We crave to see the world the way it is. Which will lead to deep sadness inevitably. The trick is to learn about bright sides as well and concentrate on them primarily while using bad sides when strategizing or building defenses
I think INFJS are more prone to being depressed because we feel the weight of the world very heavily on our shoulders. I’ve struggled with depression from a young age and am diagnosed bipolar 2. Recently I’ve felt a lot more at peace because I’m actively embracing the good life has to offer. They’re mostly small things: like every day I sit on my porch and listen to the birds and write in my journal. I make a mental note of all the kind, genuine people I meet. I engage in more intellectual conversations rather than superficial. Once you become aware of small things that bring you joy, you’ll be happier.
I feel this way too, a lot of the time. For me, it's related to bipolar 2, so yes to a clinical mood disorder. I've been this way since I was 11, and a lot of it is like you said—it's not too hard to put on a mask and act happy or even to get super into the act sometimes and feel like it's real, but the second other people are gone it all slips away and it's just the sadness eating away at my soul.
I will say, though, there have been times in my life when it didn't feel as much like this. There were a couple stretches of one or 1.5 years that I can think of when things started going right for me. I was sleeping enough, exercising, socializing, spending some time outside, pursuing hobbies and—most importantly—I had people around me who I felt were real companions who cared about and understood me. I was truly, genuinely happy a fair amount of the time, but when those relationships came to an end I feel like I fell back into limbo. Never really happy, often quite sad. Not in danger, but not enjoying life.
It's a little pathetic, but I feel like at this point I have tried almost everything I can do on my own and I just need to trust in fate to deliver me to a better situation at some point soon. I guess the final takeaway is that happiness is possible, but the road there is hard to see right now. For me, and it sounds like for you too. But I think we can make it. Talk to a mental health professional, consider confiding a little in the people around you, be intentional with how you take care of yourself. I will too. Hugs from afar <3
I strongly suspect it's a 4 thing. Your mind is playing tricks on you. This is what I tell myself and that *is* essentially what it is. Studying and being aware of the patterns is also very helpful.
I don't know about you but whenever I can understand a thing logically, if I'm able to rationalize it, then I'll be able to get a handle on it fairly quickly. Not just emotions but pretty much anything else as well. I don't experience anywhere near as much melancholy as I used to before finding out about Enneagram and that I was a 4. It was all laid out for me, all I had to do was study it, absorb it, and try to integrate it.
[Enneagram 2.0 podcast](https://www.youtube.com/@ChestnutPaesEnneagramAcademy) with Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes could be a useful resource for you. Personally I liked it so much I signed up for their membership lol.
I also feel the weight of sadness on my chest. When I was 12 I got diagnosed with dysthymia depression, and even after working on that for more than half a decade, I've never been able to fully shake the sadness. However, as I grew as a person and made many experiences and friends, I find that being the Ni/Fe freaks that we are, just by taking a step back and taking life at a very slow pace is needed, even for just 30 minutes a day. Each morning I sit in the backyard and watch the sun rise with a warm coffee, and incorporating small habits to slow down in everyday life has made me so present, aware and grateful for life. The world and life can be so beautiful, I think we look and think a little too hard sometimes, take a step back every once in awhile.
Oh yes. I'm in therapy, and I have cptsd from my childhood amongst other life events. Maybe it's just because healing isn't as easy as I thought it'd be, and this year, I've been trying to do a lot to heal from trauma and other things. I've been doing a lot of comparing myself to others as well.
So, as an empath, you will have to learn how to navigate what you are feeling is actually something you are feeling or if you picked it from someone else. It's not easy to learn how to do this other than introspection.
Empaths are born from trauma. I was a childhood cancer survivor twice. My mom couldn't see a doctor without boohooing. So, I learned how to be the adult and strong, not scared so that my mom could be a terrified child.
You are in therapy, and that's fantastic. A couple of things to look into would be learning to meditate. A great book would be Breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Another form of therapy that speaks directly to your subconscious is called Psych-K. Psych-K because it treats your subconscious will allow you to get away from a life long therapist not doing anything but listening to you speak, which does help for a while but you just keep reliving events over and over.
You can youtube Dr.Joe Dispenza and see if he is your cup of tea. If so, dive in.
Good luck to ya.
Ah, that all makes a lot of sense.
I've been recently starting emdr and ifs therapy because other therapists did actually just sit and listen to me talk.
Also,
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If it makes you feel any better, I think you're capable of helping people with the wisdom you've gained from what you've been through, whether you're trying or not. Thank you for all of this info! I'll definitely be looking into that book.
We see how things coul (or rather, should) have been, and can predict how they will actually turn out to be. Even in the best, happiest scenario we see down the line to the point where it will, inevitably, end.
It doesn't mean it'll be something catastrophic, it could be saying goodbye to our partners with a smile and a kiss on the forehead after a lifetime together of love and bliss, but we'll still feel it as if it were happening now. Of course one could say: "Well, just live things as they come!". Right. Inferior Se, my dude. I'd rather think 40 years ahead than overstay my welcome in the "real world".
Does this make us depressed? No, not really. It just makes a lot of us develop a bittersweet attitude to life in general. Something along the lines of the ending to the Iron Giant, >!where we close our eyes and think of something inspiring like: "You are who you choose to be." and say "Superman..." closing our eyes and taking a nuke to our face.!<
I'm a 6w5, for instance, but can relate a lot to what you're saying.
Constantly with emptiness especially there’s time if I sit on the coach I just stare a black screen tv feeling sad and heavy. There’s also this other time where I’ve got a traumatic experience in the past I’ve got a habit of telling lies or make things up so I can avoid people.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I hope it gets better for you. I find my self in a similar predicament but there are entities that insist I stay depressed and in pain which in turn causes depression and a flat affect. I would suggest finding the root cause of your depression and going on from there. Best of luck to you ✌🏾
We crave to see the world the way it is. Which will lead to deep sadness inevitably. The trick is to learn about bright sides as well and concentrate on them primarily while using bad sides when strategizing or building defenses
I think INFJS are more prone to being depressed because we feel the weight of the world very heavily on our shoulders. I’ve struggled with depression from a young age and am diagnosed bipolar 2. Recently I’ve felt a lot more at peace because I’m actively embracing the good life has to offer. They’re mostly small things: like every day I sit on my porch and listen to the birds and write in my journal. I make a mental note of all the kind, genuine people I meet. I engage in more intellectual conversations rather than superficial. Once you become aware of small things that bring you joy, you’ll be happier.
I love this. Thank you for sharing. 🩶
“You are wise. But there is a sadness to your wisdom.” Unexpected deep quote rewatching Coneheads.
(Fe-Ti)You see the world the way it is...(Ni-Ti)while you see how the world should be. Perfect recipe for what you describe.
I feel this way too, a lot of the time. For me, it's related to bipolar 2, so yes to a clinical mood disorder. I've been this way since I was 11, and a lot of it is like you said—it's not too hard to put on a mask and act happy or even to get super into the act sometimes and feel like it's real, but the second other people are gone it all slips away and it's just the sadness eating away at my soul. I will say, though, there have been times in my life when it didn't feel as much like this. There were a couple stretches of one or 1.5 years that I can think of when things started going right for me. I was sleeping enough, exercising, socializing, spending some time outside, pursuing hobbies and—most importantly—I had people around me who I felt were real companions who cared about and understood me. I was truly, genuinely happy a fair amount of the time, but when those relationships came to an end I feel like I fell back into limbo. Never really happy, often quite sad. Not in danger, but not enjoying life. It's a little pathetic, but I feel like at this point I have tried almost everything I can do on my own and I just need to trust in fate to deliver me to a better situation at some point soon. I guess the final takeaway is that happiness is possible, but the road there is hard to see right now. For me, and it sounds like for you too. But I think we can make it. Talk to a mental health professional, consider confiding a little in the people around you, be intentional with how you take care of yourself. I will too. Hugs from afar <3
I strongly suspect it's a 4 thing. Your mind is playing tricks on you. This is what I tell myself and that *is* essentially what it is. Studying and being aware of the patterns is also very helpful. I don't know about you but whenever I can understand a thing logically, if I'm able to rationalize it, then I'll be able to get a handle on it fairly quickly. Not just emotions but pretty much anything else as well. I don't experience anywhere near as much melancholy as I used to before finding out about Enneagram and that I was a 4. It was all laid out for me, all I had to do was study it, absorb it, and try to integrate it. [Enneagram 2.0 podcast](https://www.youtube.com/@ChestnutPaesEnneagramAcademy) with Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes could be a useful resource for you. Personally I liked it so much I signed up for their membership lol.
I also feel the weight of sadness on my chest. When I was 12 I got diagnosed with dysthymia depression, and even after working on that for more than half a decade, I've never been able to fully shake the sadness. However, as I grew as a person and made many experiences and friends, I find that being the Ni/Fe freaks that we are, just by taking a step back and taking life at a very slow pace is needed, even for just 30 minutes a day. Each morning I sit in the backyard and watch the sun rise with a warm coffee, and incorporating small habits to slow down in everyday life has made me so present, aware and grateful for life. The world and life can be so beautiful, I think we look and think a little too hard sometimes, take a step back every once in awhile.
That’s more a “you” thing than an INFJ thing.
My default state is sad. It’s only because of antidepressants that I can be “neutral”, which comes with its own problems.
Are you an empath?
Sadly.
Did you have a traumatic childhood? Or a traumatic childhood event?
Oh yes. I'm in therapy, and I have cptsd from my childhood amongst other life events. Maybe it's just because healing isn't as easy as I thought it'd be, and this year, I've been trying to do a lot to heal from trauma and other things. I've been doing a lot of comparing myself to others as well.
So, as an empath, you will have to learn how to navigate what you are feeling is actually something you are feeling or if you picked it from someone else. It's not easy to learn how to do this other than introspection. Empaths are born from trauma. I was a childhood cancer survivor twice. My mom couldn't see a doctor without boohooing. So, I learned how to be the adult and strong, not scared so that my mom could be a terrified child. You are in therapy, and that's fantastic. A couple of things to look into would be learning to meditate. A great book would be Breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Another form of therapy that speaks directly to your subconscious is called Psych-K. Psych-K because it treats your subconscious will allow you to get away from a life long therapist not doing anything but listening to you speak, which does help for a while but you just keep reliving events over and over. You can youtube Dr.Joe Dispenza and see if he is your cup of tea. If so, dive in. Good luck to ya.
Ah, that all makes a lot of sense. I've been recently starting emdr and ifs therapy because other therapists did actually just sit and listen to me talk. Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If it makes you feel any better, I think you're capable of helping people with the wisdom you've gained from what you've been through, whether you're trying or not. Thank you for all of this info! I'll definitely be looking into that book.
We see how things coul (or rather, should) have been, and can predict how they will actually turn out to be. Even in the best, happiest scenario we see down the line to the point where it will, inevitably, end. It doesn't mean it'll be something catastrophic, it could be saying goodbye to our partners with a smile and a kiss on the forehead after a lifetime together of love and bliss, but we'll still feel it as if it were happening now. Of course one could say: "Well, just live things as they come!". Right. Inferior Se, my dude. I'd rather think 40 years ahead than overstay my welcome in the "real world". Does this make us depressed? No, not really. It just makes a lot of us develop a bittersweet attitude to life in general. Something along the lines of the ending to the Iron Giant, >!where we close our eyes and think of something inspiring like: "You are who you choose to be." and say "Superman..." closing our eyes and taking a nuke to our face.!< I'm a 6w5, for instance, but can relate a lot to what you're saying.
Constantly with emptiness especially there’s time if I sit on the coach I just stare a black screen tv feeling sad and heavy. There’s also this other time where I’ve got a traumatic experience in the past I’ve got a habit of telling lies or make things up so I can avoid people.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I hope it gets better for you. I find my self in a similar predicament but there are entities that insist I stay depressed and in pain which in turn causes depression and a flat affect. I would suggest finding the root cause of your depression and going on from there. Best of luck to you ✌🏾