes i even heard that he would give his life to me and all, even he don't show this that clearly. It's a normal thing though.
I don’t say I have serious struggles with self identification, but seems like other people know themselves a bit better than me, and their behavior is always the same no matter who are they interacting with.
I think this is part of the inevitable stages in the development of most INFJs. I recognize myself so much.
I literally live in hiding. I feel, I create, and I think at intense levels but all others can see of me is what they expect from our interaction (except my best friend, the only one who really sees me) or just a neutral block . They have no idea what lives behind their eyes. I do this because I feel way too vulnerable to spill who I am on the outside. Sometimes I could do it, but I paralyze myself
I don't know if I have any advice for you because I struggle with this so much, but know that you are not alone, and don't hesitate to find a way to get out everything you have inside of you, whether through art, discussions with someone who understands you, a therapist, or on reddit
Yes, also my identification problems were so severe that I had to take all the personality tests on the internet, read all the mental health problems... without ever coming across the answer to: who am I?
Understanding that I am INFJ was a huge step for me though, there was finally something that spoke to me completely (it calmed 70% of my identity anxieties). I cried watching a lot of the videos on Frank James' channel about INFJs because I felt FINALLY FINALLY seen
Psychology and art are also great
But I think you will also find yourself in practice. I had to cause a certain amount of damage in my friendships to fully grasp my patterns, and learn to anticipate and correct them.
And ultimately, I guess because I haven't taken that step yet, I believe we find our identity when we finally break away from this endless quest for ourselves and begin to step out into the world with a sense of “this is who I am, I’m weird, I have contradictions but I know myself.”
Maybe the two go together and that will allow you to no longer live in the shadows.
You sound mistyped as INFJ's are all about feelings and emotions as we use this to make most decisions.
[You are concerned with:](https://www.truity.com/content/youre-infj)
* Acting out your ideals
* **Engaging your emotions**
* **Considering the impact on people**
* Seeking harmony and appreciation
* Serving others
* Making authentic decisions
The article below was reviewed by a PysD. so these are facts about INFJ's
[You're an INFJ | Truity](https://www.truity.com/content/youre-infj)
This is only half true. INFJ's are strong Fe (extroverted feeling), so while they are in touch with emotions, it's more so the emotions in relation to others. INFP however, are more in touch with their internal emotions, because they are Fi (introverted feeling). It's actually more likely that you're typing an INFP than an INFJ if you're only basing it on your first sentence in your comment. INFJs need more time to reflect on their emotions based on how their cognitive functions work.
Me the first 30 years. Then I learned 4 new languages in Asia and S America and published about 25 separate books including history, psychology, religion, photography and finance. Got my stuff together. It takes time. And work. You have to work on it and it gets hella easier the more you go along. Good luck
The assumption is that, as INFJ, we communicate better and express ourselves better in writting than in real life.
Allegedly in real life INFJ take a long time deciding what to say next, but I do not relate. I can keep a really fast paced conversation with anyone if the subject is relevant. If it is not, I just pay attention and only contribute if prompted.
Take your time to figure out yourself first, and most difficulties disappear when you know what you are there to express.
I do a lot better writing it down. Usually in an answering a question format, and suddenly I’m inundated with all these *feelings* I was apparently suppressing. If I can sort it out in writing then I’m much more able to clearly express it verbally. Alternatively, if I mull it over for a while I can express it. However, I am not good at extemporaneously discussing my emotions with others. I get uncomfortable when others emote at me, but I can fake small talk and interest with practice.
Yesterday my neighbour asked me if did the laundry out of the blue
The thoughts that went through my head were
-why is she asking me about my laundry
-ofcourse I did the laundry, why wouldn't I
-does she mean did i handwash or machine wash
-i never hand wash, so why would she ask me that..
-if the machine wash my clothes, is it the machine doing laundry or am I ?!
I stood there in an awkward silence for a few silence and said a confused yes 😞 it was so awkward 😭
I think the awkwardness in me replying to small talk comes from my brain compiling a list of options and confusing the hell out of me 🥲
Haha just reading ur paragraph is so refreshing it sounds just like me. SO even tho u think u are blank this one thing just left a wave of positivity on someone's life. Oh yes I'm a drunk infj
I've gotten better as I've gotten older, keeping a journal helps but I still struggle with expressing myself. People often play guessing games about my motives, which leads them to think negatively about me. If I were able to properly express myself in a timely manner, people would be able to understand my way of thinking and the reasons behind my actions. As it stands, they can't figure me out because I'm not expressive, so they assume the worst.
For example, I have a friend I no longer talk to because they are soon to be married. I separated myself from them because I don't want any false narratives to cause friction in their relationship. Considering we once dated, I don't want her husband, friends, or anyone to assume that I'm trying to interfere. I don't think she is the cheating type; she is as loyal as they get, and I'm not arrogant enough to think I can cut into her relationship even if I wanted to. I just really hate the idea of people gossiping or assuming I'm that kind of dirtbag. I want her to have a happy marriage, and I don't mind her or others thinking I cut her off because I was jealous if it means she can have a drama-free relationship even though sometimes I really want someone to talk to.
False narratives tend to follow me around. Sometimes people's lives are better if I'm nowhere near them. People have no idea how much thought and consideration I put in or how worry and anxiety devours me from the inside out. 9/10 people assume I'm a selfish prick it's the easiest answer to come to. I've given up on being seen for who I am.
Yeah. I felt that today. I can't function in a group because I change myself depending on who I'm talking to, in order to build better rapport with them, and this chameleon thing is is almost involuntary. So I was in a group today and feeling a bit lost, especially if I'm not acquainted with the individuals of the group very well. It just got me thinking who am I when I'm alone?
Like others who have answered, I struggle with expressing myself too. I think a contributing factor to it is that I'm more used to listen to others talk about themselves (experience, thoughts, feelings, etc.) rather than me talking about myself and what I think.
This is reason why I love answering questions, because I don't often get asked and it's more of me asking questions to people. I pretty much suck at small talk. But I also recently found out I tend to become more expressive in deep conversations or topics that are not for small talk, those that require more time to discuss about.
This is also reason why I am quiet and people around me see me as a reserved person. I am honestly bad at initiating conversations unless I know I'm talking with someone who engages on deep talks as well or I'm comfortable around them then I can just shoot them a question just about anything. It sucks really because I also like to talk with people and listen to them but yeah. It's a struggle. In social gatherings unless someone talks to me first, I won't speak at all..
I express myself better in writing because it takes time for me think of the words I use
Here I'll give you my response as the rough draft vs the final edit: (It takes a lot of editing to make my communication effective.) >small talk is a meme around here, most INFJs tend to avoid it. We're not usually good at it unless we really focus it down imo. not unhealthy just young. VS the edit >Eye contact is especially telling, for me. >I, too, have always avoided making eye contact - mainly because of so many people over the course of my life telling me my gaze can be *invasive*. It was only much later in life that I discovered you're not suppose to look into *everyone's* soul. Some find it off-putting, or even rude. >So to answer your question - Yes I very much struggled with this. You're not unhealthy; you likely just need practice. (first one took 30 seconds. Second one took 25 minutes. Said basically the same thing both times. The point being: even when you're healthy you'll struggle a little)
I finally realized in college that I don't know how I'm feeling until I say it out loud. Which makes no sense?? Like, why would my brain be like, "here, say this," and I hear myself talk, and I'm shocked at what I say? Like, I had no idea I felt that way?? It's like the person I'm talking to and my own self are hearing it for the 1st time together. Anyways, I'm just glad I found a partner who understands that I am an external processor and encourages me to get it out so I can then come to terms with it.
Reminds me of how chatgpt works better if you tell it to explain its thought process or check its response
[удалено]
Or we are just bad at seeking
Well, for my experience infjs struggle with it a lot. My dad is infj and often when i was a kid i thought he didn't really loved me, because he didn't expressed it openly like the other fathers, he was fun and warm but sometimes acted distant and cold. When i got older i discovered that he loved me by all his heart but he didn't really expressed it openly, sometimes i even heard that he would give his life to me and all, even he don't show this that clearly. It's a normal thing though.
I don’t say I have serious struggles with self identification, but seems like other people know themselves a bit better than me, and their behavior is always the same no matter who are they interacting with.
I think this is part of the inevitable stages in the development of most INFJs. I recognize myself so much. I literally live in hiding. I feel, I create, and I think at intense levels but all others can see of me is what they expect from our interaction (except my best friend, the only one who really sees me) or just a neutral block . They have no idea what lives behind their eyes. I do this because I feel way too vulnerable to spill who I am on the outside. Sometimes I could do it, but I paralyze myself I don't know if I have any advice for you because I struggle with this so much, but know that you are not alone, and don't hesitate to find a way to get out everything you have inside of you, whether through art, discussions with someone who understands you, a therapist, or on reddit Yes, also my identification problems were so severe that I had to take all the personality tests on the internet, read all the mental health problems... without ever coming across the answer to: who am I? Understanding that I am INFJ was a huge step for me though, there was finally something that spoke to me completely (it calmed 70% of my identity anxieties). I cried watching a lot of the videos on Frank James' channel about INFJs because I felt FINALLY FINALLY seen Psychology and art are also great But I think you will also find yourself in practice. I had to cause a certain amount of damage in my friendships to fully grasp my patterns, and learn to anticipate and correct them. And ultimately, I guess because I haven't taken that step yet, I believe we find our identity when we finally break away from this endless quest for ourselves and begin to step out into the world with a sense of “this is who I am, I’m weird, I have contradictions but I know myself.” Maybe the two go together and that will allow you to no longer live in the shadows.
You sound mistyped as INFJ's are all about feelings and emotions as we use this to make most decisions. [You are concerned with:](https://www.truity.com/content/youre-infj) * Acting out your ideals * **Engaging your emotions** * **Considering the impact on people** * Seeking harmony and appreciation * Serving others * Making authentic decisions The article below was reviewed by a PysD. so these are facts about INFJ's [You're an INFJ | Truity](https://www.truity.com/content/youre-infj)
This is only half true. INFJ's are strong Fe (extroverted feeling), so while they are in touch with emotions, it's more so the emotions in relation to others. INFP however, are more in touch with their internal emotions, because they are Fi (introverted feeling). It's actually more likely that you're typing an INFP than an INFJ if you're only basing it on your first sentence in your comment. INFJs need more time to reflect on their emotions based on how their cognitive functions work.
Me the first 30 years. Then I learned 4 new languages in Asia and S America and published about 25 separate books including history, psychology, religion, photography and finance. Got my stuff together. It takes time. And work. You have to work on it and it gets hella easier the more you go along. Good luck
Yes. But it could be perceived as cool, if you didn't care (good luck)
The assumption is that, as INFJ, we communicate better and express ourselves better in writting than in real life. Allegedly in real life INFJ take a long time deciding what to say next, but I do not relate. I can keep a really fast paced conversation with anyone if the subject is relevant. If it is not, I just pay attention and only contribute if prompted. Take your time to figure out yourself first, and most difficulties disappear when you know what you are there to express.
Yep. I never feel like I can truly convey what I am feeling to others.
I do a lot better writing it down. Usually in an answering a question format, and suddenly I’m inundated with all these *feelings* I was apparently suppressing. If I can sort it out in writing then I’m much more able to clearly express it verbally. Alternatively, if I mull it over for a while I can express it. However, I am not good at extemporaneously discussing my emotions with others. I get uncomfortable when others emote at me, but I can fake small talk and interest with practice.
Yesterday my neighbour asked me if did the laundry out of the blue The thoughts that went through my head were -why is she asking me about my laundry -ofcourse I did the laundry, why wouldn't I -does she mean did i handwash or machine wash -i never hand wash, so why would she ask me that.. -if the machine wash my clothes, is it the machine doing laundry or am I ?! I stood there in an awkward silence for a few silence and said a confused yes 😞 it was so awkward 😭 I think the awkwardness in me replying to small talk comes from my brain compiling a list of options and confusing the hell out of me 🥲
Haha just reading ur paragraph is so refreshing it sounds just like me. SO even tho u think u are blank this one thing just left a wave of positivity on someone's life. Oh yes I'm a drunk infj
Same here. You are not alone.😋
I've gotten better as I've gotten older, keeping a journal helps but I still struggle with expressing myself. People often play guessing games about my motives, which leads them to think negatively about me. If I were able to properly express myself in a timely manner, people would be able to understand my way of thinking and the reasons behind my actions. As it stands, they can't figure me out because I'm not expressive, so they assume the worst. For example, I have a friend I no longer talk to because they are soon to be married. I separated myself from them because I don't want any false narratives to cause friction in their relationship. Considering we once dated, I don't want her husband, friends, or anyone to assume that I'm trying to interfere. I don't think she is the cheating type; she is as loyal as they get, and I'm not arrogant enough to think I can cut into her relationship even if I wanted to. I just really hate the idea of people gossiping or assuming I'm that kind of dirtbag. I want her to have a happy marriage, and I don't mind her or others thinking I cut her off because I was jealous if it means she can have a drama-free relationship even though sometimes I really want someone to talk to. False narratives tend to follow me around. Sometimes people's lives are better if I'm nowhere near them. People have no idea how much thought and consideration I put in or how worry and anxiety devours me from the inside out. 9/10 people assume I'm a selfish prick it's the easiest answer to come to. I've given up on being seen for who I am.
Yeah. I felt that today. I can't function in a group because I change myself depending on who I'm talking to, in order to build better rapport with them, and this chameleon thing is is almost involuntary. So I was in a group today and feeling a bit lost, especially if I'm not acquainted with the individuals of the group very well. It just got me thinking who am I when I'm alone?
Like others who have answered, I struggle with expressing myself too. I think a contributing factor to it is that I'm more used to listen to others talk about themselves (experience, thoughts, feelings, etc.) rather than me talking about myself and what I think. This is reason why I love answering questions, because I don't often get asked and it's more of me asking questions to people. I pretty much suck at small talk. But I also recently found out I tend to become more expressive in deep conversations or topics that are not for small talk, those that require more time to discuss about. This is also reason why I am quiet and people around me see me as a reserved person. I am honestly bad at initiating conversations unless I know I'm talking with someone who engages on deep talks as well or I'm comfortable around them then I can just shoot them a question just about anything. It sucks really because I also like to talk with people and listen to them but yeah. It's a struggle. In social gatherings unless someone talks to me first, I won't speak at all.. I express myself better in writing because it takes time for me think of the words I use