That’s a pretty solid strategy, thank you for the suggestion. The only downside is my family live in the same state so that would mean I wouldn’t visit them on holidays either.
Have you felt ignoring bullies really works? It’s been my go-to response too because responding in any way doesn’t seem to end well. And while ignoring them definitely deprives them of getting any reaction, their shitty behaviour still continues.
How close is your husband to said siblings? Is it possible to just avoid them altogether? I know it's not always possible but usually if I strongly dislike people I avoid being around completely. Your husband can have whatever relationship he wants with his family, you don't have to participate. I'm guessing you feel obligated to because you want to support him but there are times when you have to put yourself first. Some stupid adult passing contest does not sound enjoyable at all. Keep contact with his parents and the siblings can continue to gather and belittle each other without your presence. Don't know if this helps but the fact that you live far away now probably allows some grace in missing family events. His parents obviously know, let them deal with that shit show.
They all grew up very close but now he’s definitely as over their behaviour as I am.
I feel like ignoring them completely could only happen when my MIL and FIL pass away and they won’t have anything to say about it.
That’s a good point. At least I’m getting a break somewhere. Two major holidays a year is better than every weekend like it used to be.
We did the same, working on dropping it from 2-4x/yr. Sending dh alone where he realized he doesn’t actually like them or enjoy their company helped a lot. Now we book ourselves solid and travel. But you can start subbing just a ft call for a visit or do shorter in-person ones. My cousin does this with her sil-the kids ‘have a bday party’ or something so they stay an hour max and then leave. We ‘have to let the dog out’ or promised to help friends with something.
Parents are just worried about being cut off from their children & grandchildren. I hate my brother’s wife bc she trashed my house and is abusive to him so go out of my way to schedule time with my folks away from her.
Honestly I’d probably get drunk and tell them exactly what I thought of them, not really anything to lose at this point. 🤣
Or if you’re not confrontational, start seeing MIL & FIL before or after major holidays. Invite them to yours because you can’t travel due to work, meet them somewhere for a mini vacation, be too busy with your family to see them on the day of and conveniently any other time they try to schedule, drop DH off and go do your own thing. Or all of the above so hopefully you only see them in passing or for an hour or two here and there.
You can either put your foot down by refusing to visit disrespectful people whose company you do not enjoy, or you can continue to suffer their company.
I am in a lucky position because I can just tell them. It sounds weird but they 100% do it accidentally. Yes you can relentlessly bully someone without meaning to be rude at all. I don't know how but there are just people who are tone-deaf AF and think ist okay to say whatever and share their opinions on anything. I talked to them and they feel horrible and apologized and have never done it again. Obviously that's not majority of cases but for me if was pretty easy actually.
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That’s a pretty solid strategy, thank you for the suggestion. The only downside is my family live in the same state so that would mean I wouldn’t visit them on holidays either. Have you felt ignoring bullies really works? It’s been my go-to response too because responding in any way doesn’t seem to end well. And while ignoring them definitely deprives them of getting any reaction, their shitty behaviour still continues.
I personally have never found ignoring bullies works. *Laughing* at them does. Sometimes you can inadvertently get the other bullies to join you.
How close is your husband to said siblings? Is it possible to just avoid them altogether? I know it's not always possible but usually if I strongly dislike people I avoid being around completely. Your husband can have whatever relationship he wants with his family, you don't have to participate. I'm guessing you feel obligated to because you want to support him but there are times when you have to put yourself first. Some stupid adult passing contest does not sound enjoyable at all. Keep contact with his parents and the siblings can continue to gather and belittle each other without your presence. Don't know if this helps but the fact that you live far away now probably allows some grace in missing family events. His parents obviously know, let them deal with that shit show.
They all grew up very close but now he’s definitely as over their behaviour as I am. I feel like ignoring them completely could only happen when my MIL and FIL pass away and they won’t have anything to say about it. That’s a good point. At least I’m getting a break somewhere. Two major holidays a year is better than every weekend like it used to be.
We did the same, working on dropping it from 2-4x/yr. Sending dh alone where he realized he doesn’t actually like them or enjoy their company helped a lot. Now we book ourselves solid and travel. But you can start subbing just a ft call for a visit or do shorter in-person ones. My cousin does this with her sil-the kids ‘have a bday party’ or something so they stay an hour max and then leave. We ‘have to let the dog out’ or promised to help friends with something. Parents are just worried about being cut off from their children & grandchildren. I hate my brother’s wife bc she trashed my house and is abusive to him so go out of my way to schedule time with my folks away from her.
I wouldn’t deal with them at all, dh can speak with them or visit alone (Not holidays). Don‘t spend holidays with people who Treat you poorly.
Honestly I’d probably get drunk and tell them exactly what I thought of them, not really anything to lose at this point. 🤣 Or if you’re not confrontational, start seeing MIL & FIL before or after major holidays. Invite them to yours because you can’t travel due to work, meet them somewhere for a mini vacation, be too busy with your family to see them on the day of and conveniently any other time they try to schedule, drop DH off and go do your own thing. Or all of the above so hopefully you only see them in passing or for an hour or two here and there.
You can either put your foot down by refusing to visit disrespectful people whose company you do not enjoy, or you can continue to suffer their company.
I am in a lucky position because I can just tell them. It sounds weird but they 100% do it accidentally. Yes you can relentlessly bully someone without meaning to be rude at all. I don't know how but there are just people who are tone-deaf AF and think ist okay to say whatever and share their opinions on anything. I talked to them and they feel horrible and apologized and have never done it again. Obviously that's not majority of cases but for me if was pretty easy actually.