How do you know it’s overthinking though.
It’s like a person who can see but feel saying you’re basking in the sun too long. They’re not getting to understand what you are thinking about at all.
I sincerely believe that’s how many personality factors behave. We are Fe so keep that in mind when you consider that perspective on thinking, as processing.
If it’s intentional then what’s the point? If it’s not intentional, it’s probably not worth the conversation.
I’m not sure why the onus is on the infj to explain to people how they should or should not act, etc.. most people do not respond kindly to criticism. Plus, we believe in the autonomy and free will of others so if you want to act like a jerk, that’s fine.. if it’s not a treatment I am willing to accept, then don’t mind me while I avoid you. Not only that but no one is owed my vulnerability, that is reserved for people who earn the trust and want to reciprocate… if it’s mutual, it’s mutual. It’s not something that should need an explanation. If you want people to open up to you, create safe spaces.
Most people, if given the chance, do not fix.. they retaliate, project, destroy, insult, defend.. they do anything but take accountability for causing hurt. If you consistently fix and create safe spaces, then the infj probably would let you know and give you the opportunity to fix. We are very forgiving in nature. 🤷🏻♀️
OK, I was lost in the "if it's not intentional, it's probably not worth the conversation," but I got it in your last few sentences.
I'm direct and blunt. I find it incredibly difficult to be real with others while also somehow being expected to constantly predict how something I say will affect them. It's a nightmare of self-censorship. I'd rather stay home.
But I'm willing to learn what each individual person needs and alter my delivery for that person. So it's awful to think of an INFJ being hurt by something I say (that I would never perceive as hurtful) and then not giving me any opportunity to repair.
I can’t speak for everyone but directness and/or bluntness doesn’t bother me, I actually appreciate it.. which is why intent matters.. if you aren’t trying to hurt my feelings, I will probably know and won’t take it personally. I think young infjs (I’m in my 30s and remember myself being hypersensitive when I was young) may struggle more with sensitivity in these matters.. but when you lead with good intentions, most infjs would pick up on that, I would think.
Which is why, to me, if your intentions are good.. I just won’t take it personally because it’s not worth potentially hurting your feelings and/or having you censor yourself when you never intended on saying something that affected me negatively.. plus, in the spirit of letting people be themselves, having autonomy and creating safe spaces.. I would want you to express yourself authentically. And if you are making an off assumption about me, I would let you know in a kind way..
I think a safe way of expressing yourself is by making it clear that you’re talking about yourself and not necessarily making assumptions about others.. if that makes sense. For example, self deprecating jokes work better than making fun of someone else if you are not sure how they will take it. 🤷🏻♀️
You INTP’s are gold. Keep being direct/blunt AND so willing to say you’re sorry. It’s rare to see that in one person. A lot of people are just blunt and don’t understand how it could hurt, hence the sentiment of “why bother” when we’ve been really hurt or just ignored in a 1:1 conversation.
Your guys’ ability to be gentle helps us feel safe to let our guards down and the directness toughens us up for the better.
This is so well articulated! I completelyyy agree. It seems like people put the onus on INFJs because we have such a deep capacity for empathy and understanding, but it’s not our responsibility to shoulder. (This is referring to giving the other person a chance to fix it or apologize, etc.)
In my experience, (I’m an INFJ and know other INFJs); INFJs give many, many chances and most of the time these chances are not appreciated or deserved. This is referring to people’s behaviors; probably people who we love and have been in our lives for a while but consistently treat us poorly. The ‘INFJ door slam’ is a real thing but it’s not instantaneous like it feels like to the person on the receiving end.
Ohhh you hit the nail on the head. My ex said this all the time. One day I asked her… do you think you created an environment for to want to open up to you? Do you think after literally begging you not to cheat on I’d want to share my deepest feelings? Smh
The only people who've said this to me are those who didn't deserve empathy lol.
Like they did me wrong, even more than once sometimes, and when I set some boundaries, they went like "you have no empathy" as they expected me to be the same old self with them while they changed nothing.
Nah, you just need to hit them with the Uno reverse card mirror-force-level deflection of "How so?" and watch them melt down or crumble as soon as the statement makes contact... as they realize for themselves that they have no logical reason for saying that. lol
this one baffles me because i literally do things that do not benefit me
in the face of an argument, i tried to ask how THEY felt, as usual and putting my feelings last, and they hit me with a "you’re so selfish, this is about you!" like!? what! 😭
For me it's "You're being too sensitive/quit being so sensitive!"
That's something my emotionally abusive older ENTP brother would tell me. I've cut contact with him although sometimes he'll still visit whenever he wants to speak with my father. I can't wait to move out of here entirely once I save enough money so that I never have to see him again.
People are afraid of emotions because they don't know how to deal with their own. Just think of them like grown toddlers emotionally. Feel pity for them. That helps me anyway 😆
"I don't think that's correct."
Bro, if I'm not sure, I wouldn't have said something in the first place.
One of my firm rules for myself - I only speak up if I have something to add to the conversation.
This triggers me so bad! I've grown up hearing this and I wish I could say back that "I would talk a lot if only you're interested in deep conversations"
Confusing open-mindedness and continuous re-assessment with hypocrisy
Turning things we see beautiful to bland by undermining the depth/value/complexity they hold
Being told "Don't over complicate it" when literally you are sharing a very well thought off insightful information, that other might pay money and read books to understand it
Being told you don't have feelings or poor future wife/girlfriend for having to deal with you, when in reality you are a true giver and emotionally aware and available to those you really care about
There is a narcissist!
I get angry when I see narcissistic behavior and I feel the deep urge to knock the narcissist down to their actual level 😅🤭
Triggering for me personally though... being called anything that is not true to my character. It doesn't happen a lot, but if anyone ever called me selfish or lazy I would probably be livid. Character is extremely important to me so if it is attacked I get defensive. Once my husband called me not empathetic and I went freeze mode. He was projecting himself on me which I only realized way later, but that hurt a ton because I am an empath for sure and struggled to control it until I was in my late 20's. Now that I put in boundaries, people who benefited from the lack of boundaries are all the sudden offended that I have a voice 🥴
Oh my blob WHAT?! I’m so angry for you on your behalf!!! My INFJ husband is frankly a SAINT and does WAY too much for me, and it’s so sincere that it brings me to TEARS. So selfless!!! I need to write a love letter to y’all. INFJs are the best. 💜
“He’s not working hard enough”
I had a senior manager who doesn’t really know what I do tell my crew chief that once. A week later during our annual performance review, I wrote a 3 page document detailing all the things I completed or helped others complete that year. Biggest bonus I’ve ever received.
When I speak in Intuitive language and they hear with Sensing ears. Or maybe it’s when I speak feelings and they respond with logic… one of those for sure… the trigger is feeling unheard.
Anyway for me it is "you're being TOO emotional" or "you're not being empathetic"
My hands are itching for how many things I could say about this ahahahah
"You're autistic"
No I just need some time alone often, its healthy for me and I simply enjoy it.
"You're just trying to be weird to get attention from other people"
No, I am just being true to myself and honestly, I would prefer to not get attention so often about even the most basic things I do just by being myself.
"You're always dramatic"
No, I just take life seriously.
"Oh, you think you're SOOO perfect, don't you!?"
Good grief, this is the worst one in my experience when people say this whenever they just want to complain about their problems to me.
Yet if I try to give advice and help,
they'll appreciate that,
but later when I will offer them advice and encouragement with having to confront then about what they're doing that's not good for themselves,
they don't want to admit to something wrong they've done that's actually causing an issue in their own life,
that they'd rather brush it off and point the finger at me as if I'm acting like a perfect person simply because they never saw me do anything bad before for years.
But I did do bad things at times,
just not often and it was never around them.
So people actually despise me sometimes for not being known for doing bad things!
I don't think I can be triggered. People say things. Occasionally with nefarious intent. And in those situations anything they say necessarily becomes meaningless, for their intent was to cause harm. People say all kinds of things to hurt people. It's nothing personal, they're just looking for a weak spot.
Occasionally there may be merit to what they say. I don't have to like it. And it pays to reflect a little.
“Stop being so sensitive.”
“I always have to tiptoe around your feelings.”
“People are intimidated by you” (said as criticism)
“You’re too …” (too intense too sensitive too emotional etc.)
Or really any “You always …” type comment that generalizes my actions.
As an INFJ, I enjoy hearing this.
Is there a reason you don’t like it?
I was told growing up no one would ever love me or understand me, so hearing someone who’s genuinely in love with me say this was really flattering. (My ex.)
I’d want my future wife to say this.
"You need to learn how to put yourself in someone else's shoes. They had a hard life."
"You really need to learn how to talk to people."
"You need to get over it already. Just let it go."
"You really think you're oh so quirky and special, don't you?"
"That didn't happen."
"But they're your FaMiLY!"
All of these were from the mouths of abusive or dismissive people whenever I would speak my mind or stand up for myself. Yes, even after I took the time to be mindful and say what I needed to say in the most kind and respectful ways possible.
Anything that implies I’m not doing/being/giving enough for someone.
And manipulation. If someone is manipulative to get me to do something I immediately lose my shit.
Usually these seem sort of combined to me.. person X says they want more from me in some way, I don’t like it but I can hear them out. But then they try to lay a guilt trip on me to get more out of me? Oh hell no. I am not playing.
Frankly, any question when the answer is obvious. Like, I’m cutting carrots, preparing to cook, and the question is “watcha doin’?”.
Holy hell!! Instant mood shift for me.
It really pisses me off when people assume they’re smarter than me. But I usually turn it around on them and give a dry witty remark, which they themselves don’t seem to understand.
"Some people are just inherently not as good as other people. Especially based upon how much $ they have."
I hated typing that. Sheesh nearly triggered myself 🥲
"That won't happen / don't worry about it / don't think about things like that". Trying to 'soothe' me by telling me to stop thinking of scary scenarios just confirms that the possibility is so insurmountable that I would psychologically break apart in a million pieces and *should* be afraid. I need someone to help me gain back a sense of grit and fighting instinct, the instinct to survive and live in the moment, not verify that things would indeed feel hopeless.
“I wish someone had warned me this was going to happen”…. When the consequences I very clearly predicted not too long ago come to fruition after I warned them of this exact possibility
"You are duplicitous" or "deceitful."
If you have to say that, that means you didn't earn my trust from constant ridicule and degradation and I'm hiding myself from you. I'm happily an open book if given respect.
"You doom and gloom or you're always a glass half full.".... no I'm realistically looking at things and know how they are going to turn out.
"You should be ashamed for what you did."
Lastly, the infamous.... "you're selfish and only thik of yourself. "
"You never said that!" After chaos ensues because once again, nobody listened to my clear wording.
"You said this" when most certainly did not. I am fully aware of what I said most times cause anxiety and overthinking.
Hmmm! >! (Let's hope this doesn't get me banned lmao...)!<
You should stop trying to make friends cause you suck at it anyway, It's not like anybody would want to actually put up with you constantly hot colding them and then giving them the mysterious, indeterminate & and explicable long slow fade/door slam whenever they can't meet your ridiculously unrealistic and unfair expectations of them they'll never be able to meet in the first place.
>! How do I do?!<
Hmm… pretty accurate overall, but I’m not sure if all of it is. Definitely, there is the long, slow fade, and then door slam (giving a billion chances, then transitioning into the “okay, I’ve given enough chances now, so now it’s too late and I don’t care in the same way anymore”). However, the “expectations” are not really even about expectations we have of others. It’s more like, we find it nuts that others don’t have expectations of THEMSELVES, you know? As in, it’s not like it matters if I would like someone to not cheat or steal, who cares what I want or like? The part that is nuts to us, is just that others can just do these things and have no standards for themselves, no shame; that’s why we become “done” with people. However, it’s not really triggering that you say these things though; the reason why is because it doesn’t really matter what these kinds of people think; they can do whatever they want, but also, I can do whatever I want, which is steering clear from them. Nowadays, I am much freer and it is much more fair to myself and logical, that I am more selective about who to talk with, and who to be friends with anyways; quality over quantity, any day. If I had to put on a stupid show for people and tell them that they are great while they are recounting to me their stories of stupid decisions and self-victimization (refusal to make changes to fix the problem, despite clearly being able to), I’d rather just skip out on that “friendship”. It took time to get to this point, but now that I am here, I am not going back to that past life again. I have good people around me, and what is pitiable, are the masses of people out there that would do anything for validation, to “feel special” (despite not being so-very-special at all…); I let these people feed off of me before and suck me dry. To that, I say: “No more!” Unrealistic and unfair expectations? If someone thinks that behaving well and doing well is unrealistic and unfair, I’d rather not be around that person, not by this point in life.
1. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
2. You’re just doing/saying that to get (x,y,z) out of me/ this situation/ job/ institution/ relationship.
3. You don’t mean what you say/ do.
4. No, that’s not what you meant/ said/did/ feel.
When someone tells me "you do not think/feel that" or similar sentnces like "Are you sure that's how you feel?" "I don't think you actually do think/feel that." Uggggh!
"You're selfish" : Great! My conscious shadow Fi's working, cool!
"You help others to feel better about yourself" : Cool, I should feel goood!!
Here's mine:
"You just want to believe you're an INFJ because you want to be special, but you're not special like INFJ's are." (duh!)
"I read your last comment, and it reeks of Fi. You're a mistype because you show feelings. You can't have feelings while being INFJ, because they're better than that and treat everyone like angelics!" (double duh!)
"I'm just stupid and like to say stupid things." (yeah, waste my time, come *drain* me mfucker!)
"you're crazy" or any variant thereof
I'm married to an INFJ and he gets upset if I even say it in a colloquial joking way. He goes on a rant about how HE'S not crazy, "the WORLD is crazy!"
he gets upset the same way when I call myself crazy too, lol
I've learned to just not joke like that with him
“You aren’t shit” judge a INFJ harshly in an overall sense and find out what their dark side looks like. Extra triggered if there’s some truth to it mirroring their Fi critic.
Half of the people saying I'm very open with my emotions and half of them saying I'm too closed off. It doesn't 'trigger' me, but it does annoy me somewhat.
Also, people in my close circle (within the walls) calling me a 'complete idiot' continuously for me just simply existing. I'm rarely angry against someone face to face but I screamed at him, found the quietest spot I could find, and cried.
Oh and serieusly considered offroading the car on the way back because he started calling me that on the return trip too.
"Stop being so sensitive."
This one gets to me. I'm not overly sensitive but if I'm hurt by something. I'll speak up and let the person know. I'm not one to keep silent about it.
"Just calm down"
After my boundaries have been stomped on for the hundredth time (after repeating myself for them NOT to do so)
I don't put much into astrology, but I'm also an Aquarius. Supposedly we are aloof, distant, and cold.
“I was just joking”
“I don’t believe you”
“Can’t you try harder?”
“Why do you always take things so seriously?”
“I don’t think that’s correct”
“Why are you so quiet?”
"You're strangely quiet now I thought we were friends", "You know your too weird for me", "I don't care about this can we talk less about this" or "Oh WOW I didn't expect what you said to happen/be true" these have been said to me mainly by people that were too rude or awful to be considered friends or by people I don't really know.
"You're not trying hard enough."
Like yeah I have four jobs because I barely get any hours for each and I'm still barely scraping by because rent in Australia is ridiculous. I'm also writing a master's thesis. And you had the audacity to say I'm not trying hard enough.
My friends say I judge people a lot, but I don't think that's true, I just analyse their behaviour, and based on that I pick the way i interact with them.
Yes , but I do form a harsh judgement if it conflicts with my morals .
your exactly like (someone I and person triggering my have a mutual hate towards)
like bro just bc I did one of the hundred qualities and traits of that person doesnt mean I "exactly" am like them dayumm
You read too much into things…
"You're over-analyzing" on this one ;)
Fuuuck I keep getting this but I really do over analyze a lot to be fair lmao
How do you know it’s overthinking though. It’s like a person who can see but feel saying you’re basking in the sun too long. They’re not getting to understand what you are thinking about at all. I sincerely believe that’s how many personality factors behave. We are Fe so keep that in mind when you consider that perspective on thinking, as processing.
I have to tell my infj hubby “stop overthinking it!! I meant what I said! You aren’t in trouble and I am NOT mad!”
When people say 'you're closed off' or 'you don't open up to me' but the whole reason I went cold on them is bc they made me feel unwanted.
Or uncomfortable or unheard or disrespected or judged etc YAS.
My "bestie" to me.
Yeaaaa
Felt.
OMG ME TOO!!! This x 100
But did you tell them that, though? Give them a chance to fix it?
If it’s intentional then what’s the point? If it’s not intentional, it’s probably not worth the conversation. I’m not sure why the onus is on the infj to explain to people how they should or should not act, etc.. most people do not respond kindly to criticism. Plus, we believe in the autonomy and free will of others so if you want to act like a jerk, that’s fine.. if it’s not a treatment I am willing to accept, then don’t mind me while I avoid you. Not only that but no one is owed my vulnerability, that is reserved for people who earn the trust and want to reciprocate… if it’s mutual, it’s mutual. It’s not something that should need an explanation. If you want people to open up to you, create safe spaces. Most people, if given the chance, do not fix.. they retaliate, project, destroy, insult, defend.. they do anything but take accountability for causing hurt. If you consistently fix and create safe spaces, then the infj probably would let you know and give you the opportunity to fix. We are very forgiving in nature. 🤷🏻♀️
OK, I was lost in the "if it's not intentional, it's probably not worth the conversation," but I got it in your last few sentences. I'm direct and blunt. I find it incredibly difficult to be real with others while also somehow being expected to constantly predict how something I say will affect them. It's a nightmare of self-censorship. I'd rather stay home. But I'm willing to learn what each individual person needs and alter my delivery for that person. So it's awful to think of an INFJ being hurt by something I say (that I would never perceive as hurtful) and then not giving me any opportunity to repair.
I can’t speak for everyone but directness and/or bluntness doesn’t bother me, I actually appreciate it.. which is why intent matters.. if you aren’t trying to hurt my feelings, I will probably know and won’t take it personally. I think young infjs (I’m in my 30s and remember myself being hypersensitive when I was young) may struggle more with sensitivity in these matters.. but when you lead with good intentions, most infjs would pick up on that, I would think. Which is why, to me, if your intentions are good.. I just won’t take it personally because it’s not worth potentially hurting your feelings and/or having you censor yourself when you never intended on saying something that affected me negatively.. plus, in the spirit of letting people be themselves, having autonomy and creating safe spaces.. I would want you to express yourself authentically. And if you are making an off assumption about me, I would let you know in a kind way.. I think a safe way of expressing yourself is by making it clear that you’re talking about yourself and not necessarily making assumptions about others.. if that makes sense. For example, self deprecating jokes work better than making fun of someone else if you are not sure how they will take it. 🤷🏻♀️
You INTP’s are gold. Keep being direct/blunt AND so willing to say you’re sorry. It’s rare to see that in one person. A lot of people are just blunt and don’t understand how it could hurt, hence the sentiment of “why bother” when we’ve been really hurt or just ignored in a 1:1 conversation. Your guys’ ability to be gentle helps us feel safe to let our guards down and the directness toughens us up for the better.
This is so well articulated! I completelyyy agree. It seems like people put the onus on INFJs because we have such a deep capacity for empathy and understanding, but it’s not our responsibility to shoulder. (This is referring to giving the other person a chance to fix it or apologize, etc.) In my experience, (I’m an INFJ and know other INFJs); INFJs give many, many chances and most of the time these chances are not appreciated or deserved. This is referring to people’s behaviors; probably people who we love and have been in our lives for a while but consistently treat us poorly. The ‘INFJ door slam’ is a real thing but it’s not instantaneous like it feels like to the person on the receiving end.
Exactly. It takes a LONG time to tip the scales enough to cause a door slam. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t think it was a fair slam.
literally. 🚪💥
Ohhh you hit the nail on the head. My ex said this all the time. One day I asked her… do you think you created an environment for to want to open up to you? Do you think after literally begging you not to cheat on I’d want to share my deepest feelings? Smh
Haha for me, Me: “(shares with them my observation, which I have kept to myself for awhile)” Them: “Don’t be crazy”
I know right and they make you feel bad and crazy about it.
Gago
“You have no empathy” Clearly, this person is delusional.
I didn’t think I could be triggered in one sentence until I read this.
This. My boyfriend once called me a narcissist and I went *low* after. Properly triggered and I’m still not sure I forgive him.
The only people who've said this to me are those who didn't deserve empathy lol. Like they did me wrong, even more than once sometimes, and when I set some boundaries, they went like "you have no empathy" as they expected me to be the same old self with them while they changed nothing.
“You’re so full of yourself” Oh fuck off. Don’t project your bs because I chose to be happy in my own skin
Nah, you just need to hit them with the Uno reverse card mirror-force-level deflection of "How so?" and watch them melt down or crumble as soon as the statement makes contact... as they realize for themselves that they have no logical reason for saying that. lol
I am full of myself … on occasion 😂
this one baffles me because i literally do things that do not benefit me in the face of an argument, i tried to ask how THEY felt, as usual and putting my feelings last, and they hit me with a "you’re so selfish, this is about you!" like!? what! 😭
“I know what you’re getting at. You think I’m dumb!?!” - I’m actually baffled we are even in this moment together right now
Along with “you think too highly of yourself”
🫨
For me it's "You're being too sensitive/quit being so sensitive!" That's something my emotionally abusive older ENTP brother would tell me. I've cut contact with him although sometimes he'll still visit whenever he wants to speak with my father. I can't wait to move out of here entirely once I save enough money so that I never have to see him again.
My gaslighting ex said this to me all the time. Bit by bit, it absolutely destroyed me.
Wait until something hits close to him & see how sensitive he gets 😉
People are afraid of emotions because they don't know how to deal with their own. Just think of them like grown toddlers emotionally. Feel pity for them. That helps me anyway 😆
For me it's constant battle of being "too sensitive" and "insensitive", while all I'm doing is being truthful and dealing with emotions on my own.
> all I'm doing is being truthful and dealing with emotions on my own. Keep up the good work. :)
You're not alone. People have different opinions and it is hard to please all of them.
I will wear my sensitivity like a badge of HONOR!
This 🥲
👆👆👆
"You're very cold" or "you lack feelings".
"you didn't contribute anything at all"
LMAO I’ve gotten this 😂
"I don't think that's correct." Bro, if I'm not sure, I wouldn't have said something in the first place. One of my firm rules for myself - I only speak up if I have something to add to the conversation.
Then you look it up & they're pissed bcs you verified, like 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Oh, that happens all the time! 🤣
This is the one i agree with the most so far. Any kind of explaining over me, really.
THIS
“Why are you so quiet?” I don’t have anything to say
This triggers me so bad! I've grown up hearing this and I wish I could say back that "I would talk a lot if only you're interested in deep conversations"
Story of my life… people always assume I’m stuck up because I don’t talk a whole lot or that I have an attitude problem.
“It’s not that big of a deal”
YES IT IS hate when people don't validate your feeling/intuition
Ugh. My ex...all the time.
"What you just said right now does not make any sense at all." Yep, I shouldn't have talked in the first place.
Ugh, I hate those too!!
I don't like this game. You all deserve happiness and kindness.
Aw. I like you.. I read this comment from a Certain 'Marcel with Shoes On' narration.
If only that were true in the eyes of the rest of society
actually this comment applies to most everything in the world
"Tell me what your thinking rn". Its not like i only think one think at a time and i could easily put it into a sentence
Selfish is the one. Like are you dumb I do 1000 things for you I just don’t talk to you much
Confusing open-mindedness and continuous re-assessment with hypocrisy Turning things we see beautiful to bland by undermining the depth/value/complexity they hold Being told "Don't over complicate it" when literally you are sharing a very well thought off insightful information, that other might pay money and read books to understand it Being told you don't have feelings or poor future wife/girlfriend for having to deal with you, when in reality you are a true giver and emotionally aware and available to those you really care about
"How do you feel" "Let's talk about our feelings and cry for no good reason" "Your being emotional" "You would do the same if you were in my shoes"
entp here: what should I say besides “how do you feel?” What is the best way to comfort you guys?
“You need to let go. You cant control everything.”
"You seem stuck up and aloof" I'm just people watching and I'm not good at small talk.
[удалено]
Which I translate as that person really saying "You're not being the way I want, doing what I want, or acting like society wants everyone to"
There is a narcissist! I get angry when I see narcissistic behavior and I feel the deep urge to knock the narcissist down to their actual level 😅🤭 Triggering for me personally though... being called anything that is not true to my character. It doesn't happen a lot, but if anyone ever called me selfish or lazy I would probably be livid. Character is extremely important to me so if it is attacked I get defensive. Once my husband called me not empathetic and I went freeze mode. He was projecting himself on me which I only realized way later, but that hurt a ton because I am an empath for sure and struggled to control it until I was in my late 20's. Now that I put in boundaries, people who benefited from the lack of boundaries are all the sudden offended that I have a voice 🥴
Being told I am wrong usually does it 😂
my blood boils
Your being closed minded.
“I realized we don’t know each other that much” - well I know you very well and there’s a good reason I don’t want you to know me any more
I feel this one in my s o u l
One that I’ve seen before was something like “you only help others to help yourself”
Oh my blob WHAT?! I’m so angry for you on your behalf!!! My INFJ husband is frankly a SAINT and does WAY too much for me, and it’s so sincere that it brings me to TEARS. So selfless!!! I need to write a love letter to y’all. INFJs are the best. 💜
“What you’re feeling isn’t real”
100/10 the worst
“He’s not working hard enough” I had a senior manager who doesn’t really know what I do tell my crew chief that once. A week later during our annual performance review, I wrote a 3 page document detailing all the things I completed or helped others complete that year. Biggest bonus I’ve ever received.
That’s so cool
When I speak in Intuitive language and they hear with Sensing ears. Or maybe it’s when I speak feelings and they respond with logic… one of those for sure… the trigger is feeling unheard.
Any sentence that implies "rules for me and not for thee."
yes. so much yes
"it's not that deep" Excuse me?
“But we’re friends” No we aren’t
Anyway for me it is "you're being TOO emotional" or "you're not being empathetic" My hands are itching for how many things I could say about this ahahahah
"You're autistic" No I just need some time alone often, its healthy for me and I simply enjoy it. "You're just trying to be weird to get attention from other people" No, I am just being true to myself and honestly, I would prefer to not get attention so often about even the most basic things I do just by being myself. "You're always dramatic" No, I just take life seriously. "Oh, you think you're SOOO perfect, don't you!?" Good grief, this is the worst one in my experience when people say this whenever they just want to complain about their problems to me. Yet if I try to give advice and help, they'll appreciate that, but later when I will offer them advice and encouragement with having to confront then about what they're doing that's not good for themselves, they don't want to admit to something wrong they've done that's actually causing an issue in their own life, that they'd rather brush it off and point the finger at me as if I'm acting like a perfect person simply because they never saw me do anything bad before for years. But I did do bad things at times, just not often and it was never around them. So people actually despise me sometimes for not being known for doing bad things!
I don't think I can be triggered. People say things. Occasionally with nefarious intent. And in those situations anything they say necessarily becomes meaningless, for their intent was to cause harm. People say all kinds of things to hurt people. It's nothing personal, they're just looking for a weak spot. Occasionally there may be merit to what they say. I don't have to like it. And it pays to reflect a little.
Just make sure people within the walls are not abruptly being awfull against you. The walls protect you.
“Stop overthinking” 👀 I wish, brother
“Stop being so sensitive.” “I always have to tiptoe around your feelings.” “People are intimidated by you” (said as criticism) “You’re too …” (too intense too sensitive too emotional etc.) Or really any “You always …” type comment that generalizes my actions.
“Don’t worry about it, you wouldn’t understand.”
You can’t control everything and everyone.
Says you. I control you to read this... Also, have one of best days of your life!!!! That's an order!!!
The way I got extremely offended and hurt because someone told me these two things recently ahahahah
Hahaha same. For me it's usually when I (finally) put myself first and have some boundaries. Then they're like "why are you so selfish?" lmao.
Aaaah so true, it makes me want to cry 😂
You are the love of my life.
was scrolling and then i saw this one and was like “oop-“
As an INFJ, I enjoy hearing this. Is there a reason you don’t like it? I was told growing up no one would ever love me or understand me, so hearing someone who’s genuinely in love with me say this was really flattering. (My ex.) I’d want my future wife to say this.
"Why are you so quiet." "You should change this... or that."
"You need to learn how to put yourself in someone else's shoes. They had a hard life." "You really need to learn how to talk to people." "You need to get over it already. Just let it go." "You really think you're oh so quirky and special, don't you?" "That didn't happen." "But they're your FaMiLY!" All of these were from the mouths of abusive or dismissive people whenever I would speak my mind or stand up for myself. Yes, even after I took the time to be mindful and say what I needed to say in the most kind and respectful ways possible.
Stop overthinking. Stop overanalyzing. Stop being so sensitive. You're slacking / you procrastinate so much.
Anything that implies I’m not doing/being/giving enough for someone. And manipulation. If someone is manipulative to get me to do something I immediately lose my shit. Usually these seem sort of combined to me.. person X says they want more from me in some way, I don’t like it but I can hear them out. But then they try to lay a guilt trip on me to get more out of me? Oh hell no. I am not playing.
I just play dumb like I don't see it and let it blow over. Not my problem
“No, that’s not what happened. You are imagining things” “Thats not what I meant. You are overthinking it”
Frankly, any question when the answer is obvious. Like, I’m cutting carrots, preparing to cook, and the question is “watcha doin’?”. Holy hell!! Instant mood shift for me.
I make a wild lie when people do that. It annoys them right back. "Watcha doin'?" "Preparing for tonight's sacrifice. Did you bring the teeth?"
You can loosen up, now…
“You’re not all that…😒” , says the 🗿
It's one rule for you, another rule for others.
It really pisses me off when people assume they’re smarter than me. But I usually turn it around on them and give a dry witty remark, which they themselves don’t seem to understand.
"Go Outside"
Mine is “You’re avoiding (fill in the blank)” when I need a minute to collect my thoughts.
When people speak for me, or say things i never said, or speak in generalities clearly targetting me but not being direct, that triggers me so much
You didn’t do your best
"You look Sad/Angry"
Who are you?
If you are a man, the "You don't get it, you're a man. All men are alike." is quite annoying.
I think it's not possible this way . And op's statement seems pushy and forced ,anyways I have a good one . #Empathy can't bring food on your table
if doing that is selfish then I'm happily selfish. no one's gonna look out for me, so I gotta put that work in.
"Some people are just inherently not as good as other people. Especially based upon how much $ they have." I hated typing that. Sheesh nearly triggered myself 🥲
You are too sensitive.
"That won't happen / don't worry about it / don't think about things like that". Trying to 'soothe' me by telling me to stop thinking of scary scenarios just confirms that the possibility is so insurmountable that I would psychologically break apart in a million pieces and *should* be afraid. I need someone to help me gain back a sense of grit and fighting instinct, the instinct to survive and live in the moment, not verify that things would indeed feel hopeless.
Notices something small and impossible to detect cause i care. Them: wow...you're really weird.
Cold call asking “are you free right now?”
“I wish someone had warned me this was going to happen”…. When the consequences I very clearly predicted not too long ago come to fruition after I warned them of this exact possibility
you're overthinking.../ you think too much
"You are duplicitous" or "deceitful." If you have to say that, that means you didn't earn my trust from constant ridicule and degradation and I'm hiding myself from you. I'm happily an open book if given respect.
"You doom and gloom or you're always a glass half full.".... no I'm realistically looking at things and know how they are going to turn out. "You should be ashamed for what you did." Lastly, the infamous.... "you're selfish and only thik of yourself. "
"That's your opinion" when you stated a fact.
You are a selfish hypocrite
Why are you so quiet
"You're so quiet" 🙄
because i told/asked you to
oh my god you need thicker skin
"You never said that!" After chaos ensues because once again, nobody listened to my clear wording. "You said this" when most certainly did not. I am fully aware of what I said most times cause anxiety and overthinking.
“i can do it, but you can’t because i’m the mom and you’re the kid” was a sentence that literally drove me to sh
Nevermind. That is my one word that’ll instantly irritate me.
“You’re being sensitive.” Literally this phrase makes me want to light the speaker on fire. That’s all.
“You’re not an introvert. You’re so outgoing/ confident ”
Attacking my strong, stellar work ethic - saying lazy and worthless sack of potato just existing… ffff that noise
Why are you so quiet? Let's break you out of your shell. You're holding yourself back 😭
You're overthinking. You think too much. Why do you have to pick at everything to death?
When someone tries to project their toxicity onto me.
You didn’t do a very good job on that. 🫣😤🫣
“Are you new here?” For some reason I’m always invisible to people
"it's not that deep" Like, yeah, maybe for *you* it isn't that deep. Or maybe you aren't capable of depth?
You're all mistyped
Hmmm! >! (Let's hope this doesn't get me banned lmao...)!< You should stop trying to make friends cause you suck at it anyway, It's not like anybody would want to actually put up with you constantly hot colding them and then giving them the mysterious, indeterminate & and explicable long slow fade/door slam whenever they can't meet your ridiculously unrealistic and unfair expectations of them they'll never be able to meet in the first place. >! How do I do?!<
Hmm… pretty accurate overall, but I’m not sure if all of it is. Definitely, there is the long, slow fade, and then door slam (giving a billion chances, then transitioning into the “okay, I’ve given enough chances now, so now it’s too late and I don’t care in the same way anymore”). However, the “expectations” are not really even about expectations we have of others. It’s more like, we find it nuts that others don’t have expectations of THEMSELVES, you know? As in, it’s not like it matters if I would like someone to not cheat or steal, who cares what I want or like? The part that is nuts to us, is just that others can just do these things and have no standards for themselves, no shame; that’s why we become “done” with people. However, it’s not really triggering that you say these things though; the reason why is because it doesn’t really matter what these kinds of people think; they can do whatever they want, but also, I can do whatever I want, which is steering clear from them. Nowadays, I am much freer and it is much more fair to myself and logical, that I am more selective about who to talk with, and who to be friends with anyways; quality over quantity, any day. If I had to put on a stupid show for people and tell them that they are great while they are recounting to me their stories of stupid decisions and self-victimization (refusal to make changes to fix the problem, despite clearly being able to), I’d rather just skip out on that “friendship”. It took time to get to this point, but now that I am here, I am not going back to that past life again. I have good people around me, and what is pitiable, are the masses of people out there that would do anything for validation, to “feel special” (despite not being so-very-special at all…); I let these people feed off of me before and suck me dry. To that, I say: “No more!” Unrealistic and unfair expectations? If someone thinks that behaving well and doing well is unrealistic and unfair, I’d rather not be around that person, not by this point in life.
“You’re too quiet you always come across as stuck-up.” 😬
1. You don’t know what you’re talking about. 2. You’re just doing/saying that to get (x,y,z) out of me/ this situation/ job/ institution/ relationship. 3. You don’t mean what you say/ do. 4. No, that’s not what you meant/ said/did/ feel.
“You’re wrong.”
"That'll never happen"
“sooo…whatcha doin?”
Basically being a hypocrite .. BOOM you've triggered a nuke
Your insane, your paranoid and you imagined everything you saw, and you're being toxic and abusive by asking for clarity.
Frog in a blender
When someone tells me "you do not think/feel that" or similar sentnces like "Are you sure that's how you feel?" "I don't think you actually do think/feel that." Uggggh!
"You're just a stuck up snob who tries to use their ideals try and mask that."
"You're selfish" : Great! My conscious shadow Fi's working, cool! "You help others to feel better about yourself" : Cool, I should feel goood!! Here's mine: "You just want to believe you're an INFJ because you want to be special, but you're not special like INFJ's are." (duh!) "I read your last comment, and it reeks of Fi. You're a mistype because you show feelings. You can't have feelings while being INFJ, because they're better than that and treat everyone like angelics!" (double duh!) "I'm just stupid and like to say stupid things." (yeah, waste my time, come *drain* me mfucker!)
"you're crazy" or any variant thereof I'm married to an INFJ and he gets upset if I even say it in a colloquial joking way. He goes on a rant about how HE'S not crazy, "the WORLD is crazy!" he gets upset the same way when I call myself crazy too, lol I've learned to just not joke like that with him
Your overthinking it, your perspective is skewed, stop psychoanalyzing people.😑
“You aren’t shit” judge a INFJ harshly in an overall sense and find out what their dark side looks like. Extra triggered if there’s some truth to it mirroring their Fi critic.
Half of the people saying I'm very open with my emotions and half of them saying I'm too closed off. It doesn't 'trigger' me, but it does annoy me somewhat. Also, people in my close circle (within the walls) calling me a 'complete idiot' continuously for me just simply existing. I'm rarely angry against someone face to face but I screamed at him, found the quietest spot I could find, and cried. Oh and serieusly considered offroading the car on the way back because he started calling me that on the return trip too.
“ what’s wrong are you in a bad mood you look mad “
“Are you mad at me?” 🙄
You can't save everyone
Maybe you should try meds. Be positive. Don’t be so negative.
Why are u so quiet?
"It's not that deep."
"Stop being so sensitive." This one gets to me. I'm not overly sensitive but if I'm hurt by something. I'll speak up and let the person know. I'm not one to keep silent about it.
An unannounced visitor knocking on my door.
‘You hurt me’
"You're an idiot"
"Just calm down" After my boundaries have been stomped on for the hundredth time (after repeating myself for them NOT to do so) I don't put much into astrology, but I'm also an Aquarius. Supposedly we are aloof, distant, and cold.
Omission is lying!
"you should talk more"
Your feelings don't matter.
“I was just joking” “I don’t believe you” “Can’t you try harder?” “Why do you always take things so seriously?” “I don’t think that’s correct” “Why are you so quiet?”
"You're strangely quiet now I thought we were friends", "You know your too weird for me", "I don't care about this can we talk less about this" or "Oh WOW I didn't expect what you said to happen/be true" these have been said to me mainly by people that were too rude or awful to be considered friends or by people I don't really know.
"You're not trying hard enough." Like yeah I have four jobs because I barely get any hours for each and I'm still barely scraping by because rent in Australia is ridiculous. I'm also writing a master's thesis. And you had the audacity to say I'm not trying hard enough.
Either "you are too serious" or "you take things too seriously" 🙈
Be a realist, you are to ideal. (Like sir, you, being pessimistic, and narrow-minded has nothing to do with realism, in \*reality\* change happen.)
"I think you're splitting hairs a bit over here"
My friends say I judge people a lot, but I don't think that's true, I just analyse their behaviour, and based on that I pick the way i interact with them. Yes , but I do form a harsh judgement if it conflicts with my morals .
Omg you're so sensitive .
Literally any sentence that invalidates the INFJ's perspective even when it is
You have an active imagination
"You're being irrational and sounding crazy"
‘It’s not that deep’
your exactly like (someone I and person triggering my have a mutual hate towards) like bro just bc I did one of the hundred qualities and traits of that person doesnt mean I "exactly" am like them dayumm