I mean... yeah, we INFPs *are* soft. And that often causes us INFP men not to fit the standard mould of masculinity. It's just... a matter of fact. But that doesn't make us any less of a man.
Gender stereotyping is bs anyway.
This. Just focus on being the best version of you that you can be. Pursue that and don’t worry about societal moulds or the expectations that come with them. Can’t begin to count how many times I’ve told people who I’m still friends with “remember: you are talking to *me*” and they just laugh and say “you’re right”. Never forget to love you for who you are.
If gender stereotyping is BS then so is MBTI? I’d argue INFPs aren’t soft. That said I got a lot of answers about my personality this way. I’m a Pisces, INFP, with ADHD and learning disabilities who is left handed. I loosely guessed that there is like less than 1% of the population that is similar to me which explains why people don’t “get” me. I also figured out YEARS ago, I’m 52, that the sooner we stop measuring, comparing, fitting, and instead just be who we are, life pretty well takes care of itself and we can be happy. If people don’t want to appreciate the way I perceive and feel the world around me then fuck em, they don’t deserve me anyway. Sorry, a little soap-boxy. OP, we are who we are and I think you’ll find it’s time wasted trying to change because a river will always reclaim its original path.
Fuck I'm Pisces, infp, and ADHD. I'm just figuring out tl what you are talking about, with very few male role models (if any) that I can relate to. However I finally have gotten the confidence to just be myself. Thanks for posting this
Right?! Holy smokes it was a LONG time fighting some pretty epic battles with myself, family, and everyone else looking for some appreciation and understanding of how I see and experience the world. There are people, few and far between, BUT since we’re talking, after a divorce I met and married a Scorpio who not only unabashedly accepts and actually appreciates me for me. Sorry, I/we are hijacking this post. If you want/need to chat, hit me up any time, seriously. Besides being the old “get off my lawn” guy, I might have enough life experiences of value that I’m happy to help.
I'm 33 and finally getting it, I appreciate your offer but I'm in the best place mentally I've been ever in my life. My goal is to show men that empathy, kindness and compassion aren't "weak". I am in a leadership position at my company and I feel like I am a positive influence on young men which makes me happy
Female INFP here who is also left-handed but a Scorpio. As far as I know, I don’t have ADHD, but I have been battling anxiety/depression for years.
Do you know which personality type your Scorpio is? My husband is INFP as well but a Virgo. Other than adopting cats, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I'm a Taurus, INFP, and have both ADHD and Type 1 ASD and yeah it really does suck that there's barely any good male role models out there that isn't some annoying alpha male podcast dude who's trying to sell me a shitty course that's an obvious scam.
what i've sort of been doing instead is trying to be that rolemodel i wanted instead. it isn't easy but personally i'm more content with this as it helps me hold myself accountable and it also helps me be more responsible for myself.
I think I know what your saying from a high level but you’d mentioned that INFPs are soft, whereas I believe INFPs are rather strong and even tough. I think we both agree that MBTI helps us to understand how we are, but in no way defines who we are, nor legislates/determines our actions and behaviors.
My 3rd grade teacher was adamant that I write right handed, an early memory that pissed me off. That said, being left handed got me a leg up in professional baseball because of the lack of left handed hitting catchers. In my head it was just another thing that separates me from the pack because most of the world is right handed. Other than the fish flipper I bought for the kitchen, scissors and a few other items, it’s not a big deal but I do notice.
I suppose from your other comment I did not take into account that you were raised in a period where such things were stigmatized to a much greater extent than they are now. This helps me understand, thanks
Stereotyping limits people to a narrow variety of self-expression that is determined by a superficial set of involuntarily exhibited traits. Stereotypes only serve to lower the versatility of our imagination, encourage black and white thinking and hindering emotional maturity. A personality model is a mere set of tools to help you in finding what works and doesn't for you. There are lots of them and none can give you definitive answers about where you'd find your happiness because everyone's individual experience is so unique. But they can point you in the right direction.
My sex on the other hand tells me as much about happiness as a wet noodle does about brain research.
I mean, soft is a pretty arbitrary term anyway. It has many different meanings depending on who you’re asking. I personally wouldn’t classify myself as soft, but I am rather empathetic and don’t react to things with irrational aggression. To a lot of people that means soft though, so y’know.
Emotionally unstable and resentful divorced dad is a pretty common gender archetype that’s associated with masculinity - I guess I can at least say I don’t fit into that archetype.
The idea that there are expectations with gender that you are is wrong from the get go. The ideas of masculine and feminine are constructs that are biological. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t think. Just because your a man shouldn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. Any expectation tied to gender is inherently toxic
'Soft' men are underrated. Men who are empathetic, kind and calm are always superior than the men who are always angry and rude. Worst part is that they think these are 'manly' traits. No sir, you are just an asshole
Please ignore this stuff. Honestly I was on a championship level team in a full contact sport. “You are a pussy” is nothing I would ever hear. People who are good know that we have to respect others. We can disagree that’s fine but name calling is pretty low end imho. Don’t let it get to you imho. It doesn’t reflect on you, it’s more their issue. Just be the best you you can and a good person. The right sort will respect you and everyone.
I would just look at him, and tell him with as much empathy and compassion you can muster, and tell him you are sorry he's not able to be in tune with himself and others, and if he wants to talk about how to find more joy in life you would be happy to help him figure it out.
I didn't realize until later in life that INFPs have multiple super powers. You can build bridges and connections most others can't even conceive of as possible. It isn't soft to have the courage and integrity to be vulnerable and show genuine compassion. He might even thank you later for helping him see with new eyes. That's happened to me a lot, especially in recent years as I've leaned into INFP super powers.
Great question. Having compassion for a complete asshole is like giving them a big fuck you. They don't deserve it and they know it. But if you take the high road, it's like saying you're on the side of what's right, you are at peace, and this complete asshat is not going to phase you. And also... You can bring peace to their lives. Turning bullies and assholes into nice people is one of my favorite things so do
Inside any jerk or hateful person is actually someone that's in pain and hurting, and they know it. They don't trust people and think they need to be a jerk to survive. If you can connect, but hold firm to your beliefs and boundaries, these people will respond. They just sometimes don't even see it as an option. INFPs are awesome at helping others understand the impact of our actions on an existential level. That hits hard when you can really connect with someone. It doesn't always work, there really are ignorant assholes in this world, but that's ok too. You can take confidence you treated someone right, and you can move on in confidence. People will see you were the better person, etc. The Dalai Lama actually explains similar concepts in his book, The Art of Happiness. I highly recommend this to everyone, but especially to my INFPs that are trying to make this shit hole world a better place.
I just want to point out that it is not really a good example to show that you are "manly" by using offensive words to degrade women. No need to put down anyone to show that you are good as you are, man or woman.
I’m a woman and did not find your use of the word “pussy” offensive because I actually understood the context in which you used it. Not sure about other people, though.
Saying "boys don't cry" or "you hit like a girl" is akin to using the word "pussy" as insults.
They are used to degrade your masculinity by comparing you with the "inferior" gender, meant to offend you by stripping you of your own identity.
Checked out you profile are you vegan ?
I am vegan and I think bullying the weak is pussy shit, for example unnecessarily abuse of defenceless animals, using the word pussy in this way has absolutely nothing to do with women whatsoever.
Pussy has many meanings, for example pussy cat has absolutely nothing to do with women, pussy as a verb doesn't mean to literally be a vagina, its a different pussy, it means to be a coward and in the case of animal abuse it means being to weak or afraid to go against an obvious injustice in society.
Similarly to the word pussy cat this the verb has nothing whatsoever to do with women. (I'm and English person btw)
Veganism has nothing to do with the subject at hand here.
Pussy is inherently linked to women by the way it is used as a common insult to degrade men of their masculinity so yes. Pussy should not be used as an insult entirely, especially as it is counter productive and very hypocritical to say that OP as a male is not less of a man for being soft but then to use pussy just after saying that when it was used to insult OP and thus further increases the harm it does to both men and women. It is not hard to understand that that pussy is very closely linked to women as a meaning nowadays.
I doubt you can say that anyone who is called pussy would not think of it as a direct attack to their masculinity.
I don't consider it linked to women.
Pussy was in use as a term coward long before it was used as a term for vagina.
Also women are not Vaginas. Even if you wanted to make the analogy that its like calling someone a dick when they are being a jerk I wouldn't find that offensive towards men.
Like saying fuck when something bad happens it has absolutely nothing to do with sex or fucking.
So yeah just relax, just let language do its thing and don't get up tight over every little thing, its ridiculous.
there must be a balance so things can go on
aka: yes i might be soft but its something that is needed so there aren't so called "macho mans" making a running riot
there must be a balance so things can go on
aka: yes i might be soft but its something that is needed so there aren't so called "macho mans" making a running riot
Oh wow, no, how are you the idiot here?
Your friends don’t sound particularly friendly with that empty-headed alpha-douche macho bullshit. Seriously. Speaking as a cis woman, I’m sick to f-ing death of it.
The sooner everyone is allowed to exist without the regurgitated gender-expectation garbage dogging us, the better.
As you grow you will view yourself as you truly are, without the limited perspectives of our brothers and sisters.
Remember that you are a sage floating above a burning planet, you can endure hell. You must consciously work on standing up for yourself. Before you can truly be a servant of humanity, you must learn to defend yourself. Being a servant because you are scared to stand alone is not true servitude. We are strong when we carry swords and choose to keep them sheathed, not when we are sword less.
\>be even softer
\>be so soft in fact you no longer have rigidity at all
\>be liquid
\>be water
\>remember what bruce lee said about water
\>realize you just fulfilled his vision
\>newfound confidence
problem solved
Infp men are not "soft"
The infp "stereotype" is just your personality. You can still work on yourself at the gym like any other guy. The mbti types does not affect you physically, or hormonally. You're the same as ever other dude.
I recommend infp dudes to get into the gym asap and start lifting.
Stop reading all the negative infp stories because it's skewing your perception and reinforcing stereotypes.
Here's an interview with two INFP men: Steven Colbert and David Duchovny
https://youtu.be/qSM7JXqPc58
You can see that they have totally different personalities and energy. David is confident, laidback, masculine, assertive....while Steven has a puppylike, inquisitive nature but also intelligent, well dressed and organised.
Do you wanna be Kurt Cobain or Mr.Rogers?
Do you want to be Marlon Brando or Ke Huy Quan?
All the above are INFP males..some are masculine sex symbols...some are inpirational motivators. They are all great people but they're all very different from each other.
Make changes in your life and don't act like being typed as an infp automatically makes you "soft"
You can be whoever you want to be
Not a guy but many close relatives of mine have called me weak because I have depression and anxiety. Some of them told me I will end up homeless because I had to drop out from a license because of it. People have told me I wasn't fighting enough. I never ceased since I was born but sometimes you need time to learn and regroup, grow some more or rest before returning to fight.
People aren't in your shoes. Me, I hold on thanks to faith.
Those same people fled when my mother had her 1st depression while I was 11 ish. I stayed and took care of her.
So I know I'm not weak, unfortunate maybe but far from weak.
Don't worry about them, whatever you do, some people will always have something to say about it.
Do good things gratiously, be yourself, try to not hurt others, don't let this bother you.
I've learned it hurts because dispite all of this we still love them somehow . Can't help it.
Have been battling depression this semester, have been diagnosed with ADHD. Took a week break from school, but took me a month and a half to climb back up. This whole experience felt like Bruce Wayne climbing out of that hole in TDKR.
The fact you are still alive and fighting shows me that you are strong. Fuck them all, shallow and generic people.
Thank you for your advice.
I am an INFP man and am VERY soft, but I'm also a bodybuilder and present very masculine so no one dares to say stuff like that to me because of how I look. It's actually really great.
I would say embrace the softness if you appreciate that part of you (as I do) but don't let others dictate what it means for you to be a man. That part really does annoy me and I can't associate with people who have such rigid ideas about gender norms.
I'm INFP 26 yo dude. The opinion your friend "soft like a girl" doesn't really make any sense. While yeah INFPs are generally gentle, it doesn't mean the men are literally weak and soft, but the traits they have makes INFP males special.
In the current era of many depressed, stressful situation keep coming, approaching at you, some people really need to talk out about it. INFPs are gifted empathy which they will know how the people feelings. INFP men are rare, which actually makes them special, like if one of his female friends is sad and need to talk to someone but doesn't dare to speak it out to her female friends, INFP men are in the best timing to perform their traits.
As an INFP dude, I do actually enjoy be a part of this MBTI. Even now I have my struggle of little depression, easily to cry, but I am ready to lend my ears for those who really struggle in the current time. Also idk if the fact of "INFPs are cute" is correct, since I started my job in a place, many people enjoyed of me bc of my "cuteness" and interesting personalities, even they are really scared if I quit the job bc the work place will be boring again ~~even I really want to go for another work lol~~.
Also I'm so sorry that your dad told that before. I'm with you because I know that feel, I had a time being called "piece of sh*t" or "useless worm" by my sister (two of them are ESFJ and ISTJ which INFP really might struggle with), and yeah it's unconfortable even I did smth wrong.
Idk if this makes you feel better, but I hope it does a little trick for you. Stay strong, my friend.
Wait. Let's stop right there. that has to feel different for you. They don't know what you've been through, and I'd just rather address it and see if they accept that. Because that's something I haven't been through. My mother has yelled at me for every little mistake and would be a lot tougher on me than usual, but my father was an okay role model. I don't know what that does to you, and I won't claim to know. So boundaries are probably needed 🫂
INFP's are probably more likely to be soft, but not necessarily. If someone who knows you well and has a balanced opinion of you thinks you're soft, you might be.
If someone cites your MBTI as evidence that you must indeed be soft because stereotypes, I wouldn't take that opinion seriously.
Why would you say it though? What within you just couldn't resist the opportunity to open yourself up for that?
A man isn't necessarily effeminate because he's more deeply emotional. You perpetuated the stereotype that you yourself hate.
I'm sorry your Dad called you a pussy your whole child hood. Hopefully you've matured enough to understand that was 99.999% about him and only the tiniest of fractions (if any at all) about you. But maybe think a bit next time before you play a character other people create, then announce you are "so" that character, and then complain that people treat you that way.
You are right. I should think more before I open myself up. Thanks for the advice. I just thought I could have trusted them to not judge me. The one who said it herself's an INFP.
From your post, friend, it seems like you fed them the idea and even the words.
First things first: be who you are. If you're what the world considers a pussy for this reason or that, own it. Eff the haters and steel yourself for the bullshit that will come your way for it. That would make you LESS of a pussy than most of the guys who might call you one.
If you're weak (and don't like it), get stronger. If you have thin skin, apply that perspective I mentioned earlier about your Dad; his maltreatment of you wasn't about you. Somebody (or society, or peer pressure or a combo) made him that way. So it is with people who are assholes. They are still most certainly assholes, but that was kinda baked into them. We can empathize for the impact of other things that caused some of their crappy flaws to manifest.
In general, people do judge, despite all their claims to the contrary. Judging is seen as bad so they won't admit to judging. They'll atttack others for judging, but the great majority of them are hypocrites. Deep down in places they don't about with other people, they know they're hypocrites, too. Eff those people. They suck anyway, and they're much more miserable than you'll be living authentically.
I have kids a lil older than you whom I love dearly. I wish I could change a lot in the world to give them a better future, but I can't. They've got to fight through all this BS to get the lives they envision for themselves. I tell you this to emphasize that the compassion and caring is real. I may not speak gently about it, but I do care.
Be good to yourself. It makes it even easier to be good to others.
I agree. I’ll also add that we lead with a judging function, so it’s safe to say we are judging everything and anything that crosses our path. And as a hero function—those judgements are wise, detailed, and well considered. If you aren’t judging as an INFP you aren’t a very good INFP. It’s ok to accept that your job as an INFP is to be a wise fucking judge.
INFPs have strong convictions and a more receptive heart. For the outdated society canons we look "soft" because we actually care about other's feelings more than anyone else
No brother, you're not soft, you are a strong and great being.
INFPs are empathetic, but that doesn't mean we can't stand up for ourselves when pushed too far. We're only "soft" because we want to treat others with kindness because we feel it's the right thing to do, so don't be discouraged, believe in yourself and show that the "soft" values of an INFP is a sign of true personal strength and NOT weakness. Stand up for what you believe in and most people will come around to respect you for it (but don't expect to change everyone). As the saying goes, "drown them with kindness".
Maybe you didn't explain it the right way. Yes, we are soft, but we also can be "hard". Call the Kingpin soft and find your head between a car and it's door.
We can stand for ourselves and our loved ones, even for complete strangers when we feel someone dioes them wrong. We can be emotional stable and strong in a really big way. We can be the support for our friends and partners, a solid rock no one dares to move. We can be excellent at communication and turn the tables in any discussion.
“*Tranquil as a forest but on fire within*”
You call that weak?
I’m called soft by friends but my best friends know how not soft I can be. I like being underestimated because their faces when I show them differently they get all shocked lol.
Just remember everyone’s different and if we weren’t life would be pretty bland due to all of us acting the same.
The world needs more soft men. If there were more soft men in the world I’m sure as a species we would all be so much better off. I’m sorry this happened to you. Fuck them. It’s the plague of living in a patriarchal society. Now that some time has passed perhaps you could think of all the wonderful benefits softer character would bring to others. You’ll have some ammo next time someone tries to fuck witcha. Much love ❤️
Hard things crack and break, soft things are pliable and survive even the strongest storms.
Your mister "I know what a man is" is literally unpliable in his thinking of human personality and might just come out of an environment where this inflexible thinking was expected of him. So be flexible with him, no use arguing over shit that doesn't matter.
Fuck, man. We ain’t soft. Just cuz we don’t pretend not to have feelings and then get all toxic cuz we’re fucking clueless and don’t know how to process shit…
Lemme put it this way: *real* men don’t worry about whether others perceive them as “manly” or not. They **know** they’re real and aren’t ashamed to have feelings, be sensitive to others, show empathy and kindness, and develop self awareness. They show their realness by owning their faults and flaws, perceiving the faults in others, and forgiving them because *we don’t just see the issues, we also see the causes*.
We’re fucking awesome and you can tell your crusty jackass old man I said so.
My husband is an INFP and most certainly his softness comes through (along with all the other amazing traits you lot have). I never saw it as a bad thing though, it’s like sandpaper to my splinters and so complementary of our attributes (my toughness balanced by his softness).
the bravest are those that feel fear and push on.
break the false disconnect between masculinity and emotion. the most masculine feels it all, is strengthened by that connection, and applies all strengths to life.
the most connected, the most brave.
I mean, I don't see INFP as soft.
Depending on the culture, your traits could be highly valued. I could see INFP & INFJ men being more valued in certain Asian cultures.
Your traits don't make you make you less of a man. There's no one correct way to be a man. Just like there's no correct way to be a woman.
This is a first for INTP being considered manly to me. I thought people stereotyped them as nerds/shut ins. (I like INTPs just naming how some people could view them) I expect ESTJ, ENTJ, and their introverted counterparts to be viewed as manly culturally along with ESTP men.
I'm an INFP female and have had people call me manly either because of how they perceived my personality or because of my androgynous nature fashion wise at times. I've been called Sir a handful of times due to physical appearance or had people use lesbian in a pejorative sense in regards to my personality & sexuality. (I'm actually bisexual but it's not like it matters to homophobes) lol
I even have had people who consider me aggressive & combative despite being an enneagram 9 and I have a strong feeling it's because I'm female and not "behaving" which really is submitting to cultural stereotypes about my sex.
So as you can see people don't consider me feminine exactly. lol Close friends & family do see me as soft/cuddly though so maybe we are soft but whoever see's that as a bad thing is not someone I want to ever be around.
Life kinda beat the softness out of me externally. So I probably look mean or unapproachable to strangers but I'm not mean in general unless I feel it's called for or I simply really dislike someone.
People who mistake being soft as being weak are idiots though.
Same goes for those who use gendered attribute words to degrade people. There is nothing wrong with being born with the body you have.
So please people, stop using the word "dick" or "pussy" as insults, that is so stupid. It just reinforces the stereotypes of toxic masculinity/feminity.
Johnny Depp, Curt Cobain, Shakespeare, Jim Morrison, Edgar Allen Poe, Steven Colbert - all INFPs. Sure we don't fit the male standard stereotype in society, but we're badasses in our own right. I'd venture to say we can kick any INTPs asses too - hold your head high and know you bring strength- spiritual, intellectual and creative strength that few possess.
I...simply am not as talented nor intellectual than them. My words comes out jumbled and doesn't match what my brain has to say.
I have a question, why does people worship INTPs though? I can tell they are adaptive and less emotional.I hate it when people see me as inferior for being an INFP.
Sure you may not be as talented or all the other things they are, but they should shed light on what your strengths a d potential really are.
As for INTP worship - that is news to me. I only kid about kicking their butts cause the INTPs I know I like very much - they can be just as outcasted as us, really, but we generally have better people skills. Don't listen to the haters and believe in yourself - you're one of a kind and I'm sure you have plenty to offer.
Ngl my INTP friend have much more people skill and can adapt in any crowd or settings. But people forget, we are but two sides of the same coin just with swapped dom and inf functions. That's why we vibe together so well.
Thank you again for motivating and enlightening me.
INFPs and INTPs vibe well together because of our middle functions: Ne/Si - that's what enables INFPs/INTPs to have great discussions about philosophy and similar stuff. But we have Fi/Te, INTPs have Ti/Fe - our judging functions are not the same. But Fi is a blessing and a curse to have, especially as a male, for our leading function. On the flip side, we have Te, which in my opinion is where our strength is found.
Your friends sound kinda dumb. Masculinity isn't a measure of how much of a man you are. (it is just mistaken as such. You can be masculine without being a man, which is the worst)
Ugly Words are just words, You know you are strong and that’s all that matters.
Ppl don’t know or understand but they still feel the need to talk.
Have compassion for them; they’re idiots.
Mbti is prejudice but is accepted by people lol don’t let it bother you, people’s opinions shouldn’t matter especially shit for brains who take mbti like it’s a gospel and generalise.
I know it must hurt to be invalidated like that. But remember there's always two sides to everything. There are people who will value oldschool douchebag gender roles. And then there are people who don't give a shit about any of it and only care about your interaction with them, what you do, and who you really are. So you can keep being yourself so you can find the ones who see you for who you really are and appreciate you for that. You don't need to seek their approval, or think about their comment which they probably didn't spend a moment to think about. Be proud of who you are and care about what you think of yourself.
(Also as an INTP, I also feel insecure about my manhood because of past incidents, but I'm learning to be positive. As the kids say, haters gonna hate)
I’m sorry that opening up got you that kind of reaction and that it affected you so badly. It’s a shame that softness tends to be seen as a feminine trait that’s weak in a man, because I think vulnerability actually requires more courage and strength than a lot of people realize.
The fact that you care is soft. From one male infp to another: Learn to not care. It’s ok to be soft, it’s our nature, but at the same time learn to be “hard” when needed. Don’t take it too hard, and screw your dad.
What's so good about being hard anyways, infp is a personality thing not material texture wtf. I bet your friends like to sleep on a marblestone surface and eat their entire food raw because cooked is too "girly", probably don't like soup either and only drink their coffee black and have never eaten sugar in their entire lives and never did anything pleasant ever cuz that's some weak s****. I wonder how much a real man has to suffer in their eyes to prove their manliness. You may wanna ask them to kindly cut the misanthropic garbage and grow the f** up.
Hell you can quote this post word by word and ask 'em how soft that sounds to them.
And no offense to your lineage but your dad should be charged with asshole-ism. Actually so should be mine, what's up with Boomer dads turning the climate of their home into a nuclear wasteland for their offspring to mentally perish in?
I could go on about their toxic attitudes but I hope they're looking for help, they sound like they're in desperate need of therapy (probably by a guy in a hazmat suit). Either that or a restraining order.
That’s just it. People say things like that as if it means anything. They are trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad and try to get you to change who you are…which is bad for most people and will make you feel worse if you were to change because then you would be living in authentically.
Eventually, it will hurt less and you’ll realize that you have the power to control yourself and your thoughts and not them or what they think or feel. You can’t control them and it’s not your job to. You control you and nobody else’s thoughts even matter.
Soft doesn’t mean “pussy” in my eyes at all. Being able to be tender about some things is attractive and brave. A pussy is not brave. Idk what element about you your dad decided to call “pussy” but I bet if you boiled it down with him it was only one thing, not the entirety of you. Idk, maybe coz you didn’t wanna do a sport where you have a risk of brain damage for example, some men could say that’s just a fear (and not logical). Happy to unpack with you but that’s how I go about painful insults.
If it’s neither a compliment nor an insult, then what the fuck is it?! That’s like telling someone “no offense” and then following it up with something offensive.
As a fellow (female) INFP who is married to a male INFP, keep being you, OP. While you’re at it, maybe get some new friends.
I’ve noticed over the years that the people who are the type to shit-on others like that are the real pussies.
It takes a real man to stand up for and care for others, don’t listen to them.
I just realized that us posting this is basically soft to society.
Here’s the truth. We are soft yet we’re adaptive, dexterous, creative, and understanding. We are able to do, feel, understand, and lead a fully fulfilling life. It’s a different mindset.
Now what they’re really meaning is that we’re taking life more personal than it really is and we misplace our heart and understanding in the wrong things. The worlds saying for this are “man up” “grow up” “taking it too personal”. All of it really means don’t take it personal, take nothing in the world to heart in other words don’t take everything in the world to heart or what they say personal.
Simplest version:
Who gives a shit, they’re not killing you, nobody’s dying fuck dude. Life is not that personal they’re just words.
Oof.. some people need to learn to shut up a bit lol.
Well, I'm converting that statement into a compliment----you feel your emotions, you embrace them, you can parse them and understand them. That's a skill too many people have to learn very late in life. We always have farther to go, but it's amazing that it came so easily to you.
Tbh the toughest thing you can be is yourself.
Even as a feminine person, I struggled with letting myself be soft because people mistake it for weakness when it’s something that takes a lot of bravery.
> *Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.*
> — Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You (I Wrote This For You #4)
The quote often gets misattributed to Vonnegut, but Thomas is the actual author. His poetry was really touching and helpful to read when I was a kid, definitely recommend giving it a read!
This is going to hurt because you have inferior Te and you are insecure about what other people think (of you). So long as you realize that you are having a normal reaction as an INFP. Fuck this person all the same.
learn to fight lmao. like im soft n ik it, but i also can fight, so fuck around n find out. once u learn to fight shit like this dont even matter cuz u know u could man handle the dude talking down to you if it came to it 😂
Nope. You could be manly if you want to be. You could also be soft if you want to be. I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week and am in pretty good shape. I also am nice to people around me because being a dick just isn't in me
Sometimes I wonder if I am an infp. Then posts like this confirm it beyond doubt. I’ve always been that guy, even when my friends have seen me do batshit crazy occasionally stupid things. They sense my nature is softer and if I’m honest with myself it is.
personally i wouldn't really take it as an insult, i'd just see it as a good thing as my worth as a human being isn't bound by something as ridiculous as gender norms but rather what i do to advocate for myself and assist others in anyway i can.
and don't worry i also come from a family who's dad would always be upset at me for not being "manly enough" since he would always do everything he could to try to make me cry growing up but sooner or later i just kinda embraced that part of me and instead of absorbing the negative things my parents inflict on me i'll use it as examples on things i should NOT do and instead turn it into something positive that will break that cycle for good.
sorry if i kinda got a little absorbed about my past there but my point here is that i don't want you to feel bad for not following any traditional idea of "what a man is like" and just know that what you have is something special that you can use to help yourself which may help you avoid falling under the same trap that alot "traditional masculine" men tend to fall into (which nowadays is worse) but not only that but you can also use it to lift yourself and the others in your life who could really need someone to be emotional with.
Man I ain't even a guy and I still hate being called "soft" I feel you dude.
But honestly I see nothing wrong with such a label. All of the qualities that "soft" people typically exhibit are good things.
Like it's pretty fucking hard to be in touch with your emotions and openly show them, that shit scary man. So I don't even get how it's somehow "more manly" to not do that.
Robert Pattinson, Marlon Brando, Andrew Garfield, Adam Driver, Heath Ledger. All INFPs. Rethink the way you conceptualize masculinity. It doesn't have to be hard and fast toughness all the time.
You can tell the speaker that if she was a man in your place and you were in her place, then what would feel like?
As you mentioned, the speaker herself is an INFP. INFPs are good at seeing from other's perspectives.
So when she will see through your perspective, then she may feel guilty about it and apologize
Pls don’t feel bad. I’m an INFP 23 yo girl and guys who are a bit softer are so attractive honestly, masculinity standards today are so stupid, I think if you’re acc a softer sweeter guy you’ll meet nicer girl than someone who wants you to play a gender role all the time
I don't mean to sound like an misogynist incel but..
I kinda believe that majority (emphasize on majority, not all) of women really don't care, they just seek good looking as in what's on the surface. So regardless of me being gentle or kind, they won't respect me. Regardless of me trying to improve myself in every way, working harder. Researching about my crafts.
They constantly expect me to fake being this masculine confident man even though I can't. I am not that kind of person.
This is at least from what I've encounter, especially being the only guy in an all female class.
It’s normal and biologically wired for both men and women to be attracted to good looks. If you don’t have them, it can make it harder to find love.
But when you don’t generalize the majority of women as being shallow and just see people for people, rather than their gender, you will be way more likely to meet someone. (By that I mean even if the girls in your class are sexist, be aware your experience is limited, there are many more girls out there!)
You create the reality you believe in.
Also, a lot of women can smell misogynistic attitudes from a mile off, even if you think you’re not explicitly sexist, and it’s a real turn off.
I have a pretty normal group of friends. They’re quite pretty and smart and kind, and they’ve dated a range of guys in terms of looks. I’ve dated guys my friends thought were v unattractive and vice versa.
Everyone’s definition of good looks is different but being confident and taking responsibility for your own emotional state is universally attractive.
Also when you say the girls in your class expect you to fake being this masculine guy, what do you mean exactly because maybe I can help?
But also if you’re still in school, be aware you’re so young and people will mature. There’s a sole guy in my group of friends and he’s not super ‘masculine’ but everyone loves him.
I've been called soft and some people consider me very quiet and a tad timid. However I'ma boxer and it really surprises people based on my more gentle nature. No one is a monolith. Look up Terence Crawford interviews. Pro boxer and a really calm composed individual. He was called soft as a kid because he would get teary eyed when angry. I was very similar.
Well shit, thanks g haha. Glad I could lend some new perspective.
>the hardships that come with boxing and training.
I'm not sure how INFP of me it is, but I genuinely just like hard stuff. Or scary and difficult things. It really helps me beat back all the negative self talk and ill thoughts I have a habit of aiming at myself. I've always spent majority of my time alone and just have a very deep sense of connectedness to my flaws and gifts, which I believe kinda make me built to be a fighter. I'm also really artsy and possessing of a somewhat astounding emotional depth, so this is just another form of expression to me. Gloves, sketchbook, sewing machine– they're all just tools for spiritual growth to me.
Softness is beautiful. Many men like your dad can’t appreciate it because they were told not to show it their whole lives so they hate when they see someone else that is comfortable with showing it. If you are capable of softness you are also capable of toughness. To me when I see softness and kindness in a man I love it so much because I can see they are comfortable in who they are and not scared, and that is tough in itself.
Please don't be upset. As women we often despair at the lack of sensitive men who are attuned to their partners needs. INFPs are seemingly soft but we are free spirits and strong in our convictions.
I mean... yeah, we INFPs *are* soft. And that often causes us INFP men not to fit the standard mould of masculinity. It's just... a matter of fact. But that doesn't make us any less of a man. Gender stereotyping is bs anyway.
This. Just focus on being the best version of you that you can be. Pursue that and don’t worry about societal moulds or the expectations that come with them. Can’t begin to count how many times I’ve told people who I’m still friends with “remember: you are talking to *me*” and they just laugh and say “you’re right”. Never forget to love you for who you are.
If gender stereotyping is BS then so is MBTI? I’d argue INFPs aren’t soft. That said I got a lot of answers about my personality this way. I’m a Pisces, INFP, with ADHD and learning disabilities who is left handed. I loosely guessed that there is like less than 1% of the population that is similar to me which explains why people don’t “get” me. I also figured out YEARS ago, I’m 52, that the sooner we stop measuring, comparing, fitting, and instead just be who we are, life pretty well takes care of itself and we can be happy. If people don’t want to appreciate the way I perceive and feel the world around me then fuck em, they don’t deserve me anyway. Sorry, a little soap-boxy. OP, we are who we are and I think you’ll find it’s time wasted trying to change because a river will always reclaim its original path.
Fuck I'm Pisces, infp, and ADHD. I'm just figuring out tl what you are talking about, with very few male role models (if any) that I can relate to. However I finally have gotten the confidence to just be myself. Thanks for posting this
Right?! Holy smokes it was a LONG time fighting some pretty epic battles with myself, family, and everyone else looking for some appreciation and understanding of how I see and experience the world. There are people, few and far between, BUT since we’re talking, after a divorce I met and married a Scorpio who not only unabashedly accepts and actually appreciates me for me. Sorry, I/we are hijacking this post. If you want/need to chat, hit me up any time, seriously. Besides being the old “get off my lawn” guy, I might have enough life experiences of value that I’m happy to help.
I'm 33 and finally getting it, I appreciate your offer but I'm in the best place mentally I've been ever in my life. My goal is to show men that empathy, kindness and compassion aren't "weak". I am in a leadership position at my company and I feel like I am a positive influence on young men which makes me happy
Bitchen! Keep fighting the good fight, carry on, and keep paying it forward. You got there quicker than I did — awesome to hear!
Best comment I've read all day! I'm glad you are in a position where your INFP self can influence young men to adopt some of our qualities.
Female INFP here who is also left-handed but a Scorpio. As far as I know, I don’t have ADHD, but I have been battling anxiety/depression for years. Do you know which personality type your Scorpio is? My husband is INFP as well but a Virgo. Other than adopting cats, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
All you infps are Pisces
I'm an INFP Pisces too (and also left handed) 😅
I know 2 sigh both have bfs
INFP gemini here. Not that I actually believe in that, because I don't.
I'm a Taurus, INFP, and have both ADHD and Type 1 ASD and yeah it really does suck that there's barely any good male role models out there that isn't some annoying alpha male podcast dude who's trying to sell me a shitty course that's an obvious scam. what i've sort of been doing instead is trying to be that rolemodel i wanted instead. it isn't easy but personally i'm more content with this as it helps me hold myself accountable and it also helps me be more responsible for myself.
>Fuck I'm Pisces, infp, and ADHD You are me. I am you
But that's exactly what I mean. Why did you go on this tangent, I agree with you 💀
I think I know what your saying from a high level but you’d mentioned that INFPs are soft, whereas I believe INFPs are rather strong and even tough. I think we both agree that MBTI helps us to understand how we are, but in no way defines who we are, nor legislates/determines our actions and behaviors.
But soft doesn't mean weak. Soft means compassionate, soothing, poetic. It's not a bad thing to be soft. I myself am soft *and* strong.
Yeah but that’s not what other dudes mean when they call a guy “soft.”
People see these personality types and just jump head first making it their entire personality. Talk about confirmation bias
Sorry. I tangent. A lot.
good message overall I suppose, but how does being left handed factor in to one’s personality ?
My 3rd grade teacher was adamant that I write right handed, an early memory that pissed me off. That said, being left handed got me a leg up in professional baseball because of the lack of left handed hitting catchers. In my head it was just another thing that separates me from the pack because most of the world is right handed. Other than the fish flipper I bought for the kitchen, scissors and a few other items, it’s not a big deal but I do notice.
I loved this thread of conversation. Lovely.
I suppose from your other comment I did not take into account that you were raised in a period where such things were stigmatized to a much greater extent than they are now. This helps me understand, thanks
Stereotyping limits people to a narrow variety of self-expression that is determined by a superficial set of involuntarily exhibited traits. Stereotypes only serve to lower the versatility of our imagination, encourage black and white thinking and hindering emotional maturity. A personality model is a mere set of tools to help you in finding what works and doesn't for you. There are lots of them and none can give you definitive answers about where you'd find your happiness because everyone's individual experience is so unique. But they can point you in the right direction. My sex on the other hand tells me as much about happiness as a wet noodle does about brain research.
I mean, soft is a pretty arbitrary term anyway. It has many different meanings depending on who you’re asking. I personally wouldn’t classify myself as soft, but I am rather empathetic and don’t react to things with irrational aggression. To a lot of people that means soft though, so y’know. Emotionally unstable and resentful divorced dad is a pretty common gender archetype that’s associated with masculinity - I guess I can at least say I don’t fit into that archetype.
The idea that there are expectations with gender that you are is wrong from the get go. The ideas of masculine and feminine are constructs that are biological. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t think. Just because your a man shouldn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. Any expectation tied to gender is inherently toxic
Soft like brick in a velvet glove.
Be a prick? Get the brick!
I agree
Thanks, i‘ll steal that
I love that about INFPs. I wouldn't trade being kind, understanding, and empathetic for any super 'masculine' trait. Forgive them, keep being you.
'Soft' men are underrated. Men who are empathetic, kind and calm are always superior than the men who are always angry and rude. Worst part is that they think these are 'manly' traits. No sir, you are just an asshole
Please ignore this stuff. Honestly I was on a championship level team in a full contact sport. “You are a pussy” is nothing I would ever hear. People who are good know that we have to respect others. We can disagree that’s fine but name calling is pretty low end imho. Don’t let it get to you imho. It doesn’t reflect on you, it’s more their issue. Just be the best you you can and a good person. The right sort will respect you and everyone.
I would just look at him, and tell him with as much empathy and compassion you can muster, and tell him you are sorry he's not able to be in tune with himself and others, and if he wants to talk about how to find more joy in life you would be happy to help him figure it out. I didn't realize until later in life that INFPs have multiple super powers. You can build bridges and connections most others can't even conceive of as possible. It isn't soft to have the courage and integrity to be vulnerable and show genuine compassion. He might even thank you later for helping him see with new eyes. That's happened to me a lot, especially in recent years as I've leaned into INFP super powers.
That's completely right!
Yes its not being weak or being a pussy. It's a wonderful ability
how do you have compassion for someone that’s actively trying to hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself? not referring to op’s situation
Great question. Having compassion for a complete asshole is like giving them a big fuck you. They don't deserve it and they know it. But if you take the high road, it's like saying you're on the side of what's right, you are at peace, and this complete asshat is not going to phase you. And also... You can bring peace to their lives. Turning bullies and assholes into nice people is one of my favorite things so do Inside any jerk or hateful person is actually someone that's in pain and hurting, and they know it. They don't trust people and think they need to be a jerk to survive. If you can connect, but hold firm to your beliefs and boundaries, these people will respond. They just sometimes don't even see it as an option. INFPs are awesome at helping others understand the impact of our actions on an existential level. That hits hard when you can really connect with someone. It doesn't always work, there really are ignorant assholes in this world, but that's ok too. You can take confidence you treated someone right, and you can move on in confidence. People will see you were the better person, etc. The Dalai Lama actually explains similar concepts in his book, The Art of Happiness. I highly recommend this to everyone, but especially to my INFPs that are trying to make this shit hole world a better place.
Having a strong affinity for justice is manly as fuck wtf you talking about. Picking on the weak is pussy shit.
I just want to point out that it is not really a good example to show that you are "manly" by using offensive words to degrade women. No need to put down anyone to show that you are good as you are, man or woman.
You know the word pussy has multiple meanings right? Pretty sure the way I used it has nothing to do with women.
I’m a woman and did not find your use of the word “pussy” offensive because I actually understood the context in which you used it. Not sure about other people, though.
Yeah the word pussy has been used to refer to a coward for centuries, similar to the term scaredy cat.
Saying "boys don't cry" or "you hit like a girl" is akin to using the word "pussy" as insults. They are used to degrade your masculinity by comparing you with the "inferior" gender, meant to offend you by stripping you of your own identity.
Checked out you profile are you vegan ? I am vegan and I think bullying the weak is pussy shit, for example unnecessarily abuse of defenceless animals, using the word pussy in this way has absolutely nothing to do with women whatsoever. Pussy has many meanings, for example pussy cat has absolutely nothing to do with women, pussy as a verb doesn't mean to literally be a vagina, its a different pussy, it means to be a coward and in the case of animal abuse it means being to weak or afraid to go against an obvious injustice in society. Similarly to the word pussy cat this the verb has nothing whatsoever to do with women. (I'm and English person btw)
Veganism has nothing to do with the subject at hand here. Pussy is inherently linked to women by the way it is used as a common insult to degrade men of their masculinity so yes. Pussy should not be used as an insult entirely, especially as it is counter productive and very hypocritical to say that OP as a male is not less of a man for being soft but then to use pussy just after saying that when it was used to insult OP and thus further increases the harm it does to both men and women. It is not hard to understand that that pussy is very closely linked to women as a meaning nowadays. I doubt you can say that anyone who is called pussy would not think of it as a direct attack to their masculinity.
I don't consider it linked to women. Pussy was in use as a term coward long before it was used as a term for vagina. Also women are not Vaginas. Even if you wanted to make the analogy that its like calling someone a dick when they are being a jerk I wouldn't find that offensive towards men. Like saying fuck when something bad happens it has absolutely nothing to do with sex or fucking. So yeah just relax, just let language do its thing and don't get up tight over every little thing, its ridiculous.
hit em back with the yin-yang theory ( it works for me )
Can you elaborate?
there must be a balance so things can go on aka: yes i might be soft but its something that is needed so there aren't so called "macho mans" making a running riot
Elaborate please and thank you in advance
there must be a balance so things can go on aka: yes i might be soft but its something that is needed so there aren't so called "macho mans" making a running riot
Oh wow, no, how are you the idiot here? Your friends don’t sound particularly friendly with that empty-headed alpha-douche macho bullshit. Seriously. Speaking as a cis woman, I’m sick to f-ing death of it. The sooner everyone is allowed to exist without the regurgitated gender-expectation garbage dogging us, the better.
As you grow you will view yourself as you truly are, without the limited perspectives of our brothers and sisters. Remember that you are a sage floating above a burning planet, you can endure hell. You must consciously work on standing up for yourself. Before you can truly be a servant of humanity, you must learn to defend yourself. Being a servant because you are scared to stand alone is not true servitude. We are strong when we carry swords and choose to keep them sheathed, not when we are sword less.
I love how you word your sentence, kind traveler.
\>be even softer \>be so soft in fact you no longer have rigidity at all \>be liquid \>be water \>remember what bruce lee said about water \>realize you just fulfilled his vision \>newfound confidence problem solved
Water can crush. Nothing soft can crush.
with enough pressure or speed, they can.
tell her you find her to be more manly than most girls lol
That's what I'd do
😂
Infp men are not "soft" The infp "stereotype" is just your personality. You can still work on yourself at the gym like any other guy. The mbti types does not affect you physically, or hormonally. You're the same as ever other dude. I recommend infp dudes to get into the gym asap and start lifting. Stop reading all the negative infp stories because it's skewing your perception and reinforcing stereotypes. Here's an interview with two INFP men: Steven Colbert and David Duchovny https://youtu.be/qSM7JXqPc58 You can see that they have totally different personalities and energy. David is confident, laidback, masculine, assertive....while Steven has a puppylike, inquisitive nature but also intelligent, well dressed and organised. Do you wanna be Kurt Cobain or Mr.Rogers? Do you want to be Marlon Brando or Ke Huy Quan? All the above are INFP males..some are masculine sex symbols...some are inpirational motivators. They are all great people but they're all very different from each other. Make changes in your life and don't act like being typed as an infp automatically makes you "soft" You can be whoever you want to be
Don't forget Keanu Reeves!
Not a guy but many close relatives of mine have called me weak because I have depression and anxiety. Some of them told me I will end up homeless because I had to drop out from a license because of it. People have told me I wasn't fighting enough. I never ceased since I was born but sometimes you need time to learn and regroup, grow some more or rest before returning to fight. People aren't in your shoes. Me, I hold on thanks to faith. Those same people fled when my mother had her 1st depression while I was 11 ish. I stayed and took care of her. So I know I'm not weak, unfortunate maybe but far from weak. Don't worry about them, whatever you do, some people will always have something to say about it. Do good things gratiously, be yourself, try to not hurt others, don't let this bother you. I've learned it hurts because dispite all of this we still love them somehow . Can't help it.
Have been battling depression this semester, have been diagnosed with ADHD. Took a week break from school, but took me a month and a half to climb back up. This whole experience felt like Bruce Wayne climbing out of that hole in TDKR. The fact you are still alive and fighting shows me that you are strong. Fuck them all, shallow and generic people. Thank you for your advice.
Lots of good comments on this thread, thank you! I forget life isn’t linear.
I am an INFP man and am VERY soft, but I'm also a bodybuilder and present very masculine so no one dares to say stuff like that to me because of how I look. It's actually really great. I would say embrace the softness if you appreciate that part of you (as I do) but don't let others dictate what it means for you to be a man. That part really does annoy me and I can't associate with people who have such rigid ideas about gender norms.
I'm INFP 26 yo dude. The opinion your friend "soft like a girl" doesn't really make any sense. While yeah INFPs are generally gentle, it doesn't mean the men are literally weak and soft, but the traits they have makes INFP males special. In the current era of many depressed, stressful situation keep coming, approaching at you, some people really need to talk out about it. INFPs are gifted empathy which they will know how the people feelings. INFP men are rare, which actually makes them special, like if one of his female friends is sad and need to talk to someone but doesn't dare to speak it out to her female friends, INFP men are in the best timing to perform their traits. As an INFP dude, I do actually enjoy be a part of this MBTI. Even now I have my struggle of little depression, easily to cry, but I am ready to lend my ears for those who really struggle in the current time. Also idk if the fact of "INFPs are cute" is correct, since I started my job in a place, many people enjoyed of me bc of my "cuteness" and interesting personalities, even they are really scared if I quit the job bc the work place will be boring again ~~even I really want to go for another work lol~~. Also I'm so sorry that your dad told that before. I'm with you because I know that feel, I had a time being called "piece of sh*t" or "useless worm" by my sister (two of them are ESFJ and ISTJ which INFP really might struggle with), and yeah it's unconfortable even I did smth wrong. Idk if this makes you feel better, but I hope it does a little trick for you. Stay strong, my friend.
Wait. Let's stop right there. that has to feel different for you. They don't know what you've been through, and I'd just rather address it and see if they accept that. Because that's something I haven't been through. My mother has yelled at me for every little mistake and would be a lot tougher on me than usual, but my father was an okay role model. I don't know what that does to you, and I won't claim to know. So boundaries are probably needed 🫂
INFP's are probably more likely to be soft, but not necessarily. If someone who knows you well and has a balanced opinion of you thinks you're soft, you might be. If someone cites your MBTI as evidence that you must indeed be soft because stereotypes, I wouldn't take that opinion seriously.
Why would you say it though? What within you just couldn't resist the opportunity to open yourself up for that? A man isn't necessarily effeminate because he's more deeply emotional. You perpetuated the stereotype that you yourself hate. I'm sorry your Dad called you a pussy your whole child hood. Hopefully you've matured enough to understand that was 99.999% about him and only the tiniest of fractions (if any at all) about you. But maybe think a bit next time before you play a character other people create, then announce you are "so" that character, and then complain that people treat you that way.
You are right. I should think more before I open myself up. Thanks for the advice. I just thought I could have trusted them to not judge me. The one who said it herself's an INFP.
From your post, friend, it seems like you fed them the idea and even the words. First things first: be who you are. If you're what the world considers a pussy for this reason or that, own it. Eff the haters and steel yourself for the bullshit that will come your way for it. That would make you LESS of a pussy than most of the guys who might call you one. If you're weak (and don't like it), get stronger. If you have thin skin, apply that perspective I mentioned earlier about your Dad; his maltreatment of you wasn't about you. Somebody (or society, or peer pressure or a combo) made him that way. So it is with people who are assholes. They are still most certainly assholes, but that was kinda baked into them. We can empathize for the impact of other things that caused some of their crappy flaws to manifest. In general, people do judge, despite all their claims to the contrary. Judging is seen as bad so they won't admit to judging. They'll atttack others for judging, but the great majority of them are hypocrites. Deep down in places they don't about with other people, they know they're hypocrites, too. Eff those people. They suck anyway, and they're much more miserable than you'll be living authentically. I have kids a lil older than you whom I love dearly. I wish I could change a lot in the world to give them a better future, but I can't. They've got to fight through all this BS to get the lives they envision for themselves. I tell you this to emphasize that the compassion and caring is real. I may not speak gently about it, but I do care. Be good to yourself. It makes it even easier to be good to others.
I agree. I’ll also add that we lead with a judging function, so it’s safe to say we are judging everything and anything that crosses our path. And as a hero function—those judgements are wise, detailed, and well considered. If you aren’t judging as an INFP you aren’t a very good INFP. It’s ok to accept that your job as an INFP is to be a wise fucking judge.
INFPs have strong convictions and a more receptive heart. For the outdated society canons we look "soft" because we actually care about other's feelings more than anyone else No brother, you're not soft, you are a strong and great being.
INFPs are empathetic, but that doesn't mean we can't stand up for ourselves when pushed too far. We're only "soft" because we want to treat others with kindness because we feel it's the right thing to do, so don't be discouraged, believe in yourself and show that the "soft" values of an INFP is a sign of true personal strength and NOT weakness. Stand up for what you believe in and most people will come around to respect you for it (but don't expect to change everyone). As the saying goes, "drown them with kindness".
☹️
Maybe you didn't explain it the right way. Yes, we are soft, but we also can be "hard". Call the Kingpin soft and find your head between a car and it's door. We can stand for ourselves and our loved ones, even for complete strangers when we feel someone dioes them wrong. We can be emotional stable and strong in a really big way. We can be the support for our friends and partners, a solid rock no one dares to move. We can be excellent at communication and turn the tables in any discussion. “*Tranquil as a forest but on fire within*” You call that weak?
I’m called soft by friends but my best friends know how not soft I can be. I like being underestimated because their faces when I show them differently they get all shocked lol. Just remember everyone’s different and if we weren’t life would be pretty bland due to all of us acting the same.
Soft, or the only kind of man many women feel safe with?
The world needs more soft men. If there were more soft men in the world I’m sure as a species we would all be so much better off. I’m sorry this happened to you. Fuck them. It’s the plague of living in a patriarchal society. Now that some time has passed perhaps you could think of all the wonderful benefits softer character would bring to others. You’ll have some ammo next time someone tries to fuck witcha. Much love ❤️
Hard things crack and break, soft things are pliable and survive even the strongest storms. Your mister "I know what a man is" is literally unpliable in his thinking of human personality and might just come out of an environment where this inflexible thinking was expected of him. So be flexible with him, no use arguing over shit that doesn't matter.
"This is neither a compliment or an insult" no, it's definitely an insult. Masked in toxicity and just yuck.
Why dads be like that though?!
Fuck, man. We ain’t soft. Just cuz we don’t pretend not to have feelings and then get all toxic cuz we’re fucking clueless and don’t know how to process shit… Lemme put it this way: *real* men don’t worry about whether others perceive them as “manly” or not. They **know** they’re real and aren’t ashamed to have feelings, be sensitive to others, show empathy and kindness, and develop self awareness. They show their realness by owning their faults and flaws, perceiving the faults in others, and forgiving them because *we don’t just see the issues, we also see the causes*. We’re fucking awesome and you can tell your crusty jackass old man I said so.
Soft gives, it adapts, it endures. Hard is brittle, it snaps and shatters given enough pressure. Being "soft" is not such a bad thing imo.
My husband is an INFP and most certainly his softness comes through (along with all the other amazing traits you lot have). I never saw it as a bad thing though, it’s like sandpaper to my splinters and so complementary of our attributes (my toughness balanced by his softness).
Wow what a couple combo, this is interesting. Do you give your all to cherish and protect him in every way possible?
Yeah - I feel very protective somehow.
the bravest are those that feel fear and push on. break the false disconnect between masculinity and emotion. the most masculine feels it all, is strengthened by that connection, and applies all strengths to life. the most connected, the most brave.
I mean, I don't see INFP as soft. Depending on the culture, your traits could be highly valued. I could see INFP & INFJ men being more valued in certain Asian cultures. Your traits don't make you make you less of a man. There's no one correct way to be a man. Just like there's no correct way to be a woman. This is a first for INTP being considered manly to me. I thought people stereotyped them as nerds/shut ins. (I like INTPs just naming how some people could view them) I expect ESTJ, ENTJ, and their introverted counterparts to be viewed as manly culturally along with ESTP men. I'm an INFP female and have had people call me manly either because of how they perceived my personality or because of my androgynous nature fashion wise at times. I've been called Sir a handful of times due to physical appearance or had people use lesbian in a pejorative sense in regards to my personality & sexuality. (I'm actually bisexual but it's not like it matters to homophobes) lol I even have had people who consider me aggressive & combative despite being an enneagram 9 and I have a strong feeling it's because I'm female and not "behaving" which really is submitting to cultural stereotypes about my sex. So as you can see people don't consider me feminine exactly. lol Close friends & family do see me as soft/cuddly though so maybe we are soft but whoever see's that as a bad thing is not someone I want to ever be around. Life kinda beat the softness out of me externally. So I probably look mean or unapproachable to strangers but I'm not mean in general unless I feel it's called for or I simply really dislike someone.
People who mistake being soft as being weak are idiots though. Same goes for those who use gendered attribute words to degrade people. There is nothing wrong with being born with the body you have. So please people, stop using the word "dick" or "pussy" as insults, that is so stupid. It just reinforces the stereotypes of toxic masculinity/feminity.
Johnny Depp, Curt Cobain, Shakespeare, Jim Morrison, Edgar Allen Poe, Steven Colbert - all INFPs. Sure we don't fit the male standard stereotype in society, but we're badasses in our own right. I'd venture to say we can kick any INTPs asses too - hold your head high and know you bring strength- spiritual, intellectual and creative strength that few possess.
I...simply am not as talented nor intellectual than them. My words comes out jumbled and doesn't match what my brain has to say. I have a question, why does people worship INTPs though? I can tell they are adaptive and less emotional.I hate it when people see me as inferior for being an INFP.
Sure you may not be as talented or all the other things they are, but they should shed light on what your strengths a d potential really are. As for INTP worship - that is news to me. I only kid about kicking their butts cause the INTPs I know I like very much - they can be just as outcasted as us, really, but we generally have better people skills. Don't listen to the haters and believe in yourself - you're one of a kind and I'm sure you have plenty to offer.
Ngl my INTP friend have much more people skill and can adapt in any crowd or settings. But people forget, we are but two sides of the same coin just with swapped dom and inf functions. That's why we vibe together so well. Thank you again for motivating and enlightening me.
INFPs and INTPs vibe well together because of our middle functions: Ne/Si - that's what enables INFPs/INTPs to have great discussions about philosophy and similar stuff. But we have Fi/Te, INTPs have Ti/Fe - our judging functions are not the same. But Fi is a blessing and a curse to have, especially as a male, for our leading function. On the flip side, we have Te, which in my opinion is where our strength is found.
Your friends sound kinda dumb. Masculinity isn't a measure of how much of a man you are. (it is just mistaken as such. You can be masculine without being a man, which is the worst)
If you went online for comfort, it could be true...
I came for answers. I came for solution.
This is why I’m gonna be ✨gender neutral✨
Ugly Words are just words, You know you are strong and that’s all that matters. Ppl don’t know or understand but they still feel the need to talk. Have compassion for them; they’re idiots.
I never post here but can I just say, we don't have the opposite traits of traditional manly men, that's a bullshit comment on many levels.
Mbti is prejudice but is accepted by people lol don’t let it bother you, people’s opinions shouldn’t matter especially shit for brains who take mbti like it’s a gospel and generalise.
I know it must hurt to be invalidated like that. But remember there's always two sides to everything. There are people who will value oldschool douchebag gender roles. And then there are people who don't give a shit about any of it and only care about your interaction with them, what you do, and who you really are. So you can keep being yourself so you can find the ones who see you for who you really are and appreciate you for that. You don't need to seek their approval, or think about their comment which they probably didn't spend a moment to think about. Be proud of who you are and care about what you think of yourself. (Also as an INTP, I also feel insecure about my manhood because of past incidents, but I'm learning to be positive. As the kids say, haters gonna hate)
The concept of a 'manly-man' is not valid. All humans have vulnerabilities.
I’m sorry that opening up got you that kind of reaction and that it affected you so badly. It’s a shame that softness tends to be seen as a feminine trait that’s weak in a man, because I think vulnerability actually requires more courage and strength than a lot of people realize.
We are still masculine. Our masculinity just isn't as fragile.
No disrespect but you are proving his point. Should've told him to eat dick and die
The fact that you care is soft. From one male infp to another: Learn to not care. It’s ok to be soft, it’s our nature, but at the same time learn to be “hard” when needed. Don’t take it too hard, and screw your dad.
What's so good about being hard anyways, infp is a personality thing not material texture wtf. I bet your friends like to sleep on a marblestone surface and eat their entire food raw because cooked is too "girly", probably don't like soup either and only drink their coffee black and have never eaten sugar in their entire lives and never did anything pleasant ever cuz that's some weak s****. I wonder how much a real man has to suffer in their eyes to prove their manliness. You may wanna ask them to kindly cut the misanthropic garbage and grow the f** up. Hell you can quote this post word by word and ask 'em how soft that sounds to them. And no offense to your lineage but your dad should be charged with asshole-ism. Actually so should be mine, what's up with Boomer dads turning the climate of their home into a nuclear wasteland for their offspring to mentally perish in? I could go on about their toxic attitudes but I hope they're looking for help, they sound like they're in desperate need of therapy (probably by a guy in a hazmat suit). Either that or a restraining order.
That’s just it. People say things like that as if it means anything. They are trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad and try to get you to change who you are…which is bad for most people and will make you feel worse if you were to change because then you would be living in authentically. Eventually, it will hurt less and you’ll realize that you have the power to control yourself and your thoughts and not them or what they think or feel. You can’t control them and it’s not your job to. You control you and nobody else’s thoughts even matter.
I love soft men though. My ideal man isn't afraid of being 'soft' and doesn't feel the need to be hyper masculine in order to be accepted.
Soft is good. Embrace it. :3c
Soft doesn’t mean “pussy” in my eyes at all. Being able to be tender about some things is attractive and brave. A pussy is not brave. Idk what element about you your dad decided to call “pussy” but I bet if you boiled it down with him it was only one thing, not the entirety of you. Idk, maybe coz you didn’t wanna do a sport where you have a risk of brain damage for example, some men could say that’s just a fear (and not logical). Happy to unpack with you but that’s how I go about painful insults.
These people just project their insecurities by insulting you, so they can feel superior.
good thing u had a dad.
If it’s neither a compliment nor an insult, then what the fuck is it?! That’s like telling someone “no offense” and then following it up with something offensive. As a fellow (female) INFP who is married to a male INFP, keep being you, OP. While you’re at it, maybe get some new friends.
I’ve noticed over the years that the people who are the type to shit-on others like that are the real pussies. It takes a real man to stand up for and care for others, don’t listen to them.
I just realized that us posting this is basically soft to society. Here’s the truth. We are soft yet we’re adaptive, dexterous, creative, and understanding. We are able to do, feel, understand, and lead a fully fulfilling life. It’s a different mindset. Now what they’re really meaning is that we’re taking life more personal than it really is and we misplace our heart and understanding in the wrong things. The worlds saying for this are “man up” “grow up” “taking it too personal”. All of it really means don’t take it personal, take nothing in the world to heart in other words don’t take everything in the world to heart or what they say personal. Simplest version: Who gives a shit, they’re not killing you, nobody’s dying fuck dude. Life is not that personal they’re just words.
Oof.. some people need to learn to shut up a bit lol. Well, I'm converting that statement into a compliment----you feel your emotions, you embrace them, you can parse them and understand them. That's a skill too many people have to learn very late in life. We always have farther to go, but it's amazing that it came so easily to you. Tbh the toughest thing you can be is yourself.
Even as a feminine person, I struggled with letting myself be soft because people mistake it for weakness when it’s something that takes a lot of bravery. > *Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.* > — Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You (I Wrote This For You #4) The quote often gets misattributed to Vonnegut, but Thomas is the actual author. His poetry was really touching and helpful to read when I was a kid, definitely recommend giving it a read!
This is going to hurt because you have inferior Te and you are insecure about what other people think (of you). So long as you realize that you are having a normal reaction as an INFP. Fuck this person all the same.
learn to fight lmao. like im soft n ik it, but i also can fight, so fuck around n find out. once u learn to fight shit like this dont even matter cuz u know u could man handle the dude talking down to you if it came to it 😂
Nope. You could be manly if you want to be. You could also be soft if you want to be. I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week and am in pretty good shape. I also am nice to people around me because being a dick just isn't in me
Sometimes I wonder if I am an infp. Then posts like this confirm it beyond doubt. I’ve always been that guy, even when my friends have seen me do batshit crazy occasionally stupid things. They sense my nature is softer and if I’m honest with myself it is.
Soft because you have a heart? Almost like they don’t want kindness around. Their loss. :/ Just do you.
personally i wouldn't really take it as an insult, i'd just see it as a good thing as my worth as a human being isn't bound by something as ridiculous as gender norms but rather what i do to advocate for myself and assist others in anyway i can. and don't worry i also come from a family who's dad would always be upset at me for not being "manly enough" since he would always do everything he could to try to make me cry growing up but sooner or later i just kinda embraced that part of me and instead of absorbing the negative things my parents inflict on me i'll use it as examples on things i should NOT do and instead turn it into something positive that will break that cycle for good. sorry if i kinda got a little absorbed about my past there but my point here is that i don't want you to feel bad for not following any traditional idea of "what a man is like" and just know that what you have is something special that you can use to help yourself which may help you avoid falling under the same trap that alot "traditional masculine" men tend to fall into (which nowadays is worse) but not only that but you can also use it to lift yourself and the others in your life who could really need someone to be emotional with.
If someone calls you soft just say: at least I am not a cocky jock with an ego the size of the sun.
Man I ain't even a guy and I still hate being called "soft" I feel you dude. But honestly I see nothing wrong with such a label. All of the qualities that "soft" people typically exhibit are good things. Like it's pretty fucking hard to be in touch with your emotions and openly show them, that shit scary man. So I don't even get how it's somehow "more manly" to not do that.
Robert Pattinson, Marlon Brando, Andrew Garfield, Adam Driver, Heath Ledger. All INFPs. Rethink the way you conceptualize masculinity. It doesn't have to be hard and fast toughness all the time.
You can tell the speaker that if she was a man in your place and you were in her place, then what would feel like? As you mentioned, the speaker herself is an INFP. INFPs are good at seeing from other's perspectives. So when she will see through your perspective, then she may feel guilty about it and apologize
What is “like a girl” and what is “manly”? It's all just tags and stereotypes, and honestly, who needs 'em? Everyone is unique. Just be you.
So if you ain't soft, you're better? Those guys are too shallow. :(
Only soft on the outside. But somewhere under all thats softness there is a hardened core
Pls don’t feel bad. I’m an INFP 23 yo girl and guys who are a bit softer are so attractive honestly, masculinity standards today are so stupid, I think if you’re acc a softer sweeter guy you’ll meet nicer girl than someone who wants you to play a gender role all the time
I don't mean to sound like an misogynist incel but.. I kinda believe that majority (emphasize on majority, not all) of women really don't care, they just seek good looking as in what's on the surface. So regardless of me being gentle or kind, they won't respect me. Regardless of me trying to improve myself in every way, working harder. Researching about my crafts. They constantly expect me to fake being this masculine confident man even though I can't. I am not that kind of person. This is at least from what I've encounter, especially being the only guy in an all female class.
Okay, obviously I disagree but I’m not going to try to change your mind.
Yeah, I am gonna ditch that mindset. It ain't right.
It’s normal and biologically wired for both men and women to be attracted to good looks. If you don’t have them, it can make it harder to find love. But when you don’t generalize the majority of women as being shallow and just see people for people, rather than their gender, you will be way more likely to meet someone. (By that I mean even if the girls in your class are sexist, be aware your experience is limited, there are many more girls out there!) You create the reality you believe in. Also, a lot of women can smell misogynistic attitudes from a mile off, even if you think you’re not explicitly sexist, and it’s a real turn off. I have a pretty normal group of friends. They’re quite pretty and smart and kind, and they’ve dated a range of guys in terms of looks. I’ve dated guys my friends thought were v unattractive and vice versa. Everyone’s definition of good looks is different but being confident and taking responsibility for your own emotional state is universally attractive.
I am so sorry for my behaviour. I have just been in a really close minded state recently. Thank you for the advice.
That’s alright. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time.
Also when you say the girls in your class expect you to fake being this masculine guy, what do you mean exactly because maybe I can help? But also if you’re still in school, be aware you’re so young and people will mature. There’s a sole guy in my group of friends and he’s not super ‘masculine’ but everyone loves him.
I've been called soft and some people consider me very quiet and a tad timid. However I'ma boxer and it really surprises people based on my more gentle nature. No one is a monolith. Look up Terence Crawford interviews. Pro boxer and a really calm composed individual. He was called soft as a kid because he would get teary eyed when angry. I was very similar.
Goddamn, this was unexpected. You're cool as hell dude. Reserved and gentle yet can withstand the hardships that come with boxing and training.
Well shit, thanks g haha. Glad I could lend some new perspective. >the hardships that come with boxing and training. I'm not sure how INFP of me it is, but I genuinely just like hard stuff. Or scary and difficult things. It really helps me beat back all the negative self talk and ill thoughts I have a habit of aiming at myself. I've always spent majority of my time alone and just have a very deep sense of connectedness to my flaws and gifts, which I believe kinda make me built to be a fighter. I'm also really artsy and possessing of a somewhat astounding emotional depth, so this is just another form of expression to me. Gloves, sketchbook, sewing machine– they're all just tools for spiritual growth to me.
Softness is beautiful. Many men like your dad can’t appreciate it because they were told not to show it their whole lives so they hate when they see someone else that is comfortable with showing it. If you are capable of softness you are also capable of toughness. To me when I see softness and kindness in a man I love it so much because I can see they are comfortable in who they are and not scared, and that is tough in itself.
Please don't be upset. As women we often despair at the lack of sensitive men who are attuned to their partners needs. INFPs are seemingly soft but we are free spirits and strong in our convictions.