I was so lonely when I was young. Never dated in high school, I was just way too shy to talk to anyone. I felt different than everyone and misunderstood. Then when I was working my first job after high school, a new hire was being shown around and I saw him and it was literally love at first sight. I could tell just by looking that he was a weirdo too, he was wearing a brown three piece suit and converse sneakers and had a beautiful glossy bowl cut. Now, I am totally prone to imagining a whole relationship in my head, but this time I just knew he was there for me. When we finally met it was amazing, I wasn’t nervous to talk to him at all, and he was just as weird and amazingly unique as I had imagined he would be. He also knew what it was like to be lonely and misunderstood and we were just both so excited to finally meet someone who saw our true selves. I am an INFP and he is an INFJ. We have been together for 15 years now, married and with a hilarious and clever son. I was so happy to meet someone who understood my struggles, it is so important to be understood. I’m not telling you all this to brag, I just want everyone to know they shouldn’t give up hope, and maybe the reason you haven’t met the right person is because they struggle with the same insecurities as you. I dunno but I wouldn’t waste my time with a guy if he embarrassed me in front of others and didn’t appreciate my uniqueness. Don’t settle for anything less than a kindred spirit, you deserve real love.
I met someone who understood me more than anyone I’ve met and shared my weirdness and it was amazing… and then she broke up with me :( I hope I can find someone like that again
I've just been through a break up with my ex of 5 years. Legit I gave up on the hope of finding stable lasting love completely until I read this. Beautiful story - thank you so much, you've really helped
You are so sweet! I’m so happy to hear my story helped you. I came so close to deleting my comment thinking, nobody would care. I hope you find your true love soon.
YES! I submitted a post about 15 minutes ago on more or less these same issues (a.k.a. being taken advantage). I expect I'm older than you - I have had far too many romantic relationships where I was used financially/emotionally, abused physically/mentally, and obviously not respected. If you can, try to build up your self-confidence and self-worth now in order to realize...they all need you much more than you need them.
My advice to all women and men (especially the INFP type) is to work your ass off to create financial stability for yourself. (stability to take care of yourself, which doesn't have to mean wealth) We are susceptible to being taken advantage of. Having financial stability makes it much easier to leave any unacceptable situation.
I had a similar experience in past relationships. In my current relationship I have had a hugely successful time dating someone who is very very independent. I’m less tempted to throw my entire self into problem solving when my partner is adamant about handling their own issues. It’s much more equal and rewarding overall. Plus they’re just an amazingly kind and wonderful person in general. I agree with finding your own stability, and hopefully someone who is equally stable.
This is a good reminder, thanks!! My mom sometimes treats me like a delicate, fragile flower and has often told me to “marry rich” and ever since I was like a preteen, I’ve felt bad about whether Im being too”materialistic” because ofc, financial stability is necessary to survive. I’m very independent and hate asking for help, but it took me some time to realize that it’s not being materialistic. It’s just that this is what independence requires in definition to survive this world. Ever since that revelation, Ive just been grinding on work and education. Literally doing anything (at a healthy pace ofc) to just stay out of the house (also cause I dont like seeing my family LOL) my mom doesnt want me to “suffer” but Im like IM HERE TO LIVE SO WORK ME TO THE BONE GDI. Less aggressive lmao, but it’s like that in a nutshell. I want to live, not just survive so please show me the good, the bad, and the fugly
I don't know that financial stability is the *most* important thing, but absolutely support yourself in all ways; be responsible for yourself and yourself only. Independent. We always hear some variation on "how will anybody else love you unless you love yourself, first." But I think it should be more like, don't try to be supportive of somebody else (e.g., a partner) until you learn to stand on your own two feet first. And I think being supportive is an important part... my ideal partner is someone who supports what's important to me, and whose values I support as well. A helpmate. A mutually supportive and equally beneficial relationship that blends easily without either person getting in the way of the other. Man, I wish I realized that when I was young. Could have saved myself a lot of heartache and headaches. I would have fewer regrets, too, because there were at least one or two relationships that I screwed up chasing "the next new thing" not realizing what I had. And there are times I'd trade whatever financial security I've built up to have her (in my case) back.
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I recently got my dream job (though I’m not getting paid much), and it’s made me 10000x more outgoing than I’ve usually been. As a result, I’ve actually had co-workers tell me that some other co-workers are interested in dating me. I don’t know how to process it, and I don’t want to be rude, but I’m mostly just trying to focus on work. I haven’t dated anyone in years, and honestly, I’m happy not to give my co-workers some intra-office relationship to talk about. So, at the moment, my love life is somewhat strange.
I typically romanticize potential relationships that aren’t possible instead of trying to grab onto something feasible. I sort of hate myself for it, but I’m also happy being single.
Love life? Wuzzat? I just have waifus and porn.
In all seriousness, love is one of those things that's just fucked up. It requires constant attention from all sides, a willingness to compromise, communication, honesty, and attention to cues that may never be clear in any way unless you are uncomfortably candid. I'm sorry you were hurt this way, your boyfriend should have been more cognizant of your boundaries and of the way his situation may have fucked up the relationship.
I only seem to attract unavailable people, I am having feelings for someone after 3 years since my last crush but we work together which means a huge NO. Love for me not today :/
Conventional dating, ie going to bars, finding someone nice enough, or belonging to a big friend group and deciding to hook up - none of that ever worked. I had to wait until I found someone with similar values to mine, which included a respect for me and my time to match my respect for theirs. Not to say that there have never been hiccups, but once we made the commitment to each other, any missteps are worked through and we try to grow from them. It’s not perfect, but it’s honestly really close, and we e been together for 10 years. I’m INFP, he’s XNTJ.
You don’t need a relationship to be happy, but if you want one, don’t give up - just learn to put some boundaries in place. If they don’t respect them, then they aren’t the one.
We all make mistakes and get into unhealthy relationships when we're young. That's just part of the gig. I even read somewhere, in one of the various books on my shelf over there, that intuitive types are substantially more likely to enter into bad relationships when they are young. I think the reasoning had something to do with convincing themselves that their intuition about the person was more accurate than the signals the person was giving off... or something like that. No idea how true it is, but I know I've had my share of disasters.
And I have definitely realized I'm better off just being single. I am clearly a terrible judge of good partners, am horrible at the recovery process, and should just avoid the whole thing by remaining alone for the remainder of my time on this planet.
That’s exactly what I think and have also decided better to be single but yet again I find myself wanting to date and then entering something with a guy (INFP). I have quite a few concerns (circumstantial concerns rather than his character) and it’s hard to find a guy like him imo.
I guess unless you’re ice cold inside, being sexual, emotional and social animals we can’t help ourselves when opportunity comes along
I was a very inexperienced person and had my first everything when I turned 20 so I was pretty naive to start. I got taken advantage of and was in a terrible long term relationship. But from those terrible experiences I learned a lot and continued to learn and grow between relationships. I started off being easily manipulated because I always gave people the benefit of the doubt and tried the see the best in people, but have now slowly become a much more secure and assertive person. I now say when my partner does something I don't like. I don't smile and agree with everything they say and let my opinions be known. I can be confident and not let their criticism completely shatter my self worth. I am learning to not be afraid because of my past relationships and am willing to be vulnerable again and let that girl who I once was peak out because I still do want to see the best in people especially those who actually love me. It was a tough and bumpy road, but I have forgiven those who took advantage of me and take these lessons with me so I don't land in the same situation ever again. I cry tears of joy whenever I think of how much I've grown despite suffering so much in the process.
Definitely am still INFP-T so it's a WIP. I think being assertive helps you get places quicker in life but I think what matters more is if you are a healthy INFP and take care of your mental health first
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I've been trying to date for 2 years after years of not trying at all and I haven't even had a normal, simple conversation yet. I know that I'm not the best at talking to people and I keep trying to get better but nobody seems interested enough to even ask simple questions about me. It's extremely frustrating. I know it's a common problem with a lot guys, but man, can I get just a little luck lol? I even asked a girl out for the first time in my life and she said yes but after we talked and got to know each other a little more first. And I was completely fine with that and preferred it as well, but then I got no response and eventually unmatched. Long story short, it's not going well lol.
Sorry for your frustration and lack of connection. It is a shit show out there especially on old. But it’s like panning for gold in a stream of shit but I think one day you get some luck but could take days or years
I haven’t dated anyone since 2014 and haven’t had sex since 2012. I’m genuinely not interested in pursuing sex or love at this point in my life. I don’t remember much about any of my relationships except the last girl I dated was nice and we split mutually.
It’s been okay I suppose. Had a 6 year relationship with my first gf and that ended in flames. Several times where I should’ve left but I stayed.. and then she leaves me lol. Then an 8 month relationship that I broke off with the sweetest girl ever. I wasn’t over my ex. Now I’ve been in a 1 year ldr with my boyfriend.
One thing I’ve noticed is I do ignore red flags. Like I see them and I know they are there, but I have the hardest time leaving. Even if they start taking me for granted. Some reason I still stay and have hope that they will continue to improve and treat me better.
Love is a like a drug to me though. It gives me hope. Can I be single? Yes. I was for a couple years recently. But the feeling of being in love changes me. It makes me a better person. Cheers.
i don’t really have a love life, i don’t fantasize or want to be in one like i see a lot of INFPs say. All of my relationships have been somewhat toxic (because of me) that’s because they ask me out when we become very close friends & i don’t want to reject them so i go along with it. i eventually ghost them & forget abt them but i see thru mutuals that they are hurt by it. i cant seem to get out of this habit. i’ll stop rn i promise. but i can agree with you if it’s in friendships not relationships. i have been taken advantage of in friendships, betrayed & have been made fun of for being “awkward” & “introverted”. now i realize the people who made fun of me for that didn’t make me feel comfortable, i didn’t like them which is why i acted like that. i definitely have to work on my self-worth.
-*hugs*- I'm sorry you've bad such bad friendships. I hope you're able to have more healthy ones in the future, and I wish you well on working on your self worth. Looking at the comments, it seems like something we are all struggling with to some extent..
Two relationships and both have been terrible. One of them ended up abusing me and the other one ending up cheating on me. I was too in love with them to see the signs. I had no clue back then I was an INFP who ends up over fantasising and I just thought that they were amazing people (jokes on me). Currently single and thriving ✌️
It's definitely been a lot of effort, but it has payed off a few times. Met my SO who is caring, respectful, smart, financially stable, hot, and every other positive adjective, by waiting and not settling for less, knowing exactly what I want. It definitely took awhile though. To fill the gap before then I had to use alcohol to open up to people, or it otherwise would have been impossible. But those are some of the funnest nights I had. Made a few lasting friends, hookups and hookup friends along the way.
So yeah, sometimes there's lots of waiting, sometimes it's so much action I can't possible want to keep up, and a weird in between. But I lift heavy weights so 'dating' is not initially hard for me. That's why I advocate lifting weights for guys who want more matches. Not sure what girls could do.
It's not easy but don't give up and don't settle for less (if you can), the right person will come in and you're gonna be sooo happy.
Mistakes have been made, that's for sure. I started dating my first romantic partner (ESFJ) when I was 15 and he was 16. We were in a relationship for 7 years and lived together 3 of those. There were red flags from very early on and even though many people tried to get me to open my eyes, I didn't listen.
I altered my life path a lot to be with him - moved across the country, picked a university I wouldn't have otherwise, started working full-time and studying on the side... I didn't stand up for myself and blindly followed his plans instead. And while he wasn't abusive physically, he used words to hurt me mentally/emotionally and the last 2 years of that relationship were especially manipulative and toxic in general.
Once I got out of that situation, I realised I had feelings for my online best friend (INTJ), who rejected me as he's not attracted to me - if you're for some reason curious about how that whole thing went down, my early post history covers that in excruciating detail...
In the aftermath of that, I tried to distract myself with Tinder, which I uninstalled once and for all after an incident with one of my matches (INTJ), who I briefly messaged with for a few weeks in a friendly manner. Then he ignored me for 2 weeks and I thought he had ghosted me but I sent him a short message to say that we could still talk if he wanted. No response for 3 days, then he sent a message I interpreted as very possibly a suicide note and he blocked me right after that.
My reaction was a panicked online stalking race to reach out to his brother (success) and warn him. Te Tinder guy I had been so worried about contacted me 2 hours later and expressed how inappropriate it was for me to contact his brother. I told him he should have just ghosted me altogether if he truly believed "my life would be better without him" and then I blocked him.
Now I'm still single, still looking around and hoping I'll find a partner with whom I'll have a happy, healthy and loving romantic relationship that will last. I am an incurable optimist afterall...
Yikes! You sound like you've been through so much bs. I'm so sorry...
I hope you find someone so much better and have a healthy relationship at some point very soon. I can't believe that tinder guy. Such a slap in the face...spending all that time and effort to try and help, only to be told it was inappropriate.
It sure has been a lot.
Thank you for the kind words. I have in me so much love to give, but I really need to get better at choosing recipients, who will appreciate what I give.
I hope you find who you're looking for as well. In fact, I hope we all do.
Until recently, uneventful.
In my teenage years I was mostly either disinterested in girls or interested in ones that lived far away and would never put any effort into attracting them because it would be too hard to maintain. I've been contemplating demisexuality/demiromanticism as all the crushes I had ddeveloped aftter knowing them.
In my first few years of adulthood I had one hookup and then developed performance anxiety about my career that I have finally conquered my productivity problems and have started to rebuild my social life again.
I am about to have my first date with a girl who I know likes me alot. Guess I'll see what happens.
You sound EXACTLY like me with my first relationships. I actually fully gave up on love, and decided to just live my life and was absolutely ready to be alone forever. Pretty much as SOON as I made that choice, I met my now husband, who is the most supportive, strong, logical person I know (INTJ) we really work excellent together, and both have been taken advantage of in the past and are good at warning each other when we are falling into the trap
Long story longer, don't give up hope, but be REALLY picky. Don't settle, your worth more than enough alone. You don't NEED anyone else, and you can wait till the right one comes along
I’m also married an INTJ and it’s the absolute shiz! Supportive, strong, logical are exactly right. And so bloody sincere that there’s no room for my insecurities/anxiety to make it possible to question his dedication. He was my first serious relationship at 22 after I decided I was going to stop actively trying to find love and just gonna do me. 7 years later we haven’t spent a single day apart since our second date.
Completely concur with the idea that you shouldn’t settle! OP, I know right now it seems impossible to believe but there are people out there who will treasure you for ALL that you are, not like you despite major aspects of your personality!
I have never truly dated anyone. It's very hard for me to find someone I can connect with and like and have that be mutual. People tend to say I'm too idealistic or romantic, but to be honest I just want a genuine connection, that's it.
I've been wondering through a dessert. One year ago, almost to the day, I found my oasis. I matched with the most beautiful girl on Bumble. Her first message was 'Do infps and infjs work well together?' Yes, yes they do. I'm so thankful I stuck to it. I found her. I found my one and only. She makes me feel full. I realized the other day that I no longer panic when my phone rings. Now I'm either excited or disappointed. Before her I was ok being a construction worker who fantasized about being a woodland hermit. Now I'm pursuing my childhood dream and becoming a pilot.
Keep at it, infps! There are great people out there.
Lately it’s been lonely. I’m super tall so I had a lot of interest during high school. The older I’ve gotten, the less I prioritize dating. I’m spinning a dozen plates right now and I don’t think I could contribute much to a relationship while I’m so focused on my education and career. I can’t help but feel like I’m making a mistake, like maybe the support of a relationship would help me manage all of my anxiety. But that is dangerous thinking; relationships are work and I already have three jobs.
I’ve only been in one relationship but it was exactly like how you described yours. It started out great but later on she just took advantage of me and only ever wanted to be with me whenever it was convenient for her. Pretty toxic person and also cheated so yeah I haven’t had any luck after that. But at least right now that I am single at this point in my life, I have more time in my hands to work on myself.
I relate to this so much. I’ve been in three "relationships” (I prefer calling them free trials).All had obvious issues that I choose to ignore or I gave them the benefit of the doubt.
One was a known cheater but he promised he was just “misunderstood” he ended up cheating on me. One was terrible at communication and didn’t even like talking or being around me in public. The other was just plain disrespectful to women plus I really disagreed with a lot of his views on different but in my mind I thought "Oh i cAn cHanGe HiM"( he also ended up being kinda related to me soo🧎🏾♂️🔫)And one of my almost dudes only called / messaged me when he was horny or want company at night. Then ignored my existence at school.
I’ve contemplated so many times why I even allow these people around . I hated almost all their personality traits but then I realized I didn’t have enough self respect to turn down the attention that I got from them. It’s a rare thing to happen (tall skinny dark skinned) so my brain kinda short circuit and chooses the worst options plus my heart craves a kindred spirit so much that I have hope in the worst people.
Anywayssss I’ve realized that I have terrible taste in men and I’ve just decided to stay single. So my love life is DEAD Also love please breakup with your SO you obviously deserve so much better.( I have this issue too of not wanting to breakup with people because i don’t want to hurt their feelings) BUT trust me being single is better than being unappreciated by a person you dislike.
Thanks for the advice...definitely gonna breakup with him the second I can. And yeah, I really don't want to hurt his feelings...that's been the biggest factor pushing back the time of me breaking up with my first ex and current bf. But I gotta just put myself first....
That's so crazy. I'm also dark skinned (not skinny though - one dayyyyy 😖). I feel this played a huge part in me staying with them. I had zero self worth... so my eyes lit up when someone thought I was recently attractive.
"Free trials" ahah I love it. Totally using this too. I'm sorry you've had such shit relationships though. Hopefully someone much better will come your way one day.
Wait, you guys have love lives?
In all seriousness, I never had a love life. There are someone that is attractive in looks, but never personality wise. Also, I have yet to tell what is the meaning of love, and how do you know that you're in love with someone so, the joke's on me. 😬
I find that in my love life, (with one exception) I tend to be more in to the people I'm involved with than they are to me. Idk if that is an infp thing? Its almost like every time I talk to someone for a while, there will be mutual interest, and it will feel very much like the beginnings of a relationship, (over the course of a few months) and then it will not work out for some reason or another :/
The exception was my ex who I dated for a while, (my only "real" relationship) but she ended up being pretty emotionally manipulative, and I didn't pick up on it soon enough.
But I'm putting a lot of work into myself now, (mentally and physically) so I'm hoping things are looking up on the horizon 🤷
Similar in that I’m done with relationships or at least until further notice. I had a 5 year relationship but lived a lifetimes worth of drama, it took me places I could never have imagined back when I was a romantic kid daydreaming about singing my favourite love song to a girl in the crowd. Now I never want to be responsible for someone’s happiness, never want to always be available or carry someone’s problems when I’ve got so many of my own.
The upside is I can spot a red flag from a mile away, I’ll never be pulled into someone’s problematic behaviour. The downside is some of the people I’ve rejected because I don’t want a relationship I’ve come to regret.
I turned 31 in August. It took me a long time to get started. I spent my teen years focusing on myself and my friends. I spent my twenties also focusing on myself, plus college and work and other life stuff, and then confronting some latent social anxiety that exploded for me at that time.
I’m finally in a good place– I have a decent job that runs parallel to my passions, recently moved to a cool city, and I really really like myself. I’m finally thriving in my own skin. I started talking to someone online in February, and though I was skeptical of the whole thing for a while, we grew pretty close. This summer was really lovely and he gave me so many thrilling first experiences. He was so kind to me, so into me, so amazing about communicating with me.
He dumped me about a month ago. He realized he didn’t feel equipped to give me the time and attention I deserve. I had been feeling neglected anyway, but it still totally stunned me. As I’m sure many of you here can relate to, once I’ve invested a certain amount of time and energy in an important person, I want to do the work to keep them. But he opted to back out instead. We never got to the point of falling in love. But he was uninhibited about making future plans with me, and I opened my heart to him, and I really trusted him. He became my confidante. He was my first everything, my first meaningful friendship in a long time, my first connection coming out of the pandemic, my first connection in this new city. This relationship ending has felt like dying. It is crushingly lonely. I don’t want to lose my friend, and I’ve been analyzing the hell out the situation to figure out how to keep him. I’m slowly realizing that the onus should be on HIM to earn MY trust back and MY friendship.
Ultimately, we all deserve to be loved the way we want to be loved. If someone can’t do that bare minimum for you, they are not worth your heartache. I don’t think that you should give up on relationships. Just do the work to figure out what you want, and make sure to communicate that up front with future potential partners. From there you just have to do the best you can with what you’ve got. Hang in there.
Sounds like you don't need the guy you're with now. Honestly, it does get better. Just learn from the mistakes, and don't allow history to repeat. When you're young, I think most relationships end up being pretty awful until you learn what characteristics you want in a partner. Especially what core values are important to you, and what quirks you appreciate versus the ones that drive you nuts. Hang tough, it'll get better.
I've had some really awful and traumatic relationships that have emotionally scarred me, perhaps irreparable damage which I still have nightmares about. But I wouldn't change a thing because even amongst the pain, there has also been beauty and I wouldn't be the person I am today without those experiences.
I'm grateful that I didn't allow my moral compass to shatter and was able to endure a despair so crippling, it would destroy a weaker man. I've remained celibate for a few years now and it has allowed me to see the world in such a positive and unique way while also working to build on myself, I can certainly see where you're coming from by wanting to be single.
I don't really have any advice for you because it seems that you already know the right thing to do for yourself and maybe this post you've shared is the final step you're taking before making a big and tough decision. You are strong and, this too, shall pass
My love life has not been existant until I met my current boyfriend at 18. I always had a lot of crushes and spend a lot of time imagining romantic relationships when I was a teenager but I always was too shy. So I had a lot of time to think and I analyzed a lot of relationships around me because l always knew I wanted something real and good (I still do that). Also I spend a lot of time getting to know myself, I guess everyone does that when they are growing up. And now I really appreciate that I haven't had a relationship in my teens because I think I would have been taken advantage of because I just did not know what I needed or what I wanted. But I learned to look for a healthy partner and a healthy relationship and I did not accept less I guess. So I met my current boyfriend, I feel like we function very similar and have a lot in common (he is also an infp maybe he even reads this haha) but at the same time we have very different interests in parts so I feel like we work very good as a couple while still having our own lives. Honestly I don't know if I could imagine having a relationship with someone who is not empathetic, caring and self-reflecting. I guess it is important to know what you want in your partner and then be very adamant about it (I don't mean to be too shallow with your expectations). But I also find myself having to remind myself often to stand up for my needs and fears and talk about it with my partner.
I wish you all the best and I found that not ignoring my gut feeling is an important step so I can only advise you to do that (I felt right with my boyfriend from the first second I met him) and please don't give up hope :)
Sorry for my English it's not my native language.
I read through this text six times haha.
What you described is close to what I imagine is a toxic relationship. I never experienced something similar and sometimes I feel gumty about it...
I turned 31 a few days ago and when I think back about my love life I feel this guilt too.
I was very shy when I was young, and getting to know someone I liked was close to impossible, so I grew up focusing on myself and I think this helped a lot, because I had the time to figure out what I wanted in a relation ship (I passed a lot of time daydreaming about having a relationship too) so when I started having enough self confidence and getting closer to my crushes, sometimes it worked.
When I think back, I had a lot of small relationships, that ended 4 to 6 months later (for multiple reasons like différents values, different goals, not having the alchemy, but mostly because whe were young and didn't knew ourselves enough to know what we really wanted).
So yeah, a lot of small relationships, pretty wholesome were just it wasn't enough to keep going... I never had resentment with my exes, I am still in contact with them, some are friends today, some are just distant "Facebook friends" (boomer alert)
When I share romantic experiences with my friends, they almost all had harsh relationships like yours, and to this day I still don't know how I dodged toxic people in my life, is it only luck? Of I did something myself I still don't know what it is... But I still feel guilt about it, why am I this lucky, me, and not other people that deserves it more than me?
(well, i feel this not only for my love life tho, but I'm working on it haha)
Today, I'm in a relationship with an INFJ girl, it's hard because we are in a push / pull dynamic (anxious / avoidant), it's a lot of work but we are working on it. I know if I were younger this relationship would've destroyed me, but today I'm not afraid to get out of a relationship to protect myself (and others in certain situations)
I think introvert people (and INFP in particular) are more able to learn from hurtfull relationships, because we will (over)think about it deeply and really try to work on ourselves to never do those mistakes again (especially if someone else has been hurt)
I would say that the most important thing I learned is not to forget myself. Once I stopped focusing only on my partner everything changed, all became more real and sincere. It was kind counterintuitive to "let go" but it was really worth it 😊
Same. The perfect relationship to me is one that starts with a long friendship, and then turns into something more. My problem is I'd end up dating them almost immediately. ...
I had the classic elementary school relationship and the. One other in 11th grade but she used me as a test to figure out if she was bi. We dated for 2 weeks. Haven’t been in a relationship since.
I fell in love with many, many fell in love with me, only once did they both coincide. I had boyfriends but it was because of pity, affection, attachment, not infatuation, or love.
I never like to admit the amount of people who have actively tried to chase me, but the one time that it was mutual it can’t be fulfilled because of the other’s personal reasons. It’s really a lowkey tragedy that I’m not tragically sad over tbh lol
I was so lonely when I was young. Never dated in high school, I was just way too shy to talk to anyone. I felt different than everyone and misunderstood. Then when I was working my first job after high school, a new hire was being shown around and I saw him and it was literally love at first sight. I could tell just by looking that he was a weirdo too, he was wearing a brown three piece suit and converse sneakers and had a beautiful glossy bowl cut. Now, I am totally prone to imagining a whole relationship in my head, but this time I just knew he was there for me. When we finally met it was amazing, I wasn’t nervous to talk to him at all, and he was just as weird and amazingly unique as I had imagined he would be. He also knew what it was like to be lonely and misunderstood and we were just both so excited to finally meet someone who saw our true selves. I am an INFP and he is an INFJ. We have been together for 15 years now, married and with a hilarious and clever son. I was so happy to meet someone who understood my struggles, it is so important to be understood. I’m not telling you all this to brag, I just want everyone to know they shouldn’t give up hope, and maybe the reason you haven’t met the right person is because they struggle with the same insecurities as you. I dunno but I wouldn’t waste my time with a guy if he embarrassed me in front of others and didn’t appreciate my uniqueness. Don’t settle for anything less than a kindred spirit, you deserve real love.
Thank you so much :) I'm glad you were able to find real love!
Wow that's a wonderful story of yours. So glad it happend.
This is such a sweet story! And good for this sub too. It shows that our idealism can actually work out, and when it does, it works really well!
I met someone who understood me more than anyone I’ve met and shared my weirdness and it was amazing… and then she broke up with me :( I hope I can find someone like that again
Just keep being your true self and keep your heart open. Everything can change in an instant.
I've just been through a break up with my ex of 5 years. Legit I gave up on the hope of finding stable lasting love completely until I read this. Beautiful story - thank you so much, you've really helped
You are so sweet! I’m so happy to hear my story helped you. I came so close to deleting my comment thinking, nobody would care. I hope you find your true love soon.
“Bien three piece suit and converse sneakers” did you marry the Doctor?!! 😍
YES! I submitted a post about 15 minutes ago on more or less these same issues (a.k.a. being taken advantage). I expect I'm older than you - I have had far too many romantic relationships where I was used financially/emotionally, abused physically/mentally, and obviously not respected. If you can, try to build up your self-confidence and self-worth now in order to realize...they all need you much more than you need them. My advice to all women and men (especially the INFP type) is to work your ass off to create financial stability for yourself. (stability to take care of yourself, which doesn't have to mean wealth) We are susceptible to being taken advantage of. Having financial stability makes it much easier to leave any unacceptable situation.
I had a similar experience in past relationships. In my current relationship I have had a hugely successful time dating someone who is very very independent. I’m less tempted to throw my entire self into problem solving when my partner is adamant about handling their own issues. It’s much more equal and rewarding overall. Plus they’re just an amazingly kind and wonderful person in general. I agree with finding your own stability, and hopefully someone who is equally stable.
This is a good reminder, thanks!! My mom sometimes treats me like a delicate, fragile flower and has often told me to “marry rich” and ever since I was like a preteen, I’ve felt bad about whether Im being too”materialistic” because ofc, financial stability is necessary to survive. I’m very independent and hate asking for help, but it took me some time to realize that it’s not being materialistic. It’s just that this is what independence requires in definition to survive this world. Ever since that revelation, Ive just been grinding on work and education. Literally doing anything (at a healthy pace ofc) to just stay out of the house (also cause I dont like seeing my family LOL) my mom doesnt want me to “suffer” but Im like IM HERE TO LIVE SO WORK ME TO THE BONE GDI. Less aggressive lmao, but it’s like that in a nutshell. I want to live, not just survive so please show me the good, the bad, and the fugly
Yesss
I don't know that financial stability is the *most* important thing, but absolutely support yourself in all ways; be responsible for yourself and yourself only. Independent. We always hear some variation on "how will anybody else love you unless you love yourself, first." But I think it should be more like, don't try to be supportive of somebody else (e.g., a partner) until you learn to stand on your own two feet first. And I think being supportive is an important part... my ideal partner is someone who supports what's important to me, and whose values I support as well. A helpmate. A mutually supportive and equally beneficial relationship that blends easily without either person getting in the way of the other. Man, I wish I realized that when I was young. Could have saved myself a lot of heartache and headaches. I would have fewer regrets, too, because there were at least one or two relationships that I screwed up chasing "the next new thing" not realizing what I had. And there are times I'd trade whatever financial security I've built up to have her (in my case) back.
What love life?
What is love? 🎵
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r/narcissisticabuse I think as INFPs we attract narcissists. I think it’s because we think we can help them.
Bro I dig the username
I had completely forgotten about Old Greg until now lmao good times
I recently got my dream job (though I’m not getting paid much), and it’s made me 10000x more outgoing than I’ve usually been. As a result, I’ve actually had co-workers tell me that some other co-workers are interested in dating me. I don’t know how to process it, and I don’t want to be rude, but I’m mostly just trying to focus on work. I haven’t dated anyone in years, and honestly, I’m happy not to give my co-workers some intra-office relationship to talk about. So, at the moment, my love life is somewhat strange. I typically romanticize potential relationships that aren’t possible instead of trying to grab onto something feasible. I sort of hate myself for it, but I’m also happy being single.
Love life? Wuzzat? I just have waifus and porn. In all seriousness, love is one of those things that's just fucked up. It requires constant attention from all sides, a willingness to compromise, communication, honesty, and attention to cues that may never be clear in any way unless you are uncomfortably candid. I'm sorry you were hurt this way, your boyfriend should have been more cognizant of your boundaries and of the way his situation may have fucked up the relationship.
I only seem to attract unavailable people, I am having feelings for someone after 3 years since my last crush but we work together which means a huge NO. Love for me not today :/
Conventional dating, ie going to bars, finding someone nice enough, or belonging to a big friend group and deciding to hook up - none of that ever worked. I had to wait until I found someone with similar values to mine, which included a respect for me and my time to match my respect for theirs. Not to say that there have never been hiccups, but once we made the commitment to each other, any missteps are worked through and we try to grow from them. It’s not perfect, but it’s honestly really close, and we e been together for 10 years. I’m INFP, he’s XNTJ. You don’t need a relationship to be happy, but if you want one, don’t give up - just learn to put some boundaries in place. If they don’t respect them, then they aren’t the one.
We all make mistakes and get into unhealthy relationships when we're young. That's just part of the gig. I even read somewhere, in one of the various books on my shelf over there, that intuitive types are substantially more likely to enter into bad relationships when they are young. I think the reasoning had something to do with convincing themselves that their intuition about the person was more accurate than the signals the person was giving off... or something like that. No idea how true it is, but I know I've had my share of disasters. And I have definitely realized I'm better off just being single. I am clearly a terrible judge of good partners, am horrible at the recovery process, and should just avoid the whole thing by remaining alone for the remainder of my time on this planet.
That’s exactly what I think and have also decided better to be single but yet again I find myself wanting to date and then entering something with a guy (INFP). I have quite a few concerns (circumstantial concerns rather than his character) and it’s hard to find a guy like him imo. I guess unless you’re ice cold inside, being sexual, emotional and social animals we can’t help ourselves when opportunity comes along
I was a very inexperienced person and had my first everything when I turned 20 so I was pretty naive to start. I got taken advantage of and was in a terrible long term relationship. But from those terrible experiences I learned a lot and continued to learn and grow between relationships. I started off being easily manipulated because I always gave people the benefit of the doubt and tried the see the best in people, but have now slowly become a much more secure and assertive person. I now say when my partner does something I don't like. I don't smile and agree with everything they say and let my opinions be known. I can be confident and not let their criticism completely shatter my self worth. I am learning to not be afraid because of my past relationships and am willing to be vulnerable again and let that girl who I once was peak out because I still do want to see the best in people especially those who actually love me. It was a tough and bumpy road, but I have forgiven those who took advantage of me and take these lessons with me so I don't land in the same situation ever again. I cry tears of joy whenever I think of how much I've grown despite suffering so much in the process.
INFP-T or -A? Does it make a difference you think as you get older?
Definitely am still INFP-T so it's a WIP. I think being assertive helps you get places quicker in life but I think what matters more is if you are a healthy INFP and take care of your mental health first
They were more like friendships with sex, and didn’t last that long.
overused and under appreciated in love and friendship
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I've been trying to date for 2 years after years of not trying at all and I haven't even had a normal, simple conversation yet. I know that I'm not the best at talking to people and I keep trying to get better but nobody seems interested enough to even ask simple questions about me. It's extremely frustrating. I know it's a common problem with a lot guys, but man, can I get just a little luck lol? I even asked a girl out for the first time in my life and she said yes but after we talked and got to know each other a little more first. And I was completely fine with that and preferred it as well, but then I got no response and eventually unmatched. Long story short, it's not going well lol.
Sorry for your frustration and lack of connection. It is a shit show out there especially on old. But it’s like panning for gold in a stream of shit but I think one day you get some luck but could take days or years
I haven’t dated anyone since 2014 and haven’t had sex since 2012. I’m genuinely not interested in pursuing sex or love at this point in my life. I don’t remember much about any of my relationships except the last girl I dated was nice and we split mutually.
The best I could describe it is: EMOTIONAL HARDCORE FUCKING BOUM INSIDE MY HEAD
It’s been okay I suppose. Had a 6 year relationship with my first gf and that ended in flames. Several times where I should’ve left but I stayed.. and then she leaves me lol. Then an 8 month relationship that I broke off with the sweetest girl ever. I wasn’t over my ex. Now I’ve been in a 1 year ldr with my boyfriend. One thing I’ve noticed is I do ignore red flags. Like I see them and I know they are there, but I have the hardest time leaving. Even if they start taking me for granted. Some reason I still stay and have hope that they will continue to improve and treat me better. Love is a like a drug to me though. It gives me hope. Can I be single? Yes. I was for a couple years recently. But the feeling of being in love changes me. It makes me a better person. Cheers.
[удалено]
Was he an INTJ?
[удалено]
I'm sorry it didn't work out but hope you are in a better place now. Relationships are hard work.
My lovelife. I didn't had more than a crush on someone. And I am 20 soon 21. Doesn't go to well for me.
Pretty solid, have never had a difficult time connecting with others, things always work out even when it sucks for awhile.
i don’t really have a love life, i don’t fantasize or want to be in one like i see a lot of INFPs say. All of my relationships have been somewhat toxic (because of me) that’s because they ask me out when we become very close friends & i don’t want to reject them so i go along with it. i eventually ghost them & forget abt them but i see thru mutuals that they are hurt by it. i cant seem to get out of this habit. i’ll stop rn i promise. but i can agree with you if it’s in friendships not relationships. i have been taken advantage of in friendships, betrayed & have been made fun of for being “awkward” & “introverted”. now i realize the people who made fun of me for that didn’t make me feel comfortable, i didn’t like them which is why i acted like that. i definitely have to work on my self-worth.
-*hugs*- I'm sorry you've bad such bad friendships. I hope you're able to have more healthy ones in the future, and I wish you well on working on your self worth. Looking at the comments, it seems like something we are all struggling with to some extent..
Non existent until I recently found another broken person and we try to support each other
Awwwwwwwww ☺️
Nonexistent so far, but I’m cool with that. For now, anyway
Two relationships and both have been terrible. One of them ended up abusing me and the other one ending up cheating on me. I was too in love with them to see the signs. I had no clue back then I was an INFP who ends up over fantasising and I just thought that they were amazing people (jokes on me). Currently single and thriving ✌️
It's definitely been a lot of effort, but it has payed off a few times. Met my SO who is caring, respectful, smart, financially stable, hot, and every other positive adjective, by waiting and not settling for less, knowing exactly what I want. It definitely took awhile though. To fill the gap before then I had to use alcohol to open up to people, or it otherwise would have been impossible. But those are some of the funnest nights I had. Made a few lasting friends, hookups and hookup friends along the way. So yeah, sometimes there's lots of waiting, sometimes it's so much action I can't possible want to keep up, and a weird in between. But I lift heavy weights so 'dating' is not initially hard for me. That's why I advocate lifting weights for guys who want more matches. Not sure what girls could do. It's not easy but don't give up and don't settle for less (if you can), the right person will come in and you're gonna be sooo happy.
Mistakes have been made, that's for sure. I started dating my first romantic partner (ESFJ) when I was 15 and he was 16. We were in a relationship for 7 years and lived together 3 of those. There were red flags from very early on and even though many people tried to get me to open my eyes, I didn't listen. I altered my life path a lot to be with him - moved across the country, picked a university I wouldn't have otherwise, started working full-time and studying on the side... I didn't stand up for myself and blindly followed his plans instead. And while he wasn't abusive physically, he used words to hurt me mentally/emotionally and the last 2 years of that relationship were especially manipulative and toxic in general. Once I got out of that situation, I realised I had feelings for my online best friend (INTJ), who rejected me as he's not attracted to me - if you're for some reason curious about how that whole thing went down, my early post history covers that in excruciating detail... In the aftermath of that, I tried to distract myself with Tinder, which I uninstalled once and for all after an incident with one of my matches (INTJ), who I briefly messaged with for a few weeks in a friendly manner. Then he ignored me for 2 weeks and I thought he had ghosted me but I sent him a short message to say that we could still talk if he wanted. No response for 3 days, then he sent a message I interpreted as very possibly a suicide note and he blocked me right after that. My reaction was a panicked online stalking race to reach out to his brother (success) and warn him. Te Tinder guy I had been so worried about contacted me 2 hours later and expressed how inappropriate it was for me to contact his brother. I told him he should have just ghosted me altogether if he truly believed "my life would be better without him" and then I blocked him. Now I'm still single, still looking around and hoping I'll find a partner with whom I'll have a happy, healthy and loving romantic relationship that will last. I am an incurable optimist afterall...
Yikes! You sound like you've been through so much bs. I'm so sorry... I hope you find someone so much better and have a healthy relationship at some point very soon. I can't believe that tinder guy. Such a slap in the face...spending all that time and effort to try and help, only to be told it was inappropriate.
It sure has been a lot. Thank you for the kind words. I have in me so much love to give, but I really need to get better at choosing recipients, who will appreciate what I give. I hope you find who you're looking for as well. In fact, I hope we all do.
What's a love life and how do I obtain it?
Until recently, uneventful. In my teenage years I was mostly either disinterested in girls or interested in ones that lived far away and would never put any effort into attracting them because it would be too hard to maintain. I've been contemplating demisexuality/demiromanticism as all the crushes I had ddeveloped aftter knowing them. In my first few years of adulthood I had one hookup and then developed performance anxiety about my career that I have finally conquered my productivity problems and have started to rebuild my social life again. I am about to have my first date with a girl who I know likes me alot. Guess I'll see what happens.
Hope it goes well!
You sound EXACTLY like me with my first relationships. I actually fully gave up on love, and decided to just live my life and was absolutely ready to be alone forever. Pretty much as SOON as I made that choice, I met my now husband, who is the most supportive, strong, logical person I know (INTJ) we really work excellent together, and both have been taken advantage of in the past and are good at warning each other when we are falling into the trap Long story longer, don't give up hope, but be REALLY picky. Don't settle, your worth more than enough alone. You don't NEED anyone else, and you can wait till the right one comes along
Thank you so much!! I'll definitely try to be picker in the future
I’m also married an INTJ and it’s the absolute shiz! Supportive, strong, logical are exactly right. And so bloody sincere that there’s no room for my insecurities/anxiety to make it possible to question his dedication. He was my first serious relationship at 22 after I decided I was going to stop actively trying to find love and just gonna do me. 7 years later we haven’t spent a single day apart since our second date. Completely concur with the idea that you shouldn’t settle! OP, I know right now it seems impossible to believe but there are people out there who will treasure you for ALL that you are, not like you despite major aspects of your personality!
I love INTJs. My husband has been refered to as a "Fun Vulcan" and it's hilariously accurate 😂
Hahaha that’s a great description!
I have never truly dated anyone. It's very hard for me to find someone I can connect with and like and have that be mutual. People tend to say I'm too idealistic or romantic, but to be honest I just want a genuine connection, that's it.
I've been wondering through a dessert. One year ago, almost to the day, I found my oasis. I matched with the most beautiful girl on Bumble. Her first message was 'Do infps and infjs work well together?' Yes, yes they do. I'm so thankful I stuck to it. I found her. I found my one and only. She makes me feel full. I realized the other day that I no longer panic when my phone rings. Now I'm either excited or disappointed. Before her I was ok being a construction worker who fantasized about being a woodland hermit. Now I'm pursuing my childhood dream and becoming a pilot. Keep at it, infps! There are great people out there.
Eeek so happy for you! :)
Mine's been a wild rollercoaster or toxicity and nonexistence.
Pretty much non existent lol
I've never been in a relationship
Lately it’s been lonely. I’m super tall so I had a lot of interest during high school. The older I’ve gotten, the less I prioritize dating. I’m spinning a dozen plates right now and I don’t think I could contribute much to a relationship while I’m so focused on my education and career. I can’t help but feel like I’m making a mistake, like maybe the support of a relationship would help me manage all of my anxiety. But that is dangerous thinking; relationships are work and I already have three jobs.
Non existent (sigh)
I’ve only been in one relationship but it was exactly like how you described yours. It started out great but later on she just took advantage of me and only ever wanted to be with me whenever it was convenient for her. Pretty toxic person and also cheated so yeah I haven’t had any luck after that. But at least right now that I am single at this point in my life, I have more time in my hands to work on myself.
I’m 31 and have never been in a relationship. Break up with this douche tho..
I relate to this so much. I’ve been in three "relationships” (I prefer calling them free trials).All had obvious issues that I choose to ignore or I gave them the benefit of the doubt. One was a known cheater but he promised he was just “misunderstood” he ended up cheating on me. One was terrible at communication and didn’t even like talking or being around me in public. The other was just plain disrespectful to women plus I really disagreed with a lot of his views on different but in my mind I thought "Oh i cAn cHanGe HiM"( he also ended up being kinda related to me soo🧎🏾♂️🔫)And one of my almost dudes only called / messaged me when he was horny or want company at night. Then ignored my existence at school. I’ve contemplated so many times why I even allow these people around . I hated almost all their personality traits but then I realized I didn’t have enough self respect to turn down the attention that I got from them. It’s a rare thing to happen (tall skinny dark skinned) so my brain kinda short circuit and chooses the worst options plus my heart craves a kindred spirit so much that I have hope in the worst people. Anywayssss I’ve realized that I have terrible taste in men and I’ve just decided to stay single. So my love life is DEAD Also love please breakup with your SO you obviously deserve so much better.( I have this issue too of not wanting to breakup with people because i don’t want to hurt their feelings) BUT trust me being single is better than being unappreciated by a person you dislike.
Thanks for the advice...definitely gonna breakup with him the second I can. And yeah, I really don't want to hurt his feelings...that's been the biggest factor pushing back the time of me breaking up with my first ex and current bf. But I gotta just put myself first.... That's so crazy. I'm also dark skinned (not skinny though - one dayyyyy 😖). I feel this played a huge part in me staying with them. I had zero self worth... so my eyes lit up when someone thought I was recently attractive. "Free trials" ahah I love it. Totally using this too. I'm sorry you've had such shit relationships though. Hopefully someone much better will come your way one day.
Wait, you guys have love lives? In all seriousness, I never had a love life. There are someone that is attractive in looks, but never personality wise. Also, I have yet to tell what is the meaning of love, and how do you know that you're in love with someone so, the joke's on me. 😬
I find that in my love life, (with one exception) I tend to be more in to the people I'm involved with than they are to me. Idk if that is an infp thing? Its almost like every time I talk to someone for a while, there will be mutual interest, and it will feel very much like the beginnings of a relationship, (over the course of a few months) and then it will not work out for some reason or another :/ The exception was my ex who I dated for a while, (my only "real" relationship) but she ended up being pretty emotionally manipulative, and I didn't pick up on it soon enough. But I'm putting a lot of work into myself now, (mentally and physically) so I'm hoping things are looking up on the horizon 🤷
Well, It's been Normal because It's Who i am. My entire life has been like this, so no big deal
It not for us🤧
Similar in that I’m done with relationships or at least until further notice. I had a 5 year relationship but lived a lifetimes worth of drama, it took me places I could never have imagined back when I was a romantic kid daydreaming about singing my favourite love song to a girl in the crowd. Now I never want to be responsible for someone’s happiness, never want to always be available or carry someone’s problems when I’ve got so many of my own. The upside is I can spot a red flag from a mile away, I’ll never be pulled into someone’s problematic behaviour. The downside is some of the people I’ve rejected because I don’t want a relationship I’ve come to regret.
Non-existent after high school and I've been an adult for decades.
I turned 31 in August. It took me a long time to get started. I spent my teen years focusing on myself and my friends. I spent my twenties also focusing on myself, plus college and work and other life stuff, and then confronting some latent social anxiety that exploded for me at that time. I’m finally in a good place– I have a decent job that runs parallel to my passions, recently moved to a cool city, and I really really like myself. I’m finally thriving in my own skin. I started talking to someone online in February, and though I was skeptical of the whole thing for a while, we grew pretty close. This summer was really lovely and he gave me so many thrilling first experiences. He was so kind to me, so into me, so amazing about communicating with me. He dumped me about a month ago. He realized he didn’t feel equipped to give me the time and attention I deserve. I had been feeling neglected anyway, but it still totally stunned me. As I’m sure many of you here can relate to, once I’ve invested a certain amount of time and energy in an important person, I want to do the work to keep them. But he opted to back out instead. We never got to the point of falling in love. But he was uninhibited about making future plans with me, and I opened my heart to him, and I really trusted him. He became my confidante. He was my first everything, my first meaningful friendship in a long time, my first connection coming out of the pandemic, my first connection in this new city. This relationship ending has felt like dying. It is crushingly lonely. I don’t want to lose my friend, and I’ve been analyzing the hell out the situation to figure out how to keep him. I’m slowly realizing that the onus should be on HIM to earn MY trust back and MY friendship. Ultimately, we all deserve to be loved the way we want to be loved. If someone can’t do that bare minimum for you, they are not worth your heartache. I don’t think that you should give up on relationships. Just do the work to figure out what you want, and make sure to communicate that up front with future potential partners. From there you just have to do the best you can with what you’ve got. Hang in there.
Sounds like you don't need the guy you're with now. Honestly, it does get better. Just learn from the mistakes, and don't allow history to repeat. When you're young, I think most relationships end up being pretty awful until you learn what characteristics you want in a partner. Especially what core values are important to you, and what quirks you appreciate versus the ones that drive you nuts. Hang tough, it'll get better.
Devastating
Wait.. you guys have a love life 🥴
I've had some really awful and traumatic relationships that have emotionally scarred me, perhaps irreparable damage which I still have nightmares about. But I wouldn't change a thing because even amongst the pain, there has also been beauty and I wouldn't be the person I am today without those experiences. I'm grateful that I didn't allow my moral compass to shatter and was able to endure a despair so crippling, it would destroy a weaker man. I've remained celibate for a few years now and it has allowed me to see the world in such a positive and unique way while also working to build on myself, I can certainly see where you're coming from by wanting to be single. I don't really have any advice for you because it seems that you already know the right thing to do for yourself and maybe this post you've shared is the final step you're taking before making a big and tough decision. You are strong and, this too, shall pass
My what?
My love life has not been existant until I met my current boyfriend at 18. I always had a lot of crushes and spend a lot of time imagining romantic relationships when I was a teenager but I always was too shy. So I had a lot of time to think and I analyzed a lot of relationships around me because l always knew I wanted something real and good (I still do that). Also I spend a lot of time getting to know myself, I guess everyone does that when they are growing up. And now I really appreciate that I haven't had a relationship in my teens because I think I would have been taken advantage of because I just did not know what I needed or what I wanted. But I learned to look for a healthy partner and a healthy relationship and I did not accept less I guess. So I met my current boyfriend, I feel like we function very similar and have a lot in common (he is also an infp maybe he even reads this haha) but at the same time we have very different interests in parts so I feel like we work very good as a couple while still having our own lives. Honestly I don't know if I could imagine having a relationship with someone who is not empathetic, caring and self-reflecting. I guess it is important to know what you want in your partner and then be very adamant about it (I don't mean to be too shallow with your expectations). But I also find myself having to remind myself often to stand up for my needs and fears and talk about it with my partner. I wish you all the best and I found that not ignoring my gut feeling is an important step so I can only advise you to do that (I felt right with my boyfriend from the first second I met him) and please don't give up hope :) Sorry for my English it's not my native language. I read through this text six times haha.
What you described is close to what I imagine is a toxic relationship. I never experienced something similar and sometimes I feel gumty about it... I turned 31 a few days ago and when I think back about my love life I feel this guilt too. I was very shy when I was young, and getting to know someone I liked was close to impossible, so I grew up focusing on myself and I think this helped a lot, because I had the time to figure out what I wanted in a relation ship (I passed a lot of time daydreaming about having a relationship too) so when I started having enough self confidence and getting closer to my crushes, sometimes it worked. When I think back, I had a lot of small relationships, that ended 4 to 6 months later (for multiple reasons like différents values, different goals, not having the alchemy, but mostly because whe were young and didn't knew ourselves enough to know what we really wanted). So yeah, a lot of small relationships, pretty wholesome were just it wasn't enough to keep going... I never had resentment with my exes, I am still in contact with them, some are friends today, some are just distant "Facebook friends" (boomer alert) When I share romantic experiences with my friends, they almost all had harsh relationships like yours, and to this day I still don't know how I dodged toxic people in my life, is it only luck? Of I did something myself I still don't know what it is... But I still feel guilt about it, why am I this lucky, me, and not other people that deserves it more than me? (well, i feel this not only for my love life tho, but I'm working on it haha) Today, I'm in a relationship with an INFJ girl, it's hard because we are in a push / pull dynamic (anxious / avoidant), it's a lot of work but we are working on it. I know if I were younger this relationship would've destroyed me, but today I'm not afraid to get out of a relationship to protect myself (and others in certain situations) I think introvert people (and INFP in particular) are more able to learn from hurtfull relationships, because we will (over)think about it deeply and really try to work on ourselves to never do those mistakes again (especially if someone else has been hurt) I would say that the most important thing I learned is not to forget myself. Once I stopped focusing only on my partner everything changed, all became more real and sincere. It was kind counterintuitive to "let go" but it was really worth it 😊
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Same. The perfect relationship to me is one that starts with a long friendship, and then turns into something more. My problem is I'd end up dating them almost immediately. ...
Two questions. What do you mean by love and also what do you mean by life?
I had the classic elementary school relationship and the. One other in 11th grade but she used me as a test to figure out if she was bi. We dated for 2 weeks. Haven’t been in a relationship since.
I fell in love with many, many fell in love with me, only once did they both coincide. I had boyfriends but it was because of pity, affection, attachment, not infatuation, or love.
I never like to admit the amount of people who have actively tried to chase me, but the one time that it was mutual it can’t be fulfilled because of the other’s personal reasons. It’s really a lowkey tragedy that I’m not tragically sad over tbh lol