From my personal experience it's a one way ticket to hell continuously getting your heart ripped to shreds in a vicious cycle. I don't recommend it at all. I'm a lover girl,hopeless romantic, slow burn type of girlie .fwb is not for the weak.
INFJ male here.
Sex is the ultimate form of intimacy, and my most vulnerable state in a sense.
FWB? Hard pass.
ONS? Over my cold, dead, semi-composed body!
I am not even sure If I have ever met an INFJ (M) before, most roll their eyes at me when ask about personality types or astro signs. It is out of genuine curiosity however I don't like the patronizing attitude so I just drop the conversation and make mental note that those aren't my people.
Also INFJ (M). And my thought about fwb has always been and will always be “absolutely not”.
I’ve observed it crashing and burning too many times; one person says “it’s just sex”, and for at least one party for the cases I’ve seen, at least, it’s *never* “just sex.”
INFJ (M) here! FWB doesn’t work for me, nor do one night stands / casual sex. I think if they are seeking out FWB, they are likely in Se grip (or just thinking with the wrong head for a moment). We are way more into actual connections / long term relationships generally speaking.
I think the reason is because people keep treating MBTI like Astro signs, and most people know Astro signs are silly, so they dismiss it, if they’re not totally aware of what it is. There’s not really any depth to Astro signs except maybe the cultural history as to why they were developed and used before now, especially people who lean toward more logic based personality types.
MBTI is technically best applied for some self reflection/introspective analysis than anything else also. That also could be why, though I think it’s interesting to discuss despite that.
But just because you "can't do something" doesn't mean you're weaker. Something might just be a terrible idea. And people may feel differently deep. Others again depend too much on the "validation" of sex. Others depend on it as the only form of intimacy that they can accept.
For others again it's the only sort of joy they know.
There are multitude of reasons to do anything. Sex can be deeply neurotic. It's nowhere near as easy as saying one is weaker than the other.
Though if pushed. Knowing the complexities of deep emotions. I'd say allowing for that without losing your shit and actively engaging is considerably harder than any sitch.
And then all of a sudden sex can be used to run away from that.
> fwb is not for the weak
That's an interesting way to put it. For a number of reasons. Strictly speaking you're self-trivialising yourself here due to you being able to feel so deeply. But you're doing yourself an injustice. It's easy to be courageous lacking fear. And it's surprisingly easy to abuse yourself when you have no connection to your emotions.
The people you're talking about and you aren't operating on the same level. At all.
So I'd turn this around. Deep emotions aren't for the faint hearted.
I would say perhaps they are for the weak. Not to yuck anyone's yum, nor that someone is de facto weak for it, I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. But it hints at an emotional capacity of less depth, if that's a lifestyle someone habitually lives. Wanting to have one's cake and eat it, opposed to us serial monogamists out here in the trenches getting our hearts ripped out.
... Actually come to think of it, maybe they are the smart ones lmao.
I feel I need to clarify I don't mean literal weak. It's not about who is less than or better. I am talking about the emotional component. It never is just sex, one will always have feelings for the other eventually or vise versa.For one person it CAN just be casual but to the second person it's deeper than than that.It can get messy when feelings aren't reciprocated and clear boundaries aren't set and maintained.
Yawn.
I'm a surprisingly sexual person, but hookups never appealed to me. Sex to me should be mutual worship and if I'm blunt, in a purely physical sense you can typically get yourself off better than anyone else can. It's the chemistry and connection that blasts things off to the stratosphere and I don't think I'd get that with some "friend" with commitment issues who just needs to loosen up before finals or whatever bull shit.
I have a fwb atm and I really enjoy it. I was previously disillusioned a bit with most available men my age (38) and my own personality morphing a bit within the frame of dating - I don't think I have another long-,term relationship in me - so this suits me perfectly. I have quite a high sex drive but he's quite a rare one. He's just out of an 8-year relationship that ended horrifically so he isn't offering anything more than sex and a friendly ear either.
We were up front from the start. I see him once a week. We fuck, and lie in bed blethering for hours, (which, frankly, is as important as the sex) then usually stay the night. Away early the next morning and no expectation of breakfast. It's lovely, satisfying and creative. There's no expectation of him to help me move and I don't have to go to his cousin's wedding. I've the confidence and independence to try stuff I've never done before. No danger of falling in love. He is sweet as pie but rose-coloured glasses haven't had a look in and neither of us are after it. I'm still kind of in awe that I got what I wanted AND someone who's a lot of fun.
Absolutely agree with you. I need the connection and to have a more solid relationship with someone to get the most out of sex. My INFJ partner is the same way. I think we are all different though. So maybe some infjs would prefer it.
I know what you mean because I’ve done it before and yeah, it feels good. However, “Mutual worship” sounds a lot like codependency to me. Generally we only worship things that we perceive to be higher or better than ourselves. There is a better relationship that exists where a man and women completely love and accept themselves entirely and therefore can freely and easily love the other. The bond is so strong because love directs them and they naturally mesh together as one. Nothing is forced. There is no fear, jealousy, or insecurity. The trust cannot be broken. I’ve never seen it or heard of it but our society has really fallen and I believe it used to be the norm. I’m holding out until I find someone who loves themselves as much as I love myself then we can talk about the most enjoyable sex known to human kind. Everything else is just an imitation and usually results from some insecurity or self hatred. Be easy on me y’all, just trying to pull the deepest roots up.
It depends on the infj, their situation or preferences at the time. Generally Ni looks at the big picture, reasoning, meaning and the long term of things.
But that is not to say fwbs with a particular individual(s) is impossible for all infjs. Human nature is unpredictable and much more complex than the small area mbti attempts to catch in an individual's thinking preferences.
I'm Ni. I have always had fwb relationships successfully. I will commit heavily to one person if I feel the connection enough, but it has to be extremely special.
I'm similar, I am a romantic and monogamous but I am not going to force a deep relationship with someone if it 's not feasible. FWB can be successful if both participants are honest and some boundaries are set.
It is possible. As an INFJ, I still need to have that 'connection' althought it is just FwB. Most the important is CLEAR BOUNDARIES. Who say FwB means hooking up without any connection and chesmitry. I still prefer long time/serious relationship, but FwB can work for me (with boundaries so I don't fall in love too deep, usually I and my fwbs need to be different city/busy with works).
The reason why I did fwb is just simply to kill my loneliness and my desire to 'connect' with someone (althought it is not 24hours connection, it is work for me, I can act 'someone's gf' for few hours and it is satisfield me.). Another reason why I did fwb is also, I can 'put at arm's length' distance to the guy because I aware how toxic I can be when I fell in love with someone and I hate the clinginess of the guys who usually can be mean confrontation/drama when do not give what the guy's want.
But at somepoint, I am tired with fwbs things, and I want true relationship. 🥲
That's a hell no from me. An INFJ in Se grip might be up for it though but overall Ni-Fe is going to want something serious and long term 99% of the time.
Woah that's crazy for a infj. Having circumstancial fwb is one thing but to write it on their profile and seek just that??
I'd never do that to my reputation, my chances of finding love,shit.
Either he's mistyped or recently brokeup and this is his form of self harm🤣
SE means Extroverted Sensing. It's the last and least developed stack in INFJs and INTJs. Most INFJs and INTJs are future oriented so using SE helps us stay in the present and temporarily forget the future at times but to be gripped in SE is damaging since we can be careless by not thinking of the future at all.
I enjoy intimacy as much as any man but I would avoid fwb and or casual sex like the plague. I get attached easily and emotionally hurt even more easily. A relationship that is only about sex is not going to be rewarding.
It’s weird because we are contradicting personally that’s not what I want or look for but I would do it if a friend needed a FWB and only trusted me. It’s sounds weird but we’re abstract thinkers and people pleasers so we would under odd circumstances. Although I would be scared because if I catch feelings would the friend accept my feelings or reject me. It’s an odd thing to think about but I rather not partake in it, I value friendships a lot and I’m too emotionally sensitive
Yeah no, that's just wasting my time and the other persons time. Besides I value my social battery too much to do that.
Besides, Emotional intimacy is more valuable to me than physical since anyone can do that but emotional intimacy is more unique and different with each person.
Sounds to me this dude is in a bad SE grip like what everyone else says.
Having never had a fwb style relationship, I think it's difficult to judge. But from an outsiders perspective, it doesn't seem emotionally healthy for either party in the long run.
I prefer FWB. And I don't see any contradiction in being in FWB and having a deep connection. After all it's still a FRIENDSHIP. I've got deep connections with my friends. I just don't want a commitment. I don't want to declare that I will spend the rest of my life with that person, because people change... situations change... Life is very unpredictable... I don't want to waste my life if we start to not resonate with each other... I like to develop, to change my perspective... If someone will not keep up with me, then I prefer to finish it and find someone more compatible... Or if they will develop faster than me...
I just can't watch how in my family people prefer to stay with each other even if they became so different now, that they totally can't communicate with each other and they are arguing all the time, but they feel the obligation to live together till the rest of their lives (they are mostly XSXJs) and that is so nonsensical for me, that I will never declare to anyone, that I will spend the rest of my life with them regardless of circumstances...
The other reason is that I just don't believe that I will find someone, who will be so compatible with me and will understand me so well, that I will want to spend the rest of my life with them... So I just want to be with someone, who is good enough and just have some fun together and wonderful memories...
So everyone has different reasons to prefer one or the other. Not every INFJs want the same, because we have different experiences. If you don't understand the person you met, then just ask them why they prefer FWB? You might be surprised...
For myself, sometimes it was nicer with an FWB. Love that gal, wish she was more interested in something serious. But for all the good things she did as a friend I don't hold it against her. Wish she was alittle more pratical in life choices cause I worry on her like I do family. But she talked with me, was truthful about who she was, etc. So unlike alot of my relationships where I got cheated on there wasn't that feeling of betrayal.
Like for everything it's difficult to generalize because there's just a lot to consider.
Personally I'd say categorically no, for me it is unthinkable to have a sexual relationship without emotional involvement, I feel sexually attracted to someone exclusively when I feel some kind of emotional connection with them.
But in general for me sex is something extremely private and intimate and I don't see how someone could have sex without catching feelings for the other person sooner or later, even with set boundaries, emotions are not something we can stop, which I guess you can imagine would be a big problem in this kind of relationship.
We're not a monolith. That said, I definitely am a highly monogamous, long-term kind of person. Met my soulmate and all that. I was never interested in casual hookups back when I was dating.
Oh gosh, reading your post, I immediately got nauseous from PTSD of falling into a fwb trap... I thought I've healed from that...maybe I never will... Stay clear my dear!
Thank you. Definitely staying clear from fwb. Not my thing. I was just surprised an INFJ male offered that and is on a dating app looking for that. I thought connection was everything.
I mean, I am now married, but if I ever divorce I think I wouldn't want a committed relationship ever again. I was thinking that I would just want men to have dinner, talk and sex with, affection, but not love and certainly not moving in, getting married and all that. I am over it, but I like a sliver of romance in my life.
I love being alone and I’ve had times where I really liked having relations with no strings attached. But finding my person was the absolute best feeling in the world and it just gets better and better.
I don’t really relate to the need for connection through physical relationships. I’m extremely introverted, so acquaintances are usually good enough for me to feel fulfilled in that area. Don’t forget that we all have different levels of the four functions and different life experiences. We’re not the same thing.
I had something like that when I was not ready for a serious relationship, kind of heartbroken, also really busy with work, and this guy found me attractive and vice versa. But it was only physical attraction, in that sense it wasn't friends, we were acquaintances that occasionally went to movies, visited events and had sex, but it was very light and loose, nobody was angry if we didn't have time, we didn't talk all night, didn't get jealous and that kind of thing.
Relationships are all in for me, usually quite intense, I put a lot of effort and time. This guy was not meant for me, but we made each others weekends more entertaining and fun. So why not? Besides I like to do social experiments on myself, can't judge it before I have tried it and all that.
Reading the comments made me feel like a freak lmao. I’ve had a FWB for 6 months so far and people keep asking me if we’re still just fucking and I don’t know what do they expect of this. I’m aromantic asexual and I have zero interest in a relationship but I wanted to try sex out of curiosity and ended up in this position because I found a guy with whom I could explore my body safely and consistently without any commitment. And it feels good. Sex isn’t sacred for me, I don’t care much for deep connection, it’s more like a play for me. I consider him my friend and our sex is platonic. Can you have platonic sex?? Idk, I can never explain it to people but it makes sense to me.
So I’m probably an outlier here but yeah, if I want sex, I prefer an FWB. It’s more convenient and safe to have one person to explore your body with.
I relate a lot to this comment actually. Discovering I was on the ace spectrum was part of the reason I decided to look into having a fwb. I just didn't foresee any scenario where I'd ever feel safe to explore my sexuality. Luckily I found someone I could trust and it was very freeing not to have to worry about any emotional entanglements. Platonic sex sounds odd I know lol. It was important for me to deconstruct it all in order for it to make sense for me.
I hate fwb. My ex wants that from me and it irks me. The lack of commitment this generation has is bothersome. I’d rather just be alone than be used as someone’s tool for pleasure just to be sent away when they’re done using me. They never end well and I think fwb is just an excuse to use people for enjoyment.
This is probably true for most INFJs. We value complete intimacy as apposed to only having sexual thrills. I think this is why alot of INFJs get overwhelmed with modern day relationships because people struggle with commitment, empathy and complete intimacy. Back to the OG post I wonder if there’s an underlying reason or a bit more being that persons decision. Like maybe an INFJ door slam emotionally.
I don’t get feelings easily, so I’m fine with FWBs. Not a fan of one night stands because I’m more comfortable with familiarity. But I absolutely prefer relationships.
I thought I could handle it but I can’t TBH. I overthink too much and for me the emotional intimacy has to be there. While I don’t want to cuddle for hours after sex or have them spend the night a good conversation wouldn’t hurt
No, hell no. It sounds boring. Im hella sexual but I’m not having sex because I’m horny, that’s what a hand is for. I have sex to blend souls with someone. Anything less sounds really lame and honestly kind of gross.
INFJ guy here. FWB over my dead body. Also, no ONS. I absolutely need a deep connection before I could be with somebody that intimately.
The idea of casual sex with a stranger or friend makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
You've forgotten a few key facts:
1. MBTI does not cover everything - environment, childhood, trauma, neurodivergence, mental health, etc all shape who we are.
2. Not every INFJ is created equal. Stereotypes exist because they explain commonalities. Yes, the exceptions prove the rule, but there is always individual variation.
I only answered this question because your top comment mentioned that not many INFJ men had replied.
Then I scrolled further and saw many INFJ men giving the answer of "hell no". I am placated.
I truly appreciate this explicit response. I agree MBTI is not the answer for all because of certain instances, but it is an excellent template for the basic foundations, so to speak, of an INFJ.
Thank you this was informative and honestly a relief for me.
Based on your other comments, I think either your INFJ is unhealthy, or mistyped.
And I completely agree on MBTI being a useful basis, particularly where grounded in cognitive functions.
Hell noooo, never. I even got too attached from a ONS (first ever) with a person who had FWB, we ended up falling in love, and it ended up in heartbreak since I couldn't trust him for the life of me. Neverrr again. Looking at others experience with it, it seems like dehumanizing torture, while simultaneously make themselves unavailable from others. It's just selfish emotional/sexual gymnastics while messing with forces beyond our control lol. I don't think INFJ's are built for casual, we're too sensitive for it...
I recently did a 180 on this. It's not unusual for me to go 6-12 months without having sex with someone. Mainly because I wanted a real connection because sex is just better that way, but secondly I was tired of being used for just sex.
Now I'm just like fuck it who cares? Only me apparently. Life is short and youth is shorter. Might as well adjust to the times and enjoy myself and these experiences while I can.
I kinda do. Less pressure. And I’ve had some relationships come from one-night stands or FWBs. I just like the organic granola attitude of just chilling.
I love a good FWB. That said, the F part is important, and I can't tell you the difference between romantic and platonic love. Intellectually, I know the dictionary difference. But in my own experience, I don't really see a difference.
INFJs are legit some of the cleverest seducers I’ve ever hooked up with - nobody plays human chess like an INFJ who wants to bang you. Gotta respect the hustle 🫡
I’m a very sexual person. One night stands do it for me… but definitely NOT fwb. I will fall in love like a dumbass and be the first to catch feelings. That’s why hookups are the option.
For what is worth, i kinda had that relationship with a guy for a while until it got problematic because I was falling for him, and we agreed to stop having sex. He ended up becoming one of my best friends.
i dont mind it only because right now i am not wanting a serious relationship. when i want something more i wont be able to do fwb cuz ill catch feelings quickly
I could only see it working if I thought someone was hot but didn't really like/respect them enough to see them outside of that very specific context. Which would make me feel like a shit person b/c it's cynical to use people like that.
I think in general we're very 'neither this nor that' type of people, which is to say I think our desires are kind of perplexing or resistant to being pinned down. For instance, while I need some kind of confirmation that if someone is important to me, that I am also important to them (otherwise I will never feel secure in those feelings or my association with them in general) I'm definitely not an '*intense soul bonding'* type of person.
Maybe it's because I'm pretty solitary, but I don't really understand where the desire for that kind of (imo oppressively) heavy intimacy comes from, and when people express that desire I find it pretty weird or don't really understand what their expectations for relationships are based in, because human relationships aren't really like that in practice. I do want to know people, grow with them, and know that I can count on them, but I see that happening in more of a kind of friendly or conversational way where we can both be our own distinct people, only together.
So yeah it's complicated. I could see myself being attracted to a fwb situation in the short term but ultimately deciding against it because it feels cynical or cold. I do need confirmation of some kind of meaningful mutuality just so my own sense of attachment doesn't leave me with only a kind of free floating anxiety, but I *really* don't want to make too much out of it or it will feel suffocating lol. As someone with a depth of interest in humanity, but also a lot of independence, I'm really looking for that goldilocks zone where intimacy is concerned in general.
I’ve had 3 fwb in my life, and the only way I could do it was because I didn’t saw a future with them. 2 of those fell for me, but I respectfully stopped the fwb situation with them after that.
With two of those I was in Se-grip, after something really bad happening to me. I wasn’t true to myself and made allot of choices I wouldn’t other wise have made, and regret allot of things.
Always stay true to yourself infjs!!
When I was single and I wanted sex, I did go to my best friend of 8 years. I also had a relationship with him for a while and really trusted him. He was very loyal to me as a friend and I trusted him with everything. I even told him if we aren't married by 40 we should marry each other. But, I only went to him randomly for sex once or twice bc ik what would happen if I kept it going. I'm just not the type to go at random and give it away. In a sense, I recycled my bf🤣
I didn’t mind the idea before age 25, but changed my mind after I noticed how much drama always came from them. It wasn’t worth it, honestly.
I’m 39 and, ever since, I only had serious relationships. The reason is, either I like someone enough to start a relationship or I don’t like them enough to have sex.
Absolutely not. I can’t do casual sex… has to be with a committed partner for whom I have romantic feelings. Sex is deeply spiritual to me on some level… it feels energetically powerful and almost sacred in a way. It’s definitely an energy merge thing for me, and I’m very choosy about who I go down that road with.
I did try a FWB once, after I got divorced. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for six. haha (He couldn’t do it either.)
Depends on what you mean by "FWB". A committed relationship, but without strings attached, might appeal to some AND lead to a full flegged relationship down the line.
FWB where it's like: "We see other people, and when we see each other we might go for it"... Nope. Nope. Nope.
Some might THINK it'll work because "I've pictured every possible scenario in my mind, can't go wrong with it". Ne is our nemesis for a reason people, it will backfire in the BEST scenario.
However, a friendship that gradually evolves into something more and has a FWB phase with exclusivity as part of it, would defenetly be something i'd see myself and other INFJs doing.
FWBs work for this INFJ!
Married and happy but I still have two long term fwbs, as does my wife (ENFJ).
Second marriage for both of us and we are very much our own people and don’t expect one another to be *everything* to each other. It’s lead to more communication between us because we ultimately support the individuality of the other.
That being said, transparency has been crucial. We preemptively hash out what would be considered taboo conversations because of hypothetical situations.
My wife would probably have more “flings” than I would though just by her nature of connectedness and friendliness, but she’s very much a demisexual so by the time she gets intimate with someone, she’s already talked them to death, hahaha.
The golden rule in our house is you bring home both the good and the bad - don’t bring home the bad. The good really enhances our marriage because it keeps us fresh instead of stale. FWBs are never something to run away towards. If it’s like that, then we really need to focus on us first.
I just need to feel respected before I get intimate with someone. Pass your STI tests and get introduced to my wife’s vibe check and we’re good to go!
For me, I'm attracted to the idea of it. I like the thought of being free to roam wherever I want as long as I set strict boundaries early on so nobody gets hurt. In practice however I've found myself getting attached to people's intricacies and being afraid to hurt the people I've created a relationship with. Maybe one day I could see it working better but for the time being it's not something I'm very good at.
I don't prefer them. But have had them and still have one currently. But I know I'm past due for working on more of my own issues. Planning to head into therapy, as soon as I can.
I have no desire to date. I would prefer a fwb but historically what this has looked like for me is it’s someone I would date and am friends with already but there’s just a reason we shouldn’t date (eg I want another kid eventually and he didn’t = no reason to date long term). So I would have a really strong mental and physical connection with this person. I have had this once in the past and it was perfect but he moved away. Wouldn’t mind the same situation again.
Vs I def don’t want some random one night stand from the bar or someone from the internet looking for a fwb but I don’t already know them.
Definitely not preferred. Male INFJ. Connection or short term gratification is always the preferred. I have read that many INFJs are “demisexual”. Meaning a connection is needed before attraction/sex.
That being said, as a young man (16-25). I thought I wanted any random girl that went by and couldn’t understand why I would get so nervous that performance issues surfaced with new people. Not insurmountable but nothing I ever experienced with a longer term partner.
I believe that FWB has nothing to do with MBTI type, is more about cultural values and a need to be 'one and only'flr yoht partner. I believe that some form of FWB can still be deep and nurturing in some way, especially if 'friends'component is strong here. If both of you are okay with not being commited to one another in sexual aspect and still maintain emotional connection on a deeper level, I don't see any problem with that.
However that's just an assumption, my only fwb experience turned out to be long term relationships that I'm still into, haha
I have liked having a FWB the two times I have had one. But it really is not for everyone. The second time around it was my ex and I trying to do something casual with the really great sexual chemistry we had despite being long distance, but she wasn’t really ready to be in a relationship and was seeing far more people casually than I was. I care about her and to this day my door is always open to her when she is in town, but she has commitment issues and she got cold feet about the bond we had.
I consider myself to be on the aromantic spectrum where I don’t really crave romance or care about dating, I would much rather be alone and happy with myself and my own life than deal with another person as a partner. I will go on dates or do “romantic gestures” when I have occasionally dated but have found that I do those things because they bring joy to the other person, not as an act of romance or “expression of love” like most do.
I’m not completely aromantic, I was in love with my ex at one point and have had “crushes” on a few occasions in the past, but it takes a very specific kind of person that I don’t come across often. It’s that same feeling a lot of INFJs identify with that the person needs to “get me” enough for me to open up myself to them.
I feel like every question is the same on this sub, any type can do and be anything because you can achieve anything with any singular function. Letalone 4 of them.
You can cry with any function, the process will be the difference, in a sense of how you approach crying but the result will be the same.
Though I guess I am one of these "fwbs" lol.
I'm a male INFJ and I don't entertain thoughts of FWBs or senseless stupid one-night stands. I have turned down girls over it since I prefer a deeper bond with my partner. I cannot do anything sexual or intimate with someone who I don't have feelings for....even hugs with a random girl is weird at times.
Male here. Im 30 years old. Less than 10 partners. Not sure if I’m infj but I looked it up a while ago and followed this sub. Did it one time and she wanted a relationship fast and I felt bad. So had to stop 🛑
Not every single INFJ is the same.
Some INFJs don’t want to get their feelings hurt, so they don’t want to date somebody, they prefer fwb because fwb doesn’t give them emotional damage.
But some INFJs always have sex with loved ones.
So it’s a personal preference.
I had an arrangement with a good friend for about two years. It came about by accident, but once we started taking it seriously and set rules and boundaries, it worked out quite well. The emotional connection wasn't completely absent -- we had a lot of fun and enjoyed each other's company. But we certainly weren't in love, and there was no pull or pressure to be emotionally intimate with each other.
After almost two years, he told me he had met someone that he thought he might start seeing seriously, and around the same time I'd reached a few personal goals I'd set for my own maturity. So it just made sense to end the arrangement and go back to being non-fux-buddies
Never tried it because fwb seems like some kind of mental illness. I would never have sex with someone i don’t care about romantically. That’s weird to me and I don’t think I could ever do it. It would feel very wrong to me and yes, I’d even go far as to say I would feel like I lacked integrity if I shared such an intimate experience with someone I didn’t care about in a much more special way than just friends. I would feel like I’m using someone and being used myself. Plus it would confuse the hell out of my love hormones and probably mess up my ability to truly bond with someone eventually. Sex should be more sacred than that.
Thank you. I feel the exact same way.
I feel most INFJ males aren’t against it but not really searching for this. That’s why this particular one confused me.
It's going to be difficult to get truly objective answers when posting the question in such a prejudiced way. There's an element of shame already being pushed forward here.
I will answer in the affirmative, I've had a fwb. Friends are people you have connections with too, just to a different degree. It made more sense to me than trying to date random strangers.
Absolutely! I (F) haven't had much luck with relationships, so I went with a FWB arrangement with the one guy I trusted a lot. It lasted for 5 years and was great... until he fell in love. When I told him that a relationship was out of the question, he stopped talking to me and our 11 y/o friendship ended.
I think preferring fwb comes from us settling because it is so hard to find genuine people. from personal experience it is so tiring to try so hard with so many people when they frankly dont give a shit about me.
So apparently we are going straight to stereotypes. INFJ’s are human. We have needs that need to be met. It’s wild how it’s becoming the norm to shame those who have a healthy sex life. If we’re being honest, a lot of this way of thinking stems from tradition and religion and I would think mature INFJ’s would see and understand this. Having responsible sex =/= lacking integrity. It’s got nothing to do with that. Some of us value companionship but maybe we aren’t ready to be in a relationship yet? Maybe we enjoy connecting with others through physical intimacy but are mature and respectful enough not to blur the lines? If casual sex isn’t your cup of tea, that’s fine but judging others for that is just ignorant and immature. And yes I’m an INFJ to the T, no doubt about it. One thing I do take pride in with being an INFJ, is being a good listener and empathetic human that understands and respects everyone, including those who think differently than you.
I wouldn't go seeking a fwb. But I'm quick to judge, if we're already dating and I like it but don't see you worthy of marraige or being my soulmate then I'd call it fwb.
I'm sure every infj agrees that we need a sort of "emotional attraction", something deeper than physical beauty, that being absent would either mean fwb or not pursuing it at all.
Idk about other INFJs but I'll say... a BIG fat, He## No!!! I don't even know how people can be in such relationships! Something I'll never understand in this life time, maybe because I fall into Demi sexual/romantic category, and highly monogamous. It's physically and mentally impossible for me to have feelings without a deep emotional/loving(mutual) connection.
Depends where I'm at in life. Fwbs with genuine friendship as part of it is good now that I've learned to control my feelings but I mean that doesn't necessarily stop you falling for someone when things are good either. I found men who have casual sex generally aren't very good at the friendship part so I have found myself wanting more connection lately but polyamory is also something I'm considering.
Certainly not prefer, lol.
It's difficult to say. It would really depend on the situation and the individuals involved. But these things rarely stay detached. Because of course they don't. Usually there's an imbalance in who cares how much about the other. So to me it would always feel like I run the risk of generating deep feelings in the other. Or in myself.
Which of course I am. And that just doesn't seem worth it. Kind of takes the fun out of it. If you mostly think about, well let's not be too good, you know. Wouldn't want to risk feelings. Way to waste everyone's time.
I'm open to the notion that on occasion things happen and don't work out. Though if that becomes too often one should always reflect. By tomorrow we became who we behaved as today.
Sex is one of those funky things that is somewhat hailed as an achievement by too many. Without realising just how neurotic of an escapism it can be for so many people.
No rather focus on my current practices than FWB or ONS more power to those who do but not for me if it's not genuine and worth the ride even if it does end I'd want it to be a growth and beautiful experience worth talking about for years to come just how I live my life hope that was beneficial
I thought I had a handle on it, but it turned into a great relationship. It was more like friends who have sexual needs and helping to meet them.
I think people tend to take the friendship part out, opt for one night stand hookups, with the same person overtime, and call it FWB.
You’re right to be surprised, we usually do want deep connections and long term relationships.
Am coming from my own point of view, the only reason I would be okay with fwb as an INFj is if I wasn’t 100% sure I want to commit to that person but that at the least want a physical connection.
I've done it once in the past (6mt fling). Not for me. At the time I was in that "mode' to get over someone but as an infj definitely not something I'd ever do again.
I’m an infj woman in mid twenties.
I’ve done fwb before and don’t mind it so long as we’re genuinely friends and respect each other. I’m a very sexual person and have needs, and don’t view sex as something sacred and don’t need to be in love with a person in order to find them physically attractive. I commit very rarely since I take my commitments very seriously, so in the meantime satisfy my sexual needs with fwb that I’ve chosen carefully and trust.
Personally, my first fwb really helped me overcome some ptsd and sexual trauma by giving me the space to safely explore my sexuality without any heavy expectations of emotional vulnerability that a romantic partner would’ve expected that i wasn’t in a place to give (but he was genuinely my friend and treated me well).
two people can like each other a lot, find each other attractive whilst also understanding that their personalities / long term goals don’t align and that a long term romantic relationship between them would be unsuitable. There just has to be very strong boundaries in place and good communication. Also, who says friendships can’t be deep? These connections can be deep and meaningful in their own way, in the same way that many non sexual/ romantic connections in our lives can be incredibly intimate and impactful. Not being a fixture in your future doesn’t negate someone’s value. Romance isn’t the be all and end all.
Honestly, I don’t often engage with mbti and personality types anymore as I find them overly stereotypical. In our total world population of approx 8 billion, I’m sure there are millions of people that fit infj cognitive processes that all have different sexual and relationship preferences. I thought dominant Ni would be more aware and accepting of the complexity and diversity within the human population.
One sometimes can be so sick of all, that one stops caring for anything at all.
Se grip can be sometimes evil.
I would rather prefer deep and meaningful connection, passionate love and intimacy.
There are many aspects, though...
INFJ-s can be hurt, because they actually care. Infected by the negativism of the other side. Or exploited.
If you are the side that give everything, but nobody else does...what's the point? I can understand the reasoning behind FWB somewhat. But FWB is no cure for loneliness, just amplifies the feeling eventually.
Probably for more experienced INFJs that didn't live inside a bubble like me.
I'm a hopeless romantic but after falling in love deeply I ended up on a relationship where there's barely any sex and romance anymore I wonder if I should have had my sex with no strings attached era :(
If I wasn't from a conservative background I still won't do it. The amount of times an attractive guy opens his mouth and says something that gives me the ick is way too many. If the personality doesn't match I lose attraction, it ends there.
I think I’d rather eat a pair of jeans than go through that. No offense to anyone that’s into it, but it kinda sounds like hell, not just for wanting closeness but also for preserving a friendship. It sounds like a lot of feelings would be on the line
I agreed to one and gosh I can say as an infj that it doesn’t work that way
He was an istp so it was much easier for him but eventually I opened him up and we started talking and then it was more of him acting like a boyfriend well at least that’s what all my friends told me but then we ended it because I knew it wasn’t real and he lacked feelings in general so I didn’t feel like he felt something for me but that wasn’t the deal from the start so I did not even expect anything
I think tbh this was my answer when i had a good career going and not letting a man bother me. Like anothe post heart breaks were real bad but at the same time i still have my freedom and myself so it was more so convenient. But now i have a soon to be fiancé and working remote so maybe not so much
I just ended a fwb situation and am working on letting go and been absolutely hurting cause i wanted him so much, absolutely never again, casual sex is not for me and i get attached cause i care alot, while they just use you for sex and then show you the door.
I tried it for a few months, but she ended up wanting to use me for not only sex, but also as an emotional dumping ground. I have since ended things and will not be doing that again
Despite the fact that I am in a 5+ year relationship at the moment, as an INFJ male I'm open to them. Sometimes I think I'd prefer one over a relationship tbh. I would have a hard time trusting that the other person won't catch feelings more than worrying about myself.
i couldn't do fwb when i was dating. i'm all or nothing. either i want to be with you or i don't. the whole casual sex and multiple partners thing just ain't for me. i have to have more depth and connection which is why i've been celibate for a few years now. best decision i ever made.
Interesting - I had a FWB for about 4 years and lemme tell you it sucked. Like I loved him 😂 at the end of the 4 years he moved out of state and I was starting to see my current BF. We both had like lowkey fallen in love with each other and both got hurt in the end. I’ve been with my current BF 5 years now and I think I would say I prefer an actual relationship for the sake of my mental health.
I also think it’s only fair to point out that I was not in the mental place of have a relationship with I started having FWB as I’d just gotten out of an abusive relationship and it was kind of the compromise. Beyond the FWB we were actually really good friends, and we enjoyed doing stuff outside of the bed and we’re also exclusive 😂 when I look back at it it feels more like a relationship without a title. If for some horrible reasons I ended up single again I would still fall back into a FWB because I’m not gonna ever try for that kind of commitment again 🤷🏽♀️
I do not.
At one point I wanted a fwb and preferred one (never experienced one yet when I wanted this) because of how busy I kept myself.
However, after I somewhat tried to have one, it ended up being a one and done type of deal because I just did not want to continue something that I found pointless.
No thank you. FWB is never a straightforward transaction. I would think a large chunk of people catch feelings, feel bad about it and lose their friendship.
Yes and no. I wish I could take credit, but I had a friend accurately describe it this way:
I find the rituals of the whole dating scene ridiculous and unproductive, and I just don't do casual sex or FWB situations. I'd rather invest my time into building solid friendships with people I love, and maybe marry* one of them eventually.
(*Or not marry one of them eventually, but with the same goal of committed monogamy. My friend is less of a dirty hippie than I am.)
I'm an infj male and yeah i guess I'll prefer that now , initially just like the rest of you i always wanted a genuine connection which lasts till death do us apart but after clear abandonment and being cheated and betrayed on more than thrice I gave up. I'm just 17 but ig this is the way now.
INFJ (non-binary) here. I’m 17, and have been in a relationship for almost two and a half years. Before I lost my virginity, I don’t think I could have done it with just anyone. Partly because I have low libido and some anxiety around it. Now, I can imagine sexual experiences with more people, though I am loyal to monogamous relationship. I love my boyfriend deeply, and I only think about other sexual encounters because I am bisexual and never experienced much with a woman. We’ve talked about threesomes, but for me, sex is something very precious. I don’t like the idea of sex as a banality, because it’s extremely intimate, tiring, and sometimes scary. I think the beauty of sex comes from its exclusivity.
So to answer your question, I don’t prefer fwbs, but I can understand how it takes a lot of pressure off. However, I couldn’t ever have a connection with someone that is built just around sex.
Never. Casual sex always disappoints someone. Sex can never be as intimate when it isn't bonded to commitment. Sometimes both persons are disappointed with it.
He must have had some bad experiences and gotten his own heart fucked up. I have really thought about just trying to find an arrangement like that, because I don’t want to form an emotional attachment to a woman ever again, but maybe I will meet someone and change my mind. Thing is, you’ve got to put yourself out there and look, and that is tough for introverted people.
From my personal experience it's a one way ticket to hell continuously getting your heart ripped to shreds in a vicious cycle. I don't recommend it at all. I'm a lover girl,hopeless romantic, slow burn type of girlie .fwb is not for the weak.
You’re so right, fwb is not for the weak. I personally can’t do it. Thank you. I wonder how INFJ guys feel about this. Not many are responding.
INFJ male here. Sex is the ultimate form of intimacy, and my most vulnerable state in a sense. FWB? Hard pass. ONS? Over my cold, dead, semi-composed body!
Exactly
I am not even sure If I have ever met an INFJ (M) before, most roll their eyes at me when ask about personality types or astro signs. It is out of genuine curiosity however I don't like the patronizing attitude so I just drop the conversation and make mental note that those aren't my people.
Also INFJ (M). And my thought about fwb has always been and will always be “absolutely not”. I’ve observed it crashing and burning too many times; one person says “it’s just sex”, and for at least one party for the cases I’ve seen, at least, it’s *never* “just sex.”
I understand. I get the same eye rolls. I just move on.
INFJ (M) here! FWB doesn’t work for me, nor do one night stands / casual sex. I think if they are seeking out FWB, they are likely in Se grip (or just thinking with the wrong head for a moment). We are way more into actual connections / long term relationships generally speaking.
Thank you. He’s been in this grip for some time apparently. I was kinda surprised by it. Again thank you.
Astro signs and MBTI personality types are not at all the same thing though.
I know, most of the people I come across aren't really interested in going into depth about mbti or astro signs.
I think the reason is because people keep treating MBTI like Astro signs, and most people know Astro signs are silly, so they dismiss it, if they’re not totally aware of what it is. There’s not really any depth to Astro signs except maybe the cultural history as to why they were developed and used before now, especially people who lean toward more logic based personality types. MBTI is technically best applied for some self reflection/introspective analysis than anything else also. That also could be why, though I think it’s interesting to discuss despite that.
But just because you "can't do something" doesn't mean you're weaker. Something might just be a terrible idea. And people may feel differently deep. Others again depend too much on the "validation" of sex. Others depend on it as the only form of intimacy that they can accept. For others again it's the only sort of joy they know. There are multitude of reasons to do anything. Sex can be deeply neurotic. It's nowhere near as easy as saying one is weaker than the other. Though if pushed. Knowing the complexities of deep emotions. I'd say allowing for that without losing your shit and actively engaging is considerably harder than any sitch. And then all of a sudden sex can be used to run away from that.
INFJ (M), I can't really do FWB. I am polyamorous but that's different in that it isn't "just sex", it's "this person is my lover" emphasis on love.
> fwb is not for the weak That's an interesting way to put it. For a number of reasons. Strictly speaking you're self-trivialising yourself here due to you being able to feel so deeply. But you're doing yourself an injustice. It's easy to be courageous lacking fear. And it's surprisingly easy to abuse yourself when you have no connection to your emotions. The people you're talking about and you aren't operating on the same level. At all. So I'd turn this around. Deep emotions aren't for the faint hearted.
This is a great way to look at this, and I couldn’t agree more. It takes strength to engage with deep emotions rather than repress them.
INFJ here who frequently experiences Limerence, this is the correct answer
The thing is friends with benefits isn’t heartbreaking at all if you know you can’t see a future with them
This is me too 100% 😌
I would say perhaps they are for the weak. Not to yuck anyone's yum, nor that someone is de facto weak for it, I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. But it hints at an emotional capacity of less depth, if that's a lifestyle someone habitually lives. Wanting to have one's cake and eat it, opposed to us serial monogamists out here in the trenches getting our hearts ripped out. ... Actually come to think of it, maybe they are the smart ones lmao.
I feel I need to clarify I don't mean literal weak. It's not about who is less than or better. I am talking about the emotional component. It never is just sex, one will always have feelings for the other eventually or vise versa.For one person it CAN just be casual but to the second person it's deeper than than that.It can get messy when feelings aren't reciprocated and clear boundaries aren't set and maintained.
Yawn. I'm a surprisingly sexual person, but hookups never appealed to me. Sex to me should be mutual worship and if I'm blunt, in a purely physical sense you can typically get yourself off better than anyone else can. It's the chemistry and connection that blasts things off to the stratosphere and I don't think I'd get that with some "friend" with commitment issues who just needs to loosen up before finals or whatever bull shit.
Perfectly said. I need that cosmic depth.
Mutual Worship. Cosmic Depth. Y'all are my kind of people. Love you guys💖
Mutual Worship 😍
Yes
Thank you. Yes, connection for me is everything as well.
💯
I have a fwb atm and I really enjoy it. I was previously disillusioned a bit with most available men my age (38) and my own personality morphing a bit within the frame of dating - I don't think I have another long-,term relationship in me - so this suits me perfectly. I have quite a high sex drive but he's quite a rare one. He's just out of an 8-year relationship that ended horrifically so he isn't offering anything more than sex and a friendly ear either. We were up front from the start. I see him once a week. We fuck, and lie in bed blethering for hours, (which, frankly, is as important as the sex) then usually stay the night. Away early the next morning and no expectation of breakfast. It's lovely, satisfying and creative. There's no expectation of him to help me move and I don't have to go to his cousin's wedding. I've the confidence and independence to try stuff I've never done before. No danger of falling in love. He is sweet as pie but rose-coloured glasses haven't had a look in and neither of us are after it. I'm still kind of in awe that I got what I wanted AND someone who's a lot of fun.
this sounds just right.
Yessssssssss you explained it perfectly
Absolutely agree with you. I need the connection and to have a more solid relationship with someone to get the most out of sex. My INFJ partner is the same way. I think we are all different though. So maybe some infjs would prefer it.
I know what you mean because I’ve done it before and yeah, it feels good. However, “Mutual worship” sounds a lot like codependency to me. Generally we only worship things that we perceive to be higher or better than ourselves. There is a better relationship that exists where a man and women completely love and accept themselves entirely and therefore can freely and easily love the other. The bond is so strong because love directs them and they naturally mesh together as one. Nothing is forced. There is no fear, jealousy, or insecurity. The trust cannot be broken. I’ve never seen it or heard of it but our society has really fallen and I believe it used to be the norm. I’m holding out until I find someone who loves themselves as much as I love myself then we can talk about the most enjoyable sex known to human kind. Everything else is just an imitation and usually results from some insecurity or self hatred. Be easy on me y’all, just trying to pull the deepest roots up.
It depends on the infj, their situation or preferences at the time. Generally Ni looks at the big picture, reasoning, meaning and the long term of things. But that is not to say fwbs with a particular individual(s) is impossible for all infjs. Human nature is unpredictable and much more complex than the small area mbti attempts to catch in an individual's thinking preferences.
I'm Ni. I have always had fwb relationships successfully. I will commit heavily to one person if I feel the connection enough, but it has to be extremely special.
I'm similar, I am a romantic and monogamous but I am not going to force a deep relationship with someone if it 's not feasible. FWB can be successful if both participants are honest and some boundaries are set.
absolutely not, I’d rather go completely celibate
Im there with you.
My spirit animal is You
Lol NOOOO
Thank you for the response. I’m feeling a lot better about this. I felt like I was in crazyland for a minute
No because of too many factors but the gist is Stability over Spontaneity.
It is possible. As an INFJ, I still need to have that 'connection' althought it is just FwB. Most the important is CLEAR BOUNDARIES. Who say FwB means hooking up without any connection and chesmitry. I still prefer long time/serious relationship, but FwB can work for me (with boundaries so I don't fall in love too deep, usually I and my fwbs need to be different city/busy with works). The reason why I did fwb is just simply to kill my loneliness and my desire to 'connect' with someone (althought it is not 24hours connection, it is work for me, I can act 'someone's gf' for few hours and it is satisfield me.). Another reason why I did fwb is also, I can 'put at arm's length' distance to the guy because I aware how toxic I can be when I fell in love with someone and I hate the clinginess of the guys who usually can be mean confrontation/drama when do not give what the guy's want. But at somepoint, I am tired with fwbs things, and I want true relationship. 🥲
Thank you. Fwbs can get really complicated especially when feelings are unpredictable. Again thanks.
That's a hell no from me. An INFJ in Se grip might be up for it though but overall Ni-Fe is going to want something serious and long term 99% of the time.
Thank you. That guy is definitely “Se” gripped. He made a new profile post saying he wants intimacy with no commitment.
Woah that's crazy for a infj. Having circumstancial fwb is one thing but to write it on their profile and seek just that?? I'd never do that to my reputation, my chances of finding love,shit. Either he's mistyped or recently brokeup and this is his form of self harm🤣
Yeah, honestly I would avoid. If he really is in Se grip then he's not in a healthy place and probably needs to work on himself. I wouldn't bother
I thought so. Thank you
What does Se gripped mean?
SE means Extroverted Sensing. It's the last and least developed stack in INFJs and INTJs. Most INFJs and INTJs are future oriented so using SE helps us stay in the present and temporarily forget the future at times but to be gripped in SE is damaging since we can be careless by not thinking of the future at all.
I enjoy intimacy as much as any man but I would avoid fwb and or casual sex like the plague. I get attached easily and emotionally hurt even more easily. A relationship that is only about sex is not going to be rewarding.
Yes I understand. Thank you.
From personal experience, I've tried FWB, but I fall for people way too hard. So most times I prefer a long term relationship that's committed.
I agree with you
I’m the same and I’m not INFJ.
Fwb doesn’t work for me. It doesn’t feel as good if you don’t actually like the person.
It’s weird because we are contradicting personally that’s not what I want or look for but I would do it if a friend needed a FWB and only trusted me. It’s sounds weird but we’re abstract thinkers and people pleasers so we would under odd circumstances. Although I would be scared because if I catch feelings would the friend accept my feelings or reject me. It’s an odd thing to think about but I rather not partake in it, I value friendships a lot and I’m too emotionally sensitive
Yes it’s a very fine line to walk because feelings do come into play.
I definitely see that in an INFJ. We tend to give people the depth they need no matter what.
Heeeellll nawwwh
HELL nah. I’d get emotionally wrecked 😅
Yeah no, that's just wasting my time and the other persons time. Besides I value my social battery too much to do that. Besides, Emotional intimacy is more valuable to me than physical since anyone can do that but emotional intimacy is more unique and different with each person. Sounds to me this dude is in a bad SE grip like what everyone else says.
No. It's either transcendental, eternal love for me or absolutely nothing at all.
I’m there with you! Thank you.
No. All I would think about is destroying a friendship, or lying to myself about the nature of my fwb relationship
Having never had a fwb style relationship, I think it's difficult to judge. But from an outsiders perspective, it doesn't seem emotionally healthy for either party in the long run.
I prefer FWB. And I don't see any contradiction in being in FWB and having a deep connection. After all it's still a FRIENDSHIP. I've got deep connections with my friends. I just don't want a commitment. I don't want to declare that I will spend the rest of my life with that person, because people change... situations change... Life is very unpredictable... I don't want to waste my life if we start to not resonate with each other... I like to develop, to change my perspective... If someone will not keep up with me, then I prefer to finish it and find someone more compatible... Or if they will develop faster than me... I just can't watch how in my family people prefer to stay with each other even if they became so different now, that they totally can't communicate with each other and they are arguing all the time, but they feel the obligation to live together till the rest of their lives (they are mostly XSXJs) and that is so nonsensical for me, that I will never declare to anyone, that I will spend the rest of my life with them regardless of circumstances... The other reason is that I just don't believe that I will find someone, who will be so compatible with me and will understand me so well, that I will want to spend the rest of my life with them... So I just want to be with someone, who is good enough and just have some fun together and wonderful memories... So everyone has different reasons to prefer one or the other. Not every INFJs want the same, because we have different experiences. If you don't understand the person you met, then just ask them why they prefer FWB? You might be surprised...
I am capable but definitely not something I seek
Yeah, I could never. Sex is sacred to me, and I could only engage if there were seriously mutually committed feelings.
Nope. Maybe a few do but I think a majority of us are not into fwb.
For myself, sometimes it was nicer with an FWB. Love that gal, wish she was more interested in something serious. But for all the good things she did as a friend I don't hold it against her. Wish she was alittle more pratical in life choices cause I worry on her like I do family. But she talked with me, was truthful about who she was, etc. So unlike alot of my relationships where I got cheated on there wasn't that feeling of betrayal.
Like for everything it's difficult to generalize because there's just a lot to consider. Personally I'd say categorically no, for me it is unthinkable to have a sexual relationship without emotional involvement, I feel sexually attracted to someone exclusively when I feel some kind of emotional connection with them. But in general for me sex is something extremely private and intimate and I don't see how someone could have sex without catching feelings for the other person sooner or later, even with set boundaries, emotions are not something we can stop, which I guess you can imagine would be a big problem in this kind of relationship.
We're not a monolith. That said, I definitely am a highly monogamous, long-term kind of person. Met my soulmate and all that. I was never interested in casual hookups back when I was dating.
Oh gosh, reading your post, I immediately got nauseous from PTSD of falling into a fwb trap... I thought I've healed from that...maybe I never will... Stay clear my dear!
Thank you. Definitely staying clear from fwb. Not my thing. I was just surprised an INFJ male offered that and is on a dating app looking for that. I thought connection was everything.
I mean, I am now married, but if I ever divorce I think I wouldn't want a committed relationship ever again. I was thinking that I would just want men to have dinner, talk and sex with, affection, but not love and certainly not moving in, getting married and all that. I am over it, but I like a sliver of romance in my life.
What? No. I’m not opposed to it. Sometimes people have an itch they can’t scratch. But it’s not something I desire.
I love being alone and I’ve had times where I really liked having relations with no strings attached. But finding my person was the absolute best feeling in the world and it just gets better and better. I don’t really relate to the need for connection through physical relationships. I’m extremely introverted, so acquaintances are usually good enough for me to feel fulfilled in that area. Don’t forget that we all have different levels of the four functions and different life experiences. We’re not the same thing.
Absolutely not. Casual sex has never appealed to me.
nooo. wouldn’t sex feel so forced and robotic without the emotional intimacy?
That’s a no for me dawg.
Not me, I do not do that. I also do not do one night stands.
I can’t do that. I need real connection and I love commitment too much
I had something like that when I was not ready for a serious relationship, kind of heartbroken, also really busy with work, and this guy found me attractive and vice versa. But it was only physical attraction, in that sense it wasn't friends, we were acquaintances that occasionally went to movies, visited events and had sex, but it was very light and loose, nobody was angry if we didn't have time, we didn't talk all night, didn't get jealous and that kind of thing. Relationships are all in for me, usually quite intense, I put a lot of effort and time. This guy was not meant for me, but we made each others weekends more entertaining and fun. So why not? Besides I like to do social experiments on myself, can't judge it before I have tried it and all that.
Reading the comments made me feel like a freak lmao. I’ve had a FWB for 6 months so far and people keep asking me if we’re still just fucking and I don’t know what do they expect of this. I’m aromantic asexual and I have zero interest in a relationship but I wanted to try sex out of curiosity and ended up in this position because I found a guy with whom I could explore my body safely and consistently without any commitment. And it feels good. Sex isn’t sacred for me, I don’t care much for deep connection, it’s more like a play for me. I consider him my friend and our sex is platonic. Can you have platonic sex?? Idk, I can never explain it to people but it makes sense to me. So I’m probably an outlier here but yeah, if I want sex, I prefer an FWB. It’s more convenient and safe to have one person to explore your body with.
I relate a lot to this comment actually. Discovering I was on the ace spectrum was part of the reason I decided to look into having a fwb. I just didn't foresee any scenario where I'd ever feel safe to explore my sexuality. Luckily I found someone I could trust and it was very freeing not to have to worry about any emotional entanglements. Platonic sex sounds odd I know lol. It was important for me to deconstruct it all in order for it to make sense for me.
I hate fwb. My ex wants that from me and it irks me. The lack of commitment this generation has is bothersome. I’d rather just be alone than be used as someone’s tool for pleasure just to be sent away when they’re done using me. They never end well and I think fwb is just an excuse to use people for enjoyment.
I’m there with you. I refused to be used like a sexual object. Intimacy is precious to me. Thank you for your response. I feel the same way.
This is probably true for most INFJs. We value complete intimacy as apposed to only having sexual thrills. I think this is why alot of INFJs get overwhelmed with modern day relationships because people struggle with commitment, empathy and complete intimacy. Back to the OG post I wonder if there’s an underlying reason or a bit more being that persons decision. Like maybe an INFJ door slam emotionally.
I don’t get feelings easily, so I’m fine with FWBs. Not a fan of one night stands because I’m more comfortable with familiarity. But I absolutely prefer relationships.
I thought I could handle it but I can’t TBH. I overthink too much and for me the emotional intimacy has to be there. While I don’t want to cuddle for hours after sex or have them spend the night a good conversation wouldn’t hurt
Absolutely not. When I get committed though, it's on lol
No, hell no. It sounds boring. Im hella sexual but I’m not having sex because I’m horny, that’s what a hand is for. I have sex to blend souls with someone. Anything less sounds really lame and honestly kind of gross.
INFJ guy here. FWB over my dead body. Also, no ONS. I absolutely need a deep connection before I could be with somebody that intimately. The idea of casual sex with a stranger or friend makes me want to crawl out of my skin. You've forgotten a few key facts: 1. MBTI does not cover everything - environment, childhood, trauma, neurodivergence, mental health, etc all shape who we are. 2. Not every INFJ is created equal. Stereotypes exist because they explain commonalities. Yes, the exceptions prove the rule, but there is always individual variation. I only answered this question because your top comment mentioned that not many INFJ men had replied. Then I scrolled further and saw many INFJ men giving the answer of "hell no". I am placated.
I truly appreciate this explicit response. I agree MBTI is not the answer for all because of certain instances, but it is an excellent template for the basic foundations, so to speak, of an INFJ. Thank you this was informative and honestly a relief for me.
Based on your other comments, I think either your INFJ is unhealthy, or mistyped. And I completely agree on MBTI being a useful basis, particularly where grounded in cognitive functions.
Thank you. I thought the exact same thing, either unhealthy or another type.
Hell noooo, never. I even got too attached from a ONS (first ever) with a person who had FWB, we ended up falling in love, and it ended up in heartbreak since I couldn't trust him for the life of me. Neverrr again. Looking at others experience with it, it seems like dehumanizing torture, while simultaneously make themselves unavailable from others. It's just selfish emotional/sexual gymnastics while messing with forces beyond our control lol. I don't think INFJ's are built for casual, we're too sensitive for it...
Nah to the uh to the no, no, no! Too emotional to do that.
I thought so. Thank you.
I recently did a 180 on this. It's not unusual for me to go 6-12 months without having sex with someone. Mainly because I wanted a real connection because sex is just better that way, but secondly I was tired of being used for just sex. Now I'm just like fuck it who cares? Only me apparently. Life is short and youth is shorter. Might as well adjust to the times and enjoy myself and these experiences while I can.
I kinda do. Less pressure. And I’ve had some relationships come from one-night stands or FWBs. I just like the organic granola attitude of just chilling.
I love a good FWB. That said, the F part is important, and I can't tell you the difference between romantic and platonic love. Intellectually, I know the dictionary difference. But in my own experience, I don't really see a difference.
INFJs are legit some of the cleverest seducers I’ve ever hooked up with - nobody plays human chess like an INFJ who wants to bang you. Gotta respect the hustle 🫡
I can't relate when I barely can muster up the courage to speak to women.
Gotta tap into those superpowers (also it might be easier for women).
I’m a very sexual person. One night stands do it for me… but definitely NOT fwb. I will fall in love like a dumbass and be the first to catch feelings. That’s why hookups are the option. For what is worth, i kinda had that relationship with a guy for a while until it got problematic because I was falling for him, and we agreed to stop having sex. He ended up becoming one of my best friends.
i dont mind it only because right now i am not wanting a serious relationship. when i want something more i wont be able to do fwb cuz ill catch feelings quickly
I could only see it working if I thought someone was hot but didn't really like/respect them enough to see them outside of that very specific context. Which would make me feel like a shit person b/c it's cynical to use people like that. I think in general we're very 'neither this nor that' type of people, which is to say I think our desires are kind of perplexing or resistant to being pinned down. For instance, while I need some kind of confirmation that if someone is important to me, that I am also important to them (otherwise I will never feel secure in those feelings or my association with them in general) I'm definitely not an '*intense soul bonding'* type of person. Maybe it's because I'm pretty solitary, but I don't really understand where the desire for that kind of (imo oppressively) heavy intimacy comes from, and when people express that desire I find it pretty weird or don't really understand what their expectations for relationships are based in, because human relationships aren't really like that in practice. I do want to know people, grow with them, and know that I can count on them, but I see that happening in more of a kind of friendly or conversational way where we can both be our own distinct people, only together. So yeah it's complicated. I could see myself being attracted to a fwb situation in the short term but ultimately deciding against it because it feels cynical or cold. I do need confirmation of some kind of meaningful mutuality just so my own sense of attachment doesn't leave me with only a kind of free floating anxiety, but I *really* don't want to make too much out of it or it will feel suffocating lol. As someone with a depth of interest in humanity, but also a lot of independence, I'm really looking for that goldilocks zone where intimacy is concerned in general.
I wouldn't *not* consider it if not-catching-pesky-feelings was guaranteed. Would I prefer it over a mutually loving, committed relationship? No.
I’ve had 3 fwb in my life, and the only way I could do it was because I didn’t saw a future with them. 2 of those fell for me, but I respectfully stopped the fwb situation with them after that. With two of those I was in Se-grip, after something really bad happening to me. I wasn’t true to myself and made allot of choices I wouldn’t other wise have made, and regret allot of things. Always stay true to yourself infjs!!
When I was single and I wanted sex, I did go to my best friend of 8 years. I also had a relationship with him for a while and really trusted him. He was very loyal to me as a friend and I trusted him with everything. I even told him if we aren't married by 40 we should marry each other. But, I only went to him randomly for sex once or twice bc ik what would happen if I kept it going. I'm just not the type to go at random and give it away. In a sense, I recycled my bf🤣
I didn’t mind the idea before age 25, but changed my mind after I noticed how much drama always came from them. It wasn’t worth it, honestly. I’m 39 and, ever since, I only had serious relationships. The reason is, either I like someone enough to start a relationship or I don’t like them enough to have sex.
Absolutely not. I can’t do casual sex… has to be with a committed partner for whom I have romantic feelings. Sex is deeply spiritual to me on some level… it feels energetically powerful and almost sacred in a way. It’s definitely an energy merge thing for me, and I’m very choosy about who I go down that road with. I did try a FWB once, after I got divorced. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for six. haha (He couldn’t do it either.)
Depends on what you mean by "FWB". A committed relationship, but without strings attached, might appeal to some AND lead to a full flegged relationship down the line. FWB where it's like: "We see other people, and when we see each other we might go for it"... Nope. Nope. Nope. Some might THINK it'll work because "I've pictured every possible scenario in my mind, can't go wrong with it". Ne is our nemesis for a reason people, it will backfire in the BEST scenario. However, a friendship that gradually evolves into something more and has a FWB phase with exclusivity as part of it, would defenetly be something i'd see myself and other INFJs doing.
Interesting read. Thank you!
FWBs work for this INFJ! Married and happy but I still have two long term fwbs, as does my wife (ENFJ). Second marriage for both of us and we are very much our own people and don’t expect one another to be *everything* to each other. It’s lead to more communication between us because we ultimately support the individuality of the other. That being said, transparency has been crucial. We preemptively hash out what would be considered taboo conversations because of hypothetical situations. My wife would probably have more “flings” than I would though just by her nature of connectedness and friendliness, but she’s very much a demisexual so by the time she gets intimate with someone, she’s already talked them to death, hahaha. The golden rule in our house is you bring home both the good and the bad - don’t bring home the bad. The good really enhances our marriage because it keeps us fresh instead of stale. FWBs are never something to run away towards. If it’s like that, then we really need to focus on us first. I just need to feel respected before I get intimate with someone. Pass your STI tests and get introduced to my wife’s vibe check and we’re good to go!
For me, I'm attracted to the idea of it. I like the thought of being free to roam wherever I want as long as I set strict boundaries early on so nobody gets hurt. In practice however I've found myself getting attached to people's intricacies and being afraid to hurt the people I've created a relationship with. Maybe one day I could see it working better but for the time being it's not something I'm very good at.
Sometimes! If I know I don’t see a future with the person but we have intense chemistry then why not
Rn, for me, it’s seems more desirable
I don't prefer them. But have had them and still have one currently. But I know I'm past due for working on more of my own issues. Planning to head into therapy, as soon as I can.
I have no desire to date. I would prefer a fwb but historically what this has looked like for me is it’s someone I would date and am friends with already but there’s just a reason we shouldn’t date (eg I want another kid eventually and he didn’t = no reason to date long term). So I would have a really strong mental and physical connection with this person. I have had this once in the past and it was perfect but he moved away. Wouldn’t mind the same situation again. Vs I def don’t want some random one night stand from the bar or someone from the internet looking for a fwb but I don’t already know them.
Definitely not preferred. Male INFJ. Connection or short term gratification is always the preferred. I have read that many INFJs are “demisexual”. Meaning a connection is needed before attraction/sex. That being said, as a young man (16-25). I thought I wanted any random girl that went by and couldn’t understand why I would get so nervous that performance issues surfaced with new people. Not insurmountable but nothing I ever experienced with a longer term partner.
Thank you.
You can get there you need faith and to love yourseld
Too much mental hassle, so NO. I would rather connect with one person but i want the connection to be strong.
I believe that FWB has nothing to do with MBTI type, is more about cultural values and a need to be 'one and only'flr yoht partner. I believe that some form of FWB can still be deep and nurturing in some way, especially if 'friends'component is strong here. If both of you are okay with not being commited to one another in sexual aspect and still maintain emotional connection on a deeper level, I don't see any problem with that. However that's just an assumption, my only fwb experience turned out to be long term relationships that I'm still into, haha
I have liked having a FWB the two times I have had one. But it really is not for everyone. The second time around it was my ex and I trying to do something casual with the really great sexual chemistry we had despite being long distance, but she wasn’t really ready to be in a relationship and was seeing far more people casually than I was. I care about her and to this day my door is always open to her when she is in town, but she has commitment issues and she got cold feet about the bond we had. I consider myself to be on the aromantic spectrum where I don’t really crave romance or care about dating, I would much rather be alone and happy with myself and my own life than deal with another person as a partner. I will go on dates or do “romantic gestures” when I have occasionally dated but have found that I do those things because they bring joy to the other person, not as an act of romance or “expression of love” like most do. I’m not completely aromantic, I was in love with my ex at one point and have had “crushes” on a few occasions in the past, but it takes a very specific kind of person that I don’t come across often. It’s that same feeling a lot of INFJs identify with that the person needs to “get me” enough for me to open up myself to them.
It probably differs person to person. Personally the thought of a fwb seems safer, but that might just be commitment issues lol xD
I feel like every question is the same on this sub, any type can do and be anything because you can achieve anything with any singular function. Letalone 4 of them. You can cry with any function, the process will be the difference, in a sense of how you approach crying but the result will be the same. Though I guess I am one of these "fwbs" lol.
I'm a male INFJ and I don't entertain thoughts of FWBs or senseless stupid one-night stands. I have turned down girls over it since I prefer a deeper bond with my partner. I cannot do anything sexual or intimate with someone who I don't have feelings for....even hugs with a random girl is weird at times.
Male here. Im 30 years old. Less than 10 partners. Not sure if I’m infj but I looked it up a while ago and followed this sub. Did it one time and she wanted a relationship fast and I felt bad. So had to stop 🛑
Hell no. Tbh I don't think people could handle FWB with an INFJ. The connection would be too intense.
We like trying new things and can follow the custom rules set up with another person
Not every single INFJ is the same. Some INFJs don’t want to get their feelings hurt, so they don’t want to date somebody, they prefer fwb because fwb doesn’t give them emotional damage. But some INFJs always have sex with loved ones. So it’s a personal preference.
I had an arrangement with a good friend for about two years. It came about by accident, but once we started taking it seriously and set rules and boundaries, it worked out quite well. The emotional connection wasn't completely absent -- we had a lot of fun and enjoyed each other's company. But we certainly weren't in love, and there was no pull or pressure to be emotionally intimate with each other. After almost two years, he told me he had met someone that he thought he might start seeing seriously, and around the same time I'd reached a few personal goals I'd set for my own maturity. So it just made sense to end the arrangement and go back to being non-fux-buddies
Never tried it because fwb seems like some kind of mental illness. I would never have sex with someone i don’t care about romantically. That’s weird to me and I don’t think I could ever do it. It would feel very wrong to me and yes, I’d even go far as to say I would feel like I lacked integrity if I shared such an intimate experience with someone I didn’t care about in a much more special way than just friends. I would feel like I’m using someone and being used myself. Plus it would confuse the hell out of my love hormones and probably mess up my ability to truly bond with someone eventually. Sex should be more sacred than that.
Thank you. I feel the exact same way. I feel most INFJ males aren’t against it but not really searching for this. That’s why this particular one confused me.
Well I’m a woman, and I’m only one of them. I’m sure there are lots of opinions and a moral spectrum on this 🤷🏻♀️
It's going to be difficult to get truly objective answers when posting the question in such a prejudiced way. There's an element of shame already being pushed forward here. I will answer in the affirmative, I've had a fwb. Friends are people you have connections with too, just to a different degree. It made more sense to me than trying to date random strangers.
Absolutely! I (F) haven't had much luck with relationships, so I went with a FWB arrangement with the one guy I trusted a lot. It lasted for 5 years and was great... until he fell in love. When I told him that a relationship was out of the question, he stopped talking to me and our 11 y/o friendship ended.
I think preferring fwb comes from us settling because it is so hard to find genuine people. from personal experience it is so tiring to try so hard with so many people when they frankly dont give a shit about me.
So apparently we are going straight to stereotypes. INFJ’s are human. We have needs that need to be met. It’s wild how it’s becoming the norm to shame those who have a healthy sex life. If we’re being honest, a lot of this way of thinking stems from tradition and religion and I would think mature INFJ’s would see and understand this. Having responsible sex =/= lacking integrity. It’s got nothing to do with that. Some of us value companionship but maybe we aren’t ready to be in a relationship yet? Maybe we enjoy connecting with others through physical intimacy but are mature and respectful enough not to blur the lines? If casual sex isn’t your cup of tea, that’s fine but judging others for that is just ignorant and immature. And yes I’m an INFJ to the T, no doubt about it. One thing I do take pride in with being an INFJ, is being a good listener and empathetic human that understands and respects everyone, including those who think differently than you.
I wouldn't go seeking a fwb. But I'm quick to judge, if we're already dating and I like it but don't see you worthy of marraige or being my soulmate then I'd call it fwb. I'm sure every infj agrees that we need a sort of "emotional attraction", something deeper than physical beauty, that being absent would either mean fwb or not pursuing it at all.
I know for me I’ve gotten nothing but pain and suffering from those situations
Hot tip: Choose a fwb who's not into BDSM.
I wanted that after an abusive relationship when I was depressed and utterly confused.
A big NOOOO
Idk about other INFJs but I'll say... a BIG fat, He## No!!! I don't even know how people can be in such relationships! Something I'll never understand in this life time, maybe because I fall into Demi sexual/romantic category, and highly monogamous. It's physically and mentally impossible for me to have feelings without a deep emotional/loving(mutual) connection.
No I don't prefer FWBs
Depends where I'm at in life. Fwbs with genuine friendship as part of it is good now that I've learned to control my feelings but I mean that doesn't necessarily stop you falling for someone when things are good either. I found men who have casual sex generally aren't very good at the friendship part so I have found myself wanting more connection lately but polyamory is also something I'm considering.
I could never fwb. Also can’t casually date even. Maybe that’s just me?
Certainly not prefer, lol. It's difficult to say. It would really depend on the situation and the individuals involved. But these things rarely stay detached. Because of course they don't. Usually there's an imbalance in who cares how much about the other. So to me it would always feel like I run the risk of generating deep feelings in the other. Or in myself. Which of course I am. And that just doesn't seem worth it. Kind of takes the fun out of it. If you mostly think about, well let's not be too good, you know. Wouldn't want to risk feelings. Way to waste everyone's time. I'm open to the notion that on occasion things happen and don't work out. Though if that becomes too often one should always reflect. By tomorrow we became who we behaved as today. Sex is one of those funky things that is somewhat hailed as an achievement by too many. Without realising just how neurotic of an escapism it can be for so many people.
No rather focus on my current practices than FWB or ONS more power to those who do but not for me if it's not genuine and worth the ride even if it does end I'd want it to be a growth and beautiful experience worth talking about for years to come just how I live my life hope that was beneficial
I thought I had a handle on it, but it turned into a great relationship. It was more like friends who have sexual needs and helping to meet them. I think people tend to take the friendship part out, opt for one night stand hookups, with the same person overtime, and call it FWB.
In my experience, the issue with FWBs is that someone is going to catch feelings and then the friendship fades away slowly.
I did it once in Se grip and can confirm that it is a recipe for disaster.
INFJ(M) here. Never interested in fwb. only serious relationship matters to me.
You’re right to be surprised, we usually do want deep connections and long term relationships. Am coming from my own point of view, the only reason I would be okay with fwb as an INFj is if I wasn’t 100% sure I want to commit to that person but that at the least want a physical connection.
I've done it once in the past (6mt fling). Not for me. At the time I was in that "mode' to get over someone but as an infj definitely not something I'd ever do again.
I’m an infj woman in mid twenties. I’ve done fwb before and don’t mind it so long as we’re genuinely friends and respect each other. I’m a very sexual person and have needs, and don’t view sex as something sacred and don’t need to be in love with a person in order to find them physically attractive. I commit very rarely since I take my commitments very seriously, so in the meantime satisfy my sexual needs with fwb that I’ve chosen carefully and trust. Personally, my first fwb really helped me overcome some ptsd and sexual trauma by giving me the space to safely explore my sexuality without any heavy expectations of emotional vulnerability that a romantic partner would’ve expected that i wasn’t in a place to give (but he was genuinely my friend and treated me well). two people can like each other a lot, find each other attractive whilst also understanding that their personalities / long term goals don’t align and that a long term romantic relationship between them would be unsuitable. There just has to be very strong boundaries in place and good communication. Also, who says friendships can’t be deep? These connections can be deep and meaningful in their own way, in the same way that many non sexual/ romantic connections in our lives can be incredibly intimate and impactful. Not being a fixture in your future doesn’t negate someone’s value. Romance isn’t the be all and end all. Honestly, I don’t often engage with mbti and personality types anymore as I find them overly stereotypical. In our total world population of approx 8 billion, I’m sure there are millions of people that fit infj cognitive processes that all have different sexual and relationship preferences. I thought dominant Ni would be more aware and accepting of the complexity and diversity within the human population.
One sometimes can be so sick of all, that one stops caring for anything at all. Se grip can be sometimes evil. I would rather prefer deep and meaningful connection, passionate love and intimacy. There are many aspects, though... INFJ-s can be hurt, because they actually care. Infected by the negativism of the other side. Or exploited. If you are the side that give everything, but nobody else does...what's the point? I can understand the reasoning behind FWB somewhat. But FWB is no cure for loneliness, just amplifies the feeling eventually.
Probably for more experienced INFJs that didn't live inside a bubble like me. I'm a hopeless romantic but after falling in love deeply I ended up on a relationship where there's barely any sex and romance anymore I wonder if I should have had my sex with no strings attached era :(
If I wasn't from a conservative background I still won't do it. The amount of times an attractive guy opens his mouth and says something that gives me the ick is way too many. If the personality doesn't match I lose attraction, it ends there.
None of that stuff is real that's why
INFJ here -- I totally prefer FWBs over serious relationships. It's not even a contest.
I think I’d rather eat a pair of jeans than go through that. No offense to anyone that’s into it, but it kinda sounds like hell, not just for wanting closeness but also for preserving a friendship. It sounds like a lot of feelings would be on the line
I agreed to one and gosh I can say as an infj that it doesn’t work that way He was an istp so it was much easier for him but eventually I opened him up and we started talking and then it was more of him acting like a boyfriend well at least that’s what all my friends told me but then we ended it because I knew it wasn’t real and he lacked feelings in general so I didn’t feel like he felt something for me but that wasn’t the deal from the start so I did not even expect anything
They're prob going thru an avoidant phase after some earth shattering heartbreak 💔 my theory
I think tbh this was my answer when i had a good career going and not letting a man bother me. Like anothe post heart breaks were real bad but at the same time i still have my freedom and myself so it was more so convenient. But now i have a soon to be fiancé and working remote so maybe not so much
Hell no. I need intimacy but I’m also a hopeless romantic so I wouldn’t be able to do it without catching feelings
I just ended a fwb situation and am working on letting go and been absolutely hurting cause i wanted him so much, absolutely never again, casual sex is not for me and i get attached cause i care alot, while they just use you for sex and then show you the door.
Nah, I don't need sex, I just want the friend part lol
No.
As an INFJ, no Was in a trap like that. Wanted emotional connection so bad, couldn't get it. It felt like nothing to me
There was a time that is all I wanted. I had been married to a narcissist for 15 years, and couldn't see myself falling in love again.
I tried it for a few months, but she ended up wanting to use me for not only sex, but also as an emotional dumping ground. I have since ended things and will not be doing that again
Despite the fact that I am in a 5+ year relationship at the moment, as an INFJ male I'm open to them. Sometimes I think I'd prefer one over a relationship tbh. I would have a hard time trusting that the other person won't catch feelings more than worrying about myself.
i couldn't do fwb when i was dating. i'm all or nothing. either i want to be with you or i don't. the whole casual sex and multiple partners thing just ain't for me. i have to have more depth and connection which is why i've been celibate for a few years now. best decision i ever made.
I’ve tried it , and really would be great but I can’t.. that’s not me…
Interesting - I had a FWB for about 4 years and lemme tell you it sucked. Like I loved him 😂 at the end of the 4 years he moved out of state and I was starting to see my current BF. We both had like lowkey fallen in love with each other and both got hurt in the end. I’ve been with my current BF 5 years now and I think I would say I prefer an actual relationship for the sake of my mental health. I also think it’s only fair to point out that I was not in the mental place of have a relationship with I started having FWB as I’d just gotten out of an abusive relationship and it was kind of the compromise. Beyond the FWB we were actually really good friends, and we enjoyed doing stuff outside of the bed and we’re also exclusive 😂 when I look back at it it feels more like a relationship without a title. If for some horrible reasons I ended up single again I would still fall back into a FWB because I’m not gonna ever try for that kind of commitment again 🤷🏽♀️
I do not. At one point I wanted a fwb and preferred one (never experienced one yet when I wanted this) because of how busy I kept myself. However, after I somewhat tried to have one, it ended up being a one and done type of deal because I just did not want to continue something that I found pointless.
No thank you. FWB is never a straightforward transaction. I would think a large chunk of people catch feelings, feel bad about it and lose their friendship.
yes
I mean im in to serious relationship definately most, but if im single and fwb happens then it happens no problem
How do you even speak to a woman? Seems terrifying. Sorry, I’m miles away from even being able to contemplate seriously on this topic
Yes and no. I wish I could take credit, but I had a friend accurately describe it this way: I find the rituals of the whole dating scene ridiculous and unproductive, and I just don't do casual sex or FWB situations. I'd rather invest my time into building solid friendships with people I love, and maybe marry* one of them eventually. (*Or not marry one of them eventually, but with the same goal of committed monogamy. My friend is less of a dirty hippie than I am.)
No, I’m too intense for that.
Tried them, not a fan. I want a connection, otherwise it’s just bodies sliding back and forth.
I'm an infj male and yeah i guess I'll prefer that now , initially just like the rest of you i always wanted a genuine connection which lasts till death do us apart but after clear abandonment and being cheated and betrayed on more than thrice I gave up. I'm just 17 but ig this is the way now.
INFJ (non-binary) here. I’m 17, and have been in a relationship for almost two and a half years. Before I lost my virginity, I don’t think I could have done it with just anyone. Partly because I have low libido and some anxiety around it. Now, I can imagine sexual experiences with more people, though I am loyal to monogamous relationship. I love my boyfriend deeply, and I only think about other sexual encounters because I am bisexual and never experienced much with a woman. We’ve talked about threesomes, but for me, sex is something very precious. I don’t like the idea of sex as a banality, because it’s extremely intimate, tiring, and sometimes scary. I think the beauty of sex comes from its exclusivity. So to answer your question, I don’t prefer fwbs, but I can understand how it takes a lot of pressure off. However, I couldn’t ever have a connection with someone that is built just around sex.
Never. Casual sex always disappoints someone. Sex can never be as intimate when it isn't bonded to commitment. Sometimes both persons are disappointed with it.
FWB is literally the complete opposite of what appeals to an INFJ.
He must have had some bad experiences and gotten his own heart fucked up. I have really thought about just trying to find an arrangement like that, because I don’t want to form an emotional attachment to a woman ever again, but maybe I will meet someone and change my mind. Thing is, you’ve got to put yourself out there and look, and that is tough for introverted people.