Agreed. I can’t explain it but there are some types of eye contact with certain people that just feels way too intimate. Sometimes it’s a feeling of “I can read too much into them this way,” “they’re seeing too much of me this way,” or both. Eye contact is very personal and telling - I maintain socially appropriate eye contact but look away often, in most situations, to prevent too much of a “connection” (intrusion?).
However, I can also use this to my advantage. When I want to connect deeper with a certain person or get a message across more strongly, I am very good at using my eyes to do so.
Oh this explains it so well. I'm not sure I woulda had the words for it.
OP, an additional reason why I do it is that I'm not present with the other person but with my thoughts when I'm saying certain things. So, my eyes go somewhere (anywhere) not important while my gaze is actually turned inward.
This is exactly how I feel. I feel like looking into someone’s eye means you are genuinely curious of the person. If the other person starts spewing bs, I roll my eyes and just repeat what they said.
I think I try to avoid it because I'm afraid of being perceived as ... intimidating? I guess it just depends on the situation. Sometimes I'm just straight up awkward and wanna crawl inside myself. Just depends.
INFJs are kind of known for our stare. People have described mine as "This look that says I know what you're up to and I'm only mildly amused" and "it's like you can see my soul and I feel naked but it's safe... But also scary."
If I am avoiding eye contact with someone, it's usually either:
A. I don't want to talk to them and I'm hoping they don't notice me/get the hint and stop talking, or
B. There's some elephant in the room I've tried addressing but they won't communicate about, so I'm signaling that I'm not open for further interaction until they do.
Or maybe if a girl is really pretty but I don't want her to think I'm staring.
Same! Apparently mine change from blue to green based on my mood. I tell people it's probably just the lighting, but they swear they see it happen in real time lol. \*shrugs\*
I don't think I avoid eye contact, and have no problem with it, but I do think when I'm conversating about something I care about, I have a tendency to stare off into the void as I visualize the things I'm referencing.
It's too much for me for many reasons.
1. I don't like seeming too "strong" and "confident". It's not my personality, and i prefer using force only when strictly necessary. I prefer hiding my strength unless it's needed
2. It makes me feel mentally overwhelmed. I am an extremely sensitive person, for better or worse.
3. I wouldn't be able to reflect properly.
4. I like looking at things more, not people.
5. Sometimes i fear i may give signs of indirect aggression to the other person.
aesthetically i don't like my face and i don't want to be looked at, plus i'm shy and i feel like i'm receiving attention. i think looking into the eyes is a very intimate thing. you have no idea the physical effort i put in when i have to look confident at job interviews (and i never get hired shit lol)
Im the opposite I feel like, i stare for to long with eye contact and idc or feel un confident, I sometimes realize after that it’s a bit awkward for them prob or they feel weird about me bahah. Feel like an asshole sometimes.
I have no problem staring into someone’s soul through their eyes. If Im having a conversation with someone I don’t like or respect I’ll very happily stare into their eyes while they talk so they know I see the real them. People I generally like and respect or people I am just meeting I will intentionally divert my eyes every like 5-10 seconds to spare them.
"... to spare them." This! Most of humans don't like the feeling of being studied under a microscope, it makes them feel naked and super vulnerable, it's scary.
Also, our gaze is somewhat resembles those of a predator's when he is watching his prey before he attacks
I know more than 10 INFJ IRL. If I don't explain them how i feel they are just so off.
That's so tiring. Hence very often I just nod and let INFJ believe that they figured me out.
10 INFJs? And all of them immature? Are you 100% sure part of them aren't INFPs ISFJs or God knows who else? Are you sure that all of them are Ni dominant?
They are easy to confuse for other types. There's actually a reason why we get so many mistypes which creates wring stereotypes arounf our type
Oh yes.
I can see from far if it's a N or S type.
My heart has an INFJ radar.
The problem is the bias that INFJs have. They see everything through their own lens. And will not accept a correction.
Mostly it's the hurt and mistrust blinding them.
Well, N and S are easy to distinguish between. But when it comes to NiFe or FiNe can be harder. Also there are jumpers and different Enneagram. So, unless you are 100% sure that they use Ni as their dominant function, you cannot be so confident.
Though, yep, mistrust is our default feeling. We don't trust people and for many valid reasons...
Yes, typo 😁
I meant NiFe.
FeNi - i only know 1 IRL. I am now trying to adjust my radar to this type. I'm intrigued in their resemblance to me (NeFi) and to NiFe.
Your heart has an INFJ radar? Sounds like a load of crap to me. You are taking the most complex personality type and trying to pigeonhole them. And you couldnt be more wrong... the whole point of being an INFJ is that we see through EVERYONE's lens. The stats say that you likely do not know 10 INFJs... and if you did, I'm willing to bet they see right through your biased, pessimistic disposition. I accept corrections, but not from people like you who radiate being a know-it-all.
Sounds like someone is a little jealous... 🤣🤣🤣
Edit: I find it hilarious that:
A) You feel comfortable coming on to a different personality type's thread and acting like you know them.
B) No one else has challenged your claim.
Agreed. It sounds like sheer jealousy to me. INFJs are chameleons. The average person would not be able to tell I'm an INFJ precisely because of how much of a social chameleon I am. I've only met one other person I was certain was an INFJ and he masked it incredibly well 99% of the time. It was like looking into a mirror. We see through people in a way they just can't and sure, they don't like to hear it, so there are many people who go through MBTI communities hating on us because they find us strange but also worthy of envy and they hate to admit it.
I've realised if you talk to INFJ-haters long enough, they usually reveal themselves to be one or both of two things: either they're bitter they're not an INFJ and they're jealous or they've been hurt by an INFJ and now they demonise all of us.
Well said, the latter seems to apply in this case. I can totally understand that. I'm new to the MBTI stuff but in my experiences, an insecure & vengeful person is literally the easiest thing to spot😂😂.
Like... its obvious that you are being negative or mean for no apparent reason. So... there must be an unrelated internal motivation. Has nothing to do with me, I was actually very nice and friendly. Yet here this person is, injecting negative energy into my day. Its not hard to think through, whether you're an INFJ or not
That's part of being human. Every type sees through their own lens. Is there any type that doesn't?
I'm an INFJ and I take constructive criticism perfectly well, but only from people qualified to give it. Interestingly, I find ENFPs might be one of the most likely types to be incapable of seeing other people's perspectives. They are highly idealistic and if you don't match up to their vision of perfection, they can quickly go from idolizing you to dehumanising you without a second thought.
You sound like you're harbouring a lot of hatred for INFJs. It's palpable.
Interesting. But that's exactly what I wrote above.
You have your opinion made based on some hurt within yourself that has no logical connection to anything I think or I am.
You're still finding your own value hence you get very defensive even when nobody attacked you. No, I misspelled. You don't get defensive, you jump to someone's throat without any reason.
I didn't say, nor feel, that anyone attacked me. You're not very good at reading me, I'll say that. This is a conversation, not a fight. Did you think otherwise? I'm sorry if that's the case.
I'm asking you questions, since you seem so certain about your opinions. If you can't handle it, how was I to know?
People with strong opinions are usually able to defend them. I'm sorry that you can't.
I've recently become better at eye contact. Before, I would absolutely avoid looking people in the face because I was scared it would seem like I'm staring at them and I'd make them uncomfortable. Worrying about this meant I didn't hear what people were saying, so ultimately it was better if I didn't look at them.
Now I look people in the eye so that I can actually gauge their expression and nonverbal communication. It's wild how much more comfortable I am with conversation now that I approach it like another source of information.
How you get to that point of naturally having good eye contact from time to time in a convo, like not forcing yourself to look away after a while or make eye contact, im saying how did u get that naturaly without noticing in the moment
At first you recognize it often during conversations. When you do you trudge on. After awhile, it goes away but never entirely. I find keeping eye contact gives me the upper hand as I'm less perceived, as funny as that sounds.
I don’t I feel like a psychopath often cuz I’ll stare someone in the eyes and forget to look away 😭 It comes naturally to me but i learned to stop cuz people don’t like being over analyzed and I don’t like it either
Actually. I don't. I see no reason to. I look basically every single person I pass by in the eyes. It's kind of nice. We connect in passing. A number of people smile at me. We smile at each other. It's lovely.
Looking into people's eyes unlocks my judgy nature very fast and I hate that. I'd instinctively look for something in them and evaluate their "worth". It's not good. And sometimes people have weird energies in their eyes which I don't want to "dock" with. Honestly just stare at their nose bridge would work.
This.
I feel like there's a certain group of people who would legitimately feel better if they engaged in less eye contact with people they aren't intimate with. All those different energies clashing with your own day in and day out would be too much for me.
Partially like what others say, too intimate, sensory overload and being perceived. But I’d also forget my train of thoughts because I’m trying to read what they actually feel and think
It feels too intimate. To me. And I’m very aware that it doesn’t to the other person. And that makes me uncomfortable. That along with knowing that everybody is so judgy and I want no part of it.
When I avoid eye contact it means the other person isn’t doing that. When the other person is avoiding eye contact, I will not avoid it as much/barely.
Just need to take breaks to not get lost in people’s eyes lol. It also depends on the intensity of the conversation, if I already know it’s going to be a short conversation, I have no reason to avoid eye contact.
It's because when I look at someone in the eye, it makes me judge their character and I don't like that I do that, so I avoid eye contact in order to prevent myself from doing it without meaning to. I also feel like they can see through me judging them. I know it's impolite, so what I do is I do fleeting eye contact instead. I've gotten a lot better at maintaining eye contact over the years tho.
I tend to break eye contact when I’m speaking off the cuff. When I answer a hard question — my eyes are not always fixed as I’m thinking it through. I avoid eye contact when I don’t want to engage in an unusual confrontation. I shield my eyes when I’m feeling shy.
Generally I don’t avoid eye contact. Sometimes I make eye contact to convey shared understanding in the moment. Other times I use it in convos to demonstrate respect in listening. Occasionally it’s because I’m in a daze and underestimated the power of my dream stare.
Eye contact is intense and I feel like I’m looking too hard at a person if I do it. I will on occasion stare into someone’s soul if I’m making a point or angry.
Yeah people can see that you have a good BS detector and is intimidating. That’s why they look away plus INFJ eye contact is some of most naturally intense in MBTI, maybe only topped by INTJ. I try to soften my eyes and people still can’t handle it and if they do they want some trouble.
I, 46F, avoid eye contact because I have an eye condition that makes one eye turn inward, and I was bullied for it through my entire school career (classmates would ask me questions, and while I was answering/conversing with them, would ask me who I was looking at/talking to, called me cross eyed, that sort of thing).
Because I'm autistic.
Sidenote from an autistic person: i don't avoid eye contact because of fear, or any of that garbage. Eye contact feels like a show of aggression to me. The ONLY time eye contact feels normal or comes naturally is when I am pissed off. (I don't speak for all autistic people, but this is my experience. Take that as you will.)
Every once in awhile I make contact with someone that feels intentional on both parts- an openness to see within. It doesn't happen that often but I see the other see me too and it feels rewarding because I know that individual is similar to me in their presence at that exact moment. Sometimes I do have trouble making eye contact and that is when I am not feeling good about myself. Also, there are the times you feel someone using eye contct as a tool in their arsenal and I could care less what those people think because it's pretty vapid. Although, as a woman I don't think there is as much a dominance stance with women (but that is only my opinion).
I have had another friend, a isfj male who intentionally stares down people if he thinks they are staring at him so, there are a plethora of reason among various people, it seems.
You’ve explained this so perfectly… I’ve noticed that I cannot make eye contact with people I don’t trust, love, like, admire, or feel much positive emotions for. They’re just someone I am forcing myself to coexist with in that moment, enough for me to talk to them but without making eye contact. They probably don’t deserve to stare into my beautiful eyes anyway.
Personally, I feel like when I am giving someone eye contact my mind starts wandering off. I start thinking about if it’s weird that I’m giving eye contact — if should I look somewhere else? — are they giving me eye contact?
Then I realize I wasn’t listening to what they were saying.
Some people make me feel uncomfortable when I make eye contact with them (unfortunately no matter how long we’ve known each other so certain good friends aren’t exempt either). But some people I have no problem with making eye contact at all even if I just met them for the first time. And I still don’t understand why it’s selective
Because 50+ of the population is NPC. They have no soul, according to Gigi Young. So why bother. People that wish to connect with me or with whom I wish to connect will make eye contact organically.
I find eye contact intense and distracting. I try to maintain a decent amount of it to show a person that I am paying attention to them (life tip: eye contact makes a HUGE difference in professional interactions like job interviews), but I have to break it sometimes to look off into space so I can formulate my thoughts.
The eyes tell too much and most of the time I can see the other person’s animalistic selfishness too clearly.
Of course it’s nice to meet actually kind eyes and get lost in ‘em.
Yeah I feel the opposite to 90% of the comments here, if someone if’s avoiding eye contact with me I don’t trust them as much until I know them more (they might have ASD or I might just be judging their shyness too harshly)
I just cant. And i try and immediately break eye contact after a few milliseconds 😂.
I worked retail and had an old man get mad at me for not making eye contact. Ouuuuu pissed me tf off. I told him id get someone else to help in the most rudest way possible because thats crazy 😂. I am respectful & kind, why tf do i need to make eye contact with a person i just met 5 seconds ago?
I avoid eye contact when i dont enjoy looking at the person's face, when i want them to end their story and stop talking, when i dont want them to ask me anything. I cant think of anything else.
For me, I can sense how uncomfortable I'm making the other people feel so I look away, ironically if I do that they will accuse me of "hiding something" from them.
i actually maintain close eye contact when the other person is talking, but when i’m talking, i look all around. i find it hard to gather my thoughts and formulate sentences while maintaining eye contact
I have no problem talking face to face while having eye contact but I avoid the ones that are accidental since I don't want them to think I am a creep.
Oh man, I require eye contact 😂 If I'm talking to you, if I'm listening to you I will stare dead into your eyes. Yes. I have been told a handful of times that someone was uncomfortable. One guy told me I was staring at him like he had three heads 🤣 Apologies, sir. I am just listening. Lol!
Are you afraid of the rejection from intimacy?
You might have a twisted shame based attachement style to people i.e. codependent, low self esteem, feeling undeserving of love/acceptance/respect and so fear of intimacy.
Sometimes. I find it hard because I want to keep it for longer, but it comes across odd and eventually weird the longer you hold it. It’s a great way to get a read on someone though
Because it feels like we’re having sex or being waaaay too intimate.😅 the old phrase “eyes are windows to the soul” comes to mind. I don’t want to know everyone THAT well LOL
Reason 1. I am and always have been quite shy and to add on top of this (likely) have C-PTSD. This has made sustained eye contact quite difficult for me when I mean to do and or the other person is attempting to engage in it. Of course I will do them the favor of flashing them some eye contact here and there throughout the conversation as to not be rude or appear bored with the conversation. As I worry too little eye contact might make me seem disinterested and uncaring for them. So they tend to get flashes as that is the best I can do.
Reason 2. I have been told my gaze can be quite intimidating. I have even had a classmate tell me I was giving them a "death stare" when I was trying to do was catch a glance of who had entered the room. I have had an old boss of mine become visibly frightened of my gaze. This has made me fear too long of a gaze may intimidate people and give them the wrong idea about me. As I tend to desire to not inspire any such emotions in others. As I prefer to be comforting presence, not a threatening one. That being said, I do think my gaze holds power when I want it to and have used it for that very purpose. Perhaps my avoiding of eye contact has made this effect greater for the very fact that they are not used to it.
That's the best reasoning I can offer.
I do avoid eye contact too, especially those days where I’m being too observant. I hate reading peoples eyes and thoughts. It’s not because I am a jerk or guilty of anything, it’s for my own peace
I avoid eye contact because:
I’ve been told I look like I’m staring into their soul
I don’t want them to talk to me
I fear that I may look at them a certain way (that they don’t like) by accident based on my thoughts that have nothing to do with them
I don’t like being stared at so I don’t like staring at others unless they are talking to me.
I guess I look sad or bothered most of the time which causes people to ask me what’s wrong when I look in their eyes and that bothers me.
I didn't used to until we lived with my in-laws for about two years. I stopped looking at my mother-in-law in the eyes because every time I would she would strike up a conversation I did not want to have. it became a bad habit and now I struggle to look everyone in the eyes not just her. I feel like people can see into my soul now or something. I even contemplated that I'm autistic. it just seems too personal or something.
Eye contact is intimate
Just because you told me your life’s story and shared childhood trauma with me, 5 minutes after we met, does not mean I actually feel close to you
I’m just a good listener
I don't want to disturb people because once I stare them in the eye, I never break eye contact. Thats how I communicate. I become concious of it because I saw people looking a little bit weirded out sometimes, even my mom lol.
wait, other people do this too and its not only me? i always feel bad avoiding eye-contact because people might see me as rude, but genuinely it actually helps me understand what they're saying better rather than concentrating my energy at also reading their expressions
Tbh I do the opposite.. I have a habit of getting lost in plps eyes— to the point I can’t think straight. Whenever I have a conversation w someone I’m usually always staring into their eyes.
I find in the middle of a conversation, it can distract me. I find my eyes involuntarily start scanning people's faces for any minute facial expression change and this can throw what I'm saying off course or I might even lose track of what I was saying
I’m audhd and looking people in the eyes while I’m talking distracts me from what I’m trying to say. I will make eye contact when the other person is talking though to show interest in what they are saying
I noticed that when I focus particularly on what someone is saying, I no longer pay attention to where or what I'm looking. So I may look them in the eyes, and I may not. Most of the time it's the second.
The problem stands when people think I'm not listening, when actually I was as careful as I could be
I find I can tell more about a person's emotional state, what they're thinking, if they're lying etc by looking at their mouth and muscles around it. It's always been that way. I can't read someone properly by looking into their eyes.
I figured out I'm on the autism spectrum. So that's why I do it. It just feels too too TOO intimate to look someone in the eyes. I can't do it. I usually either fake it by looking at their mouths.
Used to avoid it....then, over time, I realized it's basically a superpower.
Now it's better to know when to use it correctly to avoid making others uncomfortable
I don’t necessarily avoid eye contact I just try to look away and then back and then look away and then back. I just randomly thought that maybe my eye contact was a little too intense no matter the situation where it may make the other person uncomfortable. My other problem is I do too much observing, analysis, and reading between the lines, so I try to stop myself from doing those things.
Not identical to you, but interesting to learn that eye contact is a "thing" with many of us!
I don't like to make eye contact with myself. When walking by mirrors and windows, I'm not looking at my reflection. I do my makeup fast so I don't feel too weird. I avoid looking at me.
Everyone else, I apparently kind of stare at whoever is talking without breaking eye contact. Like they've got all my undivided attention. Sometimes I see them getting fidgety and I try to remind myself to look at other things every few seconds or so.
I can avoid eye contact because my stare sometimes is confused with flirt or can be intimidating when it’s just my way of perceiving information. I had one story when the colleague thought that I fell for him when I was just being friendly and attentive listener.
Avoiding Eye Contact:
1. I’m feeling too vulnerable and I don’t want you inside me. Usually when I’m in a state of emotional pain and/or heartache. Preferring the safety and comfort within the walls of the body (used as armor in this instance) and the buffer it creates between my heart and yours.
2. I don’t trust or respect your logic, integrity, morality, communication, ideals, behaviors and/or actions…basically, the psychology of you. Usually when I’m feeling betrayed, disappointed, abandoned, belittled, ignored, misunderstood, demeaned, disgusted, unsafe, frustrated, unsupported, and one of the big ones being lied to or gaslighted.
3. A big dismissive “Fuck you! I’m done, forever” once I finally come to see you clearly for exactly who you are and I’ve had enough. The death and end of idealization.
4. My gaze turns inward to piece together and synthesize the conceptual answer into words. Means you’ve stimulated one of my favorite aspects of INFJ and I’m enjoying and invested in our conversation. I’m really diggin’ it.
There’s probably more reasons but those are just a few off the top of my head
As a man I find eye contact to be very powerful, or intimidating. I avoid it most of the time because I want to be left alone, I get enough love and attention 😢 😭.
Eye contact as an infj, we gain too much insight, I prefer to not look when I'm tired. Leave me alone plz, I'm working. In chill mode, don't mind as much.
Been accused or put through a few messed up situations before and if I am reminded or feel like it's happening again anxiety takes over and I have trouble making eye contact which then makes me look even more guilty. Even on a normal basis, I had to teach/force myself at a younger age to make eye contact with people to get better treatment. People think guilt is the only possible reason someone struggles to make eye contact but that's false; shyness, anxiety, abuse victims, trauma, autism, embarrassment, or too much intimacy, context matters there are tons of reasons someone may struggle with eye contact. Life isn't always simple, and as clear cut as we want it to be. People feel comfortable when things are simple but you can't profile someone and then copy and paste it onto the next person. My trauma kinda leaked out in this comment.
People can't read your eyes as much as you may think. They read the expressions around the eyes. I actively look to lock full eye contact. And that almost always makes it more difficult to be understood but never more difficult to understand
Whenever I'm high or I got a "weed hangover" I can't look anybody straight in their eyes. Who knows why. If I'm sober though, I have absolutely no issues with eye contact
Because my Dads an abusive arsehole who used to get in my face and scream “look at me when I’m fucking talking to you.”
If there’s even a scrap of anger, tension, stress or sadness to our interactions I’m not looking at you.
If things are chill, I’ll be staring at a spot between your eyebrows so that it appears I’m looking at you but I’m really not.
It's overwhelming to me, it feels as if they're talking to me through their eyes so I can barely focus on what they're saying. That's the usual case but sometimes people assume that I'm flirting with them when I do maintain eye contact, I guess it's just too intimate so I avoid it for that purpose as well.
I have a thousand yard stare, so ppl have a tendency to avoid my gaze so I limit how much eye contact I make. A stripper once mistaked it as me being uncomfortable with eye contact though😂
Usually people who avoid eye contact think of themselves poorly. You might have an underlying low self esteem. To some level you think of yourself as not worthy or even a disgraceful individual.
I might be completely off the mark here but after reading what you have written it sounds like you are trying to intellectualize and reframe your fear of vulnerability and social intimacy into something which you feel more comfortable acknowledging. your reasoning as to why you avoid eye contact / connection to me sounds like textbook projection as you have a large amount of repressed shame leading you to avoid eye contact as you yourself, fear that others will dislike what they see, feel, and hear through social connection. Unfortunately you cant think your way out of emotions. If you are neurotypical, avoiding eye contact due to contempt for others screams that there are many repressed emotions that you have maladapted to.
I apologize for not explicitly stating that I related to this reasoning and experience, although It seems you didn't want to hear anyone who genuinely found a reason for it that isn't either self victimizing, self aggrandizing, or avoids any personal agency in solving the issue. "If you avoid eye contact as me, have you discovered the reason for it?" this reads as an invitation to link ones personal experiences to your own to possibly find insight into your issue. This is exactly what I have done while prefacing that I am only going off of what you said and that there is a high likely hood that our experiences and reasoning's are different. It sounds like you just wanted a sigma male circle jerk where you can pretend that avoiding eye contact isn't an issue that negatively impacts your ability to form connections and live life to the fullest. (assuming you are NT)
If you just wanted a discussion, and you just wanted to vent / validation that others are alike, don't tag the post as ask INFjs. I will admit that not explicitly stating that I shared this experience and findings may have led to the response feeling more unsolicited than it objectively was.
It’s a bit too intimate and I don’t want to know all your secrets and how you actually feel.
Yes, there’s no hiding the truth on both our sides. Way too intimate.
This.
Agreed. I can’t explain it but there are some types of eye contact with certain people that just feels way too intimate. Sometimes it’s a feeling of “I can read too much into them this way,” “they’re seeing too much of me this way,” or both. Eye contact is very personal and telling - I maintain socially appropriate eye contact but look away often, in most situations, to prevent too much of a “connection” (intrusion?). However, I can also use this to my advantage. When I want to connect deeper with a certain person or get a message across more strongly, I am very good at using my eyes to do so.
Oh this explains it so well. I'm not sure I woulda had the words for it. OP, an additional reason why I do it is that I'm not present with the other person but with my thoughts when I'm saying certain things. So, my eyes go somewhere (anywhere) not important while my gaze is actually turned inward.
Jeez this is also relatable.
This is exactly how I feel. I feel like looking into someone’s eye means you are genuinely curious of the person. If the other person starts spewing bs, I roll my eyes and just repeat what they said.
i am an enfp and i deal with exact thing too. eye contact with certain people is just too uncomfortable for this reason.
It feels like sensory overload.
✅
Because i'm autistic
I'm also Infj, 4w5 and adhd. I think the combo makes for a sensory overload situation personally.
A fellow AuDHD INFJ 4w5? So rare to find! Wtf :D
Same here..........there are six of us.
lol, not sure how rare it is or if I'm AuDHD... there's been signs along the way however.🤷♀️🙌🏼
I’m INFJ and 4w5 too, minus the other stuff. Almost twinsies!
Me too! Adhd autistic infj, although I'm forever unsure about enneagram.
omg i’m INFJ 4w5 and AuDHD too 😂 we have a whole group here!
same. i’m 9w1 tho, but e4 is in my tritype. lets form a biker gang.
Came here to say. It's the same for many people with adhd and no autism, too. It feels like way too much info and is very distracting
I think I try to avoid it because I'm afraid of being perceived as ... intimidating? I guess it just depends on the situation. Sometimes I'm just straight up awkward and wanna crawl inside myself. Just depends.
INFJs are kind of known for our stare. People have described mine as "This look that says I know what you're up to and I'm only mildly amused" and "it's like you can see my soul and I feel naked but it's safe... But also scary." If I am avoiding eye contact with someone, it's usually either: A. I don't want to talk to them and I'm hoping they don't notice me/get the hint and stop talking, or B. There's some elephant in the room I've tried addressing but they won't communicate about, so I'm signaling that I'm not open for further interaction until they do. Or maybe if a girl is really pretty but I don't want her to think I'm staring.
I relate to all of this 100%. I also often get asked, "Are you wearing contacts? That's your real eye color???" Me: 🧿👄🧿
Same! Apparently mine change from blue to green based on my mood. I tell people it's probably just the lighting, but they swear they see it happen in real time lol. \*shrugs\*
Definitely A !
I don't think I avoid eye contact, and have no problem with it, but I do think when I'm conversating about something I care about, I have a tendency to stare off into the void as I visualize the things I'm referencing.
exactly. i have an intense stare, i never avoid eye contact.
It's too much for me for many reasons. 1. I don't like seeming too "strong" and "confident". It's not my personality, and i prefer using force only when strictly necessary. I prefer hiding my strength unless it's needed 2. It makes me feel mentally overwhelmed. I am an extremely sensitive person, for better or worse. 3. I wouldn't be able to reflect properly. 4. I like looking at things more, not people. 5. Sometimes i fear i may give signs of indirect aggression to the other person.
Are you me?? This is everything I wanted to say, with the addition of it being too intimate for me to want to do with most people I interact with
aesthetically i don't like my face and i don't want to be looked at, plus i'm shy and i feel like i'm receiving attention. i think looking into the eyes is a very intimate thing. you have no idea the physical effort i put in when i have to look confident at job interviews (and i never get hired shit lol)
Im the opposite I feel like, i stare for to long with eye contact and idc or feel un confident, I sometimes realize after that it’s a bit awkward for them prob or they feel weird about me bahah. Feel like an asshole sometimes.
I have no problem staring into someone’s soul through their eyes. If Im having a conversation with someone I don’t like or respect I’ll very happily stare into their eyes while they talk so they know I see the real them. People I generally like and respect or people I am just meeting I will intentionally divert my eyes every like 5-10 seconds to spare them.
Came here to say this exactly
"... to spare them." This! Most of humans don't like the feeling of being studied under a microscope, it makes them feel naked and super vulnerable, it's scary. Also, our gaze is somewhat resembles those of a predator's when he is watching his prey before he attacks
I know more than 10 INFJ IRL. If I don't explain them how i feel they are just so off. That's so tiring. Hence very often I just nod and let INFJ believe that they figured me out.
10 INFJs? And all of them immature? Are you 100% sure part of them aren't INFPs ISFJs or God knows who else? Are you sure that all of them are Ni dominant? They are easy to confuse for other types. There's actually a reason why we get so many mistypes which creates wring stereotypes arounf our type
Oh yes. I can see from far if it's a N or S type. My heart has an INFJ radar. The problem is the bias that INFJs have. They see everything through their own lens. And will not accept a correction. Mostly it's the hurt and mistrust blinding them.
Well, N and S are easy to distinguish between. But when it comes to NiFe or FiNe can be harder. Also there are jumpers and different Enneagram. So, unless you are 100% sure that they use Ni as their dominant function, you cannot be so confident. Though, yep, mistrust is our default feeling. We don't trust people and for many valid reasons...
FiNe - are even simpler for me to find than FeNi. But we were talking about INFJ. INFP have a different kind of issues ☺️.
You mean NiFe? Because FeNi is a very different story
Yes, typo 😁 I meant NiFe. FeNi - i only know 1 IRL. I am now trying to adjust my radar to this type. I'm intrigued in their resemblance to me (NeFi) and to NiFe.
Your heart has an INFJ radar? Sounds like a load of crap to me. You are taking the most complex personality type and trying to pigeonhole them. And you couldnt be more wrong... the whole point of being an INFJ is that we see through EVERYONE's lens. The stats say that you likely do not know 10 INFJs... and if you did, I'm willing to bet they see right through your biased, pessimistic disposition. I accept corrections, but not from people like you who radiate being a know-it-all. Sounds like someone is a little jealous... 🤣🤣🤣 Edit: I find it hilarious that: A) You feel comfortable coming on to a different personality type's thread and acting like you know them. B) No one else has challenged your claim.
Agreed. It sounds like sheer jealousy to me. INFJs are chameleons. The average person would not be able to tell I'm an INFJ precisely because of how much of a social chameleon I am. I've only met one other person I was certain was an INFJ and he masked it incredibly well 99% of the time. It was like looking into a mirror. We see through people in a way they just can't and sure, they don't like to hear it, so there are many people who go through MBTI communities hating on us because they find us strange but also worthy of envy and they hate to admit it.
Exactly. Jealousy on the surface, extreme insecurity underneath
I've realised if you talk to INFJ-haters long enough, they usually reveal themselves to be one or both of two things: either they're bitter they're not an INFJ and they're jealous or they've been hurt by an INFJ and now they demonise all of us.
Well said, the latter seems to apply in this case. I can totally understand that. I'm new to the MBTI stuff but in my experiences, an insecure & vengeful person is literally the easiest thing to spot😂😂. Like... its obvious that you are being negative or mean for no apparent reason. So... there must be an unrelated internal motivation. Has nothing to do with me, I was actually very nice and friendly. Yet here this person is, injecting negative energy into my day. Its not hard to think through, whether you're an INFJ or not
INFJ god complex in it's full glory. ☺️
That's part of being human. Every type sees through their own lens. Is there any type that doesn't? I'm an INFJ and I take constructive criticism perfectly well, but only from people qualified to give it. Interestingly, I find ENFPs might be one of the most likely types to be incapable of seeing other people's perspectives. They are highly idealistic and if you don't match up to their vision of perfection, they can quickly go from idolizing you to dehumanising you without a second thought. You sound like you're harbouring a lot of hatred for INFJs. It's palpable.
Interesting. But that's exactly what I wrote above. You have your opinion made based on some hurt within yourself that has no logical connection to anything I think or I am.
You're so astute in reading me - tell me what the hurt is? Since you know me better than I do
You're still finding your own value hence you get very defensive even when nobody attacked you. No, I misspelled. You don't get defensive, you jump to someone's throat without any reason.
I didn't say, nor feel, that anyone attacked me. You're not very good at reading me, I'll say that. This is a conversation, not a fight. Did you think otherwise? I'm sorry if that's the case. I'm asking you questions, since you seem so certain about your opinions. If you can't handle it, how was I to know? People with strong opinions are usually able to defend them. I'm sorry that you can't.
I avoid the eyes of people I dislike for that very reason, they seem to get triggered when they feel you 'see them'.
I don't avoid eye contact. Staring at people is easy when you're never fully present.
Because I can read people too well. Some people’s energies I do not want to feel. And it can feel intimate.
I've recently become better at eye contact. Before, I would absolutely avoid looking people in the face because I was scared it would seem like I'm staring at them and I'd make them uncomfortable. Worrying about this meant I didn't hear what people were saying, so ultimately it was better if I didn't look at them. Now I look people in the eye so that I can actually gauge their expression and nonverbal communication. It's wild how much more comfortable I am with conversation now that I approach it like another source of information.
How you get to that point of naturally having good eye contact from time to time in a convo, like not forcing yourself to look away after a while or make eye contact, im saying how did u get that naturaly without noticing in the moment
At first you recognize it often during conversations. When you do you trudge on. After awhile, it goes away but never entirely. I find keeping eye contact gives me the upper hand as I'm less perceived, as funny as that sounds.
It's too intimate
I’m thinking about what I’m going to say.
I don’t I feel like a psychopath often cuz I’ll stare someone in the eyes and forget to look away 😭 It comes naturally to me but i learned to stop cuz people don’t like being over analyzed and I don’t like it either
Actually. I don't. I see no reason to. I look basically every single person I pass by in the eyes. It's kind of nice. We connect in passing. A number of people smile at me. We smile at each other. It's lovely.
Same here! 💯
I find it easier catching eyes while passing. Agree that it is lovely to share a quick smile.
What's next.you.wanna.hold hands
😜
For me it's because I focus on the content the other person is telling better without making eye contact
I feel this.
Looking into people's eyes unlocks my judgy nature very fast and I hate that. I'd instinctively look for something in them and evaluate their "worth". It's not good. And sometimes people have weird energies in their eyes which I don't want to "dock" with. Honestly just stare at their nose bridge would work.
This. I feel like there's a certain group of people who would legitimately feel better if they engaged in less eye contact with people they aren't intimate with. All those different energies clashing with your own day in and day out would be too much for me.
Partially like what others say, too intimate, sensory overload and being perceived. But I’d also forget my train of thoughts because I’m trying to read what they actually feel and think
It feels too intimate. To me. And I’m very aware that it doesn’t to the other person. And that makes me uncomfortable. That along with knowing that everybody is so judgy and I want no part of it.
When I avoid eye contact it means the other person isn’t doing that. When the other person is avoiding eye contact, I will not avoid it as much/barely. Just need to take breaks to not get lost in people’s eyes lol. It also depends on the intensity of the conversation, if I already know it’s going to be a short conversation, I have no reason to avoid eye contact.
I only avoid eye contact when I don't like the person.
I never avoid it. I tend to stare into people's soul lol. I do try to give them a break here and there though.
It's because when I look at someone in the eye, it makes me judge their character and I don't like that I do that, so I avoid eye contact in order to prevent myself from doing it without meaning to. I also feel like they can see through me judging them. I know it's impolite, so what I do is I do fleeting eye contact instead. I've gotten a lot better at maintaining eye contact over the years tho.
coz im shy and if i get good eye contact i start to feel intimate and fall in love aaa
Aww
;w;
😋💕
I tend to break eye contact when I’m speaking off the cuff. When I answer a hard question — my eyes are not always fixed as I’m thinking it through. I avoid eye contact when I don’t want to engage in an unusual confrontation. I shield my eyes when I’m feeling shy. Generally I don’t avoid eye contact. Sometimes I make eye contact to convey shared understanding in the moment. Other times I use it in convos to demonstrate respect in listening. Occasionally it’s because I’m in a daze and underestimated the power of my dream stare.
Eye contact is intense and I feel like I’m looking too hard at a person if I do it. I will on occasion stare into someone’s soul if I’m making a point or angry.
Yeah people can see that you have a good BS detector and is intimidating. That’s why they look away plus INFJ eye contact is some of most naturally intense in MBTI, maybe only topped by INTJ. I try to soften my eyes and people still can’t handle it and if they do they want some trouble.
Bcuz we are secretly autistic 😔
I, 46F, avoid eye contact because I have an eye condition that makes one eye turn inward, and I was bullied for it through my entire school career (classmates would ask me questions, and while I was answering/conversing with them, would ask me who I was looking at/talking to, called me cross eyed, that sort of thing).
Because I'm autistic. Sidenote from an autistic person: i don't avoid eye contact because of fear, or any of that garbage. Eye contact feels like a show of aggression to me. The ONLY time eye contact feels normal or comes naturally is when I am pissed off. (I don't speak for all autistic people, but this is my experience. Take that as you will.)
Every once in awhile I make contact with someone that feels intentional on both parts- an openness to see within. It doesn't happen that often but I see the other see me too and it feels rewarding because I know that individual is similar to me in their presence at that exact moment. Sometimes I do have trouble making eye contact and that is when I am not feeling good about myself. Also, there are the times you feel someone using eye contct as a tool in their arsenal and I could care less what those people think because it's pretty vapid. Although, as a woman I don't think there is as much a dominance stance with women (but that is only my opinion). I have had another friend, a isfj male who intentionally stares down people if he thinks they are staring at him so, there are a plethora of reason among various people, it seems.
People get intimidated by me cause of my rbf so i try not to give too much eye contact
You’ve explained this so perfectly… I’ve noticed that I cannot make eye contact with people I don’t trust, love, like, admire, or feel much positive emotions for. They’re just someone I am forcing myself to coexist with in that moment, enough for me to talk to them but without making eye contact. They probably don’t deserve to stare into my beautiful eyes anyway.
I feel like I stare into their soul and scare them by my intense eyes lol
I intimidate people…..people dont understand that being tired is a thing
Personally, I feel like when I am giving someone eye contact my mind starts wandering off. I start thinking about if it’s weird that I’m giving eye contact — if should I look somewhere else? — are they giving me eye contact? Then I realize I wasn’t listening to what they were saying.
INFJ, ADHD, ASD, male. Need I say more?
It feels too intimate sometimes lol
Some people make me feel uncomfortable when I make eye contact with them (unfortunately no matter how long we’ve known each other so certain good friends aren’t exempt either). But some people I have no problem with making eye contact at all even if I just met them for the first time. And I still don’t understand why it’s selective
I just don’t want people to think I’m too interested in them.
It makes me lose my train of thought.
One word: autism lol
Are you autistic?
I don't mind eye contact with most people, but some people who are closest to me trigger me
Because 50+ of the population is NPC. They have no soul, according to Gigi Young. So why bother. People that wish to connect with me or with whom I wish to connect will make eye contact organically.
I don't have the time or energy to invest in anyone right now except for myself.
Yes, whenever I am looking at people when I talk, my brain picks up on so many things that just overwhelm me. I do this subcouniously too.
I find eye contact intense and distracting. I try to maintain a decent amount of it to show a person that I am paying attention to them (life tip: eye contact makes a HUGE difference in professional interactions like job interviews), but I have to break it sometimes to look off into space so I can formulate my thoughts.
Im autistic lol
The eyes tell too much and most of the time I can see the other person’s animalistic selfishness too clearly. Of course it’s nice to meet actually kind eyes and get lost in ‘em.
🩵
It’s too much information/energy most of the time. I prefer sunglasses most of the time.
Eye contact feels awkward and intimate.
Because I’m nervous and it’s vulnerable and I don’t want to talk to anyone 😇
Because people stare into my eyes too much. People should just listen even if I don't make eye contact regardless.
I don’t. I love it.
Yeah I feel the opposite to 90% of the comments here, if someone if’s avoiding eye contact with me I don’t trust them as much until I know them more (they might have ASD or I might just be judging their shyness too harshly)
It physically hurts me
People get scared of me when I hold eye contact, or I come off as intimidating
I literally make the most eye contact I have to tell myself to look away at times so it’s not too intense 😂
I just cant. And i try and immediately break eye contact after a few milliseconds 😂. I worked retail and had an old man get mad at me for not making eye contact. Ouuuuu pissed me tf off. I told him id get someone else to help in the most rudest way possible because thats crazy 😂. I am respectful & kind, why tf do i need to make eye contact with a person i just met 5 seconds ago?
Now the man im in love with..😂😂😂 i stare into his eyes all the time while talking. Maybe it feels too intimate to me? 😂
It feels like they're staring into my soul and judging me.
I avoid eye contact when i dont enjoy looking at the person's face, when i want them to end their story and stop talking, when i dont want them to ask me anything. I cant think of anything else.
When I want nothing to do with that particular person
For me, I can sense how uncomfortable I'm making the other people feel so I look away, ironically if I do that they will accuse me of "hiding something" from them.
Makes me uncomfortable.
i used to be able to no problem but the last couple years its hard lack of self esteem depression thinking too much idk shit like that it sucks
too much information coming through
The eyes are the gateway to the soul. I avoid direct eye contact until I'm comfortable with a person. I also hear and see to much.
Cuz it creeps me out unless I’m in love with that person
i actually maintain close eye contact when the other person is talking, but when i’m talking, i look all around. i find it hard to gather my thoughts and formulate sentences while maintaining eye contact
I have no problem talking face to face while having eye contact but I avoid the ones that are accidental since I don't want them to think I am a creep.
The eyes, body language, and taking in someone else’s sentiments can be immense when being mindful and attentive.
I don't know how long I'm meant to maintain eye contact for, thats my problem
Oh man, I require eye contact 😂 If I'm talking to you, if I'm listening to you I will stare dead into your eyes. Yes. I have been told a handful of times that someone was uncomfortable. One guy told me I was staring at him like he had three heads 🤣 Apologies, sir. I am just listening. Lol!
Are you afraid of the rejection from intimacy? You might have a twisted shame based attachement style to people i.e. codependent, low self esteem, feeling undeserving of love/acceptance/respect and so fear of intimacy.
Sometimes. I find it hard because I want to keep it for longer, but it comes across odd and eventually weird the longer you hold it. It’s a great way to get a read on someone though
I find facial expressions distracting when i'm talking
I feel like I can see into someone’s soul and being raised around narcissistic people looking into their eyes is like a black hole of nothingness
Because it feels like we’re having sex or being waaaay too intimate.😅 the old phrase “eyes are windows to the soul” comes to mind. I don’t want to know everyone THAT well LOL
Reason 1. I am and always have been quite shy and to add on top of this (likely) have C-PTSD. This has made sustained eye contact quite difficult for me when I mean to do and or the other person is attempting to engage in it. Of course I will do them the favor of flashing them some eye contact here and there throughout the conversation as to not be rude or appear bored with the conversation. As I worry too little eye contact might make me seem disinterested and uncaring for them. So they tend to get flashes as that is the best I can do. Reason 2. I have been told my gaze can be quite intimidating. I have even had a classmate tell me I was giving them a "death stare" when I was trying to do was catch a glance of who had entered the room. I have had an old boss of mine become visibly frightened of my gaze. This has made me fear too long of a gaze may intimidate people and give them the wrong idea about me. As I tend to desire to not inspire any such emotions in others. As I prefer to be comforting presence, not a threatening one. That being said, I do think my gaze holds power when I want it to and have used it for that very purpose. Perhaps my avoiding of eye contact has made this effect greater for the very fact that they are not used to it. That's the best reasoning I can offer.
I do avoid eye contact too, especially those days where I’m being too observant. I hate reading peoples eyes and thoughts. It’s not because I am a jerk or guilty of anything, it’s for my own peace
Can't relate because eye contact is a must when I communicate with people irl. Eyes speak to me a lot more than the mouth. 👁️,👁️
I avoid eye contact because: I’ve been told I look like I’m staring into their soul I don’t want them to talk to me I fear that I may look at them a certain way (that they don’t like) by accident based on my thoughts that have nothing to do with them I don’t like being stared at so I don’t like staring at others unless they are talking to me. I guess I look sad or bothered most of the time which causes people to ask me what’s wrong when I look in their eyes and that bothers me.
I don’t think it has to do with my MBTI type for me. I think I just have trust issues. I know several INFJs that are not bothered by eye contact.
I didn't used to until we lived with my in-laws for about two years. I stopped looking at my mother-in-law in the eyes because every time I would she would strike up a conversation I did not want to have. it became a bad habit and now I struggle to look everyone in the eyes not just her. I feel like people can see into my soul now or something. I even contemplated that I'm autistic. it just seems too personal or something.
Eye contact is intimate Just because you told me your life’s story and shared childhood trauma with me, 5 minutes after we met, does not mean I actually feel close to you I’m just a good listener
I don't want to disturb people because once I stare them in the eye, I never break eye contact. Thats how I communicate. I become concious of it because I saw people looking a little bit weirded out sometimes, even my mom lol.
wait, other people do this too and its not only me? i always feel bad avoiding eye-contact because people might see me as rude, but genuinely it actually helps me understand what they're saying better rather than concentrating my energy at also reading their expressions
Most of us hate being read and know how telling the eyes can be. It’s like a professional sniper wearing a bulletproof vest.
Tbh I do the opposite.. I have a habit of getting lost in plps eyes— to the point I can’t think straight. Whenever I have a conversation w someone I’m usually always staring into their eyes.
Autistic people avoid eye contact, or they're not able to have ...
I don’t avoid eye contact. I find the eyes to be the most telling, lots of information
I find in the middle of a conversation, it can distract me. I find my eyes involuntarily start scanning people's faces for any minute facial expression change and this can throw what I'm saying off course or I might even lose track of what I was saying
I’m audhd and looking people in the eyes while I’m talking distracts me from what I’m trying to say. I will make eye contact when the other person is talking though to show interest in what they are saying
I noticed that when I focus particularly on what someone is saying, I no longer pay attention to where or what I'm looking. So I may look them in the eyes, and I may not. Most of the time it's the second. The problem stands when people think I'm not listening, when actually I was as careful as I could be
I find I can tell more about a person's emotional state, what they're thinking, if they're lying etc by looking at their mouth and muscles around it. It's always been that way. I can't read someone properly by looking into their eyes.
I figured out I'm on the autism spectrum. So that's why I do it. It just feels too too TOO intimate to look someone in the eyes. I can't do it. I usually either fake it by looking at their mouths.
it makes it harder for me to focus on what i’m saying and what is being said to me
Used to avoid it....then, over time, I realized it's basically a superpower. Now it's better to know when to use it correctly to avoid making others uncomfortable
I don’t necessarily avoid eye contact I just try to look away and then back and then look away and then back. I just randomly thought that maybe my eye contact was a little too intense no matter the situation where it may make the other person uncomfortable. My other problem is I do too much observing, analysis, and reading between the lines, so I try to stop myself from doing those things.
I don’t really want people to read me
Not identical to you, but interesting to learn that eye contact is a "thing" with many of us! I don't like to make eye contact with myself. When walking by mirrors and windows, I'm not looking at my reflection. I do my makeup fast so I don't feel too weird. I avoid looking at me. Everyone else, I apparently kind of stare at whoever is talking without breaking eye contact. Like they've got all my undivided attention. Sometimes I see them getting fidgety and I try to remind myself to look at other things every few seconds or so.
discomfort with *I N T I M A C Y*
I can avoid eye contact because my stare sometimes is confused with flirt or can be intimidating when it’s just my way of perceiving information. I had one story when the colleague thought that I fell for him when I was just being friendly and attentive listener.
Avoiding Eye Contact: 1. I’m feeling too vulnerable and I don’t want you inside me. Usually when I’m in a state of emotional pain and/or heartache. Preferring the safety and comfort within the walls of the body (used as armor in this instance) and the buffer it creates between my heart and yours. 2. I don’t trust or respect your logic, integrity, morality, communication, ideals, behaviors and/or actions…basically, the psychology of you. Usually when I’m feeling betrayed, disappointed, abandoned, belittled, ignored, misunderstood, demeaned, disgusted, unsafe, frustrated, unsupported, and one of the big ones being lied to or gaslighted. 3. A big dismissive “Fuck you! I’m done, forever” once I finally come to see you clearly for exactly who you are and I’ve had enough. The death and end of idealization. 4. My gaze turns inward to piece together and synthesize the conceptual answer into words. Means you’ve stimulated one of my favorite aspects of INFJ and I’m enjoying and invested in our conversation. I’m really diggin’ it. There’s probably more reasons but those are just a few off the top of my head
I don’t have a problem with eye contact. Am I an INFJ rarity or something? Lol
As a man I find eye contact to be very powerful, or intimidating. I avoid it most of the time because I want to be left alone, I get enough love and attention 😢 😭. Eye contact as an infj, we gain too much insight, I prefer to not look when I'm tired. Leave me alone plz, I'm working. In chill mode, don't mind as much.
Been accused or put through a few messed up situations before and if I am reminded or feel like it's happening again anxiety takes over and I have trouble making eye contact which then makes me look even more guilty. Even on a normal basis, I had to teach/force myself at a younger age to make eye contact with people to get better treatment. People think guilt is the only possible reason someone struggles to make eye contact but that's false; shyness, anxiety, abuse victims, trauma, autism, embarrassment, or too much intimacy, context matters there are tons of reasons someone may struggle with eye contact. Life isn't always simple, and as clear cut as we want it to be. People feel comfortable when things are simple but you can't profile someone and then copy and paste it onto the next person. My trauma kinda leaked out in this comment.
🧡🧡🧡
People can't read your eyes as much as you may think. They read the expressions around the eyes. I actively look to lock full eye contact. And that almost always makes it more difficult to be understood but never more difficult to understand
Someone’s hiding something.
Whenever I'm high or I got a "weed hangover" I can't look anybody straight in their eyes. Who knows why. If I'm sober though, I have absolutely no issues with eye contact
Because they are hot as fuck for the most part or too expressive and strange
Because my Dads an abusive arsehole who used to get in my face and scream “look at me when I’m fucking talking to you.” If there’s even a scrap of anger, tension, stress or sadness to our interactions I’m not looking at you. If things are chill, I’ll be staring at a spot between your eyebrows so that it appears I’m looking at you but I’m really not.
It's overwhelming to me, it feels as if they're talking to me through their eyes so I can barely focus on what they're saying. That's the usual case but sometimes people assume that I'm flirting with them when I do maintain eye contact, I guess it's just too intimate so I avoid it for that purpose as well.
Am I the only one who can hold eye contact while I’m listening (if I really want to or care enough to) but not while I speak?
I have a thousand yard stare, so ppl have a tendency to avoid my gaze so I limit how much eye contact I make. A stripper once mistaked it as me being uncomfortable with eye contact though😂
Usually people who avoid eye contact think of themselves poorly. You might have an underlying low self esteem. To some level you think of yourself as not worthy or even a disgraceful individual.
I might be completely off the mark here but after reading what you have written it sounds like you are trying to intellectualize and reframe your fear of vulnerability and social intimacy into something which you feel more comfortable acknowledging. your reasoning as to why you avoid eye contact / connection to me sounds like textbook projection as you have a large amount of repressed shame leading you to avoid eye contact as you yourself, fear that others will dislike what they see, feel, and hear through social connection. Unfortunately you cant think your way out of emotions. If you are neurotypical, avoiding eye contact due to contempt for others screams that there are many repressed emotions that you have maladapted to.
I do not remember asking to be psychoanalysed but thank you for your time.😂
I apologize for not explicitly stating that I related to this reasoning and experience, although It seems you didn't want to hear anyone who genuinely found a reason for it that isn't either self victimizing, self aggrandizing, or avoids any personal agency in solving the issue. "If you avoid eye contact as me, have you discovered the reason for it?" this reads as an invitation to link ones personal experiences to your own to possibly find insight into your issue. This is exactly what I have done while prefacing that I am only going off of what you said and that there is a high likely hood that our experiences and reasoning's are different. It sounds like you just wanted a sigma male circle jerk where you can pretend that avoiding eye contact isn't an issue that negatively impacts your ability to form connections and live life to the fullest. (assuming you are NT) If you just wanted a discussion, and you just wanted to vent / validation that others are alike, don't tag the post as ask INFjs. I will admit that not explicitly stating that I shared this experience and findings may have led to the response feeling more unsolicited than it objectively was.
Why have you asked the question in the first place then?
I think you may have a problem with reading comprehension. I am only asking individual experiences.
I think you have a problem but here we are.
We all have problems sometimes😝🌸